The Yak - Big Cat Unleashed a Wild Fart in the Office | The Yak 6-6-24

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Big ShatYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. It's the Yak. Roback.com. I'm wearing the Roback shorts right now. No kidding? Yeah, and you can just see almost right up in them. That's a good thing.

They're very good shorts. Put your hole away. They're very good shorts. Roback.com. Use code YAK. Roback.com for 20% off your first purchase. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Shorts, polos, Q-Zips, all of it. Where are they?

Is that motherfucker Katz out? Where are they? Where's BC? Where's Bossman? We've heard nothing of this. Where's Titus? I think Big Katz said he would be out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. But today's Thursday.

But today's Thursday and he was here Wednesday. No, I think he said that about next week. I'll be. Yeah. That's okay because we can carry the show. I'm going to get a fucking hernia. Yeah. That is true.

No, no, no. We're laughing, but. No, no, no. There's one. Oh, thank God. Yeah, we're on. Okay. We're doing the show the same time every day.

Oh, no. What's on today? Little tits. Yeah. Come in here. Hey, buddy're on. Okay. We're doing the show the same time every day. Oh, no. Little tits? Yeah. Hey, buddy. Little tits? Little tits. You guys start early?

I thought you were talking to Kate. I know he wasn't talking to me. I was going to say. No, chill. I'm working on my tits. I don't. Once you get tits, it's impossible for a man to lose. Oh, that's true.

I know. I've been battling that fight for 20 years. I have, like, tittage. No, you don't. Promise you I have tits. Come grab. I'll grab. No, that fight I have like tittage No you don't Come grab Nick that's very brave Thank you Kate I don't have fuckable tits

There's movement If I ran they'd bounce Movement doesn't equal tits I need a sports bra that's the type of tit I'm talking about You don't have like a fuckable chest No I don't have like a fuckable chest No No Go ahead

I don't have any gut Yeah Yeah Go ahead I'd fuck a shit You'd fuck a shit I'd fuck a shit For a success

For it to be I might have to fuck that shit For it to be a titty fuck It doesn't need to wrap all the way around Alright If Big Cat doesn't come Tidy's gonna titty fuck Damn it

What's up haircut Noon Yeah Fuck what time is it 12.04 Damn it. What's up, haircut? What time does the show start? Noon? Yeah. Fuck, what time is it? 12.04? Damn it. This just ain't right. I would never.

Yeah. Be late like this. Hey, guys. We're talking titty fuck. Oh, nice. Yeah. Where the fuck you been? I was finishing up an interview.

My bad. It's okay. My bad. Got a busy day. My bad. We played Dungeons and Dragons for two and a half hours this morning my face is about to fall off I painted up

and I really really really had to scrub I'd use like this that dawn spray but I don't know if it is dish soap I think there's like Clorox in it or something but I'm really burning right now he was I was Doc Ock and Nick was sitting next to me and he was an Oompa Loompa that's right we started off like dressing as like fantasy characters and uh i guess just

we ran out wait actually no you didn't you the first time you ever did it you dressed as george washington no no no that was last time oh okay first two times i did fantasy like like a regular armor helmet second time hobbit then I went then I ran out of things yeah yeah do you think Tim Woods has it in him to say I'm sick of this shit with you guys no he loves it because he does seem to love it I feel like he has just like he's the most patient guy ever well it's not only the patience but he's crazy. Like us doing that with Tim Woods. He has told us that he's, he's done like 200. What do you say?

200. Like this year, 200. Oh my God. Games with just the listeners. Yeah. Just from listeners. Oh my God. No way.

Yeah. So it's like, I think he likes it. We're reaching. He's reaching completely new audiences. Do you like bachelor parties? I can see like bachelor parties. He does everything. That's so funny. Yeah. People just love playing. I mean, that would be an awesome Great business. He's reaching completely new audiences. Do you like bachelor parties? I can see like bachelor parties. He does everything. That's so funny.

Yeah, people just love playing. That would be an awesome bachelor party. Yeah. In my opinion. It's not Dungeons & Dragons. It's Tim Woods. Like Tim Woods brings the vibes. Yeah, what if Dungeons & Dragons actually sucks

and it's just Tim Woods is awesome. Right. I don't think people would play without him. We'd be like, this is kind of dumb. I doubt that there's a lot of people who watch our Dungeons & Dragons episode and they're like we want to play dungeons and dragons without tim woods yeah they just want tim woods in their life which i believe i agree with because that guy rocks and he's double consent you yeah he's a big consent guy um so you can invite him into your

home no worries about anything like that he'll ask twice if you can walk in that's right like a double vampire yeah he'll be standing in your home and say is it okay if i'm in your home i'm inside right now is it cool stay in here yeah it's warm cool if i just chill i'm happy in here um yeah he's and he travels everywhere like for games yeah god damn he's the best he's the best hey Hey, did you guys talk about Dan Hurley on Mostly Sports? We did. Illegal. What?

What'd you just do? Crime? What just happened? Illegal. That is illegal. What just happened? Why? Well, how'd you find out about Dan Hurley?

The Woj tweet. What? Ill tweet. What? Illegal. What are you talking about? What are you doing? What's going on? What am I not putting together? Is this a Rico thing?

No, Titus doesn't like Woj because he didn't break news. We broke news. I didn't break news. I explicitly pointed out that Woj broke no news. He said that a basketball franchise is talking to a basketball coach. Yeah. Oh, damn it. All right, I'll get you again some other time.

Don't worry. Don't you worry about that. Brandon called me last night. What? And then when I texted him and I said, what's up, he said nothing. It was something. It was something. There was a panic.

He doesn't call you. Yeah. I talked myself out of it. Why did you have to talk yourself out of it? Were you going to quit yesterday? Was there a quit on the table? No, there was never a quit on the table. It was quit in your mind.

No, quit was not in my mind. It's not a thing to talk about here. It's all good. There was a moment yesterday where I was like, God damn it. That's quit. And then there was a clarification and some more thinking. Oh.

And we were fine. Someone clarified. There was some clarifying. And some admittance of guilt on my part. Oh. So it was fine. It did not get. Had you answered.

Had you answered. You would have gotten the information. You didn't answer, gave me time to think, and then it was okay. But then the information became moot after the clarification? Correct. Is this about Zoo Crew? No.

It's about going to the zoo. We have never called each other about Zoo Crew. Alright, so everything's good. Everything's good. Okay. And also, congratulations, you guys. I saw you doing a show in Indianapolis in August. Yeah, that's right.

Well, here's the funny thing about that. That was me just going like this. I am Oz, all knowing. Wait a minute. You had the information the whole time? Whoa. Officially, we don't have that just yet. Okay, yeah, we'll get it planned.

No, it's planned now. Oh, okay, well, it's planned. We'll resend out everything later today. That's, love that. We just had to make sure all the dots were teed and the cross were eyes got it we just had to loop someone in yeah yeah one person anyone just anyone literally anyone yeah you'd tell all but we i don't want to throw anybody else under the bus but we asked other people how to do it and they just said on your own yeah and we did it but you didn't ask me or hank

we no correct we did not ask you or Hank. This is how I was made aware of it. I got a text from a certain person that you might have talked to. I did. And said, did you know anything about this? And I said, no. Yeah. He said, they probably should have told you. I said, probably. Yeah. And then as I was preparing for

hell to rain down on me, he says, you just should have told somebody. Yeah, right. Say something, say something. I said, alright, who do i tell he said this person i went and told him and everything's good look at that yeah yeah but you know what the craziest thing is dan i was gonna tell you today and now i don't get that opportunity i'm pit well the funniest part is i wanted you i wanted you to be excited with i wanted you to be proud of us with like the surprise like oh you guys did this all on your own yeah and then we're gonna ask you to be the. I wanted you to be proud of us with the surprise. Like, oh, you guys did this all on your own. And then we were going to ask you to be the special guest. Actually, and Titus was telling me, you should tell somebody.

Yeah, we were going to need you to sell tickets. To put a bow on this whole thing, we kind of need a woge in the office. Where, like, I should have seen a tweet last week being, like, reports rumbling that mostly sports and anus are in in uh you know advanced talks to do a show in indianapolis and then i see that and i'm like oh okay august talks yeah and then i follow up so we need a woge in the office it's good that like in our team we don't have any moles no leaks yeah that's true tight crew yep real tight real tight crew real no no real leader on the crew what do you mean i ran the whole thing well you can't be the crew. What do you mean? I ran the whole thing.

Well, you can't be the leader, Mook. Fuck you. Oh, so Mook is your fault. There we go. You idiot. If you want to fire Mook. Should have told me. Yeah.

I did. My senior superlative was most likely to get the blame. Really? That makes perfect sense. Perfect, perfect sense. Brandon, did you get a senior superlative? No. What jersey is that?

Andre Dawson. That's a fucking sick jersey. Sick jersey. I can't believe they ever went away from that. This is the best jersey. This is one of the best jerseys in baseball history. Wow. It is.

This is great. Don't you feel like that era was too teal heavy? There was a ton of teal. But they were the first ones. Were they the first teal? They were the first teal. Were they the first teal? Charlotte Hornets.

They were before. Different kind of teal? No. Hornets might have been the first teal. Who tealed first? Who tealed first? What about the San Jose Sharks? Pistons?

Oh, Sharks. Pistons did go teal. Pistons were after the Marlins. Sharks? I think Sharks were after the Marlins, weren't they? I don't think so. Miami? Brandon, your favorite football team.

Yeah, Dolphins. No, but that's Aqua. That's Aqua. That's not teal. Is that Aqua? That is Aqua. That's Aqua. Who tealed first?

I think Charlotte did. I'm certain Charlotte Hornets did. Charlotte tealed first. Yeah. Okay. Charlotte tealed in 1989. I'll throw this out. When did the Shaled in 1989. I'll throw this out. When did the Sharks teal?

I'll throw this out there. The color teal, that can't have been invented earlier than 1950. The science wasn't there. This is the peak of teal. Peak teal. I think this is peak teal. You think it's Larry Johnson in Charlotte jersey? That's pretty good.

Yeah. The pinstripe. Yeah. Pinstriry johnson alonzo morning the pinstripe one was white with teal uh they had the teal one had pinstripes didn't it isn't teal but the teal one it did yeah oh good teal oh that's good that's darker than teal that's a little darker than teal did did teal uh peak and then come on the other side like Like, when did Teal jump the shark? Was it Mike Teal, Rutgers quarterback? It could have been Mike Teal. Everybody went too Teal heavy. What did you say, TJ?

Good guy. We sent him some Stella Boo coffee for a charity golf tournament. I fucking love Mike Teal. I always have. He came to the live show, Rutgers. I fucking love that guy. He's a legend. Hey, I know his name.

He came to the live show to see you guys. Wow. Oh, yeah. I mean, Mike Teal, that's when Teal peaked. No one has ever been able to Teal like Mike Teal. When he came to our live show? No, just when he existed. That was the peak of Teal.

So, yeah, Teal's still peaking because he's still alive. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, we're in the golden age of Teal. Should the yak switch to Teal? Oh. Oh, yeah. Teal yak?

I don't think we need to update our logo. No. Teal anything? I think we need to leave the logo just like before. It's like old steady, yeah. You don't want to mess with it. We should thin TJ up. We're kind of like the, oh yeah, we should.

