The Worst Idea Of All Time - Overlooked and Undercooked: 02 The Penis Episode Part 1 (w/ Tom Walker)

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

Patricia hires Udo, a male stripper, to be Miranda's live-in nanny and talks Rob into having a vasectomy.Tom Walker has a Facebook and a podcast called bigsofttitty.png which he co-hosts with Demi Lardner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to episode 2 of Undercooked and Overlooked, an analysis of Rob Schneider's self-funded attempt to challenge the TV business model as we discuss his self-funded, self-directed, self-starring series, Real Rob. We've just watched episode 2, named the Penis Episode Part One, and we are joined by special guest, Tom Walker. Yay! Hoorah! So good to have you here, Tom.

It's so good to know you guys are back to dragging other people down. Wow, this feels like it's a smaller... We're pulling people down a smaller amount, I would think. It's 30 minutes of new content. That's not to say it's good content, but... No, it's... Oh, man, Real Rob, what a show. Well, now, you... I actually vaguely remember you tweeting about this show

around its sort of launch, perhaps? Yeah, I was very excited for it. Do you want your phone, Tom? You're looking around like you... No, no, I'm trying to avoid eye contact. Oh, I see. You're retreating into your memory palace. I keep deciding to go for eye contact and then veering away.

I'm like, I want this. No, no, it's too much. I'm not going to look at any of it. Too many of these beautiful baby blues around. It really puts me at ease famously relaxing darting eyes of tom walker so what you when you saw that this show was coming into existence what was your reaction i was very intrigued because rob schneider is such an interesting uh personality and i thought that maybe the show was him giving over the Rob Schneider character to someone else,

whereas in reality what we've found is it's more Rob Schneider than anyone could ever be asked to love. I mean, his wife presumably loves him. They've been married for several years. She stars in the show, but she only has to love Rob Schneider in one role, whereas this has him involved in five. We might be

forgiving too much of patricia because she uh is also co-writer and co-executive producer of the show she co-writer i didn't realize that oh yeah oh man she is very beautiful i was trying to tease out because i i've been thinking that she was very like she had a magnetic presence on screen that she was very charismatic but it turns out I might be wrong and I might have just been blinded by the fact that she's very very beautiful On every front performing opposite Rob Schneider probably is quite

good for the appearance of your performance. Certainly I think she had the best lines in the show but also I think she also served to showcase how much the show cares about its characters as in the opening scene she was doing what we all know women love to do which was staring straight ahead eating potato chips in bed it's so relatable while her husband read a book

she was just no i'm giving myself completely over to the taste. It was staggering, Matt. Have you ever had a chip so good that you had to stop everything else you were doing to just think about the chips? I had chips. That's how good this chip was, my dude. That's pretty hardcore. I had chips the other day that were, they had trough, I didn't see the packet. I was eating them in the dark.

This isn't as underhanded as it sounds. It sounds terrible it sounds like you have either robbed a convenience store or are in the grips of a major depressive episode yeah well i'm not gonna spell out the exact details of where i was consuming the chips but i knew immediately they had truffle in them and i was like you guys did not we don't need to put truffle it's too rich i don't want truffle in potato chips. I got very angry at you once for ordering a pizza that had truffle oil. Do you remember that? Oh, vividly.

I love that you're now just grasping for feeling, opening mystery packets of chips. A surprise. A surprise will be like feeling love. Maybe in this pre-packaged convenience food, I'll find some emotion. Nope, maybe this one. Why aren't you fat and huge?

I have a healthy amount of emotion and the right amount of flesh on my bones. But, I mean, so that opening scene, that is Rob and Rob saying to his wife, and this immediately triggered me into remembering that Rob Schneider, famously on the record as anti-vax. Yes, sir. He was warning of the sort of... He was talking about GMOs, which I am very confident he doesn't understand what they are.

