The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E49: BirdmanSpoilerMan

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:ATTN: DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BIRDMAN YETFresh from the table read of the script Guy and Tim wrote from memory being performed in front of 150 people in their hometown of Auckland, the lads immedately went home and chucked on the movie for the fourth to last time ever.It's 2am. It's an emotional podcast this week, Montgomery is mainly waking up for most of it and what is exposed is a raw, unguarded side of a man who is so near the finishline he can almost taste it. Voices are croacky, spirits are mixed and Guy and Tim are just trying to live every moment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, well, well, this is an all-time revenue for you folks. This is like the episode that I think Prawn Salad kind of should have been, in my opinion. This might be the favorite episode that I've listened to of the half of season one that I've managed to get through. This is, I think I've been pretty good at self-critique, listening to the episodes in this season. Had a lot of episodes where I'm not a big fan of my performance, but I tell you what, on this episode, strong, strong performance from Timbo and an utterly pathetic one from Monty.

My God. These are two guys who have just done the live script read at the Greyland Town Hall, Community Hall, many, many moons ago. You could say 10 years. With a bunch of our friends, we wrote the script from memory. We performed it. I've got such vivid memories of that night, like these trestle tables with, I think it was about eight or nine people

reading the script. Guy and I of Memory Serves Were doing the stage directions We say in this episode that there's a recording of it I've got a terrible feeling that might have Been lost to the sands of time But I'll go and have a look and see if that's That's somewhere in the dropbox now

But it was Like we talk about it becoming a hostage situation It absolutely was It went on for so long it was so hot and monty just got so over it and he decided to just start yelling as fast as possible to try and get the night to end and it was oh man that's the reason why my boys all tuck it out They expend it all as energy Trying to wrap the show up

When you knew that it had gone on for too long Absolutely nuts Enjoy this I certainly did This is probably The last episode of season one That we do in New Zealand I think Maybe there's one more

Anyway my favourite one so far Have fun of season one that we do in New Zealand, I think. Maybe there's one more. Anyway, my favourite one so far. Have fun. Okay. I don't think we've used the loophole before, but we've often thought about it, but we're using it this week. The movie's still going,

but we've decided to... Embrace it. Embrace it. Guy's just woken up. He was asleep. We're about an hour and a half, I mean an hour and ten minutes into the movie, and before we did the movie tonight, we did the table read. And I feel like I'm going to fall on fucking mental.

It's been a big day. It's been a big day. You're finally going to do Suicide 35. It's a big day. So for the last three days, guys and me, we'll probably go in and out of quoting the lines that are happening on screen As the movie gets toward the end So what we did for the last three or four days

Is dedicate pretty much all of those days To trying to hammer out a script Of Grown Ups 2 by memory And Do you know what bro? I actually think we did a fucking good job I agree. We missed like two major scenes,

and one was Kirk McKenzie's son's driver's test, Andre McKenzie, with Wiley, and the other scene was when Keithy breaks his leg, and it wasn't like we straight up just forgot about them. We kind of were aware they were there. We just ran out of time to write all the scenes. So, you know know apart from that we had everything else in there did we miss a few lines of course we did mate it's hard not to isn't it it's a feature film there's a lot of lines in there but we did a really good job we do what we could i'm proud of us yeah i am too man so we're going to la in um like a week or maybe less i don't know what day of the week it is right now i can't remember off the top

of my head but we're gonna be we're gonna be going over and it's all thanks to the podcast guy yeah man tell me some feelings that you feel about that uh I'm a void of emotion right now I've got no feeling I'm ticked out I feel full mental like just fucking

the this is gonna strike you as weird guy but the movie is actually really flowing by tonight I know for you because you've been asleep but for me watching it as well This is going to strike you as weird guy, but the movie is actually really flowing by tonight. I know for you because you've been asleep, but for me watching it as well.

Because I've been like comparing what the movie actually is to what we write and being pleasantly surprised by how accurate we got. We've done good, kid. A lot of people came out tonight to see the table read probably a hundred probably would have been way more except that I fucked up the ticket sales situation

and accidentally told our ticketing agent there were only 80 seats there when there was actually 200 but that's neither here nor there that's certainly neither here nor there the main point is we did it and um it's recorded you know it's somewhere that sound is around

this is the bit where adam sandler tries to drug his kid to sleep it's fucked up oh jesus guy you need to do some talking in the podcast. Are we live? Yeah, bro. Yeah, we're all in there. We're all up in there. It's unreasonable. It's not fair for us as recording people. It's not fair for any of the fans as listeners.

Here's the funny thing. I tried to bitch out of this one as well. After we did the tabloid, I was like, can we do it tomorrow night? The guy was like, no, and rightly was like, can we do it tomorrow night? I was like, no. And rightly so. Well, I can't do it tomorrow night. Yeah, that's the main reason. You've got plans.

