The Worst Idea Of All Time - GT33: Gardening w/ Donna Brookbanks

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

Our fantastic funny friend, Donna Brookbanks joins us on the blower for a sensational conversation about raw-dog gardening. Guy shares an absolutely terrifying story about a school of sharks and we are delighted to once again be sponsored by RandomWordGenerator.com.Check out Donna’s show in the NZ Int. Comedy Festival Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. How did the internet go from this? You could actually find what you were looking for right away, bowing to this. I feel like I'm in hell. Spoiler alert, it was not an accident. I'm Cory Doctorow, host of Who Broke the Internet from CBC's Understood. In this four-part series, I'm going to tell you why the internet sucks now, whose fault it is, and my plan to fix it. Find Who Broke the Internet on whatever terrible app you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com. It's a good thing I'm... It's a good thing I got this morning coffee, otherwise you wouldn't even be allowed to friggin talk to me. That's so funny, bro. Fuck that's funny. Appreciate you, bud. Holy shit, you're on fire today, Guy Montgomery.

Can't a man make... Fucking hell, hold on for a second, I'm not done. What you just said about the coffee, and not talking to you until you've had it, that wasted me. You remember in like Grand Theft Auto when a car just runs you down and the screen goes into black and white and it goes in slow motion because it says wasted across the screen in red? You just did the comedy equivalent of that to me with that coffee gag. It's

floored me. It's absolutely floored me. Hello and welcome along to Good Times with Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery. Good Times, question mark. How are you, Guy? Believe it or not, it's nice to see you. I've been on a real hot streak with jokes lately. And I'm so sorry to see the end of the streak. What are you talking about? You were just blowing my trumpet louder than I even could, supporting my great material. I've been trying to write some original ideas about coffee.

Oh yeah? And it feels like I've just landed on one that's going to go big. That one you were just road testing with me now. Yeah. Very cool, man. Thank you. Very fricking cool. Appreciate you. Appreciate you. Headlines. For me. Thanks for asking. Look, it's just got a new rug at our place.

A new rug. Got a new rug. OK. Tell me about it. Big plush, chartreuse coloured? Oh. You wanna see a photo? Dude, no, first I wanna try and guess what chartreuse is.

Is it like equimarene? Is it in the zone of blue? No. What is it? It's a sort of hard to describe. It a sort of brown. Browny greeny. Dang, because the next queue I was going to visit in Colour Town was like pink. Chartreuse phonically sounds familiar. It's a photo so it's not necessarily an accurate representation. Yeah, got it. I know how fucking cameras work dude.

Oh that is hard to tell. It's almost like a beige is what's coming to my mind but it's like an orangey beige. Orangey beige. That's not that either anyway. Hey how's the rug going bro? The rug is setting tongues wagging. Does it feel real nice on your feet? Is it plush? To sit on the rug is to sit on a cushion.

Oh it's so good. It's honestly revolutionized the lounge. feet? Is it plush? To sit on the rug is to sit on a cushion. Oh, it's so good. It's honestly revolutionized the lounge. Does Fig love the rug? Fig loves the rug. Yeah. Fig, and I'll tell you something else about Fig. Yeah. Tomorrow morning, him and me, we're going on a car trip. Thank God that's where the story's going. Wait, to where? The dentist. Oh, good. Sweet as. The cat dentist, otherwise known as the vet. So there you go, human doctors. Turns out it is just one job. I'm going to put that guy under anesthetic. He's going to get one of his teeth taken out. So tonight 10pm, no food, no outdoors. Tomorrow morning, no

water. Put him in the cat travel, got him a nice soft sort of travel box. Yeah. Take him to the vet. Fantastic vet. Changed vets recently. I've taken ownership of the health and happiness of Fig. Right. It was a split responsibility. Yeah.

And I felt like he was sort of not slipping through the cracks between us, but I thought this guy needs some TLC. It can be absolutely no one's fault, but in an oft experienced thing, when you've got more than one person responsible for something, it can kind of go by the wayside because no one's got full ownership. So it is a good idea to put it in someone's list. I've assumed I've assumed chieftainship. Guy Montgomery, Cat Dad. Yeah. That's your next year show.

Cat Daddy. It's all about Fig. 60 minutes of jokes about this beautiful feline and your new rug. Gonna get this guy put under. Gonna get that tooth taken out of there. Gonna get this guy woken up. Gonna take him home. Gonna give him a fancy dinner.

