The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E44: 2015

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:It's the first day of 2015 and in New Zealand, a wonderful summer day has gripped the whole country. But Guy and Tim aren't at the beach! Or even a park! They're indoors, watching the movie again and BOY is Tim unhappy about it (again). One of the lowest ebbs in the project so far.Guy stages an intervention to deal with Tim's drinking (which he does to deal with the movie), a book club of sorts breaks out midway through and you'll be treated to two kiwi men struggling through the 44th watch of a movie while hung over. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. The date, January 1st, 2015. The location, Kaiteri, Nelson on Te Waipounamu, the South Island of New Zealand. Morale, low. I remember recording the episode you're about to hear so specifically, it blows me away. I can visualize the room I was lying in. I know the friends I was on holiday with it was i don't know if it was the last kind of large-scale folly of youth new years but it's it's cemented as a certain place and time in my life

um look this it's an interesting inflection point for the podcast i remember peeling myself away from everyone to do this episode and I suppose at this point we kind of knew we'd made something because I think we would have just put it off if not for that to do it on the 1st of January to this day to me

still really funny good decision making um you know and this book i also remember i weirdly also remember talking about how i was reading jonathan franzen in this episode and it's crazy it's crazy because i probably i think i've read a few of his books in the, I guess, 10 years between. But only now I'm reading another one, The Corrections. So it's, you know, might be nothing. But it's funny how the world serves these things up, you know. This is, you know, this is, I don't know what,

this is, it's a fine episode. It's another episode of the podcast for you, but to me, this is palpable, this episode. This was really something else. Hello and welcome along to the worst idea of all time, episode 44. And a happy new year to you from me, Guy Montgomery. Is it 44? Fuck, you're right. Yeah, mate.

Oh, God. I thought it was 43. You're right. Oh, God. I thought it was 43. You're right. It is 44. Been saying 43 all day. And a happy new year from Tim Bat. Me. Four beers in.

Just watched the movie by myself, solo, because me and Guy are coming to you from different islands in New Zealand. Again. That's right. I'm now stationed at Kai Terry in the uh in the able tasman beautiful day here a fantastic start to the year save for the fact i just shut myself in a house ignoring the sunshine and the beck and call of the water and watched grown-ups too and it just sucked the energy out of me i am literally in like one of the most idyllic places I've ever visited in my life.

It's gorgeous. I'm at someone's friend's parents' house. You call it a batch in New Zealand, but it's really quite fancy. It's quite full on. It's a beautiful place. And here I am. I stuck myself into a quiet little dark room away from all the fun and watch this godforsaken movie again and uh feeling pretty low guy feeling pretty

low on a new year's day yeah i don't think this is going to be a particularly upbeat edition of the worst idea of all time i'm just i'm tucking down i'm gonna be honest with you tim it was a big night yeah oh boy i got out i got out of bed specifically for this and now i'm back on a bed i'm lying on a bed just i feel like i'm talking to my therapist on a skype session i'm currently trying to juggle a cell phone so that i can hear you on skype a microphone so it'll record into the thingy and a beer and a battery pack and it's all gotten quite difficult and you sometimes you just take a step back from the whole picture and you go why why this why that's right it is that's the thing is there is a lot of trouble to be going to for this conversation a conversation you know which we had a lot of last year and i wasn't really planning

on having this early in the new year nor was i mate it's the first day of 2015 it's um like we kicked off the watch just before noon so this is prime sleep time really or hanging out with your mates time getting a bit of brunch shaking off the dusty old evening that was swapping stories reminiscing yeah reminiscing on the night before looking bad

a night gone by looking to the 12 months ahead and making some resolutions but apparently Guy my resolution is to continue this self-flagellation project that we know is the worst idea of all time I actually funnily enough on a phone conversation

i had uh very recently someone asked what my resolutions were and i said my new year's resolution is to watch grown-ups two less yeah uh and it's gonna and the great thing is obviously it's off to a poor start and that after i hung up the phone i immediately watched grown-ups too yeah but it's gonna be a good year for that resolution you're damn right we've got uh what nine to go then i guess and i we're already i'm really questioning we're walking down the mountain yeah it seems like not a big pass but i'm really questioning whether or not i can do it like after the watch i just had like this was the next level bro this was really this but we were plumbing new depths this was the lowest watch for me i think this was the grimmest watch that that we've done did you have did you have people milling around you during the

