The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E09 - Mouse

Episode Date: September 6, 2025

THIS EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESGuy and Tim are on death's door. After a weekend where the two lads collectively performed in 11 comedy shows and made from scratch a entire short film, they are absolutely spent. The resulting watch of Sex and The City 2 is distracted, tired and filled with red wine. Guy ponders the results of Brady's mouse maze experiment and we get a visit from the podcast's first sponsor, the CEO of Cogs Unlimited.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season two Hello And welcome to the worst idea of all time

You go My name's Guy Montgomery And my name is Timbet I'm just going to turn the headphone out Yeah, you did it I did it, it's done And we're in I'm just going to turn this thing up too

Oh How's that Is it quite a loud It's hard for me to tell Oh you can't hear anything I don't have headphones on at all Okay Let me just adjust this

Okay here we are Watch number nine Lucky number nine as they say In Vegas Yeah That's what you get for waking up in Vegas You get six in the city two nine times Unconsensual

Watching Yeah It's an old superstition they have Over in Vegas That's what What do you get for a weekend up in Vegas? Montgomery and I are at the end of a weekend, and we just watched the movie,

and it's 10 to 1 in the morning now. I'll tell you what, I'm... It's now Monday morning. I'm dog tired. I never understood what that saying meant. But I'll tell you one thing for you right now. That dog's too hired to even think about hunting. That dog ain't going to hunt.

That dog ain't going to dream about hunting. that dog That dog ain't even sending it That dog don't even understand the concept of dreams That dog is barely responding to outside stimuli That dog is vegetated I think it frankly I think it's cruel That we are keeping this dog alive

It is sick It is not a well dog This dog deserves to go This dog wants to leave this mortal coil This dog gonna die This dog ain't gonna hunt Because this dog going to die Yeah

That's where I'm at Hey man It's good to have you Yeah I'm not quite there Yeah I'm like one I'm a level up

Looking at you We have gotten a lot done This weekend I don't want to go on About it or brag But I feel like I've achieved A lot of things Which has been good

Nothing that I should have achieved But it's just Like No I like Sometimes you earn the right You know You did a very good productive weekend

You enjoyed yourself I did, got out there, shook it up I like that you cap it off with I think it's a great leveller It is Mainly because it sucks You get sad when it goes away, don't you? Guy and I watched the movie on my projector

In the bedroom where we are right now I mean it's sipping red wine Chairs in our red wine and lying about on Tim's bed Rolling around Having a good time Don't say it like that. I've put a setting on the projector where, like, when it comes up with a blank screen, if it doesn't have a signal, it goes hot fuchsia pink.

Yeah, it's great. I've specifically picked that colour. It sets a really nice, sort of slightly ethereal tone to the room. Hey, Tim. Guy. We come up with some ideas while watching the movie. Yeah. Which I'd quite like to have a crack at exploring with you.

Stop fucking around with the screen. Well, I'm trying to find a way so it just stays on the pink because it turns off after all because it's a power safe thing. I see. But you do you. Don't worry about it. There we go auto off. I think that's what I want to disable.

I don't know. Okay. Talk to me, bro. What are your notes? Well, first of all, you've got an amendment to make. You got very excited last week. Samantha Jones running. Oh, yes, absolutely.

that she was running Linux in her public relations firm and I am so sad to report that upon closer inspection she appears to be running Windows XP which is still pretty niche considering it's 2010 yeah you I know a lot of people skipped Vista but I think 8 was out maybe it wasn't maybe that's why she was on XP but normally you'd be on 2000 it doesn't matter it's a very a small point, but I would like to correct that from last week. She's not as cool as I thought, because she's not running Linux.

She's running old windows. Yeah. Well, that's good. There's other stuff that I noticed in the film this week. Like, mainly, we've come in here quite a few times. We've walked into this cafe, and we've started bad-mouthing Brady's mouse maze. Yeah, big time.

He won the blue ribbon at the science fair by chucking a mouse, sorry, in a maze. question, the veracity, is that the word? The veracity relates to something's truthiness. Yeah. The veracity of the schooling system, maybe. It was rigged. Maybe Andrew spent a lot of the money he's earned on the black market,

working the docks down in Boston. Yeah, we're more looking for, like, the sort of effectiveness of, or the scienceness, the integrity, really, scientific integrity of it. Regardless of all of that, what must be conceded is that the decoration on the outside of that mouse maze is 100% dope. Unmistakably. Like, undeniably, like the props person who was working on that and like put like these cool sort of cartooning New York buildings all around the maze.

