The Worst Idea Of All Time - HOSTING 3: 01 Burying the Hatchet in the Brooklyn River

Episode Date: February 28, 2020

The beauty of American-made sandwiches, the power of lists and a hilarious prank involving a very special ring, Guy and Carlo are reunited in the Auckland of the North, New York City. A new city, a new hemisphere, two antipodean friends on the wrong side of the globe. Might bygones stay bygones? Can the magic of hosting create a new, stronger bond of friendship? Can something beautiful be forged in the fires of the city that never sleeps?Support us on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/TWIOATCatch up on Hosting on its own stream here: (iTunes) (RSS) (Web Player) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello Worst Idea listener and welcome along to a podcast called Hosting, a podcast that chronicles my efforts to host and be hosted by my Australian friend Carlo Ritchie. You're about to hear season three of Hosting. There are two previous seasons, one in which I hosted Carlo in Auckland, New Zealand, the second of which in which Carlo hosted me in Sydney, Australia. This third season sees me hosting Carlo in my shared apartment in New York City. If you want to listen to previous seasons or check out other stuff to do with the podcast, it's got its entire own feed, which you can find in the show notes. But otherwise, please enjoy listening. Well, Carlo, welcome to New York.

Thank you, Guy. And welcome back to hosting the podcast where you and I find out what it's like to be a host. Yeah, or in some instances, a guest. Yes. We've just spent an action-packed day here in the Big Apple itself. Ah, sleepless in Seattle. Well, that's a movie we could have watched had we chosen to stay in. But instead we didn't, of course.

You're here in my humble home here in New York City. And humble it is. Well, and it's so nice to see you. And I really feel like this is a great time to just say, let bygones be bygones. No, look, I think, Guy, I have to be honest with you, I think it is time that we buried that hatchet, you know, and buried it deep, deep, deep, deep in the waters of the Brooklyn River,

I want to call it, whatever that big body of water is that we went down to look at today. I believe it's called the Hudson. Ah. And as the hatchet is buried deep, let those waters continue flowing like a bridge over troubled water. Like the bridge over the Hudson River, you know. You say potato, I say potato.

I say Brooklyn River, you say Hudson River. I guess it's just one of those dialectal things, isn't it? Yeah, it could be a dialectal thing or it could be a place name thing. Well, you know, one man's place name is another man's place mat. If place names were to be printed as place mats, yeah. Put that down on your table. There you go, Guy. That's a decoration tip from me.

Well, thank you, Carlo. So, yeah, it's been a big day and certainly would have been a big night for you the night before. I mean, it's not a short flight, Sydney to New York. No, it's a lot longer than I thought, Guy. And I should have brought a change of clothes, really. Really, I should have. on the plane or yeah i mean i was in that plane it would have seemed only 19 hours and that's an extraordinary amount of time to spend on a plane guy in one set of clothes well it's i mean

it's a it's a long time guy i mean do you ever just wander around for 19 hours in the same clothes? Yes, if I stay up for a long time during the day, sometimes I'll be in the same clothes for about 19 hours. Sure. I guess so. I mean, it just feels... I mean, I'm kind of incensed that the flight took so long. If I had known it would take 19 hours to fly to New York,

I don't know that I've come. Well, I guess I'm glad that you didn't know until now because you're here. Fool me once. Sooner not. I feel like fooling one another, that's all for the past. No, you're right. We should put that away.

Put it to bed. Yeah. Tuck it in tight. So is this your maiden voyage to the United States of America? First trip to New York City, absolutely. The big peach, the windy peach. Yeah. And how have you enjoyed your experience amongst the American people so far?

It's a funny one, Guy. I'm interested to hear what your thoughts on the American people are because I do not understand a word they're saying. Yeah, they're really, I tell you, they are really sticking at it with the accent thing. Yeah, and not a lick of, they don't understand a lick of German here. Well, I mean, some of them do, German speakers, I imagine, but by and large, you wouldn't guess that all of the American people

would speak German because it's not recognized as a national language. Well, it's news to me, Guy. And there's just more and more things that just continue to surprise me here. You know, they drive on the other side of the road here, Guy? The right-hand side. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean, I feel like it's a pretty well, you know, known piece of information.

If you watch a TV show or a movie, you'll always see them on there. I'm glad that I've spent most of my life i very happily can say i've never once watched a program heard a piece of music or even looked at a product from the us of a oh wow yeah so this is quite a big uh it's a culture shock here yeah Guy. Yeah, it would be huge. I would sooner be at home on the streets of Tokyo than here in this wild hellscape that is New York. And it looks nothing like York, may I say that, Guy? Nothing like York. I've been to York many times, and this is not, it's not quite like, not a New York, it's a different York.

