The Worst Idea Of All Time - The Worst London Marathon

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

Guy and Tim are joined by British comedian Glenn Moore to watch, back to back, Sex and The City, WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS, Sex and The City 2 and then Grown Ups 2 in one hotel-enclosed session ahead of a live recording at the London Podcast Festival. The fellas are giddy with excitement at seeing some of their old pals again on screen and absolutely devastated to be in the presence of others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, stop it. Amazing. Amazing. Well, thanks everybody. That's been a great shit night. Welcome to the worst idea of all time, live in Europe. For now. Yeah.

Thank you so much for having us. Just quickly for everyone, how did everyone enjoy the house music as you filed in? Was that good? Did that get you into the right frame of mind for anyone listening along? It's been a hell of a day. Here we are in London with one of your own,

Glenn Moore, ladies and gentlemen, our special guest. Thanks so much. We've been locked away in a hotel room for the entire day. I don't even know what the hour count is watching films. It's been amazing. And did you want to play the other little medley, which is more representative of our state?

I thought I had a really good idea, because it has been what Glenn Moore described as a dark day. And we watched the four movies we've seen 52 times individually already. We watched once more consecutively, which was Sex and the City. We watched it in reverse order. I described it to Tim as like going down a slide. We watched Sex and the City, We Are Your Friends, Sex and the City 2, and then Grown Ups 2.

And I said to Tim, wouldn't it be great if we could replicate that experience for the audience when we walked out on stage? So what if we took all the intros from the movie and we overlaid them to create one ultimate track? Ziccoli himself couldn't have done anything. It was truly a straight-up Tim described it as sonically

unusable. But, for your listening pleasure right now, please, Maestro. Stop. You've got to stop. But it does give you a vague idea of where we're at glenn how are you doing buddy i'm all right i i've got to admit i missed the first film and it's really interesting to come into a hotel room to see a couple of guys about 10 a.m who have already watched sex in the city first thing in the morning um and it was really because as someone who lives in london i've never been in a hotel room in

london before so that was an interesting experience for me if not the rest of well what do you think And it was really weird because as someone who lives in London, I've never been in a hotel room in London before. So that was an interesting experience for me, if not the rest of the day. Well, what do you think of it? In no way are we affiliated with this hotel. It's the Crowne Plaza in King's Cross. Yeah, well, so you'd think. I think in the 90s this was once quite a proud hotel. But it's not tailored to... We've had a very cold time, London.

We got in last night and we couldn't for the life of us figure out the AC on this thing. Because I mean, look, classic gag, but does the plus mean more cold or more hot? We don't know. So we're there twiddling knobs and stuff. It's freezing cold. We just want to get some shut-eye. So I end up turning the thing off and hopefully the temperature just normalised by the morning. We wake up,

even colder! Then when we went to bed, I have to ring front desk a couple of times, we get some maintenance men up there, and you know what they said while they were working up in the roof? They said, does the plus sign mean more hot or cold? We heard them talking about it! Which was

sort of vindicating for us, but quite bullshit considering how much we paid to be in there. So Guy and I were cuddled up under the sheets in bed watching quite a lot of this today. It was very intimate, while Glenn sort of looked on in a very repressed British way on the couch. Just directly opposite them, not really watching the films. The interesting thing was how he dealt with the AC situation, because obviously hotel rooms in London Don't fully, well hotel rooms anywhere Don't really fully open Obviously just at the risk of people watching

Up to four bad movies in a day And so Tim got a pair of scissors The window you were talking about Yeah, so Tim went over to the window Got a pair of scissors Unscrewed the window and opened it Isn't that Now, I don't know what this next sentence necessarily means,

but that's the most New Zealand thing I've ever heard in my life. It was quite good. I used a teaspoon as well to jam in there, because it was quite a weird fixture. It wasn't a standard sort of Phillips head screw or anything. It was this weird... And I've got to say, it was the best part of any of the four films. Getting that window open.

The last thing Tim said when we were leaving the hotel room was, I don't think I can get that closed. Yeah, I have broken it, unfortunately. But that's by the by. So that was context for your arrival in this hotel room. Yeah, and then as soon as I got there, we pretty much got cracking with We Are Your Friends. A movie which you had not seen.

Or really, I mean, I was aware that you guys had done a series on it. You didn't? I listened to Grown Ups 2 and Sextasy 2. I listened to both of those seasons. And by that point, I was overwhelmed by the number of podcasts that I had available to listen to. And life gets in the way.

And it was a film that I simply hadn't heard of. And so I the way and it was a film that I simply hadn't heard of and so I watched it and it was it's remarkable it's stunningly bad and it's I've never really watched a film

where the focus is on someone's career progressing as like a club DJ and you sort of but you but you it's incredible to me because it's a well-trodden genre.

But it's the sort of film that you feel like has been written defensively by a club DJ. And by the end, it confirms what you imagine all your parents think about the level of talent involved

in being a club DJ. It becomes the thing it's trying to correct. Yeah, absolutely. And it's written by stupid people Yeah, absolutely. And it's written by stupid people for stupid people. Well, easy there. It's written by Maximum Joseph and Megan Oppenheimer.

One of them's related to the father of the atomic bomb. You watch yourself. Yeah, but I mean, like, the producer as well was a guy who produced Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and they couldn't be further apart. Apart from the sense I didn't really like either. And both have four words in their title.

Quick math. And jobs I've never done. You've never been a friend? You piece of shit. I was wondering why you didn't get the movie How can you relate to four people doing something You're not familiar with at all The only way I could

If I had to sum it up Having watched it today If I had to sum it up to someone who's never seen it before I'd say it's like the Out of the two fire festival Right it's for people who went to fire festival Yes But also out of the two fire festival documentaries

It's like the worst one. Because it's full of all of those sort of things where they say something like McDonald's and then the words appear on the screen and the McDonald's logo and you're supposed to go, hmm, consumerism. Have you ever watched a film where they talk

about McDonald's, like I have, and you're sitting there going, sorry, what? You're talking about the farmer? Yeah, we don't need everything to be illustrated. I mean, you know these things always, they always cut to like black and white footage

of a really old Disney cartoon of like people eating sausages really rapidly and it's on repeat over and over again. And again you go, yeah, consumerism there. Absolutely. It was all that. It was like, it was whiplash for people who were just too stupid to be in a building. What did you say about the...

