The Yak - Brandon Gets A Bracelet, Rone Works On Some New Impressions, And We Invent The Balupa

Episode Date: January 8, 2021

Do I look like a minimum guy...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I only saw the clip of Mike Studs' podcast that you were on. It kind of gave me anxiety when it came out. It seems like a long time ago, I don't even know what I said. Really? It's one of those things. My memory's getting really bad.

Mine's trash. Why? Trash. I think it's the drinking. Yeah, alcohol has affected my it's gotta be just my alcohol abuse made my memory what types of uh things are making you recognize that you don't have your memory can't remember shit yeah that's it for me too i don't even like them like that podcast i don't know what we talked about what i said are you losing your keys well that i think that's a normal thing that was like me like when i was playing sports i don't know what we talked about what i said are you losing your keys well that i think that's a normal thing that was like me like when i was playing sports i don't remember anything from it

when i'm on a radio show or podcast i don't remember anything i said right afterwards same i don't think that's that weird i don't i think that's normal you guys remember what do you remember random shit that i don't expect to remember yeah fucking old memories that just like fucking rise to the surface like a fucking dead body and it's just like fucking stinking up my fucking subconscious but uh you should you got to work on that memory though if you feel like that because it's only going to get worse yeah i'm about to get this new thing called uh it's called nad and it's basically like drinking baby's blood and it's real though what do you mean basically what the fuck do you mean it's it's it's uh baby's blood are you saying it's david sinclair who's just i don't even know who he is but he's

some famous author famous research scientist uh he's he basically saying that this is the this is the cure to aging if you take this baby's blood no it is is equivalent that sounds like i don't know what that what, what do you mean equivalent? How? Like back in the day, they used to be like, all these billionaires are drinking baby's blood. But it was just something they said. It wasn't true. But this is.

This is the real shit. This NAD stuff. I still hear that billionaires are drinking baby's blood. I thought that was like the whole Epstein shit. Unintentionally. Like reptilian. When they're getting down, yeah. Drinking baby's blood.

It's like how eight spiders crawl into your mouth and like over your life i remember everyone i remember like fully justifying that like yeah i can see that that makes sense spiders you know we sleep with our mouth open yeah it was it's like it was like the ultimate snapple fact that like that everyone was saying that but it's that's bullshit there's I would argue zero ever. It's like knowing if you snore. How do you know if you snore? How you're sleeping?

How do you know? But what you wouldn't catch one. Someone else would fucking someone tells you next to you that that you're snoring. The thing was like a spider crawls in your mouth and just down your throat and without you knowing. And only spiders. No other like insects or anything. It was just spiders. Yeah.

No other arachnids. Seven a year. Just big ass spiders. My old ass theory on that was that there's a guy who eats millions of spiders in his sleep and he just fucks up the average for everybody. He just has everybody looking real sloppy out there. We have the office capture on in here. A little bit distracting, but it feels a little voyeuristic. It feels sneaky.

I got to stop being being problematic in that area. I didn't know there was cameras on me. What have you been doing? I've been being visually racist. Visually racist. No sound, but shit. Just doing the under the chin swipe at people. All those gestures.

Just this one. Visually sexist. Are those sign language, those gestures? Or are they just, why would you ever need to tell people with your hands to fuck them? You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? Like the under the thing. I don't know the under the thing.

What do you think the worst thing you can do with your hands is? The worst thing? Without touching somebody. Like offensive? Offensive somebody. The most offensive? Offensive. Karl Hitler. Yeah, it's got to be the Nazi thing. Yeah, I think that people wouldn't like that.

That is the worst. And then there's a huge drop off. Right. The finger isn't even top five probably. And I think that the swipe underneath the chin, like Google swipe out, you've never seen this? That is a sign language word. Oh, damn. Or something like this.

There he is. I got some Inception content we're about to do. Let's fucking go. Who are you talking about? To us? Oh, just to Roan. Oh, really?

Oh, shit. Inception content? I didn't know what it would have been anyways. We got another mic. We got another mic. Explain it to us. Well, it's pretty easy to explain. Someone's been slacking on their job

Adam Farone What's happening? And the person that he's supposed to be videotaping Is looking for his videographer right now And I said, hey Frank, why don't you just come into Podroom 1 And we'll do a Soda review right now I saw him walking around on the office He's been looking for you

He's literally been looking for you. He does. He's coming. He's coming. All right, come on in. Frank, we can do it live. We'll have him sit down and Ron will videotape

and get behind the scenes. I'll hold the mic. Slide the table. Slide the table. That works. How close is he? 12 seconds. 12 seconds away?

It was 15 seconds. Is he en route? He got 11 seconds. The water going to hold this. How close is he? 12 seconds. 12 seconds away? It was 15 seconds. Is he on route? I've got 11 seconds. The water on the table is shaking. Here we go. Frank, this is the Yak podcast. So we're going to do, you're going to do, Roan's going to videotape you live on the Yak podcast.

So it's going to come out in two forms. It'll come out on your videos. And then tomorrow afternoon, it'll come out on your videos and then tomorrow afternoon it will come out on podcast and i'm going to hold this mic up to ron's mouth while he videotapes you this camera's also on right here yeah but he needs a mic and you'll talk to this one all right you're live in the podcast maybe frank just makes sense it's the podcast too you could give us like a preface for just that only the podcast people hear. All right. Well, we're doing a soda review here today.

You know, I do these every day or the hot dog reviews, something, something. I'm reviewing something every day of a goose to Tory or something, you know. What was that word? Goose to Tory. Goose to Tory. It's just not. What do you word? Gustatory. Gustatory. Oh, shit. What's gustatory, Frank? Of the gastric stomach. Eating.

Very nice. Oh, man, I should have known that. Very nice. You should. So what are we working on today? Well, it's a jolly good day. Because the Mets just got Lindor. And we're trying today this Sour Power, it's called.

Sour Power. Now, of course, Jolly Good Soda was a brand in Wisconsin that shut down for a number of years, but they were recently revived. And as it says right here, something special from Wisconsin. So they're very popular. They're made in a random lake. So, you know, there's a specific lake over here, there's a specific

ocean, and here's a random lake. That's good. Yeah, that's good. Cosine. Sometimes it can be good, sometimes it can be bad. This has got grapefruit and lime. That's kind of why they – like, you know how they're like on a game?

Like, oh, this team could win, this team could win. Well, that's why they play the game. Could be good, could be bad. That's why we do the review. That's why we do the taste test. That's why we do the taste test. And, of course, you know, the Mets got Lindor. Hey, bust those open. It's on.

Did you have those ready? No, I ran out. I just ran out and brought them. Fuck. You're good. So. Mr. Tank, one for the boys. Lindor is quite sweet.

Not on for a semi? No. It's a whole bag. Ooh, this is a white chocolate one. Ooh. And white chocolate, right? Very tasty. Very delicious.

Lindor's chocolate, very smooth. Just like Francisco Lindor, a smooth shortstop. Ooh. And he's going to be so sweet when the Mets are better than the Yankees next year. Yes. Go off, King. So let's get back to business with the Jolly Good Soda. Jolly good, jolly good, jolly good. Breen! Breen! Breen! You know, this is good.

The grapefruit and the lime, they match together quite sublime. I'm going to give this an 8.1. Wow. Very nice, Frank. That was awesome. I was worried it was going to be bad. Did you mean to do

the grapefruit and lime much sublime? That was premeditated, yeah. When I saw the they did it together. Yeah. All right, Rowan, you can sit back down

over here, Rowan. I want you guys to interview Frank about how this works. Oh, very nice. Okay. I'm just going to watch as a fan.

As a fan. So, Frank,. Okay. I'm just going to watch as a fan. As a fan. So Frank, how did you first think of this idea for this content? Well, we were stuck in quarantine.

