The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E04 - Deadliest

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

THIS EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESGuy and Tim are late but back in front of screen showing them the studio gem Sex and The City 2. Pumped up on theories about a certain coffee drinking extra, their contempt for the girls and concern for the Director/Writer/Producer Michael Patrick King's workload, this is one heck of an ep.The lads roll round covering everything from Ghostbusters to The Deadliest Catch and it's an all round good time.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time Episode 4 My name is Tim Bat

My name is Guy Montgomery We've just watched Sex in the City 2 For the fourth, fourth time Coming to you live from sunny Melbourne, Victoria Australia Though not live when it's a podcast I don't know how many times we need to go through this. It's a recording.

We're live. We are live, and we're recording it live, but everything's recorded live. Conceivably every television show and movie and podcast ever made is live. Yeah. In our way. Do you know my biggest issue with this movie guy is there's four women in starring roles in this film. That doesn't happen every day, and they have squanded an opportunity. Like, not since I can't name...

Not the four actors, though. What do you mean? Well, I don't think that Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cottrell, and, oh, no. Oh, you were really close to just fucking bastard them all. I don't know what Charlotte's. I don't know the actor who plays Charlotte is. It's okay. Don't worry about it.

Do you? No, I don't. Well, I don't think they've dropped the ball. They got handed a script that was written in a panic room by Michael Patrick King over what is presumably three months where he was just like fed and warded through a hole. Yeah, and I don't think water with water. I think watered with like champagne. That's all he could drink. The network, you know, the studio, they locked him in there and they said, here's some cigars, here's some champagne, bang out sex in the city too.

Here's a page with a list of things we need to be in the movie, including Sobu noodles. We're going to need a big old titied Irish nanny. We need to see some Irish tits in this movie, Michael. Do you understand that? We want just an anonymous billboard in the middle of the desert, not advertising anything, just to throw the punters off. Do you know what I would appreciate? I would appreciate a conversation which I had with my wife last night to last 10 minutes on screen about whether or not we should have a television in the bedroom. I would like that to be a significant portion of the movie.

I would also like you to reference how fucking awesome deadliest catch is in the seventh season. And probably the main part of the movie that we enjoy today was how much big, presumably loves the TV show Deadliest Catch. Yeah, because there's a, and I think that that's something that's been constructed in post because this seems like an audio thing that's been added afterwards. But when he's flicking, when he's doing a bit of channel, oh no, it's before they start doing channel surfing, on the TV, the show that is watching. He's not a channel serving. He's like he's turned. He does channel surf after that. but before he does, there's a Deadliest Catch promo that plays,

which announces that he is about to watch the greatest episode of Deadliest Catch since the cameras started rolling seven seasons ago. Which is insane to me that a TV show would reference the fact that they'd just released five, I'm assuming, because two through six, five dud seasons, two, three, four, five, six, yeah. And then suddenly a return to form.

We've been filming Rockpools for five seasons, but we returned to the high Alaskan seas, a crab, the size of which we've never seen before. A crab which took two crew members from our esteemed filming fraternity. It took their lives right in front of our rolling cameras. Biggs just going, Carrie, babe, I've been waiting five seasons for them to get back to Alaska.

I cannot talk to you now. This is too important to me. You go write your book. I need to watch this episode of Deadliest Catch. Two grown men die at the hands of a giant crab. You want to throw away those lives? you want to throw away the lives of two fully formed human beings for an argument right now? Look, Tim, we've got a lot of, not a lot, really.

A few people throughout the week have said to us, could you please, and I think we have done it, but we could revisit it in passing and as quickly as possible. Can you please explain the plot of sex in the city too? All right, well, look, the only way that this is going to be fun is if we put some parameters on it. So how long do you think we should give ourselves? We're not allowed to use vowels in our words that we have to do it. five minutes. Oh, it's just gone noon to the second.

High noon. Okay. Five minutes starting from now. Here we go. We open. We do we open. We open in New York. Carrie Bradshaw is narrating.

It's a very familiar trope from the TV show. She's telling us how she met her friends. They're making it friendly to people who haven't seen the TV show. They're saying these are the characters. This is how we met. This is where we are now. It's inviting and welcoming. Their two best gay friends are getting married and the girls are very excited about it.

