The Worst Idea Of All Time - Podcast in a Tree 2: 03

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

The boys are feeling refreshed and reflective at the prospect of spending time together without having to watch a terrible movie for the umpteenth time. Guest on the Ground and notorious rowdy boy Ben MacGougan joins to discuss the merits of shoelessness, doing raunchy stand-up for an audience of nans and being drunk at the gym. Tim debuts a new segment called A Little Something for You. Guy presents a new take on an old favorite, Sandwich in a Tree (an almond croissant).Join our Substack for video episodes and early releases! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guy Montgomery. Oh, is this it? Yeah. Guy Montgomery. Yeah. And Tim Batt. Together. Podcast in a tree.

Together at last, I was going to say. Oh, true. We're so close to finishing each other's sentences. Ah, that's not true. You just said sentences. Yeah. I'm saying together at last but we are together a bit at the moment yeah it's nice it is nice we're both we're together socially yeah uh i'd say we're together professionally i don't know if we've brought

the or i should start a i just want to track how we do at the time. I don't know if we've shared with our wonderful libertarian listener residing in the great state of Alabama that you rented a house for us to stay in recently, which was such a pro move. And we intended to do some podcast work. And then we thought, you know what would be better than that? Not. Yeah.

podcast work and then we thought you know what would be better than that not yeah the goal was to um because i've i felt so rinsed by 10 years of um i want to say dreading spending time with you but certainly it was not a straightforward hang yeah yeah it had become complicated. Do you think, yeah, had that association between me and watching a bad movie? It just meant when I got messages from you, there was like very rarely was there a song in my heart. Yeah. A lot of the time my heart was would sink like a stone. I'd think we either, I've forgotten to do something or there's something we have to do or we are about to do something bad and I thought and this is what I thought what if I got a message from Tim and I thought I wonder how my friend Tim's doing yeah and the

house booking was part of that yeah and I booked us a nice house too. Really, really did. It was sensational. It was in one of the sort of west coast. West coast, black sand beaches. Of Auckland. Where the waves are wild. And the only thing wilder than the waves are the boys. Yeah.

Yeah, we brought a lot of drugs there. And then we did them and we went to a waterfall. And we sat in these beautiful rock pools. Yeah we went to the beach yeah it was so nice and then we listened to music real loud on that sofa yeah that was a real throw to this i've been talking about sort of 70s home architecture recently yeah having a sound system just pointed at a couch, that's got to make a comeback now. TVs are out. It's all about having two big floor speakers and a record player pointed at you. It's a beautiful way to listen to music, isn't it?

It was so good. To do it deliberately. Yeah. I listened to an album that you like. Yes. With an open mind. Which I appreciate. And we listened to it from the start to the finish.

Yeah. It's one of the most challenging musical experiences I've had. For those curious, it was Noah. And I can't remember, is it Noah Forever? Or is it the K-N-O-W-E-R? Lewis Cole and Genevieve. I always forget how to pronounce her surname. But it's so awesome so awesome it's quite busy

oh it's so busy if you want to repeat this journey it's the one that's got the government nose on it which I'd seen on YouTube I think and sort of as a novelty experience in isolation I was like that's funny

there's a whole album accompanying that. The rapper they put around it was intense. So anyway, it's great to be with you. Well, and now we're together in trees. And this, to me, this is the sort of thing I like doing. This is nicer. This is nicer than Chandler. Absent that challenging album, though, the rest of it was a pretty flawless victory.

Oh, absolutely. And even the challenging album was part of the experience. And we listened to Floating Point, which you put on. Floating Point, yeah, yeah. Which got us back on a good... I just thought we probably needed to strip things back a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I certainly...

That was wise. I was certainly in a position where I needed to just slow things down a touch. Sure, sure. And now we're in a park and we're in a... I don't... Again, one of the things about this podcast really highlights to me how little i know about while i respect trees yeah and enjoy trees i can't identify trees it's one of those things where i'm always like i get in a tree and i'm

like now this is a birch wood i don't know what that means or if that's true or what the hallmarks of the birch tree are well do you know you know, we've got a guest here. Yeah. And they're a guest who I don't know what they know about trees. I don't know if they know anything about trees. But the way that they carry themselves in the world suggests to me there is a relationship to nature. Okay. I think of this person as being very grounded.

