The Worst Idea Of All Time - Season Two - Episode One - Piggies

Episode Date: March 4, 2015

Guy and Tim are back on the couch with a brand new movie to watch weekly for a calendar year. That movie is Sex and The City 2. What ensues is a half hour chat, strolling through topics such as the technical abilities of the US State Department, the definition of motherhood, the publicity budget of Suzanne Somers' book agent and a very special cameo we did not expect. It's the start of a brand new exciting adventure and the lads are feeling pretty bloody upbeat, all things considered. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

let me tell you something about you this isn't my first rodeo but i've never seen a beast as This isn't my first rodeo, but I've never seen a beast as big and angry and hairy and unwieldy and multi-limbed as this son of a bitch. I've never seen a bull buck like that right out of the gates. Let me tell you, you could sedate this thing with a whole lot of bloody tranquilizers and it would keep on bucking for two hours 20. It's coming at you the whole time as well. It doesn't keep its eyes off you. It locks. It finds its target and it does not relent for two hours and twenty minutes Twenty hands high if it's an inch

This bull is an untamable beast And horns made of diamonds Hello and welcome along To the first episode ever Of the worst idea of all time Featuring me Guy Montgomery And myself Tim Bat We just watched Sex and the City 2

For the first time ever So how about that and we'll continue to do so for a calendar year yeah yeah what's uh what's running through your head right now guy tim i'm a young boy on christmas there's a gift under the tree with my name wrapped it's wrapped up it's got my name on it It's actually also got your name on it I'm not used to getting co-joined gifts But that's what's happening right now I unwrap it It's shiny and new and diamante

That's a rhinestone gift I've just opened up, Tim Yeah This is not what I signed up for It's like the excitement of a gift It was It was so thoroughly enjoyable We were giddy Positively giddy at the start.

Right through, like, pretty much. Right to about the hour and a half mark, I'd say. Yeah. This is the thing. It sounds so stupid to complain about the length of the movie because we knew about the length of the movie. Everyone I've spoken to about the movie has mentioned the length of the movie. Yeah.

You know, I believe. Like I said to you of the movie yeah um you know i believe like i said to you while it was on you know we knew what it was in terms of numbers you know it was numbers on a page two hours 20 i believe written as i quote former arizona cardinals coach dennis green after their team completely capitulated against the chicago bears uh outfit i believe featuring a phenomenal piece of return work by Devin Hester. He said, the Bears are who we thought they were. Sex and the City 2 is what we thought it is. So in some ways it did not disappoint,

but in other ways it disappointed enormously because like watching Grown Ups 1, everyone tells you what to expect and you still hold out hope that for some reason they were all lying to you. Look, there's a good movie in there. There is a movie in there. There's a movie in there. There's a movie in there,

which is a nice change of pace. There's actors and acting and music. There's questionable editing. There's a terrible script. Look, you can't... I'm coming in too negative too early. Don't pour it on, Sex and Situ. A lot of time and effort and money,

especially money, went into making this film. We put this off for as long as humanly possible. We were drip feeding out episodes of Q&As. We were like, yep, that's an episode. We did the watch of Grown Ups 1. Yep, that'll buy it our time for another week online. We've just opened up the most disgusting can of worms. Horrible and rancid.

Wriggling all over your body. Your thighs are covered in worms. But like, you're right. You've got a tapeworm. I'm moving on from the film, Tim. I'm really worried about you. You're itching your ass all the whole movie. You've got a massive tapeworm in you.

One of my flatmates bought worming tablets because there are so many cats around this house that aren't ours. We can't keep track of them. It's real weird. When I was a kid,

mum used to give us our worming tablets with honey. She'd crush them up and put them in with a spoonful of honey. I don't think I've ever eaten a worming tablet

in my life. Haven't you? I don't think so, no. Have you had worms? Well, no. I assume if I did, I would have a tablet. You could have had worms your whole life. You've got a voracious appetite. Don't you get an itchy arsehole though, if you've got worms?

Have you ever had an itchy arsehole, Tim? Well, you know, like once or twice briefly, but not for an extended period. What? You mean to tell me in your entire life, once or twice fleetingly you've had an itchy arsehole, but other than that it's all smooth sailing for the Batman? Yeah. Yeah, things are pretty good.

I envy you. I've had an itchy arsehole. How long? I don't know. Not like long. Like over a day, maybe once in my life, it's been a recurring motif in the day. Did you ever find out what the cause was? Or is it just one of those things that comes and goes?

