The Yak - Big Cat Got The Worst Birthday Gift Ever | The Yak 1-30-23

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. It's time to talk shop. We're doing Yankees pop. It's the Yak. I just. Oh, it's the Yak.

It's the Yak. Hey, everyone. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Big Cat. Thank you. 38. What an important birthday. It's a milestone.. Thank you. 38. What an important birthday. That's a milestone.

Incredibly important, yes. Oh, man. It feels great. You can now do nothing that you couldn't already do. A Monday in January, 38. Got to be one of the most depressing birthdays possible. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. I woke up and I was just- 39's worse. Yeah. Which is next? My daughter said happy birthday to me before my son this morning, so update the power rankings. She knows like 15 words.

She hit me with a happy birthday the minute I came down. Do you guys ever look up on your birthday people you outlived? That's something I do. Oh, like people from my hometown? No, just like General Pete. You beat Lou Gehrig. Yeah. You beat Mitch Hedberg.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Jimi Hendrix. Van Gogh. Jesus. I'm saying 37-year-olds. So you just Google people who died at 37? Right.

Can we do that? That's pretty... I don't want to do that. Why? You beat them. Depressing. You won. Yeah, I guess. You beat Van Gogh. Van Gogh's a fucking over want to do that. Why? You beat him. Depressing. You won. Yeah, I guess.

You beat Van Gogh. Van Gogh's a fucking overrated piece of shit. What? I said it. He said it. Did I stutter? Everybody else was thinking it. I would not expect you to have that heated of a take on Vincent Van Gogh.

I actually don't. I just felt like... I don't know why I was defending it either. I like to get the fans' argument about it. Yeah, Van Gogh's fucking, he played against plumbers. Yeah. He painted against plumbers and fucking mechanics. Yeah, you're right.

Fuck him. Hello, everyone. First show after the case race. How's everyone feeling? I feel fine. Okay, good. Actually, it was a lot of, I mean, obviously people were mad at me regardless, but there was also a lot of people that weren't mad at me. I

thought you were the funniest fucking one. A lot of people that were like, that was really funny. You handled it well because you interrupted almost as much as the second one. Craziest thing is I don't remember it and I didn't drink a lot. Well, yeah. Adderall was a big mistake. Oh, yeah. Big mistake. You looked at me before the case race, and you're like, I'm not going to talk that much. I just took some Adderall, and I'm going to drink some beers. I didn't know.

I'm not really an Adderall person, so I don't really know the effects of it like that. Yeah. I used to take Adderall when I was growing up, like prescription. It would make me not talk. So that's what I was thinking was I was going into it being like, I'm just going to be mute the whole time. No. Complete opposite reaction when you're drinking.

No, you weren't at all. Yeah. That's very funny. But yeah, the way you handled it, I thought, well, you're just like, if I'm overstepping. Yeah, I didn't realize how far I leaned into that. I thought I gave that up about an hour in. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. in. Nope, nope, nope. I went with that the whole four hours. You kept on going. You're not even more married to it. When you thought it was over,

you just kept on climbing that wall. That's my favorite thing, though, is absolutely burying a joke. The only thing that annoys me is when people hit me up and they're like, you need to quit drinking. You have a drinking problem.

I've said this many times. When I go out, I'm not chugging beers as fast as I can for an hour straight also the drunk it's a different type of drunk when you're on a camera yeah like you feel like you have a quiet person in real life because i got i got comments how i didn't talk yeah i was like oh yeah i was fucked up yeah i didn't want to say anything dumb yeah i followed along and watched it on Friday. And there was a certain point where I could see it in myself. And everything after that, I was like, oh, yeah, we're camping in Brandon's backyard.

I completely forgot about the whole second half of everything. Every joke was brand new to me. I was like, oh, did we say that? Did we do that? I kept on checking in. I was like, wait, we're still going. That's the worst part. Yeah was like, oh, did we say that? Did we do that? I kept on checking in. I was like, wait, we're still going. That's the worst part. Yeah, like how is this still going on?

Also, Shane, complete the best redemption arc possible. He was incredible. I feel like Yak fans, we can put that one to bed. Yeah, I thought it was a fun show. I had a lot of fun. I had a blast. My stomach hurts so bad. I thought that was the most fun one. I ate so bad. I thought that was the most fun one.

I ate 14 cupcakes. Yeah. I ate nine. Yeah, yours was worse. You had nine beers and nine cupcakes? Sass let me down yet again. Yeah, I did. I remember you just, there was a moment where.

I think we were two cupcakes away from winning. Yeah, Nick was literally shoving a cupcake in my mouth. The video from that, it was so gentle. It was like he was feeding a horse. Sass had like half of... I didn't want to lose a finger. Yeah, Sass had like half... I had like nine beers and nine cupcakes in my belly

and Sass had half a beer left. He's like, listen, if I'm overstepping, you motherfucker, just finish your fucking beer. If we do lose, this loss is on me. I didn't know we were that close. Oh, we were so close. I didn't know we were that close. Oh, we were so close. I didn't know until I saw people talking about it. Yeah, we were like one cupcake away.

Yeah. You were just... Yeah. Actually, it doesn't. Yeah. My stomach hurt really bad after that. Yeah. Just a belly full of beer and cupcakes.

We also didn't win a goddamn thing. What do you mean? Well, we didn't win a goddamn thing. The race you mean? Well, we didn't win a goddamn thing. The race. We didn't win anything. Yeah, you did. You won the race. Yeah, but y'all didn't lose anything.

We didn't win anything. So really, what were we killing ourselves for? You wanted a prize? You needed a toy? I'm just saying. Satisfaction. You were a machine, Brandon. Right.

I was, sure. I also had two beers. I know. Wow. And then you ate Chick-fil-A. After, yeah, I had to. That was incredible. I stopped at Sonic on the way home. I know. Oh, wow. And then you ate Chick-fil-A. Yeah, I had to. That was incredible. I stopped at Sonic on the way home.

What? Oh, my God. Oh, yes. Yeah, you saying that when you came back and be like, I just ate some chicken nuggets? Yeah. That was hilarious. Yeah. I don't know.

I was hungry again. Where's Kyle? COVID. What? Well, he originally texted the group and said he just tested positive for C. Oh, I missed that. I was doing the rundown. Yeah.

So we assume it is COVID. We assume COVID. He tested positive for C, but he's had other C scares. Hepatitis. He tested positive for cancer. Oh. That would actually be funny if you could just do a nose swab and it was just like, yep, you got cancer.

Probably. I don't know which kind. Nostril cancer. Just got it. You think people would be doing that every single day? Yeah. Yes.

People? Multiple times a day. You. People? You would be doing it nonstop. No, I know. You think the general population would? I've been...

I have aches and pains all the time and I've been avoiding going to the... I haven't been to a doctor in five years. I just wonder how many cancers are in me. I would rather not know. Can I guess which cancers I think you're each going to get? Sure. Colon.

I knew you were going to say colon. Skin. For you. Big cat. Too real. I feel like I'm going to get a brain tumor. All cancer? Thyroid for you. That's a bad one.

You, I'm going to say. On hot chance lymphoma. Yeah, you're going to get the. Eye. Eye cancer? Yeah, I think. Is there eye cancer? I know.

I'm sorry. Eye cancer? Yeah. Sorry, Nick. That sucks. It's terrible, dude. I'm just going. Kind of a way to call somebody ugly. I'm sorry. My cancer. Sorry, Nick. That sucks. It's terrible, dude. I don't have a way to call somebody ugly. I'm just going off vibes.

Your eyes give off the vibe of cancer. Yeah, you know what? Take your glasses off. Right? Uh-uh. Yeah. I've been... Cancerous eyes.

Yeah, it's cancerous eyes. Oh, man. Look at those things. Look at the coloring. You'll be blind by 35. My eyes tilt upwards. People are paying for that now. It's called a fox lift.

