The Worst Idea Of All Time - MWWC3: “I want to leave” (w/ David Farrier)

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

Filmmaker/journalist David Farrier (Dark Tourist, Tickled) joins the fellas to see CATS (2019) for a second time. His initial screening resulted in a drunken tweeted review that went viral, and landed Dave in trouble with the film’s NZ promoters. Dave is no friend of musicals generally; They creep him out. What’s up with the three names that cats need? We don’t know. What we do know; Taylor Swift’s dad had a BIG impact on this movie. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can you tell me or explain to me what the plot of Cats is? Oh, wow. What a way to throw me under the bus there. Yes. No, it's a classic. It's a big musical. Sure, I've heard of that. Andrew Lord Webber. And it's one cat's journey towards what is essentially cat heaven. Cats!

Meow! When I was 13, my parents started breeding cats. Bermans. Seal point Bermans, to be precise. I'd wake and be surrounded by cats and all that the cat life entailed. Kitten cats, male cats, female cats. Cat cages, cat shows, cat breeding. Always the breeding, the eternal life cycle of the cat burned into my retinas. The yowling, the prowling, the fucking.

When I was 25, I hung out with some furries in Hamilton. Charming folk, I really loved them. They loved Disney films, adored My Little Pony. They got turned on by putting on dog suits, fox suits, cat suits. Adults, all yowling, prowling, fucking. I'm 37 now, and I've just seen Cats the Movie. I've never seen the stage show, but I know the songs. I get the gist. Big songs, big numbers. This film is something else. I'm 13 again. I'm 25 again. I'm at my parents house hearing cats fuck. I'm watching a furry put on a cat suit. I'm watching Idris Elba nude as a cat. His ass is sticking out. I'm watching all the cats, legs constantly spread, gyrating, grinding, growling, yowling, prowling, fucking. This is the worst thing I've ever seen.

This is what death feels like. This is the worst ketamine trip. This is awful. This is not a film. This is chaos. This is a CGI from Scorpion King. I don't know if I'm five minutes in or five hours Nothing matters anymore This is the death of all things Fuck it Meow, meow, meow Welcome along to episode three of Our Week With Cats With your hosts Timbett and Guy Montgomery

And today we are joined in the cinema and in the studio By a very special guest, David Farrier It's really nice to be here and to have just seen Cats for a second time with you. That was a review I wrote after the first time I saw it. Got in a bit of trouble for that, didn't you, David? Yeah, I did. I was sent there by a publication to write a review. They said you can say whatever you want. You know, it's Cats. It's a fun thing. It was quite difficult, me getting into the screening.

I wasn't invited because I'd sort of made some sort of... I i'd watch the trailer and probably bad mouthed it a little bit being a bit suspicious but i got into the screening i got quite drunk i wrote that review and then i submitted it and big boss said we can't publish this they're like we've got to be you know we'd like we have to have some sort of relationship with the distributors we can't put that on the website and so then i was like oh fuck it i'll just i'll tweet it out so i tweeted it but i forgot it was like an embargo and i just got hounded on every medium by um the the the guy at the film company because i broke an embargo so i got twitter dms i got an instagram dm uh facebook message phone calls and a text he's very prolific you know, I felt bad because I just hadn't thought about it. I'm not an entertainment journalist,

and I sort of thought a tweet wouldn't count as a review. But I guess because I've written it in four paragraphs and kind of it looked maybe like a review. It certainly sounds like a review. It's a review. It's undeniably. It's an incredibly artful review, though. It's a lot more poetic than your typical

newspaper yeah i just felt a lot watching that film because i'd um i'd grown up as in as i said in the review my parents bred cats and i've just been surrounded by cats and i love cats and just the experience of seeing this film it's so deeply unsettling because there's some the primary thing it comes down to i think think, is just it doesn't, having humans with those cat characteristics just leaves a deeply unsettling feeling. It's not like the stage show where they're in makeup and outfits. This is a real weird, sexy mix. Yeah, and I think that's something I, for the record, I am liking cats more and more with uh every passing screening but we can talk about that later because i think one of the challenges that the movie has

is what would be true for any uh screen adaptation of a stage show which is like and tim and i were talking about this after we recorded yesterday that one of the things that makes like a musical or any stage so so satisfying especially one with a sense of spectacle and impressive, is the set changes and the moments between the numbers where you're really impressed by how quickly they can achieve something in so little space and time. And a movie does not have that at all. It's got nothing but time and infinite possibilities for what they can do.

And so you're judging it against a much harsher, or it feels different from seeing it on a stage. Yeah, and there's a charm to a stage show where you can see the background and people rushing on and taking props off and all that stuff. There's no charm to a heavily digitized film. It's not charming. It's just deeply unusual.

And so the only charm is the emotions that the actors are emoting And that's really difficult Because they're covered in fucking fur and stuff And the source material is just bizarre What? Like if you peel back all the layers and just go What are we dealing with here? Like what are we dealing with here?

