The Worst Idea Of All Time - Podcast In A Tree 04

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

The fellaz are in a tree but Guy, once again, doesn't know what kind. Or even what the word to use for tree classification IS. Nevermind. Special guest on the ground David Correos is here to discuss testicles. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

uh kia ora and welcome along to our fourth episode of podcast in a tree it's a podcast and it's in a tree i'm guy montgomery and uh joined as always on the bow of a majestic tree. God damn it. Once again, I don't know what kind of tree this is. Oh, it's all right, buddy. No. You know, it's just so simple, isn't it? If your podcast is built around being in and around trees,

you should learn the basic species. I can't even remember what word, what the biological word is to articulate. Is it a species of a tree? Hey, listen, man. Two things. I've got the tone wrong, don't I? Not at all. Is that the first thing? The first thing's my tone.

Not at all. You're furious with me. I've fucked it. Couldn't be more wrong. Guy, I love you. Oh, my God. I love you and I love trees. And I just reckon that I don't know what the right terminology is.

And also, I reckon that that's okay. We don't have to know everything all the time. We've mentioned this before. It's sort of the point of being in a tree. Can't check our phones for nothing. We can't do the research. There is an app. I had it on my old phone.

I haven't downloaded my new phone. You pay for it. It's like it's Shazam, but for trees and plants. That's really cool, I think. And, you know, look, moving forward, I'll have that app ready. So we will no longer sit and plants. That's really cool, I think. And, you know, moving forward, I'll have that app ready. So we will no longer sit and wonder. And, in fact, for anyone who's watching this, they'll be able to sound off. People love saying that.

They'll be able to sound off in the comments with not only what type of tree this is, but what's your favorite type of tree. We are up as high as we've been so far. And while the accessibility of this branch is alright, I mean, the climbing up, Tim, is a joy. Really good on this tree. The thing I like about it most, and we're probably jumping the gun a little bit

on a segment that's coming up in a little while, but strength. This tree has it in spades. It's such a strong old girl. I love her. She's like an elephant. This tree is like an elephant to me. Look such a strong old girl. I love her. She's like an elephant. This tree is like an elephant to me.

Look, this is a little peek behind the curtain. I was performing a recce, and as part of the recce, I was sitting in the tree just by myself. And I thought, well, as part of the recce, I might as well see if I can walk the tree. And this is what I love about trees. I walked along this branch of the tree here, and I was using the overhanging branches.

We're acting as a sort of security measure, a rope, if you will, or nature's rope. That's what I call a branch. And I got all the way down to the other end of the branch, and then I came all the way back. And the thing is, we're up high enough that it would be genuinely scary to fall down. Incomparable stuff. Yeah. Because in the other trees, it're up high enough that it would be genuinely scary to fall down. Incomparable stuff.

Yeah. Because in the other trees, it would have been all right. But in this one, we compare it to those other trees, bad. Yeah, you'd be in trouble. I guess it is comparable. Uneven landing. I picked the wrong word. I haven't even described where we are.

Albert Park. Hi, everyone. The beating heart. This is Podcast in a Tree coming to you from Albert Park. The thrumming heart of the Auckland CBD. This is where they have a music festival called Laneway. One of the last public gatherings I went to in 2020 was Laneway. A good one, I'm sure.

It was great. I saw the Beths. First time I'd ever heard their music. I saw them play the main stage and I thought to myself, Now this is a band. This is a band. You know what? I don't know any of these songs, but they've written them,

recorded them, and they're performing them live in spite of my ignorance. And from there, I decided to educate myself, if you will. And now I'm a huge fan, and they're actually my number one most listened to band in 2020, the Beths. Quick shout out to the Beths. The more you know. My God. A little heart attack for you. Everything is so precarious.

Well, this is the thing. I yanked a cable out too. I couldn't even tell because I can't hear anything in my headphones at this stage. But I think that's okay. It kind of makes for a nice look. Talk to me, Tim. How are you feeling today? How are you feeling atop your perch?

Where's your head at? I know that it's been a bit of a hectic morning for you. Oh, she's been chocker. But that's all right. Hey, life in a tree is always magical. I love it. I love it so much. In fact, I'm going to,

I think at the conclusion of this series, I'm going to move into a tree myself. I've heard you speculating as much. We're giving it a lot of thought across the episodes we've done in Podcasts in a Tree. And I guess I didn't know it at the outset, but in some ways,

this was me testing the waters of if I thought it would be a good idea and now I'm convinced it's a great idea. Marvellous. Yeah. I know that you've had your reservations about things like me getting a crook back. I just think if you're going to live in a tree

you want to make sure that the tree is you don't want to just move into a tree as is, where is. Unless someone's already built a house in there. As a general rule. Then you've got a house, essentially. It's hard to find the middle ground, isn't it? Because then you're drifting closer into house territory, which is what I want to avoid. Which we're trying to steer clear of.