Yeah. They would have made that, like put their heart and soul into that, like really committed. Beautiful skyline. Yeah. To doing that, like that was their big job on the movie. It would have wrapped. I reckon this behemoth in post probably took a year. year, a year and a half the whole time

that props department person was getting super jacked, hyping up the outside of the mouse maze to all of their friends and family, got a bunch of comps to the Premier in New York. They all show up. And the edit, I think, relative to the effort,

this person's marriage collapsed on account of how hard they're working on the outside of the box of the most maze. A lot of late nights, a lot of cold dinners left on the bench, eh? That's right. Cold dinner left on the bench is the ultimate sign that you're fucked up, right? It's like you've got someone who cares about you enough to make you dinner and put

it on the bench and you were too much of a schmuck to come and eat it. Like, you need to, something needs to be fixed if you're coming hold to cold spaghetti. Do you think that is the Altman's, I'm fucked off statement piece in a relationship? Big time, bro. Cold dinner, Jesus Christ, that's a big warning sign. It's a red flag. What's protocol? What do you, how do you address that?

you've got to take drastic action in whatever form is appropriate to your relationship you know I don't believe in these things when people have a cover all solution but I would say that

flowers works for a lot of things I would say that but I think flowers has got to be a preemptive strike you can't get flowers when you're fucked up you've got to get flowers before you fuck up

so when you do fuck up I was like watching someone anyone carrying flowers down the street and wondering whether or not they're nailing it or they've made a tremendous era, just by the look on their face.

But it seems like people only in the movies and television would buy fly. It's so cliche to buy flowers to correct a mistake. But surely people out there are buying flowers to correct mistakes. Do you reckon that still? Yes. It's like every sitcom or romantic comedy has played that bloody trove. And that's why there is still idiots out there making apologies with flowers. I guess so.

Anyway, but whoever worked on that mouth. Mouse maze. Yeah, dude. Would have been devastated by the edit. Are Nissan Skyline's called Skylines in America? Or do they have a different name? I don't know. Probably it's called Skyline.

Very popular car. I'd be interested to know if it had a different brand in America. You know? I think... Who would have thought of that? Like, I'm going to name this one, Skyline. That's crazy talk. No one's ever thought of it.

about that before. It's a nice name. It's nice to say. It conjures a nice image. Like the phonics of it, how it actually sounds out there. And also it's the mental association or the image you get in your mind when you say skyline.

Very urban. Well, not even necessarily that, but just when you talk about the skyline is usually in positive terms. Yeah, that's true. So it creates a positive like passage in your brain, surely. Yeah, skyscraper is like a mixed word.

It could be positive or negative, skyline is almost universally That's why it's a good name for a car Anyway, this is a rat This props department person Would have We're in the dark now Oh my god, I'm in the complete dark

That's all right Projectors turned off Oh See a projector Good night projector Yeah Would have been devastated And yeah

I don't know what the point of that I just wanted to emphasize that You're talking about the mouse And you're talking about I just think the box The box is great Yeah You know

They could have used more of the box and maybe less of the preamble before getting to Arbuda. To be fair, I think you turned your head away just at the time when they did the big shot, the big, big, big shot of the painted skyline on that mouse box, the mouse maze. Because I was waiting for it to come back to show you, and I was waiting for a long time, and it never came back. It's just that one shot. It's about a second and a half, though, dude.

It gets a healthy amount of screen time. That's good. It's in there. It's very prominent. If you lost a marriage on account of how hard you worked on the box, which admittedly you've got to be looking at your priorities and your relationship in life. If you're willing to sacrifice a marriage for a box

that is realistically going to get less than two minutes screen time and sex in the city too. I mean, would you say that that's a fair trade for a marriage? Do you think that's kind of like that's just, that's art, baby? Well, yeah, it depends on, I mean, that's, yeah, it's hard to say, isn't it? It's hard to measure where that person's priorities like. They're that impassioned by that box. you are you were suggesting while we were watching the movie today guy that um perhaps

