The Yak - Brandon's Fond Fast Food Memories Were All A Rouse | The Yak 7-23-24

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Don't ask Nick to play hopscotch with youYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

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Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Why are you looking at me like that, Nick? I've never seen you in a bright color. I've never seen you in a t-shirt like that either.

What the hell? Oh, what, this old thing? Princeton graduate alum. Oh, what? Oh,

you son of a bitch. I didn't even see what was on it. This old thing? Wait a minute, you got an Ivy League too? God damn it. It's the only graduate

school I could find. Sure. And I looked everywhere to try to one up your. Is that what it means? You got your master's? Yeah. I got my master's. He's got his master's.

Oh, so you're like way smarter than Nick. Yeah, way smarter than Nick. Nick just has like six bachelors. This is a big loss for me. I can see. Wait, how'd you cop? I literally searched like every school's like can you get a graduate alum or like you know phd none of them have them i just found

this one on etsy but a pretty hard that's amazing yeah is that their colors for real gross ass halloween that's a cool shirt it's a shirt god damn it cool shirt Alright One nothing Yeah What do you got Fucking Arizona State tomorrow I I have a It's UConn tomorrow Oh man

Cause I don't know If you've read my shirt But it says Princeton Graduate alum You have to be smart as fuck I just Have UConn

Too smart What's up boys Girls What's up When I say boys you know i'm i yeah i'm talking about you yeah it's the best compliment you can give a woman is it yeah yeah a boy yeah you guys still say like what are you guys up to referring to all genders if it's like a group of mixed genders yeah yeah yeah yeah wait i say yeah i call everybody guys yeah what are you guys doing yeah yeah referring to a thing i don't know if guys is gendered i think probes stopped yeah

my daughter does something very cute she's three and when i ask her how her day was she's like it was good i played with the kids oh Calls all the other kids the kids. She's above that. Does she have, like, a superiority? No, I don't think so. I think she just thinks, like, the kids is what you're supposed to say. Can I ask how big she is? Probably about two feet tall.

Yeah. Up there, yeah. 35 pounds? Yeah. I haven't really done her measurables yeah i'll get them for you kyle's gonna we're in the works of that's why i asked setting up a little kyle come over my house oh yeah he's good we're in the works wow we actually have a date today to talk man to man yesterday About the high 80s thing? The late 80s?

We left that in yesterday. We left that in yesterday. I'm coming to his crib. And I just want to know what to expect. Who I'm going to be dealing with. What you expect from me. Should I bring deconstructed lasagna? Yes.

My girlfriend makes it. What is it? It's just like picture lasagna yes wait what is deconstructed lasagna it's just my girlfriend makes it it's lovely it's just like picture lasagna without those off-putting so she's bad at making lasagna more like a pasta yeah that's i'm off put by you just she made pasta you have to have layers the layers i don't like our integral to feel like I'm eating something that's non-food. Noodles and meat sauce. Is it the lasagna pasta? It's lasagna pasta. So it is the actual long lasagna pasta. Cut up, yeah. Just one layer.

So then you're just doing spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that a lot. But she called, that's genius. She doesn't, it's from a recipe. To call it deconstructed. Oh, it's from a restaurant? A recipe.

A viral recipe. Deconstructed lasagna. Yeah, people don't use that enough, the deconstructed thing, because you can do anything. It's an excuse to serve slop. Yeah, right. To your boyfriend. Yeah, you could just have like- That looks amazing.

Cut up ground beef and be like deconstructed hamburger. I don't want to bite into layers of something. I feel like I'm eating a home. You're eating someone's home? It's not like food to me. You're eating some short little Italian woman's home? Are you off put by little Italian hut? Yeah, that's what it feels like.

Are you off put by geometrically shaped food? A little bit, yeah. You can hear the little Italian woman just being like, Mamma mia. Eat her home. What's happening? Bite by bite. I destroyed a home last night.

What? I got home and my wife said, there's a wasp nest outside in the tree. And I said, wasps don't build nests in trees. And I said, do you mean hornets? And she said, I don't know. And I went out there and there was in my front yard. Did you have to include you sticking it to her right there?

Yes. There was a big-ass hornet's nest, and I'm talking about a big one. It was big, and I had to go to Walmart and buy some spray that got up to 30 feet so I could spray and run, and I sprayed in the hole, and I ran. I came back. I sprayed in the hole, and I ran, and I killed it. I wish. Why don't we have video of this? And I woke up this morning, and I went and checked, and there were just dead horn sprayed in the hole, and I ran, and I killed them. I wish. Why don't we have video of this?

And I woke up this morning, and I went and checked, and there were just dead hornets in the hole. Wow. Successful. Yeah. But I destroyed their home. I felt bad, but I destroyed their home. You went straight to the spray?

I need to see you reenact the run. Okay. Because I can imagine this run is very fun. First of all, it's hornets, so even getting close was a lot of baby steps, a lot of little – Hornets sting, don't – no. Hornets are awful. Wasp bite.

No, wasp sting, hornets sting. Wasps keep you out of country clubs. It's venomous if it bites you. It's poisonous if you ingest it. But hornets – That sounded so good. Hornets sting in mass. That's true, i don't know

but which one bites none of them flies horse flies do bite some bees do bite oh bees sting no but bees there's also a boss bites boss things they're the same thing there's different kind of the round nose don't punch their partners hornets stink stink. Sting. They might stink. I don't know. They sting. Who bites? And they sting in bunches. Spiders? Spiders bite. I guess bite.

KB. Do hornets leave their- KB if he has to do a TikTok. Stingless bees, honeybees, and bees with mandibles. Okay, I was wrong. Very wrong. Oh. But hornets will get you in bunches.

When they come out, they're angry. Bees will too. Yeah, but not like hornets. They're nasty. They'll swarm. We don't talk enough about bumblebees. When they come out, they're angry. Bees will too. Yeah, but not like hornets. They're nasty. They'll swarm. We don't talk enough about bumblebees. They just nerfed a bee. Yeah, but they don't do nothing.

So bumblebees are the ones that they don't do shit. Yeah, right. They nerfed the bee. They took the only thing that a bee could hurt you with, and they're like, we're not giving it to you. Yeah, they said they bumble. Yeah. I need a picture of my hornet's nest.

Like fools. Carpenter bees don't sting, right? They're the big, fat ones that just kind of... I thought those were bumble. Do carpenter ants build or do they destroy? Carpenter bees? There's no carpenter bees, are there? Yes, there is.

Carpenter bees will eat right through the wood. Termites destroy. Termites eat wood, but carpenter ants, are there? Carpenter bees. I'd imagine they're the ones that build. They sting. Carpenter bees. are there? Carpenter bees. That's right. Some girls are dead. I'd imagine they're the ones that build. They sting. Carpenter bees. Unlikely.

Oh, they do sting. You got to really fuck with a bee to get stung, though. Ah. I mean, you got to step on them. You got to do something. Bees aren't out to sting you. Swat them? Now, a wasp, that motherfucker is an asshole.

All right, show us how you ran. Okay. I bet it was dainty the phone is my spray okay and then the how about the um far draft kings pole is the is where the all the way over there yeah yeah okay was your family watching in the window no they all went inside they all went inside what about the range of the spray is oh he, he's already. Oh, you did this? That's way too far away. You're so far away.

This would last all episode. Yeah, but you're like really far away. They've probably never been out that far. We should put a bell collar on Brandon so he can't sneak up on anyone. I like that. Cat. This is too far away. Where is that? Wait, which one? No, I said far away. Where is...

Wait, which one? No, I said far one. Far one. Oh, there you go. Okay. There he goes. Do-do-do-do-do. Oh.

Oh. That sounded fast. Okay. You sprayed from that far? Yeah, you have to get like a 25-foot spray. Why don't you just hit it with a football? That's what I would have done.

I just want to throw a football. Let them know training camp started. You got to get like a 25-foot spray. That's why they make them. There's a 25-foot spray?

Yeah, you can spray it and it's a big white streak that goes through. So you got them all instant? I think I got them. Peter North Rope. Huh?

Yeah. Yeah. I got them. Any guilt? I don't like killing animals yeah ah you should be like what's next like what's the next level up the honker if i can find a spider in my in my house i'll take tissue and i'll pick it up and take it outside i don't like killing i like the leveling up kyle there should be like a who wants to be a millionaire of killing animals killing animals yeah what's. After hornets is probably a smaller vermin. Or a bird. A bird, yeah, because they're less

tiny. They're harder to compare to. And then I think you go to furred animals. And then man. Chipmunk. Mice. Guild mouse. You'd kill a mouse before you'd kill a bird, right? I think I would. Yeah. There are certain animals that are no... There's no guilt. Wait, should we tier easiest to kill? Yeah, I mean, there are certain animals that are no, there's no guilt.

Wait, should we tier easiest to kill? Yeah, no guilt animal. Yeah. Guilt-free animal. You kill any bug, you're okay. What's the biggest animal you could kill with little to no guilt? Even a bigger bug, I'd feel bad. Like a praying mantis, I think I'd feel bad. That's illegal, right?

Oh, is it? A seven-foot man? Yeah. A bad, evil seven-foot man. Yeah, like seven-foot man. Like a snake, I think I'd feel bad. That's illegal, right? Oh, is it? A seven-foot man? Yeah. A bad, evil seven-foot man. Yeah, like a seven-foot man. Like a snake, I think? Like a whack dude. Yeah, like a seven-foot man with bad vibes. A pedophile? Yeah.

Yeah, a seven-foot pedophile. You don't make those. I saw, like, I've been seeing kill your local pedophile a lot. Yeah, and then they're fighting back, though, the pedophiles. Yeah, they've band together, which is bad. Now they're working in teams. Hopefully that's good advice. I'm still of the mindset that, like, all right,

so it's good that those guys are going after pedophiles, but if you spend all your free time thinking about pedophiles, I'm suspect of you, too. Of course. What if they're just getting rid of their competition? Right. Yeah, all the- They're thinning the herd.

They're trying to be the kingpins. Sneakiest pedophile is saying kill your local pedophile. And they're investigating them. They're learning how they do it. Now they have all the information. I ain't gonna... I'm not gonna kill a pedophile.

I'd kill a pedophile. I'd kill a ped... I would have... I'm gonna support the victim. Yeah, that's what I... That's what my ass would do. All right, so we'll make a good... Tandem.

I'll kill... Man, you're not gonna... Man, you're not'll make a good tandem. I'll kill a pedophile. Man, you're not going to kill a pedophile. You're not going to fucking kill a pedophile. I will not kill a pedophile. How are you going to kill a pedophile? You won't. Have you ever killed a pedophile?

No. I would kill a pedophile. Oh, you're 38 years old. You would have killed one by now. I would flip the switch on the electric chair maybe or hit a button to do the injection. If you put a gun on the table and you're like, that's a pedophile. That pedophile would pick it up and kill you first. No.

Hmm. Man, would I kill a pedophile? No, you wouldn't. Damn. Nothing about you says you'd kill a pedophile. I might not kill a pedophile. I'd talk very sternly to a pedophile. Kate would kill a pedophile.

Yeah, but not in a direct way if I found out they were allergic to peanut butter. Like a Rube Goldberg assassination. I would do some kind of secondhand killing. Yeah, I would probably be like, all right, pedophile, if you do the gauntlet under three minutes, you get to just leave. I'd talk a big game. I would be like, come on, man. I don't think I would touch a pedophile.