It's a cult of cats Yeah I mean that's the thing about the show Everyone that loves cats makes it very clear that there's no story and that's kind of like the i don't know that's part of the joy of it i yeah you know but but extending that to a feature film i yeah i don't know man they i think that i mean it's it's undeniably a huge and misguided challenge that they have undertaken um just for reference before we get too deep into the the conversation about the film itself how did it hold up as a second screening again like was that because that is a pretty scathing review you released after yeah the first time was rough um i went on a a first date because

i thought what a first date to take someone due to that to see how that goes but i was i got a bit boozed i and and so it sort of took on a kind of surreal kind of you know your brain's a bit muddly and you're watching the stuff i was very sober today i mean we saw that at 3 30 p.m on a saturday uh very sober it's super sunny day it was very much daytime it was beautiful the cinema was fucking thriving no that's actually something that blew my mind it was pretty full Yeah but you guys are failing to mention This is a small cinema

It seats about 100 And it's the only place in town playing Cats Yeah and I would say this They were largely a pretty muted audience There were a few people who seemed to be on the same wave we were But You were by far the most vocal audience member guy i think that will continue to grow joining in on the numbers and that is an interesting thing because i've had

friends in the states that you watch their instagram stories and they're in theaters and they're loud and people are there for the spectacle in new zealand is not that i think it's probably where we were as well in the middle of um the cinema that is known for upper class, sort of middle class, upper white people. And it was very muted. Kiwis don't know Cats as well, I reckon. It's obviously a very, very, very famous musical, but we don't really fuck with musicals. Cats fans aren't limited by nationality.

I think Cats finds the people who want to find them. The cast decides. The fringe society members existing on the margins, scrounging around in the rubbish for dirt and scraps. Just a little spot of earth that they can call their own. A roof over their head on a stormy night. These are the cats fans. This was a flashy audience, though.

But when you say it doesn't have charm because it's so digitized i totally agree but that is what will make it and with that rambunctious sort of audience base that will continue to watch it regardless of execution because they love the source material so much it will become very charming and very cultish this will have and like lasting fan base rocky horror status i status, I think. Or probably closer to The Room, but The Room, it's a different thing. It's similar, actually. It is similar to The Room. It will be like The Room.

People will be yelling and singing the songs, because the digitized stuff is bad now, at time of release in 2020, which means that it's going to age so quickly and so poorly that it will imbue the film. And that's why I referenced Scorpion King in my review, because the last time I remember seeing something and just feeling unsettled was Scorpion King. And there's just times you're watching these cats,

and it's like the faces, the human faces are kind of floating on their cat bodies. They've really just been rudimentary, sort of chucked on. So the first watch I was i was watching the film as it intended me to watch it where you look at the things that are in focus in the middle of the screen that's what they want you to do and i was there for that second watch i was doing the old worst idea eyes where you look for everything you're wandering off to the side people's facial expressions you got a shot that's it that's exactly it looking for looking for mistakes to be honest looking for little little tidbits like a magpie but then this watch i was just i

blocked out the faces and i was just watching the bodies and it's really unimpressive if you do that because i think the most impressive visual feat that they've done is stitching the actors faces sort of feathering it off into a cat head. But if you just look at the bodies themselves, it's like, just blobs easy. I, I find the faces. I stand by the assessment of the faces.

Like they look like they were done on the Instagram stories filter. We just plant yourself on a body in real time, rendering it in real time. The bodies. And I think there's a criticism you made yesterday, Tim, like the body, the actual dance component of this movie is very very

impressive when they give the dancing space to happen it's fucking awesome but it is muted so heavily by they're all like they're all their bodies are flattened by fur like you don't see any of the nuance of the dance because these are it's computers these yeah human cat and at times yeah when you do see all the dancers working together, that is impressive. But I also think the direction at times is quite bad because some of the shots just rest on that big wide and see all the movement. Some of the angles they're giving you, you don't see how good those real human dancers are.

They're missing a lot of that stuff. I don't know why they made that decision. You can see some real impressive shit going on behind what's in frame a lot of the time. Absolutely. Show us that. Show us that you've actually got people there acting and learning those moves. It's true.

But the cast, the more you watch it, you do start picking out different dancers or cast members. You loved Robert Downey III, eh? Robert Downey Jr. He's the, for Dave, who's presumably uninitiated from my conversation with Louie, I don't know who you're talking about. He's sort of the,

he's the Jellicle Cat 2IC. He looks a bit like Robert Downey Jr. The main one. as a cat, and he's guiding around I know who you're referencing, absolutely.

He's a really, really good dancer. And also, I enjoy, his voice isn't sensational, but it carries the the tunes and it carries the story and there's a there's not a lot of story to cali but there's a lot of time to get through and i did write down the question today uh that i put to both of you is

what is the longest part of cats i mean i i know, you... It's Reba Wilson's song. Because you keep thinking it's over and then they biff another verse in and I hate her performance and I hate the song as well. I hate every part of that. The song sucks and she sucks doing it too.

