The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E16 - Smooching

Episode Date: September 13, 2025

THIS EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESNic Sampson and Joseph Moore from the Cheap Tuesday podcast join Guy and Tim for their sixteenth watch of the film and it quickly descends into a 1am drunken free for all. Nic and Joe try their best to recreate the entire film in 4 minutes and barely miss a single plot point. We discover that Mr Big is possibly colourblind and that he should be called JJ (or Big J). We also happen upon the possibility of Carrie is magical. Enjoy this extra (arguably TOO) long guest episode.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online. So you can make the switch in minutes Mobile plans start at $15 a month

Certain conditions apply Details at fizz.ca It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season two Nna, Nna, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

Nickelodeon. Hello, welcome along the worst idea of all time. Episode 16. If the movie is a human being, it is coming of age. Yeah, you can legally have sex with that. In New Zealand. But don't.

But don't. But don't. It's not a target. No one knows. You're not in the room. Who's that third voice you hear at the moment? Oh. it's actually someone's coming in and out a little bit so hold your shit properly gentlemen and allow me to introduce two of the single greatest podcasting talents that new zealand has to offer my name is going Montgomery no no it's not us I've already introduced us we are third and fourth wow in first and second place in no particular order let me first the man that you first heard let me introduce number one Joseph Moore ladies to general Joseph Moore oh hello hello gentlemen undeniably number one

And Nick, we apologize to you. We have spent hours pouring off with these rankings. And don't... I'm very comfortable back here at number two. Don't burn. Ready to step up to number one in case anything goes wrong. Don't burn his first name before we've given him a full introduction. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him.

You love him. You left your kids at his place one time and they came back with a little bump on their head and a little bit confused. You thought nothing of it at the time. Guy, I mean, guy acted a little bit guilty if I'm being honest with you because he had to cover for the fact that Nick had done. something a little bit wrong They wanted to go down the laundry shirt

And Nick was not prepared to stop them Crazy old uncle Nick Was only too happy to enable your kids So for the first time ever Can I introduce by his full Name As far as I know it Because I don't know his middle name

Ladies and gentlemen It's your cool uncle Nick Samson What is your middle name The cool uncle of New Zealand Why is he an uncle? Because he let the kids go down The laundry shirt

How Russ is going to do him Dad's not going to do that You know how you talk about your friend's kids? Your friend brings a kid around, your crazy old uncle Joseph. Am I? Yes. People call me crazy old uncle. Yeah, you wouldn't know Joe.

You know he's bringing around kids to your house. Yeah, no, I got old uncle. My house? Full of kids. My house, full of kids. Up to his knees and out. That's why they keep getting all these bumps and braces. I have to have a bounce of the clicker on the door.

No more than a hundred of your nieces and nephews. All right, let's, before this buck and bronco gets away on us, lads, let's address the elephant in the river. room we've just watched you're mixing metaphors all over the place yeah well they're all

animals and they're all angry we've watched sex in the city too guy and I for the 16th time Joseph I believe for the one and a half one and a half

well I half watched it through with my ears was the listen to it there's a term for that listen to it actually you guys hold on watch something with your ears

what's that cool you know how we normally do things like other people do things let's do things the opposite to that okay plug your podcast first

and then we'll talk about the movie okay go well we do a podcast called Cheap Tuesday where we watch a movie each week and talk about it the way that you guys do it's a different movie though it's and we go the

we've really pussied out yeah and come with a different movie and go to them at the movies and spend a lot of money and that's why you guys are great and little bitches but still great thank you It's an honour to be here

This week On our one we went to see Entourage Which I noticed So many similarities Between that and this movie That we've just watched now Yeah Should we just rip in?

Nick are you ready to compare Entourage to Sex and City too? Should we really date stamp this thing And date it horribly By just talking about a movie That's just come out They find this one And a time caps you'll in space

They'll know exactly when we were talking about They'll be like bam Gosh your motherfucker It's when the entourage movie came out. Well, there are a lot of similarities. Definitely, entourage, you know, stars four hateful men. Yeah. And this movie stars for hateful women.

Do you hate all the guys in entourage? I remember my entourage being fun, though, as the TV says. Yeah, but the worst kind of fun. Bad fun. Bad fun. What's bad fun? No, no, I think I would say entourage is objectively more fun. Oh, more fun.

than sex and the city but surely that's just because you're a bloke mate it's all the girlfriend to a wives I'm talking about the book I don't watch the TV series you're right of Sex and City or of Entourage you watched Entourage did you enjoy it?

