The Worst Idea Of All Time - REPLAY: S02E26 - The Fuck

Episode Date: September 27, 2025

THESE EPISODES WERE RECORDED 10 YEARS AGO, PLEASE FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSESTim is angry, tired and lashing out at Guy. Guy is trying to hold the show together. An 11:30pm watch of Sex and The City 2 has proven too much for the NZ based half of the podcasting duo, with Tim barely able to keep his eyes open and mouth moving. Guy meanwhile paints an incredible picture of Mr Big's latest Big Idea - a sexual speak easy franchise which has been funded by Brady - The Ratking. Plus, does Coffee Guy have ties to an intelligence agency linked to the Sheikh? Time will tell.Support the boys on their modern-day adventures at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, friends. As we put the finishing touches on our next exciting adventure for you, we thought it was the perfect time to replay our second season of the podcast where we watch Sex and the City 2 every week for a year, hot off the back of the tragic news that and just like that will not be returning. Please enjoy. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time This is a Hello and welcome along

To another exciting installment of The Worst Idea of All Time Don't give me your bright animated voice And your positive language, you piece of shit This sucks With myself, Guy Montgomery I want to end my face.

life. That was the worst thing I've ever done. Out of the two seasons that we've done of this thing, this is the worst one that this has been yet. This is the shit. And my good friend, Timbitt. You know, and some people say something's the shit, this is the opposite to that.

This is a negative version of the shit. This is the fuck. So, Tim, my first question after that was it was going to be, how are you going? Fucked up, man. I'd never want to see that movie again. I don't want us to this thing anymore.

Jesus. Just for a little bit of clarity, this is the contrasting tones in our voice. What is the time currently in New Zealand, Tim? Well, it's coming up 2 a.m. again because the world revolves around Guy Montgomery and his Edinburgh schedule. No, see, this is, was my first,

my second point of course was to apologize for the state in which you find yourself. I do feel tremendously guilty I said it before and I'll say it again you are a real son of a bitch Montgomery I miss you man the only thing I've got here

is Zopperclone and I can't have that because that will make me more tired and then I'll just fall asleep instantly you sound like you're barely hanging on as it is that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me as an individual I you know what I it wasn't the screening wasn't as bad for me but I totally I was afraid that this is what would happen

um it's not good is it Tim no I want is there any is there any point to it there is none this is the fucking brutal thing there's no point what why do you think you do it to yourself why do you stay awake that whole time? Because I said I would. And when you say you can do something, you have to do it. You're a man of your word. I think maybe that's how the movie got made as well. Some people

said that they were going to do it. So they just did it. And now it exists. You mean out of a sense of obligation to another person? What are you tapping away on? It's very distracted. I was just closing the background

windows and making it so that all I have is a very handsome picture of you on Skype. What? Oh, yeah, because you don't see me how I am right now. Do you want to see? I'll turn the video on, shall I? Okay. Well, what I'm looking at right now is you at your best.

Your piercing eyes are shooting right through me. How about now? Oh, you did not look good at all. Oh, my God. You're not even in your house. You're at the office. Yeah. Oh, you look hellish, sir.

Holy shit. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. I hate you I hate your guts I know you do I know you do you know it's funny

it's because I was 15 minutes late to the record today and obviously it's very late in New Zealand so this is it this put him out you know

you've got to probably quadruple the amount of time I was late by to understand the full impact so I was an hour late to the record and we went into the record

and I wanted to say hi to Tim before we started watching the movie and he said fuck talking just start the movie and I was like

oh Tim's a angry with me I stand by what I said Yeah no And then I thought to myself And the real problem here Is I can't imagine

That being subjected To two and a half hours Of sex in the city too Is going to do much To lighten the mood No bro And it's It's absolutely come true

All right Let me talk about something About the movie Something's going on With that shake What shake? Oh the The shake invited Samantha and the gals to come on his dime on his airport, his airline.

