The Worst Idea Of All Time - MWWC6: “Comedy’s hard” (w/ Guy Williams)

Episode Date: February 1, 2020

Comedian Guy Williams aka G Dubs joins the fellas for their sixth (and his first) watch of CATS (2019). Musical fan Guy W finds himself in the incredible position of defending the movie as good and expounds on a self-defence against accusations of being a bad man with a long-winded and non-sensical hypothetical scene of Ronald McDonald taking a shower. The trio explore the racial dynamics of the film and celebrate James Cordon’s performance once again.Guy Williams’ Instagram / Twitter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One thing that was really fascinating was when we were up in the graveyard scene and we were doing the pas de deux, a dance between two people, Tom Hooper comes up and he says, I don't understand what this means. Let's be out! Guy, you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Guy, you ready? I really like having two guys. You make a big deal of it, but like... you make a big deal of it

but like you make a big deal of it I know I make a big deal of it that's what I was supposed to say I said the wrong thing I enjoy it at school you know how there's like

12 guys called Matt and 75 girls called Sarah I wish that was me and then one of us could have a nickname I liked being the only guy I wanted to be part of a team I called you G-dubs

when I was referring to you before we came in do you like that not real oh no i don't don't care it's your dream two guys you got a nickname yeah the g dubs are very dated sort of it's like from the 50 cent era of comedy which you're a long you're a long way off there man certainly yeah g mizzle would be a better one okay uh meow meow meow meow meow meow welcome to our week with cats timbett and guy montgomery go to the film version of cats made in 2019 by oscar award-winning director tom hooper seven days in a row today we were joined by a special guest comedian and the star of truly the greatest comedy TV show made in this country over the last decade, Guy Williams.

Thank you so much for saying that. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. I'm a big fan. Did this guy actually win an Oscar? Yep. What for? Can't remember. The King's Speech. I think it got Best Film or he got Best Director. Was that Best Film?

Yeah. I'm fine with The King's Speech. I've got to stop talking shit, but... No, no, no. that best film yeah i i'm fine with the king's speech i gotta stop talking shit but no it's better than anything i've ever done isn't it but like that's not the best film of a year you're not competing with the king's speech i feel like i am what do you talk shit about it do you feel like you're competing with everything a little bit yeah but i mean it's absurd to think that you someone who's never made a movie is in any way competing with the oscar the academy award best picture well i'm just saying

I look like a dickhead if people look at my shitty TV show that I made and compare it to The King's Speech. The King's Speech is 50 times better. I think those are

probably different audiences. No, I think that's a bit like crossover. The King's Speech was 2010 and I'm just trying to see what it beat out to win that Best Picture award.

I was making awful TV in 2010, loving it. Do you reckon what you were producing in 2010 was better than the king's no that's why i'm that's why i'm being careful as to what i say gotcha i don't think it's contentious to say that the king's speech didn't deserve to win best picture at the oscars you don't need to backpedal on that okay and also we aren't fucking here to talk about the king's speech hey guy williams yeah i know this about you you quite like a musical love it yes i'm a big fan of the musical wicked i watched it multiple times in australia and new Hey, Guy Williams, I know this about you. You quite like a musical, eh? Love it. Yes.

I'm a big fan of the musical Wicked. I watched it multiple times in Australia and New Zealand. Same. I love Hamilton. I've seen that twice. Nice. I love, like, even Shitters. In fact, I remember... I like Phantom of the Opera.

I remember when you got back from a trip from the States and you told me that you had seen Hamilton, and I just said... I was shocked. I was like, how in God's name did you get to see Hamilton? I remember what you said to me. You said, Tim, the thing about America is if you have money, you can do anything.

Yeah, yeah. Wow. It's like someone's remembered something I've said before. Yeah, that ticket was so expensive. So expensive. But it was worth it for Hamilton's so good. I went to it in London recently and I was like, man,

so good. How do they do this? How do they do it? How do they learn all the lines? That's my first question. It's their job. It's their job, guys. Imagine doing it seven times a week,

eight times a week. It blows my mind. That's how you learn the lines. Yeah, that's one of the most surefire ways to learn the lines. Have you seen Peter Stiff comedy? I've been doing the same jokes

for eight years and I can't remember most of them. It's just crazy. Your jokes aren't catchy like the fucking song. You've got a better chance of learning those songs than any of those performers would have of remembering one of your jokes. No, I disagree. I often remember with Joseph Moore, him and I often reminisce about some of your first jokes. Wow. I've told you this before.

That's a real lovely compliment. Thank you. No worries. One of them was about up and jokes. Wow. I've told you this before. That's a real lovely compliment. Thank you. No worries. One of them was about Up and Go. Yeah. There's a very bad milk drink in New Zealand called Up and Go, which is meant to be like two wheat bics,

which are sort of a wheat-based cereal good to hide fiber. Man, this joke is not going to work. So much explaining to nail a punchline that's not even that good. I had an Up and Go for breakfast this morning, which is great. Up and go is just like a regular breakfast. If your regular breakfast is a disgusting flavoured cup of milk.

Thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, that really means... Oh, this has been so lovely, guys. I've already loved being on the podcast. Have you ever seen Cats put on live? Yes, multiple times. One of the first songs,

why are you laughing at this? I don't know, I didn't know that. When I was a kid, I was like seven or eight years old, it was one of the first songs I even remember remembering, which was Magical Mr. Mistoffelees.

I thought you were going to say Memories, that would have been the perfect way to say I remember remembering Memories. Yeah, Magical Mr. Mistoffelees, we put it on,

the kid who did Highland Dancing at school was Magical Mr. Mistoffelees, he danced around the stage and some kids ran out the end remembering memories yeah magical mr solvents we put it on the the kid who did highland dancing at school was magical mr mistoffelees he danced around stage and some kids ran out the end and poured some water on some dry ice and went smoke and it the crowd went nuts it was awesome that killed i can't remember what role i was i think my role was just stand off the side of the stage and i remember that my number one role my role my My number one rule was don't touch the dry ice. That's what the teachers told us. And I remember being so scared of dry ice.

If you touch it, it burns your hand off or something. Yeah, it's pretty bad. They used it to remove warts. Yeah. But imagine whole chunks of it. And some guy stole it from his dad's work at Sea Lords or something. It was amazing. That's so good.