It's just a day. It's like having a migraine one day. Getting itchy ass. What are you doing here? Everyone, I like to think every single person on planet, George Clooney's had an itchy asshole. Yeah, man. George Clooney has itched his asshole.

Itchy assholes are the great leveler, eh? Even like royalty, even Jacob Rockefeller himself. Queen Elizabeth II Has itched her arsehole I once Did a tour in parliament When I was young I was like 15 at the time

And I think his name was Jonathan Hunt He was the old speaker Of the house in New Zealand He took us around for a tour And he showed us a toilet Where the queen had taken a dump

And it always cracked me up It was like That was kinda That was his itchy arse He was like the queen Shat in this toilet Yeah They used to call that man

The minister of wine and cheese Because he was very large Oh man The old speaker of the house Everyone's got organs You know what I'm saying Yeah dude Everyone has bodies

Carrie Bradshaw Sarah Jessica Parker Samantha What's her last name Jones Yes Miranda Someone And Charlotte Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker. Samantha, what's her last name? Jones. Yes. How can I forget that? Miranda someone and Charlotte someone.

The gals of Sex and the City. I think it's prudent at this point, Tim, to ask you, have you watched the TV show? I've watched a little bit because I recognised Aidan when he came on the scene, but I had his profession wrong because I thought he was a scientist or a geologist or something. No, he buys... He's an exporter.

He's a rug man. He's an importer-exporter. He's a rug man. From the George Costanza School of Moneymaking. But I was familiar with Big. I was familiar enough with Big, I think, to know that this is quite a divergence from his character on the show and not in a positive way. They've really, really like schmucked him up for this i could feel the want for sassy sex in the city tv

dialogue coming through early in the script you know when it was just the gals gas bagging and there were sort of quips and jibes and but it felt i mean i think i laughed quite a you know definitely over a handful of times but it felt sort of belaboured. Well, the same, there was one man who wrote, directed and produced this film, which is always a red flag for me that you're dealing with a bit of an ego project. And I think that's right. I think this is, you know. I don't think it's an ego project.

I think it's a, it's a, I mean, should we just quickly run through the plot of the film? Yeah, that's a good idea. Because you can do it with this movie. Yeah, I mean, you can hang your hat on plot points and... It's inescapable that we're going to have some comparisons early on to Grown Ups 2 because we've just got out of that pool.

We've got out of the icy cold one. We're in the spa now. You know, we're in the spa of Sex and the City 2 with the gals. You want to call it a spa? I'm calling it a spa because a spa is real nice when you first get in and then it dehydrates you slowly

and you can also catch really terrible stuff from a spa. A spa is, I think, the reason why I'm so blocked up right now. Went to Wanaka, jumped in a spa, didn't put my head under but I think I still picked up some folks in there. Never put your head under a spa. Although when I was a in a spa didn't put my head under but i think i still picked up some never put your head under although when i was a teen i used to put my head under the spar all the time what were you doing down there just like breaking the rules like a legend god damn it you're a loose cannon man someone needs to put a leash on this guy

so the movie opens carrie bradshaw is narrating. Yeah, and she's doing like a nice retrospective where they do these shots from 20 years prior of her first turning up in NYC. Great opportunity. It's a fashion movie. Great opportunity for some fashion gags. You sort of get to see the fashion of the mid-80s in New York City. See what Samantha and the gals

were all wearing. And it moves along in a reasonable clip. The girls are going to a wedding can i just say it's amazing that through i don't know how many seasons there were of sex in the city i'm gonna say seven six that sounds good something about there that they hadn't like tapped that little gold mine of going into the origin stories and they seem to go through it really quickly at the start of the movie and just skip over it, which, if you're a fan of the TV show, would be like a pretty big deal.

Yeah, but that's not how you get your movie paid for. You get your movie paid for by the Abu Dhabi Tourism Board. You don't get your movie paid for by, like, fashion houses of the 80s. But we jump ahead. So they go to a wedding between, as explicitly stated by Charlotte, her gay best friend and Carrie's gay best friend. So they go to a wedding between, as explicitly stated by Charlotte,

her gay best friend and Carrie's gay best friend. Yeah. Stanford's very funny in the series. A lot funnier than he is in the movie. He's very sassy. Was Stanford the one wearing glasses? Yes, he's the one all dressed in white. Not the Italian guy. I forget that guy's name.

