The Yak - Alex Caruso Stops By for a Run at the Gauntlet | The Yak 4-2-24

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. I guess there's no show today. I don't. Oh, here. Here, good. He can come take charge. Tell him, Kyle. Make him at LensCrafters.

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I assume Big Cat will be along shortly. Nick is, I also assume, in an airport right now about to board a flight for Boston, headed to Italy. Yeah, I wonder how many drinks he's had. I would say between three and five. Three and five. Three and five. And he'll have a couple on the plane.

He's going to get off in Boston like hungover. His anxiety is about the flying, the crowded air. There's all of it. Literally all of it. The entire experience. I was led to believe it was just like he wants to make his flight on time, but the way he was talking yesterday, it's that even when the flight takes off, he's still –

He doesn't love the idea of flying. Wait, do you know his real thing is he thinks that he's going to get T-boned midair by another plane. Well, I've thought that before. I've never thought – That happens all the time. Whenever we're going down to land, I always worry that, boy, I hope the traffic's clear down there yeah

you never think about that there's close calls more often than you think huh well one plane but how close is the close call google i feel like every few months there's like whoops they almost had a close call at whatever where this one was taken off is this one yeah breaking bad there was yeah a very famous instance of planes colliding so that looks like a very comfortable hoodie common did i actually trade it up for this what's your trade for it uh this was like three months ago um my crustiest crew neck to this dude at planet fitness really you got that i got this this is yeah he didn't know. You jersey swapped at PF? Jersey swapped. Yeah, fucking Da Vinci Jeremy level come up.

Hell yeah. What was the crew name? It was that Olympic one I never watched. Oh, that was a good one. Yeah, and I felt bad. That was one of your best. That got a lot of compliments. I was always wearing my best pieces to Planet Fitness,

and he was always complimenting them. And I'm like, oh, I'll trade. But he thinks he also had the come up. He did have the come up. I was kidding. Who proposed the trade? He actually just offered. He was like, let me give you one of mine.

And I was like, let me give you my best. That's a crazy thing to just offer in Planet Fitness, right? We had a bond. He works there. We had a bond over vintage clothing. And you gave him washed hoodies. I don't even think this is vintage, to be honest. You went piece for piece and that's what you brought to the table?

Yeah. I think he was a budding, aspiring vintage collector. Why is my mom FaceTiming me during the act? Answer. She knows what she's doing. Oh. I waited too long so I'd have to call her back. If she calls back, I'll know it's something I need to talk to her about.

She's on a plane headed to Boston. You're saying my mother, my sweet, sainted mother is going to Italy with Nick? Perhaps. That's the only... Why else would she FaceTime? That would be... You gotta FaceTime her back. How could this be?

And then she texted me, what's your email at work? That could mean anything. Probably just needs my email, though, to be honest. Oh, did she ask that? She doesn't have your... She said my work email.

What's going on? Why would she want to send something to your work email but not your personal? That's a good question. Hey. What's your email at work? Well, no, I'm not going to tell you now. I'm on the Yak. What do you want?

You FaceTimed me during the Yak. I'm trying to send you this information on the Masters that they sent me. Okay, bye. We cleared that up pretty quick. Yeah, that was easy. Yeah. That was easy. All right.

Big Cat will be along. He said he'll be here in two minutes. All right, word. I'm sure you guys already talked basketball. We did, and we talked it for about 15 minutes before you got here. What's up, boys? Hello. Hello.

That was a long ponytail on that guy. Great ponytail. Did you watch Caitlin Clark, boys? Hello. Hello. That was a long ponytail on that guy. Great ponytail. Did you watch Caitlin Clark, Kyle? I watched the whole game. It was fantastic on both sides. Yeah. I admire her composure above all things. She's very good at basketball.

One of the best I've ever seen. Yeah, no. She takes some dumb shots. Yeah. You don't have to look at me. Yeah, she does. That's part of the game, though. Yeah.

Like, her missing those shots, we talked to Jack Olkey about that. You don't even have to make them. It's like the fact that you're insane enough to take them strikes the fear of God into defenses. Your willingness to take them. Because they've studied you on tape, and they know that you're going to take shots from anywhere. But then to see it actually happen in real life, you're like, what the fuck?

When you're guarding someone like that? That's that viral clip of her defender being like, well, I don't fucking know what to do. And then she makes them every so often. Yeah, she does it in the flow of the game, too. Like, she'll make two in a row, and then the third one, she's shooting from, like, 40 feet. Hey, guys, sorry. Hey. Hey, Dan.

Are you guys talking about Kyle pandering? Yeah. Yeah. We haven't got to that word specifically. Yeah, and. Sorry. Hey. Hey, Dan. Are you guys talking about Kyle pandering? Yeah. Yeah. We haven't got to that word specifically. Yeah. You know what? Kyle's still. No, no.

It's a good looking hoodie. No, I like the hoodie. No, my T's better. What do you got for your T? North Face T. North Face. That is a hard T. That's a La Puma fit right there.

Yeah. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I'm getting La Puma's number, and we're going to get it hooked up. All right, well, that should be like a five-minute thing. Yeah, we're going to get it. La Puma and Kyle are going to do a video together. Is he going to come here? I don't know.

We might have to go there. I would love to. Yeah. Where's there? New York? Split a hotel room. Yeah, two of us. How does the show work?

Does he, like, go to a store, shoe stores around? He goes to like, does he? I think he rotates a few. One in LA, one in New York. Most recent one was in Connecticut, I believe. Oh, so maybe he can come here. Yeah, Vermont. He could come here and you guys could find a store to go to in Chicago?

Yeah. Yeah. No, no. What were you guys talking about? Sorry, I'm late. We just started basketball. We just started with Kaitn Clark and basketball. She's pretty good at basketball.

Yeah. She's pretty damn good at basketball. Dude, I'm just getting hit to fucking Kim Mulkey. Oh, yeah? She sucks. Jesus. I love her. I love her, too.

Titus doesn't love her. No, dude, I've been a fan of hers for a while now. She's, well, at first I thought she was a tried and true homophobe, but then I found out she's from Tickfaw, Louisiana. Yeah, she is from the Stick Sticks. Do you know how hard it must be to be gay or LGB in Tickfaw, Louisiana? She's closeted. Oh.

You think? I like that. That's classic closeted deep south behavior yeah I get that vibe a little bit she's like the she's like the marine in American Beauty yeah

who kills Kevin Spacey no but just like a hard ass and being like well actually I just want to steal a fucking tick fall tick Louisiana tick fall tick fall Hard ass and being like, well, actually, I just want to steal a kiss. The fucking Tickfall. Tickfall? Louisiana. Tickfall. I didn't say Tickfall. Tickfall.

What parish is that in? My God. A crazy one. Tango Bohoa. Tango Bohoa Parish. So that's barely in Louisiana. Italian American. She was awesome at basketball.

The population of Tickfall is 694. Tickfall. That's probably just a wide spot in the road, then. That's not really even a town. The gay dudes in the Deep South are just now getting comfortable putting putty in their hair. They've got to hide the high-end lotion in a shoebox. Coming from the Deep South, I think the gays are more present than... I got hit on right before I met my wife.

I got hit on real quick. Those are the ones who go full flamboyant because they don't have anyone. You didn't get hit on. I did. 2005 at the Hunt Club in Starkville, Mississippi. Little John and the Eastside Boys were going from the window to the wall.

Wait, Little John? I thought you were saying Little John and the Eastside Boys. I thought that was a name of the arrival guard. A gay gang showed up and was like, let me suck your dick. Until sweat dropped off our balls. Oh, what a song. And there was this dude, and I was just standing there watching all the girls dance, and he just walked up to me, and he was like, hey, what are you doing?

How did he look? Gay. Wait, so you were sitting there watching all the girls, so he probably came up to you and was like, yeah, I don't want to touch him either. I think I had wandered into gay corner. Yeah, because you were just staring. Yeah, no, it was a big room, big room. And, you know, I'd been around the edge of the dance floor.

And then I was in the corner with a bunch of dudes that were all talking to each other. And I think I had wandered into gay corner. Yeah, because there's a gay corner and an actual, like, afraid to talk to guys corner. Girls corner. Yes, yes. And Iered in the gay corner. Yeah, because there's a gay corner and an actual afraid to talk to guys corner. Girls corner. Yes. Yes. And I was in the wrong corner. But those corners can mix.

Sometimes. Yeah. Then there is some overflow and I got in the gay corner and then he said stuff and then I was just like, cool. He liked my shirt. He said, come here, big boy. So a guy complimented you and you got hit on by a gay guy? He was gay as fuck.

I don't know what to tell you. He was gay. How do you know he was gay? How did you know he was gay? He was gay. Did he have a cock in his mouth? He did not have a cock in his mouth. As he was sucking my penis, it dawned on me, this might be a gay man.

Hey, holy shit, dude. But I'm talking like the the dudes whose dad is like a football coach yeah yeah they're not going full flamboyant no no there's definitely a lot of closeted gays there's some that are flamboyant because you're right they don't really they they couldn't hide it and we average about one gay a town i think who is that picture statistically probably oil oil can boyd yeah that's boy well he wasn't gay he did crack yeah but that's before every game oil can boy was just on crack he's from meridian i bet you crack will make who else is from meridian

yeah a lot of people big crit big crit is from haley williams from paramore that's yeah see the ward what did you do the most prolific New York Times crossword answer. Yeah, a lot of people from Meridian. Did you do some research last night? Yeah. That was too obvious. No, I love it. I love when you show up to a yak and it's like, Kyle's been reading.

Yeah, I got a make-up for yesterday. Why? What happened yesterday? I was all loopy. Oh, were you? How was the show after we left? It was a little bad. It was the worst.

We were tired. Damn. It was rough. We had no rhythm. We didn't know y'all were leaving until y'all left. Oh, we said we were leaving. You had told us. A week in advance.

Deep down in my heart, I didn't believe you. Yeah. And I thought you weren't going to leave us, but you did. I found out yesterday, Tidy says I'm like hot dogs. What? Yeah. You just didn't order one probably no i got up to get us hot dogs like you want a hot dog he's like yeah and i didn't say well first of all i didn't say yeah i was like i go and you go i'll get you one yeah and then i came back and i handed it to him he goes i don't want this yeah

he's like i gotta be honest i don dogs. Sounds like you had two hot dogs. Yeah. No, I gave it to Chief. I don't mind hot dogs, but yeah, I don't. That was the last thing I wanted was a hot dog. Yeah. Did you win the raffle? No.

Ah. Damn. How much money is invested in that sheet? That was three. Actually, actually, Titus, I forgot to tell you this. So I want to win the raffle so bad. If I ever win the 50-50 raffle, I'll still be down in my life. No one told me that my fly was down.

That was brutal. Just all the way down. Why is there a stigma that's brutal? I think your penis could flop out. Yeah, but it didn't. No. We should shut... It was cold.

My penis wasn't cold anyway. You should start. It was cold. My penis was cold anyway. You should start treating zippers down like cleavage. Yeah. Yo. If you got the meat for it. I don't hate that. So we went to the bar. It started to rain on us.

So we went to the bar to watch the last two innings. And I went to look for the raffle for the numbers. And when you go to the website to look for the numbers, you can buy more. So I bought more. And I actually was pretty close on those numbers. Oh, really? Yeah, if I had bought more like maybe five minutes earlier, I would have won. So, yeah, that was $400 down the drain at the 50-50 raffle.

Sucks. I'm going to win someday. The guy next to you won eight years ago and yeah i wonder if he actually ended up i was seeing he he every now and then he'll tweet me a picture it was like a group of guys in the bleachers like maybe eight nine years ago and they won with the tickets they bought right after mine and then like they took a pic they made me take a picture with them after and you you got their number? No. What?

I have their number? You said he texts you? No, no. He tweets me. I'm going to see if he tweets it. You asked the lady, how much money worth of 50-50 can I buy before it makes your life uncomfortable having to sit here and print it all out? And she goes, I would say like $100. It would take a while to print it all out. And you're like, cool. Give me $300. Yeah. I was like, well, you want to sit here and print it all out. And she goes, I would say like $100 would, it would take a while to print it all out.