What? I'd probably just let other people handle the pedophiles. Yeah. Which is what we do now Well no we don't It's now vigilante justice Right that's other people It's all the rage online and people

I think those guys want more pedophiles to catch Yeah So there's not enough supply for the demand Yeah of Hunter That's the number one vigilante crime that you're going after Is pedophilia I don't think it's a it's a like a flawless formula for a youtube star or washed up youtube star basically youtube is boiled down to like play video games play golf or kill pedophiles watch watch breastfeeding watch breast they started beating

the shit out of the pedophile yeah i know that would be kind of cool well they do but like some of the pedophiles are i mean obviously a lot the majority aren't all there but they've been like they've been walloping some mentally not as caught up yeah and they get them in public too i saw one where like the guy was chasing him through what looked like a walmart i saw that one too but if you're a customer in that walmart and you're unaware of the unaware of the situation, do you jump in and go after the hunter? But imagine finding out that you protected a pedophile. Right. That makes you guilty.

In all those situations in life, you've got to wait until you're the third or fourth person in. Yeah. Let the pedophile go to the ground, let a couple people jump on him, and then you show up, and you're like, you need help restraining him. And then you're here. And then, yeah, you just, I was there if you needed me. Talk to the local police. Grab his shirt a little bit. Yeah, right.

Yeah, maybe like sit on his ankle. You want a piece of shit. Squat on his ankle. Squash his ankle. I got him. He can't move. I was walking to Walgreens yesterday to get Drano, and there was a kid just on the street, not on the street, on the sidewalk,

and he came up to me and he said, hey, will you play hopscotch with me? Oh. And I said no, and I kept walking, and I felt bad at the time, but what would you have done there? How old was the kid? Probably four.

Oh, you got him one round. It was the sidewalk in his front yard, and I think his mom was on the porch. You've got to play hopscotch. Four years old. Oh, you gotta do one round. It was the sidewalk in his front yard. Oh, I'm sorry, Nick. And I think his mom was on the porch. You gotta play hopscotch. Four years old. Yeah, four years old. Why did you say no? Because you thought if someone were to drive by or walk by, they would think that this is suspect? I don't want a parent looking out the window and seeing

their kid hop. No, your mom was on the porch. You're a straight up monster. Yeah. Mom was like on the porch area for like flowers and stuff. She heard him say it? I don't know. You're a monster. That's brutal. You gotta play hopscotch. I took out my headphone and I said no. Hopscotch is the one game that like you don't

you never really have to interact with him. You just have to just jump your way through the side And you keep walking after you do that. You bluntly said no like that? I said no and then I walked on the hopscotch that he drew. Oh no. Nick. All right, I'll go back today.

You could have just hopped. He's not going to be there today. He's lost all his wonder. Yeah, now you've got to invite him over your crib, and you really give him a good time. His wonder and whimsy is gone. Yeah, what if I see him now, and he's into accounting? He's into Microsoft Excel.

I ruined everything. Turned him evil. Fuck. This could be your syndrome. That's a crazy move by you, Nick. I felt everything. Turned him evil. Fuck. This could be your syndrome. That's a crazy move by you, Nick. I felt weird. Or what? The antithesis of your character.

Just hit two of them. You don't say no to anything. You're the worst person to say no. You literally do things. Yeah, I must have hated that kid. He was ugly as fuck. We need a redemption. I'll go back today and see if it's still set up hey man you're remembering from yesterday you just keep playing till he comes out yeah i'll

just wait outside yeah i'll knock on the door and see if he can do it wait outside with some chalk wait i thought everybody like yeah you did the right thing no why would you why is that the right thing the fact that i felt weird, the parent being there makes it- And also, hops, again, if he was like, do you want to play cops and robbers? Do you want to have a water balloon fight? Like, no. Hopscotch is the bare minimum. You're literally walking.

You did. It's already written on the top. It's what you just did. Yeah, right. Hop a couple times. Yeah, two feet, one foot, two feet. Just keep moving, but then just hop a couple times, and then keep walking away. Y'all are pussy.

You would have been. You're a bad guy. You guys want to go play games with a strange boy. Bad guy. This is Nick's heel turn. Yeah. On a Griffin, and then now this? Yeah.

All right. Mean guy. I'm a mean guy. Yeah, mean guy Nick. Damn. I'll walk by today. It's just. Brandon, I got you something.

I got you something. Okay. I put it under your chair. Under my chair? Yep. Like under the cushion or under the whole chair? No, under that side. Hmm.

I got one, too. Yay. Oh! With his shoe. Oh, it's not working. Get his butt. Those things are so cool. Oh, shit.

This isn't working. Oh, no. He's coming back with the shotgun. Yeah. Fuck! The shotgun. I didn't think this was going to happen. He's, this isn't working. Oh no, he's coming back with the shotgun. Yeah. Fuck! I didn't think this was going to happen. I got him. Whoops. Oh no! Nick's the one who's got it.

Yeah, it was Nick the whole time. Oh no. Oh no. Just call timeout when he starts shooting at you. And then say timeout you And then say time in And start shooting at him And call timeout again Where is he going?

I think he's going to get his He's coming back with a tank? He's coming back with the When we originally did this I bought little tanks Remote control tanks and shot him. God, it got crazy for a little bit there. No Baidu!

No Baidu! No Baidu! No Baidu! No Baidu! Oh, fuck! He shoots so many. No Baidu. No Baidu with the gun.

No Baidu. Yeah. No Baidu's dead. No, no Baidu's not dead. No Baidu. Nick's the one who has the gun. Shoot Nick. He does have the gun.

Okay. Oh, shit. Oh! All right, all right, all right. Okay. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right. I don't got anything.

All right, we're good. We're good. We're good. I did actually leave something. You missed, Kate. Under your chair. Yeah. What is that? It's a basketball.

What is it? Is there a piece of bologna in it or something? Wait, don't you already have this? When are we doing baloopas again? Soon. I'll get my wife. We have baloopa tomorrow? We'll come after that.

Oh, you want to do them now? Baloopas? My wife's down. You don't remember baloopas? I'm not going to be able to make them. They're bologna chalupas. Yeah. She wasn't on the app for baloopas.

It's just bologna on a griddle with cheese in it. Oh, that sounds great. Fried bologna with cheese in the middle. Oh, that's old. Bologna. That sounds good. Fried bologna is so goddamn good. It is.

I don't know why it's so good. It's also, yeah. Well, I know why. Because it's bologna and it's fried. So it's better than ham. Yeah, I would agree. Ham is not. Ham is not.

What would you say is the number one thing that's prominent in the South that you're not a fan of? Oh. Oh. I don't like watermelon. I hate it. I hate watermelon. I won't eat it. What?

I won't allow my family to have it in the house. What about snake handling churches? No, those are pretty cool. Yeah. Ambrosia. Yeah, I don't like that. What about crocodiles? Those are not in the South. Alligators. Yeah, I don't like that. What about crocodiles? Those are not in the South.

Alligators. Alligators are fine. I love seeing a good alligator. When you see an alligator in the wild, it gets you going. Okay. I saw one on the highway once. He was on the side. He wasn't driving.

But I saw him. Are you an okra guy? Gigantic okra guy. What about books? Is there a fighting okra college team? Delta State. Oh guys oh no a prominent in the south delta state we have many great authors from the south that's true what authors from your hometown huh what authors we don't have one from my hometown but you got uh hemingway

uh-huh not what we have faulkner hemingway's from around here yeah i don't know yeah i just hemingway's literally the only guy I know. Yeah. You got me. You got me. If you say like great author, I'm like Hemingway. I'm busting out the brain. Where's your motherfucker John Grisham from? He's from South Haven. He's from Mississippi.

Okay. Okay, what about Gary Paulson? Hatchet. I don't know where he's from. All right, let's go around name authors until we can. Okay, okay, okay. All right, all right. All right, go. Dr. Se authors until we can. Okay, okay, okay. I've got six of them. All right.

Joe. Dr. Seuss. Harper Lee. Hemingway. Dean Kuntz. Kuntz. R.L. Stine. Nice.

J.K. Rowling. I'm out. Beverly Cleary. Michael Lewis. Pilkey Underpants. Dave Pilkey, yeah. Mark Twain. Mark Twain. Oh, shit.

She writes those women's books. Colleen Hoover? No. Oh, my God. Are you talking about Giada? Yes. Yeah, women authors write cookbooks. Giada writes the women's books.

Okay. Talking about Paula Deen. Go autobiographies. Cheat code. Joan Rivers. There we go. Author. Greg Isles.

Roald Dahl. Nice. Rest easy. Beverly Cleary. Oh, you're out. Douglas Adams. You said Cleary already? I said Cleary already. Didn't I?

Oh, you did you? Amelia Bedelia. That's a character. I was thinking an air heart. That's a pilot. That's a pilot. Fuck. Douglas Adams.

Dr. Seuss. I already said you're out. Michael Crichton. Nice. Jurassic Park? Sphere? Yep. The Andromeda Strain? Did he do that? Oh, sure, sure. Michael Crichton. Nice. Jurassic Park? Sphere? Yeah. The Andromeda Strain?

Did he do that? Oh, sure, sure. No, I don't think so. Oh, Hunter S. Thompson. That's a good one. That's a good one. Really fucking good one. He had his ashes blown out of a cannon, didn't he?

Yeah, Johnny Depp did it for him. C.S. Lewis. I believe you guys. Tom Clancy. Oh, man. I'm just doing a movie guys Dan Brown Oprah I'm going to do Dan Brown

I'm going to use Dan Brown Everybody's allowed to use Dan Brown once Dan Brown once Steven you name four authors Mark Titus Warren Sharp Warren Sharp Greg Cosell

and Adam Schefter wrote a book suck it nerds what was Schefter's book? that was a weird one right? it was about his wife's deceased husband you did it right Mark you wrote the book early because

everyone and I've been in these meetings where like you guys should write a book like it'll give you a ton of money and like Mike Greenberg writes a book like who the fuck cares you did it early enough where it's like oh you read that did you read that? I didn't read Greeny's

book but some people might I thought I was going to write a book early yeah when I was a newspaper guy at age 25 i thought i was gonna write writing a book early is the move because writing a book late it's just like it's such a clear cash grab i don't know you could probably make some i don't know because when you're young you're a dumbass and just like that's printed forever that's exactly what i deal with with my book okay yeah yeah like i'll like my mom i'll be visiting my parents and they'll'll introduce me to their new neighbors or something, and then they're like, you know, our son wrote a book. And I'm like, please stop writing.

So much diarrhea. Oh, I'll have to go check it out. And I'm like, please, for the love of God, do not check this book out. Is there an audio book version of your book? I think there is. Who narrates it? I have no idea who it was. I wanted to do it.

Wait, can we play a snippet of it? I don't know. I've never heard the guy. I don't know where to find it. Oh, what if he has like a lisp? Yeah. I have no idea. We at least didn't have know. I've never heard the guy. I don't know where to find it. Oh, what if he has like a lisp? Yeah. I have no idea. We should have Steven. A flamboyant guy.

We should do a re-release. Steven should read it. Yeah. Steven, I want to see you write a book. We do got to write another book soon. Yeah. The last fuck. The last fuck, yeah. And we're actually going to do it cohesively? Probably not. Yeah. Soon last fuck. The last fuck, yeah. And we're actually going to do it cohesively?

Probably not. Yeah. Soon-ish. Oh, 4.4 stars. Tyler Selby. Hell yeah. You got Selby? That's a big get.

Siple. Siple. Siple. Siple? Can we get an excerpt? Morning of August 28th, 2009, in Windsor, Ontario, with groggy eyes and a pesky morning would I could Underpants Wait does this guy have like a Twitter? I want to know what he thought reading this.

I'm returning to my room where I crawled back into bed and played a game on my cell phone for at least a half hour. Yes, August 28th, 2009 started like most days typically do for me. Six hours and 23 minutes. By the time I got back into that same bed later that night, it would certainly end up being anything but a typical day. I was... Tyler, what is it? Siple? Siple.

I had never heard that in my life. Oh, he looks exactly how he sounds. That is... That sounds like... Oh, no. That guy had to say pesky morning wood. We've got to get this guy on. That is... That sounds like... Oh! That guy had to say pesky morning wood. We've got to get this guy on. That's incredible. We've got to track this guy down.

