The Yak - An All-Out War Ensues Over Spaghetti | The Yak 9-28-23

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Spaghetti wins you championshipsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. Hey! The Yak. Roback.com. Promo code YAK. 20% off your first purchase. Tell them about the Q-Zips.

Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. They'll fuck you up with clothes. The Yak, 20% off, first purchase. I love it. I'm wearing a t-shirt right now. That's a rowback. I got my rowback hoodie on right now. You got your rowback hoodie? Mm-hmm.

Am I dressed too nicely? I got joggers on. I think you're a little too stylish. I don't like these pants. I bought them and I don't like them. That's a cool pair. Solid black tee, open flannel. It'll never work yeah i think i'm i think i think i gotta go back to joggers and just a t-shirt

you're scared you look too good no i don't i know i don't look good um because i i buy clothes that look good online and then they show up and then you put it on this body, and it's like, ugh. I'm not going to lie. You were too fashionable for hacky just a minute ago. I was too fashionable for hacky, but I, every, like, it's usually around fall, but, like, every six to 12 months, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to start dressing well, and I'm going to, like, I can afford nice clothes, and then I buy a bunch of stuff, and then I never wear it because I'm like, fuck this. Is this our fall look? It was the start of it, and I don't feel good about it.

I really don't feel good about it. That would be my best fit by a mile. Should I hold off? I'll dress you. Wait. Hold off for a second. Yeah, I'll dress you. You'll dress me?

Yeah, I'll dress you. I kind of like the sweatpants. Dressing is a rush unlike anything else. Dressing? I love dressing people Putting somebody up and something you picked out or your own Yeah, just getting them all set up Getting them all looking nice

All hot and shit A little more Yeah I need it I kissed Mook earlier Yeah, he thought you were going for the lips And he turned and got you on the Yeah, you guys kissed on the lips

No, he didn't No, I kissed him on the side of the cheek Closest to the lips I blacked out hard during that Well, I was closest on the lips i didn't know he didn't know i kissed him on the side of the cheek uh closest to the lips i blacked out hard during that well i was closest to the lips what was the context of this oh hey that was just a kiss we were playing hacky sack we're playing hacky sack mook and i had really bad chemistry i was like let's fix this i'm gonna kiss you i went in for a kiss on the lips and then i was like hold on you're technically kind of sort of his boss if you do this he can then own all of barstool sports which is worth one dollar nobody wants uh nobody wants mook to be there and so then i went i i pivoted audible cheek kiss yeah and then we got

it right away i saw the video yesterday of you guys sacking it up. And when the sack falls and you all celebrate, it felt like Mook was a little aggressive coming to bear hug Nick. That was my... He's never done leap before to me. Watch this. And then he just sprints over. Holy shit!

Wait, it gets better. You're so right! Oh, my God! Everyone else. I needed some love. I was looking for love. There's so many other people around, too. He goes right for Nick.

Thank you. Get over here. And then he goes for a high five with Rudy. Oh, no. Got it. Nick kind of friend-zoned him. Nick, you kind of like stiff-armed him out of the way.

Mook and I have never hugged. That was the first one. That was like an 1,000th hug. You went in like we've hugged 999 times. That looked like you woke up on Wednesday morning and you're like, okay, so today we're going to hack a sack. When we get it, that's your time. You go for it, Connor. You go

for the big hug. He's on the phone with his mom, and he's like, Mom, you don't understand. I can't hug him. And she's like, just wait until the hacky sack. He's like, all right, I'll try. I'm going to watch that again. Fine, I'll try today. You tried to jump into his arms.

I got airborne. You tried to jump into his arms. That was the highest I've ever jumped. But then how did you end up all the way back there? Did I throw you? Yeah. Did you OLE? I think I kept looking for more hugs.

But yeah, I was excited. But yeah, you got back there fat. Both? Oh my God. In half a second, you're... Yeah, he wanted to be held. I was excited. Why with Nick, though, was that held I was excited Why with Nick though?

There was nothing that happened Yeah, you ran past every other guy He loves me He fucking loves me Nick, did you register this as, oh boy, here he comes I knew it was coming I knew he's been wanting to for a while I was bouncy

I was bouncy as hell He just locks it That was offensive lineman You're like actually worried You're like, yo dude, what are you about to do? I was bouncy as hell. He just locks it. That was an offensive lineman. You're like actually worried. You're like, yo, dude, what are you about to do? Holy fuck. Yeah.

Someone pointed out I had gay hands earlier in that video too. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Watch it while you're playing. We got to get you like the carpal tunnel thing. It's always like you got your nails done. Because do we have the video of Mook kicking the punch from the house? Because he

always acts like he got five inch acrylics from the salon. Holy fuck. Oh man. We have a published author, Mark Titus, on the show today yeah uh for good reason for good reason um i have three wheels for us today yes to decide what smut we'll be writing about because we have to have the smut submitted by next week yeah so all of us have to submit a

short smut story so i figured to push the creative process, you'll be assigned your beast, their trait, and then the partner they'll be with. Now, the other thing is, I talked to TJ last night. We got to figure out how we're going to do this because I don't know how many people, it dawned on me, how many people are actually going to buy this book? Because the book is going to be garbage. A lot of people i think a lot of people i think that's the that's the reason people will buy it okay yeah now do

it but should we do an ebook option as well i think so yeah because then we could maybe become like what if we did an ebook for a dollar and then like became a best-selling author that's what i'm talking about classic what if this breaks up the yak because you guys fight over all the money that you get from this it's uh we usually just give it to jay 1200 bucks so yeah well yeah we'll fight over it yeah yeah i'll die for 1200 bucks he genuinely will uh yeah this is exciting but also we gave ourselves accent on the homework it not homework. This is going to be fun and stimulating. It has to be written by next week.

Next week. You are on this book. I'm on it. I'll be on it. Yeah. Because we need an author and I... I fuck a lot

and I have written a book. Yeah. You have your own Wikipedia page where it talks about and this will be your second book. Yeah.

We also... We're using you using you the cover i'm thinking we need to have um a great title but i think we should give ourselves more credit for actually writing the book i think our name should be way bigger than the title big cat and co yeah but i think it should be like little title font and then just all of our names yeah huge and then just like a green cock. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we need a sexy orc on the green cover. Brandon was the inspiration, but Kyle's body, maybe his head on his body, green.

That would be orcish. Maybe we should pick one piece of all of our bodies. Whoa, yeah. There are a lot of authors that do that where the name is, the author's name is. Dan Brown. Yeah, just massive on the books. Is that something they start with or do they work towards that? They have to work.

You have to work towards that. It's probably a big moment. I think we should go one further. I think it should be all of our names and then it'd be like, has written and then the name of the title. Real small. Just really give ourselves all the credit. Our name should be so big that the cover's on the back.

And we get... Has anyone been in touch with Sue Mercury? No, I was kind of trying to hope she would reach out to me. I'm going to follow her right now, because really what would take this over the top is Sue Mercury writing the prologue. Oh, yeah. Could you imagine? Or maybe just a review on the back?

She is our inspiration. Sue Mercury writes a chapter, and everyone has to guess which chapter was hers. Yeah. So what I'm thinking is we do a collection of short stories so there doesn't have to be continuity, so we just write our sex scenes. Yes.

Yes. I mean, I've been thinking about mine a lot. I don't know about you guys. Well, you don't know what beast you're going to have a lot i don't know about you well you don't know what beast you're gonna have and you don't know their trait yeah or what they're fighting i think nick the only thing i'm gonna say is maybe you can do this as a final editor which i just gave you that job right this second very cool i think we should do we should do short stories but we should also they should be independent short stories but the first sentence

of the next story should allude to the previous story. Okay, so maybe it's different stories happening in the same universe. Yeah, it doesn't, no, I don't even think, like, I think at the end when we all submit our chapters, like you go chapter two and it will be like, yeah, about that, and then just something totally different. Meanwhile, down the street. Yeah, you're going to start every.

Exactly. Every chapter just starts with the word meanwhile. Yeah. You're good. That's all you need. All right. That way we can loosely say that there. One whole novel.

Yeah, we won't even call it short stories. And then if we sell enough, we should make a promise to like, we will have this turn into a film. Yeah. Yes. Also, too, we have to do a small book tour, like readings. We have to take a couple bookshops in Chicago and do. That could probably work. Yeah, I know.

We need to find like a small independent bookstore. I want Fleming to voice the audio book. I can't wait to write mine. I'm nervous. Are we going to a certain amount of words? No. Okay. It ends at the cum shot, I'd imagine. Yeah, mine. I'm nervous. Are we getting a certain amount of words? No. Okay. It ends at the cum shot, I'd imagine.

Yeah, and then we'll have... So it has to end at the cum shot. There's a cum shot. We promise one cum shot per chapter. It's a guarantee. And if we forget, you will get your money back. I'm hoping... I think I'll feel bad if my chapter doesn't make people a little horny.

