The Yak - All Business Pete Gives an EXCLUSIVE Look at the New Chicago Office | The Yak 9-19-23

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

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Chris Bader in the house. Bader. My good friend, stand-up comedian. He is... Iranian. Yeah, well... It's Iran. Got right to... That's the third factor, man.

You guys got right to my rating. Yeah. I love this show. Let's get it out of the way. Yellow fit in the room. It's no surprise that we switched out our one single minority for another single minority. We had to make sure the ratio stayed the same. Emphasis on race.

You replaced our Asian. Yeah. I would say that right now they have more power. Wait, is Iran in? No, it's not in Asia. I'm an idiot. Ian's got nukes though, right? You said it's not?

It is, right? Okay. I was born here Asia. I'm an idiot. Ian's got nukes, though, right? You said it's not? It is, right? Okay. So I was born here, so I'm basically white. Right. What's your name? My real name or my... Your real name. What's your American name?

His real name rocks. Okay. My real name... Okay, my legal name is Bobak Christopher Bader. But when I was in first grade, everybody was calling me Ballsack. They couldn't say Bobak, so I came home. No, they could. We're not that dumb.

My last name is Bader, so it was like Ballsack Masturbator. Yeah. I didn't even think about the Masturbator part. Yeah. So my mom was literally just like, you can go by Chris because Christopher is your middle name. And I was like, well, why is it Christopher? And she said, you were born in Columbus Hospital. So I was also named Christopher Columbus.

Bad guy. We might get a Christopher Columbus card here. I'll give that to you. Bobak is a great fucking name, though. Can you guys just call me Bobak? Yeah. Yeah. We got Bobak here. Everyone I'm closest withak? Yeah. Yeah. I got Bobak here.

Everyone I'm closest with calls me that. Yeah, we got our street credit. So, yeah, he's here. We're going to plan out some stuff. So, Mook and Chris Bobak are going to be doing some type of live show. And Mook was like, Bobak wants to come in today. I was like, have him come on the act. We already talked about this, that I want you to come, come by every now

and then have him call on the act. And then we'll do like we always do. We'll just plan whatever we're planning live on the show. Yeah. That way it's efficient time efficiency where we don't have to have a meeting or anything. Perfect. Yeah. This is our, I don't want to cut into your meeting times.

Right, right. Well, Pete's here. So he's going to make me do a meeting. Yeah. We, the show started Pete. Pete somehow does have the most power of Barstool. It's fucking insane. How did that happen?

I don't know. There was some type of power vacuum that occurred in the last 12 to 18 months, and Pete has sucked it all up. They have answers to Pete now, right? Right. Pete makes decisions that no one else knows, and he'll tell someone, like, who told you that? Oh, Pete did.

Oh, okay. How is Pete deciding this? We should stage a coup. We should. We should just beat the fuck out of him. Yeah. I mean, we have enough for a coup right here. That's true.

In my experience. Yeah, you're right. In Iran, there was coups a lot, so I could ask my dad how to do it the best way. Wasn't it the spring, summer? Did he ever stage a coup? No I could ask my dad how to do it the best way. Wasn't it the spring summer? No. What is the thing that they do? Oh, the first day of spring is the Persian New Year.

No, not that, but the summer. How about the coup festival? The Mesopotamia. They have a sick name for it in the Middle East where they're like, we're just going to get fucking wild on the government real quick. It's something like the Spring Uprising. They run back like January 6th. Yeah, every time I see the name, someone help me please figure out the name.

I've never heard of it. It's fun. Maybe Steven could find out. It's great branding. Are you a wrestling fan, amateur wrestling? I wrestled in sixth and seventh grade in high school. Is it true that it's closer to American football in terms of notoriety and glory? Wrestling in Iran?

He is American, just so we're clear. Oh, you've never... He was born in America. Have you ever been there? We have to stop. We have to stop. Would you? Answer this in an answer.

Would you? Yeah. So basically what happened was I was wrestling and the guy got on top of me, and then KB was there. I want to do that, too. Yazdani, Yazdani. Hey, Chris, have you ever had a hamburger? Have I? I love McDonald's.

No, but Iran, they're big on wrestling, for sure. They're strong as fuck. Yeah. Olympic weightlifting. I disappointed my whole family. I was awful. So, like, my dad really wanted me to wrestle, and at eighth grade, I was – In America.

In America. Oh, yeah. I was bad. I feel like if you were in Iran, you would – I'd do better. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be like Brazil and jiu-jitsu.

Right. Yeah. Do you go back at all? No. I don't – and I have – I guess not back, but just – Again. Got to clarify.

Back to where you came from. He said he was born in Columbus, Ohio. I feel like he's from a different dimension. We're so white. Columbus Hospital. I should have ordered Persian food. Arab Spring, that's it. Doesn't that sound...

That's good branding. Well, Persians are not Arab. I thought that was water. Oh, Jesus Christ. I think we should change the... Let's start over. By the way, the Arab Spring sounds awesome. It does.

Like a hot spring. Yeah, or it's like every college has, you know, they're like, we got Fetty Wap for our spring party. Yeah, for Arab Spring. The Arab Spring. We have DJ Khaled in French Montana. Yeah, we close the quad and we get fucked up all day for Arab Spring. We have pita bread for everybody. Dude, every time I see that, I'm like,

that kind of sounds like a rule. DM, I can't believe I missed Arab Spring this year. We threw some rocks at some tanks. It was fucking badass. A bomb. Yeah, so Chris is here. You guys are going to do a show together, right? Yes, and I'm trying to get Nicky up there, too.

Yeah. So, what are we going to do? Where are you going to do the show? So I think we should do it at the Laugh Factory because they're very good for local guys. And I saw that you guys were doing in New York the Barstool Slice or whatever. So I was talking to Mook, and I was like, we should do something just monthly here in Chicago. Yeah. And people from the office who want to try it, you could have an office competition.

Maybe a yak competition, your best two. Maybe we spin a wheel to see who has to go up. Yeah. Every single month. That would be fun. Nobody wants to see the wheel to go up. That would be like, that would be painful. I think the Stoolies would like it.

We could do it once a month. We could have a big Stella Blue coffee stand when they walk in. Yep. Everyone likes to drink their coffee at 10 o'clock. Right. I did a comedy show. Yep. Makes them laugh harder. Two drink minimum. V at 10 o'clock. Right. I did a comedy show. Yep. Makes them laugh harder.

Two drink minimum. Vodka and espresso martinis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we'll do it. So what's the next step? So we just have to say yes?

Yeah, you guys got to say yes and then, yeah. So we just pick a date? We pick a date, essentially. Okay. Yeah, all right. We think Tuesdays are better. Tuesdays? Is that like the funniest day?

No, it's just like there's football, all the other stuff. Oh. Yeah. So we figured like a Tuesday, Wednesday, or a Friday in December. But if we want to do a monthly, we just pick one day and push behind that monthly. I like that. Yeah. I think that would rock.

It kind of falls on when you're available, to be honest. Yeah. Dan, would you come? Yeah, I would. I said I would. When I did the one uh we did what like four years ago yeah four years ago when i uh hosted it was the easiest thing ever because i didn't have to tell any jokes yeah but it was good because of the interview format because dan would

interview the comics for five minutes afterwards and so many people like you know obviously they want to see big cat interviewing but like so you did that too you could do that i don't depending on how we want to do it yeah do it that it that way. And I've told this story before, but that was – I did it strictly for the money and handed it all to my bookie right away. I didn't even have it for more than like an hour. Yeah, that was really sad. It was sad. But that's okay. It was fun.

It was fun to do the show. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I'm in. I'm in to do anything to help out the squad. There we go. Speaking of barstool events, I made a boo-boo yesterday. Okay. I said I was hosting opinion-based trivia. Speaking of barstool events, I made a boo-boo yesterday. Okay.

I said I was hosting opinion-based trivia tonight at the barstool bar. The bar isn't open today. So it's actually next Wednesday. Oh, okay. So you didn't miss by a day. You missed by eight days. That's right, Brandon. What event are you hosting, bitch?

Mostly sports. That's all you care about now? You don't text me anymore? I text you all the time. Yeah, I guess so That's all you care about now. You don't text me anymore. I text you all the time. Yeah, I guess so. I text you all the time. I complimented your shoes today, and you said it's West Virginia, and you thought I was making fun of your shoes.

Yeah, I thought you were making fun of my shoes. They're a little loud. I like your shoes. I'll text you if you want me to. Thank you. Yeah, I'd like that. They kind of look like the Sky Davises from Doug. We just throw Chris on the Yak text thread.

Why not? Do we still have anybody that's just hanging out there colby colby i know colby uh is caleb still in it i think so i think he left didn't he oh he did he is still there because he likes every now and then no he's not he's out oh he is out yeah col um cody lands is in there i don't want people to forget about colby you know he did a lot for us. I still want Colby in. Colby has the best taste in music of any man. Colby's one of my favorite men. Yeah?

Like your guys. Colby's near the top. You ever Mark Titus? Mark Titus's hair. What are y'all doing? Why are we doing this? All I fucking want is to kiss him every morning. You do want to kiss him so bad.

He's obsessed. A lot of tension. It's gross. Are you selling your car so you can buy the car he has? Yeah. I haven't seen his car. We'll see. I don't know.

It's early. It's early. We'll see where it goes. You've fallen in love fast. I've done a morning show with Kate before. You've fallen in love fast. You're a fucking homie hopper. Yeah, I mean, Chris is probably not going to make it out of this office before you're like,

Hey, you're going to do a show with me? What do you like to do? Anything you want to do. I'm very willing to compromise. Okay, alright. I like to eat a lot after midnight after I drink. That's good. That's pretty good.

That's your number one hobby? That's what you Eating after drinking? Telling jokes and that. There it is. Pete, get over here. Pete! I want an update. No, come on, you're not talking.

He is the one. It's to Jeff. Get over here. We want an update. Give the people an update. Sit right there. That seat, the hot seat. That's the hot seat?