Okay. I can understand where you're going with this. Shall we introduce our guest? I would love it if you would. Please welcome to the podcast, not to the tree, podcast in a tree, guest on the ground, it's Ben McGooey. Hey Ben. Hey guys. Lovely to

have you with us. I'll give you one of these because you're close enough that I can. Wow, it's a nice proximity to be into one another. Yeah, we can do that. Just across Tim very gently. Yeah, it's really showing up how barely off the ground we are, but we are still off the ground. For all the people at home know, Ben could be really tall. If you're only experiencing the audio, Ben is at eye level with both Tim and myself. I'm eight foot four and loving the look. I think with you both in shorts, it's very sort of toyetic. I've never heard that word in my life.

What does toyetic mean? It looks like toys. You look like boys. It's boyetic. Oh, I love that. Your sort of legs dangling. It's quite sweet sweet we look like toy boys a lot of toy boys was guy um correct in his assumptions about your earthy grounded

naturally connectedness listen me and gaia like that wow but i don't know the names of the trees either yeah i know their names oh yeah this this gerald yeah you know i don't go in for the science yeah yeah just feel it out you that's almost you're so connected to nature that that would almost be like eugenics yeah it's kind of weird breaking everyone down to their yeah you know genetic components like this is actually gerald and he's a whole own yeah and we should respect him are we are we respecting him he loving and he's a whole own person tree. And we should respect him. Are we respecting him? He's loving it.

He's having a great time. This is his first podcast. Do you know the reason I think of you as grounded and perhaps knowing about nature is because you are, I would say, the only person I know who lives barefoot. And fancy free. And fancy free. None of these highfalutin rubber soles for you. No, sir. No. So, I will will say I talk a big game

about not wearing shoes one of my feet is pretty fucking sore I've been doing a lot of walking why is it sore? it's just a lot of gravel a lot of roads a lot of miles sore from mileage sore in a way that is like

inside of the foot like a bone or muscle or cartilage thing or sore like externally sore in the kind of way you would expect to be sore if you took off your shoes and walked on the roads for ages you've been doing this for a while though as long as i've known you i would assume that you'd have a leathery base oh it is it's quite hard um uh yeah no i i've always just not worn shoes yeah i used to i used to i had to wear them for you know work and like school i had to but i told them at school that was part of my religion and i got away with it did you yeah what religion did you claim to be Do you know much about S-H-I-N-T-O with a macron? No E.

Well, I mean, it's Japanese anyway, so if you don't know how to do the kanji. Was that where you say, is Shinto, is that because it is tethered to foot or leg related stuff as well? Was that part of the... It was just sort of, you know, in Japan you take your shoes off before you enter a house. Yeah. And like that's what the spirits were telling me to do. It was all bollocks. I didn't believe, I didn't know anything about it. Of course. And was there a period, aside from there, like have you had to navigate other periods where, you know, societal norms dictate a pair of shoes might be a good idea and you say but you don't understand i'm shitting what is it is it are they too restrictive does this is this

you know you'd know about gerald the tree what are what are my left and right feet thinking about this situation right now that's not how it works your guy yeah you are a guy your feet are not individuals and mine aren't either and your shoes certainly aren't I don't know man, I just don't like it I get hot I run hot Do you wear hats? Not as much as I should, I've been thinking about it

I've been thinking about getting into hats do you think I can pull off hats? You'd look good in a hat. You do play around with your hair a bit too. I do yeah I've gone blue I'm bleached blonde right now yeah I've got my my team Ruby Estill of McKenzie they advised me. That's awesome. Yeah. Do they help you do it they love doing it yeah they do the hair for you yeah they do it for me that's good because that's that's an expensive process you consider them to be like stylists yeah that's my they're my style team they're my gurus do they

do the wardrobe as well no they don't touch that who does the wardrobe in my game it's all Ben McGee. It's all Ben McGee. Wow. You've got to have a line in the sand. Yeah. Where it's your stuff. But so to round back to a question, I distracted myself by thinking about my own feet selfishly. Can I say this for a sec? Yeah. And Ben, you can answer this, of course,

because you're a full-blown adult. Are you sick of talking about the fact that you're bare feet a lot of the time? Yeah, fuck yeah. I'm dead sick of it. Shut the fuck up. I don't know. I feel like maybe I talk to you bare feet a lot of the time. Yeah, fuck yeah. I'm dead sick of it. Shut the fuck up. I don't know. I feel like a lot, maybe I talk to you about it a lot.

I feel like you would get a lot of chatter about it. Yeah, I just don't find it very interesting. No, of course. I've been trying to write jokes about it my entire comedy career and I can't. I don't have anything. Because it's just like, I just don't have shoes on.

