The Worst Idea Of All Time - Good Times: 21
Episode Date: January 18, 2025Tim has survived a brush with airport security on the way back from Welly, and is here to debate the merits of small talk with Guy, which really flies in the face of small talk as a concept. The fella...s keep circling back to a very versatile Word of the Day before hoisting their Davy lamps aloft and venturing further down the P-Schwartz rabbit hole.Get episodes early and in video on our Substack! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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oh my goodness it is so hot Guy Montgomery Tim. It's an old school feeling affair tonight because
we are recording very late at night which we got very accustomed to in
seasons gone by of the worst idea of all time and in New Zealand right now it's
the middle of summer and it is it's got to be one of the hottest nights I think
we've had for ages. I don't disagree Tim.
We are doing this remotely which is why it sounds extra fluid and like we're in the same
room.
I'm in the sort of the office space.
I've got the window open so the neighbors, they respect me.
They don't know that I podcast. That is
all about to change. Hold on, are those two things intimately connected? I like to think so. They respect me. Stop. They don't know I podcast.
Therefore, one would infer if they knew you did, they wouldn't.
That's right. And so by having this window open, just to maintain a more manageable temperature in the room,
I'm letting the cat out of the bag.
I know the distance between where I'm recording and their bedroom is...
Scant?
They're probably drifting off about now.
My half of the conversation is just wafting through.
If anything, it's a cunning marketing ploy
It's a an activation is the word that some marketing guru would use
whereby I mean who wouldn't want to know who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about
This is how this is how good we are at podcast marketing. This is how we approach it
Talk loudly so that your neighbor can hear one half of one episode
Perhaps at night time honestly you set the world on fire. It's reality. It's a simple game when played correctly
So no it is we are we we're both you know what it's like in life sometimes
Sometimes everything's in front of you and it's just smooth sailing. It's open runway
Sometimes you're squeezing bits and bobs into spaces where they hardly fit.
Uh, and I would describe, uh, our current connection is the letter.
We've been messaging.
Why we actually managed to get some family time in recently, not in the podcast
form, but as in our family spent time together in a pool and your
quite briefly, quite briefly quite briefly
Yeah, it's also compromised with young kids as well. It was like moments before you stepped in the door
Remy accidentally
Dropped and shattered a glass. So as you were coming in I was picking up shards of glass off the kitchen
Yeah, and this it's shit like that man it's just
constantly stuffs going on you know I would say would you say you've enhanced
the quality of your life but you've compromised your freedom within it for
the foreseeable we're not just talking about the years that the the boys have
been alive but we're talking about...
I mean, when are they out the door you reckon? When do you get it all back?
Seventeen, day of. Seventeenth birthday, you're on your way.
Wow, not even hanging around for eighteen.
I'm going old school on it, yeah.
I like that.
They can learn a trade from fifteen, and I hope they're done in two years.
What? Okay, I put this to you, and it's not to spook anyone, and it's in earnest.
What's left? I often look at young people, I think...
Right. Prompt engineer.
It's the only remaining trade in 13 years from now.
It's incredible. So to be a prompt engineer, you're the best at plugging in the request to AI
to get the specific thing that people are looking for. There is still a creative element to that.
It's beautiful, isn't it? That's what AI engineers, you know, they are, you talk about artisanal,
these guys are artisanal prompt engineers. It's an incredible world we're living in. It's um, it's not going well really anywhere, but
you still get out of bed, don't you? Because you have set up a
financial obligation to yourself.
This is a grim perspective on life, Monty. Oh my god, The only reason you're getting out of bed is to get those mortgage payments to the bank.
I look, come on man.
That's the same reason I use pay wave.
A lot of people in the world don't know this.
In New Zealand, if you go to Australia, pay wave is absorbed.
