The Worst Idea Of All Time - Review: Toys

Episode Date: May 7, 2018

This was originally recorded and released for our Patreon supporters in August 2017.Tim and Guy finally sat down to watch the Barry Levinson directed film, Toys (1992). When Robin Williams' father (or something) dies and his uncle (or something) arrives to take over the family and Claire Underwood turns up to do some photocopying and LL Cool J's there - you know what you have? You have Toys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today... You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer... Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing.

Look, Al. It's Christmas. This holiday season, 20th Century Fox invites you to open your imagination. I'm Leslie Zeebo. I know. As Robin Williams... I'm in the mood for smoked chicken. How about you? We have a tradition of whimsy here at Zevo Toys. I don't understand why Daddy let Uncle Leland take over Zevo Toys. And Academy Award-winning director Barry Levinson... I'm noodling with the idea of putting in some war toys.

You've never made war toys at Zevo. ...take you to a place where laughter is a state of mind oh it's a quick egg isn't it maybe they really are deviled eggs save yourself get away are we making fun of people with big ears we're making fun of people with small heads either way i think we're gonna get letters from the royal family how do you feel? Woozy. That's what we'll call it, the woozy helmet.

This is a little uncomfortable, though. Well, that's supposed to go in your ear. Oh. Robin Williams. Sorry. Michael Gambon. You're as big a fool as your father ever was. You really think so?

Thank you. Joan Cusack. So this is Paris. Robin Wright. I'm getting a two now. I hope that's dark and safe. LL Cool J. So this is Paris. Robin Wright. Hope that's Dyson safe. LL Cool J. The food keeps touching. I like military plates. I'm a military man. I want a military meal.

Toys. Ladies and gentlemen of Patreon, hello. How are you? It's been so long. It's been so long, but let's not dwell on that because Guy and I have just watched a movie which has shaken me to my core. Toys.

1992, I think it was. Yep, Barry Levinson. Academy Award winning director, Barry Levinson. Robin Williams is the star of this vehicle. They've worked together before. This was chosen by the person listening. i correct tim yeah so they yeah you threw me with that the people listening yeah patreon voted on this this was the number one choice in the most recent poll conducted of what we should watch and i know we normally do the director's commentaries on this but we thought

we'd change gears because honestly this movie has put me in such a mental tailspin that i don't i'm not sure that i could like talk while exposed to it at the same time well what freaked me out too much what is it about the film that has done this to you it just i can't imagine what it would have been like when this movie came out robin williams uh like I can't even name the films that were out around the same time as this, but you see him as this hugely funny, slapstick comedian almost, from America, huge career.

And you see the trailer, which is sort of targeted at kids. The movie is called Toys. It's a holiday movie. It's for Christmas. It's sold as a Christmas film. And then you go in and it's like a mixture of Doctor Strange glove and... Love.

You said Doctor Strange glove. Huh? What's it called? Doctor Strange love. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Doctor Strange love.

Yes. Not Doctor Strange glove. Although, very funny. Hell of an idea for a sequel. Very funny spin-off. Doctor Strange love, yes. Not Doctor Strange glove. Although, very funny. Hell of an idea for a sequel. Very funny spin-off. But the whole thing was real nightmarish, and it kind of starts in one place, and the whole rest...

It kind of ends in the same place. I know. In a way where you don't know if time is meant to have passed or if time is an ever-repeating loop. I don't even... Apologies for my ineptitude at being able to dig into this. No, it's okay. But maybe we should go chronologically a little bit.

Well, first of all, I'd like to ask you this. Do you think this movie is set in our world? The world that we occupy as humans? Yeah, I do. Yes. 80% confident. It was funny. Midway through the film, I said, what genre would you class this film as?

And you waited for a moment, thought about it, and then said sci-fi. What would you think it is? It's not sci-fi. It's hilarious that the movie is so fucking weird that the only thing you could put it as is sci-fi. But no part of it is sci-fi okay i i would like you to come up with a genre which more accurately captures what this movie just did i would definitely this isn't a dig at you i know but i would sooner call this a comedy than a sci-fi but you can't call it a comedy because it's so weird and dark you mean uh

you view it now as a comedy or at the time of release it was billed as a comedy over a sci-fi both i mean it's well no part of it is sci-fi what well but what did you watch it as just then did you watch that as a comedy yeah i set myself up for a comedy because i'd seen i i hadn't watched the trailer before the movie though we did watch it um just before we started recording to see what the audiences would have been sort of prepped for going in um but i you know they were not prepared for what they got no one was no one would have walked out of that cinema going oh yeah that's about what i expected so shit how did that open it starts with a big performance a christmas performance at the toy factory uh sort of the skyline of new york city rendered as it is in