So theoretically... Oh, absolutely. That's the goal here. That's the goal. If the orc comes too fast, the chapter's too short. I think I'll feel bad if my chapter doesn't make people a little horny. Like, I want— So, theoretically— Oh, absolutely. That's the goal here. That's the goal. If the orc comes too fast, the chapter's too short. Orc's already been taken. I had used other beasts. Oh, okay.

Sorry, sorry. Everybody will have their own beast. How many beasts are there? So many. Is there a barstool beast? No, there's no barstool beast, but there are— I'm not trying to make this a joke. I want this to be—

Brandon, your chapter could be like the verse in the Bible that's just Jesus wept. Just like, I came. Minotaur came. Just one sentence. Wait, do we have how many? Ten. Ten. Okay, great.

So Che's not here today. He's suspended for the day for his comments about cheating. For inciting violence. Also, he might have a doctor's appointment. That also might have happened at the same time. But He's suspended for the day for his comments about you. For inciting violence. Also, he might have a doctor's appointment. That also might have happened at the same time. But he's suspended for the day. Okay. I'm so excited to do this.

And TJ, who's going to illustrate? Are we going to have it? Is Triggs going to help us? I think we'll probably run some AI. Oh, yeah. Shouldn't be too hard. Yeah. Text Quigs about it. I want a lot of pictures. Shouldn't be too hard. Yeah. Text Quigs about it.

I want a lot of pictures. Yeah. In the book? Yeah. I don't make it considerably more expensive, I would think. What if they're printed

in black and white? Yeah, black and white. Okay. I have no idea how That'd actually be funny if we got, like, sick AI and just made it black and white.

Yeah. Super pixelated. The e-book will have the fully colored. Full color photos. This book is going to be. We're all going to be very, very wealthy. Yeah.

Can we put a condom in each book or lube? Oh, yes. You can drink off while you're going. Like a bundle that comes with a yak condom. Yeah, one page is just lube. What if we get a sponsor? We could have a sponsor by Bluetooth. We should have the page number go from Yeah. We should have the book,

like the page number go from high to low so it's a countdown to come. Oh. What if the book has a hole in it that you can actually fuck the book?

Fuck the book. Fuck the book. Two pages come pre-stuck together. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. You know what? Fuck it.

Brandon will come in one of them. Brandon will come in all of them. I'll come in all the books. That's his signature. We all sign in and Brandon comes in. Okay, so let's figure out what we're going to do.

Yeah, so who wants to go first? Well, what wheels first? Beast. Beast. Of course. All right, we should maybe just go around the room. And assign a beast to everybody? Yeah.

Wait, what are the three wheels? Beast, their attribute, and then their partner. I think we should just knock it all out at once. So like if Kate goes, she gets her beast, she gets her attribute, she gets her partner. How do we decide order? Where the chapters go? Let's go female to male. I guess Kate first. So then everybody second?

Yeah. People are... TJ put up a poll. How much would people pay for the book? And 22% said, I won't buy it. Okay. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Cool. Please upvote the stream, though. 78% of people will buy it. You can do that. That's free. That's free. 78 is crazy. Okay.

Okay. All right. So we got Beast Wheel up first. What's that? Beast Wheel. Of course. So we have G Wheel up first. What's that? Of course. So we have Gremlin Yeti, a devious hobgoblin, Harpy. What is that? A forest nymph, a goo beast, and a Dracotar, Cyclops, Leprechaun, Chimera.

What's a goo beast? That's one of the easier ones to understand. That's a common goo beast. Okay. It's more blob than anything. They oftentimes have tusks. What's a common goo beast. It's more blob than anything. They oftentimes have tusks. What's a harpy? A harpy is a sexy, sexy

winged humanoid. Do you guys have one that you want? I kind of want a yeti. I want a yeti as well. I've lived yeti. I want one that I know what it is. Yeah, that's true. What about if it lands on it, we can pull up what it is? Yeah, let's show the people.

And of course, I know people are going to be on me. Yes, most hobgoblins are devious, but I want this one to be extra devious. Hobgoblins are more wily, but I want it devious. Okay. Here we go, Kate. Kate, what will your beast be? Yeti or goo beast? Yeti or goo beast?

Forest nymph would be good. I need dracotard. That's half dragon, half man. Oh! That's a classic. I'm not mad at that. Ladies, stay tuned. And then we'll find out what his attribute is, what he's into.

Do Cyclops have anything else other than just the one eye? They're jacked. You've got a penis. They're super ripped. He has to have a penis. Oh, they're known for that. Huge. What if he had two penises?

He might have. Are there female Cyclops? A race of giants. Yeah, they're giant. Yep. Oh, nice. Mm-hmm. Yep.

That guy looks like he has... Wait, do they have two eyes and an extra eye? No. No, just one. My Cyclops would just have one. Yeah, like the statue one looks, you know, like he could fuck, but then the one on the top right looked like a, like, yeah. He's never fucked.

My ex used to date a Cyclops, and she just. The comparisons. I would. He'd be a full body. Okay. All right, what's he into Yeah so it could be A tease god A third party bull

Dies after orgasm Death There's two of them Mega titty Has 18 cock Pussy junkie Rock hard virgin Wait what's pussy junk

That's like That's like you're Like You're Think of like a heroin junkie But they're that Oh this is what This is an adjective Rock hard virgin. Wait, what's pussy, Joe? That's like you're, like, think of, like, a heroin junkie, but they're that. Oh, this is what the, this is an adjective describing the cyclops.

That or, like, if, like, maybe the chick he's with has mega titty. Right. Got it. Or the cyclops has 18 cocks. Cum flood. Cum flood, that's something. Jeff. Jeff.

I miss Jeff. I can work with Jeff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I want Dye's post-orgasm. I can work with death Oh yeah Okay Yeah I want dies post orgasm That would be Oh

Oh Oh This is gonna be a sad sad chapter This is gonna be a very sad chapter Oh this is gonna be really really sad Are you writing these down Zaha? Alright good thanks And then let's just find out who he's fucking.

Oh, this is who he's fucking? Yeah. Where is up to us? Where is up to you? This is just a jump start. It's either an 18-year-old virgin or Brandon. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. I really want Brandon to get the cum flood chapter, so let's hope that doesn't happen. Oh, that. Oh, man. I really want Brandon to get the cum flood chapter, so let's hope he doesn't have it.

Oh, that's good. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, no. An 18-year-old virgin. An 18-year-old virgin, okay. You just can't live without it. And you're not specifying gender.

No, no, it's whatever you want. Perfect. The Cyclops can beifying gender. No, no, it's whatever you want. Perfect. The Cyclops can be a female. Okay, all right. Oh, come on, let's not get crazy. Yeah. I'm all for it. Okay, so Cyclops...

Dies after orgasm. Dies after orgasm. Fucking an 18-year-old virgin. Got it. Okay. Brain's already... Already going. All right, Titus. You ever think this was going to be your second book?

I did not, no. But liar. We're here now. I really kind of want Titus to get Pussy Junkie. Of course. It would be like an autobiography. Yeah, right. I've already wrote that book.

Pussy Junkie book. I think I want Yeti. Yeah, everyone wants Yeti. But I will say... You got the Goobies? Goobies! Wait a minute. Goobies!

You got Goobies. Goobies. What does the Goobies look like? Is this the... What's the Goobies look like? Is this the... What's the Ghostbusters green guy? Slimer. Slimer, yeah. No, he's a ghost. He's just a ghost.

What does a Goobies look like? They're from the swamps, right? Goobies are oftentimes from the swamps. Oh no, they're not fuckable. Oh, jeez. No, they're fuckable. You can search Goo Monster, Goobies. Is a Venom Troll... Would a Venom Troll be considered a Goobies? No,, they're not fuckable. Oh, jeez. No, they're fuckable. Yeah, so you can search goo monster, goo beast. Is a venom troll, would a venom troll be considered a goo beast? No, because they're more solid than anything.

Goo beast, I'm thinking like top left right there. That could be a goo beast. That's a goo beast. So Chris Christie. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, got it. Do they have cocks?

Yeah, I was going to say. Oh, yeah. Asking you showers. Funny you ask. All right. Nice piece. It's doing the mookie. Oh, it's doing gay hands. Oh, my God.

He's just like us. You're my queen. Give me some meatballs. Brandon, who are you hoping for and not hoping for to get fucked by? I don't know. Which pen would you want to be fucked by? I think you don't want to be fucked by Nick or KB.

I didn't want Kate's pen and I don't want Nick or KB. Well, I don't mind Nick or KB. I don't want your pen, big cat. Yeah, no, I would go to town on you. The thing is, if I get you, I'm going to dive into Photoshop and I might ruin your life. If I get you, too, I'm going to go

full backstory. Yeah, I know. Is a goo beast a shape shifter? Yeah. So it could just become just a giant cock. It could become a dildo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goo beast could be made of cum.

Oh. That's pretty cool. Cum's good. All right. All right. I got enough now. Thanks for clarifying. Cum is good.