There he is. His tweets are quite something. Going to start calling all my peers my sweet summer child. Okay. That's your man? I had no idea. That's awesome.

Yeah, what other books has he read? He's got to look to them. How did they land upon him? Tell stories that matter. I'm Tyler. Oh. I'm super smart and profoundly compassionate oh man oh boy i don't know only my enemies mistake that for glibness oh my god i do mistake i kind of like this guy i can't believe they had an edge

they had this guy read my book. Oh, shit. He devoted six hours of his life to you. He's a huge Trump guy. Really? Is he? No. Okay.

A guy with a self-proclaimed Machiavellian edge. Six foot 170. Decent build. Yeah. This is... We got to get it. We got to talk to him. We talk to him we gotta talk like was that the lowest point of your career oh wait when did it come out alas he said alas uh 2012 i think i think it was March 2012 yeah I want to get him right now that's funny

could we get him to read the Yak book yes yes oh that was awesome the one we already wrote or the last fuck I think the next one.

Let's do both. Yeah. The last fuck is going to be so good. We should actually just have him. We should release it only on audiobook. Yeah. So it's not a book at all. Well, no.

So he's the only one who ever has to read it. Ever. He's the only human that reads it. Yeah. Only on audiobook is just a podcast yeah no i know but him having to read it's funny yeah no one ever listens no one ever reads it if someone put a gun to your head and was like i'll give you one million dollars if you guess this right like do you think anyone read the entire last book oh yeah no way Oh, yes. Everything will work. Everything freaks. No way.

So many. I would say no. No, they did. What did dudes send to you? Like, message-wise. They tell me how to be better on the yak. Yeah. There are probably some people that are completionists.

Is that the right word? Like, if they start reading it, they're like, this is fucking terrible. I have to finish it. I'm the opposite of that you're a startist i've started i've started i've started probably 40 books in the last four or five years and i've never gotten past like the second you're an incompletionist yeah yeah i skip to the end right away and then i go back and i like speed read through it. You're anti-Japanese. Yeah, I guess you are, Big Cat. Make the graphic.

I feel like if anyone's reading the whole thing, regardless of how they feel about it, it's the Japanese dude. Yeah. Finish it? I think they have a word for it, too. They're not quitters. But there are people online that can't start a video game without beating the video game yes i'm that way with mario games are you mario oh you get lost

in them right yeah i love mario the mario whatever new like super mario world bullshit i got a hundred percent so if you pick it up you got a hundred not like that sitting but yeah like i'll i'm like i'm like a two-week guy yeah i'll go hard go hard for two weeks, and wherever I end up, I just stop. That's how I am with video games. If it gets too hard, I get... Fuck that game. Yeah. I started a book the other day, and I'm so excited about reading it that I brought it

to work today. Whoa. What? Yeah, I brought it to work, and I said, if I have time, I'm going to read some of my book, and I haven't had time yet. What is it? Is it the Dion book I got you? No, it's not the Dion book.

It's just a book about Milwaukee. What? Why? I've fallen in love with Milwaukee. Are you more of a Milwaukee guy than a Chicago guy? Much more of a Milwaukee guy. We never addressed this. Milwaukee fits my speed way better.

I'm all up in the rabbit hole of the Milwaukee Braves, and I'm just all – I'm super Milwaukee right now we're on pace to be one metro area I love Milwaukee Milwaukee's a great city I love it public market love everything about it

see that old man playing the was it accordion? what's he playing? I haven't seen him third ward's beautiful didn't see that either it's like a whole neighborhood I just went downtown into the Brewers.

You see the Fawn statue? Nope. Okay. Nope. Is it super different from Chicago? A lot smaller. Smaller. And it's very...

You see Dahmer's house? It's not stressful. They have good sports there, too. Now you guys are all attacking my city. I just love Milwaukee. I just asked if you see Dahmer's house. I think it actually got torn down. It's a good city.

Anyway, I'm reading a book about the 1953 Milwaukee Braves. What's it called? Oh, that's fascinating. Bushfield Wins. That's more of a Wikipedia read for me. Yeah. No, it's a great book. That's more of a someone tells me one fact and I forget it right away.

A good author wrote it. Can you name us one fact? Yeah, they moved in 1953. Wow. From Boston to Milwaukee. The player of every game got a case of Miller High Life in his locker. Wow. I like

that fact. Yeah. So, suck on that. Do we have to? You don't have to. Nobody else does. That was do we have to you don't have to nobody else does that was sad man

do y'all think I'm having a midlife crisis because Mark said this morning he hinted he hinted that I'm having a midlife crisis I think the minute I was yeah you said it what are the signs Mark I think the minute you have to ask you are I was I was making a joke, Brandon. You're fine.

Have you made any big impulses? No, not yet. Well, not yet. I bought some shoes. What did you buy? Some Nikes. They were colorful. They got flowers on them.

Yeah, you are. Yeah. Yeah. Are you ever going to get a sports car or tattoo? I've been looking you know pft got him a uh we got him that el camino that's right i was driving down the road the other day and i saw an old 1970s car i was like i could buy that i thought about it you just thought about pulling over and buying that i just had one that one and that one thought though as i was driving by i could buy that do it wait how old are you again, Brandon?

45? I'm 45. And it's so midlife. I think you're just like having fun with new money and you're a nostalgia dweeb. So you're buying like weird shirts. Okay, so I've always done that.

Oh, you have? Yeah, I've been in the past. Even when you... You were mighty poor, right? Yeah, when I was 25, I was buying Mighty Mouse and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirts. But midlife.

When you start trying to be real hot. Yeah. I'm not going to do that. Yeah. You already did that with his haircut. Yeah, the sea salt spray every time you step out of the room. So, yeah, you are. You did change instantly when you came to the room.

Why do you want to be hot? Big Cat. Doesn't everybody want to be hot? Big Cat keeps saying that it's not midlife, implying that I'm well past the midpoint of my life. Correct. You're on like hole 16. But I feel like midlife. You're in the middle of the fairway.

With a fast golf cart. And it's very slow on turbo. Turbo charge. Middle of the fairway, 16. And it's very sunny. You feel like shit. Yeah, 17 and 18 are both part got part three and you're ready part three there's a chance you'd only make it to 17 and 18 i'll never

have did you get jimmy carter this morning yeah we all got jimmy it was too much words yeah that's not our fault they did a statement the words were too many what does that mean they they did a statement that was like very long i'm not gonna read all those words i guess in the paragraph there was like it was very clearly fake there was a fake jimmy carter and it was on like a seal you know it looked legitimate listen i've said it many times parody account i i don't know but if you if you don't get duped from time to time you're just not on the internet hard enough i've been getting duped a ton it is it's truth like you're just not on the internet hard enough. I've been getting duped a ton. It is.

It's the truth. Like, you're just not. Got to internet harder. Yeah, you got to internet harder. Get in there harder. You're just not, like, getting in the paint and fucking throwing some elbows around. There's a Twitter account called Poo Crave that gets me all the time. Yeah, Poo Crave.

I get Poo Crave. Look, Rosalyn was a baddie. Jill Maloney, even Throat Coat Nancy Reagan. Didn't read that. Yeah, that's too much. Too much, too many words. But it's buried. Yeah, it's buried.

So, yeah. And also, I feel like that's the lowest bar there is. Jimmy Carter, he's half dead anyway. Yeah. Did we Death Hooks Tim Allen? Yes. He did, right? That 24-hour stream. Nick was there. Oh we death hoax Tim Allen? Yes. He did, right? That 24-hour stream.

Nick was there. Oh, you were there too? It was a believable one. It wasn't a death hoax. You just tweeted his name. We got him trending at four in the morning, so when he woke up, everyone was like, Oh, that's it. Tim Allen dead.

That was fun. Yeah, that should be like a weekly thing. Yeah, just get someone trending. Is... Biden's dead, right? Titus, you said I couldn't talk about this. I didn't say you can't talk about anything. Talk about whatever you want. I don't care.

Maybe. I think he might be. I just told you I don't. The recording thing? I'm not privy to what the fuck's going on. Yeah, where she said recording. Yeah, she's like, Joe, I'm glad you're still on the call. Has nobody seen him since his statement? Nobody's seen him.

Yeah, he's just in isolation or something. He's been dead for like two years, really. Yeah. It's weird. What's Jerry saying? He's dead. Yeah? Yeah.

And then Kamala, which I can't. It's Kirk's producer, coleman who's currently suspended he had a tweet and i know he didn't create it but he like replied like mamala and dadala like four years ago so every time i see your name i think mamala and it just drives me insane well that's the drew barry yeah it was just the cringiest clip of all time. I actually play it, TJ, because I want to cringe. It is the single cringiest. It actually makes me physically like. Got goosebumps.

Titus, you have the look of a face. You've never seen this? No. Oh. That's what I was trying to tell you earlier. A lot of people at this company say, we don't really do politics. I'm finding that a lot of people do. I truly do not see any of this shit.

I have no idea what you're talking about. But this isn't politics. This is just the internet. Yeah, I truly... This is the internet clip. The Kamala clip you're talking about, I have no idea what you're talking about. Can you zoom in on Titus' face

in a picture of him watching this clip for the first time? It's... Look at our posture. When was this clip for the first time. It's Look at her posture. When was this? Give me some background. This was like 2000. 2020. Sorry. So she was running for president. I thought it was just like a year ago.

It might have been a year ago. She was vice president. Oh, she was like that. It was like shortly after the election or right around the election. Okay, Titus, you ready? I've been thinking that we really all need a tremendous hug in the world right now. But in our country, we need you to be Mamala of the country. God damn it. Play it again.

I'll give Kamala credit. She even hated that. What is she supposed to do? She hated that. Oh my God. Coleman responded to that saying, Mamala? No, he liked... It was like a...

It was maybe like Mother's Day or Father's Day or something. He responded like Mamala and Dadala or something. It's just... I like the idea of you getting all your political talking points from jersey jerry or one of kirk minahan's producers it's it's actually a pretty good strategy well you just kind of average them out well coleman yeah and

then but steve is his first producer who i love steve robinson was producing for him today he's got some takes i i i'm always listening to steve he's got a bunker and everything he has a bunker yeah i'd love a boston guy yeah yeah i would too just to tinker around yeah what you mean he has a bunker i don't know if he has a full bunker but i think he's ready he's like a like my readiness is basically i'm trying to get mentally to the point where when everything falls apart, I can at least say, I told you so. That's not ready. No, that's a form of ready. You say, I told you so as you're still dying, suffering.

But that's at least better than being like, how could this happen? That's just making the most of something. Right. I'm at least getting a little satisfaction at the end where I'm like, told you so. Are you talking about like apocalyptic war? Yeah. Okay. So I'll be able to say like told you so are you talking about like apocalyptic war yeah okay huh so i'll be able to say told you so yeah and then we both yeah but will you be able to say i told you so or you're just going to be regurgitating something jerry told you so it's really jerry told him so through you well who told jerry so i'll have to kill jerry first yes and

like i told you so my strategy is like what you were saying with the pedophiles earlier. Mine is more like if there's a apocalypse is coming I'll just look at it and say someone will figure that out. Someone else will figure that out.

And I'll be standing right over your shoulder being like told you so. Yeah. That'll be my strategy. You might get some like A1 invites. I don't think so.

Oh to like a fancy bunker? Like a bubble? Yeah. Why not? I don't think I'm getting to a bubble get on the you could protect the podcast imagine what they could do like even in like the 60s they had some crazy shit yeah a bunker would be sick somebody out there's got this i think about fun oh i believe there's some underground utopias oh yeah where they're just ready to go yeah

we found an ocean down there that we didn't know ready to go yeah we found an ocean down there that we didn't know it was down there we found an ocean down there we found an under underground ocean an underground ocean a couple weeks ago just like we just never knew it was there where where um somewhere we just found this gigantic under and we think it's bigger than any any ocean we have on the surface well aren't we all floating around on top of... Isn't that what continents are floating on? I don't fucking know. I actually don't know. I feel like we're anchored into something.

