The Worst Idea Of All Time - Overlooked 3 - 6: Tree Piss

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Tim gets a haircut and finds a guy pissing on a tree. Guy is at a low ebb which may or may not be assisted by a singalong of Kansas. Without a guest, the pair are left to dig into the mechanics of Rob turning his genitals into an ice cream Sundae and frankly, it’s just not enough. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Overlooked and Undercooked Special Season, Rob Schneider's special edition. I've just finished it, you might have been able to hear that a little bit overlapping onto the mic. That's right, bookended by his iconic fetch craze. This is the lowest I've been able to hear that a little bit overlapping onto the mic. That's right. Bookended by his iconic fetch craze. This is the lowest I've been. Tim Beck, Guy Montgomery, day six, Asian mama, Mexican kid. Now, the reason it's called that is because his mama, Tim, is Asian. But his kids, well, they're Mexican. So that's where he gets the title from

I hated it I watched it on my phone Yeah We are, for context, probably relevant We're side-saddle Yeah, which is rare I'm at Tim's house We've watched it separately

Somehow, even though we're physically together We both watched it on our phones Yeah, yeah, yeah With wireless headphones. I want to tell you how that went for me. So there I was, just getting a little bit of a tidy up. And it was pretty sad because I was surrounded by people for the first time in weeks. Couldn't talk to them.

I was just in a Rob Schneider prison. And then I sat down to the barber who i there's like four people there who were cutting heads and i got the guy who i've had him before he's a great hairdresser but he speaks very very little english at all so and he's always got earphones in so i think he's listening to like music or a podcast so not not a huge conversation i kind of respect that yeah me too me too they're a great barber they're so cheap aren't they cheap so how was it man it was sad it made me sad and um when i was walking back to my house from the barber um i was like finishing finishing the the special off and the weirdest thing happened 3 p.m suburban auckland i was walking down like a pretty main

street right by the shops and uh this guy who just looked like a normal dude had a hat on probably 45 years old just took his dick out and started taking a piss on a tree oh yeah wow yeah that is outside of the box um so those that's the context for my watch today and then i had to finish it off a little bit just now because I hit pause while Guy sort of caught up because he's been doing other stuff. And then we got out of sync and here we are. Here's what I thought.

Rob's allergies sound debilitating. This man wakes up every night and sneezes all the time. It operates like clockwork every morning at 6 a.m., I believe. Has anybody seen it? I thought it was like the middle of the night, but I got to admit, I'm not listening as intently as I probably should be. This is the middle of the night. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they sound like bad allergies, man.

I'm so sorry, Tim. You're going to have to carry pretty much this whole podcast. I'm so sorry tim you're gonna have to carry pretty much there's no podcast there's no i'm so down and out as far as i know there's no treatment for allergies either which is pretty stink you can kind of like lessen the symptoms a little bit by having um uh i forget what it's called but there's certain medications you can get antihistamines that's the one yeah but like you can't do something to kind of cure your allergies i guess because it's a um um what's it's like a histamine response your body has what is that that's part of your uh respiratory i think it affects the

respiratory but it's like your um the part of the body that attacks viruses and stuff antibodies um bodies yeah they're all words low light today from timbo rob saying uh i oh no that wasn't even my low light it was my low light up until that point and then something topped it um the low light was rob saying i cook i clean all day and what do i get oh and and what what do i get look what i get and then dancing around in the secret saying look what i get look what i get look what i get look what i get look what i get no one laughed at that and it made me very sad and then i wrote down then i wrote down the note how does anyone review anything okay that's an interesting thought to explore my next do you want to dig into that let's dig into that how does anyone review anything what inspired

that thought the fact that um a similar thing that has happened in previous seasons happened uh in this watch which is that you kind of like you lose any grip on your opinion on it like you lose all faith on what your read is on the product um so so that's kind of a unique position i guess we're in by virtue of repeat watches is it what would you describe as like your relationship to the content becomes purely emotional and it's not that. It's just that it's untrustworthy. The problem isn't the emotionality of it. It's just like there's no...

