The Yak - Brandon Gets His Revenge | The Yak 3-29-22

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Brandon is backYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Let's yak. Hello, boys. Big Cat, good to see you, brother. Good to see you, Roan. Good to see you. The vibes are a little off.

Yeah, why? Is someone still smarting? Is someone still upset about the slap? If anyone should be upset, it's KB. This is good. I feel like the slap wheel kind of, you know, reset everything, let some

tension cathartic. We were too comfortable around each other. I think it built tension. Look at Brandon staring through the soul of KB like he's Stone Cold Steve Austin. I think this show is best if none of us fuck with each other. We don't like each other. Let's run it back. I'm down.

I think we're all down, right, Brandon? I don't think so soon we should. I think it's something that probably needs to breathe a little bit. Why? I think it needs breath. I think it needs air in its lungs. My hypothesis was that you got home and your family did not like seeing you get slapped. Yeah.

Your wife, it's the reverse Will Smith. was that you got home and your family did not like seeing you get slapped. Yeah. Your wife, it's the reverse Will Smith. Where my wife is the one that's going to start. Your wife is going to come in and start brutalizing KB with jokes on your behalf. A full reversal. I'll accept. No, I don't know. My wife's not bald, though, and she's got absolutely massive jugs. I'd have to really go into the chamber to get some good roasts.

I don't think I could roast your what? Bit roast, yes. But roasts? No can do. I think you've shamed the Walker house. And I understand that, and I understand how that would be the case. And I guess to an extent i feel bad no to an extent yeah because i know because you still did it mental it was still like went back to the well three times on his face irreversible trauma that might have

this is like i feel like the show now is um like a couple that goes to a swingers party and they're like we're safe together like we we're in on this, right? Then you look over and your wife's getting railed and now you're all jealous. Like we were all in on the slap, no feelings, just slaps. And people caught feelings. KB gave you the hypothetical 13-inch cock of slap. Yeah, right. And you walked away being like, wait, I don't think I like this.

That was too big, yeah. I couldn't handle that cock. Yeah, you. And you walked away being like, wait, I don't think I like this. That was too big, yeah. I couldn't handle that cock. Yeah, you couldn't. It was fine. I'm good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying if the wheel came up slapped today, it would be a poor idea. Why?

I don't know. I think we discussed. I need to get slapped. Every time there's something magical that happens, like the slap. What an incredible edit. That shit made me so happy. Your Instagram story yesterday of it just being the slap in a video 20 times in a row, and then that same video three times in a row.

Yeah, four straight stories. Taught KB how to edit. What app do you have? I use a Splice app. Yeah. I wanted to use the fart sound effects so bad, but I didn't think it was necessary. Oh, funny on its own.

Where's Owen? Where's the baby boy? The baby boy was up late doing work for us. Maybe we bring in that guy. Was he? He's cool. He looks cool. Co-worker.

Asian Owen. Co-worker. Asian Owen. Co-worker. Yeah, he looks fly. Billy! No, I just need my coffee. Billy, you going green tea? Billy went green tea. He's trying to shit it out.

I feel like coffee makes me shit more than GT. Really? Fuck green tea. Steven, how are you feeling after this slap? I feel like you're the reverse of Brandon where you're like, that was awesome. That was just boys being boys. You're right. I feel great. I'm ready to

go again. Also, Brandon, you slapped three people yesterday? No, I took care of my guys. I took care of my guys. I know, but why are you the last guy? I made a loud noise on your face, but I bet it didn't hurt. Brandon had the best slap. No, I mean, it was a perfect slap.

It was good force. Did you have to slap KB? At a pro wrestling. No, I don't want to slap anybody. And I don't even have any ill feelings. Y'all are just doing this for content. I didn't actually say anything about this, except for that one text in the group text.

I think he just might be intimidated by TJ's mom. Ooh. What did she say? What happened there? Didn't like slapping TJ. She said she was going intimidated by TJ's mom. Ooh. What did she say? What happened there? Didn't like slapping TJ. She said she was going to kick Brandon's ass. Oh, no. You take a little bit too much glee in it.

She's from Brooklyn. Oh, you're a dead man. You guys know those videos where they, like, spin the bottle, and then they throw eggs at each other as everyone runs away? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do that with a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. I want to do that with a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, okay. You just want to kill. Maybe not. Maybe only legs. Small caliber man, large caliber, or no. What's the fucking- Can you pull up one of those videos, TJ, that you're talking about? Like a small bullet. Yeah, or maybe we do rubber bullets or tasers.

Oh, yeah. Well, tasers would be too far away, but a rubber bullet, I think, could work. Like crowd control or tear gas. Oh, yeah. Well, tasers would be too far away, but a rubber bullet, I think, could work. Like crowd control or tear gas. Tear gas. BB guns stopped getting playing time as soon as the Razor scooters came out. That's true. Did you notice that? Totally replaced them.

They repurposed them. They don't go hand in hand. There's not really any correlation to those two activities, but it was an abrupt... Yeah, if you saw a sales chart, it's like Razor Scooters taking off BB guns. Maybe we could whip Razor Scooters into each other's shins. Or something like that. I want to play this with a gun.

How funny would that be? Dude, look how slow that bottle's moving. Or actually, you know what? Let's not do a gun, because that's probably too dangerous. Oh! Why not just do the actual glass bottle? No.

Oh, shit. That's awesome. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Like you should just chuck the glass bottle at someone at their head. We got to play this. That's an egg.

Yeah. Oh, eggs hurt more than you think. We got to play this. That's an egg? Yeah. Ooh. Eggs hurt more than you think. We got to play this. I want to play that now. Me too. Can we play it? Let's play it. We have bananas in there.

We don't have anywhere to run. We could throw a banana. We could run down the hallway. Yeah, we could. Let's do it in the street. Want to try doing it in the street? Yeah, go remote. Yeah, I would.

I don't know. I would too. We could throw that? Go remote. Yeah, I would. I don't know that we would, too. We'd have the street. No, we would. The thrower would make sure that it would hit somebody or not a car during a red light. Yeah, at the end of the show, let's go. I know a street that we can go where there's no traffic. How many rounds?

Let's just play one round. Five rounds. Let's play a round for everyone. Let's get six eggs. Five rounds. Wait, are we getting actual eggs? Yeah. We need eggs. We need eggs.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. What? That's just eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Just find someone to get eggs. That was just a croquet ball. Yeah. Or maybe we need a field. Maybe we don't do it today.

Let's do it, though. We should have a field day. Oh, yeah, we should have a field day. Should we do it in the office? I don't think we can do it in the office. Why couldn't we do it in the office? There have a field day. Oh, yeah, we should have a field day. Should we do it in the office? I don't think we can do it in the office. Why couldn't we do it in the office? There's nowhere to run. On the hallway?

It's a little narrow. What about upstairs in the new area? Let's spin the wheel. Also, we'd be throwing an egg in the office if we missed. Well, that's happening. I'm not worried about that. Upstairs does have wide open areas. How wide open?

Pretty wide open. How wide open? There's that one big empty room. We don't have to run in a straight line we could go serpentine we couldn't go serpentine why we could go serpentine maybe we add this to our basketball game yeah make it a field day oh yeah yeah okay so basketball court is wide open put it on the list a sack race sack race wheelbarrow race yep what's the one where you're tied to each other three-legged race Because a basketball court is wide open. Put it on the list. A sack race. Sack race. Wheelbarrow race. Yep.

What's the one where you're tied to each other? Three-legged race. Yeah, we'll just hit all those out. We'll just knock them all out. Mm-hmm. At once. All right, we're going to do this. We've got a lot going on.

I like this. I've always wanted to play that game, and I am down to do it in a more deadly... Like, the bottle would be funny if you just got bottled. Let's do cactuses. Oh! I don't know. KB might kvetch over it for three years straight. Yeah, yeah.

I like how we just had... It was the pain that got to me and not the principle of the situation. It was, no, it was the principle that got to you because it wasn't painful at all. I like that we just had a day where we did a slap wheel, and there's awkward tension, so what are we going to do? Just add more dangerous things. I'd like to point out there is no awkward tension at all. What if it was all like five different fruits? I am fine.

I was fine. Oh, you get to pick up a fruit. Yeah, you pick your fruit. I think you need to slap KB. I'm not going to slap KB. I think you need to slap KB. I have no desire to slap KB. We had rules of the game.