You've got plans on. You've got calendar appointments. And yet, I chucked the movie on. And you were in there for about 25. I chucked it on, bro. Then the eyelids started getting mighty heavy on old Montgomery. Mighty heavy. And those sweet, angelic sirens were singing their song, A Slumber.

And Guy said, yes, I'll have me some of that. What is the time now? It's like one in the morning, I think. Quarter past one. Quarter past one. Between 10 and Quarter past one. Quarter past one. Between 10 and quarter past one. Quarter past one, NZT Bowl. Global warming.

We're at the party scene now, folks. God. So after this, it's three more watches. We're going to do watch number 50 on the plane right over to los angeles california california and that'll be fun as shit but right now i don't know what else i've i've got left so i'm gonna throw it over to one of our features and it's gonna be Can I please borrow some money for ice cream? I love my I love my

Paddy Schwartz party time It's Paddy Schwartz. Party time. It's Paddy Schwartz party time. He's taking his girlfriend out swing dancing. He's taking his girlfriend out on a waltz now. Paddy Schwartz. Party time. He started a jazz band and then he spun them off.

Now Paddy Schwartz. Party time. He hired back the band that he used to be part of. Paddy Schwartz. Party time. Gave him some of his money to hire them out at a private restaurant that he booked out with his girlfriend, Marley Cyrus,

so they could go private dancing. Paddy. He's a good dancer, old Paddy. He's a great dancer. Knows his foxtrot from his Charleston, I'll tell you that, for free. Here's my Paddy Schwartz party time today, guy, because I noticed something today on the watch

that I've never noticed before. And that is when we are treated to that shot of the frat boys at their frat house observing the damage that that goddamn warlock

Braden Higgins has exacted. And I'd never noticed before but patrick schwarzenegger does a real good job of looking around surveying the damage for about three quarters of a second before it flicks off of him again and i've never seen that before mate he makes a real name for himself is patrick schwarzenegger in this movie it reminded me of so like in the table read because Guy and I we started off writing the script together and then we had a bit of a division of labour

situation where we'd take scenes and pages each and then we just combined it at the end because we ran out of time and I didn't realise that for all his watches I'm on the Today Show. Doesn't matter how long. Yeah. You never got that joke in the bus.

It will never cease to amaze me the number of jokes that I've missed up to now. It's crazy. Because Lenny says, I'm just filling in for Drulio Iglesias over there. Because Nick is out cold and a drug stupor drooling on himself and all this time you just thought he was saying julio iglesias julio iglesias that cracks me up bruh yeah that's pretty weird it's pretty funny it's pretty out there um yeah my shining light in the movie I could actually do live that's the beauty

of it because the movie is still on do it do you know what it is Stone Cold Steve Austin's fucking jacket

does that hurt yeah it's a good answer very good jacket in this party scene very fucking solid

jacket it says live to ride on the back I don't know how true that is to Terminator which is the jacket he's trying to rip off slow every moment very fucking solid jacket. It says live to ride on the back. I don't know how true that is to Terminator, which is the jacket he's trying to rip off. Live every moment. What? Live every moment?

On the back. It says live to ride, bro. Every moment. No, it doesn't say every moment, guy. Oh, man. We shouldn't release this. This is not cool Tell me your favourite moment From the movie Guy

And bear in mind That if you want You can just describe What's happening on the screen I like it In the fight scene At the party At Lenny and

Roxanne's house When they want to call the police. And they do a big funny sort of psych gag with Peter Dante as a police officer. He says, we're already here. It's a great gag. It's very funny. Real highlight of the movie.

Yeah, bro. I'm all about that shit. I'm all about that shit. I'm all about that shit. About that shit. All right. Well, I might grab the keys off you for a moment, if I may. Fucking. Got to warm up the engine on a little something.

You shouldn't have given them to me in the first place. Just give me the keys, bro. Give me the keys. Take the keys, bro. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Bum, bum, bum.

Bum, bum, bum. Bum. Dun, dun, dun, dun... Roll up. Grown-ups to the mystery tour. Grown-ups. Grown-ups to the mystery tour. And this Steve Buscemi mystery tour is coming to take you away. Coming to throw up to you, grown-ups, my house. Steve Buscemi.

Mystery Tour. Steve Buscemi. Mystery Tour. Mystery Tour. Here's what happened to him this week, buddy brah. Fucking tell me, bro. Tell me. Steve Buscemi sustained his injuries

Steve Buscemi sustained his injuries Steve Buscemi was cut out of the first Ghostbusters movie But in actual fact he was there Oh I like it So you had Ray You had Egon. You had Peter. You know, Dr. Vinkman.

