The Worst Idea Of All Time - Podcast in a Tree 2: 05

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

It’s a sentimental episode of Podcast in a Tree as Tim and Guy consider, among others, the bygone era of reversible clothing, halcyon days of New Zealand radio, and lessons in fatherhood from the Supernanny. The prolific Matt Heath, under fire for his choice in wines, shows up to reminisce about his time at Radio Hauraki, getting death threats on commercial radio and shooting Tim in the face with a t-shirt cannon. The good old days. Guy puts a spin on series segment Almond Croissant in a Tree (a cinnamon breakfast croissant). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Welcome along to the fifth episode of the second season of Podcasts in a Tree. I'm Graeme Montgomery. I like your stance. I'm Tim Batch. Well, I thought, you know, I've been going hands-off nearly every single tree so far. I haven't laid hands on a lot of the branches. I could see it occur to you in the moment to go,

I'm going to grab this branch in front of me and give it a lovely tug. Well, you know, like, this would have been a, not a twig. Can a twig be attached to a tree? Hmm, no. A twig has to be off it doesn't it? I reckon it's a branch that's fallen off. Yeah I feel the same. But this would have been so little, twig size.

Yep, but attached if you can believe it. Look what it's capable of, if you just give it some time and space. Yeah. It's, you know. So what you've actually latched onto is a metaphor for potential. Yes. In all of us. And latched onto is a metaphor for potential. Yes. And I think, you know, trees represent a lot of that. This one here, like, if this goes straight up, it's going to create problems.

But look at the way that the tree is collaborating with itself up here. I know. Isn't that just testament to the fact that we don't know what the fuck's going on? Because we're like, oh, to dodge things, you've got to be able to see them. That tree's just guiding itself around itself. do that too with sonar yeah and i think it would be more likely that a bird would fly into you than a bat okay and and a tree even less so and a tree and they can see the least out of all the trees one of the least likely things to come you can you can hit a tree that is possible tree can, I suppose it's your own responsibility,

but a tree can sneak up on you. You've snuck up on the tree, but in your experience with the world, the tree has snuck up on you. Potentially, yeah. You could engineer a situation where a tree has snuck up on you. Maybe we're in that situation right now. There's one behind you, guy.

Well, in a sense, we're sneaking up on these trees. We don't give them a sign of release forms. We don't tell them we're coming that situation right now Yeah yeah There's one behind you guy Well in a sense We're sneaking up on these trees You know we don't get them To sign release forms We don't tell them we're coming That's true We walk in We find a tree We get up in it

What do you think of my hat? I've added a New bit of kit For this episode Is that That's Frida Kahlo It is I like the hat

Thank you Did you buy this recently? It was a Christmas present a couple years ago from my uncle wow a couple years ago yeah and I never really wear it but it's actually a pretty cool hat and it's reversible so if I'm feeling shy I can go so um for those listening it's quite brightly colored and it's got a lot of like what would you call like Mexican style art motifs but then if I flip and reverse it it's just a black bucket hat it's amazing to get given a hat three years ago like to me that's just a wash that's dead if you haven't worn it in three years and then build up the self-confidence or the idea that you're like you know what i'm actually going to give it a go now well we're

making something so it's that little bit more of like i I will elevate myself. Can you show me what it looked like when you opened the hat from your uncle? Whoa cool hat! Yeah and it's reversible too Tim. Oh shit it's like two hats! Yeah yeah. Boomers love that eh? They love it when the hat is reversible. Yeah. Because I remember when I was like younger I'd get one from my parents and they'd be like it's reversible. It's probably quite novel for people of a certain age. Just get it right on one side. They never knew that you could make things that could turn inside out.

I like it with jerseys. When you need two jerseys for one, that's good. That's an incredible deal. It's quite rare I would think. I don't think I've encountered many jerseys that you can do. Think of a fleece. Okay. Think of a fleece maybe by a company like i've got one

of those exact patagonia ones it's got a little pocket with a zip there and it's reversible yeah yeah it's time for our first segment of the podcast and that is guest on the ground okay podcast in a tree podcast in a tree guest on the ground our guest today is uh he's a close friend of both of us professionally, personally, we've come across him as friends and independent of one another. You've got a tattoo of him on your body. Incorrect, flip it and reverse it. He's got a tattoo.

You've got a tattoo of his drive show? No. It's Matt Heath everybody. Hey Matt. Hey fellas. Hey Matt. How you going down there? Nice tree.