Yeah. That's the bit. It's like you wearing shoes, you know? Yeah, that's a hard thing to write a gag around yeah it's just shoes oh you say um it's pretty weird that we wear shoes there's your setup a little dress for your foot yeah we didn't always wear shoes i think i might have talked to you about this before but i i remember ages ago i was watching a podcast or something i want to say the guy was a podiatrist. Is that a foot doctor?

Yeah. And he was talking about how shoes. Pediatrician is the one that gets muddled up. That's right. Kid doctor. Yeah. Not a child is a doctor, mate. You got it.

Not a doogie house in it. Someone treating doogie. Shoes kind of fuck up our natural, you know, sensory sort of connection to the ground and and might be a part of the reason why we have such bad hips as we get older because we're kind of like it would be like wearing gloves all the time is the analogy they use it would be like going through life wearing gloves all the time you're sort of dulling your ability to sense like where the pressure is being put on your feet and being able to adjust your body accordingly. What do you make of that? Well, I think thieves must wear gloves a lot.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. But not 24-7. No. Not to the point where you kind of like lose sensation. Well in urban cities they talk about grounding yourself, they talk about earthing yourself. Yeah, yeah. And you're meant to go and, you know, because it's so unnatural to them to do it. You're meant to consciously

take your fucking shoes and socks off and go and get some grass in between your toes and whatnot. That's an electricity thing though. Is it? Yeah.

Is that what power is? You know about this, right? Yeah. Isn't it? Grounding is when they, when, you know, they. They, yeah.

Are talking about grounding. Don't get me started on them. I had a, I had a Buddhist nun tell me it means that I'm spiritually grounded once. Man. Yeah, so you'd get people telling you all sorts of shit. I once tried to fly on a plane. I would have been about 13, 14.

I once tried to board a plane barefoot. Yeah. Wouldn't let me. Nah, I got in real trouble. I tried to go on the plane barefoot, and they're like, you can't do that. And I jokingly said, well, at least you know I don't have a shoe bomb.foot and they're like you can't do that and I jokingly said well at least you know I don't have a shoe bomb and they did not like me. There's your material. Yeah true actually yeah you're helping. Yeah. Did you claim religious reasons for the plane at all?

No. You just put shoes on. I just put shoes on. I just did what I was told at that point. Yeah. You just put shoes on. I just put shoes on. I just did what I was told at that point. Yeah. Airports, man. They think they're so smart. They take themselves very seriously. They really do, man.

Airports need to chill out. I get it. Like, a few bad things have happened. But in the grand scheme of flying, most of them go off without a hitch. So much shit hasn't gone wrong. Yeah. I don't know if this is still true,

but apparently the TSA, you know, the American... The Transport Safety Association? I don't know if this is still true but apparently the the tsa you know the american the transport safety association i don't even know what it stands for but whatever they invented after 9-11 where they like you know give you metal detectors as you get on planes and stuff it's cost billions and billions of dollars it has not thwarted a single terrorist attack ever wow it's like the thing it was set up to do yeah it's but it's um it's made traveling a lot worse yeah so they're credit they have done a phenomenal job with that yeah that's good i want i want a looser experience back at the airports you know those heady days of the 80s and 90s where you just kind of i i have a perception of it i think more seeing it in movies

and tv but it felt like international travel was just so much easier you swan in yeah you know you wouldn't be in a line for three hours and get strip searched and x-rayed it's the swanning i miss yeah the most yeah right walking around like you're cock of the world just really scrunched especially getting onto an international flight yeah

nothing's more like cool than walking onto a plane going I'm gonna be in a different border soon you ever

you guys ever been on a long you ever go on a long plane and just see how long you can not do anything so like you go in

no book no drink no screens just sit just sit not tried that there's meditation really wow yeah i i imagine it's pretty disconcerting for like um other passengers if you're sitting staring straight are you allowed to look out the window or like i guess you know it's your it's your i like no yeah just fully locked. Eyes just directly in front of you. What's the TSA going to do about that? You're meeting all of their standards.

Fists balled on your knees, school photo style. I don't like that. Just looking. I don't like the fist being balled. Not tight, but they're balled. And just dead eye look in front of you. The person next to you goes, are you a nervous fly? You go, nope. just did I look in front of you the person next to you goes are you nervous fly you go nope

that would be good that would be a good fun thing to do what was the last plane you got on Ben uh just come back from Blenheim was that a big plane or a little plane little plane there would only be little our special guest a plane is joining us now as you may hear. It's actually a helicopter, I can see it. Ah, planes of the... Lower sky. The planes of the... Planes of the hospital. Yeah.

