The Worst Idea Of All Time - Podcast in a Tree 2: 04

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

A beautiful day in Aotearoa finds Tim and Guy pondering some heavy questions. Can Pope Francis redeem the Catholic church? How is AI impacting primary education? What are those crystals that you get in certain kinds of honey? Thankfully, a delightful Guest on the Ground, Courtney Dawson, and an equally delightful edition of Drugs in a Tree help lift the mood. Plans are laid for a house band, Tim kills at the checkout aisle, and Guy reboots beloved season 1 segment Sandwich in a Tree with a season 2 twist (an almond croissant).Video episodes available on our Substack Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Welcome back to Podcast in a Tree. This is my big idea. Season two. You go, uh, Two man guy, R per tree, P-O-D-C-A, Oh, fuck! Wait.

Two man, Is that even like melody? Keep going. Two man guy, R per tree, P-O-D-C-A-T-I-N-G. It almost works. It does work. Sorry. It works. I didn't meanC-I-N-G. It almost works. It does work.

It works. That's a mean compliment. It is. I didn't mean to say that. No, it's okay, man. It's like it does almost work. I'm kind of... Is this lady-ligging?

Is that what they call lady-ligging? Yeah, you know how women love to dangle their legs? Not like us brawny boys. Yeah. She got my brawny boy legs. We've both got a lot of leg... I'm just playing this one. We've had a lot of leg in the other...

It's hard not to sometimes. When you're up a tree, your legs splay how they splay. I think... I can't imagine... I don't have a huge amount of options for ways to sit. Yeah. So tell me about how comfortable you are or aren't

right now. How's this going to go for 30 minutes? Because I take remarkable care of myself. Yeah. I'm loving it. It's not as funny

as you think because you are in good nick. You're in real good nick. So you're just showing off about being in good nick. Oh, am I not allowed

to do that? What's the point in being in good nick if you can't talk about it? Be a little conceited about it. I went for a good run yesterday. How'd that go? What are you doing at the moment?

I don't run at night. And I ran at night because it's so warm. If you're not running in the morning, you can't actually run in the day. Yeah. And I ran, it was a new run I'd never done before. Because often if I do a long run i'll run up um towards one tree hill okay but yesterday i was running towards sort of only hunger and then hillsborough and i was like i ran through where you got married actually dude oh yeah monte cecilia park or whatever homestead that's beautiful that

park it really is eh yeah and i ran past like all the past the tree scenes from your wedding yeah because i was in the park and i was like i've got to see the tree there was a good wedding eh yeah that was so i was super sick i had really bad um tonsillitis it turned out. You did well with it, but man. Yeah. I was super unwell. And that same window of time, that's when I was falling in love with Chelsea. Yeah.

That was all happening around then. I wish she was at the wedding. And I was so sick. Yeah, but that would have been odd if you asked her to the wedding. Yeah, it was too soon. It was hashtag too soon. And she could have turned out to be a real nasty piece of work. And in some ways, she did.

No, no, no. What? What? No, Chelsea rocks so hard. That's why I'm disappointed that we're like that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And respect others. Yeah, of course.

And there's probably been people you'd strike from the invitation list, too. I don't think so. No one comes to mind. I was really happy. There were a couple of people that we invited and they said no. And I was like, it's probably for the best. Yeah. How many obligation invites were sent out?

Very few. Like kind of there is a gun to my head. This person has to come. Very few. Well done. Very few. Like, kind of, there is a gun to my head. This person has to come. Very few. Well done. Very few. Well, like, I can't think of anyone off the top of my dome. And that speaks to, A, my memory.

Yeah. And, B, the fact that, like, I'm in the same attitude with other people's weddings. If I don't get invited to a wedding, I would never hold that against anyone. You wouldn't take a person? Nah. It could be my own brother, and he'd be like, we're doing a short list. I'd be like, that's wedding, I would never hold that against anyone. You wouldn't take a person? Nah. It could be my own brother, and he'd be like, we're doing a short list.

I'd be like, that's fine, dude. It's your wedding. Go for your life. Would you be upset if... People get so angry. I'm engaged to be married to him. You are. Would it bother you if you were not invited to my...

You were the... Because I was talking to someone with Zoe, another friend, we're having a conversation about this kind of phenomenon. I was like, if Guy didn't invite me, it would be okay. I would be like surprised, but it's your wedding, man. You call the shots. Good to know.

Yeah, do whatever you want. It's your day. That's very sweet. Hey, I've got to say, this is a real beaut we're in today. She's a good tree. Look, this is the biggest tree we've been in, maybe not just on this season, but ever. It's a record breaker. We at this is the biggest tree we've been in, maybe not just on this season but ever. It's a record breaker. We haven't gone very high ourselves but the capacity to get some altitude in this tree.