We're like the Bulls logo. We'll be the only logo not messed with. It's a good looking logo I wouldn't fuck that up can we transfer TJ's fat into Brandon that's not you do need a beard maybe just an update there does need to be some updating

how was your guys dads they were so fucking great my dad got one Kyle's dad got none two dumb dumb dads two doug doesn't know doug just knows how to troll there should have been a niche niche on trolling god damn it how great would that be if a niche category was trolling and it was just a jamelle hill prom and he had to write a troll fill in the blank yeah you just judged it off that yeah it's like yeah

that's good oh my god if they ever come back jeff needs to allow that as a niche category yeah here's an issue what did you all have to say about it yeah just fill in the blank yeah that would have gotten in the way of kyle's niche of knowing kade otten's hometown that was crazy yeah i saw that oh jay do you know kate otten's hometown uh i don't he went to washington plays for the bucks yeah currently no i don't know his hometown tom water washington tom water probably should know that kyle just ripped that off he has a mnemonic device for every player and that's just memorizing quadruple of what you need to memorize.

You'll have like a sentence or a limerick or something to remember. So K-Dot and he had a whole sentence. I'd imagine, yeah. That's crazy. I know. And you're saying why not just remember Tumwater? Why not just K-Dot? Instead you're remembering the entire like a chant. Yeah. That's insane. His brain is...

I wouldn't want it. No, definitely not... I wouldn't want it. No, definitely not. I wouldn't want to even live in it for like a second. I don't know if happiness is achievable with that brain. I think it's when you get, when you remember your mnemonic devices. You would try it, Big Hat. If you could like snort a little of his brain,

you would take that brain out for a spin. I'd get confused pretty quickly. You would snort a lot of his brain. Would you? The mnemonic You would snort a lot of his brain. Would you? The mnemonic devices are just all a bunch of keys that open up a little tiny chest of happiness. Yeah. And then it disappears like that.

Yeah, it's like a water park locker, where they have the little lockers you put in your wallet. That's just all the happiness. And each mnemonic device, it's like a hit of happiness. Yeah, that's the inside of his brain. And he can never open device, it's like a hit of happiness. Yeah. That's the inside of his brain. And he can never open up all of them at the same time. God.

Wow. A curse, really. Yeah. We fucked with him today. His crossword. Oh, yeah. So we use his crossword account to do the crossword. And he was doing it at the same time on the plane. And so we cleared the puzzle and just went, fuck you, Kyle.

Oh, no. He's going to be so mad at us could he see it in real time I believe so oh no that's what we do he's gonna crush this best man speech I know it

I don't know how he'd be at public speaking I think yeah I have like ultimate trust in Kyle that whatever you tasked him with doing he will complete very very well the torture and pain that will get him to that will probably like take years off his life but it'll always come through yeah you know what I mean if you're like Kyle we need you to like give a presentation to the entire company he would be able to crush it but what led to that will kill him certainly will yeah because like the stress of it will lead him to be doing like these strange over-the-counter drugs right you back on ketamine kratom whatever

kratom kratom you could say whatever he's tried it yeah He's tried them all. He's the man. Yeah. So what else do we want to yak about today? Dan Hurley, did you see what I connected Coach K? Yeah. Okay. It's firm.

It's as firm as can be. Goes all the way to the top, really. Yeah. Is it going to happen? I actually don't know. I feel like, yeah, I don't know.'t know i'm 50 50 on it the money they offer has to be asserted right there's that i wouldn't be shocked if he does it but also like you know that's it doesn't seem like it's concrete or anything and yeah there's also the fact that they announced they're talking not right they announced that he's getting hired so there is now a window that UConn could come back,

his family could come back, just college love could come back. Something could stop him. He's a big throw his wife – well, that's probably not the best way to say it, but throw his wife under the bus guy with the sort of thing where he'll just say, I'll do whatever my wife wants me to do. And then it's still his decision. Yeah. So maybe there's the wife part of it.

Right. Would she rather live in stores or Los Angeles? I'm sure she'd rather stay in stores. Why would she want to move to LA? That wouldn't make any sense. Yeah, LA sucks. Yeah, like if it doesn't happen, it will be... They have six titles, right?

UConn? No. How many do they have? Five. Five. They have five. The last 25 years. Yeah, so they have five.

If it doesn't happen, we'll get a picture of Dan Hurley sitting at his desk with the number six on the whiteboard. And he'll tweet, like, my wife looked around, couldn't find a good hoagie anywhere in the L.A. area. Yeah, that's exactly right. So we're on to number six unfinished business yeah right right and that will make perfect sense but 100 million dollars a lot of money does he still get a statue if he leaves oh yeah i think back to back you have to i think so can i um talk about tommy walker yes. You don't need to ask. That's the one thing you don't have to ask anyone.

I got home yesterday. My wife announced she's taking the rest of the kids to the pool. I said, okay. She said, Tommy's staying with you. I said, well, where is he? She said, he's out on the patio by the lake. So I went back there to tell him I was at home. And I tweeted the picture, but he had a whiskey flask beside him outside.

And he was just – I viewed him. I just observed him, and he was just drinking out of the whiskey flask. And I asked him where he got it, and he said, I don't know. He said, I don't know. Yeah. And I eventually went I don't know. He said, I don't know. Yeah. And I eventually went down there and looked. So it's a WWE WrestleMania whiskey flask.

So it's yours. So it's mine that was in a box, and he just found it. So what was he drinking? Water. That rocks. He's just carrying his water around. He said it was a canteen. He's carrying his water around.

And then we were talking, and he just – I didn't know how to answer this question he said dad what's the difference between a liberal and a democrat and i don't know what he's trying to figure out damn i think he is getting into politics it is that season and i said tommy they're basically the same thing and he goes interesting and he walks off so i don't know where he's that's him saying my dad doesn't know shit maybe maybe but i don't know if he's gonna go full he might go to either side of the aisle at this point so i don't know which way he's going huh tommy's way too second amendment to yeah it's true the so the whiskey the the flask i I like that because he is around, how old is he now? He's 13. Yeah, that's right around the age where you start doing badass things, but still as a kid.

Yeah. I remember I used to roll up pieces of paper like cigarettes and light them and just smoke paper. The jerky and the dip cans. Yep. I would get my hands on Black and Milds every once in a while. That's bad. That's not what we're talking about. Brandon, I drank out of a canteen as a flask as a kid.

Really? Yeah. Does he have a rat pack yet? Does he have a crew where he does hood rat shit? He had one in Jersey. He had a girlfriend who was two years older than him. Wait, that's what? When he was 12, he had a 14-year-old girlfriend.

So he was dating a pedophile? I always said he had a girlfriend. I never told y'all he was two years old. He was dating a freshman in high school? Correct. Wow. Tommy was dating a high schooler? Well, she was probably in the eighth grade, but whatever.

So he had it in Jersey. I don't know if he's put it together in Illinois yet. I know he's got a couple of running buddies in the neighborhood, but I don't know if they're fully operational yet. Got it. I don't know if he's assumed the lead of the pack yet. Well, he is just by existing. Well, he's going to.

I'm just using the word yet. That picture is a guy that leads a pack of kids. Yeah. He's going to go find a dead body in the woods this summer. Oh, that will change everything.

Uh-huh. Yeah. He may have already. He'd keep it quiet. That's true. He definitely would not tell me. Yeah. He might tell me.

A hundred bucks? You'll let me know? You'll let me know? Well, it depends on if he tells me not to tell you or not. Why don't you bring him in one day? All right, I will. It's been a while. It has been a. Why don't you bring him in one day? Alright, I will.

It's been a while. It has been a while. Bring him in tomorrow. Yeah. Oh shit, I'm out. Dad, bring him in tomorrow. Have him host. Have him host.

We'll see. Have him host. We'll see. I don't know what's going on with the family tomorrow. Have you guys ever seen a dead body? At a funeral? Yeah, I've passed a car wreck that they were laying. Good turn of conversation here.

Oh, how about you, Maureen? Yeah. Thanks. UConn does have six, Dan. Have you ever seen a live body become a dead body? I forgot about 14. You're right. No, 99.

I had 04, 11, 14 in the last two, yeah. I got six now. That's been bothering me 7 would be wait Che have you seen a dead body yeah yeah but that doesn't count I don't think that counts like out in the wild no never

yeah I saw a dead body I watched Game of Thrones yeah that's... I drove by a murder in Cleveland. Oh. Yeah, going to a Cavs game. There was a fight in the parking lot. It actually kind of made news a little bit. There was a guy whipped into a parking lot.

He killed a parking attendant. He killed the guy. He paid for parking. Then he whips into the first space he sees. The attendant's like, those are reserved. You've got to go up here. And he's like, fuck you. No, I don't.

I'm parking here, and I'm going to the game. And then they kind of got into it. He went back to his car, got a gun. Damn. And I was driving by, and I saw the guy laying there. And then there's a police car. There's the guy laying there. And they had the guy who shot him on cuffs just sitting on a curb holy fuck it was crazy yeah yeah yeah that is crazy

i think the calves won oh yeah in case you were wondering about that yeah yeah so that would yeah i don't think i've seen i think i i may have seen like a dead body but not known like a homeless person in new york yeah or like I went last year or maybe two years ago, uh, dead in company. It met life. They had like a, a guy passed out and he looked bad. Yeah.

And they had to come in like stretch him off. And I was like, that's a fit. There's no way of knowing it. Yeah. Those people that pass out of concerts go down hard. Yeah. And then you're trying to get like the EMTs to, like, to a place that's hard to get to.

It's, yeah. That's always a struggle. And everyone trying to help is fucked up out of their minds. Yeah. Which doesn't help. I did actually help because he had flip-flops on, and he lost one of them, and I was the one who found it. You were the flip-flop guy.

They were, like, leaving, and someone was like, where's the other flip-flop? I was like, look, it's right here. That's the least of his concerns. But I did. I did help. OK. Listen, if he died, he died with two flip flops.

Good way to go. Yeah. And that's thanks to this guy. You're a hero. Dying in flip flops. Not bad. I would rather die in flip flops than any other footwear. I hate flip flops.

Yeah, but you're so relaxed in flip flops. I know, but I just always like trip. You got to be somewhere relaxing that doesn't require a lot of walking. So if you're dying in flip-flops, yeah, I'm wearing flip-flops tomorrow. Flippers are probably a good way to die. Like old school flip-flops? Like real flipping and floppings?

They'll make the noise? Flip-flop? Are we talking thongs or open toe? I think thongs. I go thong. I can't do open toes. My feet just slide forward. Yeah, but thongs, I just trip. Why do you trip? I don't know. I don't like having stuff between my toes.

One of the nails on a chalkboard feelings for me is when those cheap flip-flops accidentally scrape underneath. Yeah, they fold over. Oh, yeah. Yep, that's one way. They'll stub your toe real quick. Yeah. I used to have the Reef flip-flops with like a bottle opener on the bottom. Oh, yeah.