Massive underground ocean discovery containing three times more water than the oceans combined. What website is this? So we're good, right? That means we're good. I don't know. That should be bigger news. But what's the geometry of this? Yeah, what layer?

How can you have three times? Explain this to me like it's a big cake. What layer are we in? It's like ogres. There's layers. Right. Just give me one picture chart. I don't need work.

400 miles below? That's not useful to us. I didn't know it went like that. What's the center how many miles gotta be a lot right anyone know i was gonna guess like a like a few yeah i was gonna say like a lot 5 000 10 between 10 and 20 yeah Yeah, I was going to guess. How many miles to the center of the earth? Yeah.

A ton. How many? Hella. Oh, that's a good point. How many? I don't know because it's like one mile technically to get to space, right? Yeah, it's ridiculous. It certainly doesn't.

All right. What? Yeah. All right. Wait, wait, wait. It certainly doesn't. All right. What? Yeah. All right. Wait, wait, wait. That doesn't make sense. One says 39,59. That says 33,963.

So what's the answer? It's closer to the poles. So is the Earth not a perfect sphere? Wait, are we fat? Is the Earth fat? The Earth is fat. Earth's fat as fuck. We're football shaped?

A little bit, yeah. Yeah, we're like size like- Not a little bit if it's 4,000 to 33,000. We're size like 54, 28 jeans. Yeah. What the fuck? That's crazy. God bless whoever has to buy those.

What's the deepest we've ever dug? Like who's gone the farthest? Russia, probably. Like did it start getting hot down there yet, or is it still cold? One of these countries did this, right? I think it's cold then hot again. Wasn't the Yaghmat far? No, it's hot pretty quick, right?

Super deep borehole. I've never even thought about this stuff. Oh, really? That's eight miles? No, I thought about space and heaven, but not this. It became stuck? Oh, that sucks. Well, what's right here under us is the question.

Wait, the hole's only nine inches. That sucks. No, that's big enough. You could get it. It's only nine inches. It's hardly anything. It is deep, though. It's not even there.

Couldn't have fun with that. It never touched the bottom. Whoa, this is cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Kate, what did you pop up on this list? That's the hole even there. Couldn't have fun with that. Never touched the bottom. Whoa, this is cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Kate, what did you pop up on this list? That's the hole right there. Yeah, what the fuck?

Barstool Kate? Yeah, wait a minute. Widest hole. All right, super cheap. That's the hole right there. That sucks. That looks like trash. And it just got stuck.

Wait, seven and a half mile depth. So we've only been. But you can crawl down that hole. Would you drop a gerbil down there? Yeah, for sure. Wait, hold on. So we've only been seven and a half miles deep. That's like, we haven't even touched.

We haven't come close. If we can go to space, why haven't we dug down further? Because there's ground in the way. Yeah, there's so much ground. Why don't we just put a nuke down there? We're going to nuke ourselves? Well, no, you do it in Russia. The Kimberly Diamond.

Yeah, that's more pleasant. Yeah, you could bathe. Handmade holes? They fucking dug that shit? What do they mean by fucking handmade? That's just a V. We should do a live show for one of these big-ass holes. Yeah, we did.

We dug a hole on Grit Week, and it was hard, and we got like four feet in. I didn't know Canada had diamonds. What do you mean? That's too many words. North Slave Region? Why are they naming all these things slaves? Is that by the Great Slave Lake?

Yeah, Great Slave Lake? Yeah. Great Slave Lake. Okay. The Berkeley Pit, Montana. That's cool. Russia. That one looks cool, yeah. What about the tar pits?

The Ice Cube Observatory. That's just tar pits. That's not a hole, is it? Oh, yeah. What about those, Mr. California? The La Brea tar pits you're talking about? Yeah. What's going on in those? They got stegosaurus in those? I think they do. I think so, yeah. What about those, Mr. California? The La Brea tar pits you're talking about? Yeah. What's going on in those?

They got stegosaurus in those? I think they do. I think so, yeah. Is there real tar coming up from there? Is that like a real... Mark? Well, my experience, oftentimes when you go to the beach in Southern California, you will get tar on your feet. That's a real thing.

You for real? Yeah. Yeah. They got tar? Yeah. Yeah. They got tar all over the beach. Are you talking about from the parking lot to the beach? I'm talking about when you get in the waves, man. Oh. When you're one with nature, you almost don't even realize it, and then you go home and

you got tar all over the beach. I can see that happening. That makes sense. Yeah. Especially how you described it. It is weird. There's like little globs of tar on the beach. Damn, dude. The earth is so deep. Yeah. I don't. Especially how you described it. It is weird. There's like little globs of tar on the beach. Damn, dude.

The earth is so deep. Yeah. I didn't know we weren't like. I'm fucked with the distance. You thought it was a purpose. Yeah, the distance is crazy to me. Oh. No, I will.

Yeah, what can we do? Yeah. Here's what it is. Told you so. We'll all die one day. Are we sure, though? And there's no guarantee I'm first. There's no guarantee.

Are we sure we'll all die? What would be the betting odds? Oh, I mean, I'd be... I don't think it's as bad. I'd be minus 250. I'd be probably second. I'd cook the books. I would.

Plus 200. I think KB and Kate would be the bottom. I don't know. Kate's body's falling apart. Yeah, but women just fucking last longer. They live. Women do that shit. All men do not do well.

Yeah. Big dogs. Yeah. Yeah, big dogs. Big dogs. Big dogs like us aren't here for a long time. Like us. Kyle, you're built.

You're built for life. You're you're built. You're built for like a hundred years. That immortal build. Except then, Kyle might be the chosen one. Che might. Chuck might be. For a while.

Yeah. The worst part about that is like che attending all of our funerals he really might say i told you so trying to like he probably will try to give a speech yeah i'll be so mad from the grave well now he does not the worst idea for chuck to eulogize one of us right now. Should we ban Che from our funerals? Yeah. I think we should. Well, Aijin's already banned from Mississippi, so I'm good.

Okay. We should ban him from all of our funerals. Not allowed, Che. Not allowed. And we all have to make sure that we keep that pact to keep him away. What do you think it's going to be like to bump into Che after you haven't seen him for a year? Oh. Well, I unfortunately don't think that's ever going to happen. You don't think you'll ever

go a Che-less year for the rest of your life? That's crazy. Oh my god. I've said it before. I think Che, I think I... He's with you to the end. Me, Che, Jerry, like those guys, I just have them forever. And it's really tough to... I don't

like to think about it very often. Brandon, do you think you'll have a chalice year? You'll have a chalice year, yeah. I think one of my next three will be chalice. But I think – Remember when Buda Ben left and I, like, broke his heart? It was Owen. Oh, no, it wasn't Owen.

You were like – It was Ben, too. I thought you said, like, I'm going to maybe see you one more time in your life. That was – That was Buda Ben, though. You might have been Bo. I think Buda Ben I said three and a half times over three and a half times uh i'll see you and i think i've only seen him once it's just it's a like crazy thing to say but like when someone leaves you're like all right when would you see him when am i gonna see it's true yeah

i mean uh not you guys though like i'd sure. Well, unfortunately, Che, he's going to. Yeah. I think text messages. We'll be friends forever, though, right? No. Yeah. Yeah, we'll be friends forever. Che's going to be fucking feeding me applesauce.

You meant it when you said friends forever. Applesauce through a straw. Yeah. I'm going to be in some sort of nursery garden. Nursery? Buying a plant. Like, yeah. Oh.

And then I'm going to hear uh what's up buddy and i don't know that it's gonna hit maybe like heroin yeah that's true maybe we should send chay away for a year just so we can have that feeling that's good ass content that is good ass exile him for an entire year yeah just so we can have that two minutes that he comes back well i'm gone for like a week or two you guys are i know it's a depressing thought that i end up missing you but a yearless che like i'd forget about him probably three months yeah and then when he comes back oh he just smiles that is oh that would be like better than any drug yeah it Just smiles. That is... That would be better than any drug.

Yeah, it really would. Consider it, Che. Put it on the wheel. Yearless Che. Or maybe... Yeah, Che, if you got a year salary, but the stipulation was you cannot communicate with or see

any Barstool employees. If we see you... You have to give all the money back. Give all the money back. Would you take that challenge? Oh, now we're hunting him. I like this. Can I be on the internet? Can I be on Twitter? You can't tweet.

You can't interact with anybody. But we might be able to find you better. I don't know if I even want a reminder of him. Yeah, you can't interact with anybody. But we might be able to find you better. I don't know if I even want a reminder of him. Yeah, you can't tweet yourself. You can be on the internet. Yeah, you can use a burner. Right, we have to truly forget about your existence for a year. That would be very difficult.

I think if I had my social media presence, I would have no problem doing that. Where would you go? Where would I go? Where would you go to disappear from? Can you name a faraway island? Fiji. Pretty far away. Pretty good. We should fake one of our deaths.

But like for real. Like actually die? No. Like put it on, like do like a week. And then just be like, ha. Go through the whole thing. I feel like. Yeah. Wow.

Sell the shirts. That's thrilling. Do a big GoFundMe. Take people's money. Yeah. Would you guys, if I did die and I'm at funerals in Mississippi, would you send Che as the Yak representative? I would go.

I would go. Yeah, I think. I'd go. I would go. So don't bring Che. Don't bring Che. Is there a private airport? Yeah. I'd go. Literally. I'd go. Right beside my Shay Is there a private airport? Yeah

Right Literally I'd go Right beside my house Is Mississippi State at home that weekend? Yes Okay then yeah I'd go I'd double dip

I've never been to a game there You've always wanted to go Yeah Would your funeral be like Where everybody gets to put a little bit of dirt on you? No No I don't I don't think so

How many cowbells at your funeral? God I hope A fucking symphony of them. I hope thousands. Wait, can we design your tombstone? Can we do Tombstone Week? Oh, I like that. I like that.

And let's have it sitting in here. Yeah. On the ready. Yeah. Wait, can we do that? Yeah. Tombstone Week. We all get to add one etching.

Yeah. Yeah. And it'll be taken. All of our individual tombstones oh yours or just mine yeah yours just sits back and it sits over my shoulder yeah we'll send it back whenever you go we get your tombstone sponsored yeah chick-fil-a it's just a big talkie i found out something very very very depressing very depressing today. Oh, no. For me, in New York, I'd order Chick-fil-A every day. Remember that? Yeah. And remember how happy I was?

I forget. Remember how happy I was? Wait, wait. You're saying this like you don't do it now. Remember how happy I was when they would write on their number one customer value? They would write on that Brandon Walker Supreme customer, stuff like that. It was security guard Pat the whole time.

Oh, no. No, it wasn't. Oh, blue eyes? Spider told me today, he said, you know that thing that you loved? I said, what? He said, when Chick-fil-A would write number one customer. I said, yeah. He said, that was security guard Pat the whole time.

Oh. And I said, why are you telling me this? He said, I don't know. We got to call him. I'm so sad, man. But that's beautiful. But it makes a lot of sense. Like, of course, they deal with a lot of customers.