Anthony and. The first scene is set in Birdoff Goodman. I don't know what that is, but it looks like a gaudy department store. And I'm pretty sure they threw a shit ton of cash at the movie to get it done. Anyway, fast forward to the gay wedding. Oh, it's also established that Carrie has written a book about marriage, her first... It's called, I do, do I? Yeah, which is, I don't know.

It's a classy title. Is it? Hey, we've got to move forward. We're wasting too much time. We're at the gay wedding. It's huge. It's white. There's swans.

Charlotte's daughter tries to eat one of the swans, but you cannot eat a swan. They are the Queen's property. Even if you're not in the Commonwealth of America... Actually, what is the legality of eating a swan in America? I've got a real hangaring for some swan meat. I've got to get out of the Commonwealth. Well, that's the beauty of their free market capitalist system. You can eat the swan if you want.

We are shackled by the parameters of the Commonwealth in the Queen's decree. Who decided the Queen owns all the swans? I'm pretty sure what the Queen did, bro. Was it the Queen? Like, was it Queen? Elizabeth the second who came in and she was like queen Victoria or something all of you former monarchs are idiots yeah yes what I'm doing first thing first point of order dibs all the swans are mine dips on swans all she eats is swan she's on you know

why she's aging so gracefully oh my god we've got to speed this we've fallen into our own traps again so we're at the gay wedding that happens Liza Manelli shows up big song and dance number Miranda undercuts it immediately after it happens by being a fucking bitch and not dancing with her husband. But we move forward. Yeah. Kim Cottrell has sex with a concrete layer. Charlotte's daughter is crying.

There's a cute nanny, an Irish nanny, an Irish big-titted nanny that Michael Patrick King was a real sport on this one. He wrote it in for us. I mean, we really hammered that point home to him. Look, fast forward a little bit. They're all just doing their jobs. Their lives are falling apart.

Miranda quits her job. Charlotte's struggling to be a mother. And I don't even know, does she have a job? and somewhere at some point a man in the background is slamming three coffees preparing for the biggest day of his life which we'll get two later.

The plot advances one of Samantha's old clients calls up and says hey I'm doing a terrible terrible movie set in Abu Dhabi Heart of the Desert could you please come to the opening with me because I owe my career to you they go to the opening

they meet the producer of the film who's just opened a brand new hotel in Abu Dhabi after they meet Miley Cyrus Samantha convinces all of the gals that it's a fantastic idea to go Abu Dhabi, which is pretty much the new Middle East, apparently, after an hour of plotting action in which Carrie and Biggs relationship seems to be going fine, they're creating problems that aren't there because they've got nothing wrong with their lives. The girls all agree, let's go to Abu Dhabi. They go to Abu Dhabi. Samantha is suffering from menopause. They are all incredibly offensive towards the culture there. Samantha tries to blow a Danish slash Pan International architect on a beach she gets arrested

the owner of the hotel rescinds all of his offers and is like get out of our country the girls leave at no point do you care about their plight because they're fucking gaudy millionaires with no respect for anybody but themselves

at the end of the movie like the big fucking crux the big worrying piece of action is Miranda saying if we don't get to the airport in time they're going to bump us from first class this just in Miranda. Nobody fucking cares. Fly coach.

Fuck you. I just like to add as an addendum with our 57 seconds left that while they are in Abu Dhabi Carrie Kisses Aiden and ex-boyfriend, which creates a little bit of friction with Big, which gets resolved pretty quickly and pretty easily. And then the movie ends. And guess what, bro? You did an amazing job. You just wrapped up the entire movie in like four minutes 20. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, you say this every week we watch it, Tim. They could have made some cuts. They've got to made a lot of cuts.

What you just heard takes how long in the movie again? Two hours and 26 minutes. But the thing is, the reason that the movie runs so long is that they have to insert so much product placement. I like your theory today. So there is a billboard in the movie when the girls are on their way to ride some camels. Yes. It's just your quintessential Middle Eastern man And it's huge

It's a huge vertically laid poster Of a dude In the middle of nowhere Sunny's on everything Just the classic Middle Eastern dude And it doesn't have anything else on there It's just an image of a face Of a human, full-grown man

And it's like, what are you advertising? This is obviously a billboard What am I supposed to buy? It feels like they just put in a generic billboard And they were like And we'll just sell the ad space To whoever wants this it and they either forgot to sell the ad space or maybe they'd already sold it and forgot to

photoshop the logo onto the bloody generic advertisement. You suggested to qualify the gratuitous and like intense shots of Sobu Noodles, you suggested maybe it was a Sobu Noodles deal. It's an apology. The shots that we see are so outrageously all placed, so obvious that it's product placement, that it is an apology to Sobu the firm who paid a lot of money to be in the movie and they forgot to shop into that shot is I'm so sorry here is literally three seconds of a motion picture from a very successful franchise of nothing but your product just your logo it's an it's a

it's an it's an ad in a movie and not in the normal way that product placement is but like literally a commercial inside the movie for sobu express it's japan's best location on madison that should be their catchphrase it's japan's best location on madison Yeah. I don't understand that. It's Japanese food and it's on Madison Avenue. That's better. That's much better than what you suggested.

