The Worst Idea Of All Time - HOSTING 3: 04 The Charm Offensive

Episode Date: March 8, 2020

How to eat a horse, the origins of Seinfeld and one heck of noise from a human being, they say there’s always magic in the air on Broadway. Guy and Carlo have stared deep into the pit of despair, the yawning maw of human suffering from which no light, nor joy escapes but the stars are always brightest from the bottom of the well. Sometimes, you have to walk through the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune to realise that fortune itself is a matter of perspective.Support us on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/TWIOATCatch up on Hosting on its own stream here: (iTunes) (RSS) (Web Player) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The hills are alive with the sound of Hello and welcome to another episode of Hosting Live from New York. You're with Guy and Carlo and we have had a fantastic afternoon. Somebody just went and saw his first musical on Broadway with a little guy I like to call Guy Montgomery, and that someone was me. That's right. Front row tickets, no expense spared in this particular instance.

Carlo and I went to check out The Lion King on Broadway, one of the longest-running Broadway musicals in the history of Broadway, and it's pretty easy to see why, isn't it? Oh, God. The production value, the staging, the costume work. I mean, all of it was incredible. Just truly one of the greatest musicals of all time. There it is.

That's amazing. And you didn't know that musicals had made it as far as? As even the West Coast of the time. There it is. That's amazing. And you didn't know that musicals had made it as far as? As even the west coast of the US. So to find them all the way over here on the east coast boggles my mind. And to see that they've taken it so far. Well, yeah, just the fact that a small Australian film, The Lion King, can be over here.

You think The Lion King's an Australian film? Absolutely, Guy, yeah. But all the accents in the film, they're largely American accents. Not the film I saw, Guy. So, odd. But yeah, it's cool. Did you see the movie at the cinema or did you watch that at home? Theatrical release.

Went down to the Gleninus Chapel Theatre and I watched The Lion King. And you're sure it's the 1995 version? 1995, yeah. Could have been into 1994. Yeah. With all the voices from the, there were all the regular voices. Well, when you say regular... Jonathan Taylor Thomas voicing Simba, for example.

See, I don't know who that is. That's a strange... That's strange to me. Well, how did the voice... Could you just say one of the lines from the movie as it was said in the movie? Oh, I just can't bloody wait to be king. Could you just say one of the lines from the movie as it was said in the movie? Oh, I just can't bloody wait to be king.

You know that. What's a classic line from the line? It's been such a long time since I've seen it. Everything the light touches is yours. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See there, Simba. One day. the light touches is yours oh yeah yeah yeah see there simba one day everything the light touches will be yours my little cobber oh it sounds like someone at the uh glenn and his chapel theater might have been i suppose, live dubbing the film or...

I tampered with the... I don't know about that guy. I know that I went and watched an incredible film about a young lion who had the same voice as his father and his love interest and all the other characters in that film all sounded like Mal who worked in the projection booth, like every film guy. Incredible.

That Mal was a busy guy, I suppose. Only film he didn't dub was Gladiator. Well, at least he didn't dub the main parts. So we saw The Lion King, and the Americans have really had their way with that Australian film, haven't they? They've really taken some liberties, haven't they? Gone are the wacky, wacky rumours and gossip about various people from the townsfolk of Glen Innes. And, you know, local tidbits and remedies, you know, from anything from bad breath to ankle troubles. You know, those little bits that really made it a film for me were gone.

But still, I mean, the musical numbers were incredible. You know, so well executed. It was a really nice way to spend an afternoon. And also, you know, you're only here a week. You really want to try and fit in as many authentic New York City experiences as you can. And so it's sort of nice to cross another one off the list. Yeah. I mean, you hear about Broadway, you know, and it's cool to see it replicated here in New York.

When you hear about it, where do you hear about it from? Broadway here in the city of Sydney, running between Central Station and Victoria Park. And as far as you understand it, that's the main Broadway globally? Yes. Yeah. and as far as you understand it that's the main broadway globally yes yeah so when people talk about off broadway and on broadway they of course refer to shops directly on broadway or shops that aren't on broadway so you must have been blown away to see you know the american version of the iconic Sydney strip. Oh, yeah.

