The Yak - Brandon CANCELS One Of His Shows Live On Air | The Yak 8-24-21

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

I had the delta variant before it was mainstreamYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Is that a go? It looks like applesauce. What are you doing? Gaga. What are you doing? Race walks? Kyle, the camera's on you.

Do it again. Goo Goo Gaga. This is filling me up. Some baby shit. Oh, you are into baby shit, bro. That's the formula. Motherfuckers running marathons They'll Yeah they'll bring those

Full Gerbers They'll just bring a tin of Gerbers Great electrolytes In those things Or they'll eat those Square Gatorade things Yeah The gum

Remember the gum The quench Quench gum Quench gum What did that do It quenched It tasted amazing For

Yeah like A couple seconds. It was the best gum in the world. It was like, what's it, Zebra Stripes? What's that gum? Oh, I love Zebra Stripes. Fruit Stripes. That gum is the greatest gum in the world for seven seconds,

and then it's absolute trash. I think quench gum was exclusively sold at sports authorities. Am I wrong? No. They would travel to events. Academy certainly had it. Getting into running is always a great excuse to like start buying all that shit for no and you never actually need it

unless you're running like marathons but you just buy it still i used to buy all that stuff the water the the belt with water bottles yeah yeah that's a cool camelback yeahback. Just suckling. Gatorade chews. Fill that Camelback up with booze. For sure. Yo. You're on your Tucker Max. Tucker Max death mix. Ever Clear, Gatorade, Red Bull. Private leave a shit stain on a couch.

Tucker Max was a legend. I'm surprised he doesn't work here. Yeah, I'm shocked. He might, though. Wasn't it a pseudonym? We probably don't fuck enough for him. We definitely don't. Well, he has a company where they write books for people.

What? A ghostwriting company? Are you talking about a publisher? The publisher doesn't write the books. You give them bullet points, and they have a team that just writes the book for you. That's kind of sick. That sounds like a pretty easy job. It sounds like it's a cuck factory

Yeah It is a factory Like here's my book idea You write it But it's mine You can't be a bigger cuck I think that's every Celebrity autobiography

100% You think so? You don't think that John Cena wrote his own Autobiography? He may have Yeah Can't see him giving that up

McFoley did Celebrity artists Do that Like famous artists Have teams now. Are you coughing? I swear to God. What do you mean have artists?

I swear to God. You know that guy that does the statues with the big ears? He has a team. Yeah, he just gives the idea. That's fucking awesome. Same with Coons. The guy who makes the balloon dogs? Oh, yeah, Jeff Coons.

He just commissions people. I feel like Diplo's doing that, too. With what? His songs. His concerts. He just commissions people. I feel like Diplo's doing that too. With what? His songs. His concerts. He releases too many. I don't think he produces them. So he's contracting out his songs?

Do you have the Delta variant? I do not have the Delta variant. I'm fine. Sass, do you have the Delta variant? You've been sick the whole summer? I'm stuffy as fuck. Oh, that was it. The problem with Sass is he can make the Delta variant cute.

That was cute. Do it again. Zoom in on Sass. Do a little sniffle. Delta variant, but make it cute. He's about to die and kill all of us. I think it's just allergies. But he's going to go out in a cute way.

Do it again. Allergies? Do it again. Oh, that's precious. I'm in a cute way. Do it again. Allergies? Do it again. Oh, that's precious. I'm doing a little chip on the nasal spray. You can't really get addicted. Yeah, it's very addictive. Jake Marsh got addicted.

I understand why. He relapsed, too. He broke into a CVS last year, and I was just sniffing that stuff every morning. It was like a ritual. Brandon. Hey. I heard that you're giving stuff every morning. It was like a ritual. Brandon. Hey. I heard that you're giving up some shows. I am.

Yeah, let's talk some news. We got some news. Hasn't this been in the works for a bit? It has. Do you want to give up the yak? No, I don't. That's the one thing I don't want to give up. It's my favorite show.

I thought it was the one thing you did want to give up. No. So if you could give up everything besides the yak? How stupid would I be to give this chair up? Dude, this is gold. He's got the third chair. You're sitting on the winning lottery ticket. This is the second chair.

No, Roan's the second chair. Pick Central, this is the second chair. Roan is the second chair. You got the third chair. Roan told me I could have second. Nope. I might pump you down to fourth. It goes one, two, three, four. He's not the first year.

Yeah, he is. Today he is. And I was on the show before you. Oh! Not even, not trying to own you. No, you were. But you've been on fourth then. Well, Nick's not fifth.

Nick's been showing he's an up-and-coming rookie. Why would I not be fifth? Is this your second rookie year? Nick would literally be fifth. When did you officially start at Barstool? February 2020. This is your second rookie year. This is rookie year two.

Rookie year two. Ben Simmons winning the... Yeah, because COVID, the rookie year didn't count. Sass is a 10-year vet. Yeah. He's a 10-year vet. Been here all my life. In spirit.

All right, so wrestling. What's up? So I'm pausing wrestling. I'm not giving it up fully. Wait a minute, Roan, while he's saying this, can you sing Sarah McLachlan? Why? I was going to give up wrestling entirely, but I'm going to pause it until January. So I'm focused on college football and gambling.

College football and gambling. That's all I care about. Now, is this like a, you can't fire me. I quit. No, no, this is me doubling down on what's going to,

what's good for me. Got it. So is that what you actually want to do? Or is that like what you think is more beneficial for you? That's what I, that's what I, you could give up any show. What would it be?

Like you, you want, you don't want, I heard you tried to give up, walk the line and Marty refused. He refused to let it go. So now I'm going have to do it hilarious i i and i got on the show and i was like okay we're not gonna do it and the people the chat was like this is bullshit and marty was saying it was bullshit and now i'm just gonna do it so yeah but that's anything that you

decide to start or stop people will be like fuck this well i try i so walk the line i'll continue but i'm gonna pause wrestling until January, and I'm going to do college football in its place, and then I'll pick it back up. Got it. So, are they wrestling between now and January? They are. Yeah. Got it.

So, how would I know what's going on? I'm focusing on college football. Is there any podcast I can listen to? I have a huge new college football show coming very, very soon. Really? What's it called? Can you give us any more details? Wait, you're adding a show?

Yes. So you're not really... You know I'm adding a show. No, I don't. What's the show? I can't tell you. Oh, it's you and Mincy? No.

God, no. Are you worried that people are not going to listen to Rasslin while it's not being made? I can't. Yeah, he's telling me I can't. Wait, what is the show? I can't tell you. Text it to me. I have it.

I have it. I took a picture of the... Here, I got a picture of it. Who's it with? No. Johnny Manziel? How did you know? I haven't announced it.

Go ahead. Show me. Look. I got a better picture. Wait. But don't you have another show? With what? No.

What is this? Is this a podcast? I can't. Look, look at Stephen Che. I can't focus. I can fucking talk about this. Is it a podcast? No, it's not a podcast.

It's a television show. Wow. Stephen's not me. On the big screen? Stephen, what are you shaking your head at? What are you doing You're on thin ice I can't tell who

Runs this company Whether it's Steven or Kelly Martin You're going to be Hearing from higher ups I can't When does it go on Friday September 3rd

We believe Okay On TV I can't tell you that Is it on TV Stop stop Why We can't

Why We can't I don't think we're Legally allowed to say that So it's on TV So then we gotta. Why? We can't. Why? We can't. I don't think we're legally allowed to say that. So it's on TV. So then we gotta definitely do anything. Guys, can we please? Stephen, if you text me right now explaining why I can't talk about this anymore, I will text you.

I will text you. Okay. But you also have to keep talking while you text about something else. Don't ruin the show just for your personal text. I'm not ruining the show. Talk about something else. You can't say what I'm about to text you. I will judge if I can say it or not. So I'm not going to guarantee.