Yeah but then like I enjoyed it in that hindsight of being like oh God I wish I didn't watch that hold on let's time travel put yourselves back into the place of we're just you actually because I'm only talking to Nick right now of the moment

did you enjoy Entourage as it was unfolding. I enjoyed it and like it was a time when I was sort of coming to know myself a bit better and I

enjoyed it as a coming of age tale tell me more I enjoyed what my life would be like I was a real like I really now I love sex

with everyone me and Guy were watching stand by me and you were watching entourage and it shaped the human beings

we are I think there's a point where I realized the entourage was terrible a lot of people in our generation it was really

good realization for me we start You know, we started watching Entourage around the same time we started buying shirts with buttons. I really thought you were going to say masturbating there because I saw your mouth making an M sound. I'm buying shirts with buttons, you know? Buying shirts with buttons. Seminal stage in your life.

Yeah. You're like, hey, I've got a shirt with buttons. Yeah. Watch out. What would that mean? What's happening when you're putting on your shirt with buttons? You're on the prow. You're into town.

Yeah. You're looking for trouble is what you're doing. Mm-hmm. Isn't it? It's not ironic. You dress up to get down. Yeah. Isn't that crap?

Has that even struck you? Isn't life just a topsy-turvy place? Oh, it's a wonderful thing. Wonderful thing. Your ups are up and your downs are ups. But let's not talk about entourage too much because the movie we just saw wasn't entourage. Please, please just let's stop. So like, I mean, first of all, first impressions.

Nick, I'm going to start with you, even though you've just been talking. I would say it is, yeah, the length. It is ponderously, unavoidably. is one of the longest things I've ever sat through and it's not just long in length although it is that which is the main way of measuring length

however I didn't realize there are other ways to me but like every scene ends like every shot someone will say their line and then the camera will linger on them too long like it's the first

it like it's this is the block edit that the editor is gone all right this is how the film stacks up and now I wait for the director to come in and we'll tighten it up and then he never came never showed up you could drive a truck through the lines

like in between them saying yeah especially some scenes some pranks there's bloody driven a truck right square through two actors oh yeah we've told all of our listeners not to watch the movie so they don't know this but we've there's a lot of trucks in the movie where they drive them in between

like Miranda and Carrie there's a line and then a truck and in another line, literal metaphor. It's crazy. Gracefully step aside and a truck will come through. It's amazing they think it was some close calls. Some of the trucks. Well, you didn't see Joseph at one thing where a guy gets hit.

And that's how good the stunties are. They make it look like it's a close call, but it's never really a close call. And guys, we don't, I don't know if you do this every time of the podcast, but I wouldn't feel like I'm going on without just giving a shout out to the family of the Stunty who. We do. We do. I don't listen to every episode. I'm sorry, so you don't. We pour out some of our drinks.

I believe it was when Just gobble up that mic Gobble it up I believe it was when Samantha said Lawrence of my labia And then the truck comes through And hits that extra They used the Wilhelm scream

I believe That's correct, I'll tell I'm bad at doing the impression But yeah You get it Yeah yeah You sounded like a farm animal It was odd in the movie

How they played it for laughs though Because a real man died And then they kind of cut like to an individual shot of each woman They do a lot of shit like that though Joseph You may have noticed they use a satire To very racist and comical effect In the movie as well

They provide a lot of musical cues You were quick to pick up on this Okay here's the I'm without just talk about whatever No absolutely no under no circumstance Shall we talk about whatever I don't know if you notice how much whiskey I've had bro But I'm pretty sure

There's no rules to this one Musical cue observation number one Hit me Whenever Carrie walks It's like she is magical for with each step comes a twinkle, you know, that suggests she has, I'm going to say, fairy godmother powers. Like a shimmering musical twinkle. Yeah. What is that called?

What is that like a chimes? Yeah, a bit of chimes, a bit of ding-dong. Ding-dong chimes? Yeah. You're supposed to be the music man. The ding-dong is a separate instrument from chimes. Yeah, yeah. What's the ding-dong sound like, guy, real quick.

It sounds similar to chimes. That's why it's so commonly confused. Actually, ding-dong is on a matter of payer. I don't know if you. It's like a crow. You know how it crow-crows? Yep. Ding-dong ding-dongs.

I'll hear it. When I say the word ding-dong, that is the sound of ding-dong. Oh, I'm sorry, you're doing it already. Yes. Oh, I beg your button, I was missing it. It's just so good. You just weave it in. Anyway, I believe she has mystical abilities,

which are not explicitly shown in the film. Now, Jay, let me throw this out of you guys, a little bit of a theory. Okay. Do you think those magical abilities exist before or solely after she puts the hat on at the gay wedding? Oh, before. They're there. So it permeates the entire film. She was born with it.

