The Yak - Brandon Used To Be A Ghostwriter | The Yak 4-20-23

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

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20% off your first purchase. Roback.com. Promo code YAK. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, everything. Shorts coming up. Roback.com. Promo code YAK for Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, everything. Shorts coming up. Rowback.com. Promo code YAK for 20% off your first purchase. During this week, if you can see the seat next to me, Brandon has quit.

Yeah, Brandon's out. Brandon did quit. He was like, I'm out. I can't take this disrespect. Good riddance. Can't take Dave saying I'm a moron. And he's gone. He's driving Ubers. He's driving Ubers.

He's doing DoorDash. I will remember you. Will you remember me? Turns out you just can't stop somebody from quitting.

They can just not show up. They can just leave. Yeah. We tried to kidnap them. It's funny that it took them a week to realize that. Yeah, we were like, wait, so I can just get up and walk out this door? You did. Jojo. I'm just sitting over here. Oh, shit.

Dude, you never sit on that side. I'm just over here. What the hell? I didn't know you were over there. My brand new rowback hoodie. I was looking this way. This is where you usually sit. I'm over here in Kyle's seat. Oh, man. I thought you were Kyle this whole time. Somebody broke my mic stand, so I had to come over here.

Closer to the cowbell. The Sacramento Kings cowbell. Actually, I don't know if I can sit here. I don't think you can either. I don't think you can.. I don't think you can. I think you got to sass it. Do we have giant rectangle sensor bar technology? Go sit in sass's seat. Fuck.

Be fast. Wait, crawl under. Crawl under. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'll block you. Oh, no. All right, all right.

We're good. Oh, no. Job is safe for another day. Good thing that Roan is the exact size. He really is. Oh, my God. Speaking of Kyle, are you guys going to go to Kyle Day? So my name isn't Kyle.

So he's out of town, but I spoke for him as his mouthpiece. We're sending him. Okay, because I do have you in my phone as kb's friend nick oh okay so you kind of are a little bit of a kyle i thought i was pedophile nick in your oh i have second kb in my phone kb's friend because it was when you first started well that means you're kyle you're kyle kyle texas wait so they're doing all the kyle's in one place yeah kyle texas they're just gonna are Kyles in one place? Yeah, Kyle, Texas. Are they just going to do one of those when you see a forest fire and the plane comes and drops water?

It's just monster energy? It's got to be. For all the Kyles? I think this kind of seems like it's going to be a genocide. I feel like it's a trap. Yeah. I feel like they're like, hey, let's get all the Kyles in one place. We could just, again, you know, you could either put a Huffy or a Monster Energy. Yeah.

Yeah, ramp. Yeah, ramp. Yeah, just a big ramp. Walk them off the ramp like lemmings. Yeah. The Kyles. Like I used to hunt mammoths. It's also their fourth try.

What do y'all think the current biggest ever gathering of Kyles is? Any motocross event. Any motocross event or monster truck yeah yeah x games yeah is it only dude kyle's maybe a west west virginia like rehab center uh that's usually just everybody in the state okay yeah what would be the best name to gather that would be the coolest ass when i first started i tried to have a crew of hoits i wanted a there's not enough hoits though wasn't enough hoits i was like, here comes Nick and the Hoyts. I thought that would be so sick.

There's like three Hoyts. There's probably more. It's the coolest crew. Coolest crew. Who would be the coolest crew? Travis? I don't think we've proven that one. Kyle adjacent.

Oh, man. I have some mics that I could unleash. Mics are always as strong. How many mics? They're strong. Mics are strong. It's easiest to assemble, though. It would be millions, though.

You know what would be a cool group? Dicks. Ooh. Like, because that's like an older, classier, like a gathering of dicks. They have beer bellies. They have cigars.

Yeah. A lot of dicks. Some politicians in there. Yep. Yeah, there's a wide range of dicks. Yep. Dicks in all shapes and sizes.

Yeah. White dicks. Well, pretty much all white dicks. Some with short hair some uncut So the record they're going for to break Was a gathering of Ivans Ivans

It was in Bosnia and Herzegovina It was in both of them There are women Kyles too And I bet if you're a hot lady Kyle At Kyle Fest Kyle Richards There's not women Kyles Kyle Richards Is Kylie Jenner Not allowed. There's not women Kyles. Yes, there is.

Yeah, Kyle Richards. He's the only one I know. Is Kylie Jenner a Kyle? She's a Kylie. She would be a Kylie. Is Kyrie Irving a Kyle? No, he's a Kyrie. Well, there's no L in Kyrie.

Okay. It's like Jewish. It's like Kyle. How Kyle is she? She's a little Kylie. I guess we got to go. What is the coolest name? Say what like that?

What? What is the coolest name? Say what like that? What? What is it? A group of Dusties would be cool. Dust clouds. Oh, I love that answer. Pull in with a group of Dusties. I'm not going to lie. A group of atoms would kind of be cool.

That's a molecule. That's a molecule. Yeah. That's a nuclear bomb, brother. Yeah, when you split, everybody just explodes. When everyone leaves. Bam. How would a big group of Anthony's be? I think Anthony's split, everybody just explodes. When everyone leaves? Bam. How would a big group of Anthony's be?

I think Anthony's would go well. Yeah. Yeah, because Anthony is one of those names that you get a lot of super Italian guys, but you also get black guys. You get everything. I don't want any Tony's. I just want guys that go by Anthony. Yeah, I think Anthony might be one of the answers.

Yeah. Because that spreads everything. Any white guy named Anthony is inherently cooler because he's named Anthony. Right. Get the chains out. What? What about, I meant just on the neck. Oh. That your people are wearing voluntarily.

What about Jesuses in Mexico? Jesuses. Oh yeah. A bunch of Jesuses. I would like to see a bunch of Pedro's. Who would be a bigger, a gathering of Mohammeds or a gathering of Jesuses? Gathering of Mohammeds. bunch of Pedro's. Who would be a bigger, a gathering of Muhammad's or a gathering of Jesuses? Gathering of Muhammad's. Muhammad's. Muhammad's would kill.

There's got to be more of those. There'd be a lot of Jesuses. Oh, yikes. Sheesh. Muhammad's would kill a gathering competition is what I was trying to say. Well, they really would. Yeah. Dude, how do they do Mecca?

Can you show a picture of that? How do you get around? It does look incredible. Slow walking Ellis. How do you get around? Today's Eid, right? Today's the end of Ramadan. Oh, hey, guys.

Today's the end. I think today's the final day of Ramadan. Come on in. Yeah, Julio, get in here. Get your fat ass in here. Oh, my God. Look at this fat ass. Actually, this is a good conversation for Julio, get in here. Get your fat ass in here. Oh, my God. Look at this fat ass. Actually, this is a good conversation for Julio because-

Yes. Big ankles to hold up all that ass, too. You've probably been here. Well, first of all, we were having the discussion what would be the coolest group of names to have a gathering because they're trying to do the world record for Kyle's in Kyle, Texas. Roan said Anthony. I think Anthony might be- Brandon said Anthony. I, Texas. Roan said Anthony. I think Anthony might be. Brandon said Anthony.

I said Jesus. Roan said Anthony. Give me credit for saying Anthony. I remember saying Anthony. For some reason, I was thinking Mecca. Have you been? No, but I want to. Are you allowed to go?

Yeah. You have to become a Muslim. I think there's a way. You would do that just for a weekend in Mecca? I think it's a little controversial. There's ways around having to do it for real. I think they can just way that you would do that just for a weekend in Mecca I think it's a little controversial there's ways around having to do it for real I think they can

just like sign the thing for you but I've also heard that they don't even check on the bus like they they might make you say some shit that would suck though that would really suck

you got all the way there and they did check that would suck agreed so I don't know I would like to do this in a way that is non-controversial if I ever do it

wrap my head around when I get there how do they check? They go under the hood? No, they literally get on the bus and they're like, all right, if you're Muslim, recite the thing. And you have to like- That's not really checking.

Agreed. Agreed. But there's the risk that they might. You have like a certificate or something too. So- A certificate of Islam. How many people go? A lot.

Like, how do they get around? You're supposed- You like have to go it's like right part of well at least like once in your lifetime right and then once you go you're considered like they call you like a haji like you've been and so you're a little more elevated and you're but what i don't even just know the logistics of like i i have a fear for very large crowds and that i saw the aerial view like Like, are there enough hotels? Is that a dumb question?

Not a dumb question. I don't know. Is there like tickets to be up front? Like, that's the hot spot to be like who gets through game time app. You'd have to. Why not? They have. They build out infrastructure in theory for it every year.

When they just keep that. It's like the World Cup. Yeah. Is it a ticket? Oh, shit. This is happening again. Would they take it down? So it every year. Why wouldn't they just keep that? It's like the World Cup or something. Yeah. Take it down. Is it a ticket event? Oh, shit. This is happening again? Why would they take it down? I think so.

It's not ticketed? I think it's like one of those things. So I've been to like comparable things that are like places where everybody goes for pilgrimages in Iraq. Name a comparable thing. It's called Karbala. Really?

It's like one of the most holy shrines of one of their imams. His tomb is supposedly there. Wow. So anyway, tons of people go there. And in the hotel rooms, dude, there'll be like four beds in one room. Uh-huh. Something like that.

Four single beds in one room. Our hotel rooms were like that. So maybe they do stuff like that. I'm not really sure. But Mecca is like the biggest scale of that. It is kind of funny when you think about like the large gathering stuff. Huh. Everyone go to Mecca and then the comparable thing is like Coachella.

And then it kind of makes sense that they're like, fuck you guys. Fuck you guys suck. I kind of agree with you guys. Have they been to Coachella? Burning Man? Actually, after fucking Frank Ocean's performance, I could see why Coachella kind of sucks now. That was pathetic. That was trash, bro.

Was it bad? Yeah, I don't think he sang. He did like five minutes. It was horrible. And he's not doing the second weekend. He's played his trash. There's Ray Romano, by the way. Yeah, that's great.

There he is. He's not even doing the second weekend. He said because he broke his ankle? I don't know. Is Ray Romano Oh, he said because he broke his ankle? I don't know. Uh-oh. Is Ray Romano coming? Oh, he is coming.

Oh, boy. Oh, Ray Romano. Yeah. Oh. What's up? Ray Romano. What's up, dude? Man.