I don't understand either. Was that Anton Chigurh on your fucking torso? Oh, shit. I have an announcement. The Pick'Em is back. Steven, this is my telling you that we need ads for tomorrow. Are you serious? Yeah.

Okay. I'll get you some. All right tomorrow? Are you serious? Yeah. Okay. All right. So let's get those ads. Thank you. Yep. Okay. All right. Thank you very much.

Let's have those ads by 11 a.m. tomorrow. I'm excited. Just go out and sell some ads. Pick them. Pick them. I'm a big pick them fan. Are you? Actually?

Secretly, I am. I don't watch the actual show, but I watch all the clips and they make me laugh. Got it. Yeah, the clips are great. Yeah. I just like watching Rico. I'm excited for it. Pick'Em is back.

You're a writer? I'm a writer. That's breaking news? Are you sure? It's not breaking news. I think I've said it before multiple times. Wow. But you also fuck with Nadeau, right?

I don't know him at all. I don't really know Rico at all either, though, so I guess that's not a really good excuse. It sounds like you fuck with Nadeau. It sounds like you're a scowl. No, I'm not. Do you fuck with Nadeau or not? What's the right answer?

No. I guess no. Do you like Big T? I think. Do you like Big T? I think. Do you like cons? I don't know. You have to hate a lot of people. Do you like Chaps?

Do you like Trista? I'm taking the fifth. I'm pleading the fifth. No, this is pussy shit. You can't take a fifth. I'm going to read it. You snatched the fifth. Okay. I'm going to read it. He snatched the fifth. Ah, okay.

I understand. I was told this. I forgot it. Okay. All right. Happy haircut, Nick. I do remember it now. My bad.

It's all right. That's my bad. Brandon Walker's got a new show. Get excited for it. But you know what we can't say. I remember being told it. I have a forgetful nature to me now with two children so my bad. We've all said stuff we're not supposed to say on this show.

We've all let cats out of bags. What's the Mount Rushmore of things that shouldn't have been said on this show? You say those homophobic things. I have, yes. It's always getting edited. The episode's always getting taken down. You have to end the show right away.

Also the two-year- old girl that died in the river Oh yeah She didn't die in the river She died in the street The river came to her Your entire 9-11 phase It was like a river simulation She was brutally dragged along the pavement

For hours actually Yeah she didn't even die of drowning Blunt force trauma Underwaterunt force trauma. I don't know. You guys are underwater blunt force trauma. Oh, you were in Hawaii when they killed the girl. Oh, yeah, and then KB just came to the Yak one day with a story of a flood that killed a two-year-old.

Who's wearing the T-shirt. And then that person, and then someone got upset and emailed Dave and Erica and me and said, this is unbelievable. I'm no longer listening to the show. And I just wanted to reply like, so when KB had his month-long 9-11 phase, you were cool. The craziest thing about – And then a random two-year-old – it's not even true.

It wasn't even a real story. It wasn't? No. It wasn't, KB? I was wearing one of my friend's baby picture on a shirt, and I said it was a random two-year-old who died in a flood. And someone took it very seriously. I think about it.

Complain to Dave and Erica. It's a lot more fucked up that you did make it up. You just made up a two-year-old that died in a river. That's worse. He should have been pissed about that. I'm sure that happens in Bangladesh. The craziest part of the story is that a random fan can email you, Dave and Erica, and then you guys all see it. I feel like you guys would just get thousands of those emails.

Well, the email was like, this is, I can't remember what it said. Let me find it. All right, so Brandon Walker's got a new show. Pick'em's back. New Jersey's got the sports book. Go download it right now. Tomorrow we have the O'Daniacs and McDonald's. Can we get a side McDonald's order?

Yeah, I'm going to be hungry. I don't want to just watch, but I do want to watch. Well, no, because the whole thing is KB's. Sass is buying for us. KB's eating for us. Maybe we could get some Burger King for a side. Let's get Burger King. Burger King? Kyle, are you doing's get Burger King. Burger King?

Kyle, are you doing anything for the 20-year 9-11? Here we go. I'm trying to think what I'm not going to do. Are you going to go down to the memorial and weed out the posers? Yeah. Name two towers. If you're a real fan, you'd name two towers. Here's the email.

Hello, Erica and Dave. It was extremely disappointing and sad to hear the team joking about the young girl that drowned in the Ohio flash flood during the act today. Begins around the 30-second mark of the entire show. We got right into it. This has completely changed. The 30-second mark. There's no way. This has changed.

So you don't have to watch the first 30 seconds. You can scrub to. This has completely changed my perception of Barstool. I hope this is addressed immediately. It's unacceptable to joke about such a tragic event. Oh, my God. Wait, is this a joke? Smash those puppies in my face.

That could be a joke. I don't know. No, because they emailed. It wasn't to me. It was to Erica and Dave. And Dave forwarded it to me saying no clue what he's talking about. I'm trying to think. Even if it did happen.

You just can't write that kind of stuff down. Damn. You can say it out loud. What's the old saying? Comedy is tragedy plus time. That was like 25 years ago. Yeah. That's why KB.

That was 25 years ago when that didn't happen. Yeah, exactly. That's why KB on the 20-year anniversary is now allowed to talk about 9-11 like that. KB, I have a present for you for the 9-11 20-year. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. I think it's a Saturday.

We want to do a bonus. Steve, I still haven't got my Christmas gift. I'd actually appreciate it if Kate pre-taped a bonus yak for the 20th anniversary of 9-11. Okay. Like a handheld camera just set up. I don't know if it was me who popularized it, but it's been all over the internet lately. You guys noticed that? It was a relative unknown event.

Most people didn't know about it. Do you think it had anything to do with Afghanistan? In 2017, nobody was talking about 9-11. Do you think Afghanistan, maybe? No, this was before that. I noticed it started because I'm getting tagged in all of the tweets, the memes, the videos. Everyone's referencing 9-11. You woke people up to it.

It's back. You didn't invent 9-11, but you popularized it woke people up to it. It's back. You didn't invent 9-11, but you popularized it. I popularized it. Normalized it. You're responsible for the resurgence of 9-11. The resurgence. The new popularity of it. The renaissance.

So for whatever reason, I used to collect newspapers from very historic days. We know why. We know the reason. That's a standard reason. Well, so I have a bunch of newspapers from September 12th. So I can bring those in for you. Thank you. Why the 12th?

That's when it was reported. The 11th wouldn't have said anything. That'd be a cooler one, though. The 11th would be cooler. Nothing wrong in the world. Everything's going perfect. You don't want to get to the airport ten minutes early. It may be tough to get on your flight.

What other announcements? Was there really just no security at all? Barely. Barely. That's crazy. You could be a homeless person and live in the airport. Really? Yeah, you could just go through.

They wouldn't check your ticket. Damn. It was incredible. Then everything changed. Everything changed. They fucking ruined it. We should go back to war. I know.

Let's get back out to Afghanistan. Is that the worst thing that came from 9-11? I've got the itch. I want to suit up. That picture of Billy was insane. Can you put that up, Zach? That's stealing valor. 100% stealing valor.

He kind of had three pairs of camouflaged clothing. Boots, crocs, and the big backpack. It's also the biggest boot I've ever seen. And the bag is so big. And I was like, where did you think we were going to be going through mud? He was covered in dust already. He came right from war. He wants people to be like, thank don't know. Maybe we're going to be going through mud. He was covered in dust already. He came right from war. He wants people to be like, thank you for your service.

He looks like a sniper. He's just walking around the airport like that. People being like, giving him the salute. Did you know he was like this when you first hired him as an intern? So what did he do to catch your eye? So Billy Football first, we like probably about 30 interviews and hank had pre-interviewed all of them and he's like i know which one you guys are gonna pick oh you know and it was billy but billy came in out of breath with a resume that was seven pages long stapled together which is like the

number one thing not to do and uh he like we started going through his resume and i don't know maybe like 30 seconds in we figured out like that he lied about everything on his resume so we're like all right yeah and he said he could get us in shape and didn't he have to like go wasn't there something like they were like go get this for big cat and yeah he he ran to the farthest place. He was like, get something from Target. And he ran to a Target a mile away, not the one next door. But yeah, he's a special guy.