on the late night show where it's like sort of you know it's all the iconic sort of the skyline of new york city rendered as it is in on the late night show where it's like sort of you know it's all the iconic sort of outlines of buildings uh but also a full scale model city so fake streets and whatnot and children as a tree there's no real context for who is watching this performance it would seem that the performance is just something that the toy factory puts on to an audience of no one kind of for themselves yeah just to show themselves that they care yeah and there's a there was a lot of kids involved and it was really sweet and it was large scale it was almost the start was kind of reminiscent to me of uh i think it's home alone 2 which starts with a christmas number and buzz puts the electric candles behind kevin mccallister's ears and and he makes it look like he's got red ears

oh it's classic i remember it as vividly as that i get red ears when i'm tired oh really and so does my little sister oh isn't that cute little yeah genetic trait of the montgomerys um so i was kind of set up for more of a john hughes rollicking family fun but man, if you were a child and you got taken to this movie, like, A, you'd be really bored, but then you'd be real scared. And there'd just be a general sense of unease. I tell you what, Robin Wright is in this movie, and I think that she is an incredibly beautiful woman now,

as Claire Underwood. I think she's an incredibly beautiful woman in this movie too, but she was unrecognizable to me. Like she looks so different from what she looks like today. Her hair was long. That's what did it. That's the game changer.

And she wore this large sort of oversized bellboy jacket when she was working on the assembly floor as a toy maker or tester. But she, no, she was a duplicator. Which is just the photocopier. It's so funny.

There's a whole scene about the duplication room, which is just the photocopier. There are several scenes in this movie where I feel like they were in the script they'd written, and Robin Williams will do his thing for two minutes. Yeah, exactly. And he did his role heroically, I think, as well. He showed up to work, but I think you could tell. Can you imagine the experience of making this movie? For how many trinkets and how expensive it must have been?

Oh my God, dripping with expense. And A-listers, LL Cool J's in this movie prominently. He is the very obviously, though not explained, not son, but he is presented as the son of an army general who's there. The general is a big white Michael Gambon with a British accent. And LL Cool J, demonstrably, a black American with an American accent. And they're like, this is my son. We will not dig into this at all.

an accent and they're like this is my son we will not dig into this at all it's part of this is part of why i ask if you think it's set in our world because there was there was no anchor apart from the fact that these people had to eat meals and they spoke english you know they sort of traveled by car occasionally there was no anchor to suggest that any of the it's sitting like a slightly bizarro parallel universe, I thought. Okay, let me ask you this. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Do you think that that story takes place in our world? Yeah, but in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,

you start the movie in a house which is from our world, with a family from our world. No, no, no. This isn't a gotcha question. I'm just genuinely asking. Well, you're not going to get me, so you might as well not even bother to try. Do you think that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is set on our version of Earth?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's the same thing with this. It's just like a heightened factory that exists that's very stylized in our Earth. The distinction is important, though, because you have to experience being on Earth to be able to relate to the movie. What rules were broken in this film of our Earth?

Well, we started in this toy factory whereby everything almost follows the rules of physics we follow, but not quite. But my issue is that there was no outside representation. There was no... Oh, right, so you never see the real world in there. We see the fields. Those are not normal fields.

Those were weird, too. They were like the Microsoft 95 background. Yeah, that's so true. With one weird road that didn't... Yeah. Accommodated perfectly one car driven by Robin Williams a couple of times. Anyway, okay, sorry. So, look, we start off with this kind of parade of Christmas and children singing songs.

And by the way, this thing was scored by two people. And one of them is Hans Zimmer, who is a composer that I fucking love. He's scored a lot of movies, including Interstellar, which is a very good soundtrack. Do you walk around to that? I have. I have. So we're there. And then that happens.'s like the next thing

that happens so then it's established that the owner of the toy factory that's the sort of eccentric son of an army general he's kind of the willy wonka yeah yeah he's very sick and he will die and you can tell he's having heart problems because his heart is wired up to one of those those hats with the helicopter. A propeller hat. Yeah, and so the propeller reflects whether or not his heart is beating ordinarily, and it slows down, and he gets sick. We watch him die, in actual fact. Yeah. Because you see the propeller having a bit of trouble.

So what he's done is he's called his son back to the factory, which is the general, and the general's like conservatively 55 maybe older he's a three-star general and he comes in and he's like i kind of don't want to be in charge of a toy factory i'm a military man i don't think i should do it and he's like you definitely should take this factory and then promptly dies and then there's kind of a number two in the factory called mr owens or just owens who's kind of just by he... He's sort of like Alfred in Batman. Yeah, he's very much that. He's like this old, kindly caretaker

who wants the best for the factory. But they don't... Or the Batman. They don't bring him in enough at all in this movie. Like, they set him up to be this sort of spiritual advisor, and then they don't use him again. He's pretty rudderless, really, isn't he? So anyway, so kind of...