But, hey, thank you for asking, Guy. I'm doing good. There were a few boxes to tick, a few eyes to dot this morning. The old saying. But just let me tick the boxes and dot the eyes. Climbing into a tree after a day of busy work and errands is like a refreshing dip into a pool. Don't you think?

In many ways, trees are nature's pool. It's how it feels. It's the dry pool of nature. Well, you know what? If you do need help unwinding, I might as well introduce one of our ever-popular segments here. People go crazy for this shit.

This is called Drugs in a Tree, and this is a segment where Tim and I take a different drug every time in a tree. I hate to hit the rewind button, but I would just feel quite the cad if we didn't find out how Guy Montgomery's doing. You know what?

How nice of you to not even expect it. Well, you say that, and I wouldn't have said anything. But had you not asked me that question, I would have taken home a tremendous axe that I would have ground. Oh, no. And I would have ground it and ground it. I would have had an axe to grind. I see. And I would have taken home a tremendous axe that I would have ground. Oh, no. And I would have ground it and ground it. I would have had an axe to grind. I see.

And I would have ground it. And I wouldn't have mentioned it. I would have let it simmer beneath the surface. I would have let it plant the seeds of toxicity in our burgeoning friendship. And this flower would blossom. But it wouldn't be a lovely flower or an enjoyable tree like this. No, it would be a poisonous and aggressive flower so you've really saved both of us a huge amount of time and trouble there by asking how i am how am i

all the better for seeing you my dear i'm great i um what i do i cooked an egg for myself and my beloved this morning and i also actually i went to i went to my local cafe before i cooked the egg can you imagine this i took a walk to the local cafe and I bought a coffee. I can imagine that. And I read the newspaper. And can I tell you what was in the newspaper? What? I can't because I just literally turned every page waiting for something to grab my attention.

One thing did. What? It was a picture of the New Zealand men's national cricket team. And it said, the best? Question mark. And I thought, this will be inconclusive i read to make sure absolutely inconclusive andrew alderson if you're listening new zealand sports journalist pick a fucking side you coward there's been a lot of times in my earlier life

not recently where i would look at people who were so enthusiastic about sports and I would look with bemusement, confusion, and in some cases, condescension. Derision? Derision? Do you say derision or derision? I say derision. I don't use it often, probably because of that very shaky branch of the pronunciation that I step out onto. But let me say this as a slightly more fully formed adult.

Find something in your life that you can love as much as Guy Montgomery loves cricket because it can do nothing but enhance your time on this mortal realm. It's a fantastic sort of release valve for tension. I love that. And a gift that keeps on giving. Do you know at one point, I was watching so many old cricket highlights on YouTube that my entire algorithm, if you scroll down my homepage all the way to the bottom

every single suggestion was cricket That's some sort of win, isn't it? Well, it was only a day, but my god, I thought these guys have really got me pegged Right, well we've both checked in, that feels good Cricket is excellent, so that's also locked in And it's time for Drugs in a Tree. Drugs in a Tree. So today's drug is alcohol.

Oh, fantastic. Let me get the selfie cam in so we can get it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. A little shot of that. Delivered to you in the form of a beer. Now, beer is a brewing process in which the brewers take water, malt, hops, and yeast, and somehow, through these four very ordinary constituent parts, different brewers create entirely different products.

Doesn't that blow your mind? You've got to be shitting me. There's not a lot of ingredients to make a whole range of products with. If you think about it, wine comes from grapes. But you give different grapes to different people and my god they make things taste different have you tried making wine in your house it's just pulped grapes yeah you go to there's such a thin edge before it becomes vinegar too i only recently found out that the life cycle of say fruit for example is it's fruit and then you leave it for a while and then it ferments into alcohol

leave that for a little longer and it becomes vinegar. Were you aware of that? Vinegar's boozy? No, because I think the alcohol leaves it. What a journey. But it's like with dairy, it squares this teat. What comes out?

Bitter milk. Leave it on the bench for a bit. What have we got? Cottage cheese. Leave it for a little bit longer. What have we got then? Eat them. Really? I don't know.

