The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E08 - Drummer

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

THIS EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESGuy and Tim are back from a short absence but it's like no time has passed between the last watch of Sex and The City 2. This time, the lads are watching in front of a live audience downstairs in the concrete basement of a pizza restaurant - The Montecristo, which the boys are running as a new comedy venue in their hometown. Tim's upset at a wedding drummer, Guy runs through the nightmare of eating diamonds and many confused and confusing film references (including Ghostbusters, Wizard of Oz and Shawshank Redemption) also insue.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online. So you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Hello and welcome along to the worst idea of all time. Episode 8, live from the Monte Cristo room. We've got an audience.

How are you? Yeah. We've sucked the energy out of the room by miscalculating how long the movie would take and us to watch it, and then the people just came in, sat down and watched us watch the movie for 10 minutes. Very compliant crowd in tonight.

It was quite nice having the perspective of people watching us watch the movie because that 10 minutes felt longer than 10 minutes. I'm going to do some squats to warm up. because I feel very low energy. That's okay. So, Tim, the eighth viewing. It was a while between innings, wasn't it?

Yeah, too long. It is technically a week for, you know, follow, you know. You keep saying that, it's not. Well, we did the last one Tuesday week ago, and it's Sunday now. So it's more than seven days, but it's still within the weekly. I mean, I'm creating these weird little loopholes to jump through. We were negligent. We were negligent towards you, the listener,

and we were negligent towards the film but I feel like it's a pretty appropriate way to treat the relationship with the film because it's negligent towards us in so many ways and every week it bothers me because it feels longer it's harder to empathise with anyone it's really difficult to be invested

in any of the problems I know it wasn't a long time ago but do you remember the first watch that we had the first episode we were so full of hope so full of glee yes there was nothing but positivity and a optimistic outlook finally a movie that wasn't grown-ups too

and we've willingly glossed over I think so many of the things that are wrong with it just in the name of if we come into week one of this new project with nothing but hatred in our hearts it's going to be a long year well you can only go down with this sort of an endeavour you can only plunge further into the depths so if you start in the bottom of a well

where do you end up the centre of the earth and as we know and nothing but molten lava keep on digging that's what I say When you get down there, you've got to keep moving. Don't give up. So you're saying start low, go further down, and then pop out the other side. I'm saying in a hypothetical situation.

We're in China. If you find yourself in the middle of the earth, I mean, it's going to be very difficult to get back up. You've obviously got, you know, power technique on your side. You've made it to the middle of the earth. Just keep on digging. There's a lot of theories actually because we don't fully know what's in the middle of the earth. Like we know that there's molten metals and lava in there and a lot of iron, apparently, and some heavy metals and stuff.

but apparently gravity gets really weird at the centre of planets. What happens to it? It gets all kind of distorted. Like little... You guys are astrophysicist, day. It's like, it kind of starts to distort because of course gravity is the force

that pulls large bodies, pulls things into large bodies, right? So then where is the point where it... So it pulls it into the centre, right? Yeah. So what happens when you get to the centre, you've got like an object that's bigger than the centre of the thing. My brain doesn't work in the same way.

I don't even understand what you're saying. would it stretch out would our negativity towards sex in the city too if it started in the bottom of the well kept going further and then got to the centre of the earth which is hypothetically molten heavy metals would it stretch out and start protruding in the opposite side

it would melt and spread and then leak through from the middle of earth it would leap back out and it would permeate all of the oceans and all of the continents and we would colour the world with very negative with negative eyes which everyone would just carry a general dull feeling in their stomach

and a sense of sadness. That was pretty much the plot line of Ghostbusters 2 that everyone in New York City was feeling so awful that there was made manifest an actual green goo hanging around in the... Sex in the city too

is a prequel to Ghostbusters 2. A lot of people don't know that. The timeline's obviously weird when you look at it logically but when you lay it out like that Tim I think it's pretty obvious what's happening here. Absolutely because of course You've got Carrie Bradshaw, who started off as in, as we know, Sex and the City is a prequel to Ghostbusters. Carrie Bradshaw starts as a writer, becomes a man and later goes on to become Dr. Peter Vinkman, who's a psychologist.

I mean, I don't know why we're going over this. It's stuff that everyone already knows this. If you've seen a film, you know how this works. I think Igor is Miranda, if memory serves. If you know you Ghostbusters. I don't know Ghostbusters well enough. Just jump on another train then, eh? Absolutely.

Look, we wrote down a lot of notes on my hand. Yeah, I think we should address them. There's lots to talk about. The first one is diamond cake. Okay, so at the wedding, at the start of Sex and City 2, at the wedding, which lasts for a couple of days, I'm not talking about in the world of the film. I'm talking about when you're watching the film.

There's this cake. I mean, it's garish. We've talked about it before. There's swans, you know, the mark of class. And there's a cake just covered in diamonds. I'm going to stop you there for a second. The swan thing, you brought up, like, I think a couple of weeks ago that they're the queen swans.

Those aren't your swans. What is that all about? What are you talking about? Even in America, those are not your swans. What do you mean? Look, the queen owns all the swans. At some point, in the monarchy, someone was like, I like those birds.