How you doing? What's up? What goes on in here? Oh, I'm going to start. He's talking about, like, pilgrimages and shit like that right now. Pretty much we've invented a show every day, YouTube show, where thousands of people watch us talk about pretty much nothing.

So today we were talking about what would be... I fit right in. I fit right in. Yeah. We were talking about what would be the coolest name gathering because they're trying to get all the Kyles to go to Kyle, Texas. Ray actually would be pretty cool. Ray's son in Tampa. I have identical identical twins and they just went to Twinsburg where they have

every year a convention of twins like 500 sets of identical Okay so I got a question don't take offense to this, well you wouldn't but maybe your sons would I have a theory that all twins at some point do kiss on the lips

because if I saw myself I would kiss myself just to see. What if you think you're ugly? Oh yeah. But have you ever caught your sons kissing? I have not. That's the question. I used to have a bit about

having identical twins is good but there's a danger because you want them to be good looking. Right. Because when they're little, they're cute no matter what. Yeah. When they become older, what if they're not? Because we will notice that. If you see one ugly man

walk across the room, that's no big deal. If you see the same ugliness right behind him, you're going to pick up on it. Ugly twins, yeah. I've never thought about that. That's a parent's biggest fear. Yeah. My son is three and a half years old.

He saw some twins the other day. We were walking down the street, and he just pointed. He goes, what are those? I was just like. I still say that to my twins. How did that happen? I took one when they were like three years old. I was living in New York, and I took one to L.A.

I had to go do some show or whatever, my wife and I. So it's the first time they're separate. And when we got in the hotel room, we heard, after a couple minutes, we heard a clank, a bang. And we looked in the other room, and it was my one twin standing next to a full-length mirror. He thought he saw his brother. He wanted to kiss him.

He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him. Well, Ray, thank you for stopping by. You're the best, man. Can I plug my movie? Yes, please do. Is this live? Yes. Somewhere in Queens is in theaters tomorrow. Hell yes. Go see it because my daughter just

got engaged and I needed to make $500,000. Okay. Go see his movie. A very specific amount of money. You should do a GoFundMe. That would actually be funny. Oh, you should.

Please help out Ray. All right, thanks Ray. Later. Appreciate it. I guess we know what his daughter's wedding budget is. That would be so...

If you're like a celebrity like Ray Romano who you assume is rich but maybe not like the wealthiest and he did a GoFundMe for his daughter's wedding. I mean, the backlash. Having a TV show in syndication is insane. He's also been on some other

hits since then. Men of a Certain Age I think was a really good show. He was in The Big Sick. He was really good in The Big Sick. He's a voice in what animated movie? Oh, yeah. He was in one of those animated movies. In Madagascar?

Oh, yeah. He's got everybody in Madagascar. Yes, he was in Madagascar. He does stand-up, too. Right. A ton of stand-up. Really funny. Welcome to Mooseport.

Residuals have to be crazy. Yeah, crazy. Crazy. I just had a full-on social anxiety attack when you asked him if his sons kissed each other. Really funny. Yeah. Welcome to Mooseport. Residuals have to be crazy. Yeah, crazy. Crazy. Yeah. I just had a full-on social anxiety attack when you asked him if his sons kissed each other. I saw that happening in real time. I was like hyperventilating.

He was trying to hide in her chair. Is it a crazy question? It could have gone bad. It's kind of a crazy question. If I had a twin, I would kiss my twin. I know. It's a wild thing to ask him. I'm sweating.

It's pretty legendary. You asked a gay incest question. That literally took the wind out of me. To Ray Ramone. That was your first question. Hey, Ray, nice to meet you. Then I did tighten up his material there at the end. Yeah.

We could be like, yeah, my son was trying to kiss his twin in the mirror. When he answered, I was like, this guy's a fan. That was, I think, a perfect interaction by you. It was. You sent him off on a high laugh. That was, I think, a perfect interaction by you. It was. Sent him off on a high laugh. That was a hell of a ride. I nailed it. But yeah, I do ask every twin I encounter that.

I don't think it's possible to have an ugly set of twins because the more you see something, the more attractive it is. Even think of the two fat biker twins. You don't think of them as ugly. You just think of them as twins. There is a way that twins can, if they're conjoined. Oh, that's gross. That is the one loophole.

That's disgusting. That is the one loophole. Yeah. I follow on TikTok. They're both very pretty. They're conjoined. Really? One of them has a boyfriend.

I don't know how that works. Yeah. He's always in their TikTok. He definitely thinks both of them are his girlfriends. Yeah. Well, they are. He's having an orgy every time, right? Yeah.

He's had multiple orgies. It's definitely a threesome. One just likes to watch. If you kiss your own conjoined twin, are you kissing yourself? That's masturbating. Can you?

I don't think you can. Can you kiss your conjoined twin? It depends on how you're conjoined. It depends on the angle. It depends on where the conjoinment is.

Oh, yeah. It could be not in the head. It could be abdominal. Yeah, they're abdominal. Have you guys seen those conjoined brothers that just brawl with each other? That's awesome. Literally fighting in a phone booth.

And it's every single day. It might be like 60-year-olds. Does anybody ever win? I think, yeah, I think one's better. One's been secretly training. Sleeping? What are you doing back there? We share lungs and I'm dying over here.

My heartbeat is going through the roof. Wouldn't it hurt? Like, you're beating the shit out of me. Yeah, you'd think. I don't know how that works. I'm asking all the important questions. Get Ray back in here. Dude, Ray, a group of Rays would be good.

Yeah, unless you're Steve Irwin. Yeah, true Good point Very sharp Because I feel like Ray Can also be like a Hotter, like Older Italian woman name too Right?

No? Yeah, R-A-E Yeah, but I think Oh, Ray Like Ray Dunn Like the same You sell at Marshall's I think you need to have

An RAY gathering And an RAE gathering Okay yes Yeah that's true Have them fucking fight Yeah A bunch of guys named Ray Beating older women

I'm gonna take Survival of the Rays The old women I'd watch a Show Survival of the Rays Pro fighting Should just get rid of

Weight classes And you have to just Fight the person of your name I did see like this Russian video that was like this probably 400 pound dude fighting four women he was getting his ass beat though it was awesome

cause they were like they looked trained was he just not mobile enough yeah and I think it was just one of those situations he probably had just been talking a lot of shit they probably used their words too they were probably just beating him into submission I've been told that I think it was just one of those situations he probably had just been talking a lot of shit. They probably used their words, too. Yeah. They were probably just beating him into submission. I've been told that a number of Rays can actually be quite racist.

What? Oh. You get them together. They call themselves the Superior Rays. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. That's a known fact.

God damn it. Ray back in. Nick, did you like that? Yeah. His ass back in. Trying to do a Nick joke. Of course, Sass back in here. Nick, did you like that? Yeah. His ass back in here. Trying to do a Nick joke. Of course, Sass isn't here when Ray's comes up. Shady Ray's, baby.

Oh, yeah. Shady Ray's. Wow. By the way, this shirt I'm wearing, a Positive Vibes only shirt, it is in the Stella Blue Coffee store just today. I thought we weren't saying Positive Vibes. We can't say Positive Vibes Only shirt. It is in the Stella Blue Coffee store just today. I thought we weren't saying Positive Vibes. We can't say Positive Vibes Only anymore. Fucking nerd.

Look at the back. The back's cool, right? Yeah, it is cool. A big shout out to Stella Blue Coffee. They're sending me and Kyle to London. Oh, really? Yeah. Coronation?

Yeah, we're doing Man on the Street for the Coronation. No way. Sponsored by Stella Blue. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you knew. Yeah, I knew. I knew. So you're on Everest, London. Coronation. No way. Sponsored by Stella Blue. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you knew. Yeah, I knew, I knew. So you're on Everest, London.

Yeah, he's everywhere. Is that real, the Everest thing? I wasn't sure. I saw the movie. That's sick. Yeah, well, basically it's like a joke, but then it's kind of gone too far because then Donnie and I,

I guess I could just say it, but he's making a video and he like he had to hike five five days back or take a helicopter and so we had a meeting yesterday i was like stella blue will cover this can i get a hat when i say sell blue i mean i'm just gonna have barstool yeah can i get a blue hat that says fuck tea for London. Yes. Yes. So Stella Blue is now on Mount Everest. It's going to be in London, and it's in kitchens in New Orleans.

Wake up, Mincy, and shopping day. And cold brew coming? It's not a kitchen. It's a set. Shopping day, actually, I'm not even joking. I looked like we had our meeting, and the numbers went up on Saturday. Steven was there. Oh, yeah. It was shopping day did numbers for Stella Blue.

It was like four times the site visits, like two extra sales. Great investment by me. I knew that just the guys going on a fucking bar crawl and tagging Stella Blue all day. It works. We're open for sponsors for Darts Day if you want to. Okay, I will sponsor.

Darts Day is like 200 people. Yeah, I will sponsor. Darts Day is like 200 people. Yeah, I will sponsor. Absolutely. I want to go to Darts Day. A 200 person brunch? Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah, Greer and all his people. What's Darts Day? Oh, Francis. Jesus Christ.

Michael Greer, the data guy, buys, there's like the championship of darts at Madison Square Garden. Greer bought, last year he bought 60 tickets i know can you pull up the video of darts day because i think it's just max's walk is the best it's got to be seen to be understood but they've made it like a real is this it's a pilgrimage is it like in england when they do the world championship of darts and everyone's going nuts yes it's those players they come to America for like American events. So my buddy is having a bachelor party and he wants us to go to London to go to the World Championship.

You're going to one-up darts day? It's incredible. I won't talk about it. He's trying to one-up darts day. Not really. He's just relating. He just learned about darts day. I don't even know what it was.

Four friends and I went to Darts in New York City. We all had special Darts shirts, Newport, Chairman of the Board. Darts is like sex. The Darts follow with the name. Let's not walk. See the King here, see Nightlife after Baron in the back. I am the most fired up for Darts, Donnie. All of our tickets were on one phone, which was an ambitious way to go about it.

It worked out. Here we are in the arena. They said they just didn't even know when to shoot. It's the downstairs arena at MSG. TJ, is it true that they kind of died down when the actual event started? Yeah, we went way too hard before the event. And it's like a three and a half hour thing. So, like, most people didn't make it to the end of the show.

