The Yak - Brandon Got Kicked in the Face | The Yak 6-7-24

Episode Date: June 7, 2024

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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, hold that up. Yak. Roback.com. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. You'll get the performance shorts, the polos, Code Yak, Q-Zips, hoodies, all that stuff. Swim trunks are also fantastic. 20% off with Code Yak. Robback.com hello nick mavs are going to get swept yeah they are they are uh they might win one game

i think they'll get one but otherwise they're they're overmatched for one for one maybe for nothing for two if things go exactly right but But the Celtics are just a lot better. Left side of the room. Hello? That's basketball for you. Sometimes that ball's going in the net. Titus knows sometimes it's not. I've been there. Your two bosses are out, so you're going to start drinking? Yeah, for sure.

Happy Friday, everyone. Happy Friday. I thought you were getting fits off on Friday. I was. What happened? Yeah, you look like shit. That's a Duke Silver shirt. What's Duke Silver? Duke Silver, Ron Swanson's character, jazz playing character.

Alter Ego. Alter Ego, thank you very much. Hello. Parks and Rec. I'm wearing a collared shirt. It's different for me. I was trying not to look. You look like a 15-year-old going to youth court.

Yeah, you look like youold going to youth court. Yeah. You look like you're going to juvie. Yeah. You're going straight to juvie. And you don't have a parent in sight trying to fight for you. That's kind of what I'm going for. What did she do? I keyed some cars.

Definitely. And, like, stabbed somebody with something not super dangerous. I mean, you first got in trouble for little things like smoking in the bathroom at school. Then it elevated to public indecency. Did you have a lot of fights at your high schools? Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot.

Big time. I once got kicked in the forehead by a black girl named Kizzy. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, she wasn't fighting me. They were just fighting each other in the hall, and I was trying to walk there. I thought I saw a gap. I saw a gap, and saw a gap and I could

get through. You tried to hit the hole. I tried to hit the hole and she kicked me right in the forehead. Seeing a fight in high school when none of your boys saw it was the best thing. You were the most popular guy. Recapping. Yeah. Well, we would have where the crowd starts moving in the hallways and then everybody just started following and it would be like hundreds

of us like sneaking through. Were these impromptu fights or were they organized meet me at the flagpole? There were some organized fights. We had one fight in my senior year where they drove right after school to the park and fought. But then one time, there was just right at the gym in the school, it just popped off. You beat up a dwarf in his front yard, didn't you? I did. I did.

I did. I went to his house for my my senior year and then we were three total feet taller a yard taller i was six four six five he was a good five three five two um is that why you picked the fight it's why i took the fight yeah i didn't pick the fight but that's why i accepted the fight i i knew it was a winnable fight and i did uh fights were man going to school every day is like doldrums, and it's boring, and it's tedious. A good fight will change everything.

That'll jack you up. That'll get you going. And if you know one's happening, the buzz all day. Oh, yeah. We had a cemetery. That's where we met. Really? Yeah, a cemetery.

They would just fucking fight in front of grades. It was just like a badass school? You had a cemetery? No, I went to a predominantly Jewish school. Oh. So it was very not badass. but we had like two fights a year and uh what's a jewish fight like in high school uh uh a lot of uh i'm gonna call my mother on you yes a lot of don't touch me just the political climate doesn't allow for these kind of this kind of banter or else i would have said something really funny, so act like I did it.

Yeah. All right, all right. We might have to cut that. You went there. You went there. Damn. He fucking did it. How's he fucking do it?

Titus, you in any fights? No, not a fighter. I'm a lover. Everyone knows that. I fuck a lot. You fucked in the cafeteria. Fuck! I fuck a lot you fucked in the cafeteria fuck fuck fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Just getting after it. I only remember one fight from high school. It was two girls pulling each other's hair out.

That was about it. Oh, the girl fights at my high school were worse than the boy fights. Girl fights are significantly more common. Once you grab hair, I mean, I saw chunks of scalp ripped off heads like that. No joke. Crazy. I remember a fight one time. I was in the cafeteria.

We had a first lunch and a third lunch. Wait a minute. You only had a first and a third lunch? No, I'm getting the cafeteria. We had a first lunch and a third lunch. Wait a minute. You only had a first and a third lunch? No, I'm getting to it. First lunch was half the school. Third lunch was pretty much the other half of the school. But second lunch is where the, you know, you didn't want to be in second lunch. Yeah.

Second lunch had some go on brandon the interesting ones were in the second lunch right so you either had first lunch or third lunch second lunch was when they kind of needed the cafeteria clear and and they were feeding some people yeah a lot of cookies i was walking by second lunch one time and i saw a fight and uh And I don't know why, but I kept on going down the hall, and I saw the principal. I was like, you better get in there. There's a fight. And he said, where?

I said, the cafeteria. He looked at his watch and said, all right. And he turned and went the other way. Yeah, you got to wait that out like a thunder storm. Yeah, he did. Yeah. You got to let them tire themselves out. I got in the one fight. What? out. I got into one fight.

What? Yeah. I got into one fight, and it was like the saddest fight of all time. How old were you? 16. Yeah? Me and like one of my best friends were beefing. And it was like a public beef.

Everyone knew the beef. Our whole friend group knew the beef. What was it over? Was it over a chick? I made fun of his sister. That's kind of a dick move. It was a dick move, for sure. What was wrong with his sister? She was great. No, you made fun of her. What did you make fun of his sister. That's kind of a dick move. It was a dick move, for sure. What was wrong with his sister?

She was great. No, you made fun of her. What did you make fun of about her? We were... Bad as fuck? No, we were just high as fuck in my friend's basement, and he was sitting on one side, and two of my friends were sitting on the left,

and I would just flash a picture of his sister to my boys, and we would just start cracking up. And they were like, he didn't understand what was so funny and that was it that was it and then eventually he found out i was showing them a picture of his sister were you acting like you fucked her or something no i was just like giggling hi okay all right anyway me and we wanted to settle it was like two weeks of us not being friends so me the kid and a mediator went to the cemetery had a one-on-one fight for 20 seconds no

one landed a punch and then we went home we were like this is dumb who was the mediator and how was he elected he was elected he was a uh both of our like best friend uh-huh and he just like made sure it didn't get out of hand and then we just swung at each other for 15 seconds did not land a punch and then we were just like yeah this is dumb as hell so there was no winner no winner but we were you buddies after that yes okay it was the most thing that's ever happened yeah i'm 0 for 2 against fights against the same guy both before high school rj kearns one was we were playing yugioh he bent my time wizard after i beat him and one was at a sleepover and he beat me up, but he was naked and I was clothed.

Jesus. You know when the sleepover always had a kid that got naked? Yep. Yeah. What? Yeah, and we were making fun of him and he beat me up naked. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know about naked, but there's always a kid that is wearing too little clothes. Just to be funny?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Huh. Yeah. Oh, girl sleepovers. Oh, and two. We didn't have a nude.

No nudes? No. What am I watching when I have a nude. No nudes? No. What am I watching when I climb a tree with binoculars? What's the point of... High school we would do streaking, but we didn't have like... I thought girls sleepovers were just like nudist parties. No. Not mine. Did we talk about on the anus or here?

Peeping Tom is way too cute of a name. It is. Absolute creep. Yes, it is. Who is peeping?us or here? Peeping Tom is way too cute of a name for the absolute creep. Yes, it is. Who is peeping? Oh, is that Tom? It does sound almost adorable. Peeping Tom.

He's in the tree. Oh, let him go. He's just peeping. It's a dude jacking off in the bush. Yeah, that's an adult looking at you teens. Sounds like it could be a flower. Yeah, peeping Tom. Peeping Tom's in the front yard.

It needs to be creepier. A staring Marvin. Staring creepier. A staring Marvin. Staring Marv. Staring Marv. Staring Marv. I watched something about Mary, that scene where Ben Stiller gets his dick caught in a zipper. That can't happen, right? I don't think it's physically possible.

Well, that can't happen. I've gotten the head before. Anybody got it? I've caught the head. In the zipper? Yeah. You, that can't happen. I've gotten the head before. Anybody got it? I've caught the head. In the zipper? Yeah. Like, not like cut. Like, you can't zip around it.

You can't zip around it, but I've got it lodged in there. My dickhead is nowhere near my zipper. Well, it should be. Well below. Right, Titus? Well below. Is it like your zipper on your knee? Okay.

I'm also a button fly man. You guys should try untangling your clip from one of those things. I became a button fly man. Tangle clip's just a straight phrase. You're a button fly? I'm a button fly guy. I made the switch, yeah. I could never.

It seemed insane. It seems fucking crazy. Wait, what do you mean? Button fly. Just like the pants are buttons. You really do have a button fly? I thought you were kidding. I'm a button fly guy.

Yeah. I never thought I would be. Zipper can't come down. Yeah, you can't have your fly open, really. You also can't get undone in a hurry. Actually, you can. I actually got my first pair like a week ago. Button down.

Why is everybody getting button flies all of a sudden? I don't know because I thought it was going to be a hassle and it's not. Yeah. Very easy. Brandon, you just have to exhale. I was gifted pants that were button fly. Were you pissed for a second? Yeah, I was.

And then I kind of got used to it. I was like, I don't know how to use this. Button fly? Yeah, make the switch. I think I wore button fly jeans to school when I was in eighth grade, and I think I got made fun of. You can't tell. I had some gerbaud jeans.

Can we look up that brand, please? My mom bought me a pair of mud jeans. Do you remember? Marith and Francois Gerbaud. I've never heard that. Never heard? Were you the only ones that had gerbaud jeans? That sounds way too rich.

In eighth grade, it was gerbaud, and it was guess. How do you spell your boat g-i-r-b-a-u-d never heard of that in my whole life am i am i just old so we had some those are fly there's some gerbo jeans and i wore some button flies and i got made fun of relentlessly it might not have been because you wore that no no no no no just made regular jeans. Those were just funky jeans. But they just made... Am I the only one? I had a pair of black jabot jeans.

Yeah, you're the only one. I had a whole jabot outfit. I had a green guest outfit. I had green jeans. Green jeans? Green jeans. Yeah, I wasn't getting a lot of pussy. Yeah.

Until like, never. Has any guy gotten pussy wearing green jeans? There's a really popular cover band down the Jersey Shore, Mr. Green Jeans. I don't know that. Well, that's from Captain Kangaroo, isn't it? Am I just doing old things right now? Yeah, yeah, this is bad for you. You've lost my young ass.