Absolutely. He just keeps saying GMOs. They absolutely had to consult the script to learn the acronym. It's a huge recurring theme throughout the show. He's obsessed with organic food. And I think this is because it is autobiographical. So this is true to him. He's sort of obsessed with the idea of eating healthy without having to actually learn anything about what that entails you do get an insight into his process later on

when he um googles vasectomy and skims an article and then fears fears the process he reads on a blog, it gives you dementia. And it throws him into a tailspin. And you were saying, Tom, that is absolutely how this man lives his life. A thousand percent, that is how he got to Juice. I was also saying, this is the only show I've ever seen that values

Juice. Everyone in this show covets Juice and constantly seeks it. Juice is big in the pilot too man it features in at least 60 of the scenes does this wonderful nectar juice and one of them where he's obsessed with his juice and his inept assistant is making the juice jamie lasso also co-writes the show by the way and by the way actually because you asked me if that guy was a comedian so i googled him and quickly before i continue as a sidebar here is a a quote that i found on google after googling jamie lasso

from the website the very popular website democrat and chronicle.com part of the usa today network but this is the pull quote that's featured if you google jamie lasso's name watching himself act on Real Rob was the worst experience ever for Jamie Lasso oh boy I don't doubt that but so there's a scene where he as Rob's

inept assistant is making a juice and as you say the show is obsessed with juice and he's putting celery in the self contained plastic packaging

and you're like well you know this is a show that may you know if juice is such a big. You're like, well, you know, this is a show that may, you know, if juice is such a big deal, surely something will come of this, you know, this indigestible ingredient going into Rob's juice. Nothing is made of it.

Especially because they've set him up being very concerned about GMOs and stuff. So all the bits are there. Yeah. What happens is they take Chekhov's gun down off the wall, fire it into the air, then carefully replace the bullet and put it back on the wall. Hey, Tom, run us through. What is this episode of Real Rob?

What happens? The penis episode part one. And let me just say, I'd forgotten about that part one by the time we got to the end of the episode, and the idea of a part two fills me with dread. The idea that that was not everything he had to say uh it was rob was being talked into getting a vasectomy he was also scared of uh the athletic hairless man that he'd invited into his house as both nanny to his child and personal trainer to his wife uh and of, he ended up getting his assistant, the hapless, what's his name?

Jamie. A record-breakingly bad actor to get the vasectomy in his stead. And Jamie also, over the course of the episode, and this never got come back to, found his wife sucking off a co-worker. It was completely unaffected. co-worker it was completely unaffected this is one of the worst bits of tv i've ever seen well okay yep i agree but before we get stuck down in the muck and the mire of you know plotting and structure and acting can we all just celebrate this is what I said I was looking forward to in our previous and first episode, a guest star in the form of one Norm Macdonald.

My God, what a gift. This guy got very excited. He read that Norm was going to pop up somewhere, and I didn't know how far in the season we'd have to wait. But luckily. It's almost depressing how early, how quickly they've blown the Norman load. You've had your dessert early. Yeah, I had dessert before dinner.

He was wonderful. Norm's so funny. He's so funny, but he was the guy who really highlights how weird the color grade is on this. He looked like he was built in CGI. Yeah. Norm's naturally got quite beautifully blue eyes,

and when you... Doesn't he? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And when you crank this set you look very confused i'm not like that there was deep blue that was crazy yeah he usually has fucked with the color on this yeah everyone who everyone in this show seems to have blue eyes and then they're cranked up to just a game of thrones white walker intensity yeah like it's everyone in this show looks like they're just about to activate some special power

their eyes are glowing so what would be cool though is if it gets revealed and maybe the third or fourth episode maybe the penis episode part it's revealed that we're living in a slightly alternative reality with like it's a nuclear holocaust what if it's and society's had to rebuild itself on the ashes of our mistakes. These are the atomic warfare. Do you understand what I'm saying, boys? Yeah, yeah. I think I got it. Yes, Mr. Bat.

Real Rob transpires in a post-apocalyptic world. We're all living in a highly radioactive wasteland. I feel like they're going to be dangling that carrot in front of you for the entirety of both series. I don't think Rob Schneider deals in such grandiose terms. This is some of the least, but like the way that you're talking about the, you know,

the, the dietary stuff with a vasectomy or like the way he consumes information that informs the decision he makes. If he decided to put 2% more effort into the show, he could at least attempt commentary as to how, like he could be a vessel who represents the way that we all skim read information, you know,

and the reactions we have. But there's such a lack of self-awareness. It's like, this is just me. This is just how I live my life. And this is both interesting and funny enough to qualify as a TV show. You really get an insight, I feel, this show doubles as just a look at Rob Schneider's Funko Pop collection. Because it's clear that he's watched it. What's Funko Pop?

Schneider's Funko Pop collection. Because it's clear that he's watched it. What's Funko Pop? It's those little bullshit, like, figurines that nerds and, like, polyamorous couples share. They're all like, and it's like they all share the same little. Are you saying that polyamorous couples can't be nerds? No.