So I decided to start taste testing sodas and taste testing different things. And then people started sending me sodas for unboxings

and I got a lot of sodas sent to me. I started out by ordering a case of the Jones soda and some C&C sodas, which is a small company in New Jersey. Variety pack or what? What kind of case were you working with there, Frank? Variety pack. Oh, yum.

And you just said that you did the unboxing. For the people that don't know, what's the unboxing song? It's time for another unboxing. Time for another unboxing. Time for another unboxing. Let's see what's in this box. Let's see what's in this box. Let's see what's in this box.

Because it's time for another unboxing. It's time for another unboxing. It's time for another unboxing. Time for another unboxing. Let's see what's in this box. Thank you, Frank. I thought that that was it. And you're very particular about what straws you have, Frank. Maybe you could tell us a little more about that.

Well, people send me metal straws saying, you're going to destroy the environment with the plastic straws. You're going to kill turtles. And you didn't want to do that. You are using them, right? Yeah, why not? You got a big pack of them, a bunch of disposables. Well, they're not disposable.

You can wash them. Oh, non-disposable. Yes. Do you do it? I do wash my metal straws. Okay. Very nice. But when I'm home, I'm not in a rush or anything.

I might just use a plastic straw. Plus, I get plastic straws from all the fast food places. But Frank, why not just use a soggy straw? A soggy straw? Like a paper straw. No, I don't like paper straws. Why not? Me too.

They suck. Really? You can taste them. Yeah. You don't like that? But I feel like it's more environmentally friendly. It's like rolling up a tube of paper and just sucking it down. But you're washing the metal straw.

You're not destroying it. You're not throwing it out. I just get worried that the water can't get through the metal straw in the dishwasher. Like, how do you know that the water is going through? I have never owned a dishwasher. What? I don't even know how to use a dishwasher. So how do you clean inside the straw?

Dig with a little pipe cleaner. Pipe cleaner and scrub brush. The pipe cleaner. And Frank, last question. I heard a lot of clamoring on the internet that people want to see you also start reviewing fast food items. New fast food items that come out. The McRib. I have.

People went crazy for it. I have. Why not make that a bigger part of your weekly reviews instead of only sodas? But what are being released lately? Fuck. That was a good question. That was a really good question.

I reviewed Wendy's Brat Fix when it came out. How are those? I like the maple. Don't tell me. I'll watch the review. Watch the review. And maybe you could go back over old fast foods that people have never seen you review. Like a cheeseburger or something.

Or go McDonald's to McDonald's and say, this is a good McDonald's. This is a bad McDonald's. Because people never know that. People never know what's the good McDonald's. Well, the thing with McDonald's is McDonald's is pretty much standardized. You might get sometimes a bad Wendy's or a bad Burger King. That's not true, man. He's saying he disagrees. He's saying it's not true.

I respect everything you've done, and I know that you are really serious about your reviews, but I feel like you're just shooting off off the hip right now, and you're not taking what you're saying seriously. I have an idea. Frank the Tank, Caleb Pres presley when covet and everything is okay for traveling to a full review of the cookout menu wow take days you tell them about cookout what's cookout are you being serious you never heard of cookout the restaurant because i'd never heard of it

until i went down with we have with We have a restaurant in North Carolina. It's called Cookout. It's fast food, and you get a tray. And for your meal, you can have a quesadilla, burger, chicken, fingers, whatever. But then for your sides, you get two sides, sometimes even three, depending on how you're feeling. But for your sides, you can get another burger, a quesadilla, and a chicken nugget. So basically, every single thing on the menu is a main and a side. It's the deepest.

Yeah, that's what I said. It's the deepest fast food menu I've ever seen, Frank. I have never heard of Cookout. I guess up here, we don't have them. I would love to take you. If we go on the road ever, I'd like to film. I look at my map, my states map, and I haven't been to that many states. Really?

And I'd like to color in a map a lot this year once everything ends. What's your preferred mode of travel? Are you a train man? Anything is fun. Yeah? Anything is fun. Yeah, anything is good. Anything could be an adventure.

Yes, that's a beautiful outlook. fun. Yeah? Anything's fun. Yeah, anything is good. Anything could be an adventure. Yes, that's a beautiful... We have a McDonald's, Frank, in Asheville, where I'm from, with a grand piano in it. Ooh. That's what I said as well. But there are bad McDonald's, Frank. I think you need to expand your view of McDonald's, because sometimes you go into McDonald's and the

fries won't be fresh. The burger maybe will have a little sogginessiness or the cheese won't be melted properly. Well, maybe I've been lucky. You've been lucky. You've been – and you always think about your bad gambling luck, Frank. You've had pretty good luck when it comes to the McDonald's in your life. I've been to a bad Burger King. I've been – the Wendy's that's by me has got the the slowest possibly just incompetent

people working for them ugh it's so bad now I I I literally can't go to Wendy's because it's it's basically drive-thru only now

and basically things like that and the the cars are basically down are like up the block I'm not gonna wait in line 40 minutes for fucking Wendy's

it's supposed to be fast food, right? Yes. 45 minutes don't sound fast to me. Frank, can you maybe take us into our first clip? Oh, yeah, take them into the first clip, Frank. All right. Let's go. Into the first clip.

First clip. Hell, yeah. That's perfect, Frank. First clip. Good stuff, brother. Brandon's rocking the chain, if you know this. He was so nervous about it yesterday. He just sat down.

He's like, all right, let's just get this out of the way. My wife got me this chain. He's wearing the daintiest wrist chain. Oh, it's golden. It's a golden wrist chain. It's of gold. It is so dainty. It looks like if you...

He's going to walk and brush up against a concrete wall, and that thing will shatter. Oh, big time. That's how dainty it is. At least scuff up and lose it. Dude, he has a long push-up. It takes him a minute to get to the top of that thing. Long-ass arms.

My new bowl over here. George Murashan over here. That's 20. Oh, man. You good? So that chain, talk us through the chain. Yeah, you're going, man. You good? So that chain. Talk us through the chain. Yeah, you're gonna be jacked as fuck with that chain.

You wanna talk about something else for a second? No, no, no. Talk us through that chain. It's a good-ass chain. Bosco! Look at that chain. Who's that with him? My wife got me an NBA Jam machine for Christmas, and as I was opening it, she said, oh, I got you something else. She brought out a little dainty little box.

What does the NBA Jam Machine have to do with this? Nothing. Nothing. I got a man gift. What do you mean, Jam Machine? You mean a video game? Well, stand up, RJ. Also, hold on.

It makes jellies and preserves. It's a boy gift. You got a boy gift. You got a boy gift. And then you got a woman's gift. And then she gets it. Brent Berry Jam. She said, at no point were we giving out man gifts.

There was no man gifts. She said. What did you get your wife? A fucking grill? I got you something else. And she said, I know you've never worn anything like this, but I think it would look good. I said, it's your store. I liked it.

I wanted to see it on you. She's dressing you. She gave me this gold chain to wear on my wrist. And I love my wife, so I am wearing it. Yeah. Yeah, it looks good. It's bright. How many carats is that?

I don't know. It's 18. It's very gold. It looks like an 18 carat. It's very gold. I thought I'd get it with the fits. I knew I'd be the only guy here. I knew I'd get made fun of, but there it is.

Yeah, definitely the only guy who would wear a chain like that. No one else in here would have gotten that as a Christmas present and started to wear a chain like that. Nobody. That would be embarrassing. Nick, you've been quiet. I got an NBA jam. Yeah, I got to get something off my chest. Yeah?

My mom got me a Christmas gift this year. Oh. Oh! What? It's the exact same bracelet. Well, it's silver, which is way more masculine. Well, yeah, mine's gold. Mine is dainty.

