The Yak - Brandon Might Be A Vampire | The Yak 5-31-24

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

He also might be making a fly-fishing podcast with SasYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello, it's the Yak. Yo, TJ, pull that up. Hello. It's the Yak. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.

Roback.com. And swim trunks. Let me get the pic. Got the pic. Hello, everyone. TJ's out. He's going to Darts Day. Yep.

In New York? Yeah. Well, he's going to visit family. He's out today and Monday. He's got to see Big Tim. Stephen Chay's moving. Mm-hmm. Nick's in Ohio.

Mm-hmm. Fuck that guy. Facts, facts, facts. Nick and I are going to fight in Rough and Rowdy. Nick's in Ohio. But we do have the Brandon-Sass combo That people have wanted Hell yeah

Go ahead boys Go ahead boys I've been waiting for this moment for a while Yeah Get stuff off my chest Also Sass Way to get the haters off you Wearing something totally different today.

Oh, yeah, I know. Slightly different Patriots top. No, it's the same one I wore yesterday. You didn't even remix the recipe. No, no. Literally, I put on another sweatshirt, and then I said, you know what? I'm just going to go with the Patriots one. And then I had a great conversation with my Uber driver about the Patriots for 15 minutes.

Hell, yes. Yeah. We ended the drive, and we were like, nice chatting with you, man. Oh, five star? Oh yeah. 15 minutes, why aren't you just staying over here in the hotel where Pop Punk is staying? Are you staying somewhere else? The Citizen M. Oh. Beautiful,

beautiful Citizen M. Not in the Four Seasons with F? No, no, Francis is in the, he's in the executive suite. Yeah, Francis is living it up. He said he has like three rooms. It's nice. I do like the Citizen citizen because i've always wanted to sleep where my feet are touching the wall nice yeah well you have to crawl up into your room no that's neo-futuristic modern we were talking about that in the car ride that there's nothing worse than going to a hotel where they just try to be so futuristic and you can't. Oh, yeah. Like, your iPad controls the lights.

Yep. You wake up in the morning, it's pitch black. You're like, where's the fucking light? Oh, I forgot the light switch don't work. Where's my iPad? I've got to find my iPad. Oh, you want to open the curtains? You need your phone out.

You need the app. Like, dude, a light switch never needs to be replaced. It's the most convenient thing ever. You walk into a room, it's right there. Yes. You turn on the lights. you walk out of the room, you turn off the lights. Not this place, though.

You can watch music videos on the bathroom mirror. Yeah. Which I have always wanted to do. So, yeah, so Brandon and Sass. Get it off your chest, boys. Do it, Brandon. Again. Brandon, do it.

Here we go. We really don't have much to talk about. We'll find it. We'll find it. We talked yesterday for a Again. Brandon, do it. Here we go. We really don't have much to talk about. We'll find it. We'll find it. We talked yesterday for a little bit. The other day I texted Sass. I said, I have a boat and a lake. And he said, okay.

I said, I've heard. He didn't want to fish in a stock pond. I've heard, exclamation point. No, just a, I said, he said, when are you leaving? And I said, Sunday. And he said, I have a boat. And then he said, and then like five minutes later he said, and a lake. Well, he was hoping you would. I put two and he said I have a boat and then he said and then like five minutes later he said and a lake well he was hoping I put two and two together

that would be awesome landlocked boat in his driveway but yeah we when we were driving back yesterday I got of the sass and Francis dynamic was very funny we spent what 20 minutes debating lake whether lake

bass exist? Well, because I said the words. It was the dumbest argument, but it was so funny. You bicker about everything. But it wasn't. It's not a dumb argument because he insists that I'm wrong constantly. Sass was right in this case. And it's a thing that I know I'm right about. You were arguing over whether bass live in lakes?

No, no. There's a trout called a lake trout. That is the name of the fish. I said some trout get really big, like lake trout get really big. And then Francis was like, lake trout? There's lake bass. There's way more lake bass than lake trout.

I said, well no, there's no such thing as a lake bass. But there is such a thing as bass in a lake. But if you caught a largemouth bass, you wouldn't be like, check out this lake bass I got. You'd get laughed off the lake. But you might say, I got this bass from this lake. And someone's like, oh, a lake bass. No.

Alternatively, there's sea bass, but not sea trout. Oh. Yeah, you're right. There are sea bass. Wow. But then Chilean sea bass, Roan, take it away. Yep. You know where we practice these lines.

It's a sham. It's a sham. It's a Patagonian toothfish. Yeah, but I think Francis was missing the, he didn't understand that there was actually a trout called a lake trout. Yeah, but it was a good 20 minutes of our car ride that was very entertaining. I was just sitting in the front seat driving, just listening to them go back and forth while Nick, KB, and I

were just like, yeah, keep going. We were egging on different people. Stoking the fire. Yeah. That's the top bickerer, I think, at the entire firm of Barstool Sports. Gotta be. But I don't even think that was bickering. I think that was just me standing my ground. Well, that could be bickering, right? I wasn't instigating

anything. That was him. He's pulling up Google. You were pulling up Google. Yeah, we have multiple Googles. There is no proper noun, lake bass. It's such a simple end to the argument. There are bass in lakes, but there is no fish called a lake bass. Yes. So how did that go 20 minutes?

We kept on going. We were going sidewise. Francis realized he was wrong, and then he's trying to find different angles. I was defending Francis and being like, well, what would you call a bass that you caught in a lake? A bass I caught in a lake? Yeah, or a lake bass. If you were talking to another angler, say myself, you wouldn't come up to me and go, look at this lake bass.

No, I wouldn't do that. But if I said it, you would know what I was saying. I would be opening myself up for mockery from you. Exactly, yes. Extreme mocker. I would never do that. You got to stay on your toes in the community you just stay sharp by bickering i feel like you're like uh it's very puppyish of you it is it's a good way to not let people know how fucking stupid i am yeah instantly come back with a counterpoint to everything

the ego is a nasty thing and the highlight highlight was you running through your Tuesdays. Can you tell them your Tuesdays? Oh, I can't. Yeah, Sas had the car fucking howling. Well, I run a show on Tuesday, and not a lot of people come. Tuesday's a bad night for comedy. And I said that I go to the stand,

I bomb, worse than anyone's ever bombed, and then I go to my show, I host, and I bomb, and then i do a real set and then i bomb again and then i go back to the stand and bomb one more time it's every tuesday every single tuesday and you lose money and i lose like 70 bucks he takes it he gets paid like 20 bucks he takes a 30 uber to get there and my show's free. I don't make money from it.

So every Tuesday, you devote your Tuesday to quad bombing, and then you go home, and what's on your mind? I try to squeeze in some video games if it's not too late. How do you look back at the day? Oh, you just put it. That day doesn't count. It's just the windshield's bigger than the rear view for a reason, brother. Didn't you not get up

at, like, weren't you supposed to get up on Monday night out here? Wednesday night. Oh, we had Wednesday. Why didn't you get up? Because I had to come here to upload our podcast. I thought you were going to get up, though. Didn't Francis move mountains to get you some stage time? He did. He moved mountains. What were you going to say, Brandon?

But the windshield, you're looking forward, but the rear view, you're looking through the back window, which is approximately equal size to the windshield. No, the rear view is... The rear view, yes.

I'm talking, this is a jelly roll. But you're looking through... People say this, Brandon. You're looking through a window that is exactly the same size as the front window. I think we're thinking about like a Mustang or something

where the rear view is like a tiny little... Yeah, the front is bigger than the back. Front's bigger than the back, but it's not. No, it's bigger. There are some, I bet. I bet there are some. Your rear view, for sure. Exactly. Correct. How do you drive a Wrangler?

I drive a Jeep Wrangler. My windshield is smaller than my back windshield. I don't think that's true. That's not true at all. We can measure this. It's 100% true. That's not true at all. We can measure this. It's 100% true. If you pop the top off. We can look up the measurements.

You can just look at my Jeep. The front windshield is like a strip and the back is a full. All I'm saying is there's something poetic about a 37-year-old winning New Country Artist of the Year. Stephanie, can you look up the specs? Who's working? Oh, Doug is working. Why are look up the specs? Wait, who's working? Oh, Doug is working. Why are we looking up specs?

I'm telling you, the front windshield is this big, and the back windshield is twice as big. The Wrangler could be an exception because it's a- Is that true? It's not a normal car, and it's one of the most uncomfortable cars I've ever been in. Yeah, and a lot of teenage girls drive them. A lot of them. If Brandon's right, they're going to take back Jelly Roll CMA. Yeah, I think he is right.

That's a great speech i feel like it's only me ron and kb that have heard it no i've heard it you've heard it yeah it gets me fired up it's a great speech you guys should have jelly roll on pmt for real yeah i would take he's a great he's a first of all the podcaster dude i'm face price isn't right what is this what did it say the base price was? $39,000. And what'd you pay? I got taken for a fucking ride. Jesus Christ. The most expensive Jeep Wrangler ever. You must have got it souped up.

You pimped that thing out. You got a 2024? I still don't think it's... Huh? You got a 2024? I did, yeah. What's the rubber duck thing with those cars? Apparently, and I didn't know this, if you drive a Jeep and you park it in a parking lot, somebody likes your Jeep, they'll put a rubber duck in your...

Is it just the Wranglers? Just the Wranglers, I think. I don't know. I've never had another Jeep. Because I had a Jeep for a while, like back in high school. I've been given two rubber ducks. Oh, I've seen the array of rubber ducks. I hate that.

I don't love it, but I also don't want to be the guy that doesn't do it, so I have my two ducks on my dash. Well, super duck people, you'll have a custom duck. I didn't buy my own ducks. I was given my ducks. A super duck people. That's a wrestling move. Some people have like 50 of them.

So they will create, you know how you have your business card? They will do an order of ducks specifically, like maybe a duck that kind of looks like them, or like is a soccer duck because they like soccer. They'll have a stash of personalized ducks. I'll never buy a jeep because of this i have a regular duck and a vampire duck it's kind of creepy i've also seen a guy who takes dead chicks and has them like embalmed and he like leaves those on people's jeeps i thought all of this was like i should be trafficking tactics oh there's also a wave we have to do yeah you go oh yeah the way i know the way yeah

very familiar that's got to be the lowest bar for like you know because people like to be part of There's also a wave we have to do. Yeah, you go to the wave. I know the wave. Very familiar. That's got to be the lowest bar for like, you know, because people like to be part of, feel like they're part of a community, but just be like, we bought the same car. Well, it's a... We're long lost brothers now. There's like meetups for Jeep Wrangler owners. It's not a car, it's a lifestyle. Yeah.

It's just very rarely another 45-year-old man. I used to drive a Dodge Neon Sport and we would leave Parliament cigarettes on each other's car. It's your calling card? It's usually a teenage girl. Teenagers.

This community is mostly filled with teenagers and me. If you put a rubber duck on a teenage girl's car, you would we got him boys that is that is the language it would be like a group of like 10 teenagers recording you being like it's easier to meet a 15 year old girl and you'd have a bag of rubber duckies putting them on dashboards. Placing them. So many teachers do that. How many guys do you think have rubber ducky tattoos because they own Jeeps?

I bet a lot, right? I hope not. Right on the calf. And they're also, they're the small ducks. They're not big-sized ducks. They're just the little tiny ducks. I have two tiny ducks on my Jeep. Get rid of them. I Jeep. Get rid of them.

Those might have microphones in them. Who's bugging my Jeep? The FBI? Yeah. They're like, no one would buy this car that isn't a teenage girl. We got to track this guy. Just saying. You should look.

I bought it because my daughter's gonna be driving next year and i'm gonna give it to her so i did buy it for a teenage girl will you be cleaning it out for huh for her you mean taking my ducks no you're trash it's cleaned out now oh it is yeah it's clean brandon's a uh i'm a rapper hoarder i drive a lot i drive to get something in his car and there was like 16 Wendy's bags. That's not even, I don't even go to Wendy's like that. How many Wendy's bags? Maybe one or two. Like 14?

Oh. Yeah, it was all it was like a, all on the Has Wendy's replaced Chick-fil-A for you? No, no. No. No. No, but just on the road. Because I eat on Sundays too. On the road? Yeah. You do eat on Sundays. I eat on sundays we were wondering yeah that's a real tough problem because chick-fil-a is not open on i know i yeah i'd like to eat on

i've written to my congressman about have you ever considered like ordering chick-fil-a on saturday night and then picking it up oh no that's a fat guy move i mean come on i think that's actually a pretty good idea you're like i with 14 wendy's bags and his car would never do he was why hasn't someone ever opened up like a a food truck and just park it next to a chick-fil-a on a sunday there's got to be enough like that's happened to me where i've driven like two chick-fil-a on sunday like oh fuck i forgot that was a great idea yeah are you saying to to buy all their stuff sat and sell it Sunday? Joey, can you go to the tech room, get a tape measure, and then go out and measure Brandon's front window on his Jeep and his back window?

You'll see it's a white Jeep Wrangler. Whatever car you think a teenage girl would most likely drive. It's got a shattered windshield. Two ducks. Two ducks. Front window, the length and the height, and then the back, same. And come back to us with those numbers. And that's Joey?

That's Joey. I haven't met Joey. That's your new boy? He's one of my new boys. Oh, you want to know where my other boy is? I know where he is. I was about to ask. Yeah, we got the camera. Yeah, there he is. He's been there since 9 a.m. He clocked me three times today. What's he doing?

I got him the voucher tickers, so he's counting men's and women's who goes in. Oh, my gosh. Like, go to the bathroom right now, Brandon. He'll tick you. Yeah, he will. He will. He'll tick you.

He's been doing a good job. He'll do a quick tick. Whisper in his ear, don't tick me. No, don't. We need to keep numbers. Is this to see... Slip Mofinski. keep numbers. Is this to see who's wasting time? No, it's to see how many women use that bathroom because I'm thinking about annexing it. He's going to take it over.

For the men. Making a little double up on men's. Yeah. Let's not fall down. Go back. Finally. Yeah. A little cigar lounge for the fellas.

I like this guy, Jacob. He's grown on me. Yeah, he's a nice nice yep yep there he goes addicted oh no but he did go in he went in you went all the way he's making him take it every single time. He went in. Yeah, look. He's playing that.

He's like, you broke the play. He's doing a great job. You broke the play. Yeah, you broke the play. We already know. Yeah, he can't do it again. Oh, no. He's juicing the numbers. Oh, no.

