The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E09: Dressing

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description: It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. The boys are at their wits' end and the light at the end of the tunnel is still an incredibly long way off. Tim and Guy attempt to temper their depression by visiting the reviews from actual film reviewers and struggle to come up with a Shining Light moment this week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yeah, here they are. Two bleak boys who do not want to be sitting down watching Grown Ups 2 for the ninth time. That's what you're about to be treated to, folks. Also some pretty questionable language, which is certainly not in our vernacular these days. So apologies and a heads up on a bit of that. on a bit of that man oh man this was uh one of several low points that we suffered early on what's very exciting is that i know in the next episode episode 10 which unfortunately i'm not going to get to tune into because the even numbered episodes guy gets to cover and i get all the odd ones but in episode 10 we got the drinking game coming up which i think is a fantastic decision by us to lift us out of this funk.

A lot of reaching. A lot of reaching in this episode. We're reaching out to proper professional film critics to try and gain some perspective on what we're doing in the movie that we're consuming. Reaching for shining lights big strong aimless reaches for shining lights and yeah just a bit of sadness and a bit of anger really um that's what i'm feeling in this one it's an interesting thing you get two guys put

them in a situation like this and see what happens it's almost the more i kind of listen to these and think about things over the last 10 years guy and my friendship really has been forged in the fire i know that's not the first time either one of us has said that but it's true and i think for you know most combinations of two people if they were put through this trial um wouldn't have, it wouldn't have worked. It wouldn't have worked. You'd just come out hating each other, ending the project early, I might add, and never talking again. But for some reason, these two silly boys just had enough gumption and moxie to make it through. So enjoy this episode.

And beautiful to get some time-coded shout-outs for our live shows that were happening back in the day. That's exciting to hear at the tail end of this episode. Some calls to action, which don't mean anything anymore. You can, the Facebook one does though. Jump on there. Anyway, enjoy this, the ninth episode. It's a bleak one.

Hello. Welcome along to episode nine of The Worst Idea of All Time with me, Guy Montgomery. And myself, Tim Batt. Two Bill E.T. Award-nominated comedians watching the film Grown Ups 2, week after week for one whole year, 52 times in a row. And we bring you a podcast after each watch. Thank you so much for joining us this week. We're up to watch number 9 out of 52.

That's right. Good God. And we have come after the delirious high of last week's viewing post 48-hour film festival. We're back to the regular bleak 9am on a Monday landscape of grown-ups too. We've been crashed down to reality today. It's very sad. I wanted to open the podcast today with some reviews from people who aren't us of the movie because I feel like we're getting a bit insular, we're getting a bit up our own arse with this podcast.

That's natural, that's bound to happen. Yeah, but I wanted to prolong that as long as possible. So I just, you know, as an entry point we've got some people who are listening for the first time, jumping on board, why start at episode one? That's what I always say. It's like us, why watch Grown Ups 1? us why watch Grown Ups 2 or Grown Ups 1 just start at Grown Ups 2

start when you want to start here's what Empire you know Empire Empire magazine very well well respected

and known film magazine slothful indulgent sequel that sees once great screen comedian hit self-inflicted

sand laggedon I'm listening to these guys that guy whoever's right there is a good reviewer DC's once great screen comedian hits self-inflicted San Legeddon. I'm listening to these guys. That guy, whoever wrote that is a good reviewer. San Legeddon. God, that's good. Hollywood Reporter. Throughout, gags are cartoonishly broad and afforded so little time for setup and delivery.

We seem to be watching less history and more a catalogue of tossed out. Oh, that's where it cuts off. I'm not going to read more. I agree with that one because this is one thing I was thinking today. Oh, that's where it cuts off. I'm not going to read more. I agree with that one because this is one thing I was thinking today. I think we've talked about it before. It's the idea of if we were to do an edit,

so we got rid of all the bits which we deemed not funny enough to be in the comedy or expendable. Yeah. And I was just doing a very vague catalogue of that in my mind and there's not a lot of meat left on the carcass of this movie. Certainly isn't. The New York Times said, this is pap, plain and simple.

