The Worst Idea Of All Time - Good Times: 10 (w/ Rose Matafeo)

Episode Date: October 19, 2024

Tim is battling his way back from yet another cold, but the good times persist. Guy gets deep with the Word of the Week. Rose Matafeo, known abroad as Mr. Entertainment, joins via telephone to talk landlines, how to open a comedy special, and the bewildering s***ing habits of friend of the show, Alice Snedden.Our intro music, “Los Angeles,” courtesy of Eyeliner.Get episodes early and in video on our Substack! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good morning everybody and welcome to the worst idea of all time with Tim Baddington Guy Montgomery. But this is, But this is good times We've not watched a movie There's a steaming hot cup of joe in my hand There's a Timbatt to my right, your left Stage left I prefer to think of myself as beyond left. I'm above it. I'm somewhere else.

How are you buddy? The song always gets me gassed up. How could it not? It's so good. Got the beginnings of a cold at the moment. I'm so excited. Just the tickle at the back of the throat situation. Well, here we are in an unventilated room. Yeah, let's lock in. A mere meter from one another. How do you feel about that? Fantastic. Neutral. Not fantastic. Neutral is not bad, given the circumstance. You potentially getting sick, me not wanting to be sick.

Yeah. We used to give this sort of thing, not no mind, actually, I suppose we've just returned to the tradition. There was a period, I don't know if you remember a few years ago, when this was the most serious thing in the world. The COVID-19 global pandemic. I didn't say that. Oh, what did you say? What are you thinking of?

The common cold. Ah, yes. Crazy if you don't have a cure for that. We got this big killer virus on the loose. The common cold? No, no, COVID-19, global pandemic. And we went, let's rally. And we did. And they came up with a vaccine. Pretty too sweet.

Yeah. All things considered. Common cold been with us a long time. Still nothing for it. You know, and the clues in the title, it's not like it's irregular. Yeah. It's not like it's uncommon. They sorted out. Doctors.

Can I, that makes me think, um, prefixes. You know about prefixes? The beginning bit. Yeah. What do you prefer a prefix or a suffix? Probably a suffix. Really? Yeah. I like the prefix. Isn't that funny? I was trying to get a joke going earlier this year about prefixes. Can you believe it didn't work? Yeah, you can. Absolutely. I thought at one of my shows, I thought surely I can get a prefix joke.

I was going I just, it's something, I just found out about prefixes. You know, my whole life I've just been whelmed. Now I'm over, I'm under, I'm living. You're really doing something that other comedians aren't doing at this point in time. Bombing? Maybe that's it. maybe that is the thing. Guy, there's so much to do. There's so much to talk about all the time. But I literally cannot wait to hear what the fuck is going on with our boy.

That's right. Since our last episode, I've had a DM. We're playing this guy hot and cold. I've had a DM burning a hole in my pocket. The discipline for you to have not checked it before. The way that they do it, I don't know if you can see, it's not flashing anymore. But if you open this website up on your computer, it's always, it's like screaming for attention. It flickers. DM Monty, check me, read me, open me. It's like a fridge.

You know when you open the fridge? The light comes on? No, and the fridge is like, and you're getting something going out of the fridge and the fridge is like, doot, doot, doot. Yeah. It's like that.

And do you know what I think that's saying? What? I'm a fridge. It's a reminder. I cry for help. That's what I say. I know. And now Oliver's taking that reminder. And that's for I cry for help. That's what I say. I know.

And now all of us taking that on. And now if she if it happens to her, she goes, I know, I know you're a fridge. It's really fun. Okay. Well, let's recap. Here's what we with the help of Chris Parker, here's what we wrote. Okay. Guy's doing we wrote. Okay. Guy's doing such a good job.

He's blocking Patrick's most recent message from himself. And let it be shown like, so that we both hear it live at the same time. We stand to not gain or lose it. I mean, we do stand to lose a sponsor. I think all we could do is lose a potential connection to Patrick Schwarzenegger. Which the more I've been, I've really been marinating in this. We've really taken a swing for the fence considering this guy is tattooed on both of us. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like if you combine those two things that we've got a tattoo of his face on our bodies, which is pretty large, and we're just kind of shit talking him over DMs. Like it's a wild. It's quintessentially us. I've been reflecting on the message too, because I was there was a part there was a part of me an internal part of me that was resistant to putting this out there. Yeah, it's ascending it. Yeah. And I just often I just soften the language a

little but okay, here's what we wrote. Would love to talk about a couple of collaboration posts on the podcast and scrim and deep integration to the podcast. You scratch our back and we scratch ours and also yours. We see a lot of opportunity for crossover between the mosh bar eater and podcast listener we could start small 25k USD. For God from there we're talking to other people as well but because of our history we thought we'd reach out to you.

we're talking to other people as well. But because of our history, we thought we'd reach out to you. I can't you you read what you wrote. God. That's what I don't want to either. I don't want to touch this. It's written as message right now, you know, because we don't know what it says. So we don't have to get into it suffer the embarrassment of okay, here we go. Four different of, okay, here we go. Four different messages. See one after another. Hey, um. Is that really how it starts? Yep. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, way, we wouldn't keep reading. We do sponsor some podcasts, but usually we start with just seeing how the product moves organically on podcasts with hosts talking about, et cetera.