Hey thanks man, thanks for coming in. So nice to have you here. No it's great to be here. You rocked in on the fucking coolest vehicle. Do you want to tell us about the situation here? I'm on a e-bike that my dad gave me. He's 80 and he's just, he fell off his e-bike so he's decided it's time to retire his e-bike. Wow. And he so he put it in a he put it in a big box and sent it to me in Auckland. Really? And and I like it because it's got um it's got a rear view mirror which you could never use. My one is missing there and I always want it right so that's actually very legit. You talk about gift giving and receiving this arrived in a box like a present for a boy. Yeah yeah. Because you are to him you are his boy yeah that's right it was

like that and he is your dad yeah and he was like one one day i think he's he's 81 and he came off on the rail trail had a bit of a cropper and he decided his balance is gone ah so he's like he's i'll pack that up and i'll get that out of the house and i'll get it up to matt and i was like i saw it and i was like it's pretty rude dad um with all due respect to your dad who everything i know about him i like yeah that's not the kind of bike i would expect an 80 year old guy to be on it's like it's low to the ground it's um not quite hot yellow but like a hot mustard it's it's safe and unmissable i would say it's also foldable the reason why it's foldable like it folds in half so you can put it in the back of that's why he had it, so he could take it, drive places and go on his rides.

But it's changed my life. Has it? It's so fun, like cruising into work, because I start work at, you know, five in the morning. Yeah. And just at pace. Up the tracks. Fuck yeah, dude. And just powering up roads.

How long is the commute? The commute is 15 minutes. That's... But like at pace. And I used to ride my other bike to work and I'd always get passed by upright boomers that were just like with an e-bike and I'm struggling up the hill,

like God intended. And they're just whizzing past me with a basket and some stuff on the back and they're whizzing past me. Have you made your peace with that now? Oh, I have. That you've got an e-bike? You're just like, what are you whizzing past?

Are you going back to push? Never going back. Never going back. never going back. And I love whipping past people in full lycra that are doing it, you know, for fitness. Yeah. And I'm like... I've got a similar situation.

I've got, so I've got an e-bike that some Chinese company has tried to model it for Westerners who want to buy a motorbike e-bike. Oh, right, okay, yes. So it's got real thick tires on it and they blow all the time and they're so expensive and hard to replace yeah but um you can just flatline it and it goes like 50 kilometers on a straight and it's so yeah i think technically because there's um wattage limits well legally but when you guys are riding these are you in the bike lane or you're

on the road both every um if everyone you on the road? Both. Every. If everyone's on the road as well, if I can go pavement, like... But you're never on the motorway. Never stopping. Never on the motorway. Mine doesn't quite get up to 50k. It gets up to 50k down a hill, but mine cruises comfortably at about 35. That's fast. Yeah, that's fast.

Obviously, you're still doing some pedalling. Yeah, look, I believe if you're on doing some pedaling yeah yeah like i believe if you're an e-bike it's your responsibility to go as fast as you can so i never get it i never get it below top gear and i pedal all the time nice so the whole whole way so there's no there's no no rest days just because you're an e-bike this so speaks to i think like your unique flavor of like community responsibility and social responsibility is i think you've got really set rules about how people should act in a society and one of them is if you're in an e-bike don't fucking gunk up the works on that bike lane you've got the machinery you got to go quick yeah was it you when did you guys

meet how old were you respectively I would have been in my early 30s and he would have been in his early 20s. Yeah, like 20... Yeah, well we met because he was working at a radio station just before I was and he was hired to be the producer for a guy called Ian Stables who got the crap beaten out of him by someone after saying something terrible at a Jetstar terminal on his way to start the radio show flying up from wherever he was flying up from. First day of work. he first day yeah and that so tim tim was the guy and then they're like well we need another guy now because that guy we've had to fire him yeah so then tim was in limbo just

at this with this job this job with no for like three months yeah so because in in radio like when you when you're top tier talent like a matt heath, for example, or Ian Stables, you're on contract. Yeah. And so if you do anything to fuck up, they, like, just go, well, you've broken your contract. Well, he's one of our most, he's like a shock jock for the ages. Yeah. But when you see on radio standards. He's still around.

He's still doing stuff. So, you know, good on you, Ian. He's done some good stuff. That time when he had all the, when those people complained about the smell of Indian cooking at a motel, the owners, and then he rented like five rooms and had everyone in them cooking Indian food. Were you involved in that one? No, no, no, that was before my time. He's kind of famously gotten himself fired from every company he's worked at.

He has his willy out a lot. Yeah, there was a bit of that back in the day. He hasn't done that for a while, I think. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, he gets fired, and they're looking for a host. And I'm doing the BFM breakfast show at this point, and they just ring up and say,

do you want to do the Radio Hauraki breakfast show? And I'm like, oh, drive show. And I'm like, no thanks. and I'm like, oh, drive show. And I'm like, no thanks. And then they said, this is how much we'll pay you. And I said, yeah, okay, I'll do that. I'll see you on Monday.

Yeah, good on you. This is great, actually. And it's been furbished with Tim Batt already. Yeah, and then I meet Tim Batt and I go, hey man, do you want to come back to my house and get drunk? Oh, yeah. And then you went back and we got drunk in my backyard. That's right.

