The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E50: Futon

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:Against the odds, Guy and Tim have made it to LA. They've eaten some Blaze Pizza and now it's time to tick some other bucket list items off the list; Namely, watching Grown Ups 2 in a Kmart. That's right, the lads have watched the entire film inside of a Kmart and recorded an episode in the terrible, dirty walls of the quintessential department store of yesteryear.Guy's approaching unattended kids, Tim's distracted by all the fantastic colours and products on offer. It's almost the end of the nightmare so get in while the getting's good. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, how appropriate that before this 50th episode of season one of The Worst City of All Time, in which Tim and I are on the go, and it came out in the Grove in Los Angeles, I am also on the go. Right now, I'm in Melbourne. I'm walking to a show, and I've just finished listening to the episode of the podcast, and it has honestly warmed my heart it's getting this is like it's getting really um nostalgic positive and i guess in a way autobiographical now but this is such a fun episode and fun memory. Tim was, and then again just recently was,

making me laugh so much. He's so fearless in a way. And I remember being kind of nervous. I don't like getting in trouble. I remember being in the Kmart thing, so I was going to tell us to move and stuff, but no one really cared at all. And, you know, the episode that follows is just,

I think it's one for the books. I hope I'm not overselling it. Anyhow, we're really on the run home now. So soak it up. Feel the glory and love every day Cause before you know it your precious time slips away Feel the glory and love every day We're going to walk around the hotline. Can we start sitting down? And then get up for a walk?

You want to walk right now, don't you? Welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode number 50. Coming to you live from the furniture section of a Kmart. In the Grove in Los Angeles, California. We made it, you little bitches. My name is Tim Batt. And thank you very much for putting us here. It's weird now because I'm wanting to walk around the store and Guy is... We found a pretty good futon.

He's on a... For about $229.99 down from $249.99. I can tell you what, it's a pretty comfortable place to watch a movie. Oh, yeah. I almost fell asleep at one point during that. It's been a big day. And there's a strong sales pitch for the Salerno futon down here at Cayman. I don't know what it is.

I'll tell you something about this futon as well, Guy. At the moment, $20 off. $20? Regular price is $249.99 for you today here at this Kmart location in Los Angeles, California. I'll give it to you for $229.99. That's not a very big discount, man. It's not, eh?

What I'd like to do is check out that futon maybe sooner for a couple of hours, find out if it's my kind of futon. Well, let me ask you this. What do you do on a futon, like in your day-to-day? My main use for a futon is watching movies. Okay. Well, tell me a movie that you like to watch.

I don't really get time to watch that many movies. I don't really get out of the house to watch them. Just name a movie. What's a movie that comes to your head? Grown Ups 2. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to take you down to this couch, to this futon,

and I'm going to let you sit in it for the whole duration of the movie. Okay? What I'd like to do first, if it's okay with you, is station you hiding behind the men's underwear aisle in the corner of the bottom floor, looking real nervous and waiting to get kicked out by people as you hold your tablet with a headphone splitter so both of us can hear it. Let's go for a walk. Come on. waiting to get kicked out by people as you hold your tablet with a headphone splitter so both of us can hear it.

Let's go for a walk. Come on, let's go for a walk. I feel good. All right. I've got these massive yellow pop shields on the microphone. You look like a couple of fucking idiots. The first thing we've got to address

is the fact that Kmart has gone to the fucking docks. I just ran into a staff member as I said that he's like he doesn't care none of these people fucking care they do not give a shit it's like I don't know how to describe it

it's really like run down and just dowdy dance music playing on the stereo there was a weird situation when we first came in that guy picked up which is that there's a whole bunch of old Kmart signs, and they're all from different logos from the last 20 years. This has been fitted out over several eras

and never got a refurbish. It's real weird. You know what? If we start listing all the products we're walking past, we'd turn into the podcasting equivalent of the movie. Although I won't get paid by any of these people, except for Blaze Pizza, who've kindly... They haven't paid us anything.

They owe us so much goddamn money, too. Blaze Pizza really need to start coming to the party, especially... We did our Blaze Pizza reviews at the hotel room, so by the time we were eating the fucking things, they were cold. Oh, yeah, if you want to see a sweet-ass Blaze Pizza video review, just come and get you.