I'm also, there's something that's flashed into my head. He's going to listen. Well, not that, but this is a private communication channel. He doesn't know what we're up to? That's true. I'm going to pre-read a little bit and then make a judgment call. Because what, just kits of business sensitivities. Yeah, yeah, yeah, things like that.

Um, no, I'll read these. These seem fine, but we don't pay to play right off top because we're so ROI focused. Rest of industry. Return on investment. Oh that was message two of four. Similar um pretty quick acronym for me you know could it's wrong and I knew it was wrong. Well done on being wrong so quickly. Thank you. Message three of four. I'm getting it from all angles this morning. No we need to be in this together actually I'm sorry I take it back. No no I like it. We could do revenue share or something else. That's message 304.

Who wants in? Message 404, but, but we would need to see how you're following a listener's wreck towards the product. This product type of that makes sense. Oh, that probably is meant to be if that makes sense. Dude, this is gone so much better than I thought it would. This is a reasonable guy who's treating us seriously. The door is open. I think we need to keep him.

Trusting Chris. We need to keep him on ice. How do you mean? That's enough. I can't actually handle that. Yeah, me neither. I need to take a moment. Yeah, I need to take a break from that too.

It's a lot. But listen and look. Look and listen. Cars are coming. That is way better news than I thought we were in for. Well, I mean... He doesn't hate us. I'm not getting from that that he hates us, which is always good. The door is open for business. The door is open for business?

What do you think? Like if we actually went, remove all the business stuff. Just think about what our relationship to him is over 10 years. Yeah, just basically us talking about him getting a tattoo of him telling him about it, messing him occasionally to ask if he wants to get a beer in Los Angeles and then asking him for $25,000 American dollars for a sponsorship deal. Park all of that. If we actually went for a beer with Patrick. Yeah. How do you think it would go? Oh, I think we'd get on fabulously. Yeah, we'd be great friends. Thick as thieves. I think he might be too much of an operator for us. I reckon this guy's a mover and a shaker.

That's all good. Yeah, we can we can move in those circles. We don't have to be those guys to hang out with those guys. We can do that. Well, this brings us to our word of the day on the podcast today. Well, this brings us to our word of the day on the podcast today. Which is thanks to our other sponsor, random word generator.com. Also not making anything out of them. Yet. Reality. Oh.

The word of the day is reality. There's a movie that's just come out called Winner by Susanna Fogle, who did Booksmart. Okay. I don't know anything about this. It's called... By just coming out you mean in the last year. In the last year, the last like six months. It's on streaming now and it's about Reality Winner. Have you heard of this person? No. Okay I'm gonna get some of this wrong because I'm going off the dome but Reality Winner winner was a she's kind of like a

Ed Snowden type of person okay she she was in she's a whistleblower she was in US intelligence think she was doing she was in like drone she was maybe operating drone drones drone strikes okay in the middle east okay for American military or intelligence or military intelligence came across some documents. I can't remember what they are. Got them out there. Went to jail. Came out of jail. She's out of jail now. Got a movie made about it.

Got a movie made about it. DoCo or the movie. Is it a DoCo? Is it like a movie? It's a comedy. It's like it's like a political comedy. And I'm really I haven't seen it yet. I'm really keen to see it. It's interesting. Because Susanna Fogle also made I haven't seen it yet. I'm really keen to see it. Oh, it's interesting.

Cause Susanna Fogle also made another movie called The Spy Who Dumped Me, which you did. I went to, and then I had dinner with her. That's right. I can't remember how or why that happened. Someone teed that up. Yeah. Definitely.

She was in Auckland and you were the only person that they knew in Auckland and it was like, do you want to go for dinner with this person? Yeah. So I mean, I went and had dinner with it, it was awesome. But I really wanna see that movie called Winner about reality winner, reality. Yeah. What do you mean called reality winner?

You would have to make something of your life, wouldn't you? To kind of live up to that? Well, to that, yeah, absolutely. I mean, when I hear the word reality, I think it's sort of, isn't it? It it such a straightforward, grounding word, isn't it? Because it should just represent everything that's in front of us and the agreed upon world in which we live. But it's been so, I guess, partially distorted or diminished by reality TV, which has diluted the value of the word reality, because now it's like, well, reality is most broadly consumed and constructed in the public sphere.