Captain Kangaroo had Mr. Green Jeans. Me and all the other youngsters. Okay, Tommy Hilfiger? Tommy Hilfiger? Yes, we know about Tommy Hilfiger? Tommy Hilfiger? Yes, we know about Tommy Hilfiger. Yeah, I have one of his shirts. We knew about that. So I went from like eighth and ninth grade,

Gassinger Boat, and then by senior year, it was all Tommy Hilfiger. Okay. Okay, all right. I feel you, though. I wore a pair of corduroy pants to school one day and got bullied relentlessly. I did the same goddamn thing, Mook.

I was like, I'm going to look good today. My mom got them for me for Christmas, and I wore them to make her goddamn thing, Mook. I was like, I'm going to look good today. My mom got them for me for Christmas and I wore them to make her, I didn't like, I was like, ugh.

Yeah, it feels weird. Other kids were wearing the corduroy pants and were cool. I thought if I wore them, I'd be cool too. Not how it worked. No, not how it worked.

Stay in your lane. Yeah. It's like here, if you change up your style, ridicule. I'd make fun if you wore corduroy pants in. I'm not a corduroy pants guy. I don't think I can wear corduroy. You, I have like. Ridicule. I'd make fun if you wore corduroy pants in. I'm not a corduroy pants guy.

I don't think I can wear corduroy. You can and do. You're a corduroy guy. No, I don't think I could. Tight as good. No, you can't be too corduroy. He's sitting in a terrycloth outfit right now. He does that, but he could not do corduroy.

Oh, fuck you guys. I'm doing corduroy. No. Prepare to be lampooned, brother. Oh, you know who would be the worst at corduroy. Oh, fuck you guys. I'm doing corduroy. No. Do it. Prepare to be lampooned, brother. Oh, you know who would be the worst at corduroy? Big Cat? Big Cat. No, Shay.

Shay can't wear corduroy. Oh, I can't see him in corduroy at all. No. No. Why? You'd look dumb and stupid. Yeah. Yeah.

Look like Asian Mr. Rogers. Mm-hmm. Mr. Rogers didn't wear corduroy, did he? I just feel like he would. Okay. He probably would. You guys are incredibly on the nose. I had one corduroy sports coat.

My wife hated it. We threw it out. That was so on the nose. We got you down to a science, brother. We got you. Did you guys hear that story about the guy who fell asleep on the corduroy pillow? I'm not going to entertain this. Is that a sexual thing?

No, it's going to probably be a joke. Yeah, it is a joke. I'm willing to to entertain this. Is that a sexual thing? No, it's going to probably be a joke. Yeah, it is a joke. I'm willing to go with you. Did it make all the headlines, Kate? Honestly, did it make all the headlines, Kate? You're like if a Laffy Taffy and Popsicle stick had sex. Deformed like the Laffy Taffy, too. The spine of Laffy Taffy 2 The spine of Laffy Taffy Not today Kate

This week's been so long It's been a week Has the era of jokes on labels Passed us by or did we just not buy those products anymore That's a great question. Adult products should have... Yak merch should have jokes on the tag. It should.

That's a good call. What's the first thing you think of? Popsicle stick? A Snapple? Snapple's facts. It's not jokes, right? But Snapple isn't all facts. You have to Google it to look if it's real.

Oh, really? But that's spreading misinformation. That's a prank. That's probably where the barefoot driving came in. Bazooka gum? That was comics. Right? That was comics.

Popsicles. Popsicle stick is the... Did Cracker Jack have one? Am I making that up? They had dumb stuff in there, like a tattoo or a... Yeah. I liked getting things with my products. I think Jones Soda has a good...

It's like a weird law or something. Or it's has a good... It's like a weird law or something. Or it's a motivational thing. It's like a hopeful, positive affirmation. Yeah. Oh, Lion's Head Beer had the quiz inside,

like the word puzzle quiz. Oh, yeah. That's really cool. Those are awesome. I used to love doing that. Yeah. That should be on everything. I love a good fortune cookie.

Do you? Even though they're mainly jokes that apply to my life, but they're nice. We had a political candidate in our hometown who paid off the two Chinese restaurants to have vote for him inside of the fortune cookies. jokes that apply to my life but they're nice we had a political candidate in our hometown who uh paid off the two chinese restaurants to have vote for him inside of the fortune cookies

and nobody has lost an election worse people were pissed yeah because people want their don't fuck with people don't put politics in my fortune cookie that's a politic free zone yep we have so few of his name was orphelius oh i still would have voted for our first name orphelius yeah we went by orphe that's Orphelius. First name. Orphelius? Yeah, we went by Orphie. That's kind of hard. What was his last name? I got Klempa. Orphie Klempa? Yeah.

Orphie Klempa. That'd be a good OnlyFans idea. Orphie Klempa? You're gonna fuck Orphie Klempa? No, no. You pay me 50 bucks and I have a fortune? Fortune Coochie. Yeah fortune? Fortune coochie. That's not the

worst idea I've ever heard. You could pull the goblet of fire out of that thing. You could pull out the farmer's almanac and give us the weather for when we could reap and sow. Not because you get around. It's because you've pushed out too much.

Large vagina. It's genetic. The tangled clip. Did y'all ever... Your kid repelled at him. He got launched. It was like a well. They had to rescue him. Did y'all ever eat the Cinnaburst gum

with the wrapper still on? Yeah. I thought it was Orbit. No, it was Cinnaburst gum with the wrapper still on? Yeah. I thought it was Orbit. No, it was Cinnaburst, wasn't it? Big Red. I think they all... Big Red has the tinfoil. And Kate made us do that.

And it hurt so bad. No, we did them all. It was like the red, like the cinnamon type gum. I thought Orbit you could eat the whole wrapper. The wrapper. But I learned that that's just because it's paper. But I thought... I know, I fell for it too.

I thought Cinnaburts was like the paper was, it was edible. I don't know why you would ever eat it. But all paper is edible. But not the Big Red because it comes in the tinfoil, right? That's like Play-Doh being edible. It can be eaten, but it's not. We used to, when I was like a dumb seven-year-old, we used to chomp on Big Red with the foil. It tasted like shit.

Why did we do that? I don't know. We just did it. It was just something we did. I don't know. All kinds of stuff we did. I miss Fruit Stripes gum. I had it not too long ago.

You're the only one. Flavor goes quick. Me and Yipes, the name of the mascot. I remember my mom taking me to the store and saying, get Fruit Stripes

because they had it when I was a kid and I love it. And I tried it and I was like, all right. I don't chew a lot of gum anymore. I don't chew enough gum.

You're giving up gum. I'm a gum guy. Yeah, you always have it. You're always pieced up. Always dishing it. I like knowing a gum guy never will be a gum guy. It's the equivalent of a boat. It's a thankless job.

No, I thank you every time. When's the last time you had Pop Rocks? Like a week ago. Really? Yeah. I kind of miss that feeling. I wouldn't mind having that feeling.

I'm a sucker for like old general stores, rest stops, like Tea Berry Gum. Fun Dip? Fun Dip. I like the stick more than the dip.

I'd buy a bag of sticks. I'd buy a bundle of those sticks. I like the cheese that came with the long crackers and you would take that little stick and put that that plastic stick yeah i think fuck those to death i hate those no i'll eat three or four of those packs at a time and i also hated the ice creams with the wooden thing because i hated the wooden feeling on my teeth oh the like the school ones yeah and the wood had a taste to it. Yeah, it was necessary for sure. It was very woody. It was undeniably

wood. Yeah, it couldn't be more wood. It was the most wood you could get. I think so. I think so. Reminiscing. Yeah, we're just talking. That's what we're doing. Do you do Easter baskets for your kids? Yeah. You hide them? No, they know they're coming at this point

so I don't. Well, I mean, that's fine. They can know they're coming at this point so i don't i mean that's fine they can know they're coming mine was coming was still hidden i don't i don't i now i one of my earliest memories was when my the easter bunny came to my house very late one time because the easter bunny got high uh the next afternoon oh belated easter yeah after after we came back from the lake uh the Easter Bunny had to run to Walmart real quick because he had gotten high the night before and hadn't gotten everything. High on what? Huh? High on what?

Oh, probably cocaine and marijuana. Okay. Yeah. He liked to go up and down, up and down. And now he's just down. Like a bunny. Now he's way down. Oh, yeah.

He was like a bunny. Yeah. Pretty cool of him. But, yeah, I definitely do Easter baskets for my kids. And I like when holidays come around because I like going out and getting stuff and putting the baskets together. I'm not very, I buy the material, the gifts, and my wife does the artwork. How many children have you had to break it to about Mr. Claus? I've got one left and we're real close.

Yeah, he's getting suspicious. He's eight, and after Christmas this year, he said, Dad, I know you had that stuff. Really? That doesn't seem close at all. That seems right off. But he's still like, did you do it for Santa? Stuff like that.

He wants to believe. I think he knows, but he wants to believe. He's on the fence. He doesn't want to burn his bridges if he's wrong. He doesn't want it to be over. Right. Yeah. He just thinks you're a big ass elf.

Yeah. I got real into it this year. I had, because this was like my toddler's first year getting what it was and Santa and all that. So I had Pat reading them the night before Christmas and I was outside in the freezing cold ringing jingle bells outside the window. And like really fucking with his mind. Can I just. Yeah. Maybe you could read and Packer be the jingle bells guy outside. That's a good point.

That probably should have been that way. But I set up the different. We had the whole setup of the. It was a bit exciting. Exciting for the show. For me to talk about that. I was enjoying that. Yeah.

We set out reindeer food. He made sure the animals had ranch. Oh, now you're being real stupid. Yeah. But, uh. Had ranch? My toddler wanted to make sure the animals had ranch dressing

to go with the veggies we put out for the reindeer. Did your parents leave cookies out? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The way they would, my parents would leave the cookies made it look so,

like, I was, like, so convinced that, like, Were there bites out of them? Bites out of, like, certain ones up oh yeah yeah the way they would my parents would leave the cookies made it look so like i was like so convinced that like were there bites out of them bites out of like certain ones and crumbs everywhere yeah yeah i just now to for my kids when they leave it out i just take it all down they just get an empty plate they're gone and if i if i'm not hungry for them i'll just i'll take i'll throw them away and then let them know that there's an empty plate there santa cleans up yeah so i probably got one left in me before I can retire as Santa forever. That's sad, man. Yeah.