Those were cool. You ever been out at a bar and you blow out your flip-flop no oh like everything comes out and then it won't go back in and then you're just out at the bar with like a day yeah that's terrible that's a bad one you never want to blow out your flip-flop no yeah i'm not a flip-flop guy i am really yeah i couldn't even tell you the i think i i feel also very vulnerable in flip-flops you can't run in them like if you ever had a something serious happen yeah flip-flops are not the shoes you want to be are you are you one of those guys are you one of those guys it's like when i go to a restaurant i gotta find like the no one comes in and wants to fight everybody here's my where is the exit where's the the exit? I do that in movie theaters.

No. Who's the guy I can. Not to that level. I'm more like. Push in front of me. Yeah. I need to have like a shirt and shoes on. Okay.

Yeah. Do you all like driving barefoot? No. No. I used to. On road trail. I love it. Yeah.

You don't? Long road trips. No. I think it's illegal. That's fine. Yeah. It's illegal. But we're bad boys, Brandon. So we'll do it. You don't? Long road trips. No, I think it's illegal. That's fine. It is illegal. But we're bad boys, Brandon, so we'll do it.

Yeah. That's how you go then because the shoe always gets stuck under the brake pedal. Weren't you? No, it was Che who doesn't know how to use cruise control. No, that's Che. Yeah, that's the dumbest thing. I'm anti-cruise control as well. It's good for you.

I don't use it 100% of the time, but when you need it, it's good. Yeah, it makes you be able to relax your leg. Yeah. You know. I mean, you're a cramp guy. You take a long road trip, you come out. That calf muscle. Oh, fuck. Your hip?

All fucked up. Why is that illegal? To drive barefoot? Maybe someone just told me that. I think it is. I think it is. I've heard it's illegal as well. Isn't it?

I feel like my mom told me that. My mom told me. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it so funny that that's something that's just completely lost on today's day and age where when we were all growing up, like if someone just told you something, that was just what you thought till someone corrected you like 20 years later. I wonder what we believe.

That's just Andolf. Yeah. Oh, this is a perfect. So my mom was lying. So someone told me that driving a car barefoot is illegal. And that's spread everywhere. And I have thought that for almost my entire life until this very moment. So why did that spread?

I think it's because this shoe can go under the pedals. It's like the shoe that you take off. It's just unsafe. Yeah, I think it's just unsafe. That's crazy. Say I was wearing flip flops. If I'm like 17 and I'm wearing flip flops and go to the movies, my mom would be like, you have to take your driving shoe.

And she would make me wear one shoe. I feel like I have a driving shoe. Yeah. I don't know. You're driving. Yeah. That was just needless. What are your shoes for driving?

There's a reason for their warning if it's based on misconsidered. Wow. We come to believe that barefoot driving is legal in America. Yeah. So this is a phenomenon that we'll never have again because of the internet. Where it's like someone just tells you something and you just believe it forever. But people still believe this, even though the internet just disproved it in seconds. Yeah, I'll still believe it tomorrow.

Yeah, I'll still believe it tomorrow. Yeah, I probably will circle back around to believing it. Yeah. No, I think this has stuck with me now. Like, I feel like a duty to fill my kids with misinformation until they're allowed to Google. My mom also said the light on in the car at night was illegal wait yeah yeah yeah is that hold on california operation of motor vehicle by driver bare feet is not oh not prohibited that's oh it's in ohio

it's permitted but not recommended i don't give a fuck what they recommend a lot of things that are not recommended yeah that's crazy the uh the light on thing was another one that my parents at least can't drive without a light on or you can't put the the dome light is that what it's called yeah yeah i think that was illegal that's just i think it was just a dad just trying to have control of the car because my like when i would turn it on at night my dad would be like i can't fucking see i just yeah i just want you to turn that shit off yeah right it's distracting but they would always say that was illegal that's so funny you had a driving shoe, Kate. I have a question.

Yes, I did. I think two shoes is always paranoid if you get in an accident. Like, I should have a shoe, but it was still just one shoe. Yeah. I'd be like hopping around

on the side of the road. I don't know. Is Roadhead illegal? Yes. Almost certainly, yes. What? Oh. Fuck.

Or is it frowned upon? Put up the Scotty Shuffler picture. I'm serving life. In jail. Yeah, it has to be. What if you have a long seatbelt? That's a distracted driver. Wait, are you?

What do you mean if you have a long seatbelt? Are you driving while giving road head? It's a real seatbelt. We're talking giving road head. What the fuck? Pat actually stands in front of me it's really difficult we have a convertible um roadhead is um great no no it's uncomfortable because you you're still in the car that happened once in 2002 so you're you just suck my dick well not well yeah you keep still in the car. It happened once in 2002. So you just suck my dick.

Well, not... Well... Yeah, you keep going in the car. I think she's aware that she's sucking your dick. I understand, but tell her. It was just like a... She makes a conscious decision to do it. No, some guys are just like,

hey, you know you're sucking my dick right now. I don't know if you realize this. Oh, I had no idea. You got my dick in your mouth. Is road jerking off illegal? I don't know. Let's try it. Let's see if we can get pulled over jerking off.

It's got to be. See if they write you a ticket. No, officer, I'm not drunk. I was just fucking on my dick. Yeah, I was just cranking, dude. Yeah, it's got to be illegal, right? Yeah. I don't.

But how? Is that considered public? How do you? Can you imagine coming at 70 miles per hour? It should be illegal, but also how do you? Where's the line drawn? If I'm adjusting my pants, what's the law? You can't feel yourself?

I'll be honest. You can't touch yourself while driving? I've touched. Oh, we've all touched. We've all touched. I've adjusted. Sounds like you've jerked off. I have not jerked off. You said you played. I was about to say played, and I caught touched. We've all touched. I've adjusted. Sounds like you've jerked off. I have not jerked off.

You said you played. I was about to say played and I caught myself. I always pull over when I jerk off in my car. Flasher's on. How would you write that? I put out a flare. The full roadside. Yeah.

Emergency. Oh, does this guy need help? No, he's probably just jerking off. You come and you scream mayday. Can you? I think we're good because how would you write that law? What is that law? Man accused of masturbating while driving.

Wow. Pennsylvania. Oh, and decent exposure. You're in public if you're in your car, right? Jerry's car is super tinted. Yeah. Or if you have tinted windows, you're on a jack you're in your car Jerry's car is super tinted or if you have tinted windows you're on a jacked up truck or something Jerry's tint is 0 I think

or 100 it's gotta be whatever is it's the equivalent of like a wall he can't see out the front it's crazy I've never seen anything like it it's crazy yeah he says that when he gets pulled over

they're just like this is not this is not legal you could tell by just looking for half a second yeah yeah could i could you drive around like say i'm a nudist could i drive around naked in my car as long as i'm not doing anything weird with myself no because i think on a public roadway you're considered to be in public that's decent yeah but it's being topless like a guy could in certain states? Yeah, by different rules. Release the nipple movement, yeah. Well, there might not be a specific law against driving naked in every state.

The act often falls under the umbrella of indecent exposure, yeah. Self-driving cars are about to alter all of this. I got a question about that, self-driving cars. So, like, if you have a Tesla, can you just be on your phone? I think so, yeah. I get to touch the wheel every once in a while. You going to go buy a Tesla? No. When I moved here, I drove with, Eddie gave me a ride from, like, a train station.

And he, I-90 is a very highly trafficked road here. It's a highway. And he's like, check this out. And he put it in self-drive. He just opened up Twitter. And it was an eye-opening experience. But I heard he got into an accident recently with it. Oh.

Yeah, I could never trust something else to drive. It was pretty cool. It's only on highway. You can't do it on regular streets. Highway is where I would want to do it the least. Yeah, it'd be the scariest. Jeff D. Lowe was putting people in the driverless Ubers in Scottsdale. Yeah, I rode one time with him in one of those and it was horrifying.

That is crazy. No. That's crazy. There is a line of code that they have and they're not sharing that if it's about to be a fatal accident it decides who would be in the worst accident but they won't say yeah like it's interesting like which person's yeah which seat so if it's a self-driving car who masturbates the car i. Classic car situation. Lightning McQueen just tugging on his muffler. I bet you Teslas have something that will jerk you off. Yeah. That's the tip I gave everyone a few months ago,

that if you're ever in traffic and you want to cut over, just find a Tesla because they'll have to stop. Oh, yeah. And that's self-driving. Oh, wow. Yeah. If you cut in front of a Tesla, they'll always stop. That's genius. You're trying to merge. It's a cuckold car. Yeah, wow. Yeah. If you cut in front of a Tesla, they'll always stop. That's genius. You're trying to merge.

It's a cuckold car. Yeah, exactly. Do it all the time. What happens if someone's crossing in a crosswalk? They're jaywalking as you're driving right next to a cliff. Do they drive your car off the cliff, or do they hit the jaywalker? What if there's two Teslas? What if there's two Teslas? What if there's two Teslas?

Oh, and they just never go? They just... They already just... Never move. I think they're stuck forever. Yeah. My car has the automatic brake if someone walks behind it. Is that what that is?

And it scares the fuck out of me every time, and it's way too sensitive, because there'll be a biker 10 feet behind me. I'll be parallel parking, and then 10 feet behind me i'll be like parallel parking and then it'll just slam on it does anybody else's car have that mine does yeah fuck out of me yeah it doesn't scare the fuck out of you you think you hit something every time yeah it yeah that whole thing what was that noise yeah brakes did you guys do a noise at hannah montoya i did and i watched she do his, and it was terrific. But I think he's made that noise before.

Che, you've made that noise before. I don't even remember what it was. Something guttural, but I don't remember what it was. I think you made your noise before. What was it? I don't even know what my noise was either. I think I have heard your noise before. I've never made that noise in front of you.

I think I had heard your noise before. I've never made that noise in front of you. I think I had heard it. I just did fart eliminator for them. You farted for them? Yeah, you farted on her phone. Yeah, they were. And then I started walking away, and then Annika, who's new, introduced herself. And I was very short with her because I was like, you don't understand. You got to move.

There's fart here. Yeah. They started freaking out. Welcome's fart here. Yeah. Freaking out. Welcome to the league. Yeah. That was my way of saying it. I'm going to go around Barstool and ask everyone to make a sound they've never made before. Make a sound you've never made before.

Make a sound you've never made before. Oh, God. Oh, my god. Make a sound you've never made before. Make a sound you've never made before. Oh god. Make a sound you've never made before. Make a sound you've never made before. Do you consent. What? Rudy! What the fuck?

It's me getting harassed. Take two. Make a sound you've never made before. Oh no. Make a sound you've never made before. Purdue doesn't suck. Oh, okay, okay. You've made that.

Make a sound you've never made before. Oh! You've made that Make a sound you've never made before Che, can you rip that again? Titus, you're not laughing, man I was smiling It was better the first time, if I'm being honest, on the video. It was the first time? I agree with that. Yeah.

I knew it was coming the second time. It's in his bag now. Yeah, I'm intimidated by those girls. I am too. I just walk right by. Yeah, I go later. I just don't get it. They're all the same person.

They started calling me Big Shad after that. Oh, no. Big Shad? Yeah. Oh, that's tough. Yeah. I'm screwed. And then they, yeah.

Do y'all want to make a pact that we ignore them? They haven't asked me to do anything. Should I take that personally or be happy that they should? I'd heard them talking. That means they think you're a creep. It's a creepy guy. I am afraid to make eye contact up there. It's their turf now. Yeah am like afraid to make eye contact up there. Mm-hmm.