Well, anyway, we're seeing the money on display in the movie at this point it is a it is a garish wedding yeah it is garish garish lots of gear lots of gear gear everywhere lots of technical kit there's chandeliers i'm chalking that up to gear. Sandbags lying around. A lot of water. I think there's a lot of water. Yeah, swans. A lot of talk about the swans. So we're talking constantly about a big old gay wedding, and we must refer to it as a gay wedding every time we say the word wedding. Big is not able to reconcile in his brain that what he's going to is a wedding.

Yeah. There's a very funny Key and Peele sketch about that. Have you seen it? No. God, I wish we watched Key and Peele sketch about that. Have you seen it? No. God, I wish we watched Key and Peele every week. Anyway, so... So we do the wedding. We do the wedding.

There's a brief back and forth about kids, about Carrie and Big not having kids. The wedding serves to open up sort of fractures in the relationships between the girls and their husbands or families that will play out throughout the film. And you can actually see what they're doing, which is, as someone who spent a year watching Grown Ups 2,

quite exciting, but also as someone who knows the movie is 2 hours and 20 minutes long and they're telegraphing the shit out of these plot lines, is actually really worrying. It's a very confusing feeling yeah we did we talked about that as it was on the concern that ran through my head and your kid as well i'm sure that like we can see the plot points coming now we hadn't seen it yet we're about to watch it 51 more times look i mean it's it's not worth... I think what we should do right now, Tim,

is just enjoy the shiny new toy and not consider what lies ahead. Okay. One step at a time. We do the wedding. What's after that? Do we see my favorite extra after that? No, what happens after...

Oh, yeah, maybe. They go out for breakfast. Oh,rie's having relationship problems mr big it's their anniversary there's two-year wedding anniversary she gets mr big a very well advertised rolex watch he buys some very well advertised sobu for dinner like these aren't plot points so much as sales pitches no no no he brings back sobu express uh the best takeout you can get in NYC It's a new joint. Forget Blaze Pizza.

Put a line through Blaze Pizza, folks. Sobu is here to stay. Sobu is the new sponsor of the worst idea of all time. I can't wait to find out what celebrity is a stakeholder in Sobu and just hunt them down and tattoo them on my derriere. So, speaking of, just quick. No, you're skipping ahead.

You can't reveal that yet. Some people haven't seen Sex and the City 2 and it was very exciting when what you're about to say happened on screen. So he brings back... So Carrie is expressing

discontent at the fact that John, aka Big, wants to stay at home and watch TV all the time. It's their anniversary. He... She rather gets him that aforementioned 1968 Submariner Rolex watch. And in return.

The same one that James Bond has. I think it is. Including the. The garage. That was a little addition for me. Ben goes out, tries out the wire, kills the doorman. Kills Samantha accidentally. Revives her Using the magic

Elixir that was Given to him That would be an Interesting plot point If he went like Michael Hutchins on her And they did a bit of Chokey sex

But it got out of hand And then At one point I really wanted Liam Neeson Like I wanted Samantha to be taken In Abu Dhabi

And then they had to Call up Liam Neeson And he comes into the film And anyway We're getting distracted So He Big gets Carrie A TV Which he refers to As a neeson and he comes into the film and anyway we're getting distracted so he big gets carrie a tv which he refers to as a state-of-the-art flat panel screen which just like this movie's not

too dated yet there are a couple of bits where you go wow this did come out a few years you know what the most offensive part about this movie to me was tim there's the idea that four grown women are walking around using blackberries in 2010 that's fucking bull no one in their right mind was using a blackberry five years ago fair enough this was probably this blackberry is kmart in this film it's their one last roll at the dice they pump their whole marketing budget well if it's good enough for barack obama two years ago it's good enough for really samantha jones four years ago yeah i think the state department only let them have black oh no is that he really wanted to hold on to his blackberry maybe that would be a security thing

though presumably for the yeah yeah apple's real but then he got an iphone obama did an iphone so they just like souped it up with security. Can you do that? He did it. Can the State Department... Or the Secret Service maybe. I don't know who deals with that shit. But I mean, can the tech people at the White House outwit Apple? Well, they can build stuff onto it. I don't know how it works, mate.

What am I, a software engineer? Working for Copatino? No, I'm not. At number one Infinity Drive, whatever it's called. So they're having relationship problems. Big bought Carrie a stadia flat screen television. She's none too happy about it, though, guys. What the fuck?