So the whole thing really blows. I have been sticking up for Reba Wilson but I will say this, I thought she had a very tough day at the office. Today was the best week. It was not that she wasn't bringing it, but the audience were not meeting her halfway. Not at all. It was laid bare.

You were criticizing Francesca Hayward, our star, Victoria's voice yesterday. Reba Wilson can barely hold a note. She's fucking stiffed, man. She gets such a hard job. The gag of her constantly is just falling off things yeah she falls off but then also they throw her these asides a lot of the stuff that makes it in that rebel wilson does just reeks of the very end of a day's shooting and tom hooper saying yep we're just going to do one more don't worry it's almost definitely not going to make it

in you i will jump on this band this bandwagon you're laying down for this specific part of the movie and dave i know you noticed this because i saw your reaction when um the rum tum tugger jason zorillo's song is on everyone is getting hypnotized by his body movements and all the female cats are moving along with him in a very sexualized manner it feels very weird to watch and then there's a quick there's, we're in the middle of the song and there's a quick aside to Rebel Wilson's cat and she says, has he been muted recently?

Because he's hitting those high notes. And then she makes a snipping finger gesture and it just holds the shot with her and the main cat for fucking like 20 seconds. Nothing's happening. And for some reason, we're just staying with them.

Yep. It's so weird. And then the next cutaway, which is in the same song, in like 20 seconds nothing's happening if for some reason we're just staying with them yep it's so weird and then the next the next cutaway which is in the same song which by the way i know that you cannot like ripples and song the rum tum tugger is that is one of the worst i'm pretty sure that that song goes for two hours that was fucking brutal and it's getting worse every day you don't like this film i do like two songs i like some of this film a lot but they layered that up with these other creatures it's the only time in the film where you get other creatures i think where you've got suddenly you've got the mice yeah that's revealed and then you got fucking for some reason cockroaches i haven't seen a cat

love cockroaches i didn't know that was a big thing cats love but apparently they do it's a weird thing and the lyrics of the song she talks about teaching a beetle tattoo and then immediately you see cockroaches you're like those are fucking cockroaches a cockroach is definitely not a subset of beetles are you no i would argue definitely not i mean we can check but i'm pretty confident i'm gonna go to the reef on this while while tim does that all of this to say the next cut cutaway River Wilson is given in the fucking atrocity of the Rum Tum Tugger is

it's her saying I can dance like that, and at this point obviously Robert Downey Jr the third has been dismissed from set because where they've been standing together, it's now very obviously just her, and they've framed it so there's a lamppost to the side of her, which he is purportedly i guess meant to be behind because they've 80

yard his voice in to say show me like so blatantly off mic and then she does this little dance and it's like what are you like it's just so she's been fucking absolutely stitched up it's not a perfect performance but tom hoover had it out for me from the start. I think that was a decision made by the studio. He did not sign off on it, and he made them pay. I didn't catch that. That's what Watch 3 does. Cora.com.

Etymology. What is the difference between a cockroach and a beetle? Top-rated answer by an etymology expert, a person with a PhD from the University of California, Davis. Very different. Those are the first two words. Well, very different, you idiots. Cora has not put me wrong yet before.

I don't see why I would start now. Yeah, I was really grasping at the straws to defend that. It's a big mistake, but it's a movie full of them. This is what I'm trying to tease out, because what I'm doing is I'm using the clues that have been left in this cut of the picture, and we will talk about if this is version one or two. I'm trying to determine... I think...

Look, Tom Hooper made a lot of bad calls. There's no question about that. But he got fucked by the studio, definitely. The time frame that they gave him to get this thing out was completely unrealistic. Apparently, the review screening was on the same day as the review screening for the new star wars movie and that opened at the same time in the cinema but you're going up against a disney and b the last star wars movie in the current trilogy and there's all these fucking things that don't make sense number one so we got we've got the Sog says they're beetles.

We've got cockroaches. You look at the feet. There's no rules to the feet. No, none. Serene McKellen has cat feet. Jennifer Hudson has cat feet. Everyone else gets human feet. Or shoes.

A couple of them get bones. And I swear to God, by the end of this series, I'll be able to point out exactly where. But in some of the mid shots, I'm sure some of those hands are cat paws. No, it changes as well because Judi Dench, her hands swap. So some people have cat hands. Some people have human hands. But the transition between the hand and the arm. It's bad.

Some of that on Judi Dench is just a coat. Like you see the edge of a coat she's wearing. But she is wearing a coat. Oh, that's the other confusing thing because some of them are wearingy dench is just a coat like you see the end of a coat she's wearing a coat oh that's the other confusing thing because we're wearing coats oh it's so annoying and yeah and then if we're speaking of cats in coats the the rebel wilson like it breaks all the logic of the world that she is twice wearing a plain cat fur tracksuit that she unzipped to reveal a pink sort of rhinestone sequined undershirt. I don't understand. It's the same skin. And then that same skin underneath there.