Mine is sparkly. I think it's the fact that it's hanging masculine. Well, yeah, mine's gold. Mine is dainty. Mine is sparkly. I think it's the fact that it's hanging. It hangs too much. It dangles. I have small wrists for a big man. I have small wrists. Put it on me. Let me see.

I like Nick's. I don't know how to take it off. Nick looks like Jason Momoa. Does your mom get you that for real? Brandon, you look like Philip Seymour. This was the one thing I needed to complete my Momoa transformation. Did your mom actually get that? Yeah.

Why? She got me, she said, I don't know. She got me like this NBA jam machine. Should we all start wearing chains? I think this is a chain show now. I think I want a chain. Do you call a bracelet a chain? No, don't call it a bracelet.

It's a bracelet. Does anyone call it that? No, it's a bracelet. It's a bangle. I mean, one third of the show has bracelets on. But a bracelet, why is it called a bracelet. Does anyone call it that? No, it's a bracelet. It's a bangle. I mean, one third of the show has bracelets on. But a bracelet, why is it called a bracelet? Isn't like a let

a small version of something? So that's a small brace? No, that's when you hit the net in tennis. Cutlet. Oh, cutlet. Chicken cutlet. Tiny cutlet.

It's just preposterous that you guys both got that exact same gift and are both wearing it dangly like that. But I think, Brandon, the most preposterous thing about yours is the rest of your getup. If you were wearing perhaps a Sean John jumpsuit or something like that,

your wife moved to Jersey and she was like, we're in Jersey now. You are a child with the wrist of a pimp. It looks like I'm – You're like, what? What is going on? I barred somebody else's wrist. That's what it looks like I'm I'm barring somebody else's wrist. That's what it looks

like. Yeah. Brandon we look cool as fuck. Don't listen to them. Like Nick's actually and I don't want to just say this because

people are like oh you're just picking on Brandon. Nick's actually kind of fits. I think it's because I think it's the dangle.

I think it's all the dangle. I have dangle. You don't have the dangle. I think if Brandon if you can get get a couple get a couple

links out of there. Show your wrist. Let me get a couple links out of there. Show your wrist. Get a couple links out of it, and you'll be good. It's the dangle. Oh, I do have a lot of dangle. It's way too much dangle. It is. It's so much dangle.

It's a personality thing. It's like a. Oh, yes. No, it looks like Brandon just went through, like, stomach stapling surgery. That was his chain when he was a fat man. And now he's got his dang hole. Why does Nick's fit him so much? Right, that's what I'm saying.

I think you either have to be like a poet or a rapper. To wear that? Yeah. Well, rappers are poets, first of all. That was redundant a little bit. But I think Nick's also, his is silver, his sweatshirt's gray. There's like a congruity to his outfit. Yours matches your ring, though, at least, Brandon.

I think you just have to go. You might have to get a gold. It's a silver ring. Look at how far it dangles down. It goes down to his elbow. When Brandon puts his arm up, it literally rests on his elbow. It's the dangle. You've got to get the dangle fixed.

I don't know how to get the dangle fixed. You could change that. Yeah, you could get a couple links removed. Okay, so I'm going to take it. Now I've got to go to the dangle. You've got to get the dangle fixed. I don't know how to get the dangle fixed. You could get a couple links removed. I don't know. Okay, so I'm going to take it. Now I've got to go to the chore. If you want to hide it, you can just go push it up around your shoulder. What?

I don't. Oh, I see. I see. I see. I think your wife got you a necklace. It's just what she got me. I'm wearing it. I love my life.

She found the necklace on a dead child's body. Yeah, that's what it is. It's like, here you go, Brandon. You know what else I learned over break? That if you wear an anklet, it's a signifier in culture that you are a swinger. So if you put that same thing around your ankle, maybe that's a suggestion to other people in the neighborhood that you swing now. Maybe that was a suggestion. It does look like the size of your ankle. Well, I didn't want to break any news, but I have something to show you guys.

Yeah? A tattoo? I actually don't have an anklet, but... Oh, that'd be sick. I'm going to make it a lot better. No, it's great. It's great. What do you mean a lot better? It dangles too much. Great. I'll take it off. Also, it'd be nice if maybe you maybe did like a Barry Bonds

earring. Okay, the gold dangly cross earring. Those are very in now. So basically, I'm going to look like Mr. T very soon. I could get in on that. I think it's just the chain dangling is odd. If you either get it tighter or maybe add a couple tattoos, an earring, and a handgun. A handgun.

I have a handgun. So theregun. I have a handgun. So there you go. Just start bringing it around. Start wearing it every day. Conspicuously. What are you wearing? A handgun. It's an accessory. It's a great look, Brandon. I'm just trying to figure out maybe a different shirt that could...

You haven't stopped looking at it since I... Because I've thought about getting one and I was like, I can't do it. I think we all should together. Everybody want to try it out? Yeah. I'll just pass it around. I told you, let me try it out.

I will get one. I've seen them on stores. I've seen them on the internet. I've seen them in many places, and I'm like, maybe I want this. Maybe I don't want this. I've always wanted to be a necklace guy. Couldn't pull it off. Any kind of necklace?

2021, maybe do it. I want to get a tattoo. It gives a little weight to your arm, too. Place it on my... This might fit you perfectly. Yeah, place it. Although I have pretty small wrists as well. I could have seen Owen wearing one of these, too.

Okay, so that was our latest segment. And thanks again to Frank the Tank for coming in and fucking blessing us. I appreciate how you call him Mr. Tank, KB. Thank you. I think that you're fucking super respectful towards your elders. Yeah. But those younger than you? No, I treat them like shit.

Yes. You disrespect the hell out of them. Owen, for example. Owen, you tried to challenge me on my age today. How old do you think you are? How old do you think you are? How old do you think you are? What did he do? He said he's older than me

Owen tried to be older than Caleb I dunked in his face Yeah what you on? Why did you You actually really thought that though Huh Owen You're no older than 26 Yeah

He's about 22 How old are you? 22 and you thought you were older than me? Okay You got numbers mixed up This fucking coy boy 22. How old are you? 22. And you thought you owed them. Okay. You got numbers mixed up. This fucking coy boy. This coy ass boy.

Okay. Speaking of 22. I have some questions about the all 22 community. How many women? Very few. Yeah. Shout out to Lori Fitzpatrick, who's Jaguar's person. The fact that there's multiple. I'm aware of one.

How many people are in it all together? Two. Nine Inch Nails concert. Bucks have one, too. Come with Tally. It's the same. How many people are in the All 22 community, would you say, in the United States? The Create?

Maybe 500, less than that. It's a small community. Do you guys have a retreat? No. I mean, most of us follow each other on Twitter. Should you start a retreat? I think so. How is your standing within that community?

Pretty good. Are there any beefs? What's the biggest beef? Are you top 100? I'm sure there are beefs. Tell us the beef. Spill the tea. You're top 100?

Yes. In the film breakdown of everyone that breaks down film, you're top 100? Are you top 50? Not even close. Are you top 100? Yes. In the film breakdown of everyone that breaks down film, you're top 100? Are you top 50? Not even close. Are you top 50? I think so. Whoa.

Wow. 40. When do these rankings come out? They don't. Where would you stop? Top 40? I mean, you got like professionals like Baldy and like Daniel Jeremiah who are like, you know.

You consider yourself a professional? I'm not like that level. I do one team. I'm team civic, as are most people that do. Can I give you a little piece of advice? You need an instrument. What? Like, Baldi's got his pens and fucked up fingers.

Dude, I have my instrument. They created it for me. It's the software, which I actually deleted by accident. I had to chase the whole thing over the weekend. Dude. I know. No, I'm talking about Baldi does with his pen.