We go... So then the very next scene from memory after that is the general goes to his dad, who's this, again, dying, other four-star general. Whose grandchildren think he's dead. Yeah. Robin Williams and Joan Cusack, who are siblings in this film, the children of the eccentric toy manufacturer originally. Hold on. They're cousins, though, so how does the family tree work? So there's the guy with the propeller hat

and the general with the British accent. They're brothers. Oh, they're brothers? Yeah. Oh! Did you miss that? Fuck, this whole time I thought That was Robin Williams' brother I thought it was one down

No no that's his uncle Oh my god Oh This You know what That makes a lot more sense How much does that change for you? Not as much as you would like

Not as much as you'd think You've still got the same attitude towards the film Yeah absolutely That wasn't a big problem. On the list of problems that this movie presented, that was pretty low down the list. Yeah. But certainly, I can take that one off.

Do you have a clearer vision of the family tree now? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's much better. The ages make way more sense to me now. But more or less was established as a competition between the dastardly brother from the army and the lovable joan uh cusack and robin williams who are pretty much playing versions of themselves you're over

playing jones involvement in this film too she's very much just a sidekick to leslie which is robin it's revealed spoiler alert it's revealed she's a robot. Yeah, she's basically a fembot, which they reveal in the dying seconds of the movie, and quite needlessly. They fire a missile at her, and her head explodes off her body. And everyone's like, oh no! And then her head keeps talking, and Robin Williams is like, yeah,

my sister's a robot. My dad made me a robot so I wouldn't get lonely when I was a kid. So fucked up. Man. That's so crazy. So basically the whole movie revolves around a plot whereby the general who comes in, he goes, Do you know what? I will assume power over this factory.

But his actual motive is to develop military weapons. Very prescient in many ways this movie oh there's moments of real crystallized almost like fortune telling to the modern age to the detail and almost 100 accurate uh representation of vr yeah like i mean that shit was kicking around back in the in the 90s as well it's just, like, we kind of knew what we wanted, but we didn't have the tech to enable it like we do now. But to the actual headset and the way it all worked. Yeah. The operating system, that was very impressive.

And then... It basically was foretelling drone warfare. So the general enlists... This is where it gets super fucking dark he starts shipping in all of these kids into the toy factory and he oh there's lemon in that water

you weren't expecting that eh? I was expecting a cold drink of water and what I got instead was like hot lemon water it's all I drink now no it's still nice it's just different from what my mouth was ready for the flask was a bit warm so that should have been a hint.

So I drink from a flask now, ladies and gentlemen, and sometimes Guy joins me in that. Never again after that. The general is developing. His whole thing is he's like, the Vietnam War is over, and this is a terrible tragedy because they're downscaling the army and the whole military. And what they need is more cost efficient solutions so what he comes up with the idea of uh um less oh yeah sorry cheaper but multiplicities of weapons so it's basically

drones he this all occurs to him after he takes a trip to the video arcade And he sees that all these young children are playing war games On like the video machines That's right And he's like oh my god these kids Their hand eye coordination is better than that of a pilot Yeah which is actually like I think maybe kind of true Yeah well you were saying while we were watching that

Yeah the US Army developed the drones that they use now around the Xbox controller because they knew that recruits coming in would be familiar with that way of controlling. So they just went, cool, if that's the entry point, we'll build the control system around that. So, like, it's very...

There's a couple of moments that kind of blast through the fog of the film where you're like, fucking hell yeah this is it's pretty on the nose dark and foreboding and accurate

but that's the crazy thing is it takes so long like the start of it is the sort of family friendly fun toys you know like all these kooky contraptions

and adventures of Robin Williams you know spouting lyrical about it all Mr McGuigan is way through there's no purpose to it but for the first half an hour that's essentially

what you're settling in for you can see this like uh you know the uh antagonist sort of lurking but that's what you get the silly character at the start as well almost like a basil faulty it's two hours long within sort of 45 minutes an hour if you've if you've managed to pay attention for that long it does take on this incredible tonal shit yeah it's basically just making these big sweeping comments about the military industrial complex in america it's like fucking who's this movie for you guys yeah who is this for except for like avant-garde directors there's probably this movie was made for an audience of about 14 people globally. It was, I mean, you've got to admire its ambition. A movie like this, Mrs. The Mark, would not, you know, this wouldn't get through, this wouldn't be made anymore, I don't think.