And all of the other cats, no one bats an eye. They go, of course. And she did that a couple of times, didn't she? When she was on the barge at the end, she did the double pull-up. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, last thing I will say and this isn't necessarily defending River Wilson

but this it's okay if you want to Jenny Annie Dots the Rum Tum Tugger and also Bustopher Jones all get a very raw deal not story wise but within the context

of the Jellicle Ball they're all hypothetically preparing to compete that night in the Jellicle Ball they all put all hypothetically preparing to compete that night in the Jellicle Ball. They all get to do a dress rehearsal, essentially. That's a good point. And are then taken away. And so when Jennifer Hudson, when Grizabella wins the Jellicle Ball

after memories, which it might have won anyway, but hypothetically, if all of these cats are free from the barge at this point, the Rum Tum Target, we should have to sit through the Rum Tum Target again. We should have to sit through Bustopher Jones again. We should have to sit, we should see the real competition and we should sit through Jenny Annie Dots again. Oh, fuck.

And then at the end of that, Judy Dent should say, would any other Jellicle cats like to enter? It's once a fucking year. Why don't they all compete? You've clearly got nothing to lose by entering. Why are only some of the cats competing in the Jellicle choice?

Bustopher Jones, he's got a pretty good life. What's he trying to get out of there for? Same with the railroad cat. I feel like he's got a deal where he says, I'm going to fucking come and hit it out of the park every single year, but I do not want to leave he says, I'm going to fucking come and hit it out of the park every single year, but I do not want to leave the railway.

I'm elevating the competition. He's hired by the studio. They put him in. He sets a baseline of quality. You know what's funny? Mr. Mistoffelees literally saves Judi Dench's life and she still doesn't pick him. And he does it using magic.

And she's still like, meh. It's incredible discipline from her not to immediately award it to Mr. Mistoffelees, just based on pure emotion. Yeah. You've been on the end of a plank at the barge. By the way, that timeline doesn't work out. That's what makes her old Deuteronomy. Because Macavity, and what's the name of Macavity's henchman?

Turtle scratcher? Tiger scratcher? Tumbaltits. Whoever it is. They've got her at the end of a stick saying, you're going to walk the plank. And then there's no defense. Everyone who could help her is shackled.

Tiger growl. Growl tiger. Yeah, growl tiger. And then they cut away. And for five minutes, Mr. Misovli figures out how to do it. You know what's fucked as well? Yeah. When we first get the shot of him, I've noticed this since the first,

he's holding a whip, which is in lots of different ropes, which is called a cat of nine tails. Quite a good visual gag. But they immediately swap it out for a pole. I'm like, I get it. This is good. Do that. That's funny.

Oh, that's remarkable. It's such a funny place for them to lose confidence because they throw other cat idioms that have no relation to the text and willy-nilly. Constantly, cat idioms all over the show. What was your longest moment of the film? I kind of have two in a way, and one of them is probably just coming back to that Jellicle song consistently.

Like, whenever they start talking about Jellicle cats. You're not like that. I hate it. I hate it so much. And there's one where they were just quietly almost talking. I can't remember. They're sort of talking, singing a song at one point about Jellicle cats. That whole thing.

But they kept coming back to that, which frustrated me. And I thought Judi Dench's final speech to camera was just so, it could have been chopped in half easily and i don't i'm sure as a fan of the the show maybe that's a hugely important speech i don't know but it just went i was like what nonsensical shit are you gonna say again i want to leave and i know once you finish i can probably leave the cinema but she just went on and on and on not aided by the fact that it's one shot for most of it and you're like can you at least break angle like can we I just need a breath

it's the longest wink to camera and that's what I did what you suggested I looked away from her and looked at the two other actors behind her and what facial expressions

they were making and they were all acting their hearts out or they were reacting to everything that she was saying in a speech Mr. Misopheles

does not do a great job in that scene no he's already had his moment he's proved himself to be the best magician amongst the cats he's won the girl Robert Downey Jr. a great job in that scene. No. He's gone a little... He's already had his moment. He's proved himself to be the best magician amongst the cats. This is the thing.

He's won the girl. Robert Downey Jr. III does a great job of reacting to Judi Dench, but Mr. Mistoffelees is overacting. His journey hasn't changed. Robert Downey Jr. III,

he's been consistent throughout. He's too icy of the Jellicle Cats. He fucking, you know, he shows everyone around. He says, this is what we do.

Here are some songs. I'm going to drive things when it's sagging and then at the end he's going to spend another year waiting for the Jellicle Ball Mr. Mistoffelees has gone through a huge change overnight

he was quite a clumsy magician to begin with who very clearly had a crush on Victoria and by the end of it bang he's got his magic down bang

he's got the girl he doesn't need to communicate such massive emotion he's saying fuck up Judy doesn't need to communicate such massive emotion when judy he's saying fuck up judy dench stop harping on i want to go do some magic and have some sex you're right though he he did have the most character development and a lot of the other cats had nothing happening at all it's it's fucking it's tough work out there for a cat to get a storyline let me lay this on you, gents.