Yeah, that's the hot seat. Chris Peete is head of all tech. Somehow become... Everything. He's... Everything. I wouldn't say he's Hitler, but he's Hitler adjacent. The good parts.

Also cannot come. What were the good parts? At all? He cannot come. You'd have to ask other people to say that, but it's the good parts. So what happened? Evil boss man? What?

It's evil boss man. He makes a noise. You just go, oh, no. It still comes out. It does, but not... It's not as viscous. No, it's pretty much the same.

You still pull out for nostalgia? Same as... This is not what we came to discuss. No, no, no, no. Okay. Tell us. Yeah, we're on track. No, but give us dates.

Give us what's it looking like? Basketball court going in right now? It's awesome. Is it going in right now? I smiled today for the first time in months. Do you have a picture of it? No, God, I don't want to see that. Can I see it?

Yeah, can you pass it? So the floor. Is the floor down Send it to TJ? Is the floor down? The floor's down or are the goals and everything? The floor's down. We're actually, we cut a week off the install time, which is great. It's going to be done on October 6th.

Okay. Oh, that's pretty good. Which is better. Send the basketball court to TJ. That's full office? No, no, that's basketball. No, basketball court. Just basketball. But the basketball, because we had the pipe problem underneath the basketball court.

That delayed everything. It takes five weeks to put it in. Okay. Oh, the shower. Should I send you the wet wheel shower? Oh, yes. Send us a set. Whatever you got.

Yeah. This office is miserable. It's good. How many people here? This is awesome. It's not good. You guys are so lucky that you get to work here. How many TVs do we have in the gambling cave?

Seven. Seven. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. How's the arrangement of that? It's one big one oh which i thought was better because like when we do like monday night football or uh like national championship we have the big one and then there's three on each side okay yeah so we can focus on one big game every week it's like i think it's like i think it's an 85 in the

middle and then 365s on each side. Wow. It's floor to ceiling. These are probably 55s if I had to guess. Damn. I love it. You said floor to ceiling. Basically. Wow.

That's cool. They're big TVs. Imagine watching Ip Man on that. It's going to be great. You seen Ip Man yet, Kyle? No, I watched Quiz Show last night, but I'm watching a movie every day. Quiz Show is good. It's good. Watch the Prestige tonight.

New eyes to watch as many movies. Yes, Prestige is on my list. I haven't seen it. Yeah. Watch it. That and either, is it The Illusionist? Has anyone seen that? I haven't seen The Illusionist.

Or The Pianist. I can't tell you. Pianist? The Ists. Oh, you run through The Ists. Maybe. The Universe. The Racist.

The DJ. Because I'm green. Why are you green? You got an android? Yeah, I know, but you still continue to our tech guy has an android yeah it's so annoying it kind of kind of keeps out the riffraff what does that mean it's like people don't want to bother texting with me they don't want to put me in group chats it's kind of what do you mean by riffraff like all you guys he's kind of right

yeah i don't like that we're considered riffraff? Yeah. The green is unsightly. Yeah. By design, I think. Yeah, it's great. Pete, are those pants that can become shorts? Yep. Really? It is quite warm in here, Pete. Where have you been? Can you please show us?

Yeah, we've done this before, I think. We've already done this. Yeah, but show... I've seen him go shorts mode. It's electric. Can we see the shorts mode real quick? Come on. Show me them calves.

I haven't seen these type of pants in a long ass. They're awesome. You buy them on purpose? Like in an event? So hot you can't bear the hot? No. That's actually a great question. I work really hard, and I go on these remote shoots,

and sometimes you start at 4 in the morning where it's cold, but by the time it's showtime, it's 11, 12, and it's hot. And so you just pop the bottoms off and you're living life. You need that for like a sweatshirt too. Yeah. Do you think you would beat somebody in a race changing from pants to shorts? I don't think it has anything to do with speed.

I'm also not racing people. Do you race people? No, but I'm just thinking. Why don't you get so offended? Yeah, I struck a nerve. Jesus Christ. I'm just thinking it would be easier to bring a pair of shorts. That's a weird question.

No, no, no, no. I'm asking if you're doing it for speed. How did you lose all your race? Very innocent question. I just told you it was for comfort. It was for temperature and comfort. So would it be? Yeah.

Pete, you've definitely raced someone and lost. No one would have that reaction to a simple question. No, I'm an adult. I don't race people. Right. You're not fast. You're not good at switching. Yeah, you're slow.

Slow people are saying that's what you do. We caught you racing someone. We caught you. When was the last time any of you ran in a foot race? This isn't about us. No, no, no. You. When was the last time any of you ran in a foot race?

This is about a 2019 general. I was asking you if it was for efficiency, but you spun it into a playground game. It was for comfort. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. This doesn't make any sense. He's very angry. He definitely lost. Did you lose a race this morning?

What are you talking about? How bad was the race you lost? I take the bottoms off when it gets hot. You got dust. Someone changed from pants to shorts quicker than I take the bottoms off when it gets hot. You got dust. Someone changed from pants to shorts quicker than you took your bottoms off. What? Someone is capable of changing into shorts from pants quicker than you are. I'm out in public.

What's the fastest? I would rather be in my underwear in public than caught doing that in public. We want to talk to him. You lost the race. This is crazy. Can you do it in under 15 seconds? I don't know. I've never timed it. Let's time it. Putting him

back on has to be a nightmare. Timing important. Are you ready? Ready, set, go. No wonder he got beat. Dude, you got dusted.

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast, though. Yeah, this is less embarrassing than it was changing. Wow. That's kind of smooth. I don't like smooth. I just do this by myself. I'm not going to hate it. It looks pretty good.

Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it looks okay. You win. I apologize. Yeah. I mean, I apologize. You're accepted. The shorts look better than I fine. Yeah, it looks okay. You win. I apologize. Yeah. I mean, I apologize. You're accepted. The shorts look better than I expected.

Yeah. So the technology of it has gotten... That was pretty awesome. Yeah. That was pretty sick. The technology's gotten really good. You do need to work on doing it faster. I still think the pants look ridiculous because you see it and you're like, are those supposed

to be shorts? But the shorts look good. Yeah. I like wearing the shorts. What are you going to do? All right. What do you do with the legs when you do that at a shoot? Roll them in your pocket?

Put them in my backpack. Okay. Like a bandana. What were your extracurriculars in high school? Sports, clubs, et cetera? Play baseball, tennis, a little drama club. Wow. I'll check that out.

Were you in any productions? I didn't act. Did lighting? Yeah. You were a stage crew. Tech guy. Can we ask some more questions about the new office? Oh, yeah, but I really want to find out.

Oh, my time. Oh, all right. Whoa, whoa. Holy shit. All right, so this is a basketball court. Wow. There's a bunch of poles in the middle of the basketball court. No, that's not the middle.

No. The middle, I think, is close to basically the court. The sides, they're still putting in the subflooring. Okay. Are we doing turf on that far side? Yeah. So we had to do the floor basically all the way through. It goes into the golf simulator.

It goes into the equipment room. And then it goes even a little bit into the kitchen just to keep it level um and then so they're going to finish the floor maybe by the end of the week or next week they have to sand it prep it uh then they paint it and then hopefully it's done on the 6th of october then they need a week to put the hoops up and they were like window treatment up on the top um uh up on the top there shades in case what's the date that we're moving in we're still uh we're looking for occupancy on the 18th of october uh which would get part of my take in on the 20 is it the 22nd sunday night okay and then uh and then Titus' show and... That show's not going to...

We don't plan on that show still being... We don't need to put that in. I think Titus is doing a great job. Titus is doing a great job. It's not Titus that we're worried about. You're saying the studio Titus is going to be in will be ready? For Titus? Yeah, on the 23rd.

23rd, okay. On Monday the 23rd, in theory, Titus could... So my studio will be ready the 23rd. 23rd, okay. On Monday the 23rd, in theory, Titus could be ready to go. So my studio would be ready the 23rd. Is it? Yeah, if he's ready to let you in. Did you say Titus? I thought we were buddies. I'm sorry.

I was just. Okay. Yeah. So that should be ready on the 23rd. 23rd sounds good. And then what about the YAC studio? So there's still that bottom core under there. All that I would like to be ready.

So YAC on Monday. Gambling Cave if you want to do Monday Night Football on that day. I think the upstairs, Dog Walk, Anus. It's not Anus anymore. We're not allowed to call it that anymore for sales. You have to just go a new untold story fully. We have to say a new untold story? TJ, cut that when he said Anus.

Yeah, that was bad. Cut. Smart, if we're being honest it's much better i can't believe you took you that long is there like a blogging area too or is it like all the chairs like the new york office there's three like there's three sections there's one up where wherever that where that was taken that was i think that's the content area yeah so you can see everything that's going on down below there'll'll be desks up there. And then there's a row of podcast studios, and then behind that is kind of more of a secluded, it's business-y or whatever, they can be back there.

And then on the first floor, when you walk in, there's that group of podcast studios, the Titus Studio, Yak, Pardon My Take. Can you stop calling it that? We just call it by the shows that are in it. Right. of my take. Can you stop calling it that? We just call it by the shows that are in it. And then behind that is another work area for desks. I don't know what's going to be there. Is this a shower? Not bad. We almost didn't put a

shower in. That was a laid-out apartment bathroom. We had to have a shower. Yeah, we had to, but nobody said anything. And is there a toilet in that room or it's just a shower? It's just a shower. Oh, that's perfect. That's great. Nobody can poop in it. But we that's perfect. That's great. So nobody can poop in it. But we will have bathrooms. That's amazing.

There are bathrooms. Yeah. There's communal bathrooms. Yeah. One on each floor. No, there's more. Oh. There's two on either side of the main one and then the separate video one has its own.

So do you feel, when you were there this morning, do you feel good? i felt very good walking in i haven't been in three weeks so and so a lot got done it was very okay it's clear way to go pete and the doors the doors are still scheduled to ship a week what is it a week from today a week from today if those doors the door manufacturer i know i what do we need them it was tweeted an industrial an industrial door manufacturer. And I was going to skull fuck them. Yeah. Why? What are they doing?