What about butter and cream? You've got to whip them up. You can't just leave it sitting there like cottage cheese and lazy. Eat them. Isn't that interesting? I don't know how to do a damn thing. That is interesting. There was a time not long ago when if you wanted some cream, you'd have to know how to make cream. Otherwise,

you were never going to have any cream. If you wanted butter on your toast, well, first of cream, you'd have to know how to make cream. Otherwise, you were never going to have any cream. If you wanted butter on your toast, well, first of all, you'd have to learn to make bread. Then you'd have to develop fire. And then you'd have to introduce the world to the concept of butter. But now I walk into a store, and not only do I expect these products to be there readily available to me, but I have developed my snobbish palate to the point that I have specific preferences of these flavours. It's the same with beer.

This is a... Oh yeah, we're back to the beer. Look at what they've done to this can. They've put a picture on it to help them sell it. And I've bought it. The system works. Should we rip into a bit of alcohol

as our drug today? It'll be interesting to see what the effects of alcohol are I, of course, have not had a drop in my life This is a big can Are we going to chug one of these each? Well, you better fucking believe we are Fantastic

Capital stuff Thank you so much for getting these as well, Guy Here's to you No worries You talk about a dangerous dismount And clear-headed sobriety This was already challenging I've been up and down a few times But with with one of these boys on board, trouble's brewing.

We've got a lot of technology, precariously. We've got a huge amount of technology that is balancing on branches at the whims of the wind. But you know what helps me relax when I've got tentatively perched thousands of dollars worth of audio and visual gear? A crisp hazy, which I think this is. Yeah, this is by the good folks at, oh, I'm pouring beer on the tree. Hey, a little for you, tree. At the Garage Project. It's a New Zealand brewery. They do not pay us

to say this. No. And we pay them for their products. So maybe we could bleep the name. Fuck them. Fuzz that can out too, maybe. Hey, cheers. Here's looking at you. Here's also looking at you. Delicious. And I'd say with that, as we wait for the drug of choice today to take hold

and influence us and whatever, it seems as though it's already influencing me. Knock, knock. Who's there? A little alcohol. Yeah, that's right. I think it's probably a great time to introduce yet another segment as these segments cascade and crash into one another.

Now, this one is fast-becoming, not just a fan favorite but a host favorite. It's really nice to be in the tree, but sometimes when you're up here, I find myself wondering, what's it like down there? And accordingly, it's time for us to introduce our segment, Guest on the Ground. Podcast in the Tree, Guest on the Ground Podcast in the Tree, guest on the ground today David Kourios, David can you hear us? Yes I can, hey guy

Hey Tim, hi David Kourios It's so nice to have you here with us Can I lead with that? You're a person in my life who I'm just always looking forward to seeing and whenever you're around I feel good You and I both Tim Is that how you feel about yourself?

Yeah I fucking love mirrors, I love them so much And why wouldn't you with a fucking smile like that around i feel good you and i both tim i'm always i'm always how you feel about yourself yeah i fucking love mirrors i love them so much why wouldn't you with a fucking smile like i didn't get you a beer though yeah that's right no it's it's very important to outline that um i'm not in the tree yeah it's not called it's not called drugs on the ground nah that sounds have you ever done drugs on the ground um many many drugs but all legal i'm drugging a lot of alcohol on the ground um many many drugs but all legal i'm drinking a lot of alcohol on the ground yeah i prefer a gin do you yeah gin drugs are good you've actually you've um i was with you recently we were writing jokes together during the day and then we went to a bar where i believe you had a soda and i had a zero alcohol beer and i thought we must be the worst dang patrons in this

this entire area well when i did get the soda water they yeah they weren't happy they weren't happy that i was there yeah but i was glad that because you've you've refined your relationship to the drug alcohol yeah is this true i used to be uh yeah i used to love it uh too much some would say i see where it became problematic okay interesting i've dipped my toes back into alcohol this week had a little bit of beer but um now i get anxiety hangovers so i don't get like just a headache i feel really shit so i see i think this is my departure from alcohol that is your it's your body and your your mind's way of saying we had a good run david but um pack it in son

i had a good fucking run i used to i used to steal my dad's black label Johnny Walkers, bring them to a house party when I'm 17, think I'm bougie and then pass out in like 15 minutes. That is the issue with New Zealanders' relationship to alcohol. It's not what we're drinking, it's how we're stealing our parents' black label Johnny Walker.

Hard liquor. Yeah. Underage and giving it to other teenagers. David, I would like to open up an opportunity here. We've had a previous episode with a guest who shall not be named, who is, I did join in, so I've got to be careful with my language here, quite negative about Christchurch, not necessarily slanderous because Christchurch isn't a person, but really ripping the shit out of Porto Tahi. I was wondering if you're a Christchurch boy.