Gonna spend the night on the couch with him. Nice. Snuggling, rubbing, watching, laughing. What is he like? Is he a Netflix guy? Has he watched the latest season of White Lotus? Not with me. Oh, okay.

Maybe he watched it himself. Never seen him put pause on the remote. He watches a bit of Rugby League. Good on him. Who's his support? The Warriors. Same as anyone else. Okay, same as anyone fucking else But he'll watch games with they're not playing because I'll watch games with they're not playing. I think so much for joining us on on no worries Bro, it's good to be here. Hey Tim throw it over. Yep. What the fuck is going on with you?

Well, I'm looking up our word of the day courtesy of our sponsor, random word generator.com. Nice one, Detective Dipshit. I hope the word is moron and it's a fucking underneath a mirror. It's actually... That one did get me. Wait, you're saying the coffee one didn't get you? It's actually... You were being facetious? It's apropos of what you were just speaking about. God, spell facetious? It's apropos of what you were just speaking about. God, spell facetious.

Absolutely not. You've seen up close in 4k how terrible I am at spelling. You know how bad I am at spelling. You specifically made an entire show around spelling because of how bad I personally am at it. That's right. To exclude me, which I find very funny in terms of a professional maneuver. You're included. Now, the word of the day is drill.

Like a dentist. Dentist drill. I went to, I've got a dentist now. How's that working out for you? Didn't have one for a long time. When I went to the dentist, they said, when's the last time you went to the dentist? I said, I couldn't tell you. And they said, look, your teeth are in great nick. We're going to give you a very thorough clean. I said right now, and they said, we couldn't get to it right now.

Oh, ouch. I went back. Had the mouth open for 45 hours. Whoa. Nine minutes. Marathon dentists. And I learned like, I like it when they have the machines that make noise and the whizzing and the whirring and the air and stuff, because that sort of masks the specificity of what's happening. Yeah.

You know, if there's noise. Did you have any local anesthetic? I had nothing. Cause they're just doing a clean. They're, they're just like, I've only had it once. I think it's bad. Getting in there. It was like a pick effectively.

I think some of it's with a pick. Yeah. Do you floss? Yeah, I wasn't. How often? Uh, nightly. Every day? Yeah.

Good for you. Actually, I, in fact, I remember talking about that earlier this year on the podcast. I talked about a night when I wasn't going to floss. Forgive me for forgetting. And I looked in the mirror and I said, no days off. Legend. Yeah. I'm like that with brushing my teeth, but not flossing.

I haven't been to the dentist in an awful long time. Try to get there with flossing. Yeah, neither had I. I actually really want to, I've probably missed the boat on this a little bit. Expensive is the thing. I want to get braces. I want to get there with flossing. Yeah. I, I neither had I. I actually really want to, um, I've probably missed the boat on this. I want to get braces. I want to get, I want to get this guy. Yeah. Yeah.

I was talking about that before. That's very sweet. Thank you. There's one guy who is, he's popping out. He's trying to escape the mouth. It's getting out of there. Is he still, is he like, he's still trying, he's still on his way. No, no, no.

Everything's static now. I've done all my mouth growth. Yeah. And a metaphysical sense. Yes. My mouth has been to the psychologist as much as it needs to and it's done all its growth. But still, it's just money and time isn't it? It's mainly money. You know what was crazy? This line's a bit.

As when Shakespeare wrote the line get thee to a nunnery. She's like a fancy way of saying she's she gets around. It's just crazy writing. Really good. Really funny. Get thee to a nunnery. Now we've got a guest on this episode and I'm so sorry. And you're talking to him. Hey, everyone, it's me, Glenn.

What is this? Bonus of the heart? No, it's me, Glenn. What is this, bonus of the heart? No, it's me, Glenn. Glenn, I'm so sorry, but you've got to go because we've got to make some time for our other... Oh, double booking? No worries, I totally understand. See you later.

Huge reposode. See you, Glenn. It's probably for the best. Quite an intense voice. Fortunately, we don't have a tremendous amount of time for this episode. So I want to get to our guests as early as possible. I hope that's OK with you guys. And I hope that was OK with Glen. Yeah, it was fine by me.