I lost the championship game. He slapped me. Would you say we're gaslighting you right now? I don't think so. I don't know what that is. I see it all the time, and I do not know what gaslighting is. Not real. No, that's gaslighting.

You're very mad about KB right now. I'm not. That's gaslighting. How? I'm gaslighting? No, no, you're being gaslighted. I'm gaslighting you. Oh, you're being gaslit. I'm gaslighting you. Oh, you're telling me something.

I'm telling you how you're feeling, even though you're not feeling that way, and then eventually you're going to start feeling that way because I keep telling you it. Okay. And you're going to get more and more angry because I'm telling you it, but now your anger is more about me, not KB, but people can't decipher which one it's about. I want us to revel in other people slapping each other. I think we should get champions. I like Brandon's idea of having people slap for tribute.

We have some real good champions in this office. Billy's mine. Showcase their skills. No, I think people have to volunteer to fight as tribute for you, so you can't choose your champion. I would make Billy volunteer. It's all right. Let's all draft somebody.

What if we all went out and got a woman to slap on our behalf? To slap you. Like if I got a woman to slap... I would love to get slapped by a multitude of women. Beeman? If she wants to. Alright, maybe we could do a side main event. I don't think they would. I think they would give me some weak-ass slaps. Ebony asked me

yesterday if she can come in. Ebony doesn't count. Nope, nope, nope. Ebony would punch. But I think getting Beeman and Mackenzie to just slap the shit out of you right now to kind of quell Brandon's. I don't think they would. I think they would be.

Why don't you go ask them? Why don't you just go ask them? I think I could get Beeman to slap. If Beeman and Mackenzie. Let's do that. Let's do that. And any other woman. If Kate.

Okay, so why don't we spin the wheel and we'll each be assigned a woman that will slap us. I want to get slapped five times real fast. As a side thing, KB should get slapped for being the champion. Yeah, you just want to get slapped by a woman. And then we can have the people fighting slapping as a tribute, as its own thing.

You're sad that you didn't get the feeling of getting slapped. Yes. That's where it's coming from. Anyone, not Fasoli. I'll kill him. He would just smile in your face. Let's get just the next person. Blatman's got a female ass.

Kill him. I'll kill him. He'll kill Blatman. Go get Beeman in. Wait, wasn't there like a new hire orientation yesterday? We have some first base. I would like a new hire to slap me. Come down and slap Kyle. Get somebody you've never seen in your life. I want like a new hire to slap me. Come down and slap Kyle.

Get somebody you've never seen in your life. I want someone who feels very uncomfortable. What's our hypothesis? Will somebody that knows you better slap you harder, or will the new person slap you harder? You need to make it scientific. Can we get when Beeman comes on on the 90s sitcoms

when the girl would walk in and she walks in. She is a bit character in the Yak universe. That would be kind of funny. There's definitely some 14-year-old Yak listeners

who got a big time crush on Beeman. Do you think it's the same as when Michael Rapaport used to go on Friends? It's like the same level of character? We don't say that. I'm just trying to think of an analogous character. No, she might be like Paul Rudd, because she's been on a decent amount. How many times was Rapaport on?

I don't know. I never watched Friends. Really? It sucks. It sucks. Yeah? The fact that people try to hold it up Is like an all time comedy It's like

It will not get a laugh Out of you It won't get a It's not even like People like what they like I don't even have A strong opinion I just never

They like that it was The first show To showcase nipples I just watch Ross I'll leave it at that I edit it So it's only Ross Who's Lisa Kudrow

Ebes Ebes She's hot You were a Kudrow Ross. Who's Lisa Kudrow? Ebes. Ebes. She's hot. Buffet. You were a Kudrow guy? Yeah, I like Kudrow. All right. Play the noise.

Play the noise. Play the noise. Here comes Beeman and Mackenzie. Beeman and Mackenzie, good to see you. Show them. Show them. There we go. Mackenzie, you can sit right there.

Welcome. You guys want to hear your intro noise now? Yeah, put on your headphones. Oh. Oh. Womp, womp. Sorry, Owen. Come on, come back in.

Wait. Are you listening? Every time you guys walk in. It's like we're going to start doing this for any time a woman walks onto the show. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, like 90s sitcom. Have you guys brought up McKenzie's

first time on the Yak? Yeah, are you talking about the state capitals? Oh, no, yeah. She didn't know the capital of Texas, which is fine. No, no, no. You couldn't name a state. I couldn't name a country. You couldn't name a country.

That's actually a hard one. And you're from a country. I know. He ended up naming that one. And couldn't name a country. That's actually a hard F. That's actually a hard F. And you're from a country. I know. That's the craziest part. He ended up naming that one, and I was still very unsure. Yeah, that was a tough moment for me. You guys want to slap KB? Yeah, let's cut to the chase.

No, I know they don't. Why? Just one of you? He wants to be slapped by a woman. No, it's not that. Is that true? No, no. You said that.

You literally just said that. I said that out of your mouth. Yeah, I want them to want to slap me. Well, you didn't say that true. No, no. You said that. I just, yeah, I said that out of your mouth. Yeah. I want them to want to slap me. Well, you didn't say that part. I don't want to slap. Either of you want to slap. Keep me.

Kenzie's on the fence. I don't know. Like, yeah. So I won yesterday and didn't get a chance to get slapped. It'd be awesome. Wanted to be slapped. Yeah.

Everybody here got slapped. It's not that I want to, like, I'm not like, I don't like that sensation, but I feel like I need to. I'm like a psychological. Why don't we do this? Why don't you close your eyes?

Both of them slap you. You have to decide which slap was which. That's 50-50. I think we need two more people. She has such tiny hands. That'll be too easy. Oh, it won't. That'll be way too easy.

No, let's do it. At a certain velocity, you can't tell size. I don't think it's that easy. So you don't want to get slapped with your eyes closed. Yeah, let's get an entire, let's do it. At a certain velocity, you can't tell the size. I don't think it's that easy. So you don't want to get slapped with your eyes closed. Yeah, let's get a blindfold, and then the two of you slap them, and if you get it right, then they won't slap again, and if you get it wrong, they get to slap again. I don't know.

This is like McKenzie. What are your reservations, McKenzie? Why? Why wouldn't you do that? It's like a Crunchwrap Supreme and a Whopper. I'll be able to tell the difference very easily. I don't think you would necessarily. I would need at least four to say. Who's the Crunchwrap Supreme and a Whopper. I'll be able to tell the difference very easily. I don't think you would, necessarily. I would need at least four to say.

Who's the Crunchwrap Supreme and who's the Whopper? That's just an example. We know. But who? All right, so get one more woman. You guys know. We need a full one, something that really covers it up. Get one more woman, and we'll do three women.

Do you say you need a full woman? No, a full... Blindfold. Preferably someone who has a... Blindfold, he said. A full woman. Preferably someone who has a full woman. A full woman. Get Kate. Kate will be perfect.

So let's blindfold him. Do you guys have reservations about slapping KB? You just don't want to be hitting someone on camera? Or is it something about KB in general? He doesn't want to hit anyone. Yeah. I also don't think I will be good at slapping someone. I think I'd be good at it.

I think it would be really weak. That might be embarrassing. What if I told you KB throws on a flannel and light wash jeans and calls it a fit? Oh, no. No, I'm a big fan of light wash jeans. Oh, okay. You'd have to do something really mean. Would it?

Oh, fuck. Perfect. Okay. But I don't want that either Yeah that is a It's a paradox Alright yeah They don't want it Oh they're gonna slap me

No they don't want to Oh she said She just said she'd be really good at it I think you would be good at it You don't have to go hard You don't have to go hard We all slapped each other yesterday And we're all still boys

Yeah Till the very end No one got slapped into being a girl We're gonna have Kate slap as well Okay Perfect Weird alert

Weird alert Did you see Owen? I didn't see him Kate is the Girl in the sitcom. Season 9, she becomes like everyone's looking at her like, oh, my God, Kate, we love her. Yeah.

