The Yak - Always Has - The Yak's Best Moments: Part II

Episode Date: December 31, 2020

Some of our favorite bits such as: the first time we heard about Nick's straight dad along with his first pick in fantasy football this year, how Barron Trump became a running gag, a throwback to our discussion about feral hogs, the origin of Libs from the Sticks, Owen goes undercover and asks Dave to lunch along with Owen's bugged review with Gaz, creating the Rasslin' theme song, F*ck FM's debut, Chad Kroeger singing Rockstar, a throwback to the Enterprise Rent-A-Car phone call, and KB's creepy New Year's facebook message from his orthodontist!!!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The second best of Yak, this is our year-end roundup, where we collect all of the best moments, none of which feature Brandon Walker. And so that's how you know they're the best. And let's just get right into it. My first one's about a man near and dear to my heart, a real straight shooter, you know, a man's man. You know, he knows he knows men inside and out. And that's my dad. I introduced him. I'm usually I'm private about my family life, but I introduced my dad damn near a year ago. And, you know, people are interested in him,

and I don't know why, because he's just like any other dad. But let's get into that, and let's meet my dad. Dude, this weekend. This is my first weekend back in New York City. You want to hang? Is that what people do? I need something to do. Nick, you just bailed on me?

My family's in town, so I'm going it i'm gonna grab my mom my straight dad and my sister where are they where are you why did you what why did you add that there was a word in there yeah i'm gonna grab dinner with my mom my sister and my straight ass dad he's so straight he's done this before. He's married to my mom. Yeah. Do you have a... Straight dad.

Gay dad? No. Oh. He just obviously just said his dad's straight. So anyway, your dad is... I don't know how there's any confusion with this. That's why I said it. You literally said it so there would not be confusion.

Yes. Right. Some people would have been like Oh Nick I heard about your dad Yeah Is he like guys or girls Exactly You've done this before though Why

It's just my family I have a dog too What is he My dog Has hasn't decided yet yeah thanks nick for uh intro on your dad that was uh really fun to get to know him a lot more this year uh it was interesting that uh he's actually in your fantasy league we're just talking after he won your league um but his he had the first overall pick. Very curious selection. Let's get into his very interesting draft strategy. Yeah.

Me and some of the fellas got together for a fantasy draft. The old man is in my league. He's in our league. Straight-ass dad? Straight-ass dad. He had first overall pick. Of course, he loves that shit. Yeah, he does.

Who did he take? He must have been drunk or something. He took Eric Decker. I mean, Eric Decker. I mean, he could two years. Prime for a comeback, though. His great hands, I guess. I don't know.

I'm trying to figure out why Decker. I don't know either. Did he go back to, was it chalk after that? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah? Yeah, I don't... He was on none of our rankings. Maybe he knows something.

Maybe he knows something that everybody else doesn't know. Maybe he just loves Jesse James. That's got to be it. His hot-ass wife. Always talking about her. Yeah, so my dad is a champ. He had a great-looking team. They also played well.

So good for him. I'm happy for him. When Steven approached me and asked to help with the year-end best of the act, I thought it was a tall task. Did you, Steve? Really tall. Really, really fucking tall. And we were looking and we're trying to figure out who's the man for the job who who who could this be and then it dawned on us uh it's got to be

donald trump's youngest son baron he can handle any tall task tall tasks to him are just tasks and we we talk about him regularly on the show but this is the first time we bring up young baron episode of lowering the bar we're gonna be trying chunky milk today uh i'm here with bibs and uh this is gonna be gross guys strap in guys just trapping just his torso he's just his torso in frame because he's nine and a half feet tall hey what's up guys baron height 9 11 it's just a documentary about him being tall he's nine 9 foot 11. What if he was? He's 10 feet tall. Like the first human ever. Extreme Marfan syndrome. It's so long.

Do the voice again. Hey, what's up, guys? I'm going to be playing one-on-one against Giannis in Bent. Has anyone ever heard him talk? It's got to be super deep like that. People are already sending me hate DMs about how he's actually a good soccer player. Well, that was not due, but... It was good to hear from old baron uh that was his introduction to uh our audience and each other really um yeah this one uh was actually this predated you nick

uh this is our talk about feral hogs so i don't want to misspeak, but this was after some awful mass shooting. We're kind of tiptoeing around the issue. And, you know, not a lot of people were necessarily in, or there was a viral tweet that talked about why are machine guns even necessary? And then one person tweeted feral hogs and actually got a lot of responses. We actually tried to sort it out and figure out why feral hogs became a thing. Brandon had some insight, but we also took a call about it and found out some pretty interesting stuff about feral hogs

and why you need machine guns for them. Hog talk. So how did it start? I completely missed it as well. I was with you. Well, that's not surprising. I just read your blog. You don't really have your finger on it.

It's funny. I didn't realize. You don't have the finger on the pulse of the internet, Brandon. This was someone. That's a fact. From what I believe, someone very seriously in a debate with the ongoing gun control issue. Correct. Was like, well, how am I supposed to take care of these 30 to 50 feral hogs that attack my crops and endanger my children and knock over my fence? What a valid question.