Yeah. This was in Nelson, obviously, which is not a small town, but it's not a big town either. It's a pretty small place, 50,000 people. But then I saw my brother do it in amateur theater production. Yeah. Was he Mr. Mistoffelees? He was the, I think it was, I'm embarrassed.

I can't remember who he was. What I wouldn't give to have Paul Williams on this podcast. The guy who's actually been in Cats. No, he remixed it into a hip-hop beat once, and it's genuinely one of my favourite rap songs of all time. My brother's remix of, I think, the Railway Cat song. Skimbleshanks. He sings it from the perspective of Skimbleshanks. A rap from the perspective of Skimbleshanks, I think, is genius,

and genuinely think the song is good. I don't doubt it. Paul's a very talented musician. Fuck Paul's a talent. Wish he was here. Yeah, I wish Paul was here as well. So you watched your brother perform in an amateur theatrical company performance of it.

Yes. And how was that? How was that experience? I love the song Memories and I like a few of those songs. You rightly scolded us when we were giggling when Memories started. You were right to do so.

There was a lot of people in the cinema and I'm like, there's kids behind us and they're like they're like living their living their dream and enjoying it i love the song memories and um genuinely uh like a few songs that i really enjoy but um it's a shambolic show when you see it for the first time it is like you're like what is that like this because at least in the movie they tried to string it together a little bit in the musical they just just one cat after another just walks out sings the weirdest song you've ever heard and then disappears

and you're like what does that have to do with anything and you think that the experience is enhanced by them sort of loosely being like well here's the reason that these songs and cats exist yeah well a little bit yeah honestly I like that Grizabella came back maybe she does that in the musical I can't really remember

because Cats I'd say is one of my most hated musicals but it's also one of the most successful in the world so to be clear you do really like

the song Memories but you don't like the show overall no it's a shocking you've seen it yeah I hate it I've got eyes well I've seen the film

and I there's I think Andrew Lloyd Webber's weirdest stuff like Moonlight Express express is what's called the one on skates oh i'd love to see that and this and they're just like they're super crazy and not in a good way just in a like it's too confidently wrong way but it works because

he's such an amazing composer have you seen midnight express i'd love to see that i've not but i heard a lot of very very very extremely damning reviews when it came to new zealand yeah and why would you not watch that so i i played in the barstool stadium where we got kicked out of the barstool stadium had to play games in potadoa like out out of the town because they were they converted it to an ice rank right uh to a roller skating rink and i talked to people who worked at the venue and they were like it was chaos like guys would come out on roller skates, singing, full pace, and just miss the turn, because New Zealanders aren't good at roller skates, we don't have ice rinks or anything

like that, and just go off the stage. Like, there was serious injuries. Who wouldn't pay to want to see that? That's so good! And it's all, like, I think, aren't they trains? Isn't that the whole idea of the show? It's roller skate, train, speed. Pixar has lifted a lot from Andrew Lloyd Webber, and I will say this, that the whole idea of the show? It's roller skate, train, speed. Pixar has lifted a lot from Andrew Lloyd Webber.

And I will say this, that the people who are paying tickets to go and see the Midnight Express, they're not paying to see the version of the Midnight Express that you want to see. I don't know, man. Honestly, it's like, I just love like crazy ideas.

And like these ideas, you've got to admit, it's just someone who's got so powerful in their career, they're just like, I'm going to do something ridiculous. And they've failed, but they've failed spectacularly i think it's incredible that cats was a success to me because it is just so fucking odd not just a success it's the most successful musical of all time yeah isn't it yeah that's right it certainly

was for a time i don't know i think it is what would have stopped it like it was on well in terms of length of being on i believe it holds both records of being the most Tony awarded musical ever and the longest continuous run on Broadway. Yeah. I don't know that those facts are accurate. Because when I read the blurb that they provide you in the cinema, it mentions it's got an incredible amount of awards. Wow.

Tim has just pulled out the pamphlet. Where'd that come from? Since opening in 1981, Cats, I love the way they've phrased this as well. Cats has amazed, surprised, and excited fans and critics alike. The stage musical inspired by the poems of T.S. Eliot set to iconic music composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber

and performed by a tribe, quote, of Cats, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. More than 81 million people In over 50 countries And 19 languages Winner of 7 Tony Awards Including Best Musical Oh you're right guy

Cats became One of the longest running shows In the West End It must have been Knocked off by a phantom opera I mean it's done Remarkably well Particularly when you think

About what it is But it is So I recently I had a really wonderful First four days and uh something the worm turned yesterday and now i feel like i'm now seeing the version of cats that everyone else who we've been to the movies with is seeing like all of the reviewers saw yeah i'm now watching cats as it's being absorbed by you know the majority of its audience all right all right well if i if i may ask could you just pump pump the brakes on that guy?

Because I'd like to hear other guy, unfettered and filtered and uncoloured and untarnished. We haven't really spoken since we got out of the cinema about the film. No, we went out of our way not to mention it. You wrote screeds of notes, which I love. Yeah. Sorry if I'm blowing up your spot by revealing that you sort of got booked in there. No, no, I couldn't read what I wrote either. Oh, yeah, I do that.

I wrote a lot of things. What did you think, man? I thought it was great. No, no, I couldn't read what I wrote either. Oh, yeah, I do that. I wrote a lot of things. What did you think, man? I thought it was great. Yeah? Yeah, and it's a weird thing to say. And I don't know if this is because my expectations were stone cold low because I'd read all the bad reviews or seen all the... No, not read.

I hadn't read anything, but just seen all the hate. Yeah. But I really enjoyed it, I think. Because I think life is a function of expectations. I normally only go to films that get good scores on Metacritic i'm an arsehole i'm embarrassed i said that out loud but um you know like and i've got limited days on the earth mate i'm often disappointed when it gets like over 80 you're like this is going to be great and sometimes it lives up to expectation massively yeah and then other times like even parasite which people love this year

right yeah like compared to the hype where i heard it got an eight-minute standing ovation or something. It was a great movie. Weird. I enjoyed it. But it can't live up to that expectation. And I was like, Cats, my expectation was floor low. And when I got in there, it took 10 minutes to get used to the weird Cats and the terrible CGI. Well, the CGI is actually kind of impressive but like how they

ruin great dancing with weird cgi and um it took me a while to get used to that and then once i was over there i was like hey this is a kid's film yeah and um what i really like about it is when i was a kid kids films were bizarre and like really weird does it remember a show called h&r puff and stuff and like there's so many things that when i was a kid that was haunting yes they were like really weird and this was kind of haunting yeah in the way that uh like more things need to be yeah because pixar and dreamworks i feel took the shine off of that genre of kids movies yeah because they nail it yeah they do they they nail it and everything's quite cute and like not because they improve yeah pixar kind of took that away because they improved the quality of kids you remember what guys remember what Guy's talking about, Monty?

