The Worst Idea Of All Time - Podcast in a Tree 2: 02

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Peter Jackson. Interviews with comedians. The very premise of Podcast in a Tree. It’s episode 2 and everything is on the chopping block. With the boys content to rest on their laurels, it falls upon Guest on the Ground, Guy Williams, to shake things up. Tim, living up to his reputation as the holiest guy around, has A Little Something For You, while Guy drops a hot remix of a classic segment, Sandwich in a Tree (an almond croissant).Video episodes available on our Substack Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Podcasting the Tree. This is episode 2, season 2. I, as always, am Tim Batt. And I am Guy Montgomery, and we're in a, well, it's an anonymous tree. It's anonymous in that we don't know the genus. Let me ask this. How do we solve this problem that we keep um wanting to know what the tree is i downloaded an app called naturalist yeah and i take a photo of it but it tends to tell me the about you got a reverse engineer because it's like it'll tell you about the leaf like this what do you mean it'll tell you about it so it'd be like delete it'll give you a latin name for a leaf I just want it to say oak or whatever the hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like chrysanthemum folicin. I don't need the spell. And then I've got to copy and paste the scientific name into Google. I've got to open up a Wikipedia page. Can you hear that? Yeah, it's the sound of a ring on wood. It sounds so hollow. No, man, these branches are are full they're full of wood it's a fascinating thing about branches the outside is wood yeah

the interior it's wood the whole way also wood leaves don't have any wood in them though even though they come from wood do you think you ever think do you think about that? I've not. There's no... That is interesting. This... This isn't even wood. That's like a plant. And the wood is also a plant. It's a little solar panel.

Yeah. You know about this. What? How leaves are like solar panels. That's it. Because they eat light. They eat light. and they shit mayhem what i did find out recently is that you know i kind of thought trees were a type of plant

right you sort of think trees are a type of plant i do think that i still think that yeah it turns out they're not it's becoming a tree is a natural evolutionary progression from all these diverse ranges of plants. I can't remember what it's called. So trees are to plants what we are to monkeys? No. No. Okay.

Funnily enough, in the animal kingdom, it's crabs, but I'll get to that in a second. But it's like all of these different kinds of life forms converge to a similar look and feel because it is evolutionary advantageous to do so. So lots of different plants started as wildly different genetic things, and they still are, and they kind of come to be this thing which we call trees. are and they kind of come to be this thing which we call trees but trees aren't actually like a bespoke you know plant type it's just lots of plants become trees because it's a good way to survive well then does the same thing happens in the ocean with crabs apparently everything

becomes crabs well what what so crabs are the final form yeah Yeah, it appears so. Are sharks going to become crabs? Maybe some of them already have. Or is that like ocean floor stuff becomes crabs? And are trees going to become something else? Crabs maybe. Or maybe crabs will become trees. I don't know. The final battle is trees versus crabs.

Have you seen the trees where a lot of the trees are under the water and only the top of the trees are above the water? Is that like a willow? Do willows do that? They can do that. Tell me about that. I don't know, man. Well, you're the one who's tree is above the water. Is that like a willow? Do willows do that? They can do that. Yeah. Tell me about that. I don't know, man. Well, you're the one who's talking about trees and crabs.

Oh, you mean like that's the kind of crab, water tree? What's that collaboration? Man, that's a tree that wants to have a swim. It's like people. We don't live in the water. Do you know, I don't remember a lot of Lord of the Rings. And I've read the books, I remember. But the stuff in the water. I did like, do you know, I don't remember a lot of Lord of the Rings. And I read the books, I remember. But the stuff in the movie, I like the, there are trees that walk and talk and stuff.

Ents. Yeah. That is a nice, that's a nice touch. Yeah. That was good from J.R.R. Tolkien. Yeah. And Peter Jackson did a pretty good job of realising that vision, I guess. Yeah.

He was the talk of the town for a while. Man, I've been having a conversation which I probably can't commit to this or any kind of broadcast about peter jackson it is uh slanderous because i don't have evidence for this but and i won't get into it because i don't want to get on his radar tantalizing but i will say that i hope someday the story of how the lord of the rings oh sorry the hobbit trilogy got made is like it's known known in its totality and because the um it doesn't take away from the achievement in some way it adds to it because i think what he was able to pull off in such such a short amount of time is uh highly impressive i don't think you need to be too intelligent to read between the lines of um the alleged

insinuation i don't want to i don't want to dwell okay but well but i've been doing this is a conversation that's come up quite a lot this summer i'm kind of have you been driving it or do you feel like you're a magnet for this i I have had, I think only two, but two independent people who would have some first-hand information about the making of the Hobbit. You're the sort of guy who I think people would bring I don't want to say conspiracies to, but you're the kind of... No, that's fair. That's fair. Don't you think you're the code that's fair that's fair

so you think you're that kind of guy? well especially now after did Titanic sink the podcast came out did that did that unearth any other conspiracies?