She was weird. She was weird for season 7 and 8, but now. And she gets hot, too. Can we? Katie girl. Hey. Oh, thank you. All right, so, so KB get up

Are you going to slap him Kate doesn't know what she's doing yet Oh there it is Oh yeah So you guys are all slapping KB He's got to decide Who slapped What slap was what

And you all go You can't tell him What order it's going to be And he's going to have to guess Or else he gets slapped By other people Actually stays on And Kyle I want you to like

Guess this I want you to be scientific Like a wine tasting I'm going to test I want you to guess this. I want you to be scientific like a wine tasting. I'm going to test this out, Kyle. That's a good bandana. Blindfold, excuse me. Oh, that's pretty good.

Okay, it works. Wow. It works. Take a step forward, Kyle. Take a small step to the right. Should we all stand up there? Stand over there. Don't communicate amongst yourselves. Any of you have any perfumes on that he could tell?

Always. I'm going to use this microphone. KB's going to hold it. I'll hold it underneath KB. KB looks like he's in deer hunter right now. He's ready. He really is ready. Grab his little dinky.

Kyle, how are you doing? Good? Good. All right. Oh, okay. DJ, pull up. What's going on? DJ, pull up dinky cam.

No, no, no. All right, Kyle, lean forward. Lean forward. They DJ, pull up Dinky Cam. No, no, no. All right, Kyle, lean forward. Lean forward. They're all set up. Hold on. I'm getting the mic set up. Can you hear me?

I know. I just wanted to be on edge. It's about to happen right now, Kyle. Hold on. We're getting the microphone. Can you hear me? Can everyone hear me? Can you hear me?

Does Kyle need to sign another form? You can hear me. Okay. So you're going to hold it underneath. So all the girls stand up. All right. So this is going to be the first slap. The mic's under you, Kyle.

Talk to us. Talk to us. Yeah, yeah. Whoever is ready. Ah, fuck. Okay. Thank you, girls. That's all we needed.

Thanks. We're good. I'll guess the slap. all we needed Thanks we're good I'll guess the slap Jesus Yeah we're good That was Brandon We just needed to get that out of the way That was Brandon Thank you girls We appreciate it

We just That now we can go on with the show Okay shit Yeah that was hard That was hard Now he's laughing Now he's laughing That's all we needed

His kids will respect him again That's literally all we needed Oh His kids will respect him again. That's literally all we needed. Oh, fuck. Now we can go on with the show. Can we play like the sitcom Awe When the Girls Leave? What's that feel? Are your eyes watering?

No, that's my light cognac tinted moisturizer. I didn't hit you. Oh, that's your eyes watering. Look at the eyes watering. That did hurt. Do you think I hit you replay that? His eyes are watering now. It was a good slap. Replay that. Oh, his eyes eyes watering. Look at his eyes watering. That did hurt. Do you think I had to replay that? His eyes are watering now.

It was a good slap. Replay that. Oh, his eyes are watering. Are you? You're not bitch made, are you? No. No. Fuck that.

That was one of those plans that wasn't planned until I realized that the blindfold was perfect for Brandon to finally get his. It was good. Yeah, I'm glad. Finally. Oh, yeah. Finally, Brandon can move on with his life. Yeah, and look at Brandon now.

His demeanor has changed completely Here it is It was obviously him the whole time Visible It was a hard one That was great Do you like the slap again? Yeah see

We're back I do like that. That's all we needed. I feel bad for KB now. Why? I feel bad for the girls who probably... He's crying. He's not crying.

Yes, you are. Why is your nose blubbering up a little bit? Wait, your skin tone is considered light cognac? Oh, man. Cognac? I don't know. That was a joke. I would have guessed.

The moisture is in your eyes. It's not on your skin necessarily. It's not like you I would have guessed. The moisture's in your eyes. It's not on your skin necessarily. It's not like you don't look dewy. You kind of more look like you're crying out of your eyes. Well, it's funny because I'm not. Not even close. Oh, I fucking love this shit, man. Are we putting slap on the wheel now?

I think slap should replace a sliver of dry until we have a wheel of things other than dry. Just a beautiful ever of all. This wheel will eventually destroy us all. Already has. Yeah, that's great. That's exactly what I want. What's destroy us all even mean? I don't know. I'm just saying if we're going to keep adding

like we have an idea next week of I don't know whipping or something. Taser. Yeah, taser wheel, I don't know, whipping or something. Taser. Yeah, taser wheel. I don't like taser. So change one Lomo to slap wheel. No, not taser.

I don't like electric. Yeah, change one Lomo to second Lomo. This thing isn't all that dry anymore. No, it's not. Oh, it's getting less red. Yeah. Way less red. Wait, what was I going to say?

Fuck. I don't know. I had something to say. Shit, shit, shit. I feel like you kind of robbed me of being able to slap KB. At least she wanted to. Chicken Fry would have done it. No, she wouldn't.

I wanted my boy to get slapped four times. Chicken Fry's moving. So where? LA. Whoa. She actually. That's what she posted. Whoa.

Fucking love that town. Did they move into her apartment? L.A. Whoa. That's what she posted. Whoa. Fucking love that town. Did they move into her apartment? Mm-hmm. Damn. She just got that apartment. Move. Yeah, but. O'Malley's going with her.

Damn. Move. What was I going to say? Who else? Owen? There's Owen. No TiVo. No TiVo.

Wow. So what's TiVo going to do? It's a break for him. Mm-hmm. Will he at least be able to go to the tour dates? Is that the Dolphins new coach? No TiVo. No TiVo. Wow. So what's TiVo going to do? It's a break for him. Will he at least be able to go to the tour dates? Is that the Dolphins' new coach? So Brandon's going back. Kyle, your friend's back.

I thought the same thing, Brandon. No, no, that's Tico's friend. I'll be damned. It's like the Dolphins' new coach. That was good of our friend at this point. And our friend. Good to have him back. Your blog was outstanding. Yeah, it was. Yeah, welcome. Good to have him back. Your blog was outstanding. Yeah, it was.

Yeah, here it is. Welcome. Good to just back under. It took me like four hours, four different times that I sat at my computer. There was, when I went through it, editing it myself, half of it was, you couldn't even read. I just missed words. It was good, though. But it's been a long time since I've written.

Yeah, it was beautiful. You use beautifully short, succinct sentences that just get right to the point. Oh, yeah. I'm very, in terms of punctuation, there are no rules. I love it. I have sentences that are not real sentences and then just put a period and move on. You know how there's like abstract painting? Yeah.

I've taken that to the world of writing. Yes. It's just thoughts. It reads well. Thoughts with period. Yeah, you're the Jackson Pollock of the pen. Put out a cigarette on that one. The final product is a lot more polished than what the first draft was because that was like, it really, I couldn't.

Good on you for having drafts though. I wrote some of it in the office and then I went home and finished it and i read back some of the things i had written in the office poppycock and i could i couldn't understand what i was trying to say do they have the uh coaches meeting at that hotel every year it's either in florida or arizona every year yeah they didn't have it last year and obviously covet as well the year before but it is such a hilarious thing that you have all these grown men just standing, staring into the sun, having to take a picture like they're a team even though they all hate each other. All millionaires as well.

They all would kill each other. Super powerful millionaires. More rich in power even than money. Who do you think the richest bro out there was? Those 32 bros. That's Bill, right? Bill Belichick wasn't in it. He goes to the meeting.

He doesn't go in the picture because something with the NFL Union. That's why he's never in video games. Andy? Andy got to be the richest one then? Yeah, because Andy doesn't even drink, right? He just uses his Michael Hawaiian shirt. For 25 years. That's what I was thinking. Harbaugh, too. Who't even drink, right? He just uses his money for Hawaiian shirts. For 25 years. That's what I was thinking, Harbaugh, too.

Who's the highest paid coach? Oh, McVay now, I think. Belichick and McVay. Huh. Huh. Interesting stuff. I wonder who really manages their funds the best among them. Beautiful hotel they were at, though.

Gorgeous. The Breakers, Palm Beach. Is that where it was? Have you been? Didn't the Kennedys kill a person there? Did they? Multiple hotels, but... Yeah.

A lot of blood on those hands. Respect to them, though. Should we spin this thing? Pete Carroll makes a shit ton of money. Oh, yeah, Pete Carroll does make a lot of money. And he's been there 15... And he was making that fat USC money. Yeah.

I bet he's rich, rich. He's very rich. Has to be very rich. Where was Bruce Arians? Oh, Stephen's got a sneeze. Oh no. Oh no. Did you eat that sneeze?