Scattered, raunched light, devoid of emotional resonance. Accurate. Time out New York. In the first five minutes, a deer walks into the star's bedroom, urinates on his face. It's all downhill from there. See, that's good. That's a brilliant summation of the film.

All of these people have done a better job of summing up grown-ups too with one sentence than we've done with eight podcasts. Well, that's why it's important for us to step outside the bounds and open it up every now and then. Total Film UK, an equally shameless, just as shoddy no less depressing sprawl of quote life lessons and fat gags i assume they're talking about like versus the first

grown-ups movie there are a lot of fat gags yeah are there yeah well adam sandler um keeps yelling at a preteen teenager and then there And then there's also The Principal. Remember? He goes over... It's mainly Adam Sandler making fun of... Yeah. Making fun of fat people. Variety USA. This will be the last one.

Among the slackest, laziest, least film-like movies released by a major studio in the last decade. Wow. That is scathing. Well, I guess what hurts is that we didn't no, well I don't know. Look I mean it happens occasionally last week was fine, this week there was

that crystal moment of realisation that we're, I mean at the start I was saying to Tim quite excitedly you know what, after next week that's 10 of 52 that's almost 20% through and then Tim turned that on its head after about half an hour of the movie today and he said

you know after next week we've only done one fifth of what we've set out to do and it's all about spin man and if we're going to do it I can't leave because you were getting blue again today you got real blue

you said you don't think you can do it you asked if we could take off next week what's going on with you man? it's like climbing Mount Everest and you put everything into your climb so far. Like everything. You think that you've died. You've used like half of your oxygen tanks.

And you look up. And you've left like two steps from the ground. That's what it feels like. It's awful. Hey, so just to recap as well, last week we mused in our delirium about the idea of doing um a sequel grown-ups three well we're not gonna make it i'll put it that way we're not gonna make we're gonna crowdsource the money for it but we're like we were i gotta say i listened

back to last week's podcast and yeah i don't know i don't know who those guys were i liked them i like their energy their pep and their verve but I don't know where they've gone this week because we're in a different fucking room. I wanted to hang out with them, spend some time with them, man, because they were fun guys. They were fun.

They were having a great time. But we asked, how much would you pay to see Grown Ups 3D? And I'll just read some of the tweets that we got back. Using the hashtag

Grown Ups 3D and just a number. 1550, from Rebecca Fulchers. That was a very sensible amount. Yeah, that's how much you pay for a movie, yeah. Matt Lagan said $35,000, bitches. Jesus Christ.

Loving that. Adam Wright, 15 bucks. Max Donilon, 200 pounds. Let's throw some sterling at this bitch. That's not bad. And someone called Sylvia Burgess said, is Grown Ups 3D going to be a thing because i got really pumped about the naming a price and then guy confused me guy confused everyone last week

yes everyone was confused last week that was really nice we also got a nice shout out from a film reviewer for the for the new zealand herald dominic correy yeah who was talking about bad movies which he secretly enjoys more than he's supposed to. And while Grown Ups 2 wasn't one of the top ones on his list, he said but two local comedians are watching it every week and attached to the link. And those two comedians were us. We actually, Guy and I tried to Trojan horse a mention of the podcast into a nationwide broadcast TV show this week, unsuccessfully sadly

we didn't try hard enough and it wouldn't have really jibed with the vibe of the whole show no but that's kind of the beauty of it you know, when we can sneak one in and everyone's like I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about and our little secret fun clubhouse you saying Trojan horse is reminding

me, you stumbled into a Trojan theory during the movie I think we've touched on it before but I'd like to revisit it because yeah it was you were talking about the set design we were in Chris Rock's kitchen and the family kitchen and what did you say uh I said you know what they've done a really good job of on here the people in charge of art and set have um really hammered home how much money everyone makes, like quite accurately. And it's true because we start off in Adam Sandler's family kitchen. I was talking to Tim today about how lovely open plan living.