We will take them from everyone, and they shall be ours. they've just been inheriting them. Is that true? Yeah, they'll eventually be Charles's swans and then Will's swans. Every swan no matter where it is is property of the British monarchy. You can't eat it is what

the main thing is. The main take... Does anyone, is anyone familiar with this? The Queen Swans? Can you verify this? Are you serious? Can you jump on stage for a second? Yeah, thanks. Come join us. Round of applause for our volunteer. What was your name?

Naomi, can you talk me through this a little bit? What do you know? I thought I was doing a pretty good job, Tim. The monarchy owns all the swans. Good up. I'm so glad we brought you up. Outstanding. I still don't believe either of you now.

The only thing that's changed is I now I think two people in the room are lying to me instead of one about swans. So we're at the wedding. We've moved past the swans and there's this diamond-encrusted cake and I like to imagine a situation in which someone goes to the married couple. Oh, how was the wedding? And they say, oh yeah. okay until everyone started eating the cake and they ate the diamonds and it's

ripped up their intestines. Oh my God. And it's on it actually really put a blight on the weekend. I mean it was so lovely and beautiful. We had swans. They're not swans though. They're the queen swans. We had swans on loan. From the bloody queen. But you know, you can imagine the ambulance drivers show, the paramedics showing up. What's

going on here? Just a bunch of well-dressed people clutching their stomach. Shouldn't they eat all that cake? And they go, are you feeling a bit you got a sore thumb because you ate too much cake and it's not what you think it's not the...

Do you think they're really diamonds on the cake? Yes and I think that these people are so bloody jacked up on Mouet and Christian Dior don't even look at what they're putting in their mouths

Do they just see stuff and they're like... 50 poor people serve this to me so it must be acceptable this is how I eat that's how many people it takes for them to actually eat they need 50 people to bring out

to approve one meal for a rich person and verify it. But they won't look at it because that would waste too much time. They're too busy crashing the stock market. Looking at your food is for poor people. That's what they say.

They've all got it tattooed on their backs. Midriffs. That's why you don't see a lot of back shots in the film because it's distracting. It's off-putting to see that sort of... There is a bit in the movie that... I don't think we've ever talked about in the podcast before,

but when they're going to Abu Dhabi and they're in the airport in the United Arab Emirates, and so we're approximately 5, 6 hours into the film at this point Samantha gets stopped by the security because she's got hormones in her bag because she's

trying to stay off the process of becoming an old woman. We haven't also addressed that. I don't know a lot of... She's going through menopause. A lot about menopause but I feel like you can't cheat it forever. I don't think you can cheat it, period. You can't run away from...

Gag. Thank you. Thanks for noticing. It's a pun. It's very funny. don't applaud his puns do not no you I mean if you can't like you can't stop aging I guess is the bigger you know what's going to happen

it's going to be worse surely well not the way she's doing because sure what she's doing is using hormones and yams it would kind of be like if you had if you were you had a flu right so a flu's bad and it makes you feel terrible but it's not going to kill you

and then you're like don't worry I've been putting heaps of band-aids all over my body It's like a retarded solution to a problem that isn't even really a problem. A flu isn't like a, you beat a flu and you get through the flu. Yeah. You can't just keep telling the flu not to arrive.

If the flu's going to come, you can't keep going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want you here. Yeah. No, no, no, no, I don't have time. Eventually, the flu has to get there. And you're just going to be making it worse because you'll be older and your body won't be as well equipped to deal with it.

You should let your body process these things. got HPV because you didn't get that vaccine that time and then you just got it right? That's my understanding of the virus when you get that you've got it right and then you and then yeah and then that's you

so let's use that as an example well I feel like we've reached the logical end point of what I was explaining which I don't think so they're in the airport Samantha's doing herself any favours here so Samantha's trying to get on the record as saying I don't think Samantha's doing the right thing she's trying to get these hormones through

let me be the first to say it. You're going to laugh when you hear what small a point I am about to make and what a long road we took to get there. But the Middle Eastern people are talking amongst themselves presumably in Arabic

and one of them says they're like pointing out who it is who's got the drugs in their bear because they need to kind of screen them and take them off them. And one of them says, Dracula? Which is a funny joke. Because they're like, they're insinuating that Samantha

is Dracula for, as you rightly saying, trying to postpone the aging process can't be done. She is a vampire. That was the big... That's all I wanted to say. That's a compliment to the filmmakers. What, then we took that long to explain that? No, that they snuck in a joke.

You've been secretly enjoying, hiding away every week. I've been enjoying this joke in private, not telling me about it. How do you think that makes me feel betrayed? We should share the moments we like. You can't do sneaking off with your favourite jokes from the movie, not share... If I find a joke I like,

I go, Tim, you might like this too. You've heard Dracula though, haven't you? You've laughed at Dracula, haven't you? Guy. I've heard it. I didn't think it was funny because you didn't explain to me how it could be funny.

I thought you would have got it. So did I. I'm usually pretty good at picking up jokes. I like, as long as they're not detailed character descriptions from Ghostbusters, which I do struggle with.

As you well know, what else is written on that hand? Wedding drummer. which is a classic. Oh, wedding drama. Do you remember what that is? Yeah. You go.

I don't know if we've talked about it before on the podcast or not. At the wedding, where lies manlias and the swans, the aforementioned queen swans, there's a drummer who's playing as part of a live band. The man is taking the fucking piss.