The cost of using pay wave is absorbed into every transaction,
I assume, predominantly by the business. I don't know what the relationship is. In New Zealand,
the businesses said enough. We cannot afford to keep swallowing these pay wave costs. So
the surcharge gets deferred onto the customer. It's like 0.2%.
costs so the surcharge gets deferred onto the customer it's like 0.2% No it's way higher than that it's like one and a half to two and a half
percent depending on where you go it's like a surprisingly high amount
So every time I'm buying something in New Zealand I don't know if
this is true everywhere but in New Zealand I always like, it's not enough that I solely
earn money to give it to the bank. I want my discretionary spending to also let the
bank know that I'm thinking of them. So I will never insert my card. I will always pay
the extra service. And this is why I say this. In the same way, when I used to work in service
and I used to have my lines, as we've been discussing the podcast, saying, how are you
going? That's really been worried sick about you.
When I pay it and I just tap my card and swallow whatever the surcharges,
I say to the server, I say, why should we have all the fun?
Hey, let's get the bank involved.
And largely they don't care for it.
I can imagine. I can imagine.
I can imagine.
But it is a topic of conversation whereby you can't, sometimes you get someone and then they'll just go off on one.
They'll go, if you ever, if you ever dine to put your card in, and the extra three to four seconds of conversational time you're buying with the person who's selling you something.
You can say,
you know, little,
your little quips,
your little guy Montgomery isms that you throw at service staff are such a
dangerous instrument of conversation because you,
you bait the hook with a something like,
why should we have all the fun?
Let's get the bank involved.
Now, again, quite recently in an episode,
I got lost in percentages and carving up ratios
of a spectrum of people,
but I'm gonna have another crack at it.
I would say 70% of people who you throw that at
are gonna hate it on some level.
They'll either not quite understand what's going on or fully get it and be like,
I, I don't want to be here.
And I definitely don't want to be doing anything extra to what is the core components of this transaction.
Um, me giving you your food.
You can I say, can I say, and you know, at the risk of sounding like a monster,
that is the attitude that will see them replaced by robots.
So then, so now we're left with 30% of people. I would say 20% of people,
when you throw that at them,
of people when you throw that at them,
if they respond positively, that's the remaining 30%, but within that 30%, let's go half and half,
let's say 15, 15, 15% of those people
are gonna be intelligent, humorous,
people who appreciate a bit of banter, the witticisms,
a little bit of change in their day where someone's throwing them a delightful little
conversational curveball to open up as Guy would say a conversational avenue
That you can both spend a little time in
However, you're also baiting the hook for the most insane people
You'll get you're opening the door for them to just go off.
And I feel like, to my detriment, I definitely overcorrect for these people, but I am like
going through life predominantly head down, saying as few words as possible to as many
people as possible to avoid these human landmines. Because to be to open the door to these psychos and be trapped in a
conversational cul-de-sac with them is a terrifying prospect to me.
Ah, it's, it's interesting, isn't it?
Because yeah, so basically just to-
I mean, let me ask you guy, you're throwing these out there.
Do you ever regret being Guy Montgomery to every server you've made or every person behind the till?
I mean, I know I've said this before, but the one that really sticks out at me is during COVID,
when we were allowed to go back to the cafes and I went to the Heron Turtle,
and the woman behind the till said, how are you going?
And I just like like was way too
emotionally vulnerable and I was like actually I'm finding it really hard at
the moment and fuck man the poor bastard just panicking the eyes like what have I
what button have I pushed that has made this human malfunction and just gave me
a free donut and sent me on my way I
That's you being too...
I just want before we get into what you've said, because I understand the approach and
I can see the value and having the blinders on or the blinkers on and saying I cannot
risk opening the portal to engagement with some of these loons. You're telling me that when I'm putting out this, you know, when I'm, you know,
using the self published banter to try and create moments of joy, I guess, I, if
I'm being honest with myself, most of it's for me, I like to think I might be
improving someone's day, but ultimately if we're being truthful, a lot of it's
for me, you're saying 15% of people are enjoying that for the way I'm intending for what it is.
You're saying 70% of people to different degrees, fuck off.
And I'm saying those people deserve to be replaced by robots.
Whereas the humanity, and then you're telling me there's a leftover 15% of people who are eyes light up at the prospect of
I
suppose not swapping but engaging in
conspiratorial ramblings or just being able to
Empty their conversational clip on specific topics. They've had excess time to think about well now
I'm confused is that is that is that group you're talking about are they the human landmines or they just people who are happy to?
