The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: Killionaire TV 7: Stephanie v Jamie

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

We are back! The Frosty Fellaz are joined by Jamie who hails from "by London" and has a dating app that will target Jeff Bezos and hit him where it hurts. Stephanie beams in from the equally non-specific "outside Boston" with a diabolical scam (and props) built around the old timey appeal of a charity fair dunk tank. Yes again but this one is different!Thanks to editor AJ of Cult Popture and graphic designer Tomas Cottle.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tim here, if you want to see me in the flesh and you're in New Zealand or Australia, good news. I'm coming to Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Auckland and Wellington for the comedy festivals. Please buy some tickets now at timbat.com.com. He's Timbat. I'm Guy Montgomery. And this, well, this is a dumpster. Together, we're best known for watching bad movies too often. But as the world turns to custard, we got a new thing going on. We want to create the world's first ever trillionaire and then swiftly remove the world's first ever trillionaire

dispersing their funds to humanity at large. We're taking your ideas, pitching them against each other until we find Juan Fuena. Welcome to Killianer. Hello and welcome to another exciting edition of Killianer, a game show slash, I'm going to call Life Competition to create Earth's First Trillionaire and then disperse all the money from killing the world's first trillion.

That's right. Can I also throw in the telethon genre? I feel like there's a telethon energy to this. We're fundraising in a way, aren't we? That's true. For the community. That's true. The global community.

And to that end, let's meet the callers we have on the line right now. Let's meet some of the global community. We are joined by Jamie. Hello, Jamie. Good evening of my fine gentleman. Oh, how are you? Yeah, pretty good. Nice brisk 9.30pm.

over here. Over here is over where? Over in the UK, over in by London. I see. By London. Good on you, Jamie. We're dealing with some pretty spicy material. I would want to give too much away about my location. When you say by London, where exactly... You don't have to share that if you don't want.

That's for me to know, isn't it? All right. Wow. I like the... There's a real intrigue to you, Jamie. Oh, thank you. Jamie, you will be pitching against Stephanie. Hello, Stephanie. How are you? Thank you. Hello. I'm well, thank you.

Fantastic. Where do you hail from, Stephanie? I'm outside Boston, Massachusetts. I see it again. Guy and I are currently outside Hamilton. So we're all doing okay. Yeah, delightfully vague. And what's the time where you are currently, Stephanie,

just so that we can get a gauge? It is 4.30 p.m. Oh, lovely. That afternoon energy. We missed it by 10 minutes. 420? Yeah. Oh, yes.

Okay. The weed time. It's a pleasure to meet you both. The way that we will work this is we would like to give you both a fair hearing. You'll both get an opportunity to speak for, you know, your own designated amount of time. The floor will solely be yours. To determine who will go first, I have written down a number between 1 and 1,000 on a sheet of paper. Stephanie, I'm going to ask you first what number you would like to guess.

732. Okay, and Jamie 36. Okay, a strong, strong guest, but unfortunately Stephanie has won. The number I wrote down was 666, the number of the beast. Ah, yes, and then there's a song where they say that,

and they say fire and hell are soon to be released. My man knows culture. So what that means is Stephanie... So they have I forgot his child. You get, what? I don't know we'll get to it later No hold on

Do you want to expand A little Jamie Oh I thought I thought you were giving us A bit of a quote Of Adhati's child That you know The well-known concept album

Of 666 Are we? I probably was A friend listened to a lot In school And they'd walk around singing it And I'd be like What is that

And then I wouldn't listen To the answer So you just knew the lyric But you didn't know I don't know where it's from I might We all could be We all could be

Stephanie you get to choose If you would like to pitch first get Jamie too? I will pitch first. Fantastic. I love that confidence. Jamie, your ass is getting muted.

Stay right there. And Stephanie, I'm very excited to announce that the floor is yours you may begin in your own time. Thank you very much. The plan, gentle people, rests on this idea. What do folks love to see more than anything? They love seeing a big fat cat taken down by a regular person. And what could make them enjoy it even more? if it was paired with doing good for the world's most vulnerable.