Hold on. Whiplash the concept or whiplash the movie? Oh, a bit of both. Predominantly the movie, but it's sort of like... It's just... I was saying this just before when we were in the green just before we came out

there wasn't a single sentence that any character said in that film that I've ever said in my life the metric by which we all watch films

but I know that like none of us have ever really said you should have killed me when you had the chance but like there's so much of like

people going over to each other in nightclubs that play astonishingly quiet music and just sort of going, how does 50 sound? And that's it. That's the conversation. You'd rather see what the film was lacking, was Zac Efron walking over to Emily Rejikowski and going, how does 50 sound?

Or to talk in the same way that I would do, which is to go over to someone in a nightclub and go, hello. or to talk in the same way that I would do, which is to go up to someone at night, come and go, hello. It's nothing quite like kicking in the door on room 654 in the Crowne Plaza at King's Cross, joining two New Zealanders in a room with air conditioning they simply cannot figure out,

watching a movie they've seen 52 times and passing judgment on the idiocy of the characters involved. Nice pedestal, bro. Guy, what was your... This is an incredible rebuke of Maximum Joseph's magnum opus, but what did you make of We Are Your Friends?

I've said it before, I'll say it again too. It's not really for me. But there was a feeling, I think especially on the heels of having seen Sex and the City, a film with which we've recently spent quite a lot of time. It's like, I think, I mean, I've been trying analogies the last couple of days and none of them have been hitting at all with anyone

but it felt like an old, you know, it's an old favourite T-shirt. Is this because you've been in Greece? People just don't know what you're saying? I think it's because either I'm operating a level at which people can't keep up, or I have been not very clear in the way I've been communicating. But more or less, it felt like finding an old T-shirt that you once were like, oh, I remember when I used to wear that T-shirt.

And finding it, I was like, have you ever tried to throw out all the stuff in your house? and you pick up a t-shirt you haven't worn in two years and you look at it and you go I never wear this anymore but I can't quite bring myself to throw it out it was that experience of picking up the t-shirt looking at it and going I don't like this I never really use it but here it is and then do you know what you were right when you prefaced this because I have no idea how that feeling can relate to your experience of watching We Are Your Friends today. Obviously, you are a man who's never sorted through his t-shirts. This is pretty new. It's a tease.

This is a very good shirt, Guy does it. I know. He's infinitely jealous of my palette. I like loud shirts as much as the next one. So what are you saying, that you sort of passed it, P-A-R-S-E-D, and you were trying to sort where to put it in your brain and you were like, I can't interact with it anymore? I think most of what I'm trying to say is for a film that I remember specifically not liking, I was like, oh, this isn't so, you know.

I had a good time. Yeah. I enjoyed it. It's 93 minutes. It's four guys you haven't seen for a bit. See how they're going. Fucking painless. I know it's 93 minutes, but at one point we paused't seen for a bit. See how they're going. Fucking painless.

I know it's 93 minutes, but at one point we paused it and it said there were 38 minutes left. And then about an hour later, you paused it again and it said there were 48 minutes left. And the worst thing is that was the first film I saw today. I was supposed to write down notes for this event,

but I didn't. But what I did capture was two quotes from Glenn and I actually can't attribute them to which movie but I feel like they're applicable for all four. Number one, I hate every character in this movie. And number two, I feel embarrassed for this film.

Yeah, that was definitely We Are Your Friends. I felt so... There's a scene where Zac Efron is asked by the superstar DJ, Emily Ratajkowski, to... James Root from The Feelers. He goes, have you got any music?

And he goes, yeah, on my phone. He goes, play us some music on your phone. And in the kitchen... They know, mate. Yeah. But I felt as agonisingly cringeworthy as I would myself if someone said, have you ever made dance music on your phone?

Can you play it to me now one-on-one? And us silently having to listen to it together. And it's like if someone said, have you got any jokes? And you have to just perform stand-up comedy to one person. Are we well? You're not allowed to perform it. Michael McIntyre says,

you said you were funny last night. You got any jokes? And you go, well, and he goes, no, play them on your phone. And you dig up a voice recording from an open mic. Or worse yet, you walking around in a park by yourself being like, a dog that is like a cat. Admittedly, it's a pretty strong premise. So what I'm thinking is a dog

right that looks like a dog but more or less has all of the idiosyncratic characteristics of a cat a snooty dog I'm not going to do anything with it so that one's up for grabs could be a good analogy one day

keep polishing it up in the interest of having some loose scaffolding on this show this episode we should probably go semi-chronologically how would you describe the experience of

watching the first film today Sex and the City the first film yes well Tim as well you know I got in at about

2.30am last night he was so quiet I really Guy said to me last night he said I'm going to be so quiet, I won't wake you up. And I didn't believe him for a fucking second.

And he didn't. And that was, I said that because Tim and I did have a minor lover's tiff before I went out to watch a comedy show. It was a significant argument

that Alice Neda got in the middle of and said, this doesn't feel good. This feels like mum and dad are fighting. And so I say, look, I'm going to this show and there's nothing you can do about it. When I come home, I'll be very quiet. said this doesn't feel good this feels like mum and dad are fighting and so i say i say look i'm

going to this show and there's nothing you can do about it when i come home i'll be very quiet and i was so quiet when i came home really and then at 8 a.m tim did not return the courtesy he said guy we're watching sex in the city i i think you're the only people who have ever woken up to that sentence get up not once either like the number of times I've woken up to spend time with these four women he by all accounts suck

Tim I didn't like it and that's why specifically I wanted to change because originally we were going to go we were going to do the stack the days to stack the day's watches the same way we stack the respective recordings of the podcast, which was starting with Grown Ups 2. But we hadn't seen that movie for so long

and the idea of watching it was so exciting. I was like, we cannot open on that and work our way towards... And that is the smartest thing that you've contributed to the podcast in so long, making that offer to go, why don't we flip it on its head? Because if we had kicked off with Grown Ups 2 and worked our way back to Sex and the City 1,

I would have jumped out that fucking window I jimmied open with a teaspoon. So it was a rough wake-up, but... Yeah, and it's not... I mean, the thing is, we watched this one about six weeks ago, and as always, I was devastated to discover that they've left the script and the performance pretty much as we left it. Yeah.