Yeah, yeah. When we were growing up, there was a bevy of, like all of them, and a lot of them were practical effects, prosthetics, people in rubber suits, that sort of thing, where there was,

I don't know if that's quite Uncanny Valley, but it was quite horrifying. Yeah. And they were doing like dragons and stuff. It was genuinely grotesque, some of it. Yeah. And this sort of ties in with what you're saying before about you like a big failure and this movie is a big failure which does heighten the experience because it's uh

i i have never looked at through the framework of purely being a children's movie i i okay for a start um i i'm really excited when you go this ties in what you've said before because no one's ever said that to me i'm like excited i've said I was like, good. But I didn't say that. I didn't say it was a big failure. No, I think you're a bit off the mark. No, you were talking about big failures. And you'd like to see a big spectacular failure. Yeah, I'd enjoy that.

You didn't consider this a big failure, though, it sounds like, personally. Well, it's probably, I just was shocked. When we walked in, I was hoping we'd be the only ones in the cinema. It's 3.45 in the afternoon. I'm like, it's going to be empty

and we can have a talk and laugh and... Sing along. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we got in there, and I was just so gutted because there's heaps of people in there i was like i'm gonna sign up for the whole thing there's little kids there was an old lady by herself how cute is that there's a lot of that and it makes me sad every time we go in because there's always at least one or two but like okay once i got over all the weird things and stuff like that and going is there something wrong with me it was like great all the way through pretty much i um yeah like the trailer really took all the because i see the trailer when it came out on twitter that took all the bad stuff out and i was like i love that taylor

swift was the villain i am not a big james corden fan but thought he was like acceptably fine i thought he was quite good personally i've been lord because i don't like him personally i've heard some horrible things about the man but I think his performance is great yeah yeah I'm not always a big Corden fan

but the whole film just like yeah I thought it was all good I thought the main lady was so beautiful and I'm not saying I'm attracted to the cat thing

or anything like that it's a bit weird Francesca Hayward she's like astonishingly beautiful horrific role it's just like her like looking amazed over and over again cut away of her amazed cut away of her amazed cut away by things that aren't that

amazing which can often be accidentally funny but i enjoyed that element as well but um yeah i just thought it was uh all pretty fine i just got angry halfway through because i was like i meant how good this could have been if it was live action, real dancing. Right. And I just love dancing and singing on stage. See, it was so close to that. Yeah. If they had just done practical costumes, like basically just film the stage show, but in a movie set. Yeah, yes, yes. You know?

It could have been amazing. Could have used the same people even, same cast. What did you think of Judi Dench and the gender flip of Old Deuteronomy? I did not really, sorry, I didn't remember that Old Deuteronomy was supposed to be a man. Supposed to be a man! That'd be a funny thing to get. That'd be just the kind of thing to get Guy Williams riled up. Did not know.

Did not know. I only noticed at the end when she said she referred to a cat just as a him in the song. That was the only time I thought it was weird. But I was like, you need to make it rhyme. And they couldn't rewrite two words. So they just left the him in so the next word would rhyme as well. So has everyone else's experience been a bit bad? Yes.

I think that would be fair to say. Largely. No, I think exclusively. Well, no, Joseph enjoyed himself. There are positives to be, like Joseph specifically said he enjoyed cats on the second screening. Me and Joseph are weird people, though. We're contrarians. like we're a little bit and i i'm the whole time i was worried am i like am i just trying to like this so i don't know i don't want to recommend the movie to anyone

and have them go and hate it but like if it's some little kids all right the kids because it helped those kids behind us who were like whispering things and like worried about the bad guy were they they were on board eh they were loving it and they were like they saw it when the actors said one thing but they meant the other thing they were loving it that's just a bunch of nonsense on screen i love it it just cost a bit too much if you had gone this is a kid's film and we're gonna make it for 30 mil instead of 100 yeah i mean you don't have the digital fur technology which is i actually thought the digitally the digitally d was cheaper hey i thought it was like i thought i thought it was going to cost so much for camera moves and dancing and the celebrities they had.

Taylor Swift would have banged that out in two days, whereas if it was live action, she would have had to be there for weeks. I mean, sorry, they basically invented a new technology to pull that first stuff off. It was kind of like how Peter Jackson pretty much invented 60 frames per second 3d for the hobbit and everyone was just horrified at how it looked and forced perspective he's also a master force perspective he didn't do that is that wait it's supposed to be having someone at

the front who's closer to the camera yes that's good too man um so they i think it would have you know the first market mover, the market leader, it cost a lot of money to be the first person to invent something and then everyone else can kind of get in the wake of that. But that was where I think a lot of the money went to. Also, that cast. It looks like the prototype version of the technology, which is in the finished product.

I don't know, man. It's not, nah, it is bad. It's going to defend it. I don't know. Here's the thing. When it's close up, it's actually sweet as. It's when it's in not as bad it's going to be i don't know here's the thing when it's close up it's actually sweet as it's when it's in the mid shots and when you see the whole cast their feet yeah yeah their feet are never touching the ground touching the ground was something that was the

one floor i noticed besides that is there is there an obvious um racial problem with um the woman the because the lead actor is African heritage. Ethnically African, yeah. And then they've made her white. Yeah, so the character is Victoria the White Cat, like in the Broadway musical and everything. It's so crazy that you'd think you have to abide that in the universe of cats.