What was Blenheim like? Lovely. It was um... Do you like it? Yeah, I mean we weren't really, we were sort of out of Blenheim a little bit for our stay. Me and David Correos, on a vineyard. Hell yeah. And in this little cottage, really, really luxury accommodation.

Really? Yeah, outdoor baths. Oh, I love that. David got addicted to the outdoor bath. Is that you have to like fire up the coal fire or whatever? No, gas. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, it was real easy.

Bougie. Yeah. That's good stuff. Yeah. And you filmed, you're a very funny stand-up comedian, and you filmed your show under unique circumstances, I think. Yeah. Well, that was the idea, was to make it look unique, to make it look not like other comedy specials. Hell yeah.

Not like good ones. Make it look weird. So where did you film it? Like on the vineyard, there's this little section. It looks like a sort of stone Viking hall. And it was lit by lots of little candles behind. It was quite romantic, really. And who came?

Just like old biddies from around Blenheim. Ben McGugan fans? Nah, they didn't know me before that. They are fans now though, you know what I mean? You won them over? When you're committing something to Sally Lloyd, you want to make sure there's as many old women who have never heard of you before there to cheer you on. I've got so much respect for this Ben because the internet is like a wash with um self-produced stand-up specials at the moment i think and you do you got to find a way to stand

out yeah no there's a lot of them and some of them are quite good yeah sadly yeah guys got one coming out soon a lot but a lot of them it's good a lot of them already no well it's not interesting it's just you know and a lot of them you're meant to make it look like you didn't self-produce it. You're meant to make it look to a standard that it's like, this is pretty slick. Lame. I like the sort of boutique wool shed, 15 pensioners from Blenheim coming out to get behind you.

I think it's really, you know. I think it speaks to your abilities as a performer to put on a good show. Yeah, gig-wise, how'd you feel? Gig-wise was great. Yeah? Yeah, no, it was... You're not especially filthy, are you?

Well, I am a hack. But these ladies, so I do talk about my stinky pinky quite a bit, but these ladies were loving it. Yeah? No, these old biddies, we don't give them enough credit. Don't underestimate the over-60s the other 60s man they like it nasty they don't get that you've been there they've done that they know what you're talking about yeah I've done nastier shit than you can even dream you're

asking me to the outdoor baths afterwards I had to head off back to the home i've always wanted to film a stand-up special there is a laundromat in grey lynn oh yeah on uh new north road i think and right north is it the one in the grey lynn shops it's like a 24-hour one yeah yeah yeah it used to have windows and then it just they kept getting damaged so often that they just removed all the windows so now it's just an open-air laundromat oh i think i know the one you're talking about when i when i first moved to auckland um me and my mate barnaby lived just down the hill from it in this this place called shirley road which was funny it was the only place we could afford to live in, in Grey Lynn, a little shoebox apartment, riddled with mushrooms, leaky walls. It was tiny, got no sun.

And my friend who was doing a criminology degree mapped the reported crimes of Grey Lynn Ponsonby and the map was colour-coded and everything was in blue and green, which is chill, except literally our street, our little street Shirley Road was this red line in the middle of this oasis of calm. Hell yeah.

It was a great time and we didn't have a laundry there so I'd be trekking up the hill with all my bits and I'd sit down there and I'd put my washing in and I'd write jokes in my notebook while my washing was happening and I still remember it so like fondly that time time I was gonna say it would have been full of criminal activity because of the daylight robbery you

boys were getting on this apartment in Grey Lynn from memory 80 bucks a week maybe this is a long time ago black mold though not good risking a lot and yeah my flammate had health issues so it wasn't an ideal situation I um I've done laundry at that laundromat it's good right yeah do you like a laundromat yeah i did i like the laundromat i liked um i did like it it's sometimes you like it it's like a luxury like the the luxury is having the time yeah to um enjoy it instead of like it's fucking inconvenient yeah Generally speaking, when you want to do your laundry and you've got to walk 400 metres down the road. But when you're 22

and you don't have any money but you do have time, it's kind of a nice. It's kind of sweet, I like it. I like the, in New York where they do they've got the laundromat and the apartment building you know, I want to experience that. Well that's like, you know, it's you go, so you go no washer dryer in building, so

laundromat, and then it would go, washer dryer in building is like a nicer building because you don't have to leave the building to do it. And then an apartment is like, you know, that's out of sight, it's unbelievable. The idea that anyone would have that. That would set you back a pretty penny I bet. It would. So the concept of having like a washer and a dryer in your home in New York City is pretty out the gate. It's not, no one would expect that really.

