The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Twelve

Episode Date: June 27, 2016

HEY, THERE'S A THEME SONG NOW! The Friendzone is really coming of age. Lots of lovely letters, donations and theories about the film in this zone AND more talk of the elusive NZ hardcore/grind metal scene. Immigrants and emigrants and podcast shout outs for all! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. How sweet. That was, that was really nice. Really nice stuff. Who was that from, Guy? Uh, someone with the word Chewy in their name. Chris Chewy something. Maudsley. Chris Chewy Maudsley. Thank you so much. That's fucking delightful.

A huge thank you to Chris Chewy Maudsley. And welcome to you. To the friend zone. It's a space. It's a safe space. Tell us about your crushes, your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your tears. That's what friendship's all about. That's what friends are for.

Let's just dive in, mate. We've got so much stuff. Yes, I just want to say we are friends right now, Tim. Of course, when we record the Friend Zone, we are undeniably friends. But I just want you to know that as soon as these mics turn off, I consider you a business colleague and nothing more. Dang, that's cold. It's not in good taste to say it in the friend zone, but I think

we should. Well, first of all, I'd like to say on July 3rd, a very happy birthday to Riley Hodson. He'll be turning 18. And he wrote what was a lovely piece. He runs something called the Good Taste Collective. And he wrote a little write-up about why he loves the worst idea of all time.

He's on Twitter at Riley Riley H. And I read it. I was in a bit of a funk, funky mood. It's not like I wasn't listening to blood, sex, sugar magic sort of funk. I was sort of in a bit of a blues. Not a flea funk. Yeah. And it was lovely.

He just, he loves it. He says that we live in a nightmare and it's funny for everyone else, pretty much, to summarize. But I'd just like to say thank you very much, Riley. That's all. I just tried Googling Good Taste Collective and unfortunately it didn't come up for me. Yeah.

What if I add the name of our podcast to it? The Worst Idea of All Time The header of it is called Why I Love Alexis The Worst Idea of All Time Podcast There you go, it comes up for me With the Reddit post Riley, consider yourself friended Yeah man

Good on ye And happy birthday 18, so turning 18? Yeah That's a fucking big one too Oh yeah It's a juicy one It's a real juicy one

I hope your 18th year Is the best yet I hope you drink An appropriate And responsible amount Of legal booze If that's what you want to do If it's legal

It might not be A lot of states it's 21 I think he's Kiwi Oh good stuff Good on you, mate. Dahlia Blackman has sent us something, Guy, and I want to read it to you. And I haven't read it before, so

two things to note. Number one, don't know if it's going to be good. And number two, don't know if Tim's going to be able to pull off this sight reading thing. The background, context, it doesn't look good for me. you know there's a whole history of me not doing this very well here we go hi timbo and shy guy aka flash montgomery

i'm a huge fan of your podcast you bring smiles to my face and many laughs from my gut thank you i really hope i get friend zoned that's nice I think we can have a great platonic relationship, one of mutual respect and admiration. When I found out the scientists recently discovered and added four new elements to the periodic table, I thought, that must be as a result of the chemistry between Tim and Guy. That's very sweet,

Dahlia. I especially like Tim's recent breakdown, pun intended, about his knowledge of hardcore dance music. Sorry, hardcore music dancers. I'm a guitarist and hardcore metal enthusiast, but I'm also a typical American who thinks hardcore music is only in America. I have to check out some New Zealand hardcore bands, including Poo Hate. If you have any other recommendations, I do. They're called Backyard Burial. I don't think they're together anymore. In fact, I think one of the band members passed away a few years ago under tragic circumstances.

That would be excellent. By the way, there was a band called Fuck Boys who were pretty good, and they had a spin-off band called The Naked Cult of Hickory whose logo is proudly tattooed on my arm. That's a good band name, I reckon. The Naked Cult of Hickory. Oh, Hickey of Hickey. The Naked Cult of Hickey.

Do you like that as much? No, actually. It's a shame. Whose logo is proudly tattooed on my arm. Every time you say fuck boys, my brain makes this special association. Anyway, I think the version of your spelling is more creative.