And you're like, cool, give me $300. Yeah, I was like, well, you want to sit? I was like, you want to sit right there? We can just do $300. Yeah, they had to redo, they had to get, she had to get an extra roll of paper. I ran them out. Some days will be my day.

Is that guy winning next to you, like your Joker origin story? Yeah, I got to find him. I want to find the picture because it's – man, he'll send it to me every now and then. It'll just make me sad every time. Yeah, someday. If you win, is there an expectation that you like donate some of it or is it just like – No, it's a what? It's already donated.

It's 50-50. This is the Cubs. This isn't like a local high school raffle. Oh, with the high school – yeah, I thought that – I didn't know that. But it's already donated. It's 50-50. This is the Cubs. This isn't like a local high school raffle. Oh, with the high school. Yeah, I thought that. But it's already donated. Because that's the 50. Yeah, it's the 50.

Okay. Yeah, but in like the small towns and stuff, it's like, oh, you win. Give it back to whatever. Okay. Didn't know. No, I mean, the worst was when I went to the Toledo game, and I had, I think we did the math. I had 18% of the whole pot. Yeah.

That was bad. I tried to pull a you at the Antioch High School baseball and softball fundraiser a couple weeks ago, and the only problem is I spent $100. They were $1 apiece. You had to sign every ticket. Yeah, I've been doing like that. And so I had to, I had to sign every ticket yeah i've been doing like that and so i had

to i had to then except it wasn't actually it wasn't a hundred dollars for a hundred tickets it was a hundred dollars for it was it was it was ten dollars in arm length so ten times she did this and gave me all the tickets i had to sign all those tickets are you still lost still lost do you have to stand there like that so she can measure them out? Well, she said, do your arms, and I said, no, I'd rather do your arms. And we ended up doing her arms, and that's how many tickets I got. God damn. I have to find this

fucking picture. Kia, can you find it? They tweeted me every now and then just saying, remember that time we won the 50-50 raffle sitting next to you? And it hurts me every time. That's fucked up. It it is the pyrotechnics were amazing oh yeah jaw dropping beautiful techniques you guys see this no never yeah the cubs went all out for opening day they fucking lit the world on fire yeah this could

be dangerous i'm actually surprised you guys didn't see anything from here well we were inside we heard it what they could feel a sonic chinese shit yeah it was fucking nuts i was afraid the players were gonna get burned hold on if you oh yep if you have seizures look away that was your epileptic dude i got more sparkles ordering bottle service fucking top golf that was one of those moments that i i said to titus right away i was like thank god we won a world series because the cubs have a tendency of doing these things and it used to be looked at in a different light they like the famous one was like 10 years ago ron santo died and they had a bunch of kids sign the card and and they had this big, like, oh, Ron Santo died, here's the card. And then an hour later, a reporter found the card in the dumpster next to Wrigley. They thrown it out.

Yeah. There was another one when they were renovating Wrigley, you know the bricks that you can buy in front? A reporter found it. They had just thrown out all the bricks. How long does it go until you're sad again you haven't won a World series in a while is it like 50 years is it forever another 100 years lifetime lifetime another 100 i want to win every year but like i i legitimately if they never win another one if you're like 62 and they haven't won one since 16 do you get sad again or you're like i

won't be no you don't get sad you just get get like, yeah, I would like to win. Yeah. But not like, you know, a sense of fulfillment comes over you once they won. Oh, there it is. You don't really know. Look at this. These are the fucking guys. That's a good crew. Yeah, that is. Scroll down.

Yeah, that's it. Oh, my God. I didn't even see you. He's a big fucking jack, dude. That's a really good crew. They were sitting right next to me. They won the 50. They bought like $10 worth.

I'd rather them win anyway. Oh, I hope they're still friends. Look at young cat. That's a good sign.. They were sitting right next to me, and they won the 50. They bought like $10 worth. I'd rather them win anyway. Oh, I hope they're still friends. Look at young cat. That's a good sign. They probably have had a fall. I don't think all of them are still friends, but most of them are. I'd say three of them are still super tight. Yeah, the guy's right in front of me.

Oh, that was the World Series year, too. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I've... How was the crowd? How was the... It was good. The ambiance?

It was rainy, but it was good. In terms of fandom, where do Cubs fans, like intensity, tear up against the other big ones? What do you mean? Do Cubs fans go hard? Like drinking? Like fandom. Like Phillies fans?

Like Philadelphia has like crazy. I think the Pups fans care the most. Do they care? Care a lot. But yeah. But they're not angry. I don't think we're really that angry. Are there ever fist fights up in the nosebleeds?

There's fighting in the bleachers. There was that one that was, you know, that guy just screaming no fighting in the bleachers. That ruled because people were just like flying everywhere. And this one guy was just like, hey, there's no fighting in the bleachers. Yeah. But if you're like a Rockies fan, you're not going to get yelled at in Wrigley Field for being a Rockies fan. No, no, no, nothing like that. I think it's a care, but not like an aggressive.

So like probably Yankees at the top, Red Sox at the top. I'd say Phillies. Phillies are way up there. Phillies are up there. Phillies, Yankees, Red Sox. Friendly confines. Yeah. I had trouble with other Phillies fans at a padres game in san diego

oh yeah yeah what the fuck what'd you do to him nothing like nothing the guy was just hammered i was like and the padres fans he called me ugly and the padres fans were like she's lovely and i was like thanks it was a whole thing it was many years ago i'm sorry my boy got beat up by a girl at an eagles game another eagles fan what. Yeah, he was like talking. I don't know. He was like hammered, but this girl like snatched his chain and punched him in the face, and he couldn't do anything about it. Did he get beat up, or he just took one?

He just got jumped. He took one. Yeah, he got jumped. Yeah, can you call it beat up if you can't fight back? Well, you can't fight back. You can get him dirty by saying got beat up. He did get beat up. Yeah, but he can't fight back.

When can you fight back? When can you fight back? When snatches your chain. When is it okay to fight back? If the chain's worth a lot, you can hit a girl, right? Yeah. Right? I think if it's over. Let's put a value on it.

Over $7,500. $7,500. Then you can. $7,500 what? A chain, $7,500? Then you can nail him. Oh, you're definitely fighting at that point. That's not how you? $7,500? Oh, you're definitely fighting at that point. That's not how you say $7,500.

No, that's... I don't do numbers. I don't do numbers. I don't do numbers. $7.5. I have trouble. A $7,000 chain is a fight. No, that's a hair pull.

You can't... You can't... You can't fight back. I don't know if you can punch someone. You need to have another girl be like, oh, handle your business. You have to punch a dude that she's with. Yeah, you can do that. I don't know if you can punch someone. You need to have another girl be like, oh, handle your business. You have to punch a dude that she's with. Yeah, you can do that.

I don't know if I like that, though, because with this dude, you don't know. He didn't sign up for that. Yeah, it could be the first date. Well, you didn't sign up for your chain getting pulled. But why does the dude get punched in the dude in the face? You can't punch her. If he's going like this, then you can't. Oh, but then you

point at him and tell him to get her. Take care of this. What do you mean get her, Brandon? What do you mean? What does that mean? Oh, you're definitely like control your bitch. No, you. No, no.

It's definitely. Keep your dog on a leash. In the scenario. Before you put a dog on a leash. That's cool, Brandon. In the scenario she's laid out. Those words have definitely come out of Brandon's mouth. She just laid out a scenario where the guy's like, oh, I don't know.

If in that case, you've got to get on his ass. Brandon, you're a control your bitch guy. Control your bitch guy. Sounded too familiar. Never said the words control your bitch. Yeah. Yeah, put a leash on her. What's more acceptable to just open hand slap a woman as a man or

spit on her face oh i would say the worst of all is the backhand oh i would rather be slapped forward than backwards um i would rather be slapped than spit on i think because that's but one takes out all of the gender advantages, the spit. The spit isn't, I mean. Spit is the lowest thing you can do. It's the worst. Yeah, it's like. I don't really get a drink thrown on me.

I'm thinking if it came down to it. Yeah. Spitting is mentally tougher. Obviously, hitting is physically a little tougher, but I think the spit would stick with you longer. Have you ever been in a fight? A couple, yeah. She was in war.

You know, a fight. It's like a big fight. Isn't war been in a fight? A couple, yeah. She was in war. You know, a fight. It's like a big fight. Isn't war just one big fight? That might be the biggest. Yeah. It's just like one big fight. Junior year of college. Exactly what it is.

A mostly sports sponsor had a whole thing of it. And there was chairs. It was like a WWE. There was hair pulling, chairs. And then the next day, we were all like, well, that was weird. Do you want to go get lunch together? Like a Waffle House fight? It was like a WWE. There was hair pulling, chairs. And then the next day, we were all like, well, that was weird. Do you want to go get lunch together? Like a Waffle House fight?

It was like a Waffle House. It was a fight within your group? My own roommates. Yeah. Oh, you fought your roommates? Yeah. Didn't do well. Like you were living with these people and you just started brawling.

Yeah. Was it 1v1v1 or was it 1v2? There was four of us in a very small apartment. Tensions had been building for quite some time. We decided to pregame with an enormous bottle of a sponsor. And I don't know quite what happened yet. It's a little fuzzy, but I know there was chairs. So how did it end, though?

Because that's very dangerous. Like a fight in private private like any fight that happens in like the bleach or at a bar basically both sides are fighting just hoping someone will come break it up so it's like we can stop doing this definitely stalling it out yeah right like like someone step in here but a fight in private with like no one there to be like to stop it up i believe because the roommate to the next to me she woke up she had blood on her pillow i woke up i had scratches i felt terrible and i believe it like we all just scrambled after we just like ran into our somebody ran into their room and then everybody just scattered like

cockroaches back to their own rooms brandon called the landlord control your bitches yeah control that fucking hey apartment 22D Control your bitches That was a big College thing though Just to have like A major blowout Yeah When you're blacked out

And then wake up And just go about We were totally All totally cool And I feel like We needed it And none of us Knew how to fight anyway

So it was like Nobody was really Going to get Yeah it's like healthy Yeah We needed it In the slap defense Aren't

Guys way better at spitting than women? No. Someone's never got their cock spit on. Time out. Steven's never got his cock spit on. Pair to a slapping

advantage, you think? Do women like huck loogies? Yes. Yeah. Also, spitting is kind of an important tool women wait i think i think spitting is a gender thing if you're spitting in someone's face you're you're hucking a loogie no but it's not about like how much it hurts you it's just about the principle like that is the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone regardless of the power and size and torque of the loogie

wasn't there a famous spitting that happened in Flavor of Love oh hoops in New York no no pumpkin someone spit in someone's face it was pumpkin spit in New York's face it was like a big oh my god that show

it was an iconic moment in American culture. Pumpkin was ratchet. I think like even too, if I was getting taken down and jumped like, and my last action was to like spit, like that's a badass way to go down. Like I feel like it saves you. She went down spitting? Yeah. She was still like.

She did get that spit. I don't know. We can't watch Flavor of Love, can we? Probably not. Probably not. Do Flavor of Love, can we? Probably not. Probably not. Do you remember the Philly spitter? Do you remember that video? I remember the puker.

Do you remember the Philly spitter? I remember the guy who puked on a whole family. That happened. Yes, I remember that. What is this? The Philly spitter is Eagles were playing the Saints in the playoffs. Saints beat us, and a Philly fan was talking shit to a Saints fan. And as he walked away, the Saints fan was recording it.

This dude just hocked a loogie right in his face. I went to high school with it. I want to watch that. Yeah, I want to see this. Then what happened? Did he get his ass beat? The guy that got spit on went on national television. Oh, that rules.

It's like, this guy's a scumbag. I also sent TJ the bleacher fight, the no fighting in the bleachers, which is just... Oh, he made a song about it what is the is this a real fight yeah that guy was at the bottom and they came out like he was on top the whole thing oh there's yeah once oh quick quick when you get everyone off and they're still swinging the The other thing about Wrigley that's distinctly Wrigley, and they've changed it a little in these past years, but for the longest time, all the ushers were like one week away from dying. That's all they were.