Yeah, kind of a fair question. Very fair question. Totally fair question. Yeah. All right. So just Mississippi talk real quick. Yes, because I knew you would definitely have come across your fear of feral hogs. My father's land is beset by feral hogs right now and it is a problem it's

a nuisance they dig how many probably 30 to 50 probably 40 yeah okay there you go so and then when you encounter a feral hog are they like yo i want to eat you no they will they will fuck you up really you have to you have to have a gun because they will fuck you up they will run at you they would charge at you and they will fuck you up whoa They will run at you. They would charge at you and they will fuck you up. Whoa. Yeah. I actually saw one in the wild a couple of years ago. I was leaving the Mississippi state Arkansas game. I saw one. I almost hit it with my car. It was bigger than my car.

It was gigantic. Holy shit. I have a small car. Yeah. But it was a gigantic feral hog. Takes me back. That's harrowing. That's prom night.

Wait. So, so these things, they just just run around are they like raccoons no no no i'm saying like in terms of their frequency yeah yeah they they're they're night animals as well okay so you'll wake up the next day and your your trash will be everywhere you're you are to be let me phrase it differently how many like it's squirrels like they run in packs they run in packs okay so if you walk around in the south are you going to see a feral hog no okay not in the daytime okay uh if you're driving you can see them at night but they run in packs of 30 or 40 that's crazy they do that's an accurate

far too many hugs that is an accurate so how do you even kill them with one gun have you ever youtube the uh a hog trap yeah why well yp it's ridiculous yp before even this was viral he showed me like all these old videos like what happens is like they're just like this night camera footage so you just see like white hogs and like black and then they just all fall down because they just spray them like you sometimes the helicopter with a gun oh yeah big guns and this is one of those things where they're not they sound like real motherfuckers so it's okay that they're getting killed it's like population like well it's like deer in the north they're very invasive yeah

yeah okay it sounds like this guy had like the only reasonable or logical like uh debate against gun control now he's just getting made fun of. They were due for one. He was like the smartest one against gun control. What about the hogs? Now he's a meme. Classic case of feral hogs have been living somewhat under the radar for thousands

of years. That sucks to them now. If you asked me my stance on feral hogs yesterday, I'd be like don't know. Today, kill them all. We gotta like, if you asked me my stance on feral hogs yesterday, I'd be like, don't know. Today, kill them all. We got to get one of these motherfuckers. Yeah. Fuck those feral hogs.

They're fucking up this kid's backyard. Ah, they're a nuisance. I wasn't here for that, and it makes me, you know, I feel like I missed something. But while you guys were at the radio, you know, in the studio, I was home with my family. I was born and raised not in a metropolitan area like this, not even a urban city. I was I'm a rural guy. I'm a country boy. I'm from a holler from the boonies, from the sticks.

But, you know, my tendencies politically, if anybody were to ask, I lean to the left. I guess you could say I'm a liberal from the sticks. And I don't like to talk about politics, but it did come up once on the radio. And, yeah, I talked about my liberal values, although I was born and raised in the sticks. Nick, actually, you look like a lib from West Virginia. I may be. Is there any truth to that? Are you trying to brawl out with some coal miners? What makes you say I'm a

lib? It's just kind of the ensemble. Kind of the outfit. I'm a high-T badass dude from the sticks. That's true. I'm from high-T badass Jew from the sticks that's true that's true

just yeah I wrote I'm from the sticks don't you know does my appearance belie the fact that I'm from the sticks liberals in the sticks what is the

I'm from well I'm from the stairs. What aren't you understanding, honey? I was born and raised in the sticks down on a holler. What are we going to do about the manufacturing jobs, honey? For the sticks. What if we close down fracking and then what? You wouldn't last a day in the boonies.

My town was built on coal. Go to the Cracker Barrel, my sweet. Built different, we're a different breed. Why, most of the boys are hooked on Oxycontin, don't you know? Oh, God. The sticks.

Honey, you can't do it like that. Let's head down to the holler. Can you believe it? He's visiting our little shanty town. I love his comedic silence. Believe it or not, Mr. The Cable Guy, gentlemen, came through town. I love his belated. Lawrence, do you know who he is?

Lawrence the Cableman? Mr. Foxworthy came in. Ron White's in town. We were chuckling start to finish. He had some anti-Semitism that tickled me pink. so 2020 was the year of new additions to the yak as well uh not not not me we have one more young owen and there was one point in time when it was happening live that in my head i said this has solidified him he is on the yak he is never leaving and steve that's when he went deep undercover very undercover very undercover and he went into bugged he was wearing a wire

dave portnoy's office el presidente himself and asked him to lunch and nice gesture that's a nice gesture you know i maybe he would have said yes who knows and uh you get to hear that now and you get to hear a few weeks in the future when owen got a full-time job and i think it's because of this yeah i think it's because of this. I think it's because of his undercover acts, his secret agent ways. Here's an undercover Owen. The Rat. Mission Owen the Rat. Eat that cheese. We want you to go into Dave's office and say, hey man,

you had lunch yet? And this is a time to nut up and to not put your head inside your shell but instead to extend your neck and say yes, I am going to do this thing that scares me in the interest of my own personal growth. Yeah, I'll do it.