And there's the... I mean, say what you will about Sex and the City, but these movies, we can say after watching them 50-something times, there's no new offers, there's no originality they're bringing to each take. Neither of them are perfect, but they stick to their guns. So it was not for me but I knew it was just like

Did you respect the consistency that the film was the same as when you checked in last time? I did respect that. It's like going it was like, if I could use one of my analogies, it's like going to a restaurant and ordering the wrong entree and being like I don't care, I know exactly what's on the main course and it's coming my way.

Yeah. Grown Ups 2 was the main course. What an incredible thing we've made. And this podcast is dessert. Yeah, right. Or a digestif. What? I know you were dismayed to find the film was exactly the same. I'm sorry, Glenn. Hold on one second. What did you just say?

Digestif. What's that? It's like a liqueur or something you drink after dinner or dessert to settle your stomach. You might have a, I think, is port a digestif? Glenn, you seem like a guy who knows. And I hate that. I can't really fully answer that question with any confidence, despite my accent. What a fucking waste of a voice.

Yeah, absolutely. It's humiliating. There's nothing worse than hearing somebody who sounds like you say, I'm sorry, I don't know what that is. My family all have Cockney accents, and it's so embarrassing. I'm the embarrassing one. Do your family truly have Cockney accents? Yeah's so embarrassing. I'm the embarrassing one. Do your family truly have Cockney accents? Yeah, but we're proper London accents and I'm an anomaly.

Did you learn how to speak English from audiobooks? Guy, I wish I knew what happened to me. And I never will. Must have been a very posh baby Here he comes, Lord Glenn He's a right little fucker, isn't he? I don't know if there was someone like That there was like some sort of really posh burglar

Who'd sort of break into my room every night And while I'm asleep would whisper into my ear like Viscount Or something like that He's a chaplain, isn't he? burglar who'd sort of break into my room every night and while I'm asleep would whisper into my ear like, Viscount. Or something like that. It's the chaplain in. So look, we trudged our way through and we did get through it and then we were so grateful to have the wonderful

Glenn come and join us. We went out for a coffee. I actually had something called an espresso tonic, which tasted truly bizarre. There was espresso, two shots of that. Tonic water, presumably. You had a sip.

You couldn't make Arthur or Martha from it. Yeah, you took a sip of it and you said, oh, this is kind of nice. And then you had another sip and you said, this is my Everest. Yes. Because it was quite big. And it tasted like it had fish sauce in it, which I couldn't get away from.

It's very odd. The taste of fish sauce is not complementary to the taste of coffee, as you well know. But this drink seemed to contain both. Very unusual. But I respected something keeping me on my toes. Because having had the first quarter of the day done with the film I'd seen 50-something times and knowing what was ahead of me, it was kind of like, new stimulus? Yes, please.

So it was kind of a welcome, refreshing entry to the day. How did you feel about the first Sex and the City film? Awful. Really bad. What did you enjoy the most, if I could ask? What was your shining light? They want to know. the people want to know it was all the references to Cinderella

which every time that happened I would nudge you quite severely with my bony little elbows and go Cinderella and when you add them up and say them out loud which I'd never done before there's actually quite severely with my bony little elbows and go, Cinderella. And when you add them up and say them out loud, which I'd never done before, there's actually about seven or eight.

Yeah, it's almost a through line. And it only took us 55-ish watches to figure that out. Yeah, and only because you were looking for something to do. Yeah, but it was new. And as you said, it's almost a through line. So that was definitely my shining light. Did you have one? Absolutely not.

Oh, I phrased that wrong. What was your shining light for Sex and the City? I tell you, actually, I was getting a lot of mileage out of Big today, and this's not, I'm sort of, this is a retrospective shining light, but putting all of his, the parts of his performance together across Sex and the City

and then Sex and the City 2. Yes. He just makes all these, because I haven't spent enough time with the franchise and I guess because there's been distance between watching the movie,

like instead of being trapped inside of it, it was like going back and being like, oh, that's right, this thing. And just some of the decisions he makes which

I sort of just accepted as being embedded in part of what his character is in the show but to watch today I was like this isn't part of Mr Big this is Chris Noth

on set just doing something to see if he can get away with it and like you know he's just converting people bringing new

followers into the church yeah and yeah etc all these subtle sort of facial motions just come and join my cult in the midwest He's just converting people, bringing new followers into the church, etc. Yeah, all these subtle sort of facial motions. Just come and join my cult in the Midwest. He'd be like, oh, just us two? And all this shit, which just doesn't make any sense in the real world. But he's been getting away with week in, week out.

And to see him do it once more. It was as close as I came to enjoying any component part of that movie. So then there we were as we mentioned, We Are Your Friends with Glenn. Did you have, you really were quite disparaging and damning just before describing it. Did you have any part of it that you enjoyed? Yeah,

the sound levels were my favourite part. I enjoyed it had a lot of This is some Tim Bates Trying to go like Bullshit Yeah man It had a lot of

My favourite movie sound Which is Outside nightclub Which only features in movies Never features in real life But when someone's Outside nightclub And you can just hear

Like And you Nothing That sound has never Emanated from Deep within Inside a building. Yeah.

But also, when they have a pool party outside, which I'm sure has been discussed before, just the sound, like, when he's... 52 episodes. Never came up. I don't know if you're being serious or not. No, I was just checking. Gotcha.

You hate every aspect. That and the final performance he does just the idea that there's it it was very as as a british person the closest thing i think we sort of had was like the uh the nightclub and he stenders the e20 which they'd always have people people were always at that just during the day like midday you'd have people having conversations like gangster sort of conversations in the corner of the nightclub. In the background, you'd have three people just really quietly bopping to proper like Butlin's music of just ambience.