Oh. Oh. Don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't know what to do. yeah oh fuck yeah what's he doing you know the camera's there yeah oh nice but but here I think there could be a flaw in this uh this study because if a woman knows she's being filmed going into the bat that bathroom is she less likely to use the bathroom

and have somebody counting how long she's been in the bathroom we haven't been filming it all day that just i set that camera up just for the yak well even if a woman knows how a guy is outside of the bathroom clocking her entry and exit of the bathroom is she less likely to use that bathroom true well let's get someone for the other one. There's a way around the clicks. You broke the plane twice. I know, but he said he wasn't prepared for me to go in the women's bathroom. He said he would not click if I went in the

women's bathroom. Oh, that's wrong. Right. So. Oh, actually, that's right. That's right. No, we're trying to see how many women use that bathroom naturally. So if I wanted to get not get clicked, I could go to the women's bathroom, use the bathroom, and I wouldn't get clicked. Right. Kate, what do you think about my hypothesis that this could be skewed because a woman might be less likely to use a bathroom if they know someone's clicking outside, waiting, and kind of clocking how long they've been in the bathroom?

Yeah, that would definitely deter. Shit. We won't even pee if there's someone else in the bathroom let alone a guy sitting right outside is there is there any behavior a woman would feel comfortable doing with a guy clicking next to you counting instances of literally anything i didn't think about this i hate to say it i hate to ruin it you don't have to even with the ladies bathroom though you don't even have to put the camera right like you could hear them pissing from here yeah true and bitching ladies piss louder yeah they piss like a fire hydrant exploded what lady pissing yeah where are you getting it when i was in high school

i was in high school the girls bathroom and the men's bathroom were right next to each other, and you could hear the girls pissing through them. What the fuck? In high school? Oh, yeah. It's like someone dumped a full water bottle into the fucking toilet. No, he's right. When I pee, it's like my flaps are getting kicked in by a firefighter, and the door's just flying off.

Like an outlaw at a saloon door. Yep. Oh, shit. How did you clock that, Taz? That's a crazy thing to notice. Dude, because that's what I noticed it from high school. We used to always joke about it. That's his Tuesday night set.

You ever notice how hard girls pee? Yeah. Pretty much. That's how it is. It's so hard. Well, we'll have Jacob come on. I want to go another hour. Pretty much, that's how it is. We'll have Jacob come on. I want to go another hour. Why don't you just annex it?

Why don't you just do it? Because I don't want to do it if that's a... Oh, here we go. We got Joey's. Here, come talk in the mic right here. I like Joey. Yeah. Wait until the info comes back. Yeah.

I'm trying to... Okay, you're good. All right. So the front windshield is cracked across the front. Wait, don't editorialize this. Hold on. I've said that on here. I know.

But you said that like two months ago. You haven't gotten fixed. I ain't paying that much money. Nothing wrong with, you know, cracked windshield. Someone did a hit and run on me a couple months ago. I haven't fixed it yet. This isn't about you. Okay, that's fair.

So the front across is 57 inches. Okay. Top to bottom, it's 19 and a half. Okay. Okay, then you go to the back. It is 49 and a half across. 18 and a half top to bottom. I was right.

I don't think they make cars where the front isn't bigger than the back. That's a small. Thank you, Joey. No problem. Appreciate it. Brandon's going to go remap. Much smaller. He no longer likes Joey.

He spoke too soon there. Yeah, he did. Listen, you did your job. Brandon not accepting the results at all. Do they make any cars? That doesn't make any sense to me.. Do they make any cars? Like, it doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah, it wouldn't make any sense.

The front windshield has to be a certain space. The dimensions of a car are kind of limited. Right. Like, the dimensions of a car are going to be terrible. I thought Brandon was going to argue

like the Jeeps, you pop the top off and you look in the back and it's like, there is no windshield and it's like wide open. I thought that's where he was going. That's a good argument.

What about the Cybertruck? He was way off. No. No, the Cybertruck is no windshield and it's wide open. I thought that's where he was going. What about the Cybertruck? He was way off. No. No, the Cybertruck is all windshield. Yeah, it's all windshield in the front. Because it has to be a regulation. You have to have a certain amount of windshield. Yeah.

Where's Brandon going? Is he going to go fix his car? He's going to stretch it out? I don't know what he's hoping for. He just didn't want to accept the results. He's got to go shit out. I don't know what he's hoping for. He just didn't want to accept the results. He's got to go rubber ducking. I got to get out there and take a look for myself. He's going to start yelling at his car.

You embarrass me. Pretty close, though. Not really. Not really, yeah. It's like eight inches. Yeah, he said, I can't remember. 57 and 49. But up and down was it 18 or 17? Up and down was like half an inch different. Yeah, that one was half an inch difference, but you multiply them, right?

Isn't that's yeah area? Yeah It's grippy length times width times height mmm, I think that's there is no way volume volume I think that's... There is no width. Is that area or volume? It's volume. Length times width is area. Area. Length times width is area. Then area. This is very basic.

Yeah, absolutely. I saw one of those Twitter posts. I was like, what's the answer to this equation? And I sat there for like 45 minutes trying to figure it out. Like trying to remember... Like order of operations shit? Yeah. I hate that shit.

Trying to remember how to do long division. the great thing about those is the people in the comments are wrong so you can't even even if you look at the comments yeah and you see an overwhelming answer yeah it doesn't necessarily mean it's right yeah right because if you're the type of person who responds to that like you're an idiot you You just walk around thinking you're going to be Matt Damon and they're like, we got him. This guy finally figured it out. Let's hire him. What do we got? I'll be god damn.

Yeah. I think every car is that way. I doubt every car. Should I get Joey back in here? You want to go through the whole... All the cars? Actually, yeah. Have Joey go try to find a car that might have a bigger.

I mean, he could probably eyeball it. Walk around the parking lot. He doesn't have to do every car. He doesn't have to measure them all. Just eyeball it. Tell us. All right. I'll get Joey back in here.

Fuck. The cheap I was shocked. We really used our interns well today. We got to use them. It feels like that front window is so small. But I guess it is a little bit bigger. I don't know what car model is. I still win.

We'll have Joey find it. Why don't you make that girls' bathroom into showers for the fellows? We have a shower upstairs. But everyone's clamoring. I mean, our car ride was talking about, man, I wish there was more showers. Oh, we could. That's what our car ride was. That's what we were talking about.

Yeah, maybe we just do one shower head. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, locker room. Yeah, prison style. So around the pole. For the record. It's all around one pole. All right, Joey,

so can you go into the parking lot and you're just going to have to eyeball it, but see if you can find whatever car would have the closest front windshield, back windshield size similarity. Okay. Best would be if the closest front windshield back windshield size similarity best would be if you could find a back windshield that's bigger than the front windshield yeah so just eyeball it maybe find one or two uh we don't need pictures just just if he finds it we need to yeah if you find it but yeah measure them and then make and model awesome thank you license

plate number two yeah so we can have them move it. Yeah, these interns. What'd you do today? I stood outside the bathrooms. Sat outside the bathrooms. And I found windshields. Happy birthday to Mincy, by the way. Oh.

How'd that come about with the bathrooms? Bathrooms? Yeah. I went into it. Were you not here? Oh, you might not have been here. There uh been a lot of death lately there was damn you were very close to bill walton the uh women's or the men's bathroom had them someone was cleaning it so i did the proper thing yeah and i used the women's bathroom i've done it can i say something yes we cry in there that's a crying room

he's got that on the that's our secondary peeing room a third clicker for it okay uh i went in there and there's just huge trunks that look like it's uh metallica concert and i guess it was from the video board and it made me think wait how these have been in here since we moved in here. They're using it for storage. There's no way that this is a used bathroom. So if it's not, why not? Well, pull it back up again. Pull it back up again. Oh, no!

Oh, no! No! Go ahead, lady. What the fuck? Don't alter the data. Manipulation. Manipulation. Oh, no. It's flicking.

God damn. Manipulation. We got to go. We got to go. No, no, no, no, no. Yep. 12.30 p.m. That's when we have our cry every day.

We all go in there and we cry. That's interesting. I knew they'd be there. It's over. Yeah. Yep. That's a lot of clicks that's two hmm no it doesn't count is there i don't even know where the other bathroom took titus so long

women cry so fucking loud too oh boy i'm. I suspect there's a hidden bathroom here somewhere. You don't think Big Cat has his own? There's two downstairs. There's one upstairs. There's got to be a second bathroom somewhere upstairs hiding. Second bathroom or a piss corner. There's got to be a piss. There's got to be somewhere.

A piss? No. There's something else. And if it were easy to get in and out of that back, that's a great pissing backyard. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't it be a cool idea to create like an outdoor like there's a drain there's whatever but like you put some fake pine trees and like some fake animals and you get to feel like a man outside like uh the dog area at the airport yeah yeah like one of those but for guys outside that would be great that's genius my dad used to pee behind our shed like just to do just because you know it's the

best i had an outside spot at my house. How do guys actually like to do it? I love pissing outside. I think it's because our memories of doing it is always when we have to pee the worst and it's the most relieving. Oh, I disagree. I love peeing outside. You just like to do it?

Because you don't have to aim. 80% of my pisses are outside. I read something on Reddit from some dude who used to be a server at Bohemian Grove. And he said that all the rich guys would go outside and piss. And it was like a big controversy. Must be a server at Bohemian Grove. Yeah.

Is Bohemian Grove just a restaurant? Like Benihana's? The name of it. And they would just all go piss outside. I thought Bohemian Grove was sworn to secrecy and had like the... Was that the pedophile thing? Yeah. It's like global elite

being pedophiles and that's the best story he has is that the dude Yeah, he said there was nothing exciting. He said that was like the big one. No.

Yeah. I love peeing outside. It's great. But do you ever mixturate? Huh? Huh? What?

What does that mean? Mixturate is I think it's Latin for pee. Is that a type of pee style that mean? Mixturate is Latin for pee. Is that a type of pee style? No, Mixturate is Latin for pee. Okay, I thought it was like a wild one. Why do you know that that's Latin for pee? I took one year of Latin.

It sucked so bad, dude. And you knew the word for urine? Mixturate with celerity. Means can I go to the bathroom quickly. Oh. Check that. It takes way too long to say. What does ungulate mean?

I don't, dude, I took one year. Is that a hooves beast? Well, you knew mixture eight pretty easily. Is it a hooves beast? That's because you know, Puerto Rico, Albano, I took a couple years in Spanish. I know how to go to the bathroom in every language.

Mixture eight is like, you were a good student. No, I'm saying I know how to say go to the bathroom. Spanish, I basically, I took like two or three years, and then it got hard, and then I just started it over again, and it was awesome. Cago intolation. That's what I do when it gets hard.

Yeah. Start over again. So how would you say I have to go to the bathroom in Latin? No idea. Why is Latin taught? It's a dead language. Why don't we bring it? I think it's taught because- You can taught what what's it's a dead language why don't we bring it and if it's I think it's taught because dead if it's not everywhere you learn like you can every language came from Latin so why did it die who let it die yeah who's the last guy

and why didn't he teach his kids it might be you fuck and you look up what uh go to the bathroom quickly in Latin? Yeah, I wonder if anyone's... How is it a dead language? Couldn't be more off. What's victory? Can we hear the pronunciation? Wait, so what do I know?

What did I say? That sounded super Italian. I mean wasn't built in the day when in Rome but this it they taught it at my high school and like the Latin teacher would come up and like lean on the door of another Latin class and like eat an apple and talk oh yeah. Oh yeah, every Latin teacher in the entire world is Robin Williams from Dead Poets Society. Yeah. It's him.

It's not like the cool Harry Potter type sounding though, like the tongues. I don't even think we spoke it. I think we just learned a couple words. So I learned it's super religious. I was in a Catholic school. So you knew what mix rate was? No. I thought it was like a Catholic school. So you knew what mixtureate was? No.

I thought it was like a criminal way to piss. How do you make wine? Wait, what's a criminal way? Like when you get caught like peeing in public indecently, that's a mixtureation. Like pissing by a school and then you become a sex offender. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong. Can you look up mixtureate with celerity i wouldn't mind getting some mixtureating tonight some illegal pisses here we go what does mixtureate yeah yeah it's urine pocket mix it up well that's just

no but it oh it's it's m-i-c-T-U-R-A-T-E? Oh, yeah. To pass urine. Urinate. Take a bite. What the fuck? All right. All right, well, I sucked at Latin.

Joey, what do you got? It wasn't out there very long. I measured six different cars. Six different cars. We took the three best cars. Okay. Okay, so. You have a team for this?

Whoever drives. Yeah, I was doing it with Little Blutman. Okay, so whoever drives the black Nissan. In the front, it's 55 inches. And in the back, it's 51 and a half. Okay, that's pretty close. That's pretty close. We have a Chevy. I, that's pretty close. That's pretty close. We have a Chevy.

I took a picture of it. It's a black Chevy, New Jersey. 52 and a half in the back, 53 and a half in the front. Oh. Close, very close. And then we have my car, which is 57 in the front, 56 and a half in the back. Wow. What do you drive? Thank you, Joey.

Jeep Cherokee. Oh, jeep. Thank you, Joey. What we can do with that information. Do you do ducks in your Jeep Cherokee? That was pointless. But it was a great research. Do you want a duck for your Jeep Cherokee?

Will you display it? Okay. I'll give him a duck. All right. We'll get you a research. Do you want a duck for your Jeep Cherokee? Will you display it? Okay. I'll get him a duck. I have my vampire duck. You have a vampire duck? I have a regular duck and a vampire duck. I feel like that's the one you'd want to keep. It might be a count duck.

I don't know if it's a count or a vampire. What's the difference between a count and a vampire? I don't think a count sucks your blood. Does he? Counts become vampires? Isn't Dracula a count? Yeah. Count Dracula. He sucks blood. Yeah. But there's other counts that don't your blood. Does he? Counts become vampires? Isn't Dracula a count? Yeah. Count Dracula.

He sucks blood. Yeah. But there's other counts that don't suck blood. The count from Sesame Street doesn't suck any blood. What's the one that eats the cereal? You don't know that. I bet he would. Dracula.

Yeah. I don't think he sucks blood. I don't think a count has anything to do with a vampire. Because there's like... I think... Counts like a... Dracula just happened to be a count. Yeah.

Just happened to be a count. Like a count could become a vampire. Like a count is like prince. It's like another word for prince. I think counts like a like a Dracula just happened to be a count yeah I just happen to be a count like a count could become a vampire count is like Prince it's like another word for Prince I think it depends on how you laugh if you're an oh yeah yeah I thought it was more of a muha is it true vampires can't go in the sunlight yeah I know count is a just a nobleman oh yeah have you thought maybe you're a vampire? Oh, the sun. There's not that much evidence to back that up.

You like garlic? No, he doesn't. I hate garlic. I don't like the sun. I was in it for three hours yesterday, boys. I was in that sun for three hours. You were in the shade. Pretty much the majority. Tired.

99%. What a crowd. The two cats leroy a hairless chair leroy in the wheelchair english bulldog yeah random random guy smoking with the long hair kind of in the background brandon was put on a clinic to those guys yeah oh yeah i heard you were having a pal yeah what was your best material give us i knew the audience it was uh pow. What was your best material? I knew the audience. It was older white men, and I knew the buttons to press. Yeah, drop the joke. Sass told us he turned around and the whole fucking sack was gone. Leroy, the 80-year-old in the wheelchair.

