The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E27: Off-duty

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:The second podcast recorded in one night, Tim's 27th birthday but this time AFTER watching the movie. And boy has it put the aforementioned podcast co-host in a shitty mood.While Tim is feeling sorry for himself and doing some soul searching about what it means to spend the last hours of his birthday alone in his room watching Grown Ups 2 for the 27th time, Guy is just too darn exciting by the Edinburgh Fringe Fest to be brought down by the movie and regales us with tales of a terrible gig as well as questioning what you should do if you're a drunk off-duty cop at the scene of a massive backyard brawl. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is one of those legendary episodes that is oft remembered by me, specifically. Like Prawn Salad, which, what number is that? It's coming up real soon. Is it the next one? I don't know. It doesn't matter. My point is, this is an episode that was recorded on my birthday. And I'd remembered over the years that it got a bit of a myth in my head and

in conversation and when guy and i've talked about it that like look i'm not happy to be there that much is true um but i do like the fact that listening to it now and getting the the actual accurate read on what was happening there's fun there's revelry there's friendship there um because i remember just being so incredibly dark uh the whole conversation with guy but but luckily some sunshine's poking through the clouds here it is a objectively fucked thing to do is watch take tight take like almost two hours out of your birthday on your 27th. This is the prime of people's lives, I believe. 27 is kind of, you know, things start to go downhill around then or shortly thereafter,

certainly in your own body. You're in literally kind of the prime of your life. And I'm taking an hour and a half out of my birthday to sit down with adam sandler once again and then a good half hour to sit down with monty to discuss it it's a sordid affair it's outrageous um but guy is all too happy to put the boot in that much i do remember uh not so fondly but you want to know something folks it's fucking funny this is a funny old episode i enjoyed listening to it i hope you do too um here is me at one of my lowest ebbs of season one enjoy Feel the moment, love every day

Cause before you know it, your precious time slips away Feel the moment Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode 28, I think. Is it 8 or 7? It's 8, isn't it? 27. What was, no. Don't get ahead of yourself no oh wait no you're right you're right you're right of course i'm right i'm brilliant well you're a lot of things don't oversell the enthusiasm in your intro there tim you couldn't sound happier to be here

it's still your birthday two podcasts you're enjoying this aren't you well I don't know I'm just thinking about if anyone just listened to episode 26 and then they immediately spin into this one it's quite an interesting little sort of experiment to listen to two gleeful

one slightly drunk men talking about the movie watching experience and then now after having actually immediately watched the movie just the change in energy yeah palpable yeah it sure is everything you've said is true um well i found that watch draining and frankly kind of degrading what do you find degrading about it you don't think you deserve better do you i think i do deserve better particularly on my birthday than to have to watch that movie again man grown-ups too doesn't discriminate mate it doesn't care whether it's your birthday or your cats just died.

It keeps on tracking along. It's a juggernaut. Just lost your job. Your relationships just ended. Grownups too cares not for your shit. Yeah. It doesn't care, but it's there for you.

It's not what we covered with Rose is the one staple in both of our lives. I know, but as we have to hang on to but as we've talked about in previous episodes because i think you asked me the question you were like do you find the movie to be no someone else asked me do you think it's like a warm blanket at this point and it should be simply because of the familiarity of of seeing something that i've seen that many times seeing it again but it's not it's fucking awful i've got to say this was also for me arguably one of the worst fucking movie watching experiences of my life it is so bad

it's so halfway through bro when when um when kevin james and his wife like having an argument at his mom's house i just started screaming i started just screaming at the computer screen oh man oh man i mean and and this is the thing is like what i i it's it was such a sapping experience i really don't know what's what there is to to say like what's what's left for us here man that's the question we've got to watch this movie another um what 25 25 times what's left hey what 25 times we've we've done more than half we've done more than half guy your unflappable enthusiasm and optimism is always a a source of inspiration for me but even that can't pull me out of the depths

that I find myself in right now. You know what? You need to revisit the first episode and listen to the two plucky young adventurers who are sort of laughing at how ridiculous the concept is. Those fucking overconfident assholes who have signed us up for this hellish project. We're like those guys who went to the north pole real early before anyone else did or like um like scott who went to the