Yeah, well, what can I tell you, my friend? It's a hell of a city. I had no idea you were coming in so cold. Well, yeah, cold, Guy, I mean, cold is another big problem because it's coming up on wintertime here. You know, I've been to Europe many times, Guy, and I'm aware of the fact that the northern and southern hemispheres have different weather you know but for some reason

and i don't know why this is i've seen maps i've looked at the globe i thought that new york would be temperate sunny warm even what why even. Why would you think that? I wish I knew, Guy. I wish I knew. Don't worry, I've got plenty of thermals and sort of spare jackets so that you can rug up warm for any of our future expeditions out of the house.

I regret bringing so many togs. You don't need to beat up on yourself about that. That's okay. You just don't need to wear them. Sometimes you pack clothes you don't wear. I would hate to see you sort of spiral over anything as minor as... Could layer them, I suppose. Yeah, you could.

I mean, you could, but they'll certainly be covering the same part of your legs. The flesh that's exposed will become icy cold. Yes, well. Well, look, that's exposed will become icy cold. Yes, well. Well, look, that remains to be seen. Hey, you know, we'll see how we go. Yeah. So I'm sorry. I was totally oblivious to the fact that you've been so willfully ignorant of all of America's output

and I suppose goings on your entire adult life. It's incredible, Guy. It's just incredible here. I can't get over it. You know, people on the footpath, you know what they It's incredible, Guy. It's just incredible here. I can't get over it. You know, people on the footpath, you know what they call it here, Guy? A sidewalk. What a thing. What a thing.

A walk on the side of the road. I mean, it makes perfect sense, but it's bamboozling my mind, let me tell you that. Yeah, well, I mean, when you came in, the first thing you said was you want to have a genuine New York experience. So what I do, I took us out of came in, the first thing you said was you want to have a genuine New York experience. That's right. So what I do, I took us out of the house. We walked down to the bodega or the corner shop, and we got ourselves a couple of sandwiches.

Yeah. And let me say, they were delicious, but unlike any sandwich I've ever had before. In what way? Well, the shape, the size, the taste, all of it was totally foreign to me. Completely foreign. I mean, you've had bread before and cheese, tomato, lettuce, mayonnaise. But the combination of them all, staggering. Staggering.

Could you describe to me the sandwiches with which you're more familiar with eating? Yeah, take a block of cheese, Guy. Slice off two, two three maybe four slices eat them up yeah open a jar of gherkins take out maybe one maybe two gherkins pop them in your gob sorry have you get a heel of bread just slice it off one One, maybe two slices. If you're feeling greedy, have a third. And just chew them down. So you're eating... Take a stick of butter.

Lick it. All of these ingredients you're eating independent of one another. Well, yeah. I mean, that's a sandwich. How did you find the American take on the traditional Australian sandwich? Time-saving, certainly. Confusing to my taste buds who are used to taking any one flavour at one time. Yeah, well, I guess that'll happen.

I can't imagine too many other huge amounts of culture shock with any of the other meals we had. So we took our sandwiches, we ate them, and we went for a lovely stroll around Central Park in mid-Manhattan. It's a huge park. Can I say that, Guy? Yeah, you can say anything, man. It truly is a free country, isn't it?

It's one of the biggest parks I've ever seen, Guy. And the trees. There's not a eucalypt in there. Yeah, well, again, i suppose being in america you're more likely to see your american trees pine pine oak ad at adler i want to say adler you can say that don't know that it's a tree yeah well it's um it's it's a different it's a different city and it's a it's a different pace of life. I have to ask you, Guy. I mean, you're a fellow Antipodean.

How has it been for you to adjust to a culture so profoundly different from our own? Well, you know, in the interest of total honesty, I've found it really hard. Really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really grateful for you coming over here, man, because times have been tough. And to be completely honest with you, I'm really at my wits end with this place. Yeah, I mean, guy, I can see that.

I can see there's a cold, cold depth to your eyes that I've never really seen before. It's like you've seen and done terrible things. I have been surprised by the hostility of the American people towards me. Is that right? For reasons that remain unknown to me, they are horrible. Tell me about that guy. I mean, what way are they hostile to you?

Well, you know, you move in with someone, you find a roommate on Craigslist, you know, you move into a humble home. Now, you'll have to go through that again. Craigslist, this is a list managed by a craig yeah i suppose yeah and he's sort of he's the land baron so he he sort of and he keeps track of everywhere everyone who needs and has a house that's right if you want if you want somewhere to live is that a government position no, it's an independent business. It's privately owned.

And, you know, you really get the feeling that he is swamped. And where do you see these lists? On the internet. He's got a website he runs. Huh. It is a brave new world, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, he's got all sorts of lists. You know, if you want to buy some furniture, you can look at his furniture list.