Yeah, yeah, born and raised. Do you have any words of, like, defence or appreciation for your hometown, or would you like to join on the pile-on? No, I think Christchurch is good. I mean, it's like anything. It's like every town's got its goods and its bads, and I like to revel in the good. And I think that includes, like, the's like anything. It's like every town's got its goods and its bads, and I like to revel in the good. And I think that includes, like, the Riverside Market,

the Suvlaki Shop. Yes. Dimitri's, right? Dimitri's. Oh, on Shantay. Have you ever had a Dimitri's Suvlaki? I grew up in Christchurch. Of course.

Yeah, yeah. Of course. I forgot. I get it. $2 rice. Can I ask you this? Yeah, we actually used to hit the, on Cash or More, we used to hit that $2 rice spot at lunch.

It was incredible. Can I ask you, that outlook of you revel in the good, does that touch other parts of your life beyond your relationship to Christchurch? Yeah, I think I use it as like an anchor for when I'm feeling sad. I try to remember the highs Someone once told me that When you have extreme lows That's when you've got to remember the extreme highs that you have

I think that gets me through That's nice But sometimes it's good to like talk to someone You know Yeah I think that's all important isn't it What I like about you guys Like what you just said Tim To start out this interview

You started on the good You gave me a bit of positive affirmation. And it's just, I'm still reveling in that. It's great. Is that an interview? I'd like to continue with the interview, if you don't mind. Can I just, as an aside within the interview, is that an interviewing technique you've used?

Butter people up at the start, slam them with the hard questions. Yeah, because I know that you're really planning to catch David out today. Oh, fuck. We've actually prepared a number of guests from your past, none of whom I would describe as friendly with me anymore. You want to hear about an axe to grind. You want to hear about these dang people. Yes.

Oh, God. I already have images of those people in my head. Oh, no, you don't. Triggery and tomfoolery. These people aren't here. We don't know them. But it's nice to know they stay with you wherever you are, even down there on the ground.

This is how timid we are. I can't even persist with this joke to bring you a moment's discomfort. Such is our friendship. By the way, funnily enough, Guy, when you were talking at the start about the app that you find, I actually have that app on my phone. Oh, this is great news. And?

And I'm on the ground. And? Can you point your phone at the tree? I already have. Wait, do you just take a photo of it? Yeah, you take a photo. That's how I'm on the ground. And? Can you point your phone at the tree? I already have. Wait, do you just take a photo of it? Yeah, you take a photo. That's how it's Shazam. Are you fucking serious?

So, because Shazam, you just push the button and it gets the music. With this, you just take a photo and it's like, there you go. That's what you're looking at, mate. No way. Yeah, so you take a photo of the leaf. I took a photo. That's why I ran up there before, took myself a leaf. No way.

And right now, you're sitting in a Florida strangler fig, also known as strangler fig or a golden fig. And it's from the genus ficus. It's a ficus. A ficus tree. I always hear about the ficus. Same. In books. People write about ficus trees.

Americans always love saying the gnarled ficus that lined the proper, I don't know. I'm just saying words now. Isn't the body weird that I just bite a lip? Seems like a design flaw. Have you bitten your tongue recently? Yeah. That's a design flaw.

Yeah. The tongue shouldn't be so close to the teeth. It's agony. It's true, but it's also strange how rarely it happens. Well, considering its proximity, that's right. But whenever it does, I think, who designed this? David, we need to get a report on the ground, as in on the subject matter of the ground,

while you are situated on the ground. So can you tell us what's going on on the ground, how the mood is, what's the vibe? Well, right now it's pretty chill. The ground is very dry, so it opens up to me being able to just lie down and enjoy it. And that's good for you because we were talking back injuries before. You're currently dealing with a bit of a sore back

so being able to lie down must be ideal. You've definitely put me in the best position. At one point, Tim was trying to offer me to be in a branch, or like kind of on the ground, off the ground. I was like, no, I think I want the ground. I like this place. And you've embraced it with a sort of a revelry the likes of which we have not yet seen here

at Podcast Honored. Well, I could make myself a little dirt. This is how much I trust the ground right now. It's so dry I know that even if I get dirt on myself, I could just pat it off. That is really well articulated and phenomenal trust in the ground. There's no risk of mud. We're in the

throes of a dry patch that is probably a consequence of global warming and will probably cause a minor drought in auckland something that we've stared down the barrel of a little recently yeah we're probably at what like 50 also as you know as we enjoy these uh warmer weeks and months you know that's back of mind can you hold that for a second yeah what are you going to do i was just going to adjust the thing um what's your relationship to trees david um did you climb them i love to climb them i used to really love uh climbing trees there's my favorite tree from memory is in the botanic gardens botanical gardens in christchurch and i used to call it the monkey tree because it was

the one tree where you could pretend to be a monkey and climb. You know, like with the really low set. Yeah. Right out the front where there's like a. Near the peacock fountain. Yeah, near the peacock fountain. Yeah, I do remember that tree. I actually just had a very intense flashback of a memory in Christchurch. I mustn't have been very old.