You're like, the rules of cats, it's important. Yeah, but it is like they didn't need to cast everyone the way they did because it's like yeah but it is like they didn't need to cast everyone the way they did because it's like everyone who was bad is portrayed by a black person and this like a black cast member and everyone who was good is either white or victoria who they white face yeah it's pretty amazing and i was really it was a real mind if at the end because i was a little bit worried how um victoria who is a brown woman but is what she is like a white savior at the end there where she saves the brown lady who's homeless or whatever grizzabella and but then i was like

this is like white savior but then i was like no she's actually brown doing white face so yeah you can really just put yourself in the boardroom as that conversation was taking place amongst the fucking creative team of cats i i um i'd love to know guy because throughout the movie i sort of there are still songs that i'll i'll fuck with and like jellicle cat still gets me going these great songs i'm pretty much down to three songs but when they come on they do give me like i'm just getting through an album where there are three songs i like and a bunch that I don't now. And that's okay. But throughout the movie consistently, and at moments that didn't quite, I couldn't synchronize with like a through line or reason, you would look to me over your shoulder and you sort of break out a big smile.

And then you'd reassuringly nod like, yeah, now they're doing it. It brought me so much joy to periodically look over at you guy and just see you with a big smile on your face yeah i don't recognition and everything was like fuck yeah guy williams is enjoying this and i love that yeah i should have watched it without you guys though because it created this weird paradigm like what was i trying too hard to like it or something like that it's hard to i don't know i think you just feel i got chills multiple times i get chills quite easily in a lot of films. When did you get chills?

Chills? Obviously, memories. Like, it came home. When she goes, you know, love me. When she goes big. Oh, amazing. And then there was a few other bits.

There might have been some new songs I didn't recognise for this one. There did, yeah. Ghosts? You got chills on ghosts? I can't remember what ghosts was. It sounds like you got chills once in the moment no no no i promise you i got multiple chills in the first one like what is happening i

know you were there for skimble shanks the railway cat yeah you're loving it i thought he was a standout i thought that guy and his tap dancing and again it would be so much more impressive to see him just do real tap dancing no cgi i mean you did thought this is the problem because like you actually are seeing the artistry. It's just, it's being a little bit fumbled, but you are seeing that performer do that incredible performance. And they do give that tap dance like a closeup

and he's wearing long trousers over the shoes, which suggests that- They're not CGI. Yeah, yeah. But we're just looking at human legs. They fuck with the levels, but you're pretty much just watching a closeup of that guy tap for a while.

They do fuck it up with the perspective thing, though, where they're in the stage and they're one very distinct size, and then they're on the railway bridge and they're tiny. Oh, the shapes are... And then they do the wide, and then suddenly they're as big as humans.

It's all very... That was a very annoying part of the film, the way the sizes changed and how Ian McCullen had a massive button on his jacket, but his jacket was a normal jacket. Man, good pull. Because I've noticed noticed that as well and it's like, I get it. It's like the borrowers like you're trying to make this cutesy

out of something. The borrowers, there's another haunting children's weird thing. Like so many haunting children's shit. The borrowers was fantastic. Brum was haunting. Do you remember Brum? Brum was a car. Haunting. Brum was charming. Brum was so scary. You crave television which makes less sense. No, no, no.

It was just like a nice nostalgia blast. I won't want to watch it every day. But I enjoy the ridiculous stupidity of it. So people criticizing this film. It feels a bit weird. Because it's like, let's just go, this is for 13 and below. And a bunch of adults on Twitter shitting on it. It's not the way the movie was marketed, though. it feels a bit weird because it's like they just go this is for 13 and below and like a bunch of adults

on Twitter shitting on it it's not it's not the way the movie was marketed though they didn't know their audience and also

for a movie that's exclusively for 13 and below they have made it fucking horny I didn't think it was that horny are you shitting me dude

I enjoyed the love triangle and I like that she I guess at the end what was the love triangle Mr Mistoffelees the main guy and her um what do you mean what was the love triangle. And I like that she, I guess at the end, What was the love triangle? Mr. Mistoffelees, the main guy and her. What do you mean? What was the love triangle? It was six times.

The main guy isn't in. Did I make this up? He's not in that list. Yeah, he is. Monkey Strap? Okay. Yeah. Monkey Strap.

What a great name. Okay. So I. Monk Strap. I don't know. It's something like that. Robert Downey Jr. The third.

Okay. You don't say junior. Robert Downey Jr. The third. You don't say junior. Robert Downey Jr. Junior. Is that who that is? Yeah. It's just some guy. We've named him Robert Downey the third because he looks a bit like Robert Downey Jr. As a cat.

Are you doing in callback jokes to podcasts that I haven't listened to or haven't been released yet? You got it, guy. Okay. I'll appreciate it later. His name's Robbie Fairchild. Okay. But anyhose.

So did you interpret that as a there's a way that children's movies in every movie work and that is the woman drops into the film at the start of the film like she did and they meet the first man they meet yes as who they're magically involved with and it's always the alpha male the main leader of the pack and those are the two people that get together definitely Definitely not magical Mistoffelees, the loser freak magician who can't even execute the most basic of magic tricks and has stitched on cat-sized buttons onto his hat and jackets,

even though old mate has a big button. The button sizes were out of control. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't interpret any kind of romantic inclination. I've never read any... For how of romantic Inclination I've never read Any For how sexual the movie is I've never read

Any chemistry I honestly think of Robbie Fairchild Yeah Robbie Fairchild Or whatever we're going to call him As an ace I think he's asexual

I don't think he's I think He like facilitates others But he's not interested himself I just don't think He cares for Victoria Which I think is cool Because in this

Victoria is like a kitten, whatever that means in this world. And I think Mark Strap is like an adult. 19. Oh, fuck. How old is she, what? What in real life? She's 28.

Francesca? Yeah. No. Yeah. No. I'll bet you $20 right now. This is dangerous because I think I've got $20.

Also, are you hoping that she's 19? Like, what's going on here? Yeah, I'll take the bet. Yeah, I'll take the bet. I looked her up. She's not going to get it wrong, Tim. Yeah, I know. I don't know what I'm doing. But he goaded me into it.

I can't back down from it. The word kitten makes me feel uncomfortable. Oh, fuck, you're right. She's 28. Yeah. Well, that feels healthier. Born in Nairobi. Yeah, you're right.