You know, you don't, you don't, it's not magical shoes. It's not like Mike. You know, like Mike? Lil Balow has magic shoes that makes him good at basketball. It's not like that. She has a magic. I think she's born, like. Of all of the examples he could have picked, I'm glad you went with like Mike.

Thank you. It's way to not alienate any person listening to the podcast. Because everyone's seen like Mike is from Trunce. It was a very popular movie. Everyone saw it. I think it's pretty clear that when she puts on that headdress. It's called, she refers to it as a hat. Well, it's not a...

I mean, a hat is to cover your... Well, hat looks like a hat. It would be closer to a visor than a hat. But it's not a visor either because it doesn't cover her eyes. It's like a belt for a head. It's a crown, realistically. Oh, it's a crown. Okay.

Yeah. When she puts on the crown... The crown's like a whole belt. Say that again, what's that? No, it's a crown. There's clearly some sort of foreshadowing happening there. And I kind of feel like it's some sort of curse that it like maybe a witch or like an evil gypsy is put... Like it may be in a gemstone in the crown.

Sure. It's slowly working its way into a body, causing her to lose. control over where she puts her passport. Yes. Yes, I'm glad you've struck into that. Which is, of course, the driving the driving plot of the movie.

Well, of that act. It's the one time something's gone, goes wrong. I'm sorry, a plot is when you, someone does something once and then at the end of the movie they come back to the same spot and just solve that problem.

That's what a... A plot is when a series of seemingly unconnected events happen in a row in a few different locations Here's what I'm going to do Right Here's what I'm going to do

If I may I'm going to throw it over To you too Okay To Nick Sampson And to Joseph Moore To explain to me What the plot

Of Sex and the City 2 is And you've got limited time To do it I'm pulling off my wrist botch So I can take care of this You've got a maximum of three minutes And I want you to describe The movie you've just seen

Okay Because It's an exercise And recall and in brevity of taking something that took over two and a half hours to watch I want you to boil it out three minutes are you ready if you're not familiar with the word brevity it is to be succinct you could say this podcast is brevity in action I would just like to interject you have something to say on the

matter no no but that you know we will be brief okay yes we've left brief. Okay. I'll kick us off. In the same way, we have not taken much time to define brevity. We demand the same of you. Gentlemen, your time starts now. We hear a familiar beat. What's that?

Pianos mixed in with drums. Oh, it must be Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind. The song plays as the Warner Bros. in H-B-O logos play on screen. But are they normal logos? No, they sparkle. Sparkle with diamonds. Why? Because

we are not in our world. We are in the world of New York where the girls of sex in the city to live. All right, Nicky, you keep it going. Hey, it's Carrie, what's up? It's me right now, now in 2011, but also way back in the 80s, I

was a lot different, but still the same. Hey, we're all mates. Anyway, my friend who presumably is in the TV series, is getting married. Hey. Oh, hello. I'm a man standing on a desert. Wait a minute I have to go to a gay wedding quickly

Okay you quickly go Can I go Can I just put your phone down for a second Yes yes I'm gonna go to this wedding Okay comment Over and over and over How gay this wedding

Should hold on shoot shoot Let's talk about the movie Real bravely I'm at the wedding Okay Gay gay gay this is a very gay wedding This is a very gay wedding Hello welcome to the wedding

I'm a stereotype I feel like I've seen how gay The wedding is Oh I'm gonna leave now Okay Right Hello Oh, you're still there?

How's the wedding? Um, okay. Uh, so what are you up to? Oh, well, I'm standing in the desert, and I'm shooting a poster for a movie that we all... Oh, shooting a poster for a movie? That sounds like a normal thing to have to do. We don't have green screen, you see, in our studio. I don't even know what that is, so I don't know why you bring that out.

Hey, I digress. You digress. Well, we're on digressing. My friends are going crazy. Hey, hey, careful with your passport. Should I come to Abu Dhabi? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a step ahead.

You'll quickly come to Abu Dhabi, but when you're here, be careful about your passport. I feel like you've done talking. You're barely in this movie. Hey, we're in Abu Dhabi. Oh, this plane was magnificent. Oh, look at all this food.

Look at all these penises. That's my passport. You dropped it. No, actually, I never mentioned that. Oh. Oh, there's your passport. I'm worried about my nanny's breasts. Hey, they sure are big.

Let's go. This is Cameltoe. Hey, we should leave now. Hey, I'm a nice gentleman walking down the street. You want to smooch? Okay, but then I'm going to tell my husband about it. He's going to be sad in a big building. Oh, hey, it's Carrie's husband here.

