The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E02 - Red Herring

Episode Date: August 30, 2025

THIS EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESTHANKS TO mattmulholland.com for our brand new intro!Guy and Tim are so very, very tired. After watching the movie very late at night the lads are sounding scattered and croaky. Guy pitches a new movie which Tim inserts Sally Jesse Raphael into. Tim tries to get a picture of Guy's mind post-watch. Both boys' sense of dread at the length of the film is dawning hard and fast.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online. So you can make the switch in minutes Mobile plans start at $15 a month

Certain conditions apply Details at fizz.ca It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time And welcome you to episode two of the worst idea of all time. My name is Tim Batt. My name is Guy Montgomery.

It's great to be here, Tim. How are you? I'm sleepy, man. I'm real tired. It's quite late. And this movie is pretty long. It is. By anyone's standards.

Yeah. I mean, what's the average length of a movie? Probably 90 minutes. Yeah. That's what I think of. That's your classic popcorn film length duration. They've got a whole 50 minutes. of inflation to pump into this

bloody coronary. I could make some positive suggestion, some constructive criticism and they could have made a few little light edits along the way. Yeah? Yeah, like every second thing that Carrie says is redundant. There's a lot of questions that get

answered by herself that, you know, would be fine to be... They lost confidence in the storytelling part of the process and just wrote in the narrative. He's very explicit. Not even in the voiceover either, just in action. like after a moment happens. Gary's like I've got, I remember once I was with my friend in Blenham,

which is a small town in New Zealand, and we drove some cars in a paddock. We did donuts and that sort of thing. But we drove separate cars because we were unrestricted licenses and we weren't that idiotic. Yeah, anyone on the way out, he hit this little patch of gravel and the car flipped. And I was too far behind him to sea.

So I came around the corner and drove around. there was just a car completely upside down and my friends standing on top of it and I walked out of the car and I walked up and I was like is that your car which is essentially the sort of level of redundancy that Carrie lends to it's like of course that's his car what did what did you do what kind of car is it first off trying to get this in my head like it was like a it was a truck it was like a land cruiser yeah and the whole passenger side got completely crushed wow had I it, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Wow, man, that's a fucking

trip. Yeah, and the craziest thing is it's because we were like, we were going to work together in Blenham, and we were both in our strict license, which means you can't drive with passengers, and we're like, oh, it'll be sweet, we'll just take one car. And then our parents were like, no, no, no, no, no, you're going to take two cars. Stephen and Mary Ann.

Yep, sure. Well, down to you two. Whatever you are, Miriam, we really appreciate what you're doing. Swing and a miss for a little bit. Switched on, Lady. No, Marianne has revolutioned. Marianne, I think, was the creative of the Dewey Decimal System, so she's revolutionized the way we keep and borrow books.

Yeah, A-Marian did that. Not the one I'm thinking of. I'm saying, Amen, Air, Rian. A-Marian, as if it's amen. Hey, Marian, what's your game now? Can I play? I've forgotten the tune to that. Hey, candy, baby.

I play with number. I do like books That's how the second verse goes Is it? Do you know how I really don't like in this movie I've decided? Do you say we or you? Me. I would never be so presumptuous to speak for you

On your behalf. And that's why I love you. You get me. You get me. So it's the Danish architect Whose name I still don't know. Danish architect Lawrence of Arabia is Samantha throws away

or Lawrence of My Labia. It's like an old recycled joke that they put in there just in case any of their fans haven't heard that joke somewhere else before and think it's original and actually muster. Hadn't you? Yeah. It's in Friends. It's a joke about Phoebe's twin sister, Ursula.

She's in Lawrence of Alibia. It's like, they have three like parody porn name jokes. Yeah, yeah. Didn't she do, there's also like a buffy one. She's buffy. The Vampire Layer. You are good. I used to watch a lot of friends.

What was this? Do you know what the other one was out of the three? No, there's your trivia question. Yeah, there's your bloody pub quiz question right there. Fuck. I don't know about this movie, bro. Because I, um, when we got to about, uh, I think about an hour 40 or so, I was like, I'll call the movie's ending.

