The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E17: Agent

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:In this edition of the podcast, Guy and Tim do a little role-play. Guns are discussed. The delicate subject of necrophilia is apporached and the question is finially asked: How many times do you need your characters to talk about a critical plot point to set up your ending? It's three. The answer is three times. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Now this is nice. This, to me, is the... There's my dog on a beanbag, I don't know if you can hear that. This, to me, is the boys getting along. Sober boys, for a little change, a little mix-up. It's nice. I feel like this is a real... It feels like a Turning Point episode in Guy and Maya's friendship. I think you can hear it, you know? These aren't two men

battling against each other i feel like this is a team of two young men battling a movie and that was always the intention of the podcast so this is gratifying to hear fills me with a lot of warmth i really should be listening to what guy's putting before his episodes, I feel like. Because maybe his are really either good or really the same. And I guess I need to figure out that to differentiate. Anyway, as per usual, so much to love in this episode. A bloody cracking top three. I don't know when we abandoned that little segment,

that little feature, but that was a good one. We should bring that back. Whatever the heck is going forward for Worst Idea. Great top three in this. Great Brayden chat. There's actually a pretty legendary, I don't know what you'd call it, a bit. There's a little comedy act out involving Brayden and his agent in this, which a lot of people loved,

and I'm a big fan of, that we just sort of stumble into. And, you know, personal favourite for me, a lot of knife chatter. And you know I love that. So enjoy this episode full of friendship, camaraderie, and most of all, grown-ups too. Hello, welcome along to Worst Idea of All Time with me, Guy Montgomery. And myself, Tim. This is a podcast in which Tim and I watch Grown Ups 2 and review it once a week.

Today we watch Grown Ups 2 for the 17th time. I don't know what to feel anymore, man. You see that every week, I feel. Yeah, something similar. I don't know. I don't know, man. It was an interesting watch. I sort of felt really fresh, like I had fresh legs, like I was stretched and ready to go for the first sort of 30, and then I definitely started lagging again. But we did bring along a handy-dandy laptop this time, and it's filled with treats that I'll share with you a little later on in the podcast. Lots of stuff to look forward to there.

I mean, how are you going today? Tell me about what you're doing before the... Got a the um got a real mean bagel yeah yeah good on you pastrami cheese and a pickle and mustard and mustard comes with a base base mustard i've had that one it's called the yodi that's good it is very good bagel that sounds pretty good man and um how are you feeling you know when we when we started watching the film what were your thoughts were you going i mean you said on the way here when we were on the way you said that you think i'm in a good mood you've been getting good sort of vibes from the texts i've been sending yeah and i feel like that translated into the beginning of the movie for me how are you feeling uh yeah i'm okay i'm okay. I'm okay. I keep getting, I don't know, like, distracted by things when I was watching today.

Like, how easy it would be to cut this movie up into a horror movie trailer. Yeah. Well, it'd be so easy. Because the thing is, they haven't soundtracked lots of the movie because they're very lazy. So you could just apply your own music there. Yeah. Wouldn't clash with anything. And there's so many moments

that are taken out of context are horrific. And some of them, even when you keep it in the context, it's still horrific. Like when Adam Sandler keeps trying to drug his kid. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Well, actually, funnily enough,

that prompted something for me. This week's top three when you were doing that. Ah, did you think of one? No, yeah, I did. On the way through, I thought of one. Which was... Oh, because you thought that a good line for it would be when Kevin James is in the car wash as part of the horror thing. It's, why is this never ending?

Yeah. You thought that would be a good line to put into the horror movie trailer. Yeah. But this week, I've done the top three taglines, which, like, for the poster taken from the movie. Oh, God, I could nail this. Yeah, this is a great one. So that was actually the first one. It's just on the movie poster as a review,

as the quote just says, why is this never ending? I'm going to grab... Well, that's quite meta. I've got, yeah, I've got two more. Do you? Oh, so you're just going to do the top three. And then you can do yours,

but I've got three here on the computer. Top four, then. Okay, the next one was, I don't see any of these conversations working out for me by Adam Sandler. So you just have that on the movie poster as the review. That is good. And if you add the first bit of that line as well, I think we should all go our separate ways.