Do the human landmines. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
So there's I'm getting a 15% success rate on people engaging with this how I want
But you're flirting with a 15% who are gonna ruin your day by you opening the door here
I don't I don't know.
In my mind, like hell, there's an expiry on all these conversations.
The reason that you're more inclined to be able to take a risk is because you're in an
environment where the conversation has a natural end point or like if there's someone behind
you, it can only go so long.
It is tough.
I will say this and I've been in this one. It is tough when the service worker doesn't care if there are people behind
you. They just have to keep talking about something and then you're in a position where
15 in a hundred. You're more self-conscious about the fact you're holding up the line
than they are. And it's, you know, it's their line. I have been in that situation. I think it's worth rolling those dice.
I mean, Tim, I look at you often, I think.
You're a guy who's willing, you take everyone with an open mind and an open heart, I think.
I suppose part of that is that you've protected yourself and your resources from a lot.
When I see you out in the world, interacting with the world,
I think here's a guy who will talk to anyone about anything and let them have
a chance to say what they think and often you'll disagree or you might not
think they're on to it but you'll be like, yeah man, say your piece. Do you
think that's true of you? I hope so. It's a kind thing to say and I hope it's true
and I'd now like to move us on to our word of the day, which is a new tradition
here on the worst idea of all time while we do this.
Whatever good times is.
What is good times? Is this a season of the podcast?
It feels like it is now. We've been doing it for a hot minute.
It's honestly, it's it's just about having a good time.
It's about leaving better than when you came in. That's what Good Times is about.
Our sponsor RandomWearGenerator.com. I played by the rules there Monty, and I went on the website
and I went, you just gotta take your beans. your beans whatever it gives you you go first roll, right?
That's how we play this and
The word it gave me was produce. Oh
Wow, I
Pronounce it produce
True, it's amazing. Isn't it's another example of the English language
creating a trap
You know, you can produce produce It's another example of the English language creating a trap.
You know, you can produce produce.
That's something you can do.
If you are a farmer, you can produce produce and.
You know, try explaining that to someone who's learning English as a second language.
Produce is a bizarre word.
It's American, I think. Is it? Yeah. Why is it? Oh yeah. Produce is a bizarre word. It's American I think. Use the nanticontact. Is it?
Yeah. Why is it? Oh yeah they got the freshest Pride juice. Like produce by traditional standards is what you do to podcasts, it's what you do to live comedy shows. It's what- Yeah it was very
triggering to me that random weird generator gave me that. I was like I'm trying to have a good time here and you're dragging work into this. It's why I line
magicians do to audiences or like, you know, they produce the acro trick and
They produce a rabbit from a hat. That's right. And in turn
sometimes
Audiences or people who are familiar with magicians will produce
Criminal charges against the magicians, you know more often than more often than you'd think well as often as it should
be it depends how often do you think magicians are up to no good speaking of
criminal charges can I tell you a story of something that happened to me
recently always I went down to Wellington last week just for a day I got
the red eye there and then I got the last available flight back and
I bought acid in Wellington and I was like, I'll just fly with this. It's fine
So I put it in my sock and I waltzed through the airport and I'd had a pretty big day
So it's pretty rinsed by the end of the day
And I'd had a pretty big day, so I was pretty rinsed by the end of the day.
It was quite frazzled, quite tired, because, you know, I had to leave here in Auckland. I had to get up at like five and then just get into an Uber.
I'm nervous about the setup for this story.
So I'm at the airport and I was flying back Jetstar.
And for those not in New Zealand, it is we've got two airlines.
One of them is good and one of them is terrible.
And Jetstar is a terrible one but it is so much cheaper often and in
this case it was so this what I was flying back with and I get to the
airport on time which is great I look at the security line it's not so big which
is great I walked through, up to security,
the woman who is scanning everything locks eyes with me.
I've never experienced this before at an airport, fucking ever.
Like, stares at my eyes.
And the only thing that was going through my head is,
there's no way she could know anything
about me having several taps of acid in my sock.
It's impossible.
Which you're wearing?
