The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E18 JoHos

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

THIS EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESHow long does a corpse take to break down inside a camel? How could Guy and Tim improve Sex and The City 2? How cold is SO cold that you start fighting white people? What's the best time to nag a clothes dryer? These are the questions two guys from New Zealand ask at 1am after watching the movie for the 18th time.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Seasoned

Hello, kind human And welcome along to the worst idea of all time Episode 18 Yeah My name is Guy Montgomery My name is Timbat We are in a room together It's so cold

Oh shit It's so cold in here too I'm dropping crackers That's how cold it's It's cracker dropping weather Oh my goodness Tim's been out on the street punching all the white people

In the bloody jaw You're going to nail him man They're white privilege Got to get those crackers Fuck them Fuck him Fuck him He's also quite literally

A packet of crackers So once again We're recording at The middle of the night It's the moments away from 1 a.m. It's just finished the movie Time to watch Sex and City too

Crazy Time to watch sex in the city too. When do you like to put it in your schedule? I like it in the morning, to be honest. I like for us to lay it down in the AM. So if you could schedule it anywhere, it would be. Definitely, an AM watch. I just find it so unwieldy.

If we can finish it and it's still in the AM, I'm always grateful for that. You don't feel dirty? But it means we've got to start at like 8.30 for that to ever be true. you mentioned while we were watching today that you couldn't imagine the proposition of a double header oh my goodness because we did it a couple times with grown-ups too where we watched the movie back-to-back or we'd like watch the movie record an app and then watch the movie again record another rep straight after another but with this with this movie Monty it cannot be done

absolutely couldn't it be done at least a five-hour operation that's just viewing time alone So intense. It would be nightmarish to try and pull it off at some point, but I just, I honestly don't think I've got it in me to sustain that kind of. You're not well. Shit. You're surly. I am a little bit.

You're restless. Yep. You're fidgety. I want to go to bed. I wanted to go to bed so early on to the watch on this one. I've had a hell of a day. It's been long. And I just want to, I wanted to call on to bed about four hours ago.

I don't come in at a dump her personal problems. Sorry, I shouldn't be doing it. This is a clean space. This is a vacuum. How did you find the movie this week, Guy? Tim, everyone in this movie needs to do better. Oh, tell me more. All of the characters are just thoughtless monsters.

They just need to have a deeper consideration for every... They just make the same mistakes. Week after week after week. Someone's got to learn something. we're not taking anything out of this I feel like this is not good for anyone these characters need to do better

look I'm loathed to bring this up especially at this important juncture but the film ain't change in mind it hasn't so far and it's not going to in the subsequent what have we got now 35 watches I understand that

I understand fundamentally and logically what you're saying is true but I can't feel it I feel like at some point something has to change you've got a real

you've got a big old case of cognitive dissidents happening there where you recognise the truth and you will not accept it in a deep and meaningful way into your life this must be how Jehovah's Witnesses feel that we are living you know it's like they've got the truth

and they're trying to convince everyone else and we're just like no no no so it must be a deeply frustrating experience being a Jehovah's Witness It's so frustrating. Can you imagine walking around and you genuinely don't want anyone to burn an eternal damnation?

And you're just hitting up everyone. You're like, look, you've got to hear me on this one. I am really trying to help you. I'm really trying to do your soul that here. That's for you. Yeah. And then everyone's just like, yeah.

Get out of here. Fuck off. Yeah. And then they're like, well, I guess some people just want to burn in the fiery pits of hell. But they don't. They never accept that.

the jo-hoes they just they keep going they keep hitting you and God bless them you know for doing it because they really

believe in what they're doing imagine if they put all of that focus on energy to something of actual practical use

like what jenga what anything yeah it's just it's just a wasted amount of fucking manpower

maybe Texas hold in poker just anything you just got a bunch of people plucking away nothing

pull your fucking finger out I don't know I agree with you and that's all there is to it I was looking for a concession and I don't have one

No no no Okay here's what I will say about that I feel like even if what you're chasing I personally think Is completely like demonstrably A silly thing You can You can have

Oh yeah Positive spin-offs from it I agree I'm just thinking like Sparky little cool things Like being a positive person All the time And for all the time

And for all the people they convert. I'm not talking about that time, but for all the time that Jehovah's witnesses spend knocking on people's doors and trying to tell. So you're just talking about the pure like the mechanics of being Jehovah's Witness. But just like if they took all of that, you know, and bloody worked on... Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, or even just, you know, doing some sort of civic good. Maybe if they just like took up a, they retarcealed, you know, a bumpy road somewhere. Now, I'm going to hit you with something. Um, do you, you smell the irony about us talking about other people wasting time?