I might just have to make a new baby. Maybe even try him. Every now and then you say that. Yeah. And part of me would not be shocked. I promised y'all one last year, and maybe I'll just make a new baby. I don't know. If I dropped a new walker in 2025 i mean that would that would further the

brand a little bit yeah it would be buzzing that'd be huge and listen man you're getting up there don't be afraid to tap me in uh maybe if the kids would probably look the same yeah maybe young me looked like a spawn of you uh somebody said on that picture of tommy the other day somebody added you and said it looks like you Like young you Which picture? It was him with the flask You have blonde hair? Very

You know what's weird? Tommy looks great in corduroy and you don't When have you seen my son in corduroy? When have you seen Tommy Walker in corduroy? How old's Tommy? I guess I could see. He's 13. Nick Jr.

Did I fuck your wife when I was... How old were you 13 years ago? I'm 31 now. Did you guys see Red Hot Chili Peppers? Anthony Kiedis. 16, 19-year-old girlfriend? What? He has a 19-year-old girlfriend.

Wait, hold on. Can we talk about a tweet you had yesterday? Fred Durst? Yeah. Absolutely. Back 20 years ago, Fred Durst didn't do much for you, but now I haven't seen him. Yeah, he's way cooler looking now. He is so...

He kind of reminds me of the Beavs. What's he look like now? A little bit. Cowboy? He's like a silver fox, and he skateboards on a half pipe, and he's funny, and he's like... So Fred Durst, not fuckable in 2000, fuckable now. I think that's a very correct take yeah well i need to see i gotta see yeah pull up his instagram there's something about it and he's

going on tour with like uh who's the guy who does all the crazy riffraff oh yeah it's like we're a bunch of losers tour and anyone who comes to these shows are probably losers too like they're just very self-aware i love it i don't know something about him oh yes yeah absolutely no this guy's fuckable he's cool absolutely yes look at that he's cool get him on the half pipe yep 100 are those corduroy pants uh might be they are in a bucket hat that's macho man randy savage it sure Yeah, there's something about him now that just really... I mean, he seems like the man. He is. I love it when guys get older and they just share things

that aren't them on their Instagram. Like, here's a... I googled this picture. Look at this email I found. Yeah, no, I love him now. Big fan. Huh. I hadn't seen him in a while. He does at his different shows now. He, like, comes out in, like, goofy costumes and, no, I love him now. Big fan. Huh. I hadn't seen him in a while. He does at his different shows now.

He comes out in goofy costumes. I don't know. He's really kind of reinventing himself. You don't think you're going to age well? No. Fuck no. I've looked at clips of me from when I first started a year ago. Maybe only I can tell, but probably not.

But I looked way better Your dad's a handsome guy Oh thanks Do I thank you for that? Ear muffs He's not going to care about that from you Nick you gotta unleash this new haircut It looks really good

Oh thanks man Oh you haven't let that out yet? It's not ready yet Yeah it is Gotta cook Nick you look good Thanks man Appreciate you

Take that off. I don't have any... I have hat hair. My mom is really pretty, but I get told I look like my dad all the time, which is... What's your dad look like? He's...

He's... He looks like a dude. He looks like me if I was bald. So I get... Yeah. My whole life, he'd be like, you look just like your dad.

Yeah. I look like your dad. Yeah. I look like my mom. I look like my dad. Not now. Present. If you looked like Uncle Doug to me, and Uncle Doug aged well. Is he tempted to come back up here? Does he want to visit more?

Is he tempted to come back up here? The man has to visit more? Is he tempted to come back up here? The man has texted me with his plans to move here. Oh, shit. Let's go. He has texted me with his plans to move here. Asked me if I would be threatened when he gets the job. No shit. Asked me what neighborhood would be best for him to live in.

I've been ignoring his text for for a good week so i have to really go down here um but it's it's been it's been a lot i'm i'm really having to play defense um let's see i think when we move up there we will move to antioch that way i'll get to see the kids fish and ride forward with us together oh my God. You turned him into a fucking Yankee. Understand, I might need a little bit of your help getting the job in Chicago. I don't want to hire an agent. Is he joking around?

Probably, but he's got to... Him and my mom have the same thing where they can look you dead in the face and joke and you think they're being serious. So I'm having trouble with it. I haven't answered since monday um when he says do you want me to hook you and a couple of barstool people up on a hand fishing trip you can catch 40 pound catfish by hand putting your hand in holes in the bank it'll be a little scary but lots of fun is that noodling that's noodling grabling noodling

whatever you want wait a minute what does he mean hook us up? He'll get us on a trip. He'll get us in the right spot. Why have you stayed mum about that? Because I don't want to do it. I've done it before. I didn't really like it. Add noodle into the wheel. None of you could do it.

I could noodle. I really want to noodle. I could noodle. None of you could. Nobody in this room. I'm sorry. Maybe Kate. Maybe Kate. Titus, you would not do well. None of you could. Nobody in this room. Maybe Kate. Maybe Kate.

You, Titus, you would not do well in Wakes Deep Water, reaching down into a log. Where do you think I'm from? You're from Indiana, but that's not Alabama. Okay, I've never been noodling, but the idea of fishing is not. All my birthday parties were the idea of being messy and dirty. But that's not fishing that's that's grabbing into a muddy hole that you can't see and pulling out a 40 pound creature i

haven't ever done that specific thing but i've done can you show us noodling uh tj so i know what it is why do you think we wouldn't do it because it's gross yeah so what what is it about it's just it's nerve-wracking take offense to that it's nerve-wracking and i just it's not that i don't think you do it i just don't respect you as a man or anybody else. Whoa, whoa. That's what I'm saying. 30 seconds into the first Rediscovering America, I was shoulder deep in a cow asshole.

Would you be shoulder deep? But you could see the cow asshole. It wasn't an unknown cow asshole. It's not like I was familiar with it. This one's not. Is this the one that's Kyle? Is this Kyle? Oh, no.

No. How do you know it's not a snapping turtle? That is Kyle. Yeah, I love this. Have you guys seen this? It's another KB doppelganger. Oh, my God. Oh, shit.

That is Kyle. That is KB. Holy fuck. Yep. I didn't know so he was pulling out another guy yeah that was gripping up

yeah you might be right Brandon I don't want to do that yeah it's just not something by the way that one I think was staged I think they he laid down

with his hand already in the mouth is girls noodling a thing yes oh hot girls noodling and it's just a lot of girls yeah

it's there's some outdoor girls. Yeah, it's... There's some outdoor girls that have gotten huge followings. If it's content, and a hot girl does it, it'll be big. Yep. Doesn't matter what it is.

That's helping block the hole, yeah. Shut up, Brandon. You can hear it when the fish bites me? Oh, he's not trying to open it up. How far down is she? See, that sucks. That sucks. That's terrifying.

And catfish will fuck you up. You like eating catfish? I do, I do. It grosses me out a little bit. That's scary, too. All right, Moody, you doing that? It gives me the heebie-jeebies. I don't want to do that at all.

Jay, you doing that? I did, and I didn't know you had to go underwater. I'm out. Wait, that's significantly larger than you. You don't have to go underwater. You can do it in a bank or in a log, but you might have to go underwater at some point. How is her bank or in a log but normally you you you might have to go underwater at some point how is her hand going through its mouth skills oh so you're

just going inside of that thing yeah you can go either way you can go through the mouth or you can go the other way jesus you gotta grab it i mean you gotta you gotta brandon i don't know if you'd do that i had just told you i've done it before didn't like it at all is it real sandy on the aren't they like real sandpapery on the inside? Yeah. I mean, catfish are just rough fish. Yeah. They have teeth.

They're slimy. It's like sandpaper. They don't have teeth per se, but they got these... Like a grit. They got these like... I don't know what you call it. Like a prick or a thorn on the sides of them that they'll go right through your shoe, right through your gloves.

Yeah. That part would bug me. I don't know what you call it. It's right on the edge of their gills. I don't know. I like getting dirty, though. I'd like to just splash around, see what happens. I don't know that you do like getting dirty.

I love getting dirty. It's the dirtiest you've ever been, Mook. I was dirty as shit on Tuesday. Yeah. And I rolled up to the Soho house. Dirty Mook. Filthy. Filthy did a stand-up set.

I think you should do that. Just roll up to stand-up sets dirty. Covered in dirt. With't know do you tell oh y'all remember titus you weren't here yet well actually i don't think any of you were on the show yet but a couple of years ago i had um there was a instagram thing that went viral of a guy that took two large catfish into a strip club. Oh, yeah. I remember. And we just saw this, and somebody said it, and we looked, and it was my next-door neighbor from Mississippi that I didn't know. No way.

I didn't know. It just went viral, and then it was my next-door neighbor from Mississippi. Flash forward to last weekend. I'm in Mississippi. I'm getting ready for that funeral. He texts me. He says, hey, man, I'm at the river that funeral. He texts me. He says, hey man, I'm at the river. Just got some new ones.

Might take them to the strip club. Do you want to go? I said, no, probably not. He said, well, what do you think we could do? I said, well, let's take a picture with them in the Popeye's parking lot or something. That's the closest parking lot to it. And he said, alright, I'll call you later. And he never called me.

And the next time he sent me a message was two strippers holding up these catfish again yeah now i gotta find that is he exchanging them for dances he's exchanging them for access into the club i think dude barter barter night at the strip club oh my god my God. That would be a good. That's a really good promotion. Bring your own work on a craft all year and bring it in. Wait, so he brought in two huge catfish. Yeah. Into a strip club. Yeah. I don't know if we can do pictures of strippers.

They're not naked. Yeah, then why not? I don't know. How do you know they're strippers then? No, they're just women. They're out of uniform. At that point. Oh, they're strippers.

Yep. Yeah, those are strippers. Do y'all think that's... Yeah, those are whores. Yeah. Good for them. That's awesome. Getting their little free fish.

That's not sanitary. That can't... I don't know. Catfish are gross, man. If TJ thinks it's okay to put it on the screen, I'll let him put it on the screen. They'll eat anything, right?

A strip club has way more unsanitary things than a catfish going on. It's probably close when it comes to bacteria. It'd be right up there. Very cool. He also sent me a video

which I never watched and I'm not going to. Oh, please. What do you mean? He sent me a video from that same night. I'm not going to watch it. Send it to me. Can, which I never watched, and I'm not going to. Oh, please. What do you mean? He sent me a video from that same night. I'm not going to watch it. Send it to me. Can I watch it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put it in the group chat. I'll tell you if it's okay. All right. Here's the picture, TJ, of this happened the last Sunday night on the Lord's Day. On the Lord's Day. Yeah. Now I guess I've got to look at the video Drake

is it strippers dancing yeah with the catfish holding the catfish are they clothed no the catfish are not clothed what about they are they're the boys.