What value could my take possibly have on anyone else's bearing on whether they should watch this? Because what I'm experiencing is Rob Schneider. Six days a week. That's not the prism through which you're reviewing this. You're not reviewing this as in a thumbs up or thumbs down. That's true. Should you or shouldn't you? Yeah, that's not the prism through which you're reviewing this you're not reviewing this as in a thumbs up or thumbs down that's true should you or shouldn't you yeah that's true but it kind of makes me lose faith in any observation i have about this special i'm like is rob schneider funny is this special actually funny am i wrong just because i'm like watching it too much twice no

okay and uh here's some other notes all right but further to that like even if you just watch something once it's like why do i think what i have to say has value to other people and their decision on whether or not to watch this everyone's gonna have a different take yeah i mean i i couldn't agree more i guess it it's like, the thing is, you don't share this opinion with everyone, you know, willy-nilly. You share it with people who specifically have registered an interest in hearing the opinion. I'm less like a man pissing on a tree in suburban Auckland

and more like a man with earbuds in cutting heads at the barber. I'm selective in who I talk to and share with. You, or at least I, feel more like the tree getting pissed on yeah and unexpectedly for that tree as well well at a certain point you sort of just accept that that's the way that some people are going to treat you but it still doesn't make it enjoyable broad daylight on a tuesday on Monday. That's pretty weird, eh? Yeah. Here's another note I wrote down. Rob really loves saying the word noodle in a Chinese accent. He finds a lot of joy in it. He also really loves saying hot coal in a Korean accent.

Do you know, the way you framed it there,'s not like you're not wrong i think it's the the most happy he is the whole special is saying noodle in a chinese accent and um i've always sort of taken umbrage with it but to hear you frame it as it brings him a lot of joy yeah i mean it's a slippery slope to putting a foot on but it almost softens my disdain for it because i'm like well here's a guy does rob schneider deserve there's a question does rob schneider deserve happiness um he does but i think that means he could go around um getting it getting it oh so wrong yeah and broadcasting it oh so well because like there's a difference between you being intentionally racist

and being racist you can be racist without intending it and that's I think usually born of an ignorance or a blind spot or something but you know there's a willingness to grow and educate yourself or be educated and learn and change when you're a performer and a commentator,

which like no matter what kind of comedian is, you're, you know, you're broadcasting something. So there's a little bit of a responsibility. Rob is a bit of a commentator really, isn't he? In a lot of ways he is.

Do you know, like I wish he had paused for thought the same way about like no one else's experience of this is going to be the same as mine. So why am I sharing this? How you felt about reviewing? I wish Rob Schneider just took a moment to reflect upon that in his relation to performing stand-up comedy. Being more introspective and questioning his take. Yeah, being like, why am I?

Why am I Rob Schneider? Why am I laying bare my unhappy marriage? I guess it's because he operates under the assumption this is how all marriages go. And it's important to speak your truth on stage as well. As a comedian also, it is important. You are often distilling your version of what is a shared experience for people to enjoy, to feel connected is what you're doing, isn't it?

Yes, that's right. The observations you make, the particulars are different and this is true of life tim we are all like everyone in the world will experience has got access to the same range of emotions they're not happening in synchronicity but we all experience you know the same emotions at different times we're all living a different you know we're all living our version of the same experience the specs are different but um sorry go on it's very hard to i guess what i was saying is sure we're all different but in many ways we're also i don't know all the same?

Huh. I close my eyes Only for a moment And the moment's gone All my dreams Pass before my eyes in curiosity. This is true. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind.

Same old song. Really beautiful. If we are talking about music, there's a hidden message of thanks to Adam Sandler in this special that I think only the eagle-eared might pick up on. Goodness me, I missed it. Oh, I know what this is. You do?

Yeah, the Sandman. That's right. Roy Orbison's In Dreams, which was voted by Rolling Stone's Top 500 Songs of All Time as the 319th greatest song of all time. It's not nothing. It's not nothing.