As a, it's a recreation. Yeah, exactly. And so now even the word reality out of the context of reality TV, yeah, it has, it's like lost some mana. It's like, yeah, it doesn't actually really represent anything. Lots of this happens with lots of things. What about virtual reality guy? Well, this is the thing can you just quit if you don't mind cuz you got your laptop out Could you just double check that she directed book smart because I would know Olivia Wilde directed books my bad

My bad. I'll tell you what Susanna Fogle did direct. I mean winner for a start. Mm-hmm I mean winner for a start. That's television. It's television. Here we go. Cat person. Which was based on that very viral, she wrote Booksmart, which was directed by... Oh, okay cool. She also wrote The Addams Family 2.

Far out. Keeping busy. Your mate. Can't remember what I was going to say. Doesn't matter. Well, it could have been interesting. You're talking about reality. I was talking about reality. Virtual reality, I put it to you.

Oh yeah. I think that's going to be another one where, you know, there was a, that it's funny, isn't it? They released that promo video, then they disappeared, but Apple was putting out the Apple glasses or what was it put it out that you meant to wear and put that you can wear on the the vision pro came out but yeah and bombed yeah it bombed so hard bombed so high it bombed so hard they spent so much money on it they know they sold something like 2,000 units and like half of it was a

million dollars and it weighed a hundred kilos look like a fucking idiot but the thing is they're gonna come back. Spatial computing. And they're gonna be better. So stupid. And people are gonna be wearing these devices. And the reality that we share is gonna get further diminished because if you're wearing, like if you're living in your own augmented version of it, I don't know.

Do you reckon, I reckon. I don't know anything by the way. I reckon I hope and I think and I feel and I am hunching that we're there's going to be a kickback now. I think everyone's getting off tech. Tech's over man. I like that. Tech's done. Speaking of tech. Yeah. Should we use some? Can I use some? Yeah I'd love that. I'd love to make a phone call. Yeah, have a good time on the phone on this podcast. Yeah, man This one goes out to all the matter fans, okay, I think you know what that means I do Do you reckon they will pick up Seeming increasingly unlikely.

Hello, Rose. How the bloody heck are you? I'm all good. I'm with Tim. Hey, you sound so clear. Like your voice is coming through so beautifully clear. Crazy. Your voices are coming through quite clear. We've got special microphones.

You're on your phone mic. Classic Rose. On my phone mic. I'm going to my mic. Can I ask you- I'm going to my phone mic today. What do you make of the phone call? I really am not bad at the phone call. Yeah, I got that feeling.

When we talk, we text. We text. I'm so much more of a texter. I find phone calls kind of aggressive. Same. It's so intrusive. It's like running up to someone's house and banging on the door.

We didn't kind of have anything booked in. No, no, no. You know what? You don't owe me anything if I call you. Sorry, go right. Well, I know your little phone calls. Guy Montgomery, because I know you go chat to Alice all the time. Oh, I was just talking to Guy and I went, are you texting Guy? And she goes, no, I'm on the phone. And I went, what the hell are you talking about, girl? Apparently, you have your little phone calls. Um, I enjoy, but here's what I'll say. Why are you diminishing my relationship with Elvis?

Your little long phone call. Here's what I'll say about phone call and what we're saying, you know, as you say, Tim, it's intrusive, the very nature of the phone range. If I had a landline and people called me on my landline, I'd be thrilled. I would be fricking thrilled because I'm not always at home. If I'm at home, sometimes they happen to catch me. Fantastic. But the fact that I agree with Tim, the immersive nature of being

contactable constantly, I resent it and I rebuke it. I hadn't thought of it like this, but you're right. It's the fact that we got, we got the phone like grafted to our body. contactable constantly I resent it and I thought of it like this but you're right it's the fact that we got we got the phone like grafted to our bodies now so at any point something like what I'm loving is my impression of guy ringing someone's experience of making a phone call and immediately just being bailed out for having your destiny to do it. I'll do anything for I mean, you know, I'll do anything for entertainment, the entertainment industry, you are an entertainer born entertainer, do you know, actually, I, when I last saw you, we were

reflecting on performing a show every night. We were in Edinburgh, and I was asking how you finding it and you're saying, well, sometimes I go out there. And I feel like Mr. Entertainment. Yes. And I saw your show. And I was like, that is Mr. Entertainment. It's like bada bing bada boom bada bow. Showbiz. And sometimes Mr. Entertainment needs to have some time alone and not be contactable from anyone.