You'll go, maybe not in the bleachers as much, but you'll go into a section and there'll be a woman that's like, she was on the Titanic and she's checking your seat. Oh, oh, wow. Oh, yeah.

Like, look at this guy. He's not equipped. That's a big one. This just went on forever and ever. The girls are all very cute. I don't think they're what it's worth. Yeah.

I think so. Danny rocket is a, he's, he's got season tickets in the bleachers. He made this song. I think he was the one who was taking the video. Oh, she's just calling everybody out. Yeah. Great song. Oh, look at her.

And this guy just trying to be like, hey, just listen to me. Yeah, he was the one who was yelling no fighting in the bleachers. Get your bitch in line. As if that's a rule that everyone will stop and be like, oh shit, you're right. No fighting in the bleachers. No fighting in the bleachers. I just love that idea that everyone's like, oh, you're right. There is no fighting in the bleachers. Yeah, we got to chill.

Good point. All right, guys. Take your shoes off. I want to see this spit though, but yeah. I sent it to TJ. This was like, this happened, and we went to school the next day, and everyone was like, holy fuck, did you see what Tom did? Like, it was on, like, Good Morning America.

He was just a high school boy. He was in high school, and he did it? He was right out of high school. I think I was a sophomore. Is this in New Orleans? No. Let's go to Seattle, baby! So that's the Saints fan.

Let's go to Seattle! Let's go! He's kind of being an asshole, though. We're the lowest team to go to Seattle. Let's go! Oh, someone tried to correct him. Who that? Who that?

Who that, everyone? Here it comes. Who not? Who not? Who not? Who not? Here it comes. Who not? Who not? What? You spit in your face. Why?

Oh, he's saying it. I told him. That plays. He gave a warning. He gave a full warning. I'm going to spit in my face. Yeah, under review, I accepted. He told him.

He's like, I'm going to spit in your face. Yeah, he said it twice. That was very sad, though. The Eagles fan is like, you're going to Carolina. He's like, no, we're the lower. We're the lower seed. I miss that. It'd be like to try to correct someone.

Actually. It's like a camel. You can't get them too stirred up, or otherwise it's going to happen. I'm going to spit in your face. I'm going to spit in your face. That rocked. Yeah. And that Saints fan was very sad the next week because that was the

Marshawn Lynch game, right? No, the marshall lynch game right because i want marshall that was a wild card game oh it was when the when the seahawks won was this there were eight seven and nine was this the nfc i think it's seven eight and one yeah below 500 the seahawks were yeah you're right huh this was i just wanted that thanks probably 2015 i want that saints fan to be this was probably 2015 I wanted that Saints fan to be upset because Carolina beat the Seahawks

in the NFC Championship game in 2015 huh happy we figured that out yeah we did we did mhm we got that

hey Steven welcome back thanks alright good stuff there he's fired up today yeah damn dude don't come at me like that I'm happy to be back I'm happy to be back All right. Good stuff there. He's fired up today. Yeah, damn, dude. Don't come at me like that.

Don't come at me like that. Just not to... In his other, he says, describe the best coleslaw you've ever had. How would you describe any coleslaw? They're all the same. Wet? Creamy?

A little creamy? Yeah, wet. There's no parody in the coleslaw game awesome jalapeno coleslaw is coleslaw what's yours then i guess describe yours i put like a gargantuan amount of pepper on my coleslaw so it's basically a pepper salad like what gargantuan amount like the vegetable or the seasoning uh like salt and pepper, the seasoning. A pepper salad. You have a pepper salad.

Describe the best coleslaw you've ever had. The best coleslaw you've ever had is bad coleslaw because you had to put so much seasoning on it. No, I like it. I mean, jalapeno pepper is in there for sure. Not too mayo-y. I don't think you're describing a whole lot of it. Just by definition of the fact that you have to douse it in pepper

means you don't like it. Titus, Titus, Titus. Seasoning shit. Wake up. Sorry. I do that with all coleslaw. Yeah. I don't think you like coleslaw.

I do. This is mind numbing. No, it's good. I can't do this conversation. What I would like to talk about is have you ever seen anybody get olives from the olive bar at the grocery store? That. Not that. That. Have you? I haven't. Never.

The coleslaw. Get that shit out of my face. Let's get to the meat. I have a follow up to that question. How old do you think those olives are? That's a great question, Brandon. I could talk about this for hours. Enough with the prelims.

Olives at the olive bar. Are olives low-key a tasty delight? I think so. What's wrong with you? Have you guys ever seen anyone get those olives at the olive bar? I've never. Yes. Ever.

I don't really watch what people are doing. Yeah, I don't know, man. But they definitely get, like at Whole Foods you're talking about? Yeah, any grocery store that has it. Yeah, those people definitely get those olives. It has to be. I've years of grocery shopping. I've never seen anyone even in the radius of the olive bar.

In the radius? Why do you think it's there? It can't be. I mean, I assume it does well, but I... Who's going up and just scooping olives that are just out in the open? People that want olives probably. I like olives. Do you distinctly remember anyone getting mushrooms? There's not a mushroom bar, though.

Olives have a bar. He is right about that. They do have their own bar. I didn't know that. Yeah. At high-end grocery stores, they have the bar. It's people making charcuterie shit. I think there's a small community of people that will get the soups at a soup bar at a grocery store.

I do that. I do that. Yeah, but I think somebody else is there, and you're like, hey, we're both soup guys at this grocery store. I do that. I do that. Yeah, but I think whenever somebody else is there and you're like, hey, we're both soup guys at this grocery store. No.

Unfortunately not. I'm like head down at the grocery store. I'm not looking at anyone. Do you think there's people that mix the soups like they do the suicide for the sodas?

Oh. They should. And which ones would work? Soupicide. Yeah, nothing would work. Like chili and clam chowder would be awful. Cream of. Yeah, nothing would work. Chili and clam chowder would be awful. Cream of mushroom or creamy broccoli and tomato.

That would work. Would it? Broccoli, cheddar, and tomato. I don't think so. Chicken noodle and beef stew. Barley mixed with. Chicken noodle and beef stew. That's kind of like a surf and turf.

No, that's turf and turf. That's turf and turf. That would be turf and turf. That's turf squared. Not to be confused with Stephen Chay's turf and turf. That's turf and turf. That would be turf and turf. That's turf squared. Not to be confused with Stephen Chay's Surf and Turf football podcast. Did you see that Martha Stewart post the other day? The turkey with the lobster?

It was like a turducken with a lobster in it. No. Does she look hot? Yes. It was like a $200 New York City. It's a turducken but a lobster anyway. Is the lobster tail just stuffed into the turkey? I don't know if you could pull it up, but it's kind of troubling, actually. You'd think it'dducken, but a lobster anyway. Is the lobster tail just stuffed into the truck? I don't know if you could pull

it up, but it's kind of troubling, actually. You'd think it'd be good, but it looks very upsetting looking. What are the things they put on the potpourri that smell good? The table? Oh, potpourri?

Not potpourri. No, you're thinking... Yeah, I think you're right. You think her pussy smells like that? Yes. You think Martha Stewart's pussy smells like potpourri? I don't know not potpourri no you're thinking yeah i think you're right you think her pussy smells like that yes yeah you think martha stewart's pussy smells like potpourri i don't know if potpourri is the right thing i haven't doing potpourri i mean potpourri is a good smelling thing still doing it my mom like as a society we're still doing potpourri what is it what is potpourri i don't even know what potpourri is like stuff you put in a bowl of fragrance right yeah right so do you think her pussy smells like that? I feel like it smells.

I think it smells more like a kitchen, doesn't it? Like Thanksgiving. No, I think it smells like this shit. No, I think Mook's on to it. I think it smells like a good Thanksgiving. Maybe like a steam room, like a day spa. Her pussy smells like that. No. You don't think?

My bad. It smells. No, you all got it wrong. Here's what it smells like. She'd be top of the list most disappointed that if her pussy didn't smell good. I see the opposite. I would love it. I would love it.

Do you want her pussy in bubble baths and shit? Everybody has one vice or one thing that you let go. Everyone has a drunk drawer in your house no matter how tight you are. That's Martha Stewart. She lets it go. Everything else is put together well, but I let that thing go. She takes care of everything. Deck of cards in her pussy.

I don't know what you were on when you made today's other man. Who in the office do you think would be the best at shooting up a crumpled up piece of paper? I don't know what you were on when you made today's other man. Oh, yes. Who in the office do you think would be the best at shooting up a crumpled up piece of paper into the garbage? Yesterday was how many M&Ms could you fit in your belly button was the question on the show. A lot. I could fit a lot. That's great. Really?

I have a deep belly button. That's a great topic. Didn't we put something in your belly button before? We put some dimes, I button. That's a great topic. Didn't we put something in your belly button before? Oh, we put things in. We put some dimes, I think. That's a great topic. Did you guys see? I had a couple things that I brought.

Did you see White Sox Dave make the entire internet upset at him? That was awesome. I wore his ass out today. You said Walter Payton? It wasn't very athletic. It's the dumbest thing anybody's ever said about sports. Last night I got home, I see Walter Payton? It wasn't very athletic. It's the dumbest thing anybody's ever said about sports. Last night I got home, I see Walter Payton trending. I was like, oh, I'm going to click on this, see what's up.

And it's just a bunch of people being like, every couple weeks, someone from Barstool, someone from Barstool Bros says the dumbest thing possible. They're not wrong. And it's just a clip of White Sox Dave being like, yeah, he wasn't that shifty. The guy named Shifty. He's one of the three shiftiest players in the NFL. Did he double down? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I looked it up this morning. I just watched a highlight tape of Walter Payton. First of all, his highlight tape is 37 minutes long. He's just fucking shifting the first clip. The first clip is him making three moves in the backfield and putting dudes on the ground. It's crazy. It's the dumbest thing he's ever said what caused him to say it uh they were just being him backyard football players and i just love the idea of like the world every few

months just getting exposed to white socks brain yeah and it's just great it's just like they can't handle it his brain's too it's too beyond what the internet can handle but it's just great. It's just like they can't handle it. His brain's too beyond what the internet can handle. But it's so pure, though. It's so pure. No, that's it. Yeah, and he's staying adamant. He was just like, yeah, Google lied. He didn't run a 4-4.

Is it possible he got him confused with someone else? No. I think he saw one of those TikToks of like 90s basketball was trash, and now he thinks every old athlete is not great. He also was comparing him to Barry Sanders. He's like, Barry Sanders is, like, who you'd want in backyard football. I was like, well, Barry Sanders was, like, the most elusive guy ever. So if you compare him to Barry Sanders, like, stopping on a dime.

But you also can compare Walter Payton to Barry Sanders. Yes, he's one of the only people you can. He's in the conversation. Yes. I've never seen Walter Payton play, but is he like a power guy? Both. He did both. His nickname was Sweetness, so that should give you at least a little bit of. He could shake you at the line.

He could do spin moves. He could reverse field. He could also run you over. He also could play quarterback, and I said that to Dave, and he was like, that's actually a good point for backyard football. Yeah. He could do everything. He was like, decent point. He was also on Soul Train in college.

And from? He's from Columbia, Mississippi. Jackson State University. Yep. But he was on, he literally left Jackson. They thought he wasn't going to make it back for practice. He went out to L.A. and he danced on the Soul Train dance line on TV and then came back and made it back it back for practice. He went out to L.A. and he danced on the Soul Train dance line on TV and then came back and made it back in time for practice.

A wonderful Jeff Perlman book out there. White Sox Dave also said this with two NFL players on the show that he was on, on Dog Walk with Cole Komet and Taylor LeJuan. And they both were like, what? Wasn't this a while ago? Yeah, it was like, I don't know why it resurfaced yesterday. It popped up yesterday. It was like two months ago.

We all missed it two months ago. And Dave did try to use that. At first he was like, I said this two months ago. Yeah, that's true. That was the old me. Yeah. I've grown a lot since then. But he's just, he's a beautiful brain.

