The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Twenty One

Episode Date: September 20, 2016

The old Timbo is running out of coffee and it's creating a heated intro to the Friendzone. Things continue to get teste when Guybo questions the validity of syncing Led Zep's Dark Side of the Moon to the original Wizard of Oz movie. Last names are accidentally spilled, cysts are further discussed and one of the boiz is fearful of committing to the L word. Plus, Monty reaches DEEEP into the accent bag at the end of the ep. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at LittleEmpirePod. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time. Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Who are you to argue with that statement? No one. That's who I am No one to balk in the face of that claim And no one should And accordingly, no one shall

If you are listening to this and in your mind Composing a protest letter Against the notion that making friends is the best idea of all time Take that mental pen And put it down inside the desk of your brain Because you are incorrect, my friend. Guy, welcome to the show. Tim, welcome you to the show.

Could you do me a massive favor and pass me my coffee? I've got a distressed look on my face, which I think has thrown you, and it's because I couldn't figure out where I put the bad boy. Can you not perform this treasure? It's a joy to be here, obviously. Can you not function without this delicious caffeinated beverage I don't think so

I don't think so can we treat you like an athlete and me like the water boy no it'll get cold you are always drinking cold coffee

yeah but I don't I got a real beer in my bottle about your approach to the temperature of coffee so then why don't you make a positive

change in my life and give me my coffee while it's still good and warm because you have to learn I don't know this doesn't quite work as a lesson, because the real reason is I want to do a role play where you are an elite athlete and I'm the water boy, and after you do something good, I run out and give you a water bottle as a treat. You know, like you're a common dog and I'm your owner.

Well, that sure was a tough game, but I really gave it my all. I left it all out on the field. It's only half time. The game's still going. You've got to get back out there. No, no, I'm injured. I want to go out there. Boy, do I want to be back out there, but the docks here-

We've got to save the fluids for the players who are out there. No, no, I'm badly hurt. You can just go get it from the taps in the changing room. I'm dehydrated. Look at me. I've got to be on the field. The game started. What the fuck kind of nonsense is this?

Why are you sabotaging your teammates? Give me my coffee. This is not friendly. Friendzone is supposed to be a place of friendship. Do you know what? I was thinking about the friendzone a lot today. I was. I was thinking about it a lot as I was travelling around,

doing my business, running my errands. It's the one place where no one should be under any duress, there should be you leave your worries and your stress and your troubles at the door I think your caffeine addiction is making you irritable Tim You're being a real dick about having my coffee, you've been given an

iota of power and you've got mad with it I think someone's a little bit tired you should have some coffee, you should let yourself get that get that tired. Thank you. Appreciate it. That's no worries. So it is a joy to be in the friend zone with my good friend, Tim.

Well, it was a joy, and now you've put a really weird tinge on the whole thing. No. I'm not 100% happy. For the safety of our listeners and the friendship nest, we need to make peace and bury the hatchet effective immediately. Okay, let's work through this. Why you got to be a dick about my coffee, bro? I thought it would be funny.

That's actually a perfect answer. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm sorry too. Friends? Friends. Friendship and love.

Okay, so welcome to the friend zone. This is, despite the fact that it's on the stream of the worst idea of all time. Are you looking for your phone? It's in my pocket You're doing a lot of patting down A lot of eyes darting around the room Making sure my thighs are still there Good stuff, always a good thing to check

Sometimes when I'm listening to a podcast I freak out for the host Oh my god, I hope their thighs are still down there Jeez, wouldn't it be a worry If you went to reach down and they weren't Yeah, I mean that would be Terrifying If you've got thighs and you're used to having thighs

That would be very terrifying Maybe check it out now everyone Just review it Have you not found your phone? Yeah, I mean, that would be very... If you've got thighs and you're used to having thighs, that would be very terrifying. Maybe check it out now, everyone. Just review it. Have you not found your phone? No, I haven't. Is it... Well, I think I see your keys up there, which is a very odd place.

Are they there? No, that's where I put the keys. Well, this has turned into a fun little podcast game, hasn't it? No, you just start reading. Do you want me to ring it? I'll get underway, but here's my phone.

