The Worst Idea Of All Time - Good Times: 16

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

Tim and Guy pull off one last job before leaving Las Vegas: stealing an entire podcast episode from the Bellagio Casino under the auspices of playing the pokies. The boys have capped off their pilgrimage to the birthplace of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 with the Cirque du Soleil show “O” and Guy is not holding back. Apologies to any Quebequois circus freaks who may be listening.Please consider supporting us on Substack if you are able so we can offset the costs of this stupid, stupid adventure. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Exclusively on Paramount Plus, a mountain of entertainment. This is Tim Bain from Garmongomery, you live from the Bellagio Casino and Hotel maybe? It's a hotel, yeah yeah. Art Gallery, Casino room, Theatre. Everything is everything. And what have we done today guy? This is sort of an interesting situation, because evidently I meant to talk to you like we're just gambling. Because it's illegal to film in casinos.

Is that true? I'm assuming. Nah, you can't assume anything here, man. So just for clarity, our cash is shortened from $20 to $15 in literally the time that we've started speaking. We're good, man. You've got to have a little faith. You've got to have a little faith in Vegas. You've got to have a little faith in Timbo. $20 to $15 in literally the time that we started speaking. You gotta have a little faith. You gotta have a little faith in Vegas,

you gotta have a little faith in Timber. We are, we're currently playing a slot machine not long after we saw the Cirque du Soleil show O. We did. You saw O? What did you think of the show? I think that was- So the reason we went to see Cirque du Soleil,

Cirque du Soleil O is because in Paul Blart Morkop too, he goes to a big circus show, which we've since reconciled. It was a long, it was a long. Cirque. No, it was a long running show they had at the wind called Le Reve, The Dream or something. It was French for the Lake, The Dream.

And I think they did over 6,000 performances. It's since been discontinued. Yes. There's another show that's taken its place, but it has the sort of watery energy of Cirque du Soleil's Oh Which if you're curious is a waste of your time and money these fucking Quebec Circo freaks have just gone out Look, I'm glad I went dude. We were both at the show We're both pretty pumped for it and we both almost fell asleep several times.

You cannot underestimate exhaustion. It was, um, it was, what, a 90-minute show with, I would say, four amazing set pieces of people diving from an incredible height into water. Do you know what I learned? As soon as people are in physical jeopardy... Yeah, you're in. I I'm in if it's someone Hey, we just won we got something

We're back up to 20. We're up $2 19, bro Hey, guess what if if you're watching this and you're the house Look out. Oh Our man got a Oh our man got a little uh, picture. So I would, I would say yeah is that right? Sort of four big set pieces. Yeah four big set pieces are all of varying interest. What you really want. Yeah. You want it like I remember being a boy and I think my mom took me to a circus show in Christchurch or something and I remember seeing the acrobats up high. Yeah. I don't remember took me to a circus show in Christchurch or something and I remember seeing the acrobats up high

Yeah, I don't remember if there wasn't there but I remember thinking they could die Right and so even now as an adult when obviously there are safety precautions the world has changed I have changed the show has changed. I just want some element of risk Yeah, I feel like a lot of the time they were in control. Oh, wow. Okay I mean they were obviously they're like, yeah No, no, but like no one should die at the show the margin of interest is when it's like when they know they're in control But we as an audience know that they don't know that they are I see me because your favorite bit of the show was when Yeah, I decide of a very huge stage

was when, so from either side of a very huge stage, two performers sort of dove at each other and they looked like they were going to collide. They did not collide because they as it turns out had it all figured out ahead of time. Yeah but if you on a on a linear plane it looked like they were going to smash into each other. If you had the bird's eye view I'm sure it looked like they were never going to. Did you just win? No. No we're fine. We're in Las Vegas right? We just received so late. Is the problem Tim and Guy at this point? Like I'm not gonna lie to you. Is this not as good as it gets? If Vegas is the pinnacle then this is as good as it gets and so the problem is Tim and Guy. I think the problem is Tim and Guy vs Las Vegas. We are not like it's not a

logical match. It's like here's what I could say I'm having a wonderful time yeah and I hate it here. That's so good. It's not often that you book a holiday for three days in a place that took you 14 hours to get to by air and you go that was the right amount of time for that holiday. But I honestly think three days is the perfect amount of time for us to spend in Vegas. I look at the flight out of here and I'm like nice. I'm not like oh it's too soon and I'm not like I wish we just had another two. I'm like that is when we are meant to leave it's interesting though isn't it because like what did you see you see you see an interesting thing about Vegas generally and then like this place still is catering to an older I think people then as wise I think I think as oh god, I'm so into it. Move closer to you. I think as far as,