south pole and uh i'm sure when he was planning it out he was like oh you know what it's going to be dangerous but it'll be bloody fun gents it'll be bloody exciting and then he found himself like balls deep in snow and ice and his men are dying around him and his sled dogs are starving they've got to kill them and feed them to the remaining sled dogs and that's us now man we're in the middle of the tundra it might sound like a ludicrous thing to do to just go to the middle of the south pole probably the coldest place on earth for no real reason other than we're in this massive intercontinental dick measuring competition with norway or some other scandinavian country but i really think i really think we're making a good decision here that's us man we'll be

remembered that's us he is remembered do you think how long ago did that happen like a hundred years do you think a hundred do you think

a hundred years from now it was about a hundred a hundred years from now people will be going they did it will we be immortalised in some sort of base somewhere

like Scott was well our podcast will live forever on the internet. Robert Scott can't say that, can he? Yeah, suck it, Scott. Is that his first name? He's Robert, eh? I think if we've discovered anything just now,

it's that we're both hideously ignorant with regards to the South Pole expedition. Totally, totally. i want to say pre world war one but after turn of the century so like 1906 or something but i'm not going to google it because you chastise me so heartily last time i tried to do anything that i've got to keep eye contact with you this entire podcast over skype my um my drunken exuberance and energy has made way for a very slow moving and slow thinking half naked man lying in a bed i'm just so painting i'm painting a picture for the listener at home right now yeah pink is how i would describe you i'm looking at you i'm switching between my computer screen and you're on the projector as well. So I'm just looking between big guy and medium-sized guy.

And how would you describe me? You look like a porn star from the 70s. That's pretty good. I don't know if it is, man. That's a pretty good description. Oh, like accurate. The moustache is back. Yeah, clearly.

That's kind of what I was getting at, bro. There it is. Isn't that a isn't it a triumph of sorts yeah anyway look we can't get well we can get a self-indulgence we like it so i fucking project and if you're listening this far i mean you're just gonna put up with whatever we give you this is an intensely abusive relationship with our listeners hey like we throw so much shit at the people who listen to this podcast. I kind of feel bad about it. I feel like we're really going off the rails right now.

Just to give this some semblance of purpose, Tim, what was your shining light in today's movie? Do you know what wasn't my shining light? The fact that it's my fucking birthday and this is how it's ending. This is how the day's wrapping up. This is the last thing that's happening. I'm in my room alone

I think I think that this is a very and you've got to take a long hard look at yourself here this is a very accurate reflection on your year as a 26 year old so you've turned 27 you're capping

26 and you've got to look back at it and say that was that was a time when I was... You watch yourself, Guy. If you are trying to sum up my last 12 months by tonight, you better watch yourself. All right, all right. Mr. Sitting in his room feeling sorry for himself. I mean, what are you doing right now?

What do you mean? How can you argue with me right now what do you mean how can you how can you argue with me right now because you're trying to paint this is this is your life no this is how no it's not how you're this is how you are spending your birthday no genuinely that will get the last thing you said is true how can you how can you argue with it you're in a room right now skyping edinburgh you've just watched grown-ups 2 for the 27th time fucking how symbolic is that what i'm trying to say is that you're attempting to paint tonight like this is my entire life like this is representative of my last 12 months of life on earth it's fucking not man it is it's too big a coincidence not to be 27 no it's not 27th

fucking podcast you're 27 you're sitting in a room feeling sorry for yourself you did this to yourself I helped I'm complicit but you put yourself there now tell me you're shining light you little bitch you're a real son of a bitch Guy Montgomery montgomery what was it my what did you enjoy well i had one that i sent you but then i had sent you

another message and you said that should be the shining light so you're going to take that second one or is that for me well you have it's yours you have to say it one or is that for me well you have it's yours you have to say it the first one was ronaldo here's my shining light polish your voice mate with a little bit of pizzazz please uh ronaldo is the i'm coming to terms with the fact that this is my life this is how i spent the last year of my life i feel so sorry for myself and my name's tim bett real piece of work man ronaldo is the fictional character on the made- soap that they've got which Levinsof watches with his mum and a few times at the start I thought

that it was John C. Reilly playing him but it's not, it's just some random character actor that they've picked up No, he's not a character actor, I've told you this before it's Chris Berman he's the best known NFL, American football sports announcer in America.

It's a cameo. It's another cameo. Because at that point in the movie, they're probably like, something's not quite clicking. We need to plug this hole with a cameo. You know what we need? Another character, another cameo. We need to distract everyone from the fact nothing's happening in this movie

by throwing a vaguely familiar face at them. But that's not your real shining light. What was the second amended shining light? Well, I didn't send it in as a shining light. I just commented and you said that it should be a shining light. But what it was is... What's your fucking name? The woman?