It's just under my leg. Ironically, probably under your thighs. Yeah, it actually was. And it would have been more if your spuffy thighs weren't there because then you would have seen it. Oh, life. What a rich tapestry we weave. So the friend zone is where we like to extend a warm handshake

or extended two arms for a hug to all of our friends out there who join us on the Worst Idea of All Time journey. Thanks for keeping us company. We couldn't do it without you. We could.

It'd be worse. We do want to talk about our friends from the movie. We are your friends. So if that's what you want to listen to, you've come to the wrong place. Wow.

It's a very nation New Zealand jingle. Yeah. That was the jingle for Pit Stop whose jingle was you've come to the right place. it's a very niche new zealand jingle yeah that was the jingle for pit stop whose jingle was you've come to the right please but what i did is i reappropriated it and i changed the word right for wrong nice one and then we undermined the 0.005 percent of people who got it and enjoyed it because we explained it to them yeah and that's the trouble isn't it and even if you didn't know exactly where it came from you're probably like well that's i assume

a jingle from guy's childhood you know we don't just spill it out for you people you're clever you're smart you're onto it you're intelligent you're sexy and you're funny and i like you're here today who doesn't eric nielsen gave us some cash at worst idea of all time.com um thank you so much eric firstly can we just acknowledge that it was crazy nice dear timbo sorry i've stumbled at literally the second syllable dear gaibo and timbers hello friends a big thank you from one of the two sweet texas boys who got to enjoy the live reading of grown-ups to an la and snap a quick cheeser with you guys as well afterwards. Way to call it a cheeser.

I like that. I'm going to increase this font size and see if it helps. I think I told you this. I got my eyes tested, guy, and I've got two problems with my eyes, but they cancel each other out. Ah. So I don't need glasses. Oh, wow.

Yeah. I thought you were going to go, I've got two problems with my eyes, and now my left eye and my right eye. Sort of that. In a way, I've got three, because apparently I've got a slightly different stigmatism in each eye but then i've also got some weird like long distance thing but it all kind of like an all-seeing illuminati eye yeah in a lot of ways that i it all equals out you've got a perfectly balanced face which kind of sucks because i'm sort of looking forward to to getting some specs they

call your face the spirit level so perfectly balanced is it it's kind of sucks because I was sort of looking forward to getting some specs. They call your face the spirit level. So perfectly balanced, is it? It's kind of all shit, though, but it's all shit and it's just like hanging on, you know? No, you are a beauty of a spirit bubble. Sorry, Eric. Spirit level. It's a bubble of air. Spirit bubble.

Let's get back in the spirit bubble and talk about our friends. I think there is probably something cool to be said about how you guys continually make each other laugh while being abused repeatedly by a very mediocre experience, but I'll leave that to wordsmiths like Zicoli to sort out. One last thing. You both praised the heavy lifting of the sound production team and escaped into your headphones,

but what happens if we tear back the curtain on Max Joe and watch this bad boy naked, muted, with bare subtitles spoon-feeding you the true intent and nature of this film line by line. Please consider. Much love, Eric Nelson. You can say the name. Uh, Eric, that's a really

terrible idea. We don't want to make things worse for ourselves. Could be an interesting wrinkle, though. Yeah. We're looking for wrinkles. We're looking for specials. We're looking for cracks on the face of We Are Your Friends. Should we try and stumble upon a soundtrack like you do with Dark Side of the Rainbow where you get Wizard of Oz and Dark Side of the Moon,

try and accidentally sync something up? Honestly, any music to action. Carly Rae Jepsen. Yeah. Beautiful, really interesting Carly Rae Jepsen video clip. No, I mean her latest album. We try and sync that up to We Are Your Friends, see if that works. That's what it will be, just a beautiful, long Carly Rae Jepsen video clip. Yeah. clip no i mean her latest album we try and sync that up to where are your friends and then that's

what it would be just a beautiful all right long carly ray jefferson video clip yeah uh i've got one have you ever done the dark side of the rainbow thing though there's a couple freaky bits yeah but i like when i first discovered uh weed was the same time when i was flatting with guys and we would just like put on the game 300 Bars and Running and the 6 o'clock news and just be like, Oh, my God! Or like SpongeBob SquarePants, and everything syncs up perfectly. And you're like, This is insane. I can't believe it.