Is there a shortage? They're late. We're supposed to get them in August. Their only job is industrial doors. Yeah, they just make them. You need me to cream pie? I would love to cream pie these doors. Yeah. Cream pie the door.

Pete, how jealous are you of Mook that he can still cream pie? Why would you want to? You produce. Why would you? Oh, what? On an aisle. Chill, man. No, I dubbed it the best sensation that a man could feel.

Got a lot of backlash, weirdly. Yeah, I don't think the mess is integral to the process. You're right. No, but when you do it, you could get your lady pregnant. Right. And having a baby is the worst thing in the process. But when you do it, you could get your lady pregnant. And having a baby is the worst thing in the world. My question is, why would you want to come that close?

I think it's just not... That's how I know. If anybody has kids, you know that having... Were you trying to have a kid or were you just trying to cream pie? You accidentally kidded when you were trying to cream pie you never want to do that right if you don't want a kid having a kid's awful if you do want to right you were just right now and now you're a fucking kid and then you're gonna have a second one it's gonna be even worse yeah

yeah but but does it kind of ruin it like it takes away the thrill of the, uh-oh, we could have a mistake. No, it's awesome. You guys are stupid. I'm right. It's awesome. Look, buddy, if you're trying to get pied, I will. He'll pie you. I'll pie you.

No, that's not what we're talking about. He'll seal your butt up. No problem. You have that. He's a kid. He seals your butt up. Yeah, that's true. You can't have a child.

Yeah. To the brim. You'll be overflowing. B He seals your butt up. Yeah, that's true. You can't have a child. Yeah. To the brim. You'll be overflowing. B to B, butt to brim. Exactly. That's what we call it around here. All right. We all set here?

Well, what else going on in Pete's world? Not much. Just trying to keep Europe united. Yeah? Yeah. That's a tall task. That's tough. What about the green screen room and all that?

Are we going to keep doing advisors and stuff from so what i what i so far what i think we'll do is we have that other studio until the end of october so those the shows that we would tape on 23 on the like 25th 6th and 7th i think we just continue to do over there make sure that everything that we're doing is set and ready to go. And then as soon as those are done, we'll move the sets over so that we can tape them in the new office the first week of November. That's the plan. We really are having a meeting here, aren't we? Yeah, it's just a meeting.

It's meeting day. Okay. Okay. Cool. Yeah. This place is awesome. Put your pants back on. It's a little hot.

Put your pants back on. I think I little hot. Put your pants back on. I think I may. This is going to. You don't know. It takes too long, doesn't it? Under a minute. I say no. No chance.

It took him off in 31 seconds. No, it's way harder. I think much less. There he goes. He's touching the pants. You're going to open. Have you started? Tell me when.

Whoa, whoa. Say go. You better go. Go. You better go now. Set. Go. Go. Go. Okay. Oh, TJ. I go. You better go. Go. You better go now. Set. Go. Go.

Okay. Oh, TJ has it. I mean, you should add three seconds because you got to... Wow. Honestly, the shoes is the hardest part. You could have taken the shoes off and probably... Yeah, I don't... How's this going to work?

No, he's not. I can't really find the zipper. Yeah. It's a small zipper. Oh, no. Don't panic. Small zipper. You have tiny hands. I think he's panicking. You do have tiny hands. Don't panic. You have tiny hands.

I think he's panicking. You do have tiny hands. Soft, tiny hands. Oh, wait. You got this. Under 30 seconds on the first one. So it's twice as long to put them back on. That makes sense, right?

No. Not really, no. Not really, no. He tried to get you with that one. That's math, buddy. Yeah. Wait a minute. Let's see your time.

Oh. So, it's dainty fingers again. All right. Oh. Wait, wait. He's almost all the way around. Fumble. It's not there yet.

6.57. Oh, my goodness. Oh! all the way around. Fumble. It's not there yet. 56-57. Oh, my goodness. Oh! Okay, so 31 seconds to take off, 59 seconds to put on. Yeah. All right, you ready to beat yourself? Nope.

Here we go. Come on. No, you've got to beat yourself. This is great. No, come on, Pete. Yeah. Come on, take them off. Let's do it. I'm not going to do that. You're fucking killing it today. probably embrace it yeah Irish every second do it always asking always leave the audience one no no no so have a great rest of your own time up there you guys let's switch pants switch pants

you don't need to wear them just Just go take them off of him. Yeah, that's true. That was really exciting. It's all business speed, everyone. So we're definitely not getting in there by the 18th or the 23rd, right? No. He said he feels confident, but he said that 17 times to me before. Just got to think short term doesn't.

Short term sucks. Long term doesn't matter. Yeah, and we got doesn't. Yeah. And we got it forever. Yeah. It looks awesome. We'll die in that office. Definitely. Is there a roller skating around on the basketball court? You can.

No, she cannot roller skate on the basketball court. That's got to be a hard no right from the start. I want to let her. Because we should do like speed skating. Yeah. A roller derby. On the basketball court. Can I get that long, winny helmet speed skating. Yeah. A roller derby. On the basketball court. And I get that long

20 helmet. Yeah. Okay. Then I'm in. Rock. What if we sponsored a Chicago roller derby team and that's where they

just get a bunch of lesbians. Yeah. Like good. Yeah. Oh yeah. They are all. How many injuries do you think we're going

to have in the first year? So many. Yeah. A lot. By the show or the company? The company many. Yeah, a lot. By the show or the company? The company. Show, we'll have a couple.

I say show, we'll have between three and five. So many rolled ankles playing basketball. I might just wear ankle braces every day. How many show injuries do we have now? Have we ever had a good show injury? I had an injury fixed. You had a toe surgery. That's ego.

Yeah, that took a big hit. What was the spicy thing you ate where you shit black for a month? That hot chip? Hot chip was hot. You're talking about... I didn't even have the hot chip. Well. No, I don't think we've...

Knock on wood. Stanko broke his arm because of the yak. Oh, yeah. That's right. Oh, Che got destroyed from that hanging wedgie he had to do. Oh, yeah, that's true. Wait, why did Stanko like broke his arm because of the yak Oh yeah Oh Che got destroyed from that hanging wedgie He had to do Wait why did Stanko break his arm? Stanko got wet on the yak

And then had his clothes in a plastic bag And was riding a bike home And the bike got caught in the wheel And he fell off his bike Funny That was our fault But very funny So the office renovations aren't done Funny. It's funny. That was our fault. Very funny. So the office renovations aren't done, but it does seem like, Kyle, your cat room.

Oh, yeah. So this morning, I spent all morning setting up her exercise wheel. And I'm like 0 for 10 at setting things up with an instruction manual. It was like drawers, no. Tables, no. But I got it, and I felt so good. And how is it i she wouldn't even step on it i don't think this company i don't know cats just don't do i don't

know if cats do that so i was um i think you gotta put like little treats on it or something yeah so i was distraught so i was like yeah i gotta throw something up to feel better about myself and you did can we see it yeah the room looks great look at this pause it kyle what is the thing on the floor um that's a mosaic a metal mosaic that will be hung yeah that's. How much money have you spent on this room? My hands look a little skewed, but... And then you have a cat painting... All of my disposable income on this room. What are the... Cat painting.

That's cats playing poker on the left. That's a cat drinking absinthe. And then go up to the other photo, Kyle? Carl Anthony Towns. Carl Anthony Towns. Black cat, yeah. Yeah, zesty black cat like my Piper Jones. And that's Piper Jones.

Wait, why did she get the name Jones? Always. I just never told you guys. Piper Jones. And then that's her litter robot. And more to come. There's still things in the mail. What is she wearing she's wearing

her strawberry shortcake blouse listen i am not this is not a joke i devote my life to my pipe i spent all my time dude yes wait did you catch a glimpse of the size of the treadmill when it pans to the left it's a big hold on there it is i spent all morning building that i was so proud of myself you will not even step on it so i don't know she's probably scared of it what what is the thing that you bought can we see it like i want to see what it looks like yeah is it just a big hamster wheel for a cat? Yeah, essentially you saw it. It's just like a big wheel.

This is it. Oh, my God. That's a leopard. That's. Oh, you got the. Did you get the Gen 6, Kyle? That's a wild leopard. Yeah.

That's for the zoo. Regular cats do not fuck with it at all. So she wouldn't go on it? She wouldn't. Yeah. I would like put her on it and she would just scurry away. Damn. Not even get a move.

Wait, also, at the end of that video, did Piper fart? I added the fart sound effect because I'm a jokester. Classic. Classic Kyle. Wait, can we hear the fart? I didn't hear the fart. I would love for you guys to hear the fart. Oh, my God.

I love this. So fucking good. hear the fart i didn't hear the fart i would love to for you guys to hear the fart oh my god that was a joke wait a minute so you you didn't film that in instagram you filmed it brought it into an editing app because i was like i saw it regularly and i was like this is like a little too cute and adorable for me i need to add something ironic we still got rugs we still got more flora and i can't wait for it to be decked out and complete yeah what's the rest of your apartment look like? It's pathetic Well Piper's got a sick setup why Jones why Piper Jones think it rolls off the tongue My dad used to call me Kyle Jones and like he'd pick me up from preschool i never knew why

rolls off the tongue yes piper jones i think she is funny yeah i remember you told us that yeah you're like i wish kind of regret saying that because she's funnier oh she got funnier funnier yeah do you want to bring her in? Kind of. Yeah. Kind of. I'm deathly allergic. Yeah, bring her in. Yeah, definitely bring her in. Yeah, that's more than, yeah. Would she stay around you if you brought her in, or would she?

I don't think so. I don't think cats are that attached. Maybe we just let her out for an entire episode when we get in the new studio, because we will be able to close the door. Put a little camera on her head. She can just hang out in the studio. Yeah, she's never been outside of my apartment you know that's not true how did you move yeah yeah i mean like she's

been in the plane in my apartment she went from apartment to apartment never been like anywhere else yeah and i guess the doctor and the vet yeah will you walk her i have a leash i don't want to be that guy You already are that guy I'm that guy Yeah I do Yeah What was the last thing you bought for yourself? Piper Yeah Yeah just like Rations Piper Jones Piper Jones does sound good.