First date. First date, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then we talked shit and we realised that we were, despite an age difference, we were kindred spirits. But that being said, the age difference between you and I wasn't nearly as vast as the age difference between the two of us and everyone else at the station at that time. Yeah, that's right. I talk about this quite a bit to people, not on record,

but I'll do it because you're here so you can stop me if it's like bad. But it's been so impressive to me watching you turn Radio Hauraki into just like the exact thing you want it to be over the years. They got you in and then Matt just started adding his mates slowly but surely and just fully turned the station into this thing he wants it to be. It's been fucking awesome to watch. Yeah. Very impressive.

It is a very different station from when we started, when I walked in and it was like, Thrasher, Brownie, Macca, there's everything with an E on it. Reggie. Reggie.

Yeah. And it was like sort of in this, it looked like it was being built in some kind of 70s office, with this stain on the floor in the shape of a body that they couldn't get out. That's right, I forgot about that. And then me and, and they sort of had these kind of, they were, you know, nice guys, but they were sort of super old fashioned. And so me and Tim sort of took it on ourselves to be kind of dickheads. Yeah.

We stapled a joint to a wall. We built that shanty town in the middle of the office. Yes, we did. We called it Castle Gay Skull. Yeah, yeah. And we said that shanty town in the middle of the office. Yes we did. We called it Castle Gay Skull. Yeah, yeah. And we said only gays are allowed in here. Yeah, yeah. Because we were trying to fight back against the prevailing sort of attitude of the place.

Against the fact that everybody would backfire in retrospect. So it was a big call to go and do it. Radio Hauraki at the time, or Hauraki it was at the time, set up a Castle Gay Skull. Yeah. Yeah, wow. You guys, you, I mean, so it was the thickest thieves right out the gate. Yeah, man. Yeah. It was awesome. It was a good Yeah, we started plotting against the world instantly.

But you were saying before that I have set values, but we both did. We both had this arrogance that we knew that what was going on was wrong and we needed to change it, not knowing anything. That's true. It was classic Dunne Kruger syndrome

where you go in place, this is all shit, you guys are different. We're changing everything. So confident. And we just wouldn't tell them and we'd just do a bunch of shit. I have run my friendships to both of you in parallel where you go in place this is all shit you guys we're changing everything so confident yeah and we just wouldn't tell them and we just do a bunch of shit i i have run my friendships to both of you in parallel and i only now as i'm having this illuminated and this meeting of the minds

laid out in front of me do i realize the similarities and how you carry yourselves as people and and it was it was buzzy as well because like obviously you know, many of our exact vintage guy, I, you did less TV but I like grew up on Back of the Y. Oh you revered, yeah of course. 100% which was, which was... Did he play a call? You had the privilege of me nearly killing you with that t-shirt cannon that day in a very Back of the Y style stunt. It was, it was like being on the set. There's footage of that still.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah Matt found it you like found it it was sold to Ridiculousness Ridiculous Rob Drydeck yeah it's been on

Ridiculousness yeah yeah but I never saw it but they I don't know if they ever played it but they bought it and I was like sweet man

Tim are rich yeah and then it turned out the footage did not belong to New Zealand Media Entertainment and not us what do you even get

for like a fail video I think it was I imagine NZ to me would have got eight cents usd well you know what i think the the amount was and i'm pulling this out of my ass about five thousand dollars oh that's not nothing yeah but it's not changing i um especially since you nearly died that's what i'm saying yeah what i think it's time for is our first segment which is drugs in a tree this is our time for is our first segment, which is drugs in a tree. This is our second segment.

Well, our first segment inside of the first segment. That's true. So our second segment, by the more traditional metrics, yeah. And so we do different drugs in a tree every time, Matt. Oh, yeah. And today the drug we've chosen, I think, you know, with you in mind, is a lovely, it's a Central Otago Chardonnay. Oh, lovely. And we've got the means to pour them into vessels.

Do you want some help? Yeah. Would you like to partake in our drug in a tree? I'll be on the ground of course. This is Matt's glass because it's the cleanest one. Fantastic. They're a bit grubby. I figured that you'd be getting out the Nosf. Oh do you know what?

Nosf in a tree? We thought about it and we talked about it. It's a lovely thought isn't it? It's a bit dangerous for two reasons. Number one, you lose your balance. And number two, because it is such a good, powerful anaesthetic, you don't know how injured you are necessarily. Yeah, right.

Well, when me and Guy were on Taskmaster, Yeah. Oh, thank you. Nitrous became a big part of the whole thing. It's at the core of the five friends friendship yeah well i don't know if this is a as much of an enthusiast as the others but certainly you know we've all done our damage to a balloon every now and then yeah and potentially david particularly i don't know like particularly good at filling up a balloon oh he loves this stuff he's like he's

he's a person of service i don't know who described it. At Laura and Joseph, Laura Daniel and Joseph Moore's wedding, he was hosting a lot of people having a good time in a room and he was describing the Father Christmas of the wedding. I called him that. It was the Father Christmas of the wedding because he was just sitting there just punching out balloon after balloon after balloon. That was one of the best parts of that wedding was all the different rooms. For people that weren't there the entire hotel was booked out. That's the most baller thing to do. I went so high and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. I was like I've got to go find Rose, my old flatmate and I've got to go find Matt Heath. That's right. And I just left where I was and I went on a big mission to go track you guys down.