It would be a challenging climb, you'd need equipment. How old is a tree this big? Do you know all these trees know more than us? What now? What was that second thing? This tree knows more than us. It knows more than us. It knows way more than us. What do you think? How could you know more than this tree?

Well, we're different, aren't we? A tree doesn't have a brain. Is that true? What do you mean? Yeah. You don't have to have a brain to be alive, do you? No, not to be alive, but to know things. It seems somewhat.

Can you tell me um how did people start getting into lobotomies oh man i don't know yeah you gotta do so much around to like stumble upon that that was a that was a medical treatment they just started recently parts of people's brains out there jfk's sister was born with a i can't remember what the condition was but they lobotomized her and just hit her away that's what the condition was but then the bottom might stare and just hit her away that's what the royal family do isn't it there's a lot of people doing it it was like very accepted but the royal family if they don't like how someone comes out don't they put them in a room i don't know about this what is this they put them in a room and it's like you

know i can see it's awful but you can see why they would think that's a good idea to protect the brand but then it's like how are you not going to put andrew in the room put andrew because there's some other young folks in there get him out of the room say that you can't say any of this stuff here's the thing if you want to stop producing people who need to be in the room let's open up that gene pool a little bit you're sort of the architect of your own roomy demise here. You know what is, I think, not forgotten, and I don't want to dwell on this too long because he's a wicked man, but it is so funny to say that something cannot be true because you cannot sweat.

That's a defence strategy. It is insane. For anything. No, no, no. It's even slightly better than that it's not that i can't sweat it's for the period of time in which the event happened i could not sweat then but now i can again isn't it that's the sort of thing where you're like he thought it would work guy this is the thing you can watch that interview that guy thought this was all going to work he thought he could go in tell everyone he couldn't sweat for that period but and then

it would work yeah we didn't buy this lot you just lie hey people just lie yeah do you lie very often in your life never big but a little bit small yeah i'll grease the wheels on certain situations with some white lies i've i've been i'll fudge timelines small yeah i'll grease the wheels on certain situations with some white lies i've i've been i'll fudge timelines sometimes yeah i think people are entitled i think adults are entitled to do this because i think with with the way that phones and communication works now you're so beholden to like yeah you know everything has to be optimized for time keeping and like you know people there's a sense of being owed that's more information than i think it's necessary and probably healthy to like maintain connection i agree i think our ability to lie retains a little

bit of autonomy and that's like that's why that's the issue with these red receipts and like all of the message platforms oh yeah forcing visualization of when you've actually read something so it's like you know because you might want to read it and then conceive a response out out you're under pressure now these tech bros don't get it i would like to welcome our first guest for this episode our only guest well it's our first and last guest okay it's courtney dawson hey our guest on the ground courtney dawson really on the ground too You don't have to adjust yourself if you don't want. Very few guests have embraced the ground with quite the same confidence in Gustav as you. It's in the perfect contour of this route.

This is a great tree. It's actually, it's one of the few instances where I've almost been jealous of the guests on the ground. Because traditionally in the tree, you think we've got it good up in the tree. Guy Williams made it look dog shit. You make it look comfy as hell. Thank you. the tree you think we've got it good up in the tree guy williams made it look dog you make it look comfy as hell thank you um i was disappointed that i didn't realize guests meant guests on the ground yeah the guest has to be on the ground i wasn't so stoked about that because i do love trees and i love climbing trees but i mean i'm pretty much on the tree this is still the tree that's true you've got an even split yeah legs on the ground, torso on the tree. Rules are rules though Courtney as well.

Yeah, fair enough, I respect it. It's just the way it is I'm afraid. How are you going down on the ground there? How am I going down? I'm going good, I'm having the perfect summer's day. I'm looking up at my two mates, sun shining, I just came from the beach. Shit yes, what beach did you go to? I went to Oriwa because I go to therapy in oriwa right which is like 40 minutes drive yeah so i think about my problems i talk about my problems i think about solutions and i have a swim it's a perfect day that's tidy it is a lot it's a big day you know yeah yeah but if

you've got like if you've got the day in your calendar to allow for that much space around it that's how you want to do it because i remember when I started seeing the therapist I see now I was going like in the one free hour I had and so it's quite intense to be like I was working on Spelling Bee and as we were building the show for the first time and so it's like you're just thinking about it so hard and then you go and you open up a bunch of shit and then you're like shut it down you know like to have that buffer on either side is quite um it is really nice I mean even doing this I still kept it light because I was like you know like to have that buffer on either side is quite um it is really nice i mean even doing this i still kept it light because i was like you know let's just talk about light traumas today you know yeah because you knew this was afterwards yeah i mean i talk about pretty

