The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Twenty Nine

Episode Date: December 2, 2016

Guy and Tim are just two friendly friends, hanging out with their other friends - The listeners of TWIOAT. Great meta theories in this ep, a good shout out to the great weather and a huge thank you to all the contributors. Plus PATREON's a coming so stay very tuned to the Facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime page.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Well, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone

and have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the friend zone with your old friends, Timbo and Guy Guy. Yep, we're both here. We're both on really friendly terms. Just a couple of boys getting along. No animosity between the boys this week. No, we haven't seen the movie today, so I feel like spirits are high.

It's a Friday. It feels like a poppin'. It feels like we're just grabbing a moment with one another and with you. Hey, let me ask on behalf of the community, or on behalf of half of the community, how you doing? Hey, I'm really good, man. Or on behalf of half of the community How you doing? Hey, I'm really good, man It was the first day of summer in New Zealand yesterday

And didn't the bloody weather tell us about it? Oh my god, she really turned it out I got a crispy red neck from that boy I've got, look at this, I've got a bit of peel It's from the weekend when you came over for beers You look like a scaly creature, a reptile I got very confident and very into the sunshine. I had an open shirt.

I got roasted that day too. I put sunscreen all over me. You laughed at me as I did it. But I forgot to do my forearms. Well, I laughed at you because you had your shirt hunched over yourself. I had my shirt tucked into my hat. Yeah. Like a smart, a sun smart guy.

So now I'm in a great mood. How are you going? I'm good. great mood how are you going I'm good I was going to keep going about it and then I was like I don't need to keep what is the customary next move of the conversation

yeah oh fuck now I've got to ask Tim about him Timbo's fine Timbo's fine should we drop into the mailbox

I know look the reason why things are a little bit frantic here is I've grabbed Guy. He's got a busy day. I've got him to just pop in. You've got a busy day.

You're about to fly on an international flight. I am about to fly on an international flight. Thank you for bringing that up. It's to Melbourne, though, so it's not the most professional. You've got a problem with Melbourne? I love Melbourne. You've got a problem with the good people of Melbourne? Look, I'm digging myself into a hole.

I've got one for you, buddy. Okay. Okay, so we're grabbing a moment, and we're happy to share it with you. This one comes in from someone whose name I will not read. Good. Ryan Sloth Carter. Wait. Hello, Timbo and Guy Guy.

Writing this because I'm working on listening through your second season while at the same time listening to the third as it comes, and I think I stumbled upon something huge or my brain is starting to rot anywho theory time I believe the king

of Patrick's who was nice enough to give you boys $500 500 US schmackos and have an entire entirely new unit of currency

named after him anyway theory time I believe the king of Patrick's who was nice enough to give you boys $500 and the director of Sex and was not snuck because you boys $500

and the director of Sex and the City 2 are one and the same. My proof? Both are Patrick Kings? And would a schlub be able to donate $500 so easily?

No. But a big time director would. Anyway, thank you for the entertainment. Makes my work go by much faster and you can read this and my name

on the friend zone if you so wish. Your friend, Ryan. Ryan, flim for the entertainment. Makes my work go by much faster, and you can read this and my name on the friend zone, if you so wish. Your friend, Ryan. Ryan, flimsy at best. You've stumbled onto someone who has money and a similar sounding name, though not identical. No, Michael and Patrick King. I mean, there is a guy called Patrick King,

but I think it is no more than that coincidence. Yeah. Because- I respect you for writing us the message. I don't respect the theory you've put forward. I you gotta look at this from ryan's perspective we we've lived that experience chronologically but if the two things occurred at the same time yeah it's a good point it must be real true i would like to do the voyage someday to go back and listen to the back catalog set sail on the ship worst idea of all time Yeah absolutely SS worst SS worst idea Oh yeah Rest SS

I feel like one day I'll do it with my grandkids Oh that would be cute Yeah Wouldn't that be cute Sorry I'm just really Trying to comb through And see which ones

We've already read And which ones we haven't I don't know if I'm going To do a good job Keep improvising Tim and Guy 2016 has been A real mixed bag