Can someone do the High Noon ad? I can't do it. I can. Yeah, you can. It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit.

It's made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, but not a long time. Me and Mook are going to throw back some cranberries tonight. You want to hang out? Sure. Let's do it. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you.

Brandon, what were the flavors I just said? You said cranberry. You and Brooke are going to do some cranberries. You want to come? I don't think I'm allowed. Even off camera? Jesus, man. Oh, boy, they got you good.

They actually have somebody that's watching you always. Kyle, we should set up a live cam of piper's room i think she's um she uh she's pretty boring yeah unless i'm there to like stimulate her she's chilling in the laundry you don't know what she's like when you're not there i guess you're right yeah i would set up a live cam probably on that wheel right now just that would make probably talking would it make it would make your world that she was on that wheel right now. She's probably talking. It would make your world? If she was on that wheel, I would love that. She's definitely going to sleep on that wheel.

She will never use it. She's still skittering across you at night? She's very active at night, but very cuddly as well. Oh, okay. Do you guys want to rip some cards? I do, but I think

we should make it a game. Okay. I have two packs, so we'll put the two packs in. How many total is that let me count it without looking there were 10 a pack right shut up i'm counting if everybody has enough for two shut up brandon thank you

what's the deal you have with tommy walker brandon Thank you. What's the deal you have with Tommy Walker, Brandon? There's 20 cards. 10 in the back. How many? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Everybody gets two. Whoever has the pair of, like,

would be the most disgusting sex tape has to pick one of those people and have it be your Twitter profile picture for the week. Okay, that's fair. Most disgusting or hottest? It's a fine line. I think maybe one for each. Two award winners. Two award winners. The most disgusting has to make the profile pic.

Okay. The hottest just gets disgusting being in looks or deeds i think oh i think it's a combo general brandon's going to celebrate when he gets an interracial one talk it out take sure no fucking have we figured out what we're going to do if there is an h-man card yeah he's got to be your profile picture to your 1.5 mil okay no you could pick one of the two. Yeah. I think if there's an H-man we don't show it, I feel like that's a bad, well, I don't know.

I don't know. I think. Oh, we showed Hillary. Yeah. That's true. I guess we showed Hillary. That is true. We did show Hillary.

And like Twitter's strict now with like your profile pictures. Yeah. So I'll Photoshop you with your arm around whoever it is. Oh, nice. Yeah. Smart. Smart. Perfect.

Okay. Can we get a hat? get a hat me around some of them no you'll be with some of these people you wrote speeches for some i think everyone should take one and we'll go revealing one love it and then we'll we'll do another round i love the reveals reveals are great and there will be two left over So you can do a wild card We can do a Give up and pick again Yes I like that Should we do it like Texas Hold'em style

If we want to pull from the middle Oh We could do an H-man penalty too If you pull the H-man You you got to keep him in your wallet for a year. Okay. So everyone take one. Don't look. Here, I'll walk around with it.

Tommy demanded 10% of all profits from his videos that appear on Mostly Sports. There's potential for him to actually make money. Are you concerned about that? I'm concerned that he's getting business aware. Because he's going to buy weapons, Brandon. No, he's going to buy weapons. He already has weapons.

What was Tommy's Minute about this week? What's tomorrow? What's tomorrow? Outer space. That doesn't really narrow down anything. It's about aliens. No looking? um outer space well that doesn't really narrow down anything it's about aliens okay no looking i'm not there's only like two in there oh no chris are you born and raised chicago yeah it was uh suburbs i grew up in the suburbs nice do you have any hobbies outside of stand-up um

no eating after midnight no I mean I do stand up I like obviously sports and gambling but like hobbies that are that interesting not really I learned early on that I'm not really good at anything besides making an ass out of myself

Chris is really good for Chris is really good for texting me every like maybe two or three weeks Chris is really good for Chris is really good for Texting me Every like maybe two or three weeks With a pic being like I think we have to Take this and it always loses Always It's not his pic it's someone else's

I can't pick my own stuff so I'll just use Like twitter cappers and I'll spend Hundreds of dollars One time It was like three years I time it was like three years. I think it was like four months before COVID started. There was this guy who was on this crazy, crazy run. He was like 20-1, and at that time I texted Big Cat.

I was like, yo, this guy's crazy. He's like, dude, send me the picks. He's like, why haven't you sent them to me? Then he proceeded to lose like nine in a row. He couldn't spell Blazers, so he would just spell blazers blazers tonight so nba and then finally dan texted me and he's like hey man i'm he's like i'm betting these games and i'm not even watching them i think i have to stop and i was like i should too yeah because i was like if you text it to me then i bet it so stop texting it to me i didn't like it was basically like an intervention. Like stop giving. Yeah, we didn't talk for like six months. Yeah, I felt so bad.

It's always from a guy named like Patty Parley. Yeah. Yeah. And there's always like a star system. Yeah. Like five stars. Got to play the five star play. Yeah.

All right. Who wants to start? One of the edges. Yeah. Kate. Okay. All right. Can you zoom in? Oh, it's another one. Who'd to start? One of the edges. Yeah, Kate. Okay. All right. Can you zoom in?

Oh, it's another one. Who'd you get? Benghazi. Oh, no. Let's go, girls. That's a big one. Banger. All right.

Hearings. The Benghazi hearings. Hill dog. Boo. Campaign moments. Now, is that hot or disgusting? A little bit of both. Let's see what she pairs up with.

Yeah, it depends. Depends. Who would make that hot? If she's really getting pummeled by a bull. I think maybe a Hillary Hillary would be hot. Or I could see her strapping on and pummeling. She could pummel. Okay. KB. Yeah. Or I could see her strapping on and pummeling. She could pummel. Oh, okay.

KB. Okay. Michael Jackson. Oh. Okay. With a llama. That's a nice car. The back is just like a zoomed in grainy photo of a hand.

Oh, I bet you it makes a puzzle. That's a puzzle piece. Oh, it might be a puzzle piece. Yeah. All right. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Michael Jackson, sexually hot.

Well. What year does it look like the MJ's? Early. Okay. Like, thriller early? Was he sexually hot then? Up until, like, 84, he was considered. His hair was good. Oh, wait.

Zoom in on this card. It's great. He's with an alpaca. Is that what you said? Yeah. Fuck it. Yeah. Or is that a horse?

That's an alpaca. That's an alpaca. Or a llama. Could be a llama. I think that plays into Kyle's. I'd argue. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Go ahead, Mook. Oh. Oh, McCain. I thought it was Bideniden yeah okay all right so like he could definitely put up with like some bondage sex yes bdsm yeah yeah all right here's my reveal oh george bush okay w bush part of the second father-son combination elected president Bush's administration and focus shifted dramatically on September 11, 2001 to his immense credit. We all know.

A decade removed. There hadn't been another major act of terrorism on U.S. soil. He does give credit for that. The George W. Bush Library and Museum on the campus of SMU is slated to be dedicated and open in 2013. It's a 2012 George Bush so it's still pretty end of his career yeah okay and he's trying to be cute yeah yeah yeah he's trying to be a cute guy what do we got Brandon Oh I have noted murderer Ray Caruth. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Ray Caruth. Ray Caruth. He killed the mother of his child back in 2000. But the kid lived, right? Bad guy. You're basically all criminals. I think he did. Did the kid play college football?

No, that kid is, I think, very developmentally disabled. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, he played at Colorado, right? Yeah, he was probably the one that played college ball. Yeah, that's true. I would hope so. I would hope so as well.

What's your mic doing, dude? I don't know. I like to rest it on my breast. Okay. Okay. Rick Ruth. Oh, yeah. He's a bad guy.

Nick? Oh, God. Oh. Oh. What do we got Nick look away I have it doesn't have any names on it what is that but is that Gaddafi

oh yeah I have the entire Middle East the Middle East oh no I have the entirety of the entire Middle East. The Middle East. Oh, no. I have the entirety of the Middle East. The entire Middle East. This is a nightmare. Play any wild card for the...

It says wild card on it. It truly is. Yeah. Okay. All right, Chris. Oh, it's a major issues. Gaddafi's on it? I think that's good.

Middle East. What do we got, Chris? Gaddafi. How are there? That's Joshua Arafat. Oh, Arafat. I have a McCain. Oh, a McCain.

Oh, a double, a duplicate. Oh, a McCain. Oh, imagine if we had the sex tape of the two McCain's. Oh, yeah. Two McCain's locked in a hole. Which ones? Yeah. Hell yeah.

Double McCains. Not a lot of arm movement. Double McCains. There's no way he could, like, wail on a pussy. He could take pain, though. For sure. No, Bob Dole was the one who couldn't raise his arms. No, John McCain.

No, McCain. John McCain, I don't think he couldn't really turn his neck either. Yeah. Yeah, he fractured both legs and both arms. It's fucking insane. He's one of the longest prisoners of war. Yeah. God rest his soul, but he couldn't wail on pussy.

Yeah. No, I'm wailing. That's fine. Okay. Jay. Second pass. No, Jay and TJ. Ooh, I got a football player.

Oh, it's OJ. He was so happy. He said, what? I thought he was going to get like a two. Oh, so excited. I'm excited. Oh, I got a football player. Read it, read it.

1976 record breaker, most yardage rushing in a game. Wow. Simpson rushes for 273 yards in a game. Premier running back O.J. Simpson of the Buffalo Bills exploded for 273 yards rushing against the Detroit Lions November 25, 1976. I wonder if that's a Thanksgiving game. Wow. He set a new all-time pro football record. This yardage shattered O.J.'s former mark of 250 yards against the Patriots

on September 16, 1973. The game marked the fifth 200-yard game of Simpson's career, breaking the four-mark of four games held by Jim Brown. I'm going to need that clip of, oh, I got a football player. Oh, it's OJ.

It's all time, Jay. He's made that clip. All right, TJ. What do you got? You want to start passing around? Yeah. John McAfee. Oh, yeah.