It's like warning you against going to the movie. And then this is my third one Which is the favourite one Which is Adam Sandler's yelling it out When his friends come over Just a little bit before the actual party starts And the movie's climax Which is

We're irrelevant We're losers We're old Adam Sandler Yeah Wow Such good descriptions of the movie Oh now I've forgotten mine.

That last one does... Okay, my one would be, there's no statute of limitations on being a dick. Because no matter what Adam Sandler does from here on in, he could cure cancer. He should still be constantly reminded of this heaping turd that he made. I agree.

I mean, that was a pretty fun wee top three. You did a great top three man Well done you And speaking of the party scene I fucking hate your face guy But that was a great top three Speaking of the party scene Which happens at the end of the movie

Was it last week? We had a lovely woman named Roosevelt Tan Watch the movie with us It was last week wasn't it? Yeah And she was sort of taken aback. She couldn't remember any references to the party happening because the party's a very important scene.

The party scene lasts for about 30 minutes. It's the climax of the movie. It's where all of the characters come together in one place when they're not all doing that all over the town, just constantly throughout the day. And there's barely no lead into it or set up for it. It just sort of is thrust upon you, and I sort of thought this week I'd go to the trouble of counting

how many times the party is referenced before the party actually arrives. Sure, so you're like kind of as an audience member set up for it, you know what's going to happen. Yeah. How many times does it get set up? And I think I guessed this last week, but I can now confirm it. It's three. A party is mentioned.

Like this party, I can't party i can't emphasize you haven't seen the movie the significance of this party even though there are no stakes in the plot and there's no investment because all the characters are so one-dimensional if there's if there was to be any investment in the movie the party would be where it would all sort of the payoff would arrive that's where we're leading up to that's where we're going so in an hour in a 101 minute movie the party scene takes up 30 of those minutes Before it happens It is referred to Exactly three times

In passing Never specifically Always as a throw away comment This could have been Your top three The top three signposts For the party The top three signposts

For the party So where are they Where do they come The first one is When Chris Rock Hops onto the bus With Adam Sandler driving Yeah

And he says He says You know I'd really like To do is have an end of summer party so it's the first time and then it's a conversation in which they quickly sort of move past Adam Sandler explains the reasons why they can't have a beginning of summer party that's it the second one was Shaquille O'Neal

to Adam Sandler in the Kmart car park he goes I heard you're having a party tonight Lenny what who told you that and then it cuts to Chris Rock who sort of raises eyebrows in a cheeky way you also had a point

you wanted to raise about Shaquille O'Neal in the car park oh yeah but do you want to do your number one no no no we can save it I've got one more it's the fact that

and I'm not sure if we've ever brought it up before that Shaquille O'Neal at one point in the movie waves a loaded cocked pistol at them like a police issue gun. You can't tell what it is.

It's too far away. But probably a Glock. That's what they use. A Glock 9mm. Most enforcement authorities around the states. How do you have that information? It's just standard knowledge. It's not standard knowledge.

Yes, it is. It's a very common gun. But I mean, I didn't know the standard issue police gun was a glock nine millimeter well now you do this is how you this is this is sort of i feel like a recurring motif in the film now in continuation from your insistence on showing me the knife you bought and your person at all times oh yeah well i've got another knife related thing for later but one thing at a time We're getting ahead of ourselves My point is Shaq is

Like it's supposed to be a funny joke that you laugh at Because Shaq goes put your hands up And then he goes now we've Almost As an audience member though we don't even know that these guys Know Shaquille O'Neal I mean we assume they do Because there's no way you'd introduce a Shaquille O'Neal Cop character to the movie if he wasn't just