It's cool. It's very different to Broadway in Sydney. Gone are the sort of vacant lots and closed down old record stores, the massive construction work for Sydney Central Park and the, you know, old German restaurant. But in their place, an incredible theatre and musicals district. Quite different, really. Yeah.

Is there any way you could imagine that the American Broadway was the original or sort of was there... Well, no. A lot of the theatres and buildings sort of predate the the what the listings on the sydney it's very well done isn't it very well done like the way that they've made it the buildings they're like an older style kind of like a style i've seen in some buildings in Sydney or, you know, God forbid, in old York. But, you know, certainly more modern, I would imagine. And after we went to the musical, we had a lovely authentic American diner experience.

Yes. Not unlike on the tv show seinfeld which of course i do explain to you yeah um and i feel like i really missed out on quite a big institution in missing the show seinfeld well it's okay you can catch up whenever you want you know those shows aren't going anywhere well yeah i mean, I guess it'd be a long read, wouldn't it? A long read? You can just watch it. It's a show.

Oh. Sorry, when you were explaining to me before, I thought it was like a book, a series of books. Oh, it's a series of episodes of a TV show. So it's all visual. And it's set in a diner. Well, a diner is one of the locations that the characters spend time in. It's wild.

Like, I mean, it's a cool... This is probably one of the real things that I say is distinctly American that I've got to experience on this trip. The diner. You know, it's serving mostly australian foods hamburgers pie donuts but the the decor and the kind of atmosphere of it the kind of sort of strange 50s australiana vibe is um is really cool yeah i mean we had a great time and, yeah, it's just another great day. To think back to the challenges I feel we've faced as friends

when previously hosting one another, it's nice to see just how far in the rear vision mirror those experiences are. Clearly. And to know that a holiday can just be two friends hanging out having a laugh and having a good time just just chewing the fat over a slice of pie and a and a cup of you know hot filter coffee you know absolutely yeah it's it's great it's it's really opened my eyes to the possibilities that you know america has that America has in store for the visitor, for the guest. It's a city geared towards, well, you can live on its shore, but it's a hell of a place to visit.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't want to stay. And I respect you for soldiering it out for so long, guy. and I respect you for soldiering it out for so long, guy. It's just too similar to Australia or Auckland for me. It's like a smaller version of Sydney or Auckland. Well, it's bigger.

Landmass-wise, yes. And population, building size. I mean, the entire scale of the places is so much larger than need of the cities that you've listed exactly right yes but in spirit like a country town you know yeah i mean you know you can only relay what your experience of a place is and if that's your experience then that's what it is yeah to you not enough going on you know i need stimulation i need you know excitement culture um but you know new york's certainly you know they cook a good pie well you know i i think we experienced some culture like i said we got few tickets to see your show on Broadway. Yes, yes.

But what I mean is it would be great to see something uniquely American. I don't want to see The Lion King or Tales from Ben Lomond. I don't want to see a kind of strange 50s uptake of the Australian milk bar. You know what I mean? It would be great to go somewhere where it's its own thing. It's got its own culture, you know? Well, the challenge to find that authentic

American experience for you continues, I suppose. I mean, yeah, it's, these are American institutions, but I suppose, you know, different people see different things and they experience things differently. Different horses for different courses what's the etymology of that back in the day you say you want to eat a horse you're not going to eat every course from the same horse because you probably get very sick from the blood poisoning so what you would do is you would take a little nibble from, say,

up to three horses, or if you're going to dig a station, maybe 12 horses, just a tiny bit, the fetlock from one horse, the hindquarters from another horse, the ribs, the back. You know, you've got to try different horses at different courses. You've got to try different horses at different courses. In this metaphor or analogy... Fact. The initial horse with blood poisoning, you still eat some from that horse.