Alright, you can warm up with other people on the way to Dave's. Warm up. I think I'm just going to go right for it. You the way to Dave's. Yeah, warm up. All right? The journey to Dave's. I think I'm just going to go right for it. Oh, okay. All right, well, you got to also, like, after that, talk to some other people. That's not your only gossip you get to bring back.

One big fish doesn't account for a bunch of small fish. So you're going to go in. You're going to walk in and say, did you eat lunch yet? I think I'm just going to be be like what's up okay that works too that works all right call back in all right it's like be confident who answers the phone when i call it it's named steve just say hey it's owen jack he's listening now all right yeah steve just said hey what's up man no not did wait steve what did steve what did he say what did owen say when when you asked where he was from where where he was uh he just said he was from new york um nice and then he hung up did you since they looked around

we got an ironic look around could you sense that steve could you sense he did a little john travolta just kind of shoving it in your face? It was like a... Wow, that was a lot more than I thought. All right, here we go. You got this. This can only help your career. You can't hurt it. People would kill for this opportunity.

I feel like this is your MyBookie stream. No. Not up. All right. Not up. He just took another sip of his coffee. What are you doing? Put in your call

I feel like he was going to just walk in and not call is he going to call here we go what a guy what a fucking guy he's trudging no he's actually walking confidently

he hasn't made a wrong move yet name one he's batting a this dude he hasn't made a wrong move yet no he hasn't name one you can't he's batting a thousand when it comes to moves yeah even his bad ones are his moves are his best yeah i know yeah that story was electric i don't know why i didn't think about like i'm gonna come in all right ow on. I'm going to say three words. Owen, can you hear us? Owen. Yeah. All right.

All right, cool. We're just in your ear. All right, dude. Where are you? Heading in. All right. Fuck me. How's it going?

I just wanted to check in Not much Give us some more Owen Lunch Ask about lunch Did you eat lunch yet? Oh big cat Oh You asshole Yeah Oh, big cat. Oh, bitch. I didn't think of that.

Yeah. Oh, big cat. Yeah, he kicked me out. What did he say that you said big cat? Who put you up to this? He said you can get the fuck out. Oh, shit. Why did you say my name?

Why are you coming back? I don't know, man. Why did he say my name? Why did you say my name? Clearly dejected, Owen. Oh, he's better. Dejected. Oh, he hung up.

Poor Owen. He's back. So walk us through that. How'd that go? Not great. back what what so walk us through that how'd that go uh not great um i walked in yeah and he just said like what are you doing and then i just said what's up he was like, what are you doing? And then I was like, just wanted to check in. We heard that.

You were live on the air when you were saying all this. Okay. Yeah. And then you guys, I heard the word lunch a lot. I said, did you eat lunch yet? And then he was like, are you recording yourself? Dave, do you know Owen? I know him enough to know he wouldn't just waltz into my fucking office unless someone was directing him to it.

No, on his own. That actually is the most insulting thing that's ever been done by anybody to think I'd think this kid would just waltz in and be like, what do you want for lunch? I took one look at him. I'm like, who's in your ear? You knew right away that he's a liar? Did I know right away? Do you think I'm an idiot? He just walked in.

He's like, so what's up? I was like, all right, who are you talking to in the ear? He tried. He tried. Good job. He tried. Oh, not at all. Almost got it. We'll try again. We'll try again next week. You think he Oh, not a win. Almost got it.

It's tough. We'll try again. We'll try again next week. You TVA lunch, though? I don't know. Maybe go back without any. Without your earbuds, but be holding them in your hands. We need to get Owen better equipment.

Yes. Yeah. Some sunglasses with a camera on them or something. Or like a. A big fake nose and mustache. A patriotic pin that has a camera in it or something like that. My left leg just won't stop quivering. Oh my god, it actually is.

What the hell? I can tell your voice sounds very nervous. It's over. It's over. What was the worst that could have happened there? Talk us through what's scaring you. That Dave just doesn't like you? Or that he fires you on the spot because you asked a silly question,

that's not going to happen. Yeah, I guess that could be worst case. You gave me up, by the way, so quickly. Yeah, his eyes just instill fear. I couldn't hear what he said, but I could hear the look of disgust on his face. Like the muscle movements that it takes to make that, I heard. Yeah. Yeah, he's still repulsed.

Keep that in the back of our heads, though owen will fold in a second yeah what owen has a meeting he gets a shirt who yes tell him that your meeting will wait should he go undercover for the meeting let's hear this look it's like his he's's finding out if he gets a job or not. I would love it if Owen got fired. Yes. Oh, no, you have to do it. You have to put out the phone. Fuck, I'm sorry, Owen.

You have to go undercover. You have to go undercover. Yeah, you do. No. No, you do. No, you have to. This one is like the next one for sure. No, no, no, you have to.

We don't know if there's a next one. Yeah, that's why I can't do it. I'll wear a big dog shirt. Like, yeah. No, no, no. You'll call in and just put the phone down on speakerphone. We'll only make you do it for a minute, okay? Yeah.

And then you guys can get in the real meeting, okay? Yeah. All right. Should I go get somebody? Yeah, go get the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, who is it? I don't I don't think he can.