I like that. This is what I was saying about swimming pools. Yeah. Laundry should be a public service, you know? I'm not saying it should be like not privatised or whatever, but it doesn't make sense for everyone to have their little tub individually in their house. It does because people have lots of laundry to do. It's not like... or whatever but it it doesn't make sense for everyone to have their little tub individually in their house it does

because people have lots of laundry to do it's not like environmentally it's so much better to have a few big machines that one has to come to

and use of course but shared goods that's how you build a community you have a watering hole we used to just go down

by the river didn't we back in the day just bash them out just bash them out it's about on the rocks on the rocks have you guys ever you have a watering hole. We used to just go down by the river, didn't we? Back in the day, just bailsham out. Flapping away on the rocks. Just bailsham out. Just bailsham out. It's about on the rocks.

On the rocks. You guys ever washed clothes in a river? Oh, tramping, but that's it. Yeah, I washed it in a kitchen sink before. Yeah. Because we didn't have, our washing machine was broke, and we didn't have hot water,

so I had to boil the jug to put, and then I put dishwashing liquid in a few herbal tea bags in there. Not on this! So it wouldn't smell. Were you sober? Yeah. The tea bags, would they discolour the water and laundry?

No, they were like lemony. What you'd expect washing powder to be scented anyway. That's great. You weren't putting any wild berry or any crazy. Maybe I should. Raspberry tea. Time's marching on. I'm going to introduce a segment and then I'm going to bring something up, which has come to my head.

It's time for everyone's favorite segment, drugs in a tree. Okay. segment drugs in a tree okay so um we're not going to do the drugs now because reveal guy and i did the drugs about 40 50 minutes ago and the drug we did today is lsd slow release uh are you feeling any of it i reckon yeah i reckon i'm in a good spot now. I'm certainly starting to feel. When you started talking about feet being individual people, I was like, he's on my. Here we go. Well, you know, to my credit, I do think about that in the cold light of day sometimes too. It's true, yeah.

I think basically, you know, in comedy, it pays to anthropomorphise everything. Yeah. And work backwards from there. Start with that as your starting point. It's how Pixar make movies. Ben? That's true. They're like, this has feelings.

What's your relationship to acid? Love it. Took a big break from it for years because I thought I sort of clocked it. Nice. I thought I'd done all I could do. Made a recent return. Done two trips and had a great sign both times.

That's so good. Yeah. When you say you clocked it, what does that feel like to see the end credits of Acid? It's quite nice really. It's sort of like, it wasn't like goodbye forever, it was like see you later. Is it like a list of names of psychotherapists in the 1916s? The names of the snakes that came out of my curtains that one time. Yeah, no, it was sweet.

Yeah. So you, was it a situation where you like did so much once that you were like, got through that, we're good. Maybe we don't revisit it for a while. Or was it the case that you did it so many times you were like, I'm good, I'm getting out of here. Yeah, the latter. I just never had a bad time with it.

That's so good. And just sort of, yeah, felt like I was done. Was I talking to you about this? Do you sometimes consider drug taking or a drug experience to be like a, you don't think of bad trips, right? Yeah. It's like mental feats of strength. Yeah, I don't know if this is objectively true, but I think it's an mental feats of strength it's a yeah you can't i don't yeah

i don't know if this is objectively true but i think it's an important way to frame it taking drugs there's no such thing as a bad trip there are challenging trips yeah yeah you're looking at bits of information that you perhaps weren't planning toward exactly but there's there's a lesson to be learned in all of them and you've just got to treat it you know no i think i i don't even i don't know i've had like quite full-on trips but i don't know if i would class any as a bad damaging or anything and i think the people i've talked to who have had particularly bad times are people who like do heaps all at once without experience wig out yeah don't like having their hands off the wheel i think it's also trying like having their hands off the wheel. I think it's also... Try to put their hands back on the wheel.

When you're trying to outrun a bad trip, that's a loser's game because it's happening in... It's not going to work. Do you have any tactics for when it begins to be challenging to sort of... You're meant to move towards the fear.