Leroy fell out of his wheelchair. He got up and started walking around. It was his testimony. He said, what's the prize for this? I said, there's a $1,000 cash prize, and you get a trip to Portland, Oregon. But me? I'd pay $1,000 just to not have to go to Portland, Oregon.

Oh, shit. And Leroy. Fucking liberals. Leroy liked that one. Oh, Leroy's still howling. He was wiping a towel on his head. Yeah, whipping it around. And one mixtape around Fucking smacking your hip

Yeah You know they unlegalized drugs out there though Did they? They legalized it for a couple years and then they unlegalized it All of them? Yeah But you can't just buy them anywhere It's just if you get pulled over

Yeah if you get caught on the street doing meth They just give you a ticket and then you can just burn it in their face But now it's back to being illegal again Oh it is I think so It didn't work Yeah, if you get caught on the street doing meth, they just give you a ticket, and then you can just burn it in their face. But now it's back to being illegal again. Oh, it is? I think so. It didn't work? It didn't work. No one liked it.

The locals hated it. I couldn't see that coming. Yeah. The locals were furious. Yeah, they didn't fuck with it. I tried to make jokes about it when I was there, and they didn't think it was funny at all. Really? Yeah.

They take the homeless very seriously. Yeah. What do you mean? If you make any joke about the homeless, they're like, that's not chill at all. Really? Yeah. They take the homeless very seriously. Yeah. What do you mean? Like if you're like, if you make any joke about the homeless, they're like, that's not chill. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Unhoused people. Exactly. Yes. They support that or what? I don't know.

I think they just don't like when their city's made fun of. Some cities love that. Some cities, this place fucking sucks and they're like, trying to think who loves the East Coast. Ohio? I can see This place fucking sucks And they're like Who loves gold Tell me who loves Ohio I can see Ohio laughing at that

I think in some ways it's like You're coming into their house and making fun of them Like they can make fun of their family Yeah Makes sense Nowhere in California likes that They don't like in Bakersfield when you make fun of Bakersfield Really They all think that Bakersfield when you make fun of Bakersfield. Really?

They all think that Bakersfield's the greatest place on earth. Same with Ontario. Oh, yeah. Ontario, California. They're very prideful. Where's Ontario, California? Who the fuck knows? It's by Rancho Cucamonga.

It's by Rancho Cucamonga. You didn't know? Yeah, I did. I said it right after him. Especially in lockstep. That's that Brandon Sass magic we've all been waiting for. Yeah, it did. I said it right after him. Especially in lockstep. That's that Brandon Sass magic we've all been waiting for. Yeah, that's it. You guys are double a rancho, guys.

Double a rancho head. All right, Sass, we did the rancho bit. Now what? Yeah. We've been waiting to get to that all episode. By the way, I'm in contract talks with a certain free agent. No, Bo? Sass's buddy Bo?

Oh, really? No. Is this a hairline thing? What? Does this person have a really distinct hairline? Who do you think it could be? Oh, she's saying Nadeau. Yeah.

That's who I thought. Yeah. No. Oh. A free agent. Free agent. Kaepernick? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no i had a phone call last night no

talk to his wife oh she supports it she well she uncle doug who is this text it's brandon's uncle he's the greatest guy ever he was here last week we. We went fishing. He's the best. What? Just think of a funnier, more attractive, stronger. Neither. More well-tempered, nice brain. Well-mannered. None of that shit. Handsome. Understand social norms. Younger.

You got a young uncle? Oh, he's 68. He looks younger. He does. He does not. He's in better shape. He is in better shape. He is in better shape. He's got a long white beard. He can control his bladder. The one story he told was about being Santa Claus. That's pretty fucking good.

He's got like a big ass beard, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's sick. Here he is. I'm in contract talks with Uncle Doug. So Uncle Doug texted me last night. First of all, he texted me and my sister for two solid days and he said what's big cat's number and we just ignored him yeah tried not to answer we tried not to answer

finally yesterday he like threatened us like all right if you're not gonna i'm gonna figure it out myself yeah well fuck it here here's the number i gave him the number and then he texted you right away do it like later and he did it immediately immediately he text you uh brandon also texted me he's like let me know when he goes over the line. And I wrote back to Brandon. I was like, I think that's already happened, but I'd like to see more. Is this Dan Katz, Big Kat?

This is Uncle Doug. Just checking I got the right number so I can send you a text tomorrow. He's got it for you. And I said, Uncle Doug, it is. And he said, went today and bought some luggage. Oh. For what?

Oh. He moved to Chicago. So then Uncle Doug was like, when's a good time to talk? I was with my kids, and I was like, my kids go to bed around 7, 730. I'll call you after. And then he sent me another number. So I called that number. It was his wife, Sherry.

She was like, Doug thought his phone wasn't going to work when you tried to call him, so he gave you my number. So I talked to Sherry for a couple minutes. Very nice lady. Then I spoke with Uncle Doug. Uncle Doug and I are working out a system where I think he's just going to be first off the bench whenever someone's out for a week on the yak. We just call

him up. He said he'll be here, no problem. Where does he live? Mississippi. Oh, no, no. Alabama. Alabama is what I meant to say. That doesn't seem to be a problem for these guys, though, to just drive all the way across the country. Well, I told him I will fly him out

and put him up anytime he uh we need to replace well he didn't like to fly him very much well he'll get used to it he could drive okay either way what do you think uncle doug i think first guy off the bench brandon give us a percentage what part of him do you think actually is interested in doing this oh uncle doug yeah probably like 90 99 oh yeah no i think he this is real he wasn't he i i think he was joking about like moving to chicago but when we started talking more he was very much into the idea of like hey come up like once every you know a couple months like a paid freelance i just i'd free i'd pay him we pay him. I'd like to point out that what y'all got were some select parts of Uncle Doug

that were palatable for you guys and for the audience. He's tastefully icy and whimsically fierce. There are layers there that we don't need to peel back on this show. This is your actual uncle? My actual uncle, yeah, my mom's brother. He doesn't like groups?

He did fine. He had a good time. What are his biggest flaws? Give us three of his biggest flaws. Loves too much. He volunteers too much. Too hard. Too funny.

I'm having a hard time finding a negative. He immediately fell into the yak. He discovered about three minutes into the yak, the best way to get a laugh was to make fun of Brandon Walker. Yeah. It is the easy mode of the yak. And he tapped that well, and he liked it, and he just kept doing it. And then even when we went home, he kept doing it at home.

Oh, he was hot. We're on the boat, and it's just me and him. There's no audience. And I'm like, oh, crap. He's like, you can't fish. Wait till I tell the boys. Yes. And I wanted to come back and tell the boys.

He pulled me aside, and he said, Brandon's legacy will be hubris and failure. Bro, he rocks. He sounds like it. Even the look of him rocks. pulled me aside and he said, Brandon's legacy will be hubris and failure. Oh, man. Bro, he rocks. He sounds like it. Even the look of him rocks. We need a guy like that. We need a guy who looks like that. He's Uncle Doug. We do need a man's man in this office. Kate's told us that many times.

Kate, what did you think of Uncle Doug? You like what you saw? I thought he was awesome. It's a light. Do you think he could handle a 12-hour NFL stream? Oh, yeah. Okay. So I told him I'd do that. He's more likely to do a college football stream.

I said, do you watch NFL or college football? He said, both. He watches all of it. And I said, great. We'll have you come up for a weekend. We'll just watch games together. I don't even do the NFL stream. Yeah, I know.

Uncle Doug will. Uncle Doug's going to outwork you. Doug Walker? Oh, no, no, no. Doug Johnson. Oh. Yeah, I know. Uncle Doug will. Uncle Doug's going to outwork you. Doug Walker? No, no, no. Doug Johnson. Oh! I love that name. Doug Johnson. So yeah, he's we're in talks.

Me and Uncle Doug. How long did that phone call last? About 10 minutes. You got off the phone in 10 minutes? Yeah. With Doug and Sherry? Sherry was about three. Two, three. Doug was about seven. All right.

Well, it's your problem now. How do you think Doug's going to handle it when the wet wheel comes for him? I think he would walk into the shower. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, what's the problem? Yeah, right. You're basically just like, he's down for everything, and he's awesome.

He's a great hang. What about Talwit? Yeah. Talwit. He'd do that hang. What about Talwip? Yeah. He'd do that. Uncle Doug is down to clown. Speaking of that, we're owed a mousetrap. Oh. Is Uncle Doug, is he retired?

Yeah. Well, not anymore. For a side gig? He works for Barstool Sports. Ever heard of it? Yeah. I got to be honest. He's been my uncle my whole life.

I've never really known what he did. I like that. He always had a different job. He's a side hustler. He's a side hustler. He sold brick for a while. Great. Watch his singular.

Like OJ the Juicer. He sold brick. Pablo Escobar? He sold brick. Another brick salesman? It was a brick salesman. Let me get you into this nice new brick. How many different types of brick? He sold. Another brick salesman? It was a brick salesman. Let me get you into this nice new brick. How many different types of brick?

A lot. Yeah, I guess there are. For building houses? Yeah, I guess there are. Different quality? Yeah. And in the early 2000s when there was a building boom down there, you could make a lot of money. Selling brick.

Selling brick. Was he laying brick or just selling it? Just selling it. No, he didn't lay brick. He just moved it. He could lay if he wanted to. Yeah to yeah yeah i'm sure he's late have you ever built models what about like model planes and stuff oh man no not really you don't build no i've tried to build this i've been trying to build this model plane for a while but every time i go to do it i

need to get the fucking right glue so you just haven't started so every time you go to do it you're like ah don't have the glue yeah and then i'm like i'll go to michael's and get it and then i just never get it but is that your thing you like to do stuff like that no clearly not you won't get the glue it's very complicated there's like decals like tiny little decals and then you have to get like paint to, too. I wish so bad I had a hobby like that. Yeah, me too. It sounds fun, but it's just very- It does?

Yeah. I mean, I'd love to do it and complete it. It would feel satisfying, I think. I used to do Legos. Why don't you just take out the trash or something like that if you want to be satisfied? Take out the trash? I don't use my trash. Ever?

No. There's a trash can in our hallway that's right next to my door, so every time I have trash, I just throw it out there. There's a trash can in your hallway? Yeah. That's weird. Just a can? There's two cans, and then there's a chute. There's a bird?

Two cans? Hey. That's that Brandon Sass shit. That's that Brandon Sass shit. That's how you can keep your job and not get replaced by Uncle Doug's. More of that. Good shit, Brandon. Yeah.

Thanks, everybody. So you're okay with that if he came up like every now and then? I'd like to... Like once every two weeks? Yeah, but I got more in the chamber. I got other guys. Okay. I give their...

Because I got Bud Bowen. What about doing like Mississippi Idol? Yeah. Mississippi Idol. You bring up all your Mississippi boys. What about doing like Mississippi Idol? Mississippi Idol. Oh, shit. Mississippi Idol would rock. Oh, dude, I could fill this room with some. We should do Mississippi Idol week on the app.

I have a hog trapper, a beeper killer. Oh, yeah. Fuck. This is a great idea. Oh, my God. Great idea, Rowan. Let's get it set up. Mississippi Idol week.

How many? Five guys? No, that's a burger place. Ten. Fuck, you brought it back on me yeah you need at least 10 10 guys can you remind us who bud bowen is yeah this is actually big we need to talk about this we got to talk about something because i might be on my way out yeah um bud bowen ran the parks and rec in my hometown and he is the voice of the west point greenway

football team right for the last 45 years what do you mean the voice like he's their pr guy slamming sammy the radio announcer oh okay he's he does the games on the radio and has my entire life i'm 45 he's done it my entire life and last week randomly we were talking about me uh giving ten thousand dollars for state championship rings at my school and if i was going to get a light show and uncle doug said did you run that by bud bowen That's when everybody found out who he was. That just came up naturally on the act. Tuesday, Bud Bowen announced his retirement, immediately texted me and said, I want you to replace me.

What? Yeah. So he just announced his retirement, 45 years of West Point High School football, and he said I could come take the mic from him. Well, how many weekends is that a year, like seven? Like 15. Damn.

The high school teams play 15? I think they play 10 regular season games and then three playoff, so 14. Would you consider that? He's very strongly considering it. I texted Dan the other day. Yeah. The problem I have is I think it would make Brandon very happy, but then also Brandon would travel more,

and I think that would make him very unhappy. Yeah. But, yeah, 12 or 14 Fridays, I'd fly down on Friday and fly back on Saturday. How much do they pay? $100 a game. All right. So it's like your comedy.

He's just going to lose money. Would they expense your flights? God, expense? No, no. This would be all I'd have to take care of. I would consider paying for some of it if you're under the deal. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to West Point Football. I am Brandan Walker.

Is this like a saving situation? Would you be met with criticism and pessimism? Because I'm replacing a legend? Oh, yeah, we should get someone else in first. One year. I don't know. No, you need a Mac Jones year. Get Mincy in.

I'll punch you in the fucking throat. He'll fuck up. Let's do Mincy. Let's have Mincy be the fall gap. No more conversation. And then you replace Mincy. Let's have Mincy be the fall gap. No more conversation. And then you replace Mincy. You'll look like a legend. It's like me opening for Sass on the road.

You got this. I think I might do it, though. I'm going down there. I'm flying down tomorrow for the funeral, and then I'm going to talk to the... How far is the flight? Two hours. Well, no, no, no, no.

It's probably about five hours. It's five hours. So then – I always make that mix up. You're flying to Memphis. If I fly to Memphis, it's a two-hour flight and a two-hour drive. So what time do they usually kick off? Seven o'clock.

Oh, so what time do you have to leave here to – I would leave first thing in the morning. Do you have – On a Friday. On a Friday. On a Friday. On a football Friday. On a a Friday. On a football Friday. On a football Friday.

On a football Friday. That's a problem. Okay. Do you have like calls in your bag? Titus. I'm not going to give them away. Go use the bathroom again. I want to talk to Titus without you here for a second.

That's fair. Just for a second. For a second here. Get us another number on that clicker. Okay. He's gone. The key to managing Brandon Walker is this idea makes zero sense. Like, we have the college football show as well.

There's 0% chance you can do this. But what you have to do is you have to welcome it foster it be like great idea and so that way he can't turn around and be like you said i couldn't you kept me from that you need to be very supportive knowing that it's never going to happen you have to let him correct realize that it doesn't make sense correct correct and then we come to that realization then and then one day he'll come up to me be like i've been thinking about it i don't think i can pull it off. I'm like, damn, man, I really wanted that. God. Right.

That's how you do it. I'm devastated for you. Because he comes up with these ideas all the time where it just like logistically makes no sense for a guy who has so much anxiety and walking around all the time to add more stress, work, travel. No sense. Just support him. You're doing great. Support him, and then he'll come to it himself.