Clear it's clearer. It's better. Not always. It's Japan. What is it? It's Japan's best location. Japan's best location on Madison. That's confusing to me.

Yeah, it makes you think. It stays with you because it makes you think. It doesn't stay with me. I don't even finish the sentence. It's confused. Speaking of confusing sentences. Yes. We paused the movie today.

Oh, yeah. Finally, there's a printout. So at one point, Carrie has to go to her old apartment, which she couldn't sell because the property market was too rough for poor Carrie and Big. Well, that's not even, like, even that is kind of a legitimate problem, but it's beyond that. She simply says, we were waiting for a good time to sell, and there was no good time to sell. So I kept my apartment. And we didn't need to sell because Big makes so much money from wearing the emotional stress of playing the stock market on behalf of other billionaires.

anyway she goes there to work on this article she's writing for Vogue I'm presuming it's like a little teaser article about her upcoming book I do do I which is supposedly slammed by the New Yorker but we also freeze-framed the review

in the New Yorker the book is compared to Annie Hall by Woody Allen which is like inarguably a very successful very funny and well-made movie the movie is me standing in front a brick wall for one night and 40 minutes. It cost

80 million dollars to make. I actually have in front of me said review from the New Yorker. I mean you want to unpack it a little? May I? Please. Carrie Bradshaw, New York City's... And I would just want to say this flashes on screen for half a second.

We took a screenshot because we committed. Okay, do you know what though? I like that... I always find it very satisfying in a movie when it's not just a word rhubarb printed like and i'm pretty sure that in the day back in the day before technology got to where it is they could put any text on there and like people didn't have the capacity to pause and check what they've written i like that they have to actually write that latin copy yeah yeah yeah i like they actually have to write the review um i i and the main example

of this which really always turns me on is if he pause any of the frames in a rest of development yeah like they're all just oh my god they're so good as well loaded with gags they're hilarious hilarious pieces of writing. Also just quickly on that note, when Lise Manelli walks through the crystal beads onto the stage for the gay wedding, she looks like she's got

vertigo. It's classic Lucille too. That's all I want to say. That's another arrested development reference. If you haven't seen the series, I implore you to watch the first two seasons. Consider if you want to watch the third because in my mind it's not as good. They're all funny. I haven't watched the fourth, to be honest.

I haven't seen the fourth either. Carrie Bradshaw, New York City's ultimate single girl traded in casual kisses for the title of misses two years ago, and now she wants to talk about it. In her breezy and slight new book, I Do I, the best-selling author waxes sarcastic on the idea of marriage. Well, not so much marriage as much as marriage vows. The idea of this newly married woman taking a sarcastic swipe at the venereal institution which she has just joined reminds me of the venereal. or venerable? You're definitely right. It's the second one.

Veneria would suggest that it is a sexually transmitted disease, and that is the flavour of this book, which, being a single girl slinging it around in New York City, happens from time to time. They've gone with venereal, I mean, venerable. And that's their call. They're the New Yorker. They seem to know what they're doing.

What a hilarious little moment of word swapping. I've engaged in there. The idea Where are we? Oh yeah Institution which she has just joined Reminds me of the classic Woody Allen joke From his Oscar winning movie Annie Hall

Quote I would never want to belong to any club That wouldn't have me for a member That would have me for a member, sorry My alluding to Mr Allen Is I feel it's getting harder to read now An acute one Both he and Miss Bradshaw