Like his actual pen. Dude, I go into Adobe Premiere and I make all these filters so it looks way more professional. I think you need a physical. He's talking about something tangible. I am saying you need a prop. Like, he's gotta put Jeff Schwartz I'm better than props. No.

No one's better than props. All my filters are. This is Pride before the fall. It's over for Steven. Out of the top 100. The pens and that stuff make it look less professional. Baldy is taking a video of his computer screen. I bought screen recording software and making everything look polished.

You know what you need? You need a pen that's like. No, Zigger Phelps with the highlighter? No. What about the one that has the different colors that you can click down at the top? That would be sick. You need a pen that you got from an abortion clinic. The four-color pen?

And then people will see it and be like, whoa, are we watching a film? How do you have that? As a thought starter. As enforcing his agenda. Yeah, like gun laws, pro-gun laws. Like something that making a political statement gets people talking. Divisive. That's exactly what the community is not about.

You should grow your fingernails. You're speaking on behalf of the community. I'm not sure you can do that. Also, are you guys just going to be the same forever? Is someone going to trailblaze? I might do that next year. I might start breaking down film and just have super political statements on my pen. It's high time the community evolved.

Or what you should do is you should point it out with your erect penis. Yeah. That dick's too busy pissing. Those work on touchscreen. He just starts peeing on the screen. He's like, sorry guys,

it's playoff Che. I'm doing the TV show and I've had 700 gallons today. Alright, so I'm going to see the right guard here. Little drop comes out right on top of his face.

That's how he points it out. There you go. I think we just found the greatest. Like, you're telling me that that wouldn't make waves in the community? Not in the way they're intended. Do you want to get to the top of the community, Steven? I feel like I'm in very good standing with the community. Where do you want to be?

Do you want to be the number one guy? He's not ambitious. I'm the number one Bucs guy, for sure. It's gross that you're not a Bucs guy. No, NFL Stroud. I'm the number one Bucs breakdown guy. He's a beat writer. He doesn't do breakdowns.

I just like anyone who's got a league in their name. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, you do. Because you're like, wait, what is wait what is that oh he does the scc but how do you become the number one guy it's obvious when you talk about brian baldinger there's a little bit of animosity in your voice there's a little bit of frustration baldy's great but he i mean he does he plays the hits he He does the highlights, and he shows kind of a good break. Plus, he has great – I mean, he has –

the part that is frustrating to a lot of the community is he has access before everyone and puts them out during the games on Sunday. How? No respect. If you work for the NFL, you have a special tool that you have access to. So we need to get you to work for the NFL. I mean, if you guys give me that special tool, that would be amazing. How do we get that tool?

If I get you that tool, will you do a film breakdown with your penis? And pee on the screen. It would get banned immediately. No, just for personal. Just for us. Pee will not get banned. Just for us. And especially as your piss is very clear.

Yeah. It's a bodily function. Yellow is a drop of sweat. You can't put your cock head in the camera view. Just the droplet. Or no one would know. People think you're sweating. Ten breakdowns.

Nine of them are water. One of them is pee. And you can't. They're indistinguishable. A water pistol. And then one's his penis. It was. You'd have to be a urologist to detect them. Steve would just be like, you'll know which one.

It would be a nice Ndamukong Su attack. It's urine and then all of a sudden it's jizz. That would be an incredible Easter egg. So, Steven, do we have a deal? Special tool. Special tool. We find a way? Special tool. Special tool. We find a way to get you a special tool. You will do for us ten breakdowns.

One is you peeing on your computer. Nine are just a water pistol. I won't pee on my computer. That would ruin the computer. We'll get you another computer. We'll get you a pee. If you can get me access to this thing for life, guaranteed. Yes.

One droplet of beer. And a guarantee that I won't get banned from the social media platforms that I post them to. Guaranteed. You'll do a P breakdown? I would do a private P breakdown. I wouldn't post it. No, we just want it for our own film. No, we would hate it to be public.

That's fine. But, yeah, I would hide it so you would never know which one is which. The screen goes black. You see a reflection of just him striding right up. What's your position group specialty? I know that there's, like, different guys that have different position group specialties. Like, Eric Crocker, great quarterback quarterback breakdown guy in the All-22. What's your specialty?

O-line? Guard play? So I'm certified in O-line, D-line, cornerbacks, and wide receivers. I would say those are my best ones. But, I mean, I just do all the bucks. So I don't really do other teams outside of Block of the Year, which nominations are open starting today for Block of the Year. What does it mean to be certified? I took a class and got a passing grade in a class in

scouting that position group i thought last we heard it was just ol and dl you got receiver too yeah when covet started i went back and no so i started with with uh cornerbacks and receivers and then i did offensive line and defensive line okay do you have like a badge or something it's like a patch i something? Like a patch? I have an email saying I passed. Cookies that you sell? It's a secret club that you guys meet every now and then? No, it's a class you sign up for.

Wrapping paper door to door? You got a little mini boom box? You guys got cookies? Do you at least have a t-shirt? Yeah, I have an email saying I passed. It's a blue-collar community. You print that out and put it on a t-shirt. Well, it's a blue-collar community.

It shouldn't be an email. It should be handwritten. Yeah. In motor oil. Yeah, on the back of a brick. In sludge. Thrown through your window. You pass.

Because the next step is logically going forward, you need to start breaking down the entire league, and you need to start giving out your own All Pros. The Stephen Che All Pros for the entire league. You need to eventually evolve beyond the Boy Award to different types of awards, having the Maxwell Award, so it's like an off-brand, you give out your own awards throughout the entire NFL.

I would love that. I simply do not have the bandwidth to do that in addition to my regular job. Well, let's make the bandwidth. This is where the special tool comes in. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if I could have access to all this stuff early, then, yeah, maybe I'd get super excited. What's in your way?

What can we take off your plate, Steven? What's bogging you down? I'm a little worried. I'm going to be honest. I'm a little worried if he gets a special tool, something happens in the Bucs game in the first quarter, he's working on the breakdown. What happens if JPP gets an INT?

What the fuck happens? We'll have to get someone to be on just jpp watch i mean i kind of am like i'm always watching yeah everyone yeah do you have something special planned for the playoffs like as far as the jpp thing you have to you've been kind of you have to take it up a notch yeah and when i say up, I mean more racist. Steve will be in the middle of his skincare routine. JP, he gets an INT as he's in a charcoal mask. Oh, no.

That would take it up to max notch. Oh, fuck. But posting it of himself, like I have to do this. You have to. It's live. Got an INT. It'll take me too have to do this. He has to. It's live. He's got an IMT. It'll take me too long to watch this all. Oh, God.

You've got to be thinking about this, Stephen. You haven't been in the playoffs in a very long time. When was it? When was the last time? 2002? It was January 2008, so the 2007 season. I was in college. So you need to, like, do you even remember what the playoffs are

like oh yeah of course wow oh wait i mean i'll never forget that game jeez we held the wheel of john garcia that was garcia the giants had negative one yard in the first quarter were you rooting for the giants or the washington football team yesterday i honestly didn't uh it kind of weighed back and forth and it didn't really matter to me i have a lot of friends that are giants fans so that would have been fun but i also have a lot of friends that are washington football team fans their defensive line is a little bit scary but they're so many friends are these friends in the community no they're not in the community maybe a collab with someone in the community who covers the washington football team these are the things you gotta be thinking crossover if you want to

become the number one guy in the crossover if you want to become the number one guy in the community like you got to find the best washington football team guy or girl that also pays on the screen it also pays on the screen and do a little collab that's interesting no i mean yeah uh i know a guy who does the Washington football team. Done. Let's go. What's his name? What's his pee look like?

Mark Bullock. Mark Bullock. You think he's on the Alex Smith method? You're on the TB12? Maybe he's on the Alex Smith shadow delay? Probably none of the film guys are as dedicated to their craft outside of tape than me. I would say that. Changed my entire diet. Entire five weeks.