Sick children, abused animals, victims of natural disasters. But how to combine these two concepts into one comedy plan to create and assassinate the world's first trillionaire. I give you... Thank you for including the word comedy. I give you the simple dunk tank, a staple of carnivals, fairs, circuses, and vets. The dunk tank allows a regular person the chance to hurl the word comedy. the ball at a target and soak the person on the hot seat. Now, if you are a visual learner, I have included a component for you.

Because as we all know, podcasts, famously a visual medium. Yes, right. Oh my God. Whoa, it's a diorama. It is a diorama. I love these things. This is the forerunner, as far as I know, his face, Elon Musk. This is the target.

Keep that in your mind as we continue. I'm so sorry, I sneezed. That's okay. Thank you. The plot. We tell everyone, especially these fellow's employees, that Zucks, Musk, and Bezos have signed on to do a charity dunk tank event. All proceeds to benefit whatever charity seems likelyest to appeal to the people of that locale. Folks can buy tickets to have a shot at throwing a ball at a target and sinking the billionaire of their choice.

All proceeds go to charity. We even get buy-in from Real Major League and Olympic pitching talent, offering people a chance to buy a much more expensive ticket. to have, say, Max Scherzer throw the ball for them. We run this scam in multiple international locales for maximum financial gain. The twist. The billionaires are never informed. When people show up and find out that their prepaid tickets have gotten them absolutely nothing in exchange for their hard-earned dollars, they get angry.

They start demanding answers, and they start looking for compensation. The Ignition We release the funds to the closest to a trillionaire guy, pushing him over the market. and then we issue a press statement, leaking the information that the charity money was never given to those sick kids or displaced earthquake survivors, but instead was put inside the pockets of the newly minted trillionaire. The spark. The location of the trillionaire is leaked.

What comes next? A furious mob once united in their goal to do good and have a chance at dunking a billionaire now set upon the trillionaire, armed with the softballs and baseballs, and hey, cricket balls. have used at a charity dunk-a-thon event. Death by bawling. The end. Wow. Yeah, congratulations, Stephanie. Now, for those who are just listening and can't actually see the diorama, and this is sort of ancillary to the broader pitch, which is fantastic, you've gone for a slightly unconventional dunk tank where you've put the person who risks being dunked behind the target. You have Elon Musk's face behind the thing that you're aiming for. Yes. Somewhat non-traditional.

Can you talk with that choice? Well, keep in mind, these billionaires aren't going to show up. So they're not going to see these fellows otherwise. And also, you know, that might get a personal flair to the location. So if we, for example, identify that the nation or the locale prefers to dunk on Zuckerberg, we can change up the faces too. That is something we can do. I like it.

I like that. So just let me get this straight, Stephanie, to make sure I understand the plan completely. So the billionaires, we say they're going to be there. Yes. And then maybe they're not. Well, they're definitely not. Okay, they're not.

So then what are people dunking? Oh, they aren't. It's falling into the tank. They're not. They just show up and become upset. We just get all the money. We've got all their ticket money before they figure that out. I think a very important question here is,

who is running PR, HR, who is on the ground at these events when people who have spent their hard-earned money and different amounts of money mean different things to different people. But you're going to have a lot of very angry, athletic people together at once. How do we ensure that we can, you know, like temper their fury in that moment and then sort of collectivise and incentivize it to run towards, you know, like, because I imagine the new cycle, the amount of time it will take between all these events being revealed as scams and the people finding out that it's a scam with the purpose of getting someone a trillion dollars or however that information is processed by them. Who's fronting that? Who's responsible for communicating that in a calm way that means that they're not going to become furious on the day?

Members of the Killianair community. This is the sacrifice we make. These are the bold steps we have to take. Yeah. So I imagine we all have to go through a training. program on like conflict resolution and also you know how to how to calm certain people down in different situations yes possibly also you know army and our people with Nerf guns because we don't want to be too violent no non-lethal weaponry absolutely this plan is incredibly dastardly um i'll be

honest with you stephanie we have uh i i think from the reading of the um entries that came through this isn't the only dunk tank idea this is the only one that is a massive global bait and switch twice. Like the first bait and switch to steal people's ticket money and then sort of allay their fears or anxieties by saying it's all going to charity

and then just dropping it all in the bank account of an existing billionaire? To ensure that one of these billionaires is unknowingly stealing from charity is delightfully evil. You're very charming, Stephanie, but I feel like there are some very, very evil shit going on in that header yours?