much anything on a podcast this is just therapy with a microphone really not wrong i'm not i'm pretty unbridled how do you can i ask we haven't really reflected on this, but traditionally Tim and I have been doing handheld microphones. Does it feel different to you guys talking on a little? Yeah, I guess it does. I could never, I don't think I could ever do stand up without holding onto a microphone. No, those psychos who do like the Madonna mics and stuff. Makes you feel like you're doing spoken word or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. This is okay. You're alright with the lapel because yeah this is the thing about you courtney you do like so much tv as well as stand up that i feel like you're used to both both mics yeah and i'm used to taking that chain off that chain's a real real annoying thing it always bangs on the mic couldn't take your chain off because it was being on the night i say do you know what i love i like it when um sprinters have quite big chains on because i always think part of me is like isn't that

going to slow you down but i'm like the commitment good on you man it looks like like some of them weren't big ass chains and i'm like that can't you know that's not aerodynamic. Yeah. We paid for that. Yeah. This episode's brought to you by the church. What are your thoughts on the church, Courtney? It's funny you say that. I've been thinking about going back to church. Really? Did you grow up with the church?

Yeah, I was pretty hard out Catholic and then went pretty anti obviously with the whole pedophile stuff. Yeah. But lately I've been thinking about this new Pope's the man, even though he's probably going to cuck it pretty soon. Who is the new Pope? Sick.

Pope Francis. He's just, like, super down for gays and trans people. He feels like a man who's really the best bet at saving the institution at this point, eh? Yeah. And he's done some work to try and correct all the unpleasantness yeah he has that's a bit that's a big job the first part of that job where it's like a pair progressive is the pope yeah that's actually a pretty low bar to clear yeah you know where it's like oh the pope's good now it's like what because their politics aren't from like the dark ages have you

seen that um video of people trying to kiss his ring he doesn't let them anymore oh it's like no because it's too hierarchical yeah nope and everyone's trying to go oh he's like nope get out of here that's an interesting one because it would probably mean a lot to those people if they could kiss the ring i know but that's the burden he's got so you're thinking about going back well thinking about it but i don't know we'll see because i really like there's the burden. So you're thinking about going back? Well, thinking about it, but I don't know. We'll see. Cause I really like, there's the things that I like about the Catholic church

is like, I like the ritual of it. And the like finicky little, The bits and pieces. Little pretty stuff. But also, I don't know, I think after the pandemic, I really was just like anti anything that wasn't science. You know, I was just like, fuck you, fuck all this spiritual shit, fuck all this church. And then I sort of threw the baby out with the bathwater and I've been kind of lost. So I was like, well, maybe now Francis is in.

There's space for everything. Yeah. You can customize, it's like, you know, build your own fighter. You can customize your own beliefs system i could i could make a cult i keep telling zoe that i want to take remy to like a catholic church but she's she's reasonably against it but it's mainly for the singing so maybe i just need to take him to like a choir but there is something i did lots of singing i always did an anglican church there's something so deeply good about group singing hey yeah like i think that's how churches trap people, just because they have an experience and interaction with live music and they're like wow I'm saved. That's like Hillsong's whole thing right? Is it? But are they like Christian rock? Yeah, yeah.

No no no no no no. Cool concert. I don't want any of that shit. That doesn't speak to my heart. It's a trap. I want a big pipe organ and I want a bunch of people being led by some conductors in funny cloaks doing hymns. Yeah. I want some beautiful, soaring, classical music. I want to see a man sing a note that doesn't look possible for him to sing. Oh wow.

Have you heard the Bee Gees? I have heard the Bee Gees. Yeah, that's a perfect example. Maybe I should just listen to the Bee Gees instead of going to church. We all sing Bee Gees. Did the Catholic Church have like eunuchs in it? Or is that different religions? I don't know.

That's giving Greece Romans. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. The Catholic Church should have had eunuchs. That's the main thing the Catholic Church should have had. Yeah. Look, if you're not going to let your mans not marry, no sex, at least. Yeah. It's interesting because we had Guy Williams as a previous guest on the last episode, actually,

and we talked to him quite extensively about Catholicism as well. He keeps coming up. So long as we're talking Catholicism, I think we should probably get into one of our famous segments from Podcasts in a Tree, which is called Drugs in a Tree. Oh, yeah, true. There's a lot of stuff in this bag right now, actually. Well, while Catholicism is having its year in 2024, surely it's been the century of marijuana,

a great drug that we all respect and enjoy and are still so deeply surprised and pretty angry at its legal status in New Zealand. I flew. I've started flying domestically with it more. Protest. But it's actually not, it's not worth it. I don't know. You can get a medical card and then you're allowed to fly with it everywhere. True. Yeah. I think people have sort of don't care anymore. They've given up on caring. Everyone's given up on caring. Yeah. The police, the people. But the the people. The way I smoke it's evolved. I have so little now. I don't actually like to truly be deeply stoned. I like to feel

what I call ticklish. Yeah. Essence of. Well how about you guys? I feel like... I get stoned occasionally. I like it to be kind of big now. What about you? Yeah, I have a problem with moderation. So I would, I know the feeling that you're talking about and I also like that feeling. But sometimes, yeah, maybe it's because I used to smoke as well. I just end up smoking it like a dart and then... Choffing it back. Choffing it back.