They weren't recognizing me as their number. But it made me feel so good every day. But you ate so much. I was like, yeah. He said it would get there. He'd see it coming. And they'd leave it with Pat. And he'd just take out you ate so much. I was like, yeah. He said it would get there, he'd see it coming, and they'd leave it with Pat, and he'd just take out a marker,

and he would write a nice note. It is believable that Chick-fil-A would do that. Of all the restaurants, Chick-fil-A might do that. That's one of the sweetest things I've ever heard of a man doing. But I never noticed that I only got those notes on days Pat was there. This is all from Spider,'t let me talk to him that's like too cute for pat to pull off hey uh how you put on speaker hey pat this is uh this is brandon walker from barstool sports

yeah uh how you turn it up a little bit? Let me see, let me see. Yeah, yeah. Hold on. It's on speaker already. It's not loud enough. All right, so I have a question, Pat. Go ahead. You're live on the Yak. Every day when I was in New York City, remember what I used to order for lunch? Chick-fil-A.

That's right, that's right. I found out today, somebody told me that when Chick-fil-A would send me the nice notes on the bag and they would write number one customer and you're such a super customer, it always made me feel good. And somebody told me today that that was you, Pat. I take the Fifth Amendment. It was him. Wait, hold on.

You faked all my nice notes from Chick-fil-A? I played the Fifth Amendment. I was him. Wait, hold on. You faked all my nice notes from Chick-fil-A? I played the fake. It was him. No, no, you get it out of him, Dan. Get it out of him. Pat, I need the answer. You did. You did.

That's such a great bit. Yes, I did. Yeah. Why? Why did he do that? That's how nice he is. You should be thanking him. No, he was doing it as a joke, though.

He wasn't doing it to be nice. No, it was heartwarming. It would be a joke if he told you. He wanted you to feel that love. Pat, were you being nice or were you joking? I was joking. Thank you, Pat. Incredible joke.

God damn it. Who made you think of that today? Spider told him. Oh, all right. All right, see you, Pat. Oh, that's so good that's so that's so because you used to used to fucking parade around that was just a little a little slice of value that i had added to my life every day and i'm like oh my goodness oh my god they don't even know who you are that's incredible pat what up and he stayed dedicated to that bit. He did it just for him.

That's so good. He never would have told me. I've been gone for a full year now, and he never would have told me. Are you understanding how sweet that is from him? He's joking, Kyle. He wasn't doing it. No, he's like Dwight watering the plants. He was joking about saying he was joking.

Now instead of the corporation, you have an intimate connection with another human i don't think i do i think i am i'm at his you're laughing at his mercy yeah he's like that is so funny this fucking guy over here because spider knew about it so so he's told people we got to get spider in here he's got to tell us yeah like do you think pat was like scoffing like oh this fat fuck yeah yeah we gotta know if spider and like the security guys were laughing because if spider knows about and the security guys were laughing about it. Because if Spider knows about it, certainly security guard Mike knows about it. Certainly the other security guys know about it. Oh my God, if you are a laughing stock.

I'll call Mike. I'll call Mike. Mike's probably TikToking. Is Mike TikToking now? Oh yeah. Well. He's good. I mean, dance TikToking.

All right, this will be telling. Because if he knows nothing about it, then I think it was sweet. A spider knows? Hello? Hey, Mike, quick question. Brandon, remember when he used to order Chick-fil-A every day in the New York office? Yes. Do you know who was, like, was anyone writing notes or anything on his bag?

Yeah, the people from Chick-fil-A used to write on there. Oh, dude, no. We know, Mike. Do you know? Yeah, I know. You're a mocker. You're a mocker, yeah. You guys are assholes.

Thank you, Mike. See ya. All right, thank you, Mike. See ya. All right. Thank you, Mike. See ya. Oh, Bran, this is not good. You're a portly punchline. You're just getting a fucking wild dog fucking joke. Mike played it perfectly.

Not sweet. Mike played it perfectly. They have never looked at you as like a man. Yeah. They completely fucking. You were just a walking oaf to them spider you you broke my heart hey turn on this mic you broke my heart this morning i can't believe more so that it's been this long like today is the day you found out it was pat yeah nobody knew how did anybody in this room know

did you know so i did not know i swear to god brandon's been ordering chick-fil-a since the since the dawns of earth started and pat in new york the security guard saw this wrote on his bag each day like number one supporter etc today brandon found out that it was right that's crazy he didn't just stumble upon it you just you told me yeah yeah yeah i thought this was well like a well-known thing he saw me in chick-fil-a today he said do you miss your messages? And I said, yeah, I do. That was really nice. And he said, that was Pat.

So was this like all the security guards? I will say, Pat was sly with it. I never saw this occur in real time. I just heard through the grapevine that it was Pat. Who did you hear from? From Security Mike. I never saw Pat writing the messages. I believed, like you did did that it was the GM until

I heard that which was probably like two plus years ago at this point there's a group chat about you this is so funny I should have just told the Chicago security to do the same I can't believe so it was Pat's brainchild Pat's the best security the whole time I know everyone likes Mike but Pat in terms of like personality and humor, I think he's the I mean, he pulled it off. He would have never. That's better than any prank we've ever pulled. No.

By far. Yeah, the funniest part about it is he had no plans for a reveal ever. No, he was ever. Brandon moved. He was like, all right. Yeah. That's the end of it. Last time I see Brandon.

Yeah. I'll see him maybe two more times in my life. Unbelievable. And he had to write on there so many times. And I remember vividly you kind of parading around being like, see this? I think I tweeted it one time. Yeah. Wait, yeah, can we go ahead and find it?

Oh, no. You definitely tweeted it. I don't remember what I said in the tweet, so it would be hard to find, but I definitely tweeted it one time. I think he dotted the I's with hearts. Yeah. Pat, you freak. I should have told the security and not you. I guess I just really

can't believe that. You got catfished. Yeah. Full on catfished. Holy shit. So many days. You definitely thought it was like a cute 20 year old girl. So many days made. Did you ever jerk off to it? I never jerked off to my Chick-fil-A bag. Saved all the bags. But come on.

Do you ever think about it? I never once jerked off to a Chick but come on do you ever think about it i never once jerked off to a chick-fil-a bag are you gullible i don't think this is gullible i think this was just well done it was perfectly done and he's a perfect girl it was perfectly done because he didn't do it he phased it in perfectly for you to ever find out yeah there was no aha moment for him he did it because he loved to fuck with you yeah so what else has he done who knows everything anything that's happened to any of us could have been pat shout out security pat unbelievable what a move he just shot up i couldn't be a bigger fan of this and then mike just knew about it yeah oh yeah yeah what did mike have to say on the phone he pretended he was like

he pretended that they were still doing it and and then he was like, yeah, it was Pat. Incredible. Every single time. And now I texted Pat and Mike, we're laughing about it. So now there's another group. Yeah, we're having a good laugh. Goddamn. I'm like, I'm mad that I wasn't.

Involved. Yeah. I wish I had been told. I wish I didn't ruin the surprise. No. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. When you first told him, did he believe you or was he like, you're lying?

Oh, no. I just got two texts that are bad. What are they? The cat's out of the bag. Ebony knew. Not Ebony. No chance Ebony knew. I texted both of them i said i'm

laughing so hard mike said pat used to always write it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i said so so funny i can't believe he didn't know until today mike wrote i don't really want to say the rest. Oh, no. Just saying. Mike wrote, guy is clueless. Pat wrote, well, he is from Mississippi. Oh. Brandon, they never liked you. Two Yankees. Two Yankees. Oh, no.

They just got one over. They think you're a hillbilly. I got to kill Pat. Yeah, I think you do. I got to kill him. You have to do something a hillbilly. I got to kill Pat. Yeah, I think you do. You have to do something. Because right now he just owns you. Like straight up ownership. All right.

And you're happy about this, aren't you, Spider? I just think it's a funny story. That's all. It's a hilarious story. It's incredible. That's a mastermind. And I did not believe you at first. It kind of got to's a funny story. It's a hilarious story. It's incredible. That's a mastermind. And I did not believe you at first. It kind of got to me a little bit.

I was like, no, don't tell me this. Santa Claus isn't real. Fuck. I wonder if Pat's pranking anyone in the New York office. I don't know. The other day, about a week ago, I did look at my bag. I was like, I guess they're never going to do it out here. That is so fucking funny. what a legend yeah oh my god but those are the best jokes too like just never he was never gonna say never confirmed 100 confirmed so three people knew

about it well no there's way more security guards they were definitely all laughing about it. Well, no, there's way more security guards. They were definitely all laughing about it. Danny too? Oh, I'm sure Danny knew. Call Danny right now. You don't have to call everybody. I need to see how deep this goes. You don't have to call everybody. And that they didn't tell him it legit was truly just for their own joy.

They didn't tell anyone. I think I was the only staff member that knew. This would be good if Danny didn't know. We need this. He's I was the only staff member that knew. This would be good if Danny didn't know. We need this. He's going to fake like he doesn't know. He's probably on the beach right now. Is he on vacation? I don't know.

Every time he's just with hot women somewhere. Danny? Yeah, dude. He fucks. Danny. Hey, are you there? Yeah, what's up? Hey, you remember when Brandon used to order lunch every day in the New York office Chick-fil-A?

Yeah, like every day Yeah, and the Chick-fil-A people, like he would get messages Did he get messages? He would get messages written on the bag Do you know who would write them? Dad, I don't know Alright, we know, so do you know? I do you know who would write them dad i don't know all right we we know so do you know i do not know you're are you being dead dead honest that's maybe i wrote once why would he write it maybe i did it once but i okay yeah i was like apparently apparently pat was writing all the messages okay so you i think I might have done it once to him.

Okay. Did anyone else in the security team do it to him? I don't know. Ebony might have wrote one. Not Ebony. Ain't no way. I didn't do many, so Pat might have done most of them. Oh, so we know.

Everybody was in on it. Not only that, they banded together. All right, thank you, Danny. I'll talk to you later. Without a single leak. Without a single mole. Do you think this is the only thing they laughed at you about? No, I don't.

They talked behind your back about other stuff. What's real? Yeah. Who are you calling? Is that Ebony? I got her new math. Oh, there we go, KB. Give her a call.

Is she about to have her kid? I think so. That's pretty close. Nah, I was kidding. Oh. I got her new math. I think I got it. Should I give her a ring?

Yeah. Steal that. She does change her number a lot. Hey, Ebony. We're on the Yak right now. You're live. I was just curious. Remember when Brandon used to order Chick-fil-A every day in the New York

office? All the damn time. All the damn time. Yeah, exactly. Did you ever write any messages on the bags that were delivered to Brandon? So you think I'm going to snitch on myself? Well, listen, we're here on the Yak discussing getting to the bottom of it. I just informed Brandon

today for the first time that it was security guard Pat the whole time all along, which he didn't know. And again, he found out today. So we were curious if there was anyone else that maybe wrote any messages. Well, I ain't gonna snitch on the other people, but I wrote on his bag a couple times.

That's all we needed, Ebony. Thank you very much. I speak for the entire staff for sending our best. All right. Well, we're sending love in any case. Be well. Thank you very much.

Bye. The entire front desk crew. Oh, my God. She'd ride or die. She wouldn't snitch. I thought I was cool with it all of them this is the funniest thing ever oh they probably love watching your little face light up oh they were just clouding them every day you were sad to move from new york because i guess i was you were

i was i felt guilty i almost i almost contacted that chick-fil-a i know on the last day i almost called him and i was like i'm leaving we We gotta call the Chick-fil-A and ask if they ever wrote us. We have to. Yeah, TJ. They obviously didn't so we don't have to call them. Oh man. Alright, it's all good. Ebony too.

That means there was a somebody's job every day was to come in, watch the office, unlock the place, get everybody here, and write on Brandon's back. Yeah, there was probably like a sheet behind the desk. It's on checklist. That was like, yeah, who's doing Brandon's back? I think we let somebody go because they forgot to do it one day. Dude, they must have been sly and tactical because you would run to that order.