It couldn't come out. They would get to the point where the whole thing was made, the whole budget was spent, and it would get to someone back at the studio to do a final look at the cut that gets through, and they'd be like, we have to bin this entire thing. This will bankrupt the studio by reputational damage. This thing is a nightmare. And it does have, by virtue of a lot of the camera work, it's got these weird Dutch angles and close-ups on people's faces where it's not needed. Creating this whole nightmarish tone to it.

It's so strange all of and within all of the the houses or if you can call them houses where the people where all the action takes place all the buildings in the movie they've all got rooms within rooms they're all like these giant rooms and then they've built a small scale version of the room well let's let's get into some of the set pieces so first of all, I think someone's dwelling, and I think this is the house that is shared by Robin Williams' character and Joan Cusack. Is her name Joan?

Joan. That's the actress. So brother and sister, they share a house which looks like a doll's house, and when it's visible from the street, it just looks like a grey box, and then almost a drawbridge-style wall falls down from the street it just looks like a gray box and then almost a drawbridge style wall falls down from the street and it reveals itself to be like a toy doll house but life size house size so it comes down and it's suddenly a house and then we're suddenly in the interior they're mucking around in the living room and there's also yeah as you say there is

a house that perfectly mirrors that house that we're also looking at. It's so much trouble to go to for no immediately visible benefit. Like, it's very interesting. And it is art. It's like, in that respect, it's really cool. But, man, I just wish I knew. To have seen the movie at the time, I wish I knew what the hype around it was because I just,

I don't know what I was expecting, but nothing could have prepared me. No, no. Nah. Fuck. What a ride. There's a scene which I think is very reminiscent of Willy Wonka

where there's a couple different scenes where they're testing toys. Nancy Cartwright, who voices Bart and Lisa Simpson, is in this movie as a toy tester. She doesn't do Lisa. Oh, doesn't she? I don't think.

No, I think you're right, actually. She does Bart and a whole host of others. Ralph, Martin, amongst them, Moore. Chief Wiggum? No, Chief Wiggum is Hank Azaria, I believe. So, at any rate, she's one of these toy testers, and they're kind of all in white lab coats, and they have a couple scenes where they're either looking at footage

of toys being tested out in the wild, or they're doing the toy testing themselves. So in one scene, they're comparing about a grid, three by three, of different fake pukes, different vomits, different consistencies and colors, and they're taking notes. And the scene goes on for quite a while. And Tetris style, the walls are coming in, fake pukes different vomits different consistencies and colors and they're taking notes and the seat goes off quite a while and tetris style the walls are coming in but kind of block by block and they're they're drawing in closer and closer to the middle reducing the size of the room piece by piece

this is within the context of a part of the movie where the evil general is taking over an increasing amount of real estate in the factory, but no one knows what he's up to. He just keeps asking for more area to develop the toys in. So the room keeps getting compacted to the point where it's like terrifying. It's like in Star Wars where they're getting squished by the things in the room.

It gets down to the size of the table that all of the people start standing on around the fake vomit. And they're kind of, they just roll with it's one yeah they don't really get too uh phased and also there was one fake as a gag there was one accidentally they had a poo like a novelty poo and a diarrhea one yeah just very funny and robin williams says oh we got to get this one down to pete and poo and piss yeah and then another funny joke from the movie was um that uh robin williams sees at one point from the third story of the building he sees a bunch of children walking into the testing facility who are going to get trained

who are going to get trained to the drone drone warfare yeah and uh he reports this to his dastardly uncle who's in charge of the whole operation. He goes, I saw children walking into the building. And the guy's like, yeah, you're on the third floor. That means that your perspective's different. They look small, but they're actually normal size. And that conversation plays out for 45 seconds. Yeah, it's long.

I don't know if it's a crucial plot point, but it just seems such like a a we're going to spoil the whole movie by the way to get into this i don't think anyone's gonna watch it there's another huge i kind of almost recommend watching this film but it is way too long the guy is shaking his head he's taking a sip of water but man does he disagree no i don't think you need to so there's another huge set piece which goes on for so long and this is the climax of the film this is like the big thing just before we end of a battlefield of all of the weaponized toys that the general has been developing in his side of the factory and then robin williams and his gang of goodies devise a plan to um oh man we're gonna talk about the mtv thing as well they devise a plan to get all of the basically wind up toys and use them as diversions because they will lure out the military

toys because their senses are attracted to uh movement and sound and i mean it's huge it's long um you're just watching toys blow up other toys for like eight minutes. Robin Williams delivers an impassioned speech to the wind-up toys full of like wordplay and gags. It draws on so many historical speeches. He sets up, and I thought this was brilliant, four stores and many Christmases ago invoking Abe Lincoln, which is just brilliant.