There was nothing. There wasn't a beat or anything like that. And that's kind of what a lot of the film, for a film so heavily focused on music, there was nothing. That is crazy, isn't it? It's wild to dive into the whole... You could have your phone on Shazam

for the whole film and it wouldn't have picked up anything particularly that last track which they composed for the film it's called Cole's Song I think that is the thing that does you just can't get past is they fumble so many different stories

like you know the story gets distracted within itself it starts off being about his career it becomes about this sort of weird love triangle and then they sort of try they kill off a guy because they need some pathos and they're trying to course correct at the end and it does arrive at this gig and it's like if all they did in the movie if the only the one thing they competently put together was a song that just you know like the one job the movie has at this point is just to produce something

which is like hey he's learned at least how to make a song yeah and then for it to be this hodgepodge assembly of audio recordings from his samsung galaxy s1 you know plugged into a laptop and played like all this stuff which is not remotely interesting or melodic that is purely just emotional masturbation from like the experiences he's had across the movie. That the thousands of people who have no idea who this fucking opening DJ is, is playing. He's not introduced. No. He comes on to silence.

Which is a real hallmark of a movie that knows how electronic dance music venues work. That the DJ comes on to absolutely nothing in a car park in the middle of the day. It's Fyre Festival-esque. We're in Los Angeles in the middle of summer at 2pm, a music festival. There is no one pointing them where to go. There is no music playing on the stage.

There is 5,000 people in the middle of an abandoned, understaffed car park just melting under the sun. And then this fucking guy comes out with his laptop and a flash drive and says what's up everybody my name's Cole Carter

and then just plays them a recording of the friend he committed manslaughter on not three weeks before and you're like wow yeah this movie really

took us on a journey but also they did the him and the superstar DJ whose name I forget I'm so sorry James Reid from the field James Reid from the field alright so they on a journey. But also, him and the superstar DJ, whose name I forget, I'm so sorry.

James Reid from The Field. James Reid from The Field. All right, so, they obviously have this sort of love triangle. They both got with the same girl. It's caused everyone sort of a lot of heartache. Everyone involved a lot of heartache. And they finally sort of, the two guys sort of patch things up between themselves.

And he's sort of like, okay, go out there. And it feels like everything's been left behind them. And then suddenly, he just, Zac Efron just sort of goes, okay, I'm going to go on stage and I'm going to play this song really loudly now, which features a lot of samples of your ex-girlfriend talking loudly. Like, what a way to trigger the guy that you've done your best to patch things up with to just suddenly blast out the people's entertainment. The guy who booked you the gig.

Yeah. Who, crucially as well, is very famous in this context. So all the crowd will be seeing him in the background being like, so is he going to come on? It's like when you've got the gig from playing that great Dog is a Cat bit for Michael McIntyre, and he lets you open for him, but the whole time, instead of standing in the wings, he just stands side of stage,

visible to the audience. With a sign saying, here's what you could have won. Just shaking his head going, nah. Yeah, so in short, we are your friends, one thumb down. Loved Paige, though. Yeah. Loved Paige. As always.

Fuck, he's a good actor, isn't he? We don't talk about that enough. Well, thankfully, Tim, we don't really talk about it at all anymore. He's in all sorts of stuff. What was that movie we saw when we went to Los Angeles? about that enough. Well, thankfully, Tim, we don't really talk about it at all anymore. He's in all sorts of stuff. What was that movie we saw when we went to Los Angeles and we were like,

you know, well, let's take our mind off the podcast because we were doing live shows. We'll go and see a flick and fucking Paige turned up in it.

What was that? I can't remember. But it was... The Accountant. Is that what it was called? Is that that Ben Affleck movie? Yeah. Yeah, it was called? Is that that Ben Affleck movie? Yeah. Yeah, it was.

He was the other guy. It was Ben Affleck and Paige. Jesus. What a low point you must have been at, where you just wanted to watch any film, and someone went, okay, so get right, hear me out. It's got Ben Affleck in,

and it's got the word accountant in it. And then for Paige to turn up after that, it was fucked, because clearly this is a film which we've picked purely because it's the only thing on at the time we need it. And then we're like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Paid the ticket price. Before we exit the murky waters of We Are Your Friends, I feel we owe it to ourselves and those assembled here to open up that old MacBook Pro box. Absolutely.

It's time to 5, 6, 7, 8 Getting Sentimental with James Reid. Thank you. One of our weakest segments. Now as you know and as everyone in the audience knows, so everyone's

got context, at one point in the movie, James Reid from The Feelers gifts Ziccoli, not two nights after he's had sex with his... Ziccoli's slept with his girlfriend, Emily Radjikowski. He says, look, I bought you a gift. I got a little sentimental. It's a self-serving gift. And he removes a MacBook Pro box from a bag and gives it to Ziccoli.

We never see inside of the box. We do not know what the gift is. A classic red herring. And so, you know, the job is to discover what exactly is... What we know is it's a self-serving gift and it can fit inside of a MacBook Pro box. And he has felt sentimental in choosing and gifting this thing. Do you have any idea what it could be, Glenn?

I mean, something the size of idea what it could be, Glenn? I mean, something the size of a MacBook Pro could be sort of like a small television, maybe one you could watch black and white movies on. He's crossing the streams. You're not supposed to do that, Glenn. Sorry, sorry. No, no, you're not right. There's no rules here, mate.

See, you think it's a monitor. You'd be so good. That is one of the most spiteful things you could put in a MacBook Pro box. Is half of a MacBook Pro. Or like a Windows 95. Huge, huge monitor. It's got Chips Challenge and MS-DOS.

I haven't heard the word Chips Challenge in a while. That tickled me. How did that game work? Oh, I can't remember. Me neither. It was a platform game, I think. You were jumping around. Your mouth's running out of checks.

Your body can't cash more. Did you guys play the one with the little... Operating systems in there. There was a mouse and there were cats. And you had to get the cheese. That's a mousetrap. It's a board game. Well, it would have been good on a computer.

Glenn, to confirm, it was an OS in there? It was Windows 95? Is that what you're telling us? Or was it a monitor? I think it was a Windows 95 monitor. Oh, okay. I like that. He's done pretty well to get that into a MacBook Pro.

Very cool. Well, no need to dwell. Let's move on up. As we did today, absolutely. What was next on? Sex and the City 2. Of course. I'll tell you what.