It's their turf now. Yeah, they're kind of taking away that turf. I don't even go up there anymore. I hardly do. Yeah. I just get in a private little phone booth over there and wait for 5 o'clock. We need to flip one of them. To our side?

Yeah. Which one? Which one do you think is the weakest? I don't know. Of all the interns, we have Goldfinger right where we want him. Oh, Goldfinger. Come on. Jacob, by the way, he's – I love him.

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. He's the Florida guy. I tasked him yesterday. I'm sure you have the picture. I posted it on Twitter. I wore Doc Ock costume this morning. So I bought all the stuff and then I gave

him a backpack and some pool noodles and I was like make me the Doc Ock and he made that for me. It looks damn good. Yeah. So I that's awesome.

I'm I'm high on Jacob. He's done a good job. He's starting to come around for me. Good job Jacob. Still trying to get my phone number but I'm not going to give it to him. I gave it to him.

Why is he walking so slow? What? No, I'm kidding. Oh, yeah. No, he did the DM. He was like, he did the classic. I DMed him about something else. And he's like, hey, I don't check this this often.

Here's my number. I was like, not yet, buddy. Soon, but not yet. When my first day, or maybe second day when I got your number, what did you save me as? You're still KB's Nick. No. Oh. Pedo Nick?

Pedo Nick. Pedo Nick. Yeah, why did that nickname go away? Yeah, that's a shame. Yeah, fuck. Pedo Nick and Big Shat. Yeah. One is way worse than the other.

Yeah, Big Shat. Big Shat's worse than Pedo Nick? Yeah, Pedo Nick. Why do they call you Pedo Nick? How do I explain that? Big Shat, like, Big Shat probably doesn't fuck. I guess that's one nothing, yeah. Pedo Nick.

I hope Pedo Nick doesn't. Yeah. You being known from Gen Z as Big Shat would be an ultimate arc. It's brutal. It's brutal. You're still second KB to me. That's fine.

I'm still that to me as well. Yeah, you're KB's Nick in my phone. Fine by that, too. Yeah. It's an honor. You're Yakost. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, you used to be so fucking cheeky.

Oh, yeah, you don't save your phone numbers. Yeah, now it's just like Mark Titus is Mark Titus. There's nothing fun about that what do you have kate s oh okay morning sunshine hey i have mook is mook damn what do you have kbs wrestler from what wv why i don't know why that's how i met him do you do you not save phone numbers i used to not and Now I got about 100. He was so proud of it. Yeah. How could, how, how?

I just remember numbers. So you just get a text that's like. I can remember numbers. It only increases you. No, you can't remember numbers. I can remember numbers. Because I'll do that every now and then where I won't save someone, and then I have to use the context clues.

Yeah. And it sucks every time. Yeah, you got to scroll back. Scroll back. It's awful. That number right there, that's Mark Blutman. Yo, you gotta scroll back. Scroll back. It's awful. That number right there, that's Mark Blutman.

Yo, what's up, man? You wanna get dinner Friday? And you don't, like, panic, like, oh, fuck, this is a cool guy. Nobody ever texts me that. Oh, yeah, that's true. I've been doing the dumb thing of, like, giving my phone number

out to random dudes at the bar. Why? Because, like, we, like, chat and, yeah, maybe maybe i don't know i just get hammered and i'm like dude hit me up sometime like let's get beers i i do it not because i'm hammered but to like get out of the conversation you give them your number yep your real number or burner real i have a burner you do you have a burner you have a burner number i have a burner number yeah but i can check i just change i can check it if i want but if

if you text it i don't get it so you just have a burner phone it's. But I can check. I just change a couple numbers. I can check it if I want, but if you text it, I don't get it. So you just have a burner phone. It's not a phone. It's like a number that I can access online. Oh, cool. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. So I give it out to people.

Like, there are sometimes I want, yeah, it works like an email. Okay, pedo Nick revoke. Now we have pedo Mark. Yeah. You have an online phone number. What? That's like to catch a predator shit. Wait, how often do people hit it up?

To have a number that when I. To keep private. Yeah, because I don't want the general public to have my phone number. What happens if you get close with that person? Great example. Someone DMs me like, hey, Mark, I'm writing an article for the Annapolis Star on Dan Katz and his importance to media. We want your quote.

Can I call you tomorrow for a quick chat? I'll be like, sure, hit me on this number. And I don't give him my real number. I don't want that guy to have my number. And if it calls, there's a way I can set it up where it rings on my phone. That's cool. And then that guy's not, yeah, I don't want him to have my real number. Have you ever had where you gave out the second number, you got too close with the person,

and you were like, by the way, that's not my real number? Yes. Whoa. What's that talk like? I just say I changed my number. Oh, okay. I just say I changed it, yeah. There's also, yeah, it's hard to figure out

which number I'm supposed to give out, too, because I also, I give out the burner to businesses all the time. Yeah. When you're signing up for shit, and they're like, we need a phone number, I give out the burner one, because I don't want them. I need on this service. I give out. Didn't your number get leaked on the show? Like week one here. Yeah. When you're like signing up for shit and they're like, oh, you need a phone number. I give out the burner one because I don't want them. I need on this service. I give out.

Didn't you, didn't your number get leaked on the show? Like week one here. Yeah. That's how Snips McQuaid got it. Now he's always texting me. Yeah, McQuaid.

And Kyron, the reptile guy? Kyron, the reptile guy texted me yesterday. Yeah, but that sounds like somebody you'd want to text. Well, Snips McQuaid gives out my number to other people.

Yeah, that's not cool, Snips McQuaid. You have a reptile guy? Kyron. What does he do? He offered to bring in a big reptile yesterday. Why didn't? Because we were talking about him.

What kind of reptile? That's always just a snake. Reptile guys pretend that they're- It could be a lizard. No, no, no. Reptile guys are snake guys that want to pretend that they're not. You don't think they might have an alligator, a small alligator? I feel like-

Never an alligator. Has there ever been a reptile guy who hasn't had at least one snake? Oh, yeah, they got snakes. They might not only have snakes. You have one snake. You're a snake guy. Big lizards they have, too, but not all. And there are snake guys and non-snake guys in the world.

Hey, Nick, my name is Kyron. I'm a friend of Snips McQuaid. He let me know that you may need a large exotic reptile brought over to the office. He said, if not, no worries. He just gave me your number yesterday. No, no, no. Snips McQuaid got my number somehow,

and then Snips McQuaid has been giving out my number to other people. Snips McQuaid, though, also gave Mook Shaq's phone number. Yes. What? Neil O'Neill's home phone or cell phone, yes. Still has a home phone? In Jersey. We called it last night.

We got to his butler, CJ. Whoa. Snips McQuaid is just, I think he does like this phone number trade thing. Ask the reptile guy what reptiles he's got. He'd be like, hey, what do you got? Do you have a menu I can look at? He's lying to me. What's the inventory looking like?

He said rattlesnakes and one viper. Told you. He doesn't know. Told you. Snakes. Rattlesnakes. Yeah, but nobody, the snake guys don't keep rattlesnakes. Why not?

And then he just texts me, who is this? He texts me first. Rattlesnakes are the coolest snakes. You don't, you keep pythons and boas. Those are the snake guy snakes. You're not walking around with rattlesnakes. Nobody has rattlesnakes. All rattlesnakes...

Oh, yeah, very. They all kill you. Oh, they'll kill you. What's the most deadly rattlesnake? Well, all rattlesnakes are pretty deadly. They're not the deadliest snake. There's deadlier snakes, but... What's the deadliest snake, TJ?

The black mamba? King cobra? No, it's venomous one, right? Are cobras venomous? Yeah. Oh, yeah The black mamba? King Cobra? No, it's Venomous one, right? Are cobras venomous? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Black mamba's clothes, I think. I thought a cobra was like a squeezer.

The Taipan black mamba. Where do they live? Inland Taipan. This has got to be Australia, right? Not here. Oh, man. See, that's... That is scary.

That's awful. 80% of left untreated. Fuck. Jesus. Dude, it has to be the worst when you're out hiking somewhere, and you get bit by that thing, and you're just like, well... That's it. That's it.

Game over. Done. Did you guys ever watch that special? I think it was on Discovery Channel in 2011-ish. Why was he saying that? Where it was one guy that was supposed to be eaten alive by a snake. Yeah. And he was like wearing like chain metal.

Oh, yeah. Yes, I do remember that. What a scam that was. Yeah. I'll be talking about. He was like, that was a thing digested by. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait, did he get. Did it happen? I think kind of. We were supposed to get Michael Phelps racing a shark, too. That was when Shark Week ended. Brutal. That's when Shark Week jumped the shark. Brutal.

Did Bolt raise a horse? Was he supposed to raise a horse? Who? What? You're saying Bolt. Yeah. He was supposed to raise something, wasn't he? Yeah.

We're due for, like, a thing. Remember the guy in jeans walking across the Grand Canyon? That was brutal for, like, 20 minutes. We're wherever the Walendas are right now. I always root for them to fall. Remember the guy in jeans walking across the Grand Canyon? That was cool for 20 minutes. Wherever the Walendas are right now, I always root for them to fall. Yeah, that was who it was. Yeah, the Walendas. Yeah, they did Chicago a few years ago.

They do fall at a rate that's not zero, right? They fall every now and then. I think they're harnessed or something. It's bullshit. It's a tape delay. When I tune in to the Walendas, i'm rooting for you went to death you went death like i know that sounds terrible to say but also don't put on this show if there can't be a risk of death yeah that's what adds that's the excitement right the whole point of it is like

there could be death watch this person be safe have we had a good daredevil in a while like evil can even blame the biggest stars been out of the game for a little bit, though, it feels like. Yeah, what's David Blaine's last name? David Blaine used to... He got me too'd. Did he jump off? Did he go up to... He did. Did he go up to, like, the stratosphere or some shit? No, was that him? Yeah, somebody jumped right out, and they just landed

in a big net. It wasn't him, though, was it? Oh, no, that was a red... Pastrana? Is Pastrana on? Is that Pastrana? Crazy shit. I've had an idea forever that David Blaine and Travis Pastrana do Skydive Chicken, where they both jump out of the same plane at the same time, and the last one to pull the parachute wins. Whoa. Oh, fuck.

And that's a pay-per-view, $9.99. Make a trillion dollars? Yeah. Yeah. I'd pay a grand. That'd be fucking awesome. They'd both die. Would you bet on it?

Yeah, I'd bet on it. The manliest thing to do would be to die. Yeah. I would not do it at awesome. They'd both die. Would you bet on it? Yeah, I'd bet on it. The manliest thing to do would be to die. Not do it at all. They would both die. They would both die. And I think they both know that. I would bet on it for sure.

That would rock. What was David Blaine's last thing? He got Me Too'd? I think. I feel like everyone's come back though from that. His last thing was 2020 he's uh he has a residency in vegas now oh so he's fine couldn't i just imagine yeah he's doing

great a magician is like i don't know what did he do the ascension was that the one we're thinking or was that someone else when he's floating while holding on to balloons oh that's right he did the wait can i walk can we watch that or no? Oh, that was kind of boring for us. Yeah, it was pretty boring. They always are. Like when he froze himself, it was just like a hollowed out ice cube. I like the ones where he went underwater

for a really long time. That was impressive. Was he the one that did the Harrison Ford magic trick in Harrison Ford's I Get the Fuck Out of My House? Sure is. So funny. Wait.