I don't know why you would. It's fucking shit. Go to the Facebook. That's the review, not the pizza. I'll tell you what, though. We've made a decision about the tattoos as well. Yeah, it's been a big couple of days here in Los Angeles, California. Do we want to say?

I think we're very excited to announce the plan for the tattoos. Oh, you're going to find out so soon anyway. I'll just tell you now, eh? Yeah. I'll tell you. You'll definitely hear about it. So it's going to be sort of an outline of Patrick Schwarzenegger's face. And then underneath it, in Latin, one of us will have live every moment

and the other one will have love every day. You guys get it right i'm really excited to share it on the internet and show patty uh how much he's come to mean to us yeah i think we're going to get them done we're going to get inked on venice beach too i got a recommendation of a cool tattoo place did you actually yeah i did yeah oh that's a hot tip so tim what did you make of the movie this week? Well, Guy. Guy Montgomery. Guy Montgomery. Exploring Kmart.

We've stopped in front of some Power Ranger figurines, which are a really weird size. They're not small enough to be action figures. They're quite a cool size. They look really good in the corner of your room. They're real big. When you enter a house, you know there's often something in the corner of the foyer?

They look pretty cool there. They big there's 79 centimeters 39 31 inches it's big it's big doll real fun with gender stereotypes from the cover of the step to neat and tidy cottage yeah the boy is doing the sweeping and the girl is loving it she's just hanging out the window without a care in the world she looks really tired though i'm gonna take those bags in her eyes i'm gonna take a photo of this it was a long day on the shoot it is exhausted no i think it's still the gender stereotypes askew right like she's been at work all day look at this guy she's been punching chicks. He's fucking taking care of business on his little fake phone. He's like an 18-month-old who is on a business call. Hey, idiot, good luck getting through to anyone on that fake-ass phone, you fucking little moron.

You can't call people. Don't call an 18-month-old a moron. And don't swear at them, guys. We've got to get out of this part of the story. Okay, we've sullied it. Don't swear at them, guys. We've got to get out of this part of the story. Okay.

We've sullied it. So the movie was kind of stressful to begin with because I kept thinking we were going to get ejected. Yeah. We were worried that security was going to show up. The exit cycle was like in the movie. That's pretty good. We were worried that we were going to get kicked out for just for like shady looking behaviour.

Because nothing we're doing right now is illegal but it looks it's a weird look it is a weird look for two men to stand for 20 minutes just behind the underpants just staring at the tablet nervously i'll tell you what i did find though is it actually in that circumstance i wound up taking refuge in the movie because of my nerves yeah about getting in trouble here in America. I wound up, hold on, you've got to watch out for the cord here. I'm getting on an exocycle, everyone. Yeah, I found when I watched the movie, I was so absorbed in it that I was no longer nervous about getting in trouble

with the American security guard. Yeah, it was the first time that I've seen you use the movie as a blanket to get out of life. It was a comfortable blanket I wrapped around myself Yeah, it was the first time that I've seen you use the movie as a blanket to get out of life. It was a comfortable blanket I wrapped around myself to ignore the fact that I was in a Kmart. However, we eventually built up the... What do you think of this product, Tim? Let me tell you about it.

It feels really dangerous. It's the Weslo, alright? I feel like I'm about to fall off it. It's supposed to feel dangerous. What we've done is we've put the seat down real nice and low so that you don't have any control over your body in the midst of the cycle. I feel so vulnerable.

And once you start peedling, you're like a hamster. You're supposed to feel vulnerable. The world's a scary place, Tim. You're like a hamster in the wheel. And you especially can't trust the well-so-exit cycle. Oh, my God. Over 500 complaints a month and going up. That's where you should get it.

And still a little fear in your life. That'll get the blood pumping. That'll get those calories burning. They say that adrenaline is the greatest fitness tool of all. Do you know what goes great with a Weslow Scare 1000? I've got no idea. A healthy diet of Blaze Pizza. Yeah.

I think we've got to pull pin on this Blaze Pizza advertising. The joke's on us. All right, Blaze Pizza, you win. You got us, man. You got us so good. Fuck me, we did a good job, though. Yeah, we did. I can't believe we're getting Patty Schwartz tattooed to our bodies.