I've never understood slots. Yeah, me too. On the last episode when Tim said we played the slots, that was my first time. And honestly, it feels to me, and correct me if I'm wrong, like a machine that you just push a button until you've got no money left. You were just playing blackjack, that's the same. No, I'm interfacing with

a person. I could lose but I can see there's a personal face to whoever's taking my money. This makes no sense to me. It's all an illusion. If blackjack is an illusion, this is less of an illusion. No! I like the other illusion. Way more. Can I just get a Heineken? Okay, whatever. Two of those things. You guys can be here. Yeah, we'll be right here. Thank you.

We actually um... What were you saying? Oh, my mic just dropped. Oh shit, we gotta fix that up. That's right, I got it. We're actually pulling off a body syrup t-shirt. This is the shittest versions of my shinsalime guys. Because I don't think they do that.

I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. We're actually pulling off a body syrup t-shirt. This is the shittest versions of ocean's leaving guys. Because I don't think they are appreciative of people who film in the casino. I don't think it's illegal.

I might be. I know I doubt it. But we are performing a heist of our own in that we are stealing a podcast off of the Bellagio. The real Bellagio. And that's not nothing. That's not nothing. We're not Danny Ocean.

We're not stealing millions of dollars from Evolve, but it ain't nothing, you know? We're, um, you know. Oh, we're playing Blackjack and we actually won. That was the point that I was trying to make. We're Timmy Hi-C's. Yeah, we made freaking money. We did it. We took him for a hundred American dollars.

Yeah, that was exciting. We actually like, took him for a hundred American dollars. Yeah, it was exciting We actually like they laid down a hundred bucks invited me to come join him gave me a few chips to play with and we turned the hundred to 200 and We got the fuck and here's here's how I see it, right? We've we've now got $200 to lose Any money any money walk into a casino willing to spend, is this wrong? Any money you walk into a casino willing to spend, you're willing to lose, right? Whatever the number is.

I really hope so. Yeah. And so obviously, you know, just because you double it doesn't mean all of a sudden, okay, I'm happy to lose $200. But that $100, as far as I'm concerned, as soon as I took it out of my wallet, It's the casino's money. You don't have to think that way. And the other thing is there's a wider scope there's a wider vision for us to take of the evening and that is to include the story of some fellas that we so we were walking around and we were like listen it's Cirque du Soleil day you looking looking for a one? No, I'm looking for ten smackaroos.

Oh, to chuck in the air. You want to top us up? We're taking so much from the Bellagio. The least we can do is give them a little back. The struggling Bellagio casino. It's heaving under the weight of all these people cleaning them out. As far as I can tell, we're the only people who are spending money to be here. How outrageous is it that Trump can make casinos work in this city, bro?

Like, figure it out, cunt. And now he's the fucking boss. It's like, hey you, yeah. Don't worry about the fucking, don't worry about the casino thing. You got yourself a promotion. Can there be a more fabulous example of a white man falling upwards than Donald Trump? He's not white man, he's not white. You're not claiming him as one of ours? He's one of ours, energetically he's one of ours.

You're shirking the responsibility we bear. Energetically he's one of us but that guy is like he's outside the norm. He's outside the shades of destiny. Yes. We lost him all the money straight away. No, no, now we're okay, now we're okay. The wider scope of like yeah we want a little bit of money. Hey guys we're down $20 but we're up $2.69 again which means that we've only lost $17. So we do a really cool part of Las Vegas which was called the um the arts district which turns out is like where you should actually hang if you have to go to Vegas hang out in the arts. No no no no no people go to Las Vegas to be where we don't like No, no, no, no, no.