We're married. You're a piece of shit. I bought you a Rolex, you idiot. Yeah, and you bought a TV, which is kind of blatantly for you as much as it is for me. Scene. So now we're having lunch, I think, with the ladies. Pretty much. Nah, what happens now, out of the blue, and they use this purely as a plot device.

Oh, by the way, we're at the wedding for a long time and Liza Minnelli is there with dancers who are dressed as Liza Minnelli. Are we doing the shining light? I think we have to do the shining light. Yeah, check it out, bro. Are we doing the Shining Light? I think we have to do Shining Light. Liza Minnelli's cover of Single Ladies by Beyonce with two backup dancers is my Shining Light this week.

That was a real joy to watch. Liza Minnelli, who, as you correctly stated in the movie, to me will be Lucille 2. Lucille 2 is in the movie. Yeah, she is. And she's got Lucille 2 backup dancers. I don't know how old she is like 312 but she looks fantastic and she can move yeah she's had a lot of work she out dances kim cattrall

um which was very exciting for me that was my shining light so now what happens is samantha gets a call from an old lover and uh client god you're good at remembering she used to be the publicist yeah um And he's like for no real reason. Wait, he doesn't fucking really come back. Not at all. Jesus. He's just like, yo, I'm in Abu Dhabi. You're a really good publicist. Come here. Come to the premiere

in New York. And she's like, okay. Then she gets the girls to come along. The crazy thing is we say that like this is all in the opening 15. It takes over an hour For them to touch down in Abu Dhabi And it is the premise of the film that they're there We haven't even got to talk about why they go to Abu Dhabi

Because it's a very meta The way they broached the topic of the girls going to Abu Dhabi in the film Yeah it's crazy guys Listen to this Listen to Guy explain it to you So they go to the movie premiere And at the premiere Samantha's old love interest crazy guys listen to this listen to guy explain it to you so they go to the movie premiere and at the premiere uh samantha's old love interest who's the star of whatever the movie is uh is

sitting down with samantha and some very powerful people from the abu dhabi i don't know if it's a tourism board i don't know what the official title of what they what they're doing is but it's essentially a tourism board and And they pretty much pitch, like, they pitch what I imagine the real Abu Dhabi tourism board pitched to the studio. They pitched that in the world of the film to Samantha. So they're like, come to Abu Dhabi and advertise it for us. The premise of the physical film getting made plays out on screen within the film that got made.

And it's kind of fucking freaky to watch. A play within a play. It's referencing the process of how the play got made. Referencing the bard, I do believe. It's very strange. But so that happens. And then Samantha's like, cool. So she runs up her gaggle of whores and they all go.

And I don't mean whores in a sexual sense i mean it in a capitalist sense because this movie is everyone should be ashamed of this movie i am and i had nothing to do with it i know we're skipping ahead now but like there's bits where it briefly reminds you of how much normal people earn like ever so briefly especially when they're in the united arab emirates and they're being waited on hand and foot by literal servants in the modern age. And so there'll be a brief discussion about like one of the servants

who has to work all the time and his wife has to work in India just so they can scrape together enough money to raise their family or whatever. And then it's cut straight from that fucking scene to a banquet. The girls are enjoying a banquet and i would be totally okay with that if that was your bog standard buffet layout at the hotel or not okay

but more okay with it but then one of their servants comes in when charlotte or someone sits down and she's like what do you want to order for breakfast which implies that the other three women ordered about 50 eggs Benedict, 100 fruit salads, fuck knows how much granola, scones, pastries, orange juice, champagne, cocktails. There's three of you. What the fuck are you doing? They're just ordering food to look at it. Like, can I have 50 croissants, please? Yeah.

Will you be eating them? No, not today. Just bring them to me so I can look at them and then throw them all away. I would like 50 ornamental croissants on my breakfast table. Post haste, please. Abdul. Yeah, you don't say garcon when you're in the United Arab Emirates. Jesus Christ, it's offensive, guy.

My God. Anyway, so they go to Abu Dhabi. I don't even want to explain the plot. Yeah, they have it. Aiden turns up. I'm just going to spoil it for you guys. I don't give a shit. Aiden turns up, who carries old flame.