We didn't invent that spelling, which is alternatively sometimes F-U-C-C-B-O-I-Z or sometimes it's a K instead of the second C. We didn't invent spelling. And the idea that someone at some point did is frankly mind-blowing. Dahlia goes on. I know the friend zone is no place to talk about

we are your friends, but as your new friend, I made something for you. A little while back, Guy brought up the fact that fuckboys should have earned a lot more cash money from their opening show at social. I watched the movie and had the same troubling thought. Oh shit, she watched the movie, mate. Not recommended.

It's only 90 minutes of your life. These guys surely went to high school. Skrill even went to college. They should know some basic arithmetic. After many sleepless nights, I was able to dig up some receipts, do a bit of research, and some figures into an excel spreadsheet which i which give you a better idea of where all the money went see the attached expense report there is a spreadsheet here brackets i don't know if the figures are 100 correct i whipped it up real quick on my lunch break now that we're friends i'm hoping you can please help me out super quickly oh here we go i will return the favor name your price my husband

is a huge fan he's listened to every single episode. Your banter really helps him get through the work days. Here's the deal. Uh-oh. I may have blown it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, I'm in too deep now.

Our sixth wedding anniversary is coming up on July 13th, and he would ship bricks if he's listening to your show and suddenly discovers a correspondence from his wife on the friend zone. If could give him this brief message i would be so happy well i gave him the long version and i gave it to him wicked early dahlia so i'm so sorry so also he would have got to enjoy the uh sort of ongoing realization as you're reading the letter that this was penned by his soon-to-be six-year wife which is very sweet here's the message from Dahlia dear Ryan are we ever going to be better than this the answer is yes

each year we are married my love for you grows stronger you have given me the Patty Schwartz party time of my life happy sixth anniversary love your buggy

Dahlia catch ya boys that got very my brother my brother in me for a ticket for a hot minute yeah fuck that was funny but good on you guys for making it six years so i'm just having a look at this expense report we've got an excel spreadsheet here total heads we got total profit

total boys gross per pay per boy um it's even got the California state income tax, which is 1%. I don't know what to make of all these numbers. Well, where did the money go? I don't know. It's too many numbers. You've cooked the books, Buggy. Well, we've got... Buggy Malone, you gangster.

As under the bit that says expenses for incidentals, we've got glow sticks. Rumipuno? I don't know what that is it's some sort of drug laser hair removal gold bar sushi rat poison burial plot and dj lessons and there's all like an appropriate amount of money next to those columns it's good stuff it's really good stuff thank you very much for that i've got one here for you, Tim. Yes. Or as written... Sorry, Dahlia sent me another email after that first one saying, can you please shout out my podcast called Blowjam? Sorry, I've no idea what it's about, but done.

It's a good band name. Blowjam. So this one is written to Timsis and Guy Sabatioa. I write you mainly to have you pronounce name at the end of this I'm reading this as it's written Did someone drop the Y in the word my?

Yes. Great. Meanwhile I'd like to hear you say immigrant and emigrant to find out the difference if there is one given your dialect. Love you two bits. Listening to everything you post anywhere. Twice or triplet to why oh at may the force be with you and may norwegian autocorrect forever fuck off off my iphone kiss and love erlend smilis and then in parenthesis the autocorrect hate was because it took about 30

minutes to write that message having to correct every, and I don't want to spread hate, and now I feel bad. Again, cheers, Erland from Norway. That's funny. Thank you, Erland. I assume I'm pronouncing that correctly. I'm assuming you're not. Immigrant or immigration is when you... They didn't want us to define it.

Well, I'm just saying so that they can tell which one I'm talking about. That's when you leave the country, right? If you're an immigrant. If you emigrate, that's us to define it. Well, I'm just saying so that they can tell which one I'm talking about. That's when you leave the country, right? If you're an immigrant. If you emigrate, that's how I say it. An immigrant is coming in and an immigrant is leaving. Yeah. Like, if you're an immigrant, you're going into a country. If you're an immigrant, you're leaving a country.