Have we read this one? I don't think so I had to deal with constant family dinners every week Spent discussing the US election Was laid off from my job of six years We have read this one Why have I marked it as unread? That's from Neil though

Neil I love you Yeah we love you Neil And Tim never stop pranking yourself Because we the listener can't get enough of it I got one for you Okay Dear Spinman and Flashboat Spinman I like that As if to suggest that yourself because we the listener can't get enough of it i got one for you okay dear spin man and flashboat spin man i like that as if to suggest that uh you're of no substance all you are is

spin wait a minute like a spin doctor what was the other name flashbow so i'm spin you're spin man yeah i love that yeah uh when tim revealed in the most recent worst area of all time episode that he once won the 48-hour film festival, I instantly rushed to YouTube to see what I could find. The discovery of Child Jumpers excelled all my expectations. Very sweet. In fact, I actually have a fan theory that both Jarhead and Johnny Depp based their performances in Where Are Your Friends on Tim's performance as Ricky

in Child Jumpers, yours, Frida. Gotta love that. Love all of that. That's really sweet. Thank you. Yeah. And if you haven't seen it already, check out that movie, Child Jumpers.

It'll be the number one hit on YouTube, surely. Yeah, you would hope so. I would hope that nothing else called the Child Jumpers is, especially if you go to YouTube first. Dear Hillbilly Tim and Superguy Jimmy Snooker, hope you guys are old enough for the 80s WWF references.

Am old enough, am not interested in wrestling enough, I'm afraid. Wanted to Hope you guys are old enough for the 80s WWF references. Am old enough. Am not interested in wrestling enough, I'm afraid. Wanted to thank you guys for suffering in the opposite of silence for the last two and a half years. So I sent a little donation on behalf of myself and three friends. Ten US dollars each. Very generous of you. Thank you, sir. Your struggle has inspired us to create our own pointless excursion into cinematic self-abuse.

The rules are simple using rotten tomatoes determine the six worst movies of one movie star they must all be starring roles with ratings under 30 and the star has to have at least six movies that would also make for an awesome marathon those are some conditions uh we then dress in onesies and marathon all six for the worst 12 hours possible. There are also opening candle ceremonies and absurdly complicated random selection processes for determining viewing order. Thus far, we have only done two. Yeah, no kidding, dude.

You've set up the most elaborate conceit imaginable. It's like, what's that board game? Rat Trap? Mouse Maze. Mouse Trap. Mouse Trap. Is it? Put the two together.

I think it's Mouse Trap. The two we've done so far. Sandler Masochism Night, featuring, amongst others, both grown-ups films, and sadomurphyism, with such cinematic gems as Norbert and vampire in brooklyn plans are in place for sandler masochism featuring the lesser works of sandra oh sorry sandy masochism the lesser works of sandra bullock and sadomasochism with the former mrs cruz i know you were just in la a few weeks ago but if you find your way back in the not-too-distant,

we'd be delighted to host you all for a waste of a long evening. Feel free to use my name. I'll even kick in another $5 spot if you get the last name right on the first try. Andy Laowisa. I should have been more confident. We definitely won't do that. Andrew, it's a fabulous-s fabulous sounding idea and i hope that you guys make a bunch of them and i'll i'll try my best to have a listen to flick us some episodes i'll have

a listen to them that is too much i want no part of what you built do you know actually just quickly as a side we've got to have some boundaries you know um someone tweeted us today did you see this they were they're a writer uh and they've taken uh they've taken on the job of for the for until christmas they're gonna watch love actually oh i did see that every day that's that's cute i'm just gonna get i was reading that actually on the bus because i take a bus courtney enloe uh is is the name and she's at court enloe on twitter if you want to follow her quest into the depths of love actually I think I had another one ready

but I'm a liar so what are you going to do about it no I'm not I'm not a liar I'm a truth teller and a soothsayer sir if I may

are you ready for a letter that goes like this hello Gim love the show and I've listened since season one that is efficient anyway I finally watched We Are Your Friends and I've listened since season one. That is efficient. Anyway, I finally watched We Are Your Friends and I came across an alarming bit of evidence