He's back and I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Donna. Yo. Right energy. What's up? How are you? Good, how are you? Yeah, so good. Hey, what are you doing?

Do you like talking on the phone? I'm not a massive fan. Tbh. Yeah, me too. But once I'm doing it, it's fine. Why don't you, is it conceptually, does it strike fear into your heart? Why don't you like it? I think I only don't like it if it's someone I don't know.

Like if it's an unknown number, then I'm like, oh hell no. Am I on your caller ID? Because I figured out after I asked you for your number, I've had you on my phone for years. Oh, well you're not. So I haven't had you on my phone for years. Wow way. Oof, that hurts. Yeah, love hurts. Me? I'm fine. I'm actually totally fine with it.

Tim's body language is getting really meek. He's making himself small. Yeah. He's making himself so small. I'm a little man who doesn't have himself a doll. Hey, Donna, are you indoors or outdoors? Can I ask? I'm outdoors.

Can you tell? No, but I'm curious. Your energy suggests someone who's out in the sun. What are you doing? I, but I'm curious. Your energy suggests someone who's out in the sun. What are you doing? I'm gardening. Of course. Green fingers, brookbanks. Oh, green fingers, McD.

Yeah. What are you doing in the garden right now? I am in a client's garden, and they have all these alstroemerias that they don't want so I'm pulling them out. I don't know what their plant is and I'm so jealous that you know the... Do you know what fatherhood has done for me? Revealed that I don't know the name of a single fucking plant. And I yearn to know... Did your dad know plants?

No. Oh yeah, no. I don't think so. No. It is something that comes to you at a certain age I feel. I don't know if you have to learn it or if the information just lands in your brain. But when you're walking with people over a certain age, they go, that's this. If it was going to happen for me, it would have happened by now. And I actually need to like get a book or something. Or that app. Or you need to start going for walks with Donna and she'll impart the knowledge on you. Would you do that, Donna?

I'm curious. For sure. Just text me, don't call me. Roger that. She'll ignore it because we'll be in a number. Ouch. I'm curious, why Fatherhood has brought that out in you? It's revealed a deficiency, one of many. But there is something about not being able, like I don't know, I would love to be able to be like, that's this plan and that's this flower. Donna, I really respect and I'm intrigued by the line of questioning.

Do you think it's the sort of the awareness of it is because you measure it against your conceptualisation of what a father can or does do or what your father did with what you're doing? I'm not, I guess I'm not measuring it against my dad because if he doesn't know that many plants of memory serves, I don't remember him rattling off the names of all the trees and flowers. Mostly he knows a da reefer. Yeah. Andy Baird famous, famous smoke merchant. Bloody loves his stuff.

If you knew, I mean I wish I knew the botanic name for that because that would be a real cool time to pull it out. Marijuana? Cannabis something, something, something. Yeah, I guess so. No, but I mean, does it make you feel powerful, Donna, that you can just like look at a plant and be like this? Sometimes I second guess myself a bit. Naturally. But I think it's one of those things that you just have to go in with the confidence of knowing it.

Yeah, and more often than not, you'll know more than the person you're talking to. We're drinking coffee at the moment, Dona. That's why we're interrupting you constantly. We're caffeinated up with Jack. Oh, do you know, I almost got a coffee at lunch and then I was like, no, no, broadband, that's too many coffees. That's all right. I would have only been the other reason we're interrupting you a lot is because Tim in

between, like before we turned the mics on, he said he's worried that our podcast is suffering from the woke mind virus. And he was saying, I did say they said it would be a good idea if we could call Donna and interrupt her constantly. Yeah. Show everyone how a podcast is supposed to work. Take that, Wogster. I'm impressed. So you're doing two jobs right now, Donna.

Yeah, I guess so. What do you have in your ears, if anything, when you're gardening? Do you know, I actually don't have anything in my ears. Oh my God. Except the sounds of nature. Damn that's cool. Are you so in touch with yourself at the moment? Maybe a little too in touch with myself.

Maybe I should start listening to that way. Yeah, it's just me and my thoughts, but I don't mind. I quite like it, but also sometimes I get scared someone will creep up on me. Like when you're in the water, you know, and you're underwater and you're like, someone could creep up on me right now and I wouldn't know. So if I had headphones on in the garden. Sorry. Let me just unpack that a little bit. Yeah. You were like, the metaphor you went for is when you're hanging out underwater for an extended period and someone might sneak up on you, sort of swim up behind you under the board?