watch this was the awkward situation man i was in a bedroom and uh a friend's mom quite rightly came in and said oh look we've just got to uh sort of turn the bedroom over a little bit get everything back in ship shape because there's some other people coming to stay tonight and i had to kind of like on the fly while the movie was playing sort of explain what this is and it was like an exercise in insanity it was i don't know what i'm doing i've found i've found explaining the concept to sort of parents and friends of parents a bit of a fruitless one tim it's pretty difficult to explain exactly what is being achieved uh in the cold sober light of a conversation with sort of a 50 to 60-year-old. Because it's just, it comes back to the age-old question, which is shared by young and old.

Just why? Like, why? And it's really hit home for me today. What are we here for? Well, nothing. That's the thing, man. Like, I actually, I will say this. For this watch that we just had,

for our own self-preservation and mental sanity, we live-tweeted it. So we got on the twitter and sent some messages out and a guy after probably the fourth message about the depression i was in watching this thing by myself he just said literally nobody asked you to do this and that's a fucking fair enough point, man. Nobody did. That is good. That's a good rebuttal. That's how I felt. I felt like I wasn't contributing anything when I was writing those tweets.

I had to get off the internet. You're just throwing them into the ether, eh? Contributing absolutely nothing to society. Just sucking up a whole lot of air and food. But that's what this podcast is. That's what this whole project is. It's shouting into a void. I'm not good, mate.

Into an echo chamber. All right, well, look. With only our two voices coming back up. We specifically came up with some podcast features to try and lift us from just putting out a series of 52 podcasts railing on this terrible film so let's try chuck one of them in now to pump the brakes a little bit on this depression freight train okay i have a shot that i'd like to share please while i remember it go uh one of the frat boys at the party i'd never noticed him before he does like real big sort of barking and yelping when they're getting jacked up to fight the grown-ups

and he just gives it 110 and i was really stoked for him like i can't believe i hadn't seen it before genuine scene stealer and then in the fight scene he's getting punched in the face spun around by um and Kurt McKenzie. Who is it? Chris Rock and Tim Meadows, anyway. Yeah. It's a big day for that actor. He would have been stoked, bro.

He's getting punched by two comedy greats. Yeah, bro. I'd love to get punched in the face by Chris Rock. That's a good shining light. That would be a good podcast feature. Once a week chris rock flew flew out to new zealand and punched us both in the face we probably deserve it to be honest went back to doing whatever he was doing before doing publicity for top five i'd imagine at the

moment yeah he's he's on the publicity game hey what was your shining light my shining light was in it it's odd that i've never noticed this before, but it's understandable because generally we're not quite 100% zoned in right at the start of the movie, but there's a part with the deer where there's actually the deer makes a noise, and the sound guy's obviously dubbed over a goat sound effect. That was just a nice little touch. I've never noticed that haven't noticed that before it's there bro listen it's a very specific note to make that they've used the sound of a goat

yeah and it's unmistakably a goat as well if you listen i i think it's when the deer rears up just before he pisses in his mouth goats have quite versatile voices you can mistake a goat for any any number of things have you watched goats no i can't i can't agree with that yeah that's a very specific goat though i can't agree it's it's listen mate we're gonna watch the movie again in a week i'll point it out to you i'll bloody show you i will uh okay, yeah, God, I'm really, I just, the thought of watching it another nine times,

just like, genuinely, I don't even care, I'm so, I am genuinely so comfortably numb right now, I can't even fathom watching the movie anymore, I just want to fast forward 20 minutes, so this conversation's over,

and I can just have a nap, yeah, I hear you man, there's lots going on, like like i could be on a jet ski right now bro or fishing like i could actually be fishing right could you actually you could actually be on a jet ski yeah i imagine so i've never been on a jet well i could actually be you know on a mountain with no no i'm looking out okay i'm looking i'm looking out to this beach right and the area is pretty affluent i think that i could legitimately just walk up to someone and ask them if i could borrow their jet ski and i think it would be fine i don't think that's in

your nature i don't think you would ask a stranger to borrow their jet ski i'd do it if i was keen and right now i kind of feel like in leaside i it's like that movie Crank with Jason Statham. Like, I need to pump some adrenaline into my heart or else I'm going to die. Because Grown Ups 2 has just taken such a heavy toll on me. I cannot imagine the sight of you right now. If I was a jet ski owner living in the house next door to you, and you came and knocked on my door and said, Hello, I'm a bit