That's pretty intense. Certainly a change of pace. Yeah. Hey, how'd you find the movie this week, guy? Well, as I said early on, I was really enjoying it. Oh, sounds like there's something going wrong in Kmart. Someone on the loudspeaker

is quite panicked and is frantically reporting that we'd better get to aisle six quick smart. Is that us? No, that can't be us. Okay, where are we? What aisle are we?

One thing I did notice in the movie today is when we were... That's some cheaper... That's a good price on Teflon. When we were... Oh, Tefal. You're not buying pants.

Wait, Tefal's just the brand. Teflon's the thing um when we were walking when we were we were walking through the kmart at the same time as the grown-ups were walking through the kmart in the film and the contrast between the kmart they represent in the movie and the kmart we're walking through is staggering it's like when you go to gay paris and you have a photo of like the what's called chandelier or something i don't know and you hold you like hold up a photo it's like a icon and then you look up and it's like a thing but in our one the photo delight in the real life came out like terrible yeah like a crack den came out like this came out got taken over when the original manager died by his brother. And his brother is a loose cat who is in and out of jail all the time.

He got put away for four years for killing a judge. He killed a judge. The dead brother said... This location of Kmart was run by Woody Harrelson's dad. That's why it sucks so much. The dead brother wrote into his will, if I die, I will give you the Kmart with the proviso that you do not,

under any circumstance, sell it. You could fall on hard times, you could be in prison, but you are not selling that Kmart for bail. Yeah, it's like the cow and the magic beans. Jesus, look at the wheels on that bike. Great visual gag for the podcast, Monty. Yeah, I'm on fire.

You're real good. Well, I was wondering if I wanted to sit down on the futon and have a proper discussion about the fucking movie and old bloody wandering I. McGee over here

is taking me on a tour of the small appliances and housewares. I need to stretch my legs and get my blood pumping a little bit because I was about to fall asleep on the couch.

Why don't you tell me what your shining light was this week, Tim? So much Pepsi. i had a couple actually it kept changing um oh do you know what it was guys really helpfully shutting all the microwave doors because the doors are just this is how terrible this came out is the doors are just hanging out someone's gonna get injured but it was mary's little head movement. The wife of Malcolm. Tim Meadows, who actually, ironically, or not ironically, but funnily enough,

is a Kmart employee. Yeah. She did a little head movement thing at the party scene when Bumpty and Malcolm started busting out a... Beatboxing and Bumpty's freestyling and his mum Mary is doing a good little head waggle

that's the shining light for you? yes you nailed it I felt like I had to say it back to you you're running out of juice there bat boy did you have a

shining light? don't call me bat boy either I did have a shining light actually and it was provided by you it was what you

noticed in the background of scene 1 hour 20 into the movie at the party. Yeah. There are two extras. Hey, man, how's it going?

Sorry, we'll get out of your way. You're stuck in shelves. Seems like a nice guy. Just accepted the fact we're walking around with two microphones having a conversation about... He looks like, oh, like, sorry. I didn't mean to walk into your office. Like we're leasing the home where appliances aisle came up.

Yeah, anyway. I love how plush these blankets are. Can you please let me tell you my shining light? It was really funny. Hit it up. So there's two extras, two female extras at the party. When Lenny Fader runs into Tommy Kavanagh aka Stone Cold Steve Austin

Are you a Calvin Harris fan? Put a fucking sock in it I'm trying to do a podcast here Okay Oh, we're in a very public place We're in a very public place We did not think this through Anyway

If you'd shut up for a second and let me finish my thought I absolutely will after i tell you about the great deal two female extras listen to me look at me you're looking all around look at me i'm trying to have a conversation okay here i am two female here i am here i am i got you that time yeah you, you did, you little bastard. So there's two female extras at the party, and one of them's walking down the stairs,

and she sees a friend or someone she thinks she knows, and she throws up her hand for a big wave. This is all in the background. No, it's like a high five, eh? That's what she's got. Yeah, she's going in for the high five. So she puts up her hand for a high five, and the girl or the other woman at the party just blows straight past her, completely blanks her.