Especially if I'm like, yeah, I don't know, don't have anything to do, then I am probably going to get pretty blazed. But there's nothing wrong with that you say that like that's there's something bad about that. Well I've been seeing a man recently I'm sure this is funny who has a back injury so our dates are just like hanging out in bed getting stoned so that's pretty I have been smoking more weed than I usually would. But how would he go on that, with that curvature you've been using?

Oh, no, he can't handle this. Is he on the trams, tramadol? On the trams, but trying not to tram, you know. Yeah, yeah, hard out. That's the thing about trams, you've got to respect trams. Yeah, you do have to respect trams. When I worked with, I think it was tramadol, when I worked with Matt Heath in the early days,

he was on the tram train. Can you say that? Sure. Oh, no, it was for his back. He had significant back surgery. I got matches. You can see why they got faced out, eh? Yeah.

Crazy stuff. You've got a son, Courtney. Yes. You don't have to give his full age, but he's a son, Courtney. Yes. You don't have to give his full age, but like, you know, he's not a kid anymore. Yeah. How would you feel if he was smoking weed? Well, we did have to have a conversation about it in lockdown because there was no way for me to hide my marijuana consumption.

Yeah. So I was like, I was sort of like kind of sneaking around and then he saw me and he got pretty upset um but we just talked about it and i was like hey man sometimes marijuana is medicine and i'm not necessarily like that but i don't know we had to talk about the nuance of drugs and stuff that's mean it is it is it is good but it is scary to know when the line is it's modern parenting isn't it do you want this it's also gone out so this is everything no give me the matchbox back and I'll put it in there oh it was so close okay you know what this is actually what hanging out feels like is when you just have to do little things like throwing matches back and forth.

You know, like, that's what hanging out is actually like. I think it is for dudes. No, this isn't. I feel like it is with Courtney. No, of course it is. Yeah, it is right now. We literally, sorry. We are doing it with Courtney right now.

Hanging out with dudes is a lot of, like, activity. There's always a ball or a frisbee involved with dudes. And I don't say that disparagingly because it's fucking wrong i was actually joking about this thing of turning it into a joke about um i was playing with a ball with a friend and his girlfriend was bullying us for being like what is it you and i was like well because if we're not throwing the ball we can't talk about how we feel because that's hard and embarrassing's hard to go throwing a ball you can say you're having a hard time because you're actually not talking about that you're just throwing the ball 100 would you say yeah does this track courtney yeah you hang out with a woman i see how that can

track i mean because yeah i can talk about my feelings without having to be propelling something through i mean i was painting all me with a pretty broad brush. I actually have learned to talk about my feelings. But the ball is, the ball helps. Oh, look at this. Oh, nice. That's like, what's that famous painting? Uh, God, David. Yeah, yeah, that.

And what about, what was the old Nokia logo when you turn on your Nokia? I always thought it looked like that too. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, and it has the... Oh, true. You can put that together. Church, man.

It's back in. I feel like it's back in. I think church is coming back. Yeah, because I think science's thing at the moment is, hey, guess what? The world's over. No one wants to hear that. No.

That's an interesting theory there. I haven't actually thought about it in those terms. is escapism because church can provide like an alternative reality to science if you go hundies i just um yeah like ai i'm just not engaging i know anything that's happening with ai i don't know how bad it's getting i'm just not going to learn about it i've never done chat gT or anything. You what now? I haven't done use chat GPT or anything. Neither have I.

Yeah. I just don't want to. I only did it for the first time super recently. Yeah. Admittedly, it's pretty good. I've heard. I've got friends who use it, and when they use it,

I like to tell them to put, you know, like, you know. I don't smoke, because I don't buy cigarettes kind of energy. Oh, I see. Yeah yeah yeah yeah i've i've got some friends who are using it for therapy because they can't afford a psychologist so they're just on chat gpt for therapy is that is that good is that bad it's both isn't it it's uh it's interesting yeah it's freaking teaching it stuff about yourself you know what i mean like when you every time you engage with it i don't know that relationship with the machine because i'm

real big so you know remy my son is two and a half and the robots that are like you know in our lives i'm like that isn't it that is not a he or a she. That robot is not a person. Do not associate human feelings to that piece of cold machinery. But I mean what's the difference between a kid loving a soft toy? You know like you're still... The soft toy is not taking anything from the child. The soft toy is not trying to convince my son that it's a person when it's not. But I feel like the robots are getting pretty close to like oh I'm just a person. Like no you're not man you're different yeah yeah yeah but then we are

going to cross the river at some point like maybe yeah well wait yeah we as what is that the way that we will be bigoted yeah yeah well people be in relationships with ais and we'll say that's not real yeah and they'll say no we're all good i think there will be ai rights one day you know there'll be like there and i'll write them up real fast yeah yeah damn can ai proofread another ai's work yeah they're doing that in schools now because there's like all the students are just using ai to write their reports But then they're getting other AI tools to detect when that's happening. Do you know the arms rice baby the Tino the advancement of technology that impacted educate like computers obviously, but I remember turn it in didn't exist