First of all, Dave, you don't like musicals that much, eh? You're not like a musical guy? No, no. I've got a close friend that loves musicals, plays them in the car all the time. They just make me feel deeply uncomfortable. There's something about it. I just feel fine in them. It's not a happy place for me. Is it too earnest?

The earnestness, the catchiness Is just beyond catchy And just the way They talk about things Like the language is so Because it's storytelling I suppose There's no metaphor It's just talking about

Very mundane kind of things And then the voice actors Will come in And sort of start talking And it's not my world And I don't like it at all I quite like musicals I quite enjoy musical theatre

But it is a very odd sandpit Like the rules are weird the conventions of bizarre and it's you're either kind of you throw yourself into it and you're there for it or it's a very strange looking enterprise i was i was read i've got a musical mom not she's no good with music really but she loves musicals so you'd be played a lot of that yeah and so once you get through that that, the really confronting sort of human humiliation element of these people are doing this. It is deeply embarrassing as an art form.

I can't think of anything more possibly improv comedy. I can't think of anything more deeply embarrassing than musical theatre. Musical improv. There we go. Oh, God. I apologise to Six of Alistair. It is incredibly popular, that.

Anyway, the question I was going to ask ask i can't even remember what it was did you enjoy any of it though i'm interested in that i i got pretty sleepy in the last third because it just goes on for so long um i really enjoyed um i keep talking about judy dench but her entrance was great and so Ian McKellen's sort of sleazy entrance was great so it was more subtle Judi Dench just appears and had this big moment

and you're like holy shit what do you think of that old Deuteronomy song I'm into it you like that one yeah no I'm done with that

fuck that is a weird one to like oh it's bizarre but no it didn't rub me up the wrong way I was just I was on board it's like it's old Deuteronomy

I want to learn about this it's one where Andrew Lloyd Webber has just tried to build more and more syllables to like meet the song's requirements of how far a line needs to go like dickens got paid by the letter or words yeah yeah yeah it gets paid by the syllable like what are the lyrics in the old deuteronomy song it's like oh oh my no oh how can it be true? Ah, fuck, it's really... I believe it is all Deuteronomy My mind may be wandering

But I confess I believe it is all Deuteronomy It's like so much of it is extraneous Oh high, yes, no, oh my It's the opposite of word economy It feels like that thing where you've got a word count to hit When you're writing an essay in high school And you just add words in

Just to desperately get to that word count The whole film feels like that Just desperately trying to add content It sticks out even more After you've noticed it for the first time He is clinging to the word ineffable Like a fucking life raft If something's tagging, he's like, what?

Here we go. And then that weird sort of cats have three names scat. Affable, ineffable, affan, affable. What the fuck? Hey, that song, I don't get it. Because they go, every cat's got three names. There's the one that the family knows. And then they just sing for a while, but don't know they're not saying anything and then they

go and you've got your cat name so what the fuck's the second yeah i don't know i think they get distracted they do it's so weird because every time i've noticed i've been like what is happening here hey speaking of adding content you know this scene, the only scene really, with Taylor Swift, which makes her appearance, and catnips everyone. Do you guys think that was just a suggestion her dad made when Tom Hooper was in the room and he said, actually, I'll read this for you. What? The decision for Taylor Swift's character to have catnip. Hold on. I mean, that was the main thing that informed her character, was that she had catnip. That looks like some pretty to have catnip. Hold on. I mean, that was the main thing that informed her character,

was that she had catnip. That looks like some pretty fucking strong catnip. Tweaky stuff. Apparently, Cats director Tom Hooper visited Taylor in Nashville earlier this year to show her the design of the film's cat people. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall at that meeting. Here are the cat people. While spending time in the singer's management office her father quote the most social friendly man in the world

and quote known for blurting ideas in the middle of meetings pitched hooper his vision as swift explained to variety monday quote dad just pipes up and says hey i got an idea what if you had a scene where they are all at the Jellicle Ball and they all get catnipped? So they all just start going crazy. Tom Hooper goes, what's catnipped? All of us are like, you don't know what catnip is? Swift recalled.

We start pulling up these YouTube videos of cats on catnip. Tom looks at Dad and goes, that's going to be in the movie. That's exactly what we are going to do. So my dad walks around going, hey, I'm the reason there's catnip in that scene. A scene we have yet to see, but we have to assume involves cat people attacking a ceiling fan the size of a school bus and a catnip-fuelled kitty freakout. That is a very juicy little fucking morsel what do we know about this film it's based on a source material written in 1988 based on an almost 100 year old book of poems by t.s elliott we know that significant additions to this film that isn't that long is a major scene thought up by taylor swift's father and one of the key

songs which they had to rush the movie to get out so it was a contender for an oscar was written by taylor swift and andrew lloyd weber over the course of an afternoon and talked to the leading lady the day off and also a director that doesn't know what catnip is making sure about cats this movie it's so little going for it like it was just money they just kept pushing this money with snow plows up a hill this will fix it it's an interesting thing though because i feel the trailer for cats had such a negative reaction or at least a reaction of sort of disbelief and and i feel like the sonic the hedgehog that trailer came out and a similar thing of people just sort of being disgusted by it but whereas with sonic they did this strange approach of of them basically re you know