You started today. And you said the playoff run. I mean, that could end Saturday. All you've done is drink four glasses of water. He hasn't had any eggplant today. He laid off strawberries all day. More dedicated than me. I had no cheese on my omelet.

I had no butter on my toast. There's a guy in the Eagles film community that's like a surgeon from Denmark that does it like in the dead of night. He grinds. He's dedicated as hell. I mean. You never consider European. Are you kidding me? Are you saying that.

I'm saying that he is. You know what time I'm putting my breakdowns on? Whoa. I mean, he's in the middle of the night. He's doing life and death surgery. he's doing life and death you know why I don't put it out in the middle of night because views views aren't as good but I'm doing them in the middle of night oh and yes you raise your hand check your facts if you're grinding he's playoff Steve now playoff Steve if you're grinding in the middle of the night every night how are you going to get the eight hours you need for the TB12? Great question.

That's going to be the tough part. Whoa. So, I mean, what surprised me to sleep a lot is the primetime football. So, you know, outside of the weekend, I think I'm going to be okay. I've got to set myself to bed by 1130 every night. Will you be mouth-kissing your son? No, he doesn't do that. He's the elephant in the room.

No, he does. If he asks for a kiss, he just kind of gives you his forehead. So you're 1130 to 730? Your son does? Yeah. You could have just said no. Your son is trying to, he doesn't do it. No, we don't do that fucking shit.

Not in the Che House. We bash our skulls together. Brandon got a bracelet. I thought we were getting into the all 22 segment. I thought we did that already. Oh, yeah. Frank led us into the bracelet segment. Yeah.

Okay. Speaking of all 22. Yeah. Appropriate what I said. Okay. I got you. Speaking of 22. Yeah.

Let's get into this next one. You'll figure out why I said that real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you didn't know that the all 22 had a community, Caleb. The all 22 people online. That's a community.

How big of people, how big is it? It's not huge. Low hundreds, maybe 200 people. What do you guys talk about? You know, you know what they talk about? What do you guys talk about? You know what they talk about.

What do you guys, like, you know exactly what they talk about. You say, I really think this guy has good, a good knee bend, or what do you say? Yeah,

people put out tape of the teams that they follow, and then some people comment and share and things like that. Are there any idiot ones? There has to be. That's what I was about to ask. Who's the worst at tape? There's always idiots in every group. Someone who's trash at it,

how do you know? Like, what do they do wrong? Even if everyone's geniuses, there has to be in every group. Someone who's trash at it. How do you know? What do they do wrong? Even if everyone's geniuses, there has to be the dumbest. Someone has to be the dumbest. I mean, everyone starts somewhere. What's the first step? One guy recently took a tape of an offensive lineman jump setting. He's like, I've never seen an offensive lineman sit like this ever.

I had to explain to him what a jump set was. Did you dunk on his ass? I wasn't trying to be an asshole about it. Did you do it via Twitter or how do you do it? Twitter. Did he send this video to you? He posted it. Or you just saw it so you didn't have to necessarily criticize him. The community would know.

The community would frown on you. You helped him out. The guy who was criticizing was a buccaneer who gets a lot of criticism. So I felt like it was unjust. So I wanted to kind of defend him and be like, actually, this is great here. You picked up the sword. I understand. That makes a lot of sense.

That's a job in a community that I just didn't know existed. Another one that I didn't really know shit about? Copywriting. Caleb, you know what the fuck a copywriter does? Exactly. I had no fucking idea. Then just to find out that Brandon Walker was copywriting the whole time. Is that illegal?

I don't know. He might have been infringing with his copywriting. There might have been something negative that he had going on. What does it mean? Explain what it means, KB. Copywriting is just writing copy. It's pretty literal. Yeah.

You write copy for ads and I guess speeches. But are you writing? You're just basically, it's like you get detention and you are you write it you're just basically there's it's like there's a tension there's like you have to write the same thing a hundred times kind of yeah or maybe just you don't have to write if you do it once you can just copy and paste copyright so if like yum exclamation point is on like a yogurt then that's that someone had to write that someone had to write yum with an exclamation point. So technically that was their job. Or like Campbell's Soup, like mmm mmm good.

They probably photocopied the first mmm and just flipped it over. But at the same time someone wrote it out. Someone had to use their brain to write that. And they're probably rich. And Brandon, it turns out, until two months ago, was writing speeches for the CEO of some Fortune 500 company in fucking Atlanta. Until two months ago. Like when we knew him? Yeah.

He was overlapping careers. No wonder he was so stressed out. He's trying to fucking... We thought it was Coca-Cola, but he said it definitely wasn't Coca-Cola. He did say it was Atlanta-based. And there's only so many Fortune 500 companies. Chick-fil-A maybe. He lost his job due to the pandemic. Did he say his job? Oh, that's why he lost his job? Well, I think so because, you know, sales slowing

down, making cutbacks. Wait, so when he's writing these speeches, he's coming up with what the CEO is saying? Yeah. Is that copyrighted? He said it was copyrighted. He's speech writing. How does he know anything about this industry?

It would have to be Chick-fil-A. It has to be Chick-fil-A. It's the only one he can speak with dexterity about. That's his dream. It makes a lot of sense, though, because he said his dream in life is to own a Chick-fil-A franchise. But if he was the copywriter for the guy, he would be able to own the franchise. They're exclusionary, but if you're in the fucking family, you're in the family. But maybe he's working his way up. He's starting as the it's like i can't see it

what are you trying to show us yeah are you looking at fortune 500 companies in atlanta because i don't care if we say it yeah home depot ups delta okay i can see all those yeah home depot ups and he looks like how Home Depot smells. I always thought he was more of a low man. He's more of a Lowe's guy. He looks like how Lowe's would taste. He would fucking be wearing a Lowe's smock around the house when he's making French toast in the morning. This is Brandon talking about the copywriting shit. Listen to this clip and see if there's any clues that he drops. Whether it's Lowe's.

Home Depot. Fucking. What did you say? Cracker Barrel. What else were the other ones? It could be Cracker Barrel. Leave a five star review with your guess. Yes.

And we'll read some next week. That's a good call. Leave a five star review with your guess. And we will read it next week. Hopefully in front of Brandon. What is a copywriting gig? What do copywriters do? You write copy.

You write copy. What is copy? Yeah, you write. Any of the words. Anything that people read. Any textual advertisements. Any textual advertisements? Is it the copyright?

Or spoken. Oh, can you copyright what you've copywritten? Copyright is... You also write statements for people. That's a different type of copyright. That's copywriting. So what's PR then? You copywrote, didn't you?

No, you were a newspaper. I just lost my copywriting job two months ago. Oh, well there you go. I was writing speeches for our CEO down in Atlanta. Fuck yes. For real? Yeah. What?

I was doing that on the side. I knew that. Yeah. And it was a significant hit. I had that job for years. How many were you writing? Do you have a best of? Do you have a speech? No, I wrote speeches for

a CEO of a company in Atlanta. But if I asked you for a best of, don't do that of Coca-Cola. Yeah, Coca-Cola. He was making millions of dollars. Brandon was the EVP of Coca-Cola. No, it wasn't. It wasn't as big as Coca-Cola,

but it was a big company. Did they know there was other options? They did. God damn it, Owen. I wrote. I was a sports writer. I was a newspaper writer. I was the editor of newspapers.

I ran newspapers. He was a very important person. Did that cut into B90X? That was a sports writer. I was a newspaper writer. I was the editor of newspapers. I ran newspapers. He's a very important person. Did that cut into B90X? That was a part of B90X. Yeah. Wait, can I ask you? Interesting. Do you have a best of?