Oh yeah? You're meant to embrace it. Well, because you can't... You're not going to... Your subconscious brain is it. Well, because you can't, you're not going to, your subconscious brain is delivering it to you and you can't override it because your subconscious is driving so much of what's happening.

And so if you look at it, it sort of disempowers or at least addresses it in some way instead of being like, I just don't want to, I just don't want to. You've got it. Wow.

You've got it. That can be quite cathartic, I imagine. Big time. Yeah. Are you so like mentally sound that you're just doing heaps of acid and you're like, I'm just 100% this rock. I'm a Ben McGoo.

I don't get down man. I don't get down very often. Yeah, so I don't know. That rocks. That does rock. Yeah. How do you good man? You need to be bashful about that.

That's awesome. How would a guy like me get a Ben Magoog down? Take your shoes off. I think he'd love that. I think I'd enjoy that quite a bit. I don't know. You'd have to beat me up, I guess. I don't think I could.

I don't think that would take you down either. Aren't you strong? I'm stronger than I look. That was the other thing I wanted to bring up. Oh, yeah. So you talk about that. Well, you, David Krauss again, obviously a friend to all, was posting recently about your gym habits.

Yeah. And without wanting to describe any of them, I thought maybe you could walk us through what you told him and then, you know, what the case study, when you took him to the gym under this. Sure. If you want. Yeah, I hope David's all right with it.

I'm sure he would be. so i told him we were hanging out um and i told him sometimes i go to the gym drunk and um and he was high and i was drunk he he don't drink and i don't smoke and and so he was like i've got to see this and so we went to the gym um i had another beer can I can I track back as to why you think it's why you like to go drunk why I like to go drunk it's sort of there's an element of like do you ever run home drunk do you I have but I don't but I have not yet do you know when you're like sort of I'm not gonna remember this so I might as well run use it for good yeah and I've had that conscious thought and then the the run home is a blur maybe I remember bits of it but I'm just like I wake up and you know when you feel

like you're tired and you've used your body and you feel good yes I feel that and so like I go to the gym and I can like push a little bit harder. Yeah, right And I just enjoy the experience I like being drunk. I don't know what to tell you. That's awesome. So you and David go. How drunk are you at the gym? How drunk are you? I mean the drunkest I've ever been in the gym. I do not recall So wow, you're a risk to yourself and others yeah yeah i don't remember it i um i i was like i woke up with my gym bag there and my shirt because i do wear shoes at the gym um good and i was like oh shit i must have gone to the gym last night um i think some people are like, oh, I went to the casino last night. You're like, oh, I worked out last night.

So when you went with David, how was that? It's great fun. We were yelling a lot. Yeah, we really pushed ourselves. He made me do this one where I was on my tummy for a bit. And I did kind of throw back the beer because we wanted to wanted to go to the gym and I did feel a bit bloated and then on the walk home he got in an uber and I walked home and I messaged him I go um I threw up on the way home and then I felt really good so I did a bunch of push-ups when I got home and that's all true that's all true man

that's a unique approach to working out man he's thinking outside the box he really is well i wouldn't it wouldn't occur to me to get drunk before i go to the gym no i i've never been to a gym so i've never been no we should do a few brews and fucking go to the gym you'll love it i see i i'd like to separate out and color me crazy, but I do like to pass out my sort of drinking and my exercise. Okay, sure. Well, have you crossed the streams much? I've run after a few beers, after probably three beers max, just to see what it was like.

And it was not that nice. It's nicer to run without beer in you i've run stoned and again it's like uh i'd sooner run you know like i've done the research sure it's not running's not every golf i've tried golf on uh substances and that again it sort of degrades the value of the golf but in a way it can also enhance the overall experience what is the value of golf well it's like it's it's it's like any hobby it's trying to improve at something it's the satisfaction of incremental improvement at anything but is this a golf yeah but that's everything every hobby sucks to someone i guess

everything is a waste of time yeah it's but this isn't a waste of time because it's time for another scene I've been buying a variety of different pastries so far what we tried we tried and I'm in class on the episode one and what we have never so to the almond croissant for summer episode 3 what we have different almond cross well I've got a big reveal for you today because I've been to a French patisserie and I have for us today oh well I've only gone and put almonds on this bloody croissant you know that really gets my goat I said I want I don't want to see a single almond that's what I said you heard me and then they go and give me this we were in there earlier today and I was like are you going to get an almond croissant here he's like I said, you heard me. And then they go and give me this. We were in there earlier today and I was like,

are you gonna get an almond croissant here? He's like, I already got something, it's all good. Thank you. He got a fucking almond croissant again, didn't he? Yeah, yeah. There you go. Thanks, mate. So let's have a go at this.