And he's misquoting Mahatma Gandhi. It's fucking great. It's actually a really good bit. It was a classic, we'll just let Robin do his thing, sort of bit of direction. It was definitely written by Robin Williams, that bit. It was genius. Can I say as well, this is a very bad movie. I feel like I'm lusting after scenes in the aftermath

It almost defies description But that set piece does last for about 8-10 minutes And there's only so many ways you can show this action happening And it just goes on And this is sort of the royal rumble of the movie Today You ready? Okay, let's go And this is sort of the royal rumble of the movie. Today. You ready?

Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing. It just smacked me of one of those situations where it was like do you know what guys we just paid so much fucking money to orchestrate this scene that we we have to put a lot of a lot of

duration in the film of this but then there's those other technology they used this is 1992 they had a whole scene needlessly where they rendered four people having a conversation around a table as x-rays yeah and then within 3d model x-rays and then within that they decided also to no avail or payoff that one of the four people would have scissors inside them that had been left there from a surgery that's right they went to the trouble of mentioning it and then there was nothing more to it two major things happen in that scene. Number one, P.S., Jamie Foxx is in this movie as a security guard. He's watching the three-dimensional skeletal scans, which are presented as x-rays in the world of the film.

So he's watching this x-ray. They're kind of like bugging the room. They're listening in, and they've got cameras, obviously. So they're watching this X-ray. And so the first plot point that's revealed is there are scissors inside this guy from a recent heart surgery. And this is the dastardly general

meeting with military men, who he keeps calling the Washington boys because he's trying to sell these new, like, military toys to the army to start his fortune. And so this is his big meeting to convince them. So first of all, a lot of attention is paid to the scissors in the guy's chest cavity, left in by a surgeon. Also, can we just say, prior to that, the meeting takes place in the middle of a field,

in the middle of a Windows in the middle of a windows 95 background at a table and they all are just stripped down to like their under their undershirts underpants and like boots and then they assemble a room around them for the meeting to take place in and then the meeting unfolds as you're describing but it's just there's all of this detail it's like where was the sponsor got like what got cut out how much this was originally a 10-hour movie that was an intricate it's i think there was a decision that they made like everything would be it would be heightened to the point of you know like but it's like they said a whole bunch of so the other thing that happens in that in that scene is the dastardly general guy

murders in hot blood one of the the military. The guy with the scissors in his body. And not even because of the scissors. The scissors remain a mystery. He kills him. And so you think, ah, this is what will happen in the end. The military police will catch up with him or something and charge him for his crimes. No, no. Not what happens at all.

No consequences or remorse or anything from anyone around him being like hey it was pretty fun when you killed that military guy that washington boy here's another weird plot point they put in ll cool j is the son of the dastardly general ll cool j has a fiance who is a nurse the nurse is nursing back to health the dastardly general, LL Cool J's father, at various points in the plot line of this universe. And it is revealed that she has had sex with LL Cool J's father. That is revealed about this. To help ail his depression.

That's right, yeah. Yes. This is discovered about 70% the way through the film. It is not returned to or really... It is a turning point for LL Cool J's character because he's sort of a tough guy who follows orders because he respects his father because he's also from the military. And then it turns out that...

He's always thought his mother died of appendicitis, but it turns out that she was stationed in a dangerous position by his dad. And then he finds out that his dad's also, you know, doinked his fiancée. And obviously his fiancée's doinked him back. And he's like, oh, I'm not going to stand for this anymore. And he goes and joins Robin Williams and Robin Wright. That's a good point, actually.

He does join them. But at no point is there sort of a conflict where that's addressed between the two guys. He never says to his dad, hey, you fucked my fiance well and that's a classic like story moment right the son finally growing the kahunas to to go up against his his old man yeah it's the they set it up perfectly and that payoff never happens yeah what they say to them they say actions speak louder than words but the pen is mightier than the sword so they really don't know what they're talking about they're full of contradictions what i mean fuck just the whole thing from woe to go is uh weirdly weirdly feels very slowly

paced considering how much plot there is and how much character backstory we've got to get through and stuff. Robin Wright, I've got to say, though, is just magnetic on screen. Oh, yeah. She's got a real Southern Belle type accent. And such a just magnetic smile, just a really attractive, beautiful smile just beaming off of the screen. Yeah. Beautiful smile just beaming off of the screen. Yeah.

There's something about Robin Wright where she's got, she's got, she doesn't give it all away. There's something very like guarded about her beauty. I don't know how else to describe it. She lets you come to her, you know? Yeah, man, whatever. No, no. A lot of the actresses that you see on screen are very, like, they'll kind of project it all out. But Robin Wright, and this is the same with modern-day Robin Wright in House of Cards, she seems to kind of hold it back.