Oh, boy. Somebody just said Gaz is looking for Owen. Let's stop talking when we look at Owen. Oh. Yeah. All right. We won't get the guy owen do you need to go to your meeting for real nah fuck it no no no because you know what he's doing right now he doesn't want to go because i want to call in oh yeah that was tricky that was a tricky move. Dude, if I get fired, I get fired. Wait, you just got a text. You just text Gaz.

Yeah, you did. What'd you do? Mr. Gaz. Mr. Gaz, they're making me spy on you. I'll be up at 154. Come on, Owen. Just a little undercover meeting. I mean, I've been physically uncomfortable all day thinking about this meeting.

Can I take my one pass? No. Yeah, you don't have a pass. All right. So you're going to go do your meeting? I think so. You might have grabbed Evan first. I was just going to check.

You guys need anything? No, I need you to call in just for the first minute. And then you can get to the real stuff. All right. I mean, I already told Gaz that you're my guy. You're pretty much safe. I'll call him. You're safe.

You're the whole graveyard of guys. And you're wearing a big dog shirt. Yeah, dude. That's the most intimidating thing you can do at a meeting. Yes. You're good. Alright, I'll call him. He got some confidence. Do you have the number? he looked down at that dog and he got some confidence

no call the number go talk to Colby he just did it last week did he lose the number I'm trying to get gas to look at his phone fire him to fire him alright you got the number what if he cries probably will now you can't cry so so wait are you saying

um are you good yeah all right he's giving thumbs up call in if you what are you doing if you cry in a big dog shirt it just vanishes the dog bites you. I don't know if Gaz looked at his phone, though. I said, Owen's going to come in and record it. He for sure looked at his phone. Fire him in the first hour, first minute. His PowerPoint is on his phone. Not for real.

We'll see where it goes. Where the hell is he? He's not calling in. He's not calling in? Oh, he's coming back down. He's not calling in. He's not calling in? No. Oh, he's coming back down. He's coming back down. He's coming back down. He's coming back down.

Can't find Gaz. Gaz is in a meeting with somebody else already. He lost his meeting time. He's in trouble. Are you in trouble? No, I think somebody else just took my spot. What? Can we hear their meeting?

Who? Yeah. So are you going to call? Yeah, when I get up there for sure. All right. Who took your spot? Evan. All right.

So when Evan comes down, I'll go up. And there's Evan. There's Evan right there. There he is. Wait, Evan, hold on. No, he's paused. No, he's just looking at his phone. What is he doing? He's paused. Hold on. He's not a fear zone. Hold on. You gotta wait until he comes all the way down.

No. And now, call. Call. I just texted Evan. Try to tell Gaz to look at his phone. Oh, Gaz saw it. Alright. Is this? We're going to. I don't know about this.

Does Gaz have acting chops? Oh, there we go. Muted. Muted, Owen. Oh, unmuted. All right. All right. So.

Hello. Hey. Yeah, you're good. So summer internship, they turn into a fall internship. I'm going through the stuff that you listed out that you did. You basically talked about a two-prong approach for staff and trends. Can you give me a little bit more information about that? Yeah, so me and Evan, obviously, the last five. For everyone listening, Gaz knows.

Uniforms and dead mascots, those do well. But then we've also been gaining a lot of traction, more deep dive stats and offensive efficiency and stuff like that. So it's like, that's actually useful for gamblers. Yeah. And looking for the, you're picking up other things outside of gambling.

So Enos, what are you going to do for him? I'll be like, producing like a third mic on there. Third mic and do it. Like, yeah, he is. They want to go producing it. I'll be like, producing the third mic on there. Third mic and do it super good. I thought John Lowe was producing that. Yeah, he is.

So you're producing it? That's what they call me. I just sit in their meetings. So you just sit there, okay. The Yak. Did you authorize the Yak Twitter to become active? Because Dave Bourne and I did not want that. I'm not sure.

You're not sure? Yeah. You need to start. Who gave you the ability to post? Like Big Cat, MKB, and Nick. All three of them gave it to me. I'm going to go up. Oh, this is getting bad.

You have, like, a spider. He's on the killer. Spider has tasks. What spider did you feel I need to so some random fun stuff I've done is

random odd jobs getting copies finding dolphin costumes for advisors Jimmy suits for big cat

making fake IDs for Rome yeah you made fake IDs for Rome for what

like Notre Dame student IDs sounds like you're about to get fired Yeah. Wait, wait. You made fake IDs for Rome? For what? Like Notre Dame student IDs. Sounds like you're about to get fired, so I'm going to hang this up. Oh, man. Wait, wait, wait. That felt like it was pretty real. I don't think Gaz got the text. I think Gaz did not get the text. You know what?

Good on Owen for ratting out all of us instead of just one of us. No, he didn't rat me out. He ratted all of you guys out. We wouldn't let you have the yak password. I know. That would just be selfies of your good hair days. Yeah. He's freaking out. Is he? Oh, my God. your good hair days. Yeah. He's freaking out.

Is he? Oh, my God. I feel pretty bad. No. No, because Gaz laughed. Gaz was like, yeah, Dan told me beforehand. Gaz did a damn good job. Really good job.