No, I guess. I mean, it just went away. That one that could cause brain damage just so you one. No, you ate it. That could cause brain damage, just so you know. No, I didn't like. You know, it turns into a fart. I didn't like. No, you ate it.

No, it just went away. A sneeze will be pee now. You now have oxygen in your bloodstream. Sneezes or poops? No, if Ron was right, it'll turn into a fart. So that's real? Yeah. Wait, no, you said burps do.

Burps also. Burps also. Burps turn into sneezes. Sneezes turn into farts. And they're all linked to hiccups in like a tangential way. There's some sort of chart. And if you hold in too many farts and sneezes, you get Tourette's. Like an internal reflex thing. If you hold in too many farts, you get a tummy ache.

Which is spoken like a three-year-old. Have you ever burped out a fart? Answer the question. I mean, I guess if that equation's true, probably. You know when you burp out a fart. Your mouth tastes like poop. Oh, then no,

I have not done that. That sounds gross. You definitely have. Interesting. Maybe when you were a kid. You might be taste blind to your mouth, to what your own mouth tastes like. How people get smell blind to their own homes. You might be taste blind whenever you're burping up a fart. Didn't you get COVID? I did.

I saw a study that basically this doctor was like, if you haven't gotten COVID yet, you just have no friends. That's why I've gotten it so fucking much. It's kind of dark. Yeah. I've had it many times. So many friends.

Just palling around with your friends, hot-mouthing your friends. Spin the wheel. What? Okay. Now we got to get you to slap someone? No. Are we stuck in a slap spiral? I am good on slapping, but I'm also good at it now, too.

Did you practice last night? Just beat the shit out of his beanbag chair. Yeah. Want to test it out on someone? Dude, fucking New Hampshire, like last October, there was like this really loud boom that the whole state heard. Everyone assumed it was an earthquake. It's still unexplained.

Everyone just let it go. You think it was a scientist? No one knows. Probably some kind of science. Or like a government training facility where they're blowing shit up. It wasn't linked to any fire or anything? I don't think.

It was a hundred year old dude that had been holding in all his sneezes? Yeah. Came out as one big fart. It's like when you go out on the front porch when you're over a lady's house, you got to really let one rip. Oh, yeah. I walked to the car.

Did you see that video? It was like a girl's ring doorbell camera. Her boy went out. He farted for like 14 seconds, which is a long time to fart. Did you find that video, TJ? I want to hold him in. That's funny. What is one month doing here?

Oh, one month trial, Ethan. I don't think we were. Yeah, he is here. That's not who I was talking about. Can't imagine a world where he couldn't say. Yeah, he's on the Dave Portnoy show. I think Dave's trying to recreate the yak. Yeah, I heard that. It's RO Yak. Oh, no. No, I don't think that's trying to recreate the yak. Yeah, I heard that.

It's R.O. Yak. No, I don't think that's exactly it. But I think he's going to have a little bit of a mini whack pack maybe. Listen to Dave Portnoy's show. I think he explains it all there. Trying to get characters. Little characters. Assembling a team.

Here it is. Weird brains. He's going through it. Is he entering or leaving? You know when you have to fart really bad, it's like directionless. This guy looks like he's getting back from the bar, though. Oh, yeah. I'm already laughing.

How did we edit this down? He hasn't even farted yet. I'm laughing.. Why don't we edit this down? It doesn't even forward yet. I'm laughing. 7,000 views. Hide your ring cam. Turn your ring cam. If that was his ass. I can still see it.

There was another one I saw. That was a guy. Ring girl fart compilation. There's more? Is this the girl from the ring? When you forget the ring catches everything. Oh, shut up with that. Oh, she did a squat.

The dog. Oh, she did a squat. The dog. Oh, she did a little squat with that. Go. I don't want to see girls fart. Jesus. I hate that. My God. I hate that.

That was, you know what that is? Look at, like, that definitely has the signs of a big family, like, Christmas dinner. Yeah. They're all leaving with their presents, and she's like, oh, my God, finally. They stopped her in her tracks. She definitely sprayed her thong with that one. That's the height of comedy to me. Enough of that.

More? I don't know, man. That sounds funny. Look at all these hot chicks. What are these chicks doing? What the hell? Fire up cake for us, bro. Oh, man.

All right, should we spin this wheel? We have a wet day coming. Yeah. A wet day Wednesday? By the way, KB, If you want to practice your slap There was one person who wasn't here yesterday We could maybe do a one-man A two-man spinoff

Zuh Don KB Zuh I just got demon eyes Yeah, you did I got the belt I'm good You do

I ripped that belt off my hands I don't know That belt just got transferred When Brandon slapped the life out of you Yeah, he did He That belt just got transferred when Brandon slapped the life out of you. Yeah, he did. He slapped tears out of your face. He slapped the soul out of you, brother. He slapped you into weeping.

It's not a big deal. It's fine. So why'd you have to do it? Was your family embarrassed by yesterday? Yes, pretty much. They're gaslighting me. I found that out. I have no emotion towards this whatsoever.

They're girlbossing you. I found that out. I have no emotion towards this whatsoever. They're girlbossing you. You don't know the definition. Let's pull Brandon's word count before and after the slap. Because you were not very talkative before. I was letting the show breathe. Letting the show blossom. I heard something about that on my way. You said letting air into the lungs of the wheel.

Oh, yeah. It was good. Brandon's not an agent of chaos. That's true. I'm not. I don't really enjoy the chaos. The wheel terrifies me. Unfortunately for you, this show...

It's a show of chaos. And it was built, the founding fathers of this show, Ronan, myself, and Stephen, not so much, agents of chaos. Agents of chaos? He's an agent Steven not so much, agents of chaos. Agents of chaos? He's an agent of chaos. We're agents of chaos. It's naughty.

I'd play the slap wheel every day. Is Lomo Saltado, can I motion to have Lomo Saltado replaced? We have to replace it with a food. I'm saying replace it with a food. Okay. What are we going to replace it with? Maybe. I'm saying replace it with a food. Okay. What are we going to replace it with? Maybe like full chickens or something like that. Hot dogs.

We have hot dogs. Rotisserie chicken. I would love to pick a rotisserie chicken. I'm trying to take care of his body. Is that what you're trying to do? No, I'm not saying that. We have two lomos recently, more recently than we've gotten wet. I think what you need to have is you need to have a separate wheel, a food wheel.

A food wheel? If we hit the food. Spicy chicken, spicy hot chicken. Yeah, if we hit the food. We all volunteer a food. Yeah, if we hit the food option, we then go to the secondary wheel. Is that out of line to motion that? Is that out of line?

Oh, let's do a secondary. We'll just have a food slice instead of Lomo, and then we'll go to the food wheel. Then we'll go to the food. Or should we do the food wheel first and then spin that and put it on? Only if you get food. Only if we get Lomo's health. You don't want to get a good food and then not be able to get it. All right, so on the food wheel, it should be hot dogs.

Oh, wait. I thought we were all going to go. Yeah, let's do a food wheel. All right, fine, fine, fine, fine. I mind spicy chicken sandwiches. I would like to also volunteer a secondary wheel if we land on slap. Face or bare ass. Or nut slap.

Bare ass would be nice. Bare ass, and then if we can get really close so you can't see crack, but you can still see the ripple of our juicy cheeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So wait, what's on the food wheel?

I'm saying spicy chicken is mine. Spicy chicken for a while. Not even spicy chicken, or actually some kind of spiced chicken. Spicy chicken. Spiced chicken. even spicy chicken. Or actually, some kind of spiced chicken. Spicy chicken. Spiced chicken. What do you want, KB? I'm going to put barbecue on mine.

I'm going to put everyone has to eat one pint of ice cream. I'm going to do a birthday cake. And we have to sing. Yep. Oh, God. I hope it hits. Owen, what do you want? I'll go with tacos.

You should go birthday cake, too. No, don't influence him. Let him be his own man. Maybe go tacos or titties, and then we have a third wheel. Oh, and a third wheel. Yeah. Tacos last week. So we have to print off a picture of titties and eat the paper.

Yeah. Boys, what? Oh, we actually just drink breast milk. We have to suck on a lactating titty. Booth boys, what do you guys want? What do you guys think? What do you guys think? And TJ, Zaha, Steven, what kind of food?