You're like, nope. And then I checked the timer and that's the thing is it comes out. This, since it's so long, it comes out like you do, you can. And especially at the moment, we're fucking clipping through the opening hour, hour and a half of this film. Yeah, big time, bro. It's really coming at pace. It's happening fast.

It's whizzing past dryballs. And then it's just any movie that is this long, even if it's a phenomenal movie, you will feel that, like, sad. Okay, all right. So here's a good question. Have you seen a movie that's over two and a half hours long that you can just capably fucking sit in there,

soak it in, drink it up? Get it in your eyeballs and your other sensory orifice. The movie that comes to mind right now It's the most recent long movie I went to in the cinema was I've been to that many movies recently But was Wolf of Wall Street

Oh yeah That was long That whips along This is a good pretty crack and paste Yeah okay Good shit Good hustle Thanks

Yeah What did you enjoy Who'd you enjoy I'm really gravitating Towards Samantha I'm at real Samantha. You're playing this car, you're really going for that

Samantha line early. Yeah. Big fan. It was funny because you looked at me and you were like, I can't remember your exact words, you were like, isn't Miranda great? And I'm just, I hate Miranda so much. I fucking hate her, hate her stupid face.

I don't think my exact words were, isn't Miranda great. It was words to those of veed. It was pretty close. I was enjoying her, enjoying her angles, enjoying her story. More than the others. It's all relative.

Yeah. Well, I genuinely like Samantha. I think she's cool and a great role model for the over 50 ladies who still like to party. Yeah. Don't let, being over 50, slow you down, ladies. You can still party with the best of them. And you shall. Rang!

Hey, who was the guy we noticed at the wedding who just kept popping up? We were like, pink blazer. Pink blazer, bro. about that fucking dynamo of acting in the background of scenes a real tour de force he's got a good agent because he was in like there were three different angles of shots during the ceremony at the at the wedding and he was in all of them with varying degrees of focus he was like product placement himself he was the product that's acting that's hollywood baby my favorite you got to sell yourself my favorite bit of the movie and it doesn't reference something that's good

in the movie but just cracked me up is when we went to big's office after carrie announces that she's cheated on him and it's revealed that he works on wall street like in a really high up building so he's obviously important he's got four screens on the wall which is displaying what looks to me to be market information it's finances it's you know it's stocks going up and down it's numbers on there he's looking he's looking at numbers yet on his desk there is no computer whatsoever so like his job is just to emotionally react to what the markets do he gets home in one of the days that exists in the movie and he says to carrie care he's like how is your day he's like oh the market fell 100 points like yeah but you just absorb it like

someone there's a very wealthy man in new york who's hired big yeah specifically just to look at the numbers. To ride the emotional roller coaster without any skin in the game. Fuck, imagine, yeah, it's some like transhumanist shit right there, bro. Like the guy who's real rich and he's heaps of money in the market, but he's found a way to offload all the emotional baggage to someone else, so he just becomes the perfect trader. You know, so, like, the emotion doesn't cloud his judgment.

Yeah, yeah. He's a shark out there. But how would you... Mr. Big is carrying a lot. Emotions are just chemicals, right? so if he's found some way to like take out the chemicals from his brain but they've got to go somewhere for some reason so they have to supplant them into Big's brain that he throws them up as bile and he puts them into coffee pods and he sells those coffee pods to the exact type of machine that Mr Bigg uses which is fetched quite properly in the apartment so he's drinking the bile yeah which is the emotional ups and downs of the market journey of his his investments Do you reckon this is how the crash happened

Because all these bigwigs got like two separated from their feelings And they got like hyperlogical It's everything fell apart Because you need to retain a bit of what makes you human Or as we have stock market crashes You've got to keep some of those feelings in you And out of the wild You've stumbled into something massive

This is how it happens folks This is how the market falls down And we all get fucked up Do you know what I'm struggling with about this movie Is it's so long I mean, I think of things to talk about during the film And then by the time it's over, I don't have the energy more excitement. It's just like, there's no way, you're just fatigued.