Although, why do people keep complaining about these damn immigrants? Because then you'd be talking about people leaving. No, that's immigrants. Immigrants are coming in. Yeah. Oh, okay. Immigrants are leaving, but that's only what they call white people. Yeah, that's true.

Otherwise, they get called refugees because the world isn't right. No, no, no. I think you've got that a little wrong, guy. Refugee status is't entirely separate, so... I think what you're thinking of is the word expat or immigrant. Yes. Yeah. Glad we could clear that up real quick.

Yeah, you not have it linger there for too long. You nip that in the bud. Thomas Scott has written and says, Hi Timbo, I love the party. Listen to every ep. I'm curious, what podcast do you the party listen to every app i'm curious what podcast do you and guy listen to if any like what podcast entertain you as much as your podcast entertains me which is a lot kind regards thomas what fucking good quick to the

point good leading question email to send us um it's hard to know because i don't know how much this podcast entertains you thomas so you can take your impossible to answer question and fuck off. He answered it in the email he said which is a lot. Oh yeah a lot you know that exactly quantifiable measurable amount. Jesus alright well I'll pick this one up

comedy bang bang. Comedy bing bong love that well most of the podcasts I listen to are actually real newsy yeah they're a bit yeah they're a bit

nerdy like I listen to the slate political gab fest yeah big fan of that that's one of the most like long

running podcast I've listened to that for like years years and years and years probably three or four years

never miss an ep of that my podcast listening comes and goes in waves. Oh, and of course, Mabim Bam. My brother. Always the Mabim Bam.

I plugged it last time, but I'll say it again. The Comedians Comedian Podcast. Oh, good on you. Two plugs for Stu. I fucking love it. That's kind of niche, though. That really is one for people who are doing comedy or very interested in comedy

yeah it's like wtf but instead of unpacking the person's entire life they just unpack specifically their craft instead of stew goldsmith trying to uh package his angst about his relationship with his father into an hour and a half interview with a celebrity oh it's a legit open chat shots fired i used to listen to wtf heaps and then it just got to a point where it was like oh for fuck's sake like come on man but he's broken through jesus it's kind of the same thing i feel like what happened with mark maron's podcast becoming successful is almost the same thing that happened with eminem's rap career suddenly going well where it's like the reason it was so good is because he had so much to say and he was so angry

and bitter at the world and he channeled that brilliantly and then suddenly he became successful and then he like, you know, like he didn't have anything to rap about anymore. It's like, yeah. You know? Yeah. Well, it was the same thing how you were saying like you, you, me, and a few of our mates all did very conceptual comedy shows in the festival this year because we're all kind of okay at the moment.

Like, we're all able to pay our rent and life's going kind of okay. And so we had to, like, run away and do all these weird, like, you did a bloody Christmas show in May. Yeah. Absurd. I'm bonkers, mate. You're crazy. I'm a madman.

Let's get some more of these messages. Also, I had some big lols with special guest Lauren Lapkus lately. And one that I haven't delved into yet, but people keep telling me to listen to is the Hollywood Handbook. Oh, yeah. That's one that comes up a lot. And I'm yet to like dip my toes in with that one i need to i need to really get in there because lots of people like you love it there's tons of shows yeah it's

like every it's like every form of media there's more content than time to absorb it all i'm actually just grabbing my phone so i can have a look on my podcast app and see if there's any big ones i've missed um meanwhile while i do that i'll read this from joanne this isn't intended to be read out on the air at all but i just thought it was a funny thing to share with everyone hi tim i'm a person who listens to your podcast not a fan brackets sorry but i'm on stitcher and i have noticed there is no episode five was there a copyright strike or did you and guy uh just weren't happy about the end result when you finished recording jojo like what weird in between the cracks gap are you occupying that you're not a fan but you're listening and listening to the point where you notice an episode wasn't there and sort out my email address to get in

touch and ask me where it was here's an idea jojo why why don't you just mind your own goddamn beeswax you're not gonna fucking listen to it or enjoy it anyway what difference does it make god it is there by the way as well i just emailed her back and said hey here's the link for the episode on stitcher she said hi tim there is an episode five thanks yeah happy happy. Happy not listening. I'm very confident I can tee off at you because you're not going to listen to this fucking garbage if you don't like the podcast itself. I got one for you, Tim. Yeah, hit me.