that tells us not only that Squirrel was murdered, but that the killer was none other than James Reid from The Feelers. Oh my God. Since I've only ever seen that actor in American Beauty and The Hunger Games, I've had this theory that he only accepts movie roles in which he gets to record people's murders for his own artistic fulfilment. This is why he isn't in many movies because very few roles like this come along though we don't see him record the death we do see him as an aging dj on the tail end of his

slow down guy i want to hear this come on your words are important are you do you are you following though yeah i am okay but you think that those unfamiliar with the New Zealand accent might be... Yes, that is my suspicion. Well, fuck. Okay. Though we don't... So where should I go from? Where I was? Yeah, that sounds...

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Look, I mean, I was really in the pocket then, I'll tell you what. I'm so sorry. I was at a gallop, but you want me at a canter or a trot. And that's fair. Though we don't see him record the death, we do see him as an aging DJ on the tail end of his career

as a new wave of fuckboys make their way onto the scene. And a good old-fashioned videotaped murder is just what James Reid needs at this point of his life. It might seem like an odd character trait that never really pays off in the movie, but then again, squirrel went to college, and that never presented itself either. Anyway, thanks again. I moved to Prague for work this year,

and your podcast had made the idea of living halfway across the world from friends and family just a little bit easier. David Legault. I know that I'm hitting out at a lot of our fans today, but, oh, poor you having to move to beautiful Prague. Yeah, you really have a bee in your bonnet. One of my stunning countries in the world thanks for writing in and i'm glad to think that uh you think we've moved to prague with you which means that we

can now tell people we also spent a glorious six months in prague so i i if i've understood this correctly the actor playing james reed specifically looks for projects where his character murders someone yeah is that Is that right? I like that. That's a cool theory. I'm always into an incorporation of someone's real life motives. Yeah, it's very meta. I like the fabric and the weaving together of the real world and the imagined.

This person writes to us with the following subject. Thanks for the Montgomery's. Love you too, Tim. This subject line is just a better pun. So sorry to see you're nearing 52 of the last season but it's been great listen to all of season one except the review of grown-ups one before it went away and i'm almost caught up and again uh just for everyone listening season one of the worst idea of all time can now be listened to at howl.fm if you sign up use the

code worst i think you get a one month free trial and you could cane through the whole first season Now, listen to at howl.fm. If you sign up, use the code WORST, I think. You get a one-month free trial, and you can cane through the whole first season. Listen, we now have all the bells and whistles of a regular podcast. We used to just be all of our shit is available in one place, and there's no ads. Now we're really... We're doing it.

We're doing it. Just wanted to say thanks for the friendship. Thanks for your hilarious suffering and thanks for the hot liquid New Zealand you pour into my ears. If you don't mind plugging my podcast, Drink Critically, we get drunk and try to play a game show.

It's very lowbrow with puns worse than thanks for the Montgomery's. Jesus. Specifically, my takeaway from this letter was going to be that if it's a better pun, that it's still not make it worth sharing. It's a disaster. You will be missed, friends.

That is from Drink Critically. Just the whole team. Thank you, Drink Critically, the whole team. This one is from... I'm going to listen to that podcast just to spite Guy. Knock yourself out. Stu Beardo Rainerina just finished binge listening to an entire year's worth of until death to us blart great work boys you're brave boys live

every moment and love every day on the unlikely event this gets friend zoned as fuck you can read my name out well stew beardo reina you really saw that coming good Good shit. I like that people were gobbling up till death do us blart. Episode two, the annual podcast where the worst idea of all time teams up with my bim bam, my brother, my brother and me, and we watch Paul Blart,

Mall Cop 2 on American Thanksgiving and then release it to the world, our experiences. The podcast will never end because if one of us dies, they are replaced by an ear. I have stated publicly that my ear is co-host of a current podcast on Little Empire called The Walkout Boys. That man's name is Nick Sampson.