Absolutely. They're jocks only, baby. And they're the ones with the tiny bodies and the big heads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're, like, often pop culture. What are they called? Funko P bodies and the big heads yeah they're like often pop culture what are they called the funko pops funko pop i'm aware of their full name because i there was a someone posted a contract online that they'd drawn up with their wife as to how many they could purchase a month so i was what is marriage if not a funko pop limited jesus paperwork um but yeah like what i'm trying to say say is you get the sense that he's watched Seinfeld at some point. He's watched The Office at some point.

And he's collecting the brick wall stand-up. He's doing the straight-to-cameras, bafflingly with no backdrop, in some kind of featureless void. I feel like... Where Rob Schneider goes to be honest with himself and only himself his version of the confession cam is him doing stand-up with uh audience noise dubbed on afterwards it's actually like we're not giving him enough credit there was a theory i posited last week or last episode and you sort of you you've come around i certainly have i really

truly have yeah uh because you just sort of said that's what might be happening. You said, look, during the stand-up bits we're not having any cutaway shots of the audience and I was looking at it I'm keen to get your thoughts, Tom. Do you reckon that he just shot this without a crowd in there? I really do. That's so sad. The amount of choices they've made

like there's no shot is low enough to catch the back of a head. There's no shadows being cast anywhere. How hard is it to to catch the back of a head. There's no shadows being cast anywhere. How hard is it to just get one back of a head? I've seen Home Alone. You could just cut out people and put them on strings and make silhouettes of a whole crowd. That would work.

If it's good enough for Kevin McAllister, it's good enough for Rob Schneider. It's pretty grim because the stand-up cutaways are all... While we were waiting for Tom to arrive, and this is pretty bloody grim, we put on Rob Schneider's Netflix special Soy Sauce and the Holocaust. Great title, great show.

But all of that was obsessed with the idea of your relationships between men and women or how much you can part, like age, 20, 30, 40. His stand-up and this, all also age-based. When you're 20, you want to have sex with all the age-based you know like when you're 20 you want to have sex with all the women when you're 40 you don't have sex with a woman you go for a meal applause break cut back to the action of the show there's no there's nothing to yeah there's nothing to say i don't know you can't perform that in front of an audience surely well he's put it on

he's put it on bloody netflix guy you'll never guess what's happened he's put it on bloody Netflix, Guy. You'll never guess what's happened. He's committed it to 4K cameras. They've edited the thing and popped it online for all of us to enjoy. I mean, you've got to experiment with the form. If you are going to shake up the traditional show business model, you're going to need to make some pretty big swings. Some of that might be performing stand-up in front of zero people. The fascinating thing to me is he is reinventing showbiz by somehow remaining in showbiz for 30 plus years

and not learning a single thing. This strikes me as being like a filmmaking school project. It's just down to the fact that it's all one-on-one scenes. It's all snappy dialogue back and forth. Snappy's generous, huh? You know, like snappy.'s it's cool everyone's like oh there was one line that really got me this week and i think that the writers knew it as well because they weren't afraid to go back to it multiple times uh it was the line fuck perfume

exactly the stalker who we didn't see a lot of Described pheromones as fuck perfume Because Rob is fearful of being emasculated and cheated on By his powerful hetero nanny And the stalker says, you heard pheromones? Fuck perfume And I think we all laughed Yeah, because the delivery I thought was good I've got a soft spot for the stalker, I'm keen to hear your thoughts

I am absolutely into the stalker And the way he leapt onto the fuck uh was wonderful the amount of energy he brings i'm fair this is scarcity is what we're talking about here we've walked down this road before if you give us enough exposure to one character to remember who they are but not enough to learn to detest them of course they're going to shine bright like a diamond guy and i just touched bare toes by the way when he was in the middle of that no don't put your foot away no well i did it knowingly and the fact that you've addressed it tells me that it was not received in the way i had hoped

i'll um i think the cable's long enough i'm gonna go record in another room and leave you two on the couch well we're not gonna be able to hear you now are we tim that's all right it'll make for an intro we're gonna shake up the podcast industry yeah yeah brand new way yeah well yeah maybe rob schneider does he have a podcast he wants to shake up show business and self-fund something that potentially can you imagine what rob schneider's podcast would be i feel like he him having you know i was gonna say half-baked ideas one-tenth baked ideas about um things that are bad for your body and radio waves from cell phones giving you cancer yeah here's every person you've ever met at a party who's too dumb to articulate a blog written by another fucking idiot about some dumb health thing that doesn't exist do you think that the