Great idea, honey. Yeah support him. You're doing great. Support him, and then he'll come to it himself. Great idea, honey. Yeah, right. Exactly. He's in a standoff right now. You should sell candles. Yeah, right. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. I'll give you money for essential oils. Yeah. They're in a standoff. Yeah. This guy, good. I don't know about the rest. Who's our, this is one of our interns?

It's Jacob. So this is the one, were you not here when we? Oh, this is the one. He came up to me yesterday and he goes, I'm not gay. Yeah, you called him gay. And I was like, what? And he was like, I'm not gay. That was it.

I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. I called him gay with the handwriting. But I didn't even call him gay well what did you call him I guess I did glad we got that cleared up so this guy is the one who he had a bad first impression with me but he's since bounced back

in a huge way minus the handwritten note he left on my desk he Jake here went to the University florida he played zero high school football when he got to the university of florida all four years he tried out as a walk-on at running back i love it and got cut every single i love it and was like legitimately upset when he got cut he ran a 5 5 40 as running back. That's a pretty tough position. Put on the pads, everything.

SEC running back. Went to the strongholds and just got cut every year. He said, we got the email, and he was actually disappointed. Damn. Yeah. So he's back. They should have just let him sit on the senior year. I know.

What are they yelling? They're in a fight now, I think. She's always there at the worst times. Oh, do you see Fasoli? You better click her. Oh, we got to. She's got to count, Kate. She does count.

No, he missed Fasoli. You don't know what she's doing in there. Oh, no. You better click. What are they doing? I don't like that the interns think they could talk shit back to Brandon, though. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know about him, no.

So the other thing with Brandon, why he introduced his name that way. So he bought his high school won the state championship They needed money for rings So he donated 10 grand He asked me to donate some money I was like sure I donated 2 grand But he was like we'll get something named after us And I came to the realization

With 2 grand you know I didn't pay as much as 10 grand So anything that he gets his name on It's Brandan Walker. So I get the A. All right. I get the O to the A. I think that's fair. Yeah, right.

That's a good job. So when he is the announcer, he has to introduce himself as Brandan Walker. Because you're giving him the chance to go down there. Right. Helping to pay for the walk down there. And all I ask for is the O to change to an A. It's just a name. That's it.

It's just a letter. It's actually a great deal for him. Yeah. Brandan. Brandan Walker. He's keeping almost every single letter. Yeah, right. he gets almost the whole thing and he already has an a right so it's not that much of a change if you're doing the math

you're getting ripped off yeah i am yeah i yeah i did a bad deal you could have done brandon cats yeah yeah what the fuck brand and cats yeah Keep the A. Or capitalize the D. We're talking about that. Ooh. Which would be nice. Brand Daniel. Then you're... I like that.

I think you do capitalize the D. Yeah. Brandon! What is he doing? I thought he's got the knife hand out. He's in a hell of an argument. You hooping today, KB? No, me, Sass, and Mook got a game going.

Yeah. Big. We played around the world, Sass. Yeah, I struggled. I did not do well. I never made it to even the free throw line. Yeah, you didn't get past kindergarten. No.

Stuck. Stuck. You couldn't make the first shot. Oh, no. I got in my head. You know when you mess up something enough that you just get in your head, and you're like, I'm never gonna be able To get it

Yep And then I just missed Every time Yeah KB was pulling out The bounce shots In big We're gonna get We're gonna get Brandon

To play today I feel it Yeah Are you guys doing a run Yeah Yeah It's good vibes What are the best runs

Happen in Chicago Nutty Buck Gotta be Nutty Buck There is that That sick court It's good vibes. What are the best runs happening in Chicago? Nutty Buck. There is that sick court that's, like, on the top of – it looks like it's unbelievable. You go out and it's just glass everywhere. It looks like you're on top of, like, all the buildings. I think that one has pretty good runs. Best ones in New York are, like, a Lifetime Fitness.

That's this. The court's the size of a postage stamp is that the one all the NBA all-stars they play it's like on the 35th floor

of like a lifetime fitness I used to play in one that was in a middle school gym in New York and that was like there was like barely any

three-point line the fucking Mecca you were just playing in random yeah it was a Saturday morning It was like Not like It was like old dudes

Or oldish dudes Vic has it a perfect spot though Because I think most people Expect nothing from you Right And you're not that bad You know what it is It's like the expectations

Are on the absolute floor Yeah And you know what it is too Is I've realized like I'm not When we play It's not like I'm playing, like, well, but I also at least know where to stand, where to set picks.

Yes, yeah, I don't know any of that. Which is big. Brandon, we were – I was thinking about it. I think this is a great opportunity for you, and I can't stand in your way. Love that. I can't. Like, that would be – We all are supportive.

It wasn't easy to get to that spot, but we're there. We're all supportive. What did you do? I see the bigger picture. I told – I explained to him that this is something you need to explore. Honestly, what it is, Brandon, is jealousy. I've told you this before, too. My dream is to do like Indiana high school basketball. That's fast.

And I haven't had that opportunity yet. You have the opportunity now. I realize I'm just a jealous bitch. Who are you bringing in to replace me on Friday? No one. That's it. We could bring in Uncle Doug me on Friday? No one. That's it. We could bring in Uncle Doug, but no one. Yeah.

So do it. That's not what they talked about. They didn't talk about nothing about replacing you. No, we did not. Zero replacement. It was just let's be supportive of Brandon. You have my full support. Let's explore this, okay?

Let's just check it out. Let's just check it out. Exactly. Let's check it out. Let's figure out the logistics. Does it make any sense? Let's float some balloons. Let's float some balloons.

I love that. Proud of you. And then we'll see if it makes sense. Why did Mook any sense? Let's float some balloons. Let's float some balloons. I love that. Proud of you. And then we'll see if it makes sense. Why did Mook say that? I'm proud of you. Okay. Brandon, do they stalk your pond? Oh.

No, it's not a stock pond. It's not a stock? You know, most- That's all wild. Most ponds are not stalked. You know, life finds a way. A lot of them are. Some are.

A lot of rivers and ponds are stocked. You got to check out the stocking. Fair enough. But there's also a great deal of, first of all, I don't live on a pond. I live on a lake. Even more of a reason to stock it. It's not stocked. It's natural growth.

All right. I don't know if I- Dion's is stocked, though, I think. Dion's is stocked. Oh, rich people have stocked ponds. Dion's is stocked. Yeah, I'm sure his is stocked. Doug, pull that up.

Pull it up? The other Doug. What is this? He just texted me this. KB. Whoa. Or about Gable Stevenson, Olympic gold medalist and one of the most dominant college wrestlers in NCAA history

is jumping to the NFL to sign with the Buffalo Bills. Whoa. How tall is he? KB. I knew this. How tall is he, Kyle? He's probably 6'1". So what's he going to play, D-tackle?

I don't know. He must have been pressed at the camp. KB, this is huge. How do you think he's going to do? So after he was the golden boy of wrestling, even like he transcended wrestling after he won Olympic gold, and they were like, he can be a WWE star, he can be a UFC star, or an NFL player.

I guess wrestling didn't work at all. They signed him, and they— He's been there for three years. It never worked out, yeah. Did he have a thing? I think he's had a thing. Okay. I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah, no, I— I don't know the details. I couldn't remember, but I thought there was a thing. Yeah, there might have been a thing. Okay. Um— Yeah. Yeah. I just vaguely remember a thing. It was there might have been a thing. Okay. I just vaguely remember a thing. It was one of the nouns, yeah.

A thing. He had a thing. It might have been a person, too. Okay. In a place, yeah. Yeah, it was a thing. Are we doing Clue again? Yeah.

What'd he do? Just look it up. Assault? Battery? I don't know the details. I can't remember. Yeah, I think it was something along the lines. Not battery.

But it could be one of those things where we're diminishing it by just calling it a thing. Right. I don't want to be on the wrong side either way. Yeah, it could be more than a thing. It could be less than a thing. It's a gaseous. You do battery without assault? I don't know what the thing is.

No, I don't believe you. If it was that bad, the NFL wouldn't let him play. Correct. They would never. I'm going to look up this thing. You guys judge by my face. Unless he. All right?

You judge by my facial expressions when I look up the thing. There's an alley. Okay. It's pretty tough to get dropped from the NFL. Like, I think it's got to be two things. And I think we all know what the first thing is, and I think the second thing has to end in murder. End in murder?

That was my first thing. Really? Because usually the first one is some sort of sex act, and then it follows up with murder. But they don't really. I've seen the thing. Are we not on the same thing? There aren't that many murders, though.

I'm on your thing, Scott. Yeah, I think murder is where it really crosses the... No charges. No charges. Okay, the case was dropped. That's hardly... Innocent man. Settled?

No thing. Just a gation. Is there a settlement? A lack of law in Minnesota that would broaden discretion in charging sexual assaults against intoxicated victims. Oh. Plural. Okay. Lack of law is a questionable

I wish him as much success as his true innocence. There we go. Yeah, that works. Yeah, that's actually that was genius. It was. It's true innocence. Whatever the story is, that's the amount of success we want for him.

So are we going to take whatever amount of success he has and then apply it to backdating that punishment? Like if he is a great success, do we say, well, he was innocent? Yeah, I think so. We let the universe decide. Oh, yeah, we can do that, yeah. Just let the universe. Well, I think your innocence also is factored in on how good you are at football.

True. Very true. He rides the bench all season. Very, very true. Then he did it. Yeah, then he did it. Yeah, give him the chair. Tyreek Hill, model citizen.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, bad guys don't succeed. Or bad guys don't fail. Only good people succeed. Yeah, that's true. That's exactly how the world works. There's never been a bad guy that succeeds. If Tyreek Hill wasn't clocking 22 miles per hour every game,

he might have a problem. Yeah. But he is. He's fast as hell. He's fast and innocent. I'm excited for this Keon Coleman dude. Oh, yeah, he's awesome. He seems like it.

He's cool. Who's that? Wide receiver for the Bills drafted from Florida State. Oh, really? If he's good, you might be back in on the Bills. He's also very funny. Yeah. Very funny.

The Patriots got some good wide receivers. They did. They really did. Did you see your new wide receiver? Yeah, he's zesty. Yeah, people were saying he's very zesty. Running around with his. Who is it? I don't even know his name. I just know he's zesty. Yeah, people were saying he's very zesty. Running around with his... Who is it?

I don't even know his name. I just know he's zesty. The Eagles are going to be a disaster. Doug, look up zesty Eagles. What are you talking about? They are. They got way too many cooks in the kitchen. You can't have five-star players on the same offense.

You have no cooks in your kitchen. That's what we like. We're a team. That's a team. No. The Eagles is not a team. The Patriots are a team. It's a super like. We're a team. That's a team. The Eagles is not a team. The Patriots are a team. It's a super team. No, the Eagles are five guys who want to

carry the team. Our roster is too good? No, because it's going to be like Saquon Barkley's going to run one in, then you're going to see A.J. Brown A.J. Brown A.J. Brown on the sidelines fucking throwing a hissy fit because he didn't score the touchdown. This guy's going to break it.

Yeah, he is. He's zesty. Yeah, he's zesty, boy. That's just. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. See, him and Patrick Mahomes would be a lethal duo. Jackson Mahomes. No, Patrick Mahomes. You ever see Patrick Mahomes walking back with his hand out? He's zesty. You ever see those? You've never seen those videos of Patrick Mahomes?

No. Oh, they're hilarious. The way he walks back. He's got his hand out like this. Oh, when he's telling everyone to huddle up? Yeah. That's what he does. He goes like this. I can picture it. Can't wait for ball.

Me too. I'm pumped. Wait, do the Bears get hard knocks? Yeah. Can't wait for a ball. Me too. I'm pumped. Oh, so pumped. Wait, did the Bears get hard knocks? Yeah. You playing ball? That's huge. That's old news, brother. Very big.

That's old news. I'm just confirming. Is that bad news? It happened yesterday. Yeah. Oh, we already all talked about it. Yeah, we did talk about it. Yeah, we did talk about it in the car.

We had a long talk about it. We broke down why they got it, what other teams could have gotten it. Yeah. So we're just getting that car ride's sloppy seconds, right? Pretty much. Oh, that car ride. What a car. Oh, it car ride what a car if only there were microphones in that car yeah oh it's like an hour and 20 minutes just the boys chatting our car ride was vibes too our car it was a great hang yeah it was incredible hang max doesn't sound like it sounded like you guys were all just complaining because there wasn't enough showers in the office yeah we're glaancing our car ride. Mine was good, too. By yourself? We were talking about robotics, the future.

Max put us on to a fucking Pixar-style movie. What was it called? Big Citizen 6 or something like that? Big something 6. Big Hero 6. Just now putting you on Big Hero 6? I didn't know about it. I don't have $1,200 million at the box office.

Big Hero 6 is fantastic. It's one of the best movies. Well, that's the kind of shit we're talking about. You had to get put onto that? When would I have watched Big Hero 6? He's late to it. I've told you about Big Hero 6 many times. I kind of shut shit off.

We were literally talking about hard knocks before Schefter even tweeted. Yeah, we knew. We had a feeling. We had the news. We got in the car, and Big Cat goes, I just got a weird feeling that the bears might get hard knocks today. Then it happened. We stopped for hot dogs on the way.

Oh, where? We didn't do that. Exactly. Where'd you stop? Some, like, stand on the side of the road type of thing. They said we saved their business or something. Oh, shit. It was good, though.

That's crazy. It tasted good, and it felt good. How many hot dogs a day do you think you have to sell to stay in business as a stand? Thousands. Not that. I was going to say ten. Hundreds? Oh, shit.

Thousands? Do you know how much overhead there is? For a hot dog stand? Zero overhead. You got buns. You got buns. The overhead is your Costco membership. I missed the stand part.

I thought we were talking like a brick and mortar. You got to pay $100 for your Costco card, and then you're basically in the black. Dude, I've been watching hot dog POVs on TikTok. You guys see that? What is that? It's a guy that runs a hot dog cart, and he's just chefing up. He's putting mustard on you. I thought it was from the point of view of the hot dog.

Yeah, me too. Somewhat. Going down someone's throat. Like there. He's putting mustard on you know I thought from the point of view of the hot dog Yeah, me too somewhat going down Yeah, like there's mustard going on top strap a GoPro around a hot dog around the life of a hot dog From fucking inception to out your ass. Yeah, yeah, Francis told a story on this shit dude. It should be satisfying See these videos always confuse me because it's like, so you just add a hot dog stand and it's just a dude with a GoPro strapped to his head? They're doing that with softball, too. It's like, I think that might be the one time, like,

hey, I don't want to be videotaped when I'm buying a hot dog. You see the British baked potato guy? The bean dude? The guy that... Oh, those creatures flock to that stand. They just fucking bake potatoes with a pile of beans. They're all creatures, too. Brandon, is your problem that he's touching...