Yeah? Because, so he financed the movie, right? But if he's a shake in the United Arab Emirates who's rich enough to have his own private airline, there's no way in fuck he made that money from the movie business. He made it in oil. And there's no way that he needs to be in the movie business to make money. So then you've got to ask yourself, Guy, why is he in the movie business? Well, there's only one reason you would be in the movie business

if you already had all the money you need, and that's to get influence and power. He's manufacturing propaganda. That's why he's trying to bring Samantha into his web of lies, because she's a PR person. So he's got something big and sinister going on with that shake, man. He's making movies with Smith Garrett, and he's trying to convince everyone that he's a good guy

but he's not as a bad man. So you think what he's using is just sort of distraction tactics? He's making a lot of noise around sort of seemingly harmless things to mask the terrible trades or deals he's either doing or has previously done. Could be that, could definitely be that. Or maybe he's just trying to come across as a good guy by funding movies. So everyone goes, look at this harmless filmmaker. He's like a Middle East.

in Stephen Spielberg But in actual fact He's like the middlelist in Donald Trump But that would be I mean The movie he made would be pretty divisive I'd imagine in the United Arab Arab Emirates Because it's

You know it's about Americans pretty much coming over and Going ballistic We don't know anything So do you think he's We don't know anything about Heart of the Desert All we've got to go on with the movie poster

Yeah He's wearing camo Yeah He's holding a child. Yeah. He's walking. Yeah. He's saving people, kids.

What do you think the plot of Heart of the Desert is? Guy, I think that Heart of the Desert is the story of an American who's crashed while doing a flyover reconnaissance mission, trying to look at things, oil fields. He's crashed in there. And he's ambushed. Oh, he's ambushed on all sides. He's to improvise. It's like that movie, Black Hawk Down, which I never have seen. Nor do I really know the plot of.

So Smith Garrett's character, he's got to improvise some explosives, McGuiver style using only his wrecked reconnaissance jet. And he does it, and he manages to get out of there. And in the meanwhile, there is a young boy who helps him, because during the ambush looks like Smith Garrett's characters. going to get killed but a little boy throws a pebble at the soldier who's the sniper that's going to shoot him in the face

gives him just enough time to scurry away the little boy spots the sniper yeah yeah he throws a rock at his head gives him time to serve a young boy so then is it not a good sniper so then the soldiers who are trying to kill Smith Garrett's character they take the boy

Smith Garrett's got to break into the compound and save him and he does and that is the heart of the desert that's not a bad movie I'd watch that one many times over this one one more time do you know what I mean does the math on that stack up

like I would watch harder the desert as I've described it 20 times instead of watching once more sex in the city too well the news I have for you Tim is that we are halfway

done does that do much for you not a lot certainly I'm not it doesn't feel like the horizon is any closer I don't want to do it anymore you will though

I don't know if I will man you will this is the beauty of it this is real brutal the same reason that we're having this conversation pretty much against your will right now is the same reason that you're not only going to watch this movie one more time you're going to watch this movie 26 more times this

movie's going to take up another at least 60 hours see what are you doing right now what's all what's all this jabba jama you know this isn't very cool thing to say to me right now it's not very cool at all i know but i mean yeah i do this out of just sort of pure human interest because this is certainly i feel this year is the lowest i've seen you and felt you being and i think you know for the good of curiosity it's important to see how low that that feeling can go you're like a mad scientist experimenting in your lab do you respect that i'm like a mad scientist or do you begrudge me for it i begrudge you you like those bad nazi ones not like the cool American ones.

Do the Nazis have mad scientists or just... Yeah, they did a lot of really weird shit, man. I don't know we should get into that. I tell you what, the Nazis, bad people. Yep, I'll sign off on that opinion. We'll be the ones to say it. We'll be the brave souls. Tell me about your movie watch.

I don't think it's sort of just jackhammered me in the face the same way I did you it was just it was sort of just like a more run-in-the-mill I couldn't dive in it's just like being

it was like being at lunch with four people you just don't like and you're like well this is bad but it could be a worse circumstance I just have to get through this lunch and then I can go home and not think about the

lunch I'm looking at your eyes right now and you look like you're offended but how easy maybe I just found watching the movie nah I'm just listening this is my listening face now from now on when I it's very intense

I hope you don't carry that into the daytime because you're going to be it's harrowing I mean It was upsetting I heard a good thing which might cheer you up Which I don't know if it At the end of the movie right