People go to Las Vegas to be where we don't like. If you have to live in Vegas. Hold on, people go to Vegas to be. Where we didn't like, don't like. If you go to Vegas, go to the Bellagia. Oh right, go to the strip, do the tourist stuff. I mean, I think if you moved to Vegas, you'd go to the Arts District. Well, here's the thing, maybe you're us.

We had a great time at the Arts District. Dude, I literally am us. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't be more us. So I'm saying, if you're kinda like us, and you find yourself in Vegas, and you're like, something isn't singing to me about this relentless sort of casino experience Yeah Go to the Arts District

We went to some beautiful breweries and what we were actually doing was just I am always doing when I leave the country is hunting for a legal drug And we passed a... oh that guy's done well That's cool, that's hot, but it's just pulled off I reckon that'll be a lot of money. Hopefully Seems like good fella Wish him what quietly? What's gonna happen

They're playing for the exciting way to a podcast. They're playing for $10,000. You're playing potential $10,000. They're playing potential $10,000. They've had the feature on the slot machine. They've turned the slot machine into a scratchy. And it is enthralling. It's scintillating. It is absolutely scintillating. I tell you, everyone who lives and works here is making fun of us all the time it's fine and good we deserve to be marked so we meet up with a lovely guy and a van and we walked past and I said if we want

drugs those are our guys there's like five guys in a van yeah you're a little bit gunshot a little bit sheepish I said I'm gonna talk to them What we just been to a dispensary like a Way, oh this trip we went to a dispensary got turned away. It's been about passports passport to buy Drugs it sort of out Vegas. I love that. You've got weed legalized though. There's one here step ahead of us But we couldn't buy anything in the dispensary So we're roaming around like a bunch of teens trying to get beer at the age of 17. That's exactly what it felt like. I just don't like being made to feel like that.

Yeah. Anyway, I'll tell you where you've got to go. If ever you're by yourself anywhere really, just approach the guy with dreadlocks in a van. Always. Lovely man. Simple game when played correctly. I'm trying to think if I should say his name or not probably not I won't you can say his name Prophet

Prophet it's not his real name believe it or not spelled with a PH fire eye we don't know yeah to be fair I literally asked him oh did you yeah so my name is Prophet and I said how do you spell it and he told me nice yo they got another feature dog I want of those. I want that for us baby. I want a vegea. And this lovely man sold us some mushrooms but then we took some before we went to Sir and I don't know we're thinking maybe not good. Maybe not enough. Oh we're thinking we're out of money too. We can chill for a hot second though. Yeah we can. Do a podcast.

And then we went to Cirque, we almost fell asleep in the show several times. You know, so my problem with Cirque du Soleil was not, you know, I was whelmed throughout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't shift out of whatever gear I wanted it to. Yeah. But then the real, I think the thing that I could latch onto and be like, this is bad, was there is a comedic through line,

which featured a guy dressed as like your traditional clown. Yes. And he'd come out and he'd do like, he would go to pick something up and it would be too heavy for him. And'd go ayayay and then you know it didn't build it didn't change it was just like there was no subversion on the punchline it just was a guy walking around being average at like really uninteresting stuff going ayayay and do you know the most remarkable thing because we're plebs

everyone else the audience is plebs. Aye aye aye. I don't know what's changed since that show opened. I don't know if it was ever crushing but I could not trick the plebs. That is a really good point. Literally all the plebs were like are you fucking serious bro? Can we make a battery so powerful it can run the next generation of renewable Serious what? Can we make a battery so powerful it can run the next generation of renewable energy? At the University of British Columbia, we believe that we can. Dr. Jian Liu and his team are developing safer, more powerful batteries for electric cars, solar panels and more. Building a Western Canadian supply chain to bring them to the world.

