The Worst Idea Of All Time - HOSTING 3: 03 James Bond’s Great Sense of Humour

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

The progress of a nation, the passengers of the RMS Titanic and a huge update on the fate of Guy and Carlo’s excellent prank, the city of New York certainly does not fail to deliver. Only through hosting do we understand the vulnerability of the guest. Only through being a guest do we understand the responsibility of the host. Only when we understand both halves of the equation can we truly learn the true meaning of hosting.Support us on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/TWIOATCatch up on Hosting on its own stream here: (iTunes) (RSS) (Web Player) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Music Music Music Music Music Music Music Hello and welcome to another episode of Hosting, a podcast all about hosting and I guess in some ways being a guest. And aren't we both just guests in this magic city guy? Well, we are. And while the city of New York continues to lay out the red carpet, you know, the residents remain indifferent at best towards us. Well, look, I'm trying to have a good time despite the hostility of the Americans. And I got to try my very first New York slice. I'm talking a pizza.

Yeah. It's Italian, but here it is on the streets of New York. Well, and what did you think? Very, very good guy. The combination of cheese and mushroom and bread. Who'd have thought it? Well, I mean, you would have had pizza in Australia before. Oh, yes.

Yes, I have. Many times. And I imagine it's quite a similar dish to the way they do it in... Oh, very similar. Very similar indeed. How do they do it in Australia? What they do is they make a dough, roll it out kind of flat and round, and then they will put either an olive oil or a tomato sauce based on that,

and then toppings, often cheese. And for me, very often cheese mushroom olives that kind of thing pretty much almost identical i mean i get the same pizza in australia as i got i got today you know i get a margarita um with a few mushrooms on it and uh incredible incredible so you're amazed by the fact that the pizza is so similar? Well, I just didn't think that it would have caught on so much from us here in New York. Yeah.

Well, because we're like, I mean, I don't know. We've probably been doing it since Italians came to Australia, I would say. And it's just wild to me that it's taken off in other parts of the world as much as it has in australia yeah pizza's been pretty popular here for a while wild to me i mean that is wild i mean how long like how did it get here i mean which did an australian chain come across here i think there were italian immigrants to america probably before they made their way to australia news to me there's just every chance that uh that pizza started becoming popular here totally independent

of pizza becoming popular it's wild though isn't it because australia is a lot further away from italy than new york so it's crazy to me that they would come here and not to australia what why would that because it's further away like if you're gonna go you want to go you know the other side of the world so if you leave why not go far is what you're saying yes so for example you from from Australia, you've been to Europe. I have, many times. Guy, if I had a little mark on my body, like, say, a bruise or a cut for every time I'd been to Europe, I would look like I was in the wars. In the wars, I'd be so head to toe, unless they were very small,

in which case it could probably just be maybe one arm that would look damaged that's an interesting way of uh articulating how many times you've been to the continent oh it's a common metaphor um or you know i guess analogy both work so we had a slice of new york city pizza i think it'll really take off here You know, I guess analogy. Both work. So we had a slice of New York City pizza. I think it'll really take off here. Pizza? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it already has. And we got a pretty good look at the Empire State Building from all corners. We did. North, west, east and south. Not a zeppelin in sight. Not a single one. Because of the wind. Yeah. And, I mean, by and large, we had a pretty good time.

And I tell you what, Guy, it is incredible how we can be so far away from Australia and New Zealand and so many things that we take for granted have really taken off here in New York. You know, I saw a lot of streetlights today. I mean that in terms of both traffic and street variety. You know, and we've got them on every, almost every corner in Australia. Yeah.

Can I ask, when you first went to Europe, were you surprised at all by the sort of uh advances of modern technology that arrived had arrived in europe oh not one bit you know i imagine that australia and europe kind of in the last hundred years have probably become a lot closer together because of globalization and your understanding of aust's relationship to America is... Very distant. I mean, until we were reading the newspaper today, I was not aware that we even had an embassy here, Guy.

Wow. Yeah. So, yeah, they've got a lot of traffic lights. You've got your crosswalks. You've got various different stores. They sell computers here. You were blown away by the Apple store. Yeah.

It's exactly like the ones we have back in Sydney. Yeah. I mean, I wonder, you know, and I'd hate to speculate here, whether or not there'll be a point at which you sort of come to grips with the idea that a lot of the amenities that you're used to in Australia are readily available here in America in much the same way. Well, this is globalization for you, isn't it? Like Australia starts making Apple stores and on the other side of the world, suddenly they start opening up. You know, it's sad really because I can't help but wonder what America was like before they had all of this Australian influence.