You know when they're having a birthday party For one of the girls at Charlotte's house And everyone's having lunch And that person pulls out a hip flask And so it's going to pour it into people's drinks But there's nothing in the hip flask Yeah Off of

off-mike, I heard a voice exclaim, You drank it all! Which I thought was quite good fun. Okay, guy. I see, we are on different levels right now, aren't we? I just don't know what to make of it all. Did you have any, was there any moment which you sort of enjoyed, a shining light, if you will? Um

Yeah Yeah there was a shining light all right When they're at the movie Premiere I'm trying to think of which bit it is When they're at the movie premiere And I think it's when Miley Cyrus is on

I think it's then There's a guy in the background Who's making one of those faces like you know those faces that models make whether they're either trying to look like a model or they've possibly just farted and you can't really tell which kind of mysterious

slightly pouty pursed lips a slightly confused mysterious kind of vibe that could go either way kind of face he's busting out one of those the hardest I've ever seen someone bust one of those out

really going for it and what was your what did you surmise what did you think i think he's father poise or poise or poe i think he's fathered at the premiere of heart of the desert which as we've established is a propaganda film made by a shake trying to convince everyone that he's an okay guy is he trying to convince convince everyone in the united bay remit or everyone sort of you know obviously it's made for an american release in america or do you think he's shooting down the middle and trying to satisfy both parties and I think so maybe not. I think everyone. I think he's getting in there.

He's trying to convince the word that he's a good dude, but he's not. You think the movie is well received? Heart of Darkness? I mean, desert. Heart of Darkness was its working title. Do you know that?

It's very revealing when you think about it. When you say Heart of Darkness, I just can't emphasize enough how to scare your body languages. You're just, it's just, It's Tim, he's slumped over, his head's hung low. He's got his hood up, a blue hoodie with the hood up, and he's just, he's only allowing his eyes to appear on screen.

So it's just a sort of very dead, very forlorn set of eyes just peering out at me. What was your question? I don't know, man. You're intimidating me. I don't have all of my speech. I put my head down. well and I'm just talking to a room

um do you know my shining light Tim yeah I do uh it was I saw a lot of potential in the film this week

when the when the girls are just about on the on the way home and Charlotte and Samantha go up to the the fake sort of watch handbag

sunglass store a forbidden experience It was actually the guys, the guys who run that store are for some form of spin-off maybe just as sort of a caperish pinging the brain type program because the guy, so they think Samantha's stolen a handbag but the guy who's saying, I think she stole a handbag, he's holding up the handbag that he thinks has been stolen

and that's enough to trigger just absolute bedlam in panic and they go storming out the store you know completely oblivious to the fact that they're already holding what they think has been stolen and then they go down and they rip Samantha's burger in apart and that's sort of I mean you know obviously not so funny for Samantha but at this point I don't really mind what's happening to our four heroes

and I'd just like to see those two guys go back to the store maybe and, you know, obviously they're using the classic comic tropes of dumb and dumber or idiot and idiotic sort of thing, you know? I think that that would, that would be a good watch. Guy, don't think my sullen behaviour or lack of response try to convey to you that that's not a good idea because that is a good idea. Thank you.

This is a funny idea. I think. Thank you very much. I think I would like to see that movie Or possibly a series even With those guys Yeah well I was looking at it as a sitcom maybe We could order sort of

A 13 episode first season And see how it How it is received I could watch more of them for sure That they will be palatable Yeah the thing is I think as I was looking at it Big and Carrie have all the

You know, they have these arguments, these silly little disagreements throughout the film. It's very difficult to care or get on board with anything. But I was, you know, Carrie and Big were having that classic argument about, you know, watching TV and going to movie premieres and sort of, you know,

how everything is just too much for a good thing. And life's a garden, so dig it. And then find worms and complain about them. Yes. But that's just where they live. um and i was thinking to myself you know what big i'm with big on this one big is and i was thinking why i was like does that mean that i'm inherently you know a sexist pig or am i you know

do i decide with big because uh on gender lines and i think the answer is absolutely no it's just the overriding reason is that we have less exposition to big and accordingly there's less reason to disagree with him and so just by default just by virtue of the fact I don't know as much about this guy to know how much I don't like him I think he must be in the right understood what you're saying right you agree with Big solely because there's a lack of information so you're sort of

projecting your own feelings onto that blank canvas well I just think yeah I think that and you've seen that as an opportunity I think every character who isn't you know the lesser character is featured in this film the more likable they are I think I wouldn't like you know I'd happily watch a movie that followed the nanny Aaron or