well we're actually going for a season two at the moment which would be about a different thing which I wouldn't describe as a conspiracy but

hopefully we'll make it so I don't want to kind of get too much into that COVID i've ruined conspiracies it really did can we be real it really i've been ruined so many things chief among them conspiracy theories they used to be fun yeah but they must have been um kind of shit before that because i remember that was the conversation carlo and i were having like six years ago in a pub in Australia yeah that turned in eventually to that's right Titanic podcast I can still remember the atmospheric audio that you entered into the podcast to recreate the experience of you and Carlo having a beer

what'd you think of that I thought I thought I like soundscapes I thought right I've always liked radio. You know, it's what do they call it? The theatre of the mind. I used to have a cassette tape of a story. It was a British story set on the seaside. I think it was called The Man. It was about a little man who lived on like a windowsill

next to this kid's seaside bedroom. It wasn't anything sinister. Yeah. He was too little. There's something about living on a windowsill that is a bit sus. for this little man to commit a crime against a child would take

so much energy it just wasn't feasible he was too little but I think it was actually positive but the the soundscape was you could hear seagulls

in the ocean and I really think that's amazing and then I'm going to listen to that I'm going to listen to other these well produced podcasts like our one but different like ones that have And I really think that's amazing. And then when I listen to that, I'm going to listen to other, these well-produced podcasts,

like our one, but different. Like ones that have high production value in terms of we just fucking, we got it and we put it out there. Chuck it out there. These people who mix and mingle. I'm like, wow, you've really changed the experience

of listening to this. And I admire it. We could make something like that one day. We're doing it right now. We've got Brian Eno on the mix. We've got Atmos. That's true, actually. And we were very lucky to get him. It's time for our first segment. You know, he started touring. Really? Yeah, he's touring his ambient music. I would like to go to that.

Yeah, I think he should be touring like planetariums. Mmm, you know what I mean? Instead of concert chambers or anything, put him in a planetarium, put some Instead of concert chambers or anything, put them in a planetarium, put some projections up. I went to the Pink Floyd experience at the Auckland Planetarium, and I got two stones. And it was three hours long, and they've got some heavy music, and I went on some real challenging journeys inside of myself. Speaking of which, it's time for our first segment on the show today, and that is drugs in a tree. Oh, wow.

And today we've been treated to a vape. Oh, my God. Which is not something that Guy or I sort of participated in. I still don't know how to vape. The nature of this. I suck it in too hard and it makes me feel sick. Oh, really? And I cough.

This will be fun. Yeah. All right. Well. Alright, well... How long do you think it would take to get truly addicted to that vape? More than just this. Yeah? Yeah, surely. Oh yeah, it's not going to be on this turn.

But what if you have it in your pocket and then you go home and you're like, I'll just try that again. I'll throw this out to make sure that doesn't happen. Really? Like I said in the last episode, I really don't want to be addicted to anything. If I can help it. Quite exciting to try, mate. These things have really got their hooks into people.

Sometimes, when I have a... If I ever smoke a spliff that has tobacco in it, and I don't know if it has tobacco in it, I can suck it in too hard and then I get a nicotine high before the weed high, and that's kind of like, you feel really dizzy and i got into snus for a period where that's that what's those pouches of tobacco you put in your gums goodness me god i remember doing that on a plane a lot of my anecdotes today are about when i took too much of something but i got very light-headed on the plane try and figure that out i'll look at the instructions while you do we've got a blueberry raspberry 2%er.

Do you just do it and it does it? I feel like I'm licking the inside of a plastic container that had those flavours in it. Does this button have to be turned on? I think so. I'm gonna... I think we're the only people on earth who don't know how to use a vape. Yeah, like can't five-year-old kids figure this stuff out? Can and tragically do in fact

yeah kids shouldn't have this according to this they have to say that though there's no instructions here we go unlock five clicks oh great i just did three okay do five is there a light two three four five yeah there's a light. Did it come on? Here we go. Is it coming up to temp? See, we don't know. This is what it feels like to smoke weed for the first time again. I think this is what it feels like to be old all the time. There's a light coming up on the bottom there.

Are you getting any of that? There is? Is there? Yeah, it's flashing i think this is how we get hooked on vapes we're like is it working it's not working is it doing anything and then we just consume it so you see the light oh you're right it is working what do you think of vapes guy what's your like opinion on the whole thing well do you know one of my best friends from when i was growing up, from about 5 to 18, even actually into my 20s, he is a vape emperor.

Yeah. And so if I talk to him about vapes, he'll provide a lot of medical data to suggest that vaping is... Explain what you mean by vape emperor. He started a big vaping company and they're still big and they sell a lot of vapes. We might even be using one right now. I could DM him and say, how do I make your vape work?