No. Could you take out all clues to who it was for? Could we read one? Like a template. I would very much like to not cross-pollinate with that world to this world. What about an unused one? I didn't stop it. The company got rid of the-

What about writing one for us? Oh, recently fired CEOs. Okay. Zodiac. I don't really- I would like to leave the copywriting in the past. I would like you to copyright us something. Yeah.

What do you want me to write? A statement about KB transitioning Sl creeds. He's the one that writes the Kreb children. I write creeds. That's where I start and end. Totally different. It's uncopyable. I don't want to write copy. Who are you copying?

You don't copy anybody. You do it out of your noggin, your brain, your expertise. I would like a copy written. Copywriting sounds like bullshit. Oh, it is. It is. So how do you convince someone to gig? It sounds like a copy written. Copywriting sounds like bullshit. Oh, it is. It is. So how do you convince someone to do that? It sounds like an awesome gig.

How do you get someone to convince you to do that? Like, what do you show them to be like, I can write your speeches for you? And how dumb are they that they're like, I need someone to write. I was in newspapers for a very long time. I made contacts with people that needed things written. How many words have you written? Millions. Whoa. That's a fuck ton. Colby. have you written? Millions. Whoa.

That's a fuck ton. Colby. Shitload of words, dude. You wrote, so how long did you write for a newspaper? 15 years. Woo. Damn. You ever dictate?

Very little dictate. One time I had to dictate because I ran out of gas. Did you think we were mocking you when we did newspaper week? No, I actually enjoyed it. That's coming up, by the way. Last week, February, right? New strain of the coronavirus, too, to mock. We'll mock the shit out of that new strain.

B-11. Whatever. What is it? It will be the death. B-11? I don't know. B-11? Is that what they're calling it?

Something like that. That's a little close. SC-12? SC-14? SC-14. Brandon also came up with some other shit this week, other than fucking outing himself as a copywriter. The Belupa.

Do you know what the Belupa is, Caleb? What is it? Tell him, KB. Tell him, KB. It's a Chalupa, but with bologna as the, what is it, the shell? The shell. It's like a taco. I'll be damned if he came up with it.

He didn't even know it existed. Yeah, he had a random lunch from his wife. His wife is packing lunches, which also makes me think that he lost the job because of the pandemic. His wife's packing lunches now or something like that. But she gave him basically a bologna taco. It was five layers.

No, it was more lasagna because it was bologna, cheese, bologna, cheese, bologna wrapped up was five layers it was no it's more lasagna because it was bologna cheese bologna cheese bologna wrapped up in a handheld shell shaped like a taco it was it was just raw meat no but it was cooked i thought together i think i thought it was cooked it was meat thrown together was it cooked owen owen touched it i've never i never eaten something when i had to hold meat have you guys ever seen what bologna looks like when it's not sliced? No. It's a loaf, right? You're talking about the loaf?

Yeah, it's not good. Isn't it like pink slime? It's like the shit that hot dogs are made out of. It looks like soft serve poop. Soft serve poop. It kind of looks like soft serve poop. But we had belupas. I mean, we're not even there yet.

This is just the introduction of belupas let's listen to it listen to that did you realize when you were i saw that video of your new year's resolution it was crazy because you were like i'm gonna lose weight i was holding a donut yeah yeah well i i only had the idea at the time it wasn't in practice and then i put it into practice once we got on the break damn yeah my Yeah. My wife makes my lunches now. I have a lunchbox. What do you have? I don't know what's in there today.

I haven't had it yet. How have you? And you haven't looked? I've been on the fucking radios. I've been on shows since 1130. BIDX, BIDX, yeah. So what is it? Go get it.

No, fuck no. He's not punching my lunch. Let him punch your sandwich. Let him punch your sandwich. He's not punching my lunch. I'll buy you lunch if you let me punch your sandwich. No, no. It's punch your sandwich. Let him punch your sandwich. He's not punching my lunch. I'll buy you lunch if you let KB punch your sandwich. No, no. It's not a sandwich.

Don't go get my lunch. Get it. Owen's going to get it. Owen's getting it. Don't get my lunch. Do not mess with my lunch. We're not going to mess with your lunch. I want an unboxing.

We want to see if your lunch is man enough to take on KB in a fight. What kind of bread are you wearing? Not ciabatta, right? No, I don't have a sandwich. Is it a nice hard semolina? He'll punch your soup. He will punch your soup. Don't punch my soup.

He'll punch your soup. I don't know what it is. I will punch your soup. I have no idea what's in it. So then we'll do an unboxing. Right. Let me unbox it. Do not fuck with my lunch.

It's an unboxing boxing. Do not fuck with my lunch. KB's going to punch it after we unbox it. A little fruit punch? What if... Okay, we guess what's in it, and if we're correct, it gets we unbox it. A little fruit punch? Okay, we guess what's in it, and if we're correct, it gets punched. Correct. Oh, no. I don't want to eat my lunch.

My wife will eat my lunch for me. Good rule. Thank you. All right. We'll just go over here. Do not take my lunch. Let me have it first. No, Owen's going to unbox it.

That's my lunchbox. That's a cute lunchbox. All right, unbox it, Owen. Hold on. I have three kids under the age of eight. a cute lunchbox. All right, unbox it. Hold on, no, no. I have three kids under the age of eight. All right, guesses. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Guesses.

Don't open it. Don't open it. Don't open it. Do you have any clues? You have no idea what it is. All right, fine. I know what the protein probably is. Turkey.

Don't say it. Don't say it. It's turkey. Don't say it. Don't say it. It's turkey. He's trying to be healthy this year. It wouldn't be ham.

It wouldn't be salami or Italian. It's got to be a sandwich. It's got to Don't say it. It's turkey. He's trying to be healthy this year. It wouldn't be ham. It wouldn't be salami or Italian. It's got to be a sandwich. It's got to be a sandwich and. It's obviously sandwich and. I'm going to say a turkey wrap. No way. No way. He wouldn't.

He wouldn't touch that. Why? Because he's a sandwich man. Yeah, exactly. You're not going to eat a turkey wrap? I'm not eating a wrap. All right. If it's a turkey wrap, then KB can punch it.

If it's a turkey wrap, he can punch it. Is it bologna? No, no, no. Wait, go ahead. I just said my guess. There's bologna in my house. It's a turkey sandwich. It's a turkey sandwich and a bag of, no, no.

Chicken, chicken. Like a Ziploc bag of pretzels or chips. No, don't shake the lunch. Oh, he doesn't want us to shake it. Throw it from a height no lower than four feet. No. No, no, no. Don't drop that.

Because there's chicken noodle soup in there. Oh, okay. KB, your guess? What am I guessing? What is it? Rowan's got turkey sandwich. I got turkey wrap. Nick's got chicken noodle soup.

Ham and cheese. Okay. On wheat. Colby? I don't know what it is, but it's going to turn into a knuckle sandwich. Oh. Oh, so now here's what you got to do, Owen. You got to close your eyes.

Ding him. Ding himself. Owen's got to close his eyes and take one bite. No. And then you tell us what it is. What was that? I don't like that. Okay. Oh. Did you just combine everything in there? Oh, it smashed. What was that? Okay.

Oh, my gosh. Did you just combine everything in there? Oh, it smashed. It's a container. You smashed. Owen, what do you feel in one hand? Okay, plastic bag. That's probably the sauce. That's the sauce?

There's a bag of sauce? Oh, yeah. Dip your pinky in. It's a bag of sauce. It's a bag of sauce. Dip your pinky in. This is ranch dressing in a Ziploc. Wait, it's loose. It's a bag of sauce. It's a bag of sauce. Dip your pinky in. This is ranch dressing in a Ziploc. Wait, it's loose.