I just want to, I'm going to periodically throw in podcasts I listen to as well. How did this get made? And what was the other really important one? Last podcast on the left. Howdy, howdy. I donated only a dollar because I'm poor as, but the podcast serves me through doing lame shit.

I introduced a friend of mine to a tour, and he mentioned how the way you guys support each other with whatever crazy ideas happens is awesome to hear. It's just great to hear good friends just being good friends, even when Tim has to use his catchphrase. What's my catchphrase? You're a real piece of shit, Tim. Oh, right.

If you don't mind, could you shout out from me to Michael in Manchester? Cheers, guys. Live your moment. Love your day. Bianca. That was lovely. Thanks, Bianca. This next person's got a very hard to pronounce name.

Anandashankar, which is all one word, all one name. Mazudar. I think that's how you say that and that person writes So I'm definitely not Jahid has a mother you see her at the beginning of the movie in the kitchen scene just for a moment and then never see her again

see her as all bled together that's why I struggled over that it's not because I'm an idiot. I really can't impress upon you enough. Little from column A, little from column B. So this is a guy that has a loving family who support him and let him live at home as an adult

and exchange friendly fixing the roof and other minor maintenance and he is still an unemployed violent drug dealer. Good, good, good, good. But you know what? Having both your parents together does not necessarily a happy household make that's true because dad head seems pretty aggressive well just from the outside towards his piece of shit son maybe so we saw another there's like a forwarded message within this message a couple points i forgot to make number one whenever i see photographs of you two i find it really hard to tell you apart you guys really have a remarkable

resemblance to each other no really well fucking if you're looking at the photos that should be the one time when you can tell us apart because one of us is guy and one of us is term like the voices thing i can understand that completely but the photos should be the bit where you think they're two different people i think we are two different people, and I will argue with anyone who tells me otherwise. Point two. It's quite good if you listen to this entire podcast as the ultimate mental breakdown of just one person

who's split into two personalities. Very talented vocalist who's able to cross-talk different voices that just overlap. And also really good at prosthetics or Photoshop or both. Just as you were starting We Are Your Friends, I signed up for HBO Now so that I could watch the current season of Game of Thrones, and guess what movie popped up? So I watched it once.

I'm guessing it was We Are Your Friends. She doesn't actually correct that. I had a hard time. I reckon it was The Man Who Knew Too Little, that Bill Murray comedy. I haven't even heard of that one. Jorge. I had a hard time. I reckon it was The Man Who Knew Too Little, that Bill Murray comedy. I haven't even heard of that one. No, neither. Oh, okay.

It exists, though. I had a hard time keeping my attention glued to it, so I tried to watch it a second time. Couldn't do it. You guys are giants, real giants. Point three, and this is the final one. Trivial question. When New Zealanders refer to lollies,

like you sometimes do on the show, what range of sweets are included? For Americans, a lollipop or sucker is a specific kind of sweet. We use candy to mean any kind of hard, handheld sweets, including chocolate, but not including baked goods or ice cream type of thing. You fucking... What you would call candy, we call lollies, I think. Would that be the broad rule?

Let's not get bogged down in the semantics of sweet treats it's all fucking sugar it's all good stuff uh no i think it's a lolly is a lolly is a coverall i mean chocolate chocolate's not a lolly chocolate's chocolate a lolly is a sweet and a sweet can be soft or hard a k bar i would call a candy bar and that's hard K for candy you would call a candy bar a K bar a candy bar well actually I'd just call it a K bar wouldn't I

yeah good branding but I wouldn't put it in in the subcategory because candy bar to me is like that you know like on the top of a squiggle top

that's got the candy pieces like that's what candy is it's like the the shell on a skittle that's candy to me. Who sent you here to drive our friendship apart by making us argue about candy? Yeah.