I thought he was going to get right into it. I thought I was going to get fired. I felt nerves for myself. Everyone listening, Owen's not going to get fired. I gave him a seal of approval yesterday with Gaz, so he's good. That was fucking hilarious. That was good. Oh, my God.

I can't wait until he comes back down. He's probably going to be shaking. That knee is going to be going off the chain. It's going to look like the Richter scale in tremors. I wanted to see where he was going to get. He was going to just bring him down slowly and painfully. Oh, Gaz is good at that shit. Yeah.

I texted Gaz. I was like, hey, just, yeah. Just like everything he said to him was a blow. I thought he was just going to be like, hey, man, not in the budget to keep you around. No. He was like – No. It was just like –

What did he say when I went up? It was just getting worse. He was like, he's bringing up Roan's – you got fake IDs for Roan? Who authorized this? You're doing odd jobs. You're making him feel real shitty about his dolphin costume my god that was great that was great radio damn you could hear the emotion in owen's voice

oh my god incredible just what imagine this kid's last 20 minutes. He had to read how it became such a cum whore. He's doing a great job though. He's fucking hilarious. He's crushing it. He's also pretty much got a job for life now because I like if anyone does it's him. Right. Well, he's

going to be a big dog. Gaz was like, what do you think? And I was like, yeah, Owen's a fucking star. Yeah. He is. Reluctant. Reluctant star, but a star nonetheless. We will drag him to stardom.

Yeah. Owen's going to be the next Bachelor. Owen called me once and I picked up and he said, hey. And I didn't know if something good happened or something tragic happened. He's impossible to read. Oh, here he comes. All right, all right. Come on. Come on.

We'll get Kaz too. Yeah, yeah. Owen still doesn't look happy. Owen, how are you feeling? Another classic gotcha. Kaz, what did you? Jesus Christ. Yeah jesus christ you got him good i was like you had him yeah no he's rattled he's like he was just talking when he walked down the stairs like i wish this was like the one thing i could have had like to myself i really wanted to have

i really wanted to have a conversation with you about the future and like you had it after no he did after so yes do you think you over delivered no he did perfectly i was like i mean he said he had like a whole sheet broken down he was very good i started picking the weird shit what his own full time uh no not not carly we'd love to have him full time i just got to work through the timing yeah i think he's done a great job you're gonna be you're gonna be full time eventually so did it go well after we hung up uh yeah i think so i was a little, just getting my equilibrium back. Oh, it's equilibrium. What is that?

Are you shaking? You were trying to answer. I knew something was awry when you said Dave in the Yak account. I feel like he probably doesn't know there's a Yak. No, Dave definitely didn't. No, that was all real. No, that was very true. That was a callback to me.

Yeah, that was from a deep move to me. Way back. Alright, yeah, so, yeah. I don't know. All right, but he got glowing reviews. Yeah, everyone he's worked with has been very happy, so it's good. We love him. I don't think anyone's had anything

bad to say about Owen. Group chat. When he was on our group chat for the first time. Oh, bestiality. Should we bring that up? No, not in front of gas. It's low-tier bestiality. Yeah, grade one.

Not even a felony. Standard stuff, really. Misdemeanor. So the Yak is Owen's only show. Some of us have more than one show. And one of us has 10 to 20 shows. That one person's only show. Some of us have more than one show and one of us has 10 to 20 shows. That one person's Brandon Walker. And he added one more show to his repertoire pretty recently.

And it's a show called Rasslin. And Steve, can you spell that for me? I believe that's R-A-S-S-L-I-N. That's Rasslin. That's Rasslin, Steve. Yeah,

it is. And every good show needs a theme song, and we're lucky enough to have world champion, back-to-back battle rapper Adam Ferone sit at the panel with us, and he just pulled a beautiful song out of

midair and gifted it to Brandon for him to use. And here is a look into a genius's mind. Well, I'm getting really into wrestling. Is Chris coming up here anytime soon? There was a little bit of a Randy Newman

very literal element of like he was literally just saying what he saw on Monday Night Raw. I like to get drunk and then beat my wife. I'll do it once and then I'll do it twice. That's wrestling. One of the lines was literally just under the giant. Damn, he's tall.

Yeah. Yeah. So Friday I'll announce the name of it. Of what? My new podcast. Oh, dude. We've moved on from that. We've talked about that 15 minutes ago. Sorry.

That song makes me want to shoot the shit. Uh-huh. Shoot the leg. On a podcast. On a Friday. Yeah. On a Black Friday. R-A-S-S-L-I-N-S-R-E-S-L-I-N.

What did you say? Wrestling. That's wrestling. Rowan could rewrite this song. He said, I'll beat my... He said, I'll beat my... I'll do it once and I'll do it twice. No, he won't do it three times.

That's wrestling. But that old bitch won't get three hits out of me. I got something more important to see. That's wrestling. He's like, I don't got time to hit her three times. I got wrestling. I neglect my wife. I neglect my kids.

And that's probably why they died of stiz. That's right. Oh, man. This is great. We might have to have you rewrite this song. Freestyle the whole way. We could put it as, like, the intro to a podcast. Not a single wrestling reference.

It's all just about his wife. How sad his life is. The hell that his wife's going through on a daily basis. You remember I was saying that before you came in when Steven asked, because the act is actually going to be three years old soon. Shut up. It can drink legally.