Have quite the eye and air for reporting On a quote life in New York City both have devoted years of writing to capturing blank blank blank of a certain sector of Manhattan something something something customs he saw life in something something something something something playground he something something something something something something something

she something something something with each step you almost sense her something something something something check if it is safe to it's really losing some of the meaning now but the thing is I mean that's not a terrible movie in the movie Carrie is livid about the review from the New Yorker

that is like if any i mean obviously we don't get to the bones of it this is all preamble but it feels to me like the book is certainly not as poorly received as she acts like like she has a full-on meltdown she storms out of breakfast on about a million plates of eggs bennie once again slams the new yorker into a chair by the way how did you get the new yorker tim because not abdul the guy whose name i forget who is carrie bradj who was manseventi while she's in abou dhabi he's opening everyone's mail which I find very disconcerting

and I'll tell you what I don't know what the law is and the United Arab Emirates but in America that's a federal offence you cannot open mail that's addressed to other people that will throw you in jail it does seem crazy to open like I know that God knows what they're being paid

but I'm pretty sure that whatever their brief was when they were assigned to these four hellish clients you do whatever the fuck they want yeah I still feel like opening mail is outside of the parameters of that brief. 100%. What brief includes opening someone else's mail? An incorrect brief.

I also had a theory this watch around that one of them, Anseventis, who they lovingly call Paula Abdul, because his name is Abdul, and he acts quite effeminently. So they assume he's gay. He doesn't even act effeminently. He does. No, there's a couple bits where he does. Yeah, yeah.

They're just little moments to the camera, but yeah, he does. And so they call him Paula, or they call him Paula Abdel. And there's one bit where the Danish architect with the pan-Eurasian accent. He doesn't quite nailed where he's from. Hello, ladies. I am arriving from a place I cannot say. My name, Frederick. My country of origin unknown.

My country of origin everywhere, because the director did not give me a brief on where from. I wake up very groggy inside movie studio. They tell me, I'm Danish now. I run with idea. I'm architect. They wipe my entire memory, so I do not know concept of Denmark or architect. Or of real life or movie life.

My name is Frederick. So, Frederick's there. And when he turns up, Abdul, who they assume is gay, is sharpening... A butter knife. Or he's like he's polishing a butter knife with a piece of cloth, which is supposed to suggest masturbating. A penis.

Right, that's what it's supposed to admit. But I read into it that maybe, just maybe, Abdel is actually an assassin because pretty shit like polishing is a knife. Yeah. And I think that he wants to kidnap Carrie Bradshaw to try and manipulate the oil markets through Big, who we know works in some sort of investment capacity. Big's a patsy. Big has no actual power who just wears stress.

We don't, we don't know. that fully. We thought that that's probably the case, but we don't know it for sure. He could have some sort of influence on the markets. Maybe he suggests to his higher-ups of what they should be buying and selling. And if Kerry has been held hostage by Paula Abdel,

the man, Savante, and he's going to be saying, let's buy oil. Or let's not. Whatever the UAE wants. Whatever Adder wants. I like, I mean, I like the idea. I like

idea that abdul has a loaded backstory yeah a plant by the government yeah it certainly makes the film more palatable it turns it as well from a i hate the word chick flick but kind of like a chick flick a horrible chick flick into a bit of a dark uh like kind of political thriller in a lot of ways i haven't seen the words chick flick in print for a while has that been stamped out well i think you're about to see it again in light of the... Oh no, actually, you won't. I was going to talk about the all-female cast of Ghostbusters, but there won't be a chick flick.

That'll be a flick for everyone that just stars a woman. It's going to be a dope-ass comedy. It looks... I'm so happy about that film. Did you see what... Did you see what Sony Pictures have done? What? They're like also doing a remake of Ghostbusters.

Oh, yeah. With like an all... Like, hey, fuck you. Fuck everyone involved in this fantastic looking redo of Ghostbusters. It's an incredible power play by them. It's insane. They look like, like, Sony pictures just, all they're doing right now pretty much is walking around with their dick hanging out of their pants looking like an assail. But isn't Sony making the female one as well?

Are they? I think they're doing, yeah, because only one company can own all the rights, right? Like, there can't be two companies that own the franchise rights for Ghostbusters. It's because of what's his name? Not Bill Murray. Oh, Dan Aykroyd. Dan Aykroyd has that. script that they've been shopping for ages of the reboot for Ghostbusters and Bill

Mary refused to do it and unfortunately Mr. Ramos passed away about a year and a half or two years ago. Harold Ramos. Yeah. Ramos. How'd say it? I think it's Ramos. He did a really good job of playing Seth Rogen's father and knocked up. Yeah. I thought it was his real life father. He took me a long time to watch Ghostbusters. It's a blow that he's gone, man. Because he co-wrote Ghostbusters with Dan Aykroy. They wrote it. God, he's good. He's so funny. But Anyway, so female Ghostbusters happening, Sony Pictures also, it's like they're self-sabotaging, like they're like, oh, things are going really good. We're getting a lot of positive press about doing an all-female reboot of this great comedy franchise everyone loves. You know what I think we should do?