It seemed very important to you at the time. It was. It was. I want to ask, what do you think, I don't drink Chardonnay virtually ever. Yeah. Do you drink this? Not really. I'm a more of a salve kind of guy.

Oddly. And people get angry at me when I order a salve. Well, I don't know enough about either to know what the differences are. So can you tell me, like, why would you go for a salve over a chardonnay? I feel like a chardonnay, like, you know, there's a term of a buttery shards, and I find it just a little bit, I feel like I'm immediately starting to get acid reflux

from a chardonnay, you know? I feel like I need to take an antacid. Do you like butter? Actually, I love butter, so it's odd that I've got a problem with butter, but I'm a huge butter guy. In fact, I have far too much butter, so I don't know why I'm anti- I have too much butter, too. But I don't think it's real that I've got a problem with butter, but I'm a huge butter guy. In fact, I have far too much butter. So I don't know why I'm...

I have too much butter too. But I don't think it's real butter in here. No, it's the mouthfeel, I guess. Yeah. Buttery nights, is that the term? Buttery nights, yeah. But like, just the other day, just the other day I was out for a lunch with my girlfriend and her sister. Hey, who are you using those labels? My man. And I went, oh should we get a sav? And they both went, what? No, yuck! And they actually got

visibly, and then they ordered a Chardonnay. So the people you're talking about is your girlfriend and her family getting on you because you're picking the wrong grapes. That's true, that's the only time it's happened. Far out there. But it was recent, so it's been a start. recent. And a representative of the entire world. I've generalised massively on the back of that one incident. Someone in your proximity. So now in my mind it's almost criminal to order a sav

but there's so much of it about there must be people drinking it. Matt you're doing You single handedly are keeping the savinion long straight afloat. It can't just be me. You're doing a podcast about fatherhood and I'm about

to have a second boy I don't know if you know that but we have another baby yeah I know I do

congratulations thanks thanks so have you got a top tip for me for raising two great guys into the world one of my sons

is now six foot two and very buff and he's a lovely guy so I must have done something where I bring him One of my sons is now six foot two and very buff. And he's a lovely guy. So I must have done something right bringing him up. But I always think that what I got right was just before he was born,

the mother sat me down and maybe watched two episodes of Super Nanny. Remember that show? Yeah. And the advice was basically an episode on time out. And the advice was, basically it was an episode on timeout, and the advice was, when you're sending a kid to timeout, get down on their level, look into their eyes and tell them what they've done wrong, tell them you love them, put them in timeout, and then when you're bringing them out of timeout, go out on their level and say what they did wrong and then tell them that you love them and send them on their way. That's really good.

And so you actually go down and explain why in a reasoned fashion. And I did that hard. And to the point where I think my kids actually enjoyed time out because it was such a cool... You're getting gabbed down on his knees. He's telling me he loves me twice. Were these hand-picked episodes of Super Nanny or was it just like it could have been anything?

Yeah, I just think because I'd fallen asleep in an antenatal class and I think she was concerned that I was unprepared so she's like he loves TV. She was started parenting before we had the kids. You were napping in an antenatal class bro. She was like, sit him down in front of the TV. And it fucking worked. She came down to your level and she said Matt. She was like, she needed, we'll sit him down in front of the TV. And it fucking worked. She came down to your level and she said, Matt. It worked, yeah.

I love you. We're going to watch you. We were once though, like we were at a batch once and we were listening to some, we went to bed. And our parents, our kids have always been really well behaved. And I think a lot of that's luck and their temperament, you know. But we overheard someone saying that it was a cross between they were this couple that had quite a few savs and they were um and they were saying why why are their kids so good and they said it was a cross between severe discipline and intense love that's what you want yeah yeah

a lot of those roots run as deep as that episode of super yeah that. That's right. That woman was a phenomenal nanny. I occasionally come across some super cuts on YouTube. She knew what she was up to. She's a hell of a figure. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Well, I had a friend that worked on that show over in the States

for the longest time and he said Supernanny was quite the prima donna Yeah I can imagine Do you know what Maybe she was just firm about what she wanted Here's the thing Whenever I hear these stories now

about musicians or actors or supernannies who are like Demondi prima donnas on the set here's what i think about it takes so much energy to be on if you think about a show like super nanny you've got to be so on and rolling with the punches with kids which is so difficult obviously you should treat people with with a high floor of respect at all times across the board but also some jobs are really fucking hard yeah

really hard and you've got to like channel you know yourself into it and some people take massive offense to a famous person coming and not being you know like massively friendly to them i guess it means a lot for you it means that interaction means a lot for you compared to them exactly so you remember every detail of it unless it's completely gushing. I read this thing that Stephen Fry said recently and he goes, I'm not getting pictures taken with me anymore because I just feel like they're just stealing my time.