But then she was into Jason Derulo. Yes. Were you into Jason Derulo? No. Jason Derulo was pathetic and i'm a big jason derulo fan i listened to him on the spotify and um we'd see him recently um a concert in auckland and enjoyed him and his incredibly sexual dancing and not really him as more of his backup dancers he doesn't do a lot but the dancing that was poor piss poor what do you think of the

runtime tag it like the song itself and the character bad like bad like edit that bit out like they should have shorn down the movie a little bit like for what it is you could have lost about a course and a verse from every song i think just it started a bit slow and yeah and the cockroaches and the comedy's hard that's one thing it is the way it is hard and when i shit on'm like, well, let's see me do better. And I can't. I think you can. I think you could have done Punch-Up on that script, and it would have been a better movie for it.

No, because remember, they've got to be things kids get. And kids' jokes are hard, man. You've got to do a nut shot or two, which they did about four in this film. They did, but they gave it to Rebel Wilson. It's a good gag. It's a good gag. I only remember the James Corden nut shot. And there was one at the end where she whips the bad guy with the...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Two nut shots. I don't know. I enjoy the reading of it as a kid's film. So you're convinced that their intention was to make a kid's film? Yeah. And this is another great thing about the 70s. Because I was a kid of the 90s, but I watched 80s and 70s stuff.

It takes a while to get stuff, VHS in New Zealand or whatever. Because H&R Puff and stuff was really old and stuff like that. But the sexual element, it was key in kids programming back in the day. Yeah.

Like, I'm barely joking there. Like, it seemed to constantly come up. I think just because the actors get bored. And there's no one hornier than kids on children's,

like actors, sorry, not kids, sorry, edit that out. There's no one hornier than adult actors on children's programming like actors sorry not kids so edit that out there's no one hornier than adult actors on children's programming far out there is no one to each other do you mean like hosts of kids yeah i mean the times i've appeared on kids shows in new zealand i've been the most no not at all

no i can see how this could be edited to make me look um immoral all right no totally right i think they get they get bored and frustrated and you have to be so clean and good in front of the kids that you almost out of a teenage rebellious streak kind of go quite the other way when you're just with the other hosts of appropriate age totally and maybe this is a cliche almost but like they it's so much more dirtier off screen and the jokes are so much more adult than they are in any other, on a normal adult show, we make dirty jokes on stage.

You're normal off. You're just normal people off stage. Talk about normal life, but the kids, no, not the kids, the adults on the kids shows. I'm so sorry.

Uh, not, uh, uh, weird people. That's what I'm saying. You did right. Do you,

um, that's what you were saying. And you had to wade through calling kids horny to get there. I told you before I came on the show that I have ability to work myself into holes. It's like, I just don't talk about race stuff or anything like that. Can I say something quickly, which is I would love to see the director's commentary of Cats. Oh, yes, please. I would love to just be in the room with tom hooper while he walks us through every moment like man however he presents it i've been looking for

interviews with them after the release and they don't exist you got you got to that's pretty amazing like you're gonna press for this no but okay the base material is so weird absolutely and it only just works as a musical musical musical theater is a confusing magical format where we can suspend a lot of disbelief for bullshit but film as i've said before is a very literal format and you can't go that crazy so i've always lose everyone mr mistoffelees is normally the highlight of the show besides Memories where it's like a big number

with a lot of dancers in the background and he is the man he's normally in amateur productions he's normally wearing a leather jacket to display he's the man

and he struts out with total confidence and it kind of annoyed me in this one that they made it the opposite he was like no confidence he was a loser

but that made him better for the love triangle because he beat out the alpha man I don't think that Robbie Fairchild's the alpha that's what it was that's what it was he's the facilitator he does all of the admin he fucking prints out the sheets that people need to sign and stuff he's not he's not an alpha he was the leader and i don't know i don't know what alpha means that was just what i was trying he was the leader as well as me yeah yeah anyway and and he was the obvious love interest,

and somehow the nerd, the magic loser won. Because back when this was written in the 80s, magic was cool, and David Copperfield was the coolest guy in the world. And now, in 2019, it's the butt of jokes. So they, unfortunately... It's 2020. They were cowards.

Okay. Oh, whatever year it is. They were cowards, and they didn't stick to the idea that magic is still cool, because it should be. He should come out Like the man With a leather jacket

Well To be fair Macavity is presented As absolutely the man He is portrayed By the sexiest man alive According to People Magazine 2019

Idris Elba And he's fucking naked For like portions Of the film Yeah that was weird You did I hate to do lame jokes That people just do

On Twitter But like You did want to see Some wang In those scenes Like you were expecting it Yeah Because it's where The camera worked did i i hate to do lame jokes that people just do on twitter but like you did want to see some wang and that's in those scenes like you were expecting it yeah because it's where the camera worked or something you it's because you were absolutely saying edris albers everything else you're saying his body and then like a kendo they had just flattened them yeah and for balance i thought the same thing with was it rebel wilson's scenes yeah i thought the same thing there where

there was just weird crotch shots yeah and like you you there should be something you wanted to see her vagina i don't know man i didn't want to see it but like are you they show you where there's not something there yeah just don't do use different shots yeah it's all cgi you can figure oh totally it's like oh because you yeah you know i'm totally with you because what they're doing is anatomically showing you where something should be, but there is nothing. Yeah, okay, if you went to a Ronald McDonald show for kids in the car park of a McDonald's, right? And there was a scene where Ronald McDonald...

I'd just like to say, I love this. Whatever follows. So, Ronald McDonald's got white skin, so I'm guessing there's a scene The two things you're afraid of Are coming across as a racist or a pedophile And you're immediately making up a metaphor On the fly Which involves Ronald McDonald in a car park

And distinguishing the fact he has white skin I'm there, alright? I'm there, okay? And the scene is the hamburger's seen the burgers and Grimace and Birdie are there and Ronald McDonald's having a shower and the kids enjoy it

when there's a scene where the burglar, because he's a cheeky, the hamburglar, steals, this joke makes sense to kids, he steals away the curtain and Ronald McDonald is naked.

And I was just thinking, because Ronald McDonald wears, he wears tights this makes sense you're laughing at me this makes sense sorry but i'm kind of with monty on this the edifice you've

constructed to get to this point ron mcdonald's face is painted white like a clown right yes so that makes you think that his whole body when he gets when you see him naked

it's all white as well and he's very skinny and naked and you obviously see his bum because it's a kids show. Sure. And say he turned around to the audience and some,

I don't know what, I made a bad example here. Keep going. But the point is, if for whatever reason you got to that big joke that you get to in every kind of

adult style comedy show, we get to the moment where the man is covering his genitals with his hands in a pantomime, but then there's the moment where he takes his hands away. Imagine if they got to that scene and there was just nothing there.