Fuck ourselves. Fuck ourselves real hard. Piss in the bathtub. God damn it. And it's going to be, I think, a reworking of that script that Dan Aykroyd was trying to get off the, we'll move on from Ghostbusters. We're here to talk about sex and the city guy. We're getting off topic again.

I took a lot of notes. You did. I always do through the start of the movie and then the breaking point I was saying to you, Tim, today because it takes literally an hour for them to get Abu Dhabi. This is the issue.

By the time they're in Abu Dhabi, the energy is sucked out of you and it's, but like some of these notes I think are still, I mean, interesting and relevant. So, Braden, is it Braden? Brady, the son of Miranda and her husband. Braden the Warlock is in this film in an alternative timeline where he was born a weakling ginger and then hiccups McGee I guess would be Charlotte.

I mean Miranda. Yes. David Spade had sex with Miranda in Florida while she had the hiccups and thus, this is how the crossover happens, bro. Brady turns out to be Braden. So this predates grown-ups too Which it actually does Yeah I mean he grew up quick

Because he's a warlock Yeah he aged like 16 Well no It would only be 10 years He aged 10 years and 3 years Yeah Anyway That's okay

That's a rate of growth Of like 3.3 times He's got the side He's off to the science fair Oh yeah Oh we're going there folks He's going to the school science fair And his entry for the science fair

Sorry I'll just take a brief moment To clarify We're talking about Miranda's son Brady right now. Not Brade and the Warlock from grown-ups too. Although they might be the same character but that's a different conversation. It remains to be seen. We'll let the internet

figure that one out. I'm sure there are other people thinking about this in the same terms that we are. Anyway, he's off to the science fair with his what you could loosely term as an experiment called mouse maze. It's not an experiment he's pretty much just made a shitty, like maybe

30 centimetre by 20 centimeter cardboard he's pretty much put cardboard inside a shoebox yeah found a mouse put it in the shoebox taking it to school like it's the sort of science fair project he slapped together at eight o'clock when you're that age the night before because you're like fuck i've got to do something it's too late for me to remove the shell of an egg by soaking it in vinegar one of the kids gets an honorable mention for positing the scientific question what is static electricity i'm interested to go to her exhibit and i want to find out i want answers to that question Okay. Mouse maze isn't a scientific question, Brady.

You need to be pursuing knowledge. You have to be answering a call. What is Brady's hypothesis? He doesn't have one. That is essential for a scientific experiment. This is basics, folks. This is the basic scientific method. You start with your hypothesis, which is steeped in some already existing field, which has already been discovered, and knowledge that has already been accrued by experts in the field, and you try to expand on that by asking a question. mouse maze is not a question. Mouse maze is a sorry excuse for a slap-together cardboard cut out of a scientific experiment

that didn't reserve it, it didn't deserve an honourable mention, let alone the blue ribbon at the fucking science fair. What gets me is that this school needs to re-evaluate wholesale the way it judges, and I'm guessing that this problem runs deeper than their annual science fair. I'm thinking this problem is fucking prevalent through the entire school. They need to stop rewarding children for poor efforts. What sort of culture? Like, why do you think the American Empire is crumbling?

Because they're giving kids fucking blue ribbon prizes at science fairs when they show up with a pest and a shoebox. You cannot reward mediocrity because downfall is the only conclusion. Mark my words, America. You need to get away from your mouse mazes at science experiments and you need to be paying a little more attention to the right choice. of the world. Yeah.

Look, it's a shame we're running out of time because, I mean, there's a whole lot to unpack here, Tim. I think what we should do... Well, let's rip into our shining lights. Do you remember your shining light? You got me to write it down. Wait, I'm going to attempt to remember it.

No, I don't remember it. It was an audio mix. Oh, yeah. It's the bit quite early on in the movie where they're at the wedding, and there is an edit that goes from Miranda... Sorry, Samantha's sexual

cries of ecstasy, straight into a baby crying, belonging to Charlotte, of, like, exhaustion, you know, exacerbation, is that a word? Yep, you can be exacerbated. So, like, it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's Samantha, crying out in sexual ecstasy, straight into a baby crying, and they really hit it on the right beat, and it's a funny transition to make from an audio point of view, I appreciate it. It's also actually a fantastic line close to that, uh, in which big asks Carrie. Which is worse.