They've got a nice big island. I really like those kitchens with the island in it. And it's all straight into sort of a living area. I mean, it's a phenomenal kitchen. We're looking at redeeming features that keep us on this film. And right now it's Adam Sandler's kitchen. And then anyway, we go to Chris Rock's house and in his kitchen, and it's smaller, it's more condensed,

and there's kids' toys lying everywhere. And I think the theory was that while the actual content and the words and the action that the actors have to go through in the movie is terrible, they've dressed it up. They've disguised it. They've Trojan horse this piece of shit to get through in the movie. It's terrible. Yeah. They've dressed it up. They've disguised it. Yeah. They have. They've Trojan horse this piece of shit to get it through the front gates of a wide cinema release.

That's right. They've tricked people to partying with their money to go and see it. But it sucks. Here's the big secret about grown-ups too, everyone. It fucking sucks. Oh, the cat's out of the bag now. As James Franco would say, Pandora doesn't go back in the box. When does he say that?

Oh, Spider-Man? Knocked up. Oh. When Seth Rogen and him have a fight, and Seth Rogen says, you're not my friend, you're my pot dealer or something. Yeah. And James Franco goes, that's it, man. Pandora doesn't go back in the box.

Oh, that's a good line. That's a good movie. Wish we were doing that one. But, I mean, can you think of other evidence or oh yeah yeah like as you said we have touched on this before but like just everything shot really pretty well yeah you've mentioned that establishing shot at the very start of the movie where it's just a beautiful sweeping vista of um trees and suburban where are we in this film can i saw a sign saying Connecticut somewhere. Oh, yeah.

So we might be in the heart of Connecticut. I don't know a lot about Connecticut. Me neither. Is Connecticut, it's like, it's not rural, but it's quite kind of, it seems like quite a suburban state as a state. Is it a state or is it a city? Connecticut is.

No way, it's a city. Connecticut is. Connecticut. What state is it in? Connecticut is revealing how ignorant we are. Is it in New York? That's what Connecticut's doing. No, it's not in New York.

Fuck. I don't know, man. I don't even know anymore. What did you do this weekend? I don't know, man. What did I do this weekend? No, I'm honestly trying to remember. This movie's got a weird quality to it where it kind of retards you.

And I've always felt this way about, like, shit television shows, that you shouldn't watch heaps of TV, but if you do, you should use it like medication, like a pain relief. Yeah, that's the beauty of TV. That's why the garbage TV shows rate so well, is because people don't want to be challenged all the time. Sometimes they just want to come home and switch off,

and you don't want to have to use your brain. The problem is when people watch, like, nothing but. but like if you're unemployed or something and you just watch tons of shitty tv well i would i would argue that that's probably better for you than what we're doing because it's been watching a shitty tv show and a shitty movie every week is like a shitty tv show you can watch a shitty episode of a tv show for 22 minutes and that's a pretty okay amount of time to be mentally checked out for like that's fine but an hour 40 is a long like it goes beyond being

switched off and it becomes like a challenge and it's difficult for yourself here's the real fucked up thing as well me and Guy have made this rule that we switch our phones off during the movie so there's like there's nothing we have to focus on the film every time even though we've seen it nine times now.

That's a lot. We broke that today. What do you mean? Well, an hour and ten in, I said to you... Oh, yeah, true. I wasn't going to reveal that, but you're right. We owe it to you guys. It's about transparency.

I was pestering Tim throughout the movie. I wanted to go on my phone. I just needed some sort of relief. I felt like I was completely isolated in the world of Grown Ups 2. I needed to just go on some form of social media and see other people's shitty lives. We made it to an hour, though. Oh, an hour ten, actually.

If you've seen the movie eight times before, you'll know what we're saying. Yeah. Do you reckon by the end of this, there'll be anyone, like editors included, who have seen Grown Ups 2 as much as us. Because I don't reckon there will be. I don't think there will be.