One of the great all-time magic clips. He went into Harrison Ford's home and cut open his card in an orange. Yeah. And then all-time magic clips. He went into Harrison Ford's home and cut open his card in an orange. Yeah. And then Harrison Ford kicked him out. One of the great magic reactions ever. He went to a real poor part of West Virginia.

And it was really, we were very well represented. Not a tooth in sight. And he just did magic tricks for these bumpkins. Pumpkins. That's kind of sick. He's very calm.

There's a different guy that did the Red Bull thing where he jumped out of the space and parachuted him. Oh, like that Red Bull thing? Yeah. But he's harnessed in Have a seat right here So imagine a bird just comes by And starts popping that shit And as soon as I feel the slight bit

Not comfortable this will go on Yeah it looks great He says he sees it perfect And the winds are light Is he just going to let go? That's so high. It is high. Yeah, wow.

How does yours not pop? He's trained his body. Luke, I got to get it loose. Luke, I got to get it loose. Let me get it loose, please. I see the landing. Uh-oh. Oh, Luke.

Remember, under parachute, you're able to do it loose. Let me get it loose, please. I see the landing. Remember, under parachute, you're able to do it also. There you go. Great. Looks good. Great. One degree up there. Oh, man. How far away are we from that spot? I saw something. There was like a South American priest in the 80s who was like, I'm going up in a weather balloon for peace across South America.

And then the balloon just went up and he like froze to death. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we don't have peace. Right. Exactly. Oh, my God. It's his fault.

Yeah. We were so close. Oh, fucking God. Release the safety whenever you're ready. Do it, David. And it's on you. Come on. Do it.

Come on. You're safe. Oh, God. You're safe. All right. He's going to hook up this oxygen to the thing. You see North Korea sending the poopy balloons over to South Korea? Yeah. He's rough.

Yeah. All right, David. It looks good, man. It's all you. We're going to shut up and let you do your thing. 24,000 feet. How many feet is Everest? 29. Here he goes, guys.

You know that? I think it's 29,000. We could check and see if I'm right. That would be cool if he floated up on a balloon to the peak of Everest. Yes. Let's drop something. Let's do it. You see everybody hiking right below you?

You're just floating on up. He's clean. He's clear. It's on you. A couple good hits. Come on, David. 24. Go ahead and do it, David.

I am on the edge of my seat right now. Wait 200 more feet. Wait 200 more feet. No! He did wait 200 more feet. Where's the chute? Pull the chute. Everest 29,000.

Nice, Brandon. Good job. Good to get a win once in a while. Well, I get a 29,000. Nice, Brandon. Good job. Good to get a win once in a while. Well, I get a lot of wins. I lost him. I see him. He's right there. Oh, right in the middle.

Right in the middle. Thanks, Teej. You the man, Teej. My fear would be I would start spinning. Mine would be the falling. Ah, yes. Mine would be crashing to my death. That too.

Have you guys ever skydived? Fuck no I have zero desire I've been once yeah There's a time in my life where I could have Oh you kind of got out of the skydiving For the Arizona Bowl Yeah

That's lucky Thank you Snoop Dogg Yeah I would have done I mean I've done it before And I did say that was the only time I'd ever do it So I guess I would Did you have any fun?

Um, did I have any fun? Yes. Afterwards, it was like a feeling of adrenaline for a couple hours. Oh, wow. Yeah, where it was just like, holy shit, that was awesome. But I'll never get adrenaline junkies, like, I don't crave that feeling. Yeah, the actual act of it, though? No, not a lot of fun. No. Did you scream?

I'm quiet when I'm scared. No, the scariest part is actually, for me, I don't know if this is for everyone else, is when you're, like, maybe 500 feet away. Because then you see it and you're like, that's death. When you're that far up it doesn't look real you know it's like so abstract so when you can start seeing things and basically when you're on the when you're at the distance of like a very high building you're like if anything bad happens right now i'm dead where when you're 10 000 feet up it just looks looks cool. And you had a guy strapped to your back?

Oh, yeah. Yep. That's a bonding experience. You had a man on your back? Yeah, you gotta. I'm not fucking doing it myself. Didn't Chef Donnie lie the first time he did it? He got completely certified to do it himself.

Chef? Yeah. But I don't know if he did the jumps. I think he lied. Oh. That's not something you want to lie about. No. Was the dude on your back like whispering in your

ear like we're close? No. Who's not? I went scuba diving in Monterey Bay once and the lessons were supposed to, you're supposed to take like a whole day of lessons and after three hours it was just me and one other person who's like you get the gist of it, let's go. We were like okay and did not have the gist of it it's not not something you want to

need more than a couple hours i feel like can i see his harris ford thing that's a good trick i i don't i like david blaine with cards more than just falling yeah he did the underwater thing too didn't he or he was like underwater and? He tried to break the record for levitating breath. That's not magic. No, that's just feats of strength. Yeah. That's human will. I love Harrison Ford. Hold the deck.

Is anybody not like Harrison Ford? You're thinking of a card? No. Do I know what card you're thinking of? Your card just left the deck. Your card just left the deck. Just now. Look through the deck. Your card isn't there.

Go ahead and look. Yeah. It's not there. You won't see it there. Why is he doing hotline voice? It's no work. That's just David Blaine's voice. Here's a little deck.

I feel like he's the only one that pulls it off for me. That's just David Blaine's voice. Harrison Ford, coolest guy with an ear. Here's a little dip. Yes. Michael Jordan. I feel like he's the only one that pulls it off for me. He survived a bunch of plane crashes, too. Yeah, he crashes his plane every time. Yeah, he just loves doing it. Grab a piece of fruit. Go ahead. Whatever.

And is there, can we cut this? Can we take a knife and put it right there? Yeah. Yeah. He's already like... Nine of hearts. Nine of hearts? Can you turn this sideways?

Yes, I can cut right through it. Let me not hit your hand. Let's do... See inside. See how there's a card in the orange? No way. See how there's one card inside? Please remove it.

Take it out. Go ahead, pull it out. Open it up, Harrison. No, that's not, no, that's not for you to use. get the fuck out of my house I love David Blaine as a kid and when I heard he was coming to West Virginia everybody was so excited and it was the worst look for West Virginia

it was bad I've been there do we have a video of it virginia it was bad i've been there yeah you have do we know do we have a there's a video of it yeah yeah it's bad can we see it yeah and then they're just like singing to them while tj finds it shake can you do the draft kings ad the pick six yes no thank you so the nba finals is tonight the best way to get involved is with the draft kings pick six app that's kind of like a game playing over under uh like you've done with your friends like you think you need that slice of pizza under 30 seconds you know i'll take uh take over a

down that two liter if you have then you're gonna love the draft kings pick six six app the new fantasy game from draft kings an official partner of the nba and barst. Here's how to play during the finals. It's super simple. Download the DraftKings Pick 6 app, then pick between two and six players, and if they'll have more or less of stats, points, rebounds, assists, three-pointers, made, etc. Track your picks and play against others for a shot to win huge cash prizes.

That's all there is to it. And first time Pick 6 players, check this out. New customers play five bucks and get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Play Pick 6 from DraftKings, the new fantasy pick six players check this out new customers play five bucks and get fifty dollars and pick six credits play pick six from draft kings the new fantasy app that is more fun in less time download it now and use code yak new customers play five dollars and get fifty dollars and pick six credits that's code yak only on the draft kings pick six app the crown is yours very fun game good work che good job che you killed that

by the way we are streaming game one of the nba finals tonight who do you want to win uh i pick i i'm gonna go celtics in seven so i'm just gonna go with my pick uh but i don't know i the problem is i do want hank to not be so depressed. It's like one of those things that when Hank gets in these moments, I am very tight with Hank. I've known him for a very long time. He's a very close friend of mine, so I want him to be happy. But then the minute he starts being happy, I'm like, I've made a terrible mistake.

Yep. It's a weird situation. So if I could figure out a way to just get, see him happy, and then be like, no, I don't want that. I just want seven game series i want i want a class i i need a classic nba finals i feel like we haven't had a classic nba finals doesn't feel like it's going to be though i i think it's going to be i think it's going to be a close series what was the last good one the last classic nba finals was probably calves calves warriors 2016 i mean i think was was bucks sons was was yeah but that was that was seven but no it was a 2042 so kind of all the games were great yeah you're right you're right you're right

bucks sons was good i remember but. But the last classic classic. Yeah, like last year sucked. The bubble didn't count. Bubble sucked. The Raptors Warriors sucked because the Warriors just all got hurt. The Warriors, when they won their two in a row, they just killed the Cavs. 2010 won seven. Lakers Celtics.

That was the worst, but not great. Yeah, 16 was-Celtics. That was close, but not great. Yeah, 16 was probably the best. I want seven games of just got to be glued to the TV, back and forth. Yeah. I just want that. Some good shit. Yeah, I just want some good-ass sports. Some good-ass basketball.

Yeah. That's all we're asking for. That's what I'm really rooting for. I'm going to put on my big J hat. I really just want classic shit. Big moments. Big shots. Yeah.

Some bangs. A couple buzzer beaters. Yeah. That's where legends are made, man. Yeah. That's what I've always said. NBA Finals. Yeah, because these playoffs have not been great other than...

A couple Knicks series. The Warriors... Sorry, the Wolves Nuggets series was good, but then it was all, like all the wins were blowouts. Yeah. And even the Knicks Pacers. The Pacers was good. Blowouts too.

The Knicks Sixers was awesome. The Knicks Sixers was good. The Knicks Sixers was good, yeah. So I feel like we deserve it. Yeah. You know what? We deserve it. Yeah.

We deserve it. I don't know that we do. Yeah, we do. We deserve it. We deserve a classic NBA finals. What if hockey gives us a great finals? That would be great, too. What if hockey is like, you know, basketball can't do it, but I will.

I heard there are Panthers titties. No. Yeah, there's Panthers titties. Is it Panthers titties now? Is it old Panthers titties? They're not as good as Oilers titties, but they're good. I don't know, dude. They were pretty good.

Smoke showed them to me because I said. No, they were really good. You got rival titties? Yeah, but I think the Oilers titties are goat titties. I know, but dude. These are very good titties. They're not goat titties. But I don't want to lock in on crowning a goat.

I haven't seen all the titties. I haven't seen them all. For me to say those are the best titties ever, I need to see all the titties. Is this turning into like Ray Kendrick? The Oilers are goat sports titties. Titty for titty? Also, the Panthers one's old. Someone needs to come back and do it right now.

They were new to me. We need a... They were real to me. They were still real to me, damn it. They were good, though. I'm not going to lie to you. They were good. I didn't know they existed.

Wait, the Panthers ones were good? Yeah. Yeah, because I went to Smothers. I was like, who are you rooting for in the finals? Because I knew he'd say Panthers, and then I thought I had him. I was like, you're not a tits guy. But is it good? You're not rooting for the Oilers.