Going to be friends with the gang. Yeah. Because it would have been weird if he was playing like a foil or an antagonist or a villain. But as an audience member, you don't know that they're all friends. So when Shaq goes, freeze, freeze, put your hands in the air. We're thinking, wow, this escalated really quickly just before we were in a lovely infomercial for Kmart and now we're in a supermarket hostage situation. And it's not an unreasonable thing to happen either

because the cop steps out, Shaq, and goes, where'd you get that school bus? And Lenny Fader says, we stole it. So like a cop could pull a gun on that situation. So you're like, oh no, Adam Sandler's big mouth slash Lenny Fader is going to get him shot today. It turns out it's just a lovable negligent cop, Shaquille O'Neal, just waving his Glock 9mm around

with reckless and joyous abandon in the Kmart car park because it's just another fucking Tuesday in Shitsville, USA. Whilst never further investigating where the school bus actually came from, but more than happy to present a police escort for said school bus. With what looks like a highly illegal situation going on on the roof with a raft

and the actual bus driver, who they're trying to kill. They are trying to kill Nick Swartzen throughout the film. Yeah, it's weird. But, that brings me nicely to my shining light today. It's when they kill Nick. Ah, in the bus? Yeah, it's weird. But that brings me nicely to my shining light today. It's when they kill Nick. Ah, in the bus.

Yeah. And why is that your shining light today? It's just so absurd. It's so... It's so... It's so ramped up against everything else

that's happening. Like, it's funny that they string Nick up in the school bus with rope. He passes out because he's medicated for an emotional condition, some sort of psychological condition he's going through.

His wife saw him eating a banana with his butthole at her mother's house. So he's at the parents-in-law's, and he goes, Hey, I'm at a dinner, what should I do now? I know, I'll anally insert a banana. Outlandish thing should I do so I can insert it into the next Adam Sandler comedy script. And there it was. So his wife left him.

He's in a bad place and then he passes out because of all the meds. So luckily Lenny Fader knows how to drive a stick and he drives the shit out of that bus and they tie him to the,

not the roof, but like the ceiling of the bus upside down like a vampire and then when kevin james comes in he just pulls a rope which releases it and drops him on his neck on his on his edge will probably paralyze you but won't necessarily kill you but what they do do is then lenny accelerates the bus really quickly watch this yeah he says watch this with venom and then next body is thrown immediately to the back of the bus really quickly. And he says, watch this. Yeah, he says, watch this. With venom. And then Nick's body is thrown immediately to the back of the bus where you see his head break the fall against the back wall

and you just hear this crunch and you see his body contort, which there is no doubt about it, he's dead now. They've just killed Nick. They've killed the bus driver. And Adam Sandler's response to this is you gotta respect that. And Kevin James gives him a high five. While Chris Rock he actually isn't convinced by the whole thing. He's sort of looking at these guys like this is insane

that we are stringing up and killing the bus driver on a Tuesday morning. But then it's okay because by the time they get to Kmart the bus driver's fine. Nick's alive. In a lot of scenes Chris Rock tunes out to what's happening. I feel like you see him in the background a few times.

He's clearly not putting any effort in. He's got his dead eyes looking around the room for something to do. I've got two things to get through. Obviously, the third one is the reference to the party. We've got a little sidetrack by Shaquille O'Neal and his Glock 9 mil. So the third reference to the party,

remember there's been two so far, leading up to this big crescendo in the film the third one is Selma Hayek to Adam Sandler after the ballet recital and it's just a throwaway comment while they wait for Stone Cold Steve Austin

to come in aka Tommy Cavanaugh and she goes I just wish you'd tell me eight hours before we're having a party and those are the only three indicators

you have what you've got to understand about those lines as well that guy's named is that they're like innocuous throwaway lines. There's so much shit in the film that's said

that doesn't have any consequence. You wouldn't suspect these. You would never string those dots together to think that a party is coming up based on that. And then when the principal's having dinner with his family, he says, what time's the fader bash tonight? That's when there's confirmation. Those were all leading up to this big thing.