Rest in peace. Also rest in peace. Well, no. Maybe not rest in peace. Someone I follow swears he's alive. Yeah. I think he might be alive. He liked to be shit on from girls that were in hammocks, right?

In hammocks. He would lay under the hammock and let them poop all over him. That's disgusting. Is it disgusting? We don't kink shame. True. Moop just hates hammocks. Get up, you anxious boy.

You need to walk. Stress those legs. All right, so no one look. Oh, boy. Oh, it's so good. Middle East. That was so good. Che, wait until you find out what he did off the field.

Che only cares about on field. Che's like, I got my RB1. Yeah. I want to see his other stats. Okay. This is so much fun. I'm going to have to buy more. These are great.

I have a ton more, but I think I'm going to have to buy all of them. My brother sent me the Saddam card in the mail to my apartment. It's the only decoration I have. There should be two left in the hat. Two in the hat. Okay. TJ, you want to go? We'll snake draft it. Alright, TJ's

Who's his first? John McAfee. That's a good one to have. That's a sex guy. Benghazi bully. Whoa! Hillary! I bet you they have fuck. That's a sex guy. Benghazi bully. Oh! Hillary. That's hot.

I bet you they have fuck. That's probably true. They have fuck. That might be in the running for hottest. That's hot. McCain would be a good video. Yeah. Give me the emails.

Nice. I think it would be kind of gross. Sorry. Finalists. All right. A lot of loose skin. Do you think McCain... Who do you have?

McAfee? Ray Rice. Who could it be? All right, a lot of loose skin. Do you think McKay who do you have McAfee? Ray Rice Oh You in shape guys, it's gonna murder that ass agree Good put that on the card He's going to murder that asshole. This isn't even his finisher. Oh, we know. I couldn't put that on a card. Battling Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Championship in the 2001 Royal Rumble. Chris Benoit forced Y2J to tap out.

However, since they were competing in the latter match, the rabid Wolverine couldn't win by submission. In the end, Jericho reached for the belt first and took the title. So that's part of him losing? 2001 Royal Rumble, New Orleans. First interracial. I think that's hottest. That's pretty hot. That's pretty hot. Alright, Chris.

I have the original Georgeorge bush oh hw oh bush on issues oh yeah that's young hw and who is he banging again uh uh who's your other i think he was banging nancy. No. Oh, I have. Oh, dang. That makes sense. Okay, yeah. I can see that. Two Republican powerhouses. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that they would have good synergy fucking. I think so, too. All right, Nick. Yeah. So I have the Middle East. Middle East. He already did.

Oh. Oh, fuck. Yeah, he already did fuck the Middle East. That's ugly. That's an ugly fuck. That's an ugly fuck. Yeah. That's an ugly fuck. Bush in the Middle East. He got Kate a job. Yeah, he already did fuck the Middle East. That's ugly. That's an ugly fuck. That's an ugly fuck. Yeah. Pushing the Middle East.

He got Kate a job. Yeah. That's true. That's true. Thank you. Brandon. All right. I had Ray Carruth originally and, oh, a football player.

I have Ray Carruth and now I have Alabama star Henry Ruggs. Oh! What did he do? He's in jail. He killed a woman. He drove 158 miles an hour and plowed into a woman's car and killed her at 4 a.m. Did he kill her dog too? Yep, killed her dog too. Well, it's

a human life. Yeah, it was probably more important. Not the pupperino. Wait, is that the dog killer? Okay, all right, my next card. Ooh, a football player. Ben Roethlisberger. Oh, no. Yeah.

Let's talk about that. Who's he pairing? Yeah, we're stalling. We're stalling. George W., that's men. That's a lot of men. Jordan. That's like.

W or H? George W. That's like a. So there's probably a photo of them together. Yeah. Super Bowl. Yeah. Something.

They've met. I kind of would want to watch. This is like borderline kind of just wrestling. Right? Like we just watch them wrestle. Yeah. Those two are fighting for top all night. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's kind of just wrestling right like we just watch them wrestle yeah those two are fighting for top all yeah oh yeah kind of fun to watch you pay for a sex tape you get to watch a wrestling

yeah that's nice yeah pay-per-view yeah okay all right oh this is hot pope francis damn um maybe he's like the king I don't know What did he do? Wait is he the He hasn't done anything He's just a pope He just runs

The pedophile network He runs the ring Yeah yeah He pardoned a lot of Who do you have Who's McCain and the pope Oh

Okay That's an ugly That's gross That's ugly Yeah that's ugly That's the ugliest I'm sorry that's ugly Yeah that's nasty McCain under the pope's ugly. That's the ugliest. I'm sorry, that's ugly. Yeah, that's nasty.

McCain under the Pope's dress. Kind of a sick card. Oh, no. And like you'd be watching a dude I'd imagine lose his virginity. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. To an adult.

Kyle has- Motherfucking two Michaels. Two Michaels. No, he got double Michaels. Double Michaels? That's hot, eh? What's on the back this time? Nothing. It's the other part of- Oh, a piece the double Michael. Double Michael? That's hot, eh? What's on the back this time? Nothing.

It's the other part of the head. Oh, a piece of his hair. It is a piece of his hair. Two early Michaels fucking might be kind of. Yeah. That might be the best. Pretty good. Okay, Kate.

Okay, I have Hillary and Harriet Tubman. Oh, wow. Now that is hot. Lesbians. That's hot.man. Oh, wow. Now that is hot. Lesbians. That's hot. Yeah. That's hot. My goodness, Underground Railroad, as we know.

Yeah, I feel it. What did Tubman do wrong? She didn't do anything wrong. Well, it depends on who you ask. Why is she in? Yeah, I don't know. It makes no sense to her. So we have two cards out there if anybody wants to trade in, right?

If anybody wants to trade. I think I'm going to have to make a trade. You're going to have to make a trade. You've got to get rid of Francis. He's below. I think you have to trade both. Yeah, just take the hat. Yeah, you have to take the hat.

But McCain role play. Yeah, no, I think you have to go full swaps. Full swaps. Yeah. Big moment. All right. Oh. What a city.

What do we got? What do you got? An attack on freedom. Oh, no. Oh, man. September 11th, 2000. Oh, that's... What the fuck? That's bad.

That's rough. That's's bad. That's rough. That's really bad. That's rough. But, like, they're not even in the picture. Yeah, why would you do that? That's really bad. That is, yep. Too hard.

All right, you got September 11th. And we're going to pair that with... The Middle East! Oh! Damn! That's about right. Peanut butter and jelly. Pretty hot, if you ask me.

Yeah. It was. I think you still lost, Mook. No, we got to go through this. Yeah. I might have lost, yeah. So you're just going to have to make the Middle East your profile? Yeah, I'll Photoshop Mook with the twin towers in the Middle East, like right here.

Dude, I got smoked. You got smoked? Not even close. You got smoked? Not even close. You got smoked. That's very ugly, what you're holding in your hand. Major issues. That was. That was the first thing I said when I saw the tower.

I said, this is a major issue. Are there any cards remaining? No. Damn, we still haven't got the eight. They're addicting. Major issues. These cards are major issues. These cards are so bad. This is so addicting.

We're definitely going to get in trouble. We're going to keep doing it until we reach a point where we can't come back. Yeah. Mook, I'll Photoshop your... We just need a picture you hold with your arms out like with your two boys. Holding the towers? You're going to have the towers under one arm and then the Middle East under the other. Me in the middle?

Yeah. Give peace a chance. Oh, man. An attack on freedom. Getting the whole Middle East. What a power play card. Yeah, what does that even? Let me see it.

Yeah. I love how these are supposed to have like bad guys. And they're like, let's do the Middle East. Yeah, the whole Middle East. My Harriet Tubman card is Topps brand. That's like a Greg Filler. That's a legit card, yeah. Tubman was wild.

OJ was the best card by far. Yeah. Who's got the hottest? Brandon, you have a pretty speedy offense. I'm going to churn out some athletes over here. Ray Carruth and Henry Ruggs, that's two receivers. Yeah. Wide receivers.

Just one. Can't both be. Well, they could. Should we still role play the duos? Was that a thing? You just come up with that and you're still role play. No one tried to role play the duos? Was that a thing? You just come up with that and you're like, still role play. No one tried role play.

You want to role play 9-11? Okay, never mind. Oh, man. I don't even know how you'd begin. By the way, Nick and I were talking that maybe next week, TJ, can we set up, we want to just play the egg game for entire episodes in a field? Is that possible? Yeah.

And also with baseballs? Yeah. One baseball. I was thinking it would be funny, too, if we did one concrete block. Jesus, you have to try to throw it? Yeah, I mean, I don't think anyone would get hit. No, we're perfectly safe. Kyle, did you see that game we played?

I saw it. I really want to play. I was giggling the whole time. How about it? Does it hurt? When you hit me. In the head? Can we play?

I want to see what. But I need to. It's in a bottle. And if it lands on you, everybody else runs. You pick up an egg. Everybody else was easier to hit. It's a blast. The NFL season just started.

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MorganVegas.com slash yak. And a lucky yak listener will win. So go right now. Someone's going to win. Somebody will. Someone will win. Promise? Yes.

Cool. Promise. Yeah. This to win. Somebody will. Someone will win. Promise? Yes. Cool. Promise. Yeah. This is the game, Peter. I want to play. Yeah. Kate was eight feet away from you. Nick was five feet away from you.

Rowan was ten feet away from you. I was thirty feet away from you. Do you think pregnant Kate's faster than me? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. When was the last time you guys had a foot race?

So, does everyone get an egg or just... The bottle lands on you. Him right in the face. Uh-oh. Do we have Sass getting hit? And he asked if it was... if there was a lot.

Yeah. Okay, he got covered. Oh, slow start Sassy you have to hit the he was trying to zig zag too yeah you get to throw it and hit someone who runs away and we're gonna do this with baseballs too yeah Brandon got headshotted.

It's a dick thing. Yeah, we're going to do that too. Can we do two, like maybe balloon filled with beans? Can we do a couple other random things? Yeah, water balloon with baked beans would be fun. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm thinking.