But he seemed, I mean, like, you know, you've got to drink the Kool-Aid and so, you know, he's like, we're getting people off cigarettes. And I'm like, Are you still?

It feels like you're getting people on vapes. Yeah. Well, on that note, it's time to introduce our guest for this episode. Maybe he can help us conquer this. Please go crazy and wild for Mr. Another Guy, this time, Williams. Oh. It's podcast on a tree, guest in the ground. Hey, thanks so much for having me, guys.

It's a real privilege to be here. Guy, you look so nice down there. You look handsome the wind is just blowing the tips of your hair so you look quite picturesque. You guys never you guys never properly set up where we are like we're in paradise right now. Please set us up man. Tell us more about where we are. We're in Albert Park which is a park in the center of Auckland it divides the University from the CBD. The University's quite beautiful but the CBD doesn't have the best reputation in Auckland CBD I'd say. I never thought about it like that but do you think this park is protecting the

city from the uni or the uni from the city? Oh I got it! Oh, there you go! Guy's blowing smoke out his mouth. Oh, vape's up. But I just thought like, the interesting thing about podcasting in a tree is like the setting and the surrounding. But you guys just... Blew straight through it. Guy's now really struggling.

Too much vape. I'll try again next time. What I was saying though is I think we take for granted the surrounds and the experience because we are in the tree so it's nice to have it observed back. Um, I mean like you know this is, it's a heavenly day. Yeah. It's a beautiful tree, it's got a really fascinating root system that's kind of both in and above the ground. Yeah.

How is it down on the ground there? It's pretty bad to be honest. I'm just kind of in like a little dirt patch with a lot of shards of glass around. I wish I was up there in the ground. Yeah. How is it down on the ground there? It's pretty bad to be honest. I'm just kind of in like a little dirt patch with a lot of shards of glass around. I wish I was up there in the tree. Well it's not allowed. It's not podcasting a tree, guest in the tree. It's actually like, if you got rid of the glass, that's a lovely little nook. That's a very rare tree nook. A kid would love this. It is like actually like picturesque. It's like that scene out of a movie where you could sit a little fort in here.

There's like the roots and the sides of the tree, it's hard to explain, are hollow. So there's this big space for about a party of about six people maybe in the middle of this tree. I can imagine some wacky times have gone down in this very tree. Definitely. Do you want to try this? No. Are you sure? Horrific.

You should try it. No. Are you trying to offer me a vape from a tree? A man just walking past going, what is this? And rightly so. What do you mean? What's wrong with this? I don't like vapes. I think this podcast is weird because it's a podcast where you're in a tree.

You're actually in a tree, but you didn't tell anyone you're in a tree besides the title. You make no reference to it. You don't talk to people who are walking past or interact with any like there's no reason for being in the tree yeah it changes your physiology it improves your mood yeah okay it kind of does it kind of does because i came here going this tree podcast guy you've been broadcasting for so long that you think everything is about the externality but sometimes the reason tim and guy are in a tree is for tim and Guy yeah maybe maybe Tim and Guy have been in a room watching movies for too long maybe it's time they got in a tree it's not necessarily to um to do vox pops or to have the visuals I want to hear more about what you were saying um you were saying you were coming and you

thought this tree podcast yeah tell me about that oh well it's been a busy day I've been doing weirdly I've been heaps of interviews I've been doing heaps of interviews. I've been doing commercial radio interviews. You used to be on commercial radio. I used to do that for many years. How was that for you? A little bit anxiety-inducing, just because I know when I worked in commercial radio, comedians are bad guests.

What? Terrible guests. I'm a great guest. Yeah, well, that's your opinion. Nah, you might be. You might be. No, no, no. Older generation of comedians.

Okay. So the generation before ours didn't understand this podcast culture where you just go on and you just constantly generate content. Comedians used to cherish their 45 minutes of material they had and guard it with their life. So if you tried to ask any question, they would either give you the funniest story you've ever heard in your life or be themselves. And as we all know, comedians are highly unfunny people and not interesting at all I am not interesting but I'm funny yeah I won't

stand for this no well you you you have developed this new personality where you're you're an improviser and be you generous but a lot of comedians aren't and P always go what's Arja Barker like and he's like he's the weirdest guy I've ever met in my life and he has no good stories as well because you're like you know like normal people they live lives, they have affairs, they travel, they live in a little town and they know everyone and they get in trouble. Comedians, a vape pen just fell out of your tree is that normal? It's just the box I'll get there. We'll leave that. You're on a great journey here. Yeah, but when you interview a comedian,

what are you getting up to? And the answer is flying around the world doing comedy shows. Did anything weird that came out of the comedy shows? Not really. Delivered the goods.