I don't know. The woman who's in love with Adam Sandler in the movie. Who works with Salma Hayek. Turns up to the faders' party. And this is the first time I'd ever seen this. She's wearing a shirt that says, I, and then it's got a picture of Adam Sandler

at, like, college age. And then, Leonard. Like, I love Leonard, but it's like, I Leonard Leonard. It's so good. There's so, like, someone made that It's so good. It is so,

like someone made that in the art department. That is a genuine Easter egg. Yeah. For the connoisseurs of grownups too. And I think we should, we should get these t-shirts, maybe even start a Kickstarter to, to,

to get the t-shirts. They could be our movie watching t-shirts. Yeah. I like that. I like that idea. It's not a bad, oh bad look at you picking up it's good to see i just want to see that lovely smile tim i will please please continue to condescend me because you know that that's the way to get me back on side what's your shining light monty uh my shining light it wasn't so much well it's i don't know it's you know so this full-scale

brawl fight breaks out at lenny fader's party right it is um and you've got shaquille o'neal and officer dante there who are police officers in the world of the film and they uh i was pulling a face because i just pulled i just did the screenshot just so you know that's why i was pulling a face don't be put off by it. I wasn't put off by it. And I've been drinking, right? And my shining light is more of a question. What is protocol for a drunken, off-duty police officer

when they're in a situation that requires the assistance or help of a police officer? I reckon you just man up and be a cop. But, I mean, surely you're going to come under fire. Yeah. If you, for like, you know, if you make a bad call, you're going to lose your job. You could be a hero. In fact, that kind of,

what was that movie with Denzel Washington when he was a bit drunk but he saved a plane? Was called flight yeah maybe it was really good it was quite recent too it's really good you've i haven't seen it oh it's excellent it's excellent would you is that a similar hypothetical situation yeah i'm asking about now it's a really good yeah really good um parallel that you've drawn there because like he was he was hammered shit was going wrong he you know what he did he just he beat a pilot and if you're sort of the shit out you'd be a cop but what did he get in trouble for being a pilot on each step with peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running well i don't want to spoil a picture for people that's a movie you should actually see but it's kind of like the central sort of theme of the story or the central part of the story is

about whether or not he gets in trouble okay well i mean i don't want to watch the movie but you haven't really answered my police well i know i have i've answered that i reckon that even if you're an off-duty cop and you're hammered and shit's going down i think you just got to do your best to be a cop you do you do your job yeah i reckon what do you reckon well i'd probably call another cop and then, like, intervene, sort of passively intervene. Like assist? Yeah, or just, like, try and put a lid on it until the real police showed up.

Okay, well, here's one. What if you're an off-duty police officer and you're hammered and shit's going down? Would you, like, designate another person to take charge who isn't a cop and then you assist some rando well but even in that circumstance you're kind of if you're delegating you're kind of taking charge as a cop and you're still going to be coming under fire for your decision making so and then no because then if i'm doing that i might as well just just go and wait in myself but dude this is like that um philosophical

question where you can either um what is it like there's a train going down the tracks and it's either going to hit one person or if you like pull a lever no it'll either it'll hit three people or you can pull a lever and then it will change tracks and hit one person and like most people won't pull the lever because that makes them somehow like connected to it but they're like you know what would you do? I'm a

big fan of like the greatest good for the greatest many I'd pull that fucking lever and I'd kill a man at my hand I reckon I'd pull the lever too though it's hard to say until you're in that situation which would never happen

well I mean it's yeah it's a very unlikely situation it's a philosophical question rather than a like an everyday thing I um

someone asked me it seems like such a ludicrous it is a ludicrous question though like if you could get a bit so there's a button

in front of you right and if you push the button could get a bit... So there's a button in front of you, right? And if you push the button, you get a billion dollars. But one person on planet Earth dies. Do you push the button? And of course I said no. That's a terrible... I don't even know why I started talking about it. I like to think that if you do push the button,

if you do push the button if you do push the button then you get, as soon as you get the billion dollars you die and it turns out you're the person who dies and like it's like a trick button to kill off greedy people and then imagine if the Christians are right

and not only do you end your own life but you go straight to hell oh that's not a good button fuck i'm really derailed the podcast terrible button um do you want to stay there okay i want to talk about keithy's eyelashes because i don't know if we've um discussed them enough we haven't really held into them before have you noticed those bad boys the man looks like a giraffe yeah i haven't consciously noticed them but um now you mention it he does have he's got like big features keithy