Do you know this? Oh, they say thing. The essay thing. I didn't do university, man. And then Turnitin existed. So before Turnitin, it's like you can copy anything. You just write shit out from anywhere. It's all good. No one's going to get your ass. Then they introduced this technology

where it's like, if you copy anything, our guy's going to get it. And that felt groundbreaking at the time. Now that's the least interesting, most like... I like a lot of that stuff. I think when the tech comes it

ignores the fact that before we used human judgment which was like imperfect but not a terrible way to go about i think you know yeah i i see that in sports when it's like they still have people making decisions they could just get a computer to do it but i like the i like the human era are you into sports courtney? No. Like none? You look very athletic right now. Oh, a big Phoenix Suns fan. So aside from these guys, no, nothing. Did you ever play anything like in school or anything?

Because I was homeschooled. I didn't really do this primary school sport thing. I don't think I knew that about you. Yeah. You were homeschooled. I was homeschooled until I was 12. True. So then when I tried out... It's a miracle you turned out cool i it is crazy yeah yeah i think it's because we weren't

like we weren't like religious homeschoolers my parents were like there's no way you can get a good education with one teacher or 4 30 kids like yeah just come out kind of thing and we had like a cool homeschooling group that like lived in pairoa and also they eventually moved to pairoa but like organic hippie kind of thing but not too off the rails i mean my mum was anti-vaxx at one point but anyway yeah homeschooled till 12 never got to play any sport trialed for the netball team when i was third form no No good. D-team, D-team baby. That's a team though. It is.

Was there any part of it you liked? Like in the same way you liked the community or the ritual of church? Because it offers a similar structure in terms of like it's a place to go. Yes, yeah, yeah. Softball I really liked that. Softball I really, because the uniforms are cool.

Yeah. They are. Because they're basically those shorts aren't they aren't like softball don't they have no well when i was a kid it was like those three-quarter you know like jumpers almost yeah yeah yeah with the socks and yeah so many elements to the uniform removable helmet you know sometimes you go yeah there's no permanent helmets permanent yeah yeah yeah i only know two people who were homeschooled helmets they put on you at those schools. Permanent, yeah, yeah, yeah. I only know two people who were homeschooled and they both rock. You're half of them.

So, like, this whole trope of homeschooled people being, you know, bad. Odd. Socially malformed. I ain't buying it anymore. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks talks you define what it means to be a runner whatever your level embrace it journey starts when you say so if you've got five minutes or 50 peloton tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs

walks and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Do you know any Steiner kids? None that went too far. None that went too far, man. I know some Steiner kids who did it so they were like five and then got into

normal school after that which I actually think is kind of a good way to go. Yeah. The no corners thing cracks me up. No corners. They don't like 90 degree angles in Steiner. Yeah. So all the rooms are like round I think which is dope but a bit much. Because they go from kindy to the end of school. Imagine there's a parent there you don't like and you're trapped with them in this little community for that long. I don't know too much about it

except they're like, fairies exist and we hate corners. Yeah, and I don't think you learn to read until you're ready kind of thing. My mate Jen, smart ass flat mate, she didn't learn to read until she was ready kind of thing like my mate jen smart ass flatmate she didn't learn to read until she was 10. 20. 25 years old it was a struggle but then she smashed it until she was 10. yeah and they start off in kindy and go to year 13 which is too it's too that's too long to be in one that's our sponsor again yeah and that means it's time for our next segment courtney our next segment is called A Little Something for You.

Oh, yeah. I don't even know what this is. I got, um, we got a little something for you. Well, I was Tim. It's from us, but it's... And there it is. This is so cool. Thanks, guys.

No worries. I like that it's wrapped. Yeah. I didn't wrap it. I thought it kind of looked like a big sausage from when you were holding it. Yeah, it could have been a slab of meat. It does look like that, eh? Yeah, yeah.

Like a big bit of salami. You know? Old-timey baking paper from them. Good opening technique. Wow. A flower. Beeswax. National candles.

Yeah. I want to get into candles, I've decided. Yes. And when I'm buying presents from people, I always kind of get stuff that I think I'd like to get this. Yeah. So I reckon that person would too. Is this just a gift for me? It's a gift for you for being on the podcast.