I can't even try to care about that too much. I'm sorry. And as always, sorry if we didn't get to your correspondence this time. We should probably wrap up soon. We've got to go. You've got to go. No, we do have to go. But this one here, this is very long.

From Jen Tisdale, who wrote to us saying she had a theory that We Are Your Friends is the Saturday Night Fever of our generation. Oh, yeah. Is this when I asked her for evidence? Yeah, and she was out in the field, so wasn't able to write it all down. I haven't read it yet. I just copied and pasted it. I didn't know she came back to us.

That's cool. Okay. Okay. Okay. So here we go. From Jen Tisdale. Okay. First, there are some superficial similarities. I haven't seen Saturday Night Fever.

Have you? Yep. Okay. Well, that's good. There are some superficial similarities. Both films were over a group of guy friends with one guy friend clearly more talented, John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever

Zac Efron and Waif than the rest it is clear the rest of the group is sort of riding this more talented characters coattails both groups

have a quiet friend who is more introspective who's clearly not really fitting in with the group or the world at large Bobby and Saturday Night Fever Squirrel and Waif in both films

that character drives people around in a parent's car he's physically smaller and weaker than the rest of the group the main character is working towards a specific dream

in entertainment. Travolta wants to dance. Ephron wants to cobble together one great song to perform or play at Summerfest. Both main characters are romantically

interested in women who are seemingly above them and who are already romantically involved with an older more established wealthy guy. Just slide down a tiny

bit guy. We want to hear the words. Gene's got something to say. I want to hear it. Time. Be patronizing. The woman are trying Jen's got something to say I want to hear it the don't be patronising woman

are trying to better themselves the young weaker friend in the group dies in both films squirrel accidentally OD's

at their party Bobby accidentally falls to his death while fucking around on the Brooklyn Bridge I believe but you totally get the sense that it wasn't really an accident for either.

The trajectory of both films are similar. The main character accomplishes the goals they set out to accomplish in the film and appear to become better humans all round. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I feel like it's just kind of basic storytelling tropes, to be honest. I hate to punch holes in your series. As someone who hasn't seen Saturday Night Fever, I mean, yeah, it's not a very exciting or innovative bit of storytelling,

but the parallels hold. Yeah. You could write that in an English essay and pass. Power to you. Can I just fit one last message in from a donator? Thanks, Jen. Someone who's gone to worstideaofalltime.com and given us money on the support the troops

link, which I still haven't updated the wording of. Much to guys. No, that's cool. This person is Eddie Shepherd. Good work on an excellent, surreal life-affirming project, chaps. I'm a chef and I listen. Yes, I love chefs. Good project, chaps. I'm a chef and I listen to the podcast during long days in the kitchen. As a culinary professional, I've been eagerly awaiting the time

someone would be brave enough to openly get in the intricacies of the pancake-slash-crepe-spectrum debate. We got corrected on all sorts of pronunciation for that. They call them craps. Yeah, someone else was telling me that recently. Was it you? Nah. We got corrected on all sorts of pronunciation for that. And so I'm- They call them craps. Yeah. Someone else was telling me that recently. Was it you? Nah, it was-

Someone was talking about that. Someone was shouting us down. Look, people talk differently. Just fucking deal with it. Openly to get into the intricacies of the pancake slash crepe spectrum debate. And so I'm chucking you guys some cash for being the brave boys to delve into it on the podcast. Keep up the good work, dudes. Eddie Shepard.

P.S. If you haven't come across them already, two other amazing comedy podcasts I can't recommend highly enough. The Adam Buxton Podcast and Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast. It's a good title on that last one. Definitely check them out if you get the chance. Do you know what, Eddie? Probably won't get the chance. There's so many podcasts out there, which is why we're so appreciative that everyone

listening is listening to The Friend Zone. Welcome to Night Vale. Yeah, that's a good suggestion as well. Real good. Hot ticket. Bye, everybody. Next time that you see us, we'll have just watched, well, hear from us, we'll have just watched We Are Your Friends again.

My phone battery's on 69%. Well, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone. And have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy. Because making friends is the best idea of all time