Yeah. So they've got a drum kit that's separated into two parts. And in one part there's like high hat, sneer, bass drum, a couple of rack toms there. And then, Separate to that, so that guy's on a, like a throne, normal set up, basically, without the symbols.

And then separately to that, there's another guy who's standing beside him with two symbols, and he's doing like air drumming. And there at no point is any remote chance of connection between the drumsticks and the symbols. And it has fucked me off to no end since the first time I saw the goddamn movie. It is infuriating. You could drive a fucking 18 wheeler and the space the guy leaves between the drumstick and the symbol.

It's outrageous. I understand why they're doing it because you're doing a live record with Liza Manali. You don't want to have sound in there. You've got to get a clean edit, right? You've got to get her voice so that you can do all the mix down later. You can get closer to the fucking symbols

than that guy did. You're an actor. You're in a very successful franchise. I think this can be explained away and I do get the feeling this has upset you in some way. I'm very good at picking up on hints hints and jokes that's what I'm known for picking up on

very well known for it I think what's happened is in the world this guy he's bloody bluffed his way into a job you know he's trying to make ends meet now hold on introduce what world are we in here the actor is bluffed his way into the movie or the drummer is bluffed his way into the wedding and he's having a pretty big panic attack mate

he didn't know he was going to be playing with Lysmanelli this is just a weekend gig he's a student He's got debts, he's got problems, you know He suddenly shows up at the wedding Everything's going perfectly He's in the background just fucking, you know He's borrowed the drum kit from his brother His brother doesn't know he's got it

He can't leave any marks on those new symbols He'll be, you know Look at all kinds of trouble That would be such a tough call If you like, have managed to get yourself Into a scenario where Liza Manali's there But you've stolen half of your brother's drum kit And you know he's going to know

If you touch it The way this guy's gone about dealing with his life problems He's not taking them head on What was his fucking plan though? Because he knew he couldn't touch him the entire time. It's not like Liza Minnelli changed that situation. So what he did is he had a recording of the exact time that you were meant to play

the symbols in his pocket that was going to play out through like a little one of those Bluetooth speakers so everyone would think he was playing the symbols. So he's rocking a little... He's got a logitech boombox in his pocket back there. And that's why he never said shot up him from the back because it's very bulky, it's ungainly.

It just seems bold to me because it's a live performance. That's what I'm going to see. Yeah, I mean, and he's not happy. Who is this champion? I don't know. And furthermore, he's ballsy enough to try and attempt that. How scary is his older brother? His name is Sawyer Tomlinson.

And he's a sophomore at Pepperdine University. Pepper Dine. Yeah, he's doing English lit. But he doesn't really want to be an English. Pepper Dine University. Yeah. Go Peppers. The Pepper Dine Peppers.

The football team. Yeah, they're really good. in a good year. Big game against Yale this weekend. Yeah, the Yale yams. It's going to be a hell of a match up, the Peppers vests the Yams. This is, of course, in the Vegetable League, not in the actual, this isn't the NCAA. This is just, um, this is

the, it's a more gentle version of football. It's not football. What happened? There's a cooking show. Do you know what I like about the vegetable league, though? They actually pay the fucking students. Yeah. Which, let me... In vegetables. Let me send in my soapbox for a moment and say they deserve to get all the veggies they can eat. Well, well done. You watched a John Oliver clip on the

internet. and listen to a couple podcasts of some other stuff. Yeah, no, that drummer shits me. But I think that you were... My theory. Your theory holds water, mate. Yeah, I just wanted to alleviate some of the tension. You're obviously carrying.

Yeah, thanks to you. That was a bad watch. I mean, it was exciting knowing that we had a live audience. We both almost fell asleep because we're watching it in a very dark room on a tablet with each of us with headphones in. It's kind of cute, though. It was like we were a couple. And they were doing the karaoke song where they sing I Am Woman Hemie Roy, I had my eyes shut and I was singing to keep me awake and pumping my arm.

And it was the best feeling I've had all day was when I had my eyes shut and the movie was on. Have you had a Sex and the City 2 dream yet? No. I don't know if I, I probably had a grown-ups, I don't really remember my dreams. I want to keep a dream journal, but I have never gotten around to it. It's too much work. Have you had a Sex and City 2 dream? Not that I can remember.

I have really, my dreams don't make any sense. though. Some people's dreams are related to... You're so unique. You're such a unique snowflake. That's what I think, too. I'm pretty confident that everyone else has perfectly coherent normal dreams. Some people do. Some people dream about really boring, mundane shit, like their jobs. Not this guy, though. It's a bloody waste. Not me.

I'm flying down to the centre of the earth questioning what the gravitational field will do to my body once I hit. That was a dream mate. That was real. That was a conversation we had about not ten minutes ago. Oh, good God. I need to sober up. got a show later tonight. I'm doing a show right now, technically. Yeah, you are. You should

address that show right now. What does she's an assassin mean? Um, she, she's an assassin. I've just, oh yeah, I've got that. I even remember as I was writing it saying to you, if I write down she's an assassin, will that be enough of a note? And it clearly isn't. Yeah, it is. So at the wedding, we took a lot of notes at the way. I mean, this wedding

does, it's a marathon. It's a, it goes for four weeks. In the movie, that is. It's not in real time. It's insane. You can't have a four week movie, I mean, you just wouldn't get through it. But, so there's, at one point, Big and Carrie, they meet a couple. And the couple, the wife

is a really big fan of Carrie's writing. And she says, she's like, I am, I am you. She's like, ha-ha, I know. So, we're the same. Yeah, we're the same. We did the same thing. We have the same dating record. Yeah. We saw the same horrible kinds of men.