He's thumbing the dog with his raw hand? No, it's that he's using the same fork to move the metal around as he is to grab the food. He's opening every metal thing with the fork. I mean, this is beautiful. He didn't open that one with the fork I mean this is beautiful He didn't open that one with it But the others Y'all seen the British Trains guy? Oh yeah

That's long That's big hero six That guy is like so You guys see the chocolate rain guy? Chocolate rain Yeah yeah Stay dry I have a cameo

From that guy A simple Really A simple yes Would have sufficed You see that woman Stomping those grapes Fucking crazy

You ever get tired Of watching that No that one's actually Hit him with the Video from today though What do you got Hit him with the Video from today

You might win him Back over You might win him Back over You used to like wrestling right yeah there was uh eddie guerrero did a frog splash yeah rob van dam did a five-star frog splash yeah there was an independent wrestling frog splash that goes it's crazy so let's see this might be if you can look up a frog splash and it's probably the first one, Doug. If y'all are squeamish, just don't. Do the Farmer's Dog ad read while Doug looks it up.

Which one? The Farmer's Dog? Yeah. The days are warmer, the walks are longer, and one easy way to help your dog shine this season is with fresh, healthy food from the Farmer's Dog. The Farmer's Dog makes real fresh dog food, delivers it right to your door. Recipes are developed by vet nutritionists made from real meat and veggies and portioned just for your dogs, making it easy to say goodbye to burnt brown balls

and feed your dog real food with real benefits. It's smart, healthy pet food that you can feel good about feeding your pup, and it's the best option for dogs of all life stages because it's not kibble, it's not canned goo, it's real healthy food. Traditional dry and wet dog food options are highly processed processed can use much lower quality ingredients than they claim and are extremely difficult to portion accurately the farmer's dog isn't just fresh high quality food they also send the food pre-portioned specifically for your dog based on their unique needs this makes it easy to help your dog maintain their ideal weight which is one of the biggest predictors of a full healthy

life dogs at a healthy weight can live up to two and a half years longer than overweight dogs. It doesn't matter if your dog is young or old. It's always the right time to begin investing in their health. That means more happy, healthy, and full years together. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at thefarmersdog.com slash yak. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at thefarmersdog.com slash yak. Doug, I hope you found it. Okay.

Oh, it's actual frogs. Oh, is this frog going to explode? I'm not a big frog exploding person. Brandon, is this frog going to die? Oh, no. That was awesome. That fucking rule. Yeah, well, that's it.

Yeah, that rule. It's a frog splash. Yeah, that rule. That rule. That's good stuff. That's so good. That's so good. That's so good. Oh, man.

That's so good. You're back. What a good video. You're back. I saw a good one last night. Good video. You know that, what's the new, the Kendrick Lamar song? They Not Like Us.

Yeah. You said it like, damn, bro. There was one where it was like a like a like a they're at a club and the the dj does the thing where he cuts the yeah i know this certified better atlanta dj yeah we're gonna find it i just posted it on my story on instagram okay that's that i mean that was that was old this is old. This is old. This is old. How old could it be?

How old is everything? I just saw it. No one else on my time. No one else that I follow would like the video. I thought I was right. You going to bring up one pound fish now? See, the problem is I'm on Instagram real, so I don't get the TikToks until. Oh, no.

Yeah. Same with me. TikToks come months later. Yeah. It wasn't just, I didn't see it on TikTok. It was everywhere. Saw it on Twitter. Really? I didn't see any of this shit. I wasn't just TikTok. I didn't see it on TikTok. It was everywhere. Saw it on Twitter. Really?

I didn't see any of this shit. I thought I found a heater. Certified pedophile. It's hilarious. It's a funny video. Oh, God. Kendrick's first club hit. We can play that song He made it so that I didn't have to play it

Which is awesome We can do a live react to it We should do a Friday vibes It's just that Over and over Yeah He lifted the copyright So everyone

Yeah Called Drake a pedophile. Yeah. Smart as fuck, dude. We should all gather around a very tight space and react to it. Yeah. That's where those videos are. I love those videos.

It's crazy because those videos are something that would piss me off. Like these guys just reacting to something to get views, but they're all amazing. Yeah. They're good. And they react to everything. Yeah. Those reaction videos amazing. Yeah. They're good. And they react to everything. Yeah. Those reaction videos rock. Yeah.

J. Cole released a song, and he's getting trashed for it, but I love it. Oh, no. It's called Grippy, and I guess it's lame for a 39-year-old to say grippy, but it's a good song. What is it about? It's about pussy? Oh, yeah. Wait, you can't say grippy now?

It's a kid term. Oh, so it's grippy? What is it? What is it? Kid term for pussy? Like tight pussy. Tight pussy. I agree. Oh, that's a kid term what is what is kid term for pussy like tight pussy oh that's a little weird yeah yeah kid what's weird about that type of grippy i think like young people popularize that term but if i said i want some grippy yeah that's a little fucked up i get it i get it yeah i didn't feel good saying it. Yeah, take your panties off. Take your panties off.

Brandon, give it a shot. Yeah, you shouldn't. You need to go out looking for some grippy. Certified pant. We need to go out and look for some grippy. Maybe put some ducks on some Jeep Wranglers, get yourself some grippy. What did Nick say yesterday? Axe wound?

He was saying that in the voice of someone else who says it. Let's go out and get some axe wound. That's the worst. It does sound like a fish, though. Going to go out and catch some grippies on the lake. Axe wound. You should actually, Brandon, next time you catch a fish, take a picture and be like, look at this grippy.

Just to see the reaction. Yeah, gorilla grip. I got a gorilla grip on this thing. Caught myself a grippy. You have Ben Minson birthdays today? How old is he? I could do that. I could catch a fish and just be like,

grippy, yeah. And just be like, what are you talking about, everyone? Raydon, what kind of lures are you throwing? I throw a swim bait. Swim bait? Plastic or a plastic swim bait with a with a spinner blade attached good action on it yeah and then i throw a popper because it's getting top water season i like to catch top water oh yeah i love top mostly that's what i prefer to so i i have a little popper that i use why do you prefer it because you can see him uh because you can see him hit it they jump before it they can jump for they can just attack it and you see it them hit it. They jump before it. They can jump for it. They can just attack it, and you see it,

as opposed to just wondering if they're going to bite and not seeing them. It's great. It's a great feeling. It's a rush. We're calling that dry fly season. Hoppers. I fish for bass. I don't just fish for little trout that you're catching.

The trout I caught the other day was massive. Yeah, it was like a foot long. That's big for a trout.. That's big for a trout. I know, big for a trout. That's the problem. It's not big for a normal fish. It's just big for a little trout that you catch. Yeah, but trout are cool to catch.

They're fun. Yeah, but you've got to walk and you've got to hike. Like bass, to put this in perspective, where do I go? We're doing this. Here we go. Every son of a boy dad. And I just don't know how to fucking say that.

Well, I go fishing all the time. I go fly fishing all the time. It's hard. Say fly fishing. Don't say fishing. You go fly fishing. Yeah, I go fly fishing all the time. But then when I go on the road, sometimes if I don't want to bring all my fly gear,

I'll go to Walmart and I'll buy like a $20 rod and I'll catch a bass every single time I go. Right, yeah. Because it's so easy to catch a bass. Well, they're a predatory fish. It's just satisfying when they bite. It's barely. Right, yeah. Because it's so easy to catch bass. Well, they're a predatory fish. It's just satisfying when they bite. I mean, they really attack the lure. It's barely even satisfying, though. If it's not satisfying to you, then that's not doing the right bass fishing.

Yeah, that was supposed to happen. That's exactly what I expected. See, but that's coming from where you are. Catching one trout is a big deal. Oh, I caught a trout. Yeah, it is. If I go catch bass, I catch 15. I mean, I have a good day of fishing.

The excitement that I felt when I caught that trout was you probably haven't experienced it since the first time you caught a fish. I've experienced it many times. Just the other day I was on Truman Creek Road bass fishing and I caught seven in like an hour and it was a great feeling. Great feeling. Seven in an hour is good numbers. I can't argue with that. Yeah.

That's solid numbers. On a spin reel though. Yeah, on a spin reel. Yeah. I don't really count anything on a spin reel so you just you just you let the fly do the work you just throw it out there and just let it sit and eventually eventually oh yeah he's letting the fly do the fly do the work you don't do shit way more than that so what is the how does the fly do the work the fly does not do that on top of

the water and let it float no and then something comes along and gets fishing with a bobber that's like adopting a 17 year old no oh no you're fishing with a bobber no it's not a bobber first of all it's fly fishing it's like adopting none of the low percentage of the work we don't call it a bopper in the fly fishing community we call it an indicator and uh nobody calls it an indicator they all call an indicator what do you call it an indicator. What do you call it? A bobber, a cork? Yeah, we don't call it bopper. Yeah, we call it bobber. You said bopper. You said bopper.

It's a bobber. Sorry, a bobber. A bobber, bobs. I'm not really familiar with this. It bobs up and down. With what? Children's games. Say it, Kate.

Kate, will you tell Jacob that he can be relieved once you're done? I'm going to go dump out my grippy. Oh. Fire hydrant. Fire hydrant. Fire hydrant. It's all the quiet super here. Dumping out your grippy. That's what she said.

She did say that. Dumping my grippy. She said, I'm going to go dump out my grippy. Dumping my grippy. You don't want to come fishing while you're here? Oh, I would love to. I just can't. I can't go over to your house.

It's only an hour. Then it's two hours. It's an hour. What do you got tomorrow? I'm opening for Francis. All day. Oh, he's going to a funeral. I got to be there for Francis to mentally prepare him.

Because he's not nervous, and I'm kind of in the boat where I'm like, you should be a little nervous. You got to be there to make him nervous? you gotta get him anxious i feel like he hasn't really realized how big of a deal this is right he has no right it's huge it'll happen this is like 15 years of work for him and he's like no not really yeah i'm like dude you should be like not sleeping yeah that was me well he's in the four seasons though they probably pamper him to so you're trying to provide the opposite opposite though they probably pamper him to screw so you're trying to provide the opposite opposite of emotional support i'm trying to get him pumped up

like this is huge for us for me and him for all of us yeah and roan as well this could be our ticket out this is what we're hoping uh-huh he thinks we're joking but like the combo of tires and then the special like we're hoping this sends him to i swear to god i've been out within the last two nights and uh the amount of people that are streaming oh yeah and saying like yo i loved you in tires yeah it's about to blow up yeah it's happening it's happening yeah it's in real time and he knows it he thinks i'm kidding but like i was at the stand on tuesday night and it's like people are coming up to like people are coming up to me being like you've been with francis at all like where's he at is he coming by later that's awesome and he's just so nonchalant about all of it i think i think good for him he deserves it he has such bad imposter

syndrome that i think he thinks that everyone is like he thinks he's in like the truman show where like everyone's fucking them like when we're talking about like yes you're on netflix he's like here we go again yeah he hates like or francis 1.0 i would not say this francis 2.0 i'm like genuinely proud and excited for oh yeah francis 1.0 no we wouldn't want him to have success i truly think that his special is gonna be like massive his material is so fucking good yeah awesome it's so tight like all right so i'll help you get him nervous yeah i'm gonna tell him like dude this is huge for you yeah are you gonna like change up your opening set to put him in the best position possible you gotta you gotta fail a little bit fail a little bit but not too much you should do your god no you get it too no you don't want to fail no i'm still you want to fail i still want to do so good that he does bad. I want to bury him.

That's my goal. How much would I have to pay you to come out and the first thing you say is, so I went to Harvard? No, I could never do that. So mean. So mean. Yeah. You take his opener.

But also, Francis is way better at comedy than I am. Yeah, he's very, very funny. I'm excited. I'm going to the Late Show. You are? Yeah. You going to go?'m excited. I'm going to the Late Show. You are? Yeah. You going to go? Of course.

Are you staying here tomorrow? Yeah. Oh. Nice. We roll together. Like I said, it's our ticket out. Yeah. It's our ticket out.

All of us. If Francis fucking blows up, if he winds up in an Eminem music video, Yeah. Oh, yeah. You guys see that? That was nuts. He dropped something. Shane was in his music in an Eminem music video. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You guys see that? That was nuts. He dropped something.

Shane was in his music video. Eminem? Shane O'Connor was in. You guys probably just talked about it, but I. Wait, you're putting my son on. Oh, there you go. It's for the best. We couldn't even hear each other talking.

Oh. Because he was just. I was pissed he's so loud. I thought there was an air raid. Did you tell him that he's relieved? Yes, I did. And he was like, is this a trap? Where is he?

Where is he? Oh, look, he's packing up. I told him to walk through with his little clicker so he could check. Yeah, no, we need to get the results. Wait, I have to go peek and I'm making panic real quick. Yeah, I have to piss too. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go tires on last night, though.

I'm sure you guys were just talking. Francis was so good. Wait, what did he just forget? He just went, oh, fuck. He's got a ticket. Tire spin off. Oh, still on the clock. Uh-oh. He was like, are you sure?

Is this a test? Am I being tested right now? I was like, no, you're fine. What is Brandon? Why are they arguing? Every time they see each other, it's on sight. Yeah, their body language is so hostile. He's such a sweet kid. He's, like, such a nice guy. He's got a good back, I'll tell you that much.

Yeah, he's got a good posture. He's got a running back's back. Good back. Can shoulder the load. Lap pull-downs are good posture. He's got a running back's back. Good back. Get your shoulder to load. Lap pulldowns are probably crazy. So what are we adding over there? Are we going to add a lap pulldown machine or something like that? Or just a pull-up bar?

Probably a whole climbing wall. Oh, wow. Amazing. That would be sick if we had a climbing wall. You should do a climbing wall with a loft, and only the most athletic people can go up to the loft and chill. So it's just Donnie and his brother?'s just kb and donnie i saw a video of a or a picture of a climbing gym that has a urinal that you have to climb up to that sounds terrible climbers seem to be like ripped thespians yeah there's something off about them that whole community the worst are trail

runners the guys that are doing it all they're hiking climbing and they're bad they're just doing outdoor parkour yeah I one time went on a hike by myself in Colorado and I got to the top took me like three hours and then these guys come flying on your left they tap

the top and they go we're going for eight peaks today oh and then they flew down the mountain. They told you? Yeah. Brandon's still arguing with him. After I watched Free Solo, I followed like a thousand climbers. And I feel like every other week they're like, you're not going to believe this. We lost another one.

They're like, oh, we definitely believe it. Kind of believe it. The most predictable thing ever. That Alex Honnold Always has me in awe Every time I remember what he's done He's awesome I'm back in on he is the man

And there's nothing wrong with him As cool as the climbing was Just watching his relationship with his girlfriend Was even better She's just like I'm so worried you're going to die He's like I don't care That's Francis about his special 100% Francis She's like to die. He's like, I don't care. That's Francis about his special. Yeah. 100% Francis.