low right now i need to borrow your jet ski please i would say no you cannot borrow my jet ski look at the state of you you're not well i'll be wearing no way that you could be jet skiing right now but i'll be wearing sunglasses so you can't you can't tell you can't tell that i'm like but i keep but no but my front door my front door is in the shade It's obviously shady enough that you have to take your sunglasses off. Otherwise, you'll obviously be hiding something from me. Like I've designed the house like that. God, you've got me there. Yeah, I backed you into a corner there.

I really got you. Really pinned you down and went for it. Now, Guy, we're going to do Paddy Schwartz now. And I do not have it in me to sing so unless you want to take it away i'm gonna insert that guy's pre-made one again unless you want to you want to pipe up it's up to you uh no bro just chuck in that old one okay here it is that awesome guy's thing. This Padishwux Party Time It's all about the Tots and Niggas coming to the party It's like the parties are expensive cause they're dated

Bringing sex to the field, they bust my bills It's terminated, he's padded Padishwux Party Time This Padishwux Party Time Padishwux Party Time This Padishwux Party Time Padishwux Party Time Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Paddy Schwartz, all the time.

It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Fantastic, wasn't it? Okay. I love what he's done. I love what he's done with Elvis. Yeah, I love it too

Um Someone actually pointed out That the theme song For Patty Schwartz Party Time Sounds a lot like Team America America fuck yeah And they're right

Yeah It's like a full lip I never noticed it Until they pointed it out Yeah mate That's where you lifted That melody For sure

Um anyway Oh I had one It's gone though oh no because i'm not sure that i oh actually i did have one i'll just throw this out real quick bro and then you can jump in with one as well um just his eyes bro patty schwartz has got real killer eyes patty schwartz Patti Schwarzenegger has... or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Very beautiful eyes.

Party Schwarzenegger. I think mine, when I was tweeting, I tweeted at Patrick Schwarzenegger that we're going to have a party at the quarry. And I feel like he's got quite a lot of followers, but not enough that he doesn't sort of see most of his tweets, I imagine. I like to think Paddy's combing through his tweets and he's going to see that. And he's going to have a click around on my profile and be like, this dude would throw down at the quarry.

God, imagine that, Paddy. I hope Paddy asks me to the quarry god imagine that i hope imagine i hope patty asked me to the quarry that'd be so good bro we should all get asked to the quarry by patty schwartz and we should all party so mine's like a is a real life sort of hypothetical hope that's my patty schwartz party time this week so something that doesn't really exist but i dig it it's legit um it doesn't exist at all. Hey, I mean, what was your emotional process during the film today, Tim?

When were you relaxed? When were you tense? Oh, okay. I'll take you through. So, my mate Nick's here. He's popped his head in to see what's going on. Hey, Nick.

How you doing? Sorry, man. So, let me give you a quick... Tell Nick to get out! This is our time. No, I won't tell him to get out because let me give you a quick... Tell Nick to get out. This is our time. I won't tell him to get out because let me give you a bit of context. This dude and I have been driving all around the North Island

for the past few days for New Year's on a bit of a road trip, picking up hitchhikers, going camping, dropping in on mates, staying in people's houses, and I've just quietly excused myself. Generally being a nuisance. Yeah, but in a friendly way, often dropping off things like cheese and crackers or a bottle of wine or whatever along the way but um i mean i've left nicky boy downstairs for the last like three hours just doing his thing he's going oh

wait hold on nick are you going fishing okay cool i'm coming with don't you dare leave without me so where i was going with that i'm dare leave without me so where I was going with that he's not going to leave without you what was I talking about what kicked all that off oh now Maddie's here

and she's got an ice cream she's got an ice cream for me fuck yeah ice cream oh thanks Maddie gotta take over I gotta lick an ice cream

this is a disaster what was I talking about it sounds like you're having a better time on the other end of the line than I am you were talking about the movie

you were going to tell me about your emotional process while you were watching the movie. I will say as well that it seems like a conversation's happened downstairs that Tim sounds really depressed and we need to all cheer him up because everyone came at once. But now I've got an ice cream. Yeah, you just had a really good run. You've got an ice cream and you're going fishing. It's a good day.