I'm wearing, it's on me.
The little bag is touching my ankle.
So it's in the actual sock?
It's in the sock I am wearing.
The bag and your foot are in communicato?
Yes.
Or in communication.
Not in communicato, which means not in communication.
Is that what that means?
I thought in communicato meant in communication.
Does it mean the opposite?
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Getting dressed should be simple. If you're like me, you want to look good, feel comfortable,
and be ready for anything. That's why I love Dürer. It's not active wear, but it's not
just fashion. It's the best of both worlds, where performance meets style. I wear my Dürer
pants to work, out with friends, on hiking trails, and everywhere in between. If you haven't tried Dewar, you've got to feel the difference for yourself.
Head to Dewar.ca slash comfort and get 20% off your first purchase today.
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the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has
changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know.
Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca.
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If you are... Yeah, in communicato is not able, wanting or allowed to communicate with other people. That makes sense. In is a prefix that
generally means nah. But in communication of course, means the opposite. Anyway, continue.
So she's staring at me. I'm thinking, there's no way.
She's just in a bad mood or something.
So I walk through and everything's fine.
And I get through the metal detector
and everything's all good.
And I'm like, phew.
And so I sit down, put my earbuds in,
bury myself in a YouTube video or something,
plonk myself in the seat waiting for this flight.
And then, I can see sort of in my peripheral
that someone's walking towards me,
and I kind of look up a little bit without looking up,
and it's the security guard person
He's just locked eyes with me. I'm like no way that's for me and
She walks and she keeps walking in my direction. I'm like no way baby
No way, and she then is standing over me and is looking at me
So I pop an earphone out and she says
Did you forget anything and I said no
she said are you sure and I said yes and then she said what about this and holds
up a bag because I bought some records that day and forgot and left it in the
line I said that is my bag and she handed it to me and then walked back to the security gate
It was a very scary eight seconds for Timbo at the airport
It's amazing isn't it? What do we think these people are capable of like how would how would she how would anyone even know or care?
That you have acid that's what I'm banking on but like it was just such a I've never
had someone steer at me in the security line at the airport before like that's
were you were you in any form of altered state at the time yeah but you know that
would have you more probably fine well evidently yes, and no like yes fine. You got through it's all okay
No, you left the records by cuz you were so paranoid that a security guard was probably been standing there for five out
This is honestly. This is one of the windows of this is one of guy Montgomery's windows of opportunity
for
small talk.
No.
No way, man.
The situation that you and I were in recent.
Here's what you say.
Go on.
Stop any bad guys today.
That's what you say.
That's pretty good.
And they'll, they'll say no, because honestly, I don't think they ever have they make you take off canvas converse high tops
Yeah
Yeah, I was every time I walk through with
Converse on they make me pull my pants up so they can see that they're low tops and it feels honestly honestly in my head, I'm like, this is more of a fashion judgment
than a safety precaution.
Every time, like if you're wearing high tops,
they're like, I do not respect that.
I thought that you and I were in the situation,
but it was actually with another friend recently
at the end of last year, down the South Island.
And I think you might've heard me tell this story,
maybe at Muckaround, because it had just happened that day. But this is really, you know, colouring a picture of Timbo,
which I think is unfair. But I was also high on acid that day. And we were at an Airbnb
in Canterbury at a place called Goat Paradise. Have I talked about this on the podcast?
Nope.
paradise. Have I talked about this on the podcast? Nope. Um,
being a friend, uh, we wanted to hang out, um,
as we want to do it at least once or twice a year. Um,
and we were sort of running out of dates on the calendar. Can I just say, yeah,
when you were young, I know who you're talking about. Yeah. You know,
in your pump, how much time were you spending with the person in a year if you could put a number on it?
Have like a bird of days in the year. How many days would you see this person?
Oh a lot well depending on the time we live together for a couple different flats. So depending on the the e-park
300 era
Yeah, could yeah could have been.
It's incredible the way friendships evolve and work.
You have accrued so much time.
Obviously you'd love to see them all,
but now you're like, you know, this is a good friend.
I'd like to see once or twice a year.
Oh, probably like realistically at the moment,
probably four-ish times a year.
