The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: Killionaire 11: Julian vs Ryan

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Julian is a competitor who has been lubricating the ole brain box and is currently hosting a dinner party while he pitches a new TV show. Meanwhile, Ryan is very sober (even more so comparatively) and wants Guy to start a consultancy in Las Vegas that's got bit to do with jet propulsion and a little to do with dick-shaped objects and a lot to do with Werner Herzog. But there's a twist and you're going to need to check out the full episode to find out what!Thanks to editor AJ of Cult Popture and graphic designer Tomas Cottle.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tim here, if you want to see me in the flesh and you're in New Zealand or Australia, good news. I'm coming to Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Auckland and Wellington for the comedy festivals. Please buy some tickets now at timbat.com.com. He's Timbat. I'm Guy Montgomery. And this, well, this is a dumpster. Together, we're best known for watching bad movies too often. But as the world turns to custard, we got a new thing going on. We want to create the world's first ever trillionaire and then swiftly remove the world's first ever trillionaire

dispersing their funds to humanity at large. We're taking your ideas, pitching them against each other until we find Juan Huina. Welcome to Killianer. Yes. Let me get to it. Killionaire. It's a buzz.

Everybody's talking about it. I can't figure out where to look. I'm so excited. Everyone wants to be a part of it and everyone wants to figure out what's going on. People are fucking climbing over each other. for a slice of the Killianair pie. But you don't need to worry, guys.

Guess what, you made it. You're here. You're inside the Killiania Clubhouse. Yeah, it's an open invitation, but not everyone gets to talk. Only those who have submitted pitches ahead of time get to. And today, us also. Hello. We get to talk freely, yeah.

I'm Tim Bat. And he's Tim Bat. And today we will be joined by Julian and Ryan. These mother flippers are going to tell us their idea on how to fundraise for people who are already rich beyond literally any of our comprehension and then assuming it goes well and one of those people gets to a trillion dollars they're going to tell us a little bit about how we might hypothetically eliminate them can you do me a favor guy yeah can you just like go that way a little bit see how this is yeah you want me here yeah i just want it like more centered that's nice

perfect you know what it's important that we do that on the show people will be looking and they'll be racked off yeah they need to understand how it works uh so without further ado let's say Hello to our two pictures today. Hello to you, Julian. How are you? I'm very good. How are you guys? Oh, whoa.

I thought I was doing pretty well, but hearing the way you said very good makes me feel like maybe I'm only okay. I liked how you leaned into the webcam as if we are inside the laptop. Okay, so here's the thing. I've been drinking since our original recording thing. Yes. So I'm pretty lubricated. All right.

Julian's blowing the cap off. Here's what happened. earlier today, Julian was involved in another pitch session. All the technology failed, but most importantly, the internet failed. So just as we were getting to Julian's pitch, so what we've decided to do

is throw Julian against a different opponent later in the day. And in the meanwhile, Julian's been lubricating the old brain box. In the meanwhile, because I was emailing with Julian and Julian, you told me you're having a dinner party. And I said, Julian, please do not curb the dinner party for Killianair.

And you said, I can make this work. And now we're all here. We're all together. It's great to have you. They're all very excited about this. Are they all still there? Yeah. They're all fans.

Oh, for fuck sake. No, this is great. This is perfect. We want as many people implicated as possible. That's how sentencing works. If there's more people, you spread the sentence. Yeah, okay. That's great.

I love that, Julian. Thank you. And today, Julian, you'll be pitching against Ryan. Hello, Ryan. Hi, how are you doing? We are so well. How are you doing? Where are you in the world?

I'm doing well. I'm in Portland, Oregon. We've been to Portland, Oregon a few times. Beautiful part of the country. We love Portland. Yeah. What's the time there? But we also love the police.

I'm like, you godless mushroom merchants. It's 7.30 p.m. It's dark and rainy, which is part for the course. Do you go for walks in the winter in Portland? Is that sort of thing you'd do? Yeah, it is. It's really walkable. I mean, like 30, 35 Fahrenheit?