It was when I first had discovered smoking weed. So any sort of the highs were phenomenal. But the undulating lows or paranoia that would associate the unknown was terrifying and i remember i was with some friends and it was after dark and we were climbing over this sort of quite um ornate but pointed fence that that blocks off from the art center side another one the botanical gardens and i was climbing over them and um one of the spikes sort of prodded into my denim and into my underpants and actually into well i imagine my my scrotum and testicle and i i cleared the fence i got on the other side and i

i didn't want to say anything i didn't want to ruin anyone else's experience but i thought i've definitely just punctured a testicle that's what i thought and i'll tell you what it took me about three minutes to build up the courage to check and my testicles well they were dry as a bone oh fantastic as dry as this ground that i'm currently on yeah that is such a scary story did you find it scary yes were you there i was i empathically felt what you felt not the physical sensations but i was along the ride for the nervousness yeah it's a condition of your sack. It's a shit experience. Yeah, thank you.

It's a shit experience, isn't it? I'm really glad your testicles are okay, man. Did you guys ever do this? And I apologize to any non-male listeners for the sort of juvenile direction I'm taking this. Another relaxing conversation up here in the bower of a ficus. The bower of a ficus. The bower of a ficus. That's right. That's very good.

Did you guys ever try and swap the side inside of your ball sack or scrotum? Swap the balls around? Yeah, to swap the side that your balls were on. I've got a memory. Like a couple of loose marbles. Yeah, of trying to do that. But there's sort of, I don't know what's going on in there because obviously we can't see, but they're attached. They're tethered. Yeah.

Who knew? Did you do that? You're really lucky you didn't get testicular torsion. Yeah, twisted testicle. Everyone at school knew a guy who got a twisted testicle and they had to take a few days off because they were in agony. It's as bad as it gets apparently for a family. I can't imagine.

I can't imagine the pain. How do you get that injury? Is it by trying to switch your balls around? Not necessarily. It can happen for a variety of reasons. But I just remember trying and trying and being like, why won't these things go? And then eventually giving up.

And I'm so thankful that I did. Yeah. Because like, oh, actually, do you know there was a guy at my school, this can't be right who's like has he lost one it got sucked up into his body i did that i used to do that so i have balls that are small enough that there's a little crevice up there and what i used to do as a kid is i used to um push both of my balls up the little hole and then stretch my ball sack out. So that it was just totally like an empty purse.

Yeah, like an empty... Yeah, and it was strange because I could squeeze it as hard as I wanted. Would it hurt when you put your balls up? And did you choose when they went back down? They'd kind of just drift back into the place. Yeah, I think the hole was kind of... I guess, you know, following on from my initiation of this conversation, would they always go up and drop down in the same order?

I think one is actually lower than the other one, right? That's a designed thing. They're asymmetric, so they... So you know which ones, so you don't call them by the wrong name and embarrass yourself. Exactly. Freddie's a little lower and Jackie's a little higher. Freddie and Jackie. Yeah, Jackie's a woman. Oh, wow.

Well, you never put Pringles next to each other in the can. You've got to put them one on top of the other. So it's kind of like the same with the ball sack. Let's explain that for a second, David. What are you talking about? So with a Pringles can, you put the Pringles one on top of each other.

You don't put them side to side, otherwise they won't fit. Same with the ball sack is I think if the ball sacks were both, if both balls were supposed to hit at the same time, it would be too wide to both fit in there. So they kind of have to swoop underneath each other to kind of fit, like a teaspoon you like a teaspoon on top of another teaspoon? yeah

yeah, I'm with you I've got it, kinda? okay kinda, they fit into the sort of crevice of the other yeah I feel like it's like everyone's got space if it's side by side, they're constantly touching they're constantly like a Newton's like it's like that's that's the it's everyone's got space like both ball if you if it's side by side they're constantly touching they're constantly like a newton's cradle it's it's not good yeah i i that's another thing i used to do as a boy i try and treat my testicles

like a newton's cradle i pull one out as far like you know up to my sort of shoulder height and then i drop it and go for boing and then the other one goes swinging i have these i have this huge baggy scrotum these massive weighty testes. Would you ever take both of your testicles and grab them to their furthermost point? If you could imagine a clock, the positions of 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock. That's right. Drop them at the same time they hit, and they both go back up at the same time too. I feel so responsible for the turn that this conversation has taken,

and it is almost like we're talking testes in a tree. We're talking testes on podcast in a tree with David Curran. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's not as inclusive as our traditional subject matter. I saw a little movement from that thing. I know, I know. I feel like I bring that out of people, though. No, you don't.