And he's like, oh, buddy, you haven't seen the Panthers tits. That's the baseline for titty. Then they were great. Yeah. Okay. How old? Not over 18. It was like a perfect milf.

Yeah. Oh, the Panthers? Yeah. I think that was a younger. I mean, what year did it come out? What year were Panthers tits? I have no idea. I think that was a younger one.

I have no idea. I saw them two days ago. I don't know if I have no idea. I saw him two days ago. I don't know if that helps. I saw him two days ago. You have to hope it's kind of like a mass shooter type deal where... Huh? No, follow me here. There's one, and then there's like copycats.

If a mass shooter showed her titties, would she get a ring? Is that a mass shooter thing? No, no. I'm saying you have to hope that Oilers lady... Copycats. Then a bunch of copycatters come out. I'm saying you have to hope that Oilers lady gets a copy. Then a bunch of copycatters come out. I could have had a better. You could have just said copycat.

Yeah, I could have said copycat. Yeah. Are you having trouble finding Panthers titties? Yeah. What did you search? Panthers titties? You're going to want to see them. I kind of need them.

What's? Smokes. Search Panthers titties. Are you sure they were Panthers? Did they have that? Yeah, get Smokes to show us. The heft of the Oilers? There was a density.

It might have been fake, but I can never tell. There was a density to them. This is a good question. I'm not really sure you get it, but thank you for asking the question. Absolutely. So there was like a density to them. Okay. It's like a weight, like a heft.

Thickness? Thickness, yeah. They had mass. Yeah, they really did. I don't like those donuts. Is Smokes going to bring the Panthers titties? He's going to bring both of them, too. He'll be good there.

We got titties coming. We got both of them. So Smokes is going to walk around with titties in his pocket. Anyone asking him, like, I see the Edmonton of titties. He's like, look at these. But he's been like that since day one. He's always got titties on him. I think they are fake, though, the Panthers.

They look more fake than the Panthers. That's the thing. Oilers' titties were just so naturally good. So wonderfully. What if it comes out that they are fake, though, the Panthers. They look more fake than that. That's the thing. Oilers' titties were just so naturally good. So wonderfully. What if it comes out that they're fake? But they were perfectly done then. Yeah, correct. If they are fake, we have achieved perfection.

Kudos to that doctor, like whoever. Yeah. Has her identity been? Nope. Whoa. That's the beauty of it. That adds. I'm actually liking it more.

And when she put that jersey back on, they're just like... It's on a hop. Panther's titties? It's on a hop. Come here, smoke. I'm sorry, titties. Oh, this is just both together. That is a milf.

Those are knockers. Hell yeah. Pretty good. I don't know. I think that's a younger woman. Pretty good. I don't know. I think that's a younger woman. No way. No, that's a mom. That's a mom.

Those are mom tits. Those are fake mom tits. Those are FMTs? Yeah. Oh, that's a mom. For sure. He's just been walking around with that just going on. I tagged you.

I thought that changed. They're on the glass. They're fantastic. Yeah. When you put them together with the Edmonds, they're outclassed by the Oilers titties.

You think the Oilers are outclassed though? Oh, yeah. That's fake. Yeah. Now it could be an angle thing because the Oilers lady got the best possible angle

head on. If we're going off tits though. Also, can I just say that the Oilers I don't know, dude. The cats? I don't think it's a blowout like you think it is. The Oilers' moment, too, like when she flashed and she looked back at the camera real quick,

it's kind of like, I never do this. Panther's titty's just showing those everywhere. She's done that a million times. Yeah, those are going up against the glass. She shows that to her friends. She shows that to her husband's friends. I think we have a treat, though, for this Stanley Cup. I think we're going to see a lot of tits.

That's what we're talking about. The South Florida girls are going to be like, though, for this Stanley Cup. I think we're going to see a lot of tits. Yes, we were talking about it. The South Florida girls are going to be like, yo, we got to put on for our city. Tit for tit, yeah. Like a school shooter situation. Yeah. We already had one of those. Mass shooting of titties.

Wait, was that your school? Yeah. I graduated the year before it happened. Oh, Jesus. But let's not switch up the vibes. We were talking about titties. In an alternate world, Smokes could have been like David Hogg,

the activist. I knew him. He's a fucking pussy. Oh. Fuck that guy. Okay. Fuck that guy. Okay. You guys got your titties?

Yeah. Thanks, folks. One more time. Go around one more time. Just make sure. There's something about, like, boys looking at tits. That's just beautiful. How's your day, Smucks?

I feel a lot better, dude. Good? Yeah, I was feeling weird as fuck. But then the Uncrustables came, and it was like, that's what I was missing. And they fixed you. Yeah. Good. I feel good now.

Yeah. Dan, you good, bud? No. Dan loves tits. I think he might be the biggest tit guy in the office. It's a shame you're not in your car, so you can't beat off right now. Good. I got to run out to the car to jerk off. To a seven-second clip.

All right, boys. That's fine. That's fine. Good stuff, smokes. Great stuff. The man brought us titties, and now he's on his way. David Hogg is a boys. Yeah, it was Luke. That's fine. That's fine. Good stuff, smokes. Great stuff. The man brought us titties, and now he's on his way. David Hogg is a pussy. He just earned another year.

Zal, what are we fist bumping in there? He didn't like David Hogg, I bet. No, Arsenal just made a sign. Oh, who? Give us some breaking news music. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It was to David Hogg.

I'm so solid. Going crazy. What a waste of a great last name. Hog. Yeah, double G. No double G. There are two political influencers that came out of that shooting on both sides of the aisle. Hog, and there's another one on the other side?

Yeah. I don't know his name. Joe. Cameron. I don't know. I think there's one on both sides well they're always like from that school uh yeah i believe so because i think there was the double consonant last name nick uh uh sandman who was the guy that went that was kentucky they pressed noses with the

indian chieftain yeah that's the guy that made like $100 million off CNN and all that. That's right, yeah. I wonder how much the chief's kid's going to get. He's going to get a lot. Yeah. You should do that with Tommy. Like, just purposely try to put a bag like that. Yeah, he should trap him. Trap. Try to trap the media.

How would I do it? Because the chief's blackface thing is already taken. They wouldn't fall for that again. Yeah. I don't know. What about like an acne mask? Like a mud mask? Yeah.

Okay. Oh. Yeah. But where would he be in the mud mask? Would he be in public? Because I can't take the picture and send it to him. They have to get the camera evidence. Find an Israel-Palestine protest.

He's been wanting to go to one of those. No. The Sky Game. Oh, yeah. Sporting event for sure. All right. Yeah. All right.

Maybe. In a Caitlin Clark jersey. Yeah. Fire him up. There's something there. There's something there. We've got to get your boy wrongfully canceled. I could use my son as bait, cancel bait.

We'll get some money out of this. Yeah, extort him. No, we don't extort him. Use him to extort everybody else. Yes. Okay. Sorry. Use him as extort. Yeah we don't use him to extort everybody else yes okay sorry use him as extort yeah yeah yeah we want someone to write the story being like look at this kid in blackface like nope he actually has acne and if he gets canceled and i can't bring him back i got three other kids yeah right try it again i'll learn from whatever went wrong he just become an edgelord oh yeah

probably gonna do it anyway yeah oh he's in 4chan right now. He's on the slash B. He watches a lot of Family Guy. Yeah? That's his favorite thing, I think. Is he watching full episodes or is he watching the clips online? Best moments. Clips online.

Hell yeah. The other day he told me he might be a Patriots fan because that's the team that's in family gather the most. It's true. Did you explain to him this is the worst time he could jump on? No, I didn't. I didn't, but I don't really care because somebody made me a Mississippi State fan when I was five. And where are they now?

Look at them now. Yeah. Look at them now. Somebody made me a Dolphins and Mississippi State fan. Did you guys make the Super Regional? No. When is the Super Regional? This weekend, starting tomorrow.

So who can go to Omaha? There's eight Super Regionals. Tennessee plays Evansville. North Carolina hosts somebody. Texas A&M hosts Oregon. Gators are in there, right? Gators are in there. I think West Virginia made it.

You'll be happy to know that Mincy's been fully cut off in terms of funding to go to Omaha. He went around to all the people who had schools left last week and said, if your team goes, let's go to Omaha. He not only did that, but he said to Hank,

Big Cat has a NC State ticket, so if there's a storyline there, he's trying. How's that a storyline a storyline there yeah he's trying like what how's that a storyline and also he's the one who told me to bet nc state somebody else's ticket his storyline yeah uh so florida clemson oregon a&m nc state georgia is it three game series yeah two out of three send me in big t and malasek yeah malasek's probably going to be in it. Tennessee's probably going to be in it.

You might be in it. Nah. Jack Mack. Yeah. Vicky Swokes. Jacob, the intern. We should have a big group go down. It's the best. It really is an incredible week.

I really want to go. That was the first time I went when we went, and it was incredible. Sorry, put that back up, TJ. What are the dates? That's just the Super Region. Starting next Saturday, I think. That's June 14th. Oh, next Friday.

Schwab Field. How do you feel about the name Super Regional? It's not great. Why? I don't know if I love it. Well, they just had regionals, and then they had to come up with something the next level, so they just went, oh, this is the super regional. Well, then what would you call it?

Sweet 16. Just the fucking... The motherfucking... The super regional is probably the best. I'd go regionals plus. The cleat 16. Ooh! I'm out again. Declete 16. Oh. Oh. Eh. Eh.

I'm out again. Yeah, but he has been, he was trying with Hank yesterday. Hank sent me the text. It was quite something. He'll get out there. Oh, it was. He was on the phone for, I think, like five hours straight yesterday. He was trying to say DraftKings was why he should go.

Oh. Yeah. straight yesterday he was trying to he was trying to say draft kings was why he should go oh yeah just going to a game he'll end up there he'll go he'll be there i have i have no doubt of that you know he'll be there but i'm saying he will be paying his own way he will not be he will not be using our money if that makes sense i remember when i went i wasn't allowed to leave be using our money. If that makes sense. I remember when I went, I wasn't allowed to leave. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. What? The apple-biting

juggler got back to me for Dudefest. Oh, my God. And he is affordable. Hell yeah. Oh, my God. He could have asked for a lot more money. You shouldn't say that into the mic i think he's i think that guy doesn't tell a lie did you see he did avocados he did an avocado yeah potatoes you pull them up potatoes yep avocados is messy beans greens potatoes tomatoes

he's in wait for november so I can just watch that on loop. You name it. Pull up the avocados. This is the apple-biting juggler guy who did avocados. Yes. He's the apple-biting juggler guy, but he also does avocados. I've never seen him do the apple-biting juggling, so I don't really know what he does. Really?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is him. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Why is he in the shower? He's just getting ready for the day.

So he'll be at Dude Fest. That's incredible. Wait. Are any of our fellas going to get invited to the throat whistler? Yeah. Absolutely. He should do the national anthem. Oh, he should.

Yeah. Show the avocados. Can you find it, TJ? I didn't know that was possible. Yeah, he will definitely be there. I've got to get him. Oh, that's a residue. Wow.