No way. The line for the guy's bathroom was very long. Not for the girls. No shit. Somebody invited a girl in our group. But, you know, it's 2022. Here's TJ with the snake as it grew. That looks pretty good and here's michael greer the guy who set up the whole event we actually thought we lost him at one point because he's as you can see

so far gone but we actually found him later in the event he actually made it to the end somehow it made it to the end. It was long. It may have set the record. Can't see shit. Rona, have you ever been out with Greer? Barely. Every once in a while, he'll become the bottle man. What does that mean?

Gets ten beers and puts them on each finger, and he'll get real low, and then he'll get up in front of you and say, I'm the bottle man. How does he come up with it? Oh, I hate the bottle man. How does he come up with it? Oh, I hate the bottle man. He's got to drink his beer. Yeah. Finger beers. Finger beers, yeah.

What do you think he was doing when they lost him? Probably just watching darts? No, probably cocaine. Most likely. Cocaine is great. Is there like a level of irony to that? Like, do they know that it's like silly? I think here, yes.

Overseas, definitely not. They take it very seriously. Very, very seriously. What do they call darts overseas? Darts. Okay. Cigarettes. They are electric.

Like, if you watch any clips, darts clips, the crowd going nuts. Can you find like the best dart clip? Because wasn't there... There was this... Two guys almost had a nine dart leg in one turn recently, and it's like the best clip ever. What's the game they're playing? Are they playing cricket?

No, they're playing 501. 501. Okay, so you start at 501, you've got to get all the way down, and you've got to hit zero. You have to go down as fast as possible, and the highest you can get is triple 20, 60 with each dart. So on one turn, you could get 180, and you subtract as quickly as you possibly can, and then you have to, I think, double out. So to end on your turn, you have to hit one of the outer sort of side rings.

Damn, sweet. And nine is the fastest you can do it mathematically uh triple 20 uh for whatever three straight turns is no sorry two turns is 360 and then you'd have 141 left i guess you could do another 60 81 and then and then you have to do like an odd, yeah. And then that would leave you with, like, 10 or 20 left, and you could do double 10 to double out. Can we see this? This dart sucks. So, yeah, they're just going for triple 20s to start.

Oh, it's like one after the next. Exactly. One after his. It's Michael Van Der Leem. And the way that it builds is awesome. He's the nine seed. How's he the coach? Look how quick they do that it builds is awesome. He's the nine seed. How's he the coach? Look how quick they do that.

Isn't that a three? Oh, I see. Well, he's still a three seed. How can he be the coach? Unbelievable. So he had to go to 19 there. Oh. He's going to replay that forever. That's electric. That is awesome.

The better man wins. I can't spike. I can't spike. That looks like so much fun Holy shit It would be funny if they put like Us up there for one round Every sport like an hour Every sport needs like a lay person

To show how hard the sport is. Yeah. The Masters having just a regular like 110 golfer. Yep. You just keep going back. When you're watching it on TV, NASCAR would be hilarious. Yeah. They're like, all right.

People would die. Horse race. Oh, yeah. This is his ninth shot. He's still 250 yards out. That would be awesome. Didn't they say that about Trent, that he was playing with him in the PGA game was like a good test for people who design courses to see how the layperson hits the ball? Really?

There was a tweet that someone said about that. Trent is being helpful to golf course designers. Yeah, because he shows what real golfers are like. He's like the reminder to municipal buildings to put a ramp out front. Oh, hell yes. He looks awesome. Zoom in. There's no bigger douchebag in the world.

That might be a Ray. He has Ray energy. Oh, he looks like Sam Kinison. Or maybe not. I see. He looks like a former professional tennis player that got really fat and put jacked. He can play darts.

Yeah. Good dart body. Yep. Damn. That looks good. Did you guys... The other thing I want to talk about, that rocket explosion today. Oh, big rocket explosion.

But then Quig said that you learn more when it explodes. They said it was like a good, they were all cheering. All the engineers when it blew up, they were like, that was still great. That was awesome. They were all like really pumped. That makes no sense. They're just trying to save their job. It's like when a baby falls over and you're like, yeah.

You want to convince the baby that they're actually having a good time. They even had a perfect phrase for it. What was it? It was trending for a while. Oh, a rapid disassembly or something like that? Yes, a rapid unexpected disassembly. A rapid unscheduled disassembly. Yeah, yeah.

That's the best way ever to describe any catastrophe. Because it's going to crash anyway, right? They can't reuse it. I thought that those you could. The sexual thing is that it's going to crash anyway, right? They can't reuse it. I thought that those you could. The whole thing is that it's reusable rockets. They come back to us. I don't know anything about this one. This was their biggest one yet?

It was 40 stories tall, 40 stories, the whole thing, and then it made it almost four minutes, and when it was going to detach from the 26,000-pound rocket booster, it went to detach and started spinning, and it blew up. How many feet is the story? Is it 10 feet? The story is 12. Yeah, it was 394 feet.

So not quite 40, but it was enormous. It seems like they could have gotten to 40 if they really wanted to, though. Just put a little tip on the end. The announcer was like, remember, it's a victory. We just wanted to get it past the launch pad. And so this is a huge victory for us. Okay, I'll believe it. How many millions of dollars did it cost?

I guess Elon's money. Who cares? No, it's NASA's. They got a $3 billion contract from NASA like two years ago. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Sick. Do you guys aspire to go to space?

No. Fuck no. I know you want to. Of course you do. You sick fuck. I don't want to go anywhere. I'd like to ride to space? No. Fuck no. I know you want to. Of course you do, you sick fuck. I don't want to go anywhere. I'd like to ride in space for a few minutes. That's going somewhere.

Well, yeah, but there's no destination in mind. I would do that plane that goes up and down so you can go weightless. I would do that for a minute. But what's the point? Looking back down at Earth? Just say you did it so you could rub our noses in it. No, but you don't think it would be a picture? That's like being like, what's the point of going to an awesome destination?

What's the point of seeing the Eiffel Tower or some shit? It's like you could look at a picture of the Eiffel Tower. No, I think we just trump carded everything Julio does. You could just look at a picture of it. Look at a picture of the Taliban. You could just watch your video of it. Thanks, man. I went too. Yeah Look at a picture of the Taliban. Just watch your video of it. Thanks, man. I went too.

Yeah. You're along for the ride. You're so good. So good at making these videos. I was in a ride. Thanks for learning that Muslim prayer. Finally got to go to Mecca. Without compromising my own beliefs.

Yeah, exactly. Shit. Enjoy hell. I worry about that, though. You remember Total Recall, how you can just live in the simulation and it's as good as... Right. We're not that far from that. And one day people might be able to go on vacation that way.

Yeah. That gives me anxiety. Yeah. Why? All that money you wasted. My entire life will be obsolete. This thing about Drake and The Weeknd, the AI

generated song. Yeah, that's the best Drake song I've ever heard. It's tough. It's not good. Yeah. I can't believe we're even talking about this. Drum machines have no souls. You all know that. True.

Would you guys listen to an AI song? Hell yes. Would? The show's gonna be AI in six months. I think the issue is would we even know?

Right. That's the problem. Yeah. And that's a bad sign for the artists. Wasn't that, who was the one who made the,

was it Fatboy Slim back in like the 90s when he made... Fuck, what's the song called? Praise You? Rockefeller Skank? Maybe Praise You? Fatboy Slim rocks.

Standing on the corner. What did I say? Can't remember, but remember how big of a deal it was? He made this song. It's one man, and he made it all by himself. And everyone's like, what? How's that possible? He produced it all?

Yeah, and he made all the sounds and everything. Layered it all? Yeah. Charlie Puth does that all the sounds and everything. Like, layered it all? Yeah. Charlie Puth does that in 30 seconds on TikTok. Yeah. And his eyebrow slit. Fix that. Yeah, that bastard.

Was that his name? That was, like, right here, right now. Yeah, maybe it was that. Was that it? That was a banger. Was it right here, or was it right about now? Right about now. Oh, brother. That was it? Those are all samples right here or was it right about now? Right about now.

That was it? Those are all samples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just make that up. Yeah, I think you're right. Fatboy Slim's real name is Norman. He did a good job. Norman? Yeah, Fatboy.

Oh, a group of Normans would suck. Norman conventions. A group of Normans would be tough. I think it would be very sensible. Yeah, it would be a real sensible-ass group. A very sensible, wholesome- Neck sweater. It would be like a Day's End.

Yeah. You think they chant the name like those guys were chanting darts? Normans? Oh, Kyle Fest will have a Kyle chant. Kyle Fest. Yeah, that's the only thing. Kyle's are like Pokemon. They can only say Kyle.

I think it's two syllables or one. Oh, that's a real tricky situation. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Or Kyle. Kyle.

That doesn't change. You just put your hand under your chin and count how many times your chin touches your hand. Really? Kyle. My chin always touches my hand. What chin? Fat. Fat.

Kyle. You have 15 pounds of sausages to go home to. I need to give you all the sausages today. I took half of them home, but now I have half. You want some sausage? Yeah. Big Cat, you want some sausage? Yes. I used the seasoning last night.

Did you? Yeah. Wait, did you take the seasoning? I took one seasoning. Couldn't find the seasoning. Well, there's multiple. You took the steak seasoning? Yeah.

I wanted the steak seasoning. Fantastic on ice. Brandon also gave me my Mississippi State hat. Yeah. Very nice. I'm sure you're not wearing it. Well, I'm sure it's my wife washed. Why?

She washes everything that comes from Mississippi because it has dog on it, and that makes Tommy sick. Okay. She did not wash Rowan's hat. Did he get sick off dog? It started the process, yes. Really? Yeah.

He's severely allergic to dogs. He's more allergic than we thought he was. Does he get allergy shots? He got a steroid shot the other day. Does he do weekly allergy shots or anything? No, but he might have to start. I used to have to do that shit. It's trash.

Dude, they hurt, dude. It's like a Milhouse-level human being. They're dense. They're barely alive. He got a shot in his ass the other day, and I convinced him he's going to be gay. Did you? Who?

Freaking out. Tommy. Or you may have just been, what if he was like, all right. Yeah. Gonna be. Hoisted by my own petard on that one. I was trying to find the name of that song. It's going to drive me nuts for the rest of the day.