The party's on and it's 80s themed and as for my shining light Tim yeah again I got I got a list of three moments I enjoyed today

thanks to the laptop don't burn out mate help me remember yeah but like if you use up all the shining lights how are we going to get through another 30

oh I see you think I should save two of them okay well then today it was seeing Bob and Shaquille O'Neal 30 I see you think I should save two of them okay well then today it was seeing involved with Shaquille O'Neal

we gave Shaquille O'Neal a lot of credit today I think that was because you were saying Jermaine Ross fan of the podcast fan of the podcast

long time listener also host of Fantastic Podcast himself with some other guys called The Issues The Issues Podcast but he told you

that he watched the movie on Sky and Shaquille O'Neal was one of his favourite things about it. Yeah, cracked him up. And he also, well, Shaquille O'Neal got me today. He's good in this movie. At the end, somehow he's trying to tell Adam Sandler to put their daughter to bed

and Adam Sandler's like, nah, I just want to fucking neck some bears with the boys. And then she's like, no, I think that's bad parenting and you should put your daughter to bed. And when she's saying this, Shaquille O'Neal is just looking at Adam Sandler. If I may, I think the line is, you wouldn't want to have too much punch with all these kids running around.

Yeah. To the bit that you were talking about. And what's Shaq doing at that point? He's just shaking his head at Adam Sandler like, come on, we've talked about this man. Like, you should stop getting so fucking hammered at these parties you know where you invite the whole town and you know knowing the way you live your life there's a chance now there's gonna be a big all-out brawl later on i'll be seeing like you be shake okay i'm i'm just

having a few beers i'm a grown man uh lenny i gotta tell you down the station we're sick of you coming in every sunday after these parties, man. Oh, come on. We're just having a little fun. You're not having fun anymore. I gotta sentence you to 200 hours community service and AA counselling. Hey, I'm gonna sentence you for breathing the dick! Okay, Lenny. I think even now I can smell the whiskey on your breath I don't know that's all I got

that's all I got for that doesn't bode well for when we're doing our episode which is the gym teacher and the that'll be written that's gonna be

that's gonna be a proper script that we write out so that was my showing light with Shaquille O'Neal chastising Adam Sandler for being a lousy parent I reckon Shaq we should just give

a little round of applause to because he's actually a good part of the movie, I think. He's very nice. Other things that's jutted out to me today? Well, I don't have a knife today, and I'm glad you asked. I thought we had a new always have a knife on your person policy in place. I do, but I've just got the little one today.

You've got two knives now. No, I've always had two that's like you just did a classic like crazy person lead into conversation where you just say something you're like i i don't have my knife on me today which prompts me to ask oh you don't have your knife on me today and then you go oh actually no i do have a knife on me i've just got my small knife i got two knives yeah that's. I was just giving you a heads up that our new co-host isn't here, though. Who came on last week. Oh, you are the knife.

I'd rather we spent less time... I'm happy to not talk about the movie, but I'd rather spend less time talking about knives. Sorry, what were you going to say? I was going to say that we've talked about Kevin James and his wife's relationship before. Yes. But when they're in the car on the way to the car wash,

and he lists, he confesses that he perved on the ballet teacher. And she says, it's all right. I was looking today too. I was checking out a hot piece of man today. And Kevin James has got, his wife is allowed to look at men. He's a new age kind of guy. He understands that, you know, it's only human to lust. But he has three criteria for which the man that his wife is allowed to perv on.

The man can be one of three things. The setup is, Kevin James says, I don't mind you looking at him. So long as he is either, his wife can check out anyone who's gay. So that's okay. As long as they're gay, Kevin James' wife can have a squiz. As long as they're a cartoon. If it's a sexily drawn cartoon, a muscle-bound cartoon character on a beach,

Kevin James' wife is allowed to check them out. And the other person who it's okay for Kevin James' wife to check out is a dead person. It's fine for her to just perv on dead people. And I'm assuming you don't see that many dead people sort of lying around on the street, which means that it's fine by him if his wife goes to the cemetery, digs up some corpses, and looks at them. Or breaks into a morgue. Yeah, or crashes funerals.

Yeah. Which is a whole other movie. Yeah, I've got no issue with that. If you're lusting after alive men, we've got problems. But if you're dead, I'm not threatened by that. Therefore, it's fine. If you're lusting after a live, real-life straight person, we've got problems, lady.

But if you just want to go and check out some corpses while I sleep at night... On my list of priorities, if I'm Kevin James, if I'm in that situation, I'm going to be worried about my significant other lusting over straight, alive people, and then gays, and then dead people. That's just me.