More like a shark. More like a shark. Because you can't hear them. True. I don't think sharks make noise. So you're worried if you put in headphones that a land born shark will sneak up on you? You never know. I'm pretty confident. Very silly from Montgomery there. Yeah. Hey, sorry. I'm in a bit Very silly for Montgomery there.

Yeah. Hey, sorry. I'm in a bit of a silly mood. Do you know what I think a land shark is? A cow. No. No. Yep. It's a lion. Everyone knows it's a lion.

Really? Oh, you're probably right. A cow? Yeah. Because the nut is? Ah yes, that smooth, agile thing, the cow. They're pretty smooth. That's true.

I take it back. They're not quiet. They're not quiet. That's true. They lack the stealth of a shark. Of course they're not fast. And not aggressive. Every time you swim are you thinking about what's underneath you in the ocean?

100%. Is it distressing as soon as you can't touch the bottom? Yes. As soon as you can't see the bottom. I could be touching the bottom if I can't see my feet. I'm like, good God help us all. And so how do you feel? Have you ever been on a boat and you've jumped off the boat into the deep blue sea? Yeah.

How does that feel? I always jump off and then I swim really, really fast to get back on again. And that's something that you did as a child and you've, has never changed. No. What if there's someone else who looks more delicious than you, who's also in that body of water? Yeah. I'm, I think I'm a little bit more relaxed about it. Yeah, for sure.

But I always just say I stay closer to the beach or to the, to the boat than they are. Yeah. Like, you know. Yeah, I totally understand. I think I was about to throw that question over to me. I was going to answer is there's literally no one more delicious looking than me. So it's never come up. That's not that's not true.

You're quite you're on your vegetarian. No, I was vegan for a bit. Oh, maybe that's why I was vegetarian for a bit, too. I remember once these days, but I will go back. Oh, maybe that's why. And I was vegetarian for a bit too. I remember once. Not these days, but I will go back. We were on a family holiday. We were staying with some family friends who had a like a batch in the Marlborough Sounds at the top of the South Island.

And there was an old, I was friends with a boy who was older than me by a couple of years and he was much more water confident and they had like a pee class, like a little sailboat that you know. Learn how to pee in the water. Yeah and yeah that's right very quick and we'd go out you could go out and sort of sail around the you know the cove or whatever and come back in and one night the night before you know another sunny day he was saying oh man there's some um I can't remember saying if there were conger eels or more eels, we were saying there's some big eels out there, out there in the cove and if they get their mouth around you, they can take

parts of your body off. Just, you know, big kids spooking out little kid kind of stuff. And the next day we go out on the little boat and these boats are small and they can capsize very easily. And the boat capsizes when we're as far from the beach as we've been on the boat. And I immediately scramble onto the top. So it's upside down. I'm on the hull, like, you know, upside down. Yeah. And the whole time this guy's yelling at me to get off because he's trying to

flip the boat back, but he's fucked himself because he's told me if I get in that water, I'm going to lose body parts to eels. And eventually I did have to get off and we flipped it. How old were you? Seven. Terrifying. That's the scariest age for that to happen at. You've got just enough awareness.

Yeah, I did. But that certainly the specter of that sort of followed me around. If we would ever be in that area of, you know, the country again, I'd always be wary. But then I think slowly I was like, you know what? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Right attitude. Yeah. If a shark's going to get me, I'm not going to be able to do anything about it. Sorry, Donna was speaking.

Please take this opportunity to shut the fuck up. Okay. Donna, over to you. I was just going to say. Donna, go ahead in your own time, Donna. Just take it away. Whenever you're ready. Should I...

Now? Perfect. Okay. I'm ready for him to say... Tim, just if you could give Donna a bit of space. I think I can cut your mic. I'm actually really excited to hear this anecdote. I think it's that one.

I've cut his mic. It's so good. Damn it, he's seen which bar it is. Donna, in your own time, go ahead. Ha ha ha. My friend has a, in your own time, go ahead. My friend has a batch in the Monaco Harbour. Sorry, the rhythm that you're telling this story at is completely crazy. I can't emphasize this enough.