Oh, if he's deaf, this might throw a wrench. Because sign language is a goobiest. It's a little problematic. Oh, no. Oh, no. Deaf goobies. Deaf goobies. Oh, no. I've never heard of a deaf goobies. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I've never heard of a deaf goobies.

Oh shit. People are gonna be reading this like, this doesn't make sense. This doesn't make any sense. All right. A deaf goobies. Oh, so the goobies. This could be endearing though.

That cum shot's gonna go crazy dude. You could make the 18 year old version deaf too. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. As long as deaf is in there. Yeah. Oh. Okay. Brandon, come on. as deaf is in there. Yeah Okay

Brandon 18 year old virgin pretty cool. Yeah All right, the deaf goobies right on All right, I had that deaf 18 year old screaming You're up. All right, Luke, you're up. All right. I want to see the wheel. What would a deaf Goobies roar sound like? I don't want to hear it. Brandon.

Kind of like a drowning? Yeah. Bubbler. Like hitting a bong? Yeah. Like that, yeah. I think I want the leprechaun or the gremlin. You just want to write about yourself.

Yeah, POV, yeah. It's a little leprechaun named Mook. Ooh. You got the devious hobgoblin. That works, too. I'm down for that, yeah. Nick, can you give me some background on hobgoblin! That works too. I'm down for that. Can you give me some background on hobgoblins? Hobgoblins are usually a more petite goblin.

They're mischievous sprites. TJ, can you pull up a photo? Yeah, they're beastly for sure. But they tend to be like that's what I'm thinking of. Oh, that's the labyrinth, right? Wasn't there a hobg that's what I'm thinking of. Oh. That's the. The labyrinth, right?

Wasn't there a hobgoblin in the labyrinth? Certainly. Pretty sure. Oh, so they're little fellas. Yeah. Long fingers, though. Have you guys thought about, like, the only thing that sucks about this, we have to read Jay's chapter? Ugh.

Yeah. It's going to be so gross. It's going to be straightforward set. How much football do you think is going to be in it? It's going to be so gross It's going to be straight forward set How much football do you think It's going to be set in Tampa The devious Hobgoblin Was also the star quarterback In high school He went on to play for Notre Dame

Okay That works I can work with that Alright what do you got Alright now I'm thinking I don't understand third party bull That's cuckold Okay, that works. I can work with that. All right, what do you got? All right, now I'm thinking. I don't understand third-party bull. That's cuckold.

Okay, so there's a bull. The hobgoblin you're bringing in. Yes! It's a pussy junkie! As most are. As most hobgoblins are. Yeah, they are. They're known for that. Big guy, you're the one that told me that.

Yeah, I did. I did. Every hobgoblin I've known has been a pussy junkie. So think of like a heroin junkie. Yeah. They have to have it. It'll be smoking that told me that. Yeah, I did. Every hobgoblin I've known has been a pussy junkie. So think of like a heroin junkie. Yeah. They have to have it. It'll be smoking that pussy. Gaz. He'll suck dick for pussy. Yeah, Gaz is who you're thinking of. Maybe like Tommy Smokes a little bit.

Suck dick for pussy. I'd suck a dick for that pussy. I'm not gay. I'm so straight I'd suck dick for pussy. Just to look at a pussy. Oh my god. That I'm so straight, I'd suck dick for pussy. Just to look at a pussy. Oh my God. That's how much you're a pussy junkie.

Okay. We've all been there. Okay. And now... I want Brandon's pussy so bad. Yeah, you'd have to give Brandon a pussy. Okay.

No, but this is a good second. This is a good second choice. Devious hobgoblin, pussy junkie, and teen year old virgin. And so it's our job to think of the title, what we want our artwork to be.

And then I think it just has to end with a cum shot. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm up. Yeti. Please, Yeti. up. Yeti. Please, Yeti.

Please, Yeti. I want a Yeti to fuck Brandon. There's a lot of good things left on here. Oh, give it to me. Yeti. Yeti. Yes. Yeti.

Yes. Yes. I want a Yeti. I want the bull, and I want to fuck Brandon with both. Yeti with 18 cocks and Brandon and I want to fuck Brandon with both. Yeti with 18 cocks and Brandon. I want to make Brandon airtight. Fill all his holes. So obviously, yes, there's the Yeti.

Oh, I forgot he was a snow guy. Oh, yeah. Okay, I can work with the Yeti. That thing can fuck. Yeah. Ross Peak Yeti. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I can work with the Yeti. That thing can fuck. Ross Peak Yeti. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeti.

I do love titties. We need Brandon so badly. Brandon has mega titties We need Brandon so badly Brandon has mega titties This is Brandon Brandon please So that's what he's lusting for is mega titties Or he has mega titties Stacked yeti

Okay Come on please Please Because Brandon I mean Big Cat has the money Damn it You could hire Stephen King Come on. Please. Please. Come on. Because Brandon, I mean, Big Cat has the money. He could. Damn it. Fuck. You could hire Stephen King.

Oh, yeah. You could also fuck 18-year-old virgin Brandon. Yeah, true. Oh, my God. Yeah. Good point. Time travel. Good point.

You could even go a few years past that, probably. Good point. Virgin Brandon, yeah. Good point. Okay. All right. I feel good about mine. Yeti mega titties. I think he's going to lust for mega titt point. Okay. All right. I feel good about mine. Yeti mega titties.

I think he's going to lust for mega titties. Okay. Yeah. You're going to have a lot of titty fucking in yours out in the cold. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I need to get my cock somewhere warm. This book is going to be so gross.

Buddy's going to buy it. Disgusting. No. This book's going to be so gross. Nobody's going to buy it. Disgusting. This book's going to suck. Okay. KB. Rune for you. Brandon can't get Brandon, can he? I guess he can.

I guess he can. That's the nightmare scenario. What's that? Oh, Kyle, you're perfect for this I have no idea Is that a country? No, you need to look at this It is a unique beast And it's going to really get your mind

It's Spanish? It's multiple different beasts in one Oh, I can Oh, jeez, Kyle. I think it's lion, goat, and dragon combined. Oh, my God. It's like a Swiss Army knife of beasts. That looks awesome, Kyle.

Yeah. I'm jealous. Oh, wow. Oh, no. Oh, hey, now. What the? What? So you can have main play.

Seven examples of Jamaican. Snake play. So it's. Oh, my God, Kyle. This guy rocks. Yeah. This is. Yeah. make snake play so it's oh my god Kyle this guy rocks yeah this is it yep is it not so what do we have here that's a true down what is these are different types of beasts though that's what's the chimera all right that's the chimera yeah but you have any snake but looks like a dinosaur yak in a

lie lion lizard lion dragon go wait we're that one right there yeah I left to laugh could be any combination yeah typically line dragon go see what this well that's a snake that's a dragon or a wyvern or a worm yeah that's a snake the snake would could... Snake tail. Would have really helped me. This guy could do it all. They look like they're all fucking each other. Yeah.

What part of the animal provides the penis? The snake or the goat horn. We'll see who provides the penis in my chapter. To be determined. That thing's got to take crazy shits. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder. That could play into it.

Okay. Oh. That's good. That's beautiful. Oh. That's good. That's beautiful. Oh. That's fake. That one's not real. Snake tail rocks.

Having a tail that's a snake. Right. Show me. Two of them would complicate things. That would be six beasts. Eighteen cocks on that thing would be tough as well. Come flood. That just makes too much sense.

That might have to be the last chapter. The come flood is like the final of man. That is the end of the entire book. The come flood is like the final... It's biblical. That is the end of the entire book. The cum flood. Oh, here we go. Oh! Yes!

Brandon's getting a cum flood! Brandon's getting a cum flood! That is so good. Justin. Alright. You ever been in a cum flood, Brandon? That is so good. You ever been in a cum flood, Brandon? You have a boat. Not for this. Brandon, you said your mom was visiting today.

Is she here? Should we bring her on? She'll be here shortly. Should we bring her on the show? Oh, my God. For this? All right. Hmm. Maybe just put down some notes.

I like that. He's already going. What were the notes? Some adjectives I want to use. Give us one. Give us one. Not yet. Got to buy the book.

Got to buy the book. All right. I got to think of a setting. Not yet. Gotta buy the book. Gotta buy the book. Alright. I gotta think of a setting. Tell me what Dracotar is again. Half dragon, half man. Okay. I'm glad you asked. Alright, so I got Dracotar.

These are some of the most beautiful creatures. Is it top half dragon? It's completely me see. Is it top half dragon? It's completely half. Bottom half? Oh, yeah. Brandon, what are you thinking with that?

Well, I got to see a good... Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That one's... Oh, it's like Minotaur and... Yeah. So it's like horse.

Horse. Oh, shoot. That's pretty cool. Pretty cool. So I got Dracotaur. So, all right. There. Oh. See who he's pretty cool. Pretty cool. So I got Dracotar. So, all right. There. See who he's going to be fucking.