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CBC News. CBC News It's one thing that Tim and Guy did not do, the Cirque du Soleil show, the entire audience was chipped the fuck out. Like up to a thousand people were like really? And then, and the other thing that tells, like you know some of the physical stuff, the stage, the setting, unbelievable. The sound system, incredible. Live band. Added the technical elements of the show. The lighting, amazing. What I love about Vegas, bro, legit, all of the music, all the shows, it's live music. It's not a record. It's like all of them. There's a lot of artists being employed to create this work. And probably not for nothing because Prophet did tell us this is a union town, baby. 100%. But, the...

We sat down and we had a beer with Proffitt. Well, yeah, yeah. But the issue is, of course we had a beer with Proffitt. The issue is, when you're... Are you fucking out of your mind? Are you crazy? Yeah, how many times do you meet a person like Proffitt? How many times in your life do you get to meet a guy like Proffitt?

Honestly, surprisingly often. As often as you talk to the guy with dreadlocks in the van. Surprisingly. When we walked out of the show, oh... I've walked out of shows that were electric, I've walked out of shows that were bad. Both of them had more energy than the experience of walking out of that show, which was just like...

Yeah. You know, and it's like... And it's sort of... it's a family show. There are people with kids there, and it's like, and it's sort of, it's a family show. There are people with kids there and it's like, you know, that's whatever. I just think- If you were a kid seeing that, and you weren't impressed, you're honestly so jaded and like Sony's got nothing to offer you. Kids must be jaded.

Yeah. I think I, but yeah, no, you're right. When I first saw the circus show, I was like enthralled because I thought everyone was in mortal danger But as well maybe that was a child's perspective because yeah You look at the show as it was we know all the tricks of the trade Were you a seven-year-old walking into that you go everyone is moments away from death. I guess so The long and short of it is honestly walking into that you go everyone is moments away from death I guess so the

long and short of it is honestly five stars I mean sorry five out of ten yeah star show for the second two and a half star show, blooming brook, superior yeah yeah I told you yesterday that percussion was a cheat code and I stand behind that yeah there's something about drums that just makes everything so much better. You know? What do you think of like... It's so called visible art here. Can I say that? Would Oceans 11 be more interesting now having been in the casinos?

No, less. It was better that everything was like this foreign, like fantasy depiction of everything. It's nice to visit it like you know years and years and years after the movies have come out so there's nothing to shatter particularly. Yeah yeah. I've gotten all my enjoyment out of the fantasy. Can I say another thing as well? Yeah. Yeah. Always. I mean and this goes back to the the slot machine and the blackjack thing and my desire to have like a human face to the someone taking your money yes would it not I just feel like I don't know slot machines have probably been around

as long as casinos right but if it wasn't all this these fucking these big like LED kind of light up screens if it was just genuine crank slot machines would that feel more romantic to you if half of a casino wasn't populated by light? I don't even like this is a question for you by you it's what is what is that what Fubu is? For us By Us You're the one... I thought it was fucked up beyond all... No, that's FUBAR Two different things, my man But would it mean... And what's Fig Jam?

I don't know what Fig Jam is actually But that is an acronym, isn't it? Fig Jam something Those guys are crushing me If it's something... Fuck I'm good Just ask me Is it? That's Fig Jam really yeah yeah

yeah Fig Jam is a good one man is that what it is is just to make that up yeah that's great I don't want to feed 20 into this machine but I don't want to feed 10 have you got money? I got a five but then we don't have tip oh well I think I'm out of ones as well and I love bringing you the listener on this journey with us of being next to someone who has absolutely crushed it in the slot machine. It wasn't our turn tonight but it was someone else's. It was our turn on the blackjack table. Oh yeah that's true actually we've got a lot of chips. No I've got a one and a five but I don't have. Put five in there. Are you allowed to tip with...

Well, but then what are we going to tip with? Are you allowed to tip with chips? Yeah, hard out. Yeah. Oh. A hundred percent. Is that true? Dude, look at these guys. They've gone... They've fucking gone and done it, haven't they?

Amazing. Thanks so much. You're welcome. Appreciate it. Oh, thank you. Thanks, guys. All the best. Alright, here we go. We're gonna try and rep the cab when they're dead. Cheers. Still on the pod.