It's a beautiful song. Roy Orbison, a lot of his music actually occurs to him in his sleep, which I always found pretty interesting. Is that right? Here's an instance of someone who relies on their ability to remember

and replicate dreamlike states like you know you think of jokes just as you're nodding off and you're like i'll get it in the morning so impossible but yeah uh the first verse of this which rob schneider takes is opens with a candy colored a candy colored clown they call the Sandman, tiptoes to my room every night just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper, go to sleep, everything's all right. That is so cute. Yeah. That is really sweet.

And I think the song choice is not a coincidence for many reasons. I guess the way that they spring a coincidence for many reasons I guess the way that they spring it on you he could say anything he could be like here's my daughter El King to perform the Baja Men who let the dogs out that makes sense

every decision makes as much sense as the next do you think that this is an emotionally stunted man's way because he can't say it directly to Adam to like earnestly thank him for 30 years of sustained spotlight in show business not wholly obviously it's not like his entire career is is adam sandler's to thank for but i would say a big component is yeah i think it's it's rob schneider showing humility and thanks uh as directly as his sort of you know his own wrestle with the kind of guy he is will allow that's so sweet because this comes just after a piece that i wrote down because i wanted to get it verbatim welcome to korean

whorehouse come on in this is the room where you suck your own dick you suck it you suck it you suck it then come over this room you fuck yourself hard oh you get your money's worth in this room he learned he learned from the best oh that's just before we get into the musical uh big show business closer i thought this would be fun the further along it went. Hey, another note from Timbo? You got notes coming out the wazoo, huh? I really love the piano, especially because he's doing jokes about cheating on his wife and ejaculating on women's backs while soft classical piano music plays.

Do you know what? That's cool. The best thing about the piano is he introduced the best that's cool the best thing about the piano is he introduced the pianist takaru saito and he says he brings him out and everyone applauds him it's like okay obviously something's gonna happen and then the way he throws it away he's like uh you want to play a little something yeah i love that though i think that's that's great because it's quite hard to look it's hard thing to, in the middle of your comedy special, introduce a pianist and weave it all together.

This is his decision. It's not like Netflix imposed this on him. We don't know that. But I just think it's a nice way to keep rolling. You know, it's like... This special, for all its flaws, of which there are many well documented in this podcast series alone pace i don't think is an issue for it like it does keep moving along there are bits where you get like there's repetition which really fucks me off where

he gets kind of stuck in a bit of a verbal load a little bit a little bit a little bit a little bit a little bit you know you know you know, you know, you know, you know, you know. Yeah. See what happens. Yeah, those would be three good examples. But on the whole, the guy, and I think I said this yesterday, or at least I wrote it down, he transitions between his bits real good. He just keeps wailing them out.

That's American confidence. Yeah. That's the belief that every one of his jokes will get the desired laugh at the desired time. Which will create enough buffer. Yeah, I mean, I don't agree with it, but I can't argue with it. I like that style to just be like, here's my joke. Now, here's another one. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's good. I like that too. But getting back to the piano thing i just love the the can i say this juxtaposition of this uh pretty lowbrow material with a guy in a tuxedo playing really good concert piano for a for a packed crowd i i've got a real love of that marrying the high and lowbrow like that's shit that i really dig and uh if you just look at the concept of it it's really cool i don't know if i love what he does with it specifically he just like do you know who would do a better job as norm mcdonald

norm mcdonald would never like norm mcdonald would never do that i don't know you're probably right he's not he doesn't do like gimmicks or any he's like he's quite a purist right yeah he just like writes timeless jokes but he would understand exactly how to do it yeah i wonder what sir silverman who would be a good comedian to see like with a piano who would kind of know how to like zach galifianakis he's done the entire first special was that yeah and it's sort of like it's just it's just a fancy version of someone with a guitar to underscore like a bunch of i like someone else doing it because with zach it's it's funny and he does it really well but there's kind