Is it possible that the only two acting performances you've seen from Robin Wright have been for a character who withholds an element of her personality from people in the movie? I guess it's possible, but I've seen interviews like her as herself and interview talk show interviews and stuff. And it's the same. That's just her. It's how she exists.

It's weird. Maybe, maybe she doesn't like the interviews she's doing. Quite possible. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. You know, she, anything's possible.

I'll tell you what though, Tim magnetic magnetic is how i would describe her i've said it twice let me make it through absolutely uh and her yeah her she's just in there i guess so they have a romantic interest yeah she's a reasonably now am i using am i pronouncing the word correctly as Auxiliary? Auxiliary? No, not auxiliary. A-S-C-I-L-L. A-S-C-I. Auxiliary?

Ancillary. Ancillary. Maybe that's the word I'm looking for. Ancillary. Ancillary character. A tack on. Yeah, absolutely. They kind of all feel tacked on.

Yeah. I guess Robin Williams is the protagonist, but it almost feels like he's not definitely essential. No, the real driver of action is the dastardly general. He's the one who's getting this movie done. That's a good point. From start to finish. I'll ask you this, Tim.

Please. In keeping with something we do in the worst idea of all time, what part of the movie was your shining light? At what point were you enjoying yourself the most? Do you know, unfortunately, we've already mentioned it, but it was probably Robin Williams' speech that he gives to the good toys. Oh, that really got you. Yeah, I thought that was excellent.

Yeah. I really did like that. Do you know, in the top and tail, the Christmas scenes, the Christmas song where it's got all the kids and stuff, I thought that was legitimately magical because it was doing that thing which they don't seem to do a lot in films anymore. Maybe I'm just not seeing kids' films these days, which is probably as it should be,

of using three- and four-year-olds on screen because they can't really act. So you're actually just seeing a kid being a kid, and it's kind of wonderful, but they've got to create a situation where they're happy so you're just seeing this like legitimately happy kid captured by a video camera which is kind of nice i think i speak on behalf of all three and four year old actors when i say fuck you we're acting our pants off out there that was an incredibly long shoot day What you saw was take 47

Because Robin Wright Kept flubbing her line It's called being a professional Before I reveal my shining light Can I ask, did you think that They were the same set pieces Or were they different set pieces A year apart

Fuck, such a good question dude My dude, the best question yet we top and tail with this so either that it must be it must be a full year apart because i was gonna say if there's two options number one they're a year apart and so the movie starts at christmas one year and then ends at christmas the following year um the alternative is that the christmas songs kind of have no relevance they're just a casing to put the movie in but that's broken by the fact that robin williams when he has all of the feathers in his hair after the um toy on toy battle at the end he then shakes his head kind of in a dandruffy fashion

where all the feathers fall down onto his sister's severed robotic head and says, look, it's, what's her name? I can't remember. Joan. No, Alsatia. Al. Look, Al, it's Christmas. So he buys into the fact that it's Christmas at the end.

So I reckon it's a year. So what happens is after the big toy warfare scene, they rebuild the factory as it was, and they do it all the time for Christmas. The general buy the... Oh! Fuck. Sorry, we will get to your shining light.

But we forgot a big thing, which is inextricably there's like a gmo slash robotic crocodile that's been created so like there's just this i don't think it's ever referred to what the creature is but we know it's it's called it's called like water swine or sea water water swine or something and it lives in well, which is in the middle of the factory, which Robin Williams falls into at one point while they're doing a chase scene. And the general is very keen to test it out. Fucking, there's a lot going on.

And that crocodile thing ends up malfunctioning at the end because it's at least part Michelle. I still don't know if it's cyborg or robot, but it ends up malfunctioning. And, well, you think it's at least part michelle i still don't know if it's cyborg or robot um but it ends up malfunctioning and kit well you think it's killed the general but then right at the right at the end you see him in a hospital bed waving to the camera just to let you know he's alive which felt like a weird choice yeah like there's so much darkness in the film already it's like you know what this guy tried to basically create a child army. Like fucking Coney. We don't want to lose all of the people who are into that at the end of the movie by killing him off.