Well, an 18-year-old virgin. An 18-year-old virgin. That's true. Oh, my word. Well, we're going to see how. Homina, homina. These are typically tease gods. Oh.

18 Cocks. 18 Cocks. 18 Cocks. Oh! 18 cocks! I've got 18 cocks. All right. You could build it as some sort of mission. Like, yeah, he was sent from his homeland. He has to get all 18 of his cocks sucked. All right. You could do That's like her birthday And the candles are cocks

Yeah we could all just have Brandon I feel like 18 year old virgin is ambiguous You're right To be clear I think it means one 18 year old Not 18 one year old virgin Yeah We should clarify that I think it's one, Brandon, to be clear, I think it means one 18-year-old, not 18 one-year-old virgins. Yeah, yeah. I think we should clarify that because I know where your brain was going.

Yeah, with the 18 cocks. I know you like to take liberties. Yeah. My family did. Doesn't matter what mine is. I have a variation written for every one of these outcomes already. Give me leprechaun. Yep wonders that'll do there you go yeah oh well I can tease God would be fun. Two of them parentheses twins.

Tease God, yeah. Stop, stop, stop. Yes! Oh, you're on fire. A Leprechaun Tease God. How would that sound? So Tease God never really enters the threshold until you're really begging. Jesus.

Why would a Leprechaun do that? I kind of want the Leprechaun Tease God. Fuck Brandon. Please, please, just enter me. Not yet, laddie. Oh, fuck. All right. Let's see what Zaza's writing about. Oh, fuck. Alright. Let's see what Zaza's writing about.

I'm so embarrassed. A forest nymph. The nymphs are hot. Hot nymphs. Nymph means sex, right? Yes. Horny by nature. And they're not orcs, right?

Can't be resembling. Jesus. Okay. I can't even show these boobs. They're naked. You like what you see? Hell yeah. Is this yours, Zah?

Yes. Nymph was some of the first boobs I ever saw as a kid, I think Really? It was for like a school project on like mythology And it was like, look up the terms nymph Whoa, whoa, whoa Oh, is that what like nymphomaniac? The merge nymphs I guess I'll check

They're like super flirtatious I mean, just for research If you're at home, imagine a woman in the forest with her boobs out. Go on. And they fly, don't they? Some. Some have horns. Wait, so.

They're woodland creatures. Yeah. So, Zah, are you going to have, is this going to be a lesbian? Oh, Kyle, I like the merge nymph. Yeah. You see it? Is this going to be a potential lesbian chapter? She's bound.

It could be. Love it. Yeah. Go for it, Zah. It's a woman lesbian chapter? She's bound. It could be. Love it. Yeah. Go for it, Zaha. It's a woman with a leaf over her pussy. Give me two. Oh, a cuckold. Oh.

Party bull. Oh, you lucky dog. Yeah. Ooh. Uh-huh. And the cuck could be Brandon. Could very could be Brandon Could very well be Brandon Never has been

Have you guys even thought about just sitting down to write this How gross you're going to feel Like where am I going to do this I'm going to take an Adderall for this So we have to have these by the end of next week I think we should just read an excerpt Have you guys read Fan fiction

It's popular amongst teens Yes very popular Big on like Tumblr Yep I think Okay Who's left T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T.J. T. Okay. Who's left?

Che and TJ? This is TJ's. Che gets what's ever left. Okay. Great. Harpy. What's a harpy? They're beautiful winged women.

Oh. Also naked most of the time. Oh. So Che has a gremlin? The temptress of the skies. Where's your harpy? So Che has a gremlin. The temptress of the skies. Let me see a heartbeat. Those are not beautiful. No, no.

Search a heartbeat woman. This is a breasted man. Search a heartbeat woman. Okay. I would. Yeah, definitely would. Yeah. Talons. Yeah.

Yeah. Rock' bods Imagine fucking in the air That's hot That's hot We just gotta find out what's going on Two You got Oh yeah We just got to find out what's going on. Two. Two of them. You got...

Oh, yeah. So you got twin harpies. And Che's got a rock-hard virgin gremlin. Yeah. Show a gremlin. This is perfect. Oh, man. This is perfect.

Okay, I'm excited. Friday, we have eight days Eight days to write a short story I would call it more like a chapter or a full story I guess that is a chapter Yeah, whatever

That's going to be the most fascinating part to me is the interpretation of how much we should be writing. Who comes in with like three sentences I'm afraid I'm going to have to do that. Yeah, I just couldn't get all the loose ends tied up in time. I don't think I've opened up Microsoft Word in like 15 years. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. Forget how to use it. I know. I don't even think I have it on my computer. Can we show a gremlin? Oh, yeah. That's what gremlins do, I think. Big i think given the nature of what we're doing you can always as you're writing and you realize you're kind of over it you can always just have your guy

just come come just like just come here just like in the middle of the story and yeah at any moment you could just say and then he came everywhere yeah how is he gonna end this? Do I have to write 18 cum shots? It's up to your call, man. I have 18 cucks. I'm going to have a serial approach on Kyle's cum flood territory. That's true. How did trivia go last night? Pretty well.

It was a packed house. Who won? Teamwork. One of my friends. Really? He was the best. What was the best answer he gave? Question and answer we had a picture of a corgi my favorite was a picture of a corgi I was named this dog and somebody said Osama bin Laden to What else Kyle somebody somebody was the Zodiac killer. They filled up a page really quick.

Numbers. Yeah. What? Or something green. Someone sent a lime. Yes. Folded up a lime. Name something green. Somebody just sent their lime up from their drink.

Okay. Was Nikki Smokes there? Huh? Nikki Smokes in the building or no? Yeah, with like three chicks. Of course. Smokes doesn't roll solo. No.

Yeah. We should write a Nikki Smokes chapter. It doesn't roll solo. No. We should write a Nicky Smokes chapter. It's just true to true life. Just rip a page from his journal. Just interview him on a Monday morning. What happened this weekend? A post game press conference of pussy.

He does have a page. He's an interesting guy. You guys doing that again? Is that the plan? I don't know. It was enjoyable. Yeah, it was. It was very funny. Maybe like monthly. Yeah.

Rudy had an idea for Brandon and I to fill in sometime or, I don't know, he was just like, if we want to do this as a company and have other people fill in for you guys. Yeah. To do a sports version where there are actual answers, but we don't accept the answer. So an example would be, who's the greatest scorer in NBA history? And if you say LeBron, that's actually not correct.

You have to say J.R. Smith or somebody else. You have to think of... Name a guy. Yeah. Yeah, that was his idea for the sports version, which I think is... Or you could just have every question be, name a guy. Yeah, just name a dude. Winner. Yeah have, like, every question be name a guy. Yeah, just name a dude.

A winner. Yeah, name a dude. Best two. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, it really is. It's a great concept. That's what I mean.

You could. Yeah, and everybody went out of there with, like, they were happy because they went perfect score. Also, KB, what was the total tally of green tee shots you gave out? You had to be like... I was like, if you win a round, you can put a green tee shot on my tab. And immediately a team of nine won. A bunch of people took advantage of that. Yeah, what was your tab at?

They comped it. Wow. Oh, wow. Which was unnecessary, but maybe necessary. What was the prize prize by the way for winning uh so pft was going to give away his lucas oil stadium season ticket member statue yeah but he forgot it at home so he said uh i'll give 250 to the winner And not to be outdone, Kyle and I said, same. He has a lot more money than me. But $750.

$750 for trivia. Yeah. Every idea I have, I have tons of money. Every bar trivia I've ever played, the grand prize. It's like $50. Yeah, like mozzarella sticks. Yeah, I re-appetize it. It's like $50. They're like mozzarella sticks.

Yeah, I re-appetized it. It's $750. That's crazy. You have a month's rent to somebody. Wow. For all opinions. I guess I didn't think regular bar trivia, you win a shot of rum.

The next time you guys do this, it's going to just be packed to the brim of people. $750. Non-barstool fans. You got to up the stakes. We're giving $10,000. Indian-based trivia where you win $1,000. I like that. I like it a lot.

That was fun. It was good. Every table was full. Like the whole place was. Everybody was so nice. It was fun. Nick, will you do the high noon ad? Gladly.

I had a handful last night. Hell yeah. Time to load up the ice and break out the oversized long games because the high noon game day pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit. Made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive,

which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. So sprint to go get them. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate. Find a pack near you. Oh, there's a pack right there. Mook, you're going to the Barstool Bar tonight. Yeah, I'm going to drink some Nooners tonight. Hell yes. Oh, yeah, it's a pack right there. Mook, you're going to the Barstool Bar tonight. Yeah, I'm going to drink some Nooners tonight. Hell yes.

Oh, yeah, it's Brie and a chicken fry night. Yeah, it's the Brie and Grace postgame. Oh, wait, where's their live show? Soldier Field. Sold out. TJ, you're producing. You're producing it, TJ? I am producing it.