Dogs, dude. So that's what I grew up next to. How many lab dancers? The strip club is crazy. Wait, is he completely barefoot? Oh, yeah, probably. Oh, heavens. And he's wet.

Yeah. He's so wet. He came in dry. That's my boy. Grew up next to that guy my whole life. Wait, on the left? He looks like... How old is he?

He's about eight years younger than me. I was going to say, he could be like 20 or 40. Yeah. I can't tell. Yeah. Look at those angels in the back. Yeah, he sends me a lot of pictures of him trapping hogs or killing beavers. Do you kill beavers by drowning them?

No, you blow them up. Or you can kill beavers by a lot of ways. You can trap them. I thought a lot of people... I thought you drowned them too, which is kind of sad. I'm going to get his Instagram so I can get him some followers.

It's tibbycreek, I think. tibbycreek? Yeah, T-I-B-B-E-E. Tibby. Tibby. What does he do for a living? Yeah, it's at tibbycreek. T-I-B-B-E-E creek.

I don't know. But his Instagram was all animals that he's... Slaughtered? Murdered. Not slaughtered. It's usually the pre-photo. When... Blake Miller.

TJ, follow Dags. Who's Dags? He works here. Oh, come on, TJ. Damn, TJ. Also, follow Tibby Creek. Follow Blake. Everybody follow Blake on Instagram.

See if we can get him up over 1,000. That's my guy. That's your guy? All right. I'll follow Blake. Yeah, whenever I needed a snake killed, I'd always call him. Whenever somebody came home with a deer, did you help with anything? No.

Do you know how to do it? I know how to do it. So if you were out in the woods dying, you would know what to do? Unfortunately, yes. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I don't. I don't know how I'd get over my hunger.

Yeah, I guess that. But I would. Do I have a gun? Do I have a way to kill it? Yeah. Okay. Then, yeah, I'd be okay if I had a gun. All right.

You could butcher it. It wouldn't be good. I mean, it wouldn't be a good job of butchering but i think i could do it you just take out all the bad parts yeah and then get to work on the good parts let's get to work man yeah separating it and cutting it and all that yeah into into the parts that are edible yep now you do know what you're talking about yeah you get rid of the you get rid of the intestines and asshole and everything. Yeah. And you don't... You save the asshole because you might need that later.

Four. Jewelry. Other foods. Yeah. You never know. There's a lot of asshole in foods, Kate. Yeah, I probably... I don't think you understand what an asshole is.

Heavily asshole food. The hole isn't a thing or else it wouldn't be a hole. Yeah. You must be confusing the asshole with the ass. You can't grab an asshole. You can't eat an asshole. There no like onion but an asshole is a thing a hole isn't physical i mean well i must be thinking i think the hole is physical assholes don't exist well the what's the sphincter then that's that's that's what

pushes out the shit but that is the actual asshole, correct? That's the ass. The asshole was nothing. The ass or the cheeks, correct? The ass is all-encompassing, I'd imagine. Yes, but you're saying the hole is created by the other formation. The hole is the absence of other things. Right, the hole couldn't exist without ass. We get paid to do this. So on that golf green right there, you're saying that hole doesn't exist?

It's just an absence of green? That's what a hole is. You couldn't, like, buy a bag of assholes. You couldn't buy a bag of holes. Yeah. Couldn't sell a hole. That's not – the golf hole is not really a hole. It's more of like a –

That's a cup. Cup, a basin, a divot. Yeah. We don't have an ass cup. Yeah. Hell, I'd say – I've got to pee. All right, man. Go don't have an ass cup. Hell, I'd say... We gotta pee. Go piss. See you, Brandon.

Most holes are cups. Technically, I gotta pee. But are most cups holes? Holes aren't really a thing. That's crazy. Time for me to get some takes off now that Brandon's away. Yeah, pop off.

Celtics sweep and holes don't exist. They're cups. Fire. Damn. Any weekend plans? I'm going to go to the Old Town Art Fair, buy some stuff for my walls. Yeah. I'm also in the search for coasters.

What kind of art are you into? Do you know yet? No. You're just, I know it when I see it type. Yeah, I have a pretty eclectic wall going on. I have a lot of old advertisements that I collect, but they've been relegated to the basement. I have nothing on my walls right now.

Just all white. Yeah, your apartment looks like a Benedictine monk's dormitory. Sure, yeah. I have no idea what that means. Very minimal. You've almost taken a vow of poverty like those who wear the cloth. I was going to say psych ward, but yeah, that works as well. Sure, yeah.

A vow of poverty. Get something for your wall, man. I know, I need something. Let's pick something out right now. All right, let's do it. I used to go and get my friends whenever I was at Goodwill because that's generally where I shop. Is that a Goodwill shirt?

Yeah, it's a thrift store shirt. Oh, cool. Yeah, almost all my... But I would always pick out art to take to my... Have I showed neuron treats on here before? Mm-mm. Oh, man. I found one that I got from my cousin when I was thrift shopping.

And it is the best one I've ever found. But I always... Hold on. Hold on. This is a great story by me. Keep talking. I've got to find this one. It's the best thrift shop art I've ever, ever found. And he's taken it to like four different houses.

Y'all didn't let Kate start talking when I left. Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. I fucked that up. Titus, come on. You gotta know. Oh, Indy. Yeah, that's on you. I-N-D-I? Explain it to me.

It shouldn't have to be explained, Mook. What do you mean? So yesterday, the anus, it was a new untold story. Twitter put out our graphic of everything. Twitter instant. And you said we're coming to Indy soon. I-N-D-I. Spelled I-N-D-I.

What do you want to explain to you? Is that not? That's the first, you're the first person in the history of human civilization. Search Twitter. I don't know if that's ever been done. I don't think those four letters have ever been done. It might just be this tweet. It might just be Steve Irwin's daughter.

I might have misspelled it. End of her name. That's Bindi. I think that's more aesthetically pleasing than the Y. No. In my mind, yeah. I think that sent a shiver down my spine. Yeah.

Yeah. I love it personally. All right. Fuck it. You're my guy. I'm riding. That easy? Yeah.

You flipped to Indy that quick? Yeah. Thanks for having my back, bro. Mm-hmm. That easy? Yeah. You flipped to Indy that quick? Yeah. Thanks for having my back, bro. I just, I mean, the people of Indy are. He texted me. I know. There's a decent chance we go to the show and there's just like. Like a shot.

Just fucking people with picket signs outside, you know. People from San Francisco don't like San Fran, do they? No. I thought it was Frisco they didn't like. They don't like Frisco? No, they don't like San Fran. San Fran they don't like? They don't like San Fran.

That seems. What's wrong with San Fran? It's just the first seven letters of the. They don't like Frisco no they don't like San Fran they don't like they don't like San that seems what's wrong with San Fran it's just the first seven letters of the and it's a nice it's a nice rhyme I thought I thought it was Frisco they didn't like yeah they probably don't like Frisco Frisco doesn't make sense in Texas yeah it is that's yeah maybe they don't like Frisco they don't like that city in Texas. Yeah. They hate Texans. SF, I think that's okay. I texted Kyle last night because I found a great geographical fact that West St. Paul, Minnesota is actually southeast of St. Paul, Minnesota. There's a lot of those.

There's a lot of those. Yeah, he had one ready for me as well. Did he hit you back? He did. We had had a good moment he gave me one as well so that's when i dropped there are two discontiguous counties in the country and he hasn't gotten back to me right now has he talked to you about exclaves uh he had he didn't talk to me about exclaves when i was searching discontiguous counties which there are two i saw exclaves now what what is an exclave it's a part of a state that's surrounded completely by another state. So that's what a discontiguous county is.

Okay. Where there's two parts of a county, you have to go through another one to get to the other part. So the states are a little bit crazier. Minnesota has one? I think so. That's all in Canada, right? It's completely surrounded by Canada. And I think Washington has one.

That's also in Canada? Yes. Okay. surrounded by canada and i think uh washington has one that's also in canada uh yes okay washington has one that comes around vancouver and dips back into around the water there very interesting yeah and i don't know anymore do you know any more exclave no no i'm not kyle never will be on forge good parts of florida are one time zone away from parts of Oregon. That's another one. Whoa. Yeah. What? That's just not, that can't be true.

It is true. It's true. No way. It's true. Bet. Wait, that one time zone from Oregon, that is right. No, wait. No, because it's in Central.

There's one separating them. Oh, yeah. So it's two hours apart. There's a human being living in Oregon right now and another human being living in Florida and they are an hour apart. Are an hour apart. That's not true. Their time zones are one hour.

That's false. You're just eliminating mountain time because that piece of Florida is probably central. Part of Oregon in mountain time, part of Florida in central time. Really? Oh. I want to see. Is that a Snapple cap? Holy mackerel.

I'll be goddamn. So if I'm in Pensacola, Florida, or if I'm in Klickitat, Oregon, I'm one hour apart. Nice pool, brother. Wow. Well, it's not an actual place. I know. I didn't know, but I had your back, too. You getting everybody's back today?

I think so. Good for you. Good man. The only thing I've learned on this show is that I don't know anything about anything. Yeah. I know nothing. We're pretty close in age, but like, I don't, like, uh. We're sort of, but like, not.

Yeah. You're a full, like. You're closer to like, you can talk to the interns. Yeah. And I can't. I can like, talk to 22 year olds and also like, be good friends with you. Yeah, I, but me and Brandon will talk about 80s music. What are some things you know, Mook?

Say something you know. About to be a short-ass convo. Tell us something you know. Did you do the Mr. Beast test yet? What's the Mr. Beast test? Oh, yeah. How many people in this photo do you know? How many people?

I see Mr. Beast in the center. That's Jimmy. So it's one. So zoom in. Is that Kai? Two. Kai Sinan. Three.

Oh, boy. Oh, a Paul. I see a Paul, I think. Logan Paul. I don't know a lot of these people. There's the tech review guy. Can I tell you all a secret? Hmm.

TJ knew 27 of these people. No way. TJ, buddy, time to turn off the computer. Who are these people? Oh, their names are on their shirt. All of these people have like 5 million plus subscribers. But he knew them anyway. There's Lexi Rivera.