Yeah. It's like, if I go for a run, and when I'm running, I'm like, I'll do this and this, and I'm going to become the best version of myself possible. And then I arrive home and I'm exhausted. And I'm like, what a crazy time that was when I was thinking all those things. Now I just don't want to do anything. But running's good for you. This isn't.

This is like eating a bag. A bucket of KFC. It's mental exercise. It's mental KFC. It's like eating a bucket of KFC and being like, I'm going to sleep now. You know, that's what this does. It reminds me of swimming in a current, and the current's not, it's like a rip, like a really low-level rip, and you're just, you're using all of your energy just to stay above the

water for the whole thing. And the thing is with us as well, we've set such stringent rules on this fucking thing. So we can't go on our phones. We can't, like, go on email or Twitter or phone. Facebook or anything cool like that. No, you've got to sit in that feeling. All we have is each other in the movie. You called this movie a spa pool last week.

You've got to sit in the spa week after week. Based on the fact that you can get horrible diseases from a spa pool. That was why it was like, and also because it can boil you alive. Yeah, but I think up top, when you said spa, you're like, this is luxury. Hey, also, the movie I couldn't name last week is Lost Boys. I do not care. Yeah, I didn't think you would. It's of no use or interest to me

I just figured Some people might Later down the track They might binge listen to this season Like a few people who did with the last season And yeah I've addressed it Yeah, a plucky young upstart bat And I wish you nothing but the best

What would be a fun location for these gals to have gone Instead of Abu Dhabi Uh Boston What would the impetus be for our sex in the city friends, our gal pals, to go to Boston? They're trying to start a vintage store slash coffee shop. Like clothing? Yeah, they're trying to revolutionise the docks.

So they have docks in Boston? You know, down at the docks? Yeah. Yeah. The whole movie is about the girls trying to... Um, what's it called? God, my brain's gone to mush. This movie's not good for you, you're right.

Like, revitalised. They're trying to gentrify the docks with coffee shops and vintage stores, and they buy up a whole lot of property, and all they launch is next to each other, a coffee shop, then a vintage store, then a coffee shop than a vintage store. Who was the guy who most recently played Batman, or is about to play Batman? Affleck. Ben Affleck. He should be in this movie.

He is in this movie. No, he's neither. in your imaginary one so far Nor is he in this one we just watched Don't tell me who isn't in my imagination movie Hasn't been made yet? You haven't said that. Name someone. Leonard They're in the movie. That's

how my imaginary movie works. Sarah Jessica Parker, I guess she has to be. Yeah, she does. What about Sally Jesse Raphael? She's expensive to. I tell you what, Sarah Jessica Parker is finished with these movies. She does not want to be in my Boston movie. You need to tell me right now if Sally Jesse Raphael

Yes is in this Boston No I don't know who that is We're calling it Boston nightmare Sally Jessie Raphael I don't even know how that's in my brain Because it's not a name I've heard mentioned For many years but she was a talk show host Kind of in the Ricky Lake era of talk show hosts

Or talk shows rather And she was an older woman Like from memory she was about sort of mid-50s I don't know what her fucking deal was But she had like that kind of blue rinse here you know that kind of old woman here and she had these big thick glasses

where'd she go you know like if she's still around she's probably super chill kicking it in Jacksonville Florida feet up holding a mahito smoking a cigar watching

crocodile done D2 am I right when he goes to New York wherever he goes that's which she's watching. Do you know it's International Women's Day when we started watching the movie and then we crossed over into a day that is in that day?

It wasn't in New Zealand. It had already passed. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought it was today. Was it yesterday? No, well, it's on the 8th of March. And it's the 10th of March now.

It was the 9th of March when we started watching the movie. Oh, God. We lost an entire day and a half of this movie. I'm so baffled by that. It's like flying back from... From Los Angeles. From Los Angeles, California. yeah um it just it bugs me that there's like there's stuff in this movie that just

they throw a little seed out and it never turns into a plant yeah there's scattering seeds we're familiar with this the whole fact that you never see samantha's ex-boyfriend who's the actor again like that feels important to me it feels like we needed to see him again you know and we had ample opportunity there was a lot of movie after we last I saw him. Yeah. But this movie is not... It's not there to...