That's so cool, man. I really appreciate that. I'm glad. I'm glad. No one's ever given me a gift on a podcast before. Oh, there you go. Thank you so much. Yeah, I also like candles, but it also just seems crazy to pay $50 for something that's so pretty.

I know. I didn't want to, like, presume, I'll say, but I was pretty confident as well that you would like candles. Yes, yeah, yeah. I like any semi-luxury item that I don't have to pay for myself. You know, that's awesome. That's not candle-specific. And this is such a shoehorn, but when I bought it in the shop this weekend,

I did crack up the shopkeeper because she was just like, she took it and she was like looking on the POS system thing for the thing to scan it and she was like, was it medium? Oh, I forgot I've fucked this whole thing up no it's going great the story's going gangbusters it was like I can't remember exactly you said you crack them up bro crack us up I think it was fat she was like fat medium and then and then she just looked up she's like how's your weekend going I was like fat medium she was like that's the funniest thing anyone's ever said to me in the shop. I can't believe I'm absolutely butchering it.

Dude, it's so good. You really put it back there at the end. It's a professional comedian. I'll never recover. So is this a fat medium? Yeah, it's a fat medium. Yeah, incredible. My fat medium candle. It looks like it'll last for a while. You get a few hours out of it. So is this a fat medium? Yeah it's a fat medium. Yeah incredible my fat medium candle. It looks

like it'll last for a while though you get a few hours out of that one. Yeah and this is I don't think this is scented either so it's like it's good so you can just burn it for the vibes you know you don't have to be covered in frangipani or whatever crazy combination of hair cinnamon that made it oh my god

you get a little hit off that honey I think you get a little something. I love I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love honey as well, Tim. This is why this is the perfect gift. I love honey too. Do you eat honey out the, just spoon? No, but I put it in my tea and my coffee. I've started doing that off of you.

Yeah. I got this super raw honey up north when we were like tricking around for New Year's. And it's got these crystals. Crystals, it's got these crystals. It's granular, that's my, is that what you're talking about? 100% what's going on here? What is that? Wait, in terms of reviewing the drug experience in the Traffil, we are all now like visibly demonstrably high.

That's fine. I know, I'm just reviewing it because the vape did nothing. Look, most of it, I think 99.9% of the honey that I've had in my life has been in the supermarket. They strain every impurity out of there. Yeah. But this honey I got was super raw and it's filled with these crystals of like sugar or something. I think what it is, so because I inquired about it because I enjoy granular honey. I don't like the runny honey. Sweetie. because I inquired about it because I enjoy granular honey I don't like the runny honey sweetie did you forget it so I went to the shop and I was like I like a granular I went to like a honey

center in Tobol it's like a full honey center and I was like was it run by people or bees it was run by people-sized bees that would be awesome because it is like it's painted like a giant hive that would be incredible they should implement that with the costumes apparently the thing that makes it granular is that it's it's heated too quickly oh yeah but maybe when you're eating like raw honey that's from just a little guy they can't it's like um yeah yeah it's like they burn the butter and it makes the butter better. It's like that with honey, it's like, oh we fucked it up but actually we improved it. It's time for another segment in which we eat an almond croissant. Oh my god, are you serious? This is nuts. Guy has brought an almond croissant to every episode so

far and I thought he was going to bring different, you know, pastries, which means you just ran around different places. I'm just buying up the almond croissants. I know this about you that you really like almond croissants. Have you tried the wild wheat one? Yeah. What do you, how do you rate that one? Well, wild wheat. Should I try and? We had the wild wheat croissant. Like a little baby bear. We had the wild wheat croissant in the first episode and I thought it was pretty good. I think I gave it 3.5 or 4 out of 5. Try another one, I won't name the place because I like the place but I thought the croissant was no good in the same episode. It's so kind of you. Give them a second chance. Well they make great, some of the other shit they make is incredible.

So that's why i was surprised that was not this no good they make these sandwiches they make like um real good cabinet sandwiches salmon chicken pork you know cheese whatever it's a french place there's 650 out of the cabinet these are like in another shop you'd see people paying 14 15 for one of these sandwiches it's unbelievable. Maybe you should say the name. This sounds like a great place. Save for their, you know, patten this, almond croissant.

It was like $6. It's no good. And then the sandwich, which is amazing. Yeah. Which is like a whole meal is like $6.50. This place is going on. They're all over the map. $6.50?

For a sandwich. I had a $16 sandwich the other day. And it was good? This place is going hot! They're all over the map. For a sandwich? I had a $16 sandwich the other day. And it was good? It was fucking worth it, man. Sometimes, there are places that that's how much it costs. But they get it right. Only two flavours of sandwiches.