of an element of of showing off in a way that is stripped away from you when you you have to like eat your humble pie and hire someone to do it for you i just it's just such an i mean it's just one of so many insane choices can i tell you something that's been bothering me i don't know that we've talked about it on the actual podcast um is his daughter i i was complimenting rob in the previous episode actually for his um his physical embodiment of a seven-year-old daughter when he says my wife he opens up the train saying my wife loves the kids so much so i don't get a lot to do which i don't get given i don't get given oh no it's something like she doesn't trust

me yeah yeah he does not assume responsibility for much of the parenting because either he doesn't love his kids as much or his wife finds him untworthy, or he's just a lazy guy who just assumes that things will be taken care of on his behalf. Most probably a combination of all three. But he does sleep on the side of the bed which is closest to the door. And so he does have some responsibility, namely when his daughter wakes up, a seven-year-old wakes up from a bad dream, it's up to Rob to decide whether or not it's scary enough to qualify her sleeping in the bed or not can you hear a low rumbling yeah i think that's the ominous siren that just sounds every every day at around um four well it is very distracting yeah yeah i think like even if you take your headphones off i can't oops i really hear it. Oh, it's a truck backing up.

But on the mic, it's getting picked up a lot. Don't worry about it. It's just the ominous siren. So he's in charge. And his daughter comes in and says, I had a bad dream. So I'm going to need to get in there. And Rob's like, well, let's hear about the dream. She goes, well, I had dinosaurs.

So I'm going to have to get in there. And he goes, well, what were i'm gonna have to get in there and he goes well what's doing and chasing me and he goes no not scary enough so that's the pull back and reveal yeah and it's like you within your stand-up set you've created a dream sequence which is permission to do anything like anything you want a joke is permission to be creative. A joke about a dream, you can build any reality devoid of physics, of believability, anything. Wide open. You're putting a nightmare into a seven-year-old's mind and voice, so why not stretch your legs a little bit? Instead of literally taking an example from your life and just not changing anything and inserting it into your taped stand-up comedy special it just it just drives me nuts and then

like i guess on the flip side of that his closer which is the big um my wife wouldn't have sex with me so i i got stoned and went and put uh like dressed up a dessert on my penis because i'd taken a viagra, he does take some creative liberties there. He's describing all the stuff he's putting on himself, and I don't truly believe he's doing any of this stuff. You don't think he's making a sundae out of his genitals? Not really, no.

And in this instance, he does take a lot of liberties. He says, in the middle of that joke, if we don't have caramel in this kitchen, I'm going to blow my brains out. No, he says, but again, it's like, he says in the middle of that joke, if we don't have caramel in this kitchen, I'm going to blow my brains out. If we do. Oh, if we do have caramel, I'm going to blow my brains out.

He's doing this, but it's like, everyone's as interested or invested in the anecdote as him. He's like, you know, usually we got chocolate chips and there were, there were chocolate chips. We got to get some chocolate chips at this motherfucker.

Yeah. And it's like, these are the, like all of, it's just, this is after, by the way, and I'm sorry to interrupt, but we haven't brought this up and it's always pissed me the like all of it's just this is after by the way and i'm sorry to interrupt but we haven't brought this up and it's always pissed me off every time i've seen

it after he reveals that like so um he can't sleep in his bed because i think eventually he relinquishes it to his daughter to sleep in that bed which is funny because i think the whole point is so he can be so she can be close to her parents because she's frightened. Yes. Okay. He leaves and then describes the situation thusly. I went and found another bedroom that I didn't know I had in my house. A whole other wing I'd never seen before. And it's just like, fuck, man. I don't know.

It's just a level of out of touch with the audience. Well, I know, but you can own that as well. Yeah. He's just a man. He's touch with the audience. Well, I know, but you can own that as well. Yeah. He's just a man. He's in no man's land. Yeah. He's telling it like it is for him, I guess. I just also want to criticize the creative flourish.