Steven's got to be green chili from Dave & Buster's. Has to be. I have to do something healthy. They don't have the green chili anymore. Oh, my God. I forgot you're still doing that. What a loser. On week two, yeah.

Oh, my God. Or week three. Yeah, it sucks. Jesus. The best part about Steven is he won't cheat because he's Steven. God. Yeah, it sucks. Jesus. The best part about Steven is he won't cheat because he's Steven. Yeah. I would have cheated the first day.

No, I was on a call with the TB12 team on Friday, actually. What did they say? I mean, I started already, but we're setting the ground rules. Like, my wife's birthday is this week, so obviously that's the day that has been confirmed. You're going to feel awful after you eat, though. Yeah, you are. Yeah, I know. It might not even be worth it. Yeah, but that's kind of that has been confirmed. You're going to feel awful after you eat, though. Yeah, you are. Yeah, I know. It might not even be worth it. Yeah, but that's kind of the good part, right?

What's your thing? What are you adding? It's going to be something healthy like salad. Yeah, Just Salad. The restaurant, Just Salad. That's all they have, though. That's why it's called that. Just Salad.

No, I'm not saying just salad. You just have to order from just salad. All right. Zah, TJ, what are your offerings to the wheel? Burger King, Hershey's Sunday Pie. Burger King? You're Burger King over here? No, just the Hershey's Sunday Pie.

Oh, okay. That's nice. And Zah? I was thinking either Oxtail or some Jollof rice Jollof rice and stew It's not even going to land on this But that's our choices

Text me though so I can make a wheel We'll remember them Actually no TJ Say everybody's choices back right now Spiced chicken, barbecue, chow salad Sushi sundae pie, joff rice. Yeah.

That's all I got. Pine of ice cream each. Eartha cake. Eartha cake and tacos. Tacos. Tacos. And what was KB's? Last titties.

I'm looking up something with like an under two rating. Cockroaches. Cockroach. What do you mean under 2 are you on on Uber Eats under a 2.0 you can search by

like you can search only from high to low so I'm really scrolling through these 4's right now you're still on the 4's they don't even put anything

I'm still on 4.8 I don't there has to be an easier way but I'm going you gotta pick something now because there's something under two rating. I'll fucking get it. You're holding up our wheel.

Just put my KB as the wheel. We'll order it if it gets to me. Okay, we'll order something under two stars is KB's thing. Yes. Okay. So now we're just spinning the regular wheel. This will all be moot once we spin the regular wheel. It might be applicable later or it might not be.

Probably will not be. Let's not throw around moot. Let's just do it. 4.5 now. No, bro. You're fucking moot. I never signed my document yesterday so I'm pressing charges against TJ. I also said do not agree on my document. I'll be pressing charges against KB and Barstool.

That's right, both of them. I never signed a document, so I just want to raise. Oh, shit. What the hell? Brandon, can I have some of your contract? There we go. You should divvy it up with all of us. I was going to give some to TJ anyway.

Thanks. I buy you a milkshake at least once a week. And those milkshakes cost $25,000 each. Yeah. That is right. See you, Kyle. See you, man. Peace.

Love that guy. Yeah, he's good. We got to spin this wheel because what if we get wet wheel? I don't want to. Didn't Kyle used to do this? What the fuck? He used to do this? What the fuck? He used to do this early on in the act. You just leave.

Yeah, he used to leave. What is he doing now? Went and got your bag. Is it a gift? He's got a real gun walk to him, doesn't he? Yeah. Is there a gun in there? What's he got?

What's he got? What's he got? What's he got? What's he got? Oh, his phone. Your phone died. Oh, it's his charger. Yes, that makes sense. Kind of dark where we got to there. Type shit.

I wonder if he was going to kill us or kill himself. Probably us, then himself. Probably himself, then us. Yeah, that's how he'd roll. He would haunt us. Maybe he's a legend for this. Over time. Spin the fucking wheel.

Yeah, let's spin it. If this is wet, it's going to be a problem. And if it's food, we've got to extend the show an hour. Yeah, I mean, that's going to be also a problem. If it's slap, it's going to be an got to extend the show an hour yeah i mean that's going to be also a problem if it's slap it's going to be an even bigger problem nobody said it was easy by the way oh nice trans captain beer will stop by tomorrow wait what saint bonnie's guy i thought you meant dana with the big shorts no he wears just a beer on his head. He goes to the Avengers game. He doesn't have to come on.

Why? He can. Oh, yeah. Tell him to stop by the office. Let him come on. Come on. Here for the NIT. Come on with it.

Come on. Come on. Come on. All right, do it. Remember, if it does land on slap, we could smack each other's bare asses. Oh! We're back, boys. That is great.

Wheel reset. That feels good. What does that mean? No, 17 dries now, right? Yeah. 16. 16 dries. Do we reset it right now?

Yeah. We don't spin again. No. We don't? No. Are you sure we don't? This is just to keep the allure of it. So it's actually Brandon's putting some life into the wheel.

Now, the fans probably hate the wheel reset. How good does that feel? It probably does spot. Should we spin one more just for the fans? Yes, I think for the fans. On the wheel reset. That's a fair. That's a fair.

If you hit wheel reset, you have to spin that day. We have to lose a sliver of pie every day. Yes. Good point, Nick. Great point. He understands the ethics of the wheel. I think this has been the way we've adapted the wheel has been very good for the show.

The wheel is molding us. Don't act like we're molding the wheel. Yeah, but it doesn't die. We spin the wheel once a day. We should talk about dude wipes before we spin it. Let's talk about dude wipes, please. Dude wipes are the shit for when you're shitting. Extra large flushable

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Hey, but your hair looks great today. You look like a Bachelor contestant. Messed it up a little bit. Yeah. Is it with a product or just? Yeah. I'm a sucker for Alpha M. Everything he tells me to buy, I buy.

Who's that? Alpha M. He's like this short little man on YouTube. He was on Shark Tank, wasn't he? Maybe. I think he was. He teaches you how to dress. Yeah, he teaches guys how to groom themselves.

Wear vests and shit. But he's very dated. He's stuck in 2012. But he's a good salesman. Okay, I got to follow. Are you wearing his product right now? His air product. Yeah. Stephen's just doing shadowboxing again.

In case we have to slap. He wants to be fresh. Spin it again. Spin it again. I hope it lands on food. I'm pretty hungry. Slap. I'm starving. I'd love for it to lands on food. I'm pretty hungry. Slap. I'm starving. I'd love for it to land on slap.

Ah, dang. Nope. All right, see? All right, there you go, folks. One dry is taken away. People are going to be very upset about the reset. Well, the wheel reset's been there for weeks. It has.

It's just the reality of it is... If we have to live with the results of the wheel, they do too. That's true. Wow, yeah. That's true. And it also makes, like, the wet wheel... Oh, yeah, else. The wet wheel, it becomes something a lot more scarce and, like... Right.

You want, like, when it happens, it's an event. Right. Exactly. It's God. And when miracles happen, it's amazing. It is true because if we did the wet wheel once a week, people would be like, this is lame. You do it all the time. Like, no, we do it once every time that it comes up, which might be never again. Could be never.

We could just keep hitting reset. When the wet wheel hits in the dead of summer, we just go outside and do it. Yes, and we could all get popsicles afterwards. Yeah. We should just go to the beach. Go to a fountain or something? Yeah, we should go to the beach. Or a fountain.

Yeah, sure. That's fun, too. Get a beach house for a fucking show or two. Or just at the beach, the Yak at the Beach or some shit like that. Speaking of plans, we've got to figure out the case race. We also haven't played basketball yet. Yeah, but the case race is more prescient. Prescient?

Prescient. So we're close to the case race and it's becoming apparent that not all of us will be here. So the idea was to do the case race next Friday, a week from Friday, but not everyone's going to be here. Is that correct? Yeah, Nick or KB gone. I will also be gone. Thursday, Friday. All right, so.

Can you just not go? Can you just not go somewhere? I said, can we not go, and it was. They didn't know that it was. You said you were going to get out of it. You didn't get out of it? That's his birthday. I got it shortened.

So the 15th probably won't work, too, because is that Easter weekend? Are people traveling? I'm not. Wait a minute. I can't get fucked up on the 15th. When is the dozen live tournament? That's the 19th. I'm going to Mississippi for a week to buy a house.