Anywho, okay, so here was my emotional process. Movie comes up. I was like was like okay this is cool i'm getting it done so we can get this out of the way and i can get on with my life and then like only about 10 minutes in no yeah 15 minutes in actually um i texted you and i said can you pause the movie for a second because we sync up our watches so me and guy even though we're in different locations we're watching it at the same point and i said can you pause it real quick i've got to grab beers like i i can't face this movie alone and um so i got a few beers and i tried to write down the drinking rules and i'm really sorry guys i know that i said i'd do it last time and i I've let everyone down, I apologize for that profusely, but it was just, everything was so full on, all I could do was just, I had to get that bottle to my mouth, there was no time to write anything down,

I had to just sink beers as quickly as possible, and so I just started drinking, and I was sitting up there by myself probably about an hour into the movie if it sounds weird by the way it's because I'm licking ice cream in between each sentence I say then my friend's mum came in and gave me the what for to kindly leave the room so we

could get the new sheets on and stuff and I felt terrible because I should be helping out clean you know what I mean like I feel like a right schmuck it's funny because you know you know when you have to do that big post new year's clean and sort of you what you really want is to find an excuse so that you don't have to contribute too much because it is it can be a nuisance I mean obviously if you don't have an excuse you pitch in but what you want is an excuse but I'm fine only excuses for not cleaning no which might be worse than actually cleaning

no well that's kind of true if you get the inside into it but from the outside looking in i just look like some arsehole watching some fucking screen for two hours while everyone's cleaning around me and like the other thing is i i get pissed off at people who don't pitch in like i'm angry at myself because i'm that guy today it's it's just i hate myself and i hate you're doing you're i i'll tell you i'll tell you who i hate in descending order i hate myself i hate um the people involved with making the movie uh just by splash effect because you're involved in the project i kind of hate you at the moment because you're involved in the project.

I kind of hate you at the moment. That's okay. Fuck all y'all. I see. I'm interested. I don't know if that's better or worse. I just don't feel anything towards anyone. Run me through your emotional process.

I turned on the movie. The movie happened. Oh, bye. See you in Auckland. Lovely bye see you in auckland lovely lovely to see you emma you're awesome is that emma sorry about that or a different emma that was emma fenton oh tell her she's very good at what she does she'll know what i'm talking about i was telling you about my emotional i don't know bro i was just like okay here's the movie I tried to have fun by writing tweets but I couldn't even do that

I had to find a middle ground for this podcast so I came outside and I am just witnessing the most like beautiful coloured native birds that I've never seen before in my life and they're huge just flying among the trees I've got to get out there man

this is terrible this is tearing me apart you gotta to quote what's his name who made the room hey dance like no one's watching i've got to leave this podcast like no one cares because what's the fucking point you know that should be that's that should be your new year's resolution is to dance like no one's watching so you know what my new year's resolution is drink more drink more it's the only thing that'll get me through this podcast you're talking a lot about the talking a lot about the bottle there tim i'm worried about you this isn't a podcast mate this is an intervention. Your whole family's with me in this room and we're on a Skype call

telling you to slow down. Do you know the only thing that's more damaging to my life than alcohol is this fucking podcast? You're like Fat Bastard. I eat because I'm unhappy. And I'm unhappy because I eat

It's a vicious cycle See Mike Myers was onto something there bro I've started reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen I really like it What's it about? An American family Real rich Detailed characters an American family real rich detailed characters

yeah you can tell that he really poured his heart and soul into that book and I was thinking about that book while watching the movie well my summer reading oh sorry you're not done yet if you hold the two things up next to each other like Grown-ups too in this book, Freedom,

it's just so obvious which one all the care and attention has gone into. It just frustrated me, this sloppiness. The sloppiness around the edges. Ah, who cares? Well, I'll tell you the... Hey, bro, let's do this. No, wait. You've shared a book.

I'm sharing a book now. A book I'm reading over summer. It's Rachel Maddow's Drift, The Unmooring of Military Power in America. I don't know if I've nailed the subtitle, but it's something like that. It's bloody good. It's all about the privatization of war.