Like, fuck off, Susie. You know what you did. And Susie doesn't want to be embarrassed, so she turns, like, in the background of a shot in Grown Ups 2, there's this really real moment where Susie turns the mist high five into, like, a back pat. Like, yeah, I knew that'd happen. Yeah, as they're walking past each other.

It's so funny, because stuff like that happens in real life, but it's not the kind of thing you would ever expect to see replicated. Really strong offer from those extras, and I'd like to see more of them if a grown-ups 3 does come out and god willing it will and it'll be in 3d because we're financing it if do you think okay do you think if grown-ups 3 does come out the shit is this speaker band oh my god it's a wireless Bluetooth speaker. You wear it like a watch. That is retarded. I don't like that at all. That's not for me. I'm trying to talk to you, Tim, and you're making it really difficult.

I've completely lost my train of thought. Well, let me pick it back up with a certain catchy little ditty that I want to teach you. It starts like this. Petty Schwartz Petty Schwartz It's Petty Schwartz party time It's Petty Schwartz P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- We usually have an employee from the store that we're talking and walk past us in the middle of the intro. It didn't look happy either, actually. Let's get a bit of distance from that dude. Let's go back to the futon. The futon's a safe zone. It is. Okay.

So what was your Patty Shorts party time, Guy? I think you got a little bit boisterous in the middle of the podcast there. Yeah, dude. We were really just walking around talking shit. I think we're being followed. By who? Gamer. Really? I think so

I don't think so alright let's just continue as planned what was your petty shorts party time we're gonna go back and sit on the chair my petty shorts party time

was I don't want to it's a cop out it looks so comfortable nah it's a cop out and it's a really good price 22

229 99 really easy to use really easy to fold out it's a fantastic futon yeah but it's so easy to fold out we almost bloody killed ourselves with it folding out from underneath us yeah well yeah i mean that is a design flaw that we put in it uh because we want people to live a little little little dangerously live every moment not everyone would trust a couch designed and produced by podcasters. No.

And you shouldn't. No, that's right. It would be a terrible idea. It's not our specialty at all. But? I've never designed a piece of furniture in my life, but I stand behind this futon. I stand behind it because if I don't stand behind it, the whole thing's going to fucking collapse.

And we're going to be dealing with a shitload of lawsuits, slipped discs, vertebrae missing from people's backs. The challenging thing is we've had to bring in so many extra people on the podcast to stand behind every couch that we sell. Yeah, I mean, it's costing us a lot of money. We're hemorrhaging money over here at the worst idea of all time, limited, unlimited. It's really difficult to find people to stand behind couches

in different people's homes as well. That's what I find. America's a really changed guy. I remember in America where people were happy just to get employed, you know? They weren't picky about what job it was or what the hours were or whether or not you're in a stranger's house watching over them, making sure the

couch that was designed and produced by two plucky young upstarts from New Zealand doesn't collapse on them, thus causing a massive amount of legal implications for them not to mention a financial burden the likes of which they've never seen before. They haven't planned for this. They don't know how to plan for this.

No one does. It's unforeseen costs. Yeah, man. And it's big. It's bigger than us. Yeah, man, whatever you say. So my Patrick Schwartz party time moment, other than the fact that he was actually

at the Blaze Pizza when we went there, and we gave him a high five, and we said, hey, buddy. You can't lie about Patrick Schwarzenegger, dude. Yeah, but he obviously wasn't there, now that you've blown my cover. Sorry. No, it's okay. Anyway, if he was there, we would have just done a high five

and just sort of given each other respectful nods. Yeah. That was not on Party Time. My Party Time was in the movie. He wipes a fake tear from his eye after Colin Quinn's inspirational speech defending Lenny fader and in fact the entire town of standing connecticut against the arrogant insufferable frat boys led by a ferociously tanned taylor lordner who insists on flipping in and out of every single goddamn frame of the movie look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you, boy.

This was a fight the likes of which our town has never seen. I'm very intimidated by you right now, Guy. Yeah, I'm out of juice. Yeah, good man. You appear to be towering over me right now as well. It's weird. So anyway, it was this fake tear that Patrick Schwarzenegger pretends to wipe away. It was like, it's just a nice little piece I'd never noticed before.