Charlotte and Steve's housekeeper or even Brady obviously as we've discussed I mean well you know I think you've cracked throwing away you've sort of cracked the formula of this whole project really who do we love guy we love coffee guy

he's on screen for five seconds who do we love guy we love brady we see brady for fucking like maybe 45 seconds in total in the movie who do we not love guy we don't love carrie because carrie's in every scene yeah everyone we don't see we love because it's hard to fuck something up if you don't do it no i know and to look at you the broken man before for me right now I got to you know I do you do make me wonder if it's worth it

I can't imagine it is look what I want to do here's what I want to do I want to I want to get in that big that big old glass tower up to that 55th floor and I want to see what's going on

and Mr Big's big book of ideas I want you to tell me the bloody story I want you to know what's on the pages of Mr. Big's big book of ideas. Well, Mr. Big, he, you know, he's got a lot of ideas, obviously.

He's in financial ruin. He needs one to get him, get him over the line, and out of the ground. And he's pretty much been drawing up plans for a cafe or a restaurant. He's always had an eye for hospitality. He's worked in it previously. I helped get him through college.

we were studying finance at NYU. And he sort of, what he's noticed is as time marches on and, you know, standards of decency and what society deems acceptable in public space is this sort of, you know, a lot of starts getting called out. What all Mr. Big really wants is a nice classy cafe, restaurant, dining establishment, sort of a balls-out sort of affair.

We're sort of everything up to an inclusive of second and a half base, maybe, is acceptable at the restaurant. He's sort of drawing up ideas for a restaurant where hand jobs, they're not on the menu, but if you're co-diner wants to, you know, if you want to give a hand job or take a hand job or consensual, obviously, but you know what I'm saying. It's sort of a sexy, sexy cafe. Genital stimulation. It's not on the menu, but it's not not on the menu. That's exactly right.

It's sort of a speak-easy type vibe. He's got into some detail. There's about 10 pages worth of content there, including some pretty interesting and explorative diagrams. I mean, I don't know how it's going to go. Mr. Big is a, how do we say, sexual deviant. I think that's the right for business. I mean, if it's not Mr. Big's jiscusis, it's a bloody handjob cafe.

The man can't keep his mind out of the gutter. Well, and the thing is, though, this, I sort of, I had the thought, you know, Mr. Big obviously had the thought, but it occurred to me. And then, I mean, there's no stronger example than when you're looking at, I mean, Where do you think bloody old Dixpert and Dixpert and Samantha wouldn't mind being one of the, what part of this hand job chain of cafes? Do you think he's getting in big trouble? Is he going to start in Abu Dhabi and then grow the franchise out from one of the most sexually conservative places on earth?

I think that'd be a confident move. But I mean, you know, given his track record, it would be a huge surprise to me that. he would be making that sort of wacko first step. All I want to know is how the Rat King Brady feeds into all of this. This is all I've got a hunger to know. Well, Biggs, you know, he's obviously he's lost a lot of money up front and he's also lost a lot of money sort of down below, that is to say, he's taken some pretty interest-heavy loans

from the people in charge of New York City. and who should be at the top of that food chain but of course Brady the Rat King so in essence this hand job cafe is just an effort to get back in the good graces of Brady who was frankly running things at this point this is some sort of tribute to King Brady it's not a tribute

but it's just he's on a wing and a prayer he's just hoping that he can raise enough money to to avoid getting in big trouble man man oh that's good to see i wasn't sure if um this was recording and uh the thing is guy if this wasn't recording i'd have to end my life um so pretty glad pretty glad to see that uh that little file ticking over so i mean this you i just cannot i genuinely can't move past you've got the craziest look in your eyes you're not you're not a you're not a well-do

Yeah, I've seen sex in the city 2 26 times And it's the middle of the fucking night In the middle of the week Yeah, you're an interesting guy, Tim You've made some interesting calls Certainly have Um Do you like me?