Fahrenheit. So, not that bad. It feels like about 12 degrees or something. Yeah, 12. 15. A little bit cool. It sounds lovely. I mean, I just remember, tree-line streets.

Yeah. Really, like, decent-sized blocks. Not too big, not too little. It's a satisfying place to walk. When we were walking around Portland, Oregon, it felt like being in a rich part of New Zealand. It was, like, leafy and beautiful. That might be a reflection.

on the part of Portland we were in because I'm sure if we walked for long enough we'll feel like we're in an ordinary part of New Zealand. That's true. All right, let's get to business. We are here to figure out how to get a billionaire

across the line to a trillion dollars and then, let's say, disperse the funds through any mechanism necessary. That's right. To help us decide the running order of the pitches, I am going to choose a number

between one and one billion. I will, ask you both to guess the number starting with Ryan. Whoever is closest gets to pick the order. 825,000. Okay. Nice, even one. That's really high.

351. 351. Yeah. Congratulations to you, Julian, for your dog shit guess because I wrote down the number 500. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, you did?

Oh, you did? Yeah. Madness. So, Julian, you have the honor of deciding if you'd like to pitch first or if you'd like to hear what Ryan has to say and then have your wicked way with us. Okay, I'm going to go first. Good on you. Yeah. Ryan, please hold on the line while I mute you.

All right, Julian, go ahead in your own time. Okay, so my idea is pretty simple. and it's for you guys to host a TV slash survival show that is reminiscent of the movie

The Hunger Games So we can talk a little bit about what the style exactly is but the premise, as I'm sure you know, is there's 10 participants and this participants will be the world's 10 top

billionaires which I have a list here of. So their names are Elon Musk, Bernard Arnold, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Larry Page, Warren Buffett, Larry Ellison, Sergei Bryn, Mark Subberg,

and Steve Balmer. And the idea behind this thing is like whoever wins or effectively kills another billionaire inherits the riches of that billionaire that they've killed.

Also, they inherit the riches of anyone who, the riches of any billioners whose that billionaire has killed. So effectively, at the end of this Hunger Games type of enterprise, you have one very rich person who is over the trillion dollar mark by quite a bit. It's about $1,394 billion, according to my calculations. That'd be sitting pretty. I would also like to say, I think this will be very exciting for the world to watch. I think this should be heavily televised. And as I said earlier, I think you should host this show as part of like the Kellyanar TV thing. And as an added bonus, you can like pitch this almost as a Super Bowl type of event that everyone wants to watch.

So there's some added money from the ad revenue that's going to come out of this. Now, I'll be completely honest with you. I did a little bit of research on this. And the ad money that's going to come from that is not going to even scratch at the trillion dollar thing. This people are very rich. They're very rich. So it's not going to make even like one billion dollar difference. But, you know, it's like a little bit of extra money there.

So maybe they're interested in that. Now, as I said, at the end of this show, reality TV show of sorts, you have a winner, and that winner will be crowned in a podium. And here's the beautiful part. As part of this pitch in the podium as they are being crowned the world's first trillionaire, surprise, trapdoor. Okay, classic Okay Classic, classic

And then you're already rid of that People, you obviously sign some contracts in advance So that all the money goes straight to you That's it It's beautiful And it's simplicity Yeah, it is I've, um

Guys got questions I've got some questions The first one actually There was only one billionaire on that top ten list And you might not know a lot about them I certainly don't But is their name Sir J Brin? Yeah

Do you know anything about this billionaire? Yeah, I did a little bit of research about him. He has done some investing in things. Yeah, I mean, most of these people are like investors or they started a company or something. I actually did a ranking of all these 10 billionaires if you're interested in it. My top choices are either Jeff Bain. or Larry Ellison, I think they're, like, none of them are the youngest ones, but they're the ones that are the fittest. So I think one of those are going to win. But it doesn't really matter

because, like, ultimately you're going to, like, get all the money. That's right, but I do keep saying, like, Bezos looks strong. Do you know who I would pick to win? Of the names that you listed, yeah. In a Hunger Games style survival of the first competition. Can I guess, are you going to say Steve Ballmer? Yeah. Yeah, he's got an intensity that is quite intimidating. Unrivaled. I unrivaled amongst the pack. He's 65 though. I know. Doesn't matter, brother.