And I just, I got the pork one. Holy shit. They're fresh, put together. Have you ever had that, you know that reaction when you eat food and you just want to celebrate and yell and that's what I felt like. Every bite and that was just even just the bread. Focaccia so springy and gorgeous. I love that sandwich.

Where was that? That was at Stracci, which is in Westman. Stracci? Stracci. Stracci as in like an Italian stracci not like s-c-r-a-c-h-y like in New Zealand. I'm between two foodies here, fooding off. Um what do you think of the salmon croissant? It's good. I'd put it betwixt the ones we've had so far. You've demolished it. Mmm. Again, perhaps the weed had something to do with that. But this one does taste pretty good. What I admire is the moisture of this one.

Mmm. Sometimes an almond croissant can be too dry. If you had too dry of a croissant with weed mouth, it's not going to work out. The moisture's staying steady right through. Yeah, butter or something. Got a little crisp on the end as well. Do you cook much Courtney? No. Not at all? Like I'm not a moron you know I can read, I can follow.

But I don't enjoy the experience. If I'm cooking everyone out of the kitchen don't anybody talk to me. I need two hours. um here's something that this is completely unrelated but a couple of days ago I was talking to someone and remembered okay do you remember a few years ago now I just like the intro is like Courtney here's something that is not I know it's connected to Courtney it is not connected to the conversation I want I want to say that up front so no one gets lost trying to connect the tissue of what I'm about to go into to like croissants or whatever. Are you going to tell us about what you said to that lady at the candle shop again? I really hope not.

But maybe. Remember when I did Space Couch? It's that medium. It's a funny way to describe anything. Yeah. And it was lightning quick for me at the time, not on the retelling. But that's what she loved. The candle wrote the joke.

Yeah, but you know, I was the antenna detecting the comedy and, you know, I tuned into the frequency of it. Man, I love laughing. So, Space Couch was the chat show that I did five years ago now, I want to say, in the Comedy Festival and it was mean and I did it because I didn't want to like have to write another hour of stand-up. That's right. And I did it with this great guy, Luke, aka Disaster Radio, aka Eyeliner. We should check out, fantastic musician, even better guy if it's possible.

And then he moved and Courtney, do you remember you and me were going to do it yeah we were years ago and that was I think the first COVID cancelled fest yeah it was off the table and like I'm gutted that we never got to make that show together because that would have been so fun me too me too I was really looking forward to it. Can you play instruments? I played the flute at one point. Like Lizzo? Yeah, exactly like Lizzo. Or Andre 3000. Were you rude to your dancers in between solos?

Yeah, yeah. I had quite a heavy feud with another flute player. Damn. She was just, oh no, I shouldn't tell that story. Anyway, she knocked on me, this girl, she was blind and she was like mean at the flute, but she was a real knock, and anyway, she knocked on me about losing my flute,

and then I got kicked out of flute by Mr. Clay. Pretty impressive for a blind kid to knock on you for losing your flute. I don't like knocks. And I'm not over it and I will talk about it on a podcast. And that's a warning to you, you know who you are. How old were you when this happened? Um, 13 or 14.

Yeah, I love that shit that just stays in your blood, eh? Yeah man, I'll never forget that. Band was a big thing. The school band. Because they would get to go to China and stuff. Woah! Yeah, and go on tours and that. And I would get to go to China and stuff. Whoa. Yeah, go on tours and that. And I played the tuba for a little while.

Really? Mostly because I wanted to get back in the band and they needed a tuba player. Were you just trying to get to China? I was as well. Well, in the beginning, they only let you do the mouth thing. You don't even get a hoon on the big ass tuba.

Did they give you like a French horn or anything was it literally just the mouthpiece just so but you may as well be playing trumpet at that point what's that biggest one called sousaphone is that that big one with the yeah that's the red the one with the massive bell that like that's around you that's a sousaphone isn't it i don't know i don't know that's the one where they've got it like going like this you kind of like the intestines down the bottom you sort of step into it yeah it's a sousaphone those big ones those big brass ones i do i'm like yeah i want to get back into trumpet now i've got a trumpet in your garage i bought one after the pandemic because i used to play in high school a little bit and then um i could never practice it because it's so loud yeah we should start a

comedian band where we all play the instruments we play in high school i would love that i would really love that it'll be cracker i played a recorder until high school can i be in the band a thousand percent i feel like we might be overloaded with recorders. You can be lead recordist. Guy Montgomery on recorder is like, because you know when you introduce the band and everything, everyone gets a little solo, you're like three quarters of the way through.

Man, you just don't hear the recorder in many songs. The only real recorder songs I can think of. Mr. Guy Montgomery on recorder. The Go Team. Do you remember that band, The Go Team? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got some good recorder songs. Hell yeah.