I refuse to acknowledge the notion that I could die within a year. You will not face your mortality. Will refuse to... Do you bequeath something yeah you bequeath your position yeah i i refuse to bequeath my position to anyone fair enough if i die i like to think that there would be which won't happen but maybe a some sort of wrestling wrestlemania type situation between thin fragile podcast hosts oh i like that so you would release a list of names and they have to fight it out in the event of your death a bracket yeah oh nice and like make them fight each other ufc style that's great yeah let's get a diagram of who's on that uh

that 20 i will uh release the bracket when i am willing to acknowledge the idea that i may die within the next year but as it stands that is not going to happen oh darkness darkness all around us hey i've just he's knocked on wood ladies and gents i'd just like to say uh because i've had a lot of feedback based on my previous uh solo episode of the worst idea of all time where i got penalized and had to watch it by myself um there was a christmas tree so i was like hey this definitely happens at christmas and a lot of people have said hey tim, Tim, guess what? The word Summerfest is thrown around an awful lot for it to be during the month of December. You're right.

So now the question becomes, what's that Christmas tree doing in the hotel room? You know? It's possible it's just a plant. People put plants in their rooms. I think it's a Christmas tree. I'm going to show you next time you watch. You were coming in with all sorts of hot-headed theories. I think watching the movie by itself does things to a man.

Yeah. And then just talking by yourself in a room into a microphone is quite an odd experience too. But I hope you all enjoyed it. This is another message we received. I won't say the name because i'm gonna try and respect this as much as possible now and see if see if there's instructions hi i was trying to send a sneaky donation and work and my boss came and i panicked and i clicked donate before i wrote a message you may remember my last donation after i won a bet on brexit

well this is your cut of my trump money. I should really stop making bets like this. I'm incredibly lucky and may be inadvertently bringing these events about. Anyway, put it to good use. Show Trump how not to go bankrupt. Ugh. Wow. Yeah, I guess there's one way of looking at it is that you are providing a silver... Like, those are bets you'd be happy to lose.

It's like betting against your own team. Yeah, yeah. It's a silver lining if things go bets you'd be happy to lose. It's like betting against your own team. Yeah, yeah. It's a silver lining if things go wrong. And a very minor one at that. Look, this is a very quick one, but I just quite enjoy the turn of phrase and it's from our regular correspondent, Nicholas Judd,

a merry timbus and guys giving to us all. So that's fair. Oh, that's it. That's the whole message. You got it, it man a lot of efficiency behind that nicholas judd a longtime friend of the podcast um a guy we've met on a couple of occasions and a real gent real top-notch dude um i've got notifications of uh um money coming in some donations but with no attached message one of them is for

50 US dollars that is an obscene amount of money that's uh Matthew Matthew Corbin is his name I hope he doesn't mind me saying that I'm sure he doesn't I was hoping it would be

Matthew Broderick that would be dope that would be madness I mean it's still dope but you know I got one that would be something else it's huge

go on then so stop me if you've heard it before, but it goes a little something like boys. Tim Tam, Guy Montgomery Burns. You've done me good. You've seen me through lonely late night drives and hateful stretches of mind-numbing work. Your punk rock approach to podcasting

is a welcome breath of humanity in this increasingly overproduced medium. You fuck up your recordings. You forget to censor names mistakenly read read out your ad copy is fast and loose and there is no attempt to curb the frankly unprofessional glee with which you announced the arrival of some cold hard sponsorship and all of this boys is glorious you're breaking rank you're luxuriating in the raw honey of a new medium of expression democratized by technology and there for the taking your undoubtedly unsustainable unprofessionality is worth more than you know five hour energy was one of the best goddamn piece of radio i've heard my entire life as a young father working full-time it's important to have a few things that are yours alone

a safe space to retreat to when the boiler is running hot the worst idea of all time is a safe space for me i mention all your foibles, not to poke fun, but to say that these things make you relatable, an unlikely source of companionship across time and space. I've never met you, but you're my friends. Thanks for the hours, boys. It's not for nothing. Don't ever change.