I don't know what the editing process is like for a major Hollywood motion pitch. Oh yeah, there was the other thing about the whole Trojan horse thing. Like, I kept looking for, you would think, by this stage, we would have found a boom that's in shot. No. Or like a cameraman that's accidentally somewhere. Like, technically, flawless is a pretty big word to apply to grown-ups too but there's no major no it's in the armor it's true and surprisingly

this i mean obviously the the plot is has got a few holes in it but as as far as continuity goes this thing is absolutely on the nose i I mean, even in the yoga scene, I was looking at, in background of shot, all of the peripheral characters are in the same place, the same with the fight scene. Like, continuity is... Yeah, it's dead on. They've got it down to an art, and I like to think if they just spent a little less time on continuity

and a little more time polishing this turd of a script, we could be in a much better mood right now, Tim. You would actually swap out some of that polish for a bit of good content. I would happily watch continuity errors if it beefed up a joke or something. There's a scene, the first John Lovett scene in the yoga place. Where it's surrounded by mirrors. Surrounded by mirrors, which is notoriously hard to shoot

because you get reflections of cameramen and camera and equipment and shit. But I was looking specifically for it. Didn't see anything in there. If you know of any mistakes in grown-ups too that we haven't seen, first of all, tip of the hat to you, because I haven't seen them after eight watches, nine watches, and also send them through to us. Yeah, on Facebook.

Like the page, the worst idea of all time. You can, I don't know. Hey, God, this sounds depressing. This podcast sounds fucking low. So I want to tip this up to the positive side for a moment, guy. Because we, oh, first of all, I'd like to address the promise we made in the last episode. Tanya will not be joining us today.

I'm sorry. She's real, though. She does exist, and we'll hook it up. We have made contact with Tanya. And she's keen to come on i just we need to hook it up there's technical shit we need to suss out um time difference so she's in la she's a big wig in la and we're just a couple of lowly guys in a in a flat in grayland just with a pocket full of dreams and a in a podcast studio made of egg cartons and a melt

a brain literally melting out of our ears little by little each week. Like, I can feel like, you know. Oh, yeah. Hey, I had a point. Okay. So where I was going with that is that ages ago, I said that when we get to episode 10, we're going to start all the fun and games. So that's kicking off with the Grown Ups 2, worst idea of all time, drinking game.

So we're going to set up rules. And this is going to be interesting because we're going to start getting fucking hammered on a Monday morning. Just like first thing in the week. See, this is when I was, I haven't even talked to you about this. I was going to do it off mic, but we can do it on. I don't know about, I don't know about a nine o'clock on Monday morning screening time if we are doing a granite. Like that's when, that is when.

If we're doing the drinking game. That is when this whole podcast and this movie is genuinely taking over and ruining our lives. When we start getting hammered at 9 o'clock on a Monday morning just to get through another screening of Grown Ups 2, that's when I think that we're going to get people coming in, the in-studio interventions. But isn't there something beautiful about that?

And doesn't it kind of... What's beautiful? You're not telling a man who wants to be involved in a beautiful car accident. This is not beautiful. It almost serves as a warning to everyone else on how shit, like what the movie can do if you let it. You know, like this movie's so terrible,

it'll ruin your life if you give it half a chance. Well, we're giving it more than half a chance. We've, like, you know, we've given it an inch and then we've decided to give it a mile and then we just... Shining light a mile. And then we just... Shining light. I don't have one. Okay.

Seriously. My shining light this week was that we watched the movie on a Sunday last week. Yeah. And so it was actually instead of the regular six or seven days without the movie, it was a... That can't be your shining light. It was a flight. The point of the shining light is because this film is so awful and we've got to find a brief flicker of hope a little funny moment or

something that we enjoyed that juts out okay so find one well you said you didn't have one oh i wanted to talk about something that's not a shining light well my yeah no you go No you go. No you go. I don't have anything to say. We'll bookmark it for later. We'll get to the shining light after we've thought about it some more because there's no redeeming. Tim right now has got a piece of paper it's the scramblings of a retard. You could read this out as a stand-up