When? Jesus Christ, Brian. Jesus. The week of the 13th, which is. I'm going to say a name, and you tell me your familiarity, if any, and then if you are familiar, elaborate. J.R. House. Of course.

Yes. Basketball. Right? Maybe I don't even know. I think we're comparing. No, I think we're. Eddie House. I think he was a West Virginian. Oh, I'm thinking of J. I think we're comparing. Eddie House. I think he was a West Virginian. Oh, I'm thinking of J.R. Ryder.

And Eddie House. Or combining basketball players. Maybe. Eddie Drummond. Yeah, Eddie Drummond. Yeah, yeah. And what about him? He exists.

Basketball. Dick Returner. Basketball player. For the Lions. Yes. Wheeling Boy. Kind of. How? He went to private school there. Oh, for the Lions. Yes. Wheeling boy. Kind of. How?

He went to private school there. Oh, because of his talent or because he's rich? I don't know why. Could have went to Central Catholic. So what day are we doing this? How about this Friday? 22nd? I went to Pittsburgh.

You could have went to Shadyside Academy. You went to Linsley. Well, this Friday, almost nobody will be here. I'll be in New Orleans. What about the 22nd? What do we have? Who's here Friday? Earth Day. Anybody will be here. I'll be in New Orleans. What about the 22nd? What do we have? Who's here Friday? Earth Day.

Anybody? I am. I am. 22nd, it's just Earth Day, free. You guys want to do Earth Day? We'll do an Earth Day case race. Earth Day case race, and we put all of our cans in the river. Yeah.

We litter all of our cans. And that also gives our sad boys some time to come back. Oh, I don't know if I can. Oh, Jesus Christ. I can do it that Thursday. You don't have to do it on a Friday. Friday is definitely what we got. Treat a Thursday like a Friday.

Day after the first round of the draft? We'll all be here, right? No, we won't. We'll be down to do it on a Monday. Is that wasted on a Monday? Thursday the 28th is the draft, right? No, we won't. It's not going to be down until Monday. Is that right, Che? Wasted on a Monday? Thursday the 28th, we won't. Or is the draft, right? We'll be here for the draft, yeah.

Yeah, but the Friday, we're not going to be here. Yeah, I think there's something on that Friday. Yeah, KB and I are going to be gone all. Oh, that's the right. Jesus Christ. KB and I are gone from the 24th to the 7th. All right. We need to start paying everyone to make the YAC the priority.

Yeah. I would love that. I would too. I would like. I'll work on that. I talked about this yesterday. I want this to be the number one priority. Yeah. I would love that. I would too. I would like, Ronan, I talked about this yesterday. I want this to be the number one priority. I'll work on that. Please.

Let's show them what we got. I think we could just start by you not having to go to the place where you have to go next week. And we could just do it on the original date. Brandon, you could also not go on Friday the 8th, wherever you're going to go. Okay, I could do it.

I could massage my schedule to not do it Friday. I want any big cat to flex some muscle for me. Where are you going? San Antonio. When? Next Wednesday to Sunday. Why? DAZN boxing match, and KB and I are going to try to find the fattest ass in San Antonio.

You've got to do that. Shit. No, you could do that earlier in the week. Fly back for this. The fight is Saturday, and they said they want social clips. What about... Do you think it's going to take Kyle four days to find the fattest ass? Okay, what about this?

What if we did it... An ass being fat isn't just size. Fly down Saturday morning, and then you shoot the video on Sunday and Monday. Yeah, that was... You were right, but the way you said it, the tone was... I was a real dickhead. What if we did it Wednesday, the day after Sass's birthday? Yeah.

Wednesday's birthday, the 5th? Yeah. Why don't we do it on his birthday? Because I'm going to be flying back from San Antonio. You can do it any day. I tried to get out of here. Wednesday the 6th? We're positive he has to be here.

Sass does not have to be here. No. He does not. Okay. Wednesday the 6th? Wednesday the 6th. Should we do a Wednesday? Wednesday the 6th.

That would be so wacky of us. Sass is... That's when we leave. You can get on a plane drunk. Wait, why does the 15th not work? Yeah, why doesn't it work? Oh, Easter weekend? You can't...

15th, I'm free. I have something the next day on the 16th that I need to be very sharp for. But you'll get drunk in the middle of the day. It's razor. I need to be very sharp for it. I can't be hungover. I'll still be in Mississippi. On the 15th?

Yeah, I'm going for a week. When are you going? I'm going to go on the 8th and be back on the 17th. 22nd is Earth Day? Why not the 8th and be back on the 17th. 22nd is Earth Day. I can create a Google Doc and we'll do everyone's availables. We should actually do that anyway, yeah. I thought the 6th sounded good. Wednesday, but you guys fine with that?

You can move your flight? If we can move our flight. When is our flight on Wednesday? Or just fly late Wednesday night. Hammered? Yeah, fly hammered. I would. I take copious amounts of Xanax for flights,

so the blood will be on your hands. Have you been doubling up each time? Yes. I think we should pick a Friday. So by my fifth flight this summer, I'll be taking like 180 Xanax. Before a flight. Xanax gives me headaches. It what? It gives me headaches. It what?

It gives me headaches. Everything does. I know. Let's wheel for it. Let's pick three days that have mild issues. No, the wheel can't be involved in this decision. Let's get Che addicted to footballs. Actual footballs?

Yeah. He already is. No, the actual football. Mm-hmm. What are we talking about? Are you addicted to the football? Why are you so mad, Stanley? Yeah, I love football.

No. The football. Yeah, we're talking about 12-inch nuts. We're talking about the actual football. I don't know what you guys are talking about. I love American football. Right. I want you to be so weird that if we went into your basement,

the walls are wallpapered with pigskin. Oh, he'd love that. That'd be cool. Yeah, my basement just got finished. Oh, it would be real shame if there was some rain. Or if there's just clouds rolling in. It is the season. Oh, man, I'm hurting so hard for your basement to get flooded again.

It would be really, really funny. It would be terrible. If your basement got flooded again, would you think that would accelerate your divorce? No. Dude. Wait, yeah. I was out. I saw a bunch of things on Twitter.

Like, I'm sorry. Yeah. Have you guys, is there something going on? Well. No. With me and my wife. Eventually. It will be, probably.

Things are great, he's saying. Are you sure? Yeah. It's her birthday tomorrow. Yeah, we're just two weeks in. No, it was when Tom Brady came back from retirement. I said, I hope Stephen Chay dies. And I was like, that's not mean enough.

I hope you get divorced. Yeah. I'm actually taking a date tomorrow. I'm going to celebrate her. And we're hanging out all day. Nice. Anything special? Going out to breakfast.

You're going to be spending the whole day on the toilet, bro. Yeah. Your body can't handle real food. Oh. Well, we might be going to see Batman in the afternoon. I'm going to indulge in some movie popcorn. Oh, you're going to be sick. He's going to tummy ache Steve.

Big tummy ache. Blood pressure. Tummy ache Steve. Yeah. One of my least favorite Steves. The worst Steve. Steve, do you forgive Will Smith? I tried to respond to it that I actually don't forgive him,

but he turned comments off. You tried to make sure that he knows that when he's at home keeping a record of who has accepted his apology. He apologized to people watching around the world, which is me. And you said no. I tried to say no, but he was too soft and turned his comments off. Why would you not accept his apology? I didn't like it. Yeah. It felt forced.

Of course it was forced. All apologies are forced. No, it's not. That's a sociopathic thing to say. All apologies are pretty felt forced. Of course it was forced. All apologies are forced. No, it's not. That's a sociopathic thing to say. All apologies are pretty much forced. Nobody's ever meant to say sorry. No one's ever felt bad. Ben is just telling on himself right now that he's never apologized in his life.

All apologies are forced to some extent. You say it because it felt bad. It felt terrible. It might be forced by yourself, but it's forced. It's a feeling of contrition. It felt terrible. It might be forced by yourself, but it's forced. It's a feeling of contrition. A forced feeling. I don't know.

I think you can naturally feel contrition. Yeah. You're saying sorry is instinct. I'm a pussy. Yeah. But that you don't even mean sorry. What about apology, though? Actually, no, that wouldn't be it.