That's why in the 90s all the material was about hotel rooms and airplanes. Because that was literally all we experienced in life. And that's why I think more podcasts should be out here

recording in a park, in a tree Experiencing real life like real people. We've gone full circle and I love this Yeah, because you were you were hanging shit on being in the tree Now you're saying it's good to be in the tree. The second I got to this park I turned a 360 100 because I live in Auckland. 360 means you'd be facing the same way. Fuck you I turned a full 180 and I immediately really appreciated like how beautiful auckland is how wonderful this park is we're in the shade i i lube myself up sunscreen and it's just this is really really

nice and what about do you think is it also is your experience being uh enhanced perhaps by the fact that you are doing commercial radio you're being a bad guest because you're a comedian community's a bad guess oh i try i try and be generous but yeah i was pretty bad and now bad. And now you're on a podcast where you've got, it's no holds barred, you can tell us what you really think about Arj Barker, no consequence, we're not freaking out hitting the Ed Sheeran button to bail out of the interview. Every commercial radio booth has an Ed Sheeran button. Ed Sheeran is such a good concept. Big red Ed Sheeran button.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't have anything bad to say about Arj Barker. It's funny when people ask, like, what's this comedian like? And I've normally met them, and I'm like, Normal guy. Not cool, not funny, yeah. And people are like, it must be so crack on the green room.

Very rarely. Can we circle back to, you don't want to try the vape. Have you vaped before? No, it's horrific. It's so bad. Have you tried, have you ever puffed on a cigarette? For work? Yeah, yeah, yeah, all's so bad. Have you tried, have you ever puffed on a cigarette? To work? Yeah, yeah, yeah, all the time, I love it.

It's a joke, you can ask my crew about it, because it's like a joke they've been trying to get, you know how you have a joke they've been clinging on to for five years? We talked about this in the last episode. Oh did I? No, no, we did. About just going with the same joke, to be like, that's funny, you guys are right.

It's going to hit one time, but this is a joke, it requires the other person to react without me telling them what the punchline is so that's hard but i always dream i often interview people who are smoking and i always want to go um they often offer me a cigarette and i always want to take the cigarette with um open arms yes um grab the packet like i know what i'm doing take out the cigarette light it up like i know what i'm doing and then just really struggle with it. And then cough. Cough, like, violently, like I do whenever I try and smoke. And I always want them to ask me the question, how long have you been smoking for?

And I want to say, this is my first time. And it never comes off. It never comes off. Have you done it? My crew gets annoyed. They get annoyed. Whenever people have cigarettes, they roll their eyes and go, here goes Guy with his cigarette butt. Is it because people don't say, how long have you been smoking? Yeah they

don't care they're not interested that I'm there just dying of cancer. It doesn't have to be real you could manufacture that. Yeah it's really hard with the people I talk to I don't talk to comedians I talk to punters on the street and telling them to say an answer is very hard. Yeah. And that's why it really pisses me off when people think my interviews and my shows are scripted and it's like i wish it would save so much time it'd be so much time if we record this podcast in a studio it'd save so much time if we just did it in a uh on a controlled street with um feeding people lines but people average people so i'm bad as well you, I've learned to appreciate actors.

Yeah, it's impressive what they're doing isn't it? Yeah, like to actually be believable and sell a line is harder than you think and I'm bad at it and people on the street in New Zealand, believe it or not, your average puncher on the street in fielding is very bad at delivering a line. I think there is, I was thinking recently about why comedians seem to gravitate towards acting later in their career where they seem to have ascended to at least near the top of what they can do in stand-up and i think it's good so much of stand-up is acting because of that thing of you have to pretend like this is the first time you're delivering this this hard to be as good at stand-up as when

you started or what got you there because of what guy was saying earlier which is like you're insulated from the normal life or the parts of life that gave you observations to share with people that meant they were it was being reflected back to them and that's why like a lot of ultra famous or successful comedians they either go down the route of just like getting in their own feedback loop and just inflating their value by saying that they're not allowed to talk or they just relay celebrity anecdotes and you you're like, yeah, it is interesting, but also... Rickard Gervais has had a bite out of every apple. He's done both of those and acted. He hasn't had a...

Yeah. He started as an actor. He's not a comedian. He's not. He's a writer and an actor. Yeah, you'd say his acting is probably better than his stand-up. But the other factor, you've both raised excellent points. The other factor I want to throw out there,

stand-up comedy is very hard, acting is very hard too, but the acting that most comedians do, which is just do a heightened version themselves, is easy and lucrative. Good point. So like Adam Sandler did a tour recently and that was like him branching out, but like for Eddie Murphy, comedy and doing an hour, especially when your expectations are following up like two of the greatest, most loved stand- stamp specials of all time, so hard, being Dr. Doolittle for $50 million, quite easy in comparison. He had to learn how to talk to animals for that role though.