comedy set list. No no those are just You're trying to fold the movie on itself. Yeah so last week I kind of stumbled onto the fact that maybe they tried up comedy set list no no those are just uh you're trying to fold the movie on itself yeah that so last week i kind of stumbled onto the fact that maybe they tried to shoot this film with half a script and then just started working their way back from the middle back to the start again but it turns out that doesn't hold up to much scrutiny i'm just gonna just for fun i'm gonna just walk through some of the things you've written down here and you have to say the first thing you think of okay oh really yeah or just yeah. So here we've got school teacher,

baby gap. Cartoon character. Cartoon character, interesting. Bump D-Date ask. Huge CD round neck. Brayden. Higgins.

Second rate, oh, second rate soundtrack. Oh, that's something I want to talk about. Yeah? That this movie has a Second rate soundtrack. Oh, that's something I want to talk about. Yeah? That this movie has a second rate soundtrack. Yeah, of course they do. No, but I wanted to contrast it specifically with a movie that was on TV last night called Dazed and Confused. Have you ever seen Dazed and Confused?

I have seen Dazed and Confused. Coming out in 1993. Fantastic movie. Is that the one with McConaughey? Yes. He goes, high school chicks. This is what I like about those

high school girls every year I get older they see the same age McConaughey you dog but that movie is quite famous

for it's soundtrack it's got an incredible fucking soundtrack just like every part of the film was perfect I think they spent a tit load of money

on it as well but and grown-ups too so i mean like fog hat zz top um that amazing aerosmith song sweet emotion with the greatest intro of any song yeah yeah all the time just like if you look at the the the track listing for that movie it's stunning i was googling it they didn't even bother releasing a motion picture soundtrack for grownown Ups 2 and they do that with every movie

that's ever come out I reckon Grown Ups 2 will be the highest budget film that hasn't had an original motion picture soundtrack I'd say you're right because the only original music I can think of from the film is that awful like garage band rejected loop

that they play at the end of the ballet recital oh there's a lot of production music that's the low that was the low point this week the low low

that is always the low point there's actually one argument we did have today in the movie was there are two points

which jut out as being the worst moments in this horrible abomination flesh them out because we've got to remember

not everyone's seen the movie hopefully no one's seen the movie so the first one is Adam Sandler is driving

the school bus don't worry about why and he goes to pick up uh some kids chris rock's kids on the way to school and when they open the door it's a shot of adam sandler sitting in the in the seat and it's sort of like a classic old big overdone adam sandler physical gag and it's for some reason in this particular shot in this scene he gives it exactly the amount of effort it deserves but it still stands out as being particularly awful he goes ladies and gentlemen meet your new bus driver and then pretends to play like a clarinet or something but he's only operating at 40 percent and you're like come on you're making everyone do this you've got to deliver on this and just seeing that i was like

sandler's not on board and it's his baby yeah man and it's just that's but it's because he knows what he's making he's making a little payday for everyone that's right and then the other one little little tax write-off the other one that you you you can talk about was the the end of the ballet recital when that music plays we We talk about it quite a lot, but it's so bad. Oh, good God. It makes you want to unscrew your head from your neck. I don't even know. There's something like just...

You've got to tell them. They don't know what you're talking about. Okay, let me collect my thoughts. So they're all at the ballet recital for uh the kids ballet show and it's an incredibly awful scene um basically it's just a reason to parade around this model who they've hired in the film um to parade around in a what are they called a leotard so you look at her breasts and that's a thing she's surrounded by by children, so it's a bit weird. Luckily, John Lovitz is there to save the day with this fantastic line,

I'm having a wonderful time. This happens after that. Yeah, yeah. So the awful bit is at the tail end of that scene, they kind of like they ran out of music or something, and so they put in this, yeah, as you say, GarageBand loop would be a good description. Horrible synthy kind of... Can we find the music?

Can we find the music and put it in the podcast at this point? Fuck no. I've got shit to do. I've just watched this god awful movie for like an hour and a half. I'm not putting any more into this. But people need to... I don't know. How would I search for that?