Oh, really? People want this. Fox lift. A fox. Oh, man. I didn't know your eyes tilted upward. A little bit, yeah. You're beautiful.

Thank you. It is crazy when there's the kid growing up, and then one day he just comes in with no glasses at school and everyone's like, what the fuck? I think I'm going to do LASIK spray tan severe haircut one day. All the same time? I like that. I like that.

Losted tips. Yeah, just something. Yeah. Something. That would be great. Steven, what did you think about the case race? You and Shane, best friends? Yeah, we had a good time.

Came in early and we were chatting and football guy and talking ball. Alright, we gotta talk to SoberU for a second. What's up? You told us while drunk that you wouldn't have been surprised if you were an undrafted free agent. Yeah, street signing, yeah.

He stands by it. Stand by that? Nothing, alcohol had nothing to do with that statement. Fair enough. I back away. I'm going to go the opposite direction. Alcohol had everything to do with everything I said. I like that. Yeah, I like that.

What did you guys do this weekend? Getting texts on your birthday sucks. I went to Dave and Buster's. Oh, yeah, you did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was the other part of the case race. That story that you just didn't tell. I've definitely, like, loosely brought it up before.

Nope, not even close to what Shane told. In fact, the entire Buffalo Bills team watched you fucking just go hammer time on a VR set. I didn't know, like, Vaughughn Miller and Stefan Diggs were there. It was much funnier from Shane's point of view because he's playing the fucking game. True. He's under the hood. True.

What are you going to say, Steven? Nothing. Like the stream. 2.2K likes. I'll release my pick. Okay, I'll tweet that out right now. TJ, did we get a million comments? We got more comments than I think we've had

Maybe on any video ever Not a million Yeah that was That was a really Yeah nice I think it's like What is it like 4,000? I've read all 4,000

Yeah 3,300 Printed Nice Once we hit how many? Between this Yeah, 3,300. Nice. Once we hit how many? Dude, that would be awesome if we each had like... If we sold a book of bad comments about us. Yeah. This chapter would be the longest.

Hey, wait a second. Hey, did you bring Your braces today Oh shit Well so they're in my pocket You did Straight one Wait wait wait The ones I took them out

Because I'm drinking In your ass pocket Oh no not their ass pocket I always keep them in my ass pocket I know I do I'll bring them tomorrow I totally forgot I'll do I'm doing it with Nick So know. I'll bring them tomorrow. I totally forgot.

I'm doing it with Nick, so bring it. I'm out tomorrow and Wednesday. We're doing the bowling stream all day tomorrow. Then Wednesday I've got to go do an interview, maybe back for the end of the show. Bring them Thursday. I'll do it with Nick. I have enough sets for the whole squad at this point.

I'm down. Anybody else wants in? Yeah, we're not a part of that. This is Big Hats fully volunteering. I'm doing it because i feel bad that the wheel will come for us eventually but it hasn't come for us yet there's worse things that could happen like imagine getting a hanging wedgie i wasn't here for when she got it but i bet you it was horrible i bet you he hung up there for what 30 45 seconds also this is like for your birthday uh it's nothing crazy, honestly.

Because I feel like you're a tough guy to shop for. So I thought... Go ahead. I'm sorry. Well, no, you go ahead. You have everything. So I was thinking for your birthday, we take from you.

We spin a wheel, one of us gets a grand. Ooh, I'm down for that. But it's just mostly, I got just a shit ton of scratch offs from the lotto store. Oh, that's

oh, I was thinking a ton of them. I put some plastic knives in there. So Philly, maybe if you won something, we could do something fun with it.

I don't know. Yeah, that's a good gift. Oh, it's just chocolate. I thought because we could we're going to recap the gate. I thought we could

just sit around, eat some candy and bitch. Oh, yeah. I like the gals, but just fun chocolate pretzels from a- Whoa. Very funny. Kyle's not here for this. It's his favorite treat.

It's from a little shop in my town. You want to grab one and have one? I'll take the Reese's Pieces one. The best three foods you can combine. Yeah, right here. All right, I'm going to start scratching. You can tell what they are without touching every one. I know, but you have to

I want that one down at the bottom Do you think the M&M one was braille? Is it going to spell tasty? It's probably more of a pain in the ass than anything But I love Skittin' Is there a way? Can't you just like scan them? There's cookie dough bars Here's what I'm going to do

I'm going to scratch these off Booth if you want If I win Kate, I'm going to scratch these off. Booth, if you want me. If I win... I'll split whatever I win with someone here and we'll spin for it. Okay. All right? So I have cash on me.

Always carry cash. And yeah, I'll split it. So I'm going to get to work on scratching. This is going to be fun. Thank you, Kate. This is a great gift. There's a lot of instructions always perplex me on this. You can take the whole box in there if anybody wants to. Let's talk while I scratch.

My mom puts them in my stocking every Christmas, and I just really enjoy it. Ever won anything? Like eight bucks, I think, is the most I ever won. We had scratch-off week before you were on the act, and Caleb won $300. Oh. He never cashed in.

I don't think Caleb – why do I think Caleb didn't participate? I thought Caleb was the one that won $300. I think Caleb was off the show. I feel like Caleb was on the show at that point. I think he was on the show, but I don't think he – I think he did. I think he's the one that won $300. I'll run away when it's a loser.

This is a loser. Yeah. Nobody? Any act historians out there chay you want to tell me who won who won money on the um scratch off week scratch off week i'm pretty sure it wasn't caleb because he was not happy that we were doing scratch off week no i feel that he won three hundred dollars was it wrong lied oh well i don't know how how can i just i can't see i can't see a man's, so I don't know if he's lying or not. He scratched off over the phone. We're all remote at that point?

We were, okay. Double check my loser. Oh, yeah, because I was doing it at home, and Tommy has judged me since that day. Judged you? Yeah, he thought, Dad, you've never bought scratch-off tickets. Why don't you just do it? And i was like everything looks looks not great here can't you just scan them without scratching yeah you can i've done that before i didn't know that i would i should have just done i've done that before i've just bought a whole roll and had them scan it well this is more of

a pain in the ass than anything no it's fun it's fun i'm having fun i'm having a great time i'll say i woke up friday morning at like four something and my heart was pounding out of my chest and i was like oh my god i'm gonna i'm gonna die and then my son woke up at five in the morning was ready to go and i think it sent me back health wise about a month month. Yeah, I woke up really early. I think I texted in the group chat and you were the only one. I felt so good to see somebody else was up and panicking. You texted like 6.05. Yeah, and I was like, did I say anything? I think I said, did I say anything?

Did I talk too much? Yeah. I think I said something along those lines. And nobody said, they were just like, don't worry. Yeah. I didn't say yes or no. You're good. You're good.

You're good. We need to go to that Dave and Buster's off the street more. $45 lasted me three hours there. No way. Really? The one in Times Square? Yeah. Yeah.

So it was just a big group. You go and you just all. What's your go-to game there? They have Connect Four basketball, which might be the best sport in the world. What's that? It's a Connect Four board with basketball hoops at the top, and you have to shoot the basket to get there. Oh. And Clemmer was a menace.

I believe it. Did Clemmer got hammered? Clemmer was a menace. I believe it. Clemmer got hammered? Yeah, Clemmer got hammered. Yeah. It was awesome. He stayed with us the whole night. Oh, I love that. I actually left before him. I think he got a hotel. Who knew? Really? Hell yeah.

No, he was the man. He's dead now. Yeah. We've stumbled upon an actual concept for um the recrochables so i don't think it's going to be called the recrochables oh is actually still doing that stupid show yeah i don't know uh just say i have to watch a movie tonight for homework what's the concept why i don't know why are you bitching about having to watch a movie? Think of where you were five years ago. You're bitching about watching fucking Bend It Like Beckham tonight?