And then we got married around the same time. Yeah. We're the same. But then she says, no, no, I am you. Yeah. She's like that Like she stops carrying your tracks She's like no you don't understand Missy Missy New York writer

I am you You go what what do you mean Yeah I am you I'm gonna steal your fucking face I'm taking identity fraud To the next level I'm really glad you liked my books

You can buy it I've got I do do I've already made a passport With your details in it It's a flawless replica No no really I look I have a wonderful wedding. I've scammed your credit card

love. It was really nice to... And I'm British. I'm British and I'm angry love. I drink cups of tea and I get furious about the smallest things and I am you. No, you're not... Oh no, you've poisoned my champagne. I'm dead. That's how I would have liked to see the movie go.

It's such a... And then it's this different movies because it's that lady's just masquerading around as... She's in Abu Dhabi with the gals going Jesus. This is the worst life. You've got the worst friends, Carrie Bradshaw. It'd be like a really terrible version of face off. Yeah, because, but the thing is she could, so she

like, there's no actual legal ramifications for killing Carrie and chopping off her face and becoming her, like no one notices. Right. But she has to live with the realisation that Carrie Bradshaw's life is terrible. Her marriage is falling apart. What a quandary. Yeah. And I mean, what do you do? You can't just go back to your old life.

I actually reckon I'd turn myself in. If I became an assassin and stole someone's identity and ripped their face off, and put it on top of mine and got away with it and then discovered it was a really boring life and be like you know what

I'm clear my conscience and hand myself in but you've destroyed all the evidence there is no paper trail there's no way of verifying that you are not in fact the person that you've become Well I hate to bring science

into the equation but I think you could do a DNA test No you can't Why? Because this is a hypothetical situation in which you cannot do a DNA test I hate it when you do that guy Okay

Stop down for a second Because this really fucks me off in movies too movies. You can't just say something is the way it is. It's like, no, give me a reason steeped in the universe that I live in to explain that. Part of handplay. You're a nightmare. How do you get through

any movies? Tell me that the assassin which is trying to take over Carrie Bradshaw has spliced her genomes and is like taken on her DNA now as well. Okay, she's spliced her genomes and taken on her DNA now. There is DNA

in this hypothetical situation because I know that's how you like it. You turn yourself in. This is what I'm saying to you. The police say, no, no, no, no. You're Carrie Bradshaw. I don't know. And you've lost your mind. It was my carry, apparently, yep. And then you're putting a psych ward.

Yeah. That's often what happens. So would you rather be in a psych ward with this identity as Carrie Bradshaw or holiday for the rest of your life with the girls? I am going to say psych ward. Yeah. You've seen Miranda. It's more peaceful. It would be a non-stop paraded

Did you know that the biggest lake in the surrounding region fucking, who gives a shit, man? Why do I holiday with me? I'd rather hang out with some dude who's like, done some shit. And like, shivd a dude with a Coke can. Yeah. So if you, like, if you were...

Or someone who thinks something really interesting, like, they honestly believe they're a magician and that's why they got admitted. But not a good kind of magician, a bad kind of magician. And he thinks that he's, like, turned his wife into a chicken. But it turns out he was never married. He just got a chicken. and is insane

and was like oh no where's my wife oh my god this chicken where did this car oh my god I'm an evil magician

I've turned my wife into a chicken this is like a rap song doesn't it that's really good you're a funny guy thanks I really like you

can I look at your hand please oh you want more notes the next one says oh this one's for me oh no remote throat this one I don't think we've delved into on mic before

but we bring it up every time we watch the movie how much time do we have by the way oh good we're good So, Mr. Big, John, what's his last name? Preston, sorry. You'd think I'd have it by now, huh?

It's not important. Eight times, folks. Eight times. Mr. Big is watching TV, and it's just one shot, and he's, like, watching it, and he changes the channel, and then he just throws the remote away, which is fucking redundant. Like, the remote's supposed to stay with you. Three or four metres from his... He throws it away, like, when you're a teenager, and you text someone you like, and then

you're like, oh, better not hold this phone. they won't text back and you throw it across the room. That's how far he throws this remote. Do you reckon that was an offer by Chris Knoth while they were filming? Or do you think that was the character? Hey, it'd be pretty funny if I just threw the remote across. How wacky would that be? How wacky would that be?

Why did I do that? That's such a weird thing to do. That'll teach you, John. But it didn't fit into the runtime of infinity. They couldn't get it in it. They couldn't squeeze it in there. Yeah, I mean, you're right for that to bother you. Well, we might as well, actually, I think we should do some shining lights.