And he's a troop. He's a troop. I wonder what kind of discounts he gets just by walking up. Is it like 15%? Or do you think he has to ask for a veteran discount? Or they just automatically do it? Did he board first? He did board first. I didn't notice.

I thought it was weird, but then I was like, oh, he must have like a disability or something. No. He's just wearing camouflage. He's a service member. He's right up on that line where he's like, you can't be like, hey, man, you're really stealing valor, but you definitely would be like, hey,

thank you for your service. Do you think hypothetically you could just walk up when they say like if you're uh in the military you know right you're like they're not gonna sing from a troop they're not gonna like me yeah they're not gonna like question someone if they're in the military nobody might be less of a troop than you yeah i didn't mean myself i meant i meant more uh bill Billy I think they would though it's just like a eye test

yeah that guy looks like yeah but they announce you have to have an active military ID right or a military ID

but do they check that I don't know I feel like the people who used to call people out for stealing valor those videos have plummeted I think because everyone

was just getting caught left and right that people aren't stealing as much valor anymore because everyone's just getting caught left and right, that people aren't stealing as much Valor anymore. But that's just the risk you take. I don't think they're going to check, but if you get caught stealing Valor, it's really embarrassing and it'll go on the internet. On the next of our many Yak plane trips together,

let's have one person try to get through on Stolen Valor. I nominate you, Brandon. Yeah, I nominate you, Brandon. I think I'd be the worst. Why? I'm old. I can't fight. Brandon, will you be taking calls on your new show yeah oh interesting

that'll be cool did the color blind with Liam you should do a coming home video with Billy get his dog going crazy you're off for the day it's just him getting home from work just You're off for the day, Billy. It's just him getting home from work. Just went to work for the day. Tell the world I'm coming home.

Billy's got Mincy, the Mincy experiment. The fact that Billy and... I can't believe Mincy already has a six-pack. Yeah. Two days. Hold on. Did y'all see what Mincy did right before the show? Yeah, I mean, Billy and Mincy are working out in Billy's kitchen every morning.

That's incredible. Billy has a full gym in his apartment. Do you see what he did? No. So we got done with Pick Central, and we had talked about me possibly ending Walk the Line, and Marty not wanting me to end it. We're going back and forth, and Marty and I are talking. And we open the door, and as soon as he gets out, Mintz goes up to Marty and says,

Hey, I'll replace him. I'll do it. Love it. Next man up. And I'm like, what? No. It's my show. Yeah, no, that's okay. Next man up. He can't just walk away. Wait, hold on. Brandon Walker. What? What? You wouldn't do the same in that spot? No. Yes, you would. You would go to

Erica and say, hey, I heard that someone might be leaving this show. What if Dave says he's off Pick'Em? They never answer my questions about Pick'Em. See? Yeah, if Dave leaves Pick'Em, you wouldn't want on? No. No, I wouldn't.

I just start three more shows. There he is working out. Look at him. Good for him. Bad for him. His hips are very tight. That's okay. He'll get better. KB's got to teach him how to loosen up the hips. Yeah, this looks like, hips are very tight. That's okay. He'll get better.

KB's got to teach him how to loosen up the hips. Yeah, this looks like, I mean, this is Billy's apartment. It's crazy. So that's why. Signed by Billy. Back to why we hired Billy. We hired him because Billy, if you get to know Billy, he is like fresh from the mountaintops, unfiltered bro. You know what I mean?

You know how there's the ironic bro? Like, oh, ha ha, we're going to go. Billy is- The genuine article. Yeah, he is as precious of a bro that you can find that has been uncorrupted by the internet. But didn't he go to a really good college? Yeah. So is it stolen bro valor as well?

No, because I think he was a bro there too. You find bros everywhere. But he's like, I don't know, there's something about him that's just, it's very, he steals Coors Light from the office. Multiple racks. Yeah.

And I'm just like, that makes sense. Yeah. You know. I saw him wheeling a pallet out one time of Coors Light. So is there anything saw him wheeling a pallet out one time, of course, tonight. So is there anything he can do that you'd be like, okay, well, we just can't work with Billy anymore? No. You just chalk anything up to him being Billy?

He was close when he went on his break. Okay. And before he came back. But now he's here for life. Feels like you just chalk up anything. No, I mean, he's doing actually a great job. So he's here for life now. He's been blogging a lot, too. mean, he's doing actually a great job. So he's here for life now. He's been blogging a lot, too.

He's been blogging a lot. He's been great. Was it today that came out? I don't think he knows what generation he is. I think he thinks he's a millennial, maybe. Yeah, no, I don't. He's not at all. There's a subsect of people who think millennials is just an age range.

They think it's like you're a young person, you're a millennial. And they change out of being a millennial. I think it's like 25 is the cutoff for, like, that's the youngest, right? And he's like, what, 22? It's what year you're born. No, I'm a millennial. Yeah, I am as well. I think it's 25.

I am too. I looked this up the other day for some reason. It's like 85 to, like, Brandon might even be a millennial. 83 to 95 or something. Yeah, Billy's set for life. I'm Generation X. Yeah, you are Generation X. Gen X is the forgotten generation.

81 to 95. I wish that I had taped the negotiation I had with Billy when he was coming back full time because he was trying to get more money, which I have no... That's no shame in that, but he made up a job that he was getting offered to work in an accounting firm.

And I was like, you should take that job. And he was like, well, this didn't work. Because he thought I'd be like, oh, man, you have another option? We got to lock you up. I was like, you should take that job. That's a great job. He just didn't expect that.

That's hilarious. So how soon did he admit that the job wasn't real? Well, he's like, I want to work at Barstow. I was like, yeah, but no, you should take that other job. That sounds like a great opportunity. Did he make up the name of an accounting firm? No, he just said, I think he even said, I think he just took one of his friend's jobs

and pretended it was his. But it was great. I give him credit for trying. Never, you know, negotiating. It's a tough world. He's looking out for number one. Yeah, right. I understand that.

But callers, Brandon? Callers. Can we? Yeah. Callers. We need to call it? Are you going to talk about blowjobs? I have.

No, no. I'm going to talk about a certain thing. Sports? Yeah, sports. Are you going to have guests on? What? What kind? I love it.

He gets it. I think I get it. How many times is your name in the title? You're killing Che. He's not laughing. But Zahid is, though, and that's a better laugh. Che, are you masked up again? Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. Sheep. Follow the herd. It's bad. We had a run. We had a maskless run. Four? I saw Oum was masked up. Not three, not four.

Okay. Just a couple. Just a couple times? Yeah, just a couple. I went in for my physical today, and they said my doctor... Blattman's looking neutral as fuck today. Was that really warranted? Breaking up my medical story?

It caught me off guard. Blattman's outfit. Yeah. It caught me off guard. Blattman's outfit. Yeah. It was neutral as fuck. There's no color in it. Nothing gets me excited. It wasn't like we started at the same time. You heard what I said and then broke it.

Nothing gets me excited. Like a beige fit. I haven't seen a beige fit since Jeff Lowe first dawned his mind. Oh, the beige monster. Jeff Lowe first dawned his head. Oh, the beige monster. Jeff Lowe's rocking a fucking serious chain. Yeah, he's a genius. Anyway, Kyle, your medical? It doesn't matter.

I'm real good at talking about neutral colors. What is the most neutral color? Because it's not white. Or do you think that it is? Is it beige? Is it gray? Is it gray? Tan.

Gray might be it. Gray or tan. Yeah, he's rocking that chain today. I was giddy when I saw that. That's a Photoshop, though. Tiger Woods when I saw that pic. Like Michael Jordan and Rick Hamilton. I was so happy.