It's loose. He's eating something. He's eating something. What is it, Owen? That's mixed greens. Okay, mixed greens. Oh, salad dressing. No, there's another bag of sauce.

You said bags of liquid. Are there two bags of sauce? I've never seen anything like this. What is that second bag, Brandon? A bag of mushrooms. Yeah, it's a bag of marinated mushrooms. God damn it. Is this a turkey wrap?

Put it down. It's just raw meat. It's just a loose turkey. He just touched all this loose turkey with his hands. It's a raw meat. Did you use bologna as the wrap? It's a bologna taco. Bring it over to Brandon.

That's exactly what it is. Bring it over to Brandon. No joke. Post a picture of that and ask what that is. No one knows what this is. Do not make fun of my wife. No one does. It's a bologna taco.

What is it? Is it a bologna taco? It's a bologna taco. It's indistinguishable. It's indistinguishable. It's a bologna taco. Snap a pictureistinguishable. It's indistinguishable. It's a bologna taco. Snap a picture of that. What is it?

I don't know. It's fried bologna wrapped around cheese. That's what I like to eat. But more bologna inside. And more bologna on the inside. There's bologna on bologna. It's a bologna shell with bologna. It's a double bologna.

Do you not get a picture of this? It's a fried bologna with unfried bologna. We're talking about it on the radio. We will need to see that. With a salad. That actually looks good. With a salad. That actually looks good. With a salad. And it's also very healthy.

Who ordered the bologna taco with a bag of ranch? But this is actually. I don't like this. This is a bridge too far. No, this isn't making fun of your wife. This is actually making fun of you because you're eating healthy. You want this. It's a bologna taco with a side of ranch.

I didn't make the fucking lunch. But you're like, I want to eat healthy this year. I don't think it's. It looks like ranch. It's keto. It is. You don't. What is it?

Caesar? I don't know. Is it keto? Poppy seed? Yeah. Everything that I'm eating is out of this keto cookbook she got. Hell yes. All right.

I'm going to do it with you. Can you bring two lunches tomorrow? Yeah. I'll eat one. All right. What? Yeah. I'll eat one. What? I will eat whatever you bring tomorrow. Fried bologna is good. It's one of my favorite foods.

I also guessed bologna. You did? I wanted to say that Owen was right on point with that. Owen did just guess bologna. I would like to have keto lunch one day. All right. Well, I brought you lunch before. Yeah, I know.

It's delicious. Your wife's stew that she makes is the best. It is. It's incredible. All right. There we go. I'm having know. It's delicious. Your wife's stew that she makes is the best. It is. It's incredible. Alright, there we go. I'm having a bologna taco. From now on, we're going to do a guest Brandon's lunch. It's a chalupa. It's a bologna chalupa.

I actually really want to try it. I want a bologna. A bologna is a great name. It's open a food truck where we just sell bolognas on a stick. You just queef in Belupa. It's open a food truck where we just sell Belupas on a stick. You just queef in your face. Here's your Belupa. Here's your Belupa.

One Belupa coming up. All right, let's take a break. Brandon, you can eat your lunch. I'm going to go put it back. Can I touch it? Just touch it like an artist. You can't touch it. It would be hard to punch a bologna, a belupa.

I want to do martial arts on it. It's elusive. It'll probably slip a punch. Can you at least do this, Brandon? Can you ask your wife, who is lovely, I've met her, can you ask her to please bring at least once a week a lunch that KB can punch? Yes. Okay, because then at least it gets his aggression out.

A cheese board. Yeah, just let him have a punching lunch. A punchable cheese board. That's just for him to destroy. From now on, you can punch. I'll bring you a punchable lunch. Punch a lunch. Okay.

And a dessert. I want to punch a cookie cake. Let him punch the dessert. So we just listened to that. Yeah, we sure did, brother. And we got more news for you motherfuckers. Caleb, especially you, because you're going to have to change your life because of this. You're going to have to grow a goatee.

Oh, he didn't even know. Okay. Okay? And what is it? We're going grow a goatee oh he didn't even know okay okay man what is it we're gonna have goatee week uh it's basically to intimidate owens landlords but also just one of the perks unity so we just want to look like a third baseman from the mid-90s fucking we just want to get some goatees in our life say less ken caminetti type vibes caminetti type vibes it's understood doesn't Rich or really a shit.

Rich or really a type shit. We want to have just at the end whatever happens with this show. We literally don't even know. We currently do not know. Yeah, stop asking us. But there's going to be

a week towards the 19th where we all try and do goatee. Get goated. So, um, just start growing your shit out.

Done. This is that segment. Me too. I already have one. Uh, Nick, what's your new year's resolution friend? Oh,

I don't have one. You have a result. We heard that you had one. You said you wanted to eat more pussy. I want to eat more pussy, yeah. But I want something attainable because I ate a ton of pussy last year. Well, you can always eat more. No, I can't.

No, I was filled to the brim. Every waking moment. No, yeah. I was just like, oh, my pussy. You couldn't go swimming for two days. No, I was just like sitting on my couch Rubbing my stomach Just You know how when you

Eat a lot of pussy You get like tired Yeah Yeah Sluggish Yeah I pass out No that's actually

An urban myth though That's just cause All the calories In pussy You just get bogged down I've sloshed like Nine times I burped

And everybody's like Oh Nick How much pussy Did you just have Juice dripping Out of your face Pussy juice Yeah I'm gonna try But uh Yeah Tall task It's like, oh, Nick, how much pussy did you just have? Juice dripping down the side of your face. Pussy juice.

Yeah, I'm going to try, but yeah. Tall task. I just have a poster of Michael Douglas above my bed. Junior Soprano. These are my heroes. Shoot for the moon, man. What is your resolution, Nick? I don't have one.

You just don't believe in it? It's lame. I haven't thought about it. That's lame. You're not into betterment? Yeah, better yourself, dude. Why don't you guys pick one for me? Okay. Less pussy. Deals off. I want a goatee.

Wow. No, for him. Yeah, no, I know. I knew what you were saying. You want me to have a goatee? I knew what you were saying. I also want Nick to have a goatee. I want something similar. I want no tea. Wait.

No tea all year. I want you to make a change. Take off your hat. Take off your hat. I think it'll be good. Turn around. I would like a goatee and a rat tail. Oh, yeah.

All right, fine. I think you would look awesome. And a transition. You want me to transition? That's a lot. No, I want a goatee. I want you to have a goatee. That would be very funny.

Yeah, I've thought about it. Do it. In what context did you think about it? Well, when it comes to eating pussy. It keeps the cheeks streamlined for the thighs. Should we all do goatees? Yeah, we should. You want to do goatees? Yeah, we should. You want to do goatee week next week?

Yeah, I do. I can't get there. Yeah, Brandon's going to need a minute. I'm going to need a little bit. You guys can go ahead and do it. I'll catch up. How much time do you need? I would need a month.

A little tip for you, Brandon. If you use Just For Men Jet Black, it makes your beard look thicker. But I actually have to have a beard to be able to dye the beard. No, just put it all over your face. Here's what we're going to do. Jet Black is your blonde hair. I don't know where I'm totally speaking out of turn. I do not know any inside information about the future of this show on Sirius.

But if it were to end, it would be sometime in the third week of January. I think we've got to be ready to end with all goatees. Yeah. Come out how we came in. Yes. Goat it up. So everyone start prepping their goatees. All right.

You need to not shave. I'll do my best. I'll do my best. Not shave. Dramatic early 2000s graduation montage. But we all have goatees. Yeah. I think 2000s graduation montage. But we all have goatees. Yeah, I think for an entire week we should all have goatees. Maybe that will be like our protest to save the yak on cereal.

You're going to be doing jumpsuit January and goatee week on the same. It's terrible. You're going to be a man out of time. Yeah. Okay. Goatee. So what's today's date? So do you want me to rat tail, though?