Those were just those people ages ago, but because there wasn't the internet for everyone to shoot them down and be like, We've all figured that out. Eh, I don't know. That's what I think. well like it's definitely coincidence but it's a bit stronger than just some some whacked out dope smokers who are the people who know that's not that's exactly what it is that's you haven't even done it yeah but that's exactly who does it no no i'm not saying that's not who does it that is definitely who does it So it's the same thing No no but I'm saying That the soundtrack Dark Side of the Moon Syncing up with The Wizard of Oz

Is stronger than just like random nonsense Not necessarily You haven't fucking seen it You were talking out of school That doesn't change my opinion on it You gotta see it though To have an opinion on it Okay

You've gotta concede that I'm going in with this unshakable opinion though This friend sign is very punchy It's a very punchy friend sign Hey I'm really happy to see you I'm really happy to see you too Do you want me to read out this message? Yeah I'd love to

From Brandon Zeck Sorry Brandon Right out of the gate to get your surname read out Oh shit Hey boys Three things One, love the podcast Started late but almost entirely caught up Two, just watched the We your friends trailer i actually thought johnny tett was in the

movie whoops three don't say my last name don't how don't know how i missed the very important detail that he's not actually in the movie three just listen to the friend zone where guy talks about his cyst i also happen to have a cyst on my left shoulder oh thank you camaraderie that has been there for years and has just recently started squirting pus. It's gross when you say it, Brandon. Mine also started to hurt but went back to normal without any medical care. I guess we're like disgusting twins. You should get it looked at.

Yeah, dude. A couple of years. That's not good. That's how long my benign little cyst was. I've actually got one on the back of my neck as well just there I hope it doesn't get infected that would suck

nah apparently it's fine I've sought medical advice on it and they're like you can get it removed if you want it's fine it's just doing it's thing

yeah that's exactly what I got told but it still flared up P.S. if you read this on the podcast please don't use my last name because the first thing is a little gross

oh no much love Brandon from Texas oh my god I was kidding little gross oh no much love brandon from texas oh my god i was kidding when i've oh oh no i apologize brandon but there's nothing for it now it's not like we could somehow magically use the editing tools available i mean look here's the thing about that we definitely could but at this point i feel like it's outside the spirit of what we're all trying to do here runs against the ethos. So all we can do is apologize and ignore your request and try harder for the future.

Yeah. That's our takeaway. That's something we've been working on for a while, and we will one day get it right. We're getting better. We're just not 100%. Okay, here's one. Hello, gentlemen. I really enjoyed this week's podcast. Now, when did they send this, this person?

Oh, dang. They gave us $50, bruh. Thank you. $50 US. What's the date? The 12th. So that's the most recent one. Especially when Guy said the word sweaty twice in the episode.

Okay. I'm not sure why I enjoyed it so much, but now it is in second place of my favourite words spoken by foreign persons That's been sent to us by someone called Jacques Jacques Jacques has an S at the end but you just say Jacques

Jacques, you have really left us on the hook there I really want to know what your favourite word spoken in a foreign accent is You are not wrong That is a Chekhov's a checkoff message isn't it dude come on man follow through that is crazy the other confusing thing is is that oh is that munting out for you or just for me and my headphones that's going for both of us oh is it yeah i'm going to assume the recording is fine. I am also going to assume that.

There's another name on there, which is Amanda. So it's from two people. Well, they're in different places. I'm going to assume it's from Jacques. This is not a big deal. I don't know what's going on. The main thing is, though, please get back in touch with us and let us know what your favorite word by foreigner is.

I don't know if you're playing this weird mind game with us where you're now going to charge us $50 American to find out what. We'll give you your money back. Curiosity. I'll buy it back off you. Yeah. I'll buy that information. And you feel like the kind of person who enjoys this sort of thing.