He looks great. He does. Now click on the Jake Gyllenhaal one. On the right? Yeah. Minus the right? Yeah. Minus the everything? Come on. Similar.

Have a little fucking self-respect. Look at that, though. It's kind of right. Jeff's hotter than Jake Gyllenhaal. It's close. Brandon, Eva Mendez, thoughts? Oh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. We should do a point one. It's close Brandon Eva Mendez Thoughts Oh yeah Yeah

Yeah We should do a We should do a Horny slideshow For Brandon one day It's just a slideshow You're probably the same age I forgot the horny thing

We kind of went away From the horny thing For a while The Delta variant Is kind of Killed your Killed your libido Yeah

We should do a woman draft Yeah woman draft Brandon would just pick Like the The moms of famous male athletes. And Claire Huxtable. Yeah? Huge Claire Huxtable fan.

Aren't there two of them? No, that's family matters and Amphib. Okay. No, Claire Huxtable, she stayed with Bill Cosby for a very long time. Still with him, yeah. Ride or die. Anyway, your medical... Yeah, your medical history.

Come on, come on. You went to the doctor. He's about to walk back. You better get this out. Oh, there he is. He loves going the long way. He pops that booty. He loves going the long way.

Even down to the shoes. And he pops that ass. Even down to the shoes, he's neutral. Good God. He could fit in anywhere. Bullskin moccasin. He's like a, what are they called? Salamanders?

Chameleon? Chameleon. Thank you. Salamander was close. God damn. Sorry, KB. That was your chance. It's actually the opposite of a chameleon, though, because chameleon has bright colors.

Unless it's on something that's not. It's more like a Western diamondback rattattlesnake just fits into the dirt. You know who else is a rattlesnake? I liked chameleon better. What? You don't know who else is a rattlesnake? Stone Cold Steve Austin? Sorry, you can't say that anymore.

I can still. No, you can't talk about wrestling. I'm going two more weeks with it. Two? I'm going to All Out in Chicago. I'm not going to it. We still need to do that theme song. Why don't you just keep going?

You can do it. I just got to do everything? Yeah. Okay. All right. You don't have to do the act. When did you start wrestling? Huh?

When did you start wrestling? December 9th. Right? The day that will live in infamy. Yep. That is a famous day, isn't it? They came to me with a project. An offer that you can't refuse.

Yeah. And now you're refusing it. It's going to be great. What's the project? No, the new project. Oh, the new thing that we're not allowed to talk about. That's on. We haven't talked.

Beep. You need another beep. Beep. Yeah. A quick one. It's on. Beep. Beep.

Yep. Actually, it would be three beeps. No. Quick one. It's on beep, beep. Yep. Actually, it would be three beeps. No. Three beeps. That's helping me figure it out. No. Syllable.

The name of the show is the... No, no. Beep, beep. Beep, beep. It's a long name. Beep, beep. Beep. This is fun. Good stuff.

So, Ash, you work out today? No, I don't work out in the morning. This is fun. Good stuff. So, I actually work out today? No, I don't work out in the morning. You don't work out anymore. I worked out yesterday. Great workout, actually. You look good. I'm sore. I'm sore.

First time in 11 days, right? Yep. Nick, what kind of pussy have you been getting into? I got a new show. Yeah? What's it called? A new show. Nick Turani.

Coming out in September. Yeah? yeah yeah what would you call it kyle what are you guys doing for it no i actually do it yeah kyle so lucky guess kyle was also on it that was that was a shot in the dark and yes it'll land every once in a while did we ever tell you this story about uh how this group of people came up to us at a table? And they were like, Nick, I love your videos. And then ignored Kyle. Yeah, you did. You made sure to tell that. I remember that.

And you did like three renditions of it. And then you told. And then you did it again. You like worked your routine. You told everyone in the office. But they just ignored you. So they must not have liked your videos, I guess. They watched my videos.

They watched the videos with their left eye closed. That's exactly it. Wait, tell the Are you barstool guy story Oh yeah yeah Oh yeah We were at a pizza place This weekend

Yeah On Friday Me, Nick, Owen And Jack McCarthy And It wasn't even It was just like a bar Like pizza

I guess they served pizza It was an Italian restaurant Yeah it was an Italian restaurant And we just went there How did you just go From that to that I mean I don't Cause it wasn't like

It wasn't like a pizza We weren't going there for pizza We were going there that to that? I mean, I don't, because it wasn't like a, it wasn't like a pizza, we weren't going there for pizza, we were going there just to get food. I don't think we even knew what it was. Right. And we walk in.

You guys do that a lot. Yeah, we're friends. We walk in, we walk in and we sit down and the, the waitress is like, are you guys barstool guys?

And we're like, yeah, we are actually. And we had like no idea how she knew. Like we maybe thought like she knew who we were. I think that was everyone's. I think that's probably it. That was, I mean, actually. And we had no idea how she knew. We maybe thought she knew who we were. I think that was everyone's.

I think that's probably it. You were probably wearing a barstool sweatshirt. That was not it. None of us were wearing any barstool stuff. And then she was like, what did you say after that? She was like, yeah, those guys are too over there. Something like that. No, again, Dave gave this place an 8.9.

So she just thought we came because of the pizza review. And she was like, I have a good eye for spotting barstool guys. And the dudes at the other table were like the biggest bros of all time. It's more than just being a white guy, though. I think it's a white bro-y guy. There'll be some slick-dressed New Yorkers. I don't think anyone would say me, Nick, Owen, and Jack McCarthy are bro-y guys, though.

You look like a bro-y guy, but you're not a bro-y guy. You were wearing a John Stockton jersey. No, you're more of a nerd. Yeah, you were. An Olympic jersey. I don't even remember what I was wearing. Oh, I was actually wearing my Mississippi State shirt. Oh, wow. Where did that come from, by the way? My new favorite

shirt. What did that come from? by the way? My new favorite shirt. He was wearing it in the stew with Benny the Butcher. My friend had it, and I stole it from him. And I told him in return I would get you to send him a package of Mississippi State shirts. And I will. Yeah. I really will. I know.

Okay. If I actually meant to talk to you about that. Everybody's been wearing it. Frankie was wearing it. Erica's Frankie. I don't think that's true. No, no. She was wearing a Mississippi State shirt. No, she... I wore it. We got her hired that's true. No, no. She was wearing a Mississippi State shirt.

No, she... I wore it. We got her hired from Mississippi State. No. What do you mean? Oh, do you know who I saw today? She worked there. She worked in Mississippi. You know who still works here?

Grandin. Yeah. Okay. So you have a sister that works here and lives with you. Yeah. Grandin works here. Do you guys eat dinner together? Yeah, I do.

Gossip about the office? No, we don't gossip about the office. You guys ride in together? We ride in together. Do you guys kiss? No. On, I do. Gossip about the office? No, we don't gossip about the office. You guys ride in together? We ride in together. Do you guys kiss? No. On the cheek? No.

No, no. No? Good night. She lives with me. Is she going to work here full time? Well, she hasn't got the offer yet. She got her internship extended to February. Let's go.

Oh, great. Let's go. She could rather get hired. Wait, but... Wouldn't you rather get hired. Wait, but... Wouldn't you rather get hired? A full-time job? Yeah. But it's like,

if that person ahead of her moves up, then she can slide into that position. Yeah, okay. Well, we'll see. You gotta kill someone. Brandon, how long did you intern for? A tenured intern. Nope.

You never interned anywhere? Never. Just so it's on the record, so everyone knows, Sass was never an intern. No, absolutely the fuck not. So don't invite me out to your intern dinners. Don't ask me to sit at the fucking bar with you.

Because I'm not one of you. Okay, that's not what everyone would notice real quick. But yes, I can fire you. Jen sent out an email saying I was an intern. And I was like, I'm not an intern. You don't want the higher ups thinking you're an intern when you're not. How would you like

if someone called you an intern right now, Brandon? Why are you singling me out? Because you have an ego. You're the most intern face. I wouldn't like it. Exactly. Okay.