So there's... I knew Sketch, Kyson, that. Yep. Mr. Beast and Logan. Oh, there's Jay Schlatt back there. I like him. Yeah. Who's Jay Schlatt?

That's Schlatt-y. He's funny. Yeah. Is that Drewski? No. Is that Drewski? No. Is that KSI? Oh, it's Phantom? I don't know why Dude Perfect didn't make the list. Oh, and there's Moist.

Hey, Titus, weren't you gonna... Did Dude Perfect steal something? They stole our mind. That was stolen from... That wasn't a KB original? Heavens, no. I like to just think wasn't a KB original? Heavens, no. I like to just think everything's a KB original.

I like to accuse Dude Perfect of stealing stuff, because what's the downside? What are they going to do? Yeah, they don't get mad, do they? No, I don't think so. They're all Christian boys. Christians get mad. Even Jesus flipped over that table in the bazaar.

That's right. What's it called, a bazaar? I don't think so. No. When did bazaars come about? What is a bazaar? B-A-Z-A-A-R? Is that just a soiree? I think it's like a flea market.

Bazaar's a market. Yeah, it's a little flea market. Mook, did you know that? I did. Doubt it. No, you didn't say it. Did not. I want to it yeah what's something you know I'm curious I want to know what does mook know

what is cards give us a trivia question and if you stump us all yeah you win okay you have time you're gonna have to

give me a second yeah yeah yeah I want to think of something like possibly gettable so we can I'd love to hit up a bazaar

this weekend. Yeah. Sounds like you might be doing that. I guess I tech. Oh my God, I am. What are you hitting up? The Art Fest, and then I'm going to get up to the Midsummer Fest.

A lot of fests. A lot of fests. It's fest season. A lot of many fests. Name two auction houses that sell sports cards regularly. Pristine? Sure. Cool.

Sotheby's. Brandon, need you on this one maybe? TJ? Christine's? No. Topps. No. Bowman.

No, that's a brand though. Topps is also a brand. We knew that. PWCC and Golden Auctions. All right, there we go. Okay. that's a brand, though. Top's also a brand. We knew that. PWCC and Golden Auctions. All right, there we go. Okay. That's a dub. That was a bad fact, though.

How is that a bad fact? It's just not a good fact. That's where the highest-selling sports cards ever on the marketplace. You didn't get one. Ah. What's the card everybody wants right now? What's the highest- I'm not going for ah.

The highest-pric price card ever sold? I think it's a Trout or a Luca. It is? It's not still Honus Wagner? No. It changes. I'll look it up though. So you don't know that. I was trying to set you up for something you knew.

I'll also look it up. I don't want to get in your personal business. Are you still seeing Mean Girl? No comment. Mickey Mantle sold for 12.6 million. Take that as a yes. Oh, Sotheby's was right. No way.

No shit. Katie Sports. Can you turn your head and look that way a little bit it looked like you were no it's just a shiny hair clip I thought you were wearing tin foil in your head

it's a raccoon in a trash can really? oh that's a good hair clip it's upside down is it? he's going the wrong way. Sheesh. Name two sports card authenticators.

PSA. Yep. That's one. I saw a PSA about wearing clips like this in your hair. I guess women who get in car accidents, when they slam back into the seat, their hair clips go right into their skull. Women who get in car accidents. You could have said women.

Yeah. That's the whole thing accidents, you could have said women. Yeah. That's not great. No. This one's really. It would just be embarrassing to die by raccoon hair clip. PSA. It would be fitting for you. Yeah. I think when you go, it'll be by some sort of animal

trash. Pussy animal trinket. maybe yeah does bowman authenticate i just need to see revel's twitter and then i'll know because that's all he tweets about that mostly i mean i got a trivia question for you brandon actually really well you don't have to what like card collectors what are they trying to nab right now cards that are hot off the presses what do people want want? Luca is going crazy. Tatum's going crazy. Is it all jersey cards?

No, autos and low-numbered rookie cards. That's still a big thing. It's low-numbered rookie cards? Yeah. It was a huge thing when I was 12. I remember my brother had books and books of like... But the ones we collected back then are fucking worthless. Yeah.

The ones they make now are... They figured out how to make them expensive. Isn't it a weird thing if it's numbered, but the number of the card is their jersey number? It quadruples in value? It ups the value, yeah. It's a weird fetish. It's the gayest hobby ever.

You're collecting pictures. No, no, no. Sucking dick? I went to the Wholesome Leather collecting pictures uh no no no sucking dick i went to the wholesome leather festival sucking dick a hobby for some yeah it's sport for some it's a job all right brandon 2006 this mlb rookie uh had a card that came out in tops and it was an error card where his face did not appear on the card who was this rookie i'm glad you came to me okay because the national league started in about 19 1895 okay okay and then in 1903 they started the world series of course which was the uh the american league versus the national league now there was no world series in 1904 but then 1905, it was contiguous all the way up until 1994.

Get them, Brandon. When there was a strike, and so they did not have a World Series in 1994. They started having the World Series again in 95. What a question. That's when the Braves won. I'm building up to the answer. Oh, okay.

It's going to knock your socks off. The Braves won in 95. Now, 96 is where the Yankees won. They won 96, 97, and 98. No, they didn't win in 97. The Marlins won in 97. They won 96, 98, and 98. No, they didn't win in 97. The Marlins won in 97. They won 96, 98, 99, 2000. Okay.

So that was impressive, 45 years. And, of course, 2001 came the fall of the Twin Towers and 9-11, and everything changed that day. So that was going on. Getting on a plane was as easy as getting on a bus. It really was. And then, of course, in 2002, Barry Bonds played in the World Series for the first time, lost to the Angels, which

leads to 2003. Marlins win again. Now in 2004, that's when the Red Sox ended their 86-year drought of World Series by beating the New York Yankees first after falling behind 3-0, and then they beat the St. Louis Cardinals. So that brings us to 2006.

Here it is. I don't know. That's so good. Okay. Who is it? Alex Gordon. Why would I know that? Why on earth would I know that? You asked me to ask you a question that you wouldn't know.

We asked you to ask the group a question. You've zeroed in on me. Because I feel like you're the baseball guy. I actually knew it was Alex Gordon. Who did he play for? The Royals. Shut up. Royals.

You knew it was Alex Gordon? Yeah, I played for the Royals. I fucking love this show, man. There's worse jobs out there. There are way worse, yeah. Ashton Kutcher has a twin. Really? Not as attractive as him.

Is this a new twin or has this always been around? He just came out. Just dropped. As twin? Yeah. Coming out as twin. Did you guys see all Brad Pitt's kids are disowning him? Yeah, they're toasting him on their Instagram stories.

Really? I thought it was for branding purposes. They didn't want Pitt. They're changing their last name. Pitt's not a good last name. It's not. He's too hot. Jolie, though.

Jolie. And she was Jon Voight's daughter. Was her name Voight, or was that not his name either? He also sucked, so she went to Jolie lee according to a tiktok i don't know what i'm talking about he was in varsity blues he was the bad coach oh is that who that was yeah he was he was bud kilmer he's a national treasure yeah he's in anaconda as well yeah he gets spit up and then does he wink when he gets when he gets thrown up by the snake no one wilson sneakily dies in that national treasure was no snake in National Treasure.

It was still the Declaration of Independence. He was Nick Cage's dad. Who was the first death in Anaconda? Ice Cube? No, that's... Was he later? He lives. Ice Cube lives?

Ice Cube lives. Owen Wilson? Owen Wilson definitely... Wait a minute. It was probably just a nobody. Ice Cube lives, but was I... Who was in Deep Blue Sea? LL Cool J.

And he lives no samuel jackson right he dies he's the first death in deep blue sea uh-uh what about that guy pressed against the glass i didn't see deep blue sea but i have seen the clip of him dying and yeah we are gonna motherfucking swim off this motherfucking boat these motherfucking sharks he sliced it he He sliced in half with his purple lightsaber. This motherfucking deep blue sea. He's motherfucking sharks. I never saw snakes on a plane.

Nor have I. I did see the clip where the snake bit the girl in the titty. I didn't see that. I feel like you don't need to see snakes. Is there a titty? You hear the title of the movie and you're like, I've already seen it. You see Samuel L. And you're like, I get it. Is there Samuel L. and you're like, I get it.

Is there a titty bite in one of the Piranha movies? Probably. I would think so. If I were me, if I were an animal? You going straight for the titty? Oh, yeah. Me and Titus, probably. Yeah.

Why are you and Titus? Why not me and Milk? Why are we not going for titties? Come on. Don't make us say it. Dude, I get jealous of dogs cuddling with girls. What? Hated that.

You'll never see a horny-ass dog, and you're like, that guy's got the life. I love seeing Dalmatians in public, and I ask, what kind of dog is that? Lands every time, except for right now my mom asked me a depressing question last week when i was about uh her plot my mom's been asking me about her plot lately no it was about um she said uh i won't what's i want a dog what's and it's gonna be the last dog i ever get what should i get oh and i'm like god damn really we going to be the last dog I ever get. What should I get? And I'm like, God damn, really? We're planning for the last dog you ever get?

That doesn't mean she's dying. I mean, she just doesn't want any more dogs. No, she meant it like this would be the last. Oh, like you help me pick this out because you'll probably have to have it. This dog's seeing me to the end. She's 68. She's not that old. Yeah, it's not going to be her last. Yeah.

Yeah, so we're down to English Bulldog, Yellow Lab, or Basset Hound. Basset. Yeah. Yellow Lab is a lot of work. She doesn't know, but I've already ordered the dog. Well, dude, she watches the show. I didn't say what I ordered. So what?

She knows I'm getting the dog. So there's no secrets here. Mouth it to me. What type did you get? Basset hound? Yeah. I mouthed it to you. Yeah, no.

Good secret. I do love basset hounds. We had two in our neighborhood that whenever my dad was grilling out, they would just slowly lope up our driveway, and my dad would give them hot dogs, and then they'd lope back home. Was there ever a time when your dad wasn't grilling out? No. What's the drawback of a Basset Hound?

They got bad bark? They got deep bark and I think they'll run off. Sound like a deaf person. They like to hunt. They'll run off on you. Yeah. They are cute. I've had many a Basset Hound.