It was just a white mound. That would be horrific. And that's what they did. That is what they did with Idris Elba. But McDonald's doesn't do that because they're a family organization. And they're a genie. So we've got to make sure you've got the option to get that McDonald's money. Yeah, yeah. so we're gonna make sure you got the option to get that mcdonald's money yeah yeah oh can i tell you my funniest moment and it struck me every time but i haven't brought it up yet and it's

from james corden a man i'm on the record as hating yeah he's on the scales there's going to be a big trapeze trip where he's on one end of the the seesaw and another cat's going to dive on and project him into the air for his acrobatic move yeah but unfortunately busterford jones is a big fat cat and so when the other cat jumps on the other side he doesn't move an inch yeah they stop the song it goes to him he breaks and he says you know how dare you show me up you know i'm sensitive about my weight and then he goes, now gather up some other and looks at the camera, takes a beat and goes, cats? And try again. And it is, I reckon, the single funniest, like it's the best wink to camera.

Yeah. Because it is, whether intentional or not, truly a moment where the movie realizes that they might have done goofed on this $100 million CGI budget. Nah, nah. It also feels like it renders the movie or that part of the movie self-aware. Yes. It's like when the mouse in Skimbleshanks' song says cats and runs out of the scene. It's like, it's just drawing attention. I mean, they do a pretty good job of drawing attention to individual cats.

If they spent more of the movie saying, it is a lot of cats, like instead of just sort of insinuating it through various different abstract pieces of song and dance. Also, I wanted to talk about something because Sonic got fucking roasted for this, and the Cats trailer, when it released, it also got roasted. But all of the cats, and I suppose this is in keeping with the human hands and feet, but they've all got human teeth. Yes. And I'd love to know what you think about

if they maybe gave the cats cat teeth instead. Would that improve or detract? No, they made the right call. Does Judy Dench really have teeth that bad? Yeah, they're quite... They're really nicely bad at the end, because they're real close up. Yeah.

And I thought it was what you'd expect a cat to have, I yeah or cat versions of that do you know what it is because you see it with emma callan as well it's particularly these older like amazing british actors they got bad teeth yeah and you look at all the american actors and it's like yeah perfect teeth boring that was my funniest trying to be funny and i I think I genuinely laughed at one moment. It was Ian McCullen, just before his scene, he's just there licking some milk. It's just an old, legendary actor just licking some milk. It was pathetic. Did you feel for him?

Nah, I thought he's having a laugh for some kids that are going to enjoy this. That's what I thought about all of them. I thought when Idris Elba, I thought the most pathetic one was Idris Elba. I was like, that's the guy where he's supposed to be a legend and him doing this character is ridiculous. But then I'm like,

he's trying to entertain some kids. He's not a legend. He's basically, he's like, he's a tier above Jason Statham. Yeah, yeah. No, he's a few tiers above Jason Statham.

Yeah, but he's in the pantheon of like, he's an action movie star. He's not Ian McCallum. He's not Sir Ian McCallum. I don't think I've ever seen him in anything. I don't even know if he's been in a movie. He's just, Ian McKellen. I don't think I've ever seen him in anything. I don't even know if he's been in a movie.

He's just a guy that used to race bait people and tabloid heroes to say he might be James Bond. That's his main role. Oh, no, I'm being racist. Don't talk to me anymore. Someone else is talking. Okay, well, what did you think of Ian McKellen's meow, meow, meow, meow?

Do you remember that bit? Again, I was just doing a joke for kids, it's fine You've really brought a Thank you A new spin, just in that your total belief That you obviously abided for the entirety of the film And it seems to be unshakable That this is a kids movie

I like how you guys are like Oh, they've stuffed up the marking, they know who they're marking it to No, the markers don't care care there's like two different organisations the director doesn't say who he's going to mark it to the marking department just tries to if you've got a hundred million dollars

on the line you fucking you coordinate you coordinate exactly no you don't no you don't you do

you send emails to each other guy you send emails you get in a room once I don't think you do I think I think the director would have wanted it one way it's like it's a fun kids show

with actors embarrassing themselves a little bit. And the marketing department's like, fuck it. We're going to play up James Corden for some reason. I don't think Tom Hoover would have set out to make a fun kids movie where the actors embarrass themselves. That's what he did. And that's what he achieved.

No, no. Mission accomplished. No, no. That is not what he set out to do. Why would an Oscar winning director who has staked his name as being able to... Do you think he's trying to make an Oscar with this? No, he wanted to... He absolutely was.

Of course he fucking was. No, he wasn't. No, he wasn't. Yes, he was. You guys are off your face. Now, Guy, I can tell you for real that he was. And that's why it came out a little bit earlier than it should have. Because they were trying to hit the mark both for the film to get...

They were. You guys are reading too much Twitter, man. There's no way. It's true. He was editing it 24 hours before it premiered, and it was because they needed it to get out so it could be eligible for Best Picture and so that Taylor Swift could be eligible

for Best Original Song. You do not funnel $100 million into a movie that is for kids without explicitly marketing that movie to children. Okay, okay, okay. Rewind 10 steps, all all right i do agree with the oscar thing then uh they're trying to win best song or best special effects of course get it in there but they're not trying to win best picture or best actor you're already no no it's still

it's meant to be a prestige accomplishment like on the back of layman's how much money did it make it probably smashed it it's lost 40 about okay i happen to be wrong in that but like i mean you guys are propping it up this week um i had a conspiracy theory i was thinking we certainly are propping it up have you guys been paid to do this because if i was the market no guy my answer to that is meow we are paying an exorbitant amount of money to do this it's actually crazy guys just got back from the states He's still getting his feet on the ground. I'm in not a great patch at the moment. And we've just shoved hundreds of dollars

in this dumb way. We didn't broker a deal with Rialto. The closest we got was buying the multiple pass movies which save us $3 a ticket per screening. I just, just to throw it out there for a second, if I was marking this film and I was like, okay, it's not going the way we hoped. We hoped it would just be a broad family film

and like the negative reviews are hurting it mildly so as a result we're going to go the other way and try and turn it into a cult hit

because it's so bad and my brother described that he was in New York City and he said he had to leave the screening just because it was too piss takey

with everyone yelling and laughing at the screen like the room that's a shame it was not that bad because Paul's a musician and he loves musicals. He's been in Cats for God's sake. He wasn't offended.