You had one laid on in the piece. I've got a few. I love the movie. Yeah. For a lot of reasons. Plot twist. Here's my reason today. We see Samantha Jones at work.

at her PR firm without panties on not my shunning light, not a dirty dog there is a shot You're a dirty dog I'm not a dirty dog I'm not You're a dirty dog You're a filthy

You're a dirty muddard You're a mud dog You love the mud dog You're a dirty muck dog You love you've been rolling around in the mud You're a dirty dog You are As you were

Samantha's computer screen Is in shot for a brief second And let me tell you something Guys that operating system isn't Mac nor is at Windows. I'm pretty sure Samantha Jones is running her PR operation from a Linux-based machine. And I was so stoked when I saw that.

This unique user interface that I am not very familiar with. I'm assuming it's Linux. Because what else is it going to be, right? She's got like a full desktop set up on Android that she skinned herself. I think not. Fucking Linux, man. Samantha Jones, yes.

She's saving money on license. licensing fees she's working with a platform where she can build her own applications and stuff and then put it out in the community on GitHub and people can like recode certain bits for it and shit like I love that yes

is Linux good or bad? It's good it's open source brother it's the future it's a minority because it's a little tricky to kind of get in there kind of a high learning curve on that thing but uh oh wow I'm very happy that Samantha's taking the plunge at some point yeah it's really that is really It was surprising as well

because she didn't strike me as like the most technologically able person In the movie By all accounts the rest of her career As a PR specialist Is falling apart at the scenes Yeah She's got blind faith in an author

With no books left in it Don't worry It'll be fine We got a bad review Ah It'll be fine Tell him to go fuck himself Those are her words

She says he would be better advised To go fuck himself That's not really a solution To a public relations issue Pretty sassy insult though Very sassy That was my shining light That was a good shining line.

Much better than mine. Mine was, there's a gentleman at the science fair, a parent who's watching the award ceremony when Miranda shows up to watch her son win for the moustrap or whatever. A mouse maze. A mouse maze. A mousetrap. I haven't been a mous trap.

No, you haven't, Brady, you idiot. You're the stupidest kid in the class. You've just brought in a mous trap and told everyone you've made it. I can understand how you're confused it to. There's still a barcode and a sticker on the box. Well, neither of them serve any scientific purpose. as we've reprimed. You know what's really

like the crime about that? Brady is a redhead kid and there's not a lot of redhead kids in films that are real heroes and here in Sex and the City too they had an opportunity. A franchise made famous in the 1990s by putting

four women together as the centrepiece of the show really shining a light on stars who aren't usually stars they could have done this with the sequel to the movie of all of the horrible shit they did they could have taken a stand and gone

you know what? kids are okay. And some of them are real smart. Brady's got a spin-off web series called Science with Brady. Yeah, but it's stupid. That's the thing. He's like, hey, here's some science. A sponge. Look what happens when we put it in water. It gets heavier.

Yeah. It's a sponge, Brady. It's absorbent. You've got to stop going so hard on this kid. He's eight. I'm hard on the movie and it's representation of redhead kids. You are. Sorry, I have to veg. You were going somewhere it's okay it's just there was a parent there who wasn't the parent of brady and he's watching on and you can see just the fury in his eyes when brady wins for his mouse maze like my i spent fucking four weeks with my child soaking an egg and vinegar so that the shell would be removed from it and we explained in vivid detail how this works and how the enzymes broke away the egg and it's still soft like it's you can touch it but the egg is within it and there's no shell i haven't seen that done well this is why i haven't seen that done well this is why i

it should win the prize. You've seen a mouse mace before. This guy is furious. What you don't, he pulls out a gun, starts shooting up the school. It's insanity. All insects in the city too? Buried right in the middle. He's in a suit. He looks like an outstanding gentleman. I don't think he'd have a gun on him.

But I'm interested about this vinegar egg situation. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch. minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.

So do you I did it in year seven, I don't remember. Is it room temperature or do you have to boil the air? You put the egg in vinegar. Just the normal egg? Just go home, get out of pirates. Has anyone done it? Guys making shit up, man?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a true thing. Everybody go home, fill up a bowl with vinegar, put an egg in it. Hold on. White or malt? Or doesn't it matter? I was 11 or something, man. I was 8, I was 11.

Sound little sketchy, bruh. I never said I was 8. I never said I was 8. And first of all, if I said I was 8 and I've been 11, those are both facts. I've been those ages indisputably. If you to come in here and try and blow up my understanding of time and aging and the linear progression of humanity, you've got me there. I really do. Buy the balls, no less.

I'm so glad that the shining light has thrown some positivity into the podcast. I was worried we were getting a little too negative. And on that rich vein of negativity, I'd like to bring up the inter-frenchine line because I think you said today that it was the most offensive line in cinema. I said it was the most poorly written line

in cinema. One of them says that they're going to run an inter-Frenchin. We've probably talked about this before. An inter-Frenchin is when your friend is doing something you don't agree with and you want to run an into friend. It's not like they're not addicted to smacker, or anything. You're just like, oh, stop

worrying about that. And then the line is, so Charlotte says that. And it's funny, when Charlotte says it, they don't take Charlotte seriously at all the girls. They've got no respect for her whatsoever. She says it, and then there's a cutaway shop to see her Jessica Paga who's just like,

okay, Charlotte, you go. Like, you know, not like, you know, she doesn't really care for what Charlotte has to say. And then it cuts to Miranda. Yes, and Miranda says, I'm going to turn this into Frenchen into an interfunction. And she does it like that

with the... You can't see on the podcast, obviously, but the people in the room can see. She waves her hands in the air and kind of a gun motion like she's about to put it through her own head and shoot herself through the fucking temple

for saying the silliest thing you can. And she's wearing like a neon green bandana like a pirate from the 90s. It's honestly... There's some picture painting for you. Yeah. So vivid. But yeah, I mean, it's just...