You know what, Tim? Yeah. Do I have fun tonight? I really respect you, man. Thanks, bro. Bro, look at me there's a room full of like a hundred people

who paid money tonight and we read them the script from grown ups too with a little help from our friends but people paid to watch that that is insane. And you, you were there the whole time, man. And I was like, I don't like the guy.

I do not like the guy one jot. You know what? I've actually got a real personal problem with this guy. But I respect the goddamn crap out of him. This is all I've ever wanted, bro. I didn't need you to like me. I needed you to respect me.

Bro, I respect the shit out of you. Bro, look at me. I respect the crap out of you. Boy. Cool, baby. What do you say to that?

I'm blown away, guy. I don't know what to say to that. It's a frank admission from you. What have I contributed to this podcast? You don't often let the veil down and see what's going on in the internal cog machine that is your soul. But you did it just then.

That was one time. Guy's now bashing himself in the head with the microphone. I had the microphone for you. That's art, bro. I'm not comfortable with this. So I was talking to people. Going out to the people. I was talking to people after the table read this evening.

And people going like, you know, how did that feel? And the first thing that came into my head was I feel bad because I feel like we had people hostage because it took such a long time to get through the movie. A long film. About two and a half hours to get through our version of the script. And we missed it. 76 pages.

It was insane. So the air conditioning only kicked in for the latter part of the reading and i felt bad about that um what else the second part of what i felt and i talked to some people about this is i felt like no other time has it more felt like a legitimate art project because i feel like tonight it really hurt and you lost your fucking mind out there bro you were good for a long time and then something snapped at about the 70 percent mark and you just started screaming as being in charge if i felt it was dragging on and it was too long can't imagine what like a passive audience member must feel like yeah i would hate to be watching that as a performer

because you know guy and i both do sound from time to time you got to read your audience a bit and i don't know how we didn't get the whole room just walk out on us i think there's only one walkout well god bless that person like yeah got on them, I wouldn't have stuck that out. It's insane. What we asked of that room full of people tonight was crazy. It was ludicrous. We just asked for a bit of attention. Holy shit, bro. I'm so ready to put my eyes down. Yeah, I know you are, bro.

I'm shutting down. One interpretation of what we just did. The man who works at the clock tower is punching his last fucking check. But did you think about the fact that we might have just been really mean to a room full of people? Like, we tricked them into coming and giving them money. Punching his last check, bro. Like, the guy who works at the clock tower loves punching Eastern European people. Oh, like someone from the Czech Republic? Yeah, but he's just been reformed so he's punching his last check bro it's like

they let you do that dramatic film like if you become if you're recovering alcohol and they're like you can have one more bottle of jack daniel's and then that's it it's like if you are a racist you can punch one more chair and then you gotta cut it out. And growing up, Suze has been rolling on all the footage of the last check being punched. Look, I gotta tell you. You lost me in that last bit. Yeah, I lost everyone. I don't like this movie, Tim.

Yeah, bro. I don't think, no, listen to me. Yeah. I don't think it movie, Tim. Yeah, bro. I don't think... No, listen to me. Yeah. I don't think it's good. Yeah. I don't think what we've done tonight is noble. Like, between the director's commentary and trying to rewrite this movie, I'm embarrassed.

I'm embarrassed for myself. I'm embarrassed for you. What are you embarrassed about? I'm embarrassed to be associated with one another. With me or with the movie? With you. Okay. And the movie.

It's embarrassing. Okay. We are... We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Well, but... I mean, that's the thing, guy. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I'm okay with doing it for a podcast

because then it's like people are overhearing a conversation you're having in private. But we invited people into our house tonight and we poosed on a plate and gave them poos. If I could talk to your grandmother right now, I know she'd be upset with you. Yeah, bro. You've met her. Yeah. You met her just the other week. Yeah.

You reckon Maureen would be upset about what just went down? Maureen would not say good things about us. Shit, man. It's real. You're getting pretty real now, bro. Well, I'm fucking trying, bro. Yeah. There's nothing left in you.

There's nothing in you. There's heaps in me. There's nothing in you. There's nothing in you. I am looking directly in your eyes. Right in my eyes. There's nothing left in you. I'm looking right back at you. You're gone, mate. You're out of order. There's nothing left in you. I'm looking right back at you.

You're gone, mate. You're out of order. There's nothing in you. You're out of order. You're out of your mind if you think I'm out of order. You are a barren wasteland of anything, anything good. There's nothing good coming out of you anymore. Let me let you into a secret, people listening.

Guy and I were having a conversation earlier about if we just straight up committed suicide on stage when we went to LA just to prove a point. Like Birdman. Oh, no. Oh, Guy. I was really trying to avoid saying that. There'll be lots of people who definitely haven't seen it. Oh, fuck.