I do. Because I can smell it and it is rich and it is overpowering. It's pungent. It's a heady, heady smell. Yeah, but like, you know, we can't tass it. No, they can, they're the same. No, they're all very good. What I'm trying to say, guys, is, it's in the entrance exam.

We are Joseph's children. We are Jehovah's Witnesses. this movie Tim and my just desire to see something change in it we made some suggestions yeah but this is let me let me to write down in this book

um like I want the movie makes me want the pretty much at the wedding the opening wedding this movie makes me want just for the sake of some action the Westboro Baptist Church

to show up at the gay wedding just to picket it just to feel something just to jolt and that's not like a healthy I wrote that down underneath the heading this is what happens

when you watch Sex and City 2 for the 18th time yeah I'm reading that back now it's not a that's not a healthy it's not a good thought

it's not a pleasant thought but it's you know there's something inherently funny about it yeah it's so big and so gay

and for the Westboro Baptist Church to just fucking rock in there you know And that's essentially that church. It's just like one family. Really? One family of fuckwits.

They're like, they are the definition of the loud minority. There's so few of them and they're so loud. They're the O'Doyle Rules family from Philly Medicine. They are. They keep going back generation after generation. O'Doil Rules. O'Doyle Rules.

We do make some other suggestions though. And a big one that we didn't really unpacked because we thought we'd saved the conversation for now was when Carrie, it's the exact halfway point of the movie when Carrie can't get to sleep and she goes to fix herself some warm milk or tear or whatever and Garron. Right, right, right. Sorry, talking through a yawn.

Are you saying, is that the halfway point in the movie? Yeah. Fucking what? Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. You know that. The milk. The cinnamon milk. Yeah, that's the halfway point. Holy fuck. That's the bloody, that's...

I said that was very near the end. That's Lenny. faded teaching keithy how to kick a football wow and I've just seen it and I've already seen it 17 times prior yeah boy man I'm mixed up in me upstairs but if

what in that scene is again and this is sprung from my desire for something in the movie to change if she when you because she gets scared like she has no he's like hey and she's like what yeah and so she's holding the jug of milk if she struck him on the head oh my god glass jug of milk

Her man-servant. Knocked him cold. Yes. He's dead. Seeking half the movie, Carrie Bradshaw, she's got a dead body on her hands. She's in a foreign land. She doesn't know a lot about the, like, topography, the geography.

She doesn't know a lot about the customs. I mean, you know, people at the hotel, he's a member of the stuff. People are going to notice that he's missing. It's got to be tricky. They can ask a lot of questions. Apart from anything else, to dispose of a dead body in a dry, arid desert

it because I imagine it wouldn't break down very easily because it would be such a dry and salty environment you want moisture if you're getting rid of the body you want moisture the smell would carry too because the flesh would be I don't know if there'd be a lot of smell if it was that dry it'd be almost like

would it not kind of mummify it'd like dry it out oh it turned to dust like a sea urchin on the sand you reckon yeah yeah I reckon reduce a body to dust not to dust it would blow away no no no

no ash no no it'd be like you know when you put an apricot in a

what are they called like the fruit dryers like a dehumidifier but for food dehydrate

is that what they're called well I think you dehumidify that's how you're getting dried apricots has a pretty long

process but it's the same it's the same process you're removing moisture from something yeah

it's what it wouldn't turn to dust it would just shrivel up but I don't think it would smell this is the thing

because what you're smelling Like when you smell a corpse rotting is actually the byproduct of the bacteria that's eating away at it. It's not the body itself. It's the waste product. So what do you've got a small shriveled up corpse still? I mean, you've still got to get rid of that somehow. This is from saying it's hanging around.

It'd dry out and then it would hang around. What does Carrie do? Feed it to a camel, if I'm being honest. You want to starve the camel. It's like that speech in Lockstock, how he's talking about the pigs? You'd starve the pigs. Snatch. And see expression

As greedy as a pig Then I'll leave it They all chomp that bone Camels much the same Camels often called Pigs of the Desert For that very reason If a camel gets a taste

For human flesh And you know this as well as I do Because we read the same books Yes It will turn wild On the nearest town City or village 100%

Or even settlement That's why there's so many camels In Australia They were originally Brought in To keep control of the criminal population. But that's why I'm saying you can't,

Carrie can't feed this, she can't feed this corpse to a camel. Why? You've got a bloody siege on your house. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, but I don't know. Feed it to the camel, then shoot the camel. Then everyone will go, wow, why did someone shoot a camel? If you shoot a camel within 24 hours of it eating human flesh, it will respawn.