We don't want to lose that lucrative child soldier market. So we'll make him live. But yeah, anyway, sorry. So your shining light. Well, my shining light is, and I think when I say it, you'll immediately gleefully remember this moment in the film is

it's part of the you know the difficulty for Robin Williams and Joan Cusack is they can't they don't because it's all

restricted areas where he's doing all of this child warfare stuff they can't see in so eventually they have to try and break into

the restricted area so they can get a first hand glimpse at what exactly their dastardly uncle is up to and to do this they create it's the most intricate scheme i've ever seen they create like a false wall with doors that forces perspectives they push it because security guards are watching everything on camera so they push this door down to the end of a hallway so that they've actually blocked vision off

of the entire hallway from the security guards. Sorry, Dejeet, but if you can imagine, the hallway is perfectly symmetrical and quite simplistic. So they've made this wall to basically look like the end of the hallway, and it gets increasingly close and they hide behind it as it goes towards the security. Exactly, and you'd think that'd be it. That would be enough because then they'd be like,

oh, there's no activities taking place in that room where riders reign. But instead, they then somehow project onto the wall that they've pushed down the hall like a whole, it's like a green screen in essence with this pre-edited music video which they actually have to perform and sing it and they step through. It's like a three-minute Talking Heads seaside. Which is not a bad track either it's pretty it's pretty all right uh and so there's the scene of them doing

this whole music video while the security guards lean in interested in what they're watching and also needlessly as part of it the uncle alfred figure has taped an mtv placard over one of the videos or over one of the panels inside of the security unit so they think they're watching mtv that's right so who puts that plaque on the the old guy who's another yeah owens owens so like that ancillary character if you imagine a bank of security cams like they used to have back in the day and under each one's a plaque saying like what room you're watching and so they just stick an mtv logo on top of one of those things while the guards aren't looking and uh and the guards just think this was at the time this was at the height of mtv's powers it must have been 90s they were throwing money around yeah yeah product placement

there's also sorry just while we're on placement, this weird bit in the movie where the general's at the arcade getting the idea, seeing all these kids playing the war games. He plays an arcade game himself, which is a tank warfare game where he gets very into shooting UN tanks, which is not the point of the game. He keeps shooting UN tanks saying, UN, they're always there when you don't need them. There is a wrong place getting in the way.

And it comes up with his score oh no fuck maybe it's later actually but there's a scoreboard that comes up saying how many oh no sorry it's it's one of the kids who's playing the army game sees how many cars they've destroyed and it's got like bmw's 10 uh range rovers 8 year toyota 6 and then volvo Range Rovers, eight. Yeah, Toyota, six. And then Volvo, zero. Because Volvo is the safest car on the market. God bless those Swedes. I can't help but think they paid for that. But my... Anyway, the MTV music video.

Yeah, yeah. That whole construct around that scene, whatever necessitated it existing, the commitment, the execution, it is a full song. Like, presumably written by Hans Zimmer. You know, with David Byrne, I don't know, overlooking. Yes, Depeche Mode was supervising.

There's, the original soundtrack elements of this film, particularly in the first half, are nightmarish. There is a soviet era style workers anthem which plays uh which kind of has this coda later in the movie but is way darker so at the start it's like we're happy workers workers workers working in a factory kind of it's not the tune but you know that's the gist of the song Can you imagine working in a factory Where they play you music Telling you how happy you are The thing is as well

You would think that that's like In a movie you go Okay that's the song Because that's the tone they want to project But Robert Williams shuts the door And the song's still playing But quieter Which proves to you

That on the factory floor This song is actually playing for the workers. And they're sort of involved in singing along. And then later, when the military man comes in and changes things around the factory and makes it far more regimented, the song comes back, like in a musical, but with this darker, more military tone to it.

It would be called Happy Workers Military Reprise. Yeah, exactly. military tone it would be called happy workers military reprise yeah exactly but there's kind of a synth electronic component to it where the happy workers bits been loaded onto a keyboard and it just keeps going happy by pouring cocaine all over his keyboard and just snorting it off the keyboard and keeping whatever notes he played with his nose. This thing is out of this fucking world. What a movie. What an experience. What a time to spend with Robin Williams.

Did you enjoy it? Do you know? Yeah, well, there was a moment where it genuinely broke through for me. Yeah. Because I looked at you and I was, what did I say? I was like, I think I said something like, I just can't understand or watch the movie. You just went, I'm in. I'm there.

I was really in the pocket during that period. It was just after they'd revealed the sort of more sinister plot of the movie. And they just keep throwing things. They just keep throwing things. They just keep throwing things. But I was just sort of like, I don't know. You know, there was a window where I was really absentmindedly engaged with what was happening in front of me. Hey, good on you.