Alright. Was that for me when you said still on the pod? Yeah, for me as well. Just to remind everyone what we're doing here. What are we doing here? Dude it is so hard tonight. Tell me what we are doing here. It's the same thing, both of us are children and we were like you know what would be a good idea? Leaving our families to go to Vegas because that's where the movie Poor Black Law Bok 2 is set. It was the right thing to do it's a 10 year anniversary. I know it was absolutely the right thing to do but the right thing to do for us it's a funny situation. Do you know what it's the right thing to do, but the right thing to do for us. It's a funny situation. Do you know why? It's the right thing to do for the podcast.

Yeah. Because otherwise, you know, we're just on a video call for 10 years. This isn't a trip for us. This is a trip for all of us. Everybody listening is with us in Vegas. You are gambling at the slot machine right now. You know what they are. You won at Blankjacket. The whole time you have been wrapping your head around what the fuck

you're doing here as well. Yeah. It's uh, Vegas is like a definitionally disorientating place and the answer to the question is what are you doing here? I'm representing the co-host. Can two people be playing simultaneously? If you hit the button I think it just does it. Oh. This is a couple's slot machine, which is so romantic. So you can take over for a bit, baby. You've been pushing the unlucky button. Watch this. I've been doing all the hard work. Time for you to lift a beer. You know what I'm saying? If you want me to lose your money.

What's been your favourite bit of the Vegas trip so far? You getting looked at. Three blue men legit. Us sitting like this and three blue men looking at you. Is the best I've felt all trip. Was it because of that sense of jeopardy once again? Yeah, it's the excitement of... It's like, it's so many things. It's the excitement of live performance, elevated by exhaustion and hallucination, and then elevated further by it's

happening to one of my closest friends who I know is gonna be okay and it's not happening to me. It's watching it's watching you it's watching anyone who I love bomb on stage. I'm like there but for the grace of God you know. And it's that but literally cranked up as high as like you could reasonably hope chance and opportunity would let it be. It's in Vegas and Blooming in their theatre. That's a very unique... What about you?

Um, I've really enjoyed... Let us show us... Do you feel like that should be something? What would it be now? If it's not, it's just them literally creating a digital fucking animation of our money going into their golden pot. Now we're getting into real illegal

tourism, but we're going to see if I can show the listeners at home. And if you're not, you need to subscribe to our sub stack because this trip cost us so much money. Yeah, yeah. You're watching us lose it right now. twiwet.substack.com.

Do you wanna know something? I'm usually proud of how conservative and smart we've been with our spending of gambling money. I wanna lose all of this. I heard you, we just said that the first time. My favorite bit of the trip I think, honestly, listen, I said the other day, I was afraid of earnestness,

so I'm gonna, here's my 2025 resolution, run into it, I'll be earnest. My favorite probably so far was just hanging out in that dive bar with you, day one, just smashing beers, having a great chat. That was super necessary. I mean, and it's been captured on the mic and also in person, but yeah, how weird it all felt.

I just think I was so in this, and you would feel it too as a parent, but I felt it as a partner. I was so in this world where I was like so- This actually bears repentance. The context that we both come out of. Monty has been like looking after a household for someone to come home to

and it be as good as possible while she does the hardest thing and there's director film. That has been I've you know like I don't know this is this is Housewives through history or whatever but I was treating that shit like my full-time job. Yeah it is. So I felt I was doing a great job and it was I was genuinely helping and supporting and so it's like I think the first day I'd remove myself from that and then walk around and be like what? No, no, no, I got it wrong I gotta do the washing Yeah, take me back

You're collecting to a coal under gear I guess now I'm relaxed. It's a funny thing in it because now I'm relaxing Tomorrow by the way, this place isn't just the home to pull up More come to this is the home to wear your friends which I may have found out that Diplo is playing in our casino Tomorrow night, we've got how much is it for a woman to go to the shop? The ticket price is $25 and if you are a male the cost is $55.