Somebody will tweet it at you. Yeah. Is it hoisted with a dollar in my hand in a phone booth standing you think that if uh like ai music pops off that people will go to an ai concert with just like no one on stage like there's those hologram pop stars right like aren't there famous hologram pop stars But those are all like a fat white guy That's like fucking pulling the strings Like pretending to be a young Asian teen

Yeah I'll see Diplo Or no who do you see Marshmello In Fortnite In Fortnite Kyle did go see Diplo in Fortnite Oh no it wasn't Marshmello

And then Travis Scott Travis Scott concert was dope It was awesome In Fortnite At least it was his own song You went Yeah Parachuted in It was sick dude Fortnite? At least it was his own song. You went? Yeah. Parachuted in?

It was sick, dude. Yeah. Kayla Roy did one last year. Or this year. It's pretty cool. But yeah, it's weird. I don't know. To Francis's point,

not knowing if they actually made the song or not is just fucked up. It's weird. Right? Yeah. You can already just correct the notes that someone sings. You don't have to be a good singer like a melody or auto-tune stuff like that

and how do you know the artists aren't just using that technology and then saying I feel like everything in life will just go back the other way like we'll have a wave of AI music and then everyone will be like remember when they used to actually sing the songs like that's cool.

We'll have a singing renaissance. Yeah, right, exactly. Like, I saw a real singer today. What was that like? The only music's going to be in prisons. Yeah. Beating on their chest, fucking singing the shit. That'll be the only true music.

That Drewski skit. He had a new one a couple, like a couple of days ago. That was so fucking funny. Dude on the block. I can't believe how many videos he has. There's like whole Tik TOK accounts that are just Drewski videos. I've never seen. Yeah.

And the guy, and like, he has just like only a listers comment on his, like the top comments and all his posts are like Drake, Mar, Mar Jackson, like, all these dudes. And the most famous humans. Yeah. Oh, and I've been walking around my apartment reciting a moment of one of your recent rap battle vids. There are earworms. Really solid, dude. My girlfriend has just been hearing me going, I name drop Pat Bev.

It's hard as fuck, dude. Now you've name dropped Pat Bev. Watch how the good tidings roll in. Did they roll in for you? Oh, my God, yeah. Sick. Great things have been happening. That's great when you get a good song in your head.

Oh, yeah. Stuck in your head. I've had that goddamn If I Was a Fish song in my head for two weeks. Still haven't heard it. If I Was a Fish. Oh, yeah. Once you hear it. I almost hope you don't see it.

I watched the Gorillas do Clint Eastwood live, and that's been in my head. I'm cool with that. Yeah. That motherfucker Jeff Everett put the Crash Test Dummies song. Fuck that. Song in my head today. That song sucks. I just wake up with Mickey Mouse Club in my head like every day.

Oh, that's terrible. Yeah. Did the Gorillas have... I think he was singing. That's really cool. That's a blessing when you get a good song in your head. Yeah, it's sweet. It's like an itch you got to scratch, and then you listen to it, and it's even better.

Brandon, what's the last good thing that's happened to you? Good question. He bought a mansion. I bought a house. Yeah. Well, I haven't bought the house yet. I keep saying that, but I have to go through the processing. Right. That's not good yet.

What else? So wait, you didn't even like... This is tough. Sausage. The free sausage. Oh, they sent me some sausage yesterday. Yes, the free sausage. I haven't taken it home yet. I've taken some of it home. Okay. So you've had good tiding.

Tommy survived the trip to i caught a couple fish last week we went five days in a row i caught three on thursday pretty good yeah three in one day yeah that's pretty good i caught zero the first and in fact my 10 year old son gave up on fishing never wants to do it with me again he says it's pointless that's bad it's got a point no he's right he was right he doesn't he doesn't really suffer fools he doesn't suffer anything so yeah like fuck it i'll move on with my life fishing's gotta be very tough for a 10 year old detention span yeah especially if you're not catching anything you got an ipad like as your other attention a son of a bitch looked up the other day and uh the tenure about your son right now. Yeah. So you're the bitch then.

And he said, Dad, you know what this trip has taught me? And I was like, what? He said, how much I hate Tommy. I was like, God damn it. Oh, no. No, nothing's good. Nothing good's happened. That ain't true.

That's funny shit, though, when kids say that stuff. Yeah, it is. It is. You probably thought he was going to say something insightful. I did. I ain't true. That's funny shit though when kids say that stuff. Yeah, it is. I probably thought he was going to say something insightful. I did. I did. Yeah. Probably started to tweet out the first half of it. Yeah, but he doesn't really enjoy being Brandon Walker's son as much. Yeah. He's a mama's boy. Yeah. No. He's a mama's boy, that's all.

Yeah, he hates her too. My son went... I gave him a Clementine last night. He ate every piece except one. I didn't realize this, but he brought it to his bed, slept with it in his bed, woke up. Saved it? Saved it. Had it in his hand all morning. Took him to school.

Walk into school. Right in front of his teacher, he eats it. I was like, what the fuck was that? What do you think he was doing he saved for like 13 hours he's like watch this practicing taking care of it or show off he's just like a weird flex so two things here did he a just save it and and that moment decided to eat it or when he got the clementine did he say i'm saving this to eat in front of my teacher i was like what do you why are you carrying that and he was like i to hold it. And then he just walked with it to school and then walked in, ate it right in front of her.

I think he's maybe trying to hook up with her. I don't know. Pretty strong move. Yeah. Yeah, it worked. He was impressed. Was that from last night? Yeah.

What the fuck? Oh, my God. You figure by the time it makes it out your front door, it's a souvenir at this point. Right. And eating it is like a huge nerve-wracking. I thought he'd save it forever. I thought he was going to die with this clementine in 80 years. I'm surprised it held so well, you know, 13 hours in his hand.

Yeah. I think he maybe put it next to his head when he was sleeping. You know, you have these, you hear these stories about teachers and kids hooking up. And I don't know that I would have had the confidence when I was 17 or 18 to have sexual intercourse with a teacher. So you're gay. Yeah. But it's the teacher that does the.

Correct. You don't need the confidence. You just kind of are along for the ride. You just need the little hard dick. I would have been terrified. He grooms you. Probably you would have done it. Trembling. I don't know that. You've gotten through it. Yes, you would have. i would have been terrified grooms you yeah probably you would have done it trembling i don't know that i've gotten through it i think you would have you would have if a hot

teacher that's the whole that's the whole reason why it's fucked up that's something you say no to because like a child a kid at 17 doesn't know what the fuck's going on i'm trying to think if if a teacher and i were sort of she's flirting with me and somehow gets my phone number and tells me to come over to her house I don't know that I would have had the courage to do that. She would have walked you through it. She would have come got you. I think that's what grooming is. I think that they're, I bet these

teachers strike out sometimes. You think so? I bet they do. Getting denied by your student is hilarious. Yeah. Because usually the teachers in the pictures are decent looking. You have to imagine that the less competitive ones maybe struggle. Right, they're trying.

Teachers lounge, they're hyping each other up. What's the worst they could say? Nope. You won't know if you don't ask. You're going to see them every day. I hooked up with my boss at work once. What? It was pretty scandalous when we're this is why i like don't want to i don't want to like incriminate the person but i was a temp and it was like in new york and in a like a proper work environment and i sort of did the

grooming on this one oh and you wait did you hook up in the office? Yeah. Wait, on the Xerox machine? No, but like- Can you write up a story for me? Dude, it was pretty cool. And I sort of like was trying to seem like I was cool because like I was,

I wanted them to think that I was like successful outside of doing this shitty job. So like I'd get SAG screeners and I'd be like, I got all the movies this year. Like, you want the movies? Those are the things you look back and you're like i was such a douchebag actually no why am i this is what happened i walked into her office one day dressed like this and i go i'm sorry like if this is inappropriate but i think you're the most beautiful woman i've

ever seen oh that's cool really cool that's a young day dude that sounds like holy fuck what did she do did Did she push everything off her desk? No, but dude, so, and she was like, wow, thank you, that's so nice.

Then before I was like, my temp job was ending temporarily, I left those movies to try to seem cool. She like DM'd me at some point. We started talking

slowly, slowly, slowly over time. Then we went to like a yoga class together. Before you know it, we're in the closet. Oh, fuck. Hooking up. But it turned weird at one point because like, she'd be like you know it, we're in the closet. Oh, fuck. Hooking up.

But it turned weird at one point because like she'd be like, I'm on my way to the closet and like no one else knew and like I'd be doing shit and I'd be working. You know what I mean? And then she would get mad at me

and she would then start to like belittle my work. Oh, no. So that's probably why that shouldn't happen. This is why women shouldn't be high up in business. I don't know how to handle it. The power dynamic is risky.

Calls me in her office. She's like, so what happened today? And I'm like, sorry, I was busy. She goes, oh what, stacking paper on top of you? Oh no! Probably turned you on so much. It was weird, dude. But then she would hire me back for these short assignments,

and we would just hang out and go in the closet. How big was the closet? What's the closet? It was small, dude. It was a small closet. Damn. And it started to get weird when she'd be like, I've curated a playlist.

Let's listen to it. And she'd play it, and it would be like a very specific young thug song that she would never have listened to. That's when I started to get weirded out by it. That's incredible. A lot of moments, I didn't even enjoy them. I started to feel used. Was she single?

Oh! Oh, no, no! She is now. Oh, it didn't work. I like to think that I was part of something good because it didn't end up working out. That's what everyone says. The catalyst.

You're a hero. You're the skin of the game, dude. Whatever. Yeah. That's a baller move. I didn't know the guy, dude. What a baller move. She probably needed to hear how beautiful she looked.

You know what I mean? Yeah, right. That was probably forever ago that she heard it last. I meant it, dude. I meant it at the time. You know, things got weird. Is she significantly older? Probably like seven or eight years older. Oh, that's, I mean., dude. I meant it at the time. You know, things got weird. Is she significantly older? Probably like seven or eight years older.

Oh, that's, I mean. Nothing crazy. Consenting adults. Yeah. Jerry Thornton's at home right now painting the walls. Jerry Thornton's losing his shit. That might be the coolest thing I've ever heard anyone do. Pretty cool, right?