Imagine hearing a weird noise in your basement In the middle of the night Is the sound him catching it or him biting it It looks like he sucked off Shrek I think it's a combo yeah he does Sounds sexual It does You hear this going on in the other room Oh my god this guy's balls deep

Yeah look someone the second comment Was blind people watching this My roommate must fuck so much. Blind people watching this be like, wait, close your eyes, play it louder. Oh. Oh. He's just pounding.

That's so good. Heavy breathing. Good for him. Yeah, and he's got the rhythm down too yeah this guy rocks though yeah potato yeah that's potatoes he's not even chewing does he blink wait now close your eyes and think that's sex that's a dog dog having that's a dog licking its own balls really hard wait wait can you can we all close our eyes and you play it and we try and guess what he's That's a dog licking its own balls. Really hard. Wait, wait.

Can we all close our eyes and you play it and we try and guess what he's eating? Oh, this is a Zob. Yeah, yeah. Tell us when. I guess we'll hear it. Some sort of instrument. It might be tough to find. Oh, you guys' eyes are closed, right? Totally. I'm closed. He might not be able to find. All you guys' eyes are closed, right?

Totally. I'm closed. He might not be able to find one. He's got a lot of other stuff that's not food. That's a dog. It sounds kind of wet. It sounds like a dog drinking. I'm going to go with heads of lettuce.

Onion? Wait. Pineapple. I don't hate heads of lettuce. I'm going to go... I kind of like onions. Oh, wait. Wait.

There's a real slap to it. What about watermelon? Tomato Oh, I like tomato Oh, tomato Alright, what have you got? Not squishy enough for tomato, I don't think Apple Wait, it's just apples

It's just apples Oh, fucking apples It's apples again? Alright, try to find one that we don't know Oh, it's silent That's porn Peaches No. I'm silent. That's porn. Peaches.

It's hitting the palm wet. Peaches is good. I like peaches. I just saw the answer. That's incredible. I don't know. Mangoes. Oh, God.

Pears. Oh, my God. You'll never get it, Titan. Yeah. Mangoes. Oh, God. Pears. Oh, my God. You'll never get it, Titan. Yeah. Ice cream. Ice cream? Boom! All right, hold on.

Close your eyes. Okay. All right. Ice cream. Oh. Oh. We just heard. It's like 80% apples. Okay.

He's doing a lot of apples. It's mostly apples. Okay. It's pictures of dolphins mixed in. Apples. Apple. Apple. Yeah, we mightles. Apple. Apple. Yeah, we might have.

Okay. He spins basketballs? Talented man. Most coin rolls with a silver dollar while spinning a basketball. Oh, whoa. Wait, he's rolling a coin. Oh, shoot.

That's sick. Oh. What is this guy's day job do we think? This. This is how he makes his living? I saw he, I mean, if people rent him. You can rent him.

Rent him. I returned him late once. Rewind it. Wow. Wow. Alright. Is his name Brian Park Entertainment? I think so. Rewinding. Wow. All right. Yeah, we got to get in there. Is his name Brian Park Entertainment?

I think so. Oh, whoa. Everybody shut your eyes again. I already got it. Wow. What? Okay. It's not bad.

Yeah, all right. It's just mincy if Playboy Marty never filmed that video. How many things can you still rent now that movies and everything have gone? I still rent from Amazon. You rent cars? I guess you... What do you rent from Amazon have gone? I still rent from Amazon. You rent cars. I guess you. What do you rent from Amazon? What's common to rent, though?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but that doesn't feel like renting. Houses. There's a red box outside of every grocery store. Literally apartments? Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. That's a lot.

A lot of people do that. I guess so. But I guess I meant take something home and then have to return it. Tuxedos. Oh one yep a lot of gals doing outfits monthly outfit uh so pretty much everything you ever could except movies yeah and you can still rent them too yeah what's what's going on some sort of set i think max is on the deli again. Is he? Yeah, you can see the crowd right there.

People are clapping. Look at that. I took a peek over there. Is he deli-ing up? Oh, yeah. Apparently, PFT didn't get a sandwich yesterday. Oh. He's the one who bought the slicer.

What if that was like the giant Max's Deli sign that just went by? Could be it. It should be. Would play. I was happy seeing him happy yesterday. Oh, he was thrilled. He deserves happiness. No.

No. I got to bust his balls a little bit this morning. Yeah? Yeah. He was parked in my spot. You have a spot? Oh, yeah. Six.

Six. I had to park in five like a hobo. Who typically parks in five? Titus. Old man Mark. I didn't know you guys had spots. Where'd Mark have to go? You have a spot.

I have a spot. Everybody who gets here early. Che, is that true? But wait, you get here an hour later now. There are no assigned spots. No, there are no assigned spots. Is there a chance that your spot will be taken? Your spot isn't assigned, but out of respect, nobody parks in your spot.

Big Cat has an assigned spot. And then Jerry parks in the handicapped spot. Jerry parks in the handicapped spot. All of us are open for business. Oh, Titus snuck in there. Wow, I didn't even see him go. Look at Blutman. Yeah, Blutman.

Look at him. Everywhere you turn around, there's a Blutman With a phone in your face Yeah And I'm about to break I love that PFT Got his dream car too Yeah Sweet

Did he? Did you see it? It's amazing Oh my god It's cute He's been talking about it For a long time Oh yeah

He got a good one too Yeah So is the back of that Is that seating? No that's a truck bed It's a truck bed Okay Get there Would you get a little roll seating? No, that's a truck bed. It's a truck bed. A car with a truck bed.

Would you get a little roll? Look at that. That's a good one. That's sick. Yeah. It sounds amazing. It sounds so sick. My favorite was the year down the shore he got a beach house,

and he didn't have a car, so they let him use the out-and-about pride truck all summer. Yeah. Down the shore, and it was completely wrapped that pat and joey's face on it was a giant rainbow like giant truck and uh all summer long wait what is this what is this video of nate working out no he posts a lot of workout videos on his story. I reject. He's a personal trainer, I believe. I gotta see this. What? He's posting workout videos?

Oh, yeah. Where'd he post it to? I think his Instagram stories. But he just posted one to Twitter. Oh, whoa. Oh, I was gonna say, Instagram stories is one thing, but... Oh, shoot! I think they brought it up on a name show, and he was like... Oh, it's a mixtape.

Oh, the... That's so Nate. he looks great yeah that ending oh he does he looks really good oh shit oh nate what a beast oh my goodness damn dude he looks like a different person i know he looks like a different person. I know. He looks like a tech billionaire. He does. He does. That's what it is. He looks like a tech billionaire. He's like, this is the first time.

I'm like 45. I've made my billion. Now I'm going to do the second act where I get in shape. And live forever. And cosplay is not a nerd. Not a nerd. Yeah. Good for him.

Oh, yeah. That face, though, that he did at the end of the first video. That's the Nate I remember. yeah good for him yeah oh yeah that face though that he did at the end of the first video that's the Nate I that's the Nate I remember if he had cut that part out it would have been a

10 out of 10 video I guess on name show made fun of him rock and bod rock and bod but yeah yeah yeah

don't do that there he is ooh look at you ooh you can just see good for Nate Yeah. Don't do that. There he is. Ooh, look at you. Good for Nate. We support Nate.

Big dub for Nate, yeah. Yeah. I can't wait until they play in that poker. I hope they can figure it out. It's going to happen? I think so. I think they're going to do, like, multiple people, which if they're going to do that, we should just have a barstool poker tournament with a buy-in.

We should. Is this at Dudes Fest? No, this is Dave versus Nate. They have longstanding heads-up poker. But if they're not going to play heads-up, and they're going to play with a bunch of people, just make it a whole tournament. I didn't know Dave played poker.

I don't think he does. He doesn't. Oh, okay. Yeah. He just says he can beat Nate. Very well. Yeah. Which they have been dancing around this for many years.

And I want to see it real bad. They've been doing that, dancing around that and a podcast together, right? Well, Nate's... That one I think is more Nate driven. Yeah. Yeah. Jay, what'd you got on the prep sheet today? Anything good?

Let's see. Oh, he's taking Apple to task. Yeah, taking Apple to task. I got a new phone recently. They changed their charges up again. I know Eddie has a longstanding thing against this. Jay, could you just ask your last other question to us as it appeared in your mind, please?

Sure. Would the world be any different if the ocean was green? No. Just the color of it would change? Titus, what do you think about that question? It's a great question. It's something I think about often. So you were just looking at a map,

and you thought the water's blue and the land is green. What if it was the opposite? Is that the idea? No, I wasn't looking at a map. Just thought about it. I mean, they're like Turks and Caicos. I'm going to answer your question with a question.

What would the world look like if the ocean was purple? Fuck. Purple's my favorite color, so I'd love that. Would it be your favorite color if the ocean was colored? What if the ocean was purple. Fuck. Purple's my favorite color, so I'd love that. Would it be your favorite color if the ocean was colored? What if the ocean was everywhere? I bet you blue would be your favorite color. Yeah, maybe.

Purple's your favorite color? Yeah. That's a bad favorite color, man. Why? I love it. It's beautiful. What? Color royalty.

It's always been your favorite color? I mean, as long as I can remember, it's a good color. None of your favorite teams are purple either. I'm not picking my favorite team because of color. That's a good way to say the world. The first one confuses me too because they're very different. Totally different. What is a better treat, a yogurt parfait or an ice pop?

A yogurt parfait's not a treat. That's just breakfast. One's like a healthy breakfast, and one's a scrumptious dessert. I feel like it can kind of be a treat. No. I'm actually with Jay here. Wait, what do you mean? Don't say that word ever.

They'd be like, what is a better dinner, a pizza or a french fry? Yeah. Not even, because that french fry you could have with dinner. This is like pizza versus nerds rope. They're both good at different times. Yeah. A lot of ice cream questions here. Did you have ice cream yesterday?

I was on my ice cream shit today. Yeah? Yeah. How so? Is soft serve better than hard, regular ice cream? They're both good. No, hard is better. I like soft serve.

I like soft serve. With the rainbow Jimmy. Yeah. I, hard is better. I like soft serve. I like soft serve. With the rainbow Jimmy. Yeah. I'm fine with either. I'm equally fine with either. They're both great. Because Blizzards, McFlurries, all that falls into the soft serve.

That's right. Milkshakes. I'm an old school. I like the hard. I like the hard and you got to dig around and find little treats in it. Yes. Oh.

God damn it. What was that? The chocolate peanut butter when you hit a giant vein of peanut butter. It's nothing better. Do you guys remember your ice cream man? Never had one. Lived in the sticks. Had like a sketchy

Saudi Arabian man. Just driving around the neighborhood. It's his job. Ice cream trucks music just gets you every time. Just driving around the neighborhood. It's his job. That ice cream truck's music just gets you every time. Every time. It parks at the park down the street from where we live at this park because it's like a block away and it's just starting to make me crazy. Did Jerry give up on that?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, he did. Did he begin on that? Is he on jerky now? Well, I think he's given up on that. Past jerky? I think he needed a lot of permits to be an ice cream man or something. The ice cream truck went by when my son's t-ball was going on

Monday and it looked like that National Geographic where all the meerkats pop out. All the kids. You should do beer trucks like that. That would be awesome. Boob trucks. Boob trucks.