Because I think, I mean, it's, I really do often, I honestly have considered getting a landline. I've looked into it. It would be very you. Can you get them now? Yeah. Is that a thing? Well, you can't.

Oh, look, I actually talked to the guy who was installing my internet here. I said, what's the deal with the landlines? And he said, don't get it, because basically these guys, they just install the landline. It goes into your modem. It isn't actually physically a landline. They advertise it as landlines. But it's just like a handset to your

modem. Wow. So it's using the internet. It's not the beautiful old couple. You can get landlines. Also landline rights. Landlines are important. Landlines are important for all people in remote places. I heard that on Radio 4. I heard a whole thing about this on Radio 4. Presented like it's your own information. Go ahead. No, I heard it on the El radio. I do think that there's something so exciting about back in the, you know, getting someone's private, like, private line. I feel like that was a whole thing in 80s, 90s, you know, songs, being private, like private line. I feel like there was a whole thing in eighties, night, you know, songs being like, you can have my private number, you know, I'm not listed, you know, it's, it's, it's kind of this exciting, romantic thing about a land. And I was, I was going to do it, but then, um, you know, I've been, um,

meaning to write a joke about this for ages, but the fact that everyone's like freaking out about their privacy now online and their details keep getting leaked and stuff When we were kids, they would publish a book of everyone in the town and I had your fucking address and your address and your telephone number and all you needed to know was the name and not even the full name the first initial

last name, first initial, there's your house we're so concerned about doxing now, We were just publishing where everyone lived in the city. Maybe that's the key because we've made information too salacious now, too hard to get. We're hiding ourselves and it's like if everyone knows where everyone lives, it's like, well, if you stalkers like rocking up to your house, we'll be like, oh, fuck you, I'll check you out. I'll come to your house. You know, like you turn the tables. But now it's very uneven. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a very cavalier attitude towards stalkers for someone who shares my displeasure at phone calls as being like an invasion of personal space. Do you look at anyone isn't it? Awful isn't it? Well, you know, cause you live across the world and you've got, um, you've got great friends and family dotted all over the place. How is your, when you're going in depth for a catch up with them, are you text, are you doing a lot of that over text?

Are you sending emails? This is, this is a rough, this is a rough conversation because honestly, what is this going out on? What is going on? What is going on? What is this going out on? The internet? We're going to rank everyone and play it down people's phone lines.

Oh, podcast day. Well, what will happen is that my mum will probably have a Google alert on my name. You'll list, if you list my name in this, she'll listen to this podcast episode. She will, this is the first time she's hearing my voice in months because I never ring her. So this is a problem for me because I don't ring. I've lived overseas for like eight years now. I am such an out of sight, out of mind person. And I think it's a cope. I liked the generous read of it is that it's a coping mechanism

because I miss people too much if I were to build this narrative. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess it is the dog show, of course, from my parents. It's just too hard. You love you too much. I couldn't possibly pick up the phone. That's why you have to break up with people. I love you too much. To spend any time not with you.

Oh, fuck. And that's so it's so it's so true. But I do I do think I find I get so bored. I'm so I get so bored of phone calls. And I wish like, I feel like, yeah, I don't know. I think I'm, but I know I'm not right for thinking that I think better people do like a phone call. Can I, can I ask a question about in meetings? I think I know how you're in meetings, Tim, if you're in a meeting, you got two young kids as well. You want to get to business just like Rose, you want to just you want to fast forward through the pleasantries

and the banter and you want to get down to the nitty gritty. Would you say that's true? Yeah, I do. And Rose, how do you feel about this? Well, getting to the nitty gritty in a meeting. Yeah. Oh, god, yeah, I love it. I mean, I do I do. I do such a tight, you know, three minutes of pashir at the beginning, I'd say. And I down to like, it's down to two to three minutes, you know, three minutes of pressure at the beginning, I'd say. And I, and it's down to like, it's down to two to three minutes, like bam, bam, bam on them similar.

And then we're into it. I, um, and I love it. Are you running some of these meetings as well? I imagine. Well, if I'm not running them, I'm running them by the damn end. Even if I am meant to be running a meeting or something, I am the person I love fucking drawing it. I love it. The start. I think it's such an aversion to the concept of work that I'm like, how long can we stay off topic here? Yeah, I would love if we've got an hour booked, I

would love to stretch 1520 minutes up top without even and people are trying you guys I'm on the call you guys you're trying to an hour booked, I would love to stretch 15, 20 minutes up top without even, and people are trying, you guys, I'm on the call with you guys. You're trying to, Evan, you know, I honestly think your approach is probably healthier. I think what I'm trying to do is separate all the things. It's like, if I'm, if I'm, if I'm at home, I'm, you know, like if I'm hanging out with my family, I'm doing that. If I'm in a meeting, I'm doing that. There will be no enjoyment from the.