He will sign an autograph because he goes, then you can go, oh, where are you from? What are you doing? You can have an interaction with the picture. It's just like... I actually...

So in the airport last year, I saw a guy, Kieran Hebden who's like he's the music producer and DJ Fortet oh yeah he's probably he's annually he's in my top five most listened to artists I love this guy dearly we've walked down the I Zoe walked down the alto of Fortet that's right and I he was in the airport sitting like, I was just doing something on my computer and I looked up and he was from me to Matt, like that. And I got like proper,

like I could feel my entire physiology change. Like I was coursing with adrenaline. I was like, holy shit, holy shit, it's him. I was probably listening to some of his music or something. And then anyway, I was like, I just have to say something. So I just, I took my headphones out, went over and said, hey man, I don't want to talk to you or anything,

I just want to say, huge, thanks for all the music, love it. And his face lit up, he loved it. And we shook hands, really nice moment, and then I sat down. And then five seconds later, some other guy, like a younger guy came up and was like, just like walked up to him, took the phone out,

photo, like no talking, phone back down. And I was like, that looks like it takes, I was so glad I got in before him. Yeah. But then you can't do shit. Also, it's so, Yeah, that would like it takes, I was so glad I got in before him. But then you can't do shit. Also, it's so, it's something, you're taking something for yourself. Exactly. So you can share. Yeah.

You're not like, because there's no one, there'd be very few people in the world that wouldn't like someone coming up to them and saying, hey man, I love what you do. Yeah. Freaking sweet. That would be a weird person. Yeah. But constantly getting, like when it happens to me And I'm like

You know like It's something to do with Whatever something I'm doing And then a lot of people Are taking the pictures Yeah You keep having to do The same thing over and over again

And they're stealing your time Yeah yeah What sort of face What face do you do? I always do the same one I go You've been doing that one For years too

An old classic But But yeah Like whereas where's the signature? That is taking something away, but at least... Well, signature's classy, isn't it? But you can't talk during the photo. Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's this arrested moment of everyone's like, you know,

what's it called? Mugging for the camera and you can't talk and it's just, there's no reciprocity or relationship or connection but there used to be an annoying thing back in the day of signatures so where people go can i have a signature and you'd go cool have you got a pen and they'd go no yeah have you and it's like no uh you've got a you've got to bring it byo pen oh speaking of which this brings us neatly to our next segment a little something for you Wow which I can't get can you reach that oh yeah I'm mobile Matt Guy and I have got a little present for every one of our guests who comes on

sweet will it fit on the underneath the bungee on the back of my bike I think it will perfectly I think it will so I've wrapped it in my singlet to have a bit of wrapping paper. I'm so excited. What do you give a man who has everything? A relaxing mini zen garden. Oh wow. And so you tend it. Saw that in Wellington, thought of you. I know you're a fan of like stoicism and trying to be intentional and slow things down. Yeah, look I'm a big fan of you know Zen, Buddhism, tea preparation.

How you take the time making the tea. Well this is very much a ritual in that vein. Is this the same guy was saying that everyone on an e-bike has an obligation to go as fast as they possibly can. Time and place for everything. When you're at home you slow it down, you have your tea. But I believe when you're going as fast as you can on your bike you should be aware of where you are and try and be enjoy it try and be present you try and be present yeah because i get annoyed myself if i've come down a really cool hill like there's a specific hill in mckinnon drive yeah and it's got this great and you you go and you go into this this path around the back and if i go down there i'm zoned out and thinking about something else i always get annoyed myself because that was pretty cool if I go down there and I'm zoned out and thinking about something else, I always get annoyed at myself

because I was like, that was pretty cool. I was going down there at 50k, I was like really pounding it and I was thinking about something else. You know, I should at least enjoy this. I'm cognizant of. But then you're annoyed at, you know, you've ruined the experience of enjoying going at 50k.

You're annoyed at yourself for not observing the... It's a good reminder though. It's like, oh, I've got to remember next time I go down to enjoy that hell and not think about my gst return yeah yeah yeah which by the way that's coming up i do but i've got a weird relationship with gst and then i enjoy it and i enjoy doing tax and i enjoy it i do um i don't you know like i don't mind paying tax i like the feeling after i've paid tax. But, you know, like I store all the tax. Yeah. I store all the tax for a long time and then I get confused and think that I'm really wealthy.