we've been underestimating the scientific importance of brady's maze because you you believe that if mice are put in a maze for long enough they just slowly grow more and more or actually not that slowly they grow more and more intelligent rapidly and you were quite concerned yeah well that's why because when brady's accepting his award for first prize he's holding the mouse in a separate just in a regular sort of see-through container yeah um and you observe that and then i quickly explain to you that if a mouse is in a mouse maze for over two hours every every extra hour that it's in the mouse maze for its intelligence doubles wow what happens in the first two hours and then obviously that the dimension is in the first

so that two hours you've got a safe zone and that's how brady brady chucks it in there well for two hours for that two hours the mouse is in a deep meditation Oh, really strike like a viper penta. Well, when they're moving around the maze, yes. I mean, we think that they're, you know, they're trying to navigate the maze. They're not, they're having a good thing.

They're just pacing. Interesting. Yeah, so that's, there's a mouse pacing for thought. Yes. It just so happens. And we, I mean, that's confines RMAs at that given time. So we, and that's, and we must read it. It's right.

And so if a mouse remains in there for too long, they will outsmart a human being and they will dominate us. Fuck. So, so the school gave Brady the Blue Rib, in for his moxie and his risk-taking attitude towards science. And also to try and sort of as a hush. Oh, so you think Brady, like, people don't know this. Brady knows this now.

Yeah. And I need him to get on side with the establishment. Yeah, absolutely. Be part of the machine rather than, you know, be spreading. Absolutely. This kid is a mastermind. You have tripped over something huge tonight, Guy Montgomery. It would be fair to say.

This is big. Did you have a, what was your shining light tonight, Tim? If I had to guess, I'd say Charlotte's earrings. Which set? The ones that she's wearing while she's having a drink. I'm bluffing this one. I forgot. Conjure something.

Oh, Runkle, probably. Yeah. Like, we talked about them quite a lot. Do you want to suggest you say what we said? I either had a bit of acting. It was funny. I think we both separately enjoyed Runkle very deeply this evening. And then we both sort of brought up at the same time.

He, when Samantha and the concrete layer are having very rampant and loud sex. I thought you're going to say Coitus and you didn't. I'm disappointed. Well, whatever you want to call it. They were really going hammer and tongs. And then next door, Runkle and Charlotte are really struggling his parents. they're having a really hard time and Charlotte's job as an actor

as easily as easier because she's just got the screaming baby but Runkle's just reading and the kid's kind of paying attention and so Rungle does this huge tremendous bit of acting where he puts his whole he moves his whole arm and he slaps his face against it

and he crinkles his when he does his serious acting wrungo he sort of scrinkles his face up you know what I'm talking about a wrinkle scrunch Yeah the Rungle crinkle the wrinkle cruncle is your shining light that'd be fair to say

the whole yeah that particular piece of acting and then getting to call it the wrinkle crinkle yeah that brought a lot of mirth into the room and did um a lot of mirth really lifted the mood it did this week you're going down I'm crashing hard out I was so weapons hot earlier tonight and I shouldn't have been science did not support me

being excited about anything. You felt invincible for a while. Yeah. I haven't got a lot of sleep in the last few days. I've got one thing that we should definitely talk about. Go on. Which is that Patrick Schwarzen, we don't usually like to speculate about people's real lives on the podcast.

It's not something that we usually do. But it has been observed by some people that, it looks like it's all over Red Rover. It's curtains for Patty Schwartz and Miley. and uh and what do you think of that time sorry i was nodding it you know i realized that's not going to get picked up on a microphone at all that's right you i agree you are falling asleep in front of my very eyes all right i'm here i'm queer get used to it you're present uh anyway i confess to you that since i found out that and this is like embarrassing like a reflection

on how maybe shallow i am as a person but when i found out that they were not together i became more embarrassed of my Patrick Schwarzenegger tattoo because he's no longer with Miley Cyrus which is such a weird thing to feel a lot or just a little just a pang of like

she kind of validated it yeah I'm kind of like I'm okay with having it still because I recently stumbled across a news report that his mum Maria Shriver has she's just written an amazing

book about it's like a kind of gender studies thing. It's about how boys can't express emotion or something. Yeah. Something like that. Probably how she watches acting performance and grown-ups. Oh my God.