Whoa, didn't know that. Three camels will be where one once was. You're sneaking a book ahead of me, aren't you? I'll book you. You got some info I don't have Well, I've been reading about Biology, camel biology Recently

Good on you, man Some people would chastise you For getting ahead of me I'm not gonna, I'm gonna congratulate you I'm gonna say well done Way to pursue your knowledge You still brought up the idea of chastising me I introduced it but I quickly

dismissed it also You still made me aware of it Don't worry about it too much I'm trying not do You shouldn't So back to this camel This ravenous respawning camel like is it exactly 24 hours

could we wait for like 25 and then shoot it in the head the other thing is how long will it take for a human body to decompose inside of a camel because you want it to break down so it's no longer identifiable or else the jig is up that is true

well I mean this is just one of the number of options the movie could take if Carrie was faced with the proposition of it I mean a dead body here's a suggestion that I came up with on how we could improve sex in the city too we've got Carrie Bradshaw played by Sarah Jessica Parker swap her out for Sarah Michelle Geller

TV's buffy That's not how casting works But it would be a good idea Inarguably And I can't even apologize as enough As with a lot of things we've talked about so far Yes I'm waiting for the week when this happens

Aren't we all I also want Willow to be there and Zanders And Giles You say to Michelle Gaille You mean

Buffy I actually just want us to be watching Buffy instead of this movie I think maybe that's what

I'm gravitating towards anything I could I could say anything and it would sound better

than watching this movie Interstellar would be good I'd love that you're a big interstellar fan love that

movie that's fair enough three times in the movies big fan that's a lot I say it's

$20 to go a movie yeah it is Well, I just put the way I saw it. I went IMAX two times. Glitzy. I max three days. It's like 30 bucks, bro.

Glitzing the glamour. Fuck me, that's a lot of money. So $60. Yeah. Plus a normie. So 80 bucks to see Messi McConaughey conquer Space Time. Spoilers, man. What?

There's no spoilers in that. Congress Space Time. I thought Space Time might conquer Matthew McCona. Well, maybe like I'm watching him try. You know, that's what I'm saying. Don't you worry about it, guy Don't worry about it Plus that movie's been out for like a fucking year

I don't care about spoilers at this point If you haven't seen it You don't deserve to not be spoiled Give me some more of your suggestions For how to we improve this This turd I think that they need more maps It's narrative devices

Explain I just remember from road trip It's not just road trip It's lots of movies When they're like going from one place to another, it like sort of cross dissolves into like a map of the land where they are

and there's like if bless you twice, like a felt tip marker sort of marking out the journey and it always makes a wrong turn and then goes in a big loop and then gets back on the right track and then they pull into the next city I think if there was some

sort of caper between What was the first movie to do that? You'd have to be a genius to think of that. The first person the thing of that we should know their name at least. Like, pre-spellberg.

Like, I'm embarrassed to not know the name of the person who first used that as a device. Me too, actually. Such as the searing brilliance of it. I'm not sure what's going on in my bathroom, but someone's really going, how full of it's a...

It's more the laundry. I can hear someone banging on the dryer. It's, you know, it's a weird thing to hear it, whatever past one it is. That's the best time to bang a dry. I don't know, man. It's kind of terrifying. To get a response out of a faulty dryer, you've got to stun them. Driers don't stun easy.

You can't stun a dryer in day, they're too alert then. Hey, and it would be pretty much at an R-E-M sleeping level. Bara Bada-Bur-a-b-d-d-d-d-d-b-d-b-da-b-b-d-a-b-b-d-a-b-d-a-b-d-a-d-d-d-d-l-a-d-d-d-l-d-d-l-d-d-l-d-l-d-l-d-l-d-l-d-l-l-d-l-l-a-l-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-a-l-l---------- what's he going? that's the question or the questions on everyone's lips or mouths or maybe the lips that are fastened to your mouth like a delicious porcelain cup of hot Joe

coming at you so two of these questions what's this guy's deal what's he all about guy this guy is a pretty normal guy tell me about this guy be completely honest recently graduated university liberal arts up to his eyeballs in

and money owed and not a lot of job prospects. I'll tell you what, they shouldn't be cringing out this many liberal arts graduates. It's irresponsible. They need to kill the number of accepted students. Because there's just not enough jobs for them. Correct. So pretty much, it's another day of applying for jobs.