Yeah, she's like, I love you. He's like, all right. Wait, is this, are you talking about the guy from Free Soul? Free Soul. Or the guy from? No, that guy's dead. Yeah. Which guy's dead?

The alpinist. The alpinist. But his relationship with his girlfriend was crazy, too. Yeah, his was worse. Yeah. About half to be. I mean. He's got two kids now.

They're married with two kids. Oh, shit. Have you seen his fingers? Because, like, finger muscles grow. Yeah. It don't have to be. I mean. He's got two kids now. They're married with two kids. Oh, shit. Have you seen his fingers? Because like finger muscles grow. Yeah. We don't work them. I haven't seen it. Did you ever see the climber who's like doing videos?

Did you tell him, Brandon, he can be relieved? No. Let him come. We need the results. What's his name? Jake. Jacob. Jake. Oh. Oh, nice. What's his name? Jake. Jacob. Jake!

Oh. Oh, nice. What was that? What was that? He just threw it out? That was too seamless. He didn't want to bring his garbage into the bathroom. No, he said he didn't want to get up.

Yeah, I think he was afraid to get up. You don't trust Brandon. All right, here he goes again. Here he goes. Back him back up. Okay. Look at that. Okay.

Okay. Certified lover boy. Certified pedophile! Wow, wow, wow, wow. That fucking... You know they're playing that song at like proms? Oh, yeah. There's video of it.

Bar Mitzvahs. Really? Yeah. Well, Bar Mitzvah Oh, yeah. There's video of it. Bar mitzvahs. Really? Yeah. Well, bar mitzvahs is assumed. That's not surprising at all. They're saying every word. They're not like that. What's your beef with them?

Every time you guys, every time you went in there, your body language is hostile. Oh, we were talking Florida football. Oh. What are you doing? No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You did a good job. You did a good job. You did a good job.

Thank you. All right, so tell us the results, Jacob. Go to the mic. Go to the mic, yeah. Great job. Thank you. I didn't leave my post. Yeah, no, you did not leave your post.

I appreciate that. You got some work done, too. I did. Yeah. Get the mic into the mic. Sorry, I did get some work done. What about when he needed to pee? I told him he could, but he's just got to make sure

That he's got to go in To the women's bathroom after and check Make sure no one slipped in Oh I didn't do that Oh shit Kate went in And then I went to go piss Because the irony of this whole thing was

I really had to pee And when you heard me blasting Did you hear her piss I really had to pee. And when you heard me blasting, you were like... Did you hear a woman pee? Yeah, did you hear her piss? Yeah. I was listening to music the whole time. Yeah, I'm sure. Block it out.

You had to have an always canceling on. It was actually on transparency because I was afraid someone would come talk to me and I would not be able to hear them. Yeah. All right, so what was the final tally? Final number, men were at 56. Shut up. Women were at 29. But 29 was juiced. Oh, 29. No. Men were at 56. Shut up. Women were at 29.

But 29 was juiced. 29 is... Yeah, you cheated the system a little bit. Was there... Were there women just going in there routinely? Yes, but there were also men doing the same thing. Were they going in to pee or just gossip and shit? I don't know.

Who spent the longest time in there? Men, not women. Men? Oh, sorry, Fasoli. Bro went in there, and then I was like, he must have snuck out. I guess I didn't see him walk out. And like 30 minutes later, he walks out. I'm like, give me an after-action report.

You were at war in there. He was like, yeah, I was. And who went the most from the men? Oh. It might have been Mook. I put up a four piece today. He did. All right.

So unfortunately, this means that we can't annex it. Well, who went the longest for women? Break it down for us. The longest lasting clique in there Was the custodian Oh okay Was she cleaning or was she Ew Ew gross

Alright so I guess we can't do it That's okay So we're not getting more showers? I don't know we'll figure it out Although I did tip off the women And they were like this morning, which probably screwed this up. We might have to do it another day. Yeah, the scientific method wasn't really super reliable on this.

We might have to do like a hidden camera. In the bathroom. Yeah, in the bathroom. Because you want to see if they're just going in there to juice the numbers or if they're actually. Yeah, maybe like a full heat map you could get. No, we could make it gender neutral and just put a trough in there. Gender neutral trough. Gender neutral trough.

Gender neutral trough. All right, well, Jacob, thank you. No problem. Appreciate it. Good job. Good first week. You finished strong. No, you hold on to them.

We'll use them for something else. You finished strong this week. Clickers are good to have. I'm excited for pup punk. I promise I won't go too crazy. Okay. What did that? No, that means he has a history.

Why would you need to promise that? Big Cat told Paige to tell the interns not to go too wild at Pup Punk. I told Paige, like, it's the first week. The interns, we want them to go to Pup Punk. We want them to have fun. But also, they are now representing Barstool. Well, you'll learn a lot about everybody. Yeah, if we get interns falling down, that's bad.

He's not going to go too hard. That reminds me of the meeting we had at the old Chicago office where you sat everyone down and you're like, no pre-gaming before you go out in Chicago at the new office. No pre-gaming. And I was looking around like, why the fuck would we need this? And then I saw smokes. Yeah.

Yeah. I told him, I was like, like, why the fuck would we need this? And then I saw smokes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I told him, I was like, I was like, pretty much the only rule I have is that if you drink at the office and you get in a car, you're going to be fired. And no drinking and driving. Yeah. Driving. And then on last Friday, smokes. I watched him start drinking at like 9 a.m.

And then he like opened like a 40 ounce Corona. I was like, did you drive today? And he's like opened like a 40 ounce corona i was like did you drive today and he's like i'll uber home i was like that was the right answer dude yeah well dude one of the content interns ella her entire tiktok is just her blacked out really oh yeah her entire like for her like niche on tiktok is just being drunk good for her but like talking about it tonight though she's doing like drunk acts. Yeah, she Work smart it's like videos of her like falling into a bush we need that Like secondhand wait can I see it? No, she's like self. Yeah, go to the hot dog selfie like security

Doing a keg stand alone? I will do. I will. Keg stand alone is pretty wild. That is wild. She's a dog, dude. Well, that's kind of like you. Like, that's kind of when you get to the point where you're like, maybe I should take a break.

That's what Sash was doing before he quit drinking. Nope. Wait for it. I assume she's already drunk. No doing before he quit drinking. Nope. Wait for it. I assume she's already drunk. No, she's dead sober. That's how she starts her night. Oh, fuck. That was a land. A deep dream.

Yeah, so we should encourage her to get drunk. Yeah. Oh! Holy shit. Two, three. Is she going to get it? I don't think so. It's got to be feet against the wall, right?

All right, yeah. That was it. Found a video. Found a video. That had 29 million likes. Well, Dana Beers is getting married, so we're going to need someone to take the mantle. Is he really? Yeah.

This weekend? No. Are you not online anymore, bro? What's with? I don't know. I've been searching. Did a 365-day countdown yesterday. Yeah, that's crazy.

Dude, Hank said he's going to stop being online if the Celtics win the... Yeah. But I think low-key, he probably just wants to go offline for a little bit. Oh, of course. He wants to just golf. Yeah. Are you letting him do this no yeah you can't let i told him it's his job yeah we'll be online it was a preposterous proposition

on his part oh just stop go golf stop working if they lose like yeah that's the easiest time to not be online when your team loses hank's done it a couple a couple fridays in the last month he's come up to me at like 10 a.m he He's like, you need me for the yak today? I'm like, what? No. He's like, oh, okay, cool. And that's just code for he's going golfing. Yeah.

You know what? I'm going to say this take, and it's probably a bad take, but golfing is an epidemic among my friends. Oh. I'm losing friends to golf. I'm losing friend groups to golf. All they want to do is golf. Get too into it, yeah.

How about we just hang out? Why do we have to go golf? Golf is a fun hang, though. It is a time commitment, but it is fun if you, like, it is a very fun thing to do with your friends. But then they get too into it. They have to do it every day. Every day?

Every other day? Golf is getting more popular, I feel like, right now. Women are getting really into it. Oh, come on, let's not get ridiculous. Cute outfits to get your steps in. Yeah. Actually, women have hacked golf

because if you went to golf being like I get to wear a new outfit and I just get my steps in, you're not expecting to shoot well. That'd be a fun way to golf. I'm eyeballing the transition to tennis right now. I don't know if I want to do it Oh you'd be great at it

I'm just kind of No I'm going with the idea I don't own a racket I've never really played You've said this to me before The problem with tennis is every time Well KB plays tennis

I played this weekend Every time he played tennis I wish it was home run derby Home run derby? Yeah because you start hitting a ball And you're like There's a fence And there's a ball I'm hitting.

Yeah, right. Like, throw one in. Let me see if I can fucking smash this. I don't know. A good rally is Percocets. I've been. Especially when you start getting better. Yeah.

My parents have, like, they live in a community that has, like, a pickleball court. Not far from my house. Every time I visit them, we go play pickleball, and there's a bunch of old people obviously um and it's so fun i do understand why pickleball is a craze but i do need a little bit more there's a little it's a little too right it'll be old like it's fun but it's like i just need a little bit more and it's like well why not tennis that's why isn't there a pickleball tournament in town yeah frankie's putting it

on oh yeah yeah you'd be a great tennis guy. You would be good for longevity. That's what I, yeah. Good for your ticker. Yeah. So you've given up on golf? I joined a gym, and they're really big into tennis. Everybody's big into tennis. All the cool kids are carrying tennis rackets and all that shit, and that's really all it takes for me.

Is there a tennis court at the gym? Yeah, multiple, all sorts of them. Everyone's vying for tennis time. What gym is this? I joined the gym, and they're like, we do a learn how to play to play tennis let's just join a high school no it's a really nice gym yeah they're like we'll give you we'll give you lessons uh if you want to learn how to play tennis i was like i never mentioned tennis it's not a gym it's that i wanted lessons you know when it goes big gym it's club athletic club yeah dude my boys keep signing me up for information

at every equinox they come across. I just get texts like once a day like, are you interested in joining? Oh, you got to like block those numbers because they will not stop calling you. And then they'll like call you from a new number after you. It's so fucking annoying. Sam is back. But back to your golf point. If they could just figure out, I don't know why they don't do 12 hole golf courses.

Yeah. In all the time. If you could be in and out. What? why they don't do 12 hole golf courses Yeah In all the time That'd be perfect If you could be in and out Why don't you just lay nine holes? What? That's not enough That's not enough 12 is perfect

Nine is plenty If you're fucking No, nine is more than enough Every time I golf I get to like hole 12 And from hole 12 to 17 I'm like this fucking sucks You say if you're walking

Yeah Who in their right mind would walk a round of golf? When I played in high school, we had to walk. Oh, the athletes. It's nice to walk if you have a caddy. Jocks, yeah. I can't believe you walk? If I sort of walk casually?

With a caddy, it's actually kind of enjoyable because you don't hurry up and you're just, I don't know. It's not that hard to just walk with the clubs either. They're like, nah, I'm out on that. Those Asian guys with the rollers? Yeah, I don't like to push cars. If you have a roller in high school golf, you're laughing off the court.

I don't willingly do it, but if a friend invites me and they're a member at a club, there's a lot of the clubs you have to walk. The shittier clubs you have in high school. Where's your cooler beer? Where's your speaker? You have a wooden driver The shittier clubs you have in Iceland. Where's your cooler beer? Where's your speaker? You're like a wooden driver.

Where's your... What is that stereotype? That's like you're badass. Like you're the best player. Oh, really? Yeah. There's no room for horseplay if you walk. Horseplay's half the fun.

True, horseplay. Yeah, I like walking. You can't run over your friends. Yeah, true. Most horseplay goes down on the carts. Dude, the cart running over the friends thing was one of the funniest trends ever. And people got so angry about it. People really didn't like that.

Right. I was always surprised by it when people would like rail into one of their buddies. The sneak attack ones were my favorite. Doug, can you find a couple? Because, yeah, the barstool community was very upset about it. They were pissed. Yeah, they were pissed. Well, because the barstool guys, this is actually funny,

the Barstool guys are the people who are like, you can't say anything anymore, you can't do anything anymore, but they're the same guys that are like, if you break golf etiquette, I'll ruin your fucking, I'll call your job and ruin your life. Dave put a bounty on rigs when that all went down. He was like, if anyone hits rigs with a golf cart I'll give them 20 it was awesome

I also like my take was always I know that it's dangerous but if you're gonna show me the video I'm gonna laugh I'm not asking you to do it but once it's done it's like shooting one of your buddies who's eating it that one was fake

i still like it no he was ready for it he was ready for that one you gotta find the sneak attack one doug where they they did a misdirection where one guy was slowly coming he came and then another friend came from the other side if you get sandwiched that's like your break your leg oh yeah no it's very dangerous. You shouldn't be doing it. Ron, can you do the high noon ad? Of course, my brother. I did. Let me unravel this.

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non-carbonated, no added sugar, 90 calories. High Noon Vodka Iced Tea is great for any occasion under the sun and comes in four delicious flavors. You've got to try original, peach, lemon, and raspberry, each more delicious than the last. Visit HighNoonSpirits.com to find some delectable high noon near you. I love that. Man, is that stuff good.

I might have one tonight. Yeah. Ooh. I got a babysitter. You did? Yes, I did. We're blacking out tonight. I'm getting back on the wagon tonight.

What time does the show start? Seven or eight. And you guys are going on nine? Yeah. All right, if it's at seven, we're going on 9? Or if it's at 7, we're going on at 8. If it's at 8, we're going on at 9. I think it's 8 and you guys are going on at 9. How long do you guys do? Two hours?

We have a fucking behemoth set list. Rowan, do you get saw stuff before that? I'm not going to be able to get there until the end. Huh? I'm not going to be able to get there until the end. Wait, we'll save some bullets for you. It's sold out, I heard. It is sold out.

You should play They Not Like Us. Oh. Yeah. Certified pedophile. Oh, no. Dante's opening. Have him do that. Let's remake that video.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Certified pedophile. Yeah. We could do that. Dante's one of those guys that's just finding pedophiles everywhere. He's finding them?

Yeah. Well, he's like one of those guys, or just like finding pedophiles everywhere he's finding them yeah well he's like one of those guys or he does no i think he's like actively like i'm he's he's finding him well isn't the dj rare he is pedophile heavy base nectar yeah base nectar and i loved him yeah they were calling him rape nectar oh that's not a good nickname that's. That's one you don't want. No. You don't want that nickname. No.

No, no, no. Oh, no. You don't. You don't want that. You don't want that. If you get called Rape Nectar. Go on. You got to be.

No, it's Bass. It's Bass Nectar. Bass. It's like, cut up, Rape Nectar. Fucking bitch. It's like when the punt god had his moment. They were calling him the rape God Back to go back to go Fucking great guys being dudes, man. Yeah. Stop, stop. Boom.