Why do you keep pausing in between all of your... Shut the fuck up. I'm just trying to make it harder for you to interrupt. OK. It's not working. So go ahead, Donna. All right. So my friend has a batch in the Monaco Harbour and when she was younger, she and her cousins

went swimming off their, like, off the beach there, but it's not really, it's very tidal. So you pretty much like walk off their property and into the water. And they were all swimming in a line, right, with fins on. And they were all swimming like one behind the other, not like a horizontal line, like a vertical line And when they came out of the water the her brother his fin had been completely bitten off And he was in I think I can't remember the order of the lineup, but he was like in the middle of the group So it really

They took the they took the fin to Kelly Talton's were like, oh yes, this is a great white shark. What the fuck? Which completely puts my, if you put someone between you and the boat, it doesn't make any difference because he was in the middle of the line and the shark obviously just came up from the bottom. It was like, oh nom nom and then it was like, not for me and went away again. If memories serves, nom nom. And then I was like, not for me. And went away again.

If memory serves, great whites traditionally don't fuck with us unless they're sort of fucked with first. Swearing a lot. I even coughed it up. I think it's like probably looked like a seal. The flipper probably looked like a something. Yum. A hush or something.

I'm so sorry, Donna. I didn't catch a word of that. If you could just tell the anecdote again. Lord. That is so honestly, I didn't catch a word of that if you could just tell the anecdote again Oh god That is so honestly I don't like going in the ocean either but it's just it's not necessarily secret I'm more scared of the ocean it's the water The body of water

The volume and body of water I'm not a great swimmer I should actually learn to be a better swimmer I think would be the key there You've got ample opportunity you've got a pool Your kids should learn to swim You have a pool? Yeah You've got a pool. Your kids should learn to swim. You have a pool? Yeah, I've got a pool. Crazy, eh? Um, where's my invite to come around and swim in the pool? Well, come around and have a swim and tell me all the names of the plants that Zoe's

put around the pool because they're really beautiful. And they're flourishing at the moment because we've had a bit of rainfall. It looks really nice out there. There's a channel of water that runs from the pool to the ocean though, just to give you a heads up. So be careful. I will say, you know, another sharks in the water memory. I was on holiday with my friends, Jono and Fergus. Shout out. Fergus lives in fear of the water. Jono, water baby, totally cool with it.

Do you reckon he should maybe look at moving? Me, neutral party. All right. That's all the time we've got. And so we were swimming in the water and, you know, we're just body surfing and stuff, whatnot, splashing around. And Fer goes, I swear to God, I saw a shark on one of the waves that we're swimming in on and we go, Fergis, people haven't seen sharks in this, you know, in this harbor for like 10 years.

You saw a dolphin. You're lucky. All right. Splashing around dolphin, you're lucky. All right, splashing around for another half an hour. Later that afternoon, we were going to go water skiing. I can't remember how old we are. We're still younger. Jono's dad's going to take us out water skiing. And so we get on the boat, which is like there's a marina to get that you can't just drive the boat out into the water. You've got to go through a marina. So you go in the marina, then you drive out over this like sandbar. And then get out into the harbor where there's big open water.

You can go water skiing out there. We go water skiing out there, all have a good time. On the way back, Jono actually water skis over the sandbar back into the marina, you know, like at a sensible pace or whatever. And we all get off the boat. We go on. The next morning, Fergus goes down to the dairy to buy the newspaper. Front page.

Very advanced. Fergus goes down to the dairy to buy the newspaper. Front page. Very advanced. Hallie, Hallie, Hallie. We were like we're teenagers. Front page, like bird's eye view photograph of the sandbar that Jono had water skied over. Forty hammerhead and bull sharks a sunbathing. Whoa, holy shit.

A whole 40 of them or maybe 30, but whatever, like a big collection. A proper, proper, proper group collective noun for a shark. Still got to be shark, shark fish. Yeah, thanks, Donna. Donna, I also like another takeaway from this story. In your head this whole time, these were some water skiing children, like young kids. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah.

I don't know where I got that from. Some seven year olds on some water skis. I've never been water skiing in my life. Can I ask you a question, Donna, it's not related to what we've been talking about. Do you go gardening in the rain? Um, if it's not torrential. Is that good or bad vibes? I don't mind it.

As long as it's not freezing. But then after a while, everything gets a bit muddy and soppy and I just get grumpy. Then you already were? Then normal. Is your default position grumpy? No, not really. No, not with a sunny disposition. You listen to your own.