That's a good thing. Yeah, I mean. Feel good about it. It shouldn't be an achievement for a movie to engage its audience. Briefly. But, yeah, I mean as as you listening at home will have observed we didn't watch it again i wouldn't watch it again i couldn't i honestly couldn't yeah you know you did keep saying that you were shook yeah it shook me man it really put

me in a tailspin very strange unsettling feeling watching that movie weird sexual elements too not heaps of them yeah it's very childlike and playful and like the relationship between robin wright and robin williams who are the only sort of uh romantic interest in the film of any meaning uh they've got a very sort of innocent playful sort of relationship built on language and like their communication with each other and then one night after he survives the sea swine he goes around there and he's just like can I stay the night

and she immediately takes off her top and then her bra within seconds which we see we don't see her front on or anything but we see her remove her top and bra instantly and jamie that room is also bugged by jamie fox and has some sort of sort of spanish sidekick and they're like oh this is the good stuff and then she throws her bra over the robot

which is filming it and they're like oh no and they're just listening listening to them by yeah and jamie fox is getting real into it it's so slapstick though and the the little robot with the camera is uh gets caught in the bra and it's trying they're trying to drive it out of the bra and the bra winds up with one of its hooks underneath the chair leg so the strain between the robot going one way and the chair holding the bra in place creates such a force that it flings the robot through a window, like a ball or a brick flying through a window, and lands it on the street. Robin, Wright, and Williams could not care less.

They're in the throes of passion. And then it gets run over by a car. Did you just say Robin, Wright, and Williams? That's such a fish in useful language. Robins, Wright, and Williams continue coitus unabated. Exactly. By a defenestrated robot. But then it gets run over

and there's no real consequence. It's just that whole thing was just for a gag. Yeah. And it's so much trouble. It's like such a constructed set piece gag. Because that's absolutely

something that you would expect to be in the movie so they can see the robot and discover the plot that they've been bugged. But that doesn't happen. Yeah. The whole thing is a lot of of setups and not a lot of payoffs but then a lot of payoffs that don't have setups are the different pay it's like if you watched a basket and they were juggling and they threw you know six balls in the end you're like that's a lot of balls to juggle and then

they came down they caught six balls you know they did it but they held them up and they were all completely different balls from the ones they threw in the air yeah and you'd be like how and why it'd actually be more like if a juggler threw six balls in the air you waited for them to come down they never ever did and you were like what the fuck and then he started breathing fire but you never saw him take a swig of gasoline or anything you're just like these are two different tricks and i don't understand and you'll be like technically i admire the ambition and respect what you are doing but i cannot make heads nor tails i can't follow this performance at all there's no story you need a director and he goes what well i'm

good friends with uh academy award-winning director barry levinson i get him to direct it and i go in my experience that's not such a good idea man these yeah i've got it uh because i know that how did this get made did this movie and i can't remember if i listened to the episode or not but i've got a weird feeling in the back of my head that there's another movie i can't remember if i listened to the episode or not but i've got a weird feeling in the back of my head that there's another movie i don't know if this is fanfic or real kayfabe as they say in wrestling that there is another movie that supposedly is in this universe in the toys universe because you know on earth where you said the movie is no no no but you can still have movies on earth that are part of a franchise right but like um uh oh what is it twins the arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito movie is the sequel to toys junior no wait other way around

junior is the sequel to twins yeah or one of them is the sequel to the other one i haven't seen either of the movies so junior junior is a movie where arnold schwarzenegger becomes pregnant he's like a doctor he's like a scientist we never let that enter the mythos of patty schwartz oh yeah good point well you haven't it, so there's one reason. Yeah, it's a big part of it. But, yeah, so those movies are set in the same universe, apparently, somehow. Like, there's tie-ins in the film where they prove it. Those two movies are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not them and toys.

No, not them and toys. So toys and something else, I think. Anyway, look. It's, uh, what a wild ride. Yeah, fuck. Fucking hell. I mean, have you got anything left to say about this film, Tim? Yeah.

I want to say one thumb up. Yeah. Out of two thumbs. Okay. Because a movie can still impress me if I don't, you know, get it. Seeing a painting I don't understand but appreciate the kind of visuals of. Well, paintings are bad. Example of this.

It'd be like listening to a poem and going i don't understand what the fuck any of that was but i liked the sound of it yeah this movie so you think that there are people who watch this movie and nodded the whole way through and went oh yeah maybe and those people are operating at a higher frequency than you or i undoubtedly okay uh i will also give this film one thumb up out of two thumbs. Just out of respect for the scope

and ambition of it. It cost $50 million. They didn't make back half of that. No, you said it made 23. Oh, do you mean like it lost 27 million? Yeah.

Fuck. It's so hard for movies to lose money when they've got big stars. But they did it what if you spend 50 million dollars in 1992

why that's 1 billion dollars now I don't know if it's quite that much but man what a film what a film what an experience

so thanks for joining us for that and thanks for bearing with us and we'll we'll be back with more bust another nut on one of these so get voting on the patreon and um

hey get out there and live your lives everyone because you never know when your dastardly uncle might come and take over the factory and threaten your life

with an amphibious cyborg that's the moral i took away take it take it from tim and i we're speaking from experience uh you did not want that

to happen. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run! ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

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