Good. I'm with you. Makes sense. Thank you. Can I host wrestling? Yeah, you and Dave can have it. I was going to actually add Mincy. Okay.

No, that'd be fun. Good stuff. You want wrestling, you can have it. Actually, it would be great if you had Kyle do wrestling. Yeah. Wrestling for the next four months. W-R-E-S-T-L-I-N-G. That's wrestling.

That would be awesome. All right, Kyle, you can have it. I don't want it. Okay. At all. Are you bummed to give it up? Yeah. Yeah.

Why are you giving it up? I feel like that was like your passion project. Opportunity, but you're doing too much. Stop doing some things. I get where you're going I get where you're going Walk the line Yeah

Huh? You're keeping Keep on walking the line I tried to get rid of it Marty wouldn't let me You can get You can stop doing yak For four months

What about Unnecessary roughness I don't work on the yak I don't work on the yak I don't do anything for the yak I just show up and Be talented Sit here

Yeah Let your talent shine Sometimes you scurry out to poop Yeah I do Yeah I'm happy you're sticking with me. Because I need you.

I need you. Wait, you guys don't write for this show? I'm up all night every night. I do. I do. Today it was these two Apple things, and I was going to do a baby noise. Wait, you did hit it? You did a baby noise for the first, but not the second. Yeah, what happened?

Yeah, well. I didn't even notice the second one. It's a It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit.

It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit.

It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit.

It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit.

It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. It hit. No, if she gets hired full-time, she's going to move to the city. Nice. But on an intern salary, she's living with me and just saving. Do you feel like you being here has stunted her ability to socialize because she's living in your kind of social shadow?

I think me being here has led her to a great opportunity. That's what I think. No downside then? I don't think there's very little downside. She can go out wherever she wants to. Get all the way back to Jersey? Yeah. Free rent.

True. Who should she start dating? Marty. Marty? I don't think he dates employees. Dana Pierce? How is your sister at holding a funnel up to a man's asshole? Probably pretty good. Blatman?

Ooh. Almost certainly married with multiple children. Yeah. Well. Who else? Who else could work out? Who's the richest guy who's single? Jack McCarthy?

Dave? Too wiry. Dave Portnoy? Too wiry? What's wrong with wiry? Just, no. Tames Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave?

Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? Dave? How about Frank Payne? I wonder if I could have gotten Troy a girlfriend Definitely You could have gotten him pussy somehow

Who's Troy again? He's a fake intern He was supposed to live with Mantis That Mantis agreed to live with him But like he had multiple court dates

and he had two squat rats Mantis dates No Troy Dietrich did Troy needed two squat rats Yeah we'll figure out how to make it work Troy is such a greatis did. No, Troy Dietrich did. Troy needed two squat rats. Yeah, we'll figure out how to make it work. Troy's such a great name for a fake intern.

Troy Dietrich. He was awesome. That guy sounds like he's going to steal shit out of your car, steal your stereo. And we used a picture of my friend Sneddy for it. Really? And Mantis texts me. He's like, he's kind of handsome. He'll probably get me trickle-down pussy.

Definitely. Fucking Sneddy. I can't believe you used Sneddy's picture. He's a legend. Sneddy's basically the new Stanko. Yeah, Sneddy is the new Stanko. That's enough. Sneddy!

Get Sneddy in. We could probably fly him out. We could fly Sneddy out. You think Sneddy would take over wrestling? He would, for sure. Let's find someone to take over wrestling. Sneddy doesn't talk though. I'm putting it in the box. He just smiles. He just smiles.

Sneddy just smiles. He's the man. Billy, if you want to salute? Why not... Billy! What's on your shirt, Billy? He's like shy about it. He's like, you guys should have done that, but I appreciate it. Why not just executive produce wrestling? Who would I get to fill in for my talent?

Robbie Fox. Robbie Fox. My mom's face, she already does the wrestling thing on this show. So then why'd you start doing wrestling? Because I wanted to do it. Better than you? I wanted to go to SummerSlam and sit second row. I think you need another podcast.

Was this a long con? Huh? To just go to SummerSlam? Worked. Worked. I was going to go to Mania, but I got COVID con? Huh? To just go to SummerSlam? Worked. Worked. I was going to go to Mania, but I got COVID, and I had to stretch it to SummerSlam. You got COVID there, too?

Didn't. Yeah. There was no COVID in Las Vegas. Actually, they had very strict mask regulations in Vegas. In Vegas? Yeah. Huh. Bunch of sheep out there, that's why.

Can't take a piss. But I want to pull a Brandon. Yeah, you'll hold it. Because't take a piss, but I want to pull a Brandon. Yeah, you'll hold it. Because you're a man. I'm going to hold that shit. Mandan over here. Mandan. How bad do you have to take a piss?

Really bad. Who else could? I mean, Big T? Southern? Tall? Not? I think there's an age gap there. Which way?

He's about 22. She's about 26. Oh, come on. Are we talking about wrestling? We're talking about wrestling. Which way? He's about 22. She's about 26. Oh, come on. Are we talking about wrestling? I thought we were talking about wrestling. I thought we were talking about the sister. He was talking about the sister. Why don't we do both?

If the shoe fits. So find a host for wrestling that can also date my sister. Yeah, keep it in the family. Why not your sister or your host in wrestling? Oh, that would be good. Yeah, a little nepotism.

I think she believes it's very immature for a grown person to watch wrestling. Your sister does? My wife feels that would be good. Yeah, a little nepotism. I think she believes it's very immature for a grown person to watch wrestling. My wife feels that too. It's immature not to pay rent. Yeah. It is. There we go.

Who else could date your sister? One of the guys upstairs. They're all jacked. They're not wiry. What about Dukes? Oh, yeah. Dukes? Oh, yeah. Dukes. There it is.

He'll have a lot of time to take her out during his many suspensions. He loves getting suspended. He's suspended beyond belief. He didn't pay both of their rent. So great that Dukes got suspended and showed up. It was like right the next day or was it later that afternoon? It was that afternoon. It was that afternoon. It was that afternoon.

He was stuck around. Dave was like, what are you doing? He had a good tweet. It was like making fun of people who have anniversaries with significant others who have broken up. And then he just quote tweeted it with a one year at barstool. That is good. That's funny. That is good.

Fucking dudes. That would be good for your family, For your blonde haired Aryan bloodline Yeah All those things Yeah we need another Little blonde boy Grandin McDougal Rolls right off the top

It sounds like a corrupt Mayor of a dog town What's that Paw Patrol Grandin McDougal He's a Basset hound Fucking Grandin McDougal What a guy Who else could work He's a basset hound. Fucking Randy McDougal.

What a guy. Who else could work? I mean, KB is staring us right in the face. KB is, I would say, the most eligible bachelor. Maybe, yeah. In NYC. Right? Oh, you thought I was going to say the country?

Okay, yeah, yeah. You wanted the country? Nah, nah, nah. Would you say you're top 200 in New York? No. Three? We were trying to decide if I was top 50,000. Now, you are, but Tommy Smokes isn't. Tommy Smokes was trying to figure that out, right?

No, we were both trying to decide. And would you land on? No. Tommy Smokes, no. We did the math. We did the math. That would put us in the top low percent. Okay.

The top low percent? Che, did you hear about... Who's the guy from Insane Clown Posse that's not doing well? What? Yeah. Violent J? Violent J. Not doing well.

ICP. Have you ever been to an ICP show? You and Nick wrote together for this show, huh? Yeah. So when you need to slow down, just open a Coors Light. Oh, wow. It's mountain cold refreshment made to chill. It tastes great from Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado.

Slow down and celebrate responsibly. Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com. Take. or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take. Good ad. Hit the URL again, please. The URL one more time. It says to say it twice. That's CoorsLight.com slash take.