What do you got? You got smooching? any old man Wow You weren't doing it You were too busy Watching your films Black and white and otherwise

You know I love Black and White movies And time Well done It was either three or four I don't know I'm not wearing my digital watch I gotta say

Because Virtually no one who's listening With this Has seen sex in the city too What you just listed It's just Devolved into a series of buzz words

That you remembered From like I don't know I thought they did a good job I feel kind of broken after this movie I feel like they kind of If you listen back to that Summary of the film

That was like one in the morning right Yeah, I know it's one in the morning That was, it is I'm very tired I just said that was It's way after one in the morning It's like closer to two Okay

It's 20 to 2 A.m. It's not important What the hour is Did we miss anything? No, absolutely not I mean the one thing that you missed was that you ran out of time

to quickly resolve the one issue in the film which is that as you pointed out Carrie Smooch is a guy she sees in the souk which is an Abu Dhabi marketplace where you buy spices

and leave your passport and buy shoes at and then it's fine yeah they sort it out they go back there it's rare out of it for Christ's sake it's totally fine

I've had stuff going missing in a marketplace would you have missing an ice cream salesman stole my wallet in Kuala Lumpa

really well fucking how about that no you know what but that's best life you know, and I went back and it was gone. Here's some notes that I took. That's a real story. Make that into a movie, yeah, guys.

Where would probably be a more engaging film than Sex and the City, too. What else did you get up to in Kuala Lumpur? I went to a swimming pool. That sounds like a pretty... We've got a sequel in the works. Yeah, don't waste it all in one movie. No, the first one is you losing the wallet. It's a saga.

Here are the notes. A real-time movie of you going to the swimming pool and then losing your wallet at the market. Real time. I'll pay $25,000. You're an idiot. You're a full guy. Yeah, well, that's why you're never going to own a house. All right.

Here are the notes that I've taken through the course of the film. Number one, why has no one called Big JJ? He announces his name at the wedding as John James. John James Preston. What about Big Jay? Big J's even better than JJ. No, then you're wasting a whole J. That's crazy talk.

Have you got two J? consecutively as an option that is pretty much the angle you should be pursuing in your name. I always thought as a child JJ was one of the coolest. It really is a nickname

you could get. Those are two eight point consonants one two. What are you talking about eight points? Scrabble. Oh right, Jesus.

All right. There's a 16, 16.2 letter name. You can't use proper nouns and scrabble though, my friend. You can't have a new version of Scrabble. Fuck off.

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's one of the... There's like a classic rule though. Nah. What? There's no longer Scrabble

at that point. You can play like Beyonce and stuff. That is bullshit. You can play as Beyonce. Yeah. That's no longer Scrabble. Well, no,

it's dress-ups, but... If you play as Beyonce, you don't have time for Scrabble. Scrabble out of my house. It's a very immersive experience if you play as Beyonce. Here's my second... You inherit her entire career.

Did it? A lot of responsibility. Did you know? IMDB won't tell you about the movie. Guy and I will, because we've seen it 16 times now. Did you know? In one scene in the film, in Abu Dhabi, in the hotel, they swapped out Tilda Swinton for Cynthia Dixon or Nixon.

Can't remember the name of the actress. I really got caught up on this moment. Well, it was not as to every week. No, no, no. Well, this is... But she kind of looks like her for the whole movie. I don't know why this seems... Especially when she's not wearing makeup.

Well, it's not even anything to do with especially. The fact of the matter is it was a failed viral marketing attempt by Michael Patrick King and SJP who is getting a producer on the movie is they got Tilda Swinton for a cameo and they said

Tilda we want to do something different with it we want it to be organic we want to be viral we're going to put you in the movie as one of the characters People say viral in 2011 Absolutely constantly The time we know already saying in 2010

That's when they're really saying in 2010 That's when it's when it started Anyway, Tilda, you know what she's like She's really into virality Really into online currency Really into monetizing You know content She said yes, they did it

No one knows, to this day We're lifting the lid It's a hidden cameo One of the only hidden cameos in the history of Hollywood The third night I've written on my hand It appears to be the word Runneling Which last time I checked

This isn't a word Are you in a L-I-N-G What do you think I was trying to communicate To myself Runnelina That's impossible to say mate I would like to talk about The fact that Mr Big

Is colourblind Well then please Take us away So Mr Big One of his great character traits Is that he likes to watch Black and White movies

Which is such a vague thing, right? Yeah, it's like, I love black and white movies. It's like, that's a lot of movies. You got to immediately go, why? You got to ask the question. On the whole, not very good. You got to dig in there. That was before we'd really mastered how to do movies.