You probably would watch if it just showed up on TV and you were sitting there on your couch. No, good and goddamn well, I'm watching a movie about Matthew LeBlanc playing baseball with a chimpanzee. That's the only hint we'll give. Did you guys see the commercial for Cocaine Bear? Cocaine Bear. Oh, yeah. Talk about Cocaine Bear. I haven't heard Frank laugh as hard as he did when he saw that commercial.

What the hell? And it says based on true events. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's Ray Liotta's last movie. Oh, dude, it looks terrible. If I were an old actor, I'd be afraid of what your last movie was. Yeah.

He had a role in some show on Apple TV, a true crime show, and he was super good in that. That was right before he died. Inspired by true events. Inspired by. I always thought cocaine was a magic word they didn't say on TV very much.

Yeah, yeah. But it's just in the advertisements. Yeah. Just front and center. Times have changed. These are all losers. You're not scratching a goddamn game. You're not scratching everything, though.

What are you talking about? I gotta scratch this. Are you not scratching the top numbers? He's only scratching the top numbers, yeah. It just makes it feel incomplete to me, that's all. You're a completionist? I'm a completionist, so I don't scratch off. I gotta scratch everything off.

Why? Then you just see what you didn't win. I know, but I'm just saying. Worst gift ever. I know, that sucks. just saying. Worst gift ever. I know. It sucks and it's hard to do with a little plastic knife. She spent like 80 bucks on these. I know.

Too much money. All these losers. And really, all I'm going to remember is you gave me a fistful of losers. Of loser tickets. I know. She also gave you pretzels. Oh, yeah, the pretzels. They're good.

Yours is peanut butter and jelly, Brandon. Whoa. I don't know if that's any good. Yeah, might be weird. Oh, these things are, I wonder what the sweetness was. That's jelly inside. I think I'm going to have a root beer float today. Those are so good.

9 o'clock. Root beer gets slept on. It does every time. I love root beer. Do it with chocolate ice cream. There's never a time I have root beer gets slept on it does every time do it with chocolate ice cream there's never a time I have root beer and I'm like oh I wish I hadn't had that but I don't have it nearly enough no it's true is there anyone that just drinks root beer like they would drink

I think there's some really? I saw Hank he had an A&W in the gym oh jeez so a root beer float. Yeah. Sounds good. How are you going to get that? I think the ingredients

are pretty accessible. Ice cream and root beer? The one thing I don't have, I think, is a cup. Yeah. I think it's the one thing I don't have. Oh, no. No? Damn. Damn, Kate. This is is like i may be brewing the show now my scratch chops apologies to everyone you sound sick i am oh no i'm very sick i went into the case race feeling horrible that was my flu game i felt like dog shit i chugged a coffee literally right before i came in here to do it because i didn't

have adderall and uh and then when i woke up the next day i was like holy fuck and probably now that i saw kb's text i was like i probably have covid shout out to all you guys it could be cancer yeah i mean i was it'll be long we were trapped in here with kyle for four hours yeah in this room no ventilation and then we were i went out with him to Dave & Buster's on Saturday. I should probably go swab. Should not be here, yeah.

Yeah. This one's too confusing. Because I'll admit, I didn't taste that chocolate pretzel. I don't have a... Seriously? It's like an inhale. Oh, no.

Are you serious? No. Okay. Yeah, we probably all do that to you. Do you guys have all the boosters and stuff? Okay. Yeah, we probably all do that. Do you guys have all the boosters and stuff? Yeah. Jay does.

I got Johnson & Johnson like two years ago. And that's the one that's like, that was just... Worried about myocarditis, Jay? Myocarditis worries? Never, ever been worried about myocarditis. Some of these are hard to figure out. Any more questions? I don't know what's going on here.

I don't know. The lady at the train station gave me her favorites. I'm just going to be losers. I know. Talk about the Empire State Building on Pick Central, Brandon. Oh, man. Just a little bit. Tyler O'Day.

It's tough, Dave, going up against a building that knows all of his most famous clips. Not many buildings probably know that. Look at that, though, on the New York Post. Oh, wow. The steak. The New York sanitation workers came out at the hardest, I think. Really? They were.

Oh, yeah. They have a very viral tweet going that they're mad about. Sanitation workers had a viral tweet? That's their colors are green and white. They said something about the only time it should be is for us and we'll take out the trash, the Eagles next year. They were very mad.

How are you feeling, Kate? Got your team in the Super Bowl? I feel pretty good. I feel pretty good. Let's turn to the Mets. I will, the Eagles parade, I had just started working at Barstool. Um, so I went to the Eagles parade and it was one of the best days of my life, like hands down without question. It truly was. It was awesome. I started down in South Philly near the stadium at like the crack of dawn with my family. And strangers were like letting you in their townhomes, use the bathroom and get stuff to eat and like stay warm.

Followed the parade all the way up. Listened to Jason Kelsey's speech. And then like bar crawled through West Philly. Wound up in Delco. Ended up, almost took it up with a bartender. And then his girlfriend messaged me on Facebook. What? Said I'm on my way down.

Whatever. It was the whole thing. I was freshly divorced, and I was being a scoundrel. And it was just a great day. What was his thing? His thing? Yeah. He was.

Get a hook for it. He was. What was he missing? It was the end of a long day of drinking the bar was closing I said you and the rest is history how did his girlfriend message you

how did that let me see if I can find let's see did he like text her and was like I'm about to fuck you better get down here cause I'm about to fuck that's you I don't think I'm about to fuck. You better get down here because I'm about to fuck. Yeah. That's you? I don't think I'm hedging.

Cheater. Not even a little bit? Nope. Not even a little bit? Nope. I don't think the Eagles look very convincing. I don't either, and they haven't been tested. The Chiefs are very good.

So are the Eagles. The Eagles are very good too, but... I think the Eagles are going to win by a little bit. Jalen Hurts hasn't even been asked to do anything yet. He's done for like 200 yards in two games. Yeah, but you don't like him because he's a Bama quarterback. To win a Super Bowl, you typically got to play good defense and run the ball. That's what Philly does.

They do that. They very much do. But you could also play good defense and have the best quarterback in the league, and that's what the Chiefs have. Yeah, but his weapons are depleted. Depleted? I'm hoping in two weeks we can get that fixed a little bit. Is Tony out?

Is Schuster out? Are we relying on Kadarius Tony to win a Super Bowl? I think that'll help, yeah. I think that'll help tremendously. I'll take Philly. This is actually incredible how bad these are. I don't think Chris Jones is going to be a problem for the – I know the Eagles offensive line is good.

Didn't Kelsey get hurt? No. No, no. Dickerson got hurt. Landon Dickerson, yeah. That's fine. He'll be fine. All right, this is a birthday surprise one.

I have two left. This is the one you hit on. This is the one you hit. I have to get a match. Three light prize amounts. This was the worst fucking gift I imagined Me and the bartender's girlfriend ended up becoming friends That's nice Are they still together?

No, she left his ass It seems like he was trying to hook up too I didn't know he had a girlfriend In my defense He knew what he was doing Someone I didn't know he had a girlfriend, in my defense. Okay. He knew what he was doing. He knew what he was doing.

Someone had to have known he had a girlfriend who also was with you or something. I think she had access to his Facebook messages or something like that, which is, I was like, here's my Facebook. I don't remember what I did. Wait a minute. You just met him and were trying to hook up with him at the bar that day, right? You weren't in a Facebook relationship. No, but I think she's, I don't, let me see. I just wanted to contact you to find the truth.