It's so like... Portmanteaus, at the best of times, are a risky manoeuvre. This is the thing about combining two words. I've walked around with you before, I remember, and you talked to me for five to ten minutes about how much you love portmanteaus. I love it, because they're a risky manoeuvre, and I love high-risk manoeuvres. I like things that have a great chance of not pulling off,

and when they do, you get an obscene reward for it. Now, in this movie, they've rolled the dice by combining the words, friendship and... Intervention. Thank you. intervention, and they've rolled the dice and they've lost. They've got snake eyes. And then what they've done is they've gone

double or nothing, motherfucker. And I'm going to combine the words fun and intervention. And then it failed again. That portmanteau might not want to fly it the first time, but what we need is a different F word. Double down on the portmanteau. A different one-syllable F word.

And whilst I admire Michael Patrick King's gambling behaviour, he's lost. And he needs to admit it. and he needs to pick it back up somewhere in the script. We want a written apology from Michael Patrick King by Monday morning, or we will be filing a class action lawsuit. Or we put you back in that basement

with your bottles of whisking and your cigars. Send you back in the basement and make you write a third one, you fucking slippery fish. How much money do you think it would take for them to make a third? There is not enough money in the world for those people to get back together and make another movie. It does not look like... You watch grown-ups too, and you're like, these guys had fun making this movie.

I was speaking of thanks to everyone who sent us the links to the Native American actors who have walked off set in Adam Sandler's new picture because the jokes were that offensive that's a high bar right because you're going in there as a native presumably a proud Native American actor you know a little bit what you're in for

because it's Adam Sandler how outrageous were the jibes how racist were the jokes that they caught them off guard so much they were like I actually can't not be here anymore. This cash cow isn't worth it. I've got something called spirit and soul

and dignity and pride and I cannot exchange that for the obscene amount of money Adam Sand was offering. Did you read any of the articles? Certainly not. No, it was on the internet. You don't read articles on the internet. But you've formed a pretty detailed opinion of what happened just from the

one sentence involved. I don't read any... I don't read. I can't read. Let me tell you something. Come on, Montgomery, let me tell you something, mate. This is how the internet functions. It's a whole lot of headlines, and then fill a text. It's like Latin or whatever. It's what they put in movies before they know what they're going to...

And what you do is you click on the ones with the interesting headline, and then you have the tab open for maybe one to two weeks, and then it clogs up your desktop, and you're like, you know what? I don't think I'm going to get around a reading. I don't even remember why I opened those in the first place. And you close all of them. But then that night at a party when you're in conversation with someone

they bring up the article which she sort of thought you might read at one point and you go, oh yeah, I read that because you did. If it's in a newspaper you read the whole article but if it's online you don't. I thought everyone knew that. There's too many options. There's such cruel bastards computers.

Here's an opportunity to do and learn anything and create anything and then it's like all you wind up doing is walking through the boulevards of people's social media accounts and your own insecurities online. It's a disaster. You need to get on Reddit, friend.

I still haven't been on Reddit. That is, I'm gobsmacked. Well, unsmack that gobb, friend. It'll ruin you. I've got a second shining light. Okay, I'm just having a quick look at. What are you looking at? I wrote a note on my phone as well

because you're running out of room on your hands. I'm going to text message too. It's all go down here. Oh, when's the next show down here? It's six. It's me, I think. It's fine. How are you guys doing?

Yeah. It's not like they're watching sex in the city. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really glad we did this. This is a really good investment. It was a really good idea to spend $20 in my disposal. I'm watching two people talk about, watching sex in the city too for that. What are you doing, honestly? What are you doing?

Look at yourselves. We don't ask that question enough on the podcast, and especially not in the live records, but what are you people doing? We don't have a choice anymore because we made a snap decision, and now we're tricked in our own prison but you guys could leave at any point do not you're like a mix of Andy Dufrain

and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and that you're in the prison and at first you didn't like the walls and then you couldn't live without the walls but like Dorothy the power is in you all the time to leave the power was in Andy Drafain the whole time he was planning to leave that whole time as well

but it was so hard because he had to keep digging with the... You didn't need to bring Dorothy into the equation. No, no, but what I'm saying... What more glittering example of willpower do you need than tunneling through a prison wall with a spoon? No, what I'm saying is, where Andy Dufrane, there, Dorothy.

Because they can just stop being on the journey. Like Dorothy could. She didn't know, but she had it within her the whole time. You're Dorothy, you're visiting us. It's like a conjugal visit. You come into our cell. We have sex, and then you're like, okay, I've got to go back to Oz now, and we're like, we'll go back to tunneling out of prison.

Don't tell the guards. So my second shining light was, Carrie Bradshaw's got an amazing little piece of fashion that she rocks out when she's in the marketplaces of Abu Dhabi, and it's a pair of sunglasses that are on a stick, similar to like a masquerade ball-style facial mask that you would wear at a high-class party. A masquerade ball.