And then the other one I had was that that rico bosco clip where he is i the team the team they were playing that was the shortest basketball i gasped oh that one when they spent when they like wide angle and like one of them walked by billy and billy looked like he was zach ed i was just like what is going on here that we can talk about that. Did you see the other clip of him going off the handle yesterday on pick central like that? Oh, yeah, that was great.

And being wrong about it? Look at this team. Yeah. Look at this team. Oh, no. Look at this team. Rico is not – I don't think he's six feet. This team is the shortest team that has ever been –

Yeah, I've never seen it. Look at him. That's like the – I gasped. That's like the Columbia University mathematics alliance. Yes. Like, you have to have a presence of mind to be like, I'm not going to put any highlights out of this

because everyone's going to be like, their center is 5'11". Did he hit him with the too little? No, he did the – He put his hand down. Did he do both? Also, this I'm pretty sure was a double dribble. Was it not, Titus? Did you see this?

Are the smokes in the game? Yeah, I think the smokes got some runs. All right, he ripped him. All right. Yep, it's great steal. Yep. But I want to say this was a controlled dribble here. Dribble.

Pick up. Yeah. Dribble. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. But just very funny. That team was really had to feel like I saw the box where Billy had like 17 rebounds. Yeah.

They had 19 and nine. I think I got to just play that team every day. It was just so funny where they put that clip out and I just saw, I was like, what, what is going on here? I got to just play that team every day. I know. It was just so funny where they put that clip out, and I just saw it. I was like, what? What is going on here? Yeah, they filled it up.

He had 11 rebounds. He had 34 rebounds on 47 points. I think me and Max are joining a softball team. I want to play some softball. Yeah, that's a great idea. I would like to get some exhibitions in. Tuesday nights. We can join a summer one. Apparently spring is mostly booked up.

Yeah, let's get a 16-inch team. Shout out Northern Suburbs. Yeah. No gloves. No gloves? No gloves? What does that mean? You don't wear gloves.

No, we're doing real stuff. No, it's so much more fun. It's fun? Yes. Because you can't it's especially as you get older it's a sport that is not as much like you don't want to play softball when you're in your 30s and have a fucking rocket 12 late hard ball hit at you at third base this ball doesn't get in field yeah this ball doesn't get you can't hit it as hard but it's also a skill game because you don't have gloves it's it's like it's this big and it's

a little it it gets softer as the game goes can you peg people on the base path no you still have to play okay i played third base in a jewish synagogue league back in philly and i would still get smoked yeah i remember the time that my buddy took a... Yeah, they're not... When I was in my late 20s, we were playing 12-inch, and my buddy, a ball hit a rock, and he was playing shortstop, and that hit him in the throat. I thought he was going to, like, die,

because he was like, ah! Oh, God. Like, we're playing 16-inch now. Yeah. All right, I'm with you. It's not worth it. Yeah. The park down the street from my house

does a beer league kickball adult league, and so everyone in the outfield has to have a beer in one hand that's pretty full and so you can only catch with your other hand i'm like over at the playground with my toddlers looking over there with major fomo that's not competitive i have a take that i people probably just i think kickball sucks i hate kickball i think they haveball? I hate kickball. Kickball sucks. I hate kickball. They have a keg? I don't know. I think it sucks. I haven't played adult kickball. You go play and it just sucks.

The weirdest people. Yeah, you just kick it far and like, it just sucks. I got into it with slow pitch softball bros last year and I'm not in a hurry to do that again. Oh, yeah. That guy called you out. Yeah, the serious, I'm talking about the serious guys that wear the long pants and the spikes. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. They travel. They put their entire identity into playing slow pitch softball. Those guys suck. Well, are you talking about like the Dominican guys? No. Remember the guy who tried to beef with him? No, they're like lawyers.

Vaguely. Remember? We could pull up the clip. The guy hit a, I don't think that ball landed yet. And he was like, Brandon, come and try to. No, and he hit it off a fucking tee, which my point point was what you're doing isn't really all that skillful you're just hitting a very slowly pitched ball to you and you're hitting it very hard that's not really that skillful you can enjoy it but and then they freaked out whatever well it depends he wants me to fly out

to california and play in a no arc league it actually is skillful. When guys can throw it as high as they want, that actually does take skill. What do you mean? Like, a lot of leagues, it's like you have to throw between, like, 6 and 12. I've played in leagues where there is no arc limit. So guys will throw the ball, like, 25 feet in the air, and it will drop perfectly for a strike. You have to, like, time it. At the end of the day, a guy who's

barrel chested, who's 6'2", 275, who just goes up there emotionless and hits a ball that's lightly tossed to him 300 feet and then just didn't do anything. Yeah, it's all just muscle at that point. Yeah, it's just whatever. TJ just texted us. The chat's going

Chat's liking your look today, Kate. She tried today. I brushed my hair. I did. I didn't get a haircut or anything. Shoddy look fine. It's a good look. It is a good look. It might be the fastest our chat has moved in months. The entire chat has been spamming

to compliment Kate for her looks. There we go Kate. That is a good look. It got a groove back. Okay. Now don't. If you get a compliment, you'll say something disgusting to ruin the compliment. Don't do that. Now my pussy stinks.

There it is. Sounds like leftover. Very bad. Yeah. Yeah, shout out Kate. Looking good. I'm going to the funk place. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, shut up, Kate. Looking good. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to the funk place.

Are you? Yeah, 2.30. I have a haircut appointment at Funk's shop. Fuck yeah. Yeah, so I don't know what he's going to do to me. Oh, he's going to funk you up. Yeah, I'm going to get funked up. Is it uptown?

I don't know. It's 11 minutes away. It's downtown. It's downtown. It's downtown. Downtown, funk you up. Would you trust his vision if he had a drastically different... Probably not. I'm just going to say, take what I do and just make it short.

Are you going to get a clean shave? He's going to do my beard and everything. What if he doesn't even ask what you want? What if you just sit down and he's going to start getting to work? I think I'll respect that. You're just going to let him do it? Yeah, I'll let him do whatever he wants to do. What if at the end he gives you just the lightest kiss

on your lips how good he's like if he's just like okay how good one last thing and then just goes and then goes now you've been funked up i think i'll be fine okay if it's a good haircut listen i'm not saying that's what he does but it would but i mean he doesn't like force himself upon If it's a good haircut. Listen, I'm not saying that's what he does, but it would be funny. But, I mean, he doesn't, like, force himself upon me. It's just a little quick kiss. He seals every haircut with a kiss. I feel like that's so alpha.

Richard Dawson of barbers. Just kissing everybody. Oh, one last thing. You've been funked. I'm pumped to do that again. What? Kiss the guy? Oh. The hug, yeah. Oh, the hug. I think we to do that again. What? Kiss the guy? Oh.

The hug, yeah. Oh, the hug. I think we will have a hug opportunity today. Yes. Today? Alex Caruso's coming in to do PMT, and I told him to come in a little early to do the gauntlet. Okay, perfect.

Chicago Bulls. Oh, yeah. Legend, Alex Caruso. So we'll have to spin the wheel to see who has to hit. He's a lot taller in person. Yo, bro, you forgot your hug. One last thing. Caruso, so we'll have to spin the wheel to see who has to hit. He's a lot taller in person. Yo, bro, you forgot your hug. One last thing. Caruso. Is he a cold-ass white boy? Oh, yeah.

One of the preeminent. Yes. Yep. Sure is. He's arguably the best on-ball defender in the NBA. I was doing some research for the interview, and I can't wait for it, because there was a story that I'm going to have to ask about on PMT about he, I guess I guess like a TikToker, like a hooper tried to, like, challenge him, and he just basically ended his basketball career. Oh, amazing.

I've seen those guys. They're obnoxious. Tristan Jass. There's levels. Even serious, like, people that do basketball, TikTok, or whatever, underestimate how fucking crazy good NBA players are. Why does basketball get that treatment? I don't know. You remember Brian Scalabrini used to do that?

It was awesome. You don't do that to football players. You're not like, dude, I could fucking – Miles Garrett, I could block that guy. I could fucking block that guy. So, hey, I could hit you. I could strike out. Basketball don't really do that,

but basketball, there is a sense that – I could take you. I'm a bucket really do that, but basketball, there is a sense of like, I could take you. I could take this guy. I'm a bucket. Can you look it up, TJ? Brian Scalabrini used to do this thing where he would just be like, Scallage. Yeah, yeah.

That's what he called it. And just random dudes would come and he'd just beat them like 21-0. People are still coming to these grand epiphanies that, oh, Brian Scalabrini is a lot better than we think. Yeah, he was on an NBA team for a very long time. And to get to that point means you have to be like.00001%. Yeah, I think the biggest flex is dudes that are like, I'm a career NBA guy.

Right. Like I haven't, like I'm in the league now. I always have a job. You can shit on me, but I literally am better than everyone at basketball. Yeah. Remember the And One movement or whatever they like they still couldn't some of them or like well there was one there was one guy in there all played in the nba ray for allston but most of them could not yeah like hot sauce could not but i feel like that's the feeling like well they found these people on the street

and they were good enough to be in that and maybe i don't know it's not even close not close professors still making videos but i think that's also just sports and they were good enough to be in that. And maybe, I don't know. It's not even close. No. Not close. The professor's still making videos. But I think that's also just sports fan. Like, it's fun to be like, if someone fucks up. Like, Chris Paul's a bum. Yeah. Like, he stinks at basketball. Just to have that take.

And Chris Paul is so good at basketball, you can't even fathom it. No, can't even, cannot even fathom it. They think, like, someone like Kyle Kuzma is just terrible. Yeah, right. You know, like, even Jordan Poole, who is not great, is so, so good. So good. Yeah, he's a top 75 basketball player in the world. Yeah.

Right? Top 200 player in the world? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. Well, Europe's got some dudes now. Top 400. Top 406.

Maybe. Okay. We don't know what's going on in some of these countries. Yeah. We've got some kids going. Will America be overtaken in that sport, or is it like one good player spawns from, like, X country every year? We will not be overtaken.

Will one country form a alliance? No, we will. I hate this attitude, yeah. By who? I hate this attitude. See, this is the problem. By who? Who's going to overtake us?

Fucking everybody, dude. Look at the NBA. This is the problem. I'm sounding the alarm. Is that Americans are like, fine, we're fine. We'll always be there. I know we haven't won an MVP in a while. France is pumping out fucking Frankensteins left and right.

True. They're coming over here to get our basketball job. Yeah, but we got more people. But you can't put how many people we have. But we're not using all the people. You only put five on the court at a time. Yeah, but if we did us versus France,

what would that be? Like 380 million versus like 100 million? I'm sorry, Titus. five on the court at a time. Yeah, but if we did us versus France, what would that be? Like 380 million versus 100 million? I'm sorry, Titus. Is Kaitlyn Clark American or is she French? Oh. No, we put Kaitlyn Clark on the Olympic men's team. We're in business.

I think at that point we're cooking. Do you think Wim Benyama could guard her? No. There's no way. There's no way. She'd break him down. There's no way. There's no way. She'd break them down. There's no fucking way. Mook, would you do the High Noon ad read?

Yeah. High Noon. The High Noon El Prez Pack is here featuring the top four High Noon vodka seltzer flavors as ranked by El Prez himself. These flavors include passion fruit pineapple pear and an all-new flavor tangerine. Yum. All made with real vodka and real juice. The 12-pack is only here for a limited time, so get it while you can. Just look for the pack with Dave's face on it.

You can even scan the QR code on the pack and have El Prez virtually join your party. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find the El Prez pack near you. Miss Peaches is coming to the Chicago office next week. I'm nervous. I know, meeting a real celebrity. Did you see the Deadbeat Dad, original dad, came out? Miss Peaches' dad? What? The original, where Miss Peaches was born,

the guy who sold Miss Peaches to the dickheads who abused her has come out of the woodworks and is posting. It's just like when a Deadbeat dad's kid gets famous. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yes. Uh-huh. A crazy thing happened last night.

My original owner who sold me to the hoarders who abused me started posting pictures of me as a puppy. He claimed he didn't know the people he sold me to were evil. My papa said it's like, this is so weird that Dave's writing this. My papa said it's like when a deadbeat dad's kid becomes famous and they suddenly crawl out from under a rock, my papa put his entire security team on these jerks and told me there's nothing to worry about and I'm safe now forever.