My boyfriend, bartender at the blank, it's in media PA, I'll tell you that much. Why, it was five years ago. Why can't you just say what it was? I don't remember. No chance he's still a bartender. I don't remember what, truly. Oh, and then he said, he tried, he said you guys made out and it was awkward I don't remember

it being awkward wait he said you guys made out I guess it's a whole mess anyway besides that part it was one of the best days of my entire life hold on I do love a boyfriend doing this making out with a chick and then when he tells his girlfriend we made out but it was awkward

yeah it wasn't a good meeting he's trying to soften the blow but i do believe that it probably was yeah i mean you're just no one person let's just be honest you have adult braces in no i didn't i was really feeling myself at the time oh gross yeah all right so this is the worst gift I've ever gotten I'm so sorry Even the big ones died The big one is a chore I'm so sorry There's so many fucking numbers I feel like I'm in like Entry to algebra

My god yeah you're gonna get carpal tunnel You're gonna have calluses on your hands Well I'm sorry about that It's okay the thought that counts Or something whatever they say in my head I was like there's going to be a huge what do we do with the winnings windfall and then we can get another tungsten cube

oh fuck that would have been so sick the tungsten website has a secret menu we've been talking to the owner he's got a bigger cube what? are you serious? tell me more 6x6 inches $11,000 we have the 4x4 when it goes up to 6x6 inches, $11,000. We have the 4x4.

When it goes up to 6x6, it's 108 pounds. They also have a spinning top, a tungsten top. 100% tungsten. But what? You never know these days. They do have alloys on the website. Never know. I haven't even clicked that tab.

They do business cards. You could have a tungsten. here here's my card i bought one oh you did that's coming of course 14 times heavier than a regular card that's awesome which i guess isn't that heavy no but still uh impressive it was 110 dollars i buy knives when i get drunk oh yeah, yeah. I got a blade. Really? Yeah. A brand of knives I like. An L.L. Bean blade. An L.L. Bean?

Yeah. It's a good blade. It's sharp as fuck. That's what you want in a blade. Yeah. I used to keep a tiny little Gerber, one of those little tools that has everything you need on it. I used to keep one on me like 24-7. And only ever used it to open food.

Yeah. I just used it like... In your mind, you're like, in case cocaine bear on the trail. I have... I ask myself to use it, just like, I could have opened this bag of chips, but I'm just like... I have my jinx date tomorrow night. Oh, hell yeah. Jinx.

My jinx date. Where are you going? Next? Next game, yep. So, I'm nervous. I don't know what to wear. I think you should go buy an outfit today. Oh, get a new fit for the jinx day?

I have to look cool. All right, I lost every single one. That was so stupid. I'm sorry. You got that out of your system. All right, so we got to do something for the wheel. All right, so let's do this. TJ, how many people are here?

Five. Eight. Eight of us. I don't want you to be involved nine no eight eight why does that one finger don't you go five and three look at that one pinky i want you to go five and three no i i think that's eight i agree with him you say that's eight four horsemen five and three all right so seven not including me um Let's just make it very simple. Let's put everyone on the wheel.

Put me on two times. This is my birthday. If I hit, everyone has to give me $100. If the other person's name hits, they get $700. From everybody? From me. Holy shit. Yeah.

Eliminator? I think there should be a third big cat then. Yeah, we could do Eliminator. There should be a third big cat. All right, yeah, we'll do Eliminator. I like that. This will be fun. This will be. So, yeah.

It's very simple. All right. Thunderbox to me. Thunderbox to you or 700 from you. Yes. Oh, this is awesome. And the birthday gift is the rush you're going to get. Yeah, that's exactly right. 100 bucks to me. 100 bucks to you or 700 from you. Yes. Oh, this is awesome. And the birthday gift is the rush you're going to get.

Yeah, that's exactly right. This is all I wanted. Unfreeing yourself from the burden of death. Death wheel would have been cool. I mean, if y'all want to make it, I would do a death wheel. I mean, the chances of it being you so slim. The fucked up part is I would do a death wheel. That seems like a. Because I don't think I would do a death wheel. That seems like a... Because I don't think I'd lose.

That's going to be like the next South Korean show. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'd lose. I think I would win. I was wondering that last night. I was thinking this before I fell asleep. If somebody came to me and said it's a wheel with a million slices,

and one of them is like a train comes and runs you over right now but the rest are money, I would absolutely say even as a mother, I'd say spin that wheel. The odds of you taking the subway, the odds of death are probably higher than one in a million. Yeah. This would seem irresponsible not to, but I kept thinking what sliver would it have to go down to

for me to be like, no, I can't. i'm gonna go get the cash brandon do the ad read oh yeah i'll do an ad read which one oh i want to tell you about the nascar the bushlight clash at the coliseum returns to la on sunday february 5th at 5 p.m. Pacific time. That's 8 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Central, 6 p.m. Mountain, 5 p.m. Pacific. In Hawaii, it's a different time. And so on and so forth throughout the world. More than 20 of the best NASCAR Cup Series drivers will compete on the quarter-mile track right there in the L.A. Coliseum. It's a beautiful scene, beautiful little oval right there in one of the

most iconic venues in america uh this track was built in less than 50 days kicking off nascar's 75th season 75 years and 95 years who died at 74 mark twain mahmoud ali my grandpa hugh kicking off nascar's 75th season theash will feature a pre-race concert by, again, I had this offer earlier. The Clash? Yes. No, don't look. I will give you $100 out of my wallet if you tell me

who the NASCAR concert will be at The Clash. Can we guess genre? No. No hint whatsoever. Rap. Oh. Chingy. No. That's a wrong guess right there. Okay. Oh. Chingy. No.

That's a wrong guess right there. Okay. Can I ask man or woman? Megan Thee Stallion. No. Ooh. Megan Dee Stallion? The Clash features a pre-race concert by Cypress Hill.

Oh. And a race break performance from Wiz Khalifa. That's what you'll have this week at the Clash. Tune into the Clash at the Coliseum this Sunday, February 5th at 8 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Central, 6 p.m. Mountain, 5 p.m. Pacific time. Enjoy it. NASCAR, Clash, Coliseum. Yeah.

I love NASCAR. The worst part about your birthday is getting texts from everyone. Don't you agree? I don't think that's, yeah. I don't think I get as many as you. That's for sure. Can I ask who the most famous person to text you so far is? No one famous.

None? Nope. I texted you. Kirk. Yeah. Mangold. Yeah. He's famous.

That's about it. When I turned 21 or 22, no, I'm in 20, I ate a shitload of mushrooms on my birthday, and I completely forgot that your family calls you on your birthday. Oh, jeez. I had an entire conversation with my grandparents, and I thought they were speaking Russian. I couldn't understand a word they were saying. That's a nightmare. Yeah, it was a total nightmare,

because I ate them early in the day, and then the calls started at like 6 o'clock, and I was just, oh, just one after another, and I was just fucking on the moon. So, yeah, don't do that, kids. If I could give you one piece of advice. No, no, no, don't do that. Parents, call the day after that.

Yeah, that's true, that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. My 21st birthday, especially. My parents forgot it was my birthday. Yeah? Today. Oh, yeah.

I have a family group text, and they were like, whoops. We thought today was the 29th. They didn't forget it was your birthday. General text, and then it was halfway around noon. They're like, who know, text, and then it was, like, halfway around noon. They're like, whoops. Can I say I think something's been wrong with this January? I've had the wrong day a lot this month. Oh, yeah.

Really? It's a long month. Do you think it's because the January 1st was on a Sunday? Maybe. Fuck you up? Yeah. Christmas and that being on, it fucked everything up. Fucked you up?

You get back on track? I thought it was February this whole month. I thought, like, I had last week, like, three or four days being January 26th. Damn. That's brutal. Yeah. I'm finally catching up. Wednesday is February 1st.

We'll start over. Okay. Fresh beginnings. Yep. I love February. It's so short. It's a nice little short month. February's nice, yeah.

I like it because it's Black History Month. Yeah, you've always been a fan. I love it because it's Black History Month, Brandon. I... Remind? What? Black History Month. Yeah, you've always been a big fan. I love it because it's Black History Month, Brandon. I, remind? What? I was going to say something dumb. It's kind of fucked up that they gave him the shortest month. And the coldest.