How many things are you going to ruin today? That wasn't me. That was Owen. Brandon, when's the last time you've shoplifted? I think I've shoplifted like once in my whole life. Actually, I don't even know if I ever have, to be honest. I was so afraid of God growing up. I was really scared. No, me too.

First grade, a kid stole a bag of beef jerky, and I didn't know it was stolen. So I ate a piece, and then he told me he stole it, and I made myself puke. You did? Yeah. Wow. And beef jerky won't come up easy. There's so much salt content that it'll turn your insides out before throwing that out. Do first graders know how to make themselves puke?

I stuck my finger down my throat. Huh. You had some early onset bulimia. Mm-hmm. You ever, like, accidentally steal a pair of sunglasses from a best-seller? Yeah. Yeah, I think I've accidentally stolen them before. Actually, I accidentally stole

at our hotel the other day. What'd you accidentally steal? Just took a bunch of shit from that, you know, there was that little area with all the food. And you had to go to them and be like, oh, this is on my room.

I just took it and left. Well, that's paid for. Well, you paid for it. They account for that when they clean your room. What's missing? Yeah, you paid for that. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no. This was like a store at the front desk. You think he's staying at that nice of a hotel? He was staying at a Howard Johnson. No, you just took a bunch. Yeah. I just took like a bunch of shit, and I meant to be like, oh, this is on the room, and I just never did, and I left.

Nick, the ones you're talking about, sometimes they'll have like, it'll be a weighted platform, and if you're off the weighted platform for long enough, like it's fucking Ocean's 8 or some shit like that. Yeah, then you can switch it, though. But you have to do it really fast, though. Yeah, you have to find the exact same amount of grams. Did you choose the all-female Oceans for that joke? The best Oceans.

By far. Shout out to Awkwafina. Shout out, Awkwafina. Nora from Queens. You know her Korean name. One of my buddies When we were in like Middle school Early high school

Used to steal lighters From this store Because they wouldn't Sell them to us And he would steal them In front of the people And like somehow He would always do it

And get away with it It was crazy He would like talk to them And then while he was talking He would just like Slide his hand over And grab the lighter And they just would

Never notice It's a bold Bold Very bold move. I've taken an Italian Hero from 7-Eleven. What have you ever stolen, Big Cat? I steal pretty much regularly at this point because either my son just grabs something

and I don't notice that he's taking it, or I'll put stuff in the stroller and get get home and be like oh here's a pound of roast beef whoops that's just that's intentional theft no it's not it's never happened seven times intentional is that so I did walk out the other there was the rush yeah we're at like a toy store and we walked, and my son had just pocketed a car. I went back and paid for it, but I was kind of proud of him. Oh, yeah. He wanted the car.

What was the model of the car? It was actually a school bus. Oh, well. A little play school bus. So not a car. Not quite a car. I mean, it's a toy car. A completely different vehicle.

A toy car family. Okay. Was that a joke when you got in Rachel's way, or were you just oblivious? Beeman? Rachel Beeman? Mm-hmm. Enemy of this show? Enemy.

Number one enemy. I was hoping it was on purpose. Everything's intentional. Okay, good. I took the worst shit I've ever taken in my entire life last night, and right now my stomach is just bubbling. We don't have toilet paper in our bathroom right now. I had to use a paper towel. Did you flush the paper towel?

And that clogged our toilet last night. Yeah, but it was a process. They got down. What did you do? Did you rip it into tiny pieces? You had to rip it into at least thirds. Yeah, I ripped it into small pieces. Just thirds will do.

Why did you say that? Yeah, what made you say that? We were just talking about beaming. I think it was more funny on my perspective? We were just talking about Beeman. I think it's more funny on my perspective. You're talking about fucking Beeman. Me and Owen were watching a video on YouTube. What? And I was in the kitchen, and I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom while this is playing.

So you can't hear because this is about to be a noisy shit. And as soon as it all releases, Owen pauses it. Because I knew you were taking a shit, so I went to bed. At the exact time. And he pauses it, and it's just like an explosion in the bathroom. It's like Glennie Balls listening to Guy Fieri. Yeah, and then I started playing music. Well, you're always listening to music.

Yeah, well, obviously. It's your life. Yeah. Music is your life. We should make a Spotify song, though, that's like a really loud song for shitting. Yeah. It's like, I'm not shitting. Don't worry about it.

In Japan, when you sit on the toilets, it has a running water sound. Yeah. The best move is just to turn on the sink. I always turn on the sink. But then it's like, then you know. People know what the fuck is going on. They know what's happening. I think you're washing your hands.

I always flush when I get in there, but then you flush twice, and then it gives it away anyway. My move is I light a very small fire at another portion of the house. Oh, yeah. That's smart. If I'm at a party with girls and I have to poop, I make really loud puking noises like I drank too much, and I'm just pooping.

I'm just pooping. Classic. Yeah, we got moves. Are you doing a fantasy draft right now? Shut up, bro. Wait, are you really? Marquez Calloway is available in the 15th round. What am I, not going to take him?

Are you seriously doing a fantasy draft? Who does a fantasy draft? No, I just got a push notification from Yahoo Fantasy. I was like, what the fuck could they have to tell me right now that's so important? I had to get to the bottom of it. Always be draft. Ryan Suckup's on the COVID-19 list.

Oh. Yeah. That's Cole Beasley. You saw that, Che? Not good. He's been having a tough camp, too. Beasley's on the close contact list, though. He's not on the COVID list.

Which we all are on because of you. Where did this come from? You. I'm fine. No symptoms whatsoever. Half vaxxed. Half vaxxed. I need to get a checkup like you just got, KB.

Well, I didn't get one. What did you get? I went in for my physical, and they said my doctor is only doing video appointments. Oh, yeah. Those guys suck. I thought they canceled only family. It's called a physical. I need a physical and blood work.

And she said, yeah. They were like, yeah, no. They'll tell you how to do it over the video. Damning the shit in your fucking. What would that video be? They'll look at your balls. I'd have to really put them up to the webcam. That would be so bad.

Make me feel them in front of her. Describe what I'm feeling. Do they do that still at physicals? I actually haven't gotten my balls touched for in forever. I've been to the doctor in like five years. Yeah. I've been since high school. I should go back, though.

You go to the doctor like all the time. Not like a real doctor, though. I just go to the MD. You got a fast pass? Yeah. He's back. There was one time I went to the doctor. I was, like, probably, like, 23, 24.

And I went to get a physical. And they, like, you know how the nurse comes in and takes your, like, height and weight and your blood pressure and everything? And then she left and was, like, all right, the doctor will be in for a second, do like a routine testicle exam and all that other stuff and I got naked. And then the doctor

came in and was like, what? I don't know what I was doing. It was wild. That is so creepy. It was so bad. It was one of the most

embarrassing moments of my life. It should be. I don't know why because I think I had gone so long since my last physical that I forgot how they did it. Is that the first time

you ever spoke on that? Yeah, probably. That's one of those things that you bury down for a while. Well, no, I just flashed in my head because of this conversation.

And I was like, that was probably the last time I went, I'll never go to the doctor again. She walked in with like seven residents or something like that. It was a guy. It was a guy.

And he was like, whoa. That is hilarious. A doctor saying whoa is hilarious too. Like they should be ready for pretty much anything. Oh, God. That was so bad. Fuck. And then the other time, last time I went to the doctor, it was for my back.

And the guy who was giving me a steroid shot in my fucking spine was like 85 years old. And he was like, yeah, I'm retiring in a month. Oh, God. He dropped the fucking needle before he put it in my back. Jesus Christ. You got a doctor on his farewell tour. He literally, he was like, all right, you're going to bend over and I'm going to put this in your back.