That was me. I love this, though. I'm reveling in this. I don't think there's anything wrong. Okay. We're having a fun conversation having a good time how safe do you feel guys sorry david i'll be back to you what you'll observe there's a handle to my left which is i'm actually hanging a couple of bags off of um and it's sort of like if i remove my hand from that yes the only thing really counterbalancing my position on this is my toes. Yeah, there's no...

So there's... It's true. This branch splits into two bowers and my ass is on one and my toes are balancing against the other alongside all the audio equipment.

Yeah. Safety-wise, I don't feel in peril. I will say this, actually. Yeah. Relevant to safety is I've worked my way through the majority

of our drugs in a tree segment and the impact of that is in a tree segment and um the impact of that is starting to take hold yeah i hear you it feels really good it does but also it does mean that i'm probably a little more relaxed than i should be a little more appalled than i otherwise would be i couldn't relate any more to you than i am right now and david once again i will be back with you for the rest of the interview soon but this hazy days is probably the perfect amount of alcohol yeah i'm almost at the bottom and the interview soon. But this Hazy Days is probably the perfect amount of alcohol. I'm almost at the bottom, and it's like, what is this?

It's a 5.8%, two standard drinks. This is two moderately strong beers. That's the goal. Yeah, that's what you want. And then you want to stop. That's right. But you also need to maintain it. That's where New Zealanders go wrong.

I know it's very difficult to balance it, but i think if you have i don't know i so i i was at the um cricket recently folks he was at the cricket and a friend and i what we did is we decided instead of uh just becoming blindly inebriated as so many people do on the embankments at the cricket we microdose acid and we sat there and the cricket's a beautiful environment for this drug because um what happens is you're in a large group so there are a lot of people around you so you get the experience of being in a large crowd which is for different people a different thing but i quite enjoy the idea of it but you're also siloed off because it's just the two of you and your synergy so you're holding a private conversation

you know amongst this this density of people around you. And we sat there and we had what I would have to describe as one of the greatest days of my life, laughing. This is very racist. This is incredibly, just reveling generally in the series of decision-making, not just on that day, but that had led us to find one another

and that had led us to share this passion for cricket and for him to live in Wellington and me to travel to Wellington and us to go and enjoy this together. And we watched as some of the people around us just sat on the embankment in the roaring hot sun for seven hours and got absolutely fucking peeled. Just put back nine or ten beers, to the point that as much as people were watching the game

at the end of the day, they were watching punters go and buy three to four bears from the bar and then walk at less than a metre a minute trying to ensure they don't spill any. Like there were chairs as someone navigated half of the circumference of the Basin Reserve trying to travel their

bears back to their seat. They couldn't do it. By the time they got to their seat, they were missing about a third of each bear because they were so inebriated. And it seemed insane because we were like, how is what we're doing, sitting here, having micro-dosed a hallucinogen and had three bears across seven hours, the more extreme thing than just like 1,500 other people who are literally like have lost all of their faculties.

Sister, preach. It doesn't make any fucking sense. It fucking doesn't. I'd like to reintroduce to the interview David Kourios. Hello. I mean, a beautiful tale told by a guy there of painting a picture of friendship, sunshine, sport, and hallucinogens.

I'm wondering if you can relate whatsoever to these experiences. Yeah, I'm very pro public hallucinogens. I went to the Auckland Art Gallery on just over a tab and a quarter. Jesus! And we were... David Correos

does not fuck around. That is a macro dice. It was great though because all of the paintings, especially like the Impressionist paintings, where they're trying to capture the movement of the waves or the sky, because they had those tiny lines, they all joined together and it actually turned paintings into GIFs. GIFs isn't like the... I'm allergic to the mispronunciation. It is GIFs. Oh! Excuse me. GIFs isn't like the...

I'm allergic to the mispronunciation. It is GIFs that you don't know it. You make a man sick, David. So I'm going to ask something of you while David regales us with his trip to the art gallery. It feels like we're stopping David to do this. No, have you finished the beer? Not quite yet.