For example. yes but for sunglasses it sounds better if you spot the second two words in the same time it sounds less redundant yeah yeah it's a good trick of then so she's like almost you've almost learned it's incredibly impractical but it's kind I dig it because that's fashion baby fashion's about doing stuff that's like does this make sense not really but I'm going to do it anyway. That is fashion. Isn't it? Isn't that the definition of fashion? Yeah, it's formed before function. It's like

people are going to wonder why I'm doing this. Which makes it fashion? Yeah. Do you have a second shining light? What do you think? I'm made of moments of enjoyment? I really like Mr. Big's delivery, the first line he says in the movie which is, how's my tie? How's my tie? The way he asks

it though, is just like, he just is such an alpha. It drips out of his mouth. How's my tie? And then Carrie comes and ruins the line by saying, How's my time? And Carrie is wearing the most ridiculous outfit with the most ridiculous crimped hair. Yeah.

That's the thing. This is another thing with fashion. We've probably talked about it. I've got no memory of what we've talked about it before. But it's like, you know what? You put these... Do you know what, guy? What?

From henceforth, we will stop apologising for saying stuff twice. Okay. Yeah, it's kind of the nature of the project. Fuck all of you. Go on. Who would have thought we'd repeat ourselves in a project in which we watched the same movie

every week. Didn't see that coming. I want my money back. It's just you put, you know, you put all these fashion trends because fashion moves so quickly, you know, if you make a movie which is entire premises

will just put them in a bunch of different expensive outfits to sell them. Like, of course they're going to date poorly because in fashion, this movie was made in what, 2010, in fashion five years is like, you know, a decade.

Two twice as long. Dave Cormack had a, he had a good joke about that which was, it was something along the lines of like fashion is something so stupid that even it gets disgusted with itself has to reinvent every six months.

That was a nice way of looking at the whole industry, you know? Yeah. Good point to have. Good social commentary you borrowed from a mate. Thanks, I thought so too. You don't ascribe to the idea of fashion, do you? No, I'm just joking, you look great. No, fuck yourself. I look amazing.

You do. We both look good actually. I look so cool. I'm wearing a bean in. That's fashion. It's good. Does there need to be something on my head? No, therefore, fashion. well done it's not serving a purpose am I cold new

fashion I have one more note and then we better do what's he doing where's he off to oh you ruined it you can't say it before we both say it I think I said it wrong

and I'm not going to remember it good okay we'll roll the dice later we'll make like Michael Patrick King and roll the bloody dice so it's when they're having the anniversary dinner big and Carrie having a good old meal and it turns out we've always looked at it

and be like that is a very sad meal that's like he's just picked up the end of like the bin-end bread like that pulley ham and cheese pull apart you get at the end of the day from New World for like $2.99 down from $4.99. If you're familiar with your exclusively New Zealand, South Island

low-income supermarket chains. What did I say? Bin-in. No bin-ins. Oh shit. Okay. Less niche. I'm glad I went there though. Anyway. This one's for you. South Island. He's honestly prepared the saddest dinner in the world.

They each got a sausage roll and half a stale loaf of bread and like a goblet of cask wine. This is all because Biggs losing a lot of money on the stock market. And then he sits there like Carrie's obviously not enjoying it. There's food still all over her plate and he looks up and with her these big eyes

with so much pride and he goes haven't I made us a delicious anniversary meal? And I just wanted to say no. This is why I want to eat. eat out. This is one of the fundamental problems with our marriage. It looks like he's bought a sausage roll. Yeah.

Two sausage rolls. It's insane. It's crazy. You can't do that on someone's anniversary. In his defense. I think a minimum if you're at like an anniversary situation because it's the second wedding anniversary. It's some kind of pasta dish right. But are you guys together? How long have you been together for?

Three and a half months or years? Years. So like what For two years? Let's say What do you have for dinner? the two-year anniversary. I'm not being gender typical here. I'm going to ask you

because in the movie Mr. Bigger's the one who cooks the meal but can I ask you what would be like the baseline of what this dude would need to cook for you to, you know,

make the requirements for a two-year anniversary. It's not sausage. A $100 Angus steak was the answer there. I like that it was a dollar value. Not even a prime cut or like a well-cooked

just like you better put $100 down on some fucking fancy meat for me you son of a bitch we're putting up with your shit for two years now. It'd be so great if you tried to trip him up though it'd be like the base minimum is a $600

hamburger. I literally don't know how to make it. I'll put diamonds in the bread. Anyway the one good thing that Mr. Bigg King of callbacks, Guy Montgomery. The one good thing that Mr. Big did at the anniversary was he was playing

Erica Bardue which is fantastic. Classy move. It's a classy move It sets a classy vibe. Erica, if you're listening, we'd love to have you on the podcast. Just drop me a DM on Twitter at Guy underscore Mott. Like, you know, this way, because I was going to do a joke, if she actually does listen, I'd better give my real handle. This just in.

I'm messaging someone who's, you know, anyway. I'm changing the dial on the radio. Where's he going? Where's he off to? I really fuck that one up. Getting closer every time. We nailed it last week. We didn't stick the landing this time.