I do write crime novels. Ah, this makes all the sense. And also this sort of speaks to the chapters that you've given us. So I heard ignition and spark. Was there another one that I missed? Oh, let's see. So there's the plot, the twist, the ignition, the spark. What comes next?

It's very well laid out. I honestly like, yeah, I don't think I, as an insight, and knowing that we were eventually going to be dropping this money on a trillionaire, knew that that was exactly how it was going to go. So, you know, power to you. We're going to need to put a lot of money into the marketing of the dunk tank, you know. I don't know. You've got to spend a buck to make a buck, you know?

Well, yeah. I think you can form a dunk tank pretty cheaply, though. Yeah. How many guys talking about getting the word out, I don't know. Encouraging enough people to pay their money. so that we've got the guaranteed funds to then, when we drop it into the billionaire's account, it gets them over a trillion dollars.

Like, you know, we've talked about this before, Tim and I, where we don't want to accidentally wind up executing a billionaire with $999.99 billion. I mean, it would be humiliating for all involved, and we'd be liable to be tried for a murder. So, yeah, it's a very interesting idea. We thank you for your time. I have no further questions.

Tim, you're satisfied as well? I am. All right. Yeah, do you want to add any? think, Stephanie. I feel like we did a lot of talking at the end there. I don't know. Thank you very much for this opportunity. Wow. Thank you. We will put you on

mute now, Stephanie, as we hand the floor over to Jamie. Jamie, hello. How are you? You still there? That's a bit of a tough one to follow. I'm not going to lie. Don't let this experienced crime rider get you shaken in your boots.

I believe in you, Jamie, wholeheartedly. And if you want to just take a deep breath and then whenever you feel comfortable, lay your plan on us. I'm going to try and find some wreath Matthewson energy. All right, boys, if I may, frosty fellas. What is nature's one true constant? We get horny. Okay.

There's horny people everywhere. And the dating app market is probably, pretty good at the moment, isn't it? What do we know about Jeff Bezos? I'll let you think about that as I explain. Phase 1 of the plan. Okay, so we're making a dating app. An all-inclusive, open and welcoming dating app

designed specifically for Bold Men. Anyone is welcome to use the app to find love. It's encouraged. We celebrate Bold Men. We hate exclusion. We love Bold Men. And you can join, especially Bold Men. women, bold people, bold men, we're bolder, bolder is better. We've got the plan there, right?

But we need to sink some money into marketing. You know what they say about money as well? You've got to spend spending, spend that money. So my campaign involves a couple of things. Advertising, over here we have the tube. I don't know where you guys advertise, but we have the tube. That's quite a good. now I've reached out to Matthew Broderick

and it's a no but the initial plan Matthew Broderick Imagine poster on the left Matthew Brojerk here Big Cross Are you guys aware of Billy Corgan Smashing Pumpkins front man?

Yeah Yes Yeah Him on the right big tick Bolder Boulder is better. I was thinking we could get every kiss as a gift in there.

I also wrote a song but I don't actually have my guitar down here. It's okay. I would love to hear at Acapella if you'd be so kind, Jamie. If you're Bezos or Zuck and you're looking to fuck. Uh-oh.

Give us your best smolder. We'll get your dicks on Boulder. Boulder. Boulder. But it's BLDR. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Wait, like the rock, like a big stone

Yeah, yeah, like Dwayne's Because this is what bald men's heads Look like, this is brilliant Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Where does the money come in, boys? I'm glad you asked Integrated advertising Let the record show that Jamie has cracked

And is smashing a beer Crunch it Crunch it, so what we're going to do Probably like every three or four accounts Would be a dummy account That we sell to like I don't know Heineken or

something and someone's it's like a pretty person holding you know product placement sell that ad space you get apparently it's what the millennials

like so we do that get some money from that and then by with that money we start like buying things that surround like dating so

you know like Boulder brand condoms Boulder we branched out to Boulder restaurants Boulder alcohol Boulder Viagra so we can corner the elderly crowd

and then eventually we have some kind of 1984 economy where we control sex and therefore control most of the stuff and then the dating app drives demand for these other products which means growth which means mula

right okay so there are you Yeah, we're all on board. Phase two. Right, we've made us... That's phase one. That's phase one. Phase two, we've made our...