So don't like bleed it out where you're like, the word is pumpernickel. And then we don't know what foreign language you like it in or the accent or whatever. Yeah. I got one here from a guy whose name I might or might not read out at the end of the email. Dear boys, I was in Rome at the same time as Guy. Evidently, it was an unusually cool summer, so the Italians were probably very happy in their suits.

Did you buy anything nice, Guy? A nice laser pointer or selfie stick? Or a funny apron with a lovely big cock on the front from a market store? Is that the Michelangelo one? Thank you for your podcast. In keeping with many, it helped me laugh through a shitty time last year.

I'll donate some money, amply deserved. All the best, Tom. Oh, Tom. That is lovely, Tom. Sweetheart. That had it all. That had laughs.

It had pathos. It had kind of a, what do you call lovely, Tom. Sweetheart. That had it all. That had laughs. It had pathos. It had kind of a, what do you call it, like a redemption story. If there was bad times and it feels like he's pulling out of it now. Yeah, yeah. And we were there with him on that journey. I did not buy any of those things. I bought a tourist T-shirt from the town of Sorrento. Sorrento.

Sorrento. It's a navy T-shirt and it says Sorrento in gold above the Italian flag colours, which will get one line. Classic Montgomery there, getting himself a brand of tea from the place. And then I wear it in a different town and I go, I've heard of Sorrento, but this is ridiculous. Sorrento? I don't even know her.

Yeah, and then I get exiled from town to town in this dirty T-shirt. Good stuff. You're just exing them off of the Atlas, aren't you? One by one. Absolutely. Hey, you may notice some Atmos as well in this friend zone, and that's because I've got the door open because it got a bit smelly in here. Yeah.

A couple of stinky boys. We did just watch the movie. Yeah. The other thing is that it's also lovely. The tides are turning. The seasons are changing. It is spring springing. It's a beautiful afternoon outides are turning The seasons are changing It is spring springing It's a beautiful afternoon out there

It's a real crime to have the door shut And it's been a little bit brutally cold In Auckland, New Zealand recently So this is one out of the box Tough winter Not as tough as our neighbours to the south There was some snow in Wellington For crying out loud just the other day.

In September, would you believe? Unheard of. I tell you what's doing it. It's all of that global warming. We call it climate change now, Guy, because sometimes it's hot and sometimes it's cold and the Republicans get very confused

when it doesn't meet the literal terminology. Hey, also, this is as good a time as you need to whack a sponsor on right next to a political statement. This episode is sponsored by Omni. Omni. Omni are our podcast platform. Some people ask me, they ask me, they say in person or they email me,

they go, Tim, how do you do a podcast? And I say, there are many ways to skin that cat. Firstly, don't make it about skinning cats. It's fucking sick. I don't know how that saying got started. But once you've got a little... I'll tell you how it got started. All right.

It was a bet. You reckon? Yeah. Like how many different ways can you do it? Or just can you physically do it? How many different ways can you do it? There was two guys from opposing towns, Rangiora and Awamaru,

and they respectively thought they had the best means of skinning a cat. And this guy was like, I know how to skin the best cat from Rangiora. And the guy from Awamaru was like, No, I know how to skin the best cat. And they showed each other their techniques. They didn't battle or anything. And they're like, oh, wow.

There's more than one way to skin a cat. Challenge completed. No one in the town at the time, this was years ago, so no one at the time was, like, freaking out because they were skinning cats. They were like, oh, yeah, we skin cats. It's that time of earth where it's like, it's okay to skin cats. I'm sure there was, like, one, you know, the first vegetarian who was like, you guys, we've got to stop skinning these cats.

It's really cruel. But Omni is a very good platform for hosting podcasts. It sure is. If you've got a tasty little, you know, podcast that you're looking for a plate for it to rest upon, a silver platter, if you will, such as the service and quality of the platform provided by the good folks at Omni. Omni are fantastic because they're a tidy wee company based in Melbourne and there's people that you can actually talk to there,

which is unlike some of those big dogs that really cut back on the customer service front. And Omni, because they're a little bit newer to the podcasting platform game, all their tools are a lot newer. So they've got baked in this really dope as shit HTML5 player, which you can put on your website, no matter who makes your website. Whoever you built your website with, if you coded it yourself,

you just grab their code, you can change the color, the size, whatever you want, and then you just bang out some code from Omni's website and then put it on your website, and it looks, oh, flash-ass. And it'll work on any browser. That's the great thing. Any device. Because people browse differently. They do.