He keeps track of furniture. Who is this Craig? Well, you know, I feel like maybe part of the reason I've had trouble, you know, ingratiating myself amongst the American people is I've been able to track down this Craig. I haven't seen or heard hide nor hair of him. So I sort of feel like I'm cast adrift and feeling my way through, you way through lists of just at random.

Yeah. Yeah, gosh. I mean, that would be, that's a nightmare in a sense. It's like a bad dream. We're in a city where everything is known and controlled by one shadowy figure. It's like a dystopia. It can feel like that. I mean, I do think that there are alternative ways

of finding realty listings, but I certainly haven't stumbled into them. Well, yes. Well, look, I mean, I've gotten off the beaten track there. So you've went on this Craigslist and you found a housemate. Yeah, I found a guy who said he was looking for a, you know, he just wanted someone who's tidy, sort of somewhat sociable, but also happy to keep to themselves.

Pretty much just someone to, you know, pay half the rent. Rent, now that's an American term? I think it's pretty universal. Rent, it's the money you pay. So it means the same as rent in Australian English? So you know the word rent? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So why then would you think that it's meant to say it was rent in Australian English. Oh, so you know the word rent? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So why then would you think that it's an American term?

Just like to check, just like to just touch in, just to make sure that all the words are making sense. Yeah. Because, you know, I don't want to... Have you said rent and it be something totally different to what I... I think you could safely assume that most of the words, they share a definition across them. Okay, well, from time to time, I just like to check in,

just to be sure. Okay. But just so you know, words like rent, I mean, if you do have the traditional Australian definition in mind, which is the traditional English definition... Money paid for property to a landlord or baron. Yeah. And yeah, I suppose, you know, he's already got his social life lined up.

He's got his own things he does and people he sees. He's got his partner. Now, this, again, this is someone in a relationship with? Another person. Another person. Significant other. Yep. Great.

Even keel, baby. We're on the same... Yeah, we're on the same page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I suppose some people are just socially closed off. You know, I am putting my best foot forward. I'm trying to be a pretty uh accommodating socially accommodating and uh you know clean and generous housemate but i don't know these guys you know they'll go out

for dinner you know and that's an and that evening meal yeah sort of the third of the big meals you third during the well breakfast lunch and dinner yes yes yeah yeah so they'll go out for dinner as you say yeah yeah and um i don't know you know i try to insert myself in but you know sometimes it feels like uh i'm like I'm not wanted. I mean, that's tricky. I mean, they certainly seemed quite hostile when I arrived here. Yeah. Well, yeah. And that's just another one of those things, I guess. I did tell them you were coming and they said that there's no room.

And yet here we are. Well, yeah, so... Because does that phrase mean the same thing? There's no room. There's no room? That would mean that there's no space for another person to stay. Would that be physical or... And they said that.

Yeah, they said they'd sooner not have you stay, especially because their parents are coming to visit. That's it, because it just... Because if it means the same thing, Guy, I would say that maybe that hostility is because I'm here anyway. Yeah. And that's the sort of thing I'm talking about, just the sort of unfounded, unwavering hostility.

That's just bad hosting, isn't it? Yeah. I suppose it is. You know, if you guys are going out for a lovely meal to celebrate your 15th anniversary, so be it. But the more the merrier. You say 50th anniversary. Fifth.

Fifth. I mean, yeah. The number between four and six. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And look, I don't want to go on about it. I feel like I'm being negative. I just want to...

No, no. I think you're being very fair. I mean, that's... If we go through that series of events, it seems strange that they wouldn't let me, a stranger, stay in their house when their parents are coming to stay yeah so that's two sets of parents that's four parents all four of their parents are coming and they're all going to be staying here yeah they're getting in tomorrow morning how long has this been in the

works oh they've been planning this for a while he's actually going to propose so oh wow wow yeah so uh i think they've been playing this for six or seven months. I've only been here for three. And yeah, it's hard to live in a place when people are so hostile. Yeah. Unaccommodating. Yeah. Yeah, I can dig that.

Well, I guess in all things, the best thing to do is just try and kill it with kindness. You know, you've got to just, we just have to try and be the best, you know, share housemates that we can. Absolutely. And try and turn those frowns. The other way around. The other way around, back into smiles.