Yeah. Do you think it would be cool to be born on February 29th? No. Yeah. I think it would be really cool. I think it would be very cool. Because then you have like a big blowout every four years. Yeah, no, it would be objectively cool. You just don't have a big blowout every four years. Yeah, no, it would be objectively cool.

You just don't have a birthday for three years. Why would you say no? It would suck as a kid. I don't have a birthday for three years. It would be awesome as an adult. What do you mean you don't have a birthday? They're celebrating the day before, day after. What do they celebrate, March 1st?

Sure, yeah. Oh, it would suck as a kid. Oh, because those kids love running around being like, I'm actually technically only three. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I love's true. That's true. Those kids love that shit. That is true.

You get done hooking up with a chick, you're like, you're under arrest. Yeah. Two. People love that. Remember that fucking little, the dude, the trainer, and his little girlfriend that we looked at during the case race? Yeah. That was wild. That was crazy.

Also, Steven just saying that all the people in the Hardee's pictures are special needs was way off. I didn't need that. Way off. That's not the case. That's just way, way off. Also, and doing it like an hour and a half in

and just watching everything. That was fucked up, dude. That was way earlier than an hour and a half in. It was just way off. And you're right. Some of them were. No. 100%.

But that's just Inland California, Carl's Jr. Yeah. Tiny Man. That's what that is. Tiny Man. There's video of Tiny Man. He's not edited at all. Tiny Man.

Tiny Man's fine. Tiny Man's fine. I don't think any of them were special needs. No, I don't think so either. Steven is for thinking that. No, there were several of them. Several? Pull them up. So more than three.

At least, out of what, nine? At least three, yes. You made it seem like it was all nine. No, I mean, it's never going to be all nine, but it could be all nine. If it was the Special Olympics, it could be all nine. Never going to be all nine.

There's always some posers in there. That's true. If it was the Special Olympics, it could be all nine. Never going to be all nine. Right? Ever. There's always some posers in there. That's true. Imagine guys embarrassed in the audience. Uh-oh. I'm surprised we don't have a story like that. Has anyone ever?

I'm almost certain it has happened. Really? Somebody has gotten in the Special Olympics and won and not been. That's just the plot of The Ringer. Yeah. That's the one movie of The Ringer. Yeah. That's the one movie that couldn't be made today. Everybody's like, oh, they couldn't do this today. Yeah.

I think that's the one. Yeah, probably not. How do they safeguard against that? Like, is someone independently. Screening them? Yeah. I'm sure they are. Steven's got an idea.

That people like you. Win a gold. No, I don't. No, no, no. What do you think about the Hooters girls? While you're trying out for the Special Olympics? Yeah. That's the screening? Yeah.

A reaction? Jamal Charles crushed the Special Olympics, didn't he? Did he? Yeah, he was in the Special Olympics. What? Yeah. How? Like a learning disability.

Jamal Charles was definitely in it. That's not fair. He ran like a 4-1. Yeah. You look that up? Screening for the Special Olympics would be a hilarious sketch. Yeah. Just the tests that they do.

Yeah, prove it. Jamal Charles was a Special Olympian? Yeah. What age? I think pretty, yeah, pretty, like high school. Yeah, of course he thrived. Yeah, he dominated. That's crazy.

That's awesome. That's insane. I was in the fucking NFL. Good for him. That's like Malasek playing for Slovakia. Yeah, it's the exact equivalent. Yes, it is. Like, okay, Jamal Charles.

Is that 2024? Yeah. He has the potential? Yeah. I think he said there's one kid who's a lot younger than him that if that kid makes the team, he won't go. Wait, is it the Olympics he's going for? Holy shit. I think next summer is the World Championships

and then they could be in the Olympics in a win in America. We need to make a video of that. Yeah. Has to. But if they win? If Malasek is their goalie, they have to be the worst team. Yeah. No offense to him.

I love him. Put him back up. There's no way he's going gold. He's doing it for the tattoo. Yeah, that's true. That's what he's saying. Oh, my God, yeah. I would do that.

Yes. The tattoo. All right, let's spin this wheel. It's an eliminator? Yeah. If it lands on me, everyone owes me $100. If it lands on a person for Eliminator, I give him $700. Okay.

Pretty easy. Cut and dry. Yeah. This is my gift to myself. Do it. Grat's on the bet, by the way. Still got one more to go. Still got one more to go. Still got one more to go. You had them to win the Super Bowl?

World Series, yeah. Super Bowl? They gotta win the World Series. I thought it was just the... No, they gotta win the World Series. I won a bet yesterday. I won.

I was over at the American Dream Mall and I was like, fuck, I'm gonna put in a bet. And? I bet 49ers first possession turnover. Whoa.

That's fine. What are you doing at the American Dream Mall? House of Mirrors. Oh, I live over first possession turnover. Whoa. That's fine. What are you doing at the American Dream, Mo? House of Mirrors. Oh, I live over there, dude. That's our walk-around playground. American Dream's fucking awesome. They want us to come do some stuff there. Oh, yeah.

I want to go to the American Dream. What do they want us to do? They offered us a villa at the water park. Like full run. We need to go. Do an episode there maybe. That's awesome. Yeah.

Yes, please. And then we can do Wet Wheel. And if you get wet, you have to go on the water slide. In? What the fuck? Yeah. Yes. I love a laser.

Just like right over there too. It's not far at all. I also think there should be somebody that has to get real wet then go to the ice rink and ice skate wet. Oh, I love that. I love that. Or down the ski slope. It's eating there.

Oh, skiing there? There's a ski slope. There's everything in there. With one ski. With one. It's skiing there. Skiing there? There's a ski slope. Everything in there. With one ski. With one. You got roller coasters. Or roller coaster wet. You hop into the American Dream size?

No. I've actually never heard of it. You can pull it up. They have a huge Ferris wheel. There's an aquarium. There's Legoland. I mean, a huge Ferris wheel. I gotta go.

Some beers. Is it always packed? No. No. They got a Mr. Beast Burger. On a Saturday, is it not packed? A Mr. Beast burger, though? I went Sunday.

I went on a Saturday with Jeff D'Lo. It's so massive. I take my toddler when it's cold out, and I'm like, let's just run around for two hours. There's no stores in it. A couple of weeks ago when Mr. Beast had that opening and there were 10,000 people showed up. I was there, yeah. I was there, yeah. Oh, is that why Tommy wanted to go?

Yes. Oh, okay. I don't know why I thought that was in Florida. Yeah, it's just endlessly massive. Where's the ski slope? Is it bigger than the Mall of America? Almost. I don't think it's bigger in size.

It's bigger. It's better? Can you text me where I should go in, enter? Yes. It's pretty obvious when you get there. Yeah, there's like an underground garage. And the parking, you're like, oh no, it's going to be tough to find park. No. You park right next to the escalator, go right up. It's so easy. It's crazy. All get there. Yeah, there's like an underground garage. And the parking, you're like, oh, no, it's going to be tough to find park. No.

You park like right next to the escalator, go right up. It's so easy. It's crazy. All right, I'm going. This is about how crowded it is. Oh, and you can rent tiny animals. Pat always does to ride around on. Yeah, yeah.

I would definitely do a water park day. Damn, this is awesome. They have a huge ice rink, too. Yeah. All right, we got to do this. They actually have skiing? Yeah. That's fucking crazy. I would love to go. It's a really short subway. All right, we got to do this. They actually have skiing? Yeah. That's fucking crazy.

I would love to go. It's a really short subway. All right, I'll set it up. All right. Great. You take a train there? Mm-hmm. Oh.

Yeah. I don't think you could. Train and then like a little short hop of an Uber. Also, the Meadowlands Chamber of Commerce. Yeah, okay. They DM'd me and said they'd take me on a boat ride through the swamps. How far away from American Dream do you live? It can't be far.

Literally, like, a mile. As the crow flies right behind it. Not to brag. Why would the crow fly from your house to the American Dream mall? It probably flies all the time. It seems like it's just a bad, why would it live? A lot of crows. There's always birds hanging around malls.