Boy, do they. And Omni are adding a lot of things to their little toolkit as well. They've made the news overseas recently for claiming that they can get some intel from Apple iTunes that all the other people can't through some fantastic little technique. I don't understand it. It's all black magic to me.

I never learned coding. Well, Omni released that information to everyone. Well, they'll provide the service, but you don't give away the cow. That would not be a sound business move, I would venture anyway highly recommend them if you want to do your own podcast i suggest you go to omni studio and it's omni o-m-n-y studio.com and if you sign up with them use the code worst idea because then

it shows them that um we sent you yeah and it's a good thing for everybody everyone likes to know who got sent anywhere who sent you that's why it's always in spy movies it's a good thing for everybody everyone likes to know who got sent anywhere who sent you? that's why it's always in spy movies, it's a referral system who sent you? you son of a bitch who sent you? all they want is the referral code Aaron writes

that really messed me up, I've got too much of a cold to be pulling off bad guy voices dear teabag and guy train I was previously paying $5 a month for a subscription to Harmontown's video stream but cancelled that in favour of sending you guys money

instead no because your shit is better Jesus Christ also just a week ago a second cousin of mine hit me up hit me up to make a donation to GoFundMe to go to France and I gave her 50 bucks and I've literally said maybe 5 words to her in my

entire life. We live in different areas of the country I've said less words to you guys but I've heard far more words from you guys as a matter of fact I've listened to all of your episodes in just the last 2 months by my math roughly 40 minutes per podcast, 52 episodes per season, 60 days.

Jesus. You haven't done any math. Okay, that's good. By my equation. You've kind of like, you've provided the equation, but you haven't done the math. I'm not going to nitpick here. You gave us a lot of money, Aaron. I've had your Kiwi accents in my ear for an average of 35 minutes per day that's math i'd so apologize for what i just said i've uh i only

spend more daily time than wait what i only spend more daily time than that with my partner and my dog so i figure that makes you boys my new best friends. If you ever come around Portland, or, oh, not or, oh, ah, Portland, Oregon way, I'd love to buy you lads a beer or pay for a ticket to one of your shows,

or, you know, whatever. Aaron, P.S., please give $5 to my favorite frequent guest, The Knife. Well, I'll be monitoring that for you. 50 big ones from Aaron. Thank you, Aaron. It's super generous.

And big shout out to Aaron's cousin, who's also a big fan of the podcast and got cussed out a little bit there by Aaron. Not what was implied whatsoever. Aaron's second cousin has been implicated in the podcast, not necessarily a fan. Big, big fan. And it's always a pleasure to hear from teabag and

guy trainers um that's exceptional aaron i love you i'm not afraid to say i'm gonna say i i uh like you plenty i'm not gonna throw the the l word around so afraid of commitment uh tim i'm reading this one in spite of it being sent to Tim So I will attribute a voice To the writer For them pretending I don't exist Are you going to lash out through voice Because it's not addressed to you

Tim Big time fan of podcasts Quick question I recently tried to turn my brother on To season one of the worst idea of all time, Grown Ups 2, and I can't seem to locate it on the podcast feed. I'll fucking course this person with their terrible voice. Keep it going.

This is quite strange because as little as two weeks ago, I remember seeing those early episodes. Did you guys take them down? Is there another place I can find them? Am I just being stupid and they're still there somewhere? Anyway, keep up the good work. You guys are always good for a laugh when I need it. Chris.