I don't know why. Are you excited? So hyped. Because we fired all the other producers. Oh, yeah. That was easy. I forgot about that. I am producing it. I don't know why. Are you excited? So hyped. Because we fired all the other producers. Oh, yeah. That was easy. Good point, Brandon. I've been told that Zach

Bryan will be there. Really? I shouldn't be saying, actually. Yeah, what the hell? You're not getting in now. Yep, no. I'm going to stay home. You going to homie up that guy? We'll see. You just become bros? Let's try to give him a hug. Yeah.

A lap, brother. A leap at him. Are you bringing your queen? Give him the leaping hug. Oh, yeah. No way. How was the date the other night? It was good. We did a walking date on Sunday.

Wait, no, I know. You already told us that. Oh, sorry. You went for a walk. And then post-stream, I just met her out at a bar. It was good. He fucked. Yeah, my boy fucked.

Nick keeps looking at my dick. I was looking at his dick. He's moving different. He keeps looking at my... How's it moving? Yeah, okay. I got it. Yeah, yeah.

No, no, he's right. Yeah. That's a freshly fucked dick. I can see it right now. Thank you, Dan. Yep. You see it. Is she listening to stuff now?

I don't know. I don't know. Or is it the other girl you're fucking that's listening to this? I think I've said too much. Yeah, dude. Do we have the video of Moo kicking the dummy? This was like his first week at Barstool. Oh, no.

Do we watch this on the Yak? This is where you called me the gay cat burglar? Yeah, you were walking like a gay cat burglar. Sneaky yet. I haven't been back to kickboxing since. Were you doing like a Vibs competition or are you just doing it on your own? No, remember when they would put things in the middle of the office? Oh, yeah.

Do this. Moog just did it yeah by the way we're gonna I have to bring in the fucking cash cube she's gonna have to build it tomorrow that should be his punishment I don't know how. It was the walk up. You do the look at the hands. So this has been a thing forever. Look. You did get the bottle off. I did. Clean.

I don't know about clean. Have you seen those drag dance shows where they drop to the floor and they're like here comes the hurricane bitch. Here comes the hurricane bitch. No? Okay never mind. But if you put the music to that, it would be... I'd like to see that. They, like, walk up sassy and then they fall to the ground.

Oh, that is what Luke just did. Have you seen, like, the intense cycle dance classes where they, like, jam out to rap music? Oh, and they're dancing at the same time? I want to do that. Yeah, and the tiny trampoline. They do it with tiny trampolines, too, and it was incredible. You've got to watch it. You're pretty dancing at the same time. I want to do that. Yeah, and the tiny trampoline. They do it with tiny trampolines, too. And it was incredible.

You got to watch it. You're pretty much at a rave, but working out. That's pretty cool. That's your dream come true. Yep. I feel like you could run one of those classes. I don't have the charisma. Couldn't bring it out.

Lacking in the charisma department. Yeah, these people are monsters they are just high on life yeah all the all the peloton it'll never i don't know what it is it's crazy how like and they and they'll do the whole workout and never sweat like they'll do if you do a peloton they'll just be i don't run i walk and they'll walk and it'll be like 45 minute climb I'm dying and they're just Looking great Nice and tight toned

You're thinking of the women right? Women work out so much harder than men You think so? Yeah if you go to a gym They destroy their legs Which is so much harder than men Using upper body They probably do legs five times a week

So they have big asses? They want asses They want huge asses Wait, are you taking Peloton rides From dudes? Are you doing Peloton walks? Is that what you said? Peloton walks

Peloton treadmill? Yeah, they just do are you doing peloton walks is that what you said your peloton walks i didn't know they peloton treadmill yeah they just do uh i mean i don't they want you walk yeah i don't want to i don't know if this is obvious but like do we need an instructor for like walk just say walk yeah let's just. It's a fair point. Let's go. Fair point. You need a coach. Fair point. You need a coach to go. And you're paying? Just go ahead and walk. Well, no, it comes with the treadmill.

I have the treadmill. Okay. And it goes. Hand to hand, yeah. You can go, like, on climbs. So they tell you to, like, turn the incline up. But, yeah, you're right. I never really thought about that.

I'm basically a dog. Oh, my God. All right, Dan. Time for your walk. Time for your walk. I. I'm basically a dog. Oh, my God. All right, Dan. Time for your walk. Time for your walk. I'm no different than a dog. I want to do one of these just to see how they're coaching. Like, what are they?

They're like, pump your arms. Because the bikes, you know, they tell you. Don't sniff that. Yeah. Yeah. Don't sniff that. It's just, I am a dog. Fuck.

I'm a pee-pee. Yeah. I sent TJ the video that I think KB was talking about it was like a hip hop I think it's in Phoenix but I think it was a bunch

it's got 3 million views and these women are horny oh everybody people who yeah people with that type of regimen oh my god yo

this ain't it but oh it's not okay sorry my bad oh oh't it but Oh it's not okay sorry My bad Get it Get it boy Oh he's hitting that later With the music it's crazy

And like I wish I was good at this Like I wish I could do this Oh this is getting me pumped up Oh that guy in the front's getting Whoa Oh, this is getting me pumped up. Oh, that guy in the front's getting... Oh! Whoa! Mook's actually in the background of it. This is not what my walk looks like.

If you're doing this on your walk... Oh, she's hitting it hard. Chris Ross applesauce. Yeah. Gosh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My people do everything. oh she's hitting it hard applesauce yeah oh yeah and i think too there's like a hierarchy to being in the front row is seen as more right like what row you get maybe he's like just struggling mentally with it

like he got brought along like his girlfriend was like you want to come do a cycling class he's like sure and then he showed up

he's like what the fuck is this he's not really feeling it yeah and he's just not fully committed he's just like get me the hell out of here because he matches

the woman next to him she's wearing the same green shirt as him yeah this woman in white is crushing it yeah damn

that's fun the one I saw was a little bit more polished like they choreographed it what do you mean by polished This woman in white is crushing it. Yeah. Damn. I see no one. That's fun. The one I saw was a little bit more polished. Like, they choreographed it religiously. What do you mean by polished? Was it on bikes? Racist. Everybody. Were they on bikes?

They were. Okay. Wait a minute. You're talking about, like, an EDM. It was more ravey. I think it was in Phoenix. Like, they, like, get up on their bikes to the beat drop kind of thing. Yeah.

How does she get a front row seat? Yeah. Dude, I couldn't. I think it was in Phoenix. Like they get up on their bikes to the beat drop kind of thing. How does she get a front row seat? Yeah. Dude, I couldn't. I can't bike and clap. That's a lot of work. This looks hard. Yeah, it looks really hard. Really hard.

Oh, we got one white chick in the front. Someone's got to fall off of one of these at some point. Look how fast that guy's legs are going. Trying to dance and lose your balance. Jesus. Oh, my God. Whoa. God damn. Oh my God. Whoa. God damn.

This looks miserable. They're starting to fall off behind him, though. He's amazing. Holy shit. Yeah, that's a dog. He's not in that great of shape. He looks to be in pretty good shape. I think he's doing okay.

Yeah. Yeah, for somebody biking that hard, though? I want to see the rave one. Yeah, the rave one's nuts. There's some nice... What's the rave one? I don't know. This is something. Oh, this is better.

It's so funny, the things that we do to just work out. Like the ways you have to trick yourself Yeah Christina Jara I think that's her This is probably Peloton Power and flow It looks like Oh there's production

Oh shit Smoke machine Like sting coming from the Oh man She appears with a marshmallow helmet on Oh, shoot. Here comes the smoke machine. Like sting coming from the... Oh, man. She appears with a marshmallow helmet on. Again, I don't think I could bike in the dark. Sting it. I think I'd be like, what the fuck?

Maybe I'd get scared. I think I would be slacking. I would use this to be restful and not actually go off. Yeah, no, I would not be pedaling right now. No chance. You'd have to get your break. No chance. Whoa.

Oh. Damn. What are these claw hands are doing? You know, these women are horny, for sure. You think they're horny? Yes. They come out. They go from this to their blowjob class.

I think that's what happens. I feel like, what was that, like, kind of, like, sex cult that everybody got roped into that those actresses were the head of? I feel like the deeper you get into this stuff, the higher the crossover. You graduate to, like, orgies with no like i'm sorry like culty like uh yeah it's like crossfit any of these things like i said it's it's weird all the ways that we trick ourselves into working out yeah like all those workouts because i've tried them all they all are really hard but you watch it you're like oh that looks fun and then

you get there and you're like oh that looks fun and then you get there and you're like this fucking sucks meanwhile i never had the money for stuff like that so i did like the boot camp classes at the y and it's me and like 15 other older women wearing jeans while they're doing it yeah super slow yeah i actually teach a bike seat sniffing class right now all fellas All fellas. I'm so off working out that I convinced myself that hacky sack is working out. Mook, every time we hacky sack, he's like, this is Clark. You're burning a lot of calories. Getting some steps in.