Oh, yeah. There's always spilled popcorn from the theater. The Meadowlands, though, you ever look out into the, and then you see, like, in the middle, there's, like, a dirt bike track, and there's, like, people. There's some secret things in there. You'll see a car and a man just standing, like, a mile out in the grass. You ever wonder how many bodies are in there? Yes, all the time.

Do you see my surfboard? Yeah. You ever seen it on the way in and out? Yeah. I've only taken your train, like, once. Okay. But you've told me about it. I see it almost every day.

There's this surfboard floating deep in the Meadowlands, and I always wonder how it got there. Someone was probably trying to surf. Surf out there. I don't know. In the Meadowlands. Sorry, I distracted us from the wheel. Talk about capitalism. Oh, yeah.

I really want to. Oh, no. And the food places are good. It's like super clean. Yeah. It's just. I know. There's not a soul there. Yeah. It. It's like super clean. Yeah, it's just. I know. There's not a soul there.

Yeah, it's built for like, you know, 100,000 people to be in it. And usually there's like 50. Well, New Jersey can't sell retail on Sundays. So even like. Bergen County, right? Or maybe it's just Bergen County. But like, so say I go to Walmart on a Sunday, that whole section is closed off. Like you can't buy.

Right. For whatever weird reason. So you have the whole mall to yourself because no one can go shopping. That is the weirdest thing about New jersey my county you can't like uh um target won't open on sundays why religious they can't sell retail for there's like a weird have they have laws uh maybe yeah they all the all the stores all the malls are closed in jersey and bergen county on sundays i feel like sunday's got to be one of the most retail right it's the day i want to get up and go to the mall. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's very weird. You don't want to go on Saturday. You're not going to go to the mall. You don't want to waste your Saturday on that. No, go Sunday. Hmm. Anytime I go shopping, it's on Sunday. Yeah, what a horrific idea to go to a gigantic mall.

Yeah. In a county where retail's not allowed on Sunday. There's just clothes on Sundays? The mall's open. Still, you can ski. That's why we go on Sundays, because the kids can just run. There's just clothes on Sundays? The mall's open. Still, you can, I mean, you can go ski. That's why we go on Sundays, because the kids can just run.

That's crazy. But the stores are all closed. Huh. I keep spinning. Well, you know. Having multiple spots isn't good

for an Eliminator wheel. It is. It's just high. Yes, it is. I guess, yeah. No, he's not. Sorry, TJ. You're rich anyway. He is. People's just hype. Yes, it is. I guess, yeah. No, he's not. Sorry, TJ. You're rich anyway.

Yes. People don't know that. True. Yeah. TJ's dad, the reason why I say he's a loser is he's actually a billionaire. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like Doug's family.

TJ's a nepotism hire. He's Dave's nephew. Yeah, Doug's is a billionaire. That's a fact. Damn it. I do not want, I'll say it right now, I do not, do not, do not want to give it to Brandon or Che. Che's won this thing. That would ruin my birthday even more than the scratch-offs

that has already ruined my birthday. Zahn, Sass, I'm rooting for you boys hard. Hard. All right. All right, here we go. Che can't get it for real. Che will be the worst of the worst. I can't believe that we just gave Che like $12,000.

Yeah, I actually said that the other day to Hank, and he was like, wait, what did you do? And it was the first time I had said it outside of the walls of the Yak, and I was like, yeah, what did we do? You were just like, yeah, Che, you can. It was either he gets tapped, he has to wear a mask one day. That part sucked. Oh, shut up. Of course it was worth it.

Of course it was worth it. Stop it. Just make him yell. It's going to be L's in the chat if Che wins this. Oh, no. Let me hit an L's for this. Oh, no. That was good for all of you. Yeah, we don't have to spend money, but.

This is we won our name, right? First to four wins. We won our name? Yeah. Stop. Stop. God damn it. It's going to be a clean sweep won our name? Yeah. Stop. Stop. God damn it. It's going to be a clean sweep.

Cancel my birthday. All right, Che. What are you going to do with it? You got to give it back to us. You got to treat us or something. Oh, he's going to take it. He's going to take it. You can do a little of both.

No, I don't want that. I don't want that. All right, fine, fine, fine. I don't want that. Oh, my God. Then we have to hang out with Che. By the way, Leigh Ben Arden has officially been booked. Wow.

Right. So it's Wednesday. It's like a month from now, about. Yeah, about a month from now. End of February. It's a Wednesday. We're going at 2.30 right after the act. Are you guys filming stuff there?

Yeah. What? Is the idea to, like, film it? I don't think we're allowed to we're gonna try yeah yeah this is a pretty hoity-toity place we're gonna try hoity-toity guys though it'll be a real shame if we got kicked out and i didn't have to pay for lunch that'd be awesome it's that i'm bringing a fucking boom mic is it yeah yeah this was the only reservation i i mean I don't make a ton of reservations, but I had to put down a deposit.

How much? $100. You're about to win $700. I had to do that out in Phoenix. You already made a reservation for a place? Yeah. For how many people? Who? Me and my wife. Oh, your wife's coming? Yeah.

I'm flying my mother-in-law up to keep the kids so my wife can go have a nice little vacation with me. She's going to be there from Sunday through Friday. Is there a pool at our hotel? Yeah. Tuesday we're going to go to a very nice dinner. You guys aren't staying at a hotel, are you? You're staying at an Airbnb? We're staying at a hotel.

We have a house, but we're staying at a hotel. Man, that's cool. You guys are going to have a blast out there. It's going to be fun. It's going to be so busy. I'm actually pumped to see the content that you guys are putting out. It's going to be fucking good. It's going to be epic.

You should do a case race out there. Now that you say it. The perfect case race out there Now that you say it The perfect case race We should do a We should do like a six pack race That would be funny We're only going to do an hour of the show Six pack race

I was drunk Drink along at home, watch BB in the chat Nick sucks Yes, it is. Drink along at home. Watch. Maybe in the chat. Nick sucks. All right, keep spinning. 1-1? 1-1.

Now it's Che. They're all close. Yeah, they are. 2-1. God damn. Congrats, Che. Fucking A, man. 3-1.

It's easy. I'm up 3-1. Loser scratch-offs paying Steve and Che. Let's give it to him now. Do we have to all pay him? No. Oh, 3-2. Big dub for Che.

Che's still a 1. Big dub for Che. Fucking look at his face. Far from over. Ugh. Oh, no. My boy, Che. Oh, shit. Great for me.

It's my birthday on Friday, so. Is it really? Yeah. Oh, shit. Great for me. It's my birthday on Friday, so. Is it really? Yeah. Man. Fuck. We know that when we were celebrating the case race. Whoops. Yeah, I actually got happy birthdays from nobody, but that's okay.

I don't think anyone did. Wait, why don't we just do the six-pack race on Friday? I'm not going to be here. That's fine. A six-pack race is not drunk. Yeah, that's fine. Oh, God. Really?

I mean, it'd be funny, just a six-pack race. We did, like, I think it was for all of our birthdays. I'm going to take a 50-milligram hat or all. Yeah, let's do a six-pack race. We can do a six-pack race live. I mean, we've done, like, Hennessy Fridays have gotten way worse. Oh, yeah. So it's just a Henness've done, like, Hennessy Fridays have gotten way worse. Oh, yeah.

So it's just a Hennessy Friday with beer. Hennessy Friday with beer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, actually, I'm not going to be here either. Oh, damn. All right, we're set. Six-pack race on Friday.

So you guys could do a 12-pack race. We respect the hell out of you. Announce it. Announce it. Even Chase six pack race. I actually might not be able to do Friday either. Oh, that's such a shame. We're still going to do six.

Yeah. No, we'll do it another time. Taking your birthday off. No, I have to like my wife has a thing that weekend. So I should take the kids to swim class. Bring your kids for a six-pack race. Yeah, it's only six. I'm teaming up. It's only six.