That's the order. That's me. Yeah, it's sensible. I think so. Because I think with people who identify as gay, there's an opportunity that they can still, well, they can have sex with your wife, maybe. A dead person definitely can't do that.

Well, I mean, if I lived in the city that they live in, and I was gay, and I knew I could have sex with Kevin James' wife, I would do it, even as a gay man who's not attracted to her, I would do it just to spite Kevin James. As a gay man, I would attracted to her I would do it just to spite Kevin James as a gay man I would have sex with Kevin James' wife

and I think this goes beyond the world of grown ups too this is just this is a this is a public announcement to any gay men

who ever have the opportunity to have sex with Kevin James' wife in the real world I reckon this situation exactly could play out because Kevin James

I'm assuming lives in Los Angeles. He's chasing movie scripts all the time for a paycheck. So his wife stands through and also lives in LA. And I'll bet she probably does do yoga or something. This could happen. The yoga teacher could be gay.

I wonder how big gay listenership in Los Angeles is. Certainly, I mean, we're certainly hoping it'll get bigger. We're not 100% on those numbers. We don't have the technology yet to check in on those specific numbers. But then again, we're not Prop 8, you know?

We're more popular than that. No. Tim, fuck man, there's so... We should bring a laptop every week. Or a notebook. We could just write these down. And we did to start with, back in the day.

Oh, Brayden! I've got a whole thing here we haven't got into the thing yet this was the oh god we're already 18 minutes in this was like the main crux of the podcast this week so

Brayden Higgins is David Spade's son he's a character in the movie and with my laptop today I decided to take stock of every line you remember Brayden he's the guy I thought

was a warlock yeah so across the movie because I was a warlock. Yeah. So across the movie, because I wanted to think about this objectively as the actor who plays Brayden. I don't know his name, but his agent goes, Hey, we'll call him Adam.

Hey, Adam, I got a script for you. Real meaty part in an Adam Sandler comedy. You want to read it over? An Adam Sandler script? Yeah. Yeah. I think you're really going to like this character. He's got lots of dimensions

Great And depth Okay so How much screen time Are we talking How many lines Have I got in this thing Screen time

It's hard to say You get 20 lines What In the whole film In the whole film You get 20 lines Are you serious What am I in like one scene

No you're in the whole thing Really Yeah Oh the movie's got A lot of lines A lot of lines to go around You get 20 of them Wow Are you serious? What am I in like one scene? No, you're in the whole thing. Really? Yeah. Oh, the movie's got a lot of lines. A lot of lines to go around. You get 20 of them. Wow. 20 lines and you're saying I'm in more than one scene?

Do you want me to read the lines to you or do you want to read the lines to me? Do we have time for that? Could you really just rattle through all 20 lines while we're talking right now? Yeah. All 20 of my character Brayden Higgins lines in the script. Yeah. If you want, I'll also do them as you should do them in the movie. I'll do them as my...

Well, that's what agents are for. Okay. Let's do it. So your first line, you go like this. No school. Summertime. What do you think? Well, it doesn't make any grammatical sense.

Yeah, I know, but it's... I'm not even sure what the meaning behind that is. It's part of character think of think of the character when i'm doing these lines think of it sort of like a warlock it's like a warlock sort of figure okay slightly mystical yeah dark maybe has some supernatural powers that are alluded to in the film probably not maybe okay so your second line is you go no i sit here i like like that. That's gritty. Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. I'm into that second one. I'm just going to roll through some now.

So wait, are you doing this in chronological order? Like we're going to cover the whole movie from the start? We're going to cover the whole movie from the start. And then you can guess what the movie is. Okay. I want to smash his face. That's your third line. What do you think?

I want to smash his face. Now, again, do I have to deliver it just like you do? Yeah, I would suggest doing that. Okay, because it seems extremely, well, for lack of a better word, kind of stupid the way that you're delivering it. No, no, no. I think that's the way you should do it. I want to smash your space.