He's got that edge. Yeah, he's got the spirit of a sort of a silverback in its pomp. Speaking of drinking, and I know I've brought this up at least once before on the podcast, but are you familiar with the Barmer curve? I'm not. Steve Barmer, when he was in charge of a bunch of programmers at Microsoft, noticed that after something like two and a half beers, maybe one and a half beers, It was like the perfect amount of alcohol for them to be the best at their job

because it invoked a little bit of creativity, loosen them up just a little bit. And it was like the optimum working condition for the amount of booze that they should be while coding. I mean, famously anything... Only a maverick would figure that out. A little bit under two bears is about as good as you'll feel all night. The rest of these fucking squares wouldn't let their workers,

you know, wouldn't experiment with their blood alcohol levels for a productivity experiment. You know what I mean? Yeah. I do know what you mean. So, all of these billionaires, we assume, are going to willingly, their desire. And I like this, but I'm also asking questions about it. They have a desire to become a trillionaire to the extent to which they're willing to risk their lives publicly.

They know what they're signing up for when they agree to enter this Hunger Games-esque scenario. Yes, and I will be completely honest with you. I think there's one billionaire here that might not sign up for it. And that's Warren Buffett. Yeah, he's a little too old But you know what He kind of knows what's up as well Don't you think

He's the most philanthropic of the lot His whole thing is he keeps giving it away Yeah, yeah Yeah, he does And he keeps saying like hey guess what People who have as much money as me Obviously on the wrong side of history Like I don't think he'd be coaxed into this game show idea

As easily as a mask or a Bezos I mean if we're clearing by what do you say 300 You know we've Yeah exactly you don't need him to the pitch you've got a little bit of leeway for rejection

1.394 trillion Yeah So you've got 394 billion dollars surplus Yeah So we could probably Shed Buffett

Maybe one more So his His current value is at 112 billion So you still be comfortable I am I want

I won't Buffett in there For what it's worth Anyway Look I don't have any questions I really like This idea

Oh yeah That's all I want to say I'm ready Here from Ryan So Okay we believe in the egotism I honestly don't have a lot of questions either

I think we're probably quite a niche choice to host this if it is broadcast as a sort of We're flattered, don't get us wrong I see this more of a Mario Lopez kind of Well can I say something to that? Can I say something great? Mario Lopez joint Yeah, yeah I feel like at this point You're the ones pitching this idea to like all of the networks

Right so you're like well we have to host it We'll EP it though It won't get across the line if we're hosting Sure sure producers we'll get a big name. Is Regis still alive? No, he died. All right, Julian, hold the line,

and now we're going to hear from Ryan. Hello, Ryan. Hi, you can. How are you? Very well, thank you. I would be ever so delighted if whenever you're ready, you wanted to throw your idea at us

for killing you. Yeah, I actually really like that idea of YouTube being EPs because that's kind of my idea. Okay. Right. This is going to take some legwork on your part but YouTube kind of split up for an undetermined amount of time one of you let's say

guy goes to Las Vegas and tries to start his own pineal-shaped rocket building consultancy that's going to bring in musk Bezos maybe Richard Branson and Tim you find fame avant-garde German art director Werner Herzog and pretty much just tell them the idea of your podcast of how insane it is and weird and meta. And then we start making a documentary with you. That's going to be weird VR, alter reality, Zuckerberg, Musk, interested. I like Julian's idea about the billionaires pin against each other. I want to bring the billionaires together.