It's not as straightforward as you think. Yeah, yeah. So you've smoked a cigarette, because you've never tried an alternative drug though, because we've got a segment, drugs in a tree. Yeah, I just came off the back of it and um and i showed up and tim was like time for our first segment i was like great i'm on and then and then um guy interrupted the first segment to talk about um brian eno or something like that i was like fuck when am i on and then um the first segment

wasn't me the vape pen came before me yeah well but now it's being offered to you and you you know we could i don't want it it terrible. We could be intertwining ourselves. No, this is so... By the way, my review of this is like, why do people do this? I don't know, man. This isn't more-ish. Nah. It didn't give me any high.

It just made me cough initially and then it tastes... I could have a drink. I think it was 10 bucks. That thing should cost more than 10 bucks. People love it. What you're saying there, Guy, is exactly what every person says, and everyone listening who vapes says, one day before they become addicted to vaping.

Why do people do this? I don't see the appeal. And then two days later, they're just hooning on it. Do you reckon I'm going to get addicted to vaping? No. But I do think Tim is highly likely. I'm surprised he's not already. Guy Williams, it's time for our next segment of the show,

which is called A Little Something for You. Oh, wow. Oh! Yeah, and it's for Guy. Tim's getting out of the tree. You've got to narrate this guy. Well, people, oh my God. It's a little something.

Oh yeah, Monty hasn't seen this, so maybe flash it up for him. This is really beautiful. In the camera as well. I've got a little gift for you, Guy Williams. Thank you so much. And it's an authentic Simpsons comic book. Wow, that's really a lovely gift, thank you.

Abe Simpson on the cover with, is it the Hellfish tattoo? Did you watch The Simpsons when you were a boy? I loved it. I wasn't allowed to. Neither was I. Really? Me and you have had, I think we're the same person. We've had the same childhood. Almost identical. Yeah.

I was not allowed to watch The Simpsons. We were raised Catholic. I don't think you were raised Catholic. No. We were raised Catholic. Mum always said, there's a boy up in Nelson who's being raised Catholic and I want to model your upbringing

as much as I can. Yeah, and being raised Catholic, we're definitely like, it was crazy. You go to church and people would talk about what happened on South Park. And they would,

funny enough, they would only dwell on the, if you just watch South Park, you don't notice anything wrong with it. But if you go to church and people would talk about what happened on South Park. And they would, funny enough, they would only dwell on the, if you just watch South Park, you don't notice anything wrong with it. But if you go to church and dissect the fact that the Virgin Mary was bleeding out her arsehole, it becomes really, it sounds really bad, we'd talk about it in depth. And I was like, way more than the people who watch South Park are dwelling on it. Well, yeah, in a different way. Kind of, probably not fondly reflecting on how funny it was.

I'm interested in this, guys. So when you say you would talk about it in church, is this like the congregation would talk amongst themselves? Afterwards. Or the priest would be like, can you believe this was on TV? It might have, but I think it was just afterwards at church. And it might have been one of the reasons I gravitated towards comedy is because I lived quite a sheltered upbringing.

And then, I mean, you can all, it looks like it would be safe for a therapist. But have you been to therapy? Why do therapy when you can do it i'm going today are you yeah i go commercial radio interview commercial radio radio two guys vaping in a tree and then therapy what a weird day great day that's a lot of talking it's a lot of talking it's a lot of talking um about yourself i want to know just about this uh did you do confession yeah did you did you ever confess to gnarly stuff no i didn't do any gnarly stuff i was a very very well behaved child potentially because you know if i confess it so i every time as far as i can remember would say um i've been too mean to my sister i need to be nice to my sister yeah is that the griff pardon with

catholicism is that how they get you they're're kind of lording over the children, the confession. It's a priest in the room next door, right? Yeah, no, no, it wasn't a little room like in the movies. It was just you sit there one on one, just across from each other like a TV interview in chairs, like Oprah. No veil or anything? No. And you're in priest Oprah, every time you came in it was like, fuck, this is going to be trash. Oprah.

It's going to be just saying, who's mean to his sister again? Why don't you fucking live a little, bro? Yeah, a little bit, a little bit. But it was, you're right, I was worried about sharing my deep secrets with this weird man. And also, like, we were raised to be afraid of being bad. So you wouldn't definitely,

wouldn't honestly tell people about it. Like, the genuine things I did do bad, I wouldn't tell people. Yeah, it was very strange. Yeah, Catholicism's, it's a really interesting way to raise your kids i'll tell you that yeah i started the process and then my mum was like wait a minute what do you mean what well so my mum went through the catholic school system i've got two older brothers they both went through like confirmation and everything wow me too i got through what's the first right called oh you get

like baptized after that months after that. Reconciliation, communion, confirmation. Yeah, I don't think I even got to communion. Yeah, reconciliation I think is the first one. Damn, it's a shame, Tim.