How we are your friends is that. I honestly think that's an illegal thing to do in New Zealand. I think it's too pricing by gender. What I'm thinking is, you know, that's, that is our last night and it's, I mean, if this is me relaxing into the trip, like I already know I'm ready to leave on Saturday. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like we can fit in every single component part of this dude I always think holidays are too long, your regular is too long on holidays, I'm like four days. Can I say something as well? yeah our trip is the opposite of what happens in Vegas. I was figuring out how we feel about being in Las Vegas. Good. In real time. Good. Will you ever come back here? No, I honestly hope not. And I've always wanted to come to Vegas like this has been a borderline bucket list location for me. This in St. Louis I gotta say which is... Why St. Louis? No not St. Louis. Marshall Fork? No I'm not thinking St. Louis.

I honestly I just hope that... Wait where's Bourbon Street? Me saying Marshall Fork was for like less than 10 people I hope you got it. Bourbon Street is New Orleans. I'm thinking New Orleans that's where I want to go. I've been in New Orleans. How was it? Amazing. It's happening in New Orleans. See I want to go there. It's happening in New Orleans. Even pre-Katrina I wanted to go to New Orleans. Just for the music, just for the live music. Yeah. I know it's not the same city it was but I still want to go. But anyway, I've always wanted to go there. They've got the same name. I'm here. Dogs, here's Timbatt reporting back. You don't need to, you don't need to get, just like

casinos exist probably where you live. Just go to a casino. Yeah. You don't need to come to here honestly i'm saying that though like what's it it's a good advertisement for it we are here we are enjoying it it's not a good advertisement it's us telling people to not come to the place yeah but you know but like that's unfair right because if i'm watching if i'm watching someone i'm interested in yeah and they're in los it's sensibly enjoying themselves and like but you wouldn't like it don't come here I'd be like the fuck do you know you're there you're like physically sacking beer while playing his slot machine and you were telling me no no no no this isn't for you

it's like fuck you bro! I think the point I'm trying to make is I think maybe it's not. I think the point I'm trying to make is, I think, maybe it's not, but I think the experience we've had is replicable. You don't have to be in Vegas to do it. It is achievable with less effort and money and time. But that being said, we are only achieving it with the amount of effort, money and time it took to get to Vegas. What makes me feel weird here is that at home I like going to the casino until I feel gross about it and then I walk out and I'm in a place that is not a casino. In Las Vegas you walk out and you are confronted by exclusively more casinos. No respite. It's not a good thing. But I'm having a great time, I'm happy to be with you. Yeah same buddy. I think we can put a pin in it here.

We've got away with it. This is beautiful. That's exactly it. The same way that when you when you when you're on the table, you say walk away. Yeah, that's how I feel about this podcast. Walk away now. I I grabbed I grabbed I didn't grab guys.

I'm literally but figuratively. I tried to walk you away when you were even when we have broken even on your hundred dollars and you said, no, no, again and then we doubled I said here's another window let's get it. Before you told me to say goodbye to the previous window. I said I hope you like the look of that window because that was your window to leave but then we doubled our money and another window opened. Yeah and now here we are. And now I'm gonna go open a window and throw all the money we have out of it. Wish us luck everybody.

It's been a real pleasure and a thrill being here in Vegas with you. We feel like we have brought you with us and we appreciate you, thank you. Yeah. And wish us luck I think. Yeah. We'll be the only thing left.

Rest assured all the money you put into the sub stacks going to a good place. And it's a machine called Dancing Drums Explosion with a jackpot of $33,000 American dollars. and they say it takes a village to race one. Anyone knows how powerful urges can be? It's me. Catch Dexter Morgan in a new serial killer origin story. Hunger inside of you. It needs a master.

Featuring Patrick Gibson, Christian Slater, special guest star Sarah Michelle Geller with Patrick Dency and Michael C. Hall as Dexter's inner voice. I wasn't born a killer. I was made. Dexter Originals. The best of the best.

The best of the best. The best of the best. The best of the best. The best of the best. The best of the best. The best of the best. Patrick Gibson, Kristen Slater, special guest star Sarah Michelle Geller, with Patrick Dency and Michael C. Hall as Dexter's inner voice. I wasn't born a killer, I was made. Dexter Original Sin, new series streaming December 13th, exclusively on Paramount Plus, a mountain of entertainment.