But any public apology from a celebrity is always forced a hundred a hundred percent of the time yeah you think that they're incapable for feeling bad about what they did i think they're the what about alec balboa when he killed those people it felt half-hearted at best his apology you don't think he was remorseful i think it was half-hearted at best i actually kind of agree with brandon on this one i think he's kind of like part of the business well he tried to like pass off the. I think he was kind of like, eh, part of the business. Well, he tried to pass off the blame, too. Yeah, right. He was in self-preservation mode, which is what apologizing is.

What is the most historical apology of all time? Nah, boring. Clinton. Clinton, yeah, Clinton. Clinton. Clinton, his apology was a lie. Tebow's was good, too. Tebow.

Right? Clinton never really apologized. He just said he didn't have sex with that woman. He said he didn't, and then after he got caught, I think he did actually apologize. Simon Birch on that bridge after he killed his best friend's mom. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He murdered his best friend's mother.

Spoiler. In the bus, or was that later? Killed her with a... Pull up the clip, TJ. Please pull up the clip. No, I killed her. It was with a foul ball. In Good Will Hunting, he's apologizing.

I'm sorry. Jenny's sad and apologizes for giving him AIDS. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I don't think she ever apologizes. She explains. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than say you have AIDS. What's the most public apology?

I'm sorry. Tiger Woods' apology press conference is pretty funny. Was that his, like, after the car accident? No, the Perkins witness. Oh, okay. Sex addiction. Got chased with a golf club. Sex.

By his Swedish wife. I think that if, Stephen, if you had footballs on the lower half of your walls in your house, it'd be kind of sick in your basement, throughout your whole basement, or at least on like one wall. Oh, no. I think there would be a level of waterproofness to it. Yeah. It's hard.

I'd probably prefer like a turf, like field turf bottom. Why don't you do football walls and field turf floor? Yeah, that'd be cool. Would you then pull out the tarp when the flooding starts? Yeah. Get you some stadium light? Maybe I won't call you if we forget to put it out. Oh, no, no.

You remember that, right? Oh, I remember that, but you basically said maybe you won't give me insight on a preseason bet, and I'm in response saying I hope your house floods again and your family gets destroyed. Sorry about even. So the draft boys are riding again this year. Yeah, I'm excited. In person, right? In person. That's going to be so awesome.

So you need to start doing your work. I'm ready. I got all the draft prospects in my brain. Give me one name. Aiden Hutchinson. You interviewed him.

Ohio State. No, stop. That was an easy one. Give him a tough one. Give him a tough one. Charles Cross. What? Charles Cross.

Charles Cross. Baylor. Damn, he's good. Wait, is he actually? No, he's Mississippi State. Shit. Steven, who's the best FCS guy in the draft? Oh, FCS?

Someone from North Dakota State wide out. He doesn't really know colleges that well, though, right? You don't really know college football all that well. No, well, they're out of college now. They're ready to draft. Yeah, there's a receiver I don't know at Dakota State. What's his name, Christian Watson? Yeah.

How's your fact game so far? You didn't hear me just say Christian Watson? I did. I Christian Watson? Yeah. How's your fat game so far? You didn't hear me just say Christian Watson? I did. I was impressed. Yeah. No, it's not like a big. When's the draft? April 28th.

28th or 9th? Yeah. 28th. 28th. Yeah. But it'll be good. I got a new mock coming out this week. Oh, great.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Should we go post for agency? I want to wait until all the dust settles, all the quarterbacks. How many mocks do you require from the junior draft analysts? I want at least seven. Seven? Seven.

Mock seven. Did I stutter? How many have you put out so far? Well, I did unofficial for ones, and then we've done 2.0 so far. So 3.0 will be out this week, but that's my fourth one. I would like to work. Okay. A little preview of some of the facts. Sam Howell, several thousand dollars in parking tickets

from his... What? Several thousand dollars in parking tickets. That's kind of a dickhead move. He just doesn't plan on ever paying them. Yeah, exactly. You kind of just don't have to. I racked up a bunch at the Denville train station in Jersey. Never paid them. You don't have to. I racked up a bunch at the Denville train station in Jersey. Never paid them.

Really? Because you're never going to go back to Denville. I got beef with that tall family on TikTok. That 7'2". Dude, I hate them so much. Every single one of their videos is the tall family. He's 7'1". Can you show me?

That's every single video. You never got a date, by the way. My son is 7'. He's 7'1". Are we just going to do Earth Day, April 22nd? 6th. I thought it was the 2nd. 22nd. I'm making the calendar for everyone to write down.

We'll know when we get her tomorrow. Okay. Is he this tall family? I want to play them in basketball. I think we'd beat them. Is this the kid who played in Arkansas? He didn't play shit. He actually played last year a lot.

He didn't play last year. He did? Yes, last year he played a lot. I think he's like 18 years old. All right, let me see. They go to NBA games, and he's like, guess who's the tallest at this game? Not these players. It's my 7'1 son.

Yeah, the tall family pisses me off. April 6th, we're doing this. How tall is that girl? We're going to do it on that Wednesday? Yeah, see tall family pisses me off. April 6th, we're doing this. How tall is that girl? We're going to do it on that Wednesday? Yeah, see if I can bump the flights. Oh, man. I'm going to be going to fucking New Orleans, and I'm going to come back. All right.

I'm going to have to figure that out. You can take it easy in New Orleans. Steven, can you forward me your cunnilingus YouTube video? Yeah. Thank you. It's been a long time since I watched it, but I'll try and find it for you. I'm going to need it. Thank you. It's been a long time since I watched it, but I'll try and find it for you.

I'm never going to need it. Maybe you could just, wait, could you recreate it and post it on Barstool? Mm-hmm. Just for the fellas. I mean, it is your wife's birthday tomorrow.

Jesus. You don't have to use like an actual pussy or a fake pussy. Use like a... Oh my God, I want to kill myself for that idea.

I really hate myself. How many seconds would you last watching a Stephen Chay cunnilingus tutorial? I already have cum out of my dick right now. Just seeing pussy eaters, Steve. You should keep a log of your porno for the year. No one would piss me off if it's just really good and helpful. It would be awesome. It's going to be.

I guarantee that he's an absolute master of his craft. Are you kidding me? I want to see X's and O's on the pussy guy. I want you to run plays on that. Well, like I said, the ones that you'll see in classical dolphins right now is not actually how it's supposed to be because it looks better visually but is not the desired sensation. What?

What's he talking about? I don't want to have this conversation anymore. I would like to opt out. Give me like five minutes. I want the button that you can hit on text messages where you leave conversation. The term is called painting the fence. I'll leave it at that.

Fucking, you're on your Huckleberry Finn shit? Yeah. Whitewashing the pussy. Brandon's always on his Huck Finn shit. Because of what? Language. I just wanted to hear Stephen say it. That would be funny.

As an Asian, you can say that word, right? Mm-hmm. Definitely not, and I don't want to. It would have been incredible if you just dropped it i would have uh i would have i would have screamed like a kind of mac remember 2012 we all stopped saying it and uh the hispanics and the some of the asians like a lot of parks and kim's were still like kind of they were giving it some play and i think they kind of faded i think some of like the latinas thing the southern california hispanics will still They were giving it some play. And I think they kind of faded out.

I think some of the Latinas, the Southern California Hispanics will still drop it. I think it's more East Coast, though. I don't. I think it's more West Coast. I would disagree, my friend. Okay. Like white guys in Baltimore? I'm talking about New York hood dudes from New York.

Oh, yeah, like the Dominicans, the Puerto Ricans. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Is that cool with you? like hood dudes from New York? Oh, like the Dominicans, the Puerto Ricans. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Is that cool with you? I don't know. Have you guys seen... I'm letting that fly. I don't know.

Yes, no. I don't know. I don't know. Have you seen the man on the street coming out from like BYU? Oh, yeah. On TikTok? Yeah. They just ask them all if they have any like black friends or support gay marriage, but

they all just have the wrong answer to everything. It's incredible. Give me an example. Everything is wrong. Everything is wrong. Or they'll be like, is this like noted rapist or the pastor of your church? And they'll be like, oh, I thought it was a noted rapist. Who did this?

It's just like a... Luke, it... Yeah. Is that a black woman? A black woman's the word you're looking for. Yeah. She goes to BYU? Mm-hmm. But I tried to do man on the street on BYU's campus.