Some people must have got fully run over, though. Oh, definitely. It was bad. It was bad. I'm picturing a father of four and the wife is at home waiting for his off-duty. But it's one of those things that once it's put online, what am I not going to watch? It was definitely like a father went out. He was like, I'm just going to join this foursome or this threesome.

And it was like three high schoolers and they just fucking ran him over like ten times. But wouldn't it be even worse if you broke your leg and then they're like, no, we won't post this video? You might as well get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do. I'm helping that guy out i'm gonna watch it do you think guys are doing that without posting don't even taking videos i'm saying like doing it but what's it don't make an alliance for the love of the game if you like broke someone's leg and they're like dude fuck you

don't post that video if you broke my leg i'd be like you better no i'd be yeah of course right if you ran me over the golf cart and no one had their phone out for a minute I'd be like what the fuck was that for what was the point of that or if it gets like 30 likes and you're like dude what the fuck delete this and repost it

get this back in the algorithm didn't post at the right time that was all the waves I just got a text from Billy, by the way. Vanny Woodhead is going to be here in a matter of an hour. Whoa. Via what?

Or who? Him. No, I think we hired someone to get it out here. Oh, because he was worried that if he drove it out, you'd just fire him when he got here. Yeah, I didn't understand that. What is this? Are they driving or towing it?

I think they're towing it. Oh, they're towing it. What is it? Back from driving or towing it? I think they're towing it. Oh, they're towing it. What is it? It's back from the dead. Our old van, Vanny Woodhead, that I bought for $600 that had a hole in the floor. It was not a great van, but it was fun. We went on Grit Week with it a couple times. And then I had been paying insurance, and we weren't using it cause it wasn't operable.

So I was paying like, I don't know, a couple hundred bucks a month in insurance. Like this is stupid. Yeah. So I told Billy, I was like, it was like,

Oh, I got a, I got a scrap metal yard. Like we'll, we'll scrap it. Like that's fine. Like great. Gabe,

Billy, Billy, the title, he took care of everything. This was four years ago, maybe six months ago. Billy was like, uh, he texted us. He us he's like hey what do you guys want me to do with vanny he had just been it just been sitting in a fucking parking lot he just didn't do what we asked him to do so he's back from the dead so oh yeah now we're gonna try to pimp it out yeah you should yeah

hot tub yeah yeah turn it into an Airbnb. Ooh. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah, you can stay in Banny. We'll go to that. You can do a podcast from there. I want to get souped up.

Hydraulics? Boys. Yeah. Yeah, you should get hydraulics. Get tinted windows. Get Jerry's guy on that. Yeah, no, Jerry. Yeah, Jerry. Is Jerry in today, or is he off?

Is he like? Oh, man. Jerry's going through it, huh? We do have an update with that. Oh, yeah. Dude, Jerry. Is Jerry in today or is he off? Is he like? Oh, man. Jerry's going through it, huh? We do have an update with that. Oh, yeah. Dude, I'll be honest. My Verizon went down yesterday. Me too.

And I was like fully convinced that it was a cyber attack. Doug, you pull up the Jerry text. I tweeted it. He was going through it last night, but the update is. So he texted me basically being like, this is the end. Yeah. We're all about to die. It's too late.

It's too late. The tax. Said it had nothing to do with Trump. Coincidence. Yeah, which was a little shocking. I thought that would have been in Jerry's brain, combining those two. He's been talking about this for a while. He sat next to a guy on an airplane a couple months ago.

So, yeah, he texted me last night. Huge attack happening right before our eyes. My guy said his system is going berserk. Chaos will happen soon. Protect my family and son. And I said, what should I do? He said, I think it's too late. Honestly, Dan, I'm not joking either. I just replied, so just die.

And I didn't reply. But so then I texted him later. I was like, what's the update? And he, Jerry's been silenced. By the powers? He's been silenced. By the powers? He's been silenced by the powers. Oh, shit. Yeah, his girlfriend told him to stop talking about it.

So he's in hiding right now? Well, his girlfriend was like, why is everyone, all my friends text me saying you're going crazy on Twitter again? So he texted me, he's like, I'm not allowed to talk about it anymore. And then I pointed out, like, is your girlfriend compromised? He's like, that's a good point. Did she silence him or did she just tell him to shut the fuck up? I think it was that. It's the same thing isn't it? What's the difference? Getting silence

because you're leaking information that could be dangerous was one thing but just somebody saying shut the fuck up already. Yeah I think it was that. I think Jerry needs to do the I'm not suicidal post. Yeah. Yeah he should. Systems are going berserk. They say that as cyber attack know systems are going berserk they say that it's cyber attack going berserk but do you think he has a guy who's actually telling him this like

hey my oh yeah going berserk oh yeah this was chaos will happen soon protect yourself and your family trust me when i know more i will share with you please we need to talk in person yes let me gather more intel won't be long promise what are the odds this is the VP of Expedia? Yeah. Just a security update for you, my brother. It would be wise to make sure you have a printed hard copy of your medical and financial records ASAP. Reports are saying something big is brewing. Hope you are well, brother.

Peace and love. This is bad. Very. What is happening? Can't type much, but my internal systems are going crazy. That is organ? The guy just has diarrhea. What are we talking about i think he's just giving him like sound advice and he's wrapping it up like it's

the the world is in i do your point dan what are you supposed to do you ask him like what do i do he's like it's too late it's too late and what's the point so what's the point of worrying about it then there's a non-zero chance all this by the way is still jerry's trying to get me to get all my money out and then he'll be like I got a place I can hold it. That has crossed my mind. There's no cybersecurity expert that has that clean of a use of emojis, though. Yeah. You see the peace, heart, peace again with a piece of love.

And the Android. Also, no cybersecurity expert just texting Jersey Jerry saying his systems are going berserk. Yeah. You think this guy's sitting in the CIA? I want footage of systems are going berserk. Yeah. You think this guy's sitting in the CIA? I want footage of the systems going berserk. I do too. I'm kind of on Jerry's side, to be fully honest.

Yeah? Well, you're dumb too. They say that a cyber attack is the biggest risk that our country has outside of getting nuked. Who's they? I read a book about it. Yeah, what was the book called?

The Blackout. By? I don't know. Did you just make up that title? No, I read it. I read like 10 pages. I don't think that book exists. Cover, cover.

I read the first 10 pages of it twice. Why would you read the first 10 pages twice? Because I read it once. Read the next 10. I read it once probably 10 years ago and I just picked it up again recently. Wait, so this guy's been predicting it for ten years? What? Oh.

Ten years he's been predicting it and it hasn't happened. No, he's not predicting it. He's just stating what would happen if there was an actual blackout and a cyber attack. Pretty much if you live in a major city, you're fucked because major cities aren't prepared for that level of- Where we don't have gardens. We don't have gardens. A lot of people in cities order out for every meal, so they don't have food in their apartments to last them more than a day.

So we got to stash food. Yeah. I'm just worried about those next 10 pages. Why didn't you keep reading to see what else? Sounds like it was an interesting read, and you're just like, no, good. It was. It was very interesting. Not 11 pages interesting.

But every time I pick up a book, it's when I'm about to go to bed same i do the same thing the prologue print i buy them on kindle i have so many books i have like a hundred books on kindle yeah i just yeah i've read none of them yeah last night i even bought one i've started just getting the samples because i realized i'm there's a good chance i'm not even gonna make it past the sample i get caught up in the four i see a four word word. Oh, yeah. Too much. I love a good four word. Oh, I skip all four words. I tried to read Woody Gunthery's book the other day, and it was just all broken English, like in quotations, like their conversations in like really like hick language. I couldn't understand a single word they said.

In the book. In the book. The book. Yeah. Very tough read. Uh-oh. No. What the heck was In the book. Yeah. Very tough read. Uh oh. No. What the heck was that?

You guys still do this whole song and dance? Why? It's stupid. It's not funny. It's so nice going into work knowing I'm not going to have to get hurt or soaking wet every day. This is only... Roan kept this on. But he didn't. Y'all just keep using him as an excuse. There's no reason for it. It's still

there. If I get it, I'll just do it on Monday. Roan, do you want us to take it off? I think we should keep it. Okay. Yeah. We love it. Yeah. We love it. Man up, Seth. Alright, yeah. Spin the wheel. Maybe that's our... Maybe that's what we're missing. Spin the mousetrap wheel, then we'll spill the other wheel. This is elimination.

This is elimination. Are these the right names? Everyone here today? Uh... No, not everyone. Doug's not on there. And Stephanie's not on there. Jacob. the other wheel. This is elimination. Are these the right names, everyone here today? Oh, no, not everyone. Doug's not on there. And Stephanie's not on there. Jacob. Jacob. Joey. Ah, don't put the interns on. Put Doug on there. Put Doug and Stephanie. Well, this technically

hit yesterday, right? Yeah. Oh. Oh. People over there yesterday. I take my name off. So the hairless cats. Cajun Mike. Leroy. We just there yesterday. I take my name off. So the hairless cat. Cajun Mike. Cajun Mike. Leroy. We just showed up to Leroy's house.

I think Leroy would be fine. Yeah, he wouldn't. We go to shake his hand and we just hand him a mousetrap. All right, see you, Leroy. Strong grip. Nice grippy you got there. Firm handshake you got. Call that a grip.

Griff hands bleeding. It's refreshing to feel a nice firm handshake men were men are we really doing yesterdays? no no no it's just this I was going to say Connor Griffin should be on this one oh you're good Kate you're good

I got a run in like five so I'm probably going to have to do it Monday if it's me Sass it's not going to be you probably going to be me Sass I'll take yours for you I've gotten hit by enough mousetraps in my apartment

I'll take yours for you Sass Kyle yes the other day I was putting new peanut butter on my mousetraps. Wait, this is still a thing? Yeah, I still live in New York. They're still mice. Look at that, Sass. There you go, Sass.

Oh yeah, there we go. Do I get credit for taking it for you? No. Okay. Oh, you're putting new peanut butter on. Yeah, I was putting a new layer on. Doug, way to get off there, Doug. And I trapped my finger.

We need Steph off there. And Ronan Mucatitis. Yeah. But you're not still in the really bad place. No, no, we need a full infestation. Bro. Fuck, damn it. That sucks, Ronan.

Fuck, damn it. I'll take your assess if you want. Are there people watching right now, though, who are like, they sat up in their seat when you guys started to fail? Yes. This is stupid. Yes. For sure.

For sure. For sure. Finally. Finally. Mousetrap time. Finally, this nonsense is over. Time to really get down to it. Watch these boys suffer.

Oh, fuck. Fuck. Oh, damn it. Steph. Are you prepared? And you guys, at this point, you know the level of pain it's going to be. Oh, fuck. Oh, damn it. Steph. Are you prepared? And you guys at this point, like, you know the level of pain it's going to be. Oh, yeah. Steph, have y'all met Steph?

Steph will fucking do it. Kind of hammer her reaction. Steph is a badass. I like it. It's like an improv. Steph's like the toughest person. God damn it. All right, first to four is out.

Bloody hell. Fuck made a tear. And Brandon's got to play up the whole act like that. Like he dreads it more than anything, even though it's really just two seconds. Playing the hits. Yeah. What are you doing right now? Would you have done it?

No way. Would you have done it? Hell no. He's talking a tough game right now. I'm talking a tough game because I'm not on the show weekly anymore. So I'm a lot. Right. They get mad at me.

But you literally were on the show for a half a week and you already pussied out of this yeah well I pussy I didn't pussy out the wheel told me it's true it's a good point this is the shit yeah see I really I really zoned it in because I can bitch about the show all I want and then I people who's cast off to one but then next week they'll be like bring him back He was on such a heater last week He was fucking murdering on Wednesday He saves the show Empty the bag big cat That's my favorite one

Do you think that I haven't asked Sass and Roan to move here I've asked Roan like a thousand times. Triple his salary. It actually got to a point where I had to apologize to Roan because I realize I'm being a bad friend by asking you so much. BFT wouldn't drive me home yesterday until I gave him a yes. Just parked the car in a random parking lot.

It's so funny when people think I just, oh, shit, you're right. I should have. Fuck. I didn't even think about that. All right, three, two, Steph. Ooh, stop, stop, stop, stop. All right, game seven. Damn.

Holy shit, we need some music. I hope you could just say that you're going to take it so Steph doesn't have to. Yeah, that would be the Gallant thing of you. All right, I'll take it. Nope. I'll take it. All right, Mook, put your little mousy mouse.

Little mousy mouse. Titus, you know you're the only one in the set. How am I the only one that knows how to set a mousetrap? You're the only man we got. Dude, they're a lot harder to set than I always think. They are not. They're very simple. It's his elementary skills. This is how he gets into

bickering matches. There's like the fucking wheel, the pulley, the lever, and the mousetrap. I just set the fucking mousetrap, man. When, uh, when, yesterday when we asked for a mousetrap, when Gage and Mike was like, you guys don't have any mousetraps or like rat traps? Yeah, he's like, a rat trap?

No, Wade. No, dude. Oh, little mousey. At our last part, we got a rat trap. Little mousey. Mouse, mouse. Get in there, mouse.

Satisfaction. Really get your finger on there. It does hurt. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Honor, bleed, bleed. Oh! He left it on there, too. One finger.

That's good. As long as you don't get fingernail finger. Wait, why are you hard right now? Wait, what the fuck? No, it feels good, dude. Every once in a while, just bust up a finger. Sass, you want to give it a go? Not at all.

Not even a little bit. Just a little? Just do the glue trap. I'll do a glue trap, yeah. You know I got that mouse trap. That new J. Cole song, mouse trap. What do they say the most humane way to kill a mouse is? Drowning.

I think a mouse trap. Oh, firing squad. Fuck it with the fucking firing squad. Firing squad with 10 guys so you don't know who it was. No, the poison. Which one's that? The rats, you do poison. It's gotta just be...

They eat it, and then they just die later. Oh, really? Vehicle injection, I think? I wouldn't want the poison, though, because then you've got to find where they are. Yeah, they'll just die on your wall. And then the cat eats the poison mouse, and then your cat dies. You put the bucket of water, the stick on top. Is that how you drown them?

You waterboard a mouse? Isn't that a thing? Isn't that a technique? I don't know. Jerry would put them in a bucket of bleach, and then he would let them just swim around in the bucket until they died, right? Jesus. You talking about Tom and Jerry the cartoon?

No, we did an entire episode on it. No, that was Jerry sprayed his sister's gerbil with bleach. Oh. Yes, but he also put his mouth in the bleach, I thought. Oh, my God. Jerry was the mouse, though. Yeah, Jerry was the mouse. Yeah.

Jerry was the mouse. He would have done that to his own people. But he always got one up on the cat. What was the dog's name, Otis? I don't know. The big bulldog? Yeah. He was so stupid, that dog.