So we're trying to get some time on the calendar and we're like,
okay, what about just the middle of next week?
And he's like, sweet ass.
So we just booked some flights to Christchurch.
We got no plan.
We're just like, we'll just go to Christchurch to see what happens.
So we booked some flights to Christchurch and then we go on Airbnb and see
what is available in terms of lodgings and there is
One place in Canterbury that is the the cheapest on Airbnb and it's a place called goat paradise
and so we booked it and
then Jetstar fucked me
by delaying a flight by
12 hours a domestic New Zealand flight, so I lost a whole day.
It's got to be criminal to do that, that's so bad.
So I was supposed to arrive in the morning, arrived very late in the evening,
and we drove in and it really was goat paradise. It's a little shack that a guy's built on his
goat farm and you're just hanging out with all the goats. And we got very high on acid and then the guy who's a goat farmer,
it is came up to us on his quad bike and start engaging in conversation.
And we had to very delicately walk the line of being friendly and cordial
with the man who's putting us up.
Um, but exiting the conversation as early as practical because you'll sort of have some
experience of this guy trying to maintain a conversation with a sober person, you know,
when you are part of a party that is on one, it's a bridge too far. It's very difficult and it's very
fraught. And the other challenge of course is the the amount of
Analysis your brain is able to run on the situation
Makes it virtually impossible. I don't I mean it's different now, but I remember the first time I had to walk on camera
and it's
It sounds so easy, doesn't it?
But I just, I've never found walking harder.
And it's the same with, as soon as you start thinking
about something that you take for granted,
like your ability to walk or navigate conversation,
you know, it's an interesting, the theme of this episode
brought to you by the word produce is,
is how do you produce, you know, the right level of
communication or conversation with different people in different situations?
Um, how did you go with this guy, by the way?
It was touching go because it was a beautiful, like cloudless hot day in
November in Canterbury.
It was, it was Smoker, was it?
Was it knockoff time?
Yeah, he was between jobs.
It was sort of late afternoon.
Did he have any bears?
Did he have a tray of bears on the quad bike?
That would be the danger zone.
No, this is the problem.
We were surrounded by bears.
Like it was visibly too many bears for two men to polish off
by the time we were leaving, which was in the morning.
So it was a very inviting situation for a man who lives on a farm, you know, in Oxford, Canterbury
to be a part of. So we, yeah, we kept it friendly, we kept it cordial, but crucially,
we kept it pretty tight. Yeah. Well, this is incredible, isn't it? How this all works.
You've done it. You've done both what you described, which is
keeping your head down. And you've done what I described,
which is you having an open mind and a willingness to engage with
anyone. You've open mindmindedly engaged with this person
while also servicing your own needs.
You've put up a boundary,
and you've put it up publicly and clearly enough
that someone else has abided it.
You're navigating life beautifully, Tim.
Thanks, Guy.
What gets you out of bed in the morning?
At the moment, Remy going dad
Yeah, dad
Do you think if you didn't have kids it would be hard if you to get out of bed
I think it'd be easy to do but later
Mmm, you know that's like that you get later in the morning. It's worth more isn't it?
45 minutes at around 6 a.m.
There's a big difference between six and 6.45.
Big difference.
Yeah, it's 45 minutes.
Huge.
It's a multiple of 15.
Now, Mont, I have found an article.
I was Google News searching Patrick Schwarzenegger,
and you're getting this in real time there is an outlet called La Eficial and it is interviewing Patrick
Schwarzenegger about his modeling career, fashion, professional projects. Would you
like me to just sort of skim around and look for some keywords?
Pre-read this does it look prestigious?
It does it looks like proper journalism. I think I saw him posting this on his insta a while ago
Is it like it's from the Philippines? Yeah, it's a Filipino outlet
But it's like it looks like a glossy magazines like glossy men's mega glossy men's fashion magazine style kind of interview
That's right. And I think it's centered around Tommy Hilfiger
For some reason I think maybe he's I don't know he's doing ish
What is your first memory of Tommy Hilfiger is like the opening question here?