Okay. I'm on my way. I'll just hang this over the... Sorry, David. No, no, no. I'm having the time of my life right now so little pressure right now and I love it

so we're at the art gallery we've had one and one quarter tab of LSD which for the uninitiated is quite a lot of LSD to be interfacing with the real world on you're looking at the paintings they've got a movement to them a kinesthetic vibe it was beautiful it was

really beautiful who were you with i was with my mate i don't want to i don't want to no no no we don't need first last name no so i was with my mate and then i thought after this i was so um i was having such a good time i said to my friend i was like yo why don't we do the thing that everyone wants to do when they're on this let's go to the um sensory maze and check out the sensory maze not realizing that the first thing you get when you go into the sensory maze is a completely dark room where you're crawling and you're hearing bird noises coming at you it is the it was the worst experience it sounds sorry i was just saying asking if that was the worst experience. It sounds... I was just asking if that was a positive experience.

It was a terrible experience. I was having a fun time. My friend was having a panic attack, pretty much, at one point. And I think at one point we were in a room full of yoga balls, Swiss balls. Yeah, I know that room. You know the one?

I remember that room. And it's got 8-bit music. You've got blaring red lights coming in front of you. i just thought this is where i'm gonna die this is this is it this is you're overloaded it was the sensory maze is quite an interesting beast isn't it because it's they've just sort of like dreamt up some not that difficult things separated by walls uh there's a ball pit you've mentioned the yoga ball. So it's sort of doubled up. One's just big balls.

One's little balls. There's a mirror room. That one actually fucking rules. I'll give them that. That one is a good one. Well, it's actually the best thing because it is, like when you're sober,

it is, you don't realize how much of a sensory overload it is. But they really, they yo-yo back and forth between different things so like at one point it's so focused on what you're hearing and then you're not ready for the next thing which is all going to be visual so you really feel that when you're on the tab like you feel like you're being thrown from one side to the other yeah how about it wise

i mean this is just turning to while we've had an A beer and alcohol. Two standard drinks. Turned into a phenomenal advertisement for drugs we've tried previously. And I'm actually just looking at the timer, and I realize it's time for us to break out another important segment, a huge hit with all. This is the treater board. Let me get a shot of this.

Please. So this is the tree to board let me get a shot of this please so this is the the the tree leaderboard um and so far obviously we've had susan 660 and national and uh david as the guest on the ground you've got the best view of the tree i'll uh i'll i'll bill it uh to you could you please name the tree anything you so choose what do you think is appropriate for this ficus here in Albert Park, Auckland, New Zealand? I think this ficus, it's big, it looks strong, it looks like it's been here for a while. So when I think of those kind of things, I think a walter, a walter. Walter. Yeah, walter the ficus tree.

Fantastic. W-A-L-T-E-R. Yeah, Walter the ficus tree. Fantastic. W-A-L-T-E-R? Yeah, that's the one. We're in Walter the ficus. All right. And now what we're going to do... I've got to say, honestly, best tree name so far.

Oh, thank you. It's a fantastic name for a tree. Thank you very much, Guy. We're going to score this tree out of 24 for the hours in a day. There are several categories which are out of five and then there's one which is out of four. That's right. day. There are several categories which are out of five, and then there's one which is out of four.

That's right. So we'll run you through it. The first category, we'll actually need to take this one, David, if you don't mind. Yep. And that is climability. There's only one number for Walter the Ficus, and it's five. The number of branches, the easy access,

the girth of the respective bowers, the thinner branches that act as sort of guiding hands as you explore the various different options available. This is a perfect climbing tree. The feeling of peril that you are in at certain moments in the ascent and descent tells me that this is the best climbing tree we've come across so far and nothing less than a five will do. I quite agree. It's five out of five for me for climbability. Climbability, first criteria, a perfect score.

Our second criteria for scoring the tree is natural beauty. Wait, is that one? That's right, yeah, that is. And so while we've got a pretty good picture of how things are inside of the tree, I think this is probably one we could throw down to David on the ground there. David, what do you make of the natural beauty of Walter the ficus?

I think Walter the ficus really blends in well with Albert Park, where we're currently at. Looking in close, I think the beauty of the tree comes from how strong and sturdy it looks from down here. And I also like that it's kind of gotten, like you can, from this angle especially, you can kind of see how nature's kind of fallen on the tree. So the bottom of Walter is very clean,

but then the top, you've got a little bit of moss growing through too. So it's like, yeah, it's got character. I'd say, yeah, I'd give it a four. I'd give Walter a four. Four. So you're currently sitting on a nine out of a possible ten. It's like an A minus, B plus, depending on what institution you're studying.

It's performing very strongly. Tim, I'll turn to you for this one. We're going to be talking health. How do you think this tree is doing in the scheme of things? Thriving, if I could be honest with you. I think that this is a well-tended tree on good grounds. A lot of greenery, the leaves immaculate. There's a lot of biodiversity around, birds, other plants.