Walking into your boss's office and be like, you're so hot. Yeah. And having it work out. Hey, I'm a very fireable position. I'd be like, you're so hot. Yeah. And having it work out. Hey, I'm a very fireable position. I just want to say you're fucking hot. Just walking out. Putting that in her head. Power move.

Let her think about it. Oh, man. At like 10 a.m. You should have kept it going and then used it against her. France's evil brain is working. People were saying that to me, and I was like, dude, that's far. They were like, you should, like,

file a lawsuit and say you were sexually harassed. That's why you're telling too many people about this. Well, actually, I don't think I've ever talked about this, like, publicly. Yeah, so we're good. You said people were telling you. Wait, what do you mean? People were telling you how to use it.

Not publicly, he hasn't talked about it. Oh, yeah, that was private. Oh, yeah. Low key. No, people were like, yeah, dude, you should sue him. I'll pay for the lawyer. I'm like, that would be the lamest thing ever.

Then you hook up with the lawyer. Then that would also ruin your cool story. 100%. Be like, yeah, I hooked up with my boss. Then I sued her. Yeah. That doesn't hit the same. And it's my fault that we did.

Like, I planted the seed. Yeah, yeah, you started it. Literally, yeah. It's my fault. I love saying it's my fault we hooked up. It's just a funny thing to say. Yeah. It's my fault I hooked love saying it's my fault we hooked up. It's just a funny thing to say. It's my fault I hooked up with that woman. I was too hot.

She was too hot. You were too hot. We were all too hot. Yeah, I guess consensual. Brandon, you want to bang out that NASCAR read? Oh, I can do the NASCAR read, sure, yeah. Uh-oh. This Sunday, April 23rd, they're going to Talladega.

Talladega, one of the iconic tracks in NASCAR's circuit. Certainly up there with Daytona and Bristol and all the other iconic ones. It's also probably the biggest party in NASCAR. The infield is crazy. The whole scene around Talladega is crazy. April 23rd, this Sunday, 3 p.m. Eastern time? Yes, 3 p.m. Eastern time on Fox. It's Chase Elliott's second race back.

They've got the Chicago Street Race on July 2nd. That's coming up. But right now we're talking about Talladega. Again, this Sunday, 3 o'clock on Fox. I'm a big Ryan Blaney guy. Yeah, you like Blaney? I like Blaney. I like Kyle Busch.

I like Chase Elliott, of course. Bubba Wallace. I'm just naming drivers like ross chastain he's a watermelon chastain is he sometimes his car is just a big watermelon i like that it's dope it's a delight like after midnight or something yeah yeah or pumpkin it gets kissed yeah so that's uh nascar this weekend sunday april 23rd, 3 p.m. Eastern Time on Fox. Check it out. Yeah. Chase Elliott.

Blaney's not the guy. He is. He's a guy. Oh, he's the guy. He's not the guy. That what? That got suspended for saying the word? No, no, no, no.

It's Larson. Okay, good. Chase Elliott, second race back. Yeah, Chase Elliott. Boosted. Yeah. I'm going to boost that. Are you? Oh, yeah.

Sending a group down there, right? Spider's going. Oh, yeah. I heard the year I went and they had me do the barbecue sauce wrestling, I got my ass you? Oh, yeah. Sending a group down there, right? Spiders going. Oh, yeah. I heard the year I went and they had me do the barbecue sauce wrestling, I got my ass kicked. Oh, yeah, you did. A thousand people. And I think Alex Bennett's doing it this time.

And I'm going to feel like twice as embarrassed when she kicks ass. That girl beat the shit out of you, didn't she? Yes. Yes, she did. She was like pushing my face down and like drowning me. She was serious business. She was from like Featherton Hall or the Rooks of Tennessee.

She just walked out there like, oh, this is going to be funny and goofy. Yeah, I thought it was going to be fun and this girl grabbed me by the back of my hair

and just put me down. Yeah. But I can see Alex. It'll embarrass me even further when Alex goes out there and kicks ass. Are you going to give her a pep talk or be like,

it's nothing. They don't even try that hard. I wouldn't even lie. I would turn around and just like look at the crowd. And, you know, she probably won't even touch you. You'll be fine. Oh, no. Yeah, you definitely have like, ha ha, this is fun.

I'm splashing. You're playful. They didn't tell me. This was I had been drinking all day. They didn't tell me this girl had beat like 15 other girls to get here. Here's where she grabs my hair. Whoa. Yeah, she.

Did she try to turn your head off the wall? What's that? Oh, yeah, this is the short of it, but she, like, multiple times just... What did she put in the bucket? A flag. Oh, it's caffeine. I thought it was some of your hair.

No, no. I thought she ripped some of your hair out. No, but she kept grabbing my hair. I feel like she was controlling me all through the thing. And Dave had bet, like, $1,000 on me. He was sitting on this truck with all the NASCAR drivers and was like, put money on her. She's a Marine.

And I was like, yeah, I got this. And then I just. You couldn't even stand up without her doing anything to you. She like completely. I thought it was going to be a joke. Like I thought we were just going to like play in the sauce. Yeah, I was trying to have fun. Ah, that pre-baby body, man.

I wouldn't get it. Do you ever wish that you got a second shot at it where you took it? Yes, I do. Because I'm like, in hindsight, if I knew, yeah. Why don't you go back? We'll go back next year. It was great. The next day she found me and she had this little party bus cruiser that went around the infield and we just got hammered together

all day long with her boonies buddies. It was great. Well, I mean, she knew because you were the beta. Yeah, she knew. I got a great Kate here. She won't upset anything. It is so much fun. That is like, if you go to any one race to party, that is the one.

Have you been, Brandon? I have once, yeah. You like it? October 2004. It was good, yeah. I got a migraine, but it was fun. Yeah, it was too sunny. Very sunny. Of course you did. Very sunny. Oh, yeah. I got a migraine, but it was fun. Yeah, it was very sunny. Oh yeah, I get them all the time.

You got a migraine in Clemson when it was like 70 degrees. It was 85 degrees. It was the second week of September. It was beautiful. In South Carolina, it was 85 degrees. How did you grow up where you did? How did you survive? I was just a pussy.

I didn't. I got a lot of migraines, yeah. Have you ever gone to a doctor about it? Yeah, but nobody's ever figured it out. Migraines are mysterious. It's not like AIDS. But it's the sun. Which is curable easily.

It's the sun. Sometimes it's light. Like, I've gone to concerts and got it from light. Have you ever tried Tylenol? It can be stress. Sorry, what? Have you ever tried Tylenol? It can be stress. Sorry, what? You ever tried Tylenol? What's it start with?

D? I'll look into it. Okay. All right. No, I've tried all that shit. I've gotten shots. It doesn't work. You're like the opposite of Terrell Davis.

Well, he still had it. He still had it. Yeah, but he scored a touchdown. Or, no, he was a decoy. Oh, I would not have gone into that game. Yeah. He had a migraine in the Super Bowl and kept playing. I would not have been on the sidelines.

He's got to be the most famous migraine story. Scottie Pippen's got a famous one, but his is a bad one. Yeah, that went differently. What do you say, Steven? Just going to corroborate your thrill, dude? Yeah, he didn't carry it. Yeah. It was in the Super Bowl.

It didn't need corroboration. Couldn't see. Who was it? Mike Anderson, he didn't carry it. Yeah. It was in the Super Bowl. It didn't need corroboration. Couldn't see. Who was it? Mike Anderson? 40 million people saw it. Landis Gary? It was a play-action pass. That was against the Packers, right? No, it was against the Falcons. Oh. No. Was it against the Falcons or was it against the Packers? It was the first one,

right? Because they won that game easily. I think it was the Packers. I think it was the packers i think it's the first one all right francis oh i just now we're gonna find it out buried our sports experts oh yikes i'm with you oh no you said falcons at first oh i think it's packers you're saying correct find the highlight tj i immediately agree with him it took you a long time it took a while that was this that was a mississippi. It took you a while. That was a Mississippi minute there. This is a Fordham dropout that you fucking

get smoked by. Couldn't handle the tough streets of Fordham. Fordham Law School. Not even in the Bronx, right? No, that's the one that's up by Lincoln Center. It was the Packers. Way to be, Francis. You know ball.

Wow. Francis. Official. Knows ball. center there's a packers way to be francis you know ball wow francis official there's ball francis that was crazy what happened what happened to francis this weekend is a very insane what thing is that something you don't like oh no i can tell that really quick uh this is pretty good give a spark nose version i was in dallas performing and after the last show the manager of the club pulled me into the room and said that he had caught my producer stealing booze out of the storage room and

putting it in his backpack for later and our producer Ryan is truly a character out of time in how pure and well behaved he is he's a boy scout of the highest integrity and just like really he's booze well so he's the manager said i saw him doing this i caught him he's ripping open boxes behind this black curtain in the green room where the storage stuff was and putting booze in his

backpack for later and i said hang on and i went out and got the backpack and said we'll open it together and when i picked up the backpack it was really heavy oh no and i was terrified because it instantly made me think first of all yeah there's a ton of booze in here. Secondly, I don't know Ryan at all. Right. He's an alcoholic or he's bringing it home to sell it to minors. You were leaving the next morning. It's not like you could have had like a Bacchanal on the fucking streets of Dallas. At this point, it was probably 1.30 in the morning and we had a 9 a.m. flight

and we were going back to our hotel room and he was just presumably going to drink by himself all night for free yeah and we also drank for free at the club they were giving us any booze we wanted so there was no one free is better there's no reason yeah so I brought I got the bag and I walked it back into the office and I opened it up and it was just the camera equipment. There was no booze. And then he said, well, he must have taken it out and put it in your car. And I said, we don't have a car.

And then he said, okay, well, then he must have offloaded it into another bag. And I said, well, go get all the bags. And he was like, no, no, I just wanted to let you know that you know what type of a person you have working for you. What did Ryan say? Well, Ryan wasn't with me because I didn't want to jeopardize the integrity of the investigation. Yeah, okay. You're taking this very seriously. That's why I got the bag without letting Ryan know. I would have just been like, Ryan, get in here.