I would be right there and just grab it oh man yeah how did they pull because was it the old stuff it was all glass you could see the i'd order it before more text from mike why do i why you shoot me don't shoot the messenger literally don't shoot the message you're gleefully announcing them mike said we all knew we would all just laugh at brandon we could not believe this guy thought it was real. I can't even laugh anymore. I can't laugh hard enough. I feel just.

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off your first purchase. Terms apply. Download the GameTime app today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. I'm going to pee. Let's spin zone this for a sec. I don't think, I think you're like. Keep in mind, you have gleefully laughed.

I mean, it's so funny. For the last three minutes. I know, it's so funny. I think it came from a place of love. Yeah. They were so happy to meet you, and they were like, we can't stop now. I think maybe they were doing it because they're like, the guy's homesick, and this is something that would have happened in Mississippi.

Maybe. Right? Perhaps. So they were putting were putting a little i think they were just doing it to be no they're being put a little nice touch being like look we're not all bad literally just wrote we couldn't believe he fell for this forget that that's what he's saying it started out of love yeah it started out of love you loved it so much out of love. You loved it so much. You talk about it on air, and then they're like, oh, shit. We can't stop. We can't stop. Now we got to keep this going. Yeah.

But surely he'll figure it out at some point. Then you never figured it out, and then it became funny, and you became a laughingstock to them. So I think that's the- You've already said it. Kate, I know you hate that you missed out on this. Yeah, like big time. You would have definitely-

Oh, yeah. Roan would have loved this. Roan would have loved- Yeah. Oh, I got oh yeah Roan would have loved this oh I gotta call Roan tell him oh man he's gonna love this yeah cause this is a classic Roan Roan might actually have been the one

who started it this is devious level who else knew did I This is devious level. Brandon, like. Your own level. Who else knew? Did I? It goes. Oh. No, I didn't. Did Nick know? I think it's everybody short of Dave.

Ron. Hello. Hey. Yes. Um, we've come across something that I wanted to share with you. Do you remember in the New York office when Brandon used to order lunch every day? Of course. Do you remember the Chick-fil-A employees used to write

messages on the bag? Yeah, of course. They loved him. Oh no. He knows. Do you know? What? What happened? I feel like you know. What happened? They closed the Chick-fil-A?

No. Brandon wants to cheat on his wife? I announced that this morning. It was security guard Pat the whole time. Was it Chick-fil-A? No. Brandon wants to cheat on his wife? Yeah. No, it was. I announced that this morning. It was security guard Pat the whole time. No. It was security guard Pat and Ebony and Mike and Danny. They all were writing the messages.

Wait, how did you find that out? Spider told Brandon today. And he thought it was them the entire time? He thought it was Chick-fil-A. Wait. Hang on. I was trying to. Did Pat leave?

Oh, no. So Pat just left. He must have found out that Brandon knew. He's gone. He's on a limb. We just knew that you would love this. And we thought maybe you would even be involved. Looking at it now, it's so dumb.

I'm okay. What dumbass beliefs? We're looking at the messages right now. Express. TJ, what did he tweet? What did Brandon tweet? There you go man they all were in on it

alright I just want to let you know yeah we miss you alright see ya bye wait can I read those this is so this might be this is mean top customer number one yeah like the dominican teens at the busiest establishment delivery so you thought you were getting express delivery

express delivery you're getting special treatment i wonder if there's any yak episodes where you could see pat writing it on it in the back. He's always in the back? Yes, there has to be one. Oh, that's going to take a scrubbing. Oh, man. Is that part of why you ordered it so much? I know they're going to send an extra pass.

No, that was separate. No, because I still do and I haven't written shit. Wait, so what date was that? If we go to that episode. You used to eat it right before the yak. Was it right before or right after? After. When does that delivery say?

Oh, 154. Okay. So go to that yak. Oh, if we could. When was the delivery? 141. Oh, my God. We might see it.

Oh, my God. The1. Oh, my God. We might see it. Oh, my God. The best. Oh, my God. This will be the best moment of my life. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right. So 141.

So 40. Oh. Oh. To, like, a laughable, like, party. I think we should. Where he hasn't taken over. Oh, you're looking at your phone at the delivery. It's him ordering it. It's almost here. I'm Oh! I remember that one. Uh-oh. Oh. Oh! Oh, no. Those just suck.

Oh, I wish the camera was up a little. I need to be higher. There has to be an episode where we see it. So did you get it mid-episode? I don't know. A daily show where we cut to that angle a lot. It's just not high enough. Yeah. But we got to see when he gets out to get it.

I don't leave the... Yeah, he doesn't leave. He gets it after. Damn. Some sleuth trying to find it. If we found that, it would be the funniest thing ever. Maybe a cash reward. Yeah.

Office tour. Thousand bucks. Thousand dollars. Somebody take that gun away from him. Mike said he would hide behind the podium. If we could see him walking behind the podium. They used to put the bag right on that little table at the front area, right? Yeah.

That was. A little coffee table. Yeah, so for him to write on it, surely there's footage of it somewhere. It's just a matter of scrubbing through it. I can't believe these guys. This is really sad. Brandon's devastated. Top customer.

It's great too Because we had Nothing to do with it So our hands are clean Yeah it's true We're laughing after the fact But listen What's done is done

We would've told him Hours after Well what we would've done Is we would've taken it too far And been like You know Big sexy Yeah

You're the number one College football Guy Try to be too funny yeah they did it just perfectly express order top customer express order is so funny but it's so much meaner like if they were planning on getting this big aha moment on the yak it wasn't never they just did it to hate him yeah to themselves amusement, that's it. They don't want any glory. That is so much worse. So much worse.

He was a roadside carcass to them. Yeah. They were laughing at the bar about it. What do we have here? Look at Pat smiling. There's the bag. He's like, I'm not laughing. Oh.

Is it signed yet? This is good trivia karma. That is hell. Wait, Luke is walking over. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, no. Oh, I wish we could just. Oh.

Oh. He was just going to get it. All right. Oh, he was just going to get it. But if it cuts to the background and it's signed now. Yeah, wait, play the end of it. Look how excited he was to walk over. Oh, my God. He's so happy walking over to the bag. You didn't say Denmark.

Yeah, but I said Greenland and it popped up and said, yes, you're right. I'm going to go. You didn't. Just being sad, start hearing over sport. Yep. I'm glad Brandon said something today or we never would have. Look at the bottom left. Okay. Okay. Okay He's writing in South Africa, Oh, my God.

Oh, dude, you guys are missing a big one. Oh, oh. There it is. No way. I can't believe it. Brandon's peeking from the... That's the funniest chat ever. Holy shit. Oh my god.

Sorry. Oh no. You're gonna want to see this. Oh no. Oh my god. Shout out to chat. The chat found that. Yeah, the chat was the one that found it.

Holy fuck. It was from the day you tweeted it. You want to see the tape? You got to watch the tape. You have to watch the tape. JJ, pull that up. It's so funny. I think so. All right, tape. JJ, pull that up. It's so... I think so.

All right, Nick. Oh, boy. It's either one of two of the drums. Let's go quints. Q-I-N-T-S. It's quads or quints. There he goes. There he goes.

There he goes. Okay. He's snagged. So who's up? Me? He's right. He got it right. Can you show me Argentina?

Oh. What about? God damn it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, my God. Then he just puts it right back. What a reveal. And what was the note that day?

Number one customer. Just kidding. This is awesome. Top customer, number one customer. Oh my God. Holy shit. He did this. That is so fucking funny he did this for his own amusement day after day after day and we found him actually doing it that might have been the first one oh and then he just did it i i think that was the first one because i tweeted it the first time I ever got it.

I love you, man. I'm so sorry. Who was he doing that for? I'm sorry. I can't. I have to be honest with my emotions. I do not feel bad. I know that you don't.

But I at least. Nothing to feel bad about. Right, because I had nothing. We were just saying when you're out, it's the rare thing that we had nothing to do with. I feel bad for you because I know how badly you wanted to be in. Yeah, if anything, the real loser is me. You should be saying sorry to me. That's what I just said. I feel bad for you.

Say sorry to me. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Thank you. I appreciate it. Embarrassing prank that happened at my expense. I didn't have a hand in it. Yeah. Aren't you glad you had that feeling of love i want that feeling back but like like one of one of the best parts of getting older

and like i would show up to that fucking new york office every day and y'all would shit on me and shit on me but my chick-fil-a bag it was your one thing but i would say what one of the best parts would be feeling older is like i i don't feel fomo much anymore yeah feeling older is I don't feel FOMO much anymore. Because I just don't have time. This is like a wave. This is a tsunami of FOMO. This would have been so much fun to know. But this payoff was worth it.

We would have ruined it, though. We would have. Because we would have gone too far. It was perfect only because they did it. We don't have the patience. Correct. We would have fucked with them so fast and it would have ruined it. Spider never told me.

Yeah, we never would have known. Man. All right. All right, so here's another spin zone. Imagine if he had never told you and Pat said the story at your funeral. Yeah. Whoa. That would have sucked way worse. I would have been weeping though.

That's beautiful. That could have been sick though. I would have gone out valued by Chick-fil-A. Everyone at your funeral is laughing at your expense. I think which we will do. Yeah, you're in the casket and we're all belly laughing. Dying like, oh, can't do it. He goes over to the casket and he writes

number one customer. I think when we make his tombstone it should be father, son, can't do it. He goes over to the casket and he writes, number one customer. Well, I think when we make his tombstone, it should be father, son, number one customer. Father, son, husband, number one customer. Express delivery. Express. Express delivery. Express delivery to heaven. Yeah, to heaven.

Express delivery. That's your tombstone. Gone too soon. Great detective work from the chat unbelievable by the chat they came through getting to see it in real time what a they got me

I can't believe that unbelievable and you know Mike Mike's just he's smug but pat pat i never would have suspected pat in a million years danny yes ebony yes mike yes pat no and he being the ringleader ringleader and he loved it like we were looking at the video beforehand he was like giddy antsy ready to go yeah ready to go graffiti your bag and then so he it was his brainchild then he just he deputized ebony and like he brought them into the fold i don't know how it how he organized yeah without any leaks right that's the craziest part spin zone it this way brandon you allowed them to have meaning meaning yeah

true yeah i was enjoy maybe pat woke up every day and he's like i fucking hate this job i hate Spin zone it this way, Brandon. You allowed them to have meaning. Yeah, true. I need them joy. Maybe Pat woke up every day and he's like, I fucking hate this job. I hate my life. I hate everything. But I have the Chick-fil-A. I got Chick-fil-A coming at 1 o'clock. Yeah.

Brandon Walker. That was his getting to shoot an intruder. Yeah. So wait, can we see? We need one of them to quit and bottom out and be like, it's because I don't have Brandon anymore. TJ, the second bag that Brandon tweeted, is there a date on that too? I tweeted a second bag? Yeah, there's a second bag.

Second bag in the tower. Wasn't that two bags, the one that said express delivery? Yeah. No, it was written on both sides, I think. No, I think that's a different bag. Oh, no, maybe not. That's the same bag. He double-sided it?

Yeah. Oh, my God. That was all that? There's going to be more that come to the surface. I certainly have pictures in my phone of more. Look, let's... You share them with TJ? All right, there's no chance I'm going to find...

Yeah, I'm not going to find him. Yeah, I'm not going to find him. My phone's all linked to my. Yeah, you just sit in that uncomfortable couch in the front. Your Chick-fil-A being like number one customer. The order was kind of weak too. Just nuggets, two poly. Yeah, I was a lesser man back then. Sandwich.

Well, I got a new contract after that. Things changed with the play orders. I'll go look in that time. Oh, man. I don't know. Are you okay? I'm good. All these pictures know. I don't know. Are you okay? I'm good. All these pictures on my phone are of food.

I don't want you to take this too hard because- I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. It's nice to bring joy to people's lives. Yeah, you did. You brought a lot of joy to everyone here today. The entire Yak audience.