Yeah, exactly. A lot of those don't have audio. You got to dig around. Mr. Big. Yeah. He likes the movies, not the talkies. But then later on, caught watching Deadless Catch. Yeah.

So then my theory is that, yeah, he's colorblind. He can't tell if a movie's black and white. He just says everything's black and white. Sometimes he's right. Well, Nick, I hate to throw salt in your game, but maybe he likes more than one thing. You know, maybe he likes black and white movies and delia's sketch. No, I think he's just, he likes anything where he knows it's a black and white movie.

Because there's a certain style he can get from watching an old black and white movie. This is a colorblind person. Color movies confuse him. Yeah, they make him. They haven't catered. for the colourblind audio Whereas black and white He can't tell who's the sun

Who's the sky This we did Now this would explain How he's lost so much money On the stock market Because when stocks go up They go green And when stocks go down

They go red Yes But if he was colourblind Then he's just seeing Numbers moving in a direction And he's just throwing money In every which direction He's got to pick a punt

So like he is He's buying up stocks That have risen Dramatically And he's And he's selling stocks that have fallen spectacularly. Yeah, he also has no, like, internal compass. He constantly thinks he's upside down.

Yeah. He is a very... He sees the arrows on the stock market and does not... Those make no sense of them at all. Right. And nor do numbers. So he is a dyslexic. Devoid of any internal direction.

Numbers to him are just kind of bouncing shapes. He has no perception of color. He is an early prototype of a trading android. The US government made about 50 prototypes for stock market traded. They forgot not to program them to love. But they forgot to program this one to love. But he can fuck like no one's business. He shows literally no affection to his wife.

So, let me just show him as much affection as a prototype stock market Android computer. Let me take a bit of stock here. A colorblind stock market. We're saying that my man, JJ Big, is a government fuckbot. Am I on board He's a stock bot He's a stock bot He's a stock boy

Who happens to be Naturally gifted it Fucking He's a stock bot With a heart He's the only one Of the assembly line That they forgot to turn

The emotive programming off I see this is very Johnny 5 Or son I'm loving Even at his full emotion He is He doesn't register

On the human scale Like he still Seems like a robot To us Which is why It's weird That he gifts His wife

a ring after she cheats on him just guessing. Now gentlemen Can I just say before we Just throw it in that Don't ask my permission Well I just get in there Get dirty

I desperately want your permission You guys This movie is destroying you And it's only been 16 goes But about halfway through You guys For the listeners Tim

We watched about this movie is so long and like really like I feel I've listened to the podcast and I feel like it's very hard to communicate how long this movie is it feels like it will never end and at about an hour and a half Tim had fallen up toppled over like a some sort of skyscraper and guy was trying to play my guitar without ever having played a guitar in his life and so just like compulsion even had one lesson made him pick up a guitar and try to sing an ever clear song so like this movie is destroying these these boys and I really feel for them but hey as we said positively at one point only 10 more views until you're halfway yeah well god isn't that a milestone that we're knocking on the door of isn't the light in the tunnel devastatingly tricksy and deceptive here's something I'd like to just say there's a poorly lit time tunnel.

In the dark in the tunnel. The point of the tunnel is like fish that make their own bioluminescence and they look like the end of the tunnel. But they're not the end of the tunnel. Their air breathing bioluminescent fish. Now, the first question is we like to... This is not the first question. We like to say, we like to ask, we like to explore, what was your favorite bit of the

movie? We call this the shining light. Speaking of bioluminescence. I remember I laughed Okay So maybe Guy and I will kick off And you guys can think about a part of the movie that you enjoy No way I'd like these guys to go first

They get the whole spectrum of the movie to choose from Really throwing our guests under the bus I like where you're coming from Guy I'm throwing them on the bus They get to choose from any moment in the movie Even though it Joseph Moore would you like to start Yeah okay even though

It ultimately resulted in one of the low points of the movie Yes I just like the concept Of a karaoke bar with backup dancers I think as a karaoke patron Wouldn't it be fun to have backup dancers While you perform karaoke Punctuating your

Jawdropping performance Yeah So and they go to a place where this exists Solely I think so that There's a feasible reason for the girls To have backup dancers When they do a frankly embarrassing performance Of I Am Woman

But up until then They've kind of created this business I'm like yeah And so there was a moment Where I go I'd like to go to that place Although I did notice That was the one second

In which I was happy The one second in which it triggered your brain to think I wish more karaoke bars had backup dances That is your joyous takeaway from That's the moment I felt most at peace The guy who we open on Who I thought for a long time Was singing a Boston song

He doesn't have any backup dances though Yeah he does He's above it is he? Oh shit Then I take it all back conventional because they're not backing up in the traditional sense they're above plane Nick Samson does anything come to

mind when I say to you shining light favourite bit of the movie gobble up that mic I feel like my favorite bit of the movie was when Carrie called Big to tell him that she kissed

what's his face? Aiden Apologies Don't apologize I'm desperate to apologize to you to you. Let me apologize. It's not privilege. What's the word?