Did you steal anything? I know. I asked him if he wanted me to do that, and he said, no, no, no. This doesn't leave this room as far as I'm concerned, and I was like, buddy. Now you're fucked. I have no choice but to tell this story on every single podcast i don't know if you're aware of who i am i i guess this is a really good story for my life so what did ryan say after well he didn't know that any of this was happening and um i continued to defend ryan because i know him and it made no sense it made no sense that he would do this

for so many reasons right and especially once I proved that it wasn't in the bag and there was nowhere else that it could have been and then I said well why don't we go back and look in the boxes that he supposedly stole from and take inventory of what's missing and I can make you whole on that if it's true and he goes well I don't know what my serving staff might have taken out of there to replenish to the bar and I was was like, well, how long ago did you see him? And he was like, I don't know, it was 20 minutes ago. And I was like, the shows are over. Your staff really would have taken stuff out of his time to do that?

And then I said we could pull the footage from the overhead camera. And he said, well, the camera won't show what was happening behind the black curtain. And he just wouldn't budge off of this. Maybe this guy's addicted to accusing other people of stealing. He's adamant. He's adamant about it. And I was presenting very damning evidence against his theory. And it occurred to me that when I walked out,

because we never met in the middle. Right. It occurred to me that this is the type of person who you know is could theoretically be a conspiracy theorist right where you're like well how could you believe that thing if you've been presented and some people just they will just convince themselves that any evidence to the contrary has been manufactured to disprove them of a truth that's inconvenient had he paid you yet yeah no i thought you said he hadn Had he paid you yet? Yeah. No, I thought you said he hadn't yet paid you.

That's what it is. He had the, well, he wasn't docking the pay. Right, but I think he probably thought, I wouldn't be shocked if he does this a lot and hopes that the comedian essentially says, my bad, my bad, I don't know why I did that, here's a couple hundred bucks. He had already made out the check. It was sitting there on the thing with the numbers and everything.

Yeah, but you give him cash back. Now he gets to write off the check. It's a fair point. That's a perfect scheme. I did go out and then tip the entire waitstaff 20 bucks each. Yeah, I bet you this has worked for him. And they were all like, come back anytime. We loved you. And I'm like, I'm never fucking has worked for him. And they were all like, come back anytime. We loved you.

And I'm like, I'm never fucking setting foot in this place again. And then I told Ryan as we were walking home, and he was, I mean, in bad, it fucked with his head. You cry? No, but. I feel for him. It was brutal because he didn't do it, and he's such a well-behaved guy. This is a scheme. This is a scheme. Yeah, I bet if you asked around other comedians,

I bet other stories would come out. Yeah, this is a scheme. It's actually a genius scheme. I kind of like this guy now. Just try it. You could just borrow it for yourself. Yeah, right. We should start accusing people.

Some clubs will say you break a giant LCD screen behind you and not pay you. Okay. Because if this happened to me and I was walking out let's say similar situation they're like hank stole some liquor i'd be like all right here just take a couple hundred bucks sounds like and then i would just leave i i got the sense that if i had done that he would have refused because it was more important for him to make the so that's even

better for him because he's like he puts on a great act yeah yeah he kept saying i just want you to know because you're going to bring him with you on the road elsewhere i want you to be aware of the type of person you have maybe he's trying to be your new producer trying to get you to fire your producer there was just so many holes in his theory like he could have easily where could he have gone? He didn't leave the building. Right. There's camera footage.

You would see him leaving with a bag of alcohol that he then moved to, like, the getaway car. So the guy could also be stealing alcohol from his own club and needed a scapegoat. Ah. He can document. Yeah. Or his staff. I mean, my thought was that members of his own staff had done this before, so he was very interested of it. That happens all the time.

It's a bar. All my friends. You should be able to steal alcohol anyway. All my friends who bartended in college used to just come home with bottles. It's awesome. Stacked, just drinking the nicest liquor. My friend who worked at Subway would do the same thing. Nice.

Steal all the alcohol. Footlongs. Fat foot longs. Would he make them or would he bring home the supplies? He would make a bunch of foot longs and then stock the fridge with them. It was fucking awesome. Oh, that rules. It was fucking sweet.

I had a buddy who worked at a bagel store and they'd just get rid of them at the end of the night. So he'd come home with like a hundred bagels. Every pizza place I've worked at. Yeah. But then you bring home like 12 pizzas at 4 a.m. or whatever and like nobody. I used to hop in the dumpster at Krispy Kreme because they would just put them away. Like they'd stack them and wrap them in the dumpster. Take a bunch of donuts.

Did you work there? No. Movie theater popcorn? Yeah, we would have like a gallon, like a 10-gallon bag of popcorn. We'd throw it out every night. So sometimes you'd take that home and have popcorn for like two weeks. I bet by day 13 that was pretty good. By day two, you regretted it.

Yeah. Because that's one of those, you're like, oh, man, I have popcorn for the rest of the week. Yeah. And then after eating a lot of popcorn, you're like, I don't want popcorn. Yeah, after a week, you're like, does anyone have anything delicate they need to ship? Yeah. of popcorn. You're like, I don't want popcorn. Yeah, after a week you're like, does anyone have anything delicate they need to ship? Yeah, this popcorn. Hey, TJ, are we going to be able to

watch Mincy run live? Yeah. Okay. Stanko's going with the live camera to do it. I love it. Stanko's a runner too. This is next Wednesday, right? Yes. And then I got to talk to you guys after the show about an ad thing next Wednesday. What the fuck?

Who do you mean? Talk to us. That. Hey, did anybody ever come to the meeting to talk about the Yak Studio yesterday? No, they didn't have the renders ready. So, yeah. I got to talk about High Noon. Yeah. Yeah.

High Noon, a hard seltzer made with real vodka, real juice, and sparkling water. And it's actually made with vodka, not malt, like other hard seltzers. Remember when I was doing this without even looking at the copy? It was better yesterday. Yeah, honestly, just going off the top and talking about it. I just want to make sure I hit these talking points because yesterday I forgot highnoonspirits.com. I forgot that website, highnoonspirits.com, where you can get it. But it's a refreshing drink for a hot day like today. I'm about to ship off to Austin, and I'm going to be drinking highnoons down there, Kate.

That I freaking promise you. I believe that weather. The bottom. Oh, my gosh. On that lake that's a river floating with a little kayak. On that river, that's a lake. Burden Springs. Yes, beautiful.

Didn't they just find a body? They did. They did. There might be a serial killer down there. Yes. It smells really good. What's that? Being right next to you, I smell the cologne you're wearing.

It's very good. Isn't that nice? I knew you'd smell that. Touch me. Thank you. It that. Touch me. Thank you. It almost smells like a high noon. What I love is the full-time flavors like pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, peach, mango, passion fruit, lemon, and the limited edition flavors pear and cranberry in the tailgate pack and kiwi and guava in the pool pack.

You can find them on Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store or you can visit High Noon Spirits High Noon Spirits dot com to find some High Noon near you. Wow, this is what an optical illusion.

This shit is trippy. So you're doing a live show with Sass? Yeah. Holy shit. Do you have anything fun, like anything else lined up? Are you guys going to just hang out? No. Just going to hang out.

Francis recommended a restaurant that we go to. Nice. Yeah, so there is a serial killer in Austin. There is. I just saw a TikTok about it. There's a serial killer in every city. But he's targeting dudes that are like 30-year-old white guys. Oh, shit.

So Sass is fine. It's a bad time for a stand-up convention. Yeah, me and Sass are both good. For some podcasters at a stand-up convention. That guy's going to see Sass and be like, that guy's too old. Are there more specifics to that? I think there's been four of them so far. It was just a 30-year-old that they found who was out on Rainy Street.

He was last seen on one of the most popular streets. The last two guys have been. Oh, no. And then they find him in the drink a month later. I just went down there. I wonder why he didn't like me. He thinks you're older. Must have been something.

I feel like I'm, not that I could whip his ass, but maybe I'm too street smart. I could dial 911 too fast. Also, I just realized, Francis, you could be the serial killer. Oh, yeah, wait, it could be you, Francis. You were there last... How long from Dallas to Austin? Four hours.

I said you were just in Austin. It's a four-hour drive if you don't stop. Why would you? Make sure you have enough gas beforehand. No one even knows you're in town. Pack snacks and don't have to go to the bathroom. Is this the first joke you've ever made about a murder? Wait, Ron, is it a comedy festival?

First one that landed. So are you doing a live show with other live shows? I don't know. I haven't been to really anything. No, they'll be at their own place, and people get festival passes, but they'll go specific. Oh, is it South by Southwest? Moon Tower.

That's also a thing? It's like the third festival down there. Was it South by Southwest last month? Moon That's also a thing? It's like the third festival down there. Was it South by Southwest last month? Moon Tower's a big one, though. I went to South by Southwest, but it was during Conference Championship Week in basketball, so I didn't pay attention. None of it. Didn't go anywhere.

None of it. It was like, we should go out, do all this fun stuff. I was like, I really want to watch this game. What even is South by Southwest? What are they doing? They just have concerts at the bars that normally just have concerts anyway? It's everything. We spoke at it.

This would be all music. It's like music and technology. I think technology is like a big part of it. It's like the Sprite Party at a bar on Rainy Street where there would just normally be a regular band. So what's Moondance? Moontower. Just comedy. They've partnered with Just for Laughs. So now it's like, it was the, I would argue, the second best after JFL, Just for Laughs in Montreal.

It was like the second best comedy festival. And now they've partnered with them. Who wrote this? This is our old bio. Everybody's roasting us for this. We wrote this ourselves. This is our iTunes bio. That actually is a good bio yeah i

think so i would rudderless is a great i would listen to that shit how's it coming along teaching him how to be a man he's great he's fucking making tons of cash fucking pussy and he's fucking jack now yeah he is he's jack takes cold showers and fucking did you mention did you mention pussy a lot of hey it Hey, fuck it so much. Writing a podcast bio before you start doing the podcast is tough. It's true. We've amended ours. It used to be like very, very, very different.

I was just about to do one and then mine got canceled. What got canceled? R-E-S-S-L-I-N. Oh, I thought they were saying it. Wait, you didn't have a podcast bio? No shit no one listened. Oh, no, I did. Remember, we did it on this show.

I don't remember what it was. I think we did it on this show. Still got to be up there. Then we were trying to suck dick for five-star reviews. Oh, yeah, blowjobs for five-star reviews. Yeah, Jenny Jizz. That would be a quick way to do it. Jenny Jizz? Yeah, nobody wanted the blowstar reviews. Yeah, Jenny Jizz. That would be a quick way to do it. Jenny Jizz? Yeah, nobody wanted the blowjobs.