You've had many a Basset Hound? My mom, those are favorite dog breeds. We had Billy Wayne. We had Eddie. We had Bubba. We had Bo. Are they the logo've had many a Basset Hound? My mom, those are favorite dog breeds. We had Billy Wayne. We had Eddie. We had Bubba. We had Bo. Are they the logo for Hushpuppet Shoes? Katie, Peanut, maybe.

I think they're the best dog. Long ears. It's been hard to find a Basset Hound. They shed. They shed. They're low to the ground. Their ears will get in the water bowl. What was the dog in Fox and the Hound?

That was a fox. The other one. Oh. It was a hound. It was the dog and fox and the hound um that was a fox the other one oh it was a hound it was a hound for sure hound dog sure it was definitely a hound shit i never saw the fox and the hound even what movies you've never seen fox and the hound what was the saddest dog related movie is it is it marley and me marley and me see i never watched that i i you can go to does theogdie.com before you watch a movie. Yeah. That was the difference in Turner and Hooch and in K-9, which both came out in 1989 and were both dog-related cop movies. Jerry Lee lives in K-9, but Turner and Hooch, Hooch dies.

Wow. So that really, K-9's a better movie because he lives. But Jerry Lee is, he does fool the cop into thinking he's dead. I think a chihuahua gets eaten in one of the piranha movies right before a titty. These piranhas are assholes. Are piranhas really like that? I don't know. I really think.

Are they really built like that? I don't think, do they don't fuck with people, do they? I don't know. Every once in a while, you'll see a video come out of India that's haunting. When I was in third grade, I was led to believe you stick your arm in a river of piranhas. You pull it up and it's your bone. Just bone. Does India have piranhas?

I thought it was South America. Maybe India has piranhas, too. India's got Bengal tigers. Also that fish that swims up your penis hole. That's South America. The kanduru fish. Is that a real thing? Oh, yeah. One of my biggest fears. Well, I learned about that from Anaconda. maybe india has piranhas too also that fish that swims up your penis hole uh the that's out the can do roof fish is that a real thing oh yeah one of my biggest fears i learned about that from anaconda you can't piss oh yeah it was in his throat no it did he said oh he got in the water he said the only thing i'm nervous about is the one that's what's that guy getting his throat

see that i had an mri the other day and the magnets or whatever like i had i accidentally had my bra and i was like you got to take it off but i didn't feel the magnets or whatever like i had i accidentally had my bra and i was like you got to take it off but i didn't feel a pull or anything like that like i didn't feel anything did you see the butt plug thing yes going viral the other day yeah holy no you want me to talk about it no no i didn't see it previously had a different answer it was yes yeah did i say yes yeah you did But I certainly didn't say it confidently, did I? I guess this person, it was a lawyer posting. Lawyers were sharing like the craziest cases they ever had.

And this lawyer had a case where the person had a 100% silicone butt plug. And the packaging says like 100% silicone all the way through. And I guess some people get off on like being out in public with like anal beads in or like a butt plug or something like that. Or like a dildo or those underwear that vibrate. I've heard of these people. Yeah. Mook. But anyway, this person went to get an MRI with a silicone butt plug in.

And because they thought it was, I guess that wherever they were getting the MRI was like higher up and it was only no metal whatever well the packaging lied and there was metal in the center of the butt plug i guess like at the core and when the mri machine went on it sucked like look at that oh that's their chest cavity okay it sucked the butt plug up through their body they survived but it caused like catastrophic okay uh why are you wearing a butt plug to an mri yeah you're going to a place that's taking imaging of you right up her booty canal but i'm saying people get off on doing stuff like that but she's going to a place where she knows they're taking pictures okay it is going to a place where they're taking a picture of their body it's going to be body, it's going to be... The butt plug's going to be... It's not illegal.

What are you going to do about it? Yeah, but it's like, die. Die. Well, they didn't know there was metal. That's why they're suing. The person didn't know there was... So what... I mean, they should say you can't have anything in your ass for MRIs. Right. They should just die. What percentage of people I see on a daily basis... They tell you not to eat the night before and also don't

shove anything up your ass. Yeah. Maybe that's why they had something up their ass. They ate something the night before. Remember in Jackass when they put a toy car in a condo One of the best pranks ever. Oh.

Yeah. Hell of a prank. Fucking love Jackass. It was amazing. I love Jackass so much. My favorite Jackass stuff is when the dude would put a sock

over his dick and then put it in a snake's Chris Pontius. Chris Pontius. The new Jackasses since their bodies are all falling apart and they can't do the extreme stunts anymore it's all it's a snake's... Crisponius. Yeah, Crisponius. The new jackasses, since their bodies are all falling apart

and they can't do the extreme stunts anymore, it's a lot of dick. Oh, yeah. It's very funny. When he made his dick real flat between the plexiglass... That was crazy. I laugh and laugh and laugh.

When in doubt, you go dick. Yeah. You're losing your fastball, prank-wise. A soft penis is like a cat, right? Like, they can, like... Oh, they can get to small areas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard too.

Yep. Nick, you want to go and do the High Noon? Sure thing. Introducing High Noon's all new vodka iced tea. It's time to finally ditch those sugary based malt based teas

and try High Noon vodka iced tea made with real vodka and real iced tea it's non-carbonated with no added sugar and 90 calories high noon vodka iced tea is great for any occasion under the sun and it comes in four delicious flavors you've got to try original peach lemon and raspberry visit highnoonspirits.com and find it near you all right jay what are you doing this weekend brandon um i i was telling titus this i this is the first weekend i don't really have any plans whatsoever i'm taking the wife to a steak dinner tonight um but otherwise i i i got wide open i might go mantequing tomorrow i might just i might just mill about the house i know i know about eight o'clock tonight i'll be in the boat

sitting on water nice that's all i. What are you doing this weekend? Some fests. I nabbed a nice reservation this weekend for somewhere that was tough to get. Yeah? How'd you do it? Refreshing the site. Really? Yeah.

Trick the system? I think just one was canceled maybe, yeah. I've never thought to do that. Whenever I try to reserve a restaurant and it doesn't have, I give up the search entirely. And I just leave the computer and I come back later and try another restaurant. Yeah.

I get very discouraged when trying to get a reservation to a restaurant. Yeah, I wanted this spot and what I want, I get. I don't think that's really that true. Rule of thumb. What are you doing, Titus? I don't know. Going to the beach today. Oh, yeah?

Hell yeah. I'm excited about that. Are you going to take your shirt off? Yeah, I'll pop it off. I don't mean to say that your stories are starting to clash, but you told me earlier you were going to the pool. Yeah, we were going to go to the pool. Change of plans. Oh.

Are you going to go in the water? I got the text. You didn't tell me that your plans had changed. That changes my whole weekend. That changes everything for you? Yeah. I thought we were doing pool. We're doing beach now.

So, yeah, we'll see. That sounds nice. Would you prefer pool or beach? I don't know. I've only been to the beach once in Chicago, and I was very sad about what it looked like there and just the whole vibe there. But that was when I just moved here, so maybe a year off.

Moved here from where? Well, see, I used to actually live in Los Angeles before I lived here. Oh, that rocks. Speaking of rocks, who was the guy who had a bunch on him? That's my dad. Right. Yeah, that does... A guy had like a...

Anyways, it doesn't matter. I don't know. I came back just in time for this? I mean, most of the time yeah was it giles cory no how do you guys feel about uh sharing your location on your phone i do this debate i don't know how to do it like would you your would you let your wife know where you're at at all times yeah i would yeah i'd have no problem with that. I have it shared with partner.

I have no one that cares enough. I wish I went to family in Indiana for Easter, and I remember walking into the house with my phone, and then it was gone, so I wish I had it. Did you never get it back? Never got it back. You had to get a new phone? Had to get a new phone.

You cut out some parts of that story. You're just walking in with your phone. I remember setting it down and then family and there's toddlers everywhere. And I think toddlers, they see something. Were you sipping? Hit the bottle a little too hard? Yeah, that phone's in a toddler bag somewhere. Yeah, it's in a toddler bag somewhere.

But I wish I had it to know. They checked to see and I didn't have the location on with Pat. Who knows where you are, Titus? My mother. And we've shared, like, my mom can see mine and I can see her location. And I don't know, there is something, like, heartwarming about just knowing. I always know where my mom is. Does she ever hit you up?

Like, oh, I see her at the beach today. She does it sometimes, yeah. Though she doesn't, like, it's more if, like, I'm going on my mom is. Does she ever hit you up? Like, oh, I see her at the beach today. She does it sometimes, yeah. Though she doesn't like, it's more of like I'm going on a trip somewhere. She'll just kind of live vicariously through where I am at the time or something. I have my little sister. But some people are weirded out by that. They're like, I don't want people to know where I am. I don't care.

I have Greer. He accidentally did it with me years ago. He also had it. Let's see. Greer's a big share my location guy. Is he full time? Greer loves to share his big share my location guy. No, there is. Is he, like, full time? Greer loves to share his location in a group chat.

Not at the office. Oh. There are serial location sharers. Like, there are people that, like, have a hundred different people on their map. Is this a fetish thing? I don't know. I kind of like it. I like pulling up the map and seeing where people are.

I like two or three people, and I like seeing that my network is spread out. Brandon, give me yours. All over the country. Yeah, Brandon, let me get yours. Let me get in on that. That's fine. How do you do it? I think you just hit shit.

Yeah, I'm looking to add to my. Anybody can know where I am at all times. At all times. Yeah. Anybody in this room? Would you ever. Well, not. Would you ever Apple tag your kids?

I mean... You lost your son at the beach. I mean, yeah, I think I would. Yeah. I think... Well, I mean, I got them starting to drive soon. Yeah. And I'm considering some measures, sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Or just at least Apple tag the car that I give them. I've kind of been thinking about it for the beach season's coming up. I'm a lot slower now. Yeah. They are slippery they're really and are they like uh pet cats where they always want to get away they don't want to be my toddler's hitting a phase where yeah he's a runner he takes off he takes off he did it the other day and i was putting my baby in the stroller like five seconds and I looked up and he was just gone.

He's got to be like almost out of toddler range, right? He's like a little boy at this point. Yeah. So I guess I should stop calling him a toddler. Yeah, because he came up here when we were doing the movies and you brought him up here. Yeah.

And he just talked to me like he was just a dude. Oh, he smokes. They point out the fire alarms and left. Yeah. All, he smokes. He pointed out the fire alarms and left. Yeah, he did. All right, man. When did you guys become a man? The Jewish faith, it's 13. Not then.