But I did think people would want to see a puppy pic of me as well as a pic of my parents that my deadbeat dad sent to prove he once owned me. Also, guess what? I'm four years old. Oh, that's good news. Oh, that's awesome. My papa was very happy about that. He said that gave him more years with me, Ms. Peaches.

I don't like the My Papa stuff, but the rest of it is cool. Yeah. Ms. Peaches' parents are not really lookers. Oh, I thought they were. Let me see again. Those are some badass-looking dogs. They made a cute dog. Yeah. I guess, yeah, that is. Let me see again. Those are some badass looking dogs. They made a cute dog. Yeah.

I guess, yeah, that is a badass looking dog. Wow, that's wild. Ms. Peaches got so famous that the parents were like, hey, that's ours. Do you know which day she's going to be here? I think Tuesday, Thursday. What do you have to do? Just going to wear jeans in just in case. Just got gotta dress well

Ms. Peaches How's your remote controls And your I should bring in some older And glasses Your glasses Oh that would be funny If we did a Jerry After Dark

It was just how many remote controls Can Ms. Peaches Just filled the whole court with them Ms. Peaches versus remote control Yeah Miss Peaches is cute Cute as fuck That's awesome that she's only four That is good news

That's huge Why doesn't Stella have an account on Instagram? I never was I don't judge But I never was into the whole talking like your dog online. Yeah. My papa. Yeah.

My parents and my daddy. Do you see your dog as your child? Because I think of my dog as just like my bro. Yeah. And whenever anybody's like, you go to a dog park and they're like Is your daddy taking care of you? And I'm like this is fucking weird dude I'm not my dog's dad

I'm his buddy We're like we're bros This is my fucking boy Well especially when you have real human children Then it definitely puts it into perspective But I think that that's up to the how the dog acts maybe yeah it might be yeah no it's a hundred percent oh i don't know i i was serious if the dog wants a daddy or not or a brother it was funny when i

was back in like dog park days when it was just you would never learn anyone's name you just learn their dog's name yeah and then you'd have to be like oh that's that's kevin's mom yeah yeah like i don't know your name they used to go to a dog park they would like all the people were like best friends they would on fridays they'd like drink at the dog park it was a very big social thing I wouldn't do it no I wouldn't I'd never do it but I liked that it was happening you liked that somebody else did it it was kind of sweet

take a load off on a Friday alright do we have to do this yeah let me show you guys something where's Hank is he supposed to no but he could help explain what we got going on okay got something big coming

were you supposed to say something before this Steven no Were you supposed to say something before this, Steven? No, I'm just going to draw it. Huh. This feels important. This is the whole plan. You cannot go in guns ablaze and security's gonna be airtight Deeply confused

I saw this man take down an entire squad. I did do that. He killed over a hundred men. Slight exaggeration. With his bare hands. Definitely not true. Whoa. Wait.

You forget who controls the narrative. Not exactly how I planned to go. Deal with him accordingly. And lights. Shit. Rejoice! Fuck! Fish off!

Read my lips. You petulant little shit. This looks awesome. Repeat the mantra. I am an instrument. Shaped for a... Damn it. So that is the trailer for Boy Kills World, starring Bill Skarsgård, who actually resembles John Rich. A boy is deaf and mute with a vibrant imagination who's trained by a mysterious shaman to become the instrument of death after his family is murdered.

The boy's inner voice is voiced by the legendary voice actor H. John Benjamin. That was from Archer, Bob's Burgers. It's also produced by Sam Raimi from The Evil Dead and Roy Lee from Barbarian. It's a must-see. It's in theaters April 26th. Obviously, it's a ton of violence, which you just saw. Very inventive kills. Gamers like TJ and Nick are going to love this film. Some reviewers have called it a gleeful orgy of violence

and an ultra-violent blast, a high-octane extravaganza sure to satiate genre fans and a delirious bloodlust. It looks awesome. Whoa. It looks awesome. Whoa. Yes. It looks awesome. Whoa. Why are we watching this trailer? We have Hank in to explain.

We have a big announcement. Hank. Hey. Hey. Go ahead, Hank. Hey, hey. Whenever you're ready. This is it when we say Hank.

Oh, sorry. I didn't know I was doing the announcement. This is something. This was an idea PFT had that we tried to do in the summer when we moved here. Didn't get sold, and then we kind of reconvened after the combine. So we want to do it again. We got it sold. So we're doing a film festival.

48-hour film festival. We're splitting the entire office up. Content people, production people. There will be four teams. So it's not going to be like a Team Yak, Team PMT. Everyone will be split out between different teams. They're going gonna have 48 hours to write and shoot a 7 to 12 minute short film uh and there will be a draft on on the yak

where nick has come up with a bunch of categories in terms of like everyone will get assigned a different genre a different uh a time period when the movie takes place different setting like a location uh and then you'll have to work you know with your team write it you'll have to find someone to direct it you guys will probably be actors uh and then we'll do a premiere the following friday after the act so the the day the movie premieres the 26th at like three o'clock we'll do a big red carpet event we'll get a projector screen in here and we'll live stream the airing of the four short films. Amazing. Whoa.

Fuck yeah. Is there a winner? Yeah. So we're going to have judges. We're going to have prizes. Best director. Best acting. Best editing.

Oh, sweet. I think Kirk and Jeff D. Lowe are going to come help as two of the judges for that. So they're going to be unbiased. And me? But you'll be more involved in some of the, you'll be like the voice from someone that's seen the behind the scenes of the You'll be like the The voice from Someone that's seen The behind the scenes Of the production

Kirk Jeff and Kirk Are just coming in blind Watching the short films And breaking them down Just as they appear To the public I said

I tried to explain to Hank That I'm gonna be like The Tom Colicchio And he didn't know Who that was And that hurt me I don't know I don't know either

What? Sorry Top Chef Yeah Top Chef Yeah like One of the judges On Top Chef will, like, come in and be like, what are you guys working on? Oh, yeah.

And, like, you know, like, oh, maybe do this. Explain to me what you're doing with this thing, Rudy. How many people per team? It's this whole office. We also invited Joey, Pat, Frank the Tank, the out-of-order guys will be involved in the production side of things. Fights is out of the country, and Francis can't make it. I don't know.

Sass never answered one way or the other. I hope he does. He was invited. But Owen and Pavs and stuff will be here. So I think it will probably be like 10 to 12 people, a team, maybe 15. Nice. Yeah, so you'll have help. Who gets Nick?

I don't know. Nick's team. Nick's team. Yeah. Who is is nick gonna take on his team who are the captains uh i think we split up nick kb mook and rudy and that's kind of where we started captain pft is also working with the team got it got it and i'm excited and we get like our own editor. Do we have a team? Yeah, you get the whole production. Yeah, so it's like there, which I like obviously like having a production background. There is an element of like different production people can do different things.

So you might have Fasoli as your director. Other teams might have, you know, Tom Lay or whatever. So it's like there will be that element of you have to make it work with the production people that you do have. Quigs, Trey. This is going to be very fun. Very cool. that element of you have to make it work with the production people that you do have quigs tray this is gonna be very fun very cool and based on the draft you can get like a 1920s rom-com with like a an extra twist right that's what we're drafting okay so in two weeks is it two weeks yeah two weeks we're gonna do the draft and and then the following Friday will be the premiere. Yes.

And we're also, which I probably will end up being maybe the funniest part is we're going to have each team will be assigned like a behind the scenes camera person who's not really involved in the production. That's just filming the conflict between the production. And then after the premiere of the four movies, we'll have the behind the scenes documentary of the four short films being made this is gonna rock and as soon as the draft is complete and here's our genre here's our team like that's when the 48 hour starts like right then and there yep i'm very excited for this it's a great idea

boy kills well that might be the line of dialogue i think everyone's gonna have one line of dialogue that they have to work into their script somewhere it might be and there might be a couple twists too there'll definitely be some throw in not too crazy but it's gonna be great hank and hank and pft and nick have thought of everything and cory shadow cory shadow cory oh i can't wait to see the movies that they that everybody comes well you're gonna be you're gonna be part of it i'm just i'm just i think it's gonna be. You're going to be. I'm going to be part of it. I'm just, I think it's going to be awesome. Yeah, we're going to have like a full film festival. You think, I do, I hope like a content person

tries to step up as director. Like if Brandon was like, I'm going to step up and direct. Oh, you could get on your Spielberg shit. Yeah, probably will. Cool outfit. Yeah. Where do you think your strength would be in that? If you know, it's either writing, directing.

I'll probably be the finest actor in this company. Yeah, you act like a bitch. are you a good actor oh damn is Stephen Chay gonna be on one of the teams Stephen Chay will be on one of the teams like CJ everyone ever anyone that works here is gonna be involved is involved fucking love oh yeah silly question but like is there is each team given like a budget or like it's like nope you figure it out shoestring on your own or something no it's it's it's because we're

encouraging people to shoot outside the office and stuff we don't want everything to just be like yeah yeah yeah so you will have somewhat of a budget i think one of the you might have to you know cast someone that doesn't work here like as an extra oh we can bring in outside people if we need

oh okay hmm lots of twists and turns if everyone has any ideas I'm excited we're still open a little bit you know what that is

it's gonna be good it's gonna be really good some of the short films should be really good and some of them should just be maybe a complete disaster oh they'll be one of those things where it's either way I think there's gonna be real dramas Some of the short films should be really good And some of them should just be Maybe a complete disaster Either way

I think there's going to be real dramas that come out of this Like I think some teams are going to turn on each other Yeah that's I think that will probably be the funniest Is Bosco in it? Bosco's not in it What about the boys? Are the boys flying in? No

I think Will's in Or Taylor's in Mexico. Yeah. Got it. No, they said they could come, and then Taylor backed out. I'm excited. Hell yeah. Thank you, Hank.

What else are you excited about? Getting a boat? I'm not getting a boat. I'm excited about mini golf. Mini golf. That's the whole word around the office is like hank's gonna have a boat this summer yeah oh i will have acts i'm getting my boating license uh i will not be purchasing a boat and taking care of it every time well there's there's like boating memberships you can join where you can rent it like once a week twice how many times you think nik do you think Nicky Smokes would be on that boat? We'll see. He's as of right

now zero. We'll see. Oh he shaved his face. He looks terrible. He looks crazy. Very different. Can we bring him in? Yeah we should bring him in here. I'm not gonna knock anyone for how they look. Well I said it as from a place of I've done the same

thing where I've shaved my face and everyone's been like eww. But've shaved my face and everyone's been like but he shaved his face and I overheard a conversation on the sales side of people being like oh you look great and I had to come out and be like don't say

that because he doesn't like this is bad you can't give him confidence now he doesn't look good. He needs to just battle through this. We've all been there. I don't know. I don't think he realized it.

This happened to me. I used to be a clean-shaven guy for the most part, and then I started having a beard, and I think I messed up trimming my beard. I was like, oh, I'll just shave it. It'll grow back. And I came in, and the office stopped. It was the New York 2 where you get off the elevator

and everyone just stopped talking. It was horrifying. It's happened to me a bunch of times. At least once a year. I'll shave too closely and everyone will be like, whoa, dude. Don't do that. You have a lot of chins. Oh, it is startling a little.

Thank you, Hank. Great announcement. Startling a little in a nice way Thank you Hank Great announcement Startling a little In a nice way Yeah So there he is Clean shaven No I think No I think it's fine

He's cute as fuck I was expecting worse He's got dimples He does That helps a lot That does help A woman Lady Elaine

Yeah Mr. Rogers Lady Elaine Yeah A little bit. Rogers. Lady Elaine. Yeah. A little bit. Prince Toon. I'm looking at it right now. You're kind of.

That's Nicole Smokes. Yeah, you kind of. Come on. Let's not get egregious now. I think it looks good. If I lost like another 10 pounds, maybe I'd look like. I'd look like Lady Elaine. I'd look like Tom Brady or something.

I don't know about that. No. It just looks different. It was Lady Elaine's thing. She's like Tom Brady or something. I don't know about that. No? It just looks different. It was Lady Elaine's thing. She's like, what's two plus two? Yeah. Lady Elaine. She was in the magical fairyland.