rob schneider podcast is just the joe rogan podcast but like 50 like every second word cut out yes can i ask you this tom um that was an affirmative or negative what kind of an answer is is this try your hand and find out baby are we punching up i think um to to reference this i reckon punching up is something that the loser of a fight does you know that means in mixed martial arts parlance you're on the ground baby or you're fighting someone who's standing on a balcony raining kicks on your head what you want to do is punch down. I think we're punching sideways, if anything, because Rob has collected himself as a self-funded... This is a straight banging fight.

You're in the octagon. You both planted your feet. He's swinging at you, redefining the form, and you guys are here with your self-funded business model. You guys are just a couple of Rob Schneiders, and I mean that as a compliment. I don't know if you can take that as a compliment but it seems weird to uh i don't think it's a fair fight when one person's making the thing and the other one is in a dark room reacting to the thing you know what i mean i've

always got respect for people who put something out there and rob did it and yet i have no respect for him no you can put something like it's his right to put something out there in the same way way it's our right to react to it how we see fit but i do i mean alice sneddon of bones of the heart was the one and i'll keep saying it he did ask is are you sure you're not punching down yeah and the more i watch the show the more i fear for rob's inability to grasp i mean don't you reckon some outside eyes might have been good for this show it is this show is worse than i think like i watched a few of we have a project here in australia called fresh blood which is like a selection of people who've never really done tv before get like a little bit of money from the abc and then make these pilots like eight minutes, ten minutes long. And like those genuinely better make so many less obvious mistakes

than this show. Because it is confusing because I don't like or respect Rob Schneider, but seeing this, your heart does go out to him a little. Because he is making a sophomore effort this many years deep in the game. And the twilight of his yeah this many years deep in the game of his comedy career so deep yeah i was on his twitter he's touring stand-up with adam sandler at the moment adam sandler i mean for everything we've said about the man such a generous spirit have i told you guys about jared sandler no sir jared sandler is adam Sandler's nephew and has quite a lot of content online and I am part of

an elite cadre of people who are completely obsessed with him well give us the skinny first of all how old is Jared I think Jared Sandler

featured in Grown Ups 2 as one of the fret boys he certainly did he was in Grown Ups 2 he's in Ridiculous 6 he has a face that looks just enough like Adam to get you

to be like what wait a minute yeah does he sometimes like play as kid or they have a just enough like Adam to get you to be like, what? Wait a minute. Yeah. Does he sometimes like play as kid or they have a photo of like Adam Sandler as a kid? He may. Well, he's in the Ridiculous Six as one of the cowboys in the starting scene. How old is Jared roughly? I believe him to be approximately 24.

Okay. Don't know if this is offensive or not, but does he have a jew style afro um currently no currently he's keeping it conservative but jared is he in films i'm trying i think i'm thinking of a i'm just trying to pick down if i'm thinking of the right cat anyway tell me about this content he's putting online what's the flavor he's got some good stuff. And I believe, like, it sketches from a predominant... Like, watching this reminded me of them so much. There's one sketch called... I don't know what it's called, but if you search Jared Sandler,

it'll come up. But don't, because he's my thing. Stay off. Don't blow this for Tom Walker, everyone. Don't scare the fish. He has this one sketch, and they're all these like uh they're shot in this exact style of kind of like meandering weird dialogue and like clear beats where something's meant to be funny but the timing's just off but so much money has gone into the production like the cameras are fucking incredible you know you can

tell all the audio people. Like, in this show, the set designer has done an incredible job on whatever budget they were given. You know, the colour grading is off chops, but it's weird because it's kind of a Wes Anderson attention to detail that's then completely marred by every other part of it. And Jared Sandler follows the same model in his online sketches. Indeed. There's, like, an amount of money there that is being misused.

A misappropriation of funds. Yeah. Do you think it's coming from Adam's production company? Oh, I think he's certainly able to pull in favors from Adam's production company, but I'm not sure. But anyway, it's very similar to this weird Hollywood thing where it does feel cruel to be like, you're so wrong. But also then, who are we? And these guys have so much money, but also you're getting it so wrong.