You did. I almost got arrested, honestly. Yeah, that seems miserable. They grabbed me and they let this girl go with impunity. They snatched you? Yeah, they grabbed me up. About to kidnap my ass. All right, so April 6th.

April 6th, Wednesday. If I could move the flight, yeah. You can move the flight. And then we also still have to figure out the rules. Great race. Teams of two split 24 beers. 24 beers, teams of two. These things always quickly devolve into just getting wasted.

Yeah, also, I was thinking about it. Maybe we should do... I think Teams of Three is a little bit more... Maybe we should do it as a taped episode. So we can edit it if need be. I actually was thinking about that, because I was thinking, like, there might be some shit said when we're all drunk.

No, no. What are we going to say? I feel like we already say almost everything that comes to our mind. No, no. What are we going to say? I feel like we already say almost everything that comes to our mind. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not true. I don't think it's a matter of how drunk you are.

I think if you're a bad person, you'll say something bad. I think KB, you will say something. No. You think he's a bad person? No, I do not. I actually think he's a very good person. Maybe we should tape it.

Because also, we don't know. I'm always nervous about drunk shit because it's not that entertaining. It's not entertaining. It's flatly not entertaining unless one person's... If KB was drunk and we're all sober and there's a governor on it. I think drunk riffing is funny. I agree, but

it also can just be mind-numbingly stupid. I think we're all at a point where we can control it enough to have a good conversation. Yeah, let's figure it out. We'll talk about it. Because, I mean, an edited down case race would be good, too. We'll figure it out.

I think a lot of the appeal is watching live, though. Because people are like, what are they going to say? Yeah. And we don't even know. Why don't we just have you on a delay? We just went right in a round circle there. Yeah, we did.

I don't know. So live? The appeal is people want to wait and see if we'll cancel our show. Yeah. All right. I have no sense of self-preservation. But you think 12 beers a person for everyone in here? I think that that's a lot.

I think that that's too much. That's part of the humor is that it might take a long time. And it's going to be bad by the end of it. Right. And it's funny that Asian people... I have a couple takes. Go on. Yeah.

All right. We'll figure it out. We promise that we'll do a case race. We promise. And we also have a lot of things. We got to actually get a calendar. We also have to have a list of everything that we're going to do. It's fucked because there's so many people on the show,

and then so automatically, whenever they're scheduling, nobody has it in consideration. We all want to be here, yeah. Maybe they send other people To do shit You mean anyone else in the company? I will work on trying to get the Yak to be more of a priority I think that's in motion

Steven we gotta sell some ads For the Yak The more money the Yak makes Dude this ad product Pretty significant And also the wheel. Are we moving to Barstool Yak YouTube? We can inquire about that.

I know that was strictly said no before, but now that we're at a mill, I think we probably have some leeway. Because that was strictly said about Boydad too, and then they're switching our YouTubes. So we should switch to the Yak. We have a Yak State of the Union. We're going to have to have a meeting with all the fellas. Maybe tomorrow after the show.

Give us some confidence. Who? You're talking to the viewer. Yeah, yeah. Follow the Instagram. No, buy Dude Wipes and use the code Yak20. The more that the Yak listeners use our codes, the more money the show will make,

the more priority we can put on it. Seriously. Buy dude wipes because it's not like buying a shirt. This is something you need. You're going to buy regardless. You're going to buy an apparatus to wipe your butt. You're going to use the code, buy the dude wipes. Yeah, that should be the plea to the listeners going forward.

Use all of our promo codes. If 1,000 people use the promo codes and send us their screenshot of it, we'll do two-person. Use dude wipes. We'll do two-person case races. So the more people that use it, the more beers we'll drink. Remember to thumbs up the video on YouTube every Monday,

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Do an algorithm tricks. Follow Nick Terrain on Twitter, Instagram. No, no, no, that doesn't make sense. Stephen Che, are you willing to do the video where you piss on your own computer with film breakdown? You've got to give me that thing. That's going to be very important.

So loud. Your mic is so loud. Sorry. I know, it's not your fault. We've also got to get Stephen a better mic. Yes, add it to the list. I don't know, that's down the list. I can't use one your fault. We also got to get Steven a better mic. Yes, add it to the list. I don't know. That's down the list.

I can't use one of those. Is there another one? It's just it's not. It doesn't reach. Pete, Pete. Can we get Steven a better mic? He's always like an open mic. Every time he talks, it's so loud.

What are you doing with that? Into the mic, please. Into the mic. Every time he talks, it's so loud. He said, what are you doing with that? Into the mic, please. Into the mic. Come on. Best practices. Because we need it for people here. That's for you right now. Where did you get that toy mic?

Is it a toy mic? Is it a... It is. It's like you clipped it off the Fisher Price. You think I did this? Where did that come from? He says, you think I did this? Can we buy him a real mic?

He said he brought it from home. He prefers the grip. Yeah, okay. What we need is, Steven needs to have a real mic, and he also needs to have headphones that... The mic is right in front. The mic is right in front of him.

The headphones are in there. Like, what do you want me to do? He said he's got that mic fit already. Tell him that the wire from Zaz's mic is plugged into Che's mic. The wire from Zaz's mic is plugged into Che's mic. The wire from Zah's mic is plugged into Che's mic. Yeah, so we unplugged

the good mic and we plugged it into the toy mic. But it can't get over to him. Zah's sitting in front of this mic. But we could have just moved. Zah's sitting in front of this mic. We could...

So, Zah, you talk? Yeah, Zah talks. He talks. Wow! Steve, I mean, Pete. You think Zah doesn't talk? I didn't think Zah talks, too. He can't talk.

Everyone talks. He can't talk. Everyone talks. He can't talk? He can't talk. Everyone talks. It's floating, so they can pass it back and forth. It's floating. Yeah, some bad decisions were made. No, I disagree.

I don't know. You. Me. Your team. Me. Yes. Yeah. That's you.

Yeah. So can you help us? Yeah, I'll try to find a better mic. We just want Steven's mic because it's not fair to Steven. He doesn't know that every time he talks, we want to kill ourselves. Okay. But I can't fix that. I can only fix the mic.

The blood will be on both of your hands. Yeah. Well, great show. Owen, Owen, Owen. Great show today. Oh, can I get a laptop? You have one. It's on your desk.

It has been for eight months. That's not true. It is. You came and took it back. I didn't. You did. Kareem might have. We'll one. It's on your desk. It has been for eight months. That's not true. It is. You came and took it back. I didn't. You did. Kareem might have. We'll talk. It was you. No, talk now. Talk now. This has been so hard for me. Please, please, please. Are the footage of him

taking it back? No, of course not. Want me to keep footage of people? Yes, you do. Pete, what's your number one tip on pussy eating? Oh, yeah. Oh! What time do we have? What's your number one tip on pussy eating? What time do we have?

Wait a minute. Lock the door. We're past our time. I mean, wait a minute. You're whistling through the wheat fields? Bushman of the Kalahari? What, is it broken or something? The pussy?

So just bring it to me and we'll get a little repair going. Thank you very much. I also, that is a toy mic. It is a toy mic. That's my point. That's why it sounds like shit. I don't know where it came from. It's a toy. It's a child's toy. All right, we'll get a little repair going. Thank you very much. I also, that is a toy mic. It is a toy mic. That's my point. That's why it sounds like shit. I don't know where it came from. It's a toy. It's a child's toy.

All right, we'll get it fixed. All right, glad we solved this. Cedar Pete. He's a big time fence painter. Oh, yeah. You can tell. A lot of fences. He uses his nose for sure.

We should remake, what is it, The Irishman? Yes. The guy who kills people by eating their pussies to death? Oh, yeah. He kills guys. Yeah, yeah Oh, yeah. He kills guys. Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. That's cool.

That would be cool. So you just run right up the middle? Wait, what? Is it like swiping a credit card? No, I can't do it. I can't do it. We need some footage. All right, all right.

We need some Steven footage. Do you use chin? Footage is how Jerry asks for consent. It's all surface area, buddy. Footage. Wait, it's what? It's all usable surface area. I'm done listening. Surface area, I heard.

I don't want to hear it. Do you ever plop your wife on the countertop? We'll see right back. Bye. Bye.