Yeah, legally drink. If you're a wrestler. In wrestling years, it can drink. I gave're a wrestler, you can. In wrestling years, it can drink. It can. I gave my old woman the mandible claw, then did my kids up like Chris Benoit. That's wrestling. I said it wrong.

No. Shit. I think you got to remake that. Your mind fascinates me. The best part is that is fucking genius. That really is. That is. That is. That is.

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that's exactly uh it's it's fuck fm um it's nonsensical. It's loud. And we say fuck a lot. Right. Especially for just FM radio. More than you should be able to say it. And, you know, we were just like, where can we use fuck FM? And I think we forgot that we're on a radio show every day, which would make the most sense to test out Fuck FM. Sure. And a lot of blown and peaked speakers later. Fuck FM has kind of become a mainstay in everybody's lives. Everybody just needs a little Fuck FM every once in a while. But here's the first time that we ever launched Fuck FM. All right.

Welcome back to the Yeah. You feeling that in the air? Brandon, you flinched. I did flinch. I did flinch. Why don't you step up and get on one? Scared little bitch over here. Come up here. I'm on one. Are you guys on one? I didn't hear your

piece. I don't know how to do a gunshot. Pew, pew. Alright, that works. You afraid of heights? Come up here. Get up here. Here we are. Let's be on one. You guys are on one. Yeah. How you guys doing? Good to see you. Doing okay? Good.

Good. I was worried you weren't going to be here. Why is that? Just was. I was worried you weren't gonna be here why is that just was i was worried you weren't gonna be here but you are here i am here kyle is here it is me kyle and nick and we're doing the act big cat will probably be back halfway through the show maybe cool possibly and okay not ready at all he's not ready steve not ready come on up here with us get Get on one. What's up? Hi, Steve. How are we doing?

I'm doing good. Are you on one? I'm always on one, dude. Yeah, he is. We're on one. For those listening at home, Steve just pulled down his mask, put up a peace sign, and licked between the fingers. Yeah, he did.

Yeah. Yeah. Ew. Well, that's kind of weird. Yeah. Good technique. I've been told that before. No. It was kind of weird. Yeah. Good technique. I've been told that before. So, so what are we going to do?

Praised pussy lickers. Stephen Chan. Welcome back to Fuck FM. You're listening to Fuck FM. Live from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I'm Brandon Walker. Let's talk about high school football. Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I'm Brandon Walker. Brandon, Brandon. Let's talk about high school football.

97.3. Fuck, FM. I want someone who just covers, like, factual football information in that cadence. Yeah. He talks about, like, Louisiana Tech's three-point victory over UL Monroe. Fuck, FM, with Brandon and the well Monroe. Yeah. This side with Brandon and the clear. Let's talk about laughing overtime win over Tulsa.

Yeah. He was so fucking excited all the time. Yeah. That's how he talks. Yeah. Oh, leaves the studio and goes to the Hardys in ruston

louisiana yeah uh let's shoot over to birmingham suburban high school football the hoover hi squeaked out a big win i don't even know what voice said it's getting oh man fuck fm i had that program what's even more like boring than high school football let's talk about local government city government city uh supervisors meetings or aldermen's meetings wheeling has one where they they have a pick them for West Virginia football. And everybody on the panel was eight and eight. I remember that from the newspaper. They would all pick the local high school games. Then like WVU and Marshall games as well.

Yeah. They were all the same experts. The first time I thought I made it in life is when I was on the pick them on the news in our local newspaper. Yeah. I have my picture in the pick them. I thought that was it. life is when I was on the pick them on the news in our local newspaper. Yeah. I had my picture in the pick them. I thought that was it. That was the pinnacle of human existence. Welcome back to Fuck FM.

The Panera on fourth and third. Just close down. Do the weather. Why are you so loud now? Do the weather. I don't know, dude. You were boring me. Yeah, you do the weather.

You're my co-host, Nick Fuck. Nick Fuck would be on Fuck FM. The titular character. The titular character of Fuck FM. I'll interrupt Brandon with the weather here later on in the show. Okay, so the weather's coming. Yeah. Let's just get some fucking calls in.

You're approaching on one. Am I getting on one?'s just get some fucking calls in. You're approaching on one. Am I getting on one? Let's take some fucking calls. Braxton in Portland who's having girl problems. You got this one. You're supposed to talk now. Braxton, how we feeling? What's the issue, brother? Chicks are chit.

Well, I'm glad I called in to fuck FM because I'm fucked, boy. Spill the beans. boy got into the podcast endeavor and my girlfriend thinks that it takes too much time and she's making this ultimatum either it's me or the podcast she makes fun of me because i try to run social media for this thing and we have you know our followers are growing but it's you know if you guys know when you start it's small and she makes fun of us we don't have enough followers not worth my time do I continue to pursue the podcast or do I stick with the girls yeah well brother it's I can't yeah it's a passion project so I mean no no what why are you getting out i can't do it i can't um i can't because this is real do you do it because you're passionate about it or because you want to grow and become

big and profitable honestly it's just because i love it i mean it's a sports and gambling podcast in oregon which is like very very new in the state. She should let that go. How hot is the girl? She's pretty damn hot. She's an incredible woman. Couple tits. She does not.