Yeah. Prince Tuesday was there, too. Brandon said he liked it. I do like it. I think it's better. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It is.

Who called me that? I think that was Kyle. That was you? I didn't say that. That was Brandon. Come on, say that. That was Brandon. Come on, KB. That was Brandon. I just knew who she was.

That's crazy, man. Do you think you'll keep shaving, close shaving? I mean, it's ballsy. Yeah, like I've told you. I'm speaking from someone who's done it, and it's never gone well. I just don't like when it grows back. It gets all itchy, and it just hurts my face a lot. You're good with like a close shave.

Yeah, like a low shave. Yeah, yeah. You have a face scar. Where? Here? Yeah. No're good with like a close shade. Yeah, like a low shade. Yeah, yeah. You have a face scar. Where? Here? Yeah. No. Yeah. Right here. Here? Yeah. There's no scar there. Well, what is it? Oh, no. Herpes? No, I don't have herpes.

I get tested. Yeah, what's that? Is there a line? What's on my face? I don't think that's a scar. It's like a little smile line. It's like a medium-sized boil. Brandon, you're shaking. I don't see it. It went away. It was right there. There it is a scar. It's like a little smile line. It's like a medium-sized boil. Brandon, you're shaking. I don't see it. It went away. It was right there.

There it is. What? It looks like face. That's when I smile. He looks like face to me when they do the chick filter. There's nothing there. You got some thick-ass eyebrows. I know.

I have to get them done. Dude, that's me. That's what I'm saying. You can't. People say I look like a younger you. Yeah, when you do it, our eyebrows pop, and we're just like, fuck. I didn't get them done. Dude, that's me. That's what I'm saying. Like, you can't. People say I look like a younger you. Yeah, when you do it, our eyebrows pop and we're just like, fuck. I didn't notice that. I've got a couple caterpillars up there.

No, that's a good thing. You like thick eyebrows? My one friend married a guy. The first thing she noticed about him across the bar down the Jersey Shore was his eyebrows. Big head had the opposite. Yeah, I told that story. I don't think I've ever had a girl, like when my eyebrows are bushy, be like, damn, I like those eyebrows. No, no.

It doesn't happen. Yeah. Like if the barber lines them up, yeah, it looks good. Yeah. But if they're just growing out, they look like shit. I didn't even know the barber could do that until I was like 24. Life changing. Finally was like, hey, could you clean these up?

They're like, sure, no problem. Life changing. Yeah. You go up an instant two points. Yeah. Now, have you alerted any ladies on your roster? No, I'm petrified. Like, I don't know if I should put this selfie up on my story or not.

Because if I do that and I get liked, I have to go high. I have to go high. Because I went on Mostly Sports this morning, and this asshole TJ back there is just zooming in on this egregious double chin I had. I was like, this is not going to play well yeah so it's all about the angle you got to really know what's underneath when you shave your beard yeah well that was my thing i was trying to size up how bad the double chin was before i shaved it but you could never tell yeah and my dad always told me that like the beard kind of

pulls the skin down too i don't know if that's a myth or not no that doesn't seem true at all no all all right well that makes sense smokes what happened yesterday um nothing nothing too crazy uh do you think you're standing as the prankster of the company oh man uh oh yeah i didn't do any falling off you didn't even realize i heard you oh i overheard you say like oh shit it's april i didn't even i didn't know it was april fool's day and i woke up because usually the only april fool's prank i pull is calling my mom and telling her i knocked some girl up and it works every year and she freaks out every single time but last time i i don't i'm just i ran out of prank ideas to be real and Big Cat kind of told me to chill with the pranks.

It was just like rapid fire. I was just, I was OG. It was the one specifically where you were like, let's have a woman come in and throw a drink on Nick's face. Well, I thought that would have been fucking hilarious. Yeah, but it would have been a disaster for Nick. Not if I explained it. I still think that there's questions.

But it would have been good. And I just came to the realization. Yeah, good. Yeah. I just feel like everything I came up with was crossing the line. Yes. And I don't have a simplistic enough of a brain to do a cute, funny prank. I'm either going to-

I don't think simplistic's the word. I think it's your problem. I think your simplistic brain only crosses lines. Your problem is you're too smart. Yeah. Is what you're trying to say. In my own sick wisdom. You're too elaborate with your pranks, like pieing someone in the face.

Too elaborate. Yeah, that's just too much of a... Did you call your mom or something? No, because... You didn't call your mom. No, there's stuff going on for why I didn't want to call her. Wow, what a dick, Brandon. But, yeah, no worries no sorry about that

no it's all right no i appreciate you actually get somebody pregnant no i might have they might be out there somewhere i just don't know about i think you'd make a good dad i think i would too yeah i was actually thinking if i wanted to change my ways i should just knock someone up no because then all the bad shit i do would just end. No, it wouldn't. Like, I would just start living for that kid instead of my own flesh. You wouldn't fuck around anymore at all. Kids do solve all the problems. That is how it works.

Save marriages all the time. I've never been better. Let's have a kid. We'll love each other more. We'll see one day. All right. Well, smokes. Appreciate you guys.

Keep powering through. Thank you. I feel like you're doing better than you were this morning. Yeah, I'm doing great. Yeah. I got a couple compliments from the people that mattered most. Who's that? Paige.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Did you already talk about and agree with his take that you go to White Sox games for sports and you go to Cubs to chase tail? I don't know if chase tail. That's his. I mean, he's on the right path. I mean, Wrigley is a very fun experience. More social, but still got sports.

And also Wrigley, people, like bachelor parties or people who are coming out of town, they're like, I want to go to Wrigley. It's a destination, yeah, for sure. White Sox games do have far better food. Far, far. Really? Yeah, for the longest.

That is my one problem. For the longest. The food's not great. When we went to that Cubs game last year, and I was pregnancy craving, I wanted the ice cream and the hat, and the Cubs stadium has fucking oat. Yeah.

There's no, the whole stadium has no normal ice cream. No, not good. It's the oat ice cream, and it sucks. Yeah, oat ice cream. And I was so on that. No, it's bad. It's the oat ice cream, and it sucks. And I was so on that. The oat milk.

Yuck. It's terrible. And they're like, it doesn't taste different. No, it tastes very different. Why are they fucking around with ice cream? It's so simple. I don't know. I still feel upset when I think about it. Yeah.

No, the White Sox stadium has awesome, awesome food. And better beer. Yeah. They do all that better. It's a fact. Should we spin the wheel now that we have Hank on here?

What did it come up yesterday? Nothing. People were mad that we left without spinning it. We're ducking it. I'd never duck the wheel. Oh man, imagine if we got fart eliminator Oh look at that

Where are we at with the balloon and the leaf blower We got a new leaf blower But it's even worse than the other one Paige showed me a leaf blower this morning She's like you think this will work And I just laughed We could try but it's like a tiny one You need like an industrial

I think we also need to blow the balloon up really really big can we get a bigger balloon we gotta get Kyle can we get serious about getting Kyle in this fucking balloon I mean as a company I don't think that balloon was big enough either it's not something that I'm just

I want everyone to know I'm not being like oh we tried no no we're gonna get it I'm getting in there maybe tomorrow because the court won't we won't be able to use the court for the rest of the week they're gonna start the mini golf oh fuck already oh yeah they're gonna start building it oh well I mean I gotta get my my workout my workout in my hour and a half workout Brandon was working out this I heard what'd you do this morning i came in well okay so i got here at six you got sassy there well well okay i got here i got here at 6 19 uh for 11 minutes that's just too early dude yeah i know you want to beat the traffic but what the fuck i just started this answer you're are you gonna you're gonna get to

a point where you just don't leave the office because you want to beat the traffic. Too early in the answer to be bogged down. So at 6.19, I waited until 6.30 to have a nice round number. And then for 20 minutes, I walked up and down the court. 20-minute walk. Do we have security cameras? Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. So that was 20 minutes.

Can you hit someone up? At 6.50, I then took a sip of water, and then I took 100 shots on the three-point machine, and I only made 42. It was a bad day. 42 out of 100. Oh, that's such a fucking horrible brand. That took from 6.57 to 7.12.

It took about 15 minutes. Are you sure they were all three-pointers? Very positive. How was it a bad day? You've done this twice, and this is the best you've ever done. Yeah, well 34 yesterday but i didn't know what i was doing then i moved to the weights i did uh that's 90 pounds on on the bar i did three sets of 10 i also did curls the 25 pound dumbbells i did those uh 20 times each three times and then I just picked up the heavy one. And then I finished it off with a five-minute

cool-down walk. Hell yeah. Damn. I want to start doing my little PT. There's stuff over there I don't want to get made fun of. I don't want to get roasted. And you were here, but you didn't come down to help me work out, big cat. I noticed your car was here, but you must have gone to your office for a second.

Exposed. Wait, what? You didn't come straight to help me work out? I cat. I noticed your car was here, but you must have gone to your office for a second. Exposed. Wait, what? You didn't come straight to help me work out? I went upstairs to change into shorts and then I came right back. Oh, you didn't just come in shorts? No. Because I did. I don't know why I said that. I didn't. How many times did you fall?

Walking? None. I had zero falls. Zero falls. I did have a couple of bad incidents with the gun, the shooting gun. Yeah, the balls go out. If you miss egregiously, the balls will escape. And then you start with four balls in the gun, and then you miss four bad times. You have zero balls in the gun.

You have to chase them down, and then you get frustrated and you kick them. Yeah. So what does that make you want to do? Kick them. Okay. What if you just didn't miss that badly? What if you got better? Apparently.

What if you just got better, Brandon? Not an option. Okay. Not an option. It's very frustrating. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So out of 100, I – and I finished strong.

I started poorly. 42 is good. Not really. Just open shots. Yeah, that's really poorly. 42 is good. Not really. I expect to be 50. Just open shots. 42 is horrendous. Open shots, I need to be about, for me, I need to be about 60. Were you moving?

No. 60? Oh, it was the same shot? No, it was five spots. It was corner, five, wing five, top five. Yeah, I was moving. But still, that's... Moving, that's perfectly fine.

I don't think so. 42% from three? Yeah, but by myself. But you're never going to play not by yourself. I would like to make over half the shots. Like we've been waiting for you to come play pickup and you are not going to. I'm getting in shape. Here's my promise to you.

Don't point. Second Friday in June I will start playing. Second Friday in June? Actually, I'm out of town that week. Third Friday in June, I will start playing. Second Friday in June? Actually, I'm out of town that week. Third Friday in June, if I'm back, I will play. Whoa, Ryan. What we got? He's got a lot of poops.

What's that? A whole pallet of poop. That's an enormous amount of dude wipes. Damn, Ryan. That was a little bit obnoxious. Yeah, he should probably be reprimanded for that. Are you weighing yourself every day? Not yet.

I'm going to go for a couple weeks before I weigh myself. Oh, you've got to weigh yourself to start. I feel like I'm 275. I see the time to do it. I'm with Brandon on this one. I'll find out later. You weigh the first day. Then you have positive reinforcement.

I'll know when the pounds are coming off. Where's the scale? We have one. There's one out on the turf. Go step on it. Where is it? Take it off the turf. The turf isn't that big.

Put it on the court. The turf's pretty big. The turf's like 40 yards long. There's 40 yards of turf. All right. I'll find the scale. Put it on the hardwood and let us know the number. That jacket does not fit him.

No, not even a little bit. I think that's what brought on the health change. He got this cool jacket. It didn't fit, and he's like, I got to get changed. Well, it's not a cool jacket right now because it doesn't fit him. What is he doing? He's doing the dainty walk again. Look at this. Yeah, wow, he is sassy. He's very sassy

and dainty. Just a sassy, sassy man. Why was that guy hitting on him in the bar? I can't imagine. Yeah. Okay, he's looked in one part of the turf and he found it. Wow, that was really difficult.

Oh, taking off. Very serious. Smart move. Take the pants off. No, keep them on, dude. You go full? For the first one? Yeah, you want to be heavy as possible. I think you're throwing a ball out here.