Let's just do it tomorrow. I'm not going to be here. I'm bowling all day. All day. Can you describe the logistics of it? Because this sounds super fun. Yeah, so it's not. I actually don't have to bowl, which is nice.

I will bowl because bowling is fun. or not bowl um max jake and billy have to bowl until they bowl a perfect game and every hot dog they eat takes a certain amount of pins off their score so they can basically like they're trying to bowl as high of a score as possible, but they can also decrease the amount of pins that they have to get. They all three individually have to bowl a perfect game or one perfect game from any of them? No, no, no, all three of them. Max's hot dogs are worth 10 pins. Yeah. Billy and Jake's are worth five pins.

Do any of them consider themselves good bowlers now? No. Okay. So it's going to be all day. Like Jake said, he could get to like 150. So he's going to have to eat a lot of hot dogs. Here's the problem. He's going to have to get to 150.

By that time, his arm is going to be so goddamn tired. And his belly is going to be full of hot dogs. And we have a special guest. Ooh. Two special guests. Two? Stu is one of the special guests Very nice

Pete Weber Nope I'm not going to say It's cumulative though right So if they eat ten hot dogs Yes Is it that bowler that yells I am who you thought I was

Oh okay That's who Webber. Oh, okay. That's who I like. Very special. You think you are. I am. Did you see my homes tweeted that yesterday? Yeah.

That was awesome. Did you hear how Max's practice bowling round went? No. Oh, no. I think he got a zero. Yes. He didn't hit a pin? How?

A zero for the first frame? He got a zero. For the first frame. He bowled a zero. The whole 10 frames? How? That's a zero. For the first frame. He bowled a zero. The whole 10 frames? How? That's not possible. He said he was trying to figure out the spin. He wasn't necessarily trying to hit the pins. That doesn't matter. But he hit zero of the pins.

That's not... In the entire game. That's impossible. That's 20 rolls. 20 rolls. 20 rolls. Yeah, 20 rolls. Yes. And do the hot dogs, each new game, do the hot dogs reset or it keeps building up?

That's fine. It's cumulative. 20 rolls? Yes. Trying to figure out the spin. Said it was a dry track. Steve, remember where we went and I almost beat you? And you thought you were going to beat me by a lot, but I bowled a 191, and it was awesome.

You did. You played one really great game. Mm-hmm. You lost two, though. Well, that didn't count. It did. It was fun. I loved it.

It was hard. That challenge honestly sounds really fun. Every time I bowl, I say to myself, why don't I bowl more often? It's so enjoyable. You should definitely leave in Chicago. Should. I was in one. It was so much fun on Monday nights. I don't drink, though. why don't I bowl more often? It's so enjoyable. I was in one. It was so much fun on Monday nights.

I don't drink, though. You don't have to. I might have to rejoin a bocce league. Eddie's in one. I was in one here in Astoria, and it was the best way to make friends. They were the best people. Yeah. We're also going to get us a 16-inch softball team.

That's going to be fun. You ever play 16-inch softball? It's a big old ball softball team. That's going to be fun. You're going to play 16-inch softball? It's a big old ball. No gloves. That's what I heard. So much fun. I need to get active again. I know.

How's the trainer going? It's going fine. That's what I worked out. That was his voice going high there. Such a tell. It's going fine. I was such a tell. I weighed in at the biggest I've ever weighed in when I weighed in with him, 273.

Oof. And then Friday I weighed in. Oof, that's fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat guy. 6'5", though.

Oh, that's still fat. I'm not a small guy. You're not that fat. I worked out within Friday and Saturday. And what are you weighing now? So Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are tough because that's when I'm supposed to work out on my own at home. You don't.

Last Monday I did it fine. Tuesday and Wednesday not so much. What did he think of? Did you lock the cupcakes? He said, you know, after this week get serious, you can do the cupcakes, but get serious after this week. I'm also going to the Super Bowl next week. Yeah, so it's over.

It's not over. It's over. After the Super Bowl I'll really get down and get serious. But I do have a meal plan, and I went and bought groceries. Oh, man, you're not going to eat any of that. TJ, we go way back, man. Why don't you do that? Fat boy.

Can you work out at home? You enjoy that? Oh, yeah. I have a good gym set up. I have a boxing bag, a light boxer or a treadmill, and some free weights. I'm going to go dust it. Can we watch the Jerry video? You guys saw this, right?

I cried. Oh, my God. I wonder if he's here right now. Probably took a day off. There's this little sound he makes that his voice makes in the beginning that's so... Oh, you'll hear it. But you can feel his pain. I mean, there's only one Jersey Cherry.

All right. Oh, my God. My mom's going to kill me. My mom's going to kill me. She mom's gonna kill me. My mom's gonna kill me. She's gonna kill me. That's the sound. My grandmother's ashes are on the floor. I dropped them by mistake.

My grandmother's ashes are on the floor. She's everywhere. She's everywhere. She's everywhere. Lose floor. She's everywhere. She's everywhere. Lose it. She's everywhere. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

He's the best. That has to be the biggest, like, oh, fuck moment. And he vacuumed up the end. She's in that vacuum now. Brushed up as much as you could. Yeah. I said he should have vacuumed them all. She's everywhere.

Yeah, and then just bronzed the vacuum cleaner. There's no way that's going in there. The lip of the bottle. She's got a small grandma. They split her up, I guess. Ah. Who else got her? I don't know.

I guess you could go pinch some from them. Yeah. Skim off the top. A little bit. Yeah. Let's replace the missing parts with sand. Let me get one line real quick of Nana. Give me a gram.

Oh, man. Should we spin the real wheel? Yeah. You want to do the High Noon, Brandon? Oh, yeah, do the High Noon, Brandon. I will do the High Noon because I like talking about the delicious flavors of High Noon and the wonderful real juice, real vodka for real people that High Noon represents. It's a hard seltzer, once again made with real vodka, real juice, and sparkling water. It's actually made with vodka, not with malt like those other stinking-ass hard seltzers.

No, this one's made with vodka. They now have big cans. They now have big cans of peach and pineapple available 700 milliliters big cans nick are they big enough that you could bounce off of them i don't know i'm sure they're very big cans my favorite flavor is peach i also like the lime the watermelon they're only 100 calories glutenfree, and they have no added sugars. Now, they've apparently heard me read these ads because they have now included a bullet point. It says, high noons, full-time flavors are pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, peach, mango, passion fruit, and lemon.

Limited edition flavors are pear and cranberry in the tailgate pack and kiwi and guava in the pool pack. So if you're looking for those flavors, make sure you find those packs. Look for them on Drizzly or at your local convenience store or at a liquor store or visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. High Noon. Delicious. Love a good High Noon. I did Oops! The Podcast this morning.

Great episode. I think it's out tomorrow. It's fun. It's a fun podcast. Very fun. It was on for three minutes once. Really? Yeah. Did you guys know that Francis is a Fordham Law School dropout?

What? Yeah, he shouldn't have told me that. I think that was when he started comedy. I don't know, but he shouldn't have told me that. I think if you go to Harvard but then you drop out of Fordham Law School, that's what you're known for. Right, kind of negates the thing. It's the last school you went to.

Even I graduated from Fordham. It's true. Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I didn't know you went to Fordham. So many of you guys. Yeah, I did.

I went afterwards. Where is Fordham? The Bronx. The Bronx. Thank you. I've heard it's a is it a fun school? I was 30 years old in a class with 18 year olds. It was a different vibe.

It seemed fun. They seemed like they were having fun. You were that woman. I was. Where are you guys going after this? Everybody? No? Okay.

Did you rush? Totally. No, I should have. I should have made it all. You should go back for content. I know. That would be good. Where would you go?

I fucking hate that. When I talk to my friends and we play video games, I got to get off. I got to write this essay. I'm like, ooh. What year are they? Are they juniors? They're seniors.