What do you think, TJ? Can we do a full episode of that? Live? Yeah. We just need to find a field and then bring equipment out into a field. Yeah. Can we do like a serene one where the water's behind us? Ooh, that'd be nice.

Serene. I've been really big in serene. A field with a creek. Anything. As long as it's serene. If you want to sit here, Brandon's got to go do something. Want to pop in? Get over here, you. Get over here, Che.

What did you put on the prep sheet today? If you won the lottery but needed to stay busy and work a regular job, pay didn't matter, what job would you want to do? Barber. This one? Oh, yeah, this one want to do? Barber. This one? Oh, yeah, this one. Wait, this job rocks. This one?

Let's add some fantasy and intrigue in it. Let's say you couldn't do this one. Let's do a regular Joe job. Zookeeper. But you've won the lottery, right? Yeah, you won the lottery. Yes. But you want to stay active and not croak early.

I love you guys, and this is the happiest I've been, but if i got offered to be a zookeeper i'm out out yeah i would do would i i would like to run a like uh auto body shop so i don't have to actually do the work but just kind of hang out in the back you can have that office up the metal steps. Glass. Yeah, sit out in the sun in the front. Yep. Pin up calendar. Yeah, right. And just be like, yeah, I'll just, I don't actually have to fix the cars. I don't know how to, but I would just like kind of run the show. As if I could like shoot the shit at a firehouse.

Yeah, right. Like eat the casseroles, hang out, go down. Go down the slide. Yeah. They do have the slide. There's a firehouse near me where they have straight up out of the rundown recliners. They have those leather recliners that they just put out front. Yeah.

Yeah. They have it. They have a wiffle ball. Yeah. Yeah. Good gardens. I think I'd make sandwiches. Really? Yeah.

Like Italian hoagies, grinders, subs. What about the lunch rush? I love it. Yeah? Something like none other. I don't think you would. Have you ever done it before grinders, subs. What about the lunch rush? I love it. Yeah? Something like none other. I don't think you would. Have you ever done it before? Oh, yeah.

Where? I've worked at restaurants since I was like 14. Down the shore, lunch rush, a little hectic. There's nothing like shooting the ship with a foreign chef, and he's speaking another language. It's hard, and I don't think it would be. Very hard. But you're rich.

You won the lottery. You want to do that? It's exciting, yeah. It gives you some normal action. Keeps you grounded. What's rewarding? What deviates from just baseline good? What makes you really happy?

Making the perfect hoagie. How do you know? They let you know. They never do. I've had the perfect hoagie before. I don't say shit. Yeah, I've never heard that. I don't say shit.

Yelp. What are you talking about? I've had the perfect togi before. I don't say shit. Yeah, I've never. I don't say shit. Yelp. What are you talking about? I've never yelp. That's Ivan Uncle who's retired, and he mows the lawn at a golf course. That's good. Mowing the lawn is dope. Because then I think he gets to play for free. Yeah, golf course starter.

The guy who just sits there and makes sure everyone goes off at the time at the first tee. It's like the Walmart greeter of golf. Or if you're inside that thing where you pick up all the balls at the driving range. Oh, yeah. You can listen to podcasts. I'm rich. That's pretty good. Forever's trying to be you, right?

Oh, yeah. But you're in a cage. I guess it could be kind of fun to be on the run. What is your answer, Steven? I don't know. Maybe mailman. That could be a pretty cool job. You just be pretty lazy at it. So if it's raining, you just don't know maybe like mailman i think that could be a pretty cool job you just be like pretty lazy at it so if it's raining you just don't go you can't be lazy as the mailman or

if it's raining the thing is they are always doing it you can't take the day off if it's raining yeah i'm pretty sure you have to go what do you mean that's like that throw it to the wrong house a job to be a mailman only at the perfect temperature well i'm just saying, like, you'd have job security because it's like, or not, you'd have financial security because, like, what are you going to do, fire me? But, like, being a mailman would be pretty

cool, I think. I think it's super tedious. I'd rather drive and not have to stop every five seconds. And dogs in yards. Oh, dogs. You didn't think about dogs. You're glorifying Newman from Seinfeld right now. He took the days off when it rained, yes. More like old ladies who are alone who just want to talk. Yeah.

You're stuck for an hour because you feel bad. I feel so bad. If you want to try my food, it's like, I got to go to the next house. She's like, no, she's at home. I looked. Yeah. Steven, you didn't think this one out. Mailman.

Mailman. I see mailman doing it like in the evening, some in the morning. I had an uncle who was a mailman, and he would get his whole route done by 11, and he would just watch prices right. How early would he get up? Pretty early, like 7, I think. Yeah. What about you, Kyle?

I think I would like to deal drugs. Yeah? Yeah, that's good. I would like to try it. Yeah, if I knew that there was no— No pressure. Well, no, you could still get arrested. If there was no risk, I think that would be a very fun job.

But there still would be risk. This is winning the lottery. I did love delivering pizzas. I think that's... What drug would you do? Because Coke's kind of skewed. I would do a fun drug, like Molly. Molly?

Yes. Would you have, like, the purest shit? People buying it aren't sketchy. They're just trying to have one awesome weekend. Yeah. Would your shit be good? No, it'd be cut with um a lot of inedibles yeah yeah try to give everybody diarrhea so you want to be a drug dealer with like

okay shit yeah because the people buying it are they're they're fun young idiots yeah what are you kate i think tour guide i would love love to be on one of the Chicago riverboats. Oh, wow. I love pointing at things and being like, everybody look at this. I love that. Okay. So I think a tour guide. I like that.

Yeah. What are you, Chris? I think I would be ice cream man. Oh. Because kids are so happy. Families are happy. That's true. Mom and dad are happy because their kids are on those tricks.

Yeah, you're always teasing a chubby Asian boy. I'm going to eat it. Why can't you see him? Yeah, you're one of those tricksters. Those are impressive. What about being a limo driver with a little hat? Drunk people? Dealing with drunk people?

I like driving, but you can't listen to your own music can you know in a limo you can you can put up the yeah put it up you don't hear them they don't hear you right but your car is long yeah undeniably very long drunk people you gotta like clean up drunk people people fucking in the back seat cream pine yeah yeah true these are bad things there was like I can I would Yeah, dealing with drunk people. People fucking in the backseat, cream-pying. Yeah. Cream-pying in the backseat. True. These are bad things. There was like... Cream-pying for Kim.

You're like, I only look if you're going to... I would. You know people are fucking in the back. I'd look. Oh, for sure. I would put cameras. Would you? Yeah, take it home with me.

Have you ever, in the back of a limo, fucked in the back? No. No. Did you see that plane at... What's that festival in the desert that flooded this year? Burning Man. Burning Man. Burning Man. Burning Man. You could get in line to go up in the air on this airplane.

It was like the mile high ride. And once it was in the air, everyone in the back of the plane fucked. And they didn't land until everybody came. That's not an organic one. People who do that, they fuck for ego and not for pleasure. Yeah. You got to make love for pleasure. Never.

It's never. If it fucking was about ego I would never fuck Have you ever met anybody That fucks for ego? I used to You used to fuck for ego? Like college? Or about

You do it just to Say you did Say your homies Don't think you're a virgin Yeah You didn't even like it You were just doing it Yeah

You just get blacked out You don't Gotta fuck some pussy Sad scene you gotta have soap these young kids get my street cred up i feel like that's most college like you know you're not gonna enjoy it for the ladies no offense to the fellas oh no it's all for that era that's your job you're like faking it so you don't hurt their feelings i would lie on pussy every day. Every day. Just like, yeah, I got laid last weekend. Yeah. What would you do, GJ?

Can't say Twitch streamer. Like studio audience member. Oh, that's good. That's a job? Not a job at all. They pick people up in New York and take them to Connecticut to go to like... Maury, I've done that. Some people are like... You don't get paid for it.

You don't get paid for it. Just in the audience. Oh, no. I want to go to like America's Got Talent, Iron Chef America, Chop. Chop doesn't have an audience. Beat Bobby Flay maybe. Wait. Just like watch shows.

Steven, you took a bus from New York to Connecticut to see Maury? Yeah, it was awesome. I sat like front row of the like. Do we have a clip of it? Yeah, what episode? Not a clip. I do have a picture though I can send it to you. Well, we got to find the episode.

I saw Dr. Oz when I was in high school. It was awesome. Oh, yeah. I'm probably in the episode at some point steven do you remember what the drama of the episode was like yeah so how they do it and this is like a little bit of how the sausage is made they cut up a bunch of different episodes so it was a bunch of like pregnancy test ones oh so it was like a best of and like following up on previous stories okay so it was a very very good how long were you in the audience for um maybe like two hours oh it's cool very fun experience because they would say at the end of every show if you ever want to go see a show just did they give you lunch no it was i feel like we

left new york at like two o'clock and then the taping was at five like five to seven and they drive you back after I don't think so there's like a pizza place around the corner it wasn't super glamorous what uh shows are filmed in Chicago I'd love to sit in Oprah used to do all her shows but right is Oprah still do shows I don't think so she does like tv stuff you're right I think Stedman got a spinoff though. Yeah, her studio is right by where our office is. I think it's the McDonald's Corporation now, isn't it? Oh yeah, you're right.

And what other shows? I don't think there's any other. She has like the network, right? Yeah, the network. Maybe they do some shows. It's like where she like cries with Gail and talks about like three hours of Megan. Does Wilkos do his show here? No, he does it in Connecticut as well.

We should hire one for a yak one time. What? Like a studio audience. Oh, that would be good. Just have them laughing. Oh, shit.

All the awes when they saw Piper's room. Aw. That would be good. All the boos when the Hillary card comes. Have you ever seen

like friends with them? Yep. All the boos when the Hillary card comes. Oh, look at you, Steven. Front row at the Mari show. And you dressed up. That was like what I used to wear to work. Steve, you're so much bigger than all of your crew members. Yeah. Do you intentionally have a tiny crew?