You might be able to find it on the Apple Watch, hacky sack. Oh, no way. Like four hours and you burned 15 calories? We were out of breath doing it yesterday. The hacky sack? I was sweating. You know, hacky sack's no joke.

I'm with you, Mook. That's my cardio for the day. Done. Now I can go home and eat meatballs and chill. Have you been eating meatballs? Nope. I'm off. I'm off.

What was the last ball you had? That buffalo ball. Pretty good. That I didn't count. Why? Because it was lathered in buffalo sauce and more caloric. It's not true spaghetti and meatballs. When was that?

Two weeks ago. I don't like spaghetti. I love spaghetti. What? I don't like spaghetti. I don't like spaghetti either. It's plain spaghetti. Why? I don't like spaghetti. I love spaghetti. What? I don't like spaghetti. I don't like spaghetti either. It's plain spaghetti. I don't like spaghetti. It is bottom tier pasta. I'm a ziti guy.

But I think baseline, even bad spaghetti is pretty good. No, I would rather have rigatoni. I'd rather have ziti. It's hard to fuck up spaghetti. No, I don't like spaghetti. I'm telling you I don't like spaghetti. Spaghetti noodles Sauce A little bit of meat

But it's hard Better than that Ziti noodles It's hard to fuck up spaghetti But it's also hard to like Knock spaghetti out of the park Correct A child can make spaghetti

You go to a Michelin star Italian restaurant And order spaghetti It's gonna taste Pretty much the same As my mother makes spaghetti I agree Brandon you're saying

So why A child can make spaghetti A child Ziti's the same thing you make it's just different pasta that's better i think you're just making spaghetti you're just trying to convince yourself that it's better than spaghetti you think spaghetti is a top tier pasta no i didn't say that thinner spaghetti is top tier spaghetti is one of the most dependable foods we have that's what so it's like the other pasta is the same but it's got a much higher ceiling. Spaghetti has a very low ceiling. What's the one?

Is ziti the one that's far? I thought those were the. Penne? I think they're the tubes, right? I might be thinking of penne. Ziti or tube. The pointed tube. The pointed tube.

That's what I thought. What are you talking about? You just hit those with a fork? What's penne? Also pointed tubes? Yeah. Penne is the best. Nah.

No. I like the bow ties myself. I'd rather have tortellini. I'd rather have gnocchi. Well, tortellini is a different class. Because that's the best. Nah. No. I like to bow ties myself. I'd rather have tortellini than ravioli. Well, tortellini is a different class because that's got something in it. Macarons. Give me some linguine. I like rigatoni. I like the long.

Fettuccine. The longness. Fettuccine. The length. Pappardelle. No. But none of this is fancy food. This is all.

No one said it was, but spaghetti is, I think, a bottom tier pasta. I just think spaghetti is the most dependable food we got in America. Keep saying that, but it's – That's a very good thing to have. That's a very good thing to have. Spaghetti shows up every day. I don't think you know that you can buy – Spaghetti comes to work.

Spaghetti averages 12 and 10 every night. No, no, no. That's the hard work. Spaghetti averages – No, spaghetti averages – Spaghetti does everything off the top of that chair. Nobody's wearing a spaghetti jersey. Spaghetti's the bench warmer.

You're trying to win a championship without spaghetti. Spaghetti's the bench warmer. You never get seen, and then he writes a book. Spaghetti does everything off the top of his head. Nobody's wearing Spaghetti's jersey. Spaghetti's the benchwarmer. You're going to win a championship without Spaghetti. Spaghetti's the benchwarmer who never gets in, and then he writes a book. Spaghetti hustles. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Spaghetti's not a starter. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Spaghetti hustles. Whoa.

Wait a second. You're telling me Spaghetti's not a starter? Spaghetti goes in just to take charges and set screens. Yeah. Right, but you need that guy. But you don't need him. Yes, you need that guy. You can't win a championship without Spaghetti. No. Yeah, you can't. But you don't need him. Yes, you need that guy. You can win a championship without spaghetti.

No. Yeah, you can. You think Coach K ever won a title without spaghetti? Are you ever celebrating getting spaghetti on your team? Yeah. You can absolutely win a title with Rigatoni, Peté, and totally. If the New York Knicks draft spaghetti in the first round, the fans at the draft are booing.

They're crazy. They're booing. You don't draft spaghetti in the first round, but you've got to have spaghetti on your team. If you're saying you need spaghetti to win a championship that's worthy of a first round pick yeah you're saying you were drafted first round pick how can you not if spaghetti is so good that you need it to win a championship why would you not grab a great italian restaurants that don't have at least a solid baseline spaghetti let's tear it i think you guys are gonna piss off a

lot of people i think people are high on spaghetti. I'm happy that Italians are high on spaghetti. Spaghetti's trash. I eat a shit ton of spaghetti. I love it. Spaghetti's not trash. That's crazy. That's a crazy thing to say. That's like saying ham and cheese sandwiches are trash.

Like, this is a staple fucking food. But if, all right, so ham and cheese sandwich, I'd rather have, like, a really good turkey or roast beef. Of course you would. Okay, but that's not what I, you guys, you're saying trash. You're saying trash. There's everything, there's a what spaghetti is. You guys are better options. You're saying there's everything. There's a lot of shit out there way better than it. Right.

A very good spaghetti is a very good meal. In the same family. And that's what we're saying. We're not saying, like, I like spaghetti meatballs. I think it's a B. I think it's a D. I think it's a B. It's a B. It's a solid B.

It's an A or B. At least a B. Where's Gnocchi? Gnocchi is an A. Oh, A. Overrated. Overrated.nocchi? Gnocchi is an A. Oh, A. Overrated. Overrated. Overrated.

Gnocchi's not pasta. It's potato. What the fuck? Get fucked. What do you mean it's not pasta? It's not. It's not pasta. It looks like pasta.

It's potato. It has the consistency. The first bite of gnocchi is a, the like fifth bite, you're like, fuck, I got a lot, I got a lot of this shit left. A lot of restaurants don't give you a lot of gnocchi. Yeah, I went to a restaurant here that gave me 500 500 gnocchi you were there How could you fuck do you mean Yogi's I was around it's not five it's potato so much. Yeah, we Oh, yeah, I got no keep listen

Is it just one? Is it? Gnocchi is one solid object? Or is it something wrapped in something else? No, it's one solid. It's a dumpling. It's like a potato. Go back. I want to see these. Yeah, that's right.

Well, that's better than pasta. Wait. They're dumplings, though, not pasta. But that's right. Yeah. Well, that's better than dough. Wait, get back. All lumps of dough. They're dumplings, not pasta. But that's pasta. Ah, that's pasta. I don't know.

Maybe it's potatoes. It's potato pasta. The difference is potato. Could you make pasta with potato? Sure. That would be good. All right, let's tier these. Before we do that, Barstool Invitational.

Get ready for college basketball experience like no other. Barstool Sports Invitational is back on Wednesday, November 8th. This time we're at the Wintrust Arena in Chicago. We have a doubleheader FAU returning from the Final Four versus Loyola Chicago. Sister Jean will be in the house. Tip-off is 6 p.m. Central Time. Second game, we have Brandon Walker versus Bobbyola Chicago. Sister Jean will be in the house. Tip-off is 6 p.m. Central time. Second game, we have Brandon Walker versus Bobby Hurley.

Mississippi State takes on Arizona State. Last year was awesome. We're very excited for this. If you live in the Chicago area, come out. It's going to be a great time. I don't know. We'll probably play some YAC basketball again. Tickets are on sale now.

Get them at barstool.link slash 2023invitational. them at barstool.link slash 2023 invitational that's barstool.link slash 2023 invitational get excited it's going to be a great event double header fau will be top 10 top 10 i think they'll be top 10 i think mississippi state could be top 20 too they'll be ranked mississippi state will be ranked and bobby hurley like yeah and bobby hurley i mean that is we're gonna have worth the price of admission alone yeah we have to get them mic'd up. All right, let's start tiering these before Brandon gets back. Put spaghetti trash.

Spaghetti is a B, at least. It's not a B. It's not a B. It is a B, at least. Hear me out. Hear me out. Angel hair spaghetti with some pepper flakes. Angel hair is different.

A little ricotta. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C.

It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C.

It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C.

It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. It's a C. Parmesan cheese. I think that's. Hold on, Brandon. It's a B at least. I swear to God. No, no, no, no. Lasagna ahead of spaghetti. Lasagna sucks.

It's average. You said you called it. What is the best drink? Brandon, you called it like a staple food. It's just like an average baseline. That's a C. That's a C. It's a B.

No, it's always good. It's always good. I don't know how many times I've had a spaghetti and said this is bad spaghetti is always at least really good but C's not bad C's average I'd say B it's a little bit above average spaghetti doesn't have the ability it's

carried by what it comes with come on come on that could be true of any of it you know spaghetti meatballs garlic bread spaghetti is S-tier food. I would lean towards that before I would do C. I think Nick just won the argument with the fart noise. I think that was unfortunate.