It's not following the rules. It's not there to follow the rules. It's a rogue. And that guy served his device. He had to introduce the fact that Abu Dhabi existed to these four gals who used to life in New York City. Can you, like, paint a picture of where your head's at right now to me? I want to get a... I really want to get a bit of a photograph of where you're at.

I'm just trying to ring. any positive energy out of your body and mind right now. I'm trying to like hold you like a flannel and just rinse you over the thing and just get all of the things that you like about the movie out of you because I need you. Yeah? And I think you need me. And the thing is, are you secretly, are you quite scared right now? Yes.

Yeah, same dude. Yeah. It's fucking scary. Don't, see, you can't look at it in those terms. You've got to take it on a case-by-case basis Just live every moment We don't even have that anymore We can't even grab hold of that

You know It's forever embossed on your leg Oh yeah I did get that one, didn't I? Yeah If you told me to write out The Latin words that are on my tattoo I couldn't do it

I don't know the letters You don't need to You've always got the reference Yeah that will be a waste of your brain space If you That's what I think about tattoos You should never have to remember What's tattooed on your body

because you've always got it there as something to check against. Memento, bitch. It's like, with exams, right, you have to learn all of this information. Like, I understand how the concept was created and held for so long, but now it's like, you're never away from, like, anything.

It is an outdated model. So, it's like, what is it doing? Yeah, it's like previously you had to, you did have to memorize shit because, you know, books were hard to, you know. Get all the different ones at once. Yeah. But now we have all the different ones at once.

It's called Google. I don't know how they're convincing anyone in schools that they need to learn maths. Like, I understand people who like it, but if you're not interested in math, it's like, how can you be like, no, you need this? It's like, no, teacher, look at what I'm holding. It's six calculators. I'm holding six different calculators. Thank you for your patience.

Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. It's just crazy. Maths I can get down with, because, you know,

or with any subject, really, I'm a big fan of, get like a good base knowledge of your shit. But when you start getting into... Trigonometry? Trig and stats and... All that kind of bullshit. I still would have taken it though Like voluntarily

I think even at the time And as a teenager Yeah But I guess this is because I'm kind of interested In science and things You know Would you have? Do you think?

No I never got down with it Science and maths Way beyond me I'm bad at them All of it All of it I'm just like

Look I understand it's happening I understand There's a bunch of people Who are really into learning about it Learning about it right now Yeah That is enough for me

Yeah, someone else has got this one. Someone else's battle. I'm going to catch up on some Dudley Moore back catalog. I'm going to fill you guys in on that later. I'm going to gobble down as much sex in the city, too, as I can possibly fit. I'm going to gorge myself on this truffle butter. I fucking hate that Lawrence of Arabia, dude, man. Yeah, he's got the doucheest entrance.

He comes in. All the girls are wearing their millionth outfit while they're sitting in the desert and being waited upon by about 20 other human beings. And I might add, he comes in on what absolutely should be a Jeep, but turns out to be a Mercedes-Benz. I think it's a Land Rover in the desert. Mercedes is probably the predominant car sponsor, but I think Land Rover bought a little bit of money. I'm so sure. No, I saw a Merck label on it.

And Merck do you make a... You saw a Merck label in America at the end of the movie. No, on his black thing. I'm going to try and pull it up while you do a little talking on how douchey his thing is. Yeah, so the girls are all just hanging out in the desert being weighted on hand and foot. and this guy shows up out of nowhere like an obnoxious asshole standing on the passenger seat

of what is either a Land Rover or a Mercedes he rocks right up to the four of them leans out of the car and goes I can't even remember what he says Land Rover I just hit that first try bro I just picked a random moment

in the timeline What's happened here is Tim has clicked directly onto the moment and more of it You are correct so well done but a little bit well done to me as well done to me as well I'm as proud of you as I can be That's insane, bro.