You're going to spend eternal damnation burning in the fiery pits of hell. I know, but right now I get to just vape it up in a tree and have a great time. I would say Tim

is quite a godly person. If I was a judge through a Catholic perspective, I mean, this doesn't sound good, right? It sounds like I'm going to make a kitty fiddling joke or something like that. I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to say that your role playing is God. I would say, if I was to look at my friends,

I would say Tim is one of the more wholesome and like, I'd say one of the things I learned from the Catholic church that was good was being generous of spirit. And I'd say Tim is a very generous person. Okay, now do me. Yeah, now do Guy. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you,

but I wouldn't say you're as godly as Tim. What, you're a nice person. The fuck, man. Tim is crazy. Can I share a weird story about Tim recently? I was just contacting an associate of Tim's to help me set up a podcast. I was incredibly busy at the time and I just wanted to get this podcast up for them. It was just me and my mates talking about the Rugby World Cup.

And I started a group chat and Tim's like, I'm in London. I'm like, sweet, well you were out then, that's fine. And then later on we're doing this group chat still and Tim's just kind of there and Tim's continuing to help with the podcast. And I'm I'm like Tim what time is it in London it was 3 a.m. in London Tim was trying to for free help me set up a podcast not even on the same network as his podcast network why were you doing that and I was a little bit like I was like Tim you're actually at the point now of too nice because I was like why are you doing this? Suspect, suspect suspect not very godly at all what are you hiding

what are you hiding give him in a confessional boot but yeah i was like i was like yeah it was really lovely tim but also i was like i was like man you got to pick your pick your time you know i won't help everyone but you're you're a good guy we've been mates for so long yeah absolutely i don't think i contribute anything good to the world and people when you do that as a community you always go oh you make so many people laugh but I was like I piss off as many people as I Nah you're a solid dude guy and you've always had this beautiful cloak of antagonism and what's the word I'm looking for? Yeah Like Dennis the Menace what's the word for him?

Cheeky cheeky but like Obnoxious you've got like a cloak of obnoxiousness that you put on. But you're fucking great. I just think that you're very straight up, I admire it. Yeah, but on the flip side though, if you look at my life and how I live it, I'm not generous to people. I don't do anything that doesn't also benefit me. Okay. So, see Tim do that and help with this podcast, which has no benefit to him. It benefits him. He knew he was going to get you on a podcast and you were going to come and hear him tim's great i tell you he's great everything is transactional

um that i i don't fully agree with that guy because your treatment of like everyone you meet on the street because you've got a very high profile for a new zealand comedian i will put that big asterisk on it yeah and like even i mean you know this time two years ago when we were in sitting down to have dinner at that beautiful power table of Australian New Zealand comedy in Melbourne

oh that's right and it was people recognising you more than any of these like famous Aussie comedians but you always give people the time of day that is the generosity

of spirit and you also I've left a rugby game with you and you attract there's a because of i think the representation of you on new zealand today yeah the people have a similar level of confidence or the way they approach you is like there's a assumed level of familiarity yeah and you don't um new zealand today i would just say is guys tv show that's right and it is

a new season yeah it's going to be a banger but you you don't defer you don't um say oh thank you but i'm just trying to you're like yeah good on you yeah no no because i give it out so i've got a i've got to take it back and it hurts me a lot of times that's a generous spirit now before we um start wrapping this up it's very important to me that we all try and review this almond croissant Have you got a second almond croissant? This is an alternative almond croissant Okay, this is um, this is you know, I think it's important to We had an almond croissant on the last episode as well guys. I thought they'd be kind of a different patisserie

No, no, no. This is like the weakest like premise for a fucking podcast. Yeah, no kidding. You met us. Yeah, you met our crew What do you mean what's your podcast what are you doing you're just sitting around with your two mates messaging Tim in London trying to talk about rugby

you dumbass you piece of shit right here we're getting you to talk about Catholicism we're feeding you croissants we're offering you drugs and you go

oh this is a piss wig you're a fucking idiot give me that comic pack I um I can I say that i um i brought up the costalism thing didn't i with all of them who's to say um guys before i go i want to hear um briefly about your why were you not allowed to watch simpsons was that strict upbringing this croissant is too dry it's so bad it doesn't't have that sort of marzipan or that almond paste filling.