We have a compartmentalization king up in here. It's very, it's very mask, isn't it? Men love putting things in little compartments. Our little bags and our little boxes. I think, I think honestly, though, it's all about the yin and yang, man. But you need, you need the person who's slightly gently derailing the meeting in an amusing way to then sort of offset, you know, the kind of person with the agenda. It's all about balance. So who, who was your guy Montgomery most frequently in your life? Rose.

Alice Nettan. Yeah, that's great. I was hoping it would be her and I'm so gratified to hear that. Yeah, yeah. Of course. I mean, I think me and Alice, but we, we, we kind of, we really, we equally share both and we, and I think the balance is right. I think, but it's, it's actually comes from a place of, I think a dark place, a toxic place where if one of us, if one of us is showing initiative and

leadership, the other one wants to undermine the other one immediately. So they start fucking joking around or making a joke. And then everyone will laugh at that person's joke. And then the person trying to keep the video track is like, fuck you. Like, I can't believe you're getting, I hear getting laughed while I'm trying to, you know, build this pipeline. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. It's, it's, um, it's good to have those business partners. Of course. Yeah. Well, it's not, and you got to have it all. Like, you know, the intention might be sort of antagonistic and oppositional or even worse, sort of actively trying to get your friend to fail in their endeavor. But the net result I think is good.

It shakes out in the end. Well, me and Alice have this like thing now where we have, we, we had so many Zooms like over, over the course of, um, making like Starstruck and that, and where we would have notes meetings with like, you know, execs from, from BBC or execs from HGMAX or whatever. And we, it was, it was kind of like sports. It felt like honestly setting people up for a pass and through Zoom, it's like handing something over just with like, not even eye contact, but like going, when we would basically gang up on them.

I mean, I probably shouldn't say this, but it's almost like we would, it's like pen and teller shit. You know, you say something and then Alice will come in and go, yeah, great point, Rose. You're like, yeah, we're saying the same thing. But like, it's like a, she would pick up the ball immediately. This is living. This is, you have, you know, you have meetings before meetings where you and Alice will catch up. And you're like, okay, well, what do we need to get over the lot? You know, like, and then when you go in there, all of a sudden, we haven't spoken to each other for years. Now that I love, I love hitting a meeting with a game plan.

That is, you like that? That's what's kind of scary is that I, we wouldn't, we actually wouldn't have a game plan, but we have, uh, we, we have a way of never basically contradicting each other. Or if we do, it's messy. Most of you are contradicting each other as captured on bonus of the heart. Well, you're not because you don't have an enemy to fight. Yeah, exactly. We can't work together to vanquish something else.

We have to destroy each other. Exactly. That's why it's got such a sporadic release schedule, because it's like, it's too, you know, they have to put the arms down sometimes to rebuild. It makes it special. It makes it very special. And I think it's important to have a plan whenever you're dealing with a TV executive. Oh, usually, usually. Yeah, it's great to hoodwink them. I love hoodwinking and badmoozing.

Just going back to the telephone chat, are their phone boxes still in the UK, Rose? Are they around? Yeah, they are. They're like, they're there. So they're like the, you know, the funny kind of classic London, uh, read telephone booth or whatever. They are so classic that even as they go out of functional style, they'll never go out of style. Well, do you think that Dr. Who has sort of trapped that technological feature in amber for the UK? Well, I guess, I guess so.

But also honestly, there are also just phone, like weird phone booths, like, like phone booths that don't, that, that look new, that look modern. I don't think I've ever seen anyone using them, but I think, I think phone booths are largely used in the UK or in London at least as places to advertise, stick it, like stick up flyers for like sex. Yeah. Um, well just sex. Yeah.

I was going to say sex shop, but I think it's just sex. Cool. That's always in phone booths. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, uh, pretty cool aesthetic, but, uh, but now I'm going to have a look at, I'm going to have a look more closely around about what the phone booths. I'm going to call some of those numbers just to see, I'm just going to have a look

into it. I'm gonna call some of those numbers just to see, I'm just gonna have a look into it. I know, I'm just gonna go, I'm not gonna go out now actually. I'm not gonna go out right now. What are you up to at the moment? What were you doing this evening? Um, what was I doing? I was painting, I'm painting a room in my house. Nice. What colour? Yeah.