It's a good offer. It's, yeah, it's quite condescending. Yeah. Which is, I think, in keeping with the characterization that Paddy creates for his frat boy character. So I think it's a pretty good bit of acting in that regard. Hey, well done for you for noticing. I noticed ages ago.

I just didn't say it. Funny that. Why didn't you tell me, bro? We used to tell each other everything. What's going on with us lately? I don't know what's becoming. This is one thing I'm a little nervous about during this trip. We're spending an inordinate amount of time together.

Yeah, we likely are. Like too much, some people would say. We'll definitely be taking a break when we get back to New Zealand. I can tell you that for sure. I don't see your fucking face for a long time. Yeah, mate, well, it's fucking reciprocated. I can't stand you. I can't stand looking at you.

I wake up in the night. I hold a pillow over your face thinking, should I do it? Should I end it all? Should I kill a man just to get out of this freaking prison we've created ourselves? I hate your guts, Tim Baird. I want to rip them out from your arsehole and force them down your mouth. Oh, come on, buddy. There's a seven-year-old kid who just walked out right next to us.

Oh, God. Oh, God. If we don't get kicked out of a Kmart, we're still going to hell. Eternal damnation. Iron. We deserve nothing less. Take comfort and refuge in the iron aisle. Four tier closet shelves.

What else popped out about the movie today? I feel like we've got an off track guy. I feel like this podcast has really lost its focus. This is a podcast about grown ups too, buddy. You need to get your head in the game. Don't you fucking put this on me, mate. You're the one walking around the aisles trying to buy things.

All right, well, I'll tell you what I noticed this week. Because we had headphones on and we're pretty zoned in. Like, good mix. Real good audio mix in there. Very crunchy. It is crunchy. I've spoken highly of the sound design before. Another thing we noticed is in the cheerleader scene,

the Sobe cheerleader scene, the Soviet cheerleader scene, when Kevin James and his wife are getting their car washed, for a PG movie or whatever the status is here in America, there's a lot of ass showing. There's a lot of seducive, suggestive ass. Seductive and seducive. Is seducive a word? No.

I think I was trying to say suggestive. And seductive. Yeah. Well, anyway,? No. I think I was trying to say suggestive. And seductive. Yeah. Well, anyway, what I'm saying is I think it's inappropriate. I don't know how it slipped through the... Who's the Broadcasting Standards Authority here? The TSA?

No, bro, they're the airport people. That's the Transport Safety Authority. Oh, yeah. God bless them. It's the MPAA, I think. They do the ratings. The Motion Picture Association of America. I, yeah, God bless them. They're doing their work. It's the MPAA, I think. They do the ratings. The Motion Picture Association of America. I believe they are the raters of things.

You know what? I do feel like we've gotten way too far off topic. Okay. That's great. So can you please tell me something about the movie and we'll have a conversation? Okay. I'm sick of watching it.

Okay, Tim. Guess what? Two more. Two to go. Yeah, that's true. That's a pretty good feeling. And one of them will be in a theatre. I've never seen grown-ups doing a theatre before.

That's right. If you are in Los Angeles and are interested in catching the final episode, you can come along to CineFamily on Tuesday the 17th of February. It's on Fairfax. I don't really have... It's in West Hollywood. I don't have any other information beyond that. I'm getting so distracted because everything's so bloody colourful

and we're definitely going to have a fight with these things I'll use a sword I don't think this is you're falling into the same trap I've fallen into buddy yeah

I'm getting the blood oh shit you're going to do some damage oh god oh shit look at me we need to

turn it down we're going to get kicked out of a Kmart we're definitely doing our best to get kicked out of a Kmart. We're definitely doing our best to get kicked out, but they just don't care enough. Yeah, they don't. Shit.

I'm going to have to buy this sword if I hit you one more time. Yeah, you will, bro. Have you broken it? No, you haven't. No, we're good. We're cool. I don't know, man. Did you pick up anything today, though,

as a result of being so close to the screen? Because that's what I was noticing. I did enjoy our ability to point things out to each other with much more ease using our fingers. Yeah, you can touch the thing. Lots of good extra work. A lot of bad extra work, excuse me. A lot of big extra work, though. The direction was all big, you know?