Cheers, Patrick Johannes Thelonious Harris. Parenthesis, read that sucker out. P.S. I was the guy who suggested singing Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour as Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour. You fucked that right up, but I sure appreciate you trying. And then another addendum. I realize now that calling you unprofessional is unfair. I mean all this in the most endearing sense, and I think your authenticity is totally bankable.

Cheers, guys. Now, the irony of this is there's a very familiar message and i don't know if we've read it out loud before or not but i hope we have we have just to double down on the unprofessionalism which was being mentioned that would be no we have it i think you must have done a sweep of the the messages and written back did i reply you replied You replied back. It's a fabulous message. And you've really, you've nailed the podcast really, haven't you? Yeah. Sustainable, unprofessional, constant. Yeah.

And a mode of escapism for a lot of people. And we are. Our selves included. We're pretty much willing to acknowledge that our attempts to legitimize it into any form of business, as you so say have uh been a cataclysmic failure oh yeah absolutely we are um hot on the heels of launching the patreon you'll be glad to hear it's been a very long uh promotional process for us oh and uh we journey suddenly just begun we stand behind that um the thing is is that with the patreon it's going to come down to us um we've basically guy and i have had lots of talks about it and we're going to have to carve out a whole day of the week to get the patreon work done but the

funny thing is if just one person commits to a tier of of payment of contribution then we will be making like whole new products just for one person, which is exciting and terrifying. I love that idea. If someone gives us... The Millionaires Club is going to be a $35 contribution. If just one person contributes that, we'll be making an entirely new podcast

for one individual, which is kind of fantastic. I love that. I think all of you should band together and donate five Nominate the one person. Like five cents each. We cut a video together. You cut a video together.

We shot it together. Yeah, we shot it together, and I've been furiously editing it over the last little while, and look, it's all going to be outlined very soon. We're going to really kick off with a hiss and a roar. If you want to see more details on that or anything, join the Facebook group, facebook.com slash worst idea of all time. Yeah.

Go to our website. Go to the Little Empire one. It's funny. People have been coming up to me and being like, oh, are you involved with the Little Empire? Guys, I am Little Empire. It's just me. I just put a logo in front of my face

the people uh listening won't be they're not the people who'll be coming up to you and saying that they already know you're the little empire i don't think they do i actually don't call you little empire i call you the little emperor and i sometimes do an impression of you where i steal an outfit of your clothes and i kneel down and put on a crown and i march around the the lounge going i am the little emperor you wish hear me raw i do fit your clothes one day we should do a clothing swap tim yeah that'd make for an interesting podcast except that it wouldn't because this is an audio medium yeah it would because i would have uh potential respiratory problems and you would just be very you might not be able to find a microphone through the the baggy clothes joseph curtis gave us 10 us dollars guy all right joseph mr bloody money pockets his message is don't you know we're supposed to be encouraging people to

give us money yeah uh his message is as follows this is his commun communique. Oh, wait. Have I? No, I don't think I've read this one before. Dear Timbly, Wimbly, Jimbly, Quimbly, Himbly, Frimbly, Dimbly, Wombly, Pombly, Vombly, Simbly, Trimbly, Kimbly, Limbly, Domly, Leomly, Trimly, Frimbly, Sleebly, Schleeply, Briefly, Queefly, Ringbly, Slimbly, Hobbly, Bobbly, Tobbly, Mobbly, shleebly, briefly, queefly, ringbly, slimbly, hobbly, bobbly, tobbly, mobbly, codbly, frobbly, lobbly, dobbly, dobbly, dodd, dodd, shabba-dabba-fa-loo, loo-gra-boo, and guy-bo. How you both doing? Here is some money

Just to make up for Tim pronouncing all that Take care, love to all Joe Tool Joe Shit that was good No, love to all Joe And also Tool Joe Tool Joe, shout out to you

Also shout out to Soupy Yeah, we love Soupy Okay, look That that'll do us. You get back to your day, Guy. And you get back to your big excursion to tell the people of Melbourne how you really feel about them. Yeah, I will.