What? We skipped over the exciting part of the film premiere. What was that bit? So Kim Cattrall is wearing this really sassy youthful dress presumably from chanel or dior yeah uh i couldn't actually yeah it's funny this high fashion movie because uh like if you're really on the cutting edge of fashion it also means that about one to two to maybe five years later you're gonna look really fucking stupid like a bit of a goose 80 of the time so anyway she's wearing this youthful number on the red carpet.

And who should be standing next to her? Wearing the identical dress. Modelling for the paparazzi. But Miley fucking Cyrus is in this movie. Guys, no one warned us about this. No one told us Miley Cyrus is in this movie. We just got tattoos of her fucking boyfriend in Los Angeles. And now we're going to have to get some goddamn Miley tat.

That's another thing we haven't talked about very much or at all actually on the podcast. Since Paddy, we haven't recorded anything since Paddy tweeted at us. Oh, yeah, man. He found out. Paddy knows. Miley, like, first of all,

we've probably been in a discussion between Patrick Schwarzenegger and Miley Cyrus, which is amazing. Post-coital. And secondably, Miley Cyrus which is amazing post-coital and secondably Miley Cyrus has probably seen my ass

high five buddy that's awesome lots of people have seen her ass but not that many people have shown their ass to her they probably have

she always makes I hear she makes really weird demands at her concerts now oh yeah she's everything's hyper sexualized she gets people to

spit on each other. Spit on each other for me. What an amazing request that would be. To all of her fans. Degrade each other for me. I'm filming it. You're dirty. You're dirty little piglets. You're Miley's dirty little piglets. Spit on each other. Oink like piglets.

Get down on all fours and I want you to spit on everyone next to you. Yeah, ruffle up that hair. Shit, she's avant-garde. I was so happy to see her just because it created this incredible sort of almost cosmic sense that everything's going to be okay. We're meant to be doing this. Yeah, it's like when you're in a really heavy psychedelic trip

and sometimes it doesn't go as well as you like. Do you have like anchor points that you go to? Because I'll think of, usually it's a partner or something, like a girlfriend or something. I'll be like, I'm going to get through this. This person loves me and I'll get to the end of the road and get back to them. Yeah, I've heard that as well.

So that's like Miley Cyrus. Miley is your anchor point. She's my anchor point of this movie. Because, I mean, as I say, the length of this movie to me is terrifying. Terrifying. Your eyes are popping out of your head. And so I was really wigging out. And seeing Miley there kind of at such an early point in the film

really brought me back down to earth. And I was very appreciative. He means early in relative terms. We still talking like in like 35 40 minutes 45 minutes in the sex in the city 2 world um miley also her appearance in the film is pretty wrecking ball so yeah she likes much more she looks great she's clean cut edition of full of cheeks full of cheeks i've noticed as well she's got that more Chipmunk-y face That was probably Around the same era

When she did that Fantastic cover of Dolly Parton's Jolene Yeah And when she also Was still spouting Things like

I'm Christian You'll never see me Smoking marijuana I'm not a loser Did she say that? Yeah she said something Along those lines Oh my god

It's like the Britney trajectory You can't hold A teenager up to What they profess. Well, that's so true because she's got publicists. It must be confusing being a child star. Yeah, man.

It'd be so hard. It'd be really awful. Just look at, what's his name? You know who I'm talking about. Justin Bieber? No, dude. No. Corey Feldman.

Feldman? Who's he? Oh, dude. He like, I'm going to grim but he was a he was a child star i don't think i want to have this conversation he was in the what's it called the fucking uh so many people listening right now it was the something boys so many people listening right now are gonna be like tim you're a fucking idiot the name of the movie is but guess what guys i don't remember it and i'm not gonna google it it all right. But anyway, he came out years later,

like recently, a couple of years ago, and blew the lid on some child sex scandals and shit that were happening around Hollywood. Bad shit. Bad institutional shit. We're veering into dangerously far away territory from the lighthearted romp through the desert that is Sex and the City 2.

I don't know if it is that lighthearted though, this movie. Because it's intending to be profound and it's tripped over being massively offensive. But at no point in between is it lighthearted. It is lighthearted. I don't know, man. I do know. I do know that this is probably the most

we'll ever enjoy watching Sex and the City 2. I'll tell you what, like, I, I really didn't mind watching it. No. It was cool. It was cool to watch a movie I haven't seen before. Your main complaint? Bit long. Bit long.