And then he fucking was like, whoops, and it hit the ground. And I was like, God damn it. So, yeah, i'm never going to doctors again a shot in the spine must hurt it hurt uh no because they do like a numbing agent oh yeah yeah and plus compared to the spine pain and it makes you feel so much better it's it's not like in your spine it's around your spine the steroid shot fucking makes you feel so good you're like whole back it's a cortisone shot so it feels like yeah whole back feels warm nice you'll get one someday you lift enough and don't

stretch yeah you will absolutely hurt your back you have scoliosis no stand up i have you're built like a c-clamp brother you also like your this is how you look when you're sitting on your desk yeah i know i'm working on Like a full gargoyle. That's not scoliosis. That's just bad posture. I need to get my posture back. I bought one of those bras. I got one of those things, too.

It doesn't really work. It doesn't work at all. You just break right through it. It's supposed to beep, too, when you slouch. Put that thing on for five seconds, and I was like, this isn't going to work at all. I got bad posture. I had my titties looking incredible, though. Had them sitting real high.

So, Brandon, what happened to your trainer? Well, he's been DMing and texting, but I haven't been available. Well, he was right. Hey, fuck you, dude. Did you see the New York Post article about Hot Talks? About what? Yeah, 30 seconds. He was right. He was absolutely right, yeah. I haven't been available. Well, he was right. Fuck you, dude. Did you see the New York Post article about hot dogs? About what? 30 seconds. He was right.

He was absolutely right. Yeah. I don't know. I just need to diet first. You've been looking good, though. Yeah, I've been eating a little bit. Yeah, but the thing is, if you're going to diet, you may as well work out, because then it's just like...

Jesus. Came over the top rope. Oh, is my mic too loud? No, it's just very... Your voice. Very direct. Your personality. I feel like if you're going to diet.

Nothing technical. I feel like if you diet, you may as well work out too. I guess. Because dieting is the hardest part. Yeah. Working out is easy. I feel like the combination of tiredness. Well, actually.

My mic was too close. Squeeze that in. Combination of dieting and working out is tough for me. You can just do the beard instead of it all. Yeah. I agree. A beard and a sweatshirt is your fall diet. I'm working it out.

Yeah. What are your socks? That's the Million Dollar Man Ted DBS. Is that a wrestling figure? Illegal. It is. All right, two more weeks. I don't want to hear you even utter a word.

I don't want to talk about wrestling anymore. Million Dollar Man Ted DBS. That should be Hubbard. That is. Well, your new show on. Chuba? Yep. It's going to be good.

OJ pops up. Like a meerkat. Steven. What was the meerkat's name in our line? Just say it. Let's play hangman. Yeah, I want to know. Tell me.

Just say it. Text me. It'll be worth it for this show for how mad Steven gets. It'll be just the good drama, the good plot lines. The writers of this show are going to be fucking... We spoiled wrestling and that lasted like six months. That's true. Eight months.

Sorry. And it's only on pause what about your covid the covid days i still did wrestling during yeah yeah so then what's gonna stop you now when you don't have covid college football gambling college football show no just spoiler no no no that's not spoilers spoilers i said i'm gonna watch college football i said i'm taking everything down for college football season. I'm doubling down on college football. Didn't you say, weren't you like, I have a big...

Just say it, Sass. Weren't you like, I have a big college football show? Didn't you say that in the beginning of the show? Of this show? I don't think I did. I think you did. I said I have a big show coming. Oh.

But it is a college football show. Pete! I didn't even know that. I haven't seen it. Oh, by the way, I'm going to be putting shelving in here, guys. Fuck you, Pete. I said that so long ago that we should have shelving in here. I'm putting shelving in here for the new show.

He's walking around in a sling. Brandon, we have a segment together coming out, too. We do. We've been working on it. Yeah, we're going to start working on that. Where is the shelving going to be? It's going to be funny jokes, so Nick's going to write it. You'll say it, though.

Oh, yeah. No, that part? That's going to be great. You guys are going to though. Oh, yeah, no, that part? That's going to be great. You guys are going to roast. Oh, we can say that. Yeah, yeah. And Nick's traveling all over the world for it. That's right.

Nick and Brandon are going to roast your ass. Yeah, be careful. You don't want to be in the crosshairs with me and Brandon. You're going on the tour with Bree? Yeah, I'll be going to the car. I'll be at Penn State at Champs. Wait, are you serious? Yeah.

When's that? That's in the coming weeks. Nice. Are you actually? Yeah, he just said yes. Oh, wow, I didn't know that. He just said, are you serious? And he said, yeah.

I thought you were kidding. No. I thought it was a funny joke. I laughed and I thought that was a funny joke. No, it's actually not. You just assume I would get to go to that. Not on my thing. Brutal. You've never been not. You just assume I would get to go to that. Not on my thing. Brutal.

You've never been a champ, brother. I've got to go do an interview. Who is it? Ken Burns. Oh, the Ken Burns? That's awesome. Ken Burns spoke at my graduation from Penn State. Should I tell him that? Could you ask him whether he remembers you?

Because I was going to go up and shake his hand, but I didn't want to get out of line when everybody was walking, and I just have regretted it literally every day since. Dude's a fucking G. Maybe I'll shake his hand. Documentarian OG. What's his latest documentary? Ali.

Ali? Yeah, coming out in a couple weeks. Prince Ali, Ali Ababwa. He's going to do one on that kid from the University of Virginia who stole from North Korea and then died. Oh, that fucking fake spy kid? Someone needs to make it.

There needs to be a full-blown movie about that kid. He was a spy, though. Ask if he has anything about the 9-11-20. That is one of the more interesting stories. I agree that that is one of the more interesting stories. We need to keep doing the show. Remember, there needs to be a resurgence. Keep doing the show. Thank you. I don't know where that came from. Remember, there needs to be a resurgence. Okay. Keep doing the show.

Thank you. I don't know where that came from. But you know who I'm talking about. Yeah, I know who you're talking about. He went crazy. That guy went crazy. Why don't we have a movie about that? Because he is CIA,

and their CIA is putting that shit there. Or at least some video. They're silencing it. The CIA doesn't want people to know that he was actually an op who tried to infiltrate North Korea. They caught him, tortured him to the point

of psychological breakdown. And then sent him back. And then sent him back. And then he died at home. I think he died... No, I don't think he made it home. He had a broken heart. He fell in love with one of the girls

from the Pleasure Squads who had no teeth. Is that actually true? Yes. Yes, it is. Have you seen the posters for the movie Candyman? Yeah. That's funny.

That's your luxury poster. Go ahead, say it. It just says, say it, you won't. What? Yeah, and I ain't saying it. Candyman. If you say it five times into your mic, into Siri, it opens up the web page. Really?

Yeah. Oh, I thought it was a different word that they wanted you to say. Yeah. Well, that one too. All of them. Nobody's listening. Say it. So somebody just got shot at Penn Station yesterday.

Yeah, I know. At Penn Station they got shot oh my lord dude I was walking so I was walking I was leaving the gym no it was crazy this is the craziest thing I've ever seen

you saw it no no I didn't see the person get shot I saw the aftermath like all the police officers and like the yellow tape and then there's this lady right outside of Penn Station where there's like all these puddles

and she is rolling around in the puddles like I've never seen. Like she's rolling faster than most people can walk. Just splashing in the puddles all along Penn Station. Now was she shot? No. She was under the influence of something I'm assuming. It's a very puddle heavy area. She's rolling in the showers.

And she is like rolling. Like I've never seen someone roll this fast. It was like a little kid rolling down a hill, but she's on flat ground. Say it. Say it. What? Say what?

I thought we were going to make a joke about rolling. On Molly? Are we going to do a Limp Bizkit joke? Yeah, that. Oh, he shed. Oh. I'm feeling a splash of color now. There he is going, bye.

Thank you very much. Just doing a circle. Fucking Penn Station. Penn Station, Penn State. That's the worst place in the world. No, I go to, you like it for some reason. Yeah. Port Authority is worse.