Stay on it. Yeah, keep want to be heavy as possible. Stay on it. Keep stomping. Look at these matchy boys today. Out of batteries. Never use the scalpel. Talk to him, TJ. Step onto it and step off. How many guys can we get?

KB's coming out to help. Okay. Jay and Brandon look like a gay couple that adopted KB. User error. Jay and Brandon look like a gay couple that adopted KB user error just step on it was all required stay on it for a little what is it 275 exact

274.6 oh so you lost.4 pounds it's good work that is good work to be like i feel this way and this damn dude look at you it does not fit that does not run it you have to constantly pull it down. You're the least European guy in the world. No. Can you touch the ceiling? And then touch your toes. Just touch the ceiling real quick for me. Just touch the ceiling real quick for us.

You look like you're tall enough to be able to touch the ceiling without getting on your tiptoes. Oh, no. No, both hands.es. Oh, no. No, both hands. Oh, no. A lot of cholesterol in that Bret Hart. Sheesh.

Alright, Caruso's going to be here in 10 minutes. Get the gauntlet up. Set it up. Where the hell's Malasek? in 10 minutes. Oh, yeah. So get the gauntlet up. Set it up. Yeah. Where the hell's Malasek? Quick life update. You asked me about it yesterday. Yes.

I'm selling my house. Wait. Back to the people. Oh, my God. Wait, they agreed? They called me last night. They called last night. What?

You are selling it back? Yeah, but I know what he's got. Did they agree to that number? 52% of what I bought it for. Holy shit. No way. Are you serious? Bro.

Like 52% markup, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I trust you. No, no, no. Yeah. Like one and a half times what I paid.

I was asking. He said the number that he told them. And I was like, if they say yes, you have. He's like, oh, it would be a dream. They would not leave me alone. They kept bothering. They reached out to, like, the real estate agent that we used to buy the house from them. They just started reaching out to everybody.

It got to a point where they're like, we're going to stop throwing out numbers. You tell us a number. And then we're just like, we're going to just say an insane fucking number that no one in their right mind would take you're the greatest called last night and they were like we'll take it he's the greatest i know the numbers he's the greatest real estate uh flipper yeah of all time part of the deal one i made i made zero improvements to the house i did absolutely nothing we didn't list it we didn't stage it we didn't do anything but this is incredible because now you can also like i know the moving sucks again but you can now hire someone to like oh yeah literally oh i'm i might retire i might this might be you should do the the rich people move where like they go on vacation

oh yeah during the move and then i come back and my house is set up oh yes you should absolutely oh yeah yeah wait how much time do you have till you have to be out and like are you frantically looking now sort of yeah they they want it back by june um we haven't signed anything like they just called last night and we're like yeah we'll draw up a contract that sounds good to us we're like what the fuck i would have been like yes if you tell me why yeah did they yeah i have gotta find out we have to like obviously we're gonna we're gonna get lawyers and accountants and everything to like look over everything for us and make sure that we're not we're gonna have to pay all sorts of taxes and shit and i don't know but we're gonna i think we'll be okay oh my god holy shit um congrats yeah there probably is something in the walls but i figured

yeah who gives a fuck like yeah yeah they're giving me all the money so take yours damn wild wild uh i have no idea maybe the crazy i would love yeah an explanation and now you can buy a house that's like out of your means but not anymore. Yeah. I want that to happen to me now. That's the dream. It was horrifying. It still is kind of horrifying I guess. Until this goes all the way through. Should we do like a big search

to make sure there's no treasure? I wouldn't hate it. Maybe like the last week I'm in the house we could all go through it. Treasure hunting? Go through a knock on walls and i'll bring my magnifying glass see if that is crazy man damn yeah it was crazy because you asked me about it yesterday i was like i was like yeah we're kind of i told you we had thrown the number out but hadn't heard anything and i i was not surprised that we hadn't heard anything because why would we appear like you'd have to you have

to literally be insane to and then they called last night and they were like all right that sounds good i have no idea what the story is the best thing other than barry treasure i think that like this guy sold us a house and then his wife was mad and wants to just go back to the life they had and he's trying to save face with her that's probably it i mean changing your address is annoying yeah yeah it could be that. That was it. They didn't really want to go to the post office. They want to update, like, all their accounts.

Yeah, right. Yeah. That's awesome, though. That's insane. Yeah, and we even, like, threw in there, like, we're not doing an inspection. There's not, like... Yeah, yeah.

You guys just sold it to us, so if you think the house might be fucked up, then why did you sell it to us in the first place? That's incredible. I have no idea. I feel like I won the lottery. Yeah, you did. I kind of did.

That is a lot. I know what the numbers are, and you did. You hit a 50-50. Yeah, many 50-50s. He hit like an Edmonton Oilers playoff game 50-50. But no 50. It was 100. 100.

100 of the 50. Yeah. Anyway. Did he come across as, like, unreasonably urgent to get this done? Yeah, the whole thing did. Yeah, a little bit. Still. I don't know.

We're still, like, we're more in the driver's seat on this one. So, like, they want us out by June, which, like, we're happy to accommodate if we can. If we start going down that road and we realize it's not going to be feasible, we're going to ask to make some adjustments here or there. But, yeah, it feels like this guy has never been told no in his life. And he still hasn't. Yeah, he still hasn't.

TJ, you've got to play that video you just sent me yeah congrats mark that's awesome yeah that's super sweet what a story and i hope it's not over yeah same same i hope i mean i want to uh oh this this is this brandon walking it's just him walking back and forth he's just walking what a crazy person I know he fell once of all the ways I like the idea

I want to just get up and move. Just to walk baseline to baseline. And he's not even walking with pace. He's just walking. You could do laps. You could go up and down the stairs. I get so bored. He's just walking.

You could dribble a basketball as you're walking. Do you think he had headphones on? He had to have. Yeah He's just walking You could dribble a basketball As you're walking Yeah Kind of make it Do you think he had headphones in? More entertaining He had to have Yeah like You know

Instead of walking Like sprint a couple times And then just be done Even a light jog Would have been 20 minutes of it Brandon we just watched you walk He's nowhere to be seen

He's definitely found food but this is a food gap for him he's smelting yeah it's long enough where it's like food has been acquired was he trying to eat healthy yeah he ended up eating my chipotle mac and cheese oh nice yeah we're the worst remember i mean i still am mad at him for that one time when we did. I can't remember. I think it was opening day like two years ago when we got hot dogs and he refused to eat a hot dog because he had just started a diet. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And he was off his diet like seven days later. He would not eat a single hot dog. That was like a week long. Yeah. It was like a week long diet. He had the trainer and the trainer. He called the trainer. He was like, don't eat a hot dog. I got a week long yeah it was like a week long diet yeah the trainer and the trainer he called the trainer trainers like don't eat a hot dog he's like gotta listen to my trainer maybe 10 days later he was done with the trainer that's right i forgot he got a trainer yeah

yeah that i remember how mad that made me he just is like he also picks it's always about this time. Brandon, remember that time you wouldn't eat the hot dog? I know why it's this time. That was a dick move by you. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it was. It was opening day.

No, it was a dick move by you because I was for once taking my health seriously and trying to be serious about what I ate and everything, and y'all just made me eat a hot dog. Che, can you go get Caruso? He's here. No, it's the time of year, though. It's where you get a sprinkled egg. I just was at a baseball game and wouldn't eat a hot dog.

Nobody's making fun of him. Is this going around different? No, that's literally what happened. They all made fun of me. And I was just like, whatever, I don't want to eat the hot dog. And then I just didn't eat the hot dog. Because this time I'm doing it, I don't have a trainer who's telling me what to do.

I'm just doing it myself. So if you asked me to eat a hot dog now, I would eat it and then probably have some chicken nuggets and chase it with a milkshake. So I'm just kind of freewheeling this one to see how far I can go. But the catalyst here is when I get here early in the morning, I have nothing to do, and instead of using that time to nap or do nothing, I'm going to do and instead of using that time to nap or do nothing i'm gonna do something so this is this this health kicker on was born out of boredom more so than a desire to have a healthier lifestyle well i know that i needed to have a healthier lifestyle is that your goal to just be healthier to look better looks

are you staving off a midlife crisis god no, no. I mean, working at Barstool is a fucking midlife crisis for five years now. I would think it's the opposite. No, this has pretty much been my midlife crisis. Really? No, but midlife crisis is like you got to like, you like buy a Corvette. Buy a gun. Yeah, I just bought a bunch of shoes. I guess, yeah, you're right.

I see what you're saying. Yeah. I see what you're saying. I dress like a 17 year old now that's true jacket don't even fit nah it fits

we got you that was smokes put us up to that gotcha oh I don't have my shoes we watched you walk Brandon by the way why? i don't have my shoes uh we watched you walk brandon by the way uh i don't know it was fun everybody's everybody's leaving uh alex caruso is coming what what are they doing i have no idea they're going to the bathroom together.

I just had one of those frustrating bathroom things where I went to that one. When I got there, there was the custodial cart blocking the door, cleaning it, which is wonderful that happens. But then I had to walk all the way over there to pee. We thought you were seeking out food. But I could have just gone. Do you think the better play is go all the way over there or just slide in the women's bathroom and pee real quick? You could. It's pretty empty in there.

There's five women here and four bathrooms. It is true. It's a great place to poop, I'll tell you that. Are you just really trying to destroy all the great things people are saying about you today? Yeah. Took a real growler this morning. Really messed things up. From what I've heard. To destroy all the great things people are saying about you today. Yeah. Took a real growler this morning.

Really messed this up. Just kidding. I'm putting my shoes back on. I didn't even think about using the women's room. That's a great idea. It is very nice in there. Especially early in the morning, right? Yeah, yeah. I could just shit wherever.

Hey, Jake. I don't like that look. He doesn't look confident today. Okay, yeah, he's got to... He's worried about Alex Caruso because he's got to play goalie. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Hey, come on in. What's up, brother? Yeah, I know. Sit right here. Hello, how are you? Alex, pleasure. Hey, what's up, man? Shooter.

Oh, yes. Oh, wow. Wow. That's big time.? Shooter. Oh, yes. Oh, wow. Wow. That's big time. You just made tight as day. Yeah. Right there. You just made tight as day.

That's incredible. Yay. Wow. I don't worry. I watch the time. What's up, brother? Mook. Oh, that's nice.

Good. Good handshake, yeah. So, dude, what's up? Absolutely nothing Just you know Grinding away the season Yeah This has got to be

The part of the season Where it's like You guys have been Playing a lot of basketball Yeah dude well Here put the mic closer Yeah There you go

There you go Yeah Now we're talking Yeah Uh huh Yeah dude I mean We're at the point We got like six games

left so it's just like yeah tape everything up and go yeah you get three days off right now so have you seen the yak gauntlet before yeah okay all right so you are you feeling confident the only part i'm worried about the the the soccer the shot what's what's our guy's name in goal? Malisar. He's an animal. He's insane. He's an animal. I've seen the clips.

I know he's good, and then I never played baseball growing up, so I'm a little worried about that. But other than that. You don't have to hit it very far. Yeah, it does look further. Yeah. Yeah, actually swing softer. Yeah, that's the mistake we all make is we try to swing very hard on the baseball. Contact is key.

Yes. But, yeah, I think you're going to crush this. Then you've got to do the sporkle. Are you good at trivia? No. At the end, you have to sit down and you have to answer 10 questions. It's all random. Oh, I thought it was just once you're back in the seat, it's done.

No. No, it's just beginning, buddy. But, listen, the sporkle will be fine. Big's done. No, no, no. It's just beginning, buddy. But listen, the Sporkle will be fine. Big trivia guy. Yeah, yeah. We had the Tigers here on Friday, and Spencer Torkelson, who was the number one pick in MLB in 2020, he sat down and he asked what a vowel was.

Didn't know what a vowel was. You're okay. Well, hold on, hold on. Yeah. You know what a vowel is. Yeah, I do. Okay, all right. Give us an know what a vowel is yeah i do okay all right give us an example of a vowel um a okay all right yeah he fucking knows his vowels i start hell yeah i did i had to go to college for four years so yeah i didn't have a choice i learned uh all right so should we do it

brandon are you gonna walk him through it i'm good i got him. All right, so should we do it? Brandon, are you going to walk them through it? I got them, yep. All right. All right, here we go. Yeah. Fuck yes. I should go sweatshirt off, huh? Whatever you want. I think so.