They rock. Do you know The Go Team? No. Man, they... What was cool about them, right, is they combined things like the recorder and chairs. You know, like cheerleaders' chairs? Oh, yeah.

And lots of their songs. So they were doing kind of kind of wasn't quite dance music Was it it was like it's like what? That genre like a Children's public access show quality as well Melodies are quite sounds like they're playing on kids Yeah, toy instruments and bit of the time and is that fun is that fun thing listening people describing a band they're amazing anyway the go team look them up they're good go team okay recorder strong recorder sounds yeah

you um you said you like to climb trees did you climb anything over summer over summer i actually didn't get into any trees. I climbed a little mountain. That's good. It's even bigger than a tree, you know. It is, yeah. But no, I didn't get up in many trees. Honestly, I love climbing trees. Unless I'm doing this, you know, I don't really remember to climb trees. Sometimes where I go run it, or like, you know, around the neighborhood you see families with practical dads who have built these like mean tree huts in a tree and there was one i went past yesterday when i was scouting i was running and i was like look run down these streets i'll not run down to check out the trees but a tree on the berm in front of

someone's house that still kind of feels like their tree eh a tree in the parks for everyone man i don't know i think they put the treehouse in that tree on the Berm tree? They put the treehouse on a Berm tree and it's got like, it was a bit like this though, but they put in like a bench seat with a back on it so you could sit. They can't get mad. They can't get mad at you, Finn. Like a talk show set. You know, like we could be running a Kimmel out of that tree. Maybe we should.

Maybe we should bring that space couch in a tree. In a tree. Talk show in a tree. Yeah. Tim in the talking tree in Courtney yeah and Guy Montgomery in the corner

we've got our house van sorted brilliant unfortunately I think we have to wrap up soon we do oh yeah we do

like now-ish so I guess it comes time to review the tree that we're in for this episode and I'm going to introduce a size category okay and I'm time to review the tree that we're in for this episode. Mm-hmm. And could we do it first or last? I'm going to introduce a size category.

Okay. And I'm going to give the tree— All right, well Guy, you kick off. I'm going to give the tree five out of five for size. I'm so blown away by how big this tree is. It is massive. If you cut it open— How are you meant to—

Hold on, sponsor message. How you mean to... Hold on, sponsor message. Are we on the hour? There'll be two chimes soon if we're not careful. We better watch out. Guys, I don't want to freak anyone out. And there we go. Okay.

So five out of five. Five out of five for size. I was just trying to figure out how old it is. And there we go. Okay. So five out of five. Five out of five for size. I was just trying to figure out how old it is. You'd have to cut it down so low to... Do you know what kind of tree this is? No. Do you? No, but I reckon,

I reckon a hundred and, a hundred and 83. I like it. Yeah, it feels good to me. For beauty, it's not as beautiful as it is big, but it is pretty beautiful. I think it's quite beautiful. I give it a four. And for climbability, I'm going to give it a two. Like this is the main access area. It's a challenging climb. We're not even up that high. You can get up to like there. I've got no notes, I agree with all your scores but i just

want to point out special feature in the trunk or i guess what is the trunk there is like a completely hollow deep hole that just goes through the middle of the tree and it's like it's incredible could a person fit in it i reckon a small... you could put a baby down there. You can put a lot of babies down there. You couldn't put anyone else down there but you could stack probably six babies in there. Do we have squirrels? Head to toe. No, no, not here. That's crazy, eh? Yeah, they'd take off here man. It's okay, I just feel like if you went down little there'd be a little boardroom full of squirrels yeah how are we gonna get into the public eye in new zealand a committee of squirrels um okay well i'll give my scores from the grounds perspective yeah um great idea good solid roots for sitting nice i have to deduct a little bit of point for my z's

solid roots for sitting. I have to deduct a little bit of point for my Zs. Did you get bit? I got bit. Sorry. But I've got I've got mascot over the somersault, all good. Another point given, good people watching. Yeah. You know for both of us, even elevated or non, can still see the people. I'm gonna give it four out of ten from the grounds perspective. You said four out of ten? Four out of five from the grounds perspective. You just had 4 out of 10? 4 out of 5. Oh, sweet. I did think it was a lot of positive for 4 out of 10. It read like a 4 out of 5. 4 out of 5.

Yeah, man. Awesome. Well, there you go. Thanks, Tree, for having us. Thanks, Courtney, for joining us. Thanks, Tree. And thank you for watching or listening to us. Yeah.

Courtney, without knowing when this is going to be released, is there anything you want people to know about? I'm going to do a show on the Comedy Fest. Hell yeah. In New Zealand. In New Zealand, in Auckland. It's going to be sick. First time doing an hour. Unbelievable to me that it hasn't happened already. Crazy. I'm pretty good at procrastinating. We'll see you at your show.

Thanks guys. Ka kite.