Yeah, same. But that's just because I've set up all the direct credits around storing the tax. So it feels like the system works when I file my GST. And all the numbers are right. The numbers are right. There's a satisfaction in it just going out. And you feel like look i'm legit they can't take me down they can't take me on this one that's the feeling i get

it's often the tax that gets you i used to work at the tax department when i left high school and you do you you find these things out like about how powerful tax law is and there's really very few things apart from terrorism that trump tax legislation yeah yeah and so I always thought if I if I ever I don't think I would ever do this but who knows what the future holds if I ever did become a drug dealer I would declare all my earnings and pay tax on them Wow just to defang that yeah I was actually talking to a policeman yesterday and a retired policeman he was talking about how um accountants have set up a lot of the best

money laundering stuff that they discover there's always an accountant behind it of course like how could you not like there's famous things where like uh gangs put on tours with bands and there's no one there so they've done a whole tour of a country to stadiums but if you actually inspected there's like a hundred people in it and then and then they say oh it sold 20 000 and then and then that's which it's gone through the system all the money's come out clean but no yeah and in the 70s and 80s there was a lot there was very little paper trails you just put a lot of ticket stubs and click them all yeah yeah yeah investigate i reckon that was that was always accountants apparently that were going keeping black told me that another radio icon of new ze keeping black told me about that as well yeah yeah there's a no one

little but I don't know if it's the case anymore did you always love radio which is that incidental that because I was always like it brilliant I wasn't really a big radio guy and and then but I reckon I'd be more of a podcast guy now like now like what like if radio was always like podcast but I reckon I'd be more of a podcast guy. Now? Like, now. Like, if radio was always like podcast, but I was green as fuck when I got... I can't remember walking into my first day of commercial radio, because I'd sort of been doing BFM Breakfast, but that was just me.

It's pretty loose. Pretty loose talking with my mates. Like, you know, there was nothing. And then when I remember the first day walking in, I was freaking terrified. I was like like absolute genuine and legitimate and

sensible imposter syndrome like I had no idea what we were doing and at the end of the first show like me and Tim were going

that was actually pretty good I think we did a good show and then some guy rang up and said I'm going to fucking kill you you're ruining the station I'll be waiting

in the car park. And then we called him Death Threat Dave. Remember Death Threat Dave? Yeah, remember Death Threat Dave? Was he the guy who we won over eventually and sent us mushrooms? Yeah, that's right. In like two or three weeks in he goes, you know what, you won me over.

And he sent us in some mushrooms. Wow. Which I did. That was the first time I ever tried mushrooms. And they were from the guy who gave you a death threat. Yeah, yeah. The flies were pretty positive yeah yeah quite sensibly was like i'm gonna sit this one i was like i'll float this balloon and see how we go that's

a really good point if he he could have just lied that he didn't want to kill us of course it would have been a great funny way to kill that could have been i mean we were like seems legit that's one where you read about it and you're like well what you know like what do you expect yeah the guy's gonna kill you he told you and you're like, well, what did you expect to happen? Yeah, the guy's going to kill you. Who told you? These muskies are from Death Rat Day. Assume they're above board. It says sign, Death Rat Day.

Why don't you eat them, dude? And I like you as in quotation marks. That's a long time and I never took that angle on it. Me neither. That's why it's important to have a mind to your own business. Well, you know, you notice things. There's why it's important to have a Monterey. Well, you know. You notice things. There's also another segment that we have to

get to. I've been going all around Auckland buying a variety of baked goods. Here's the thing you've got to know about Guy Montgomery. He loves a recurring gag. In episode one, we decided to taste an almond croissant.

We had episode two of Podcasting a an almond croissant yeah and then we had episode two of podcasting a tree season two and we tried a different almond croissant that's right we got to episode three and the guy thought you know what I'm gonna bring to the mix a different almond croissant right three different almond croissants can you imagine before we go into them and I'm really interested in that but how does it work as seasons and podcasts you just say you just say you choose because we're at Jerry podcast this just goes forever yeah we've stayed here for a while and now we call years if you talk to um people who listen to the podcast

we have I describe as the most chaotic feed and you know like yeah the way that it's all categorized we can say seasons it's very neat language wise but if you look at the that it's all categorized. We can say seasons. It's very neat language-wise. But if you look at the way it's categorized, it's a fucking mess out there. You can't navigate it. It's impossible. So where was I? Episode five. Amon Croissant.

Episode four. Episode four, Amon Croissant. And now, here we are. Episode five, season two, Podcast in the Tree. Matt Heath is here. Guy Montgomery's got a bag. It looks like it's from a bakery. It's actually, it's a cinnamon...

Holy shit! Cinnamon breakfast croissant. It looks actually, it's a cinnamon... Holy shit! Cinnamon breakfast croissant. It looks heavy. That's not an almond croissant. No, it's not an almond croissant. Just as genre breaking. No, but do you guys want to try this? Yeah. Should I add another pair

of fingers to that? Thank you. Wow. It is heavier than you'd expect for a croissant. It is, it's got like, the appearance looks like apple turnover territory, but I think that's just pastry. Really? That's how buttery it is. Crazy.

It's sort of in between a donut and a croissant. That's a donut. That is? That's a donut. Yeah it is. What we're eating is a donut. I think it's more donut than croissant. Look at the flakes though.

Um, it's a flaky donut. Is it a deep fried croissant? Well I didn't get into it. It's a pretty transactional purchase. I think you'd ask some questions if you're doing it as a segment on a podcast. I would say this, it's really good. I would put it above an almond croissant. Really? Yeah. Damn, I wish I'd known that before I was spending all this money on these fucking almond croissants, bro. Wish you would have said something before I bought four different almond croissants. I'm a simple man of simple taste. You put an almond croissant and a donut in front of me, I'm gonna pick the donut.