Very interesting. I can hear those birds. They sound amazing. They're so pretty're so pretty bro you got no idea i like we need to we need to end this we need to end the project like everything needs to end because i'm about to end do you know what i mean like i'm not gonna end bro i'm done you're gonna take me you're gonna take me on a mystery tour. Then we're going to pack up our belongings. I don't want to go on the mystery tour. And go for a swim.

Yeah, we're going. We're going on the... We're getting in a van and Steve Buscemi is driving. Oh, God. Okay. Have you got something for this? The Steve... No, but I can try and make it up. Go on. Okay. Have you got something for this? No, but I can try and make it up.

Go on. Steve Bushimi was in his house watching Con Air. Again. Applauding himself for what is truly an an outstanding performance a real tour de force sure is and and then a

a satellite part of a satellite got hit by some space rock and it just came hurtling towards the earth right through the living room window

and whatever it took him out and that's how he got injured that was pretty bad, eh? Whoa. That doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't make any sense.

You're suggesting that Wiley in the first Grown Ups movie is Steve Buscemi and in that universe Con Air exists as well. No, no, no. I'm suggesting the character of Wiley is a big Con Air fan. I've changed it.

Oh, okay. I've changed it just now. Okay, that's a thing. But it's sort of like an interesting little meta reference by the script writers, like a little hidden treasure. An Easter egg, I think they call it. Shit, bro. Yeah, I could get down with that yeah I'm picking up what you're putting down I kind of like that I've got to be honest that's yeah that

and the time-traveling ones are probably my favorites I like the time-traveling one do you remember that one it was where I posited that you have you see me was a time traveler who kicked his own ass for hitting on his present girlfriend, which seemed to be cheating in the limited field of view of the future. Steve Buscemi. I remember. I remember. That was very good.

All right. We're all very impressed by one of your Steve Buscemi mystery tours. Well, I know I am. It's just tough right now. Hey, listen. The movie will keep going the movie will keep going for another nine episodes and i'm again i'm really sorry that i didn't do the drinking rules i'm going to try and do it next week what i'd like to talk uh to you on the podcast about guy right now while we're on air as it were is um do we want to get any

guests for these this last stretch because i feel like i need it i feel like i need to get some people involved yeah i mean i feel i think like we're we're hitting a pretty we're hitting a pretty interesting low right now oh it could be quite nice to see where this goes i think there's going to be natural joy when we are reunited it's always been it's like a little holiday away from the movie watching it with someone else in the room after you haven't for a while yeah but you keep see this is the thing that you do guy and i understand why you do it but you need to be careful is that you watch the person who's watching the film because you you know the film you've seen the film there's nothing new for you there but you quite intently i've noticed you do it a couple of times and when

we get a guest you watch the guest and it freaks people out bro yeah i don't really know what to do about that it's pretty interesting to me yeah i know because you're a people person you love people i get it i understand grown-ups too in a way that i don't understand pretty much anything else in the world any other book i've read any movie i've watched any album i've listened to like my relationship with grown-ups too is so close bro it's just so close that you now need to know how people feel sharing your no i don't i don't need to know any of that i'm just coming to terms with it right now out loud right like this is this thing i've engaged with more than probably some of my friends even yeah how sad is that dude like imagine if we had studied

a vincent van gogh painting in as much depth or a piece by Tchaikovsky, like literally anything that would be considered actual art, if we'd spent the amount of time that we've spent on this movie on something worthwhile, we could be pretty much experts at something. But we're not. We're not experts at anything. Well, I guess that's the minor respite

we get from movie-watching prowess is that we are the foremost world experts and world record holders on Grown Ups 2. But what does that mean? Do you know what I mean? Like, what does that mean? Who cares? It means a lot.

Hey, look. It's a shit movie that we've seen too many times. You know what I mean? It's been great, but I want to start the year in earnest. Hey, everybody, let's go get it this year. Let's all go get it. You're a real piece of shit, Montgomery. Real piece of work.

Hey, I miss you, Tim. I can't wait to see you. Yeah, all right, mate. Will the next podcast be a side by side or will it be a cross town affair again it'll be another cross town affair one last time and then we'll be together

I'm calling this conversation off it's been a real joy alright in that case this is Tim Bat telling you to love every moment this is Guy McGuire telling you to love every day we'll be back next week reviewing Grown Ups 2

surprise feel that moment love every day cause before you know it your precious time slips away feel that moment on each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership

separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.