Well, we're people with a Netflix account. That's who we are. This sounds dangerously close to as a taxpayer. Well, and I pay taxes. But where would you like to see this series go from the information you have about the characters their wants and needs and desires

their ambitions, their hopes, their dreams what do you think would be a good turn for the remaining six episodes of season one of Real Rob alright the assistant has currently had a vasectomy and a colonoscopy let's kick it up another level Rob's wife asks him to have a lobotomy and a colonoscopy. Let's kick it up another level.

Rob's wife asks him to have a lobotomy. What they do is they remove the frontal lobe of the assistant, both in real life and the show, rendering him a drooling mess. The scenes progress the exact same way they did before, but the assistant, with a perennially muddy and dirty bandage on his wonderful little head, just plays his part the same way they did before, but the assistant with a perennially muddy and dirty bandage on his wonderful little head just plays his part the same way. And Rob continues to love those precious juice. I would love to see this devolve into, like,

just steadily in the background. It becomes more and more obvious that Rob is not throwing out the juice that he uses on set. Like, okay, Rob, new take, new juice. He's like, well, okay, I'll just put this one behind me for later because who would waste this wonderful juice? Guys, just checking we're all on the same page as to this juice being a precious natural commodity, right?

I love it, and I really hope for our sake and Rob's that the show does follow this quite dark turn. You've taken the same beats that he's got of a hapless assistant and you've just turned all the knobs up to 11 so it would it would create something the assistant's life is terrible he's he walked in on his girlfriend cheating on him and then was not given even the dignity of a reaction yeah you've also turned up the exploitative nature of rob which i think is the dark underbelly of this show is the lack of self-awareness he has as to

how and this comes back to like the inability to exploit what could be interesting is like how is he's he's like not a he's not a good guy he's a guy who'll send his assistant to get you know he'll refuse to have a vasectomy because he read a blog saying i'm gonna give him dementia so he sends his assistant in to have one as an experiment. And so to turn that up to various different... Like if he turns his assistant into some sort of... Frankenstein's monster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if he is ultimately destroyed by Jamie,

that would be quite poetic as well. What I want to do is actually get another arm attached to the chest of Jamie so he's strong and can hold my beautiful baby. Just so I can get rid of that gay nanny. He's not gay. He's a male dancer. What?

Male dancers cannot be gay. I'm Rob Schneider. This series came out last year. No, that must be season two. Oh, yeah, good point. This came out in 2014, 15. For something to come out in the last 10 years where you can get away with a joke that is simply

the guy's a male dancer and not gay and that's the entirety of the joke. It's crazy stuff. Not a single one of these things hasn't been done before I feel. He took out Anderson Cooper. He had a great Anderson Cooper gag in the last episode. Last episode he

sort of mostly focused on denigrating Mexican people broadly and Anderson Cooper cooper specifically it was pretty wild um he walked in on a bunch of so what's actually the skinny with his wife tom is she's creating a uh male like employed strip club for women for what for a female targeted audience um and so all of these uh dancers that you see are like male strippers and he walked in on all of them performing as a group at his house practicing and he said what is this a surprise birthday party for anderson cooper wow that's a nice lengthy line yeah that's when you really know that a joke's good when you have to take a breath in the middle they literally had to hire 10 muscular dudes

who were capable of stretching and dancing to serve as that one line for Anderson Cooper's birthday. And rightly so, because that fucking killed. Look, that's all we've got time for. Thank you so much for joining us, Tom.

Thank you. Any final thoughts that you want to throw out into the universe? If Rob's listening right now, what would you like to say? I just want to say to Rob, good on you for having a crack. And it's hard for that not to sound patronising, but comedy's hard and you've put a lot on your plate.

And also, stop doing it. Stop doing what you're doing and reimagine it all because you really can't keep doing this because I can tell in your eyes in the seconds when you're remembering your lines that you're not happy. Thank you very much. Tom, anything you want to plug while you're here? Yeah, sure.

Me and Demi Lardner, my housemate and girlfriend, have a podcast. It's called BigSoftTitty.png, all one word, because that's the title that made us laugh. It's a very dumb podcast, so check that out. It's BigSoftTitty.png, and that's it. And to round out the episode, I'm going to quote the great Rob Schneider

with one of the lines from this episode, the penis episode part one. I think your brain has been attacked by anti-sperm antibodies. Good night, everybody. Good night.