Do you like these sorts of things? Hell yeah. I'm not even mad. No, well, it would be unusual to be mad because a friend accidentally brought an almond croissant to a tree would be an unusual thing to get upset about, accidentally brought an almond croissant to a tree. It would be an unusual thing to get upset about wouldn't it? That was very flaky.

And it's good? Yeah. This one is beautifully flaky. Well the woman I bought it from... Also flaky. Yeah. I asked her out. She ghosted me.

No, she had a French accent. Not for nothing. Yeah, it was a French patisserie. Yeah. Did you know that patisserie is both the bakery and the good? Well, it's a boulangerie then. No idea. Is that a...

I think it's a bakery too. Dean of Iniquity? Oh. I think a boulangerie is also a bakery. It's like how the Russians have 20 words for cold, the French have 50 words for bakery. Other languages seem... I guess it's just everything, isn't it? Anything you don't have all the information on,

it seems so alluring. You know when you visit a city, and you think, if I lived here, my whole life would be perfect. Do you know another language, Ben? I speak not very good Japanese. Hmm. But I'm very rusty. Do you? What are you made of tin? This is hard to compare. Fucking got my ass. Fucking blew my spot up. Shit, don't worry. Yeah, you're fucking, you're tangled with the best, you better watch out. Do you sympathize with that notion that there's a real benefit to learning just any other

language to have an alternative way of looking at the world? I think it's good to do just because what you understand language to be, when you begin to sort of understand what language is, like words don't mean things innately, they're all constructs assembled together and applied to things in reality as opposed to innate meaning you're a deep thinker you say bimaguga after you make any good points it's my cat train i cannot help myself i'm so sorry i like it It'd be good on merch actually. You should get Ben tattooed on the sole of your foot

and Magoo on the other one. I like that actually. It's sort of like Andy's toys, but I own myself. Yeah, you do. You do fucking own yourself, bro. I gotta go get something. And if anyone ever lost you, they'd be like, I guess you need to get your address somewhere as well.

Oh wait, no I didn't need to leave. But you did. I'm back in the tree. One athlete. Okay, it's time for another segment. Okay, you do this segment. I was remembering, this is unrelated, but one of the funniest gags from The Simpsons, I'm just thinking of labels and stuff, one of the funniest gags from The Simpsons is Mo with his head in the oven, in a singlet, and on his back there's just a post-it note that says,

No Funeral. Good God, that's depressing. Mo has some bangers, eh? He really does. The segment is called A Little Something for You. Oh, yeah. And Ben, we've brought you a gift. Oh.

That's true. I was umming and ahhing. I got down to a shortlist on your gifts. Okay. And it was between what I ended up getting you and jumper cables. Okay. Do you drive? No.

Well, I'm so glad I got you a voucher for the movies. That's so much better than jumper cables. Do you like the movies? Me? Yeah. Do you like going? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The whole thing. What was the last flick you reckon you saw? It was Godzilla minus one. Oh, no. The new Godzilla. Yeah. What happened to the other one?

What's the minus one? I think it's because it's set in the past. The new Godzilla. Yeah. What happened to the other one? What's the minus one? I think it's because it's set in the past. Oh, okay. So it's like, not Godzilla 1. Not even zero. They're going into negative integers now. I remember... That's clever.

When Godzilla vs Kong was at the movies, I tried to get so many people to come with me and no one would come. Oh. Did you watch it? Yeah. Did you like it? It was fine.

It was exactly what I thought and also exactly why people didn't want to go. How was Godzilla Minus One? Godzilla Minus One rules. Really? Yeah, it's really depressing at parts and really uplifting in parts. Wow.

It's like a very, very strong movie. Choice. And Godzilla is terrifying in it. It's great. Did you see Godzilla vs Kong? Yeah. What did you think of that? It was fine. I couldn't tell you a thing that happened in it. That's always good. Did you see Godzilla vs. Kong? Yeah. What did you think of that? It was fine.

I couldn't tell you a thing that happened in it. They fight on a boat. Yeah. Was that the one with Millie Bobby Brown in it? Maybe. I think it was Julian Dennison in it. I think he is in one. He's the Kiwi.