What we'll do, though? We'll just put it in the synopsis of this podcast. We'll just put Birdman spoilers. I will name the episode Birdman spoiler just to make sure no one touches this fucking thing. Look, if you've been listening this long, what do you want from life? You've got to look at yourself.

I might not like Tim Bette, but I especially don't like you. If you're listening to this right now, you've got a real fucking attitude problem. Just, you know, lighten up, bro. Oh, bro. Hey, what's your shining light? Do you know what my shining light is? What? This is the 49th time I've seen the movie

That's amazing And yet not a shining light That is my shining light No that can't be a shining light Give me a shining light In the format of a shining light Taylor Lautner Pretending to act with a CGI dare.

He does a really good job. A real dream to edit around. You fucking dick. What's your shining light? That guy in the back with the white coat and with the red hair. He's just such a fucking like... He's a classic lad, eh? That extra is all over the fucking show

I'd love to watch like extra time with that guy I want to hang out with him is there an American sports show called extra time

it's a good idea yeah I think there I think there is like an ESPN show you feel like they really missed the trick if there wasn't

fuck yeah after all this time I don't know what's left now like for us generally i hope you were holding it down on the top half of this podcast because i don't remember a goddamn thing yeah bro don't worry i had this we're fine we're all good you sure i'm not worried about it you shouldn't worry we're fine i'm sure it'll be fine. Real throwback episode, bro.

Yeah, this is harking back to the old school. And that's how you should, like a movie, this narrative of what we've done in the podcast is like, you start and you end and in between you learn something and as a result you change and you improve as a person. But the only thing we learned is Grown Ups 2 isn't very good. But it turns out we probably knew that before we started.

Do you know what is a real triumph for us? Is we took the movie Grown Ups 2 and we made it worse tonight. How do you mean? With the table read? Yeah. Yeah, bro, we did. We definitely de-proved on it.

We made it less coherent, more confusing. Yeah. And it's like, if we'd done something better than that, I'd be worried. Like, what? Well, like... What? The thing we did tonight was what needed to happen. We deserve to be punished for watching this movie 48 times

Hey can I ask you a question guy Yeah man Knowing what you know And like being through what you've been through I'm going to take you back to that day in February In 2014 When you got off my radio show And we were crossing the street

I remember the intersection we were on of Nelson and Cook Street and you were crossing the road to get back to your car and we were just absentmindedly discussing this idea and we decided on what we were going to do and we thought Grown Ups 2 was a good idea and I said let's record it tomorrow go back to that day

in your head if you could throw it all away and stop it from happening if you could throw it all away and stop it from happening if you could kill John Connor before the robots rise up would you

do it do you know what Tim I would not kill the robots because we're going to fucking California. Yeah, bro. And all it cost us

was at least a week of our lives. But, you know, bigger picture, what's a week of your human life? It's a week. It could be any week. It's nothing.

And moreover, Tim, we now have a friendship forged in the most unique fires of hell that any friendship has been forged in. Like, I'm never going to know a dude like another dude who was riding grown-ups to with me at 3.30 in the fucking morning. You can't, like, buy that. And if you could, like, the person you'd be buying it from would be some sort of prisoner. It would be illegal. And the other thing for me, Tim, is that as far as respect goes,

I've got nothing but respect for a guy who quite genuinely lives every moment and loves every day. That's really sweet. I think you got led astray by the fact that the song kicked in. You started borrowing some thoughts. I meant what I said. You did. I felt it.

And I appreciate it. And Guy, you're my guy. You're my Tim. You're my guy. You're my Tim. You're my guy. Bro, can we please put these microphones down and just go to sleep? How long has this been happening? 23 minutes. Fuck, people are craving a short episode.

Have we hit everything? Let me think. Shining Light, Patty Schwartz, Steve Buscemi. Yeah. Bro, let's spike the mic.

Okay, let me chuck a quick plug in for an event because it doesn't appear to be listed very well online. We're doing the Cine Family event on the 17th in California in Los Angeles. In LA. And then the day after that.

The 18th of February. We're at UCB. Sunset. Sunset. So what we're going to do for that one is we're going to watch Grown Ups 1 for the first time ever. The Drunk McKinney Girl is called Daisy. Why would they bother naming it? No one sees her fucking name.

Because it's Wayne Gretzky's daughter. You don't get a name. Guess what? No one sees your name. So Gretzky's daughter. You don't get a name. Guess what? No one sees your name. So, you know, eat it. The Mailman was played by Brad Grunberg. I think that's what that said.

UCB Sunset, February 18th. We're going to watch Grown Ups and review it for you. It's going to take an hour. The first movie and just the one time because we feel like it's probably a good way

to just put a pin on it. I'm out of here. I'm really done with all this. Okay, I'll go too then. So thanks for listening and bye. We'll see you next time.