Yeah, everything was done to excess. Nothing's very naturalistic, although there is a good little bit of realism. At the mother-in-law's house, Chris Rock's mother-in-law, Mary Rudolph's mum, when she goes to the bathroom, there's a blind that she's only halfway drawn down. I'm so hung up on this. Well, I was just really impressed by it.

You know sometimes when you, you like to have your curtains drawn, even when you're not in the room or in the house, it's just a nice feeling to know that there's light sort of falling in the hallway. Yeah. It's obviously something she believes in yeah sometimes I feel like you're not even I'm not even getting through to you

I'm listening to you just let me play with the toys you're fingering you're like Steve Buscemi you're fingering the water guns whoa that thing is awesome flex max fuck you

no come on genuinely fuck you no come on no you were saying we were all it was all laughing and jokes before, but I'm trying to talk about the movie here,

and you're bloody... Oh, tempers afraid. We're getting a bit scratchy, aren't we, Monty? You're disrespecting me. You're disrespecting yourself. No, you're disrespecting yourself. Yeah, I am. I apologise to myself, not to you.

So, Maya Rudolph's mum, who lives at number 116, from memory, on whatever street she's on, she goes into the bathroom and she pulls the blind down so she can go about her business, and Guy was like, you know what, that's a really human element. That's a nice, subtle element subtle... I did say that. ...element to the film that adds a level of realism. I feel like you're emphasising that point on my behalf because you're sort of maybe grovelling to me. I'm backpedalling.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. After I told you about it when we watched the movie, you said, I don't know why you went on so long with that point when I got it right out of the gates. Because when we were watching it, you talked about it a lot. And I got it. I of the gates because when we were watching it you talked about it a lot and I got it

I thought it was a good bit of movie making can I talk about your t-shirt for a second this is a movie podcast can I talk about your t-shirt for a second mine's fine

mine's just a band t-shirt I don't know you're a big Rush fan yeah bro Neil Peart greatest drummer of all time go fuck yourself Tom Sawyer's like

one of the greatest prog rock songs ever written that's enough talk about your t-shirt we can talk about my t-shirt if you want so guysyer's like one of the greatest prog rock songs ever written. That's enough talking about your t-shirt. We can talk about my t-shirt if you want. So the guys is like, it's almost like tie-dye but lilac. So it's all one color but tie-dye. That's the base.

That's the, what's it called? Not the palette, the canvas. Atop the canvas is bigger than life size. Kind of a cute looking dog face. I't know what's the breed on a small terrier i think very cute kind of looks like a rat almost but cute uh with a bow on its head that's the same color as the tie-dye canvas so it almost blends in but it's because it's like photorealistic i bought it i bought in bought Invenus for 20 bucks. You are bizarre. You are bizarre. This is genuinely,

when we were standing and came out at the start of this sort of journey that we've taken today, Tim, this is the weirdest thing I've done in my life. Yeah, dude. This was a strange adventure.

This is a really weird thing to do, especially when we sort of entertain the notion of security showing up and us trying to explain to them why it's okay. No, no, no. don't kick us out you don't understand well this is exactly why we're here because like if we got taken by security and

they just wanted to ask us what we were doing it would take so long to a explain what we're doing and b i think convince them that it was real yeah i guess we could just show them the podcast but like and boom we're advertising came that's the other that's the other concern i've got about this tattoo it's not just that patty schwartz is going to be on me forever literally but the fact that if anyone sees it they'll be like oh interesting looking tattoo what's the story behind that and i'm like oh fucking hell have you got 20 minutes no you, you just go, I really respect him. He's a real role model,

real father figure for me. Just explain it away like that. They don't think I'm a really silly person though. Really silly? Well, you will have a tattoo of Patrick Schwarzenegger's face on your body, so I reckon they might be onto something. Yeah, there's some pretty damning evidence,

pretty damning evidence to suggest that I am. I'm kind of bored of the Kmart though, eh? We can go upstairs. We can go on the escalator. Let's do it. Let's get involved with some crowd. Let's do some crowd work. Hey, kid, how are you going?

Don't do that. Don't do that. Seriously, don't do that. Guy just threw the microphone in the face of me, kid. I didn't throw it. I offered it. Yeah, yeah, but, you know. He didn't yes and me.