This movie needed a damn good edit. There's no question about that. And the script needed a really damn good edit as well. But sometimes movies get made like that. They're a bit flabby you know we should we should um motor through the plot for the people why well they've got enough no they don't she fucking pashes aiden yeah and it fixes her relationship with mr big boom movie the end and charlotte is struggling being a mother, and this may sound kind of harsh

Charlotte is not a mother Charlotte has got this nanny who's working with her kids full time Yeah, the nanny's putting in 24 hours And it's like I am loathe to throw fucking judgement at parents Because I have no concept of what it would be to be a parent That's exactly how you preface throwing judgment at parents. But I will say this.

No offense, but the most offensive thing I can say. But you know what I mean? She keeps going on about how hard motherhood is and shit. And it's like, well, you don't know. You've got no idea, yeah. You don't know. You're not doing it. You literally just upped and left your entire life

to go swan around Abu Dhabi She was like In a million different outfits Worth more than presumably What you pay the nanny Who is raising your children In a year She like She very briefly goes

And quite rightly I've got a husband And two young children I can't go to Abu Dhabi Yeah That fucking makes sense That's what a sensible person would do And then the girls are like

Nah you should come And she's like Okay Then Samantha's like I went to your kids birthday do And then the girls are like Nah you should come And she's like okay Then Samantha's like I went to your kid's birthday party And then Miranda's like Oh birthday party Pulling out the big guns

And then Charlotte's like Alright twist my arm That is a false equivocation They are not the same Going to a child's birthday party And travelling to Abu Dhabi for two weeks Is not the same But you know this is the thing is

I don't know the show well enough But you know Samantha Children's the thing is, I don't know the show well enough, but you know Samantha, children's birthday parties isn't her thing. Abu Dhabi, bro, is not Charlotte's thing. I agree. I would argue Abu Dhabi

was also not Samantha's thing. Yeah, that's true. Because she got into all sorts of trouble because she kept disrespecting the culture. Oh, the fun she got up to, you guys.

You guys, I wish you were here with us watching while Samantha was up to all her sexy hijinks in the Middle East. Oh, how we laughed as she robbed through her sexual escapades with Middle Eastern men who look very exotic and sexy. Do you know who threw a lot of money at this movie?

Who? Suzanne Somers. Jesus, did she what? For a fucking book? She wrote a book called Breakthrough, I guess, five years ago. Because the movie came out in 2010. That mustn't have been selling well. And her publicist just threw a shit ton of copies of the book.

Probably not any money. I guess someone in the movie did it to Suzanne out of a personal favor. If you were being paid in books for the amount of coverage this got in this movie you would need to be like building buildings out of the amount of books i like the thing that all of the sponsors just did contra deals so sobu only gave the movie like they catered for a week the entirety of the they catered the whole movie just one week of the movie no because this like sex in the city rolex let them use a watch that they had to return at the end of the movie. You are downplaying the cultural importance of Sex and the City, man. This franchise in its heyday was a juggernaut.

Yeah, I know. I don't mean to downplay that. I think that this is not part of the legacy. I don't know. The franchise? This isn't part of the franchise. So it's like how I view Home Alone 3. And how some people view Home Alone 2.

This is a bloated cash grab. This is Phantom Menace of Sex and the City. I haven't seen... Yeah, I'm not a Star Wars guy. I haven't seen a single Star War. Really? Yeah. I haven't seen a Star War.

That is a Lucille line. I'll go and see a Star War. yeah I've been saying to Star War that is a Lucille line I'll go and see a Star War very good AD very good writing um the writing's not like universally terrible it's very ham-fisted and there's like you said before I think lots of forced sass I think um also the fact that the the actors know the characters inside out does mean that they can lend a sense of emotion to the film. Yeah. Like, it's not like, like you can, there's pathos, there's emotional connection and interplay between the characters. Imagine if there was six seasons of Grown Ups the TV show. Precursor. It's a the TV show. Precursor.

It's a really good concept. Precursor to the movies. We should write it. Shut your dirty whore mouth, guy. Things that get said on this podcast while we're in the giddy aftermath of watching a movie. You're the guy, the number of awful ideas you've thrown at me through the last year.

Yeah. So take it from a guy who knows. Be careful what you say. Look, Tim, I'm exciting. You are exciting. I'm not exciting. No, you are exciting. I've scrambled my brain.

You're an exciting person. We just took the first step on a journey into the desert together. And, you know, we don't know how much water we've bought i'm looking forward to this one i'm okay with this this is going to be okay the biggest concern i have is is simply the amount of time it's going to take up in the week because this is a very much longer film by a whopping 56 minutes. Is it? Is it that much? Oh, no, it's not.