I would say our most challenging, not even in a relationship to one another, one of the most challenging chapters of my life. The Savo. Which is a testament to that. No, of the most challenging chapters of my life. The Savo. There's a testament to that. No, just the time spent with that movie, nothing. I've been fortunate in life, and I've been blessed by quiet, sound and stable mental health.

I've never felt the experience of something just constantly dragging me down, like a weight that would not relent. No one's ever really been able to fit the black dog inside a DVD case. Until now. What's fucked as well is there is a not only is it more recent that we can

compare it to the experience of watching Sex in the City 1 all the time, but we did it twice a week and it still doesn't compare to the absolute mayhem that Sex and the City 2 creates in your brain. It is a black hole, and I mean this in the physics

sense, of good times. It is so dense that depression is emanating out of it and all good times cannot escape its pull. It just sucks it in and there is like an event horizon where you go, I think if we had the right equipment,

we could detect life outside of this movie. But if we're close enough, it'll rip us apart. And we were again today, and it wasn't pleasant. I didn't enjoy it. I think the problem is there's a movie's worth of footage, not content, a movie's worth of footage before they go to Abu Dhabi. Oh. You keep asking, Pete. And then there's another movie. Yeah. not content, a movie's worth of footage before they go to Abu Dhabi.

Oh. You keep asking, Pete. And then there's another movie. Yeah. And both are separate and equally racist in their own ways. Yeah. Could you please describe the two separate movies? Just what are the two individual plot synopses? The first one is a wedding where they're very keen to stress

how fine they are with it being a gay wedding to the extent that it implies they're profoundly not okay with it being a gay wedding. That felt like it went on for maybe a few days. Then we saw their respective home lives for ages, to the extent where I felt like I'd watched the kids from birth to maybe college years. like I'd watched the kids from birth to maybe college years. And then I must have blacked out for a couple of weeks. I don't, because they're just abroad.

They're just abroad. And I don't remember, I remember them getting on a plane and that was the gross, that was when it started to go, oh, wow, this is offensive. This is getting worse, isn't it? But I don't remember. So I remember the kid putting her chocolate-covered hands on her mum's butt. And I remember the TV bit when Big sort of goes, we could watch old films together. Yeah.

And Carrie Bradshaw's just sort of like, spend time in each other's company. But the problem is, I can see her side and his side. Because the issue is, there's a complete opposite of We Are Your Friends, which had very quiet music. Sex and the City 2 has no music. So it means when they're just sat there at home reading their coffee table magazines that you can hear them blinking. I mean, you're mainly right, but you couldn't be more wrong on a couple of points. Yeah. Well, I think we're coming from the same angle too.

Yeah, we are. Actually, I saw your head nodding. You go. All I will say is this. They're not reading coffee table magazines. Mr Big is entirely happy in his own company and capable of spending five minutes by himself. When they arrive home from the big gay wedding,

which I have to emphasise to you, it's a wedding between two men so it is a gay that's why they're calling it a big gay wedding and also can I just stress how fine we all were with it yeah in the room as well we were totally cool and they get home from you know this true away and they get they get up there and big he sits down on his couch in his house and he turns on the TV throws away he picks up the newspaper and he sits down on his couch in his house and he turns on the TV, throws it away, he picks up the newspaper and he puts his feet up and he goes

fucking, you know, a moment just at one moment after this to myself, Carrie walks into the room sits down in the chair next to where he's just started relaxing and is like which is a character trait she then just proceeds to repeat ad nauseum.

Nothing repaired the small, tough guy in our head more than our shared respect for Mr Big in this film and his plight. And we're aware, you know, it's not the most, you know, it's... I understand that the optics of it to anyone who has not lived our life is this is a problematic angle to take. But you watch this movie and you tell me that Carrie Bradshaw does not need to get the fuck out of the house and go and figure out what it is she likes to do.

Because she's got the world at her fingertips and it seems to me the only hobby she has is antagonising anyone in her vicinity. There is nothing more dangerous in a relationship than one person with no hobbies. Oh! Terrifying. And, like, you know, she's an author. She complains in this movie that her book is poorly reviewed.

The evidence we see of her writing the book is absolutely tanking the first year of a marriage and then writing five minutes on it distractedly every month she releases this somehow and she picked up the new yorker and you're like hey guess what the book you didn't try to write it sucks and she throws an app you know as three friends lives are also this is the final straw for me Fuck! Mr Big against all odds is the only person who I could

identify any through line to his thinking and logic in this movie It feels like that particular scene felt like it was written by a really misogynistic guy who was furious with his wife and was typing this scene as she was sat next to him.

It's so bizarre that we're supposed to be fully on Carrie's side, presumably supposed to be on Carrie's side in this. Honestly, I know that people have recontextualized,

I haven't watched another TV show to know what her character was, but if you watch these movies enough times and sequentially as we did, what you are watching, it's like the supervillain origin story of the joke you know how every character starts off and you go oh i can see the perspective i get what they're talking about and then by the end of you

go no don't be like that that is what we're watching we're watching sex in the city three is carrie bradshaw just trying to destroy the social lives of not just the people in her vicinity but everyone in new y City. Like, this is a supervillain origin story. Her behaviour is depl... I can't even... I am out of words for how angry she made me. She makes out with Aidan.

She... Stand up. She is so rude to Charlotte. Someone who I don't even like. But when she runs into Aidan at the souk in Abu Dhabi, and she goes, oh my God, obviously this means I can cheat on my husband who's sick of my shit because I've run into an ex somewhere. It's never happened to anyone else in the fucking world.