Oh, they're going to graduate this year? Yeah, the ones that are... Half my friends dropped out. Really? The other half, yeah. COVID just kind of fucked seniors. Oh, they're going to graduate this year? Yeah, the ones that are... Half my friends dropped out, but... Really? The other half, yeah. COVID just kind of fucked everybody. Oh, yeah. Do you ever go visit everybody and, like, have a full college weekend, kind of?

I haven't done that in a while. I visited one of my buddies in Tampa, and that was, like, the most, like, I experienced it. But I was just going to bars. Right. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah I was just going to bars. Right. Yeah. Hmm. Damn. Huh.

Poor Sass. Not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, no. Seems like he's doing it the right way. Yeah, I feel like you nailed it. I feel like you're crashing it. Not really at all.

I think some of them are going to move to New York, which will be cool, though. You say Newark? New York. Oh. That's where you live., though. You say Newark? New York. Oh. That's where you live. Newark. Yeah, it is where I live. Fact.

All right, spin the wheel. Brandon, where'd you go to college? Ah. Yeah. College is overrated. It is. I agree. Ooh.

Oh, hey. Hey, now. Hey, Seth. Nice. Fun fact. I see you piss people off. Eagles coach Nick Sirianni and I were at IUP at the same time. Oh, really?

What college did you go to? That's where I went before I dropped out. Oh. And, yeah. What's IUP? Same year. It's Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Should we put Fart Eliminator back on?

I think so. Yeah. Why? It's full reset. We took it off because we on? I think so. Yeah. Why? It's full reset. We took it off because we had our... I got one today. Probably Ben, like... I don't either.

You got one loaded? Shit. Mine will be a turd. Yeah, mine will absolutely be a turd. I was farting while y'all were lifting me the other day. That was fun as fuck. I forgot about that. Oh, wow.

Yeah. That was so much fun. Oh, light is better. Yeah, see? It's fun. And it works. It works. It does work. Oh, light as a feather. Yeah, see? It's fun. And it works. It works. It does work.

It didn't work with me. Well. Okay. Not that big. Look at that. Hey. I think for light as a feather for you,

I was using full arms. Yeah. I think you stood up to do it. We didn't realize you were so fat. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. That fat boy really hurts more than just fat.

Calling someone a fat boy? That's degrading. That's so mean. Anytime someone says fat boy, it's in a degrading tone. What's up, fat boy? Yeah. It hurts me just to hear it. You're not that fat, Brandon.

Tough to pull up. But the cupcake feeding was Yeah. It was really sweet and delicate. Easy. Yeah. Just one finger. One finger. He is light as a feather. He really is. I got to five cupcakes and I was like, I expected to be full by now, but I'm just going to plow through.

They were delightful. They were good cupcakes. They just went down easy. In the gay community, I think just going to plow through. They were delightful. They were good cupcakes. They just went down easy. In the gay community, I think we'd all be considered obese. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those boys stay lean. What about bears, though?

The bears are strong bears. They're big boned. Joey's a thick boy. Yeah. Look at the devil. Yeah. Oh. Look at the devil. There they are. Literally filled with sin.

Those are nice little studios now. Studios look so much better. So much better. They do when it's two people. With my show, when you have four, the chairs don't match, and one of the chairs makes the person that sits in it look like he's seven feet tall. And they're mismatched. So two people set up looks incredible.

It's beautiful. We've been less funny in it. Our show's gone downhill, me and Kyle. You need a worse studio? I think so. Yeah. Because now we just rely on an awesome studio. We're in Chicago, y'all just get a closet. Yeah, we need

something. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Jack Mack! Oh, wow. Oh, no! Look at me and Jack. I'm a foot taller than Jack. Wait, what the fuck? That chair makes you look seven feet tall. They're not matched. Which one is that in?

We don't think we've ever recorded in that one. That's the same one. There's two. No, that's not the same one. They're in the one with the black chairs. Yeah, they look slightly different. Here's one. That's one.

Oh, it's the same one. That's the same one. That's the other one. Oh, that's weird. That's studio talk. All right, do we have anything else? You going to end it early on your birthday? Yeah, I'm going to go home.

Hell yeah. Go home. I'm going to go home. Chill out. Get you a cake? No, I don't know, actually. Yeah, I don't know if I'm getting a cake. My kids always get me a cake. Yeah, I guess I'm not loved like you are. Yeah, I don't know if I'm getting a cake. My kids always get me a cake.

Yeah, I guess I'm not loved like you are. Yeah. Really depressing birthday. 38 sucks. 38 does suck. 39's worse. 40's refreshing. Yeah, I'm fine.

Just whatever. What's the birthday dinner going to be? Nothing. Come on. It'll be something. Oh, come on. It's a Monday. Got to eat clean. Also, he's got to save money. He just spent $700 be something. Oh, come on. Nah, it's a Monday. Gotta eat clean.

Also, he's gotta save money. He just spent $700 on that. Oh, yeah. It sucks. I'm just gonna have to fucking pry that out of my dead hands. Never give him that money. One dollar a day for 700 days. I'm gonna make him ask at least five times for it, just so it gets really annoying.

So I can get satisfaction. Annoying to you. Yeah, but I wanna get my hate up. You know? Get your hate up, but I want to get my hate up. Get your hate up, not your weight up. I like that. Keep that weight down. It really bothers me.

I bet the Eagles were pretty heavy last night when it was Pickham. Defense and running the ball, man. That's quarterbacking the league and running the ball. Jalen Hurts is good, too. What did think of joe burrow's performance yesterday as a notable joe burrow i think joe burrow got a lot too much credit for the for the wins and yesterday he didn't i mean he was fine but he had the ball with two and a half minutes left there a difference

between him and my homes at this point and and i don't care who won the other games a clear difference great is there a worse way to lose the game than 15-yard penalty like that? I mean, I really think the Bengals were almost lucky that game was that close. I think Dee Ford is probably way worse. Fucking hand off sides. And you celebrated the interception? Yeah. That's way worse.

I think that was the Patriots. Yeah, Dee Ford, his hand was off sides. That's way worse. I think that was the Patriots. Yeah, the D-4 to his hand was offside. This was so immediate. Like, you saw the consequences. Right, but you celebrated the offsides. You celebrated the interception. But there was still an overtime, right? Yeah, but, like, the game was over.

Chiefs won. Yep. Yeah. That's got to be the worst. It sucked in this one because that was their best player on defense yesterday. He was great. And then he undid it all with one. And Mahomes did.

It was a penalty, but Mahomes sold it hard. Did you see, was it the trainer that hit his head on the sidelines too? Oh, I didn't see that. It was bad. Really? His head off the bench, yeah. He'll be fine. I just think Mahomes, he's's gonna get a second super bowl and like

this feels like it's that he's going off vibes jalen hurts also hasn't had he might be good enough to win the super bowl but he hasn't had to do anything this playoffs not a goddamn thing i mean they crush the giants no they both teams. He's thrown for 240 yards in two games, and they've won both games by, you know... What did he throw yesterday? Like 130? Yeah, but that was also... 121. They stopped throwing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He hasn't had to do

it yet. He will have to do it in this one. I think the Eagles win by maybe double digits. Whoa! Whoa! I can see that, Che. Chief's defensive line's can see that, Che. Whoa. Chiefs defensive line is really fucking good too.

Eagles offensive line is really fucking good. Frank Clark, sure. Last show, Smitty said. Dane Johnson put fucking Bosa in a body bag yesterday. Last show,

Smitty said the Eagles have the greatest offensive line in the history of football. That feels a little recency biased. Yeah. Okay.

Anything else? I go home. I'm going to go home. Happy birthday. All bias. Yeah. Okay. Anything else? I go home. I'm going to go home. Happy birthday. All right. See everyone tomorrow. See ya. See ya.

See ya. We'll be right back. Happy anniversary, Eric from Brittany. Bye.