What's going to unite them is saving the cause of former Silicon Valley hot shot and billionaire Elizabeth Holmes. Okay. This is interesting. This is interesting. We go to Werner Herzog and we pitch a Ocean's Eleven-style heist to get Elizabeth out of what is most likely the easiest prison possible. We bring everyone together. We all know what the MCU is now.

Now we're going to make the Bez-C-E-Oz-E-Lon and Zuck. you guys a raunch in time you're sitting there at the bellagio admiring guys dick-shaped rocket plans and sipping some champagne and you say hey this is so much fun let's make this a franchise

that's how you build and create wealth we start throwing off different movie ideas you start saying like oh instead of the age of Ultron turns out Tesla cars become self-aware and they don't want to catch on fire and run over pedestrians You help Elon battle the AI to keep killing people.

Ultimately, you have to convince Jeff. Jeff owns Amazon Studios. He's going to be the main producer. He's the Jerry Bruckheimer. You're the EPs, you're the associates. You just keep punching out all these movies until you get that up to a trillion dollar value on Jeff Bezos. He says, you know, now he's a media,

even bigger conglomerate than he already is. You guys are still EPs. you have all the under Ryan rights. When he hits that trillion dollar mark, you pitch him in a movie, he shows up to set one day, who have you cast to star directly opposite him other than Alec Baldwin? You guys go on set, handle the props, let nature take its course.

We've seen it. Alec Baldwin, he's not going to suffer. He doesn't go to jail. He's fine. Jeff Bezos, Trillionaire, dead. You have the EP rights. You inherit everything. And then you can do whatever you want with the money.

and that's that's and then you can continue on with this world or you know fold it off and it can become the you know justice league of yesterday and that's my pitch thank you so much ryan a lot of big names involved i'm delighted to hear about elizabeth holmes i'm delighted to hear about a baldwin being in the picture i went deep down at holmes hole um last year maybe year before but i got obsessed and uh you know i think that all of these these hot shots working together to get her out. I'm just struggling to delineate the line between documentary and sort of blockbuster caper style film. Are we actually getting these people to work together on camera to bust Elizabeth Holmes out? Or is that the premise of a movie in which these people play themselves? I think in the way you, it would be them actually busting out. But you have to sell that as a weird, it's alter reality, it's throw an oculus on.

you know, it's, it's a weird what they're into. Elon thinks we're living in a simulation, so just let him, let him ride. What do they call those things? Pick a path. Choose your own adventure books. Yeah, it's like a real life.

Shit, it's got AR augmented. It's not augmented reality, but it's like a real, a game that's being played in real life, like an alternative reality game or something like that. The Pokemon game was that? No. No.

Look, I'll open up later. Don't worry about that. Well, while Tim tries to remember that, I did get some time. I didn't quite... No, no, no. It's not a video game. It's like when there's fuckery of foot, like, they'll put puzzles in the newspaper and people follow them.

It's like a... The Zodiac killer. But it's a game. The Zodiac Cook. No. No one's dying this thing. Huh? Cicada?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of shit. Some CIA. Yeah. actually quite remember exactly what the application is, but I had time to mock up some drafts for the rocket, which you might be interested in there. I don't know if you can see that against the white balance. I mean, I, that's 500 billion easily. You can get an approximate idea of it there. I just want to make sure I've got all this. Guy goes to Vegas to start

Dick Rockets. Tim finds Munah Herzog. We create a VR documentary together. Then we've got the collection of billionaires, of which there are 11, to bust out Elizabeth, oh, there's 10, sorry. And we can... They can be 11. Julian named the other, you know, they're the, they're the ant, they're the ant man to Jeff Bezos Ironman. I like there being 10, and we can kind of borrow from Julian's list, which would be a real thumb in his eye, to be honest, if we don't go with his plan, but we steal stuff from it.

So we get his list, that's 10, plus 1, it's Ocean's 11, it's billionaires row, we've got Elizabeth Holmes in the mix. Then we've got the sort of media universe that's created from that. That's enriching Bezos. And then we get out of Bullwins. We are underwrite everything. And then Baldwin comes in. I mean, fuck, these are watertight, man.