I just fucking hit that shit. So Danish architect comes in and says, blah, blah, blah. He says, I'm sorry for interrupting your fun, ladies. I can't remember what he says after that. He pretty much says, I'm sorry for interrupting your fun ladies. Oh, no, that's right. And then he grabs the attention of Carrie's man, Suvante. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And says, can you please tell the hotel that I'll be one or two hours late this evening? Who can be bothered with business meetings? Boring business meetings. When we have the Sand Dunes and Sunset and then fucks off. What a cock. Yeah, he comes in like a total dingus and leaves like a total dingbat. He's a bloody ding-dong asshole. But Samantha's all about him.

Yeah. He is the object of Samantha's affection. This is the other thing which bothered you in the movie is because they introduced the fact that there's several rugby teams staying at the hotel. Samantha obviously needs a love interest for the sake of the film. Yes. And you're like, nothing comes with this. Yeah. I described it as a red herring.

Yeah, yeah. The rugby teams being there, I don't think, meets the criteria of a red herring. That's a misleading, though, isn't it? Because you're like, oh, I bet you something that's going to get with one of those rugby players, and then it never happens. It's a classic red herring. Well, a red herring for me is more like if there's a mystery. Like, okay, so someone's died or, that's probably too classic an example. But say, say there's been a murder and you find somebody who you think is the suspect, and then it turns out.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's like the quintessential red herring. But I was trying to think a little more outside the box. So someone gave Miranda herpes. But it's not a husband. And then you think it's one of the rugby teams because there's a suggestion that they fucked in the hotel when we weren't watching, you know, off camera.

But then it turns out it was big. And Carrie's husband cheated on her with Miranda. I don't think there's a red herring. That's just like an insane. insane like it's real it's a big disaster for everyone involved yeah but i don't i think you're right i mean i was just trying to buff up a buff up my my my hearing into a red herring just for you and you just shut it down you just know it's not a red herring in fact this it's a dead bird um does the seeing the movie twice now make you want to see some of the tv show because

i know that you haven't seen any of it have you no i um i'm just you're happy you're in a good place i know the tv show is meant to be good i'm just going to rock the house with this movie for a year i mean someday when i need to go through like therapy or something with the movie i'll probably watch it then but for now i don't need any more sex in the city in my life even if it is a good one yeah i hear you there's so much other stuff that you can do with your time that isn't watching this movie you could bake two cakes in the time it takes to watch this movie you could run I reckon

15K in the time it takes to watch this movie To which I say this Yes What does it say about us That those options are available But we don't have the motivation

Or like perseverance Or Like we don't do that The wherewithal That's right But instead What we do have the commitment to do Is this

I don't have a rebuttal for that There is not There's just a Bad fact about us. I guess it spawns from the fact that the reason we're locked into this is because someone thinks it's a funny thing to listen to who the fuck is going to listen to a podcast where two fuckwits go. We're going to run 15K and then do a podcast after it. Who wants that? I am like I would punch myself in the face if that was an idea for a podcast that I came up with.

I would hit myself in the face, Monty. Full fucking noise. Do you know the thing is? I would definitely listen to it. Just you, align, your podcast. Well, that's a different thing again. So every week, what happens is you say the thing that you could be doing instead of watching Sex and Z2,

and then you actually have to go out and do that thing, and then you record a podcast about that experience. That's interesting. When would I do that in addition to Sex and the City to? I'm not suggesting you actually pursue the idea. But I'm saying, if I did. I'm definitely doing it, by the way.

I'm definitely not. I don't know. You'd have to do it. So each week you'd have to watch this and also over 2020 whatever minutes you'd have to go. Okay, well that would surely end my relationship. Then it's really, it's

my whole life's over at that point. Halfway through this movie. When when I get to the bank? Halfway through this movie, Tim turned to me in earnest with a terrified, devilish girl on his face and said, this movie's going to ruin our relationships bro and sort of