Are you choosing colours at the moment? No, it's a yellow. I'll send you a picture. It's a sort of a yellowy ochre kind of nice, deep, musty colour. But apart from that, no, I went to, um, I could be bothered cooking dinner. So I went to the, this Italian, uh, restaurant at the end of my road that feels like I always walk past it. I'm like, that looks really shit. I'm not really shit, but I'm like, it looks like I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to get there. And tonight

I was like, you know what? I'm going to go, I'm going to sit alone and have a meal and see what it's like. So I had a caprese salad, yum, shaved carrots on the sides, kind of weird, but that's fine. Spaghetti and meatballs, meatballs were terrible. Spaghetti was delicious. Took a tiramisu home to take away. They got me a free shot of free bit of amaretto at the end. As well.

I feel like they have it's basically they've just got a bottle of the stuff that they give to every Italian restaurant. They're like, and of course on the house and they give you some limoncello. Yeah. Digestive, right? It's such a classy touch. Now I did enjoy my meal overall. What I will say is that about 35 minutes to 40 minutes later, I did essentially nearly shit myself. But I don't know.

I don't know if it's connected. I can't be sure. 35 to 40 minutes, I'm putting on my doctor diagnosis hat now. Is that, that what would cause that? Could it be the food? Well, you know what? I had, I came, I had, I had a cigarette and I haven't smoked in ages and, um, and I was fine. Which is, I feel like there's actually no known link why, uh, smoking, smoking makes you want to shit basically. And it's, sorry, are you saying that is not a phenomenon for others, but it is for you, there's nothing in the literature. Oh, it is for others.

It is for others. It is for others that, uh, that that is the case. I think a few of it talk, ask, I think I'll ask, maybe I should ask some other smokers, I really, I think I remember asking Nick Samson once when he smoked. I was like, does it make you wish? And he's like, yeah, absolutely. Nick used to smoke so many darts. God damn, that guy was crushing darts all the time.

And it was a good look for him. Yeah, when we lived together, he lived in the jacket and he smoked darts. He was out on that Wilton balcony and he was absolutely not talking. He was a cool guy. Yeah. Yeah. There's always, he was always shrouded in mystery. Wouldn't he? Exactly. He just, and I don't think he has the allure of a guy who's like killed someone

and doesn't want to talk about it, but he's just a lovely dude. Yeah. But he's sort of, I honestly think that the guy who he killed had it coming in a crazy way, like he, like he did it, he did it, but he like, he did it because he had to. And if you told you the whole story, you'd be like, fuck, okay, I'm with you. Yeah. He does have that, that little, and that storytelling ability to him as well. Been hearing amazing things about his most recent Edinburgh show.

I watched it. What'd you think? Nah, not for me, but good on him. Good try. You got to put yourself out there,'t you? It will be for someone. You've got to put yourself out there on the world's largest arts market. You've got to put yourself out there. Are you putting out your stall really? It's not a fringe, it's a marketplace. But yeah anyway sorry I would love to know if anyone has any leads on whether

smoking kind of makes you want to I I have no scientific basis for but absolutely it does. So horrible feeling when you're about to shoot yourself doesn't get much worse. Well, I have control. Can I ask a question? Sorry. Is it worse? Do you think the feeling of like, oh my god, I'm about to shit myself or the second after you've shit yourself? What's the worst feeling?

After. Second after. Because there's no going back. The second after though, there's relief in there as well. No, no there isn't. Because you got the shit out. No there isn't. It's a shame.

That is so eclipsed by the instant. It's just a series of massive problems now that need to be solved. And up until that moment, there was a universe in which you hadn't shit yourself. Oh, I don't know. Like you could have got out there. You know that feeling when you're like when you're cooking and then you realize that you've used it, you're like, oh, I didn't have to use that, that utensil or that dish. I could have, I know I'm going to have to clean that up.

That's the feeling of when you shit yourself, you go, think about the cleanup. Think about the immediate cleanup that you're going through. Last time I shipped myself, I was in, um, I was on an overnight train actually. Between New Delhi and I can't remember where. This is very classic. I was on a road show in a Melbourne International Comedy Festival road show in India and Aaron and I, Aaron Chen was on it as well. We were going out, we were eating at all the food stalls. We were eating off the street a lot. We were having a really good time.

And we were going great guns for a week. We felt invincible. Then Aaron fell oh Was remorseless I said, oh Aaron you stomach piece of shit Can't hack it and then he was it but I sort of had to walk it back a little bit because he was pretty good Anyway Where do they say pride cometh? Because we were on the overnight train and I was getting up.

I was on a top bunk. I was getting up and down a lot. And there aren't toilets there. There's like a hole that's over the tracks really. And I was sort of up and down a lot through the night. And then we were half an hour out of the train station arriving. And I'd made it. And I went to do a wee.

And it's just your classic, it's your classic rookie mistake in it. We were to do a wee. Oh my God. I thought we'd just get out one fart and we'd be home in host. And we certainly were host. Oh no. I tell ya.