All horses will give you blood poisoning, Guy. We were just not meant to eat horse. But if you want to soldier on and eat a whole horse, you're going to have to take every part from a different horse. There it is wow so well informed so uh we haven't just been culture vultures all day circling the uh you know the bourgeoisie of uh new york city we've also been a couple of cheeky charmers. We have been. Back on the charm offensive, as well you know. Operation Charm Krieg.

That's right. And as we discussed last night, today is the big day. We are here in sort of a dead time, I suppose, between the afternoon and the night. You could call it the evening. That's the... American word for it. Yes, Australian word too. And, I mean, we successfully sort of extricated ourselves from the lounge

before everyone made it back inside. And it would be fair to say Mark's parents were pretty upset by the state of him not so much laughs not as many laughs very somber mood wasn't it yeah it's almost like they didn't really understand the spirit of the prank but you know to go out and explain that to them would betray our involvement so we just sort of had to sit in the spare room quietly for two hours as, you know, the wails and peals of... Yes, that long drawn out, you know, moan of despair is really was for me to... I've never experienced the pure grief of another human being made so visceral by a noise before but that call of of murtagh's broken voice i mean that really really sunk at home. No father wants to see their son in that state, which is not news to me, but it did give us pause, pause to reflect a moment.

But I think when taken in the context of the various other pranks we have set up. It is still funny. Well, yeah, once the whole sort of thing comes full circle and we close that loop, i think in the context of uh what we're trying to achieve here that um they'll see it in a new light i think so it will be it will be a catharsis for the family when the prank is complete you know that's right. Much like the Lion King guy, it's the circle of life. And don't shop at the newsagents on Sundays if you don't want to get ripped off, is how I think that song ends.

Yeah, and beyond that, to see this sort of, I suppose, But, I mean, beyond that, to see this sort of, I suppose, I mean, you know, they're not just dealing with their son being hospitalized. Thank Lord for the fantastic health insurance he has from his job at the Empire State Building. But to see, you know, Murtagh crying out as he did, we couldn't see it live, but we were streaming it on the website, to see him doing it in that, you know,ouse which is so clearly belongs to june yeah i mean it's it's sweet to see that they really stuck at it and wore the clothes they packed it makes me laugh guy yeah no it's uh

yeah it's just those little sort of details, they really, you know, they elevate the moment. But all of that to say that if I'm not much mistaken, this evening they have a reservation at a fine dining restaurant. That's right, for a very special little occasion, which I think might go a little awry. Yeah, so all six members of the family, Mark and Fiona and June and Murtagh,

and of course Terry and Michael, they've all got a table for six. And unbeknownst to them, there's a little date taking place between two housemates, not so far from where they'll be sitting. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Terry. Your credit card details are safe with us.

That's right. And so while they'll be having dinner, we too will be having dinner. And we're going to put on our finery and our glad rags and perhaps a few old family brooches, the ones that didn't make it to the bottom of the Brooklyn River. Can't throw them all out, Guy. Well, no.

I mean, some of those things look so expensive. And the diamonds in the one that didn't make it to the bottom of the Brooklyn River. Can't throw them all out, Guy. Wow, no. I mean, some of those things look so expensive. And the diamonds in the one that you kept. Well, I like to prank, but I've also got an eye for the finer things in life. So, you know, whether or not they notice us, we'll be watching them. And it's, well, it's pretty exciting. I've taken the liberty of cutting some eye holes in some menus, Guy,

and I think that's going to be just fun visually for us to know that that's what we will be looking like. And I'm excited. Absolutely. And it's a Michelin star restaurant too. So you'll be able to enjoy some of the finest food available, not just here in New York City, but the the world over it's not cheap uh we're grateful that mark can make it at all i mean he is in a full body cast but he is savage beating it's dangerous streets new york i

can only imagine that at some point after i blacked out during that violent attack upon Mark's person that he must have been attacked by a separate person because to think that I was capable of unleashing such malice upon another human body frightens me and I just really hope that that's not the case. No, well, and were it to be, I don't know that I could sleep at night. I mean, I like to joke and kid around as much as the next person, but to see the outcome of that prank,