He was just annoyed. When people were talking and laughing through the movie and you... You're allowed to in Cats. Nah. You're allowed to in Cats. You're allowed to in this version of Cats. You were, and I was a little bit too, and Guy Williams, you were right to shush us a bit

because we got a bit loud. No, just in memories. Memories are sacred. For the sole reason that there were kids in the theatre. All right? You've got to respect that. And an old lady by herself. Yeah, that's true.

I don't see why that's a sad picture. The old lady chose to leave the house and go and watch Cats by herself. That sounds like exactly what the fuck she wanted to do. What an amazing afternoon she had. We were dickheads when we walk in there and we're like 30-year-old men and we're like here to laugh about it

and take the piss out of this movie that they're there to sincerely see. Undoubtedly, we are treating the cinema as our lounge and are very disrespectful and bad audience members. But look at the fucking source material. It's a kid's film. It's fine. It's not that far.

Oh, it's fine. Can I read you the lyrics for an old Deuteronomy number that Judi Dench sort of says instead of sings for most of it? I've mostly heard this, actually. Called The Moments of Happiness, because I have been very struck by the meaninglessness of the words every time. That's what they are, yeah.

The moments of happiness We had the experience But missed the meaning An approach to the meaning Restores the experience In a different form Beyond any meaning We can assign to happiness The past experience

Revived in the meaning Is not the experience Of one life only But of many generations I can't listen to that Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable ineffable that has got to be one of the low lights that that drags that i lost track but i was trying to um keep tallies on how many times it's said in the film that word

ineffable i actually turned to you after that song and said what does it mean and you you burst out in hysterical laughter no because the film is just nonsense. Like, really? And there's a few jokes in there that make sense, and there's a few bits that are, oh, yeah, it's a vague observation about cats. They take a spoon and they leave it out on the grass. When do cats do that?

They do that. They nick stuff. They move it around. Who wrote it? It's written by a legend, right? T.S. Eliot wrote it. But you do, Guy brings up a good point, and he's really shot a hole in my argument, that I don't know if cats do take i assume cats take spoons out

there i've had two cats but like and if cats do and everything that you could choose from the movie that's your example of something cats do so wait no no no but that was just like an observation where i was like oh that kind of changed the reality for me a little bit because i was like t.s is it t.s elliott yeah whoever wrote this was like he probably wrote this just as a bit of a throwaway just to kids and did not expect that hundreds of years later people would be producing it with 100 million dollars it's like it was not supposed to have this i would love to go into the cinema with tom hooper and t.s ell. Eliot and just watch them enjoy it together.

Oh, and boy, they would enjoy it indeed. T.S. Eliot, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Tom Hooper walk into a bar and have a lovely time because they all agree cats is fantastic. Who do you identify? Okay, so I'm going to put a cat on you, Guy Williams. But first, do you self-identify as any of these cats? on you guy williams but first do you self-identify as any of these cats um i guess i i thought i physically resembled um mr mistoffelees definitely mr mistoffelees yeah and i got the girl in the end so double well i got a nuzzle which i assume was like cat love uh it is it is our belief that whenever the cats are compelled to dance outside of their own control, that isn't accompanied to a song, that is a sort of euphemism for a full-on copulation.

No, no, no. And the moment, yes. No, get your heads out of the gutters. Absolutely not. And when they perform the big song and dance number after they first enter the Egyptian. Nah. Yeah, you listen.

When they first enter the Egyptian, they perform a big song and dance number that goes for about three minutes. They're all out of their fucking minds and bodies dancing in synchronicity beneath the moon and at the end

they all start performing their dances around Judi Dench that represents the cumulative effort of those cats to make sure that Dame Judi Dench

that the orgy ends on a big come for Dame Judi Dench and if you look at her fucking face no you're fucked no. And if you look at her fucking face. No, you're fucked. No, you listen. If you look at her face, they achieve it.

And she abuses that trust in her power by singing a song. No, no. You're lucky you got to come, old lady. Shut up. No, I hate when people do that. And they take children's films and they try and see some adults. It's not a kid's film! It is, it is. It is.

It is. That's fucked. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm off the rails. My Ronald McDonald thing was normal and this is weird. It wasn't. You're weird, I'm normal.

I don't know, man. Okay. Varying levels of fucked. Yeah, so, I mean, while I disagree with everything you've said with all my heart and it makes me angry and offended, I will say this

and I don't want to bring this up because I hate like comedy cliche things like everyone's like do you know what's a funny thing furries or whatever people who are into like dressing up as a furry

and having sex or whatever but I did wonder like how this relates to furries and are they into this or do they hate this I would be very curious to know about how the film's been received

in the furry community have you guys talked about you must have talked about this every podcast what furies never brought it up really no one's brought it up as much as you'd hate to bring it up you're actually the first person who thought okay that's interesting i feel um i feel like uh maybe they reject it because it's cgi you know yeah it doesn't feel authentic to me but then again you know if you start getting techno like it's a pretty exciting piece of progress in fairy porn.

This movie's developed this new piece of technology that could represent... All you need to do is unmound the wangers, and you've got a very high budget. I'm surprised someone hasn't done it already. But yeah, I'm not the sort of person I want to see. I don't think the film's... I think it's got awkward sexual tension,

but I don't think it's a sexual metaphor. Also, that your body is more like Gus the theatre cat Ah, thank you Which one's that? Oh, the old guy The old guy with the big button He's long and he's lean Yeah, thank you I'm not saving anything, I'm just telling you what I think

You thought you'd offended me but luckily you brought it around with friends again You are lucky, mate I was about to storm out But no, are you a good dancer? Ah, no Luckily, you brought it around with friends again. You are lucky, mate. I was about to storm out. But no, are you a good dancer? No, very poor. So he doesn't dance at all?

But he's just an old man who can't dance. I'm Magical Mr. Mistoffelees. No, okay. Who are you then? I'm Skimbleshanks every time. Oh, Skimbleshanks is the best and you're not him. I am. You're not. Who am I then? You tell me.