This is a complicated ass looking donut. You've got to show a lot of confidence around the word croissant. You say we do, or you have to? One must. I always feel, I mean it's a cliche and everyone talks about it, but I always feel a little bit of anxiety around the word. Especially when I'm ordering it. Would say it. Okay, I'm in a cafe.

What can I get you? An almond croissant. Oh lovely. What about, um, I'm not chocolate. How do you do that? Oh, I never order them for this reason I don't know how to say it you're missing out

I was just in Paris end of last year and you feel even more like a dick over there trying to attempt their language do they support sincere efforts or are they snooty? I think

if they think you're an English person then they won't accept anything you do. I was in this, me and my and I was over there with three mates and we were sitting in a... It's a beautiful life you live. Yeah and we were we sat down and the guy goes the waiter goes four shit lagers like he profiled us. And we went yep four shit lagers like he profiled us and we went yep four shit lagers that rocks but um he was right though like but it was so good though and then but then by the time we were on our fourth round of four shit lagers he he started laughing because we'd go, another shit lager, thanks mate. And then someone told me, because I was talking to a local,

and they said in Paris, beers kind of look down upon a little bit. Yeah, well, you know. Yeah, they're more into their... St. Louis. Yeah. Here in Auckland, we drink Chardonnay. Yeah. Or a Sauvblanc, you know. I don't usually drink white wine, basically ever. I don't hate this. No, it's pretty nice isn't it?

It's got the bottle had a badge on it Master sommelier 93 to 94. When are you gonna let that go? That's 30 years ago. Why are you telling me about that? That's a good point. My dad, I was just down in Dunedin and my dad, classic my dad, the guy that gave me the bike, he pulled out he goes, hey I've got this bottle I got in Hungary of this alcohol and then we went into this garage and he pulled it out. He got it in Hungary 52 years ago. It was this dusty old bottle and we drank from it.

It was freaking delicious. What was it? It was, I don't know, I've got a picture of it, I can show you. Yeah, I'd love to see that actually.

I'll have that one working in the pot. Well, it's not going to be great for the listener. Yeah, but anyway, well, you're talking. We have thought about them very little

in the last few episodes. Oh no, I turned my thing off. Oh good on you. I'll have to describe it. It'll take too long to turn it on. I'm waiting for me to turn it on. It'll be worse than waiting for someone

to take a picture with us but like um it uh it was in a round bottle and it kind of tastes like pears but then I was like oh that's delicious it's awesome he goes oh I've got heaps and then he had these other crates dusty old crates of alcohol that he'd shipped back from England and around the world probably with fucking heaps yeah but it's like dusty like blowing off yeah like it's like dusty, like blowing off. Yeah, like it's from the Titanic or something. Yeah, and then you pour it out and we had a moment because we had my eldest son and

then my dad were drinking this potentially poisonous ancient liquor from Hungary. Nazi booze? It could have been. Three generations though of men enjoying the fruits of someone's labour. That's beautiful. What a beautiful moment. It was have been. It could have been. Three generations, though, of men enjoying the fruits of someone's labour. It's beautiful. What a beautiful moment. It was powerful stuff. How's it going down there on the ground, Matt?

What are your impressions of our tree? I love a tree. And I was saying to you guys before we started the podcast that I wish I knew the names of trees so I could go, oh, that's a that tree. Yeah. But I planted a tree on street that I'd like because I know you live on the same street as me yeah I'd like you to have a look at it when you drive past my bleep that out so we don't docks both people on this I appreciate that okay I live on a street that you

live on yes and I planted a are you there full-time now no I don't live there at all yeah yeah own yeah, yeah. Own it. And I planted a tree when we bought it. You know, divorcee situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I live in a punishing apartment, you know. But I just trimmed it. Chivalry lives.

I trimmed it the other day and shit, it looks good. Fuck yeah. And there's nothing like planting a tree. Yeah. And then we're seeing it grow. Of course. And then you trim it and then it's like, this is no longer like a sapling

or a this is a freaking tree yeah i've got i've had a lot to do with this tree two boys in a big tree yeah and also the council came at me for that tree because i planted it illegally on our burn oh off and they were like it's got to go down i said look i checked where the pipes are mate and then they said a message to do it and then i wrote an article in the Herald saying stay away from my fucking tree. Damn, the one person they come after has an article in the Herald. You're some like super powerful NIMBY version if you've got like a column to wield in the New Zealand Herald. I've no idea if that column worked or they just send one note and then they never come back. But in my mind I feel like it's schedule hard. Didn't you check where the pipes were?

Yeah, I did. Yeah. Because we had the thing when we, all the deed and such. This is further to a conversation we've been having which is, whose tree is that? Oh yeah that's a good question. Who's allowed to climb that tree? You are. Not yet, it's not that big yet.