Like, isn't that unbelievable? She's put out this really, like, interesting and kind of timely and cool book about how boys can't cry and shit. And yeah, her son is, you know, like featuring in this just absolute fuck fest. of childish man-baby behaviour.

Like, that's an awkward family dinner. When they go to the premiere year of grown-ups too, they get home. And he's like, Mom, what did you think of the movie? It was an abomination, and it needs to be stopped. And I hope that it never goes to any cinemas past the one we just witnessed it at. And if it comes down to me buying every DVD and Blu-ray coffee myself to put it under a bulldoze, I'll fucking do it. And if it comes down to me, like, trying to harness the power of Anonymous to take it off the torrents, I'll fucking give it a whirl, you know?

Like, this movie needs to be put under, six feet under. No one can see it. But you hear good things about the book. Fantastic things about the book. Yeah. It looks like a good. But we're not here to talk about Maria Shriver of grownups, too. We're here to talk about sex.

and the city. The interesting thing that I've found about sex in the city for a long time and I myself have been falling into this trap up until

one episode ago is that I never really knew if it was sex and the city or sex in the city and when you Google search it like both of them come up a lot

so a lot of people are making the mistake is what I'm saying yeah so is Timbat officially calling you out figure it out motherfuckers

well hey look I was one of you. Way to throw down to him. I was one of you. I was once one of you. Do you saying you're better than these people? Well, I am now. Yeah.

I'm saying I was on their level and now I'm going to be a bigger, higher level. You're fundamentally now a better person. You were saying that I'm agreeing with you. There's a subtle difference. I wouldn't initiate the thought, but I also would never deny it. You're getting into a pretty good place now. Yeah, dude, I need some fucking. Yeah, man.

Should we seamlessly segue into What's he doing? Where's he off to? Hey, that was a pretty good one. Getting warmer. In the dark. Do you want to take the reins or should I? I'll be interested to see what I can spit out at the moment.

Okay. But you can defer it. No. Oh, you're just going to go? Go, just go. I've got to take away the safety nets for us and what happened. Get in there. Bro, do you realize?

Do you realize that the dude, who we see in the over-the-shoulder shots, slamming coffees, slamming a caffin? And leaving with a newspaper under his arm, like, do you, do you, do you, do you know, do you understand where he's going? That's, that's exactly why I'm saying. Do you understand where he's going? No, this is exactly what I said. Bro, did you realize that we're dealing with the president of David Hassell-Hawf's fan club?

no he's off to try and find the beach that baywatch is filmed at in central new york correct he could barely be further away from the location he's looking for and that's why it's in the movie because it's such a it's such an interesting bit of happenstance that he's wound up in n yc how did he land how do you surely that's just you're going to I'm going to love this story. I think you're going to enjoy it. So what's happened is someone told him that he needed to get to the coast where the beach is, right? Yeah.

And instead of hearing the beach, he heard Burger. This guy sounds like a bit of a dimwit. He's not a smart man. And he thought, Bigger doesn't make any sense. How did he wind up in charge of David Haswell fan club? That is a position that you take. No one bestows it upon you.

You grab it and then you defend it. That's all there is to it. This is a bumbling fool. How did this man? So I'm trying to explain how you got to NYC. Okay. someone said it's at the beach he heard

bigger and then his head went not a word did they mean to say big apple and that's where he ended up he didn't research it beyond that observation well he just kept asking people for where the big apple was

and he actually started pretty close to the Baywatch beach which as we know is pretty close to LA thing. And he ended up hitchhiking across continental North America. Oh, wow. Yeah.

It was an amazing journey. Did he still manage to distribute the David Hanswell newsletter daily as his custom? He's on AT&T. He didn't have a worry in the world. Internet all day. This is in 2010. I mean, it's not. Yeah.

That's how good they are. Yeah. From coast to China. Shining Coast, Cedar Shining. Of course, we're commercially obligated to thank AT&T, who we've just taken on as a new sponsor of the podcast. We're actually obligated to answer to our other sponsor as well. Cogs Unlimited.

Yeah, Cogs Unlimited. Pretty much, Cogs Unlimited is a very unique service. We're in a delivery person. It could be anyone. It could be, you know, your grandmother. It could be a total stranger. It could be a pizza delivery guy. show up with an invoice and quite literally a waste disposal unit full of old second-hand cogs.