No confidence. Do you know what happened this week, which is pretty funny, is Tim and I were saying something to each other and looked away from the screen to talk about it for like, probably, I don't know, three to five seconds. We missed his entire cameo.

Yeah. Like, we did it. We're going to make a star out of this guy. barely features in the film at all. We should find that who he is. He's the new Tanya. I never thought about that. Do you know what happened this week Tim? Yeah. He knew

that the girls were going to be having lunch there because they had lunch at the same time every week. And he was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not going back to the cafe. I hate hate overhearing their conversations. They bring their rat back kids in here. I'm going to get my caffeine fixed somewhere else. He's wandering

the streets of New York right now, just looking for a cafe without them. It's so cute that in your brain somewhere, there's still that understanding of television being a small box that tiny people are in performing for you every time? That's the best way to think about it. It's everyone, all shows, all of those

universes and worlds are still existing right now. It's whimsical, but you're a grown-ass man. You should know better, friend. Yeah. You should know better than the... So in this edition... Don't let me finish.

In this edition... I didn't want to, so it's good that you didn't. where's he going like I had no desire to get to the end of that sentence it's going to be a shitter it's going to be a bad sentence your theory is off you go he's fucked off why don't you start talking

he's fucked off prematurely because he knew that the woman were coming his way he's got to the schedule he's noticed that they go to the same cafe at the same internet to him every week and he was like I cannot I've got a very important meeting I cannot handle having that distraction

because he goes in there and he can't do his work that he's meant to do he just sits there and listens to their conversation and he's just like you know when you hear bad conversation near you and you can't focus or like you can't have a conversation of your own you're just so absorbed in these people who are nearby

that's what happens to him and he's got a big pitch for what he's pitching a movie is he yeah what kind of movie it's a silent film is this guy in the is he in the talkies mate he's in oh he's not in the silent film but he's absolutely what he's not in

is the talkies it's why he's so nervous because he's not a big market for the silence is that how the word movie got popularized because you know how it's like the pictures and then it was the talkies was it like the movies

just before it was the talkies? Yeah and before that it was the stills and people just that was the original photography like a slide vacation just got one photo it wouldn't even change

that's an art installation is what that is yeah art installation people are they're lazy filmmakers that's what I always say artists are just lazy filmmakers as well we know

Photographers are lazy filmmakers I'll go on the record I may regret asking this but I'm slightly curious about what the silent film was about that he's pitching It's going to be a romp

The guy, he's not a good guy I mean he knows not to like those ladies But he's not necessarily a good person Is a snuff film Well I have to know I didn't see that coming He's pitching He's pitching a silent snuff film

To Netflix as a Netflix special Wow And the reason he's so nervous is he does not know the legality of the operation and it's not like it's a doco it's a silent snuff doco and this guy's like if I go in there and bomb this pitch

and do not get these people on board with what I'm saying immediately I'm going to be put away for a very long time so he's already made it yes so he's killed someone and filmed it and then he's like if I can turn this into a picture and sell it to Netflix we're sweet bro I think he kind of thinks

if he can sell it as art it will alleviate the guilty feels It was his husband He killed his husband Wow Anyway that's why You're in a dark spot man He is

I wasn't that's not me That's not me talking That's another guy That's not You know He's a guy from the movie Well I I hate to end things on such a dark night

But I think they should Probably about do it for us this week Do you want to say anything positive To wrap up on Thank you all so much for coming out and listening And thank you for downloading The New Zealand International Comedy Festival is happening right now

and we've both booked out ridiculously long runs for our solo shows. It was a bad idea, folks. No, it's good. It was a bad idea, because here's how maths works. When you've got a few people who want to come see your show, you do one show and they all come to it. If you book yourself for three weeks in a room,

you're spreading those very few people over a number of days and you end up performing to two people a night. And I'll tell you what? Not so great for the standout. It's good. It's good for the stand-up. It's good for morale. But we're going to be here at the Monte Cristo for the next few weeks.

So if you're listening and you're in New Zealand, come on down. My show's called Guymont Comedy. You can look it up on the internet. It's a great name, I know. And my one, second night to night, I already regret the title. Timbath explores the human experience. Great title, Tim.

Thanks, bro. What's the show about? I still am not a hundred percent sure. It's actually, I've come to realize, maybe this isn't the best ad for it, but it's less comedy and more matches getting some stuff out. That is the worst. bitch. Yeah, I know.

But I want to be truthful. More than I want to sell tickets, I want to be truthful. So if you feel like you want to be a part of that, come on in. All right. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Don't watch the movie. I don't think we've said that enough on this season. Oh! Before we go.

Paul Blatt, Moore Kopp, too. Poor Blart. Whatever. It actually doesn't matter. We've been receiving a lot of feedback. A lot of feedback. People want us to watch this movie. people want us to do it for season three that's not going to happen

because I'm pretty sure season three is not going to happen but I reckon we should it's not coming out for a cinema release here but I reckon we should find a way to watch the movie and do a bonus episode yeah yeah you're on board yeah I'm 100% on board too yeah they're excited okay

well that's it from us thank you all so much for listening and for coming appreciate it have a good night that's the show take care and we'll see you next week bye bye It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time

It's the worst idea of all time Season two Thank you for your patience Your call is important Can't take being on hold anymore Fizz is 100% online So you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

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