She does have a pair of tits, yes. She got two? You can't give up a twofer. She's just not into sports. tits, yes. She got two? Oh, man, you gotta... You can't give up a twofer. But it's like she's just not into sports. Oh, okay, okay. Alright, the key question. How good

looking are you? Can you go to the girlfriend well and get another one, or is it a long time in between? Spence? It's not Spence. It's Brandon. It's Braxton. Is it Braxton? Braxton. Throw her on the line. Braxton, you want to put her on? She's at work.

You think I'd be talking about this out loud at home? You live with her? Maybe she was in the den. In the cave. Yeah, we live together. Just throw us her line. Just look at it through her perspective.'s her number you ready yeah i'm just kidding yeah you got us that would have been good imagine like dating a aspiring podcaster though it's like it's your like 12th anniversary

just like baby i got you this blue microphone i got this yeti yeah well yeah i got the snowball. Well, I guess my final question is, do you guys have any advice for somebody in my position? Is there a secret sauce getting this thing to kick off? Don't walk away from regular pussy just to do a podcast. I was going to say you could have the best of both worlds

if it's a fake podcast. Because I have a fake podcast and Kyle, you get enough could have the best of both worlds if it's a fake podcast. Yeah, because I have a fake podcast. And Kyle, you get enough pussy for the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I do. It sucks. All right. Thank you, Braxton.

That takes an hour. Keep doing it. Maybe make it unique. How often is he podcasting this affecting his relationship? He's doing a daily podcast. Sounds like that guy was a grower, not a showman. Steve. This is my co-host, Stephen Klitt.

Steve Klitt. I'm coming at you through the airwaves. I'm taking a leave of absence because the doctor found a lump on my testicle. All right. Okay. Steve Clit. Nick Fox. Steve Clit. And Kyle. You're just Kyle? Yeah.

Steve, you know what music we play on Fuck FM? What's that, Nick? We would play Nickelback, led by Chad Kroger. Because not only do Fuck FM and Nickelback demographics overlap heavily, Chad Kroger, well, when you fuck, you cum. Unless you're a woman. Unless you're a woman. Unless you're a woman. That's right.

But fuck FM's for men only. And when you fuck, you come. And nobody comes more than Chad Kroger. And we have proof of that because we had a leaked tape of Chad Kroger recording Rockstar for the first time. And we played it on the radio. And here is that. So what do we think about Owen's first directions?

The one makes sense because the mother is gorgeous. Stacey's mom. Put together. Undefeated. She is undefeated. She's fucking stacked in the tit region. 2-0. And I just want to be bit.

Yeah, that'll do it. I can see that doing it. Yeah, that would do it. Chad Kroger. Chad Kroger was coming. He's coming. People don't know that. People think it's autotune. Chad was amidst an orgasm when he recorded Rockstar. That's right.

And they're like, it's not quite there, but we need you to keep coming while we record the next while we record this again. So I had to keep. He almost died. Every time they tried to record a final track, he had to come. He was hooked up to an IV. The final track. But you don't need to come during your

live shows. It scares off the teens. Chad your live shows. It scares off the teens. Chad Kroger cannot perform at his Winnipeg show. Well, he can. 18 plus. I think that's the reason Avril Lavigne left him. He would only bust when he was singing his own

song. Well, it's complicated. he would only bust when he was singing his own song well it's complicated yeah we know no nick we can work with that so that was chad kroger next on the list is enterprise guy um i'm i don't have a

fucking clue what that is um is if it could be a star trek thing or a rental car thing steve if you want to take the take the wheel on this yeah this predates you um by quite some bit i think this was like 2018 maybe but this was a legendary call from a guy named campbell in chicago who used to work for enterprise rent-a-car and caleb was kind of thinking out loud and wondering the difference between enterprise rent a car and like uber a car or a ride sharing service um campbell explains to us in great detail as well as an incredible story about iman shumpert so here's that

what's the difference between enterprise and Uber? Uber are professionals. They fucking go to your house. You're paying them. Enterprise doesn't get any fucking pay for picking you up at your fucking house. They hope that you'll rent that goddamn car. And a lot of times, you can't. Yeah. Okay, Campbell.

Take your big ass back to your fucking house. Or then the... You said said something like what if the person wants to go to fucking um like will they take you to fucking like burger king yes they will i want to get my lunch before i go home i'm like what other fucking company fucking do that shit nobody enterprise does because they're so fucking desperate for that fucking customer service call that they will fucking do whatever you need them to do. Campbell, I tell you what. Can I ask one last question here?

You clearly had a lot of pent-up rage. It feels like you've been walking around with a lot of anxiety. Not anxiety, some angst, some rage in your neck, in your shoulder muscles. Did this call at least alleviate some of it? Yes, but I did want to get into maybe some of the, I did happen to pick up a few celebrities that maybe you guys would be interested in, but maybe you don't have time for that. No, give us the top two celebrities you picked up with enterprise okay i'll i'll tell you this now you know oak park

right big cat yep yep where amand schumpert who was then with the nick uh yeah i mean that's where he's from so yeah i make the mistake of fucking trying to relate to him as a human I fucking say hey how you doing I was the only fucking person in that fucking lobby who knew who the fuck he was and you think he was gonna he said absolutely fucking

nothing he's like um uh I actually complimented his game 5 he had a game 5 against the fucking Pacers. They were down by like 12 fucking points, and he shot them into the game in like 90 seconds or some shit. I fucking complimented him, and he said nothing. Nothing.