Today's the 5th. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You individually will rat tail. I'll rat tail. You think you could pull one off? No. Yes. The 5th.

But I'll do it. 8th. Yeah. We got two weeks. 15. Yeah. Okay. All right.

So this. You could grow one. 17. With just for me. No. 15th. No, but look what you're saying. All right. So this – You could grow one. 17? With just for men. No. 15th? No, but look what you're saying. You're thinking of a soul patch, Caleb.

What's a goatee? The whole thing. I've never heard that question. I know. Yeah, yeah. You were the first person to ever ask what's a goatee. Yeah, that's right. The goatee can have the little –

Soul patch? Yeah, that's optional. Soul patch. Yeah. Goatee is have the little... Soul patch? Yeah, that's optional. Soul patch. Yeah, soul patch. Goatee is the whole chin. It's like a circle. But I think we should all rock the same genre. Of goatee?

Yeah. Who's a famous... Who comes to your mind when you think of goatees? The pitcher who pitched to Henry Rowan Gartner. He had a goatee? Here, look. Here's Ken Caminiti, dude. That's the goatee. I haven't even thought of Ken Caminiti, dude. That's the goatee.

I haven't even thought of Ken Caminiti in 18 years. You weren't lying. But that's the fucking goatee-est goatee I've ever... Stop what you're doing. It's all baseball players coming like that. You were right about it. What a good call. A lot of baseball players exclusively wear goatees.

It makes it all that much funnier. It wasn't... Well, McGuire had one. But it was a McGuire adjacent that had a better one. Hmm. Who's even McGuire adjacent? Bonds? Conseco?

No. Not that, like, looks wise. You know, the Conseco-Billy football fight is looking like it's going to happen. Really?

Isn't that crazy? What makes you say that? Like, Conseco's in, and Billy's training, like it's going to happen. And where is that? It's in West Virginia, right?

For the Super Bowl. Do you guys know where it is? Nah. You don't know? I would know where it is if you told me where it was, but I'm not going to get invited. We can't tell them. We can't tell them. But you know how every year we go to the Super Bowl as a company?

We should go to West Virginia and do live radio for the whole week from West Virginia. So far. It'd be sick. Are we going to the Super Bowl? I don't know. I don't know. I think if the Bills go, if the Bills are in. Or if the Bucks go, probably.

All of us will go? I don't know. Is there an option for live radio for the week from there? I have no idea. Tampa is allowing fans, though. I've heard Tampa is the most open city in the United States of America right now. It's crazy.

Florida. I heard that Florida, yeah, it is. Florida's the most open state, and Tampa's the most open city in that state. Tampa is... All I know is I will never get invited, no matter how many people get to go from Barstool. The part of my takes meme account guy

will go before me. It's true. Bailey and Reggie went to Dallas in his first week. You've been grinding content. Yeah. You're never going to go. Yeah. It sucks.

It's some bullshit. Those trips are more stress than they are anything. That's what everyone says. It's not even about that. It's just I want to go. It sucks. It's some bullshit. Those trips are more stress than they are anything. That's what everyone says. It's not even about that. It's just I want to go. They're really fun. I know I won't enjoy it. Remember the first time we went to West Virginia and we went to that place with Dave

and Frankie and YP and they went up to the second floor and they gave us titty milk. That didn't sound good to you? That didn't sound alluring? and they went up to the second floor and they get this titty milk. No. You don't like that? That didn't sound good to you? That didn't sound alluring? No.

That sounds like some shit up your alley, KB. If you would have dropped the part about the second floor, would you have been in? Yeah. Like if that all happened on one floor. If it was me, YP, and Dave, good titty milk, but it was on the morning sun.

No titty milk. Just one floor. What about a split level? What if it was a split level? That could maybe work. This next clip is about Balupa Day. Yeah. So that was a clip about Balupa Day.

This next shit, Caleb, I've been working on some impressions for this year. Some good ones. Let's hear them. Yeah. Well, I guess, yeah, let's hear him. We'll jump right into the clip. Caliendo type shit. Yeah, I'm on my Molinaro.

Something Molinaro would do. I'm on my Molinaro. I'll do an impression of a waiter. Yeah. A Dion waiter. Well, this one, it's a little bit more fringe. Yeah, it's not. It's niche.

It's an alt impression. So check this shit out. I have been working on two new accents, though, to try and start out the new year. One of them is like a really emotional British guy with a lisp who just did really well in the Great British Bake Off. Okay. Like, I'm my grandma. I just needed to call my grandma. That's the one.

Wait. Can British people have lisps? I've never heard it. They definitely can. Now I think they can. I'm pretty certain that they can. He's just so overwhelmed about it. I'm so overwhelmed.

And the other one is this Eastern European woman who doesn't know about any American traditions but is really stuck up and doesn't want to do any housework. I don't really know any scenarios she would be in, but I've been watching a lot of 90 Day Fiancé, so I'm trying to nail it down. Yeah, we'll just try.

French toast is... What is this French toast? I need to work on it. What scenario is that? That was the French toast is What is this French toast? I need to work on it What scenario is that? That was the French toast Someone's like Trying to tell her To make French toast

But she like Doesn't want to make it I really need to work On that one But it's like That's a hope for me For this year I like that

I'd nail that one down Do you guys have Do you guys have Any other accents Or New Year's resolutions You're working on? Owen I thought you had The one accent that you were working on. For sure didn't.

Was that Nick had an accent? Yeah, what was it? Nah, it's not me. Not Nick either. Always has. That's my Nick accent. That was good. That was pretty good.

Are British people deaf ever? I'm trying to... Bro, why don't you try that one out? Don't pick that one out. But can Eastern European people be deaf? I don't think Eastern European people can be deaf. What if you took an American person never no British in them,

and just showed them British media? A deaf person. Would it come out British? When they tried to speak? Wait, you're showing an American person British? Man, you're really stretching it here. I think it's a British person watches... A British person with...

A British person with a lisp who's deaf also. I'm really trying to close my eyes and put... I'm really trying to put myself in it. You know what? It's really not coming out that good. I love that.

It actually is tough. I'm going to work on it, though. I'm going to put the whole week in and I'm going to put the whole week in, and I'm going to come back to you around Tuesday of next week, hopefully with a little more thunder on that one. Where's Roan been? He's working on his deaf British accent. Staring in the mirror.

Falling back on an accent. Would you do method acting for that, you think? It's really just I've got to watch the great British bake-off over and over and over again. And it puts you in the right mindset. So that's where 100% of your British accents come from? They have every type, though, on there. Actually, I learned a bunch in Battle Rap,

but there's like, they have every flavor of British accent on the Great British Bake Off. It's American Sign Language. Is there British Sign Language? Are their nails just janky? Just real yellow nails?

I think so. Is that a British thing? One of the letters or sounds requires color on a nail to make it. With color is an accent. British people have notoriously disgusting nails. Gross nails.

Teeth, right? Terrible teeth, terrible nails. From the inbreeding. Their faces are, they're either very model hot or just creatures. I think it depends on which soccer team they root for. Yes. Which were the model hot British people? That's Man U.

The ones I run around Your lads, those are your lads You type well in a British accent, KB Yeah, you do I don't know what that means You know what that means When you type like British response

I'm just farming that I don't do it myself Oh, fuck Never mind, rescinded then Well, I mean, you call them lads I'm just farming that. I don't do it myself. Oh, fuck. Never mind. Rescinded then. Well, I mean, you call them lads. That's good.

That's good. That's good British accent typing. What? What? He's good friends with Chris Sims. He's friends with Chris Sims. When and where? In the office. We used to have very few people in the office.

He's the type of guy. What made him better than the average catch player? Good at throwing.