No, it's after. Yeah, yeah. After that. Yeah, but she has to choose between the crying baby or Samantha having sex. And Carrie, very pithy, very wittily. She says, Samantha, the baby will tire. That's funny. That's a funny line.

My shining light this week, Tim, was how on point the bad karaoke is. There's a transition in which they're playing a Boston song. and I am so sorry that I've forgotten to mention this thus far in the podcast I feel like I've let down all the Boston fans I'm a big Boston fan but the bad the bad character whoever they got to sing what is it it feels like the first time it's pretty much I'm trying to do the it feels like the very first time like it's just perfectly off pitch everyone has heard someone singing karaoke in this manner yeah it's very real

oh so that's your shining light yeah the realism of the Realism of the bad karaoke. Well, it's kind of only followed up by a very unrealistic karaoke rendition of I Am Woman, Hemi, Roar, which they add, like, satars and a bass line to and shit. They put in a breakdown. Like, the basic way karaoke functions is, like, a very simple midi, like, melody just carries the tune through the whole song. I've never seen a breakdown, like... That being said, though, it undermines the realism that they established in the world of

karaoke bar in the film literally moments before. But this isn't a super realist film and I'm loads to take points off a movie when it's just adding general filmic elements. You know what I mean? If you want to add a little underscore of a satire to a moment to highlight the fact that they're in Abu Dhabi and be kind of racist on it, then that's your right as a filmmaker to do it. Michael, you've drank enough whiskey, smoked enough cigars and spent enough time in this basement

that we locked you in to deserve that right to write that in. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, considering the circumstances, Stances in which MKP, as he's affectionately known around HBO offices here, that he had to work with. What's Sex and the City in HBO, I think? Yeah, it's his home box office at the very top of the film. And glitzy Diamante graphics. Oh, you're right. That is what those diamonds spell out.

We've got time to revisit our new segment. It's called... What's he doing? Where's he off to? Yeah, that sounds right. We should listen back. Okay. What's he going to?

What's he doing? Where's he off to? That's a good one. That's good, eh? Yeah, I like that. What's he doing? Where's he off to? So, as you well know at this point, if you've listened to the three episodes preceding this one, there is not a featured extra, but an extra who certainly does the most with the time he has on camera

in the background of the scene at a store called the coffee shop, of which he is perfectly on brand, just ramming a bloody frape-cape number down as gullet. Inside about eight seconds, we've seen. see this guy go for the coffee once go for the coffee twice go for the coffee three times and promptly leave he's reading the culture section of the new york times i didn't see that that's a great eagle-eyed attention to detail and i feel like we also see the coffee arrive for him which means he is drinking scalding hot cop like you know what i like about him though he didn't do it in one gulp he keeps going like he goes one third and then a second third and then a third

You can't drink, putting the cup down. You can't drink a piping hot coffee in one gulp unless you've done a Homer Simpson at the Chilli off where you've drunk candle wax specifically so you can pull this thing off. That is probably my favourite episode of The Simpsons because Johnny Cash, I believe possibly uncredited, is the voice talent who is a spirit guy coyote. How cool is that? Johnny Cash. It's a very funny episode.

It's a great gap. The bit in it when Homer starts hallucinating and like, um, Ha ha! Like, he sees endicrobaple, Barney, and maybe someone else. It's just incredible. And Barney does a burp and like the whole... Oh, yeah, yeah. The whole thing becomes like a kaleidoscope.

I like when he's trying to, like, get Marge to turn around, and it's just the back of her head, like, in every direction. Anyway. Bloody good stuff. And when he kicks the turtle. Yeah. He's like, follow the tortoise, I think it is. Yeah, yeah.

And so he boots it. That's righty good. Anyway, anyway. So what we have to do, week in, week out, is posit exactly why this guy is ramming so much caffeine down his throat. The suggestion that we made during the film today, the man is off to compete in a decathlon of his own definition in which he has to concurrently battle the greatest sumo wrestler, the defending champ of sumo in Japan, and take on Russia's greatest chess master. Yes, the third event that he has to compete in is javelin throw against Kenya's greatest thrower of the javelin. Kenya not traditionally known for their javelin throwers, but they've got a really strong crop of javelin competitors coming through right now. Oh, absolutely.