She goes back to the hotel. She's getting a bad review. She starts sulking. She's like, well, now I've had a bad review. I'm really going to fuck this guy. She's in the lift to leave. Her friends go hey Carrie you might be in a bit

of a weird space I don't know that you should be going to meet Aiden alone at his hotel she goes yeah Charlotte because you're paranoid

that your marriage sucks because you've got a hot nanny and you're a fucking piece of shit yeah everyone's going to cheat on their partners

leaves cheats on Bic with Aiden goes back goes oh my god I can't believe it I cheated on Bic with Aiden and they all come to her attention they go, I can't believe it, I cheated on Bic with Aiden, and they

all come to her attention, they go, oh it's Carrie, it's going to be okay, we love you, we love you no matter what you've put us through, it's going to be okay, she gets on the phone to tell Bic, and when she tells Bic she cheated on him, she goes, and by the way, all the girls were like, you shouldn't tell him, but I just couldn't do that, she is a fucking monster, she is a sociopath beyond redemption forget about this is why we had to do this final one because i feel like you something has changed in you now weight's been lifted it's like, yeah. The way she tells Big is like,

by the end of a conversation, I feel like from his perspective, he's like, wait, am I being told off? It's mad. Although I don't side with, I completely see a point when they're giving each other the gifts and she gives them the vintage

watch and that is the moment at which i think if it was me i feel like i would come clean and just go okay cards on the table my gift is infinitely shitter i'm gonna go to the show you don't want to see this you don't i'm gonna be like no no i do i promise it's like no no you don't want to see give me a debt i have misjudged this i you a present, but we're operating on fully different levels. You have been to Fortnum & Mason. I've been to Dixon's for five minutes. He makes a really bad decision there. To the extent,

and that is the catalyst for everything else. So it is his fault, ultimately. I'm not actually upset, because you're not wrong. He handles that entire situation very poorly. But the fallout from that, I guess everything, you know, we're talking sliding doors here, aren't we? We're talking the butterfly effect. Now, hold on, gentlemen.

You don't get to cheat on your partner because they bought you a tally. I've got a lot of apologies to make, Tim. I like to think that Sex and the City 2 was the vision that the writer had always had for the original sort of thing. And they presented Sex and the City 2 as like a pilot episode for a show. And the executives were like, well, no, this Carrie Bradshaw character is horrible. And so they went, okay, well, how about this? I've written a preceding movie and they've gone, again, we still don't like this.

So they had to write like 11 seasons of a TV show to build up enough goodwill so that you could then... When Mistress Pikelet King gets to the end and he's like, finally, the time has come to show people the real Carrie Bradshaw. Fucking long con. So long as we're mucking around, should we kick the door into Mr. Big's office

and dust off that old leather-bound book? Mr. Big's big book of ideas. Fuck, there's been some good ones. You want to leaf through it, Tim? See what's in there? Absolutely. Oh, she's dusty as well because we haven't

looked in the book for a little while. You should go Oh, it's in my eye. There's a picture of the moon being blown up with a laser. I don't know what that's about. It's quite unusual. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

There's the word pyramid scheme with a circle around it. And then outside the circle it says circle scheme, which is odd. Constantly distracting himself with shapes. Yeah, absolutely. And he's drawing a star around the circle scheme.

Star scheme? Very strange. One page he's written down, and we've got pie down to as many digits as will fit in the page. It's quite unusual. It's written in blood, that one. Very concerning. Very weird. It all reads as grey to big.

When I cut myself, do I not bleed grey? Interestingly though, He's got Here's the page I want to have a look at Have a squiz at Wish you would Up the top there's He's drawn, it's quite crude But it's a diagram of a television

That can only play monochrome Which I know this movie came out a few years ago But it's quite backwards, because we had full colour screens then. But I guess they're all quite backwards, sort of, socially. Yeah. And that's dead right. The words Big Gay Wedding are written down the bottom of the page, which is strange. Again, in this book, which I don't know what it's made of.

What you're seeing is Mr. Again, in this book, which I don't know what to make of. What you're saying is Mr. Big designing a monochrome television. Yeah, absolutely, but it's the reason that's the important bit, because that's what's going to market it. And he's put down some of the pictures for the campaigns you see. He's been working on the advertising. Do you remember

back when a marriage was between a man and a woman? When films came in black and white and when I could put my loafers on the sofa. Oh, no. Mr. Big. Mr. Big does. Simpler Times.

That's the name of the brand. Simpler Times. Simpler Times Calis. What they can do is they can play their own home videos through the TV and when they watch them back and they're like, oh, I was being really homophobic there. They could be like, yeah, but it looks charming because it's got a 1930s filter to it. It was a different time. I filmed this this morning.

It was a different time. Even then, it was a different time. Now, hear me out. A different time. It's like an Instagram filter for all of your horrible deeds that you've captured on video somehow. Pop it up on screen. It's like, nah, it's called going old school. And then on top of it all

in Invisible Ink, if you squeeze a lemon over the page, in big block letters he's written Sea World like Big Sea World Yes That colour blind son of a bitch Which actually would be an incredibly attractive product and this makes perfect sense that it would be the sort of thing

Big would invest his time in because we know he's illiterate so he's attracted, he's drawn to the screen, he loves pictures and he's colourblind. So of course he's going to gravitate towards a greyscale scheme. I can't speak towards the experience of being greyscale colourblind but I'm colourblind. In what way? Red, brown, green, brown, brown yellow orange blue purple what red red brown no no as in like i'm red brown color blind green brown color blind yellow orange

color blind and blue purple color blind a lot of you can't distinguish between any of those yeah oh dude i can see all of those Yeah Hey look The guy As long as you can Then I'm happy I love to be told That other people Can see better than me

Do you want to try My glasses on as well And tell me how blind I am Only because you insist Oh no see These give me a headache Because I have perfect 2020 vision

I was just going to say That that sucks because those are some of the best colours. But you're not big. But you've never seen a fully brown rainbow before. I think he laid one in the toilet earlier today. It was no good. It sounds like a cheap bit,

but I really... It's a small hotel room. Even with the window open, I upset a few people. I didn't imagine we'd actually bring this up. I genuinely thought that the movies were going to be the worst

part of my day. When the cleaners come into your room tomorrow and sort of change the duvet and stuff and they'll see the windows off its

hinges, when they walk into the bathroom they'll go, yeah, okay. They get a free pass on that one. But we understand. Look, is there any

more to say about sex in the city too? Well, we haven't covered their trip, but I don't want to. I would say this, Tim. I would say, I would say this, Tim. I would say... Where's he going?