They will dump it on your front lawn for the reasonable sum of $1,000. Yeah, they'll give you all the cogs your little heart wants and your little brain needs. Yeah, I mean, I think they're still ironing out some of the kinks of exactly how this is going to sustain. I mean, and what the demand is for this service? And that is their slogan, we'll iron out the kinks while you get the kinky iron, because, of course, eating cogs will supply you with 50% of your recommended daily intake of iron.

Yeah. But it's a kinky way to get it, you know, because it's a cock. It's certainly interesting. It'll raise a few eyebrows at your bloody weekly in-progress meetings, won't it? That is the official name of their meetings. Once you're a member of Kogs Unlimited, you get to go to it in-progress. and in progress is very interesting

set of meetings very interesting guy because when you first get in there what they're going to do is they're going to hook you up to a little machine and they're going to ask you a little something a little something something about your childhood you're going to ask you a little bit about what's going on in your life and they're going to find the barriers

you're going to find what's holding you back because the secret to cogs unlimited is unleashing your unlimited potential because we are all cogs in the machine now if you want to speed up the process of unlocking your potential, you can absolutely contribute of your own volition a little more money each month, the COGS Unlimited, maybe we can grease those bills a little bit, maybe we can

get some auditors to help you out spend a little more time with you one-on-one. You know, if you're willing to commit, that's what it comes down to. Don't think of this as being an issue of money. This is about your level of commitment as displayed by your financial contribution, but it's a level of your commitment. How committed are you to COGS Unlimited? Because if you're not committed, you're not going to be able to unleash your unlimited potential. This is a CEO of COGS Unlimited guest appearing on the podcast. I'm here to say, I think Tim and Guy, the very brave boys, they're very good boys to do what they do weekly for everybody. And as president of COGS

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Guy, probably going to have to pull the pin on this one, because I am very sleepy. I think there's some things I'd like to say before we go. Here's one. We're going to need to do a catch-up episode at some point, because we left a little late last time. Yeah. And I love throwing this at you while we're doing the podcast so that you can't back out like a little bitch.

I don't back out. Yeah, that's what you do when we're off mic. Everyone, guys, a little bitch, he backs out of shit. I don't back out of shit. And so we're going to do a catch-up episode. I'm still, we've got to find a little piece in our schedule to watch Paul Blatt, Moulcott, too, Blart. Yeah, Paul Blatt. And I'd like to warn you that we've got some really good guests coming up.

as well on the podcast. There's a few people itching to get on and they're all cool people. You just walked in here at the end of a podcast and just laid some straight business down on the you're dude.

I thought we're just going to have a lovely chat about the Sixth and City too and then you just... Oh shit, I've broke your keyboard. We're still good though, right? There we go. Oh, fuck, man. Jesus, that's fine.

I thought we might have lost it. My brain immediately went to the worst place and thought that we'd lost a whole episode. Yeah, because then we have to watch the movie again. It's fucking 20 past 1 in the morning. And I, last night I think I, four hours, I think. Good on you, mate. Good God. You're a treasure. Good God, Montgomery. Look, do you want to say, do you want to leave a message for our listeners before we end the phone call? Yeah, I do. We're right in the middle of the Comedy Festival here in New Zealand, in

Auckland. You're a sellout. Yeah, mate. Please come along to our shows. Mine's called Guymon Comedy. It's like the Mondi Chris show. Even if you're not in Auckland, if you know someone in Auckland, if you know someone in Auckland, anything would like it, please tell them to come along.

And Tim, do you want to sell out as well? No. So I'm colder than you are. That's not true. It's not, but I'm going to pretend I am. And everyone, send you a congratulations to Tim for successfully completing a short film in 48 hours over the weekend while performing three solo hour-long comedy shows.

shows as a pretty impressive feat, mate. Thanks, mate. I'll share the movie with you all later when I'm allowed to. We're not allowed to at the start. We will later though. I'm very proud of it. Browd. Guys in it.

Let's get out of here. Guys in the movie, you talk about it like you're not part of it. You're in there, bro. Yeah, mate. You got a fantastic cameo. You're a scene. I was only in it for like, about half an hour. I gave you good direction.

I'm an excellent producer, too. Let's get out either. People don't want to hear this. I love you all. And we'll be back soon before you've known. Thank you.