Well, Apple is an American company. Well, you know, apples and oranges, isn't it, guy? You know, it's just crazy to me to think what it was like. What was New York like before they had contact with Sydney or Auckland, you know. It must have been such a different place. From how it is now. Yeah. Yeah.

And not just foods and products, but the language guy, you know. At first, I was put off by the accent accent but now i realized they're really just saying it's being the same language as us yeah absolutely just with a different accent accent yeah what do you make of the american accent i it's cute I have to say. I like it. For something so young, you know? Because, I mean, Australian cinema must have only been exporting here for, what, 50 years maybe. And yet they've given it their own little twang, haven't they? Yeah, it's a pretty popular industry here in America, I guess. They make a lot of their own movies and TV shows.

And that's good on them. In many ways, they're a global leader now. Well, you know, how quickly The Apprentice becomes the master, you know. But I don't think, I still see in a lot of the posters that we've walked past today, Guy, in the conversations we've overheard, I still see that little bit of Australia just coming through, you know. I don't think they'll be able to get away from it. Yeah. Well, certainly not in your eyes.

No. After we circled the Empire State Building, we got ourselves a slice, as advertised, and we marched our way downtown towards the Guggenheim. Yes. A very popular and well-respected art museum with a very unique design and layout inside that sort of circles in on itself. So the various levels of the museum, you know,

you absorb in one round walking trip. Oh, we both went there, Guy. Yeah. And, you know, you became quite dizzy, I suppose. Oh, we both went there, Guy. Yeah. And, you know, you became quite dizzy, I suppose. Oh, yes. Just running around it at pace really just spun me out. It made it very hard to take in the exhibition when you're just going at such a rapid, rapid speed.

Yeah. I was encouraging you to try it once walking, but you seemed to be fixated on taking in all the art as quickly as possible and as many times as possible. That's it, guy. When am I going to come back? And I like to say, out there for walking, inside for running. You do say that. You were saying it quite a lot and really creating a bit of a commotion.

of a commotion i i just still you know was trying to impress on you that if you went if you went at a nice relaxing pace yeah once you probably could have absorbed the art with as much you know time and and meaning and and really enjoyed it just as much as you could you know running up and down seven or eight times well guy look i like to think about it this way have you ever seen like a stop stop motion of a flower blooming yeah yeah so you need to take easily a thousand photographs to be able to get the full effect of watching that flower bloom that's kind of how i like to treat museums galleries photographic studios and the like is i want to be able to see those pictures not once, Guy. I don't want to see just the budding of a flower. I want to see it grow into something.

I want to see it a hundred times from the same angle at rapid speed. Well, how do you feel about your visit to the Guggenheim, you know, with a little bit of distance between us and the museum? I barely took in any of the works, Guy. It was very difficult to do. Yeah. Well, it's a shame. I mean, I guess we've got all of tomorrow in front of us.

We could technically go back. We could, I guess. We could. It is. Looking at the Guggenheim, I could not help but think that that is a man who could have perished on the Titanic. Who? Guggenheim, I could not help but think that that is a man who could have perished on the Titanic. Who? Guggenheim.

He could have perished on the Titanic? Yeah. How so? I think he was on it. And he survived? I can't remember. That's what I mean. He could have died. He might not have. Those are the two possibilities. he might not have been on board but it makes you think doesn't it guy i guess yeah a little bit but i mean that that's true

of anyone who was alive in that era but with guggenheim makes you think no i'm no more or less than i would of anyone else. I mean, you know, the fact that you're so fixated on it does naturally create a little bit more curiosity for me. But had you not brought it up, wouldn't have passed my mind. But now it's in there, isn't it? Well, again, a little, certainly. Because he might not have been on the ship.

He might not have been over in Europe, you know, in 1912 and decided to take the Titanic back to New York. He might not have done that, but he also may have. And then he might have been on the ship when it struck ice on the 14th of April, and then he may or may not have escaped its fate on the 15th of April. I mean, it's an interesting... All of those possibilities.