Okay, what's the fourth line? I don't know. I told him it would be cool if he stayed late at the soup kitchen, so it's all me. Right. Apropos of nothing. I'm not going to give you any context for that okay that's interesting this is like a guess who but for movie yeah so now your next line which is part of that same

scene oh two two lines in one scene now how about we do something fun how about we do something we're not supposed to jesus i think talking to a girl at that point? I feel like that's sort of a cross-library Shakespearean Romeo and Juliet. I think I came on a little heavy with the voice in that scene. Oh, okay. I don't think that's how I... You shouldn't do it like that, that one. That was wrong. All right, well, what's the next line?

Let's check this out. Keep out. That just makes you want to not keep out. No, no, no. You've got to be reading that wrong. Once again, give me the words. That's how it comes off the paper. Keep out. That just makes you want to knife keep out And if you

Just to paint a more vivid picture Your next line is And this will be your seventh line in the whole movie No go, stay Now sorry Stay the imperative As in you're commanding someone to stay? You're sort of talking to yourself and to them.

And also, I don't want to get strung up on this because I know it's three words, but are you sure it's not not go, stay? No, that's how it's written, no go, stay. You're sort of convincing yourself and some other guys that you should stay at this place. And then your next line, and this is a great one, you'll love this. This is sort of like Al Pacino's Inches speech in Evigan Sunday. Okay, this is what I went to drama school for. What are we dealing with?

Woo! One more time. Woo! What's the next line? You don't want to talk about how good that line is? What's the next line? You don't want to talk about how good that line is? What's the next one? Summertime. Next?

Well, the next one's not really a line, but you get a good bit of screen time. Jesus Christ. This is devolving as the script goes on. It gets stronger. How did you... It gets stronger. did you it gets stronger you haven't signed me up

to this I'm not attached it starts real strong and then it gets a little weak in the middle and then your lines get real strong again well what is this next one

it's not a line you just do some heavy breathing heavy breathing heavy breathing I've just put heavy breathing in italics down for you and you also have

you have soup kitchen my ass written on your arm. But I'll explain. You don't need to worry about that. I'll tell you about that later. And then your next line is, so the soup kitchen thing, it's a recurring motif in your character.

It underscores the whole thing. The next one is, you lied about the soup. You lied about the soup. Okay. No, we're heading more towards the kitchen now. You're yelling at your dad. I like it.

Okay. Your next line is. This is almost like a you can't handle the truth. Your next line is, Okay No that's good We're heading more towards You're yelling at your dad I like it Okay Your next line is This is almost like a You can't handle the truth Your next line is Boo You're scaring your dad My dad

Okay and then what And then After that line After the boo Her name's not Hiccups McGee So he says boo Her name's not Hiccups McGee There's a different scene

I'm just going to rattle through Wait a minute So no is one line no boo is one line boo is one line boo is one of your lines it's got an exclamation mark which means

it requires lots of acting what's after Hiccups McGee so why do you call her that this is all part of the conversation

so you be so you be ugly mcgee that's one line shorty mcgee that's another one of your lines viagra mcgee okay so three yeah those aren't separate lines no well so yeah like three reading commas as separate lines three of you i don't know no no three of your lines three of your... I don't know how... No, no, no. Three of your lines... I found you. Three of your lines... You're a terrible agent. No, three of your lines is just a word

and then the word McGee. But there's still three different lines. That's not three different lines. Right, okay, I've got three more lines for you. See if you like any of these. What enough of that lines now?

No, no, no. One of them was heavy breathing for God's sake. The next line is, Hall and Oates? Yeah, what is that? Like a cereal? That's a funny line.

That's a funny joke. Yeah, okay. I like that one. And then you've got Whee! Whee! Whee! Which I know

it seems inconsistent with a lot of the other stuff you're saying but you got a real roll curse. You're a real up and down character. What's my last? Your final line.

What's my last line? They didn line. What's my last line? They didn't do it. Me do it. Oh, fuck off. Come on. I did it. It's sort of a return to the... That's the incorrect pronoun.

That's consistent with your character. That's true to you. Oh, for the love of God. As to your character. Because remember, your first line is, No school summertime. And your last line is, They didn't do it.

Me do it. So it's sort of like a commentary on summer. The movie's called Gr-ups too i'm tim bett i'm going montgomery don't watch the movie oh Love every day Cause before you know it Your precious time slips away Beautiful man