Well, we still got to kill them, man, don't we? Okay, sure. Now, we've reached global domination. Everyone knows that bold is being important, because we've made an app about it. So no one will touch Jeff Bezos. We know... We know...

Go on, James. you've got this. What do we know, Jamie? We know that Mr. Basil likes to fuck. This is quite well documented. Have you read the headlines, boys? I've not.

I've sort of... Well, not those ones. I've glanced. No, there are nudes out there of Mr. Bezos somewhere. My goodness. So, therefore... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get when I'm going with this.

We're going to honey trap Mr. Bezos. Because, of course... he'll use the app, you know. So we've got him on the app. We've snuck the money into his portfolio. We've snuck Bouldering into his portfolio. He's on there. We mess around the algorithm a bit.

We managed to get one of us to go on a date with him. Now, do we play the Long Con? Or do we get over and done with then? I'd like to think we've played the Long Kong. A bit like a well-known film called Dumb and Dumber 2. Now, guy, I don't know if you still have that Novichok that you were snuggled in your bum. I've always got a little leeks his Novichok. Okay, well, my plan is we slowly sprinkle a little bit in his food or, you know, whatever, each day until he gets sick and sick.

But we've developed a loving, nurturing relationship with him. Importantly, we have to think about where we're going to. do this because if we're doing this, maybe we should, I was saying we should do it on like a yacht, or, you know, go on a cruise, a couple's cruise with Mr. Bezos, because international waters, no tax laws. No tax laws.

Inheritance is ours. Mm, baby. That's it. Okay. Thank you, Jamie. That's all right. A lot to pick through here. I just want to congratulate you.

This is, again, this is separate from the pitch. But I think I've reached out to Matthew Broderick. It's a no. It's like one of the funniest, just sentences or turns of phrase I've heard in my life. It's not just unique to your pitch. Like, you can put that anywhere. It's so fucking funny. Thank you very much.

I mean, here's the thing about your pitch. Jamie, here it is for me. I was surprised at every turn of it right from the outset. Your initial question was, what is the one constant in nature or among living things? And I

would have bet good money you were going to say water, but you didn't. You said being horny. Yeah. Everyone is horny. It's true. I mean, it's a strong opener and it's a strong angle. People are horny. Wealthy people.

we assume are horny as bald people are horny is Billy Corgan the guy that we want to promote is the sort of apex man there's a specific there's a specific screenshot

I don't know if you there's what if you're Googling Billy Corgan okay just give me the search terms we'll bring it up what are we looking for Billy Corgan

if you go on images there's one of him with like makeup under his eyes and a white V on his head Oh, Circa. Top right, maybe? Okay. I don't know if anyone else can see that.

Oh, yes, okay. Yeah. Okay. I think we have Broderick on the left. Okay. Who's sitting on the right. Who we haven't asked. And this is important as well.

What picture of Matthew Broderick, which era are we going to put? He's still got a full header here. I saw a photo of him recently. Oh, so we could pick totally any photo from, okay. I'm interested. So I know that bald people get horny. I know that wealthy people get horny. I mean, we all get horny, Jamie.

You've really been banging that drum. How do we guarantee, like the ultra wealthy, I assume, want to thin out the pool from which they're selecting. They want to refine it. Is this Boulder app? Is this, is there, like, is it open to everyone? And if it is, how do we ensure that we get Jeff on the service? Because I'm assuming.

Celebrates bald men I know, but if it's an app for everyone, I feel like Jeff will turn his nose up at it. Moth to the flame. Mr. Montgomery, with all due respect, there's no question that Jeff is not getting on that half, is that?