It's kind of like a Schrodinger's cat, isn't it, Guy? Not quite. It's an interesting way to look at history because I suppose, you know, every person contains myriad possibilities. That's true. And I think it's a way that we're not looking at history enough. Do you think that only telling the story as it happened

is perhaps missing out on various different narrative possibilities. Exactly, Guy. It doesn't take into account what could have been, you know? Have you seen a movie called Sliding Doors? Is that with Gwyneth Paltrow? I'm not sure. There you go, Guy. There's another one Gwyneth Paltrow could or could not have been in that film

We could just look it up and then we'd know Well we would but then You know guy where would we Where would we be after that All the possibilities Would we boil down to a single Single accepted fact Schrodinger's cat

I don't think that's Schrodinger's cat. I don't think that's Schrodinger's cat. You put the cat in a box, guy, and at a certain time, a neutron will fire and that will either kill or not kill the cat. It's exactly 50% of the time the cat will die. But you don't know if the cat's dead or you don't know if it's alive. It's in a box, you know.

You try and make one of those at your own house, you may or may not be charged. Schrodinger's cat. The more you know, I suppose. Cat could be wearing a hat. It could be wearing a hat it could be wearing a hat um and after guggen the guggenheim we uh sort of slow started the slow commute home traveling on foot so we could take in uh more of the city more of the sights more of the sounds more of the smells and uh we we made it home it home just as the family unit were heading out once more.

I think they were pretty surprised to see us. They were, yes, yes. Didn't even ask how our day had been. No, they sort of just blew right by. I guess they were off to meet Mark. Oh, God, yeah. We did talk about Mark. We beat the shit out of Mark, didn't we?

We really gave him one. Oh, my God. Yeah, so that little part of the prank went pretty much as planned. Smooth as a smoothie. Smooth as an egg. We, you know, as we discussed, we had the balaclavas. We got on the train. Oh, yeah.

We followed him on the train. And when he got out of the station station he turned left onto 45th and we we traced him until there's this sort of slightly secluded uh corner and dead zone we put the balaclavas on we had a big icy pail of water oh yeah and we poured it over and we turned around he said what the and then you just clocked one right. I let out a lot of rage, Guy, that I didn't realize I had. And it just came to me almost like a cloud. I just went out. I was out. Next minute, we're sitting there eating a delicious pizza pie

in a corner shop. Yeah. So prank phase one, mission success. Complete. Really, really great stuff so you know i suppose we can uh look forward to the return of the family unit and and see just how that part of the prank landed with them i think there's going to be a few smiles and backpats all around yes i think i think we might just be bringing this family just that one step closer and it excites me

guy it excites me i mean it's hard for it not to we um of course last night we went out we got the gloves and uh i just so happen to have eight or nine uh high resolution gopro cameras lying around the house so we sort of set them up sit sit all of those up and uh we got we went and got a bit of dirt and made a fine dusty powder and just sort of sprayed it liberally over them to give them a sense of age time and i also and this was a strike of genius on your part guy guy happened to have a couple of nails that had an exact day and time make on them uh for several months prior and we were able to hang them up on those bad boys yeah so if anyone does find them and unearth them you know i mean between the fingerprints we dusted and placed on the cameras

and and the nails that totally predates my move-in date it's even before i actually arrived in america i had to work pretty hard to trace those nails down and i didn't even really know why i was doing it at the time no but you got them now And we've got those nails into the roof and the wall. And, you know, a lot of people will say that time date nails, I mean, people can use nails anytime. But I like to think that Mark is just a guy like myself who likes to use nails while they're fresh. He's quite a fastidious sort of character, you know.

And I do think that might be part of the reason why we've gotten off on the wrong foot somewhat. He's very clean. He likes to put, you know, it's sort of, you know. And I do think that might be part of the reason why we've gotten off on the wrong foot somewhat. He's very clean. He likes to put, you know, it's sort of, you know, it's stuff that it wouldn't occur to the ordinary person, but he likes to put his dishes back in the cupboards, you know. He likes to rinse his cutlery in between uses. All these sort of little fastidious details.

Doesn't use the same bowl twice. Drives me nuts. But it's those sorts of things that mean that, you know, the nail thing adds up perfectly with his personality. Yes. It's very well thought out as part of the prank. Yeah. And, I mean, we didn't quite get to see it because you were in the spare room

and I was in my room, but it sounded like there was a little bit of a commotion this morning when the parents were getting dressed. Oh, no. It sounds like there was a little bit of a commotion this morning when the parents were getting dressed. Oh, no. Let's just say they weren't too happy, were they, guys? They were quite distraught, really. Yeah, well, it sounds like one of those brooches that we found, you know, it doesn't just predate the parents, but I think it's been in the family for four to five generations.