This guy specialised in field and paintings of pastures and fields. Correct me if I'm wrong. He looks on the wrong side of 40. Well, he was a bit of a party boy in his time. He took his sweet time to graduate. So, yeah, this guy's... A bit of a Van Wilder scenario. Yeah.

What he was he in a school for? It's Ben Wilder's cousin. No, it's not. Yeah, that's where he got the idea. Far out. That's where Van Wilder got the idea. This guy has the OG. Why?

He's the OG. V-dub. Yeah, man. Anyway, so he's graduated. He's got another big morning of applying for jobs. Mm-hmm. And it's ultimately hopeless, and he knows that. But for the time being, to wear a suit and actually at least, like,

send out emails it makes it feel like there's some sort of there's something in it but as part of his sort of as part of the whole grave tradition of him pretending like he's going to get a job he gets jacked up on caffeine in the morning do you know what I like about this guy it's very easy when you get into a pattern in your life

or like a time in your life when you know things aren't looking too good and you don't have a job and you're relying on other people and you're in a bit of debt and stuff to just kind of really let yourself go, this guy's wearing a suit every day. He's getting up, he's going to a cafe, he's continuing to read the paper, and I don't know if he's

really taking in world events, but at least he's keeping up that pretense. He's going, the message he's sending to the rest of the world is, world, I'm here, I'm ready for your job. Throw it at me. I like that. I like that about that guy. You don't think maybe you could, if you put a little less time into

maintaining parents, there's a little more time to actually knuckling down and getting the job done. No, I think he's nailed the ratio. I think he's nailed the time spent. I think that's exactly part of the problem. Do you? There's a lot of these things.

People aren't seeing, people aren't seeing you. Guy, let me throw a question at you. What was your shining light, this watch? My shining light this watch was Samantha. She's clothes shopping for the movie premiere. And Carrie's just had the fight with Big. And she's sort of pouring her heart out. a little bit. She's like telling, she's like,

can we please come to the Premier? Like, I'm worried that we're becoming a boring married couple, which I can tell you are whether you're out or run, you're a boring married couple. I would not ask you to a dinner party. I would, like, if I had a,

say I was like, had been close friends with Carrion Big for the last 20 years. And I kind of fallen out of touch with them and I was having like a hundred seat dinner party for whatever reason. And I finally, I'm an elected mayor of, you know dinnown

Cincinnati or something I have my big dinner in New York as a Cincinnati Meryl tradition I wouldn't ask Carrie in big and I would

you know I wouldn't and you know they're moves and shakers on the scene and in our group of friends but I would be like you know

I just can't I can't have them they're too boring and Carrie's trying to explain this to Samantha who is already patently aware of how boring they are

yeah she's loving it yeah she says something to her And Samantha says, oh, you'll be fine. And it just doesn't even touch on, it doesn't even address anything that Carrie's just said. Yeah, you've done a bad job of explaining this one particular feature of the conversation, but they're really... I've done a great job. Oh, you'll have a good time. You'll have a good time as much she says.

So, Samantha's comment to Carrie, which is supposed to allay who fears, is not related to what Carrie's just been talking about. They're talking at cross purposes. Ships in the night, conversational. Samantha Jones has demonstrably tuned out to what Carrie has to say And fair enough too My shining light was Samantha Jones related as well This week

Her assistant really captured me She did He heard the assistant who watches her rub Vaseline onto her vagina Sam Manta does that Not the assistant The assistant's very professional And she comes in and she says

Smith Garrett is on the line for you yeah which she could have she could have done through the phone to be honest like she'd only she'd just she says something to her

at some point on the phone like it's pretty obvious that they've got a working phone system oh definitely and it's a VoIP too you can tell by how they and to have seen what Samantha was doing that's a private moment

I don't think you know it's her place to really interrupt it like that's when you buzzed through on the phone you don't go into the office to tell that huh you like the moxie I do the initiative

yeah because I like that this assistant has gone this isn't your usual run-of-the-mill business call for a PR firm that is in big danger

of going bankrupt soon there's a fuck in this for Samantha I must personally deliver it like so many messenger boys during the war yeah like this is

this is her sticking her neck out X-ray X-ray read all about it penis found hey Miss Jones, we found a penis

on the street, though we're thrown in your office, see if you're interested. And that's her. That's the assistant. And that's why she really shone a light on the movie for me today. I'm going to take you back now, Tim, to a time about about two hours and 45 minutes

ago, to three hours ago. We were starting to watch the movie. I just drove to your house. And you said, you know what? I really want to go on deep. I really want to knuckle down and get to the heart of this thing this week. with the movie and I said