What, this is a question I'm asking you. You're just telling me it's not a question. Yeah, so respect it. He's still with all due respect right up top. Respect the answer, man. Someone says with all due respect, you know they're about to disrespect you. There was a thought that maybe

we create a tear kind of yeah so like a I understand there's a daily app called Raya which is for famous and wealthy people so there's a guys on it inside of Boulder there's a tiered layer to the app which is where we'd run into your Jeff Bezos's in his potential

there's a billionaire there's a billionaire oh wow and you want to be the first trillioner yeah it's like a video game we unlock progress and you can't like you know but you've got to imagine first trillion across the post would be pretty lonely in that tier because no but these motherfuckers they love a goal like that if they see it they'll they'll like a rat going for the cheese they'll just position

themselves to achieve that tier so which you've written here vertical integration here's my concern jamie what if your plan is too successful and in the um brilliant app that you've released and all the associated products and merchandising opportunities i believe you mentioned a rest of stront chain. What if that actually gets us across the trillion dollar line as the proprietors of the company rather than Jeff Bezos? Individually

you boys could kill me if I get that. I wouldn't mind it. All right. I've heard enough. You spoke about sneaking this app into Jeff's portfolio. I assume Jeff or some of his high-powered lawyers probably keep a pretty eagle eye on that portfolio.

How do you propose this great sneak. Well, last time I heard Tim's a pretty, you know, cracked guy at the old JavaScript, so... I could learn. So that's you doing that? I could learn. Yeah, yeah. How's New Zealand going, by the way? At the moment? Yeah, yeah. Is this going to change the plan? Well, no, it's just last time I heard you're, you know, the guy that owned the, the supermarkets was, uh, was, was in power, wasn't he? That's right. Things have large return to normal. Yeah, yeah.

If you follow the lamestream media, you'll discover that our country has pretty much moved on entirely from that little episode. Yeah, yeah, that little episode while guy was in Russia. Jamie, we'll ask the questions. Thanks very much.

So I quite like this because I suspect this is already happening, but your rate of having one in three or one in four of these accounts, just totally being a bot that is purchased by Nike. Yeah, a massive... company, whatever.

Like, it's just a good distillation of something that's probably already happening to some complicated extent where they're buying like bot armies that are infiltrating and trying to change people's purchasing habits or whatnot. This is just like, every fourth thing you see is just like, hey, have you smoked a cigarette today? You should. Lucky strike. Cigarettes are coming back.

Yeah. Jamie, I just need to get my head, because there was a lot of information to process. Sure, sure. I feel like some of the steps are still a little murky in my mind's eye. Bezos is on the app. The app is going well, like in terms of it's making a lot of money. We've snuck it into his portfolio. Bezos genuinely finds love through the app.

It's going to be one of us, I'd have thought, you know. So Jeff Bezos falls in love with one of us. Well, you know, otherwise how are we going to perform the honey trap? Yeah, I... We've got to kill him, don't we? I've seen some of his partners, and I know that he was married to a woman for a long time. I do wonder if we're the best people for the job.

I look pretty good in drag. I don't doubt it, Jamie. None do I. And I actually think that all three of us would bring a lot to our respective drag games. Well, guys got these incredible cheekbones, and can you imagine Guy Montgomery's legs in like a pent, were scared or something? I get some fish next.

Now we're talking, Jamie. I do look good. And flattery, we'll get you everywhere. I have no further questions. And I actually think it's probably time that Tim and I, bless you, you're right? Excuse me. Tim and I break off and have a private conversation. So what we're going to do now is we'll mute both of your mics and you will also not be

able to hear us. You will be able to see us as we discuss the various merits of your ideas. And when we return, we will adjudge a winner whose idea will be progressing. So thank you both for your time. we'll be with you shortly. Jamie's a fucking liability, man. Dude's a wild card. Absolutely. He has a raw charisma, which is undeniable.