Salman, you at the beach? Yeah. You had five inches on everyone. You did that on purpose. No, not five inches. Yeah, I'm a taller guy. Sue me. You're not like head-turningly tall, though. Six-two?

Six-three. Six-two and three-quarters. Six-two? That's six-two. Sure, that's fine. If you could eat something, but you don't gain any weight from it, but you have to eat it every day. Pussy.

Jay is the best pussy eater in the world. You have to only eat it or eat it amongst other things. You can either do what you're doing now, which is eat whatever, gain weight, not gain weight, or you can eat something every day and never gain weight, but now you're committed now which is eat whatever gain weight not gain weight or you can eat something

every day and never gain weight but now you're committed to that thing but you can't eat anything on top of that no like if you did chicken could you do like chicken caesar salad no no like if you eat pizza yeah but you have to eat pizza every day but you won't gain any weight no that would get horrible ice cream's the answer i think there's everything yeah I could eat ice cream every single day I do that's the only thing it's the only thing you ate is ice cream no I or you can't stipulate like but this is the one thing you you won't gain any weight for this oh okay you can't oh ice cream yeah yeah ice cream over a potato product but every day you have to have maybe yeah potatoes I don't have ice cream a lot. I have like every day. I never get sick of it.

Well, that's how the pizza review started was it was the debate between me and Dave, burrito versus pizza. Because I said that if you had one food to eat, I love pizza, but one food to eat for the rest of your life, it'd be easier to do burritos than pizza. In the variation. Right. Exactly. You weren't debating that you like burritos more, right? Okay. And I proved it right because we did debating that you like burritos more, right? Correct. Okay. And I proved it right because we did.

I ate only burritos for a week. He ate only pizzas for a week and he cracked first. He said he could feel the pizza in his toes. That pizza fest is what, this weekend? Yeah, Saturday. Yeah. New York City. It's Coney Island, I believe.

Oh, I wonder if your guy's going to go, your fella. Oh, yeah. That would be an incredible crossover. He had a new, he dropped something new. Has anyone, any fellas dropped? Yeah. Let's check in with the singing guy because he's been churning. He's going crazy.

He's doing the churning. I know. It's crazy. The hardest worker in the world it's insane yeah i think uh lenis yeldon went to a uh mets game looked fun a little montage for the people yeah here oh what are those all the same pictures i submitted this guy too yeah yeah it was, it was late. This is a Mets game. That's a great picture. That is a good one.

He's just doing Frank. Was this an ad? No way. As you can see in these pictures, the party suite is available on September 30th. And if interested, get in touch with Geo Brooklyn NYC. Click that one, please. Click that one. Geo Brooklyn NYC. Yeah.

Yes. Geo Brooklyn. Oh. High-end security But humble as well Wait can you go back to that Wait Can you go back to that and zoom in again

What is that fucking initialization Far right Brooklyn NYC USA LTDA DTL What is that fucking initialization far right wait brooklyn nyc usa ltdadtl what is that ladtadl he's the third result for that acronym oh no no he's the first the other ones were the do you mean. Yeah. Advanced Development. What is it? L-A- L-T- What is it?

L-T-D-A-D-T-O. Limited ad deals? No. Hit the follow. Let's figure this out. Yeah. Yeah, requested. Let's get to the bottom of this.

Interesting. Oh, he rocks. Let me show up an acronym. Oh, the profile picture goes hard, too. Limited time dad timelines? Is that? Oh, that rocks. I'm going to show up in acronym. Oh, the profile picture goes hard, too. Limited time dad timelines. Oh, that's big time time. The Moose deal. He's just fucking rocking.

He's got the bape on. Star. Yeah, he's feeling himself. Yeah. We've all done this. And he posted this three times? Yeah. Definitely feeling himself.

Oh, Tony P. said he's ready for the breaking process, by the way. He's ready to be broken? He's ready to be broken. He said, one thing to remember, I have a very sarcastic dad, so I can take a decent amount of heat, crying emoji. Oh, decent amount of heat. I like how it's one thing to remember like why would we why would we know that we know now one thing to lest you forget i have a very sarcastic father famously he also had a write-up in the washington

post today oh really yeah he's hot huh tony p is hot right now peahive damn just keeps on winning yeah we did a draft chris on friday of uh like they're fellas it's basically just finding random weirdos online okay um and steven brought to the draft brad johnson trickshot legend super bowl winning quarterback brad johnson so yeah i don't think he's a trickshot legend he's not a trick uh he absolutely is in your eyes he's got thousands of followers 4 000 that doesn't know no on instagram i think he's like 25 oh wow because of he's a quarterback i don't i don't he's not a trick shot legend You follow him for trick shots I don't really

I wouldn't say legend You think he's a top three trick shotter ever? No chance Ever? Ever Probably currently No There's how many people would do perfect

He's not even making anything in something else He's just hitting a pillar He does stuff with basketballs too Yeah he does do stuff What's he do? Does he make shots? Yeah he looks In something else. He's just hitting a pillar. He does stuff with basketballs, too. Yeah, he does do stuff. What's he do? Does he make shots? Yeah, he looks.

We'll spin it on his finger. He'll make it. And then he'll do a half full court shot. That's not a trick shot. That's a far shot. Yeah. He makes far shots. He's a far shot legend.

Okay, fair. Difficult shot legend. I'll take it. Fine. How many takes do you think he does, though? So he does a lot of them like one sequence. Like he'll do like three or four shots in one. Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's the first take. You know, like four shots.

Yeah, probably not. But why don't you go film one with him? I would love to. Where is he located? Tampa, probably. I'll wait until the new office opens and have them invite him up. Yes. You do.

Rich Gannon does yo-yos. What? Yo-yo tricks. Rich Gannon does yo-yo tricks? Yeah. He's pretty big. He has like 50,000 from yo-yoing alone. Really?

Yeah. Former NFL MVP? I think they're on... Were they on Yomega's page? Or are they on his own person with us on who's a point you guys you yes okay they play each other in the Super Bowl yeah Luke we should bring that magician that we met at the Laugh-In. Oh, that guy's a trip.

The Moro guy or whatever? I saw him in the audience and he was wearing a top hat and I'm like, that has to be a magician. He looks like a gypsy magician. He was just going to a comedy show? He's friends with Bader. He's your boy?

I saw him a couple times like out at bars and then i said hey you're fucking really good and then he said oh you do comedy i want to come watch so he actually came to watch and he had his top hat oh so he was there but he came thinking just to watch him up yeah no wanted him to he he wanted to be called in so i didn't bring him on the stage yeah i know but that's what he wanted that's why he brought his top so he was doing a bunch he definitely wanted to be pulled off yeah that's why that's why you guys didn't pull like if you're looking out for crowd work and you pass over the guy in the top hat is that a magician give him his moment what are you a fucking magician

probably heartbroken you completely read that wrong he's probably quit yeah burn the top hat just walking out of there these comedians and he did one to a comedian we were with and at the end of the trick he goes yeah i'm a magician and the comedian just goes i fucking hope so yeah the worst night ever he had like a red jacket on he's the man being a really good magician would be awesome but if you're not like really good it would suck crazy stuff like big cat could be sitting there and he could say open up your hand and like the crumbled card is in his hand when he's sitting there you know I want to see this guy it was like in the Middle East appears in your hand all right so we gotta have him on yeah I would love to

have a magician come in but not like the level of o's right yeah yeah he's more like card shows kind of fucks your brain up yeah kind of makes it uncomfortable i love watching those stuff every time he puts out a story he's like an instant watch i still want to have a medium come in he's had a new baby yeah we need to oh yeah a couple days ago i think right yeah His wife wasn't even pregnant. No, he just pulled it right out of her. He came in his hand, and then he was just like, baby. That's ideal.

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The right mattress matters. Mattress Firm will find yours. Mattressfirm.com. How many times do you go up a week, Chris, on stage? Maybe 10 or 12. Oh, wow. Which clubs? Laugh Factory, Zany's, Comedy Bar.

And then Chicago has a really good indie scene where you could just like pop on different shows my buddy abby has a show called pilsen stand up at this place called simone's once a month on wednesdays it's good comedians you should know timothy o'tools every wednesday is awesome you'll see like all the chicago scene guys but it's also once you do it for a while you it's a showcase that's like new york but just none of us are famous and so like six people go up, guys and girls. But you can like do your set and leave and go to the next one. So I'll leave my house at like 7 and you can be back home by 10.

Like if you're not just hanging out having beers with everyone. But yeah, it's a great scene. I was excited to have Mook, like to meet him. I'm glad we guys met. Is there any buzz around the scene that like this newcomer is gonna come and not at all the show zero yeah everyone's like i heard the streets talking they're like yeah yeah fuck the cream pie sexy redhead cream pie all of us oh you should just cream all the comedians significant just go on stage and establish dominance yeah maybe i'll do that tonight. I'd laugh.

Tonight? Yeah. Where? He got me a spot at Laugh Factory. Oh, nice. Nice. What time? Lakeview, yeah. 7.30.

Right down the street. I'm going to swing by. You will come out. If you're in Chicago, come out. Yeah, we'll be on the show. You're both doing it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's go, boys. But we'll have more. I mean, we're going to start doing shows, so we'll have more of you guys. Yes. Yeah. I like the idea of having to spin a wheel. Someone has to do five minutes.

I hate it, but I love it. Yeah. As long as it's not me. Well, that would be like a yak-sponsored show, basically, because you'd spin a wheel, and one of you guys have to do five minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God.

KB, you would kill. You would crush. You would crush. Well, it's easy to say that, but I'm too afraid to ever do it, which negates that. But you would crush. That means nothing. I wouldn't do it in the first place. What if I said you'd bomb?