We have Pete, Brandon, and Mook defending it. That's three. Surprise! Fat, pregnant, and Mook. We know our fees to the meatball guy. He would know. I'm tired of the spaghetti disrespect. I am guy. He would know. I'm tired of the spaghetti disrespect. I am too.

He deserves disrespect. And also, now that you've opened up the account, I mean, lasagna is delicious too. No. I don't like lasagna. Lasagna is very overrated. I'm in your hole with spaghetti. What's spaghetti doing a B?

No. Spaghetti should be a B. You said he's C. You said it was 12 and 10. All right, I guarantee you guys bump it up once we have everything. All right, we'll see. All right. I think tortellini is an A.

No. Bad tortellini. Tortellini is totally dependent on what's inside. That's what makes tortellini, you dope. I know, but if it's bad, it's bad inside. It's bad. Okay, if spaghetti's bad, it's bad. Spaghetti's never bad.

That's the problem. Macaroni is what you're saying spaghetti is. Macaroni is the thing that is the- I swear to fucking God, you're going to put macaroni ahead of spaghetti? I swear to fucking God, put macaroni ahead of spaghetti. Macaroni is dependable. Macaroni takes the charge. You're going to put macaroni ahead of spaghetti?

No, but I'm saying macaroni is what you think spaghetti is. Macaroni's spaghetti on a great day is macaroni. Can we just call those shells and not whatever else? Yeah, TJ, go ahead and put that conchigli in the top spot. No, that's like a fucking maze. I love that shit. That's the best shit. Oh, yeah, I want this pocket of ricotta.

Yuck. Yuck. Ravioli is number one. I think ravioli is good. Bugattini is number one. Ravioli's good. Can we agree, Ravioli? Bugattini is better spaghetti. Yes. Bugattini is better spaghetti.

It's spaghetti, but better. I agree. No, it's such a great beer. I like liquor. So what you're saying is you don't like spaghetti, you just like when there's more of it. No. No, I like the liquor. Facts. I don't like how it's like, you have to fucking.

How can you? Oh my God. I don't like you. How can you? How can God. How can you? How can you? How can you? Can you not? Penne is an S tier, in my opinion.

No. Yes. I think it's boring. Basically. But that's what spaghetti is. Dan, I had your fucking back until you pulled that punch. There's nothing like slurping down some spaghetti and it's a trash penne. All right, so what is penne?

What is S? Yeah, let's start with S. S is gnocchi. Conchigli. I'm with Moog. I'm with Moog. Spaghetti needs What is S? Yeah, let's start with S. S is gnocchi. Conchigli. I'm with Moog. I'm with Moog. Spaghetti needs to be S. Yep.

Spaghetti is not S. It starts with S. I think that's where you're getting confused. It's not alphabetizing. Rigatoni should be A. Rigatoni should be A. Rigatoni's good. Gnocchi, S.

Where's cavatappi? It really clings to the pesto. Oh, yeah. That is good. I feel like we're just arguing shapes. Yeah, we are. It's all taste exactly. I know.

Shapes, density. There's nothing. Pretty much. They're all the exact same ingredients. Cavatappi's very good. Actually, yeah. TJ, switch us to a shape tier. Let's put rhombus and ass.

You like squiggles, lines. What are we doing with macaroni? Because I. So macaroni and cheese, of course, is. That's the staple. But go to a nice Italian restaurant and try to find macaroni on the menu. That's true. And they're not.

But it's not on there. I think macaroni, you put it with spaghetti. I'll make that concession. Macaroni doesn't work with like red sauce. That is disrespect. It does, though. My mom. I think it does. My mom called it. Macaroni doesn't work with red sauce. That is disrespect. It does, though. My mom called it macaroni kind of works with red sauce, but not

alfredo, salad. Macaroni's good for art supply. I should have said this at the start. A lot of this, what I'm basing it on is how easy it is for my kids to eat. Macaroni's the best. It's a mess. It's also about spaghetti.

I'm realizing why I have an opinion on spaghetti that's true a lot of these are spaghetti I've just now realized that it's not my taste it's what I get my kids to eat zoom in on those again that's why penne is number one angel hair

what is orachiti tagliatelle is just like whiter spaghetti right What is Orochiti? Tagliatelle is just like wider spaghetti, right? That looks like the dome. I do like Tagliatelle. Tagliatelle is better than spaghetti. That's what I'm saying.

Your arguments are angel hair. Angel hair is the best of the best. So good. And it cooks super fast. Linguini is better than spaghetti. How do you put linguini or angel hair above spaghetti? You can't. Angel hair is a better spaghetti. It's spaghetti. Tagliatelle

is above spaghetti. Tagliatelle is above spaghetti. If it was spaghetti, it would say spaghetti. It clings to the sauce. Yes. And it's easier to eat. Tagliatelle is the best one. I'll never forget this. Tagliatelle and bucatini are better than spaghetti. I will never fucking forget this. I will never forget you.

Tagliatelle and bucatini are better than spaghetti. I will never fucking forget this. I will never forget you. Randy might leave the show. Tagliatelle and bucatini are easier to twirl on your fork. Also, farfalli is good, too. That's why those are better. The bow ties? Yeah, they're good. I agree. Spaghetti, you inevitably have to slurp it, so you're right. Yeah.

And they'll be like- You're like a bozo slurping at the restaurant. Right, and there'll be like one or two pieces left. Can we just- Also, spaghetti, like, what do you do with spaghetti? I cut it. I make it smaller pasta. Yeah. So, why wouldn't I just get smaller spaghetti? I cut it. I make it smaller pasta. So why wouldn't I just get smaller pasta?

It's bushy. You chop it up and then it goes from gummo to garlic bread. You do like Lady and the Tramp? Whirl it up, slop it up, the whole thing. Can we revisit lasagna? I want to revisit lasagna. I'm pro lasagna.

I'm pro lasagna too. Lasagna's too heavy. It's delicious. When your mom makes lasagna, too. Look at that. Lasagna's too heavy. It's delicious. It feels like you're eating like six. When your mom makes lasagna, you eat the next four meals. Yeah, that sucks. It's better the second day, too. I'm pro-lasagna.

I'm very pro-lasagna. I've had very few good ones. If that goes above spaghetti, I'm going to lose. I think lasagna's D. Spaghetti can't be C. I'm not going to sit here and stand for spaghetti being C. It has to be above C. What is that?

What did you put there? Yeah, that looks terrible. No, wait, no. That looks like something you miss with your fork. It looks like something you snip off your foot like an old person. Yeah, that's like medical supplies. If you can't decide whether you're going to do a spoon or a fork with the pasta, it's a shit pasta.

Can we pull up another image of that? I want to learn. Who's going to do a spoon or a fork with the pasta. It's a shit pasta. Can we pull up another image of that? I want to learn. Who's going to back that? What's it called? Orecchiette? Go ahead and put the fatter spaghettis that aren't spaghetti. You can put those in B or A. I'm getting texts from a lot of ones agreeing with Brandon, which I don't like.

Yes, of course. This is good for a winter's day. I need the dude to respond. The dude does have to respond. That. It looks good, but... That could be good. That's just a shell that isn't closed.

Is he here? I haven't seen him. We're the least Italian crew. Nicholas Anthony Crane. I'm an Italian father. You're the most Italian. I'm an Italian father. You're the most Italian. I'm an Italian father. Is Spider Italian?

Is Nicky Smokes Italian? Spider's Italian. Spider's very Italian. Spider! Jesus is Italian. Italian's a symbol. Yeah, can we get some Italians in here? We need all Italians over here.

Spiders! Italian! Oh, Spider's running. Come on. Don't get horny on us. You an Italian? Yeah. Are you an Italian eater? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You us You an Italian? Yeah Are you an Italian eater?

Yeah, yeah, yeah You eat like an Italian? Not like super Wait, talk in the mic I'm not like super paisan when it comes to my meal delicacies and whatnot Like I'll just eat like basic Italian shit Okay So what's the best basic Italian shit?

The best pasta Wait, put the tier list down What's your favorite pasta? I would say the most versatile is penne. Yes. My man. What do you enjoy? You can do like mac and cheese.

Whoa, that sounds a lot. Are you doing a stand-up set? You could do like mac and cheese or like normal Italian shit with penne. I would say that's probably my number one. What are your thoughts on spaghetti? I like spaghetti but to me it's got to be paired with like something else sauce yeah it's got yeah you came with everything else on that yeah that's that's true of everything the difference in pasta is like how

good it holds the sauce so yes yep nikki what do you got you're italian he lost focus. He's gone. Of course, he said. You're Italian, of course. My favorite Italian meal? Yeah. Yeah. Just pasta. You got to just go chicken parm. No. Great point.

Put chicken parm S tier. Chicken parm. T tier chicken parm? What pasta? Throw chicken parm. What pasta? What's the pasta? I love rigatoni.