redoing all the visual effects and making sonic look different and say sorry cats was just like no we are very confident and good on them in a way. This is our vision. These are the cat people. Taylor Swift's dad said her buy-in. They're all in. Let's just do this thing. I think it's genetic. I think that it's like some people, when they have coriander or cilantro,

if you say that word, they taste soap. I think it's hardwired into people. They like cats or they don't. And so they know this when they're making the movie. And they're like, well, the people are saying we don't like it. I'm going to like it no matter what the fuck we do. This is cats, baby. We're putting it out.

And I will also say this. If anyone does bother to see it, I've written a huge list of the reasons why Skimbleshanks is the best cat. I'd love to hear it. All right, please. He's the best cat. The first I'd love to hear it. All right, please. He's the best cat. The first thing he does, which is sensational, other than his entrance in trousers,

is he does, sometimes the laws of gravity don't apply to the cats, and he does this jump where there's about one and a half to two seconds in the middle where he's got the effect of running on air, but he's an incredible dancer, but it's not because of a dance move. It's some sort of creative decision

they've afforded him. He sings with a Freddie Mercury lilt, especially early on in his verse. There's shades of Mercury, and that sort of really gets you set up for a fucking anthem. True, and he's got the moustache. He is a phenomenal tap dancer. That tap scene was. They sort of break the whole song just to be like, and how about this?

Shades of when Usher dances in a puddle in the rain in the music video for Confessions 2, maybe better. He knows who he is, and he is a good time. A good time. He's a good time. He's a good time cat. I can argue with that.

Absolutely. There is one- It's an unusual point. It's a Ripper song song he gets everyone else on board they're belting out the chorus by the end of it so he can pursue his true passion of just tap dancing he's not even singing by the end he's just fucking you're so fancy feet the only criticism i would make of skimble shanks the railway cats moment in the sun like all of the other cats they're so vague and wishy-washy about who they are.

He's like, hey, I'm Skimbleshanks, I'm the Railway Cat, and I fucking love to dance. The one issue is that there's a point where they have animated these sort of empty tins. They look like paint tins, but I guess for scale, they're probably just like empty tins of beans

or tuna or something. And they, like, very visibly, they're thrown into frame at one point in the background of his tap dance it's when they pulled out on the tap dance you see his whole body is on that plank and anyway they throw these empty or one of the empty tins into frame and then i'm always watching the tins i'm like i can't wait to see what they do with these tins and then they just hold the tins they just sort of move them in rhythm with their body that they're doing nothing otherwise it's a it's a really good song they're just gripping onto the tin yeah

i did expect drums i thought maybe rhythm driven yeah absolutely i thought he'd tap on he could even tap on who am i who am i who am i tay Taylor Swift's dad? Was he your Jellicle choice? Was he my Jellicle choice? I mean, he's the logical choice, but in the interest of giving all of the cats a chance. No, no, no, no, no. Of course. I mean, Skimbleshanks absolutely stole the...

What would old Deuteronomy do? Follow your heart. Don't be fair. Don't be swayed by someone saving your life using magic or cool tap dancing i thought he was the most impressive but maybe my most improved jellicle choice remembering that skimble shanks has a deal whereby he lifts the bar sure uh and didn't even enter the the jellicle ball but it was uh rumple teaser same throughout the mungo jury and rumple teaser number i think she's having some accent problems when singing man she's got a really mischievous face

and she's a mischievous cat yes to that i did not expect that because i thought i was going to throw you a real curveball with our teaser we are in sync just a quick question and this is i just realized i don't understand this when they go to the heavy side layer you got heaven side heavy heavy and i don't know heavy side layer yep um is that they're dying is it a death or is it an automatic entrance into heaven without dying it is appears to be some sort of reincarnation process whereby it's playing the idea that cats have nine lives. So Grizabella, the cat who gets sent, might have fumbled the opportunity.

I mean, it seems cruel that just as she's redeemed in the eyes of all the Jellicle cats, she gets sent away to her next life. But I think it's the most deserving cat who represents themselves. The best way to game it would be to cut your arms off, or your legs, if you're a cat. Well, it's a huge risk.

It's a massive risk. But they're not dying. They just arrive there. It's not death. It's just someone told me one cat gets to die. Yeah, but maybe. Is that death? Because all we know is that old Deuteronomy has convinced them that this is a good thing.

But we don't actually know very much about old Deuteronomy, except that she's been around a long time and everyone worships her. Long enough that no one remembers exactly the outcome of winning the Jellicle Ball. And as depicted in the film, all we know about the Jellicle choice is that you get risen up on a hot air balloon and ascend into the sky. Sort of vanish at the end. Which would kill you.