Yes. Pat, Mike. And just because a kid finds out santa isn't real do you think they regret believing in santa still got all the toys yeah you still got all the toys and the moment still counts you still had the moment where you thought express delivery number one customer boom you thought that you thought you were express delivery number one customer yeah you felt that yeah and you can't take that away from you. No. You win. Right.

Just saw my daughter hit a softball from 2023. Nice. It was a good trip back. Can't use the search feature on your phone? What am I searching? Bag. Receipt. It'll know?

Yeah. Seriously? Yeah. You can use a searcher photo album like that. What? I have no idea. Yeah. You can? Whenever I forget my license plate number and I need it for something that's how i find it i'll hit that ball buddy

where oh did you find a bag yeah oh she she kills this one. Can't share that one, though. Your phone memory is cool. All right. Express delivery is crazy. It's crazy. And also doing it. Big customers. Legend status.

A-SAT. Legend status. Oh, no. Big customer. Oh, you're Brandon Big Customer Walker. A-SAT. A-SAT. Yeah.

Wait, go check that date for the act. What date is that? 2-13. More and more and more of these are going to spring up. Oh. Big customer. This is dragging on a little too long now, isn't it? Pat's touch

doing express but doing it express is a fucking genius move. He's a pro's pro. I'm just thinking about Pat writing that. Wow. Do you want to play Sporkle? It's on the prep sheet.

Why don't we play Sporkle? You'll win. How many Cheez-Its do you think you could eat in one day if you tried to eat as many as possible and could only eat those? Well, I think, Steven, you got to try now. Cheez-Its. Cheez-Its do you think you could eat in one day if you tried to eat as many as possible and could only eat those? Well, I think, Steven, you got to try now. Cheez-Its. Cheez-Its. You have to try, Steven. Tomorrow you have to try.

You have to try. You have to try tomorrow, Steven. Nothing but Cheez-Its. You have to eat nothing but Cheez-Its. All day? Other people, I would like other people to do this as well because I can eat more than the average person. How many Cheez-Ieses do you think you could eat during the yak tomorrow?

I think you versus intern Jacob. Yep. Tomorrow on the yak. Maybe like 180? That seems low. How much is in a fun-sized bag? Oh, tomorrow what we'll do is we'll put a table out there and we'll just put...

Mountains of Cheez-Its? Yeah, we'll count them out. So it'll be like 3,000 Cheez-its each and whoever has the best. I don't know. You're the one who said it. I don't think the number would be that high because they're very salty. All right, so we're going to do a cheez-it off tomorrow. How'd you put it on the sheet then?

I was curious what you guys thought. All right, you versus Jacob tomorrow. Che, you're getting triple digits, right? And it won't be a speed. It will be just whatever the yak ends. Yeah. It's just that's when it ends. Okay.

I want to ask for Earl. I was going to say I want a divider, but you guys are going to commentate on who's having more. So that's fair. Okay. I don't think I can eat that many cheeses. You can't cheat a divider. I don't think I can eat that many cheeses.

You don't want to eat his cheeses? But, yeah. We should also guess, secret guess before. And if anyone gets it right, they get a special prize. Why would it be a secret? Well, like, the number's not revealed until we find out the final total. Yeah, we won't tell you. There won't be any time.

It was whenever we end the show, we end the show. So it can't be like you just stuff your face right before the end. Sure. That also makes it a lot harder because. That's the point. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. Oh, I before the end. Sure. That also makes it a lot harder because... That's the point. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. Oh, I'm excited now.

Yeah. We'll sit you all the way on the other end of the basketball court. Okay. Yeah. Oh, could we lay him out in two long lines so it's almost like a race? Oh. Physically see them going down. I do like that, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh, Clemmer's here tomorrow. Maybe we'll do it tomorrow. Fuck it. Yeah. Let's have Clemmer do it too. Steven asked on the prep sheet, how many cheez-its do you think you could eat in a day? So tomorrow

he is going to be in a competition against Jacob to see who can eat the most cheez-Its do you think you could eat in a day? So tomorrow he is going to be in a competition against Jacob to see who can eat the most Cheez-Its during the Yak. Oh, nice. Were you in the room for when we saw Big Customer ASAP? No. There's another one. There's another one.

Big Customer ASAP. I just thought it was Big Customer. Big Customer. Legend status. Legend status. Look at ASAP. Big Customer ASAP. Legend status. Legend status. Look at ASAP. Big customer ASAP. Legend status, period.

Compares. Oh, no. Oh, look at it. Look at him scurrying. He just left. Oh, yeah. There he is. With the bag.

I mean, just think about it There's so many yaks Where it's just Pat in the background Taking a Chick-fil-A bag And we had no idea That's like the highlight of his day Like the way he has this little pep in his step A twinkle in his eye Big customer ASAP

Unbelievable big customer asap unbelievable big customer big customer it's so perfect why do you even think about it in the first place it's the perfect prank it's so perfect it's victimless

it's not a big deal yeah yeah it's not a big deal but he's just so dedicated to it Victimless. It only made you happy. Well, me, maybe. Yeah, yeah. Big cat, you're a victim. It's not a big deal, but he's just so dedicated to it. Yeah. Just the phrasings that he used are so funny. The perfect prank. Oh, my God.

Express delivery, big customer. ASAP. You brought him a ton of joy. Yeah, you really did. Because it didn't make sense because it was just Uber Eats drivers. Yeah. Like it wasn't internal chick. They don't know who it's going to be. Oh, man.

Let's do a sparkle so you can win something. I don't need a sparkle. Come on. Come on, you're going to win. I got the legend stat. It's ASAP. Big customer. He is Big Customer Walker. That's a sick nickname.

Yeah. Big customer. Big customer. Big customer. Great nickname. Brandon the Big Customer Walker. Yeah. Big customer.

That's great. That's an awesome nickname. You got to get Pat back on. I got to ask him how many times he thinks he did this okay what's the answer that will be like any number is funny well what's an answer that would not like did he do it 10 times did he do it 10 times? Did he do it 50 times? He also got Ebony to do it. Hey, how many times do you think you did this?

What's that? How many times do you think you wrote on his back? Numerous. I say maybe 8, 10. Okay. What was your favorite writing that you did? Because we've seen a couple. customer asap was was perfect what was your favorite one personal favorite uh i like that number one i would write top priority

number one customer deliver asap all this different shit hey we found the clip for you picking up the bags so funny i enjoyed that sometimes got it though and not say nothing just eat sometimes he would look at epity like he thought she did it oh but he never had a he never had an inkling oh it didn't it didn't see every listen every day i wrote it i thought it'd be the last day because i thought he would catch on oh wow so you were living like you're like it was like bernie madoff you're like they're gonna Listen, every day I wrote it, I thought it would be the last day because I thought he would catch on. Oh, wow. So you were living like, you were like, it was like Bernie Madoff. You're like, they're going to figure it out.

Damn. Yeah, with less consequences. Yeah, yeah. All right, well, thank you, Pat. See ya. Oh, you got it. Thanks. Big customer ASAP.

Big customers are great. I don't know how much I believe this but Cliff DeMartino said I'm shook I knew about this two years ago and forgot until today epic means he knew that I got the bags written on right not that Pat did it

this conspiracy can't go all the way down how deep does this go? They wouldn't skip you guys and go to DeMartino. Who knows? TJ? Oh, we didn't think about this. TJ, you.

TJ, did you know? TJ, you watch. Oh, TJ. You watch from the studio. You could see us and you could see Pat. You never. If I knew about this, I would have a ton more clips ready to go of this true yeah i'm looking at one right now if sass making a comment about it what do you mean commenting about i decided to do another one jeez i've done two

today what does that say no that's the bag hopefully you make it talk if you own a chick-fil-a in the greater chicago area congratulations is there one by you own a Chick-fil-A in the greater Chicago area. Congratulations. Is there one by you? Is there one up in... There's one about 20 minutes away. That's correct. Sure is. It's in Gurney. We need them to start saying big customer ASAP. Well, I don't. I go in person

to Gurney. We need someone. some Yak listener. Go get hired there. Yeah. Just do this for us, please. And when Brandon comes in, just say, there he is, big customer. And that would be so great. We'd love that.

I don't know where the current Chick-fil-A is that I order from every day, so I might just have to stop ordering Chick-fil-A. Because at some point they were complicit. The way you win is you get them to actually write it on the book. I think you order even more. I think you make it your mission to get an actual Chick-fil-A. But the well is poisoned

now. Even if they wrote it, it would never be sincere. They would have just heard about the joke. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, the only way it's going to work is we need someone at Chick-fil-A to write it like, Pat says you're the biggest smoker today. Pat says hi. Just don't write that on the back.

Have we got nothing else? It's been an hour. It's been, I love it. The best hour. The fastest hour of my life. Let's do one Sporkle. All right. I don fastest hour of my life. Let's do one Sporkle. All right. I don't know why you don't want to do a Sporkle.

I want you to get a win. But what if I don't? You will. You will. You're good at this. Did y'all juice up a Sporkle? Oh, no. It's going to be high cholesterol foods.

It's going to be vulgar slurs. I feel like this is actually a big day in our relationship because you do always assume I'm the one fucking with you and now it's like see it's not this doesn't get you off the hook for the times you do fuck with me correct but your automatic assumption is and it's usually right all this means is there's others right it's people's natural inclination to fuck with you immediately because your reactions are the best. Which is weird. I'm big. Yes. You're big cuss. Big cuss. Big cuss. Big cuss.

I'm big as fuck. Yeah. But fucking with me is... It's unbelievable. It's your reactions. Your reactions are so good. We recorded something yesterday. You just tackled me.

Oh, yeah. You did. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, Cliff said, I was in HQ a few years ago, and Ebony was scrambling for someone to write on a bag. At the time, I didn't know what it was about.

Oh, Demartino even knew. So everybody. First of all, how close is Demartino to the operation? He's always close. He's always close, yeah. He's always. He's like the invisible hand of Barstool. Yes. Oh's always. He's like the invisible hand of Barstool. Yes.

Oh, man. I just know that. What? I know the Jeff D. Lowe's of the world. People are celebrating my downfall on this. Why Jeff D. Lowe? I don't know. Why did your mind go to Jeff D. Love? He texted me

something sassy. Alright. Now everybody's retweeting the legend status tweet. It's got legs. Does Sass know? No. Don't ruin my...

Me and Sass are just fishing video game pictures now we've added we've added college football 25 to our texting relationship and fish oh man if sass could find a way for you to reel in a fish that says big customer on the side of it that would be i think i just drowned myself at that point yeah just jump in what's real I'm Truman I'm Truman right now man

what's up how you doing let's rip a palate cleanser sparkle will you do the high noon ad yes okay high noon the moment everybody's been waiting for is finally here the high noon pool pack is Oracle. Will you do the High Noon ad? Yes. Okay.

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no added sugar. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find a pack near you. Delicious. You good, man? I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. It's nice to be able to bring joy to people. What we got? All right, one vodka brand for Pink Whitney, two famous cross-center section cheesesteak places

in philly three most common elements in the air four nfl players to win heisman trophy and super bowl mvp five highest rated movies featuring leslie nielsen 12 chinese zodiac signs 10 countries where the following cities are located eight grab tricks and in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1. Seven pro sports teams in Pennsylvania. And five TV shows featuring Alan Richson in more than three episodes. Does anybody know who Alan Richson is? That's that red-haired guy? Alan Richson. That's that red-haired guy?

I don't know. Oh, I know. Okay. No, is that... He's big. Big guy. I think he's a big boy. Okay.

Yeah. It's not. Not red-haired. He's not a customer, is he? he's a big boy. Okay. Yeah. It's not... Not a Redhead. Not a customer, is he? He's a big customer. Okay. All right, who's going first, Nick? Nick, go ahead.