I thought this was Hollywood, man. If they're... New rule. If they're under 16 and they don't have a parent with them, don't talk to them, okay? That's a pretty good rule. It's a real solid rule. I think it'll see us through to the end of this trip very nicely.

I think that might be a good rule, just for general use, an all-purpose rule that I will abide, even outside of the confines of a Kmart. Don't you think it's weird that we haven't had an update in the last little while about Grown Ups 3? Because there was some hate online a while ago about it, that it was going to get made, and there was a suggestion of script and stuff. I reckon it's still going to happen. They're just taking their sweet time.

They don't want to get it wrong. You see what happened last time they improved the whole script? Didn't come out so good too. They're not going to make the same mistakes twice. But that's the thing. Do you... What's my question? Do you think Adam Sandler and co. measure their success in box office return?

Because if they do, then the movie went great. No, the rule is one for me one for you one for me one for them yeah that was one for them yeah and he's now what i think he's doing with this netflix deal is he's searching for the middle ground so he can be making movies both for him and for them at the same time have you ever seen punch drunk love no i hear it's good. I hear it's very good. We should watch that while we're here. We probably won't. It's probably going to be one of those things

that I say we should do that doesn't end up happening. That's okay. We should do it. Where's the escalator? I don't know. Oh, here we go. Hey, just to give you an update.

It's Tim and Guy coming to you live from the electronics aisle here at Kmart. We've got great prices on barbecue things, four-slice toaster ovens, perfume. Yeah, you heard right, electric perfume. I can't, with how blasé all of the stuff. It's USB charged. With how blasé all of the stuff here, I can't believe how nervous we were at the start that we were going to get kicked out. We've walked past about...

We could scream bloody murder in here and I don't think they would bat an eyelid. Ten different staff members have not even bothered to look at us. One of them got out of our way. One of them apologised. That's okay, bro. You're just doing your job. You're here doing what's supposed to be done. The drink section.

That looks good. I'm really parched. Do you want to grab something now? You know what? I will tell you this, Tim. Yeah? Los Angeles, the climate here, fantastic. I love it. It's perfect. But it is wreaking havoc with my lips.

Now, I went off chapstick a couple of years ago because I didn't like what it was doing to me. I think there's theory, sort of quasi-science being bandied about that it's not good for your lips. It's designed so that you'll rely on the lip balm and you'll need to use it more. So I stopped using the stuff. And I find in Auckland with a subtropical, pretty humid sort of climate,

that the moisture in the air sort of finds itself onto my lips and my lips are very moist. Now the drier heat here in Los Angeles, California is wreaking havoc on my top lip. I'm thinking about going back to lip balm, which is something I haven't thought about in two years. What do you know? What do I do? I think you should just do it. I think you should go back to lip balm., which is something I haven't thought about in two years. What do you know? What do I do? I think you should just do it. I think you should go back to Lip Balm. Two years, it's like cigarettes, mate. I'm on the straight and narrow.

You're a bad friend. That was a test. I don't like you. I still don't like you. Put down the Fodgers. I'm heading to the waters. Do you know what confused me about this? I don't know why my mind went here.

Oh, it's Fodgers, not Fodgers. It's the classic roast. And I was like, oh my God, there's a roast chicken in a room temperature plastic canister. No, it's coffee, everyone. It's classic roast coffee. You're a fucking moron. I know. Your brain's gone to shit.

It really has. But I'll tell you why. Because in California, the humidity here is wreaking havoc with my top frontal lobe. I have been two years without brain enhancers. Sounds like a plausible reason to me. Firstly, because my doctor said, Tim, I don't know where you're buying these, but there's no such thing as brain enhancers, dude. I'm pretty sure someone's selling you speed.

Hey, Tim Bette, do you want to get on my bus? Oh. You're like the kind of guy who do you want to get on my bus? Oh. You look like the kind of guy who wants to take a ride on my bus. Oh, shit. Yes. Bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum.