Yeah, absolutely. So it might be, much like the theatre goes, the sweet release of death is the just dessert for the most eligible catchler. It was my attempt at a Tom Hoopic I think that was your first successful pun. Dave, amongst all of the not enjoying the movie, who was your Jellicle choice today?

I really enjoyed... I felt very affable towards Sir Ian McKellen's character. I really liked him. He was the one character where I didn't feel disgusted. There was that moment where he was licking the milk, and that was awful. When you first see him? Yeah, he's just...

It's horrible to see, isn't it? No, I just feel for him, and I don't feel disgusted by him like I do with pretty much all the other cats. But don't you... He sort of lives it somehow. He does. There's an effortless charm,

especially at the beginning of his Theatre Cat song Absolutely And the way he says some of the words He's got palsy in his paws So they shake It's really nice I took the time to write the thought down That I enjoyed that also

And then by the time I finished writing it I was looking up at the screen In time for the remaining 72 minutes of the song it does drag and it tapers off pretty hard at the end it does it's not great but i just i i liked him yeah and he's old and surely he was good though wasn't he wasn't doing anything bad um well he i was his deal he was good he's i don't know man i felt sorry i feel like the only way he's going to win the jellicle ball is it is sort of like a legacy prize like when Scorsese won an Oscar

for The Departed it reaches a point where none of the other contenders quite hit it out of the park and Dame Judy goes tax pity on the old boy well done are you asking with regards to Sir M McKellen or Gus the character

the character got The character. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Because I think the portrayal is not flawless for mine. Right, right, right. He doesn't enunciate enough for musical theatre. You've got to hear the lyrics. I would love to see you say that to Sir Ian McKellen's face.

The one thing you choose to criticise him about is that role as well. That's one thing I want to say to you. I would just worship him for his portrayal of Magneto. In a super universe of failing to bring my beloved X-Men to the silver screen, he was an absolute rock through the whole thing. He's been given some really outrageous characters to play, hasn't he? What was it?

What? Did he have breakout roles in the cinema before our time? Like, what elevated him to superstar status because for our generation though it was and gandalf the great yeah that's true actually before then he was already we're just too young i think he's an old he would have done amazing things before that yeah i guarantee it was about incredible thing he'll be like a michael caine uh in the in the theater, or on screen? Both, I reckon. Yeah, he seems like one of those. He's got serious gravitas.

Absolutely. Also, for the record, three times in a row, Jennifer Hudson has made every single hair in my body and on my body stand on end. Did you know that she's going to be portraying Aretha Franklin and she was handpicked by aretha franklin before she passed away to to be here in the movie that is exactly how you want to get cast for that role fucking a huge huge news there yeah dave what would you do with 100 million dollars if they

were like can you make a film for us i wouldn't make cats i would would not make Cats. I mean, you have to credit Tom for making it. I mean, it's bold, right? Obviously, he's got some history doing musicals into compelling films. I haven't watched it, but Les Mis was apparently quite good, minus Russell Crowe not being able to sing. And, you know, he's got a history in it. And, like, I know kind of good on him for giving it a go. I'm with you.

But I'm also very curious what it does to his career now. Because it was so bad. Will they give him another thing? Or is this going to sort of destroy his career for a while? He'll do the King's Speech too. He'll do some sort of... The King's Speech was very middle budget, I think. Like, it wasn't a big budget.

And it just overperformed. I don't think... Les Mis was pretty big budget, I think. and did good, like, as it should have. And then Cats has been like, here's a massive budget, and oh no, you fucking did the eggs. Did people turn on Cats because the reviews were so bad, or were people never going to go and see Cats? It's an excellent question, because... Because it has felt it's in one cinema in Auckland at the moment. Yeah.

And that's remarkable. It is. Yeah. It's done so badly why this is a great question it's like is this a bad adaptation or was it just a bad decision to make cats a movie and i would go with the latter the cgi decisions are kind of honestly i'll shoot it straight like the one thing that ultimately fucks this there's a lot of little things but the performances on the whole are pretty good and they've cast it really well i think and it looks like something i mean there's very confused size issues cannot fucking figure out

how big or small these cats are or the road or a car or a building or a bridge it's constantly changing but i'll put that down to cgi as well if you remove that layer if we had a head an original like teenage mutant ninja turtles in the style of the 90s movies where they're wearing suits it's dudes in suits painted faces like they have on stage with that cast tell you what you could probably do it on a quarter of the budget and i think you got a pretty bloody good film thoughts yeah i don't i don't disagree i think uh as as a huge it's a mad as i think his career will be okay it's a massive swing and an equally massive miss and i respect the hell out of that because it's like it's fucking it's punishing but it's punishing on

its own terms it's like here it is this is what i've been working on with the hundred million dollars you gave me i honestly straight up have no idea how you're gonna feel about it but it's what i made and i can't tell anymore but i kind of fucking stand behind it that's that's respectful yeah or that demands respect rather also just from a from a plot point of view it's rare we see a film where it is just the same beats again and again yeah there's no arc really like that's unusual it's very unusual it's you said the word punishing before and that's how you feel when there's another song. Oh, that's right. We're not going to go into another place in this film.