He's got so little imagination. All of his experiences, there are no embellishments. There's no finesse that goes into the jokes. It's like, this is why i think he's a commentator he's not a creative mind he's telling it like it is he's analytical man if the world is like if the world is like that are you gonna blow your fucking brains out nah dog find some caramel some chocolate chips rob i you Rob I feel better now For having spoken about this Than I did at the start of this podcast

That's really good It's insane I was watching Rob's Oh no Okay that's I just wrote down a note about When I saw the guy pissing on the tree

It was during Rob's classic bit About the level of attractiveness Being a weather vane For how we should How much effort we put into a relationship That bit is long it's a long joke you say a lot of things about that joke and one of them is that it is long and yet still you you believe that the special breezes by in a way because part of pace and comedy is i don't know there's something about the transitions

you know going from idea to idea you know what i don't disagree like every day it just sort of just like it sort of just happens yeah just occurs doesn't it like sands through the hourglass so are the specials of rob i would love to be in the netflix control room watching the amount of traffic you know like i imagine there's someone who's like job it is to watch all the Rob Schneider material. I would love to get some analytics on this special. I hate going back to it every day on my algorithm. It's fucking up our algorithm so good. We're going to get recommended absolute dog shit from here on in. So embarrassing.

Yeah, do Netflix know how old we are do we ever do we ever did i ever tell them that did i tell them how old i am i don't know if i did but i feel like it's something they know the specials are 16 so they know you're over 16 i can't remember ever entering my age but i reckon i probably did it was right at the start I reckon I've just forgotten when I registered It was like date of birth so we can analyse Yo shit

Netflix has got a lot of data Everyone's got data They've got a lot on us What are they going to do with that data Their data is just like here's the shows that you watch It governs all their funding decisions It's like you know what the people want Based on the algorithm More rob schneider specials and i think that was maybe partially based on the success

of um the wrong missy this is what we did to cats this is what we're gonna do to schneider yeah this is how we get a third season of real rob i do you miss cats uh yeah i missed the idea of cats yeah i don't think i would miss cats i miss cats my flatmates started watching it the other night how far they i haven't had a chat to them about it yet a lot of people have been telling me they've been watching it lately and i know i'm not breaking in at all and not breaking in they can't get in oh yeah yeah actually you're right they bailed after 10 minutes they said too weird couldn't handle it too weird after 10 men too freaky for them within 10 minutes like i think jellicle cats is a slapping opening opening number but then you do get into the naming of cats oh which is like which is it comes so early and it's a real spacey sort of graveyard

number i mean tim i i think this is meant to be a schneider safe space and we don't need to distract ourselves by introducing the world of t.s elliott andrew lloyd weber the great robbie fairchild and tom hooper a local legend because i think he's still in new zealand uh i he might have left the tom hooper's been all of lockdown in New Zealand. I have it on very good authority. Oh, not just good authority. You have evidence. Yeah. We probably can't talk about it.

And it's not illegal evidence. The way Tim's framing it is touch and go. Well, I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't know. Anyway. You know what I know that I don't know? Hashtag Hooper on holiday.

If you've got snaps, send them in. Let's drag him down. Look, I... Tell me one thing you enjoyed about the watch today. A shining light, if you will. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. One, two, three, four, five, six. What's that from?

The same voice is going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I hated the little dance he did on his way out to the mic. Wait, that's not a shining light. What? I. I um Mr Montgomery the class is going nowhere until I get an answer from you

we've got all day it's not my time it's not my time it's your time Teora, Telofa it's um the when he gets Al King out

And they sing Roy Orbison's In Dreams There's your shining light Why would you like Why would you put this trap door in front of me To escape the fucking record, man? Mate, it's fine. If that's your shining light, that's your shining light.

Just like Rob Schneider, you've got to speak your truth to the people. Yeah, I'm a bit of a cultural commentator. Yeah, you are. My specialty field, Rob Schneider. Did I do one? You spoke so much about the fucking special. Yeah, that's true. I mean, you make it sound like it's a bad thing, but, you know, I think it was quite a good thing.

I enjoyed the joy that Rob found in doing his Asian accent, which is, I hasten to add, critically different from enjoying the accents themselves. You're a sweetheart, Tim, and the road to hell is paved with finding joy in other people's joy. Okay, everybody, we will catch you on the next episode, our final of Overlooked and Undercooked, the Schneider Special. Thank you.