I don't mind Penn Station. Penn Station's my Jamba Juice of choice. I think so. My J-O-C. I think Penn Station's attempt to make it look like an event, like an entertainment type venue makes it even more depressing. Yeah, I think since they opened Moynihan too

and all the Amtrak is over there, I think Penn Station got worse. That was a sneaky, cool name drop by you. Well, that's what it is, right? That's what it's called. But it is part of Madison Square Garden, though. It is an entertainment venue. But they do trick me into thinking it's almost like a mall.

Like a mall type scene, yeah. It's bad. Every day I pass the Krispy Kreme. That might be the least happiest place per capita. Really? I haven't been to the Port Authority, but I've been by it.

It's miserable. I don't think the Port Authority is... I mean, I guess I've never been in the Port Authority. I know outside of it is really bad. But inside Penn Station, it is, like, crazy. And, like, there's always people... There's videos, like, every week of people is really bad, but inside Penn Station it is like crazy. And like there's always

people, there's videos like every week of people just like fucking in Penn Station. I do Jersey Transit, which is the first door and it's easy. It's the easiest access.

So I don't go through Penn Station proper. It's easy to complain. I've gone to Penn Station and like your train gets delayed and then you gotta like wait there for like 30 minutes.

You just go to the TGI Fridays and you have a brewski. In high school, we would go out in Penn Station. We would go to Rose's Pizza and get tall boys. TGI Fridays is closed. I think it's called Caboose now. You guys go over to Caboose. No, there's both. Where's the T? Oh, it's like in the corner.

TGI Fridays, I thought it was been closed since the pandemic. Now you're thinking of Caboose. Caboose just opened back up. I you're thinking of Caboose. Caboose just opened back up. I actually don't mind Caboose. Is it a train play on words? Yes, like a caboose. Or is it like an Indian restaurant?

It's not an Indian restaurant. Port Authority does something very sneaky, but it kind of classes the place up. They play classical music on the PA system at all hours. So it feels like it's a luxurious experience, but it's not. I would feel like I'm about to be murdered.

They play Juicy J at Penn Station. That's what the people fuck to. Yeah, you guys made it sound awesome. There's Krispy Kreme, Jamba Juice Caboos, and people fuck. That does sound like a utopia. You don't want to go there. It's so easy to fuck there that the homeless people are doing it.

Anybody can fuck there. If you want to fuck, if you want a guaranteed lay. You could buy drugs there probably. You don't even need to shit in the toilets. Do they have toilets in Penn Station? Oh yeah. They're very anti-homeless there. There's no benches

or anything to sit on. Anti-homeless? That's Mecca. Yeah, I know, but they don't have any place to sit because of that. Every homeless person

every seven years has to go back to the census. I don't think anybody wants to sit at Penn Station. Well, there's that big sitting area behind the Starbucks.

Oh, there's one where the Amtrak used to. There's that middle one, right? Oh, you're just. We didn't even touch on the basement. It has like a Moe's. The entire thing is a basement. It's actually awesome. I like Penn Station.

I didn't know there was a Penn Station. They have unlimited applesauce for you. The new one, though, they gentrified Penn Station. It's beautiful. White, clean. Oh, no. Beautiful. I had to sleep at Penn Station once. Huh? They got likeified Penn Station. It's beautiful. White, clean, beautiful. I had to sleep at Penn Station once.

Huh? They got like a lounge area? No one has ever had to sleep. No, yes, I did. There's hotels everywhere. No one has ever had to sleep anywhere. Yes, I did. Wow.

No one's ever had to sleep at Penn Station. Were you drugged? Were you sedated? Why didn't you sleep at the office? This was not recent. Oh. This was when i was in college and i got tickets the nfl draft and you had to line up and you got to and they gave the tickets away at like 2 a.m and then you had to go back the next morning and i mean i don't

have money for a hotel so me and some friends went to the amtrak waiting area kind of slept there for three four hours and then left but i woke i got woken up because I was in this Amtrak area, which was supposed to be a closed off area, and there was a woman petting my head. And I immediately got up and skedaddled out of there. Shut up. You were about to fuck. You guys are making so bad

like you should have laid that down. That could have been number five. There was a woman putting a blanket on you. It very well could have been. She. There was a woman putting a blanket on you. It very well could have been. She cuddled you to sleep. And she was warm and soft. It was the worst. She smelled good.

I have a friend who used to do heroin. Good guy. Used to. Good used to or bad used to? He was used to it. But used to or bad used to? He was used to it, but... But like used to past tense. Did he quit? He's clean now.

He's clean now, but one of his... I thought you were going to say he used to do everything. One of his like rock bottom moments, probably the rock bottom moment, is he fell asleep on a park bench in Philly and woke up to a teen jerking him off. Holy shit. That might be the worst thing that can happen to you.

Was he on a dirt bike? Was he hard? Was the teen on a dirt bike? Probably. They're taking over your city. Teens on dirt bikes? Teens on bikes and general bikes. ATVs?

All kinds of bikes. At every age. Bike Life Rex. Shout out Bike Life Rex. My sister was in Chicago and she gave someone money. Oh, no. Exactly. And they kissed her on the face, the homeless person.

And she was like, why the hell did that just happen? Yeah, give me my money back. Give me it back. No face kisses from strangers. That's something you could probably evade. Just duck. I could sneak a kiss on you right now, KB. You would not you could probably evade. Just duck. I could sneak a kiss on you right now, KB. You would not be able to dodge that.

Boris Larson your ass. Plant one. Just plant one. Plant one on his elusive ass. Oh. Oh. I'll get you. I'll get you at some point today.

Could you kiss everybody in this office before they kissed you once? No. No. Because they could ambush you. You're right. Easily. I didn't think about an ambush. Clearly you haven't thought about the ambush.

Well, no, you could figure out a way to bottleneck them. What's the duct system like in here? You've seen Ocean's Edge. You could sneak a lot of kisses pretty easily. A lot of people just sitting at their desks. What type of Cuomo shit are you on, my bro? I didn't know you were Italian. Let's play kiss tag.

Yeah. We used to do that actually at school. You'd throw the ball up and see how many kisses you could get before it lands. Like Jax. It was just like Jax. It was. It was. Those are the guys' names that were kissing each other.

Kiss ball Kiss ball was dope You ever Like find a partner You like just throw A balloon up there Whoopsies Kiss ball

Kiss ball was awesome Until it wasn't Kiss ball got old Quick We had the most Chapped kid Transferred to our school Came in from

Went to the nurse Bloodied up He was the fastest But the driest Coach always had the best technique He was always showing us How to actually win at kiss ball He was fucking quick

You need a frictionless environment Alright let's Most of the power actually comes from the legs Believe it or not Don't kiss with your back You're using too much neck Engage the core You're going to get sore from kissing

Oh yeah Oh Stephen Chay just looked at us and did this We gotta wrap it up Why do We got to wrap it up. Why do we have to wrap it up? I think they're doing Kraken Aces in here. They should be all set. Glennie said that he is because Rudy hurt his neck from eating pussy also yesterday. And so Glennie is going to wind up coming up with these kickstands,

like kicking tees that you could use to post underneath your head. And you can fold it up and put it in your back pocket. And anytime you're going out on the town, if a girl sees an imprint of the tea in your back pocket, she knows that you're out on the town to eat pussy. Yeah, it's adjustable. I'll be faking that injury. But that's it. It's a very avoidable injury.

Is that a pussy tea you have? Correct me if I'm wrong, but is that a pussy tee in the back pocket of your pants? It used to be the condom ring that you saw. Now it's just the pussy tee imprint. Can you flip it over for like ass? It's like a little bit. Yeah. It has like the swimmer's nose plug.

Oh, you activated ass mode on it. Balls Beachwear presents Pussy Tease. Now with ass mode. The Aces boys don't look happy with us. They are angry. I think they have a guest, too. Oh, it looks like they might. Be a moneymaker for sure. Yeah, it's time to start