Yeah. And certainly it's with a new family, a family of fish. Yes, that's right. Down the bottom of the Brooklyn River. It's getting schooled, you could say. Yeah. It's about time that brooch went back to school, a school of fish. There it is. There it is.

God. And it's even funny hearing that joke the second time. Because when you made it last night as we tossed it off that pier, I thought that was just, hmm, that was beautiful. Well, it's one of those ones that's so good. I'll probably keep saying it for days, weeks to come. Yeah, you're like James Bond, you know? I am a bit.

He's got that great sense of humor. That's it. And so do I. Yeah, gosh. And I'd never made a website before, so that was a fun thing for me to experience on this trip, was making that website and registering it in Mark's name. Yeah.

And it's blowing up. People love that live feed. Yeah. I mean, there's every chance that people are watching us right now. Yeah, yeah. Makes you think, doesn't it? It really does. I mean, technology is an incredible tool,

and people can use it for good or for bad. You can use it for fun. Yeah, and I think that's the forgotten use of technology. It doesn't have to be moralistic. It doesn't need to be to cause something positive or negative. It can just be for a bit of a laugh. And I suppose, in a sense, a laugh is geared towards the positive. We are maybe using it for positive

because we are trying to bring not just a family unit close together but also our relationship to their family that's right that's right a little closer together it's changed for good and uh i didn't tell you this because i thought i might hide it from you until uh the big reveal but when i was rummaging around mark's stuff i did find uh a diary or a journal in which he has been, you know, not just sharing his deeper innermost thoughts, but also planning various different stages of his life. And I can confirm that tomorrow, that is Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, is the big day. Is that right? We've got the proposal coming up.

We do? That is very exciting because, I mean, as far as we know, that ring still remains. Well, I've checked the ice trays. They're still full. And he hasn't said anything about it. They've been eating out a lot. They've been drinking out a lot.

I mean, they barely, you know, touched any of the stuff in the fridge or in the cupboards. And all the more for us, that's what I say. Exactly, exactly. So, I mean, it's just so exciting when things like this happen when all of these sort of best laid plans dovetail so neatly together and you know the the idea of that proposal going over is i'm sure it will uh incredibly well yes i i i i'm just so thrilled to to be part of, to be part of Mark and Fiona's life. Well, because when you visit a city, so often you only see the city as a visitor or a tourist.

Very rarely do you get to insert yourself into such a rich tapestry of family history and to really move through the city as part of something bigger than yourself. Exactly. Exactly, Guy. That's why it was so important to me to live with Americans. And, you know, sure, they're a little crankier than the people I'm used to, but so be it. That's it, Guy.

You know, eat what the locals are eating. Speak what the locals are speaking. Prank the locals in a way that is going to hurt them, but also bring them closer together. Well, like the locals do. Like the locals do. And we've got a shared vision and a shared end goal here. And so, yeah, I mean, I'm grateful for your coming here

because certainly I was starting to feel pretty isolated and sort of, I guess I was just finding it a little bit tough to see how I could insert myself into these scenarios. But two hits are better than one. That's it. That's it. I'm grateful for you having me here, Guy. Can I say, I know it's early in the trip,

but I've had a fantastic time with you hosting me this time around. No one's gotten hurt. No one's, well, neither of us have. You know, we're having a good time. We're laughing. We're, you know, spending a lot of Mark's money. We are spending a lot of money. But, you know, it's fun.

Yeah. And that's what this show was meant to be, you know. Money's for spending. I mean, sure, you know, along the way you could be picking up a few tips, you know, fun pranks you could do on your parents or your kids or your partners or your friends' partners at home. But at the end of the day, I suppose this is also a podcast about friendship. Yeah, exactly.

It is. And that's what sticks with you for life, isn't it? You know, it's not the bad days. It's not the sad days. It's not the pranks. It's the friendships. And we're building that. We really are.

I mean, you know, God knows what we have to look forward to tomorrow. I think I can hear some footsteps coming up the hallway right now. Yeah. I think the family are coming to roost. Coming home to roost. Cock-a-doodle-doo. Doo. Yeah.

So maybe we should hide ourselves away again. We want to make ourselves pretty scarce pretty quickly. And let's sit back and watch the fireworks. Sounds good to me.