Yeah, and, you know, I try to set up fun little games, sort of, you know, scavenger hunts or, you know, you take things and you put them in different parts of the house. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hide them. And even that, you know, even something as small as that can really set them off. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God, yeah. So there's this... That's funny, isn't it because normally just taking someone's stuff and putting it somewhere else is a good gag you know yeah they go oh where are my keys i'm running late for work and you sort of just sit there in the corner you smugly kind of watch them yeah desperately kind of scrounging around for it and all the time you know it's in the middle of an ice cube in the freezer yeah one of the last places this is why it's the perfect hiding place they're never gonna find that one

of the last places you'd think i mean why are they making the ice ice cube tray so big yeah if not to to put some keys in it yeah and you get it's a great thing about that is you get two laughs because you get the laugh well three really you get the laugh while you're putting the keys in the ice cube and that's a good laugh you get the laugh when they're frantically digging around they're going god if i don't get these keys they're gonna lose my job that's a great laugh that's a good laugh and you get the laugh you know weeks months years later when they mix up a big drink and they pop that ice cube in and it melts and they think, how the fuck did my keys get in this ice cube? And that's, God, you laugh, don't you?

That is funny. Do you know, this might be a good way to kick things off, to really make ourselves a little more welcome. I know where Mark has the engagement ring. I know where Mark has the engagement ring. We could put the ring in an ice cube. Guy, I am too into this idea. Can I just say that? Like we get the ring and we hide it in an ice cube

and we don't tell Mark. No, no, no. And we'll put a note, like a note in the box. Yes. That says like, fuck you, bitch. Yeah. That's a good gag. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes, yes. And it's important the box stays where he left it. Yeah. Exactly the same. Because what will be good is, and this is the perfect thing, is if by chance he doesn't look at the ring before he proposes that when he does propose opens the box we've double pranked them we've got mark and

his fiancee yeah potential potential yeah yeah well maybe not after that prank you know well we'll find out if they have a sense of humour. Oh, man, this is great. It's so nice just having another sane person here. Yeah, absolutely, Guy. Oh, man. God, God. It's just good to get a good prank in, a good Antipodean prank into this American household, you know?

Well, I certainly think it'll go a long way towards rebuilding any of the sort of broken bridges uh that exist between you know myself and mark and um certainly fiona his partner maybe fiance um let's hope let's hope indeed uh what are some other things you'd like to do while you're here in new york i'm you know guy I had a little look at a tourist brochure as I was arriving here in New York, and the thing that really stuck out to me was the Empire State Building. I'd really love to see the Empire State Building.

Yeah. You know, they used to land zeppelins, or they wanted to land zeppelins on it, but the wind, too fierce. They couldn't get the zeppelins into they wanted to land zeppelins on it but the wind too fierce they couldn't they couldn't end up they couldn't get the zeppelins into the top of the tower isn't that wild that is it true that's a true fact about the empire state building yeah they it was originally designed to be a zeppelin landing point man people really went all in on zeppelin they put a lot of you know you got a feel for that for those people they i mean that's a big building and the thing about that is it's kind of like the key

prank guy is that they couldn't work out that it didn't work until they'd finished the building and you just and then the zeppelin comes in and nope too windy wow well i mean i i feel like a trip to the empire state building would be a wonderful way for us to spend a morning or an afternoon i'd love a day yeah or a day i don't know how long it takes that sounds great yeah yeah we just go up and down and all around it. Just really get a good feel for the Empire State Building. That sounds like a lot of fun. Well, I mean, before we do that, it's getting pretty late. Your jet lag must be kicking in. Are you okay? You know, actually, I don't feel too bad. I think coming this direction, and I've gained a day, and I've lost six. I've lost six.

I don't exactly know how the time works. It's Tuesday here, and I believe that in Australia... It'll be Wednesday. It would be Wednesday last week. No, it would be Wednesday tomorrow. So Wednesday this week. So I have travelled back. So you've travelled from Sydney. You would have left Sydney. And I went around the globe in the opposite direction of the sun.

Well, you don't need to think too much about that part. All you need to know is it's Tuesday here and it's Wednesday in Australia. What an age we live in, Guy. What an age. Wednesday. Wodenstark. What a wild idea. Well, I guess maybe the jet lag is hitting me, Guy, I suppose.

Because that has really floored me. Well, before we go to bed, let's say you and I sneak into Mark's room. We take the ring out. Yeah. And we put it in a big old puddle of water. And we let that puddle turn to ice. Here's to pranks, Guy. Here's to the good old antipodean prank and

can i say guy i'm i'm excited by this new phase in our relationship i like that we've put behind some of the horrible things that have happened and we've turned that into something wonderful that's going to help heal our relationship, it's going to heal your relationship with Mark and Fiona. And I don't know, we just might just make everything hum along, you know? Yeah. Well, it's good to have you here. And let's get a good night's sleep and I'm really looking forward to a trip to the Empire State Building tomorrow.

Yeah. Good night, Guy. Good and tired, Carlo. Thank you.