But if it were, so there's a tree I've seen, near where live on the berm and they've built like a pretty luxe sort of seating arrangement. Yeah. Are we allowed to use that? Yeah, I think so. Do you own your, you don't own your berm. Nah. But you have to mow your berm.

Yeah. So you tend to your berm. I think you're in charge, you're a guardian of your berm. Yes, so how do you feel in the event that you're sitting up there swilling saff blanc or whatever it is you like and then they come out and they say excuse me could you please get out of the tree? That's the council tree. What do you say to that? I say fucking fight me. Yeah, come out here with a chainsaw. Okay, what about they're out there with the kids and they're like the kids are ready to play in the tree. That's a different question. Well, hang on a minute.

Other people can be in the tree. If I'm in the tree and the council tells me to get out of the tree, I'll fight them. But I'd let anyone up my tree. No, no. I'm saying you're in someone else's tree. Oh, right. The council or Berm.

Oh, yeah. There's a tree in front of someone else's property. They've built a little hut in there. Oh. Them telling you to move on because it's their tree and them telling you to move on because their kids are with them are two different scenarios. Okay, but what if we take this to another level, when my hutukawa gets a little bit bigger, someone comes past and builds a tree hut in there and they start hanging out in there all day.

It's probably going to be Guy. Guy? Yes. Yeah. That would... I'm not sure how I'd deal with that. Well, you were just describing the sort of fatherly pride that you had having grown this thing. Yeah I did actually my friend Jason Hoyt when I was telling him about my tree he goes you did nothing. Like the universe did everything and you did nothing you put it in the ground. Could you not say the

same of everything? Yeah you know yeah I thought it was a bit of a harsh angle to say. Who's responsible for this tree? Was this nature or man? Well the way it's orderly, this forest, I was saying that when I arrived here, I like how it's a forest, but it's a low density forest. You call that a park? Yeah I think that's the word for it. Low density forest. Pretty common word for that.

For a picnic in the low density forest. Pretty common word for that. Go for a picnic in the low density forest. Yeah. Rugby low density forest. There he is. I think we're wicked over time. You know, I was trying to desperately remember if we had any segments. We've got to rate the tree. Oh yeah, I always forget we've got to rate the tree. Put a number value. You can sort of choose your categories. I'm going to lead off because you've led off the last couple. Beauty, 3.5 out of 5. That's harsh. You reckon this is more beautiful than 3.5? No, it's your rating, I'm just saying what I think. Climbability, 4.

Yeah. And X-Factor, 3. Interesting. Matt, what do you reckon? Good. Interesting. Matt, what do you reckon? Good. Mmm. Four. Is this out of five? Yeah. Climbability, I didn't climb it. You're not allowed. That's pretty good climbability. It's like putting a leg down for you to climb up on. Yeah. So I'm going to go five for climbability.

And beauty. Well, I'm feeling pretty special being under it, so I'm going to give it five. That's nice. But I don't have to rate it every week. You guys can't go to the top, can you? You've actually got nowhere to go. It's fours across the board. Four for Climbability, four for Beauty, four for X.

I'm a big fan of this tree. I will say, I saw it on the horizon. We were elsewhere and I saw this tree. I said, it's that tree. You said that one. And I do feel safe in it, which I've not been able to say for all the trees we've been in is this as high as you normally go

have you been much higher than that we've gone a little higher we get lower too yeah if you can believe it I was quite pleased you went higher oh yeah just for your neck

yeah just for my neck fair enough well Matt thank you so much for coming and joining us today it's always so good to see you and it's always so tragic

that with so many wonderful people in my life it's only if we like recording a podcast or something that I get to see you and it's always so tragic that with so many wonderful people in my life It's only if we like recording a podcast or something that I get to see you these days. Yeah. I see you every now and then I saw you. I had a great time with your with your son the other day. At a What at the birthday party? At a pub. At Phil's? No. Was that Phil's birthday? Or was that Phil's birthday? I think it was. I just remember your son in that car. Oh, yeah. And the hell we spent together.

Oh, yeah, he fucking loved it. Check out that teenage duck. Look at that. Where is he? Is that a teenager? Oh, over there. Is that a teenager? Yeah, they're like juveniles. Yeah, man.

They've got that duckling on the back. They've got that duck build now, though, eh? Is that down? They're coming right over to us. I've got a question for you before we go okay did penguins ever fly did they or were they just duck like creatures that went under the water and started flapping under the water it's just i mean evolution the arc of evolution bends long but it's hard to see a penguin in the air isn't it they're? Their body is so not conducive to... Now, but wings.

Are wings the most efficient way to get around the... Oh, man, you've really stumped me with that one, Matt. Yeah, well, I don't know the answer. I wish there was a way we could find out, but my phone is currently off. Well, it's a mystery for another time. Thank you so much, Matt. Yeah, thank you. And thanks to the tree as well, obviously.

Thanks, Matt. Yeah, thank you. And thanks to the tree as well, obviously. Thanks, tree. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

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