That dog was raw. Most cartoon dogs are. He was so stupid. I wanted to slap the shit out of that dog. Smarten up. Cherry was probably just trying to teach the mouse a lesson, though, that it was supposed to whip the bleach into cream and climb out. Yeah.

Yeah. True. Did y'all see Sir Richard Fattington yesterday oh yeah now that was the english bulldog oh yeah it was a big boy yeah he was a good dog good how do when you name a dog like that how do you call it i think he calls him richard yeah richie dick dick sir rich come Fatty. His name's Richard, but we call him Dick for short. The dog. Come here, Dick. Oh, look at that.

That's a good boy. We need to get some ice for him to lay on. I don't know how my stuff gets on Instagram. Wait, you didn't post that? That's yours. Yeah, he doesn't do anything. Because I followed you. Or I DM'd you and you never DM'd me back.

I never check Instagram. I don't even know that I have it. Why don't you just text him? I think't do anything. Because I followed you, or I DM'd you, and you never DM'd me back. I never check Instagram. I don't even know that I have it. Why don't you just text him? I think Katie does it. I don't have his number. You got to get Uncle Thud's number. Or maybe I replied to a story. You have Brandon's number.

I think I replied to something nasty. You have Brandon's number. I have Brandon's number, yeah. Wait, so it's Katie's stats? Yeah. But she's off the college football show? Yeah, she didn't want to do it anymore. Is she here?

Is she in Chicago? No, she's in New York. She's Yeah, she didn't want to do it anymore. Is she here? Is she in Chicago? No, she's in New York. She's in New York? Brandon's not surviving. Yeah. Did you know about this? I didn't. Well, I knew your name was never discussed,

and I thought it was because of your health issues. But I do everything that we do. I do it. Yeah, but it almost kills you every time we do it. That's fine. I mean, there's other people with healthy... Why do you want to do it? Because I wanted a chance to win $250,000.

You wouldn't. Whoa! You have that chance every day when you come into work. Oh my God. $250,000? Other people are getting second chances at this thing. What? I just wanted to do it. I still want to do it, but Dave said... I feel like you just want to be in because everybody's in.

Yeah. I don't think you healthy. Brandon, that's even more of a reason. I'm fine. I just did. I'm fine. I can do it. Brandon, that's more of a reason for you to not do it because you know you're not going

to win. Right. You know everyone's going to. You're going to get there. You're going to be the clown. You say that. The rest of them are all assholes too. There's like five people that can win.

They all join together and they go, look out. Look at Brandon. Let's fuck with him. That would be the most miserable week of your life. You won't like it. Brandon, you'd be talking at that high octave that you got to the whole week. You're just describing the yak.

Now I want him on. I mean, we can do surviving Barstool here for no cash prize and just make it feel like... The first one they had... I was like, I wish Well, the first one they had and they didn't – We can give you the experience. I was like, I wish they'd have asked me, and then they didn't. The second one, I knew I was going to get asked.

I knew it, and then I didn't. Why? And I asked Dave. I said, I'd like to be in it, and he said no. Well, if it makes you feel any better, we all collectively gave Che $10,000 for coming in second in Surviving Barstool, and I came in second in the Most Dangerous Games and got $0. Nick made

$20,000 from coming in second. We gave Che 10K. I don't think you could handle Slush Fund. Oh, that was from Survivor? That's kind of bullshit. I don't know, dude. Your anxiety is very high. They put Rico in it.

They put Kirk in it. Rico did it. They put Kirk in it. Yeah, but Rico is like. Rico did well. Rico did really well. And his whole role is to be an anxious man. That's fine. But you would hate not having your comfort, too. Right.

Like having to sleep weird and eat weird and all that sort of thing. Like not getting your Chick-fil-A every day. Like having to sleep in a room with a bunch of other dudes. Guys, I do stuff out of my comfort zone here all the time. I'm not worried about that. It almost kills you. Huh? It almost kills you.

But then you live 100 miles away so you can get the hell out of here and detox. All I said – And you get no detox in this, you're going to die. That's fair to say you wanted the invite, but I think you'll – when the game happens, I think you'll be like, I'm happy I'm not part of this.

Keep in mind something. We're breaking our code. Maybe you would be great, and I think you should consider it yourself. You know what? Consider what? They won't let me. Yeah, you could just do it. They won't let me.

Join up. Yeah, just join the team. Just bully your way in. Yeah. Isn't that how Mike McDaniel got a job at the Broncos? He just kept showing up at the Broncos stadium? Yeah, just show up to every challenge. Yeah.

That's fine. Every vote. Maybe they're filming it every Friday in the fall, and they know you're on the road. Do you want me to talk to Dave? No. I talked to Dave. We had a long text message.

This was moments before he let off that zinger about Portland. Oh. I've been discussing with Dave. Your name wasn't even brought up. I understand. I thought that was weird. That's all. I thought that was weird.

And we talked, and eventually I told him at the end of yesterday, I'm good with it, and he said good. I mean, it's mostly heavy hitters. You're good with it. Yeah. You're good with it. What if you weren't? I just wanted to end the conversation.

How did she think Dave? Francis wasn't even going to be considered for it until Tires You can figure out a way to get on Netflix In the next like week Which I'm sure there is something for Netflix Taping actively in Chicago right now Hard Knocks

Yeah get on Hard Knocks You gotta just make the team, make the bears Just be in the background When does the first episode of Hard Knocks. Yeah, get on Hard Knocks. You got to just make the team, make the Bears. Just be in the background. When does the first episode of Hard Knocks come out? August. And when is this filming? September. Brandon, go to the Hard Knocks Stadium.

Get a tour while they're- What Hard Knocks Stadium? Go to the Bears Stadium. I'm good. I'm good. It's fine. Go to Hard Knocks Stadium. Brandon, I'm giving you the actual way in.

You need credits. I don't want- You need credits in this world. You don't just give people shit for no reason. Last time I got Barstool in my show, I got him on WWE and AEW Dynamite on TNT on Wednesday night. The next week they took my show away. That's kids stuff. No one cares about that shit.

You would probably be good. I would be worried about would be i would be worried about your mental health that's a fair motherfuckers on there dan i understand but they also like that's kind of also do you want to be out there in august you're gonna that's peak fishing season that's peak top water you're gonna be missing all that top water action september no in september that's even better it gets a little cooler like rico's brand is freaking out. That's fine. That's not your brand. Did you watch the show last year? You want that to happen to you?

That's not your brand. It happens anyway. Yeah, but not to that level. It's fine. I texted him. We talked it out. It's fine. Y'all brought it up.

I didn't bring it up. Actually, Doug just scrolled to the next one on your Instagram. What was my next Instagram? It was the text. How did that get on Instagram? I don't know. That's so we didn't bring it up. Yeah, you posted it on Instagram, so you brought it up.

Yeah, you actually did. I saw it. Yeah, look, you brought it up. Oh, everything I tweet, she puts on. Okay, that's cool. There's Doug. Oh, wait, we should get Doug on surviving. Doug would be great.

Doug would kill them, motherfucker. He would crush. Look at that jambalaya. We should get Doug on surviving. Doug would be great. Doug would kill them, motherfucker. Look at that jambalaya. Look at Rico's spleen. That's my picture. You only fish from the boat. You ever fish from shore? I'll sit on that dock and sit in my chair.

Look how this entire yak has just been like conversations in between Sass and Brandon talking fish. It just keeps bringing it back. It was really grassy. It was a grass problem, but they killed the grass and it just fell this week. So now the fishing has opened back up. It's very exciting. I would throw a little frog right by that grass. Yeah, lily pads. I got some frogs, but I haven't thrown them yet. It's not really hot enough for the frogs.

Not hot enough for the frogs yet. Tadpoles. Tadpole season still. I was out in Sacramento and I saw a big ass tadpole. No way. How big was it? Probably like this big. They got big ass tails. I didn't even know what it was. I had to look it up to see if that's what tadpoles

look like. I didn't know they got that big. It's the only living thing I saw in the water all week. In Sacramento? Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. You alright? Oh my god. I saw the water all week. In Sacramento? Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. You all right? What? Oh, my God. Tell us more about that tadpole.

I have a video of it. It's really cool. What? Yeah, send us a video. Send us the tadpole. Holy shit. Need this tadpole. So when you saw the tadpole, you were like,

I don't even know if this is a tadpole or what. I literally had to look up if it was a tadpole or not. What did you think it could be other than a tadpole? Well, I was like, that is probably a tadpole. Here, I'm sending it right now. I just sent it to the Yak Group chat. They're very, like, creepy looking. I'm not sending it to you, Doug.

That ain't a tadpole, bro. That's a tadpole. I think it is. It is. They're right up on the shore. Yeah. That thing's about a day and a half from having legs. That's an abomination. Sweet.

I tried to catch it. Wouldn't take. That was it? That was the video right there? Yeah. Two second video. you got the point it's legit does anyone have a gun so are you able to fly fish just on your comedy trips or do you have to make a lot of plans like i have to have to put, like, three days aside. No, I try to get out. Like, me and Mook, I went with Mook in Portland,

five trout in one day, not a big deal. Yeah, it really isn't a big deal. Why don't you just come on Son of a Boy Dad? Y'all could talk about this sometime. That's fine. Is this every episode for you now? Every episode, yeah. But I'll try to get out.

I went out in Colorado. Why don't you just do this on Son of a Boy Dad sometime? You know what you could do, Ron? I haven't actually brought up this idea to you yet. You can move to Chicago. Oh. Sass, what do you think? No, no.

Leave him behind with his fishing. Did you just think of that? Yeah. But then Brandon's going to be talking fishing. I can't escape the shit. I only talk it when he's around. Let's trade Brandon for Roan. Straight up.

Would you go live in Brooklyn? I don't think Pat Bev would sign off on this. We'd got to send some draft picks, I think. Send an intern. You can get Jacob. That's a good-ass deal. I wouldn't want to be here without Jacob. I wouldn't want to lose Brandon.

You guys think the Celtics are going to win it all? Yep. You know, we could have done the sports talk last night when I was sitting in the gambling cave waiting for you to show up. Well, I was waiting to get food because I was so fucking hungry. We had food here. There's food here. Why are you emphasizing words so much?

I was waiting to get food with Ronan Francis and they abandoned me. Sass was like, I'll watch some sports with you tonight. Texted him. I said, I'll be in the gambling cave. No showed. You lied to him? I said, I'll be in the gambling cave. No showed. You lied to him? I didn't lie. I was going to go.

I texted you before I even went to go to the restaurant. It wasn't even a restaurant. It was a bar. Did you get dinner last night? I didn't get dinner. Seems suspicious. Why are your hands so cold? I don't know.

Why are your forearms so big? You got circulation problems, bro? He does have big forearms. No, I just have big guns. I haven't eaten shit today. Maybe that's why. I want to fast. Big got circulation problems, bro? He does have big forearms. No, I just have big guns. I haven't eaten shit today. Maybe that's why I want to fast. Big man. Are you fasting?

Yeah. For the show? I have to fast for the show. Hold on. Cold? Just your hand. Just a cold hand. Brandon, you hooping today?

No. Yes. Let's get this run going. We are. All right, let's spin the wheel, Doug. Wait, did you play the tap hole video? Here it is. Everybody needs to see this. All right, hold on. Here wheel, Doug. Wait, did you play the tadpole video? Here it is. Everybody needs to see this.

All right, hold on. Here we go. This is a must watch. Oh. There it is. And that's it. There it is. Holy shit.

What could that be? That? You guys act like this is great. If any of you guys saw it. If I see it, that's awesome. Yeah, you guys would be like, holy shit. It's a big, big tadpole. But also the fact it was Sacramento.

Yeah. Right. More like Aub Big, big pool. It's a tadpole. But also the fact it was Sacramento. Yeah. Right. More like Auburn, that area. Okay. So you lied to us. About a chip and a foot away from sack. I'm thinking Sacramento, tadpole. I'm thinking, holy shit, no way.

I stayed up in Auburn. It's great out there. Right next to a In-N-Out. Oh. Holy shit. I got In-N-Out on the way to the club, and they don't give it to you in a bag. It's in a box. So I'm just sitting there, and my In-N-Out's sliding all over my car.

Sass, you ever fall asleep on your couch? I used to sleep on my couch purposely. Yeah. That's different. But no, not really. Okay. I'm usually pretty good at getting myself up. Like, I'll nap on my couch sometimes.

Nice. That's falling asleep on your couch You gotta tell them you want it in a bag by the way People park their car and just eat in the parking lot That's the thing to do So they just assume everyone that goes to the drive-thru Sounds also like you're a bad driver Sliding around

You just put it in your seat next to you They have the system So that you don't need to talk to a human being They have the system so that you don't need to talk to a human being. They have the ordering thing, but they just make these young children sit in 100 degree weather in the sun taking everyone's orders by hand.

It's very strange. I never understood it. Apparently they get paid a shit ton of money. Not really children. They're kids. They were like 13 years old. The tadpoles of humans. Yeah. Certified pedophile. That tadpole story was fucking awesome.

Uh oh. Hey. Thank the lord. You would have done it anyway. You can take mousetrap off. Roan? No, because that's the way we do it. How about if Sass does it, we take it off? Permanently Roan or no? Double it up.

Two Mousetraps. You're right, Sass. Okay, all right, we'll do two. Mousetrap, Sass, you're fucking sick. I'm out of control. You're twisted, dude. All right, thanks, everyone. Please subscribe.

Thank you to Roan and Sass. We miss you boys. Listen to Son of a Boy Dad. I think Pop Punk sold out. Good. Pop Punk sold Thank you to Ronan Sass. We miss you, boys. Thank you. Listen to Son of a Boy Dad. I think Pop Punk sold out. Pop Punk sold out. Can't come to that. But you guys are going to do more shows.

Yes. We have a whole tour this summer. Sass and Francis Comedy Show also sold out. There's a Crawfish Oil at Barstool River. We're doing promo. I'm going to be in L.A. in two weeks. Comedy store. And then I'm going to be in Brea. Your show on Sunday is right by my house, so that's exciting.

Show on Sunday? Or was it Saturday? Saturday, yeah, yeah. Saturday. Belly room in L.A. Yeah, there's 10 tickets left for that. Maybe it might be sold out. Sold out at Belly.

How big is the room? 15? 50. It's a very small room. Right by my house. Brea Improv, though, is a 600-person room. How many have you got left? Four tickets left for that.

Four tickets sold. Two blocks. They're moving fast. Let's go ahead and... They're moving fast. Four out of 600? Well, I haven't promoted that one yet, so let's go ahead and... Just go, Rob.

You could text me 20 minutes before you go on, and I would go... It's right by my house. It's sold out, so... All right. Everyone have a great weekend. We'll see you on Monday. All right. We'll be right back. have a great weekend be safe be nice to each other uh we'll see you i will see you on monday tj is doing darts day this weekend see you soon bye