There we go. Another one. Like it. What are your thoughts on spaghetti? It's mid. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, mid. These are Italian. Let's go. Another one. Like it. What are your thoughts on spaghetti? It's mid. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, mid.

These are Italian. These are Italian-American. You can't get more mid than a C rating. Wait, are you Hispanic? No. Everyone thinks I'm Hispanic. I'm half Italian, and then I'm half mutt. Okay.

Okay. I like that. But my mom's Italian, so I'm Italian. That's how it goes. Yes. There you go. Two Italians come up here and say that spaghetti's mid. What about lasagna? Yeah, you're going to disagree with that. Fire to not say spaghetti was mid. There you go. Two Italians come up here and say the spaghetti's bad. What about lasagna?

Yeah, you're going to disagree with that. Fire lasagna. Say that again. Say that again for the room. Lasagna is elite. You have to go to the right spot, though. You can't just go to some shmojo. It's too heavy. Why is heavy a bad thing? Sometimes you need heavy.

Lasagna is the deep dish of pasta. Italian food's supposed to be heavy Like you're not supposed to eat Italian food And be like oh dude I feel amazing That is a good point You should be stuck in your couch For at least a fucking hour and a half Thank you Nicky

After you eat Italian food I like this guy I know it sucks Fuck Chicken parm's a great answer What's your favorite pasta? Chicken parm Entrees

Is there like a general entree? General entree Italian entrees Or sandwiches We probably have done sandwiches pasta chicken bar. Is there like a general entree? Italian entrees? Or sandwiches? We probably have done sandwiches. We gotta finish this tier. And we gotta keep spaghetti in. But it's all the same. Alright, so just throw them up there.

I can't. Panna and rigatoni. You can't put lasagna deep. You can't put thicker spaghetti ahead of spaghetti. He put thicker and thinner spaghetti in front of spaghetti. I don't like this. Yes. What? What? He's better than spaghetti. Time, time. He put thicker and thinner spaghetti in front of spaghetti. No, I agree with you there. Angel hair.

Linguini's got to go down. Angel hair is B. Linguini's not thinner. You don't even know what spaghetti is. Linguini should not be up there. Brandon's calling every single one of these spaghetti. Everybody cooks spaghetti. Brandon doesn't realize.

Oh, wow. You know how much I love Brandon? Brandon thought spaghetti just meant pasta until spaghetti. Brandon doesn't realize. Oh, wow. You know how much I love Brandon? Brandon thought spaghetti just meant pasta until today. He didn't realize. Yeah, I feel good about this. I feel good about this. I think penne's got to be at least an A or a B. Tagliatelle is better than B.

You're going to have Mook and Kate on your side. Mook is starving for every meal. You said Kate. Everything tastes like cigarette. We had two Italians come up and tell us. I hope you guys die. They also said lasagna is. two Italians come up and tell us. I hope you guys die. They also said lasagna is- I feel good about this, too.

I hope you die. I'm going to fucking relapse. TJ, boost lasagna. We can't have lasagna, D. Wait, where's lasagna? How did Kyle's pasta get S tier up there? We don't even know what congucci is. He put congucci up there.

You guys don't like that shit? I don't know what congucci is. Why is congucci up there. We don't even know what Kunguchi is. You guys don't like that shit? I don't know what Kunguchi is. Why is Kunguchi up there? Kanshigli! Kanshigli! You guys don't like it? We don't know what it is. It's because he said it's a matter of fact. He was just like, go ahead, TJ, let's just get that out of the way.

TJ, listen, because he knows. TJ, we all agree. Wait, wait, wait. Yoki is up there at the top? Yes. We lost. Yeah. I don't think anyone agrees with this.

No. I'm taking you out. Brandon, I'm with you on lasagna, but I'm not with you on spaghetti. So I'm a little torn. Spaghetti is mid. You see me and Mook in the city, we're hunting spaghetti. Yeah, you guys are going to be like Lady and the Tramp. Spaghetti spot I like going to with you. Spaghetti in a sack? Spaghetti in a bag. Yeah. you guys are going to be like Lady and the Tramp. There was one spaghetti spot I liked going to with you.

Spaghetti in a sack? Spaghetti in a bag. Yeah. New York, it closed. It closed like right after we went to. Yep. It was somehow great. Literally in a bag?

Yeah. Brought out in a bag. And you have to crack it open. I've done that before. I love that. Yeah, it was called Spaghetti Western. That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Leftover spaghetti in a Ziploc. That felt good to get the to get the anger up i i looked at the chat they were just having a similar fight with each other or they're just getting mad at each other because it is it is all the shape you like it's all the exact same food that's what yeah yeah and i did i i full disclosure halfway through realized that I was just basing it on what I can get my children to eat. Why is macaroni something that we all eat at home but no Italian restaurant serves? Is there like a real reason for that? Because it's so easy to sell billions of them.

They just owned it? Yeah. And macaroni is so good. It is. Like mac and cheese is so good. There are like bars that will serve you like elevated mac and cheese or whatever. But if you go to a nice Italian place, they're not serving that. Yeah, they're like, no, fuck that.

I honestly think a 99 cent box of mac and cheese is just as good as that. A little bit of hot sauce. See, Brandon, we can find common ground. We all agree that Conchigli. I don't want to find common ground. We just found it. With the shells and cheese, it's a little bit better. It's too full.

Conchigli. Okay. Conchigli and cheese is what we get. You've never had it. Shell mac and cheese. You've never in your life seen it. You've never had it. Those are the big ass shells.

Conchigli is just the shell. Conchigli. We all agree. Conchigli is excellent. Not one person here, 10 people here, none of us have ever eaten it. Yes, we have. Yes, you have. Conchigli is just the shells.

It's the shells. Then what is the shell pasta? Shells. The little shell. That's called conchigli. No, no. What is that little shell called? Shells.

What is the official name? The medical name. The big ones are conchigli. That picture doesn't look like it. I need to know what the shells are. If you buy shells at the Kraft Shells version, the Velveeta Shells... Advertise it as shells.

What is that in America? Those are small. Oh, my God, those are small. Kyle, these are... Those are the best! No, because you can't get those... I love popping them inside out with my tongue. I was going to say you can't get the fork,

and then I was reminding myself. Kyle, I apologize. You know they're like little pockets of flavor. They're great. I apologize. You know what conchigli. Those are ester with cheese. With red sauce. Spongebob. I don't know about the red sauce. Spongebob is so good. It's funny that I just this all started by just asking Luke if he's eating spaghetti and meatballs. I'm going to fucking

eat some spaghetti today because I'm pissed off. I'm going to take down a full bowl. Go do it in an alley. It's mid. It's mid. I'm going to go down a full bowl. Go do it in an alley. It's mid. It's mid. I'm going to go to a nice restaurant. Punch one of y'all in the fucking face.

Let's see. What are the comments? Probably Kate. What are the comments? I think agreed spaghetti is mid and Brandon will flood and cum anyway.

That seems to be extreme. What a response. You'll be washed away in a flood of cum. Give that guy listener of the day award. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Great cum flood. Okay, should we have everyone go watch the Ryder Cup?

Watch the Ryder Cup. It's the finale. The finale is right now. Spin the wheel. Spin the wheel and watch the Ryder Cup? It's the finale. The finale is right now. Spin the wheel. Spin the wheel and watch the Ryder Cup. Tomorrow we'll go longer tomorrow. No more Ryder Cup. We'll get Che in that fucking cube.

All right. We need a reset. Bad. Brandon, go buy your best spaghetti and I'll give it an honest review. I'll tell you what. Have the boys over for some spaghetti. I don't know if she'll do it. My mom's in town.

I might have her make some spaghetti for them. Bring it in tomorrow. Maybe. She did make a trash spaghetti, though. That's the one thing. She makes so many good foods. How do you make a trash spaghetti? You just argued that the reason spaghetti is S tier is because you can't have bad spaghetti.

She does it to her noodles. She doesn't mix them. I'll say one good thing about spaghetti. Throwing them at the wall is fun. No, that's not. That is fun. That is fun. No, I'm thinking of spaghetti.

When you see if it's done, you throw it at the wall. Let me show you a good plate of spaghetti. Get your mouth water. I had a childhood friend whose family put ketchup. Why do you have all this spaghetti in your camera roll oh are you a closet spaghetti didn't you argue against spaghetti no i was like yeah it's pretty good yeah most delectable spaghetti spaghetti you'd fuck let's see Oh yeah this looks crazy good That

That's perfect Pop up That looks like a linguine That looks like a linguine Don't tell me he pulled up linguine That looks like a linguine That looks like a linguine You're not helping

You're not helping He always hurts under the guise of help You like a linguine i i you're not helping you're not helping you heard that's too never he always showed him guys you show me linguine i just won this argument the best looking spaghetti is just linguine oh no exactly yeah oh no linguine's never cooked right this oh no let's see oh that looks great not that that looks great. Not that is This do you see how much shit you have clams in there you have I'm dressing up Kyle in different