And so there are parts of it that are quality, but largely speaking, I'd say... Guy's chewing the croissant while he's talking. What are you telling me? No, no, no, no, no. Jesus Christ. I worked in commercial radio and it's very important I didn't learn much but I learned a few lessons it's very important to explain to the listener what is going on here's the thing guy

explain explain don't try and good call there our listeners our listeners are so much smarter than commercial radio listeners

so they get the context clues yeah they understand you probably won't be used to this but the people who are consuming this product are remarkably intelligent

this is something I'd say the people who listen to this are some of the highest level intellects that the world has ever seen. I wasn't allowed to watch The Simpsons. Not for religious grounds. I wasn't allowed to watch TV. Wow. But The Simpsons, it turns out, was because my mum cannot stand cartoons. Like she's got, they make her sort of angry in this unusual way.

And so I was told it was not allowed because it was adult. But she just didn't want to be in proximity to animation. Wow, that's so interesting. I think that's quite a common phobia. You meet a few people out there who can't watch a Pixar film. Even if it's recommended, even if it's recommended, even if it's good. Yeah.

Because it's animated. I'm the opposite. I gravitate to it. I'm part of the weird, like, incel Rick and Morty community. I love Rick and Morty still, and I was like,

it's embarrassing. You only got into it after Justin Roiland got into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

that was what appealed to me, yeah. Oh, that's a really interesting guy. And Tim, you were allowed to watch cartoons all the way through. I watched a sickening amount of television when I was growing up. Tim's childhood was modelled on Mike TV. Yeah.

I was in a little cowboy hat every day of my upbringing, and I just sat there in front of the set. I was reflecting on this recently, and again, I've got a feeling I might have talked about this in the last season of Podcast in a Tree. People want to hear about it again, I reckon. After the school day was done, I would walk home from the ages of about 12 to 17, eat a loaf of bread in toast form, and watch like six hours of TV. Wow.

And that's what being a middle child is. You know, I remember as I got older, we were allowed to watch a little bit of TV. And I remember the first show I remember racing home to watch, because it made me laugh out loud, was Kenan and was Kenan and Kel. I remember really laughing. Wow. Good pick. You had that skybox, you had that Nickelodeon joint. Yeah, we had Nickelodeon on. See I was not right because I remember watching Kenan and Kel and not laughing but I watched it. Did you watch the Amanda Bynes show? Oh I loved it. Same. I to this day, I haven't revisited it recently, but I think that was a really funny, funny show. And it is a tragedy what happened to Amanda Bynes.

Yeah. The machine really chewed her up. Yeah. Oh, that's really interesting. And I think you guys both got kids now, right? It's crazy how it's gotten so much worse. When we were kids, TV was the idiot box that's going to rot our brains. TikTok is like TV times 1000.

Way more addictive, way more misinformation. Now TV is a noble pursuit. TV is becoming, you know, like books I'm sure were a leisure time activity and a waste of time and perceived as, you know, like a superfluous thing to do. And then as soon as sort of television came along, probably radio, everyone was like, oh, books are quite traditional.

There's actually value in that. And then radio and then TV. And everyone goes, radio is actually really good. It's quite, you know, you have to be quite intelligent because it's older. Then you've got a TV.

And now TV, and the prestige TV reflects this, is regarded as like a worthy thing to spend your time on. And even the way that people talk about shows and stuff has been elevated yeah what moral can we take away from all of this that we're just going to keep creating the next worst thing i've talked about this before but i think the other separation that we're going to see is with ai i think ai is going to start

recreating certain visual art forms um on a level that is close to on par with what humans can create. Obviously, we'll lack that essence. But then there's going to be a division, a generational division, I think, between people who like analog art or who praise art done by people. And then there'll be people who think that that's snooty. And it's like, no, all art is art. And you have to appreciate this equally. Yeah. Yeah.

And before I go, I want to get one more point off yeah it really pisses me off when people come up and they want to not recognize me from my TV show which is totally fine I don't request to be recognized but they love saying they love saying that I own a TV and there's not in 2024 that's not noble at all because everyone has a phone in their pocket yeah which is a thousand times worse TV way more addictive way more fucked up can I ask you a quick question guy around this what's your current social media relationship addiction yeah I'm just weaning myself off my addiction so I was addicted to Twitter I got off there and then got kind of addicted to Instagram

I've got off there pretty good I still occasionally go on there and then I Didn't go to read it. I've now delivered that can I ask what is occasionally in there? How occasionally are you on Instagram? Oh, I'll get to this I try not to go on the actual feeds at all But after I kicked my reddit addiction of now I can get addicted to anything. I've now got addicted. You should try this vape I'm addicted to messenger apps so i'm back on the instagram because it's messenger and it's like that's how you keep in touch with like international friends yeah and so like this is the grimmest thing now i have like five messenger apps i've got whatsapp messenger i message surely the healthiest i think that's fine. I think that's communicating with your friends. Yeah, but it's not though because it's like that instant dopamine rush of like group chats and stuff is like, is like a weird

and it's not a proper relationship. It's not a proper friendship. It's just like a couple of casual jokes. It's like, it's like joking with a colleague in the lunchroom. It's important, but it's not, it shouldn't be like, I'm doing like eight hours a day. Be kind to yourself guy on the scale of that to do on your phone yeah this is not it's not the worst it's certainly not the worst i don't ever get into tick tock did you ever fall into it no no no no i try to i've got a tick tock account and i don't have anything to do with it i um i got addicted to dating apps as well that was a bad time in my life awesome yeah i can understand that though because that's a real sort of casino where like there could be a Yeah and everyone that you go on a date with in New Zealand would know who you are