It's literally just them all doing their songs. The only bit of plot I feel like they added, and I don't know if this is in the show or not, when they all got magicked off to that barge, that was like this weird addition that felt like a new place. Yeah. All the rest of it is literally just you're watching songs. It's so true. Honestly, if that was a movie without songs,

you would be fucking clawing at the seat in front of you, begging for the story to happen. It's so claustrophobic. It's Milhouse watching Itchy and Scratchy and Poochy saying, when are they going to get to the fireworks factory? It's just another character and another character and another character. And what do you know? movie's finished absolutely and also all the songs are equally as visually

thrilling or wherever whatever you want to call them boring it's all the same it's not like they're really escalating in how they look you don't have a huge fireworks display yeah three quarters of the way yeah it's the same level of of visual excitement the whole way through the fireworks display is when uh the drop hits on moonlight by jennifer hudson that's the bone they have like they almost have a crash zoom on it and they put the whole orchestra behind it no you're right the rest of the instrumentation is pretty tinny throughout and that but they're like fucking this is when you feel an emotion otherwise let's get the strings this is our oscar winning moment yeah um you know where i felt really connected to the film and it's such a tiny

moment is when uh symbol what is it symbol shanks skimble shanks the railway cat have some fucking respect skimble shanks's song and there's at one point a tiny little mouse appears and just screams cat and fucking runs in the other direction and i was like yeah dude i feel you even see that yeah that and you've seen it twice now it's yeah it's a beautiful work harder man yeah the other one is tip for young players if you haven't seen the film yet but for some reason have a plan to go and see it like if you're like man you kind of enjoy seeing the technical fuck-ups of a 100 million dollar film um there's a pretty juicy one that i alerted you observed yesterday and it is yeah i saw it today so it is and i've forgotten it again it is um james corden's no no it's mr mistoffelees

it's on a magic trick reveal he's talking about how he pisses around with your forks it's Mr. Mistoffelees. It's on a magic trick reveal. He's talking about how he pisses around with your forks. It's the song where he produces a dice and he says, I can play with mice. You'll chase me. You'll think you're chasing mice. Which fucking, okay, whatever. And it's immediately after that, he starts pulling shit out of his sleeves.

And the cat fur has been masked on completely wrong. And it's shaking off his arm. Like it's vibrating. It's a really massive problem. Oh, it's a completely messed up brain. Totally. They totally missed the wrist. Yeah.

It's a bad one. It vibrates all around. Because I brought it up yesterday. I was like, I think that looked pretty bad. And Guy was like, yeah, sure. Fucking nerd ball Tim over here. And is that the fixed print that we watched is that the new one or is new zealand not got it i'm pretty sure that's

version two okay i'm pretty sure although i don't because i had searched you know for a good 20 minutes online to figure out definitively what to look for to figure out which version we're watching and i don't know if that's what you're looking for you you boys aren't watching the movie right it's a it's a romp it's fun i am very interested to observe that it is genuinely growing on me that was not punishing and apart from like you know the there obviously there are bits in any musical we don't like the song or it drags but on the whole i don't feel i was totally in my body and in the movie you were moving your body in there i was yeah yeah i well that's like it's growing on me and i am singing the songs more

we did do the round of applause test again at the end of the film today and i would say maybe 15 percent of the cinema joined us which is an improvement on yesterday's audience but not quite to the same level of the first. I fucking hated it, this watch. And I went in kind of looking forward to it, which I don't understand. I fucking hated it. Hope springs eternal. How do you feel ahead of watching it tomorrow?

Dread. Oh, no. It's all gone wrong for you. Dave. Oh, I hated it. Yeah, I felt bad about it the first time. I did not enjoy it the second time at all. There was no more joy to be found in watching it a second time.

The same things that bothered me bothered me again. I felt unsettled. I felt weird sexual energy coming off. I felt weird about it all. And there were things in there I wish I hadn't seen twice. And I feel for you going in again. Thank you honestly so much. Don't cry for us, David farrier uh for it's a

veda he wrote that too very obviously not enjoying it a first time and then coming to watch it a second time we are um immensely grateful is there happy to be here anything you'd like to suggest people check out to wash the taste of cats from their mouth um i think sort of an alternative watch well just i mean i'm thinking you could recommend something that you're involved with or something else oh man i've got i've got nothing i feel watch dark tourists you plebs come on this is what monty's angling at yeah yeah you can watch dark tourists on netflix and i think tickled is on tvnz at the moment on netflix as well honestly if you haven't seen tickled yet holy shit it is good i cannot emphasize what a good

watch it is find a way to watch tickled if you haven't yet uh yeah otherwise i would like to say i continue to proudly be a jellicle cat tim again i'm sorry but you simply don't have what it takes and david i thought you were a jellicle but your attitude betrays you my man get the fuck out of this studio happily And David, I thought you were a jellicle, but your attitude betrays you, my man. Get the fuck out of the studio. Happily.