I laughingly said at the time the movie is like life I think you see good luck first late there was your first comment something glib like the start of life

you know and you're going in you're full of ideals yeah and you've got this very vivid idea of how you want to engage with the movie

and like you know and then as it wears on and wears you down it just becomes you just have to do what you can to get by to get through.

It's pretty, you know, like your enthusiasm. Had these off-brand crackers to keep me company. At the start of the movie, though, the earnestness with which you approached it, you're like, yeah, I'm going to fucking do it. It was one of those moments where you, like, rub your hands together and you're like, right, let's get into it. You roll your sleeves up. It's like a movie montage.

Yeah. It's like the scene before someone knuckles down to do the real hard work. did you ultimately know that that was doomed? No, I had real earnest intent to just stay with the movie this time. I looked at you with my sad cow eyes and I thought he's not, you know, he'll never make it. And I didn't really, I have to admit, I just... It's impossible. It's impossible to actually dive in and walk around and feel the world of this movie for the duration of the movie.

It doesn't mean I won't try again. I will. I will continue to try to engage it with this film, not just at the beginning, but throughout. But it's a big ass, because it's quite lengthy. Pretty much until the end of the wedding, I feel like I'm in the world of the film.

On a good night. Yeah. And then after that, I'm just... After that, we're just like two positively charged magnets. So we're in each other's vicinity, we're just pushing against each other. No contact. You're the same, and that's what makes you so, so damn unbearable in a small space together.

You're hurting my feelings. What do you want to say to me, Tim? I've got nothing to say to you, guy. Look at you. No. Just take a real quick moment to look at yourself. I'm relaxed. I'm comfortable.

You're shambles. You're a shambles. You're a shambles. You're shambolic. I will not take this from a kettle throwing a stone through a glass house. Nice one. Yeah. Mate, I can't stay awake anymore.

I'm calling it. You're done? I'm absolutely done. You know what? That's fair enough. I'm going to catch everyone next week because I really need to put my head on a pillow and fall asleep. Oh, you are absolutely cooked. I'm so exhausted.

Really need to sleep. Didn't sleep during the movie though. And I respect that. Not to rub salt in the wound. Yeah, there's a real fresh wound. The wound of me having not seen as many minutes of Sex and City tours you. Yeah, I'll bet you're still smarting from that. So what I would like to say is

Fuck this shit I'm really unhappy Hey come on Go to my place We'll line up some cigars Steve's not gonna work this time Pour you a cup of whiskey Not even Steve

I tell these stories about when I used to solve mysteries What Yeah I used to solve mysteries When Oh you have 10, 15 years ago me and a bunch of kids and my dog. Really? Yeah, yeah.

We drove around in the van. It was pretty fun. What was the van called? Oh, you wouldn't have heard it. It wasn't a very popular van. Oh, okay. It was called the mystery machine. I think I may have heard of you a little posse.

No, no. The dog's name wasn't Scooby, was it? Yeah, Scooby. That was my Scooby. Hold on, were you still, like, did people know you as Steve then? No, I went by a nickname back then. Were you, did people kind of, did they call you shaggy? I was known for my shaggy, the meaning, yes.

So, you toured around with a bunch of kids in a mystery solving dog in a van. Yeah, what if I did? But then you grew into a man who got married to Miranda in Sexon City. Sometimes, you know, you've got to settle down We had a lot of fun But there's a lot of friction There are a lot of rifts forming in the mystery machine Sure, I'll bet, I'll bet

I mean Fred and Wilma They could barely look at each other Yeah, Velma? Yeah, and her Yeah, all of them Well, Valma moved out pretty fast Oh, I see Wilma moved in

Her twin sister It's a nightmare Yeah As much as I would love to target this loose bit of wall until the sweater comes undone I got a guy okay I got so many stories

I know I'll bet you do I'm sorry Scooby Shaggy Steve please call me Steve Steve my wife finds out she'll kill me Alright I'm gonna get the hell out I'm not meant to talk about it Okay we broke a lot of lies Okay bye man

I got the craziest stories if you just stick around and listen all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season two.