What was Grown Ups? An hour 41. This is 2.26. 2 is 120. 2.20 is 240. 240 and 106. I don't know. You do the math.

240, 101. No. Well, look. No, what is it? Don't worry. 1.41 is 40 minutes longer. Okay. That doesn't seem right, but it is right.

Oh, but it is right. It's completely right. Guy, I don't know, man. Hey, you don't need to know. Tim, no one's asking you questions. The TV show was good. And then the first movie might have been okay. And then this movie, I can't help but compare to Grown Ups 2,

which is absurd. Like, no one did that at the theatre. No one went to Sex and the City 2 and went, oh, actually, Grown Ups 2 came out way after. Yeah. No one, yeah. We're literally the first people to compare those two films. No, surely not.

And we're going to do such a good job of it by the end. Yeah, bro. Think about it. We're just completely disparate worlds. And I've had this conversation. I like to think they exist in the same universe. Can you imagine a crossover? Wow.

No. My mind is like reeling at the thought. God, imagine that of like Kevin. So Kevin James like somehow had to come with them kevin james okay so paul blart mall cop whatever the fuck his name is right is lamin soft lamin soft had to go into the witness protection program after something went up with tommy kavanagh yeah and tommy kavanagh threatened to kill him. He gets relocated, starts as a mall cop. Carrie and the girls

need security when they go to Abu Dhabi to look after them because they're women in the United Arab Emirates and he gets assigned somehow and suddenly we're dealing with the slapstick,

fart, burp humour of Kevin James as Paul Blart as Eric Lammensoff in Sex and the City 2. Imagine that. I like where yourxton City 2. Imagine that. I like where your head's at.

Me too. I think... Can I talk about my favourite bit of the movie? Because I had a shining light. Yeah, yeah, you can. Pretty early on in the movie. Who's having coffee? I think it's Carrie and Big.

No, it's the girls. It's the lunch meeting's the It's the Lunch meeting When they're planning To go to Abu Dhabi Okay So they're all together And I saw

You know that thing I was describing How I can't focus on shit That's in focus now Yeah It started in Grown Ups 2 But it's bled to other films I've never seen this movie before

But I couldn't do it in this either I was constantly looking around At background actors already And I saw one guy In that scene Who was just Minding his own business Dr at background actors already. And I saw one guy in that scene who was just minding his own business, drinking a cup of coffee. And I just said to you,

I said, that's my favorite extra in the movie. Watch that guy. And then he proceeds to just fucking- In two consecutive shots. Three. Yeah, so- There's three. The first one you said,

then in two more shots, this guy is just pounding the coffee. So they'll do, he's over Carrie's shoulder. He's sipping a coffee. They do a cutaway to Samantha to say like a monosyllabic witty retort. They cut back to Samantha. He's back for another round.

He's taking another sip. Now they're over to Charlotte, who's got some disparate comment to make, disparaging against someone or she's crying or whatever. Very quickly, we're back to Carrie over the shoulder. Boom, that guy's up for another sip of his cafe. And then he's fucking off. someone or she's you know crying or whatever very quickly we're back to carrie over the shoulder boom that guy's up for another sip of his cafe and then he's fucking off yeah it's three shots of him just pounding caffeine then on the fourth show he's in the background he just ups and leaves presumably

to go close a fucking massive deal because that guy is getting shit done he's who carrie should have wound up with forget aid and forget big she needs to turn around and the cafe also was pounding quite a lot of caffeine and he was all about this weird state-of-the-art coffee machine and the only way they could like crowbar it into the movie to get part of their bills paid was this like pan up shot so that it showed the time of the morning it looks identical to those nespresso ads with george clooney in them where they The copy machine also looked like a piece of shit. Yeah, it didn't look great. Look, that's all we got time for.

I want budgets on this movie. I'm going to go do some Googling. We'll come back next week. But, Guy, I'm feeling... I'll be honest, I'm feeling concerned about the time. Don't worry about the time. But I'm feeling okay.

Watch one. I'm feeling okay. It's not the greatest movie ever made, but, you know, I've seen worse worse i've seen worse over 50 times uh yeah you know what tim i also you know as i said first step on an exciting journey tim and guy tim and guy.com put it there let's shake on it well done we made it through the first one we'll catch you guys next week see you next week see you on the internet