See, who doesn't fucking return a compliment? In his defense, wait. In his defense, Campbell, in his defense, you were just the Enterprise guy. Yeah, well, fuck him. I'm a human being. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. So he wants a specific car.

So I say to him, well, he came at fucking 1230 at night. We didn't have any fucking cars. He's lucky he could have gotten anything, but he didn't want to be seen out in Chicago with his boys in some shitbox. So he wanted fucking something luxury. Well, the only thing we had was like a towel, but he

really wanted to drive a fucking Dodge Challenger, I think it was. And he's like, hey, if you find one of those, will you hold me one? Will you hold one for me? And I'm like, because I'm a fucking pussy-ass bitch who tries to relate to fucking people, I fucking say yeah. And so I called him the very next day, and I say to him, I say, he actually picked up.

I was really surprised. He picks up. Apparently he's at the gym. And I'm like, Amon, we have that Challenger. What color is it? It's red. Do you have it in white? No, we don't.

And then he's like, well, okay, will you bring it to me? And I'm like, well, I'm such a pussy. I'm like, well, maybe we will bring it to you because I'm a pussy who likes to relate to fucking people. So I say, well, honestly, I don't think my manager will let me. My manager will not let me do that. And he goes, fuck it. I don't want the car then. And he goes, fuck it. I don't want the car then. And he hangs up. And I swear to God, every fucking time I see that bitch on TV, I fucking boo his ass.

When they won that fucking ring, I said, I hope they lose it in the mail. I hope they lose that in the mail. Yeah. In an envelope. That's why I'm on the cover story. And I did pick up Kate Upton, and she was kind of a bitch. Campbell, thanks for the call, dude. Unreal call. I'll tell you what.

Appreciate the call. That was maybe the best commercial for Enterprise I've ever heard. Those people have to do everything I tell them. Screaming at himself. Because I'm a fucking pussy. That's a guy whose steak he orders at a medium rare and it comes a medium he doesn't complain to them but his wife hears about it for weeks yeah he's like god damn it why campbell why didn't you get a different fucking steak because i'm a

fucking pussy you didn't send it back call it anytime you want man that was a fantastic call and since this is going to be coming out on New Year's Day, I wanted to share one story. One more story from recording the pod. Actually, KB told a very funny story about a Facebook message he received at New Year's Eve on midnight. Enjoy. I love anticipation. Anticipation is better than the event. Yeah, always.

Always. I've never enjoyed New Year's Eve I don't think anybody has yeah I don't think there's a person on earth that has enjoyed that is actually a good argument nobody has no I don't think they have it's miserable

it is no matter where you go I would not want to be in New York oh I don't want to be in New York now do you think the people in Times Square all cold and pissing their drawers and their pantalons, do you think they're secretly in the back of their mind hoping for

some... I don't know. Go on. Something to really... Go on. Like a tragedy? To mark the occasion? Nothing horrific but like something where they just like hundreds died not even dozens one one something that really uh maybe get some out of it nobody wants to be oh like eight and you definitely don't want that to happen at like

12 15 you want to happen at 8 30 so yeah it goes So it gets you out of there and you don't have to endure the whole thing. Steve, have you ever been to a ball dropping? In Times Square? Yeah. Anywhere. I have not. No, no, no. But I mean, I think New Year's Eve is fun for people.

Anyone, if you're looking for a smooch and you got someone you're particularly eyeing, and they're also open to that. There was a girl that I went to a party specifically to be next to she didn't kiss me and i just uh i added her on she added me on facebook like two weeks ago this is very true she is dating a woman that looks exactly like me it is shocking i was so i was like one thing away from getting that kiss. One three and a half inch thing away from getting a New Year's Eve smooch. One less, yeah. This cursed... That's hot.

You said one too many things. It was astounding. Yeah. And Steve, I think that the same applies to kissing. Like the excitement for a smooch. Does anyone have fun kissing? No. Is anyone like, this is a blast i think you

do to a certain age no i think you do to a certain age no i keep my eyes open and look at them and make sure that they're keep they're they are not having fun this is another i tweeted about this before but one time i was in chattanooga for a wrestling tournament on New Year's Eve in the hotel. At like 12.01, I get a Facebook message from my former orthodontist. And it just said, how are those teeth holding up, kiddo? And then I ended up falling asleep. The next morning, I go back to look at it and show my teammates. And it's gone. And his profile is deleted.

How are those teeth holding up, kiddo? 12.01. Yeah. He was trying to get on his New Year's resolution quick, which was fuck you. Profile gone. Still practices in my hometown. Is he the McTickler?

No. This guy is not a non-fictional human. My parents probably see at the supermarket pretty often. they're pushing that cart around respects they see them how those teeth holding up kiddo how those teeth holding up kiddo it's 1201 it was right after the ball drop oh man okay all right