If you beat my time, actually, you're probably one of the people. I've seen everyone do them, but I don't know that. You're one of the people I'd be fine if you beat my time. Sub three minutes is deemed. Three minutes? Yeah. Sub three minutes is deemed. Three minutes? Yeah. It's doable. 126 is the record.

Cam Newton was like seven minutes, so you're good. Seven minutes? Yeah, he struggled with football. Out of all the things. But don't worry, nine minutes is the worst time. What are you pointing out, Brandon? As long as I don't get last, we're good. Yeah, no, you won't get last.

The guy who has last missed 73s. 703. Hold on. Oh, you got it. Oh, hold on. You just got to put them down. As soon as you make it, it starts when he says go, you pick up the bags. One bag, soccer, football,

football, hit a three, hit a three, Sit in that chair. Smorgel. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Am I behind this line? Am I just here?

This gold thing right here. Cool, cool, cool. Copy. Drop the bag. All right. Oh, you got to drop the bag. You got to drop the bag. I told him to drop the bag, but he wouldn't.

He said he can't hold them. He wouldn't. You can hold them. You can grab a bunch after you start. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. All right, you ready? Born ready. Three, two, one, go.

All right, here he goes. Oh! Here we go. Here we go. He's gone. Oh, he fooled him, too. Oh, that was a nice shot though. Now you can score from anywhere.

You can score from anywhere. Take it in. Oh. Oh. Fancy footwork. Oh. Oh. All right, Mal.

There we go. There we go. By the way, we have to talk real quick. We're going to spin the wheel when he comes back after he finishes, and that will be the you forgot your hug wheel. So we're not going to tell him. So then when we finish the yak, whoever lost has to

stand up and say you forgot your hug. Oh, there it is. I feel like being tall is a disadvantage for this football one. Yeah, it might be. He's doing it smoothly. Oh, what a shot. Never mind. Three-pointer.

See if he can shoot. Titus, are you just buzzing? Oh, my God. That's the greatest thing anybody can say. Durso came in. He said, what up, shooter? Yeah. Oh, my God.

That was incredible. Look at this. I'll be riding that high all day. Oh, there we go. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Don't get hurt. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Don't get hurt. Oh, my God. Brandon. Was that real on Brandon's board? Brandon. That's been my biggest fear. Oh, no. We got to tell you about that.

All right, come sit down. Sit down. Oh, he's good. Oh, he's fine. Talking to this mic right here. All right, so these are the categories. Yeah. All right, we could help you get going.

10 NBA teams who have never won a championship. You can do as many from any category. Any category you want to do, you can do. Seven Seas. Yeah, Seven Seas. Four main U.S. time zones. Pacific, Mountain, Central, Eastern. Yeah, there we go.

You're buzzing now. 10 NBA teams who have never won a championship. You got any of those? Dude, that's a lot of stuff. Two first names. Main Jolly Rancher flavors. We got Blue Raspberry. Yep.

Watermelon. All you got to do is get ten totals. Don't worry about it. Green Apple. Grape. Ooh. Is that it? You got two more you got to get.

Any category. You crushed. Seven C's. Any of the oceans. Oh, you need to get one more. Name any ocean. I feel like you should get the 10 NBA C's. Wait, where's the name any ocean? It's seven C's.

That's not oceans. Oh, pardon me. I think... Isn't an ocean a C? many oceans it's seven seas that's not ocean seas oh pardon me i think kate you can get 10 nba teams you ever won a championship i just list all the teams huh um orlando magic that's it there you go did it oh i just have to get one of them yeah oh shit yeah we probably didn't explain that well dude it was just 10 total who did who did the who did the yeah gauntlet and hit that the other day uh yeah it wasn't like you you know gulky oh gulky yeah yeah i saw that and the one thing in my head was like all right after you make the shot dude you crushed Yeah, it was pretty good.

Dude, the baseball. But baseball. I got to remember talking to Mike. The two things y'all talked to us about. Oh, yeah, the Jack Gantler shirt. Yeah, brother. Two things we talked about. Guy in goal.

Yeah. He's a demon. Yeah, he's. And you had good shots. That second shot was like a perfectly placed shot, but he's – It's really all he does here. I was about to say, I haven't seen him anywhere else. No, he doesn't do anything else.

That's all he does. He literally does nothing else. He's got to have – That was pretty good. What was the final? 242? 242, so you are ahead of – So you're right by Kyle Long and Brandon Marshall.

You did this in a minute in 2016. I had the perfect same first time first time everything hit all the threes hit three three and then the sporkle was like some of the sporkles are like name four afc the four afc west teams like and you just see it and you just go yeah we'll have to give me back and do it again yes that was i you could definitely get sub twos and maybe break the record because i feel like we probably didn't explain sporkle that well if i never did if i like go try hard mode i think i can do it yeah it's hard i don't know if you had gotten hurt

though that trip over the cornhole wait so did brandon trip as well or was that a bad look it was a bad look he grabbed you he grabbed your shoe tripped, and then he tripped grabbing my shoe. And he's probably hurt. I made the next shot, though. Yeah. That was the one. That was almost our curb moment with Shaq. Oh, my God.

He's stretching his legs. Who's so stout? Brandon, you all right? I'm all right. I hurt my finger. Oh, no. Brandon. I knew you got hurt.

What happened? I hurt my finger rescuing your shoe. Can we see the replay? Do we have that already? You fell? Yeah, I fell just getting this shoe. Oh, no. Did you hurt your finger?

You didn't see that thing? Dude, we talked about it. I remember I watched somebody do it the other day. Olpe did it, yeah. And I was like, oh, number one rule, don't trip on the bags. Actually, the design of the course is probably poor. But at this point, it's part of the challenge. Don't get tripped.

You're like frenzied and you're like, turn around and run that way. It's just a big cornhole. We have to leave it now. We have to leave it. It's so stressful. I want to see Brandon's injury. I just scraped my finger. Scraped my finger.

I love that you already have this one. There's your fall, Brandon. That's your fall. Here we go. There we go. Oh, my God. Oh, oh, oh. Brandon.

I didn't fall yet. How the hell did that happen? That was the most avoidable. No, because by the time my body got down to get his shoe, it was already done. It wasn't getting back up. No, the momentum was going. Oh, man.

That was easily 10 seconds right there, but I appreciate that. It could have been the difference between. No, that's what I'm saying. You didn't even know where it was yeah really wasn't worried about it you know one shot left just a shoe yeah then you hit the shot that was impressive all right well thanks for doing that alex yeah i appreciate it what was this time uh 246 that's solid six yeah very solid um all right tg you want to spin our wheel we already did no we get the other wheel. Yeah. Yeah.

You know that wheel. Yep. Oh, who's going to give me a hug? Oh! I want. Y'all act like I don't. Oh, shit. Barstool.

Yeah, shoot her. Dude. Shoot her on shooter. Russo's a legend. He just knew that was coming. What a great plot twist. for that watch all the content I watch who's who's who had the birthday case race we all painted those faces and

sasses yeah that one is bad I watched the whole thing you're welcome to one of the case oh yeah maybe in the summer oh that's awesome you do the hugs yeah all right hug bro oh okay he tried to conceal it too like that wheel yeah yeah yeah shit shooter what a compliment titus oh i'm i'm this is this is one of the best days of my life yeah that's what i that's why whenever whenever y'all did the free throw challenge, and I was watching, and he was...

Yeah, hitting everything. It's incredible. It's all I can do. At what point would you have come if I had texted you being like, we need you? Or would you have let us die? No, because I think, I want to say we were flying back from a game, so I was already up.

Like, I was already kind of up. I mean, I would have came. It was electric. Yeah. And if anyone breaks our record, we're going to have to do it again, which is going to. People are trying, I think. No, I'm saying a team.

It does feel like. I think people are, like, conglomerates. No, no, NBA team. If an NBA team. Oh, yeah. Got it. That was the record for most free throws consecutive in a game, I believe. That was one game?

I believe it was one game. It might not have been one game. It might have been just consecutive. Did Mantis do, like, an 80-hour stream? He did, yeah. I think he still has to go back and do it. He was trying to hit 100 in a row, but I didn't realize his 100th had to be blindfolded. So he got to 99 four times.

That's insane. Insane. Why? Yeah. Four times. Why did he get that? He could have just done 100. He also said, we're not doing the blindfold thing anymore.

No one needed a blindfold. No one needed a blindfold. 100 in a row is impressive. Yeah. How long do you think it would take you to get 100 in a row? I was about to say the days in the summer where I'm working out and I'm going for it. And if I get a certain amount in a row, I usually do sets of 10 to finish my workouts. But a couple of days during the summer, I'll get going and I'll just see how many I can make in a row.

I think last summer was 106. Holy shit. Damn. But with both being able to see. Yeah, both eyes. Holy shit. But with both, you know. Yeah, both eyes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's an important part of this. Both eyes.

All right, well, thank you for coming on the Yak. We're going to go do PMT. Hell yeah. Alex Cruz, our Yak legend. We've got to have you come back and do the gauntlet and beat your time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is off-season gauntlet mode, you know. Yes.

In the summer, that's. Yeah, we're going to have a day, too, when Dan's not here where we're just going to do it over and over and over until someone breaks his record. You can call it that one. Is that real? We've talked about it. How awesome would it feel?

That would feel... If we were two days in, that would feel good. You just never beat it? Yeah, we never beat it, though. That would be awesome. Actually, the best would be if you guys did it it took you like five hours and then the next day i came and beat it exactly yeah yeah you will still find a way no you're right you're right yeah it's more than i want to see it what what's the what's the origin who came up with the that's why probably on friday and he said hold hold on. I got it. That was how it happened.

Yeah. Hold on a second. We just didn't have anything to talk about on a Friday. Yeah. Then it was boring. And now, the fact that we have, what, a dozen professional athletes have done it? Feels like more than that. It's great to see wherever.

Yeah, Cam Newton really. Did he not try, though? He did try. It was weird. You had to pity move him on from football yeah he couldn't throw the football because I think he still wants to play and he couldn't hit it that's surprising

yeah we were like just go to the next one dude yeah that one was tough and the worst time which will never be top was our guy Jeff D. Lowe what was it 73? I think it was 87 87 threes he missed

in a row yeah he made two he made two so it must have been like 50 in a row oh my god nine minutes and 30 yeah i did it blindfolded and beat him by a minute not only did it all blindfolded not only did he miss them all in a row he missed them all the exact same way he was he was short the exact same amount no adjustments no zero adjustments zero adjustments the exact same way. He was short the exact same amount. No adjustments. Zero adjustments. Yeah, zero adjustments. It was the exact same shot over and over and over and over. It was like his peak strength could only get him a foot away. Oh, he's never going to.

Everything in his body. I mean, that's a – is it still high school? These are high school lines, yeah. Is high school still there? They don't have the space between? I don't think so. I think there's – So that's as close as you can get.

Yeah, you can't get closer. That's a tough scene. Yeah, you really can't. The only thing you can put is on this. Make the net smaller. Yeah, shorter. Yeah. Give him the kid's ball.

Yeah, he should have. He probably had a couple of women's balls mixed in. Oh, they were – no, no, no. By the end, I was – Only women's balls? I was feeding women's balls. Jay was out there. Me and him were of women's balls mixed in. Oh, they were. No, no, no. By the end, I was. Only women's balls? I was feeding women's balls. Jay was out there. Me and him were feeding women's balls.

He's going to have to do Papa Shot next time. Yeah. Just to save it. Man. Oh, shit. All right. Well, that's the Yak. Thanks, Crusoe.

Oh, that's close, too. Yeah. And then listen to Fridays. It'll be on PMT. We're about to tape that interview. So, see everyone tomorrow. All right. Peace. Peace. Peace to tape that interview. So see everyone tomorrow. All right. Peace.

Peace. See you tomorrow. Bye.