New Amsterdam. Nice. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. Phillies. Kind of copped out there. Turkey. Phillies. Kind of copped out there. Yep.

Big time. Wait, we got KB. Where's KB? We gotta wait on KB. Zigzagged off to the back. Pause. So big customer. Big customer.

God damn it, unpause. You need to take that name and run with it. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. It's a fucking awesome name all right kb you're up seven pro sports teams from philadelphia from pennsylvania no the here's all well i've already read take a look take a look two famous cross. I think I know that, but not sure.

Six NF2 and Heisman Trophy. I think I might win this one. Pittsburgh versus Pennsylvania. Pirates. Nice. Fuck. You just shot up the rankings. I don't know what to say.

Penguins. Nice. Penguins. Penguins. Genos. Me? Stillers. Nice.

Thank you. I'll go with the flyers. Oh, that was going to be mine. Now I gotta think of a new one. Sixers. Nice, nice. Good. Oh, the Eagles. Nice.

Fuck. And that clears the board. Damn. Now we gotta do other things. Uh, Denmark. Pats. See, I didn't know if it was Tonys or Pats. Israel. South Africa

um you're close Naked Gun it's a good movie it's a great movie Hungary It's a good movie. It's a great movie. Hungary. Portugal. Tiger.

Peru. Iceland. Look at us. I think I know this one, but I'm very scared about it. Argentina? Oh, I thought that one. Thailand. Fuck.

I thought it was. Yeah. Somebody's going to have to know who Alan Richeson is. I do. I think. Uh-uh. Dickhead. I'm not exactly sure.

I'll go oxygen. Good answer. Oh! Ox, wow. Atmosphere, fuck. Seems like you could take. I don't know if this will count as an animal. Dragon?

We'll find out. Those are just signs. Oh. I'll go cock. Give me cock, TJ. Rooster. Oh. Oh.

Yeah, it's going to be rooster. The menus say cock. I'm going to go Marcus Allen. Oh, good one. Should we know these NFL players? I can't think of them. I don't know all of them. Yeah, it's tough.

I'm going to go Roger Staubach. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. What the fuck? What's a grab trick? A Tony Hawk? You're asking us to answer. I don't know. What the fuck? What's a grab trick? A Tony Hawk? Is it just... You're asking us to answer. Well, you have to grab the ball.

I think a rat. Fuck. It's not a flip trick. Turtle? There's no way there's a year of the turtle. It's not a McTwist. Is Titus out? No.

Did you go there? No. She skipped you? Oh, you're... Yeah. Oh, wait. Well, you're out. Did you go there? No. She skipped you? Oh, you're... Yeah. Oh, wait. Well, you're out. Did you say oxygen?

No, ox. Ox. You got ox. I said oxygen last round. Yeah, but ox went in, so you could say it again. Oh, I'll say oxygen. Yeah. Good answer.

Good answer, good answer. Oh, then I didn't mean the one I said. But you already said it. You said it. Turtle, you're out. Nick. Japan Air. What even is...

Wow. Airplane. Hydrogen. No. Shit. Really don't know my elements. I was going to say that. Try it.

Ram. Not Chinese. Kajoot. Okay. Titus. TJ, give me kick, flip, McTwist. Nice pull. All right, Nick and Brandon.

Give me monkey. Wait, is that not in the game? It's a grab trick. You have to grab the board, I think. You kick, flip, and then you twist. Carbon dioxide? Kick, flip is a flip trick. Oh, no.

Monoxide? Carbon? No. I'm wrong? I don't know. Now that I say it out loud, it does sound Carbon? No. I'm wrong? I don't know. Now that I say it out loud, it does sound stupid. No. So this failed.

Is this for the win? Yeah. I think you already won. Reacher? I think you already won. Who's in Reacher? Alan Richton. Okay.

All right. Next one, Brandon. No, I don't want it. I don't need a win. I don't need a win. Big customer. Let's go. Who are the other Heismans?

Yeah, I would like to see that. I'd like to see the Heismans. I went away from Heisman. Why did I do that? All right, TJ. You're just showing off. Jim Plunkett and Desmond Howard. I did not know any other movies.

Okay, all right. You got this one. You got this one. You got this one. But I don't need one. I'm fine. Yeah, right, but you got this one. Okay, all right. You got this one. You got this one. You got this one. But I don't need one. I'm fine. Yeah, right, but you got this one. Okay, good.

I'll get this one. Yeah, you will. The show may never end. You'll get one. All right, here we go, big customer. One dog breed used in the Roebuck logo. Two voices of the genie in Aladdin. Three colors on a street traffic light.

Four stages of insect metamorphosis. Five muscles worked out by a bench press. Five things the little piggies do go do. Eight running backs for us for 29 or more TDs in a single NCAA season. Achoo. Seven shows that Simon Cowell has been a judge or producer for. Ten most popular sports in the UK by TV viewing. And ten TV shows that feature the following fictional shows and movies.

Love it. Here we go, Brandon. All right. Here we go. You're up. Nick, you won. I won? Robin Williams.

The Simpsons. Green. The Rhodesian rowback is that what it is is it yeah oh fuck no it still counts

you didn't say it right nice market go to market stayed home Market. Go to market. Stayed home. Yellow. You're going to give me that. That separates the men from the boys.

Small amount of peas. Fantastic four. Red. Oh, he stole it from me. Monty Ball. Small amount of peas. Fantastic Four. Red? Oh, he stole it from me. Monty Ball. American Idol. One Little Piggy. I don't remember which one. It goes wee, wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home. One little piggy. I don't remember which one.

It goes wee, wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home. There we go. Perfect amount of wees. Ate roast beef. That's a dickhead. I did not know that. That pig. Yeah. Ate a towel?

X factor. I did not know that. By that pig. Yeah. Eatin' towel? X Factor. Barry Sanders. You're the fucking man, Brandon. Yeah. Soccer. Oh, UK sports? Cricket. America's Got Talent.

Had none. Why don't you know all the little bits? Seriously. We're in a phase. Okay. Futurama. Home Improvement. Ah, I was going to go with that.

Let's go American Football. That was what I was going to go with, but I got scared. Oh, shit I got scared. Shit. Check NFL. Damn it. Not even in the top 10. It's 2003? That's funny. Entourage.

Oh, it's 2003. I was thinking that it was 2023. Shit. It wasn't big then. Titus? Oh, it wasn't big then. Titus? Oh, my turn. Formula One. That's a good answer. Tennis.

Great answer. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. Pectoral? Pectoral? The bicep? Are you just saving the touchdowns? You got to be strategic.

I don't 100% know them all. Over 29? I'm probably just going to say it. No, don't say it. Oh. Yeah, I got one. Triceps. Fuck, that's what I was going to say.

Okay. Yeah, that's a good answer. That's a really good answer. Two voices of the genie in Aladdin. I know who it was. I mean, Will Smith? Yeah. I mean Will Smith yeah double dipped this is

gonna probably get Chrysalis ooh TJ it's not on there oh okay he didn't want to try alright Kate and I are out arrested development that's a stage of metamorphosis Okay, he didn't want to try. All right, Kate and I are out. Arrested development.

That's a stage of metamorphosis. Yes. Ron Dane. Yeah. D-A-Y-N-E. Yeah. No, Ron Dane. Ron Dane.

Ron Dane. Ron Dane. Oh, no. I thought so gonna end this I don't didn't ask for it I got it yeah we got a we got a look are you guys are you guys playing games today? Yeah. Who's playing? Malasek's up first. Malasek, Tate, Cody. Who? Lucassi. Lucassi. Or maybe Jacob.

One of them. Maybe Jacob. Lucassi or Jerome. Big Cussie. Damn, Brandon. I didn't need a win. I'm fine. Why don't we stop it?

I have all the wins I need at home. Do we stop it because Brandon's out? Yeah. What do we got? So be it. Larva, is that one? Darren. Now you're out and now you're trying to get right in. I thought they ended it.

I thought they ended it. Rondine wasn't even close. Typical Brandon. Cocoon? Rugby? Oh, rugby for sure. Are y'all still playing or not? I don't know at this point.

So Kyle, you're up because I was last out. I said rugby. Okay. Wow. Give me community. Damn it. I saw you eyeballing that one. One of my favorites.

So I guess I'm going to have to go pupa. Like a fucking idiot oh man this is that that that that's a tough question it's all it's all lower guys is all well there was there was one badger that we missed who else is on taylor no who's up uh kb really skips me and dan and kate's out who's up who's just nick mark and kyle um larva damn yeah so that's a tough question Very tough question

Was Queef Sister South Park? I'll go South Park Oh it might be I forgot it Golf Oh easy Oh Titus vs KB That can't be right Golf. Oh, easy. Oh! Oh!

Titus versus KB. That can't be right. No, it is. It's Titus versus KB. Dree Archer. Damn. For the win, Titus. Cocoon? Nope.

All right, we're all back in. All right. Cool. Everybody loses. Britain's got talent. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. X Factor kiddos kids kids X youth kids youth expect children certainly not a thing I remember there was a little one fucking

let's do you got your buys, your tries you got your pecs where's your next thing your lats technically, let's do your lats oh yeah okay so Nick you won Your lats, technically? Let's do your lats. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So, Nick, you won. Yeah, I guess I did. Nick is the best. Did you win the other one, too? Sure did. All right. That's weird. Let's spin the wheel.

So, tomorrow, Cheez-It. Clemmer's here. So, I think how I'm envisioning it, you guys tell me what you're thinking. We figure out we have one of the interns count out, like, I don't know, 2,000 Cheez-Its each, and we just put them on a table? Yeah, I think so. How many Cheez-Its in a box? I'm out tomorrow.

Why? I'm out the rest of the week. Why? Cubs and Kansas City. All the boys. Got a big series this weekend. No, I'm going to a wedding. About 518 per box. That be right that seems like a lot i went last night i'm going to a wedding it's tough to watch them it's tough offense it's tough it's very tough i went my dad i asked him he said that

he was listening in the radio when the vietnam his year was doing it nerve Oh, shit. Nerve-wracking. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Yeah. Okay. Sorry again to Brandon. Where are you going for the wedding? Somewhere nice? California.

Oh, you fucking dog. You dog. I might not come back. I might not come back. I might bump into some celebs. Ask them how they've been. Say it's been a while since we've done this. I might surf. I might.

I don't know. There's no promises, but I might. Is the weather going to be nice? No, June gloom. Oh, it's not June. I'm sure it is. June gloom is very funny, isn't it? It is funny, yeah.

Because they complain about it. It's like, shut the fuck up. You have one month that sucks. It does suck it's like it's when you you don't you don't expect june to be i mean june's like the best month everywhere except for except for the place famous for good weather that's when the weather's ass not in california but yeah was it rainy or what overcast oh yeah yeah Yeah. Wedding in Santa Barbara. The law, actually.

Brandon, what are you looking at? Is there more? I'm going back and looking at all the replies to the old tweet. I'm blocking the

people that were mean to me three years ago. That's healthy. Yeah. Legend status. Spin that wheel, TJ. Spin the wheel. Oh, wait. Fuck. Don't spin the wheel. No, no, no, no, no. Well, TJ. Spin the wheel.

Oh, wait. Fuck. Don't spin the wheel. No, no, no, no, no. Well, it has to be spun. That would be... If it was Brandon, I got wet today.

That'd be so fucking cruel. We can't get a wet today. There we go. There we go. All right. Tomorrow's going to suck. Yeah. The rest of the week's going to be awful for you guys.

That sucks. That sucks. Too bad. What flag is that, Kyle? Libya? That's a circle. Well, I don't know. That's got to be an African nation, right? Maybe.

Green, yeah. Cool. Yeah. All right, see you tomorrow. See you tomorrow it's a yak I'll see you tomorrow. Tune into Mostly Sports College Football streams today. All right, see you.

Love you. Bye.