Um, okay, well, yeah, I'm going to say you're the old homeless one who sucks. Who's that? The one you said I was, you offensive... Oh, Gus. Gus isn't fucking homeless, and he doesn't suck! He is, he does! I gave you a good chance! This whole song is like, I'm old, and I'm depressed, and I can't get a proper-sized button for my coat.

Okay. Um, Tim, who are you? It's like I'm old and I'm depressed and I can't get a proper sized button for my coat. Okay. Tim, who are you? I have been donned as Monkstrap or whatever his name is. Robert Downey III. The main guy. That's too much of a concept. The alpha. Yeah.

Nah. Nah. Nah. I think all three of us are magical Mr. Mistoffelees. Loser entertainers. Yeah, that's the hard thing. Who are trying to do something magical Mr. Mistoffelees. Loser entertainers. Yeah, that's the hard thing. Who are trying to do something and failing. Yeah.

He succeeds! In the end, he does, yeah. But it feels like he doesn't. I reckon Judy Dench found, sorry, old Deuteronomy found another way to get there. And it was just, it all coincided. She was like, I'll let him have it. I liked that.

I liked when she showed up. Did it get you? It didn't. It wasn't like shivers or anything like that, but I thought it was good. That was probably the moment when we saw it. We went on a triple date with two hearts and our respective partners.

And that was the moment that Chelsea audibly gasped over the entire cinema audience. Because she was so impressed. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's good. And you feel bad. I like when things like that movie get you.

Yeah. And it's bad, but it's good. The feeling that I get at that bit of the movie is a chill, but it's good. The feeling that I get at that bit of the movie is a chill, but for a completely different reason. Because when I hear the victorious bugle that immediately proceeds up, up, up and away, I am so thankful that that's the last song. Like, I'm just ecstatic that we're out of there.

It's not even the last song, though. Man, the last bit is spoken word at best. It's not even sensical and it's delivered down the barrel of a camera in the most bone chilling fashion. You're checked out at that point. I am not only I wish I was checked out. I'm scared. There's no...

You didn't know that was coming. This is your first time seeing it. What did you make of Judi Dench eyeballing you as you were preparing to leave the cinema? I thought it was an accident. I've done that before in sketches on television where I've looked at the camera and i've been told that you're not supposed to do that that's frowned upon in the acting world that's a bit of behind the actor's studio she delivered an entire behind the so they have the studio where the answers are. And then around the back.

Guy Williams. Hey, don't look at the camera. Oh, good times. My wife described that moment of Judi Dench describing how you're supposed to address a cat in detail. She was like, what was up with that cat manifesto? Yeah. It was all wrong as well. I liked when she said it was funny. I don't know if they thought it was supposed wrong as well like i liked when she said it was funny i don't know if they thought

it was supposed to be funny but um when they just like it seemed like she was taking the piss and it's probably a line from the book but when she's just like so we've met a lot of cats yeah yeah and that was like laugh out loud funny accidentally because you're like yeah that is all we've done guy williams i don't need an interpreter this series with a delicious new energy I am so grateful for your genuine appreciation of the film and the product at large so we had Brindley on yesterday she saw the film and she was not taken with it

she's a big fan of the stage production but it's so nice that's marking out her name though she's not credible she's a big fan of the stage production I'm a more credible I'm trying to wrap things up

without burning too many bridges I'm burning bridges baby behind the actor's studio before we go I've got to ask who was your Jellicle choice

definitely Grizabella like it's a no brainer what do you mean like who else could I choose anyone yeah well Grizabella she was the

who else you didn't choose anyone it's the only one I'm amazed at just how many times we've differed on this. Because I was like, I thought it was so clear cut. It's a kid's show.

I guess we're viewing it at a half a meter above, like birds eye view on where you are. And we had to nix Skimbleshanks from contention because he would win every time. That's how much we love him. You love Skimbleshanks, the railway cat. Yeah, he is the best. Yeah, he is the best. It's a fucking banger. But he doesn't need to go up to space though anyway it's not his call that's mcavity it is confusing the way it happens but that's mcavity's dog you think he's won it when he

starts yeah going up because he's but what's actually happened is mcavity's taking him to the barge on the 10s oh yeah i did not that pull back and reveal to not get mad. You think you're confused? Imagine the kids. I'd like to give a huge credit to Jenny Anydots. Is she your Jellicle choice? Yeah, begrudgingly. But I've had her fucking song in my mind. We haven't talked about this at all, Tim. When I lie down in bed,

all that is running through my head is different cat songs. And when I wake up, all I can think of are cat songs. Yeah. This is absolutely destroying me. I don't know if I heard from you or someone else that Chelsea is not happy about what's going on with you at the moment. Yeah, not at all. Yeah. And understandably so.

I just can't stop. I can't believe you've squandered the honeymoon period of you coming back to New Zealand ever so quickly by just singing andrew lloyd i'm still a legend otherwise okay i'm just currently being operated by a handful of cats is a musical worse than um because the music will kill you whereas like you know sex in the city is there's not songs to kill you like that it's fucking different because with a musical you can't help but get a little drawn well that's yeah yeah can't help me get a little drawn in you can't fully check out yeah they keep

you up but it makes it easier because you've got like markers you've got very clearly defined chapters so you go you can you can project ahead you can be like okay well currently we're listening to jason derulo which means just around the corner we're going to save in a bit of a good time buster for jones is my jellicle choice. James Corden's delivery of, well, round up some more cats. It got me. And fair enough too. I'd say at the end of today

that Tim, not a Jellicle, I'm so sorry. No, fuck you, man. I earned it today. I think I turned up. You did. Okay, actually, do you know what? Jellicle. Guy, this upsets me to tell you, but I think,

not today, nor ever, I think all of your heart wants to be a Jellicle, and for that reason, I think you'll never be a Jellicle. No, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what you think. I think you guys are both wrong, and I'm right. I don't care. I just want to be the opposite of whatever you think I want to be. Fuck yeah.

Thank you for having me on the podcast so I'm happy to be well you're not a jellicle thank you for having me on the podcast I really enjoyed it so thank you I'm also not a jellicle no I want to be different

oh anyway you guys are jellicles and I'm not jellicle and I'm fine no both of us are jellicles I don't want to know we're both not jellicles

push the button push the button we're both not jellicles push the button push the button we're both not Jellicles push the button