You'll keep your thoughts are keeping you company. You're in a great zone. You're fucking. I'm by myself. Yeah. I've got a follow up question that is also not related to anything. We've been talking to you about Donna, but we do have a word of the day for each episode we do of the podcast.

And today's word brought to us by random word generator dot com, a sponsor I hate and despise. The word is drill. Does that mean anything to you? What comes to you when you hear drill? We've been talking about it in a dental context, but yeah, you use a drill and gardening. You drill a hole. No, but it's really weird because I want a drill, but I have no need for a drill. I just want to have a drill.

Dude, I've got two. Have one of mine. Oh my god. That's so cool. I will drill nothing like that but I will just be like I have a drill. I've got all of these tools now because I've inherited a collection of like, I had a few tools myself and then my dad cleaned out a lot of his garage and gave me some tools. And then my father-in-law also moved out of his house and I inherited a bunch of tools from him. And now I've got double ups of a lot of shit. The tools met each other in the garage and had some baby tools. Sweet and noisy.

And as a result now. I love the dad's go-be-sons tools. Yeah, I can't use fucking any of them because I am useless. How soft. No, I can't either. How soft are your hands, Tim? I've got some calluses there from podcasting. Yep. Hard out. They're mouse calluses from editing into the wee hours.

Donna. Mouse calluses. I mean, I assume you're gardening gloves, but are your hands getting a nice sort of hide on them from all this labor? Jesus. They're actually not. I have very, someone commented the other day how soft my hands were for a gardener. So I do try to take care of them. Find yourself a woman who can do it all. Soft hands, consummate gardener can be alone with their thoughts for more than

seven minutes in the stay and age. Do you have dirt under your fingernails a lot of the time? I try to scrub it off, but yeah, sometimes I look down and I'm like, Jesus. That's a true gardener. Someone who tries to get the dirt from under their fingernails. And then us interlopers, Tim and I, before we leave the house, we always dig our fingers into the soil, so it looks like we've been busy.

Yeah, we do. It's a hack, it's a life hack. This leads nicely onto, you've got a comedy festival show, Donna. I do. That's probably out very soon, is when this is coming out, this podcast. Yeah, it's like two weeks.

It's a little time travel going on, because it's not being done today. But your show is called Green Fingered, in which it seems to me that you are fusing two of your great loves. Masturbation and Gardening. That's true. Absolutely.

Is that where you were going with that guy? I was thinking of comedy masturbation, but you got straight down to business. No qualifiers. Comedy masturbation? Talk to me. It's when you watch like, it's when you watch sets on YouTube and you're like, God damn, this is funny. I assume you did something mime worthy then. I hate the riff. I hastily didn't. I hate the riff. Tim's pinned me with a riff. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

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and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. But Donnelly, let's talk about your festival show. How's, how are you feeling about it? Cause this is, this is road tested, thank God. Cause whenever's talk about your festival show. How are you feeling about it? Because this is road tested, thank God. Because whenever I work on a festival show, which I'm not doing this year, it's always like, you know, I'm writing it the moment before I go on stage. But I've literally done that for most of my shows.

This time I'm not. I mean, you'll be recognizable in your physical form as yourself, but you're in character? Yes, I'm, you know, you'll be recognizable in your physical form as yourself, but you're in character. Yes, I'm playing a whole bunch of different characters. Yeah. It's not like, um, it's not stand up, per se. There's a storyline and I play a bunch of, yeah, different characters on this TV show that's being filmed in front of a live audience, which is of course the audience audience. This is good because you're leaning into all your skills.

Talented improviser, acting, devisement. That's probably not a word. Devising. Devising, yeah. This is Don's skill set. And how are you feeling going into the Fest? Real excited. I really love the show. Fuck yeah. It's real fun.

I just hope people come and see it. Where have you done it so far? I've done it in... Dunedin. Wellington. Dunedin. Nelson? Auckland last year. No, Hamilton. Ah yes, the Nelson of the North one. Later in the year I'm doing Taranaki, I think, and Parmy. Amazing. Parmy's one to look forward to. They'll eat it up.

I've been to, I've been to Palmerston North to perform comedy. They love it. They're great. They are grateful. I've actually heard that. I've heard they're a pretty good audience. Yeah, you want gratitude to be the default setting.