Permission. Permission and forgiveness. Keep going, Nick Samson. Dig deeper. I want permission and forgiveness. Carrie has rung up our favorite fuck bot from the government. I always ask for forgiveness and always ask for permission. Um, was when she rang his up Mr. Big and tells him that she's kissed him and we're back

in New York briefly. And because it took so long to get to New York, it took about. an hour and then I was so excited to go to Abu Dhabi as soon as we got there I realized oh it was like no no we we have to go back it was a mistake to go here so just that brief glimpse of like the city escape maybe Abu Dhabi no of New York oh during the phone call when we flashed back to him sad in his last tower cut to jj big the United States staring sadly out of skyscraper just I just felt like oh man this was this was a huge mistake

ever leaving the comfort of New York So getting a flash of big In his big soulless office Was your shining light of the movie God damn it that is Blake Okay well I'll tell you mine My shining light of the movie this time

And I think I've actually enjoyed him a lot of times But I've never remembered enough to bring it up Is Miranda's misogynist boss Tom He's amazing I love him He shuts her down so like succinctly with he doesn't even say words

he just throws a hand out he's like talk to the hand boom chucks it out there in the meeting Tom is a legend what got you about Tom this week he's just so authoritative and really installs himself is the voice you want to listen to in the room

it seems like he's got a lot of good ideas and that's how he got to be partner at that firm you know what I mean he's a man who you trust he's a man who you go to with problems and he gets them fucking solved. He's the kind of guy who like, if I accidentally killed a stripper, I'd be like, Tom, bro, some shit has happened in Las Vegas. Very particular kind of guy.

No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying, if it was a bad problem, Tom could solve it. He's not the kind of guy who'd freak out of me and be like, oh, I've got to call the police now because I'm obligated because you've committed a crime and murdered someone. He'd be like, we're going to get ourselves some acid. I know a chemistry high school teacher. We're going hydrochloric on it. We're going to dissolve the body. and no one will ever know that this has happened. He is a problem solver! And he's painted as a villain in this movie.

I don't appreciate it, but in the brief moments we have with him in the movie, I enjoy him. I genuinely think this movie is making you lose your mind. You always say that. You're thinking dangerous thoughts. No, I'm just saying, I'm not saying I'm killing a hookah. I'm just saying, if I did, I'd want to go to time.

It'd be like Mike Tyson way of framing things. We don't need to bring real people. people into the scenario. What's his name? Other guy. Damn it. I fucked that up. Are you talking about old...

Yeah, the guy about... Robert Dirt. Sorry? No, I'm talking about the murderer NFL player. O.J. Simpson? Yeah, yeah.

It's called... Short doesn't sound like it. I don't think Mike Tyson's going to take Kelly to you mixing him up. Well, the hilarity is you tried to slam me and you've actually revered yourself for being a massive racist. No, I know.

Now I feel awful. So, shame on you. Joseph Moore. Let me say that name again. I could have just hit by him. I'm just... Joseph Moore. I'm just trying to be the truest

me I can be. God, there's a terrible defense. Guys, put up the ball and let's roll in with a shining light from you. Just want people to accept me for all of my character thoughts, including my rampant racism.

That's what I hear, too. No. It's what I here coming to. It's not really true to yourself, even if society... What a career blow in this podcast has turned out to be. Had it and quit it. Guy Montgomery.

What's going on? my shining light and sex and the city too you've got nothing look at those cold dead eyes the most trans spirit witness who starts answering the question

by re-saying the question in a different order sex in the city too Jesus Christ you are burning daylight on us Montgomery all right while you think of that Joseph Moore I'm going to throw it back to you you're running a very efficient

insane conversation here. There was a man in this film named Coffee Guy Oh yeah No coffee guy I saw him We love coffee guy

We're familiar with coffee guy The question is Where's Where's he up Bada-da-bba-da-bba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bo Hold-it-up Who's that man What's he doing

What's he up to Where's he up to? Where's he up to? Where's he up to? That's the question. What's this dude? What's he all about? Where's he off to?

What's he doing? That's got to be over to the floor. Can't just put that on Joe's. Sorry. Joseph Moore, Nick Samson. What's he doing? Where's he off to? Well, I felt like after this, by the way, you guys built this guy up a lot.