Who's he up to? That's the question. We need answered fuck it was a delight seeing him you don't understand in this desert of a movie without relatable characters or redeeming features of anyone's personality the oasis

in the centre of it, in the back of shot blink and you'll miss him was one man consuming more java than a human's supposed to oh god it was nice to see him back I could have kissed him and he did not

not that we'd expect him to there's a saying in Hollywood, they say never meet your heroes but this guy has been a gentleman through and through every single time he shows up, he orders one piping hot full to the brim cup of java. He sits at his table. He does

not wait for 10 seconds before taking his first sip. And once he's had that first sip, it doesn't matter if he's burned the roof of his mouth, his tongue. It tastes so good. That sweet nectar tastes so fantastic. He's going right back in there. Within three gulps, the guy has finished the entire thing.

Right? Bit of physical humour on the podcast. Always good. It's never too late to experiment with the form. I was thinking we could do one where we just describe the way each other are moving for a whole episode. Innovative. Yeah. Except Tim leaning back.

When more do you have any inkling as to what coffee guy... Deserves so much more. I think... So, obviously, us being in London and talking about people drinking drinks that are risky has echoes of sort of Russian spies being... Heavy? As Tim's eyes widened. I'm not making any allegations or wild accusations or anything like that.

All I'm saying is he maybe sensed the coffee was poisoned and overheard their conversation and during his eavesdropping thought their company was so utterly toxic that he deliberately, and this is a new verb, Alexander Litvinenko'd himself. And he's run off He's run off to the nearest morgue And they've gone but you're fine He goes genuinely give it five minutes

That is so sad to me because it means There's no possibility of seeing him in Sex and the City 3 Well it depends It depends where it's set And on what astral plane. Not a bad attitude. Yeah. You know, there's so much scope within the Sex and the City universe.

If you think of all the different villains battling it out. And they did mention that Mr. Big dies in the shower, but they didn't say what happens after that. So maybe we follow Big's journey rather than everyone dealing with it. That'd be quite cool. Coffee guy's there after poisoning himself. And it's just him and than everyone dealing with it. That'd be quite cool. Coffee guy's there after poisoning himself and he's just having

Mr. Big kicking it. Looking through the book. They never specify which city it is and it could be the Stygian Depths of Hades. I like that a lot.

I think that's a wonderful pitch. And frankly, I think that if Mattress Pikelet King had brought that to Kim Cattrall She would have signed up SJP be damned There's not a lot that would make me bury the hatchet with executive producer

Sarah Jessica Parker That would be it though And rise to the challenge And then of course we must come to our final destination today Grown ups too Feels good to be home. We were really psyched about this all day. Well, so yeah, for context,

we'd watched these three movies, we'd pretty much been confined to the hotel room the entirety of the time. We said, we're going to go out, we'll grab a quick bite, and then we'll go back. And the whole meal was consumed by the palpable fervour and excitement

that was building. We also, just as a quick aside, thought we were getting away with bloody daylight robbery based on the amount we thought we were paying for lunch and then found out we kind of got scammed. Do you know how embarrassing it is to get scammed in the city in which you live? Yeah, it must have sucked for you.

You guys suggested this pub that was around a corner from the hotel and you said it's so cheap, it's two courses for £7.50. And I was like, in King's Cross? It's full of hotels said it's so cheap it's two courses for £7.50 and I was like in King's Cross it's like full of hotels and it's really touristy like that's surely where everyone would get ripped off maybe the portion is going to be tiny but the portions were enormous and I could two courses £7.50 is insane um so it would have amounted to like £22 £23 and we got the bill and it was £60 and it turned out everything on the menu had in brackets next to it,

like plus six pounds, plus eight pounds. Bloody good though. Mr. Beggar approved of that. And it was like, oh, spaghetti bolognese is 7.50, but if you want the spaghetti or the bolognese, then, you know, it's eight pounds each. Yeah, it was spaghetti or bolognese, but the word or was in tiny print.

Yeah, yeah. Such was the excited tension amongst the three musketeers that not even being ripped off to the tune of an extra 38 pounds could dampen the spring in our step as we marched back to room 654 at the Crowne Plaza King's Cross Hotel. We opened the door to a blast of cold air counteracted by a breeze of warm air.

We sat atop the bed together once more. Glenn reclined on the sofa like the French gal he is. You didn't let me lie between you, so I didn't really have an option. I didn't think that was the... I feel like we were getting him close to the bed and then halfway through Sex and the City 2, due to a build-up of toxic, restless energy, Tim and I wrestled for

pretty intensely for about a minute. At one point Tim genuinely used the end of the bed as a trampoline and springboarded into an elbow drop into my solar plexus. It was fucking sick. It was a pretty good move.

To be fair, you wouldn't have been able to do this off the back of Edinburgh. I think you would have been too weak in the state. But Guy's been recouping in Greece, so he's stronger than he was. And he picked me up and he screamed at the top of his lungs in our hotel room, I am the king of sex in the city too. As he held me aloft. And then eventually relinquished as his energy stores waned and i took the opportunity to flip the situation on its head and elbow drop the fucker to a plum but anyway

grown-ups too so there we were i must tell you it is incumbent on me to to let you know that i fucking loved it every second second, every frame, a painting, it was, goddammit, it was enjoyable. There is so much attempt at humour

in that movie. It is outrageous. The joke density you said at one point is truly tremendous. It's astonishing and none of them land. Not one.

It's just an hour and a half, and none of them land. No way. It's just an hour and a half of just pure white noise. Yeah. Of just a clown just going, and how about a hanky? And you're going, no, move on. Come on, mate, just move on to the next. And my nose squeaks. Okay, yeah.

It's relentless. I would say they wrote three jokes per minute, 90 minutes. There's 270 jokes. All of them were first drafts none of them hit the thing i was so fascinated by because it is one of the most intense cinematic experiences i think i've ever seen because it just doesn't relent it's like an anthology for it's basically a sketch show um because you don't grow to care or love and any of the characters could have died on screen and none of us would have blinked. Because nothing mattered. Things just kept happening.

And it felt a bit like, if you watch an improv troupe who are maybe floundering on stage, and they've got someone by the side of the stage who has a microphone, and they go, scene, at the end of each scene. And the improv troupe are doing really badly,

and they're just like, just say one fucking joke so I can just call scene and then one of them goes oh look a frog wearing a hat and I just go

scene yeah that counts like every scene ends with just a frog suddenly appears mid conversation he goes a dinosaur and he falls

backwards and it just cuts to the mid conversation in the next scene you could feel Dennis Dugan after every take going cut that

counts that counts. That counts. Genuinely turning to the people around him. No, no, no, it is, it is, it is, it is. It was quite amazing revisiting it after all of this time because we genuinely haven't sniffed the thing since we ended our year-long adventure with it. And to watch it now, you really,

I think with new eyes, a little bit more knowledge about film production and stuff. A little wiser. A little wiser, a little older, a little more cynical. The editing is insane.