Oh my God. You play with fire man. That's fucking insane. That hubris is insane. I, you know, Alice has a crazy phenomenon where she, wherever I am, wherever my accommodation is at the time, whether it be the flat that I used to live in or now the house I live in, the moment she gets to the spot, to the pad, she needs to take a shit. to the spot, to the pad. She needs to take a shit.

That is wild. It's literally like as soon as she comes. At the flight, when I was looking at the flight, I was like, are you actually taking the piss? Like, you deliberately doing it. She's like, no, I just, something happens. She's like, I think it's a compliment. I think it was, I feel comfortable in your house.

I'm like, no, it's just, you're like, you just want to come and shit in the place that I live it's a it's a nice read of it that she's got I wonder if this is just like something that happened one time and then that association just got better than instantly and now it's like either a power play or a testament to the comfort she feels that as soon as she is in your warm embrace she thinks you know I'm just letting go of everything you know sorry but I don't know I don't know that I know that girl to have ever felt too uncomfortable to shit she's never come out of like a cafe toilet going I got too nervous yeah no way I will say I for me if I anytime I would take drugs yeah as soon as I take drugs I have to shit yeah it's crazy psychedelics do that I reckon well like

mushrooms in what I've always like I'm you know I could be at a party and I guess immediately I'm sitting on a toilet and I'm flying and I'm like looking in the mirror at myself being like us again brother like should we have one of the best conversations of the night? And I'm just looking at myself going to the fucking toilet Oh god I had that I had that recently that's very funny We were like absolutely fucking like under the fluorescent lights in the fucking Horrific toilet stall.

My god. Yeah. You know what? Hey, here's not a question but just a point. I think this phone call is going fantastically. And I think it's because there's three of us. And like, if phone calls were like this, where there's like, it's on the phone, it's not Zoom, there's a group, like party lines. Remember the ads we used to watch? Come on callers, join the party. Exactly. Oh, what about the dark underbelly of party lines where you'd get, you know, there'd be two, that people would do mystery court where there'd be two people on the phone and they'd call up a third person and one of them would pretend not to be on the line. Oh, and then you'd have a conversation about the person.

You'd lure them into a trap. It's entrapment through using the party line. I feel like I was somehow involved in one of these as a youth. I completely blocked that experience out of my brain. What a fucking dastardly. What about, do you remember the early days of texting when you could chat? Like someone changed. I mean, there was a girl I liked and you know my great friends changed the one of their

phone numbers on my phone to her name and then you think you're texting someone and you're just texting your friend and then the reveal is always like ha ha ha ha you fucking idiot you know you got my ass bro I'm feeling pretty exposed over here. Investing weeks and months into forming this fucking catfish relationship. You pranked me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Seems like what I got out of it was an amazing, amazing experience with someone pretending to be the person I love. Seems like we just fell in love with each other bro.

Man catfish catfishing is crazy. I watch that show sometimes and I'm like it's wild right like it's it's it's wild that people think that that's going to work out. That's the thing that always gets me is it's like, what, I guess I'm thinking about it too logically, but what is the end game here? I guess it is, it's like a psychological almost deflection that these people have to sort of deceive and lead people on, but it's like, where does this, where are we going? I think, I think they get off on that element of it, I think. But I mean, I really do. I think party lines like, they tried to start that start that app though, didn't they? That's right, House Party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is nice. Which I went on a couple of times, which is quite odd. This is nice. See, I mean, just to go back to your landline thing about if you catch me at home, that's cool. So my favorite phone calls are if I'm walking or driving and I'm on the go. And I think I'd love to talk to on the go and I think I'd love to talk I haven't told this person for a while love to talk to this person. Yeah. And you

just roll the dice. You don't have to pick up your phone's ringing. You don't have to pick up. I do do that. I do that from time to time. And that is nice. If someone pops in here, you got it. Yeah, but that's why that's why I get rid of my phone get only get a landline. You can obviously have your mobile phone. And if you happen to catch me on your mobile phone on the landline, then that's perfect. I'm here in the comfort of my own home, talking on my phone that looks, I assume like lips

or is Garfield or something. And Garfield phone and lips couch. I'm imagining you've got a really long cord and I can see you with that, like wrapping it around your finger and you know, you know, I love that. Can I tell you guys, she's giving the nanny. Can I tell you Rose, my idea, I know that you're filming your standup show this year. I filmed mine recently, although I think someone is paying you to do yours and I paid someone to do mine.