Then I would, yeah, that's the lingering feeling stopping me from doing it. Have you thought about it, KB, like ever doing it or not really? Not really. I don't really like live audiences. It just – maybe it's because I'm like a pussy. What if we got a – what if we figured out a way to get a live audience of just cats? Would you do comedy? Well, just – Piper doesn't think you comedy well just pipe but piper doesn't think you're funny yeah what piper doesn't think i'm funny oh no what if piper thought one of us was

funnier than you destroy me yeah yeah paper just sits and starts laughing he's like yeah just die and laughing that would be funny if you did a one-man show with piper would piper be funny on stage yeah i think she'd be very i think she's funny yeah i think she's piper jones one night only that video piper could be like get 60 million followers on tiktok a piper fart would bring down the house piper jones page would you ever make her a social media page? No. No? What if I did?

So I have one of the producers. What if Kim Bickham would be your tax manager? I think I would love that. I think I would. I think I would. Piper Jones page. Yeah, I made it. Piper Jones.

TJ, can you make that for me? I'll update it. You'll just have to send me it. You'll have to send me things to post. This is actually exciting I'm feeling really excited about that I get why people do it

yeah there's less pressure on your own self right like it sucks we just run it yeah so by the time we do the show

you could just wave and point to the screen behind you it's just Piper yeah put in a word KB just Piper. Yeah. Put in a word. KB presents Piper. Yeah.

Man. What? Will you do the page from Piper's voice or your voice? Ooh, good question. That's a big art test. I think no captions. No captions?

I think if you need a caption, you're already lacking something. True. Your content should tell the story. Piper does it herself. Got it. That's a good point No captions

Are you worried Mook's going to bomb tonight? No He's going to bomb a lot in the next few years It's just normal Hearing that is like That's not worth it To bomb? So you wrestled

And you're a really good college wrestler no that was bad and that destroyed me good to do college wrestling like i had to be a certain level of yeah yeah so were there times where it sucked starting right i think everything sucked are you talking about in college or before yeah like before like i mean you got to get to like it takes a while for stand-up. You're not just coming out of the gates murdering. Yeah, but when you say, oh, you bomb regularly, that's just part of it. Have you ever seen someone do that where it's like, this is my first time and they just crushed? Yeah, there's times like that.

And then it's your next seven times where you're just like, oh, fuck, I need to quit. Yeah. Yeah. I remember my first, like, I had a good set. I was, like, three months in. And then I was like, oh, I'm never going to bomb again. And then the next set I went up, like, all confident. And I said, like, something to start off the set that just I bombed for, like, eight minutes straight in silence.

Yeah. Silence. Do you still bomb, Chris? Yeah. I mean, truly, like, now there's different bombs. There's, like, I remember bombing you still bomb, Chris? Yeah. I mean, truly. Now, there's different bombs. I remember bombing the Laugh Factory nine years ago. They're like, hey, Bob Saget's coming in, and you emceed for him. We were trying to stall.

So they had me go at the end. I didn't understand, being one year in, where I am in the lineup. I went up, and I ate shit. 300 people sold out Laugh Factory. My leg was shaking. Oh, like and my buddy who was there had to leave the room because he was so upset. Oh, Bob never showed because he couldn't drive from Milwaukee like on time. And all the veteran comedians who like now have shows and stuff like since left Chicago just look at me like, dude, that Indian kid was terrible.

Oh, man, I was 29 years old. I went home and cried. I was just like. I'm not Indian. Oh, man. I was 29 years old. I went home and cried. I was just like, this is like, I can't do this. I don't need those experiences. Yeah, I don't want those experiences.

I don't want to put that up to chance. It's like gambling, though, because then there's the nights where like when Big Hat and I did a show four years ago, like everyone did great and like afterwards everyone's taking pictures

and you're chasing it. Right, which is ultimately a bad thing when it comes to addictions and chasing highs. Yeah, so I'm an addict. Yeah. I'm glad we talked. I get that. You're probably wondering why we brought you here.

No, so there's good and bad, and you just keep fucking going, I guess. I don't know. But there's some still bad nights. But now your bombs are different when you've done it for a while. You're like, oh, this sucks. And sometimes you just dig deeper because you don't care because you know you'll be booked by the club again. There's 40 people in the audience, and you just keep going.

You're probably desensitized to uncomfortable situations, though, which helps in a lot of ways. It's like exposure therapy. There's why I have no shame. That's what I would value. That's good. But also now if Big Cat's like, hey, Bill Burr's going to be here, and he's like, oh, Bader's funny, and maybe Burr's in the room,

then you're extra nervous. You don't care about the other people. Your mind is like, okay, my peers are here, or I want to be like them, and what do I do? So there's just different moments that trigger you. Bill Burr hit me up for the first time in a while because it's football season. It was just a voice note of two minutes of him bitching about colorado state's prevent defense it was awesome i woke up to it on sunday morning oh it was so funny it's so awesome he's

like it's football season i know you're watching this this defense that they do. Bullshit. I lost so much on that game. That was, yeah. Yeah, that was a fun game, though. Oh, we got accepted? Is this us? Oh, wait, that's us? Yes. Piper Jones the cat.

I got to make sure I follow it. Piper Jones the cat. Wait, who are the two that you're following? I'm going to have my cat follow your cat. Yeah. Your cat has a page? King Spork of Chicago. Oh, follow me? Let's go. Get the Piper Jones cat. you that you're following i'm gonna have my cat follow your cat yeah your cat has a page king's spork of chicago oh follow me let's go get the piper jones cat now piper jones follows no one

do get you let's find chris's uh social so we'll go yeah and piper jones just chris bader comedy you want to go back there k, what do you want the first post to be? We need to switch. Yeah, I mean, I got to figure out. I got a lot of options. Yeah, we need to like a... Mook, we got to change your profile picture stat. I'm not happy about that.

We got to... All right, wait. Piper Jones the cat. I got to follow it. This is so good. Yeah, what's our... Our first post is going to be huge, KB. KB, how many outfits do you have for Piper? That's the only one.

She hates wearing it. Oh, she does. Yeah, I feel bad putting it. This is a huge first post, KB. A lot of pressure. I know. What do we lead with? I might have to go home like now and start

manipulating her into different poses i think we just maybe just do one with her her strawberry blonde blouse strawberry blonde strawberry maybe just a picture a simple picture oh you want fireworks off the gate no i think we go picture like hello world picture first i. I'm Piper Jones the cat. Can I tell you what I did with my cat that I really enjoy? My cat, because it's all Stoolies, animals. It's Stoolies pets that follow my pet. So my pet only follows Stoolies pets.

So the whole algorithm is just other people. Oh, that's awesome. It's just other people's pets. Yeah, I would like that. And I really enjoy it. Yeah. I only follow, Spork only follows animals. And Joe Giudice from Real Housewives of Jersey.

It's going to be crazy when Piper gets like a brand deal. I know. Oh, for sure she's getting a brand deal. Yeah. No question about it. It's going to be crazy when Piper sells more tickets than me. If you open up for Piper... At this point, I would do it.

On the road with Piper Jones this week. It would be funny just to have a stand-up and then a cat in the middle and then a stand-up. I would be making merch for Piper. Piper, can I get 10%? I just got to pay for my flight. Oh, man.

This is a lot of pressure, KB. I know. This first post has to rock. Or KB's going to go over six hours celebrating on Piper. Yeah. I think you can just show the habitat with the Carlanthic towns, all the different cab. No, that's the second or third post.

Yeah. And, like, here's a view of my house. It's still a work in progress. Here's my crib. 30% done, believe it or not. What was 30% done? What was behind the Carl Anthony Towns painting? Cat Dennings.

But she came in first, and my girlfriend was like what is this get a real stacked photo a bunch of cats coming in it's not just her is it a stat you chose a stacked one I didn't think of that did you the black cat that was on the Chicago Cubs yeah coming in autographed by whoever that player was. Wow. Jesus Christ, Kyle. Crazy. Yeah.

You should probably, yeah. There's a lot of, maybe some Sphinxes, Egyptian. Yeah. Yeah, pyramids. Royalty cats, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get you something for this. I'm going to buy you something.

I know what I'm going to buy. For Piper's room. I'm going to get you something for this. I'm going to buy you something. I know what I'm going to buy. For Piper's room. I'm going to get you something. Yeah. We all do. Yeah, everyone should. Mook, I think all our shows should say Piper Presents. Yes.

100%. A Piper Jones production. A Piper Jones production. This is a dream. Can we get Piper a guest spot tonight? I probably could. All right. Oh, this is going to rock.

You want to spin the wheel, TJ? I have the Stephen Chase cash cube. We're not doing it today. Obviously, we'll do it maybe Friday. This Friday? Maybe. Or maybe next week. We have Frank Friday.

I'm assuming Stu will stop by tomorrow, too. Oh, this is going to be sick. Will you put up a vinyl? Would you put up a vinyl? Yes. Hang it? Oh, my God, yeah. Are you done?

Oh, thank you. Yeah. 11 by 14 is fine, Kyle. Yeah, perfect. Gotcha. I want the whole wall covered. I love this. Oh. I want the whole wall covered. I love this. Ooh.

We're good. There you go. Thank you, guys. I think everyone should have to buy Kyle something and we'll all reveal it on the show. Yeah. Or Piper. Yeah, it's in for Kyle. Thank you so much. Yeah, not Kyle, Piper. Yeah, I'm excited to show you. What?

Brandon just yelled. He did. He's probably got his Chick-fil-A order or something. Yeah, the pimento. They forgot the pimento on the sandwich. Everybody's been talking about that sandwich. It's just been Brandon. No, Kelly Keegs tweeted about it.

Oh, she cooked it. She called it a 12-10. A pimento cheese Chick-fil-A sandwich. I've been seeing a lot of them. I want to try it. A lot of those. Pimento is damn good. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. Okay, we'll see everyone tomorrow. Yeah. Maybe Stu again tomorrow for a little bit. See if we can bless him. We could probably get Stu to come on every Wednesday for 15 minutes and tell the exact same story every time. Yeah, he'll always end up there. It will always be electric.

All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow. Thanks, Chris. Thank you. Very nice meeting you. Bye, Chris. Follow him. He'll stop by again and. Thanks, Chris. Thank you. Very nice meeting you. Follow him. He'll stop by again. Go see them at the Laugh Factory tonight if you're in town. 7.30. See you tomorrow.

Bye.