Yeah, Jenny Jizz. And Mike the cum artist, her husband. Is there a reason that you didn't spell it W-R-A-S-S-L-I-N? There's a song. There's like a song that he's referencing. R-A-S-S-L-I-N, that's wrestling. Yeah, that's the hit song. Is that right?

Yes. I don't know that song. What is it like? This is what he does. He'll look at me like that. Just don't know. Can you find it, TJ? Just don't know about your relationship with me.

I just don't know about us. Why didn't we get to the bottom of it? Well, I don't know. We haven't really, we've never really meshed. But we try to mesh. But it's never really I don't know. We haven't really, we've never really meshed. But we try to mesh. But it's never really happened for us. You talking about Ronan Brandon? That makes me sad.

I love, I really like Brandon. Do you think we've meshed? I can't really tell, but it doesn't bother me that much. I didn't say it bothered me. I just said. I like you. And I'm happy if it's just a one-way street. I can like people and have them not like me back.

I can't. I don't want to do that. I feel like you're a little bit colder towards Francis. I'm not cold. No, I'm happy if it's just a one-way street. I can like people and have them not like me back. I can't. I don't want to do that. I feel like you're a little bit colder towards Francis. I'm not cold. No, I'm warm towards everybody. In this show, you've been... Y'all think I'm cold towards Francis? I think you're intimidated by him.

There could be a little truth to that. Yeah. Two alphas. Why? There could be a little truth to that. I don't know when he's going to drop a new word on you. Yeah. I just asked, and then there was a good answer.

You think I don't know how to spell wrestling. That's not what I was implying. That's exactly what you were implying. I was genuinely a good answer. You think I don't know how to spell wrestling. That's not what I was implying. That's exactly what you were implying. I was genuinely implying that I didn't know how to spell wrestling. If you took it that way, that's your own— Everybody here, did he not imply I couldn't spell it? Why did you spell it like a dumb poor? No, the question was, why didn't you spell it with a W,

much like wrestling is spelled W-R-E-S-T-L-I-N-G. That's a different word. That's wrestling. Yes, but wrestling was a play on wrestling. But wrestling doesn't even have a g at the end. It's a shortened slang word. I get that. I didn't know that wrestling would...

It's wrestling. There's no g. I didn't know that that wasn't spelled w-r-a-s-s-l-i-n. You think there was like a... Hold on. I didn't know about the song. And you couldn't just assume that I knew that. You had to then put your own values of spelling on it.

Say, why didn't you do it my way? I think... No, no, that's not... Spelling's not values. It's not his way. It's the way. Right. He thought his way was the way, and he didn't...

No, it is the way. He didn't assume that my way could work. Well, it is... Why did you do it your way? In Francis' defense, there is a way to spell the word. Wrestling is fine with an R. You think there's a lot of people who are looking for a wrestling podcast

and they couldn't find wrestling? I promise you, there weren't a lot of people looking for a wrestling podcast. I found that out quickly. On YouTube, there are. Oh, sometimes, yeah. They were looking for wrestling and they... They were looking for the W. They never found you. So the W is what gave me the L. Is this not a nod to WCW and Southern

style wrestling? Yes. Southern wrestling. I like that. All this is info that I'm taking and I'm enjoying and I'm glad I asked the question. I feel like the way you asked the question wasn't, you weren't looking for info. You were trying to embarrass me. That's not true and I stand

on that. And Roan gave a great answer i didn't know there was a song i didn't know that there was a wcw saying something about b90x i said wrestling i'm going to wrestling there's an original this is based on my phone blew up with a couple alarms i got bets to make i got worms to farm i said right there was a song in the 80s spectacular yeah. I'm going to wrestling. Spectacular. Look where we are now. Look at us.

I'm a wrestling wrestler. A bitch from a worm farm down on the Mississippi. And if you got a problem with the way I live, you can lick my nuts while you suck my dick. Never say that. That's wrestling. All right. So that was cover of the other wrestling song. All I am, that's wrestling. This is fantastic.

That was great. I didn't know. I'd never seen that. That was funny. It was a good show. We're now in a place that I'm glad we are, thanks to me asking a very innocuous question. For some reason.

He did one of those new words on your ass. I tweeted the word innocuous like three days ago. You did? Yes. Is it word of the day on your calendar? No, but I tweeted it like three days ago. It is a good word. I love innocuous people yeah an innocuous joke did you take big cat as as the judge and jury of the show did you take my question why didn't you guys spell it w-r-a-s-s-l-i-n

no you were genuinely curious but you also uh do you think you're better than brandon brandon knows that you are better than him i think that's another another thing where um i don't know why you know i don't you're not doing it deliberately it's not malicious or false you think you're better than me it's false i know you make a lot more money than i do and i know you're much more successful than me at this job which is the one place that we can compare each other to. This is what's relevant. What about a feats of strength? I mean, of course, Francis. Let's kill you.

I did outlift Stephen Chave that day. Remember when he couldn't even lift 185 off the bar and I lifted 185? Oh, yeah, that was pathetic. Yeah, but Francis isn't. I did it a week later. That was pathetic. Yeah, but you needed a week to lift 185. Nobody needs a week to lift 185.

Yeah, incredible growth why did you ever not why were you ever not able to don't tap in steven steven's your other foe on a different spectrum steven's dumber than you but he thinks he's much smarter i'm i'm fighting up to go to francis i gotta fight down go steven okay you're putting yourself in a bad spot brother can't go can't go both ways. I was going to ask you, Brandon. Has enough time passed? Are you allowed to reveal the CEO that you ghost wrote speeches for? No, I'd still rather not do it because

the last couple of weeks has made me... In case you quit. Correct, yes. I might need to line that back up. I thought we figured it out. It was a Coke brother. Oh. I need to line that back up I thought we figured out it was a Koch brother Would you have still moved to Chicago if you quit? No, I would have gotten out That would have been funny

He just hung out with us He just did his podcast every day I quit I think you guys are going to find a way We're fine, we're good He borrowed Tommy one day. It went very well for him. He did borrow his son.

Are we on this still? I was just putting a bow on it. Did you move on because you're just done with Brandon Walker? I thought you guys had moved on. You guys were talking about the Koch brothers. I think you guys are good. I think this is a growth moment. Brandon used to write for George Soros.

He used to write speeches for George Soros. He's become clean now. It's not that far from the truth. Oh. Was it Hilldog? No, no. Oh, God, no. I mean, George Soros.

That's true, but I can get away with George Soros because my family doesn't know who that is. Right. My family in Mississippi knows who Hillary is. I hate that bitch. So who's throwing around money in the Democratic Party that would need us? It's not Democrat.

It was not political. I wasn't writing political speeches. I was writing CEO speeches for trade conventions. He was writing commercials for KFC chicken. Walton? When the colonel says, come on in. That was Brandon's words.

Fortune 500 company in Atlanta. Let's not call that Brandon. Could we not? I'm usually the first to jump on Brandon. Are they still the CEO? Delta is headquartered out of Atlanta. Oh, but I could probably just write for the CEO now. John May?

No. CEO John Deere? No. That's an Illinois-based company, first of all. I didn't know. I thought you could write speeches from anywhere. Yeah, but this is one that's based in Atlanta. Would you wear the same thing as him

and walk behind him to try to get into character? Good. No, I'm not the stunt double. Method act? Oh, I thought it was like Dave. No, I'm not the stunt double. Method act. Oh, I thought you were like, it was like Dave. No, I'm not the stunt double, no. Like, how would he say it? That was a great movie.

It'd be sick to have a speech written for you. Yeah. You just have little notes. That's what the news is. Yeah. Did you get stressed when they went off speech? Well, I never heard them. I never, I just.

You never watched your work? I would just turn them in. It's like a director walking out of the premiere of their movie. Yeah. How much would you get per speech? Oh, I had a, I was making a hundred thousand dollars a year doing it. Wow. How many speeches? I don't know. Whenever they need one. Like ballpark. Was it like 10 or was it 200? It was closer to 10 a year. Yeah. Is it Coca-Cola? No. Delta. No. I'm not going to say. Is it the Ku Klux Klan? No.

All right. Getting closer, though. Warmer. David Duke. I did that one for free. Daughters of the Confederacy. Yeah, so that's what I, yeah. Brandon's a learned man.

You ever try and write jokes in the speeches? Like, this is going to crush. No, I was never very good at writing jokes. Did you write one of us a speech? I could. Why don't we do a speech? Well, I'm not going to do it right now. You would just have Nick do it. I don't need time. Write one of us a speech.

Tell a blue iced coffee room. I used to make money writing best man speeches. Really? Yeah. Me and Nick will write you to speech. Tell a blue iced coffee room. Yeah. Did you write me a speech? I used to make money writing best man speeches. Really? Yeah. I've done about 15. Me and Nick will write you a speech. You've done best man speeches? I've done about 15.

I've written a few of those. It started with a guy I kind of knew and then it was like word of mouth and I was meeting with these best men that I don't know in bars.

200 bucks. They would tell me about their brother, friend. It's a good rom-com premise. Yeah. But I was writing best man speeches sometimes for guys I didn't know. I did a maid of honor once.

Went well. Yeah. Do you love hearing from them afterwards? Every once in a while, they'll send me the videos of how it went. And they were like, dude, it was such a rush. I had one guy. That's incredible. I didn't know this.

I just needed money when I was in Columbus. I wrote for this one guy and he convinced himself it was one wedding where it was kind of a mutual friend so I got to see it happen and he went around afterwards

gloating like it was his and I didn't say anything but like, it was just kind of what he paid for. It paid for. That is what he paid for. Sign an NDA?

He was like, that was such a rush. I need to start doing that more. I'm like, be a best man more? No, it's weird. I've been to four. Also read someone else's funny words.

Yeah, but I guess it's the same rush. Four weddings in West Virginia, and all the groomsmen had Pokemon jokes. Yeah, yeah, interesting. Weird. Somewhere Ohio, I did a couple Pittsburgh. I've done the most Pittsburgh weddings. Wow.

Did you have a template? I did lead it off a joke about yourself, a self-deprecating, so they could see where it was headed. Got to do both of those. Joke, like, four jokes about the groom. So you would. Implement about the wife. And then sappy sappy. They would pay you $200, and the first joke you would write was about them.