How would I fucking find that? I guess I could cut it out of the actual movie but god that seems like a lot of effort it does seem like a lot of trouble to go to i could probably okay i'll sit if i'm gonna bother to put it in here it is now i probably didn't just put it in did you um uh so oh yeah so that plays and then it does this panning shot of like, you see David Spade, you see Shaq, you see Peter Dante, whoever the fuck else is in this movie. First one, Kevin James.

Just dancing, and they're obviously dancing to no music on set. The director, Dennis Dugan, has just been like, guys, just wing it, it's fine. We'll add some great music later on and it'll look fantastic. Except it just comes together to form the worst moment in the film arguably the worst moment in the film it's one of them you know this thing's

like church like we have to do it every week and we have to like not pay any attention to our phones and stuff it is a lot like chat but it sucks there's no, we don't get to go to heaven afterwards. It's just that we're trapped in hell for two hours a week. Oh, man. I hadn't even thought about it like that. I just got an email. What does it say? You've got to read it aloud.

Do I? Yeah, you do. You absolutely do. It's from Tom Furness. Oh, shit. Ah, he can't commit to something I hoped he'd commit to. What was it? Just a little short film.

That's a bugger. It's interesting you didn't ask me about my availability for the short film. Wow. I've got another guy I've got to run everything through, you know. This has gone real bleak. I don't want to be in your shit short film anyway, mate. No one asked you to be in a shitty short film, mate. Good, because if they did, you know what I'd say? Fuck off, Guy Montgomery.

You'd probably say, can I read the script? No. It would be the sensible thing. It might be really good. I mean, I've got phenomenal taste in movies. I know you. You pick this. This is your day, sort of.

Can we do The Shining Light and leave? The comedy festival's in like fucking three days. Good God. We've got shows to write. Oh. Let's do a plug for our shows, man. Let's at least... I feel like this is the worst podcast we've done.

Yeah. Absolutely is. We're in a bad place, people. Help us out. Hey, but do come to our Comedy Fest shows as well, man, because we need to sell tickets now. Can we do the plugs next week? Because no one was going to, if they listened.

No, they might do it right now, though. That's the beauty of the internet. Right now. Go see our shows, guys. Go and watch Tim Batt Saves Planet Earth. He's playing in Wellington from the 29th of April to the 3rd of May, and then he's in Auckland from the 13th to the 17th of May. How do you know that? I don't even know my dates.

I've got the same dates as you. Oh, shit. Go and see Guy Montgomery... Guy Montgomery presents a succinct and concise summary of how he feels about certain things. Yeah, that's why I didn't remember it. Shining light. Fuck me.

Fuck. Well, I guess we talked about set dressing I'm going to pick that Because you didn't actually say it was your shining light So I'm going to claim it Really good set dressing Well done guys Proud of you

That's a good shining light My shining light I laughed pretty hard when Selma Hayek Kicked that chick in the face And it's episode 9 of the worst idea of all time. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be better next week. I'm sorry.

We're sort of at the mercy of this movie, though, so it's difficult to know how it will go. Here's a fun anecdote, though. In the weekend, I pretended to be in a band. I was called Derek Danger, and the band was called Derek Danger and the Dumb Cunts. Did you play any instruments or sing or anything? No, I was just a dick. Oh, good stuff. Well, God bless you, Derek Danger, for Dumb Cunts. Did you play any instruments or sing or anything? No, I was just a dick.

Oh, good stuff. Well, God bless you, Derek Danger, for fighting the good fight. Thank you for staying with me for the old Grown Ups 2 watches every week. And thank you, listener, for listening to this one. Yeah, apologise for the quality this week. We're a bit depressed.

A little bit sad about the movie because it sucks so bad and we've got to watch it another 40 times. But please join us in the journey. Be part of the conversation as they say in the multimedia sphere

of global corporations. Shut up, Jim. These people don't want to listen to us anymore. Facebook.com slash worst idea of all time. Catch us on the Twitters and go fuck yourself,

New Zealand. I love you.