I did an orientation one there, I think. And that was fun. All the students there are vets, or learning veterinary stuff. That's the main one. A lot of them are. They have another school as well. It's mostly vets.

Is that Massey? Yeah. Right. Nursing? Agriculture? Oh, that's sort of fancy vets, isn't it? Agriculture. Or non fancy vets.

Are you in agriculture? I don't think so. More horticulture. Ah. Isn't agriculture like cows and farming? Did a joke just come to you from yesteryear? We're actually calling it sex worker culture now. Oh, that's good.

That's good, Ash. It's good. It's good, Ash. It's original. There is a joke that I haven't thought of for 20 years that just like flashed into my head as soon as you said water culture. OK, I don't I don't I have to say it now. So I just don't want anyone to judge me too much. Remember what I said at the start of the episode when Tim said, this is off book, the podcast is suffering from the woke mind virus. Donna, please forgive me.

But this is just a flashed into my head. No one, no one has a gun to your head, Tim. You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make you think. I forgot that joke. I know that joke. Yeah. See, that's a, that's a, that's a vestigial, you know, I don't even know from a day gone by.

I don't even know that joke exists. Do you have a joke on hand, Donna, for when people find out you're a comedian, they go, tell us a joke. Do you have one ready or do you just say, I don't do that? I don't do that. I don't know. I don't have one for that either. I just want to join you in this pit, Donna, because I, yeah.

Thank you. We should get one the way. We probably should, because it feels like they'll be going, hmm, some comedian you are. Yeah, exactly. And we've got to sell tickets, you and I. Let's say this. How do you keep in?

Guy, are you doing Comedy Fest? How do you, uh, in Wellington do you... In Wellington, yes. In Auckland, no. I see. Unconventional. It's nothing personal. Feels personal. Yeah.

Well, there is a personal reason I'm not doing it, but it's not personal. I am in Australia for a lot of the time. That's personal. Yeah. But here's the joke I say taken from my stepdaughter. How do you keep an ugly monster in suspense? Wow.

I'll tell you tomorrow. Very good. Did Olive make that up? Absolutely not. Okay. But she got it in a, Sandra brought Olive some, like a 101 spooky gross out jokes, whatever. Yeah.

And that was, that's top shelf stuff. And then I've just been dining out on that. That's really good. The other one I was trying to get her to do was, we were seeing someone we hadn't seen for a long time. And she was like, they're going to say I'm tall. And I was saying, you know what you should do when you see an adult you haven't seen for a long time is say, wow, you've got tall. And I was saying, you know what you should do when you see an adult you haven't seen for a long time is say, wow, you've got tall.

Didn't want it, but I was like, fuck, that'd be a funny thing for a kid to say to an adult. You should say it. You've got really tall. I'm thinking you're saying it. And the adult telling another adult that is even funny. Anyway, we've got to go unfortunately, Donna. This is the end of our time together. But I want to say this.

Oh, God, it's been a joy chatting to you both. It's been a treasure and a pleasure. Donna, you're a great person and I miss seeing you. I haven't seen you in ages. We've tried a couple of times to tee up a little get together or coffee and it hasn't quite happened. Yeah. But we will persist and we will get together.

Maybe come around for a swim and tell me the names of all my plants. That'd be pretty great. Love that for me. Or whatever. Guy's not invited. I hope Guy's not there. Was there like a girl boss feminist slogan called, nevertheless she persisted? Yeah.

When did that come about? No, I don't know. I'm not a very good feminist. Why did you open a new entirely brand new vein? Because it sounded to me like you were trying to hang out with Donna and she kept fobbing you off and in my head, I thought nevertheless he persisted. And I thought it's funny if you gender switch it, it becomes harassment. It's a bit of me after my fantastic joke.

It's a bit of me after my fantastic joke. But everyone should go and see Donna, Brooke Banks and the New Zealand Comedy Festival. Green fingered. And if not in the festival, in life, in Palmerston North, in Taranaki, anywhere she goes. Absolutely. And check her fingernails for dirt. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. We love you, Donna, and we hope you have a great great great great day. Peace and love.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Sean Bowles has been a celebrated and trusted prophet for decades. God said that you are being given to your boyfriend. But did he have everyone fooled? There's pretty much no way to make any other conclusion than he was data mining. Season 6 of Heaven Bent, The Smartphone Prophet. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.