So I first heard about Tommy Hilfiger in a Patrick Schwarzenegger interview in this very magazine
Okay, this is good. What I'm going to do is give the questions that they gave to Patrick
Schwarzenegger to my friend Guy Montgomery. What values do you share with the brand?
Tommy's all about living that sort of smart, casual, all-Americanican life and that's something I try to exude I try to
stay close with my family but also have some good clean fun and guy how does it
feel to be the new face of the Tommy Hilfiger campaign it's a shock it's That's actually pretty close to what he said too.
Next question.
Do you have a favorite piece from the collection?
There's a pair of cargo shorts are coming back and there's a pair with lots of pockets
in them which is great because it helps me stock all the different flavors of my mosh
bars I carry around for energy and
to encourage positive brain function.
And?
Fight Alzheimer's.
Thank you.
Tell us about your experience with your fiancé.
You know, it's nice.
I used to go out with Miley Cyrus when I first met the boys.
But times change.
Do you want to share more professional experiences with her in the future?
Uh... yes?
How would you describe your relationship...
...with fashion? Oh wow, you know I put some thought into how I
dress but you know I don't need to get in the way of enjoying my day. I dress for
comfort first, style second. I think there's nothing more stylish than being comfortable.
Three words to describe your style?
Big, strong arms.
What is your essential fashion piece?
I always have a mosh bar wrapper in my pocket
so I can reel off the nutrients on demand.
Can you tell us more about your plans for 2025?
I'm going to change the world.
Great interview. Put that on La Oficial, I reckon.
I got to say, I thought it was going to be more, um,
sprawling and conversational and less
same less prescriptive but mmm you know it's just this was emailed some
interviews you do in person some you do on the phone this reads to me like
someone emailed some questions and I don't even know if he wrote this this
could have been a PR representative working on his behalf, sending these back.
Patty, you gotta write your own interview.
If you're listening, you gotta write your own interviews.
Like this is his answer for
can you tell us more about your plans for 2025.
I have the White Lotus series coming out in 2025
in February on HBO.
It will be an eight part mini series
and I'm very excited about it.
It's what I worked on for seven months in Thailand and I can't wait for it to finally come out. I
Agree with the sentiment. I think there's a more interesting way of presenting that
great well
It's a shame really to end it with a critique of a Patrick Schwarzenegger interview, but it's time
It's time for me to floss.
Yeah, you need to go to bed.
To do my skincare. I've really started the year with a hiss and a roar with respect to
personal hygiene. Do you know what I said to myself last night when I was really tired
and I didn't want to floss?
Go on. Last night when I was really tired and I didn't want to floss go on I looked at myself in the mirror and I I sort of beard my teeth myself out there and I said
No days off
It's just a different place inside that here doesn't it Monte
I'm hanging on this yeah, man just to end dogs. I don't want to end on the Patty Schwarzenegger note
What I would like to end on is a lot of people have for the last few months
Been sending us information about the new Emanuel movie that came out last year
Do you know any information about this?
Guy I can't retain any of it. None of it's in my head right now. I'm
just on the wiki it looks like it was released in September in France and it
had a budget of 18 million euro and Naomi Watts is in it and it's got 18%
from 17 critics reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, average rating 5.1 out of 10.
You hate to see any reboot drag a strong franchise through the mud like that.
You just want them to get it right.
Obviously missing a key ingredient because I doubt they had the wherewithal in 2024 to
include the world's greatest listener George Lazenby in their version and vision for what
Emmanuel is. And that shows in their review scores, I think. So back to the drawing board
on that one, folks, try again.
Yeah. Tim, honestly, it's been a pleasure I love
catching up with my friends with or without microphones and I'm sending just
so many good wishes to you and yours and it's it's all love for me. Well I hate
you but I love the listener. You are a piece of shit but the listener rules.
You're and you are entitled to say that and you can treat me like a little piece of dirt in your shoe because guess what?
You can't get all the dirt out of your shoes. You can put them in the washing machine
There's still gonna be some dirt around you can look at your shoes. Guess what? There's dirt on them and that's me
I'm the dirt in your shoe. You can't get rid of me bitch. Now fuck off
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