These are really good. Yeah, we've got two incredibly strong pictures on our hands here. I don't have a huge number of other questions for Ryan. I got no other questions for Ryan. I wrote down the hashtag help homes. I guess I just, uh, I mean, a trillion dollars is a lot of money. I guess Bezos is really so close to being there.

Do we really think that media creation is the way to do it? It seems like it is, isn't it? The biggest companies in the world right now, it's like your Disney's and your... Do you know, like, we are, like, celebrity culture and the way that we analyze the every move. And like, celebrity is beyond just people who are good acting or sports now. Like, the ultra wealthy are their own, you know... Julian, you're muted, but I'm going to want to want to. on mute you because it sounds like what you have to say is important.

Oh, you just froze for a second there. Yeah. Oh, we're still here. I'm putting you back on mute. I just think, like, there is always going to be a fascination with seeing these people represented, like, you know, unfettered on screen. We can have this conversation muted. So I don't have any further questions.

Sounds like Guy doesn't either. Ryan, we're going to put you on mute. Julian, we're going to put ourselves on mute also while we discuss which of these pictures will be going with. in this episode of Calionia. Okay. Guys, that was a, that was a really challenging conversation

that we've had with each other. And, you know, it's your job to make those conversations difficult for us, and you did that. You both brought very original and very intriguing ideas. Julian, it's very, it's tidily self-contained.

It's one movement. It's one thing. And Ryan, conversely, you know, you've created so, so much fun in games for us inside of your pitch. You know, I've never known I wanted to go to Las Vegas and design rockets, but now I do. And Tim probably didn't know that he could have such easy access to Werner Hood's on.

It just didn't occur to me to pursue it. And now we know that stuff. And so, like, you know, on a different day, if you weren't up against each other, you both might be moving forward. But because of the way this show operates, only one of you can win the episode. And just because of essentially the tidy. of the premise and the pitch, Julian, you are today's winner. So congratulations to you and your Hunger Game style.

Very highly committed to rock. Yeah, and like, yeah, I know it's scant consolation, Ryan, but we really love what you brought today. And, you know, it's a great idea. It's a very intriguing prospect. Can I say something, boys? Oh, of course. Ryan, I love that, like, that free homes.

I think that's, that's going to live on. yeah okay interesting Julian's picking up the mantle of helping out Elizabeth Holmes who's just been convicted quite right me of committing fraud Ryan have you got any words any parting words of wisdom

or frustration to share with us on your way out of the door no no it's a it's a big undertaking so you want sickness you want to have a clear vision and I you know Julian he's he's he won for a reason and I applaud him and I wish him all the best. Can I ask you a question, Ryan?

Yes. I think the trapdoor is going to work? It might. I mean, you know, in the same way my pitch is getting so cerebral, we're talking about NF, you know, augmented reality and NFD, you know, sometimes they're not going to see the forest for the trees. You know, you can just say, hey, go give me $80 million for a JPEG.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And Julian, in Victory, have you got any words you'd like to share with us? This might be a little sentimental and it might be the drinks speaking. But I just want to say, boys, you're an inspiration. You've helped me through tough times and you continue to do so every day. So, yeah, that's all I have to say. Thank you, Julian.

Well, God willing, we'll be able to all help each other. that by enriching whomever comes out of this Hunger Games style contest, which I'm now keen to if I may, borrow a little of Ryan's idea, bust Elizabeth Holmes out, put her on the island. Or maybe this is like, the sentencing judge can be like,

all right, your conditions of parole are you're allowed to go in this contest. And if you win, you're free. And then we get to kill her anyway. Yeah, we really appreciate both of your pitches and the time you've obviously put into them. So thank you so much. and good like to you, Julian, as you advance to the winner's circle, Ryan,

I'm sure we've got big things ahead. As soon as I hear about a jailbreak involving Elizabeth Holmes, I'll know where to look. Thank you very much for joining us for another episode of Killian Air, and we'll see you soon. Bye-bye.