Fucking hell, Chris. Good job. I can't be mad at that guy. You did so good. They're on Howl. That was so funny. All of season one is now available on Howl, along with a

plethora of other fantastic and interesting and hilarious podcasts here's the tricky thing about that as well chris is that with you won't be listening to this because you're so far behind and this is where the trouble is with the full 2020 hindsight i guess the promo would have been stitching on a bit of audio to all of the first season episodes and re-uploading them going hey this is all about to move to hell this is look i'm a go-getter i'm a young go-getter i'm not gonna go to all that trouble we are living 52 episodes we're living inside of the pre-taped call and sketch from mr show we fucking are yeah we absolutely are david cross saw this whole

situation play out years ago you want to talk about racism you should have called up last week we're talking about the elderly um we uh we it's such a good sketch it's probably my favorite it's very it's very funny. Look, they're all on howl.fm. If anyone can communicate back to these people who are listening to season one now, you can get free trials of howl.fm so that you can kind of like finish up listening if you're midway through. Use the referral

code WORST. I don't know what else to tell you. I'll update the website because that information should definitely be there. I don't think it is at the moment. You'll update the website because that information should definitely be there. I don't think it is at the moment. You're a good boy, Tim. We'll try and splash it up around on a bit of social media again so that we kind of give another shot across the bowels.

Because putting it on these episodes is fucking stupid. It does nothing to help. Yeah, I know. But it's the path of least resistance, which is why it was so appealing. Yelling into a vortex. So that's what's happening. Hi, guys. I wanted to thank you for helping me understand the New Zealand accent.

So I'm sending you a dollar for every time this was useful. One for every season of your podcast, plus one for what we do in the shadows. I would love to hear you try pronouncing, and then it cuts off. I'm assuming the next bit was my name. Let's have a go. Okay. Daninskia Maria. cuts off i'm assuming the next bit was my name let's have a go maria i really swallowed that maria as well maria i'm gonna come around just i'll i'll you'd stay there how would you say that i'll make it big for you. Ah. Dineskina Maria.

Dineskina. Dineskina. Maria. Hey, Dineskina Maria. Well, there you go. I tell you what, when I was in Italy, it turns out not all Italian people talk like that. Who would have known that? Well, I've got to say, the way that they are represented through television and the media.

Talking to your microphone, guy. I am talking to my microphone. Yeah, you sound off. There you go. How's that? Beautiful. Anyway, Italians, much more diverse range of accents than represented anywhere in the outside world. Bloody good to know.

Yeah. Good to know when I go to Italy. Hey, should we dive back into the film, eh? We've just seen it. We've already watched it once today. Should we do another? Yes, absolutely. Once more into the void. Thanks, thanks everyone for staying with us thank you so

much everyone who's making a financial contribution though you know just flick it flick us a message if you want to contribute we love all of our children equally and we especially love the kids oh do you know what i can't wealth? Who provide us with material wealth? One thing that we never ask for, which I should probably get in the habit of, is like, give us a review on iTunes. Oh, yeah, write and review us. Every other podcast says that. We never say it. What a bunch of losers.

But I think it's actually super useful. It boosts your rankings quite a lot. And also, tweet out photos of yourself with your delicious blaze pizza yes and tag blaze pizza and us at blaze pizza at guy underscore mont and at tim underscore bat b-a-t-t we are making this happen yeah be part of the movement guys we can change the way that advertising models work forever this forever and in some ways this is a very like you know non-linear time

back to the Mr. Show sketch appropriation into the advertising realm as well absolutely it's like listen guys we did all this work just like we never agreed to now give us that money that we probably deserve we've gone into the under and Blaze beats her with a demogorgon nice agreed to now give us that money that we probably we've we've gone into the under and blaze beats are the demogorgons nice um so get those photos out there join omni if you're doing a podcast with

the uh code worst idea and if you join howl.fm use the code worst and respect everyone around you at all times that's the main thing and just like katasDosaurus No K-Dosaurus Rex No I think that was it Friendship and love And Guys just thought of something I'm going to sign up for the next friend zone Because it's so good Oh

What a tease Yeah Bye everybody Well it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy Come to the friend zone And have a good time Yes it's the friend zone

With Tim and Guy Because making friends Thanks for listening to this Little Empire podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try Boners of the Heart? And in St. Thomas Fire, he looks very iron deficient, and that is actually a big attraction for me. Men who look iron deficient. Men with dark bags under their eyes. What's wrong with that? Nah, nothing's wrong with it.

It's just a very specific thing to find attractive about a person.