I'm giving it, while it's not a perfect score because we're not in a rainforest right now, a very high score, and that score is four. All right, so that's 13 now out of a possible 15. The final category out of five is also for you, sadly, David. You can't really speak on this as you're on the ground and wearing the tree, but it's rest and relaxation out of a possible five. We're throwing to David for this? No, no, no, I'm saying David can go fuck himself.

Oh, I see. I'm throwing to you, Tim. Oh, quite good. Well, now this is probably the most interesting category for Walter in terms of scoring. You're in a slightly imperial position. I feel really good. It's hard to tease out what's the bear and what's Walter to blame for that.

I am going to meet it at the middle and then add one. It's a four. Okay. I actually agree with that. I'm really happy with that number. So we're currently at 17 out of 20 and that just leaves x factor does walter have the x factor i think all of us can feel free to weigh in here x factor can be anything you want it to be it's out of four david just so you know it could be the feeling that it gives you to see. It can be your relationship to it. I feel like Walter is a building block for the park.

He's not the star shining, but he's doing the mahi, doing the hard work. So I don't take this the wrong way, but I think Walter's a two because he does blend with the rest of the park, but it's the teamwork that I think makes him. He's convinced me, actually. Star quality?

There's a lot of trees. But Walter caught your eye above the others. I know, there are so many great trees here. Can we knock you up to a 2.5, David? Can we talk about a 2.5? Do we have a 2.5? Of course. Can I get a 2.5?

Do I have 2.5? 2.5 is where I'm comfortable. 2.5? Can I get a 2.5? Do I have 2.5? 2.5 for the gentleman in the hat. 2.5 is where I'm comfortable. 2.5 going once, going twice. 2.5 for X Factor. Walter the Tree receiving a grand total of, I've forgotten what the rest of the points were, guys written down 19.5 out of 24. That is the score, 19.5,

which you're not going to believe this, Tim. It bumps all other trees down a spot. Oh, my God. We've got a new champion, David. Wow. You've present a new champion. Walter the ficus tree right here in the center of Auckland City in Albert Park has done the impossible, the unthinkable.

It has taken down Susan, 660 National, to claim a top spot on our tree to board that's right it's got a 19.5 everybody so we now see after four episodes of podcast in a tree walter sitting atop the tree to board these are exciting and also relaxing times i would like to thank everyone for listening or watching i'd like to say a huge thank you to albert uh the person after whom this park was named i've got to say auckland is the home to a lot of great parks but every time i come here i'm i'm blown away the auckland cbd in and of itself is a fucking nightmare with regards to access but if you can get around the worst of it and get yourself into Albert Park, this is a beautiful spot in the summertime. Shades

of other gold star quality cities. It's been an absolute delight. David, have you got anything you'd like to say? Plug? Any energy you'd like to put out into the world? Oh, I have a Twitch channel where I game on there. If you want to check me out doing comedy on there,

go on to twitch.tv. Check a little bit about what you do on there, David, because you're doing great things on your Twitch. Oh, it's really fun. It's just me just playing, hanging out with people. If you want to hang out with someone, you know, with coronavirus going around at the moment, there's a lot of people stuck at home.

And what I want to do, honestly and earnestly. You know that's a fake virus. Yeah, well. We simply don't have time to unpack it right now, Guy. We simply don't have time as we round the end of the show. I know. I'm so sorry. David, continue.

Honestly and earnestly, can you just start that sentence again for an editing option? I don't know what I was saying. It's what you're trying to do with it. And that's our show. Thank you for joining us for Podcast in a Tree, episode number four. Thank you very much, Anthony. Thank you to Albert. He remembered what he was saying.

You've got to say it. He's got to say it. I've had a very fun time today, guys. I just want to tell you before, the idea that you've matched professionalism, technology technology and nature all into one while i feel so fucking relaxed just lying back here is impressive oh that's nice that's all i wanted to say that's really nice a great um code to end on we have positivity coming in positivity coming out guy quickly attempted to derail it with the chat of the dastardly conspiracy that is

covid19 but that will leave for another episode. This has been Podcast in a Tree. We have a new champion. We will join you in the next episode with another special guest, but right now we want to thank David Kourios ever so much, and our sponsor, water, the element. It's essential for humans, and it's also brought you

this show, so it's essential for Podcast in a Tree. Water, the elixir of life thank you water two parts hydrogen one part oxygen all parts fantastic get water from wherever you get water goodbye this is so much fun this is so much fun