But it's chaotic as hell. I don't know if we've got strong enough hands to be able to handle a force like Jamie. We've got two very different proposals. Stephanie's was it's just so streamlined, like it's concise. The elevator pitch is very efficient. Jamie's idea It was a delight to chart the entirety of what he was suggesting But also there's so much opportunity for distraction

To get waylaid for something to fall over I mean I'm immediately favouring Stephanie's Just because it's I mean it's such a delightful twist The thing with Jamie is his plan is either Going to work really like anything in his life I feel It's going to go really well or catastrophically badly but there's a part of me that thinks that's just the kind of high risk, high reward approach that we need to take to the murdering of a trillion. Keep talking to me. Persuade me. I mean, I think I'm trying to persuade myself as well.

I just think, you know, they say never... Jamie's bringing a lot to the table. Obviously, the guy can improvise. We need someone who is able to move and shift with the times. Look, we're always going to. going to encounter some unforeseen difficulties. Yeah. Doesn't matter how good the plan is that we eventually go with. We're going to need a smart executor.

Absolutely. But I think that what concerned there is that Jamie might be bringing a similar energy that we bring to the idea. And what could be more powerful? As less is more. Imagine how much more more is.

Yeah, but it's more of the same. We need multiple prongs. We need to have different strengths, you know, working on different parts of the plant. I just think they say, ever to look a gift horse in the mouth. Stephanie's laid out a pretty diabolical and clear plan. Jamie, for like, you know, that's as much charisma and genuinely one of the funniest lines I've heard in a long time. Yeah. But I just think it's, it's a bit, um, Swiss cheesy. Yeah, it's a bit wayward.

Okay. No, you're right. Well, welcome back to the room. Stephanie and Jamie. How are you guys feeling? Brilliant. Yeah. Thanks. So nervous. Fair enough. Understandable. You both brought very strong and also stylistically different pitches to us, and we thoroughly enjoyed both of them. Stephanie, the beauty of your plan lies in its simplicity and its diabolical turn. I can really, you know, there's not a lot of opportunity to run problems through it or poke holes in it. Jamie, your plan was so beautiful and sprawling.

you exude a raw charisma that is an undeniable asset if we want to get onto seducing, as it sounds we do in this instance, one of these billionaires and then slowly poisoning them with my reserve of Novachok. I currently have stashed up my anus. But as we both know, as we all know, there can only be one winner.

I'll hand over to Tim. We don't want to lead both of you down the gunpath any more than we need to. Our ultimate decision is that Stephanie's plan will be going forward. So, Jamie, I'm so sorry that you haven't progressed in this round. I am very nervous by your energy. I'm impressed by it. And I just can't help but think that you would be an enormous liability in the moment.

I think what I was saying to Guy, and usually we don't sort of bring this up outside the confines of our mutative conversation, but you are an agent of chaos. You possess a lot of raw power. and while I was toying with the idea of really trying to convince Guy you'd be the way to go because I think you're a man who'd be able to improvise

as things start not going our way I could easily see you turning on guy and myself and besting us so so yeah there it is commiserations Jamie do you have anything you'd like to say

oh well it looks like I've got a lot of work to do isn't it really you'll be pursuing this plan alone I believe so boys well you know what good on you and if you're guess unless the targets change

it seems like it may have I mean we're on the inside if I see a dating app called Boulder or any variety of that sort of word I will not be signing up for it meanwhile Stephanie you don't have Matthew Pritch No we don't

neither to you you told us Stephanie sincere congratulations to you how does it feel Uh, wonderful. Although, you know, honestly, I was prepared to come in here and lose, because the truth is, in a world in which we are planning to comedically create and kill the world's first trillionaire, there are no losers. That's very true. Well, there you go, Jamie.

Yeah. It's a beautiful sentiment. Still racking my head around that one. A man who's processing the idea of thought. I would like on behalf of Guy Montgomery, myself, Timbett, to thank the both of you for the, time intelligence and care that you've put into your plans and for spending your time with us today to put yourself forward as a potential assassin on the record. Stephanie, we will see you in the winners circle and how your pitch competes with the others, compares, competes.

Jamie, love to meet you for a beer next time we're in outside London, roughly London. Yeah, thank you both so much and we'll see you online. Thank you so much. Bye.