You can pick out from the menuob trucks. Oh, flash. Pity trucks. Boob trucks. You can pick out from the menu. Wait, wait, wait. Instead of like a food truck fest at Dude Fest, you should have a beer truck, a boob truck. Yeah, you can touch too. Yeah. Okay. No, yeah.

No, no. My boob trucks you can touch. You can touch. Can you touch or can you like graze? Like you can actually like. You might even be able graze like you can actually like you might even be able to lick you can batter oh that's prostitution wow no it's not wow licking titties just paying to lick titties that's prostitution brother we'll just have like two cutouts it'd be like a glory hole for titties you just walk go over and you just touch that's pretty cool yeah right well

it puts it that way that's pretty fucking cool yeah but you're all going to be licking the same titties no we'll have the sanitation what if the titty is behind like a it's like gym equipment a wrap saran wrap

there's wipes you gotta clean off any titty you lick. Who didn't wipe? What the fuck, dude? So you're going to buy a truck and put eight women in the back of it. With consent. With consent. Eight seems low.

You want to be there. Yeah, and it would just be like. Jenny Jizz. It's almost like a climbing wall. Yeah. Yeah. Just titties. Hell yeah.

Best titties. I think you just stumbled on another idea. Yeah. Yeah. Just titties. Hell yeah. Best titties. I think you just stumbled on another idea. Climbing wall with titties? Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The best ones at the top? Yeah, the top.

You get up and you just honk it. Yeah. What, Kate? Why you got your eyes closed? What's the problem, Kate? Awesome. You don't like getting honked? Transporting myself somewhere else right now. Fuck. This is it. What's the problem, Kate? Awesome. You don't like getting honked? Hell yeah.

Transporting myself somewhere else right now. Fuck, this is it. Damn. This is genius. It's a whole titty. This is good shit. This is a titty-centric episode. Yeah.

The trampoline part for titties, just like bouncing? No, just all kinds of titty-related activity. All right, then we get to have a ladies' fest where a cock dangles down, and we get to just punch it as hard as we can. Why would you punch a cock? A lot of us would very much like to. But then you start arguing over who gets to punch first. We're not talking about hurting the titties.

You want to climb them. Racefully honking them. Yeah, it's a good idea. That's a great idea. If you hear your son's literally game and a titty truck comes by, that would be... All those guys. What would the music be? Like 80s Van Der Waals.

Girls, girls, girls. At the Dawson for Lauderdale. Girls, girls, girls. That'd be awesome. You hear that music in the distance? Titty truck's here. Mom, can I get a five? Start running like there's a mass shooter.

Yeah, this is awesome. A titty truck. No, they're all out of titty. All right, Kate. If you want a fucking dick truck, we'll get you a dick truck thank you but that just means you got to jerk off the dick see it doesn't work the same way we'll do it not as fun yeah that's not as fun it's fine women don't really honk dicks like that do you yeah i've no i don't the first time dick and just go honk in the beginning you

do yes because you don't know and then your friends you do that like the carolina squeezer because you oh yeah you didn't know but you're trying when you're doing that you're trying to jack a man off you're in the pine trees behind the school and you're squeezing it and he was why is it supposed to be soft like this? I don't know. And then he says he wants to go back inside and he never talks to you again. I'll be.

I'll be. What if the titty truck wrecked and they spilled all over the interstate? The titties are out of order. Those titties loose. It's a free-for-all. You take him to a titty repair shop? You have to.

Get him tuned up. That's what Dolly does. Titty truck is going to be money. But the nipples are still baseball gumballs. You can... Like an ice cream truck. You can do that with nipples. Yeah.

Yeah, you could. Titty truck. I've got to stay focused on Dude Fest, but titty truck now has my attention. Uh-oh. You could just have a big apron, too, so that way you don't get the indecent exposure bullshit. But you look through the menu

for what titties you want to see? Yeah, I want long ones. QR code. QR code? Oh, it's completely contactless. Yeah, exactly. Very nice. Yeah.

How much? What are the rates? I guess $10 for two minutes. Two minutes? Whoa. No, that, okay, that's fucked up. Can I do $10? Two minutes?

You think that's too low? Two minutes is a long time. I'm honking. Ten minutes for 20 seconds. Or $10 for 20 seconds. Two minutes is a while. You dudes would pay $100 for two minutes. I will have to just test it out.

Don't undersell these lady. These diddy truck ladies. What if I, could I just pay to see one boob? A half off sale. Yeah. We'll do half off Tuesdays. One, one tit Tuesday.

One tit Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. That works. Yeah. The chick's taking a half day. We need some happy hour deals too oh i love it titty truck imagine a guy getting thrown out for giving like a titty twister no yeah oh no

if you give a teacher you get killed you're out yeah we hit you with the truck yeah although death by titty truck would be awesome not a bad way to go. Yeah. Death by Tatey Trump. Yeah. High Noon. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Good segue. Introducing High Noon's all-new vodka iced tea. It's time to finally ditch those sugary malt-based teas and try High Noon vodka iced tea made with real vodka and real iced tea. Non-carbonated with no added sugar and 90 calories.

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No guarantee. What if we bring him gifts? Is he going to sweeten the pot? Yeah. I want to trade Pokemon with him. I have a lot. I've collected a lot. I don't know what to do with them.

I don't know which ones are good. I want him... I'll give him a blade. Now that we're doing it an hour later, it's easier to bring him because before when I was leaving at 5.30, kids weren't getting up. Yeah. Now I can get them up. When's their last day?

They're out. They're done. They're free. Oh. Yeah. How's your commute now? Takes an hour and 45, but that's what I signed up for. I'm good with the commute.

I left the house at 6.30 this morning. I got here at 8.15. What time have you been falling asleep at night? About 10, 10.30. Last night I fell asleep in the bottom of the eighth of the Cubs-White Sox game, and the walk-off home run woke me up for a second. And then I didn't know where I was, and thought I was

back in Mississippi. On your couch. On my couch, yeah. You thought you were back... I wake up all the time thinking I'm somewhere else. Yeah, I never know where I am when I wake up. Don't love it. That's after like an hour of sleep I wake up not but after eight hours like i wake up i'm fine but what percentage of the time do you sleep in a bed 50 oh i'd say 50 really

yeah i'll start i start on the couch it wasn't a talking main focal point of the show i start well i start on i've already i start on the couch 100 100 of the time. I fall asleep, and then I'll wake myself up and move to the bed. But sometimes I don't wake up. I sleep all the way through. But I've always said that. Completely different. Why are you doing a thing right now? Nothing.

Okay. Your hood fell. Are you going to fix it? No. I've been playing with it. It's down. What? Oh.

It woods. Yes. Oh. Why not? I asked you what you've been doing to keep those biceps. Quick pump. Yes. Appreciate it.

The best. He does. He's fucking jacked, dude. Oh, shit. Yeah. No, he's jacked. Those are fucking 45s. No joke.

Ease. He doesn't have to face the corner if he doesn't want to. Well, I think he knew. It felt like he knew that we could find him. Yeah. He is the man. The best. The best.

All right, TJ, you want to spin the wheel of destiny? I have a bad feeling. Why would you say that? I say it every day. Who all is in tomorrow? Just the three of us and Nick and Brandon? Brandon and maybe Tommy. Maybe Tommy.

Cool. Titus, you're out? I'm in. Oh, yeah. It's literally everyone but me. It's the big three. It's the big three and Nick and Brandon. Yeah, exactly. It's the big three and Nick and Brandon. Yeah, exactly.

That's fair. I saw one last thing. I saw I happened upon something. TJ, what were those things that you and Caitlin were opening yesterday? Oh. Hello? God damn. No.

No. No. Shit. Flat out no. These are rat traps. Will that break your finger? Yeah. Oh.

Uh-oh. No, Mark. Try it. No, Mark. They will break your hand. Wait. Somebody just do it with their shoe on. They're loud as fuck. Oh, God. Can we try it with a stick? No. Do it with their shoe on. They're loud as fuck.

Oh, God. Can we try it with a stick? No, let's do it with a stick. Are you looking around for a stick? Yeah. Well, we would have stumping stick light in here. Yeah, you could do this. Here's a pen or a knife.

Oh, yeah. Wait, do the rose. Oh, my God. Holy fucking God. That's hard for you to put down. How much pressure is behind you right now? Why did we get these? For rat race. Oh. I think just as decorations. Huge how much pressure is behind you right? Why did we get these for?

rat race oh I think just as decoration be careful mark. I know that's awfully convenient This could be bad. Oh oh god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh this is Titus's hurt Locker What are you going to... Oh, God. What are we going to do? Oh, my God. Oh, it's there. Do the rose.

Let's see if we can do this. I can throw a knife at it. I hate Steven Singer, so... Yeah, I want to see the rose. Oh, no. Weave one more read another trap we have another read where what oh Mando

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It's time to smell better naked. Your partner will thank you. Shopmando.com. That sounds like exactly what the boys need for the summer. Oh, he set the mousetrap? I'm going to put a set mousetrap on a set rat. What the fuck? This has never been done before, ever.

Oh, boy. Blutman, are you sure you're getting this? Or maybe the other 12 cameras are, too. Where's your brother? Why is he not doing it too? Okay. All right, go whenever you want. Oh!

That was wicked. That was bad. So rat trap should be on the wheel? I don't think we could do it. Did it not set that one off? Oh! Let's see something. I want to see something that'll snap.

Yeah. A Sharpie? I have a Sharpie. That could work. Here's a little pen. A Sharpie's probably finger bone-like. Yeah. Oh, my God.

What about a condom with air in it? I won't blow it up. Here, you do a sharpie. We could do a sharpie. We have a Zagnut. A Zagnut throughout. I think it's a Zagnut box. a second color out things is eggnut box we can find something he's just doing Sharp can't fucking do that i did not think that was gonna

happen i didn't either wait let's break more shit that was fucking badass i'm actually glad that you did that because oh shit it turned out real bad for someone oh it went through that too oh it dented the entire inner was shattered oh so turns out rat traps are pretty serious oh man it's just good on us it was responsible for us to test Yes it was You could probably put your shoe, right? Your foot with your shoe Yeah, I'm sure you'd be fine Let's just see what it would do to the shoe

Yeah, yeah, yeah But I don't know if it's gonna It might It's not gonna break it Is the shoe dense? No That's the thing, I don't really think you get it There's not really to break it. Is the shoe dense? No. That's the thing.

I don't really think you get it. There's not really a density to these shoes. There's a lightness to them. A lack of heft. Like a feather. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. Tim Woods crushing. Thursday, August 15th, Helium Comedy Club, Indianapolis.

Are you allowed to say that? Yeah. We got the link. We got the go-ahead? We're tweeting it all back out today? I need to rope in one person, and we're good. But we do have a live link. That's crazy.

Brandon, put your shoe in there. I'm not. Do it. Put your shoe in there. I don't know if it'll. There's my shoe. Here we go. Here comes Brandon walking.

I'm just walking. Oh, you're fine. Yeah, I think I could have lived through that. Maybe. It'll fuck up your toes, though. Yeah, it won't break it. Penn was badass. Yeah, I did not.

All right. Did not expect it. All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow. Yeah. Rattrap on the wheel. We'll put Tommy on it. Okay. Okay.

Okay. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. See you tomorrow. Love you guys. Bye. Haley on ticket soon. Bye.