Roll up is an inspiration. Roll up for the mystery tour and roll up. Roll up for the mystery tour and Roll up Roll up for the mystery tour and The Steve Buscemi mystery tour is Coming to take you away Coming to take you away

Take you today High five. That's right, bitches. It's the Steve Buscemi mystery tour live from the drink salon. I am going to grab one of those. Kmart. Mexican Coke. I think it's got better sugar inmi Mystery Tour, live from the drink site. I am going to grab one of those. Kmart. Mexican Coke.

I think it's got better sugar in it than normal. Stop advertising everything. Sorry. Whoa. Whoa. That's a good squishy. So, do you have any thoughts on it this week, or should I grab it by the nuts?

Grab it by the horns. Okay. Rinse it. The first grown-ups movie, Wiley, played by fantastic actor Steve Buscemi, sustains an injury when Adam Sandler grabs him by the nuts. They're playing a game of football, and mirroring the scene that we see in Grown Ups 2 where he's teaching Keithy how to play football,

he's actually introducing Wiley to the sport because despite the fact that Wiley's a grown-ass man in the United States of America, last time I checked. Greatest goddamn country on earth. Damn right. He never learnt how to play football to any level. Yeah. So Adam Sandler...

He's teaching Wiley. Adam Sandler found this out. It's basically like finding out that a grown man's a virgin, right? So he took him out to the pitch. Well, it was originally about his virginity until the 40-year-old virgin came out and they had to rewrite the movie. Yeah, as we all know. So he took him out on the pitch and started showing him what for.

Things got a little, let's say, sexual. And Adam Sandler grabbed him by the nuts, right? And Wiley shot up like he got like shocked like an electric shock and um a fucking drone smashed into his spinal cord and the funniest thing happened at exactly the same time yeah which doesn't really relate to the first thing i said no but but a drone you know it's a cartoonish movie, it's a cartoonish world. Anything can happen at any given moment. The funniest bit, though,

and this was the best cameo I remember from Grown Ups 1, is... Tell me about it. That mischievous drone was driven by none other than former president George W. Bush.

And you only see him in the movie for a couple of seconds, but he's just there with this mischievous presidential grin holding the controllers laughing his ass off.

Wearing Teva sandals, Capri pants, and a cut-off singlet that says female body inspector because George W. Bush knows how to fucking unwind on the weekends. Boy, does he. I feel like we should wrap this up. I am getting nervous again. We're in line. We've almost made it.

We're swearing pretty loudly, considering we've got weird accents to be in California with. And pretty loud t-shirts. Pretty loud t-shirts for this tour. So I'll tell you what, folks, that might do us for episode 50. And hopefully, hopefully, the next Grown Ups viewing is going to be coming to you live

from the Hollywood Hills, like by where the sign is or something. Something cool like that. Something cool like that uh thank you so much for listening uh we're also we're doing two events while we're here in la if you are in la and you want to get involved one is in a family on the 17th and one it used to be sunset on the 18th all the information is on the websites well that's our shit you're like rob lowen that ad we saw last night on the tv god that guy sold out advertising here advertising in america is so freaking weird all of the ads are like full-on acts out act outs between two people one person

who doesn't know about the product and the other one who does and the person who doesn't know about the product's life is a shit every commercial is entirely literal like there is no metaphor sees the person without the product it's like oh hey i see you're struggling there hey why don't you try some of this stuff it's really good it'll fix your life and then the person goes wow it really does that's every ad we should we should start an ad company here in california we'd blow people's socks off we really would that would be that would be sort of the main thing we're dying for are you drinking that before you paid for it i'm gonna pay for it either way that's crazy is that crazy i always do this that this there I mean that doesn't sit well

with all Timber I'll tell you that it really freaks me out thing before you makes me nervous as why it's temporary steel I'll buy your drink right about that what a cool dude all right I will forgive you your moral sins I disagree with you you can buy your own drink. You must get redemption in other ways. That sounds weirdly, like, thinly veiled sexual threat.

Thank you so much for listening. Don't watch the movie. Don't tune out from what I'm saying right now. This is important stuff. I'm over it. It's dark outside. It was light when we came in. It's been a weird day. And isn't that such a great metaphor for the whole podcast yeah we'll leave it there

now go to sleep we've got a big day tomorrow alright I'm doing it for the baby this means nothing to anyone who hasn't seen the movie alright bye bye feel that moment

love every day cause before you know it Your precious time slips away