he's got big everything he's got a big sort of it's almost chipmunkish his face yeah lovely brown eyes really nice eyes but the eyelashes are almost too much for me like they're too long for a boy yeah he's actually quite pretty he is pretty also the uh i feel like they couldn't they don't really look like they could be adam sandler and selma hayek's kids like you don't think they don't yeah i think keithy could be I think Greg probably not yeah Keithy's got a bit of Hispanic a bit of a Hispanic

look about him yeah but and then saying that I guess Greg's got that sort of Adam Sandler sort of alpha male look about him like the

sloped forehead of a the sloped forehead of a Neanderthal knuckle dragger the sunken eyes of an idiot I'm really sorry if the actor who plays Greg is listening to this podcast

right now it's not you, it's me I apologise hey, guess what guy what Tim it's just clicked over to 12. Woo! Welcome to 27.

Thanks. No, wait, last night that happened. But now you've had your first official day. That's true. So we might as well, you know, you're in this transitory stage of your life, turning 27. Oh, yeah. yeah nudging closer

to adulthood and the oblivion I mean do you want to reflect on your year as a 26 year old or do you want to

talk about what you hope for yourself as a freshly minted 27 year old I spent the entire day being so fucking stoked

really I was so happy all day absolutely because I don't often do a little look back but on my birthday i do make a point of doing a little bit of a contemplation absolutely taking stock and stoked again every birthday i'm usually pretty stoked with what's happened the year before every every birthday nailed it another perfect year pretty much yeah i'm just i'm a

positive guy and i've got a lot of things to be positive about in my life no doubt which was you done in a bout face since 10 minutes ago no no that's the thing the about face was like i'm grim right now this is the grimness this is the turnaround because i was happy all day i was happy the whole day and then i watched the fucking movie do you think like because you know how it's sort of it's built a bit of a friendship between us obviously this movie do you think by the end of it that we won't be able to look at each other anymore like because we'll we'll so associate the other person with that time of our lives shit i didn't think of that because just then i was thinking you're sitting there you're going oh

i've had such a great day and then i got really upset because the movie was on what do you think of when you think of grown-ups too other than guy you think of guy and so i feel like there's definitely some sort of association you have with seeing my face and being upset or angry. I never really thought about the Pavlovian aspect of linking you to this terrible feeling of the movie. But you're probably right, man. There's something there. I haven't felt it yet. But it might be coming.

Storm brewing. Storm brewing. Storms are brewing. And what are your goals for 27, mate? What are you looking to tick off the old bucket list? I want to knock this bad boy off. I want to see the movie 52 times. I don't want to miss a week, and I don't want to miss a moment,

and I don't want to miss a podcast. I don't know, man. Goals are for suckers, in my experience. You don't want to do too specific goals. Failing to plan is planning to fail tim that is demonstrably untrue i am a known planner i'm i'm on i'm on top of my shit son you are a planner you're saying that like you're trying to be facetious but you plan you plan big time and look at me i'm talking to you actually this is a pretty good

like night and day example of who's the happier party right now but I feel like it shouldn't be taken as the absolute snapshot well outside my window right now the world of Edinburgh rages on I can't wait to finish this old

to wrap this 27th podcast up with a bow, dip out the door. I'm going to go and try and see eight shows today. Wow, that's a lot of shows, man. What have you been seeing so far? What have you enjoyed? There's so much good stuff happening. Lots of sketch,

lots of sketch comedy over here, but it's sort of established and tried enough that the best stuff is people who are messing around with the form. So it's not like your traditional sketch set up. Like there's one show by these guys called Sheeps. It's called a Wembley Preview. And the premise is that the show that they're performing is just a preview for a gig that they have in Wembley next month.

And they go out on stage, and they do their opening sketch, and then they're all like, oh, no, no, no, I don't think we quite got the punchline right. Oh, sorry, terribly sorry, we're going to do it again. And then over the hour, they do the same sketch,

like 20 times with a different, like, bend on it, like a different punch. And it's so amazing. Fuck, it's clever. That's really cool cool that's a great format the volume is so great

for every show like that there is a show which is completely different it's been real mind opening well let me ask you this Mr Positivity Mr Sunshine, seen any shiters? yep seen some real duds mate seen some real duds i actually i had a walkout a couple of days ago my first walkout of the festival you walked out and walked out on them it was this i'm not gonna i don't want to um tarnish anyone's names in case uh they you know they become successful and they listen to the podcast they won't cast me in their in their buddy comedy flick are you wearing pants uh yeah i'm wearing

pants okay um but it was like a lineup show of these sort of young comics they were pretty green in in their defense but they had a massive like they had about 100 and something people in there in their venue which they're doing the free fringe at like three o'clock in the afternoon it's a pretty big like apparently on average there's like five people attending each show at the fringe if you average the whole thing out of the thing so they've got a big crowd in and the mc goes up and just starts bombing immediately oh no like just like in record time, loses the room. He never had the room to lose. So he just walked... Can I stop you there for a second?