He was in Hunt for the Wilderpeople. He was in Godzilla vs. Kong. Yeah, he is. They supplanted his character from Hunt for the Wilderpeople when they put him in Godzilla Kong. Yeah, he is. They supplanted his character from Hunt for the Wilderpeople when they put him in Godzilla vs Kong. It didn't quite work, you know? It was like this quippy... You've got to take a swing at it.

You know how quippy they make kids now? Kids are so quippy. Bloody Gen Z. Back in my day, we were witless morons. And our verbiage reflected it. Yeah. Back in my day, we were witless morons. And our verbiage reflected it. Yeah. That voucher, I... What's it good for?

Well, I tried to get 35. That felt like two tickets, maybe? Two tickets, right. Or a movie and a meal for one. That's true. Maybe a popcorn and or an ice cream. You get prices there. I didn't get you 30 because there are options apparently.

It's 30. Okay. It's not 35. Oh, wow. So I reckon you can get a movie. I reckon for 36 you can get a movie and a popcorn soda and a choc top. Really? I reckon.

So if you throw it. I'm going 18 times 2. If you go on a Tuesday, You might even be able To best that Yeah And what have you got on On a Tuesday I got my pub quiz Oh really

Yeah Shit How's that going Do you like hosting that I do yeah Yeah it's good fun Do you make jokes No I just

I'm not They're not there for Ben Magoo They're there for the quiz Yeah You know what I mean It's an important thing to know Do you think of jokes Yeah sometimes

And do you not say those I like 50- 50 if it's like really good yeah and do they kill i've killed harder in that pub quiz than i have in any comedy gig in my life and that is probably honestly partially down to restraint yeah but when you do turn it on these people can't believe it a joke this? This dry ass fucking Shoeless, witless quiz host Has been fucking mailing it in Week in, week out This fucking robot

Finally fucking chose to laugh Where the fuck did that come from? Well there you go Follow up to your special You surprised your quiz audience With a stand up special That sounds so terrible But you know what guys? It'll be pretty different You surprised your quiz audience with a stand-up special. That sounds so terrible.

But you know what, guys? It'll be pretty different. Follow up to your stand-up special. It should be you just hosting a quiz. No jokes. Oh, no, that's cool. Yeah. That's cool. That'll be, it's my special's like half an hour,

and then two hours of me dryly hosting a pub quiz. Hell yeah. Asking people earnestly how many countries border Syria. Couldn't tell you. Hey, we're over time. I'm pretty sure. I actually forgot when I first looked at that.

We're definitely over time. We're over ground, eh? Ben, it's been such a thrill having you here. Yeah, it's been a real delight. Thanks for being a guest. Would you like to plug anything? I'm estimating this will come out in a month and a half from right now.

Okay. My special might be out by then. Either way, follow me on the socials. Yeah. I'm the only Ben Magoogan in the entire world, so you can't miss me if you just look me up. M-A-C-G-O-U-G-A-N. Magoogan. me up m a c g o u g a n mcgougan yeah the only ben mcgougan in the world yeah apparently don't get too i just hope you're seeing a good example transfixed by that guy do you want to say anything as we close uh not really i just it's been so fun having you here ben it's been great i mean we haven't discussed the tree yeah. Yeah, we really do. We must. I think this is, I respect the tree. And I like this branch, but it's not, for climbing it's-

Can you see Gerald's leaning on that other tree there? Gerald's bursting through that tree. Gerald's finger blasting that tree. Gerald is- Crew, can we get a shot of Gerald finger blasting that other tree, please? Thanks, Ian. Here it is.

Beauty, three. Climbability, two. Vibe? Four? Yeah. I would boost for climbability, but otherwise I agree with you. I'll give it a three. Where are you climbing this tree?

You can... Okay, fine. Two and a half, though. Jack, you could okay fine two and a half though you could go up there you can do this pretty good climbing here they've got like it's got like rungs on this branch it's a little bit to get up quite high you could if you were ambitious i reckon you could get into that other yeah no no you don't do that what do you make of gerald yeah are these uh out of five are they yeah um if you want them to be well yeah i don't really i don't want to attribute numerical value to Gerald in much in the same way that I wouldn't say a scientific name.

Um... Wow. We're all tens in my book. That is a, that is a number. That's... It's a concept. It's a concept. Which as we spoke before...

Why are you looking like that? ...is whatever meaning we attribute to it. Yeah. Symbology of language. Go fuck yourself, Guy Montgomery. It's only that numbers come under the umbrella of words. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks,

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