And he did not disappoint. Excellent. He drank a lot of coffee in a very short amount of time, as promised. And then he left very quickly. and I could help but notice that a waiter came in very shortly after he leaves clears his plate immediately and I'm wondering

did this waiter take the coffee cup back into the kitchen and then go oh no this coffee was not meant for this man this was a prototype coffee oh my god not yet ready for store consumption he has drunk into his coffee What does the effects of this?

He goes home. He goes home, he passes out, he wakes up, he looks in the mirror. His arms seem stronger. He takes off his top. Yeah, that's weird. He's just a regular old coffee drinker. Yeah, regular coffee drinker. Hold on, he suddenly got all this energy.

He can't sleep. He never sleeps again. He is coffee guy. He's got the energy of a guy who's drunk three coffees, but all the time. That's right. He doesn't need another coffee. But if you give it to him, it'll be like he's had four coffees. He spurt steamed milk out of his wrists.

Yeah. He'll... He's got sugar. He's got it. Packets of sugar in his... In his butt. In his butt pockets. He's got sugar in his butt pockets, and he's spurt and steam out of his wrist.

Guy Montgomery, what do you make of that? Do you love it? He's running... He's got to have it. Suddenly there's a new... Suddenly there's a new hero in town. Oh. Oh, people are mugging people.

Oh, coffee man's coming along. Being a bit pushy about it. Because it's a mug. Coffee. The, great joke. A mug is mugging someone. Yeah. That is brilliant.

And here's the crazy thing. It turns out that it's a Harry Potter mashup universe where muggles are mugging mugs. And only one man can save them all. It's coffee guy. He's on the scene. He's steaming mad at crime. He's off there with his wrist.

spurting hot milk into people's eyes, which is actually, when you think about it, pretty fucking hardcore, it seems like a pretty low-level superpower until you analyze the fact that he's got someone in a goddamn headlock, and he is spurting something that is above 100 degrees into their goddamn eyeballs, they're just going to burn them irrevocably. Yeah, they've got no sight. He'll the flesh right off their face. Which is how Mr. Big became black and white sighted. That's what the colorblind people calling themselves.

And credits. Credits roll. Credits roll, credits roll. Everyone's leaving. Not us. We know to stay in the cinema. That's right. After the credits of Coffee Guy, it's a little sneak preview of the next big character. Walk me through it.

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We open on a big table, a table covered in cakes. That's right. The gals have ordered too many cakes again for breakfast. There's pastries, there's muffins, there's every sort of continental breakfast you could want. They don't eat them. They leave. What happens? Of course, you know what happens.

All the cakes merge together to form a humanoid continental man. Continental man. Boom, coming soon It's not coming out for a whole year But it's going to exist in the same universe They've buried a teaser trailer at the end of Coffee Man Yeah For Continental

Is that Indiana Jones No, it's the A-Team theme What's Indiana Jones? Actually the A-Team The A-team provider character For the next spin-off, Mr. T Fantastic Hey look, Montgomery

I feel like... Mr. T, Mr. Coffee Man and Continental Man It all comes back All gonna form up together That's what we call the worst idea of all time fuck what universe chapter one it's going to be the new breakfast menu at iHop now guy

I feel like we've bought you plenty of time to think of a shining light so let's hit it straight off the bat into an immersive experience do you know what some people accused me of throwing you under the bus I saw the bus come and grabbed you by the

goddamn collar moved you out of the way put something else in its way and put you back in the right path and you're still complaining you're driving the bus and it just feels like the bus is chasing me I resent the accusation and I want you to get on with your goddamn duties as someone who watches Sex and City 2 every week

and provide a goddamn shining light as if you didn't see it coming as if you don't know this happens every week just put it out there you're failing you are like an angry person had a lot of whiskey

it's in my professional opinion as an esteemed reviewer of Seagland City too which I do on a weekly basis and it is a process I enjoy what I most enjoy when I You're a nightmare You're a bloody nightmare And you're a slacker

And efficiency with which I do it Oh man I don't Are you outraged Nick Samson Yeah I want you to Yeah I'm fucking outraged Just get to the fucking point man Do you guys have shining lights

Yeah We talked at length about them And they were great Oh yeah They were ones For the books. You're a crazy bus driver. Don't you put this on me.

What's your shining light? My shining light. Fucking hell. It just all blurs into a horrible memory. You're such a piece of shit, Montgomery. You really are. It's just one long, ongoing disappointment. My shining light is that Mr. Big's coffee cup is never full.