As you said, there is, you do, it feels like you're entering each scene mid-conversation because there isn't a breath in between the end of some fucking artificial catchphrase they've tried to

manufacture a mono-celebrity you can't say the word what 50 times and assume that's going to catch on in a comedy film it's the arrogance as well of just going we'll get a catchphrase out of this and it's just there's nothing to someone saying what there's not there's no content there and it enrages me that they thought they could make something they keep going back to that well but after after the film finished i went on twitter and i typed in the hashtag grown-ups too and then typed in what with three a's and just the reams of just fucking people going funniest film ever what so maybe the joke's on us is what you're and it was like how have you gone on the internet? How have you managed it?

Traditionally, the internet's a very low bar to clear in terms of engaging in an opinion. Had you been online before today, Glenn? I just want to say, with the idea of growing a little wiser and having space between that movie and looking at it as what it is now, I think, you now, I think I know that we watched it last and the distance between the last time we'd seen it and watching it today was the greatest

but I don't think the podcast would have gotten past, not even a season, I don't think we would have gotten through, if we'd started with anything else I don't think we would have made it past 12 weeks. In what way? Watching it I was was like this was literally and by total random selection the perfect you know it truly was and people have said that to

us before when i've been whatever we just guessed but like to watch it now is like this is the perfect entry point into the concept because they are throwing so much stuff at you there's so much all right well i'll get bored you cannot get bored with that film let me ask you this do you based on that you know with the hindsight of the last five years has the film grown-ups too made you believe in fate no i at no point was i drawing a positive connotation between us doing the podcast and you know a good outcome I don't think any of this is in a sense for the podcast it was good luck but in a life perspective it was

what I would call bad luck but I was watching it and I was like it was a really nice way to end the day. It was honestly an honour to sit there with you boys and just watch the Sandman, it all, just muck around, kicking about. He's having a lot of fun.

The guy's having a lot of fun. Having a ball. It's a great film. I'd watch it. I found myself really fascinated. My main question straight afterwards was, what is the blurb for this film? How have the people in blurb for this film?

How have the people in charge of marketing this film, how have they been tasked with telling anyone what it could possibly be about? Let me have a run at it. Party shorts, party time He's riding around on a three-wheeled bicycle Party shorts, party time You're not allowed to tell him it is called a tricycle The man does not know what he's doing It's partydy Schwartz Party time

We haven't seen him in ages Guy and I have tattoos on him On our flesh forever That's not going away And it was so nice to see him again Check in on what he's doing We follow each other on Twitter And I doubt he'll listen to this

But I'll chance my arm Even if he does. The guy's come a long way as an actor since the heady days of Grown Ups 2. One of the worst performers on screen.

Which is saying something. There's a lot of people in this movie. What? It works. I know. Well done, Nam. Look,

I love watching him because I love the guy. And, you know, there was a part where everyone starts, all the frat boys start rallying and getting excited and going, ooh, ooh, ooh. And he lacks conviction in his movements. It's quite a challenging thing, and you wouldn't know to look at him because he's on the side of frame.

But it's like in the moment, everyone's going to be so fired up, they start fighting each other. But he doesn't quite find a partner to fight with. And so he's just sort of like throwing his arms around. And he looks around and says, is there anyone to fight with if anyone's looking? And no one is. So he just sort of keeps half-heartedly banging on his chest.

Poor fucker. He shouldn't have been in there in the first place. He's there because he's Arnie's son. I'm sorry, I've said it. He's got no place being in a film. He has got one of the best jokes in the film, which is when he looks at the piece of paper

no to see if it's David Spade no and it says and it's got the little stick it's not Paddy Schwartz that's not him no Paddy Schwartz is

he's barely in the film what the hell am I watching you were watching Braden the Warlock Braden Higgins that too yeah I'm so sorry

that's a bloody solid game I think that joke if it was in the Simpsons we Higgins. That's too honest. Yeah, I'm so sorry. That's a bloody solid guess. I think that joke, if it was in The Simpsons, we would have gone, yeah, it's a great joke. Oh, look, there's dynamite. There were some genuine... But also at the same time, what I just said is now massively irrelevant. How did I screw that up? Hey, in the interest of time, though... Yeah, we've got to expedite this conversation because there's a special treat.

There's a bus. There's a bus. There's a bus? You're fitting it all in. Holy shit. Ba ba ba Ba ba ba Ba da da da da da da da da da Roll up

I coughed. Roll up for the mystery tour Roll up Roll up for the mystery tour Roll up He's on Steve Buscemi Roll up for the mystery tour The Steve Buscemi mystery tour Is coming to take you away Coming to take you away

Take you today What does Sandler have on Buscemi? What's he doing in this movie? Debasing himself at every turn Set up the concept I didn't know who on Buscemi. What's he doing in this movie? Debasing himself at every turn. Set up the concept. I didn't know who Steve Buscemi was, really, when we first watched Grown Ups 2, and now knowing that he's actually a good and serious actor,

it's fucking wild seeing him in there now. So he's referencing an injury that he has where his arms are locked in this position for an extended amount of time, and he's got 40% of feeling in his body. What's caused it? We don't know. Well, we do. Well, we do.

Well, we do now. Back in the time. Because he's in grown-ups one, but we didn't. So it's fun to postulate. Well, I mean, what could possibly cause someone to lose 40% of feeling in their body and have the arms trapped in the touchdown position? Attempting to method act your role in Fargo and your demise through a wood chipper. Blam.

Done. And I'm not even kidding we need to, this is it. Yeah, well, are we going to come back out after the thing? Yeah, what do you mean? Hey listen, the podcast is over. London, thank you so much! London!

You're beautiful! Good luck through Brexit. Thanks for staying with us. We love you so much. Thank you. I just can't get enough.