So we're a little bit different in that respect. But I had, I think I had a great idea where at the start, you know, often, often if there's someone doing a big venue, I might have already told you this time, the camera will come out and it like follows them from behind. And so you get the full experience of what the comedian sees and the lights the lights in the audience I'm imagine yeah, and you can have this idea for free Okay, I've seen the start of your show and so I don't know if it works perfectly intended But basically the camera follows it follows you around so it's like it's got a three So it's behind you you get the audience and the camera keeps going around and it's all of a sudden It's in front of you

And so you're the camera is now capturing you from the front and then the camera keeps going around you until it gives you a 360 perspective. So now it's around the back again. And we do this sort of two or three times. And then we cut to one of the other cameras which are filming from the audience perspective. And it's a corded camera, the one that's been going around you

and you're totally taped up. You are just completely restricted and you go to take one step towards the microphone in the middle of the stage and just fucking stack it. You just hit the ground super fucking hard. I like that. I actually like that a lot. Well, that's that you can have that.

I like that a lot. Well, that's that. I mean, I have been watching a lot of stand-up specials because like the it's so funny, like how the how even like comedians that you're like, oh, they're going to do something different. You're like, no, everyone starts with walking to the stage, walking to the venue. Like not everyone, but it's so funny. Did you see the start to I Love You, Adam Sandler's one?

Oh, so funny. So funny. So intense. I think that's possibly like, yeah, I think I really liked, I really liked that. I liked the first half of it a lot, but that opening was so good. Yeah, unbelievable. And for someone with his status to do that,

it's like, you know, to take that many creative risks on just him doing standup was so fun. I enjoyed it a lot. I think that that needs that. It's certainly a genre, not a genre, but it's a thing that needs to be shaken up. The entrance to stage. Like I think it's been done in every iteration now. I mean, Eddie Murphy, I think he had like a montage of him getting off planes and stuff,

which was quite like, that's quite funny back in the 80s. And and like Chelsea Paredes on was good when she was on a motorbike That was really good. That whole special was fun with they had a lot of fun with it I assume a few people have done this but I think it was David Cross who was like having dinner and they have one Unbroken shot and he just like gets up from having dinner with his friend following He walks across the road to the theater and takes the stage, but it is legit Like he just does the whole show off the back of that. You go Rose. No, no, no, I'm just, I know it's weird though, because it's kind of, if it ain't broke, don't fix it thing. Cause you're like, that is kind of, it works every time. Cause you're like, wow,

I guess they're going to the stage now to start the show. That's what I love about the opening credits of Louis is you'd see him having a piece of pizza on the stairs down in the cell, then you'd see him jerking off in the corner of the green room and then just see him walk out onto the stage. And I think this is a slice of life. Rose, we have to wrap this episode pretty soon, but we've got a word of the day and we would like to throw the word at you and just get some feeling about it. Yeah, the word that we've been given by random word generated.com today,

our sponsor is reality. Yeah. Oh, reality. Do you think we're in reality? Um, I, uh, are we in reality? What is reality? We're in a reality, right? Whoa, man.

Um, well, everyone's in their own reality, I suppose. I mean, isn't reality subjective? Maybe? Yeah, that's part of the challenge, isn't it? Of modern life. Also, I think about that girl, the whistleblower, reality, uh, reality winner. What's her name? This is, yeah, reality.

Tim was telling me about it. I didn't even know about it, but good on, I say good on her. Incredible. Her name's reality. It's just, good on everyone. That's my motto. Hey, you know what I like to say? I say big big ups to everyone.

Perfect place to end. Thank you so much, Rose. You made, um, thank you so much for calling. This has been the you, Matt. Thank you so much for calling. This has been the best phone call I've had in a long time. And I am inspired to go respond to my mother. That's actually huge. You can look forward to me calling you, you know, diminishing returns. And by the way, because we were talking about doxing and stalking and stuff.

If anyone wants Rose's home address in London, I've just dug it up from when she was telling me where to stay. Keep your ears peeled. Road. My God. You actually have to. You have to bleep this out. Guy, I don't know how many times we have to have this conversation. I don't pay enough attention to editing these things for you to pull shit like this.

You've like sent my credit card on previous episodes. Fucking hell, man. It's not on. I will sue your ass faster than your head. I don't even know how to sue, but you know. Honestly, people can follow me home. I'm going to do two things. I'm gonna make sure that that gets deleted or bleeped and I'm also gonna hurt guys somehow because I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of it. Rose love you so much.

You were never staying in my home again. I'm moving. I'll move another time. And guess what? Alice Nettle will be hot on my heels to actually take the biggest dump. I don't want to stay at your house again. It's the stink of Alice's shit. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna go home. And guess what? Alice Nettle will be hot on my heels to actually take the biggest dump

of her. I don't want to stay at your house again. It's the stink of Alice's shit. Alright goodbye. Goodbye. See you later. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. you