As a Gentile. As a goyim. As a goyim, yes. I became a Jewish man when I became a man. When was your bar mitzvah let's see when I stopped parking on the cool side at Sonic

where everybody's sitting on their cars that's a small town thing I guess y'all wouldn't know there's a cool side and there's a gay side every Sonic has a cool side and a gay side sorry and the second that you no longer care if somebody sees you on the cool or the gay side,

you've grown up. You're a man. I like that. So I probably stopped about 24, 25. I was fine parking wherever I could get a spot. But in high school, if you parked on that first Sonic, you know, you drive in and curl around. If you parked on that first side you're just a loser you're a fucking loser

and then what the other side was like the scene that's where the pussy was yeah corn dogs and hand jobs that's what Sonic was back in the day still is probably corn dogs and hand jobs I would

I'd go to that restaurant corn jobs and hand dogs corn jobs and hand jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would, I'd go to that restaurant. Corn jobs and hand dogs? Corn jobs and hand dogs, yes. Corn jobs and hand dogs. Can I get a corn job? One corn job, please. I'll take a, I'll take a hand dog, too. I'd become a man, I don't know.

It wasn't until, like, after I was married, like, 26 or 27. I don't think I'm there yet. Oh, you're not. I can tell you you're not. Definitely not. You're not particularly close. What do you have to do to become a man? What is an example of becoming a man?

Plant your seed in a woman. Sorry. Does it matter if it's for fun? No, you just have to plant your seed in the belly of a gal. Or tie a knot really well. Yeah, tie a knot really well is a good one. Or plant your seed. Grill a perfectly nice piece of meat.

Save somebody. I feel like if you save somebody, you're a man. That's a good one. I think making food taste good isn't manly. Man should just eat whatever. Making food taste good over an open flame outside is manly. Good shouldn't matter. Yeah, just making food, period.

But you can become a woman by making food, too. Too good. Change a tire? That's a step towards manhood. I don't think that's the ultimate. Power through a severe injury, further injuring yourself because you're too proud to fix it. Okay, that's not bad. That's manly.

Yeah. Kate, when did you become a man? Felling a tree. Probably in the last four years or so. Yeah. Yeah. I was a woman. 23 to 26 and then.

You were a woman but not a lady and then faded into a weird middle ground. Yeah, never a lady. You were a lady. When was the last time you donned a gown? 17 for about two months. Yeah? Yeah, what was your last lady moment? Jesus.

You were doing corn dogs and hand jobs. Yep. Years. You got dolled up for the film festival, didn't you? Oh, yeah. I kind of got dressed up. Were you like a prissy girl growing up? No.

Yeah. I was a tomboy. Had the bowl cut. Yeah. And the mullet. Yeah. Had a weird, super hairy mole on my face that my parents let stay there for way too long. Yeah, I think if hair grows from a mole, it can't be cancerous.

That was good. No, but it can make you want to kill yourself. You know, Kate, you didn't have to tell us that. No, I know. It was bad. That just made me gag. That was not something that made me... It was gross.

It was so gross. So how old was this hairy growth? I would like a... Oh, no. You would what? No, stop. Roll the hairs? Stop. Oh. I got like... You twirl it like a what? No, stop. Twirl the hairs? Stop.

Oh. You twirl it like a mustache. Yeah, see? Yeah. When I was really thinking. Yeah. Oh, dude. And then I would tell people, I was starting to get made fun of for it, and I would tell

people the hair cutter messed up, and it was like cut around. Well, that's kind of funny. No, it was very clearly how low on your where was it it was like right here i have a permanent scar now from where they finally got it removed because i was getting bullied so much oh yeah how old i was like probably 11 or 12 i was like way too old oh i see in my mind you were like 17 and i was like oh no i was troubled no but it was already bad yeah it was a shit was already getting bad i would trim it okay all right stop just okay titus you guys don't have a weird gross thing somewhere on your bodies oh uh yep uh titus probably doesn't titus i have Edgar's shit on my body I'll show you

I have a mole on the top of my head and every barber almost rips it off every time it bleeds there you go Mook you've got to I got shit that I don't even know I try not to look at my body I avoid my body at all costs

I avoid mirrors often. It's 80 degrees. Look how I'm dressed. Che, any imperfections on you? I have a... You can show us your tattoo. I have a brand that's man-made. We talked about that a long time ago.

You're branded? Yeah. Like a fraternity? Yeah, like high school friend group. Your high school friend group had a brand? When we were going off to college, yeah. Stuck a coat hanger in a fire. Where's it at?

Were you guys drunk or was this sober? How many was in the friend group? One. Dudes like seven. It's a one-man wolf pack. Seven dudes? Are you still in touch with all of them?

No. You're branded. I am, yeah. That's pretty cool. We should get a Yak brand. Yeah. Were you guys drunk? That's a straight line.

No, not bad. This was a conscious decision. So was there pre-planning here yes yeah uh i i that's you can get some really bad infection i mean i had a high school group of friends probably four or five deep would never consider branding each other you still in touch with them yeah i just went to one of them's wife's funeral yeah so that's my boy matt uh ken brit which i don't really talk to ken anymore derrick i talk to occasionally of course dr ned One of them's wife's funeral. That's my boy, Matt. Ken Britt, which I don't really talk to Ken anymore. Derek, I talk to occasionally.

Of course, Dr. Ned Miller. Of course. I talk to him a lot. Phil Patera that owns the Brandon Walker Smoking Lounge. I talk to all the boys. I just got asked to be a groomsman in my high school friend's wedding. Oh, congrats. Big shout out, Lil PP Marky B.

That's a lot. Lil PP Marky B. Mark is black. Look him up where'd the little pp come from he at school when you'd be like in your car you'd knock on the window and then his penis we pressed real real good that's good and then i one time i like rolled the window down and up real quick but uh did you get it yeah i got him small little thing though i i i couldn't hurt a fly realization because we're sending connor to a wedding for mostly sports next week i'm just i'm just done with weddings forever why what do you mean i don't i mean there will be my next generation of weddings will be my kids and all that but as far as me and people i know and and what about us friends with yeah

you're gonna be in nick's wedding mook's not getting married not for a while titus has been married for three years just hadn't told anybody that's right kate she ain't getting married uh shay's married already big cat's married me and kyle kyle's probably gonna get married with four people in attendance. Like his dad. Kyle might be getting married right now. This might be his wedding. 100%. So Kyle's not going to tell all of us.

Right, we'll never know. He's just going to show up married one day. Be a groomsman at my wedding. Your wedding is the one that concerns me that I'll probably have to be involved with. So at least be there. So yeah, I didn't think about you. And, of course, TJ's a possibility, too. You can come to mine.

TJ's a big possibility. You kind of gave me everything I have. No, I didn't kind of. You'll be at TJ's, Evo's, Connor Griffin's. Zah. Zah, you going to get married? I'm going to get Connor Griffin's. Connor Griffin.

Yeah, you'll be at Connor Griffin's. He might make you be a minister for his wedding. Would you get ordained? I would. I already have. Really quick. I wanted to save it for Friday's show. Okay.

But I have kind of a bit of a surprise. Do you guys remember Fella Friday? We do. And do you remember the guy, the Phantom? I loved the Phantom. He shreds guitar in the cemetery. I loved it. Can you pull him up?

Yeah. Yeah. Love this guy. I love the Phantom. I was waiting for him to send the link, but I reached out to him, and I was like, can you do a yak intro for us? Like a new spooky fun mix up and he finally, it just

came through. He just sent it and so TJ I sent it to you. Can you play the phantoms yak intro? Kate, this is incredible. You haven't heard this yet? I haven't heard it yet. I haven't even heard it yet. This is incredible.

Good shit, boy. Good shit, Kate. Yeah. Nice. What the hell? Bad, I'm pretty good shit, buddy. I don't know. The link's... All right, Kate, while you work on that, let me set the...

What the fuck? Hold on. Oh, this sucks. Wait. I revoked the good shit. No, wait. Oh, what is that? What?

What? Oh, my God. He's here. Fuck what is that? My God, he's here. The Phantom is here. Yeah. Like Wesley Willis, I'm saying rock on, Chicago. Yeah. Let's fucking go. Hi, Phantom. Hey, Phantom. Sit down, please. Have a seat. Let's fucking go Hi Phantom

Sit down Holy shit it's the Phantom Oh my god how'd you get here Back to good shit Kate How we doing Phantom I'm doing great how are you my friend Are you Phantom or the Phantom The Phantom

We're the Yak so it works out Welcome to Chicago Thank you where are you from Oakland California The Phantom or The Phantom? The Phantom. Okay. We're The Yak, so it works out. Welcome. Welcome to Chicago. Thank you. Where are you from? Oakland, California. Oakland, California. And how'd you get here?

I walked over. Hell yeah. Do you have a show in Chicago tonight? I do. Reed's Local tonight. Oh my God. Be there. Be there, please. Reed's Local.

What should we expect from a show? Just a little bit of this. Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo? A little bit of this. Woo-hoo! A little bit of this. How can I escape from the haunted castle? How can I escape from the haunted castle when they got me in this chains? Woo-hoo! Fuck yeah, the fans. Yeah! You shred, dude. Thank you. Fuck yeah, The Phantom.

Yeah. Shred, dude. Thank you. Hell yeah. Oh, my God. How old were you when you became The Phantom? 21. 21?

Hey, you sat on this. Yeah. I've been struggling the whole episode. I've been so excited i told nick i couldn't keep it inside i was like the phantom's coming well i remembered i was explaining to him because i had to explain fellow friday to the phantom and i remembered following him and seeing he had a show in chicago tonight and i was like what if i hit him up and he actually is free and he just drove down from what, Milwaukee? Milwaukee.

Yeah, he's doing like a cross-country tour. Yeah, how have the shows been? So far, so good. It's only been Milwaukee so far. Rowdy? Whoa! Do you want the shows to get a little rowdy? Yes, please.

Yeah? Hell yeah. Reeds local. How did you get into this particular genre? Like what? Well, I invented it. It's called ghoulish rock and roll. It's rock and roll like Chuck Berry and Elvis and Little Richard, but ghoulish.

Ah. I love it. What's the difference between a goblin and a ghoul? Oh, that's a good question. I don't know. Great answer. What led you to ghoulish? Well, you got to do something.

That's true. I like ghoulish stuff. Yeah. Like what? Do you like goulash? Yeah, I like goulash. I've had it before. Haven't been to Hungary, but I've been to a Hungarian restaurant.