There's never coffee in the cup. You enjoyed that. It's all an illusion. It's insane. Something they got wrong in the movie. is your shining light? No. My shining light is that

yeah, I guess. I just like Mr. Bigger and his coffee cup props. Do you know what I like? You like me. Nope. The opposite. What do I'm going to do with that?

We can go. What a negative note to wrap up on. We need these guys to pitch the movie to us. Oh, God, that's got to be quick. All right. You guys have got to pitch. So Guy Montgomery and I are movie execs. We green light projects, we get shit done and funded.

You two have walked into our office to pitch us this movie and so we can fund it. Gentlemen and gentlemen, hand over your pitch. Okay. I was just walking. First of all, hi, nice to meet you. Well, I forgot a tie for this. We've met before. We did it work on a project last summer.

Yeah, my name's Tim. I don't remember a lot of people, so I'm very important. Okay. So is Guy Montgomery. Well, hi, Tim and Guy. My name is Nick. and you or no, Joseph. Yeah, from last summer.

We worked on a project. Fuck this up. All right. Don't go back to New Zealand. What? We never go back. Okay. So, I was just walking here,

and I passed a store with a bunch of television to the window. And on the televisions was a show about some women. And you thought of this pitch on the way here. That's great. I like it. And the time, in the amount of time it took me to walk the entire length of the the TV store, I got the gist of the show

and while I was walking, I also I passed, the next shop was actually a travel agency which had a picture of the Middle East and so, I don't know and then I passed, we passed a candy store selling Reese's pieces. Yeah, and then I

hit my head pretty high. Very important executives and you're telling us. You don't need to know all this, you don't need to know. This is probably undermining my picture of anything. Picture this. Picture this. Picture this. The drums and pianos combine. It's Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind. Where are we?

We're in New York, but not New York is... Not for a while. But then we get on a plane. Okay. But after a while. Yes. We're not there for... Then we go to Abu Dhabi.

Oh, bold move. Also, hard to follow. Yeah. Okay, by the way, don't worry about that. We're not going to be respectful. You've got Joseph Moore on the project. No one for his racism. that does make me feel confident

by getting that racist dollar I always thought Joseph Moore was known for his very even-handed liberal defense of everyone. Normally, sometimes he confuses controversial athletes. I see. Anyway, so I've got

women, I've got television. Can I do my own pitch? I don't necessarily want to be associated with him if he's going to be racist. As a Jewel I'm very confused by the pit. No, you're going to need this racism in the film. won't work if they don't make just offhanded comments about women and minorities. My place has New York and Abu Dhabi. It's two settings and we spend as much time in one as we do in the other,

which is an indeterminable, never-ending amount of time. Here's what I'm going to do. I like elements of what you both have said. I need this man. I'm throwing you together. I need this job. As a directing team. I'm giving you no money.

I've been in L.A. I've been in L.A. three years, man. I'm mortgaged my house back in New Zealand for this. I need this. You get a production company. You get your money. It's done. It's done. I'll live in a dry cleaners.

Go big grubs on it. I don't care. I'll do this on a budget. Tim, Tim, I've got kids. I will be actively trying to sabotage this project. Every step of the way. I just got a lot.

I just got Lauren into a good school, man. And if I can't get the bills in, she's out. I do not care of your personal problems. I do not care for either of your ideas I appreciate that my esteemed colleague and friend has greenlit this project I would just like you to know

I will do anything I can to make this I look forward to this sounds like a really good challenge Well to be honest it sounds like all four of us are at odds Which is how I like to get movies made So I invite you to the challenge I would like to say good luck to you gentlemen And I would like to say thank you very much For listening hands in the middle

Let's do it Go Ducks on four. Hands in the middle. Let's all spit on our hands first before we shake on making the movie. You cut them. Go Ducks on four. Here we go. One, two, three, four.

Go Ducks. Good enough. Ladies and gentlemen, you've been listening to the worst idea of all time. These guys' podcast is Cheap Tuesday. Please check it out. Starring Nick Sampson and Joseph Moore, renowned for his tolerance of all people. All shapes and sign.

Follow them on Twitter at hotmail.com. Yeah. yeah they are at hotmail I was until not long ago still at Hotmail a cop He was God we're making that as a joke Samson joined the 21st century

I'm trying but they won't let me in Alright we're wrapping it up Ladies and Jents We just watched Sex and the City 2 for the 16th time We'll hope you join you for 17 We'll be back for 17 Maybe you won't

I don't know We're all a little hammered It's quite late at night Um catch you Catch your round See you kids You want to say anything guy No

It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season two Your call is important Can't take being on hold anymore Fizz is 100% online So you can make the switch in minutes

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