No, no not everyone I like how you guys and your world in this tree I'm like Justin Bieber I can't believe Kai came to the tree I'm not that big a deal In this tree you're also just because of your natural cadence like broadcasting to the entirety of Albert Park. What's great is I think we're regulating our voice to a point where

I'd say we're not audible to anyone who's not in the tree. And so it just sounds like Guy Williams is having a breakdown in the tree surrounded by shards of glass and an empty vape box. He's got a Simpsons comic. That's a podcast format. He's talking about Simpsons comic. That's a podcast format. He's talking about Catholicism a lot. Well I'm off to therapy and it's been a lovely time. Thank you so much for having me. It's been great. It's been a delight to have you. Before you go, we haven't actually reviewed the tree,

which is something we do. Yeah. Oh no. He just dropped it. Ian would you mind grabbing that bag before it flies away? Please tell it. I don't want to. Please tell the audience why guys just said, oh no, because it's funny to us, it's not funny to the listener. If you're on our sub stack, they can see. And if they're just listening, they should get on our sub stack. I'm not on the fucking sub stack. A croissant fell out of the tree. You're in the tree.

Okay, yeah. So as Guy and Tim pull more and more amazing things out of their pockets, including Simpson comics, vape pens and croissants, these things comically are falling out of the tree as they go. One by one they tumble, just like us. What do you make of this tree Guy? Beautiful. Give it a beauty rating out of five.

It looks very old, the roots are massive and they're everywhere, it's a 360 experience. Everyone in Auckland should come to this as like, should be on TripAdvisor as like a tree to sit in a circle and I don't know, like have a chair, have a drink. I don't know anything about drugs, but I would say pass a marijuana cigarette. Oh. How about that?

Goddamn right. Yeah. And that's our pull quote. Guy Williams condones drug use. I absolutely do. Why would I not condone that? I just don't do it. What's the ranking out of five for this tree all up overall?

Well, I don't know the other trees you've been in to compare them to because I've only listened and you've described them so poorly. Sure. But I would say, and I'm guessing, does every guest though give them a five out of five? No. No, we're all across the board. Listen, shoot from your heart oh i i mean i would say straight i've had a lovely time and i would say this is clearly a five out of five tree

what do you think tim i'm not giving away a five it's close 4.5 for me giving away a five i think there's a magical quality to the root structure you're dead right where it is it is there is can we just cut the shit for a second? There is a good joke that straight white men, we only hang out as friends when we book a podcast. Yeah, it's true. This is the first time I've seen my friends, Tim and Guy, this year doing a podcast.

And it's been so lovely. We should really do this off air, but it's hard. We're busy. We had dinner once like a year ago, and I had a lovely time. Yeah, it was so good. To be fair to me, I think of you as a colleague. Get his ass. Yeah, yeah was so good. To be fair to me, I think of you as a colleague. Get his ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it's been really nice. I think this is, I give this tree, climbability I think it's actually not that, climbable, I give it like three and a half, and beauty I'd give it four and a half. What do you mean not this climbable? This is the most climbable tree.

Says the guy on the ground. Oh, you forced me to be on the ground. Yeah, you're not allowed in the tree because the guest is on the ground, it's part of be on the ground Yeah you're not allowed in the tree Because the guest is on the ground It's part of the podcast Also I weigh 110kg I'll snap this tree I'm worried you guys will

I can't believe No real life The tree was shaking before There's going to be a nice element As this podcast goes on Yeah That the listeners will be thinking This branch

They're both sitting on the same branch They're both adult men Yeah It could just snap off at any time at any time and that would be so satisfying no

it would be satisfying for the Patreon listeners or whatever but it wouldn't be satisfying for the listeners because you guys wouldn't even describe what happened

you'd just hear crack and then and you'd just have to guess what's the theatre of the mind wow thank you so much for joining us check out New Zealand today

guys fantastic show and if guys doing stand up comedy should also watch them I'm coming to Australia come along Wow, thank you so much for joining us. Check out New Zealand today guys, fantastic show. And if a guy's doing stand-up comedy you should also watch him. I'm coming to Australia, come along, please. I'm very desperate. Alright, that's us.