Yeah. You got to loosen it up. Got the first joke you would write was about them. Yeah. You got to loosen it up. You got to loosen it up. There was a method. The more you can make fun of yourself, people will fucking love it. They eat that shit out of the palm of your hand. Like if you make fun of yourself first,

it kind of opens, it allows, okay, you can laugh at me, now let's laugh at them. What was the run time of most of your speeches? Because I'm a short guy. Short guy. I'm a big believer in like, people try to to do anything over five minutes is way too long.

Also, like usually the best men were always very drunk. You got to account for that. So I always like one time a guy said pause out loud. My boy Alex. I wrote pause and he was like pause. And like I guess people thought. So they read these? They thought it was like a gay joke.

Man, Alex Stevens. Julio gave the best man speech at my wedding. You read off something? I did that. I did read off. And I looked down on that. So no, I. Oh, he read off a page of paper, not off his phone.

Oh, I know. But like, I think that if you can do it without, if you can raw dog it, I always respect people who raw dog it. That's so hard and risky. You know, there's a lot of wasted space if you do it that way, I think. The bartender accused me of being too long, though. Oh, whoa. Fuck that bartender.

It was good speech, but a little long. Did you go before or after the maid of honor. After. I mean, you always kill. It's the same guy that told my wife she was a little over the top. I didn't realize my buddy was bartending. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I don't want to sound misogynistic, but I have yet to hear a good maid of honor. I've sat through some pretty rough ones. It gets pretty bad. Have you ever done a maid of honor? It was good, Francis.

I thought the maid of honor at his wedding was really good. Really? She was funny. There haven't been terrible, but there's also been some memorably terrible ones. My wedding, the... There's been some memorably terrible guys, too. The maid of honor rap battle roasted me.

It was awesome. Oh, that's sick. That's cool. That's awesome. It was very funny. And then the groom or the best man also wrote a rap

and they didn't know. They both killed. It was fucking hilarious. That's cool. Worst best man speeches are worse than any maid of honor speech. That's true.

You're right. They start working the microphone cord and walking around and you're like, here we go. I got a buddy who we still make fun of his friend's best man speech. Like, it was that bad.

It was that bad. He just spent the whole time talking about, it was like a friend, one of my best college friends and his grade school friend did the best man speech. And the whole speech was basically about his friend's parents. He's like, yeah, I grew up like they were kind of like my parents and the whole it was like this has nothing to do with these two people getting married oh shit and at the end he was like yeah and everything i said uh about them kind of goes for uh her too it was like that was it oh damn that's brutal i've been i've heard bridesmaids where i'm like this is boring but

it's the groomsmen where you're like oh my god my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Yeah. Where you're like, oh, fuck, there's more of that. It's more volatile. Yeah. I had a friend try to raw dog his vows. He was like, I'll just make it up when I'm up there. Hell yes.

I respect that. Oh, I hate that. It was bad. You're hot. That was really close to what it was. When I was on the altar, I did something really romantic. I was pulling out my vowels like I didn't know them. And I had a paper in front of me.

And I was acting like I was reading. It was very from the heart. And then I turned around and I was just looking at a picture of her. Oh! That is... I was going looking at a picture of her. Oh! That is... I was going to steal that from you. You were going to steal that from me. I did it first. It's beautiful.

Looking at her just inspired the words. KB, write your speech? Yeah. No, I wrote my own to give to Kyle to read. About you. Yeah, but he just missed the wedding. He just didn't come.

So I had to read my own best man's book. I am my own best friend. I'm going to... It's true. See, Chet Hanks had that Instagram story today where he just went on a two and a half hour hike by myself and I had a full conversation with myself the entire time he said he misses kicking it with himself yeah okay just like arguing with yourself

has he ever been in here no but they've met him yeah i remember that yeah that was the that's crazy this number right yeah how much did it cost you to make him $2,500 that was the one expense report that I really had to... Just went on a hike and talked out loud to myself for two and a half straight hours. Realest conversation I ever had. Hadn't kicked it with myself like that in a while. Self-talk is everything.

This is the way. I mean, when golfers talk to themselves, they're praised with having the highest mental acuity. Jesus, Chet. Damn. Is he like on some shit? How does that happen? He's got a new podcast, too.

He got Tom Hanks as his first guest. Really? Big guest. Huge guest. Are you serious? Yeah, huge guest. Has he become inspirational now or something? Yeah, he is.

He's doing that? Not problematic. We played the video. He was at a sobriety council, like a big meeting with a bunch bunch of kids around he was just swearing the whole time yeah and they asked him to stop and he was like no i'll fucking swear all i want inspiring badass as long as he fair makes not drinking cool after we met him uh on rediscovering he followed donnie and kyle but not me and that I've been in my own head ever since. Ouch.

Calm, calm. It hurts. Just give him a call. The number is gone. Did you just try liking a bunch of pictures to make him notice? I put him in my Instagram story, and he reposted it. Nothing. I designed.

I'm nervous to call Chet. I'm doing it. Oh, no number. Oh, fuck. Come on, get it go. I'll text the number to you. Oh, no,. Oh, fuck. Come on, get it go. I'll text the number to you. No, no, let it go. I can't handle this in Ramona. Let it go.

Ask him about the walk. This is Forrest Gump's kid. Go to it. Call. Ask him about the walk. Give me your phone. Give me your phone. If you don't want to do it, I'll call.

Ask him about alone time. Yeah. Big Cat, you do it. You tell him how many followers you have right off the rip so he knows you're serious what if you call and you say you're him good call just talk to him

on every platform ask him to follow me you're from Barstool too make it serious he's probably busy. Quiet. Yeah, he's probably... Come on. Talking to himself.

Hey, bro, we know you're alone right now. Best case scenario. Does he not have a voicemail set up? I wouldn't be shocked. Come on. This is the longest... Yo, what's up? Yo.

Chet, what's up, brother? Oh, no! I thought it was a voicemail. What? Chet's the main. Fuck. I can't believe Chet's got the prank voicemail. I thought in the back of my head, I was like, this is a prank, this is a prank.

But it was just long enough to pause. I want to hear that again. Wait, please don't. Yes, yes, yes. One more. One more. One more. Unlock your phone.

Unlock your phone. I want to hear that again. That was fun. Five missed calls. That was fucking cool. I want to hear that again. That was so good. I'm getting the stopwatch out to see how long he waited.

That pause was incredible. It was incredible. He really got good. I'm getting the stopwatch out to see how long he waited. That pause was incredible. It was incredible. I was like, oh, my God. In the moment, I was like, this is definitely his voicemail. But he paused it just long enough that I went back in. All right. Okay. I'm starting it as soon as he says, yo, what's up?

End of that word. I might get caught again. I bet it's like five seconds. Yeah, because you know he's, yo, what's up? Yeah. End of that word. Poor Nick. I might get caught again. I bet it's like five seconds. Yeah, because you know he's going to pick up the phone like that. He might answer this many calls. He might think it's like an emergency. It is.

He needs to follow Nick. Yo, what's up? Sorry. How long was that? 4.05 seconds Holy shit That's a patient prank Chad Hanks is a legend

Fuck he gets everyone How pissed do you think Tom is I probably get him a lot Well he seems supportive He's on the show Tom also might do that On his voicemail Oh what if that's just

Hanks The way. Family tradition. Oh, it does it too, yeah. Psych. Psych. He got me good. Fuck.

I want to call again. I think he might have seen that one. Yeah, for sure. It was like half the ring. He ignored it. I can't, man. I'm harassing Chet Hanks. That's a dangerous fucking enemy to have.

One last call. Text you his number. One last. No, it needs to be from here. Why don't you just tweet at him right now and say, pick up? Oh, that's a good idea. Or like, yeah, Instagram and tweet. Chet, we're calling you.

Pick up. Chet, you hear me call you? Is he on Twitter? I don't know. I got to skedaddle soon to get to this fucking flight. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yes.

I mean, you got to go do the rundown. Oh, yeah. All right, let's do the wheel. Yeah. Let's do this wheel. I was supposed to do the rundown, but now I got to fly. You got to get out of here. I want to get away. We're going to replace you with Joey.

Reset. That's the same slice it hit you after that. That was crazy. I really wanted it to be wet so we could put Ray Romano on there. Well, yeah. Just twin boys. I feel like he'd be down. He was a very cool guy.

He's cool. Very cool guy. Okay, I'm here down. I feel like he'd be down. He was a very cool guy. He's cool. Very cool guy. Okay, I'm here tomorrow. I have good news before we leave. Oh. I found it. The 2D shirt. Yes, I want to buy it.

I want to buy it. Send me the link. Send me the link. I already bought it. I already bought it. What? TJ, I want it, too. I bought it for you.

Oh, wow. Thank you. You got wow. Thank you. You got money. Holy shit. That's Chinese yen. Oh. You're the man. Oh, 35 bucks.

This is not going to work. It might take like six weeks to come. What a present. I mean, they could send it in a manila envelope. What do you think? What's the size? One size. One size.

Perfect. Thanks to whoever sent me the link on Twitter to find it. Are you doing your solo yak tomorrow? Yes. Okay, great. So who's here? I'm here. Nick, you're here?

Yeah. All right, cool. Thanks, Julio. Thanks, Francis. Thanks for having me. Thank you, guys. That was a lot of fun. Awesome.

Sorry, Brandon. No, you guys are good. We'll talk after. Thanks, Francis. Thanks for having me. Thank you, guys. That was a lot of fun. Awesome. Sorry, Brandon. No, you guys are good. We'll talk after. We'll see. He's cathartic. Hug it out. We'll talk after. Hug it out.

We'll talk after. Hug. Will it be an innocuous hug, Francis? You elitist piece of shit. You guys got to hug. Goodness me. Hug, hug. I don't hug innocuously.

Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug. Yeah. And kiss. Goodness me. Hug, hug. I don't hug innocuously. Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug. Yeah. And kiss. And kiss. And kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Oh, hold it, hold it. Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it, boys? Oh, that does look nice.

That felt good. I like that. That felt good for me. Yeah. All right. It was innocuous. All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow. The hell's innocuous alright we'll see everyone tomorrow the hell's innocuous Thank you to Joey Corey For sending me the We Go By link.

See you tomorrow.