You're scratching the microphone against something. It's very kind of prickly or something. Oh, no, that's not good. Something weird's going on. All right, anyway. So he doesn't have the room. Yeah. He does like five minutes of what

I guess he would describe as material and then moves on to crowd work. Uh-oh. And he's trying to encourage people to applaud five minutes of what I guess he would describe as material and then moves on to crowd work. Uh-oh. And he's trying to encourage people to applaud in anticipation of bringing the next act on. Sure. And he sort of singles out two people. One woman we'll call her Wendy.

One guy we'll call him Bob. And he goes, all right, Wendy, I want you to leave the chair on this side of the room and Bob, I want you to leave the chair on this side of the room. He doesn't build any rapport with them. Right.

So then he, anyway, eventually wheelchair, the first comic comes out and somehow is worse than the mc and it was just like oh my fucking god so he goes on for what feels like seven hours and then and then real time mc i don't know the mc then he walks on stage and like a wave of relief washes over the crowd and then the fucking mc i don't know the mc then he walks on stage and like a wave of relief washes over the crowd and then the fucking mc peeks around the curtain and walks on stage and i was like oh that's right this goes forever and he goes to the he goes to wendy he goes hey wendy you're enjoying yourself

and wendy goes yeah uh and he's like not the most confident response but very quick and then and this is when it got really risky like i don't know why he would ask this question when the gig is so obviously going horribly he goes across the other side of the room and he goes what about you bob you're enjoying yourself and bob goes yeah and then the crowd applauds bob for his honesty oh no yeah but then everyone we just kept sitting there watching this show and then after like 45 minutes the mc came out and started doing material about the lyrics to bound to by kanye west trying to be satirical and that's when i said enough is enough this madness must end yeah and so that's probably the worst one I've seen

fuck hey that's enlightening because everyone talks about the awesome shows that they're saying and all the great comedy but it's good to know that there's some right old shitters in there as well it's the nature of the beast and it's why it all works really isn't it as David Spade

says in Grown Ups 2 they're not all teens buddy oh yeah that's what he says they're not all teens I have also found myself quoting Grown Ups 2 out of context for no one but myself like I'll just put it into conversation as though it's a sentence that I've thought of

just to see if I can slip one past the goalie which I'm pretty I'm pretty I'm pretty sure it's a sign that I'm losing my mind I can't cite a specific example but I just like in conversation I'll just quote it and no one else no one else recognizes the quote recognizes the quote from grown-ups too but they don't even like because when I've done it, they don't even recognise it as a reference. Usually people will be like,

oh, what's that from? But because the lines are so nonsensical and stupid, it's like, well, Tim's

an idiot. That definitely didn't come from a script. There's no way someone wrote and performed that.

Exactly. Guy, it looks like it's time for us to scooch. Yeah. What was your shining light again? It was more of a philosophical question.

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, it does. My shining light was that the film challenged me, as I'm sure this podcast has challenged many of you at home. Been an absolute pleasure doing business with you, everyone. As always, don't watch the movie. Join us next week for episode 28. And like us on Facebook, worst idea of all time.

Yeah, we've gone a little too long to do this, but we should have read some of the comments on Facebook because people have been very lovely in sending us well wishes which we appreciate getting and just as something to look forward to there's a plethora or plethora depending on where you're from of guests who are keen to hop on board this podcast

train as soon as Guy Montgomery gets back in the country. We've got some big names. Dai Hemwood I saw at 7 Days When I Did last week and he's like dude I need in on the Scronups 2 thing that's what he said to me so he's very keen

awesome he's jumping in one of many Dom Corey also very very keen oh that's good because he writes about film for our biggest newspaper

wow he's a professional film critic that is his gig that is his job that's amazing yeah well lots to look forward to happy birthday to you tim

and to you kind listener whatever you're doing it's got to be better than what we're doing good night everybody