if that was solely us, well, we would have to take a long hard look in the mirror. That is not on. Yeah, that goes beyond a prank. I mean, he's in a full-body cast. Talk about a rough day at work. I mean, you get beaten up once for a prank. I mean, he's in a full-body car. Talk about a rough day at work. I mean, you get beaten up once for a prank and then again, independent of that, by some hoodlums or thugs. Yeah, it's a dangerous city, Guy,

and that's truly become apparent to me in today's dealings with Mark because somebody gets a bit bashed for a prank, for a laugh. You know, they're covered in ice water. You see them lying on the ground. You help them. But not here in a prank, for a laugh. They're covered in ice water. You see them lying on the ground. You help them. But not here in New York, it would seem. No, you savage upon them. You break nine bones in one arm, ten bones in a leg.

It's probably hard to come back from that kind of damage. Well, you'd imagine so, but he's a resilient guy. And like I've said, he's a very fastidious guy. He likes everything to be clean. He likes to flush his poos down the toilet. Just these little things that aren't always commonplace amongst the rest of society that he really sticks to. And so I'm almost certain that he's going to, well, I don't know, that he'll get down on bended knee, but he'll find a way to take that little box out of his pocket

or full body cast and extend it through his arm, also in a full body. He'll find some way. There'll be a lever system or something. Yeah, I'm sure that, you know, he's got some, his dad actually works as an engineer, and that's not something he told me, but I heard Murtagh talking about his practice,

so I'm sure that there'll be some way that they've jimmied this thing up so that the box can open and the big reveal can take place. So I think I've just got a feeling that after tonight's dinner, they might all need quite a stiff drink with a couple of ice cubes in it, if you know what I mean. I know exactly what you mean. Well, so we'll be there in our final wouldn't it be nice actually if uh as soon as we saw the engagement take place we raced off home secret

from them and uh perhaps started mixing up some cocktails so that everyone can uh really reflect on a an evening well spent and a beautiful union that is uh going to continue going from strength to strength i think that i think that's actually a very kind, generous offer to make, Guy. And I think I'm with you on that. And don't you think it might be a little funnier still if perhaps amongst the variety of spirits and liqueurs that we mixed cocktails in, we also, just for prank for prank's sake,

introduced, I don't know, a couple of vials of arsenic or cyanide. Interesting, Guy. Appleseed of arsenic or cyanide. Interesting guy. Appleseed poison. Talk me through it. What's the big prank? Well, I just think in an evening when everything is so clearly laid out and there's very little opportunity for hijinks or miscommuniqué, which is some of my favorite humor.

Introduce some risk. Introduce some risk, a little jeopardy of course we won't be drinking from any of the cocktails that could potentially contain either of these poisonous substances but certainly if we put it into one maybe two cocktails you know not so much as to permanently eliminate uh the the prank victim but enough to make them really really sick. I'm cracking up just thinking about it. You and me both.

Anyway, if we want to do that, we'd better head back down to the bodega, the famous American corner store. They really do stock everything, don't they? Well, they're slightly different from the dairies back home in New Zealand or the corner stores. Corner shops in Australia, yes. They really do have some for everyone. And we stock up, we get the pantry loaded, we get the drinks cabinet ready, we put on a couple of tuxedos. I don't have one myself and neither do you, but if I'm not

much mistaken, Mark's cupboard should be full of the things. So we put those on, we head on out and we have ourselves a hell of a night on the table. We show them that New York isn't just the city that sleeps. It's also a city that can have a bit of fun after 9 p.m. New York City is so much bigger than the geographical landmass itself. It's also, you know, cities aren't defined just by their city limits. They're defined by the people inside of them. And it's about time that these sort of, you know,

these frazzled and these frayed edges and nerves of the American people experience, you know, a good old back pat from their Antipodean friends. And here, here, Guy, is all I can say to that. Here's cheers. Cheers indeed. Well, let's slip into a suit, slip onto a subway, and slip into one hell of a night.