I think it's true though we both started laughing maniacically because it was a terrifying truth yeah it's not just affecting us guy that's what we've got to remember about this little venture no you see you gotta shut out all that external stuff it's you and me against the world Tim

we got a whole this drug addict talk you're talking like a drug addict I'm not a drag addict I just need you right now we just need a couple more hats I'm Jones in for some sex in the city too we're just got to get through this did I give a shining light have I given a shining light

neither of us have it's a fucking I said something oh this doesn't really count as a shining light but I'll say it anyway because I said it in the middle of the film we were like talking about the colors that were on screen and shit and it occurred to me that the

person who color graded this movie either did an amazing job or a fucking atrocious job but I'm not sure which of those two things because everything's just so big and looks like a toy

like a dollhouse so saturated and vivid Does anyone know if the movie not the movie if it's the movie real is this real no if the hotel

that the girls stay at when they first arrive in Abu Dhabi is that a real hotel yeah and additional to that does anyone care you're a real son of a bitch

Tim fat my shining light In response to... Oh, you do have one. Well... You mix. Uh, my shining light was...

Fuck. Oh, the chemistry between Carrie and her two love interests. Aiden and John. Yeah. Really good. There were moments of authenticity, I thought. And that probably comes from all the acting they've done against each other in the TV show. And it's nice to see a bit of...

A bit of quality slipped through the net. Quality fish slipped through the net into this sludge. Sneaked a base, slipped through the net, and scored a touchdown, as it were. Hit a bloody slam dunk. And it, buddy, I'll tell you what, it knocked. Hit a slam dunk for par, bro. Yeah, and it knocked the football right into the wickets. And out of the park, into the frying pan.

this is gone Montgomery saying this so my shining light was when Samantha gets kind of cornered by all the men and her bag gets kind of snatched off her it breaks and it falls to the ground

all these condoms fall out when she's in the middle of the marketplace in downtown Abu Dhabi and she just starts busting the fingers to everyone she starts flipping the bird to all the dudes

and saying bite me to everyone and she waves the condoms the condoms at them like a crazy person just saying, I fuck. I have sex. She humps the air. Very aggressive. I like it to power play.

It appeals to me. I reckon that is it. We're just pulling the fingers. I think it's funny. I just think pulling the fingers. It's funny, but everything we're seeing that, I'm sort of like this movie is having an absolute meltdown. It's been like slowly melting,

but now it's just like absolutely a flaming mess. When you light a chip packet on fire, you know how old potato chip packets you get in your school lunch? Like there's a little snack size ones. Yeah, they'll light on fire. And for a while they'll just be on fire very briefly. And then the plastic will start deforming it before, you know it, you've just got a puddle of disgusting. Yeah. That's this movie.

It starts as a potato chip packet on fire briefly. And then it starts deforming. a potato chip packet full of potato chips. Oh my, what's that? A delicious packet of potato chips. I'll have one. Hey, quick shout out. We don't normally do this on the podcast,

but quick shout out to Benny the Bull. Guy and I just stumbled across the five-minute montage cut up. I say stumble across, I think it was on Reddit of his, he's the mascot for the Chicago Bulls. It's the 2013-2014 and highlights. It's about a five-minute video, and it is absolute fucking dynamite. It is unreal. The talent.

It would be smarter for you to watch that video, how many times, like... I had 12 an hour, so 24 and 24 and another 4. No, no, no, no, 28 times. 28 times consecutively. It would be a better idea to watch that than watch this. It'd be easier. Yeah.

It'd be easier, bro. I would enjoy it. I'd eat it up. 28 times. Noom, num, num. Have it at me. Well, the good news is, Tim. We're a week away.

50 more times. Fuck my, fuck. Fuck my fuck. That is, oh. All right, I'm going to get out of here. Thanks for joining us. Come on. Give me a high five.

I can barely muster it. Another week of not watching this until we watch it. Guy, I don't feel good about this one. It's really, what are you going to do? Don't know, man. There's the Sitchie. Come on, baby. Come on, baby, it's my birthday.

No, it's not, and it's not the rule. Do you know what line I cracked up at the other day? It's such a ludicrous line. And Chris Klein sells it really well. It's an American buy when he's trying to get a blowjob from Minasivari. And he says, suck me beautiful. That is insane.

Chris Klein, you are out of your goddamn mind. And on that delightful and sexually charged night, we'll catch you next week, folks. Think of us often. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Thank you for your patience. Can't take being on hold anymore.

FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.