I'm going to name him Jumbai. He's the number one. He's the best javelin throw who's come out of Kenya for nine of 20 years. That's our third event. So we've got the wrestling. We've got the chess. We've got the javelin throw. The fourth event in the decathlon is.

This guy also, by the way, has got a baroquee and five no-dose in his cup of coffee. Such as his thirst for success. He's going 110% the entire time. He has to compete in this decathlon every single year until he wins all ten events in one sitting. He's won nine before three times, in fact. The fourth event is a spelling bee against America's greatest high school students, the creme de la creme of private schools in America. It's against the champion child from the Spelling Bee documentary Spellbound,

which came out probably about 10. 10 years ago. The next event, he has to assemble a bed from IKEA faster than the creator of IKEA. Who, by the way, still flies cattle class, unlike the gals in Sex and the City, too. And interestingly, here's a fun fact, is the Danish architect that we meet in Sex and the City whose accent is indistinguishable. It's indefinable. Because he scrambled his own brains.

That's the man who invented IKEA as a concept. The next event, he has to open a restaurant that outsells all of Gordon Ramsey. these sales for the last five years in London. Three Michelin Stars is the minimum. And he has to open it. Which is also the maximum amount of Michelin Stars you can get. Michelin Stars. I always find that so confusing because I think of the tyre place.

Yeah, they're true. The seventh event that he has to compete in is a jigsaw puzzle, but not like a regular jigsaw puzzle because he is suspended from a metal bar upside down la a gymnastics Olympic event by his feet and he has to complete a 1,500 piece jigsaw puzzle puzzle puzzle. puzzle of the Eiffel Tower. He has to compete that faster than a similarly trained chimpanzee, who is the fastest constructor of that jigsaw puzzle in the world.

The next event, he has to outrun Usain Bolt, Asafa Powell, Tyson Gaye, and Donovan Bailey, who are competing as one cohesive unit in a 400 meter, no, in a 100 metre relay. So they're all running four legs. He has to run 400 metres faster than four of the fastest men of all time can run it as a collective. Eighth event, and bearing in mind, this man has won nine out of these ten events before, first place. His ninth event after the sprint race is he has to fight and win against Mani Pakiyao

in a traditional 10 round boxing match. The 10th event, which is very specific to this film. No, we'll do the 9th afterwards. Oh yes, of course. Of course, as is traditional and decathlon. I'm sorry, I forgot that. He has to feed and water Michael Patrick King for a week

lest he die and the movie doesn't get released. And then his ninth event is travelling back in time by getting in a DeLorean and going at 88 kilometres an hour with a device of his own construction called a flux capacitor to compete in the ninth event before the 10th event, which is to water, feed and house Michael Patrick King. It's a hell of an event. We watch it every year.

And I'm really pulling through for that guy to take it out this year. I think this is his year. Yeah, I absolutely agree, Tim. I mean, what we have created is a pretty far-fetched decathlon, but you're not. know what? I stand by it. I stand by it too. We put about as much effort into that as whoever created Sex and City 2 did into the

fucking two hour and 26 minute disaster that we seem to be watching on a weekly basis. Vis-a-vis a lot. Yes. That about does it for us on the worst idea of all time. It's time for us to get back into the gorgeous city of Melbourne, Australia. A quick reminder, for the love of God, please come to our show. Or just buy tickets to our shows. You don't have to come.

No, no, do come, actually. If you live in Melbourne or you have friends who live in Melbourne, please point. them in direction of our respective shows during the comedy festival. Tim is performing his solo, Our Show. Tim Bat explores the human experience. I had the privilege of watching it last night. It's a very funny man, Tim Bat. Yeah, I'm rewriting the ending.

I hate it. We don't have time to dig into that. I am performing in an improvised show called Snort with Friends. We're on at six... Oh, you can look that up. Snort with Friends in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. And also Guy Montgomery and Rose Metafayo are friends. You know what you want to do?

just Google our names respectively and the words Melbourne comedy and we'll hopefully crop up somewhere thank you so much for listening we love you we love all of you especially you Alex yeah Alex we know you're out there and I see you on the street I'm going to buy you a packet of Jaffers I'm going to pass you right on the mouth and you like them apples we'll catch you next week folks probably again from Melbourne sorry this one took so long bye now It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time

It's the worst idea of all time Season two