What's a ghoulish activity? Like, how does somebody do something ghoulish? Well, you can go to a graveyard. That's a good start. Ah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Have you ever, like, do people get mad at you for playing in the graveyard?

Or like, nope, it's always just been awesome? It's almost always been awesome. Some people will say, I hope you shred on my grave when I die. Yeah. Haven't gotten any negative feedback, and I've been afraid of it because I thought maybe someone would be like, that's my grandma. How dare you? But it hasn't happened yet.

Oh, I love it. Well, they know you mean well. Yeah. That's right. And how can they stop the phantom? They can try. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's right. And how can they stop the phantom? They can try. It's not going to work. It's not going to work.

Oh, my God. Incredible. Any new songs dropping soon? Well, I just put out a song called Like a Wolfman. And it's out right now. What's it about? Well, it's about making someone scream like a wolfman. Oh, yeah.

Wait, it's about making a woman scream like a wolfman? Well, it's open to artistic interpretation. But yes. You're screaming like a man. A hairy one. Screaming like a hairy man when I lay it down. Fuck yeah. What's the songwriting process like?

Well, I'll come up with a concept. It could come to me anywhere, anytime, maybe even right now. And then you just sit down and write a song. Oh, my God, you're the fucking man. So this look you got going on, is this 24-7, 365? Is this like I'm making a public appearance, so it's time to throw on my phantom? My bones.

Well, the practicality of the bones in the cape don't always work, but as much as I can. Yeah. Hell yeah. Are those real bones? Coyote bones. Holy shit. Is that your real hair? It's my real hair. Fuck with it. Yeah, he fucking rocks. Yeah. You rock so hard.

That's awesome. Best fella. Is this the first fella to actually come to the office? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm the first fella. Oh, hell yeah. The first fella to the office. Hell yeah, brother.

Sweet. Oh, my God. Be sure to get tickets. I know. Available on your website or at the door. Tickets at the door. At the door. All right.

But IsaacRother.com. That's I-S-A-A-C. People misspell it. R-O-T-H-E-R.com. I'm on tour now. Yeah, follow him on Instagram. If I can get a babysitter tonight. Where are you going next after Chicago?

Detroit, Rock City. Okay. Hell yeah. So Detroit, there it is right there. When you're booking shows. Cincinnati. Do you send them a... And you're like, I do rock and roll, but ghoulish.

And they're like, fuck yeah, come on through. Indianapolis. That's pretty much how it works. Oh, right. Hell yeah. Sweet. Oh, you're road-dogging, dude. I know fuck yeah come on through indian apple that's pretty much how it works all right oh yeah sweet oh you're road dogging dude yeah he's going everywhere dude that's oh yeah you're doing it every fucking day too every day and you're are you driving every driving you got a van uh i got a rental car it's ghoulish though is it ghoulish rental car how's it ghoulish? You're in it. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck. Woo! Yeah. Fuck yeah. This is so good. I love you, the Phantom. Hey, I love you too. I'm so happy to be here.

Thanks, man. It'd be cool if you just stayed for future episodes, and whenever we say something funny, you just... Yeah, give us a little... Yeah. Wait, Kate, do your, like, the corduroy joke real quick. What kind of pants does Mario wear? What? What kind of pants?

What kind of pants, Kate? What? Denim, denim, denim. It helps. You know what? I thought it would yeah uh that was that joke was too bad it was too bad it was too bad for that sick right that was that wasn't good enough okay fair enough that's fine this is oh my god i'm so excited yeah thanks for being yeah you rock the phantom uh you're at i'm thePhantom underscore 666. That's right.

Other than Chuck Berry, who are some other inspirations? Little Richard, Bo Diddley, Chess Records out here in Chicago, Hank Williams, The Misfits, Black Flag, The Ramones. Yeah, very cool. Stuff like that. Notice they're all dead. They're all dead. That's the number one requirement. Yeah. Very cool. Stuff like that. Notice they're all dead. They're all dead. That's the number one requirement.

Hell yeah. I have been tasked with gritting on Mr. Ed's grave, and I'm wondering, is there a way we could collab here? This is brilliant. Would you shred on Mr. Ed's grave? Would you shred on Mr. Ed's grave? Mr. Ed the horse. Mr. Ed the horse.

The horse that talks. The talking horse. Yeah, it would be a great honor. Oh, my God. We've got to say that. Yeah. I've got to have talks. It would be a great honor. Oh my god, we gotta say that. I could have the phantom shred while I gritty on Mr. Ed's grave. That is the perfect marriage of music and gritting on a dead horse's grave.

It's in Oklahoma. It's never happened before. Have you ever shredded on a famous grave? Yes, one of my biggest influences Bela Lugosi. Dracula. Oh, whoa. Is there any famous graves here that you could shred on?

TJ, can you look up most famous dead guy in Chicago? Al Capone, maybe? You should start a cameo where people can request that you gritty on their family member's grave. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. You get down to Mississippi ever? Probably not. I've been there once, but I haven't played there yet.

Al Capone. John Belushi. Wait a minute. Harry Caray. John Belushi was a music man. Harry Caray's name wasn't Harry Caray? Ailman. Oh, whoa.

What's Ailman? God damn. Okay, it's fine fine let's not get bogged down yeah that's not worth it oh my god so what's uh what is like a big career goal that you have full-time phantom okay hell yeah are you there yet no okay working on it does Barstool have a phantom yet? What's the phantom's other job? Substitute teacher Summer's off baby Do you ever take the guitar in? I have before Show the kids how it's done

Oh you got like Jack Black vibes in School of Rock Big time Yeah I've gotten that big time oh my god well the phantom thank you so so much man this has been an honor if you want to play you want to play like uh play us out yeah play a snippet of uh your favorite thing to play uh what out there yeah yeah stand out there and can you play us out uh do we have any more ads or no yeah we got a couple more okay yeah we got a couple more things to do. And while you're getting into place, I'll just tell the people about Game Time. Did you know you can get tickets to Cardinals Cubs right now for only $60?

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Terms apply. Download the GameTime app. Last minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. And Phantom, you do whatever you want to do, man. I'll do Shady Rays after this. Oh! Woo-hoo!

Hell yeah. Oh. Woo. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh. Woo. Yeah.

To the man. Thank you. Thank you, Phantom. To the man. Thank you, Phantom. That was great. Wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel. Oh, wheel, wheel, wheel. Oh, God. Wheel, wheel, wheel. Wait. Paige, wait. Paige, wait. Paige, wait. Thank you Thank you Phantom Thank you Phantom That was great Oh god Wait

Paige wait Paige wait Hold him up Hold him up Hold him up Go go go Go Jay Alright

Make sure it's ghoulish That guy's the best Ghoulish hug Oh my god he's the best Just a genuine Good soul Great shit 10 out soul. Great shit. 10 out of 10.

Great shit. I was so excited. Well done. Well done. Man. Oh, there it goes. Oh, this is awkward. That was one of the easier ones.

That was one of the easier ones. Hell, yeah. Thank you, Fadum. Thank you, Fadum. I kind of want to hug that guy myself. Yeah, he's just a good, just a great fucking dude. Great vibes. It's perfect that he's the substitute teacher.

It makes so much sense. I think if we'd played a guessing game, one of us would have got it in the first three guesses. Oh, yeah. Yes. Substitute teacher. He had a mint scrowl to his voice. Oh, yeah.

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Gonna be hard to top the Phantom. I love that he said he plays ghoulish rock and roll and then when asked to elaborate, he elaborated on the rock and roll part. We all understand ghoulish. Chuck Berry, you know, Elvis Presley, the Ramones, but ghoulish. But then he proved it was quite ghoulish. It was ghoulish.

It was. I hope that guy's dreams come true. I know, me too. Go to his show tonight. Yeah. I honestly kind of want to. I want to know who's going to that show. You need to go to that show.

I know. Where is it? Something's Local. Reed's Local, which is a really cool hole-in-the-wall bar. It's actually like a legit cool bar. Where's that? It's up near where the old office used to be. Belmont, yeah.

So that's very close to Belmont. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, super close. Hell yeah. Those album covers are sick. Fucking awesome. Super close. Hell yeah. His album covers are sick. Yep. Yeah, I might swing by. I'm definitely swinging by, actually.

Oh, so Harry Ellman wasn't Harry. Why was his picture? Harry the Hook. Okay, Harry Caray. Thank God. Everything's right with the world. Thank God. That was bothersome.

Not myself as a nerd or sports nerd, but I've been going to sleep every night by watching Cubs broadcast from the 1980s. Really? Oh, my God. Are you a sports nerd? Fell asleep to the Cubs Reds last night. Oh, that's kind of sick.

Yeah. Harry Carey. Does he hold up? Not really. What? The whole time he's just talking to some grandmother in Paducah or Skokie. Wait a second. You just said he doesn't

hold up and then now you're saying that that's confusing right no that's the whole time he's not really talking about the game he's talking to some again that's confused i'm asking you does harry carry hold up and what you're telling me sounds awesome okay all right yeah see that um it's in a ghoulish way yeah holds up where are you getting these? YouTube? TJ, you want to spin the wheel? Boy, do I. What does that mean? What did that mean? Wait a minute.

I don't know. You son of a bitch. Colloquial. I don't know. I was real scared. I'm feeling good. Yeah, happy Friday, guys. Vibes are high.

It's a Friday vibe. The weather's perfect. Nobody deserves it more than us, folks. Vibes are high. It's a Friday vibe. The weather's perfect. Nobody deserves it more than us, folks. Nobody. My baby's daycare is in Little Puerto Rico, and I've been informed that I better get over there and get him, because it's

the parade this weekend, and the street's already buzzing. Shit's already getting... Little Puerto Rico. Isn't your baby speaking a little Spanish now? Yeah. What does puta mean? Why is he calling me that? I don't know.

All right, get over there and get him. Otherwise, we'll see you guys Monday. Everybody will be back. Thank you to the Phantom. Go to Reed's Local tonight. Reed's Local tonight for the Phantom. I am the Phantom underscore 666. I just followed him.

He's a good poster. Yes. All right, that's a yak. Thanks. It's a yak. It's a yak. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap. It's the act.

It's the act. Hey, have a great weekend, everybody. Vibes are high. I don't know. Something feels right about this Friday. I'm going to go drink a margarita outside, I think. That song, Close to You by Gracie Abrams, came out last night. It's a song of the summer.

Okay, stay safe. Love you guys. See you Monday. Bye.