I don't like anything right now Do you respect me? I'm not sure I really You can't respect someone Until you respect yourself and right now I don't respect myself I'm going to respect for anything or anyone devoid I respect you

I respect you I think I appreciate that it's hard to tell how long do you think it takes for Zopercline to kick in because I've got a funny feeling I should take one now you are not going to have any trouble sleeping anyway this is

I know I'm sleeping on a fold-out, mate. This is the compounding. Are you sleeping in that room? No. Although that's not a bad idea. But, except that it is a bad idea. Where are you sleeping? I'm sleeping on a fold-out.

Is everything okay at home? Oh, yep. We're just, you know, in between houses, as it were. Oh, I see. Oh, well, that's nice. No, well, moving's actually a bit of a nuisance. well that's the understatement of the century it's like saying sex in the city too

is not the greatest movie ever made that sounds like something I would say guy I got no emotions and when I got no emotions it can't skat you get a skit for me and you got to skit twice as hard as he normally would

scuba-a-pap-a-papa Scobar-a-po-papa, scab-a-p-p-p-a-p-p-po-po-po-po. Whoa, what's happening down here? Bada-bo-po-po-po-po-po-ho. Oh, what's happening down here, then? Hey, you, leave him alone. He's a nice guy. He means well, all right?

Okay, good. Now don't let me see you two fooling around again or you'll get kicked out of this club. Scabra-b-b-b-b-b-bow! Whoa! We're back on the ground floor. Whoa! What's happening there? Scob-b to be, scob-bib-biboo!

How-da-b-b-b-b-b-bow-bow-bow! Bo! Bo! Where's he off to? I know you wanted me to come in there at the end with you. I saw you. Wasn't going to happen. What are you eating? Your mouth is chewing very slowly. Sorry, fruit tube. Everything's kind of slow right now. Yeah, you are. Well, Tim I don't know what you reckon I don't know what you think about this guy But I would love to

Well Here's the thing about coffee guy, bro Have you noticed that he I'm sorry I'm showing really loudly And it's a horrible thing to do On a microphone Okay

I always think it's funny Now Have you ever noticed in the movie That coffee guys only in the cafe long enough to hear that the girls are definitely going to the Middle East and as soon as he hears that that's all he needs he's off I put it to you Guy Montgomery that coffee guy's been hired by our evil friend the shake and is working for him as a US sleeper cell agent relaying information back to home skillet

So do you think This man has been hired To specifically follow these four heroes Yes It's just that simple He would also of course be on the flight with them On the way over It's conceivable

Though his role may be limited to just Making sure That they're definitely going to get on the plane To go on the trip And then just relay that information and then that's his part done that's his part fulfilled but either way

he's in bed with some bad people here guy how did he wind up there family ties family ties yeah coffee guys dad was the spy you're into the spy business and he it was a family business was it

it's like spies and sons oh yeah and it's all this double agent triple agent stuff going on i am lost if he's working still for the americans or the um whatever's it's too confusing to try and you know untangle the web but he's he's got no sort of national allegiance he's just a terrifying free agent and he's working for the shake he's mixed up with the shake that much i do not Because why asked would he be in the cafe solely for the amount of time it takes for them to confidently announce that they're going to the Middle East and then he leaves immediately after that news is confirmed?

I don't have any answers. You're a smart guy, Tim. Thank you. That's true. And I think what would probably be for the best, you know, with regards to your current... physiological, psychological, just general situation might be to put a pin in this one. Now listen, listen, listen, here's the important thing. If I have not succumb to my own demise and I'm continuing to decal my knee quab every day.

week or do you do it on a day-by-day basis minute by minute mate I'm constantly decaling my neckwab in my head my point is we're going to Los Angeles and you should watch it either live or on a

web ticket an online ticket because it's $25 but it's only $20 to watch the whole event unfold before your very computer eyes if you use the code which is worst and the website is LAPodfest.com

and it's a great festival and we're going to have fun. You could not have said that last part with less conviction but I truly believe in what you're saying and Tim let me be on the record as saying it's been a real joy seeing you

not just in general but specifically like this I have taken a real demented pleasure in speaking with you this day. You're a sadist you're a good guy you're a good guy he's just been mixed up

and some bad stuff I'm a coffee guy we're a real coffee guy if you think about it I'm not gonna okay well I'm gonna see what the Zopercline does

so I'll catch you next time you will be asleep within seconds four days that's not good it's not all we need in this situation

Catch you on the flip side, mandingo. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season two.