Look, Melbourne's a great place. Hey, guys, thanks everyone for tuning in for another Friend Zone. It's been a pleasure. And as much as you love doing the podcast, we also love doing the podcast. We don't like watching the movie, but it's cool to hang out with my mate Guy,

and we do have to steal ourselves away to do it, so thanks for justifying that by listening and by throwing us money and by tweeting at us and joining the Facebook. We can no longer hang out outside of the context of it having some purpose outside. We don't hang out just for the purpose of hanging out. But we've built a fun... Framework. Don't you think? Absolutely.

It's a fun workplace. Regular jungle gym. Yeah. But there's no... It's like an old-style, you know, adventure playground where there are no safety regulations. Yeah, and there's kind of like...

It's rusted quite a bit in the rain. And there's like a few jagged bits. Yeah. You've got to look out for them. And just by sheer chance, the jagged bits are all quite well shaded, like they're in areas where the sun can't quite reach, so you can't really see them.

Oh, this is a dangerous work environment. Health and Safety would shut us down, Guy, in an instant. But they'll never shut us down. Never. You'll never find us here in the little empire's house. Thanks, everybody.

Be well. Treat each other with respect out there. That'll be my one message for you. Go the mighty boys. Eat your greens. Yeah. Hey, and go the mighty black caps in the Chapel Hadley series against Australia. You can't hear this, but I'm rolling my eyes.

Yeah, I think they can. Yeah. I really they can. Yeah. I really hope we bring it home. Bring that award home, that trophy home, boys. It's funny. We're not willing to let go of this friend zone, are we? We're hanging on to it. I think it's once we get off the mic, it's back to reality.

Yeah, I think that's what it is. Okay, everybody. Back to it. What's going on with you, bro? Me? Yeah. You've been really busy. Yeah.

Big day yesterday. Huge day. Oh, I got very grumpy. You were very grumpy in time. I was laughing about it. Good. I'm glad someone could be. I was, yeah.

And I was like, you're grumpy enough. I didn't know if you'd enjoy my laughing about it, but I was like, whew, Tim is grumpy. No, look, that's just whoo, Tim is grumpy. No, look, that's just what I think grumpy people need. Grumpy people need to be laughed at, I think. It reminds them to get over themselves and that there is larger

and lighter in the world. I should have ordered you a pizza. Oh, that would have been sweet. I'm vegetarian now. I'm not vegetarian. I'm pescatarian now. It's a new thing I'm trying on. Good on you.

Yeah, it's quite a departure because I used to eat a lot of meat so now i'm just eating a lot of fish yeah that's it that's how guys i used to have a bit about it where it's like i've made my um i've made my peace with the land mammals but i still take uh supreme issue with all marine life specifically salmon i've got a real fucking b in my mind about salmon it's funny too because i hope you don't mind me bringing this up guy but from memory the thing that pushed you over the edge was a piece of writing called consider the lobster right yeah so a thing that was written

in defense of sea creatures has turned you into eating more of them yeah i had a good uh burn our friend joseph moore from the walkout boys vegetarian and we were out for a meal recently with some other friends and everyone got an oyster at the table except for Joseph. And the waiter was like, would you like an oyster? And then I said, no, he wouldn't like an oyster because he thinks they have feelings. You're a rubbish friend. I'm a bad guy.

To Joseph, you're a good friend to me and a great friend to everyone listening. Now definitely let's end the recording. Bye-bye, everyone. Well, it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy Come to the friend zone And have a good time Yes, it's the friend zone

With Tim and Guy Because making friends Is the best idea of all time Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try... It really shows what the sort of whimsical schooling of a place like Harry Potter actually does to you.

You spend so much of your school life battling overgrown plants and fishing fairies out of the lake that you actually don't learn how to adjust to being an adult. So you turn into this weird sort of... Everyone's very socially awkward. Yeah, when I say to talk to people... There's clear sexual chemistry

between multiple characters and they all have no idea what to do with it. Penis? What is that? Some sort of... Groot snoot? Some sort of squally waddley?

A penis is definitely some sort of Groally waddley I think this is definitely Some sort of Groot's note